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Speaker 1: Brought to you by the reinvented two thousand twelve Camray.

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Speaker 1: It's ready. Are you welcome to stuff mom never told you?

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Speaker 1: From housetop works dot com. Hello, and welcome to the podcast.

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Speaker 1: I'm Caroline and I'm Kristen. Kristen, you know that feeling

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Speaker 1: in your gut that's not indigestion, I was saying, because

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Speaker 1: I was about to go there, the one that tells

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Speaker 1: you to go one way over another, or trust one

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Speaker 1: person over another. Are you talking about intuition? You just

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Speaker 1: didtui that you. You looked at my face and you

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Speaker 1: were like, I know what my friend Caroline is thinking.

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Speaker 1: And then I looked down at my notes and said intuition. Indeed,

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Speaker 1: and intuition it's like your brand on autopilot. Since you

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Speaker 1: know me, you were just thinking like, okay, well, let's

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Speaker 1: what are the circumstances. What could she be thinking about? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and we feel it probably in our guts, because there

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Speaker 1: are a lot of nerve endings in our guts, so

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Speaker 1: much so that some doctors referred to it as our

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Speaker 1: second brain in our belly. Um, well, it's actually has

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Speaker 1: nothing to do with your belly. Even though you get

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Speaker 1: these feelings in your gut. Yeah, it uh. They seem

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Speaker 1: like they're coming out of nowhere, but they actually begin

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Speaker 1: with a perception of something going on around you that

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Speaker 1: your brain picks up on subconsciously. And Professor Gerard Hodgkinson

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Speaker 1: of the Center for Organizational Strategy, Learning and Change that

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Speaker 1: leads University Business School, he actually cites the example of

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Speaker 1: a Formula one driver who, um, he breaked sharply when

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Speaker 1: nearing a turn without knowing why. You know, normally race

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Speaker 1: car driving, you're supposed to be fast, and he just

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Speaker 1: breaked and he wasn't exactly sure why, and his intuition

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Speaker 1: ended up saving him because he avoided a pile up

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Speaker 1: on the track ahead right. And Hodgkinson and says that

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Speaker 1: what's going on, what was going on the Formula one

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Speaker 1: race car driver's brain was that it was drawing on

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Speaker 1: past experiences and external cues to make a decision because,

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Speaker 1: come to find out later, the external que that he

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Speaker 1: saw without even realizing that he saw it, was the

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Speaker 1: look of panic on the fans faces toward the pile

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Speaker 1: of seeing what was coming ahead. If he had barreled

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Speaker 1: onward instead of putting on the brakes right, they ended

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Speaker 1: up playing the tape back, and he realized that they

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Speaker 1: were all looking away from him instead of cheering him on.

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Speaker 1: So something in his brain picked up on that and

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Speaker 1: told him to slow down. Yeah, And some psychologists refer

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Speaker 1: to this process as a mental matching game as well,

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Speaker 1: in which the brain, again on that autopilot, like you said, Caroline,

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Speaker 1: matches new experiences to old emotional states. And it reminds

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Speaker 1: me of that old factory trigger that we have, Like

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Speaker 1: how a just a scent of, say, chocolate chip, these

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Speaker 1: can bring up a vivid memory from childhood, or I

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Speaker 1: frequently get flashbacks to my cafeteria in elementary school. I

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Speaker 1: don't know why so many things smell like yeah, but

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Speaker 1: something where you're not even it's a totally subconscious thing,

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Speaker 1: not even trying to catch this with and all of

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Speaker 1: a sudden you have this overwhelming experience. And I think

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Speaker 1: that we could liken that to the overwhelming urges that

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Speaker 1: we get with intuition. Right, But I don't think race

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Speaker 1: car drivers are the only ones to experience this. Oh no,

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Speaker 1: we all have intuition. But there's seems to be this

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Speaker 1: idea that women have a stronger sense of intuition. Women's

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Speaker 1: women's intuition. Yes, it's the stereotype that women I think

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Speaker 1: because of our nurturing, caregiving characteristics, or at least the

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Speaker 1: titles that have been those titles that have been given

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Speaker 1: to us, uh, means that we are better endowed and

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Speaker 1: better tapped into our emotional states and there for other

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Speaker 1: people's emotional states. Right, I mean, historically, we haven't been

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Speaker 1: exposed to the same levels of education, uh, the same

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Speaker 1: access to the technical technical world that men have. Um,

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Speaker 1: we've been more relegated to the roles of observer and caregivers.

