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Speaker 1: Hey, this is jonnas is Sam your og Okay Storytime

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Speaker 1: podcast hosts. We have some great stories coming up, but.

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Speaker 2: Before that, we have a quick two minute break from

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Speaker 2: the sponsors that keep the show alive. My father refused

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Speaker 2: to walk me down the aisle because of his new daughter.

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Speaker 1: Well you need a new father, boom.

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Speaker 2: I thirty female, am getting married in about a month

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Speaker 2: to my best friend, thirty five male. I did not

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Speaker 2: grow up knowing my dad fifty five male very well

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Speaker 2: as him and my mom divorced when I was an infant.

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Speaker 2: He remarried and had several kids with his new wife,

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Speaker 2: who hates my very existence. By the way, this comes

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Speaker 2: from user throwaway Dad Wedding four hundred and if you

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Speaker 2: want to submit your own stories, go to the r

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Speaker 2: slash Okay Storytime subreaded. So there was a lot of

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Speaker 2: hurtful things done when I was growing up. It's not

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Speaker 2: like not being allowed in her house when I visited.

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Speaker 2: That led me to be estranged from my father. He

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Speaker 2: never really made much of an effort, but after I

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Speaker 2: was eighteen, I completely cut him off for my mental

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Speaker 2: health and stopped answering the few calls he attempted to make.

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Speaker 2: He tried to get into contact every once in a

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Speaker 2: while over the years, but I honestly just ignored him.

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Speaker 2: I was hurt and angry, and about a year ago

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Speaker 2: I got back into contact with some extended family on

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Speaker 2: his side and have been forging a good bond with

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Speaker 2: all of them. I invited them all to our wedding

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Speaker 2: and they have been amazing. Eventually, I started speaking with

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Speaker 2: my dad as well background Christmas, and it was tense

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Speaker 2: at first, but I decided.

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Speaker 1: To just give him a chance.

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Speaker 2: We have slowly been getting a semblance of a relationship back,

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Speaker 2: and I saw him in person with my fiance a

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Speaker 2: couple months ago. His wife is not pleased at all,

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Speaker 2: and apparently their kids, who are my half siblings, all adults,

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Speaker 2: are also upset about it. I think there were threats

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Speaker 2: of divorce, but my dad still decided to go to

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Speaker 2: my wedding. After a ton of thought, I asked my

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Speaker 2: dad if he wanted to walk me down the aisle,

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Speaker 2: as I have been hopeful for a better relationship, but

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Speaker 2: he turned me down.

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Speaker 3: Wow.

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Speaker 1: Wow, I just wow, Like you ask him and that wow,

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Speaker 1: that'd be like immediately the biggest red flag of all time.

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Speaker 2: If I had a kid with someone else and then

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Speaker 2: had like a new partner and we're married, and they're like,

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Speaker 2: by the way, hate him, Yeah, be like.

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Speaker 1: You can't do that. Yeah, goofy. What do you think

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna do stay with some one who hates my daughter? Yeah?

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Speaker 2: No. I wouldn't be as upset if he gave a

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Speaker 2: generic excuse, But he told me his wife and his

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Speaker 2: other daughter requested he does not walk me down the aisle,

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Speaker 2: as that is reserved for his other daughter and not me.

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Speaker 2: I am super hurt and not even sure what to

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Speaker 2: reply to that with. He offered to stay at the front.

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Speaker 2: He offered to stand at the front and give me

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Speaker 2: away instead, but that isn't what I want.

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Speaker 1: My fiance thinks we should.

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Speaker 2: Uninvite him and move on, but I'm not sure if

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Speaker 2: that is the best course of action. He's coming from

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Speaker 2: out of state with the rest of his family, so

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Speaker 2: he already bought a plane ticket and hotel room. Part

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Speaker 2: of me thinks to just politely turn him down, have

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Speaker 2: him as a regular guest, and then just stop talking

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Speaker 2: to him again after the wedding. My mom isn't coming

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Speaker 2: to my wedding because she lives really far away, so

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Speaker 2: I don't really have any other immediate family coming. I'm

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Speaker 2: not sure what the best course of action is, and

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Speaker 2: the wedding is getting super close, so I have to

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Speaker 2: make a decision soon.

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Speaker 1: I'm so your mom's not coming to the wedding because

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Speaker 1: she lives really far away, Like does she live in

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Speaker 1: the South Pole? Like unless she does not have the

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Speaker 1: funds to do it, which you know that's possible, but like,

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Speaker 1: I feel like most parents would move heaven and earth

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Speaker 1: to be at their child's wedding. She's taken ice core

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Speaker 1: samples in the South Pole. Edit.

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Speaker 2: While this post is blown up, thank you all so

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Speaker 2: much for the advice and comforting words to answer some

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Speaker 2: questions I'm seeing. No, his wife and my half siblings

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Speaker 2: are not attending the wedding. I invited them, but they

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Speaker 2: won't even meet me, let alone go to the wedding.

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Speaker 2: He has two sons and a daughter with his new wife,

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Speaker 2: all in their twenties. I'm not sure if my dad

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Speaker 2: cheated on my mom with my step mom. My mom,

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Speaker 2: through all her faults, never actually said a bad word

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Speaker 2: about him. He did marry my stepmom by the time

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Speaker 2: I was two years old, though, so there wasn't much

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Speaker 2: time in between marriages. They are also very Christian in

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Speaker 2: the worst way, as they don't really follow what they

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Speaker 2: claim to believe. My mom cannot fly as she has

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Speaker 2: panic attacks.

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Speaker 1: Ah, there it is.

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Speaker 2: She also is actually a worse parent than my dad

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Speaker 2: in a lot of ways.

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Speaker 1: That makes sense. Yeah, yeah, she's She's like, well, I

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Speaker 1: can't fly to come see your wedding, so so Ari

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Speaker 1: And she's like, probably in I don't know, Arizona.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I have no other male relatives to walk me

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Speaker 2: down the aisle. I also never wanted him to give

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Speaker 2: me away, as I think that is dumb. I just

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Speaker 2: wanted my dad to act like my dad for one moment,

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Speaker 2: my fiance and I decided to walk down the aisle together,

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Speaker 2: as one of you suggested.

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Speaker 1: So that part is settled. Wait, that's so cute. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: like they should have done that the whole time. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's nice.

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Speaker 2: I'll update everyone once I decide what to do, and

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Speaker 2: if there's any response and there's an update.

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Speaker 1: Update, what do you think? So? I think that's a

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Speaker 1: great idea. It seems like your parents aren't very cool.

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Speaker 1: I think that your dad is strange for putting his

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Speaker 1: new family over you know, the desires and needs of

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Speaker 1: his daughter current daughter, like just because he has a

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Speaker 1: new family doesn't mean that you're you know, you should

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Speaker 1: be replaced or forgotten. And then your mom, I don't

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Speaker 1: know what's gone in with your mom. Mom's some something.

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Speaker 1: It sounds like mom needs her own posts. Yeah. Probably Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I would say though, even if you don't want your

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Speaker 1: dad to you know, be there at the end to

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Speaker 1: give you away or something. I think you can have

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Speaker 1: that conversation with him if you haven't already, of saying

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Speaker 1: like why it hurt you so much that he's refusing

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Speaker 1: to like walk you down the aisle, Yeah, and say like, hey,

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Speaker 1: I get that your new wife and your new daughter

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Speaker 1: don't like this, but you know I am your daughter. Hello.

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Speaker 2: Everyone just wanted to start by saying thank you so

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Speaker 2: much for your kind words and advice on my original post.

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Speaker 2: It made me feel so much better. We had an

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Speaker 2: amazing wedding and honeymoon. Everything went really well. My husband

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Speaker 2: wants to thank everyone who said some form of listen

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Speaker 2: to your fihanse.

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Speaker 1: Ha ha.

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Speaker 2: I bet he wants to thank everyone for that. I'll

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Speaker 2: start with what happened right after my last post. I

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Speaker 2: did uninvite my dad. I uninvited him from my wedding.

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Speaker 2: The whole interaction was too hurtful to let go of.

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Speaker 2: Before telling him I was uninviting him, I spoke with

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Speaker 2: my aunt Slash, his sister Sandy in her fifties, who

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Speaker 2: was furious at her brother for what he said to me.

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Speaker 2: She has been a great support of me and my husband,

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Speaker 2: which has been amazing.

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Speaker 1: Honestly. After I sent my dad an.

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Speaker 2: Email detailing how hurtful he had been and that he

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Speaker 2: was uninvited, Sandy called him and he yelled at him

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Speaker 2: for being a bootius Maximus. He replied to my email

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Speaker 2: with a bunch of nonsense deflection about how he has

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Speaker 2: to make sure both sides are happy, but apparently told

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Speaker 2: Sandy and not me, that he was sorry and that

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Speaker 2: it was a miscommunication. He claims to Sandy that he

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Speaker 2: was only trying to negotiate with me and that he

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Speaker 2: would have walked me down the aisle if that was.

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Speaker 1: What I really wanted.

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Speaker 2: I highly doubt that my mother in law, who is

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Speaker 2: extremely conservative and religious, actually said my dad needed to

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Speaker 2: grow some huevos, which shocked literally everyone. I replied to

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Speaker 2: him that I stood firm in my decision to uninvite

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Speaker 2: and to not contact me again until after the wedding,

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Speaker 2: but that if he did contact me at all, it

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Speaker 2: better be with the understanding that he needs to be

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Speaker 2: present in my life the same way he is for

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Speaker 2: his other kids. Otherwise, don't reach out again. Around this time,

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Speaker 2: right before the wedding, I called my mom and asked

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Speaker 2: her about what really happened with her and my dad

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Speaker 2: when I was a baby, because she never talked about

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Speaker 2: it with me growing up. Unlike my dad and stepmom,

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Speaker 2: my mom never once said anything bad about my dad

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Speaker 2: to me. She was always neutral and positive about him,

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Speaker 2: which I have since thanked her for as it let

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Speaker 2: me come to my own conclusions about what a butt

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Speaker 2: hole he is. My mom and I had a good

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Speaker 2: cry about everything, and she let me know how harmful

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Speaker 2: and awful my dad was to her when I was

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Speaker 2: a baby. After they split up, I also found out

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Speaker 2: that he married his new wife when I was less

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Speaker 2: than a year old, which is insane considering my parents

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Speaker 2: were still one hundred percent together the day I was born.

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Speaker 2: Sandy swears up and down that she introduced my dad

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Speaker 2: and stepmom to each other after my parents split as

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Speaker 2: they stepmom and Sandy were classmates in college. I don't

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Speaker 2: really care either way at this point. It's just interesting

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Speaker 2: to see how no one has a clear idea of

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Speaker 2: what happened. My thought is that they were cheating and

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Speaker 2: then used Sandy to introduce them to cover up their behavior.

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Speaker 2: Keep in mind, they are all very Christian quote unquote,

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Speaker 2: even though they clearly don't follow any of their teachings.

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Speaker 2: I didn't hear anything from my dad during the wedding,

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Speaker 2: and Sandy and all her family still came. We all

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Speaker 2: had a blast and everyone was so happy for us.

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Speaker 2: The pictures turned out great, and there isn't anyone in

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Speaker 2: them that I wish I could photoshop out, so I

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Speaker 2: definitely knew on inviting my dad ended up being the

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Speaker 2: best decision I could make. I talked to Sandy about

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Speaker 2: my dad over the holidays, and she said that him

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Speaker 2: and his wife and kids were refusing to go to

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Speaker 2: any family dinners or parties because they're upset that everyone

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Speaker 2: else talks to me.

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Speaker 1: What are they talking about? What thero upset that your

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Speaker 1: family talks to you? Who do they think they are?

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Speaker 3: Like?

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Speaker 1: On a real level, I don't want anyone to talk

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Speaker 1: to my husband's previous child, even though they're related to her.

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Speaker 2: I have been in regular contact with Sandy, my uncle Jerry,

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Speaker 2: and all of their kids, which makes my stepmom betrayed.

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Speaker 2: Sandy is pissed at her because they used to be friends,

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Speaker 2: but never understood what her issue was with me.

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Speaker 1: I found out my stepmom.

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Speaker 2: Treated me like crap the second she had her first kid,

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Speaker 2: when I was still a toddler, which probably doesn't surprise anyone.

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Speaker 2: I didn't hear from my dad all through December, but

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Speaker 2: finally in late January, I got a random email from him.

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Speaker 2: He sent a long email blaming me for him not

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Speaker 2: being in my life, telling me his wife and kids

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Speaker 2: are more important, but that we need to still be

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Speaker 2: in each other's lives. Just pick a lane, dude. He's

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Speaker 2: trying to, like, not be the bad guy in any sense.

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Speaker 1: No, he's trying to blame it on everyone else. He's like, No,

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Speaker 1: I never said that. I wouldn't walk her down the

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Speaker 1: aisle if she really wanted me to, I would. Oh,

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Speaker 1: why aren't you in my life? You're not making enough

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Speaker 1: for or I want to be in your life. It's

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Speaker 1: like you have actively been pushing your daughter away and

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Speaker 1: letting your wife and stepdaughter push or new daughter push

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Speaker 1: her away. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I hate that this is hurting uh Opie.

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Speaker 2: But I do love that it seemed like this guy

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Speaker 2: who was kind of a scumbag in while with Opie's

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Speaker 2: mom is now with someone who is just like a

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Speaker 2: completely negative force.

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Speaker 1: In his life that he cannot escape.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Love that for him.

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Speaker 2: Hate that it's hurting op though that he's such a

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Speaker 2: spineless little jellyfish. It was the most bs email he

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Speaker 2: had sent me so far and completely disregarded my wishes

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Speaker 2: Back in October, when I told him to not contact

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Speaker 2: me unless he was going to treat me like his

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Speaker 2: actual child, I ended up not responding and just blocked

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Speaker 2: his email. I also told Sandy to not share any

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Speaker 2: of the pictures or videos from the wedding with him,

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Speaker 2: and to not talk about me with him. I think

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Speaker 2: this will be the end of the relationship with him,

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Speaker 2: since he clearly is incapable of being a parent to me.

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Speaker 1: There's a little bit left do this story before we

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Speaker 1: do it. I think you've made the right decision with

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Speaker 1: your dad in placing that boundary, but also saying like,

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Speaker 1: if you show up for me as a dad and

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Speaker 1: start treating me like a daughter. Maybe this will change,

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Speaker 1: but right now now.

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Speaker 2: Now, Yeah, that was a great, like hard line to

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Speaker 2: set that he could not follow. Yeah, but you're like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: just don't even bother talking to me if you're not

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Speaker 2: going to just be my dad. Yeah, And then he

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Speaker 2: of course talks to you by being like, well, not

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Speaker 2: really going to be your dad, but I'll be like

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Speaker 2: your dad friend, but like you're worthless to me. Sex

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Speaker 2: just want to let you know if it came between

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Speaker 2: you and my other kids, I would literally hurl you

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Speaker 2: into the.

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Speaker 1: Depths of outer space. Yikes.

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Speaker 2: So not really a sustainable relationship there. I feel a

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Speaker 2: lot more at peace with everything that happened, and I

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Speaker 2: am completely okay with how it all turned out. One

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Speaker 2: commenter on my original post said something along the lines

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Speaker 2: of not knowing if my dad would have been a

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Speaker 2: bad parent since he wasn't around, and that really has

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Speaker 2: stuck with me thinking about it now. He probably would

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Speaker 2: have been even worse had he actually been in my life. Unfortunately,

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Speaker 2: both of my parents are emotionally stunted. But I made

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Speaker 2: good use of the life that was handed to me

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Speaker 2: and will hopefully break the cycle with my own kids

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Speaker 2: one day, and I didn't mention my last post that

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Speaker 2: my husband and I are going to be moving to

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Speaker 2: the same state as my family in the next year.

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Speaker 2: I was worried at first being close to my dad,

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Speaker 2: but honestly, he and his bitter wife and kids can

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Speaker 2: do whatever they want. I'm just going to live my

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Speaker 2: life how I want to. We were planning on moving

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Speaker 2: to this state before I ever got back in contact

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Speaker 2: with my family, so we'll continue to do what is

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Speaker 2: best for us. Anyway, Thank you again, kind redditors. You

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Speaker 2: really help me not feel sad or upset for my

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Speaker 2: wedding day.

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Speaker 1: And that's the end of that story. There you can

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Speaker 1: a published mission impossible. Reddit saved your word. I read it.

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Speaker 1: You did a good job. Again. Surprisingly, I told my

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Speaker 1: parents I'm moving out if they don't do something about

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Speaker 1: my brother. How funny would this be if this is

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Speaker 1: just caanaan able. I twenty five male, live with my

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Speaker 1: parents at a very expensive city stay in the three

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Speaker 1: bedroom high rise. My mom recently decided she wanted to

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Speaker 1: move to the city because she was tired of living

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Speaker 1: in the country. I agreed to move with them because

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Speaker 1: this city has many software engineering jobs. I was able

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Speaker 1: to get a high paying job and make six figures.

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Speaker 1: My mom and dad are school teachers and their combined

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Speaker 1: income is just under what I make. By the way,

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Speaker 1: this comes from Plastic Assistant twenty one and if you

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Speaker 1: once smit your own stories, go to the r slash

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Speaker 1: okay story toe i'me separate it. So, my brother James

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Speaker 1: and his wife Mary had originally stayed in our old state,

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Speaker 1: but once she found out she was pregnant, my mom

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Speaker 1: and dad invited them to move into our house. I

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Speaker 1: work from home sometimes and pay seventy five percent of

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Speaker 1: the bills and mortgage, so the spare bedroom was my office.

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Speaker 1: My brother and his wife showed up at my house,

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Speaker 1: which I didn't know about, and demanded my room. My

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00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:54,200
Speaker 1: room has a walking closet and bathroom. I told them

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Speaker 1: to take the office because it has an air mattress

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Speaker 1: for guests. My parents told me to let them have

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Speaker 1: my room. I reminded them how I pay most of

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Speaker 1: the bills and I'll move out if they have my room.

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Speaker 1: My mom yelled at me and told me I was

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Speaker 1: a knucklehead, but my dad just told them to go

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Speaker 1: to the spare room. I went at the office the

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Speaker 1: next day, but threw out my laptop. So during lunch,

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Speaker 1: I came home and found my sister in law taking

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Speaker 1: my stuff out of my room. Everyone else had left

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Speaker 1: for work. I yelled at her and asked what the

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Speaker 1: heck she was doing. She screamed back that my mom

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Speaker 1: said to do this. I grabbed all her stuff that

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Speaker 1: she moved, which wasn't a lot, and threw it on

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Speaker 1: the floor and told me I will punt her and

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Speaker 1: my brother out if he stuff is in my room

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Speaker 1: when I get back from work. My brother and mom

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Speaker 1: blew up my phone. While I was at work. My

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Speaker 1: dad started a group chat and said that there will

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Speaker 1: be a family meeting when everyone gets home. I stopped

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Speaker 1: at the store to grab a knob with a lock

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Speaker 1: for my door. My parents, sister in law, and brother

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Speaker 1: were sitting on the couch when I got home. My

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Speaker 1: brother tried to get in my face, but I'm taller

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Speaker 1: and bigger than he is, so I just put my

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Speaker 1: hand in his face and shoved him out of my way.

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Speaker 2: He literally just said, but my body is huge. My

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Speaker 2: brother tried to blame me, but my body is.

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Speaker 1: The brother's like thish blah blah bah and hope he

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Speaker 1: just goes. I knew this infuriated him because he's older

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Speaker 1: than me. My dad told me that I should have

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Speaker 1: let them have the room. My sister in law smiled

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Speaker 1: at me. I told them that I pay most of

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Speaker 1: the bills and they are living under my roof because

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Speaker 1: my name is on the mortgage, and if they want

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Speaker 1: the bigger room, they could either pay me rent or

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Speaker 1: the four of them can move out. My dad tried

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Speaker 1: to bargain with me, but I told him that I'm

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Speaker 1: not talking about this anymore, and if I hear about

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Speaker 1: it again, I will have everyone evicted. My sister in

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00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:46,040
Speaker 1: law started crying and I went to my room. My

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00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:49,160
Speaker 1: dad is treating me okay, but everyone else is giving

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Speaker 1: me the silent treatment. I thought everything was okay, but

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00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:54,880
Speaker 1: the next night I came home from dinner. My mom

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Speaker 1: made everyone but me a plate. She said until I

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Speaker 1: gave up my room and be a good son, she

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00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:02,960
Speaker 1: would not cook me dinner. My dad agreed with her,

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Speaker 1: I pay for all the groceries. I went into my

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Speaker 1: room and printed eviction notices for my mom and dad. Wow,

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00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:12,560
Speaker 1: my brother and sister in law haven't been there long

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Speaker 1: enough to be considered squatters. I told my brother and

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Speaker 1: sister in law they had an hour to pack and

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00:17:17,600 --> 00:17:21,399
Speaker 1: get out, or I'll call the police. I told my

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00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:24,639
Speaker 1: parents they have thirty days or I'll take legal action.

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00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:27,959
Speaker 1: All our extended families stay in different states, and they

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00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:30,679
Speaker 1: don't have the money to support four people in the city.

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00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:35,080
Speaker 1: My mom begged and tried giving me your plate, but

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Speaker 1: I said it wasn't about the food. My parents put

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Speaker 1: my brother and sister in law in a hotel room

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00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:43,359
Speaker 1: for the night, and my mom tried to apologize, but

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Speaker 1: I ignored her and went to my room. I'm writing

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Speaker 1: this right now to see what I should do because

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Speaker 1: I'm honestly confused. Am I the ale and there is

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Speaker 1: an update, folks? But what say you?

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Speaker 2: This is what you do immediately you pull the power play,

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Speaker 2: you go, I'm moving out, Well, using going to work.

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00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:03,240
Speaker 1: Pick them all out because he owns it. He's already

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00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:03,520
Speaker 1: done that.

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00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:07,399
Speaker 2: Well, could they own it without you? I think, instead

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00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:09,720
Speaker 2: of no, this is where that's where If you did that.

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00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:11,359
Speaker 2: If you kicked everyone out and now they're all give

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00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:13,560
Speaker 2: me the silent treatment and the stink guy, that's where

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00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:14,040
Speaker 2: you went wrong.

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00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:16,080
Speaker 1: You shouldn't have kicked them out. You should have gone

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00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:20,280
Speaker 1: you keep it? Can you afford it? Oh you can't. Well,

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00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:22,840
Speaker 1: I think what Op did was ignoring me. Yeah. I

385
00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:25,560
Speaker 1: think what Op did was like he kicked the brother

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Speaker 1: and sister in law out, and then the mother was like,

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, no, like, we won't do it anymore. We

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00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:32,199
Speaker 1: won't do it anymore. It's like, okay, too bad, too late.

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00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:35,639
Speaker 1: I do think it was very quick, and it seems

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00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:38,879
Speaker 1: like none of the conversations that they had were reasonable.

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00:18:39,359 --> 00:18:42,240
Speaker 1: Like he sees the sister law moving stuff out, starts

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00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:45,159
Speaker 1: screaming at her. They start screaming at each other. The

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00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:47,960
Speaker 1: talk that they had as a family was literally him

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Speaker 1: kicking all of them out. I think that he could

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00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:55,760
Speaker 1: have done it a little bit more reasonably, like a

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00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:59,240
Speaker 1: little bit more with a little bit more communication. However,

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Speaker 1: I think it's totally is right, and they were being

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00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:04,720
Speaker 1: crazy to think that they had any say right on

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00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:06,680
Speaker 1: a place that they don't pay for. Guys, I see

400
00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:08,040
Speaker 1: a lot of people being like, the place is in

401
00:19:08,119 --> 00:19:11,400
Speaker 1: his name. That's my point is that you go, okay, yeah, here,

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00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:12,679
Speaker 1: I'll give it to you. Yeah.

403
00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:15,600
Speaker 2: Oh wait, you can't do that, can you, because this

404
00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:19,000
Speaker 2: is you don't own this place I can afford and

405
00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:20,480
Speaker 2: y'all can't.

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Speaker 1: Right updates. I went to work and my parents had

407
00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:28,080
Speaker 1: left out before me, which was unusual, But my mom

408
00:19:28,119 --> 00:19:31,200
Speaker 1: has texted me throughout the day with apologies. Yeah, because

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00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:34,520
Speaker 1: she doesn't want it kicked out. I saw a boast

410
00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:36,960
Speaker 1: that said, my mom might be self adorb, but this

411
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:39,199
Speaker 1: isn't This is the first time she's acted like this.

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Speaker 1: But I was honestly hurt when it happened. But when

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00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:44,040
Speaker 1: I came home from work, my brother or sister in

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00:19:44,119 --> 00:19:47,920
Speaker 1: law and parents were sitting on the couch. My dad said,

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Speaker 1: they're sorry for the way they acted, and thought, because

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00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:52,800
Speaker 1: I'm usually the voice of reason, that I was going

417
00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:56,720
Speaker 1: to back down. What is that I would be so offended? Yeah,

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00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:58,800
Speaker 1: but they were like, oh we thought you were a pushover.

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00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:03,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, we thought you we were easily manipulatable and honestly

420
00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:07,000
Speaker 2: a big dumb softy by bras, don't kick us out

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00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:07,879
Speaker 2: with your backbone.

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00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,879
Speaker 1: Yeah. My brother said, the request seems small, and because

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00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:13,320
Speaker 1: I have a perfect life, giving up one thing to

424
00:20:13,359 --> 00:20:16,000
Speaker 1: accommodate him and his time of need is what family?

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00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:19,520
Speaker 1: Does you also have to ask politely?

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00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:22,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not you demand it all goes down to

427
00:20:23,119 --> 00:20:24,920
Speaker 2: is it a demand or are you asking?

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00:20:25,280 --> 00:20:28,960
Speaker 1: Please help me? And also again there was a guest

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00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:34,240
Speaker 1: room that had a freaking uh air mattress. If you

430
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:37,679
Speaker 1: really wanted a bed, you could have sit like found out,

431
00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:39,360
Speaker 1: you know, found a way to get a bed into

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Speaker 1: that guest room. Said hey, like, can we can we

433
00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:44,320
Speaker 1: put another thing in here because my pregnant wife needs

434
00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:46,479
Speaker 1: be a little bit more comfortable would have been a

435
00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:50,439
Speaker 1: totally more reasonable request, one you probably would have got

436
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:53,119
Speaker 1: a yes. Side note, my brother is no debt. My

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00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:55,160
Speaker 1: father is a veteran, so we were able to get

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00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:58,920
Speaker 1: free education somehow. But because my brother changed his major

439
00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:01,280
Speaker 1: five times, he had to bay for three years of

440
00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:04,760
Speaker 1: extra coursework that wasn't covered. My parents took on that

441
00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:08,000
Speaker 1: burden and are still in debt because of it. They

442
00:21:08,119 --> 00:21:12,200
Speaker 1: also didn't sell or rent out the old house because

443
00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:15,680
Speaker 1: my brother convinced him that he would like to he

444
00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:18,320
Speaker 1: would like to start a family there someday, so they

445
00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:20,800
Speaker 1: have some debt because of it, but my brother is

446
00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:23,800
Speaker 1: not in need of anything. My brother also told me

447
00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:26,439
Speaker 1: that because it's our parents' condo, they should have a

448
00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:30,040
Speaker 1: final say, so I explained to him that it's uh

449
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:32,800
Speaker 1: my condo and my name is on the mortgage, so

450
00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:35,680
Speaker 1: they actually get no say in what goes on around here.

451
00:21:36,119 --> 00:21:39,480
Speaker 1: He was confused. He said I couldn't possibly afford this

452
00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:42,280
Speaker 1: place on my salary. He said a person making fifty

453
00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:45,920
Speaker 1: thousand a year could not live this lifestyle. I explained

454
00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:48,359
Speaker 1: to him that I make three times that much and

455
00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:50,800
Speaker 1: our parents can't afford to live here without me because

456
00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:53,960
Speaker 1: of the mortgage back home and his student debt. He

457
00:21:54,119 --> 00:21:56,719
Speaker 1: had no idea what the actual situation was, and so

458
00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:58,800
Speaker 1: he thought he could push his brother around Because he

459
00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:01,360
Speaker 1: thought that his parents had the power. He was fed

460
00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:04,680
Speaker 1: a steady diet of lies. James said that Dad took

461
00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:06,880
Speaker 1: care of the student loans and that the old house

462
00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:10,680
Speaker 1: was already paid off. I looked at my parents, wondering

463
00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:13,760
Speaker 1: why they lied to him. I explained that they're in

464
00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:17,000
Speaker 1: a ton of debt because of him, and refused to

465
00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:20,240
Speaker 1: sell the house because of what he said. James asked

466
00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:22,919
Speaker 1: our parents why they didn't tell him all this. My

467
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:25,760
Speaker 1: mom burst out into tears, telling James they knew he

468
00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:28,000
Speaker 1: was jealous of me since I was in high school.