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Speaker 1: So we kind of do historically, we kind of have

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Speaker 1: spend our time watching people, right, And so that's where

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Speaker 1: the stereotype of women's issue intuition comes from. But as

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Speaker 1: we started researching whether or not it is a myth

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Speaker 1: or reality, we uncovered some really interesting patterns of how

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Speaker 1: gender stereotypes and the social expectations and motivations that those

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Speaker 1: trigger in us can really influence. Um, I guess our

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Speaker 1: our mental states and how we behave and respond. Right. Yeah, women,

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Speaker 1: it's I guess it's all about your motivation. That's what

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Speaker 1: a lot of these researchers say. William X, a University

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Speaker 1: of tech us At Arlington's psychology professor has the quote,

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Speaker 1: women will display greater accuracy in guessing thoughts and emotions

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Speaker 1: than men when they're empathetic. Motivation is engaged by situational

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Speaker 1: cues that remind them that they, as women, are expected

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Speaker 1: to excel at empathy related tasks. And that's probably why

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Speaker 1: you can find a number of studies saying that, yes,

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Speaker 1: women are better with nonverbal communication. They might exert higher

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Speaker 1: levels of something called emotional intelligence, which is sort of

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Speaker 1: like intuition in action how you sends other people and

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Speaker 1: respond to other people, and especially different nonverbal cues. And

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Speaker 1: so therefore they say that women are better at picking

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Speaker 1: up on subtle emotional cues and this must be a

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Speaker 1: byproduct of our lower social power and role of as observers. Like, no,

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Speaker 1: it's not over lining, it's a myth. Oh, let's bust

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Speaker 1: it word, break it down some kaboom hand. Yeah, I'm

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Speaker 1: throwing back from kaboom hand. And I don't know why

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Speaker 1: I'm so excited to bust the smith about women's intuition.

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Speaker 1: Maybe because I'm I don't have much of it, or

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Speaker 1: don't I'm not motivated to tap into it, But I

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Speaker 1: thought it was pretty pretty fascinating on how that this

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Speaker 1: is actually total, total myth. Yeah. The motivation they talk

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Speaker 1: about is it's it's actually pretty simple if you think

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Speaker 1: about it. Um. Many surveys that were meant to rate

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Speaker 1: empathy levels, which empathy is related to intuition, being able

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Speaker 1: to read people. Um, they actually some of them started

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Speaker 1: with leading questions like are you male or female? And

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Speaker 1: that's what William X is talking about when he says

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Speaker 1: that women were reminded to respond in a feminine way,

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Speaker 1: like how how would you as a woman respond? So

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Speaker 1: if it's asking if the study was asking are you

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Speaker 1: male or female, women would be like, oh yes, love

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Speaker 1: great intuition because I am a woman, there are expected

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Speaker 1: to And it took X a little while to figure

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Speaker 1: out what was going on here because at first he

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Speaker 1: performed seven studies of empathetic accuracy and found no statistically

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Speaker 1: significant difference between men and women. They were doing all

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Speaker 1: these blind tests on students, both male and female, figuring

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Speaker 1: out like how how empathetic they were, um, and whether

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Speaker 1: or not they could just looking at say a picture

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Speaker 1: of three people, figure out like who is the relationships

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Speaker 1: between them? Who's the father and son? Things like that,

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Speaker 1: and he said, whoa wait a minute, there's no difference.

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Speaker 1: Women and men are are just as good at at

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Speaker 1: sessing out these nonverbal cues. And there was also, this

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Speaker 1: is another interesting thing, there was also no difference in

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Speaker 1: diet ads. In other words, if you paired up female

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Speaker 1: to female, male to female, male to male, still no

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Speaker 1: gender differences emerged whatsoever. But then something happened, right in

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Speaker 1: the last three studies. They they slightly changed the questions

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Speaker 1: the way they were asking the questions, and these empathy studies, Um,

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Speaker 1: instead of just saying what I thought the relationship was,

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Speaker 1: I would then have to say, also how accurate I

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Speaker 1: thought my assessment of the situation was. And so suddenly

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Speaker 1: I as the subject and being made aware, Um, oh, well,

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Speaker 1: there they must be judging my empathy ability to guess.