469
00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:31,359
Speaker 1: Mom knew that me playing varsity football my freshman year

470
00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:33,680
Speaker 1: of high school when he rode the break, he rode

471
00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:36,919
Speaker 1: the benches of seniors what started his dislife, and me

472
00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:40,040
Speaker 1: playing college level at a big ten school didn't help.

473
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:43,600
Speaker 1: We also graduated the same year, So James told Mom

474
00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:45,679
Speaker 1: that it wasn't fair that I got to do all

475
00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:48,520
Speaker 1: those things. Mom and dad began babying him in order

476
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:51,080
Speaker 1: to compensate for this, so he wouldn't hate me and

477
00:22:51,119 --> 00:22:54,200
Speaker 1: the family could continue to be around each other without animosity.

478
00:22:54,600 --> 00:23:00,119
Speaker 2: That's crazy that it wasn't the actual like siblings, but

479
00:23:00,160 --> 00:23:02,080
Speaker 2: it was the parents that were like, uh, oh, he's

480
00:23:02,119 --> 00:23:03,159
Speaker 2: peaking in high school.

481
00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:05,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, we gotta make sure we help him out now,

482
00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:08,080
Speaker 1: Yeah we have to baby him because he's he's not

483
00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:10,479
Speaker 1: as good. His little brother is so much better than

484
00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:13,000
Speaker 1: him in every way. James just walked out the door

485
00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:16,280
Speaker 1: without speaking another word. My sister in law apologized and

486
00:23:16,280 --> 00:23:19,000
Speaker 1: said she didn't know it was my house. Girl.

487
00:23:19,480 --> 00:23:21,879
Speaker 2: I mean again, it's like, yeah, that makes sense because

488
00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:24,240
Speaker 2: if they're getting all their information from the parents, and

489
00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:26,280
Speaker 2: the parents are like this is our house now, that

490
00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:29,800
Speaker 2: informs how because it's so insane for them to have

491
00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:31,600
Speaker 2: been taking that stuff out of his room.

492
00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:35,080
Speaker 1: But I also I think even if it wasn't his house.

493
00:23:35,119 --> 00:23:37,560
Speaker 1: I think it would be pretty disrespectful to just start

494
00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:40,960
Speaker 1: moving like imagine, Yeah, that's not the right way to

495
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:43,080
Speaker 1: go about it. You know, Like imagine your landlord just

496
00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:45,840
Speaker 1: starts moving stuff out of your room and it's like.

497
00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:49,320
Speaker 2: Well, I own it, and you're like, imagine imagine taking

498
00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:51,600
Speaker 2: all the stuff out of Riley's room when he's like,

499
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:52,320
Speaker 2: what's going on?

500
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:54,639
Speaker 1: Yeah, you go, Well, I talk to your mom. She

501
00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:56,960
Speaker 1: said I could. She said I could do it, and

502
00:23:57,040 --> 00:24:00,080
Speaker 1: he's like, I live here. Nah, I asked her, or

503
00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:03,080
Speaker 1: why would that change anything? She ignored my question and

504
00:24:03,119 --> 00:24:05,080
Speaker 1: went to the guest room because she realizes that she's

505
00:24:05,119 --> 00:24:08,000
Speaker 1: being unreasonable and was like, oh, maybe I can. Like

506
00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:10,159
Speaker 1: if I figure out a way to put the blame

507
00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:12,640
Speaker 1: on the parents, then I'll let us stay here. That's

508
00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:14,919
Speaker 1: what they're trying to do. My dad tried to explain

509
00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:17,359
Speaker 1: that they felt like they failed my brother. I asked,

510
00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:20,600
Speaker 1: was it just because of the football thing? He said

511
00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:23,840
Speaker 1: it was because James wasn't given the same opportunities as me.

512
00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:27,160
Speaker 1: I explained how James skip school to drink and smoke

513
00:24:27,240 --> 00:24:29,080
Speaker 1: and join a gang. I asked, do you think we

514
00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:32,399
Speaker 1: should have gotten the same opportunities. My dad said it

515
00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:35,040
Speaker 1: was hard to explain. I told him, what's easy to

516
00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:37,720
Speaker 1: explain is the eviction notice, and he has thirty days.

517
00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:41,800
Speaker 1: So I left my friend's house and that's where i'm

518
00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:44,160
Speaker 1: at now. Update two.

519
00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:46,720
Speaker 2: That's so crazy that dad said he wasn't given the

520
00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:49,720
Speaker 2: same opportunities. No, he was given He was given the

521
00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:53,720
Speaker 2: same opportunities, similar if not the exact same opportunity seeing

522
00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:56,480
Speaker 2: as they went to the same school. Just wandered them

523
00:24:56,720 --> 00:25:00,080
Speaker 2: and he yeah, he decided not to do anything with it.

524
00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:03,680
Speaker 1: Like like if you say to someone who's got like two

525
00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:09,240
Speaker 1: people who have the same monetary background, same high school back,

526
00:25:09,359 --> 00:25:11,920
Speaker 1: you know, and then you say, oh, well one went

527
00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:15,719
Speaker 1: to Yale and one went to like really, I don't know,

528
00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:19,080
Speaker 1: bad school or something, and you're like, well, they didn't

529
00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:22,199
Speaker 1: have the same opportunities they did. He didn't take the

530
00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:25,840
Speaker 1: same opportunities. My brother invited me out to have some drinks.

531
00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:28,080
Speaker 1: I was hesitant to go at first, but I realized

532
00:25:28,119 --> 00:25:31,159
Speaker 1: that it wouldn't hurt. When I saw him, he looked

533
00:25:31,359 --> 00:25:35,240
Speaker 1: horrible and I hated seeing him like that. The first

534
00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:37,439
Speaker 1: thing he told me was that he was sorry, and

535
00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:40,280
Speaker 1: it seemed genuine. He then told me he was never

536
00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:43,040
Speaker 1: jealous of me and was proud of all my accomplishments.

537
00:25:43,359 --> 00:25:46,960
Speaker 1: He then dropped a huge bomb. During his senior year

538
00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:49,560
Speaker 1: of high school, he had come home early and found

539
00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:51,520
Speaker 1: Mom was home and so was our uncle's car.

540
00:25:52,359 --> 00:25:58,000
Speaker 2: Waw way, stop, stop stop.

541
00:25:57,960 --> 00:26:00,359
Speaker 1: There's no way that's where this has been going this

542
00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:01,080
Speaker 1: whole time.

543
00:26:01,359 --> 00:26:05,399
Speaker 2: So funny, we've been barreling down the road to uncle

544
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:06,800
Speaker 2: Grandpa this whole day.

545
00:26:07,160 --> 00:26:11,000
Speaker 1: Wait but but like it's huge icee, you insane that

546
00:26:11,119 --> 00:26:15,080
Speaker 1: this is the tactic that he's using to get back

547
00:26:15,119 --> 00:26:18,640
Speaker 1: into his oh, into Opie's good graces. At the front door,

548
00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:21,359
Speaker 1: he heard moans and decided to peek through the window

549
00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:24,760
Speaker 1: and saw our mom and uncle on the couch cheating

550
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:28,280
Speaker 1: on both of their spouses. He took a video as evidence,

551
00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:31,320
Speaker 1: ready to show down you gross. No, you didn't. Now

552
00:26:31,359 --> 00:26:33,239
Speaker 1: this is a lie because no one would do that

553
00:26:33,359 --> 00:26:35,439
Speaker 1: for you, But he didn't want to break up our

554
00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:39,120
Speaker 1: family that he's lying. You're the psychopath.

555
00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:43,960
Speaker 2: If you recorded that secretly and then you read tell anyone.

556
00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:47,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're actually psychotic if you did that. Instead of

557
00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:50,400
Speaker 1: talking to anyone and getting help, he got into substances

558
00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:51,240
Speaker 1: to help him cope.

559
00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:53,800
Speaker 2: Oh now I feel bad ouch if it's a lie.

560
00:26:53,840 --> 00:26:55,920
Speaker 2: I hope it's a lie, though, please.

561
00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:58,840
Speaker 1: Buddy explained that one day Mom yelled at Anne while

562
00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:01,320
Speaker 1: he was wasted in the mid of the day, so

563
00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:04,600
Speaker 1: he just showed her the video. He explained how her

564
00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:07,440
Speaker 1: face got pale and she broke down, cryme, Oh my god.

565
00:27:08,280 --> 00:27:10,160
Speaker 1: She promised she had broken it off when her aunt

566
00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:12,920
Speaker 1: had gotten pregnant a few months after the incident had occurred.

567
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:15,960
Speaker 1: She pleaded with him not to tell dad. He said

568
00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:19,040
Speaker 1: he wasn't going to, but that she better do everything

569
00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:22,119
Speaker 1: to make it up to dad. Mom started the jealous

570
00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:24,840
Speaker 1: thing to hide her affair, even though she knew she

571
00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:29,560
Speaker 1: was the reason for the substances and booze. Oh. So

572
00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:31,200
Speaker 1: she went to the dad and she was like, yeah,

573
00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:34,560
Speaker 1: our son's jealous and that's why he's doing so bad

574
00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:38,080
Speaker 1: in school because he's jealous and we have to baby him.

575
00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:42,159
Speaker 1: This is so complicated, This is so complicated. Yeah, he

576
00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:45,040
Speaker 1: hadn't realize that she's been over compensating, afraid that he

577
00:27:45,119 --> 00:27:49,600
Speaker 1: was going to tell dad. Oh wait, this does actually

578
00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:52,119
Speaker 1: make sense. Why she was like, you know, we have

579
00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:54,440
Speaker 1: to let we have to let your brother and her

580
00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:57,119
Speaker 1: his wife stay in our house, right, we have to

581
00:27:57,119 --> 00:28:00,520
Speaker 1: do whatever they want. That makes so much sense, because she's.

582
00:28:02,480 --> 00:28:05,560
Speaker 2: You both sucked. Don't blackmail your own mom. I don't

583
00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:07,760
Speaker 2: just let everyone know when you find that out.

584
00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:11,080
Speaker 1: I don't think he was blackmailinger in like in a

585
00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:14,720
Speaker 1: like really outright tones. I think she thought he would like.

586
00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:16,240
Speaker 1: I think she thought he would tell he.

587
00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:18,560
Speaker 2: Was for sure leveraging this while he was in the

588
00:28:18,560 --> 00:28:19,879
Speaker 2: midst of his substance issues.

589
00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:21,760
Speaker 1: That makes sense, dude.

590
00:28:21,760 --> 00:28:23,719
Speaker 2: There's no universe in which I don't immediately go to

591
00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:26,960
Speaker 2: my dad when I find my mom banging my uncle.

592
00:28:27,280 --> 00:28:30,360
Speaker 1: After therapy and rehab, he had been concentrating on himself

593
00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:33,320
Speaker 1: and failed to see how I was being treated. He

594
00:28:33,359 --> 00:28:35,159
Speaker 1: also thought it was unfair that I didn't have to

595
00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:38,080
Speaker 1: live with that heavy burden, and thought Mom always babied

596
00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:40,320
Speaker 1: me when it was really the other way around. So

597
00:28:40,480 --> 00:28:42,040
Speaker 1: when I wouldn't give up the room, he thought it

598
00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:45,080
Speaker 1: was Mom playing favorites. He almost broke down, crying, saying

599
00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:48,040
Speaker 1: how he was sorry and that he'll leave. I told

600
00:28:48,120 --> 00:28:50,600
Speaker 1: him that wasn't necessary and that as long as him

601
00:28:50,680 --> 00:28:52,840
Speaker 1: and sister in law help out, he's welcome to stay.

602
00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:56,280
Speaker 1: As long as he wants. Dude, it worked, his sob

603
00:28:56,320 --> 00:29:00,680
Speaker 1: story worked day. This is crazy. This is like the

604
00:29:00,920 --> 00:29:04,920
Speaker 1: I ooh wow, dang man. I asked, was he ever

605
00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:07,560
Speaker 1: going to tell Dad? He said he wasn't, but would

606
00:29:07,600 --> 00:29:10,000
Speaker 1: hold no resentment towards me if I did tell him.

607
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:10,560
Speaker 1: Why not?

608
00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:14,280
Speaker 2: Why are we not feeling the need to tell this

609
00:29:14,280 --> 00:29:19,880
Speaker 2: guy who's our dad? Hey, mom's banging your brother or did?

610
00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:23,360
Speaker 2: But other than that, everything seems normal. There is a

611
00:29:23,440 --> 00:29:25,840
Speaker 2: little bit left to the story, a third update if

612
00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:30,120
Speaker 2: you will. But do you have any final thoughts? No,

613
00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:32,720
Speaker 2: it's too messed up for me to have any thoughts

614
00:29:32,760 --> 00:29:37,240
Speaker 2: about I need I need another story to process this story.

615
00:29:37,360 --> 00:29:39,360
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think it's interesting that, like I

616
00:29:39,480 --> 00:29:41,520
Speaker 1: when he started talking about the cheating stuff, I was

617
00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:43,560
Speaker 1: immediately like, I see you, this is how he's going

618
00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:46,120
Speaker 1: to get back into the house. Like he's using this

619
00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:49,479
Speaker 1: to kind of guilt the ope into getting him back

620
00:29:49,520 --> 00:29:52,640
Speaker 1: into the house. And it worked. So I'm like, I

621
00:29:52,680 --> 00:29:54,200
Speaker 1: don't I don't even know if this.

622
00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:57,560
Speaker 2: Is which is weird because he's using that for his

623
00:29:57,600 --> 00:30:01,760
Speaker 2: own he knows that that's what's going on. Yeah, that's

624
00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:03,680
Speaker 2: the only reason he hasn't told anybody, because once you

625
00:30:03,760 --> 00:30:04,840
Speaker 2: let that out of the bag.

626
00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:05,560
Speaker 1: You lose your leverage.

627
00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:08,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like the car that catches the dog that

628
00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:10,479
Speaker 2: catches the car doesn't know what to do with it.

629
00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:14,840
Speaker 1: But there is a third update, so let's get into it.

630
00:30:15,320 --> 00:30:18,480
Speaker 1: I told my dad. He surprisingly took it well. I

631
00:30:18,520 --> 00:30:20,920
Speaker 1: did it in private. He admitted that his brother told

632
00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:24,720
Speaker 1: him that one time when he was wasted. Both okay,

633
00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:28,040
Speaker 1: but he thought he was trying to upset him. I

634
00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:30,480
Speaker 1: know everybody was saying that my mom was a self

635
00:30:30,520 --> 00:30:34,640
Speaker 1: absorbed person, but she never displayed these behaviors. She was

636
00:30:34,680 --> 00:30:37,480
Speaker 1: a woman loved by everyone. He never suspected a thing.

637
00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:41,320
Speaker 1: He was hurt, though. He explained that he's been married

638
00:30:41,360 --> 00:30:43,880
Speaker 1: for thirty years and would like for things to stay

639
00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:46,960
Speaker 1: the same. I always thought dad was kind of a pushover,

640
00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:49,280
Speaker 1: so I highly doubt that he's going to confront her.

641
00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:52,120
Speaker 1: I think he's comfortable with life the way it is.

642
00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:54,160
Speaker 1: But my brother and sister in law have paid me

643
00:30:54,240 --> 00:30:57,080
Speaker 1: for bills and rents, so we're okay. My mom has

644
00:30:57,160 --> 00:31:00,720
Speaker 1: apologized and it seems genuine. She became of the outgoing,

645
00:31:00,840 --> 00:31:03,000
Speaker 1: nice woman again, so my house says peace. I think

646
00:31:03,040 --> 00:31:04,560
Speaker 1: this is going to be how it is for now.

647
00:31:04,600 --> 00:31:07,000
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm sorry. I hope Dad is okay, though,

648
00:31:07,200 --> 00:31:11,240
Speaker 1: what happened? Saying what are you talking about?

649
00:31:11,560 --> 00:31:15,560
Speaker 2: Saying my mom apologized She seemed sincere about it, knowing

650
00:31:15,680 --> 00:31:17,760
Speaker 2: that she's kind of a narcissist.

651
00:31:18,200 --> 00:31:22,600
Speaker 1: Guys, crazy, this family, nothing, this family, including op is

652
00:31:22,720 --> 00:31:27,240
Speaker 1: kind of insane. They literally like had a blow up

653
00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:30,840
Speaker 1: fight that involved everyone being kicked out of the house

654
00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:35,840
Speaker 1: within like two days. And then we found out all

655
00:31:35,880 --> 00:31:38,880
Speaker 1: of this information that had been kept secret for years

656
00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:41,800
Speaker 1: and years. And then everyone's like, yeah, we're chill, Like

657
00:31:41,960 --> 00:31:44,560
Speaker 1: what and we're back and we're back. This is like

658
00:31:44,600 --> 00:31:47,560
Speaker 1: a sitcom where everything that could go wrong goes wrong,

659
00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:49,960
Speaker 1: and then at the end they're like, and then we

660
00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:54,280
Speaker 1: all loved each other again. What y'all are crazy? Yeah?

661
00:31:54,720 --> 00:32:00,680
Speaker 1: That was that was absolutely wild. Hey, it's Samuel host here,

662
00:32:00,760 --> 00:32:02,520
Speaker 1: bring it back to the stories. But here's three minutes

663
00:32:02,560 --> 00:32:03,400
Speaker 1: bads from our sponsor.

664
00:32:04,040 --> 00:32:07,360
Speaker 2: I'm planning to go low contact with my parent. It

665
00:32:07,480 --> 00:32:09,360
Speaker 2: is no longer worth it.

666
00:32:09,600 --> 00:32:10,880
Speaker 1: He's not worth it.

667
00:32:11,480 --> 00:32:15,120
Speaker 2: I'm mid twenties female, married with two littles. I was

668
00:32:15,160 --> 00:32:17,960
Speaker 2: adopted as a baby into a small family and raised

669
00:32:17,960 --> 00:32:21,440
Speaker 2: by a single parent let's call them K, which.

670
00:32:21,200 --> 00:32:25,320
Speaker 1: Eventually led to a blended family. Sounds messy, by the way.

671
00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:28,040
Speaker 2: This comes from user Express New six to six and

672
00:32:28,040 --> 00:32:29,720
Speaker 2: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

673
00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:33,240
Speaker 2: the art sized showcase Storytime summerned it so. Growing up,

674
00:32:33,400 --> 00:32:36,840
Speaker 2: I was not a perfect child, but I wasn't particularly

675
00:32:36,880 --> 00:32:39,920
Speaker 2: a bad child either. I got mostly a's in school,

676
00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:43,400
Speaker 2: I was involved with sports, had a bad relationship, no

677
00:32:43,640 --> 00:32:48,400
Speaker 2: substances or booze, but I had good relationships too, et cetera.

678
00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:52,400
Speaker 2: Looking back, I remember being eight playing devil's advocate for

679
00:32:52,520 --> 00:32:56,520
Speaker 2: my parents' marriage, advocating for a better blended family.

680
00:32:57,640 --> 00:32:59,160
Speaker 1: At eight, that's rough man.

681
00:32:59,760 --> 00:33:02,840
Speaker 2: I wanted it to be fair that Kay didn't hold

682
00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:05,040
Speaker 2: me on a pedestal and tear down my step siblings

683
00:33:05,360 --> 00:33:08,360
Speaker 2: or tear down their spouse my step parent, and be

684
00:33:08,440 --> 00:33:11,040
Speaker 2: a good partner. I remember talking to them about how

685
00:33:11,040 --> 00:33:13,200
Speaker 2: their anger would get out of hand and this would

686
00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:15,000
Speaker 2: go into a pattern, and it would get better for

687
00:33:15,040 --> 00:33:17,840
Speaker 2: a few days, and then the people around felt some relief,

688
00:33:18,160 --> 00:33:20,720
Speaker 2: and then the anger built up and we'd find ourselves

689
00:33:20,760 --> 00:33:24,440
Speaker 2: back in that spot semiannually, if not month to month.

690
00:33:25,040 --> 00:33:26,960
Speaker 2: I don't think that's what an eight year old should

691
00:33:27,000 --> 00:33:29,280
Speaker 2: be doing teaching a parent to be a good person,

692
00:33:29,440 --> 00:33:33,000
Speaker 2: to that extent, essentially being a therapist and the recipient

693
00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:36,520
Speaker 2: of the same emotional roller coaster. I got into an

694
00:33:36,560 --> 00:33:39,840
Speaker 2: emotionally harmful relationship and at one time I was blamed

695
00:33:39,880 --> 00:33:42,440
Speaker 2: for getting cheated on and we were just toxic.

696
00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:43,800
Speaker 1: This parent was.

697
00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:46,960
Speaker 2: Running the same pattern and I had a poor relationship

698
00:33:47,240 --> 00:33:51,240
Speaker 2: and at home, Kay's anxiety was through the roof, creating

699
00:33:51,400 --> 00:33:55,560
Speaker 2: explosive anger over the smallest things chores are, any work

700
00:33:55,600 --> 00:33:57,720
Speaker 2: that I had no control over, or their spouse not

701
00:33:57,800 --> 00:34:00,440
Speaker 2: doing something the way they wanted, and eventually see I

702
00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:03,120
Speaker 2: felt like my life was going nowhere if I didn't

703
00:34:03,160 --> 00:34:07,960
Speaker 2: have anyone, especially family to go to. There was an incident,

704
00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:11,360
Speaker 2: and to this day Kay says that the relationship was

705
00:34:11,560 --> 00:34:15,120
Speaker 2: just bad and the cause of the innocent uh and

706
00:34:15,200 --> 00:34:18,160
Speaker 2: the cause of the incident. I made it a point

707
00:34:18,160 --> 00:34:21,120
Speaker 2: to say I could live without the relationship, but I

708
00:34:21,239 --> 00:34:24,000
Speaker 2: felt like I had nothing at home where I'm supposed

709
00:34:24,040 --> 00:34:26,440
Speaker 2: to be loved and safe to talk to about these things.

710
00:34:26,640 --> 00:34:29,759
Speaker 2: At sixteen, I maintained two jobs and gained as much

711
00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:33,120
Speaker 2: independence as I could. I would stay with friends day

712
00:34:33,120 --> 00:34:37,160
Speaker 2: to day or by weeks when I could. After graduation,

713
00:34:37,280 --> 00:34:40,800
Speaker 2: I left my hometown and did not look back. Flash

714
00:34:40,840 --> 00:34:44,080
Speaker 2: forward to now. I have two littles, and I do

715
00:34:44,239 --> 00:34:48,720
Speaker 2: mean little. I've got what they call Irish twins, still

716
00:34:48,880 --> 00:34:53,279
Speaker 2: too under two. I'm happily married and very supported in

717
00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:56,040
Speaker 2: the family I've made. When I got pregnant with my

718
00:34:56,080 --> 00:34:58,520
Speaker 2: first I felt the need to get closer to my family.

719
00:34:58,840 --> 00:35:01,480
Speaker 2: I had a beautiful baby, and Kay comes to visit

720
00:35:01,760 --> 00:35:05,200
Speaker 2: after two weeks. They make it about themselves, make it

721
00:35:05,239 --> 00:35:07,879
Speaker 2: a vacation for my husband and I to take them

722
00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:11,080
Speaker 2: around town with our two week old to an amusement

723
00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:13,680
Speaker 2: park where they say they need to push the stroulder

724
00:35:13,680 --> 00:35:17,640
Speaker 2: because they have limited mobility. This amusement park had limited

725
00:35:17,680 --> 00:35:21,200
Speaker 2: shade in one hundred degree weather, and this still bothers

726
00:35:21,239 --> 00:35:23,920
Speaker 2: me A year and some change later. Kay calls my

727
00:35:24,000 --> 00:35:27,319
Speaker 2: baby their baby, and something about that puts a bad

728
00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:29,960
Speaker 2: taste in my mouth. Yeah, No, that's the baby's two

729
00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:31,480
Speaker 2: weeks old. We're not going to an amusement park. It's

730
00:35:31,480 --> 00:35:34,799
Speaker 2: a hundred degrees. Yeah, that's that's crazy. Babies should be

731
00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:36,719
Speaker 2: inside with a fan on it.

732
00:35:36,920 --> 00:35:38,440
Speaker 1: Baby number two comes along.

733
00:35:38,719 --> 00:35:41,840
Speaker 2: I start to discuss names, and this parent disagrees with

734
00:35:41,880 --> 00:35:42,200
Speaker 2: the name.

735
00:35:42,239 --> 00:35:42,920
Speaker 1: I suggested.

736
00:35:43,600 --> 00:35:46,920
Speaker 2: The name had family ties, and the name they suggested

737
00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:50,360
Speaker 2: was a rendition of what my seven month old was named,

738
00:35:50,600 --> 00:35:54,359
Speaker 2: so it'd be similar, like Kirsten and Kirsten. I say, no,

739
00:35:54,600 --> 00:35:57,439
Speaker 2: it's too alike, and they look to my seven month

740
00:35:57,440 --> 00:36:00,479
Speaker 2: old on video chat and say, don't be like mother.

741
00:36:00,719 --> 00:36:03,000
Speaker 1: Oh my god. I call them out on it.

742
00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:05,920
Speaker 2: They hang up, and it sends me into what I

743
00:36:05,920 --> 00:36:08,839
Speaker 2: feel like is my quarter life crisis. What the heck

744
00:36:08,920 --> 00:36:12,160
Speaker 2: is so wrong with being like me? I've been independent

745
00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:15,319
Speaker 2: since eighteen and not struggling. This is a woman who

746
00:36:15,480 --> 00:36:17,880
Speaker 2: just wants everyone to say yes to the things.

747
00:36:17,640 --> 00:36:18,360
Speaker 1: That she says.

748
00:36:18,719 --> 00:36:20,480
Speaker 2: So she doesn't want her kid to be like you

749
00:36:20,520 --> 00:36:22,799
Speaker 2: because you are like, hey, why are we doing what

750
00:36:22,880 --> 00:36:23,799
Speaker 2: she says all the time?

751
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:27,520
Speaker 1: Yep? She's like, everyone listened to me. Everyone just just

752
00:36:27,640 --> 00:36:29,240
Speaker 1: do it, and she's wanted to do cute.

753
00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:34,399
Speaker 2: Eventually, Kay said I was being too sensitive, more hormonal,

754
00:36:34,719 --> 00:36:36,680
Speaker 2: mixed with a bit of holding onto the idea of

755
00:36:36,719 --> 00:36:39,719
Speaker 2: my babies being a crutch in their life or like

756
00:36:39,800 --> 00:36:41,279
Speaker 2: the only reason that they live.

757
00:36:42,239 --> 00:36:44,640
Speaker 1: God forbid, I'm hormonal. Two weeks after I had my

758
00:36:44,719 --> 00:36:48,920
Speaker 1: freaking baby, but also I mean, like she's just making that,

759
00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:52,359
Speaker 1: like she's putting that on Ope as a reason, when

760
00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:54,600
Speaker 1: OP is just defending herself, putting up boundaries.

761
00:36:54,800 --> 00:36:57,360
Speaker 2: My point is that calling out the person who just

762
00:36:57,480 --> 00:37:00,000
Speaker 2: gave birth as being like hormonal is like.

763
00:37:00,080 --> 00:37:00,760
Speaker 1: You're a jerk.

764
00:37:00,920 --> 00:37:04,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, you are a piece of work for that one,

765
00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:07,719
Speaker 2: You're up. My husband left for work shortly after the

766
00:37:07,719 --> 00:37:11,600
Speaker 2: birth of baby number two. I was solo parenting for months,

767
00:37:11,600 --> 00:37:14,640
Speaker 2: and it nearly tore me apart, being alone with two

768
00:37:14,960 --> 00:37:17,640
Speaker 2: very little littles who both need one hundred percent of

769
00:37:17,680 --> 00:37:22,400
Speaker 2: my attention with minimal help. I called Kay consistently listened

770
00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:25,240
Speaker 2: to their problems and they listened to mine. And during

771
00:37:25,280 --> 00:37:27,760
Speaker 2: this time of solo parenting, they went through some things

772
00:37:27,800 --> 00:37:30,600
Speaker 2: and wanted to meet baby number two, and knowing they

773
00:37:30,640 --> 00:37:33,200
Speaker 2: wouldn't come out to me, I packed up my two

774
00:37:33,239 --> 00:37:37,080
Speaker 2: babies two months postpartum and took them on a tour

775
00:37:37,120 --> 00:37:38,719
Speaker 2: to see their grandparents.

776
00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:42,480
Speaker 1: Wow. Why did we do that? I don't know if

777
00:37:42,560 --> 00:37:42,880
Speaker 1: we know.