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Speaker 1: Once people figured out, the participants were allowed to know

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Speaker 1: what they were being rated on, and in this case

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Speaker 1: the empathy, which we associate as some kind of female trait,

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Speaker 1: then the gender difference emerged. And so Ix says they

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Speaker 1: were able to pinpoint that, and he said we could

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Speaker 1: actually turn off going back and doing studies after they

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Speaker 1: figured this out. He said, we could turn off the

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Speaker 1: gender difference by removing the queue that signaled that this

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Speaker 1: was an empathetic ability task. And while yes, intuition and

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Speaker 1: empathy are two different things, you gotta understand that they

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Speaker 1: are still in the same family, in the same psychological family, right,

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Speaker 1: because intuition we've talked about is being able to pick

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Speaker 1: up on things without even realizing it. An empathy, you know,

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Speaker 1: being able to understand not only people you care about,

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Speaker 1: but even the average stranger next to you on the bus,

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Speaker 1: being able to kind of sense what they're feeling, if

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Speaker 1: they're going to attack you or if it's just a

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Speaker 1: hug and I just hug a hopefully a side huge um.

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Speaker 1: But one other way that you can turn off as

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Speaker 1: X would say, that gender difference for intuition, and this

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Speaker 1: was discovered by a pair of researchers, Christie Kline and

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Speaker 1: Sarah Hodges at the University of Oregon. One way to

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Speaker 1: turn off that gender difference as well is to incentivize

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Speaker 1: things a little bit. Getting rich. Yeah, and by that

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Speaker 1: I mean paying people for performance. The more accurate your

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Speaker 1: empathy in these tests, then the more participants could earn.

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Speaker 1: And boy did that kick the male participants motivation into

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Speaker 1: high gear, and again it leveled the playing field. I

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Speaker 1: showed that men can be just as empathetic and intuitive

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Speaker 1: as women can as long as there's some sort of

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Speaker 1: money involved. But money is not the only thing that

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Speaker 1: can flip that switch. Caroline, you gotta know you got

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Speaker 1: another kind of funny, uh motivator I do. Apparently you

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Speaker 1: can just make stuff up to convince people to be

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Speaker 1: more empathetic. It's sort of a placebo effect sugar pills

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Speaker 1: because it's sweet, sweet sweet. This is a very sweet

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Speaker 1: sweet switch enlighten us. I will, according to Cordelia Fine,

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Speaker 1: after reading an essay that said men who were more

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Speaker 1: in touch with their feminine side got lucky with women

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Speaker 1: more often, men actually perform better on empathy tifts. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it brought it out. It enhanced that motivation. And Cordelia

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Speaker 1: Fine talks about this a lot in her book The

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Speaker 1: Lusions of Gender, and she basically says that social expectations

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Speaker 1: will create motivation gaps between men and women that explain

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Speaker 1: women's intuition and why on numerous tests that don't control

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Speaker 1: for that kind of gender influence will find over and

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Speaker 1: over again that women are excelling at nonverbal communication intuition

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Speaker 1: and empathy, sympathy, things like that because we're so nice women.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, Going along with what Cordelia find said about

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Speaker 1: the male sensitivity attracting women passage um, carl and Flora

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Speaker 1: of Psychology Today wrote that if you were highly motivated

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Speaker 1: to understand people, your intuitions about them will be better.

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Speaker 1: So if you think you're getting paid, or if you

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Speaker 1: think you're getting lad, you're going to be more empathetic,

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Speaker 1: or if you think that you simply should be better

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Speaker 1: at something. And this reminds me of how there might

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Speaker 1: be something called the stereotype threat that holds women back

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Speaker 1: from performing better in science and math courses because there, um,

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Speaker 1: there's this notion that girls in the classroom don't expect

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Speaker 1: to do very well and math and science say expect

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Speaker 1: to do better at verbal And Cordelia Fine actually mentions

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Speaker 1: that like in some studies, or they asked so the

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Speaker 1: women straightforward, like what are they better at, they'll always,

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Speaker 1: regardless of their test scores, they'll say that they're better

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Speaker 1: at verbal. Right, And that's that they were primed ahead

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Speaker 1: of time by the question male or female? Right, what's

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Speaker 1: your gender? Because that then establishes those kind of those stereotypes.