778
00:37:43,440 --> 00:37:46,560
Speaker 2: After my husband got back, we had to adjust to

779
00:37:46,600 --> 00:37:49,239
Speaker 2: being a family of four. He'd been gone and I'd

780
00:37:49,280 --> 00:37:51,920
Speaker 2: run myself ragged trying to work, go to school, and

781
00:37:52,040 --> 00:37:55,040
Speaker 2: be attentive to the babies when not in daycare. Goodness

782
00:37:55,320 --> 00:37:57,719
Speaker 2: K offered to help when my husband goes off to

783
00:37:57,760 --> 00:38:01,360
Speaker 2: work again, KA comes and help do some basic cleaning

784
00:38:01,400 --> 00:38:04,839
Speaker 2: things around the house, like sweeping and organizing, but I

785
00:38:04,920 --> 00:38:07,360
Speaker 2: was still at work and they had no idea where

786
00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:11,680
Speaker 2: anything went. Ultimately, they watched my babies for an hour

787
00:38:11,880 --> 00:38:14,759
Speaker 2: or so for me to mow the lawn and do school.

788
00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:15,160
Speaker 1: Work my costs.

789
00:38:15,640 --> 00:38:19,160
Speaker 2: I thanked Kay for helping making the house manageable and

790
00:38:19,239 --> 00:38:21,600
Speaker 2: tolerable to me to help me for the remainder of

791
00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:22,919
Speaker 2: my solo parenting time.

792
00:38:23,120 --> 00:38:24,040
Speaker 1: That was a sentence.

793
00:38:24,480 --> 00:38:27,399
Speaker 2: Kay says, they don't think that it's manageable, not by

794
00:38:27,440 --> 00:38:30,600
Speaker 2: their standards. I say, well, it gave me time that

795
00:38:30,719 --> 00:38:32,840
Speaker 2: I didn't have to do school and more time to

796
00:38:32,920 --> 00:38:36,120
Speaker 2: just enjoy my babies. My house does not have antswer

797
00:38:36,160 --> 00:38:38,720
Speaker 2: or anything that makes it uninhabitable, just a little dust.

798
00:38:38,760 --> 00:38:41,399
Speaker 2: Because I can't get much more done than the day

799
00:38:41,440 --> 00:38:44,120
Speaker 2: to day, and my days off have consisted of babies

800
00:38:44,160 --> 00:38:48,200
Speaker 2: being home from daycare because they've gotten sick. My babies

801
00:38:48,239 --> 00:38:51,160
Speaker 2: are very velcro e, so I don't get much freedom

802
00:38:51,160 --> 00:38:53,040
Speaker 2: to do much more than the day to day when

803
00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:55,919
Speaker 2: they're awake and I'm still fighting off burnout from work

804
00:38:55,960 --> 00:38:59,920
Speaker 2: and school in constant stimulation at home. So was that

805
00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:03,760
Speaker 2: Kay saying like, I don't think this is a sustainable setup.

806
00:39:04,120 --> 00:39:05,319
Speaker 1: Me helping you for an hour.

807
00:39:05,960 --> 00:39:08,799
Speaker 2: Kay says things to the babies that I don't agree with,

808
00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:11,319
Speaker 2: and so when we get a moment alone, I said, Hey,

809
00:39:11,840 --> 00:39:14,040
Speaker 2: we don't really say good boy or good girl. We

810
00:39:14,080 --> 00:39:16,279
Speaker 2: say good job and thank you, because good boy or

811
00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:18,160
Speaker 2: good girl sounds like you're praising a dog, and that

812
00:39:18,280 --> 00:39:21,440
Speaker 2: the babies should be looking for your approval, And can

813
00:39:21,480 --> 00:39:23,640
Speaker 2: you please stop saying it makes me sad when you

814
00:39:23,680 --> 00:39:26,080
Speaker 2: don't give me a hug or a kiss to the babies,

815
00:39:26,320 --> 00:39:29,560
Speaker 2: it's manipulative. They don't owe you affection. They are affectionate

816
00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:32,120
Speaker 2: on their own. Kay rolls their eyes and just tells

817
00:39:32,160 --> 00:39:34,640
Speaker 2: me I'm picky and that's when you should go, Hey,

818
00:39:34,680 --> 00:39:41,200
Speaker 2: you should leave now, my I say, it's dismissive and disrespectful.

819
00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:44,080
Speaker 2: We go into a conversation about how they don't know

820
00:39:44,120 --> 00:39:45,960
Speaker 2: what it's like to raise a child in this day

821
00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:49,960
Speaker 2: and age, and that change is not really their niche. Oh,

822
00:39:50,040 --> 00:39:52,959
Speaker 2: and they can't do anything right, and that they love

823
00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:56,120
Speaker 2: their grand babies, but they're not a kid person. Over

824
00:39:56,160 --> 00:39:58,920
Speaker 2: the remaining days, they say things about my baby crying

825
00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:01,319
Speaker 2: being the reason we sh you didn't take kids out,

826
00:40:01,640 --> 00:40:03,680
Speaker 2: and that one of my babies is a lot.

827
00:40:03,960 --> 00:40:07,160
Speaker 1: It's a baby, they cry, that's what they do.

828
00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:11,040
Speaker 2: While they were leaving, they asked, does my grandbaby which

829
00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:12,040
Speaker 2: one of my babies?

830
00:40:12,120 --> 00:40:15,120
Speaker 1: No mention of the other? Miss me. I'm gonna say no.

831
00:40:15,320 --> 00:40:17,600
Speaker 1: So we do have a little bit more story left.

832
00:40:18,120 --> 00:40:22,279
Speaker 1: I think that your partner needs to help you out more.

833
00:40:22,920 --> 00:40:26,480
Speaker 1: Where's your partner? I understand that he's working, but it

834
00:40:26,520 --> 00:40:29,239
Speaker 1: seems like you're like left, You need you need help.

835
00:40:29,719 --> 00:40:34,920
Speaker 2: Like it's it's like aggressively uncomfortable the way that your

836
00:40:35,440 --> 00:40:36,480
Speaker 2: mother in law is acting.

837
00:40:36,719 --> 00:40:40,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know. I feel like if they can,

838
00:40:40,120 --> 00:40:43,640
Speaker 1: they need to sort out some sort of change in

839
00:40:44,040 --> 00:40:46,960
Speaker 1: working conditions where he talks to his boss or gets

840
00:40:46,960 --> 00:40:49,520
Speaker 1: a different job if he can, that puts them a

841
00:40:49,520 --> 00:40:51,719
Speaker 1: little bit closer to home, because this is just I mean,

842
00:40:51,760 --> 00:40:55,600
Speaker 1: she's doing so much alone truly. Yeah, Like obviously there

843
00:40:55,600 --> 00:40:57,319
Speaker 1: are some people who have to do it because of

844
00:40:57,480 --> 00:41:00,600
Speaker 1: financial reasons and stuff, but like, if there is any

845
00:41:00,600 --> 00:41:03,560
Speaker 1: way that you cannot do that, just at least for

846
00:41:03,719 --> 00:41:05,120
Speaker 1: what when you got that new kid.

847
00:41:05,440 --> 00:41:08,160
Speaker 2: I've run it by my husband, but I keep gaslighting

848
00:41:08,160 --> 00:41:11,560
Speaker 2: myself back and forth. Maybe K is not a good parent,

849
00:41:11,640 --> 00:41:14,560
Speaker 2: but could be a good grandparent. I can't deprive my

850
00:41:14,680 --> 00:41:17,440
Speaker 2: baby's of a relationship with K just off of my

851
00:41:17,560 --> 00:41:22,360
Speaker 2: own biases, So am I wrong? My own ideas suggest

852
00:41:22,400 --> 00:41:26,120
Speaker 2: that KA is manipulative and a self absorbed person, and

853
00:41:26,200 --> 00:41:29,200
Speaker 2: it hurts a lot being told that your parent is

854
00:41:29,400 --> 00:41:33,040
Speaker 2: a not a kid person. It helps or it hurts

855
00:41:33,120 --> 00:41:36,400
Speaker 2: to hear that they don't know how and are unwilling

856
00:41:36,440 --> 00:41:39,880
Speaker 2: to change. It's a spiral of I mean for calling

857
00:41:39,960 --> 00:41:41,920
Speaker 2: K out, and then I feel guilty and try to

858
00:41:41,960 --> 00:41:46,239
Speaker 2: make K feel better, unintentionally invalidating my own point and

859
00:41:46,320 --> 00:41:49,239
Speaker 2: accepting the same behavior over and over. It feels like

860
00:41:49,280 --> 00:41:52,959
Speaker 2: a toxic relationship or an ultimatum change or I'll leave,

861
00:41:53,400 --> 00:41:55,880
Speaker 2: but I don't want to go and you won't change.

862
00:41:56,160 --> 00:41:59,279
Speaker 2: But they're my parent. I used to be a keep

863
00:41:59,360 --> 00:42:01,880
Speaker 2: the peace person, but parenting makes me realize I have

864
00:42:01,920 --> 00:42:03,560
Speaker 2: two good reasons to break the cycle.

865
00:42:04,080 --> 00:42:07,399
Speaker 1: Advice is appreciating and to be clear, Because I think

866
00:42:07,520 --> 00:42:09,560
Speaker 1: you may have said they were like in law, KE

867
00:42:09,800 --> 00:42:10,799
Speaker 1: is o piece adopt.

868
00:42:10,680 --> 00:42:13,000
Speaker 2: I was thinking that, yes, I also did say that

869
00:42:13,080 --> 00:42:15,040
Speaker 2: I got mixed your cut up.

870
00:42:16,120 --> 00:42:18,640
Speaker 1: But yeah, I think put your boundaries up. Don't let them,

871
00:42:18,719 --> 00:42:21,200
Speaker 1: you know, walk over because they think they know how

872
00:42:21,880 --> 00:42:23,920
Speaker 1: they should parent or like you should parent your kid.

873
00:42:24,120 --> 00:42:26,200
Speaker 1: You have made a decision out and how are you

874
00:42:26,200 --> 00:42:28,280
Speaker 1: going to parent your kids? And they have to respect

875
00:42:28,280 --> 00:42:33,440
Speaker 1: that because they're your kids, not kays. Hey, it's John here,

876
00:42:33,440 --> 00:42:34,239
Speaker 1: og host of the show.

877
00:42:34,280 --> 00:42:36,000
Speaker 2: We're gonna get back to these juicy stories, but here's

878
00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:37,879
Speaker 2: a quick three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

879
00:42:38,320 --> 00:42:41,520
Speaker 1: My partner's friend made me wear a wig for their wedding.

880
00:42:41,760 --> 00:42:44,960
Speaker 1: It made me miserable. Do you wear vis My partner

881
00:42:45,040 --> 00:42:47,719
Speaker 1: Joe twenty four male and I twenty four female, have

882
00:42:47,840 --> 00:42:51,120
Speaker 1: been together for eight years and married for just under

883
00:42:51,120 --> 00:42:55,120
Speaker 1: a month. Whoa Jay's best friend? Seth twenty three male

884
00:42:55,200 --> 00:42:57,239
Speaker 1: and I have known each other since before Joe and

885
00:42:57,280 --> 00:42:59,919
Speaker 1: I met. By the way, this comes from remarkably proper

886
00:43:00,200 --> 00:43:01,719
Speaker 1: and if you want to spit your own stories, go

887
00:43:01,719 --> 00:43:05,240
Speaker 1: to the r slash Okay storytime separate It So, about

888
00:43:05,239 --> 00:43:07,440
Speaker 1: a year and a half after Joe and I started dating,

889
00:43:07,680 --> 00:43:10,799
Speaker 1: Seth started seeing Mia twenty three female, and the double

890
00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:14,200
Speaker 1: dates commenced. I've never been a huge fan of Mia,

891
00:43:14,239 --> 00:43:16,400
Speaker 1: since she's the type of person to eat three quarters

892
00:43:16,400 --> 00:43:19,000
Speaker 1: of her meal at a restaurant then complain to the

893
00:43:19,040 --> 00:43:22,640
Speaker 1: wait stuff until they comped the meal, among other things.

894
00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:25,040
Speaker 1: In the summer of twenty twenty one, Seth bought a

895
00:43:25,120 --> 00:43:27,360
Speaker 1: house for himself and Mia that needed a lot of

896
00:43:27,400 --> 00:43:29,799
Speaker 1: work due to prior flooding. My partner and I went

897
00:43:29,840 --> 00:43:31,920
Speaker 1: out there and Joe and Seth did some work on

898
00:43:31,960 --> 00:43:34,440
Speaker 1: the plumbing and sub floor. A few other times Joe

899
00:43:34,480 --> 00:43:36,440
Speaker 1: went out there to help with other stuff, and by

900
00:43:36,480 --> 00:43:38,640
Speaker 1: the end of twenty twenty one, Seth at the place

901
00:43:38,719 --> 00:43:42,320
Speaker 1: renovated into a pretty nice house. He and Mia invited

902
00:43:42,400 --> 00:43:44,760
Speaker 1: us and some of our friends from the friend group

903
00:43:44,920 --> 00:43:46,719
Speaker 1: out there for a New Year's party. They have a

904
00:43:46,719 --> 00:43:50,200
Speaker 1: pretty nice detached garage pole barn situation, so they got

905
00:43:50,239 --> 00:43:53,960
Speaker 1: it set up with adult soda pong and speakers and stuff,

906
00:43:54,040 --> 00:43:56,600
Speaker 1: meaning people were going back and forth from the pole

907
00:43:56,680 --> 00:43:59,040
Speaker 1: barn to the house. At one point it was just

908
00:43:59,080 --> 00:44:01,080
Speaker 1: Seth and I in the house house mix and drinks,

909
00:44:01,160 --> 00:44:04,120
Speaker 1: and he confided in me that he wasn't entirely happy

910
00:44:04,200 --> 00:44:08,040
Speaker 1: in his relationship. He talked about how Mia called him names,

911
00:44:08,239 --> 00:44:11,240
Speaker 1: laughed at him, yelled at him, et cetera, and asked

912
00:44:11,400 --> 00:44:13,960
Speaker 1: what he should do. I said what my partner would

913
00:44:14,000 --> 00:44:16,520
Speaker 1: have said. We have a spare bedroom if you need it.

914
00:44:16,680 --> 00:44:18,760
Speaker 1: Every time we went out to set the MIA's house,

915
00:44:18,960 --> 00:44:21,239
Speaker 1: Seth would find a way to confide these things in me.

916
00:44:21,440 --> 00:44:24,600
Speaker 1: They gradually grew worse too. She threw stuff at him,

917
00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:27,520
Speaker 1: slammed doors, So are they break off the ringes? Stuff

918
00:44:27,560 --> 00:44:29,880
Speaker 1: like that. Every time I'd remind him we had a

919
00:44:29,880 --> 00:44:32,600
Speaker 1: spare bedroom, but I couldn't outright tell him to leave her.

920
00:44:32,760 --> 00:44:34,640
Speaker 1: I didn't feel like my place to make that call.

921
00:44:34,800 --> 00:44:37,439
Speaker 1: Don't get me wrong, I definitely told him he deserved better,

922
00:44:37,560 --> 00:44:39,760
Speaker 1: but I wanted him to connect the dots for himself.

923
00:44:39,960 --> 00:44:43,200
Speaker 1: That's fair. In October twenty twenty two, while at a

924
00:44:43,200 --> 00:44:45,960
Speaker 1: Halloween party, Seth showed me a picture of the engagement

925
00:44:46,000 --> 00:44:48,719
Speaker 1: ring he'd gotten. I don't remember much of the conversation

926
00:44:48,880 --> 00:44:51,840
Speaker 1: beyond him asking if his proposal plans sounded good. I

927
00:44:51,920 --> 00:44:54,880
Speaker 1: told him yes, I congratulated him. I did all the

928
00:44:54,880 --> 00:44:57,040
Speaker 1: things I thought a friend should do. A month later,

929
00:44:57,120 --> 00:45:01,239
Speaker 1: there are beautiful photos all over Facebook announcing the engagement

930
00:45:01,520 --> 00:45:03,880
Speaker 1: and announcing that the wedding date was set for October

931
00:45:03,920 --> 00:45:07,040
Speaker 1: twenty twenty three. In February twenty twenty three, Mia asked

932
00:45:07,040 --> 00:45:09,840
Speaker 1: me to stand as a bridesmaid in her wedding, and

933
00:45:09,920 --> 00:45:13,279
Speaker 1: I genuinely was shocked. We didn't talk much, even at

934
00:45:13,320 --> 00:45:15,799
Speaker 1: their house parties. My partner, of course, was asked to

935
00:45:15,800 --> 00:45:18,200
Speaker 1: be the best man, and he instantly accepted. I didn't

936
00:45:18,239 --> 00:45:20,719
Speaker 1: know what to say. They'd asked us in front of

937
00:45:20,760 --> 00:45:22,719
Speaker 1: the rest of the wedding party, and I hadn't been

938
00:45:22,760 --> 00:45:26,040
Speaker 1: expecting it at all, so I accepted too. It made

939
00:45:26,040 --> 00:45:28,440
Speaker 1: me nervous thinking about it, but if that's what they wanted,

940
00:45:28,560 --> 00:45:30,799
Speaker 1: then I was gonna do my dang distance to make

941
00:45:30,840 --> 00:45:33,600
Speaker 1: this wedding work for them, despite everything Seth had told me,

942
00:45:33,719 --> 00:45:35,960
Speaker 1: it wasn't my place to cause a scene about it.

943
00:45:36,160 --> 00:45:38,479
Speaker 1: In March, Mia asked me to make sure my hair

944
00:45:38,600 --> 00:45:41,680
Speaker 1: was a normal color for the wedding. It's worth mentioning

945
00:45:41,719 --> 00:45:44,960
Speaker 1: that at the time my hair was a light, lavenderish color,

946
00:45:45,400 --> 00:45:48,279
Speaker 1: and I'm no stranger to impulsively dyeing my hair a

947
00:45:48,360 --> 00:45:50,839
Speaker 1: vibrant color. I told her I'd of course make sure

948
00:45:50,880 --> 00:45:52,520
Speaker 1: it was a normal color, but she'd have to tell

949
00:45:52,560 --> 00:45:55,240
Speaker 1: me what color in honesty, because my hair is always

950
00:45:55,239 --> 00:45:57,919
Speaker 1: a different color. The request didn't bother me much beyond

951
00:45:57,960 --> 00:46:00,600
Speaker 1: lamenting having to grow out whatever color she told me

952
00:46:00,640 --> 00:46:03,000
Speaker 1: to go with. Crap really started to hit the fan

953
00:46:03,080 --> 00:46:06,400
Speaker 1: in August. On the Bachelorette weekend trip. The drive up

954
00:46:06,480 --> 00:46:09,759
Speaker 1: was about two hours, and Mia spent most of it

955
00:46:09,840 --> 00:46:12,400
Speaker 1: telling us about the latest wedding drama. That our parents

956
00:46:12,400 --> 00:46:14,640
Speaker 1: had decided to take all of the money they'd been

957
00:46:14,680 --> 00:46:17,160
Speaker 1: setting aside for a wedding venue and use it to

958
00:46:17,200 --> 00:46:20,319
Speaker 1: refurbish their pull barn, not the ball barn. Again, not

959
00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:24,480
Speaker 1: the pull barn. MIA's parents were demanding that Mia and

960
00:46:24,520 --> 00:46:28,239
Speaker 1: Seth worked long hours pouring concrete, putting up walls, and

961
00:46:28,320 --> 00:46:31,600
Speaker 1: retiling roofs so the wedding could be held there. Mia

962
00:46:31,680 --> 00:46:34,200
Speaker 1: talked about how their mother had been especially rude and

963
00:46:34,239 --> 00:46:38,040
Speaker 1: condescending about the whole thing, calling her an ungrateful witch

964
00:46:38,200 --> 00:46:40,080
Speaker 1: when we had talked about wanting the wedding to be

965
00:46:40,160 --> 00:46:42,960
Speaker 1: somewhere else. I felt so bad for her, and I

966
00:46:43,000 --> 00:46:46,080
Speaker 1: felt even worse when MIA's mother, along with eight of

967
00:46:46,080 --> 00:46:49,680
Speaker 1: her friends, crashed the Bachelorette weekend. We were outnumbered in

968
00:46:49,719 --> 00:46:52,120
Speaker 1: this airbnb to the point that I had to sleep

969
00:46:52,160 --> 00:46:55,120
Speaker 1: on the floor. Oh boy, there were nine women, all

970
00:46:55,239 --> 00:46:58,920
Speaker 1: fifty year older, impeding on me A's bachelorette weekend. In

971
00:46:58,960 --> 00:47:01,680
Speaker 1: the wasted the entire weekend, throwing up on the lake

972
00:47:01,840 --> 00:47:03,920
Speaker 1: of the paddle boat. They cramped all night of themselves

973
00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:06,400
Speaker 1: onto kind of way. Mia had been looking forward to

974
00:47:06,440 --> 00:47:08,840
Speaker 1: one of those lazy river situations where you rent a

975
00:47:08,840 --> 00:47:11,400
Speaker 1: bunch of inner tubes and coast down a river and

976
00:47:11,400 --> 00:47:15,240
Speaker 1: all that fun. The morning of, though, these women decided

977
00:47:15,239 --> 00:47:17,239
Speaker 1: it should be put to a boat. Whether they went

978
00:47:17,719 --> 00:47:19,719
Speaker 1: no doubt, because some of them were still wasted and

979
00:47:19,760 --> 00:47:23,120
Speaker 1: some were hungover, and the overall consensus was to skip

980
00:47:23,160 --> 00:47:25,520
Speaker 1: the tubing that all the bride's bids had already paid

981
00:47:25,560 --> 00:47:29,360
Speaker 1: for and instead hang out at the airbnb. Dang, that's

982
00:47:29,360 --> 00:47:32,879
Speaker 1: so messed up. I mean, Mia seems like she's maybe

983
00:47:32,960 --> 00:47:35,600
Speaker 1: not a good person, but this is her nice money

984
00:47:35,600 --> 00:47:38,200
Speaker 1: that you already spent. I grabbed a few pre rolls

985
00:47:38,200 --> 00:47:40,560
Speaker 1: from my luggage, took me by the arm, and sat

986
00:47:40,640 --> 00:47:42,839
Speaker 1: out on the porch with her. We shot the crap

987
00:47:42,920 --> 00:47:46,000
Speaker 1: about everything, not just the awful turnout of the batch party,

988
00:47:46,040 --> 00:47:49,120
Speaker 1: but everything else. I felt like we really connected out there,

989
00:47:49,480 --> 00:47:52,000
Speaker 1: talking about our partners and their friendship and what it

990
00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:54,480
Speaker 1: would have been like when we had kids and they'd

991
00:47:54,480 --> 00:47:57,040
Speaker 1: have an extra uncle and aunt. For a long time,

992
00:47:57,080 --> 00:47:59,080
Speaker 1: I thought Seth and Mia would be the godparents to

993
00:47:59,120 --> 00:48:01,800
Speaker 1: my husband and my kids. A month before the wedding,

994
00:48:02,000 --> 00:48:05,200
Speaker 1: Mia called an emergency bridle party meeting at their house.

995
00:48:05,440 --> 00:48:07,759
Speaker 1: Per usual, my partner and I were the first ones there.

996
00:48:07,840 --> 00:48:10,000
Speaker 1: Once the rest of the bridal party got there, minus

997
00:48:10,080 --> 00:48:12,640
Speaker 1: Seth's little sister. She was left out of the bachelorette

998
00:48:12,640 --> 00:48:15,040
Speaker 1: party too. We talked about the schedule of the day

999
00:48:15,080 --> 00:48:17,719
Speaker 1: and now the bridal party would make entrances to the venue.

1000
00:48:17,880 --> 00:48:20,359
Speaker 1: At one point, Mia, who was quite wasted by then,

1001
00:48:20,560 --> 00:48:23,760
Speaker 1: pulled me aside and reminded me about the hair color.

1002
00:48:23,960 --> 00:48:26,400
Speaker 1: My hair at the time was split dyed red and pink.

1003
00:48:26,640 --> 00:48:29,120
Speaker 1: I asked her what color she wanted me to go with,

1004
00:48:29,360 --> 00:48:31,920
Speaker 1: and she said, copper would look so good on you.

1005
00:48:32,280 --> 00:48:34,000
Speaker 1: About a week and a half before the wedding, I

1006
00:48:34,040 --> 00:48:36,200
Speaker 1: went out and got a brownish copper haired eye and

1007
00:48:36,239 --> 00:48:39,719
Speaker 1: did the job. Since I colored my hair pretty frequently,

1008
00:48:39,840 --> 00:48:43,120
Speaker 1: it wasn't the healthiest and I tried my best to

1009
00:48:43,120 --> 00:48:45,279
Speaker 1: do hair masks and stuff to make sure it wasn't

1010
00:48:45,320 --> 00:48:47,320
Speaker 1: too brittle for styling. On the day of the wedding.

1011
00:48:47,520 --> 00:48:50,400
Speaker 1: Then a week before the wedding, my partner proposed to me.

1012
00:48:50,920 --> 00:48:54,440
Speaker 1: I of course posted pictures all over Facebook and my

1013
00:48:54,520 --> 00:48:57,800
Speaker 1: hair and the pictures was copper. The Tuesday before the wedding,

1014
00:48:57,920 --> 00:48:59,840
Speaker 1: Mia texted me and asked if the color of my

1015
00:49:00,080 --> 00:49:02,840
Speaker 1: hair and those photos was how it would be for

1016
00:49:02,920 --> 00:49:06,120
Speaker 1: her wedding day. I said yes, and reminded her that

1017
00:49:06,160 --> 00:49:08,640
Speaker 1: I'd asked her what color to do and she had

1018
00:49:08,680 --> 00:49:11,319
Speaker 1: told me copper. She denied ever telling me that, and

1019
00:49:11,360 --> 00:49:14,080
Speaker 1: that she would never have suggested copper since my dress

1020
00:49:14,120 --> 00:49:16,239
Speaker 1: was cinnamon colored. She told me to send her a

1021
00:49:16,239 --> 00:49:18,600
Speaker 1: picture of myself wearing the dress so she could see

1022
00:49:18,640 --> 00:49:21,799
Speaker 1: if the colors clashed too badly. Before I could even

1023
00:49:21,880 --> 00:49:24,439
Speaker 1: send a photo of myself in the dress, she told

1024
00:49:24,520 --> 00:49:27,240
Speaker 1: me to just dye my hair in actual normal color. Girl,

1025
00:49:27,560 --> 00:49:30,880
Speaker 1: are you gonna pay for it? Also, like Opie's already

1026
00:49:30,920 --> 00:49:34,879
Speaker 1: said that her hair you know, is pretty unhealthy right now, Yeah,

1027
00:49:34,920 --> 00:49:38,520
Speaker 1: that probably wouldn't be great, Like probably look worse copper.

1028
00:49:38,600 --> 00:49:41,560
Speaker 3: Try to die it again? Yeah, so quickly, and copper

1029
00:49:41,640 --> 00:49:45,160
Speaker 3: is like that is an actual normal color. So and

1030
00:49:45,320 --> 00:49:48,640
Speaker 3: also like no, I would not do that again, Like

1031
00:49:48,680 --> 00:49:50,799
Speaker 3: it's already so big that Opie would do that in

1032
00:49:50,800 --> 00:49:52,600
Speaker 3: the first place to her, like, that's very nice for

1033
00:49:52,640 --> 00:49:55,600
Speaker 3: her to do because that's expensive. Yeah, especially like if

1034
00:49:55,640 --> 00:49:58,040
Speaker 3: she's gonna want to go back to you know, or

1035
00:49:58,040 --> 00:50:01,279
Speaker 3: pinker red, you know, like depending on how dark it is,

1036
00:50:01,320 --> 00:50:03,279
Speaker 3: that would be so hard to come back from. So

1037
00:50:03,360 --> 00:50:06,719
Speaker 3: it's like, girl, no, I'm not gonna change my hair

1038
00:50:06,800 --> 00:50:10,480
Speaker 3: color for you again for your wedding for one day.

1039
00:50:10,680 --> 00:50:13,600
Speaker 1: No, no, no no. This turned into a massive back

1040
00:50:13,640 --> 00:50:15,480
Speaker 1: and forth of me telling her that I didn't have

1041
00:50:15,520 --> 00:50:17,919
Speaker 1: the money or time to go and get my hair

1042
00:50:17,960 --> 00:50:20,759
Speaker 1: redone and I was afraid if I died my hair

1043
00:50:20,800 --> 00:50:24,520
Speaker 1: again so soon it'd break off and be even more awful.