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Speaker 1: So I thought that this, uh, this empathy motivation gap

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Speaker 1: is sort of the other side to that stereotype threat

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Speaker 1: coin or maybe just another side of that Rubik's cube,

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Speaker 1: because they are obviously multiple colors never figure out. So

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Speaker 1: what about intuition in the workplace, because, again going back

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Speaker 1: to Cordelia Fine, she asked an interesting question of if

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Speaker 1: social expectations can create a motivation gap, could they also

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Speaker 1: be responsible for an ability gap and wondering how these

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Speaker 1: um different expectations and stereotypes can affect us directly in

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Speaker 1: the workplace. So with intuition, it seems like it can

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Speaker 1: definitely help you, right. Women actually show a higher level

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Speaker 1: of emotional intelligence, which helps them rise through the ranks

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Speaker 1: because they can read people. They know what's going on

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Speaker 1: with their employees. Yeah, um, and women managers. This is

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Speaker 1: from a study out of University of Leads. Women managers

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Speaker 1: who show higher emotional intelligence and have a more intuitive

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Speaker 1: decision making style are more likely to influence change. So

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Speaker 1: it's not a trait that we should necessarily shy away

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Speaker 1: from because it can actually be a very powerful tool

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Speaker 1: in the workplace. And this is just focused on women.

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Speaker 1: I have a feeling that male managers who tap into

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Speaker 1: that higher emotional intelligence intuitive decision making style would also

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Speaker 1: be able to better influence change because basically it says that, hey,

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Speaker 1: you got good people skills, you actually care about your

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Speaker 1: employees and want to make created a harmonious working environment

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Speaker 1: while transforming it makes sense. I mean, you think about

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Speaker 1: a boss you've had who doesn't listen to what you say,

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Speaker 1: doesn't care what the employees want, just it's my way

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Speaker 1: or the highway. You typically feel happier to work for

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Speaker 1: someone who's more willing to hear you out, you know,

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Speaker 1: understand what everybody needs, that kind of thing. But once again,

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Speaker 1: in order to not pigeonhole us into back into this

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Speaker 1: women's intuition box, because while it is an excellent tool,

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Speaker 1: I think that it is time for the stereotype to

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Speaker 1: to maybe at least expand out of the guys. Guys

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Speaker 1: take advantage of this powerful tool. It's not it's not

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Speaker 1: just for us, but going back to the workplace. While

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Speaker 1: we might exert higher levels of emotional intelligence, studies have

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Speaker 1: also found though, that that does not make us any

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Speaker 1: less analytical than male non managers. Right overthinking, Yeah, and

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Speaker 1: it seems like The best balance you could have would

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Speaker 1: be a little bit of analysis, a little bit of intuition.

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Speaker 1: Mix it all up, and you got a magic potion.

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Speaker 1: A great boss. He's kind of magic potion of intuitions,

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Speaker 1: a potion for the corner office. I should probably let's

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Speaker 1: should go home and mix someone out off Caroline. This

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Speaker 1: this podcast, I think we just found the secret of success.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to make anyone sick though, um went

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Speaker 1: from all those gut feelings, mixing up too many gut feelings.

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Speaker 1: Just circle it back, you know, yeah, exactly, bringing a

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Speaker 1: full circle. Yeah, I mean just the same way that

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Speaker 1: you don't want to be someone who's all about snap

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Speaker 1: judgments and intuition, because you know sometimes it's wrong. You

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Speaker 1: also don't want to overthink things and and just be

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Speaker 1: paralyzed by self doubt and oh my god, which one

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Speaker 1: is better, which one is worse? Just you know, combine them.

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Speaker 1: You've probably been in a similar situation before. Think about it, right,

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Speaker 1: And I'm not I'm not railing on the women's intuition

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Speaker 1: stereotype because I necessarily think it's a bad thing. There's

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Speaker 1: certainly far worse to stereotypes. Indeed that we can bust

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Speaker 1: I just found it. Uh really great example of just

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Speaker 1: how those motivations and expectations can build up into such

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Speaker 1: a strong um and even supposedly scientifically confirmed stereotype. You know,

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Speaker 1: and it all depends on just how you turn those keys.

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Speaker 1: Are you priming for gender? Are you priming for you know,

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Speaker 1: women are the nurturing observers or aren't you? And seeing

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Speaker 1: how those results can change. I think another interesting thing

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Speaker 1: about busting this myth is that it just shows hey, dudes,

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Speaker 1: you can be intuitive. Also, you can pay attention to emotions.