1044
00:50:24,719 --> 00:50:27,120
Speaker 1: I offered to step out of frame for pictures. I

1045
00:50:27,160 --> 00:50:29,200
Speaker 1: offered to have my hair up so it wasn't touching

1046
00:50:29,200 --> 00:50:32,440
Speaker 1: the dress. I offered to suggest her photographer that they

1047
00:50:32,480 --> 00:50:35,400
Speaker 1: color correct my hair. Her mind was made up, though

1048
00:50:35,719 --> 00:50:37,680
Speaker 1: she told me she'd have me wear a wig for

1049
00:50:37,760 --> 00:50:40,760
Speaker 1: the entire day. I told her I certainly couldn't afford

1050
00:50:40,760 --> 00:50:43,640
Speaker 1: a high quality wig, and she told me she'd pay

1051
00:50:43,640 --> 00:50:46,640
Speaker 1: for it. The entire bridal party had gotten a text

1052
00:50:46,760 --> 00:50:49,279
Speaker 1: from Seth and Mia requesting all of us be at

1053
00:50:49,280 --> 00:50:52,000
Speaker 1: the venue about an hour and forty five minute drive

1054
00:50:52,160 --> 00:50:54,640
Speaker 1: at noon the Friday before the wedding to help do

1055
00:50:54,760 --> 00:50:57,879
Speaker 1: final touches before the rehearsal dinner at five. Of the

1056
00:50:58,120 --> 00:51:01,240
Speaker 1: entire bridal party, my partner and I were the only

1057
00:51:01,280 --> 00:51:04,399
Speaker 1: ones who showed up at noon. Everyone else didn't show

1058
00:51:04,480 --> 00:51:06,959
Speaker 1: up until five or later. We went up to Seth

1059
00:51:07,040 --> 00:51:08,879
Speaker 1: to greet him, and the first thing he said to us,

1060
00:51:09,239 --> 00:51:13,400
Speaker 1: is it too late to call it off? The weaddude, Dude,

1061
00:51:13,400 --> 00:51:18,680
Speaker 1: I don't like Seth either. Dude, you're telling your friends

1062
00:51:18,840 --> 00:51:21,960
Speaker 1: this whole time that you freaking hate this woman and

1063
00:51:22,040 --> 00:51:24,160
Speaker 1: don't want to be in a relationship with her. Yeah,

1064
00:51:24,280 --> 00:51:26,920
Speaker 1: and that's say is it too like? Called off? Just

1065
00:51:26,960 --> 00:51:30,680
Speaker 1: called off? It's never too late because night stuck. Like

1066
00:51:30,840 --> 00:51:33,399
Speaker 1: literally leave her. You're gonna be like having a kid,

1067
00:51:33,440 --> 00:51:34,680
Speaker 1: and you're gonna be like, is it too late to

1068
00:51:34,760 --> 00:51:37,880
Speaker 1: get into force? Like leave her? Just get out now.

1069
00:51:38,040 --> 00:51:39,960
Speaker 1: You should have left her earlier. You should leave her now.

1070
00:51:40,160 --> 00:51:42,719
Speaker 1: She's clearly unhealthy. You do not want to be in

1071
00:51:42,719 --> 00:51:45,439
Speaker 1: a relationship with this. Part of that exactly, Wrestling Mama says.

1072
00:51:45,440 --> 00:51:48,400
Speaker 1: He's afraid. Yeah, of course, Like yeah, maybe there are

1073
00:51:48,400 --> 00:51:51,160
Speaker 1: a lot of different reasons why he might be, you know,

1074
00:51:51,520 --> 00:51:53,680
Speaker 1: not able to or feel like he's not able to

1075
00:51:53,760 --> 00:51:57,239
Speaker 1: leave this relationship, but like you are able to leave

1076
00:51:57,280 --> 00:52:01,120
Speaker 1: this relationship, please leave it. Leave it, and in proper

1077
00:52:01,160 --> 00:52:04,520
Speaker 1: supportive fashion, we told him no, reminded him of our

1078
00:52:04,520 --> 00:52:07,759
Speaker 1: spare bedroom. I'd had a nightmare the night before of

1079
00:52:07,800 --> 00:52:10,919
Speaker 1: the maid of Honor attacking me when she saw my hair.

1080
00:52:11,080 --> 00:52:14,560
Speaker 1: So when she finally showed up around five thirty and

1081
00:52:14,719 --> 00:52:17,799
Speaker 1: came right up to me, I nearly pissed myself. She

1082
00:52:17,920 --> 00:52:20,200
Speaker 1: held out her hand and pointed to her ring finger.

1083
00:52:20,400 --> 00:52:23,080
Speaker 1: It dawned on me that I had indeed gotten engaged

1084
00:52:23,120 --> 00:52:25,880
Speaker 1: a few days prior, easy to forget given all the

1085
00:52:25,920 --> 00:52:28,160
Speaker 1: other stuff going on, and I held out my hand

1086
00:52:28,400 --> 00:52:30,640
Speaker 1: so she could see the ring. She gushed about how

1087
00:52:30,719 --> 00:52:33,400
Speaker 1: beautiful it was, and she told me she needed to

1088
00:52:33,480 --> 00:52:36,440
Speaker 1: talk to me outside after the rehearsal. Fair enough, I

1089
00:52:36,520 --> 00:52:39,080
Speaker 1: confided in her when we stepped outside that I was

1090
00:52:39,160 --> 00:52:41,399
Speaker 1: terrified she wanted to beat me up. And she told

1091
00:52:41,400 --> 00:52:43,480
Speaker 1: me the whole story of the texts, how she had

1092
00:52:43,520 --> 00:52:45,960
Speaker 1: told Mia not to send them and to let her

1093
00:52:46,040 --> 00:52:48,440
Speaker 1: handle it, how her work friends had read all the

1094
00:52:48,480 --> 00:52:52,560
Speaker 1: screenshots Mia sent and thought she was taking things way

1095
00:52:52,760 --> 00:52:55,200
Speaker 1: too far. We talked for a long time, and at

1096
00:52:55,200 --> 00:52:57,160
Speaker 1: the end of it she said she'd checked with Mia

1097
00:52:57,280 --> 00:53:00,200
Speaker 1: on where the whig situation stood. Before the end of

1098
00:53:00,239 --> 00:53:02,640
Speaker 1: the night. She pulled me aside again and confirmed that

1099
00:53:02,680 --> 00:53:05,000
Speaker 1: Mia wanted me to wear the wig the entire night,

1100
00:53:05,440 --> 00:53:08,200
Speaker 1: and that she wouldn't settle for an updo or anything

1101
00:53:08,280 --> 00:53:10,480
Speaker 1: of the sort. The maid of honor that invited me

1102
00:53:10,520 --> 00:53:12,440
Speaker 1: to spend the night with the rest of the bride'smaids

1103
00:53:12,440 --> 00:53:15,719
Speaker 1: at MEA's house, which I politely declined. I was expected

1104
00:53:15,719 --> 00:53:18,319
Speaker 1: at a salon about an hour from my house the

1105
00:53:18,360 --> 00:53:21,000
Speaker 1: next morning at eight am, and I arrived at seven

1106
00:53:21,160 --> 00:53:23,920
Speaker 1: forty five just to be safe. The rest of the bridesmaids,

1107
00:53:23,920 --> 00:53:27,080
Speaker 1: along with the bride, all showed up shortly thereafter. The

1108
00:53:27,120 --> 00:53:30,560
Speaker 1: salon is owned by one of EM's mom's cousins, who

1109
00:53:30,640 --> 00:53:33,040
Speaker 1: also happened to be at the bachelorette weekend. She was

1110
00:53:33,040 --> 00:53:35,040
Speaker 1: one of the dumb butts puking off the side of

1111
00:53:35,040 --> 00:53:37,600
Speaker 1: the paddle boat. She got me in a chair before

1112
00:53:37,640 --> 00:53:40,520
Speaker 1: I even set my bag down, and by eight am

1113
00:53:40,840 --> 00:53:44,080
Speaker 1: I had the most hideous wig slapped on my head.

1114
00:53:44,560 --> 00:53:49,120
Speaker 1: Oh gosh, yikes. She didn't even style it, didn't even

1115
00:53:49,200 --> 00:53:52,440
Speaker 1: bobby pin it down. It took ten minutes max. The

1116
00:53:52,520 --> 00:53:55,680
Speaker 1: other bride'smaids got their hair styled in super cute curls

1117
00:53:55,680 --> 00:53:58,799
Speaker 1: and waterfall braids. And I sat there with an unstyled,

1118
00:53:59,360 --> 00:54:03,120
Speaker 1: unflattered wig on my head that wasn't even properly covering

1119
00:54:03,239 --> 00:54:07,359
Speaker 1: my hairline. Oh my gosh, miyeah. It doesn't have any

1120
00:54:07,400 --> 00:54:10,600
Speaker 1: experience with wigs. We got our makeup down at the

1121
00:54:10,600 --> 00:54:13,000
Speaker 1: slawn too, by a different lady. When I sat down

1122
00:54:13,000 --> 00:54:14,960
Speaker 1: in the chair, she asked me if I was okay

1123
00:54:15,080 --> 00:54:17,319
Speaker 1: because nobody was speaking to me. I asked her if

1124
00:54:17,320 --> 00:54:19,560
Speaker 1: the makeup was waterproof or anything, and she told me

1125
00:54:19,840 --> 00:54:23,960
Speaker 1: to just try my best not to cry. Oh my gosh,

1126
00:54:24,120 --> 00:54:27,080
Speaker 1: oh my god. Lord. She ended up doing my makeup

1127
00:54:27,120 --> 00:54:30,560
Speaker 1: pretty quickly too, And in all I spent maybe half

1128
00:54:30,640 --> 00:54:33,799
Speaker 1: an hour in a slawn chair. The other bridesmaids had

1129
00:54:33,840 --> 00:54:36,360
Speaker 1: way more time for air and makeup. And between the

1130
00:54:36,360 --> 00:54:38,120
Speaker 1: way the wig looked and the fact that none of

1131
00:54:38,160 --> 00:54:40,920
Speaker 1: them would even look at me, I excuse myself to

1132
00:54:40,960 --> 00:54:43,520
Speaker 1: go out to my car. I have never cried the

1133
00:54:43,520 --> 00:54:46,160
Speaker 1: way I did in that car. I called Joe, who

1134
00:54:46,200 --> 00:54:48,200
Speaker 1: was riding with the groomsmen. I was going to walk

1135
00:54:48,239 --> 00:54:50,600
Speaker 1: down the aisle with I tipped my head down so

1136
00:54:50,680 --> 00:54:53,640
Speaker 1: the tears wouldn't leave tracks in my foundation. Oh my god.

1137
00:54:53,840 --> 00:54:56,520
Speaker 1: I scream cried that I wanted to go home and

1138
00:54:56,560 --> 00:54:58,799
Speaker 1: that I couldn't keep doing this. I told them how

1139
00:54:58,800 --> 00:55:01,480
Speaker 1: I felt like I was back in middle school and

1140
00:55:01,640 --> 00:55:04,279
Speaker 1: high school, being bullied, all because I did what the

1141
00:55:04,280 --> 00:55:06,600
Speaker 1: bride told me to do. I dyed my hair the

1142
00:55:06,640 --> 00:55:09,520
Speaker 1: color she told me to diet. He reminded that I

1143
00:55:09,600 --> 00:55:12,160
Speaker 1: wasn't standing in the wedding for Mia, but for Seth,

1144
00:55:12,280 --> 00:55:13,719
Speaker 1: who doesn't even want to be there.

1145
00:55:14,600 --> 00:55:18,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, this poor man, Mia is just she's got her

1146
00:55:18,400 --> 00:55:21,400
Speaker 3: claws in everyone, just controlling everyone.

1147
00:55:21,520 --> 00:55:25,399
Speaker 1: Leave her, leave her, yes, But the problem is now

1148
00:55:25,400 --> 00:55:27,000
Speaker 1: we're at the wedding day and now he's gonna be

1149
00:55:27,000 --> 00:55:28,520
Speaker 1: the guy that left the girl at the altar.

1150
00:55:28,719 --> 00:55:32,200
Speaker 3: If he does that, well good she sucks. Still yeah

1151
00:55:32,280 --> 00:55:33,560
Speaker 3: definitely not would suck.

1152
00:55:33,719 --> 00:55:35,960
Speaker 1: Not great optic so for him, right, so everyone's gonna

1153
00:55:35,960 --> 00:55:37,279
Speaker 1: be like, wow, you left a woman at the altar,

1154
00:55:37,320 --> 00:55:39,759
Speaker 1: which is just like, well, I needed to, but you

1155
00:55:39,840 --> 00:55:42,040
Speaker 1: shown any girl he would date. You just show him

1156
00:55:42,040 --> 00:55:42,640
Speaker 1: the story and they'll be.

1157
00:55:42,680 --> 00:55:45,920
Speaker 3: Like, oh my god, yeah, yeah, true, show him this podcast,

1158
00:55:46,200 --> 00:55:47,600
Speaker 3: see how crazy she was.

1159
00:55:47,680 --> 00:55:49,400
Speaker 1: I told him I couldn't even do it for Seth

1160
00:55:49,480 --> 00:55:52,319
Speaker 1: because Seth knew about the situation Joe add and talked

1161
00:55:52,320 --> 00:55:54,600
Speaker 1: to him about it and wasn't willing to stand up

1162
00:55:54,600 --> 00:55:56,759
Speaker 1: for me, which I'm not saying I expected them to

1163
00:55:56,800 --> 00:55:58,880
Speaker 1: stand up to as soon to be wife for another woman,

1164
00:55:59,040 --> 00:56:01,240
Speaker 1: but it doesn't change the fact that I couldn't handle

1165
00:56:01,239 --> 00:56:03,880
Speaker 1: the pressure and the bullying. Joe told me that I

1166
00:56:03,880 --> 00:56:05,759
Speaker 1: should do it for him and that after this we'd

1167
00:56:05,760 --> 00:56:09,160
Speaker 1: figure it out. After the ceremony, all the groomsmen I

1168
00:56:09,200 --> 00:56:12,120
Speaker 1: had walked with caught me crying. We were all supposed

1169
00:56:12,120 --> 00:56:14,239
Speaker 1: to be taking photos and I couldn't stop thinking about

1170
00:56:14,400 --> 00:56:16,640
Speaker 1: how these people were supposed to be the godparents to

1171
00:56:16,719 --> 00:56:19,920
Speaker 1: our future children and they couldn't even stand at me

1172
00:56:19,920 --> 00:56:22,040
Speaker 1: in the photos without a wig on my head. And

1173
00:56:22,120 --> 00:56:24,000
Speaker 1: went into the house and came out with one of

1174
00:56:24,000 --> 00:56:27,440
Speaker 1: those little pocket sized shooters of pink Whitney for me nice.