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Speaker 1: It's fine. And yeah, it's because it's not. We just

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Speaker 1: took the pressure off. It's not an inherently feminine rate.

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Speaker 1: Exactly awesome. We can all be intuitive and maybe get

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Speaker 1: paid and get laid. Intuition is a sexual That's right,

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Speaker 1: we're really selling it. Who knew we get this excited?

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Speaker 1: I have no, I don't know. Well, I think that

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Speaker 1: I think that about covers it. I feel like we

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Speaker 1: have ground that's not only busted it, but grounded into

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Speaker 1: a fine dust with two heels, yes, um, but but

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Speaker 1: sensible heels. Sensible. Uh So, in the meantime, why don't

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Speaker 1: we why don't we A couple of stener emails. Do

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Speaker 1: it all right? Well, I've got one here from David

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Speaker 1: and he has this is one of the favorite, my

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Speaker 1: favorite things that a guy has written us in a

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Speaker 1: long time. And he says, Dear Christening Caroline, thanks so

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Speaker 1: much for that douche podcast. You're welcome. I really shouldn't

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Speaker 1: have listened to it as I drank a smoothie. But

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Speaker 1: moving on, as far as the girl else who are

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Speaker 1: aggressors in dating podcast? You got our attention, though, uh,

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Speaker 1: he said. I believe I'm the anomaly. All four of

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Speaker 1: the meaningful romantic, heteronormative relationships in my life have started

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Speaker 1: out with girls asking me out. I've never successfully started

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Speaker 1: a relationship by asking a girl out, and it usually

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Speaker 1: ends up in a friend date or never gets off

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Speaker 1: the ground, been their day. I think there is definitely

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Speaker 1: a confidence issue when I do go out on a

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Speaker 1: limb and ask a girl out, I feel like I'm

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Speaker 1: pretending to be someone else and generally can't maintain that

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Speaker 1: level of confidence through the courting period. A girl asking

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Speaker 1: me out inspires the confidence that it takes to get

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Speaker 1: a shy guy into action. Of course, all of my

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Speaker 1: meaningful relationships have been with women. With serious emotional issues

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Speaker 1: which ultimately led to their ends. So maybe this is

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Speaker 1: not the best method of dating. I noticed that moore

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Speaker 1: was expected of me in these relationships because I wasn't

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Speaker 1: the one to initially show interest, and I was expected

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Speaker 1: to continually reaffirm my attraction. Interesting observation, David testing just

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Speaker 1: my experience. Thanks well, thank you. The wheels are turning on.

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Speaker 1: I know, Caroline, you want to repeat this. I would

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Speaker 1: love to read this email from Aaron in response to

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Speaker 1: the Marrying Our Parents podcast. She says, I am one

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Speaker 1: of those girls who married a man who was like

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Speaker 1: her father. Sometimes I look at my husband and I think,

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Speaker 1: holy cow, he has a lot of the same personality traits.

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Speaker 1: I always thought it was crazy that a girl would

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Speaker 1: marry a man like her father, But as the years

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Speaker 1: have gone on, I realized that it is okay. My

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Speaker 1: dad is a great man. He and I are close,

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Speaker 1: so close that I joke I am the son he

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Speaker 1: never had. One day, when my dad is gone, I

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Speaker 1: can look at my husband and be reminded of why

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Speaker 1: I chose to marry him. You know, when I think

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Speaker 1: about the marrying your father, if I think that's gonna

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Speaker 1: be impossible, for me because I'm so much like my dab.

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Speaker 1: It would be like marrying myself. It will be a

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Speaker 1: lot of me. I think my dad and I both

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Speaker 1: have a tender sometime. If we should not marry each

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Speaker 1: other's stay away from her. So if you have an

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Speaker 1: email to send our way a mom, stuff at how

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Speaker 1: stup works dot com is the address, and you can

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Speaker 1: also hit us up on Facebook and follow us on

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Speaker 1: Twitter at mom Stuff Podcast. And finally, you can check

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Speaker 1: out our blog during the week, It's stuff Mom Never

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Speaker 1: Told You at how stuff works dot com. Do be

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Speaker 1: the Future. Join how Stuff Work staff as we explore

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