1175
00:56:27,600 --> 00:56:29,800
Speaker 1: After dinner, I slipped out to go to the bathroom.

1176
00:56:30,160 --> 00:56:32,440
Speaker 1: I cry a bit more and call my mom. My

1177
00:56:32,480 --> 00:56:34,160
Speaker 1: mom told me to take the wig off and get

1178
00:56:34,200 --> 00:56:36,279
Speaker 1: a ride home and that it wasn't worth it. I

1179
00:56:36,360 --> 00:56:38,160
Speaker 1: told her Mia was making me keep it on the

1180
00:56:38,400 --> 00:56:41,080
Speaker 1: entire night. Before she could really convince me to get

1181
00:56:41,120 --> 00:56:44,000
Speaker 1: back out of there, Joe tracked me down. He didn't

1182
00:56:44,040 --> 00:56:46,600
Speaker 1: know what to say. He just held me for a while,

1183
00:56:46,719 --> 00:56:48,560
Speaker 1: then told me I had to come back because they

1184
00:56:48,560 --> 00:56:52,040
Speaker 1: were starting speeches. Joe sucks too, I'm gonna say it,

1185
00:56:52,080 --> 00:56:54,360
Speaker 1: Joe sucks. I understand he wants to be there for

1186
00:56:54,400 --> 00:56:56,439
Speaker 1: his friend, but his friend doesn't want to be there.

1187
00:56:56,719 --> 00:56:59,320
Speaker 1: Your girlfriend doesn't want to be there. She's been bullying

1188
00:56:59,360 --> 00:57:02,000
Speaker 1: into wearing a stupid wig. Yeah.

1189
00:57:02,160 --> 00:57:02,480
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1190
00:57:02,680 --> 00:57:05,200
Speaker 1: Shortly after the dancing really got going and the sun

1191
00:57:05,280 --> 00:57:08,160
Speaker 1: had fully set, Al started asking me if it hurt

1192
00:57:08,560 --> 00:57:10,640
Speaker 1: if he yanked the wig off. I told him they

1193
00:57:10,760 --> 00:57:13,920
Speaker 1: didn't even bother to pin the dang thing up my gosh.

1194
00:57:14,000 --> 00:57:15,640
Speaker 1: I told him not to because I didn't want to

1195
00:57:15,640 --> 00:57:17,920
Speaker 1: face the wrath of Mia. He asked me if I

1196
00:57:17,920 --> 00:57:19,960
Speaker 1: would rather spend the rest of the night and miserable,

1197
00:57:20,000 --> 00:57:22,520
Speaker 1: and I shrugged a shoulder and told him to do

1198
00:57:22,560 --> 00:57:25,480
Speaker 1: whatever he wanted. He yanked the wig off and tossed

1199
00:57:25,480 --> 00:57:27,280
Speaker 1: it on one of the empty tables. That told me

1200
00:57:27,560 --> 00:57:29,560
Speaker 1: if seth or me, I have a crap to say.

1201
00:57:29,840 --> 00:57:31,640
Speaker 1: You tell them to come say to me, Al is

1202
00:57:31,680 --> 00:57:33,919
Speaker 1: way better than your boy. Pray we love it, owl

1203
00:57:34,240 --> 00:57:37,959
Speaker 1: I Al's the only person in the story besides Op

1204
00:57:38,280 --> 00:57:41,800
Speaker 1: who's awesome. Yeah, everyone else kind of sucks. Like I

1205
00:57:41,800 --> 00:57:44,480
Speaker 1: think she knows that obviously. Mia is like a terrible friend.

1206
00:57:44,480 --> 00:57:46,920
Speaker 3: Now. But if you don't want to take off a

1207
00:57:47,080 --> 00:57:50,240
Speaker 3: wig because you're scared of what your friend is gonna say,

1208
00:57:50,400 --> 00:57:53,320
Speaker 3: then like that is not someone that you should be

1209
00:57:53,520 --> 00:57:55,240
Speaker 3: near at all in any capacity.

1210
00:57:55,320 --> 00:57:57,200
Speaker 1: No, no, no. And people who are telling you that

1211
00:57:57,240 --> 00:57:59,800
Speaker 1: you have to be near them, yeah, not cool. Few

1212
00:57:59,800 --> 00:58:01,440
Speaker 1: of the wedding guess even came up to me and

1213
00:58:01,480 --> 00:58:04,280
Speaker 1: said that my hair, despite being braided tightly to my

1214
00:58:04,320 --> 00:58:06,720
Speaker 1: head for the wig to land top, looked much better

1215
00:58:06,840 --> 00:58:09,840
Speaker 1: like this. Oh. In the days following the wedding, Mia

1216
00:58:09,920 --> 00:58:12,919
Speaker 1: started sharing photos to Facebook, but none of them had

1217
00:58:12,960 --> 00:58:15,280
Speaker 1: me in them. I couldn't tell if I was more

1218
00:58:15,320 --> 00:58:18,120
Speaker 1: related to not have to see the palpable misery on

1219
00:58:18,160 --> 00:58:20,880
Speaker 1: my face or furious that she had me put on

1220
00:58:20,920 --> 00:58:24,000
Speaker 1: a wig just to exclude my face from all the posts. Anyway,

1221
00:58:24,720 --> 00:58:27,600
Speaker 1: I fell into this horrible despair. I thought I'd be

1222
00:58:27,600 --> 00:58:30,640
Speaker 1: relieved to be done, but instead I was left with

1223
00:58:30,720 --> 00:58:33,680
Speaker 1: this gaping feeling. My partner and I had just stood

1224
00:58:33,680 --> 00:58:36,080
Speaker 1: for his best friend and my close friend on the

1225
00:58:36,120 --> 00:58:38,520
Speaker 1: most important day of his life, and we had nothing

1226
00:58:38,560 --> 00:58:40,960
Speaker 1: to show for it. There would be no showing our kids'

1227
00:58:40,960 --> 00:58:43,880
Speaker 1: photos from Aunt Mia and Uncle Seth's wedding day, because

1228
00:58:43,880 --> 00:58:46,760
Speaker 1: that wasn't me and the photos, and even if it was,

1229
00:58:46,960 --> 00:58:49,440
Speaker 1: they didn't bother to send us any photos from the

1230
00:58:49,520 --> 00:58:52,680
Speaker 1: day at any point. Two weeks after Seth and MIA's wedding,

1231
00:58:52,720 --> 00:58:55,600
Speaker 1: we were hosting a Halloween party, partly as a gift

1232
00:58:55,600 --> 00:58:58,560
Speaker 1: to the newly Weeds and partly because they usually hosted

1233
00:58:58,560 --> 00:59:01,000
Speaker 1: Halloween and we wanted to get them a break. They

1234
00:59:01,040 --> 00:59:03,400
Speaker 1: said they would come, but the night before the party

1235
00:59:03,480 --> 00:59:07,040
Speaker 1: they canceled on us. As frustrated as I was to

1236
00:59:07,040 --> 00:59:09,560
Speaker 1: be throwing this party for them only for them to cancel,

1237
00:59:09,760 --> 00:59:12,360
Speaker 1: I can't say I wasn't a little relieved. I didn't

1238
00:59:12,360 --> 00:59:14,400
Speaker 1: know how to talk to either of them after that day,

1239
00:59:14,600 --> 00:59:16,640
Speaker 1: and I didn't want to be forced to figure it

1240
00:59:16,680 --> 00:59:19,680
Speaker 1: out quite yet. The beginning of November, a month and

1241
00:59:19,720 --> 00:59:22,080
Speaker 1: a half after the wedding day, Joe sent Seth and

1242
00:59:22,160 --> 00:59:24,480
Speaker 1: me a message in a group chat without me in it.

1243
00:59:24,640 --> 00:59:27,720
Speaker 1: The message reiterated that they are always welcome at her house.

1244
00:59:28,080 --> 00:59:30,160
Speaker 1: We were hosting a friends giving at that end of

1245
00:59:30,200 --> 00:59:33,360
Speaker 1: November and had extended the invitation to them, but that

1246
00:59:33,400 --> 00:59:35,720
Speaker 1: we were both incredibly hurt by what went down with

1247
00:59:35,800 --> 00:59:38,480
Speaker 1: the wedding. Joe requested an apology for the hurt I

1248
00:59:38,560 --> 00:59:41,200
Speaker 1: was put through, especially after me. I told me to

1249
00:59:41,240 --> 00:59:43,680
Speaker 1: die my hard copper then tried to tell me she

1250
00:59:43,760 --> 00:59:45,960
Speaker 1: never would have said that. Me responded that I was

1251
00:59:46,080 --> 00:59:48,280
Speaker 1: just mad because I didn't get what I wanted. That

1252
00:59:48,360 --> 00:59:50,720
Speaker 1: we were acidine if we thought she'd see my ugly

1253
00:59:50,760 --> 00:59:53,000
Speaker 1: butt hair and do anything other than throw a wig

1254
00:59:53,040 --> 00:59:55,520
Speaker 1: on my head. God that she wouldn't apologize for something

1255
00:59:55,560 --> 00:59:56,360
Speaker 1: she's not sorry for.

1256
00:59:56,920 --> 01:00:00,000
Speaker 3: Girl, give me all the phone with Ismiya, give me

1257
01:00:00,200 --> 01:00:03,880
Speaker 3: your address. I'm gonna pull up, pull host some words.

1258
01:00:04,080 --> 01:00:08,800
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, gracious. The following day, Seth called Joe

1259
01:00:08,840 --> 01:00:12,760
Speaker 3: to apologize. Apparently he told Mia not to send the message.

1260
01:00:13,040 --> 01:00:14,280
Speaker 3: He told Joe that he.

1261
01:00:14,280 --> 01:00:18,080
Speaker 1: Thought I owed Mia an apology for taking the wig off.

1262
01:00:18,160 --> 01:00:20,880
Speaker 1: During the phone call, Seth said something along the lines

1263
01:00:20,880 --> 01:00:23,040
Speaker 1: of being done with the friend group, that he only

1264
01:00:23,080 --> 01:00:25,400
Speaker 1: wanted to hang out with Joe over all of it.

1265
01:00:26,040 --> 01:00:28,240
Speaker 1: A friend group who already didn't have the best impression

1266
01:00:28,280 --> 01:00:30,840
Speaker 1: of MEA even before all the crap went down, was

1267
01:00:30,960 --> 01:00:34,480
Speaker 1: unanimously fine with that decision. The day after Seth and

1268
01:00:34,560 --> 01:00:37,080
Speaker 1: Joe's call, Mia sent me a one on one message

1269
01:00:37,240 --> 01:00:39,600
Speaker 1: read a novel about how she would have dyed her

1270
01:00:39,600 --> 01:00:42,280
Speaker 1: hair whatever color I wanted for my wedding, because there

1271
01:00:42,280 --> 01:00:46,080
Speaker 1: are temporary colors and it fade eventually. She also accused

1272
01:00:46,120 --> 01:00:47,840
Speaker 1: me of not knowing her well enough to be saying

1273
01:00:47,840 --> 01:00:50,800
Speaker 1: what I was about her mother back during the bachelorette trip,

1274
01:00:51,120 --> 01:00:53,320
Speaker 1: that I was being stuck up, and so on and

1275
01:00:53,360 --> 01:00:56,760
Speaker 1: so forth. I typed up a similar length response, and

1276
01:00:56,840 --> 01:00:59,400
Speaker 1: I'm proud to say I kept it civil. I reminded

1277
01:00:59,400 --> 01:01:02,360
Speaker 1: her that I did die my hair the exact color

1278
01:01:02,440 --> 01:01:04,440
Speaker 1: she wanted, that I just refused to do it a

1279
01:01:04,480 --> 01:01:06,800
Speaker 1: second time in fear of frying my hair or making

1280
01:01:06,840 --> 01:01:09,600
Speaker 1: it look worse. I apologized for what I'd said about

1281
01:01:09,600 --> 01:01:11,600
Speaker 1: her mother, but I also told her that if I

1282
01:01:11,640 --> 01:01:13,800
Speaker 1: didn't know her well enough to talk honestly with her

1283
01:01:13,840 --> 01:01:16,960
Speaker 1: about something that was deeply troubling her, I never should

1284
01:01:16,960 --> 01:01:18,960
Speaker 1: have been standing in the wedding. In the first place.

1285
01:01:19,120 --> 01:01:21,800
Speaker 1: Great point. I told her that if I was stuck up,

1286
01:01:21,840 --> 01:01:24,720
Speaker 1: I would have taken myself home instead of still standing

1287
01:01:24,800 --> 01:01:27,760
Speaker 1: in the wedding party despite everything she put me through.

1288
01:01:28,200 --> 01:01:30,880
Speaker 1: It took two days for me to respond, and she

1289
01:01:31,000 --> 01:01:34,000
Speaker 1: replied with, after processing, I feel like I owe you

1290
01:01:34,040 --> 01:01:38,720
Speaker 1: an apology. What girl? But that was it? Yeah, I

1291
01:01:38,760 --> 01:01:40,600
Speaker 1: read ahead a little bit. I feel like I owe okay.

1292
01:01:40,840 --> 01:01:43,440
Speaker 1: End of message. I feel like I owe you an apology.

1293
01:01:43,760 --> 01:01:47,920
Speaker 1: And they didn't actually give apology. Yeah, what this girl?

1294
01:01:48,040 --> 01:01:48,320
Speaker 2: Man?

1295
01:01:48,520 --> 01:01:52,800
Speaker 1: This girl? End of message. We expected to see them

1296
01:01:52,800 --> 01:01:55,680
Speaker 1: at Friendsgiving and try to smooth things over in person,

1297
01:01:55,960 --> 01:01:58,920
Speaker 1: but Seth texted Joe a literal hour before they were

1298
01:01:58,920 --> 01:02:01,480
Speaker 1: supposed to arrive and said that Mia wanted to go

1299
01:02:01,520 --> 01:02:04,360
Speaker 1: look at Christmas lights in a city almost two hours away.

1300
01:02:04,760 --> 01:02:07,720
Speaker 1: Joe was faced with the impossible decision as we grew

1301
01:02:07,720 --> 01:02:10,680
Speaker 1: closer to planning our own wedding, of whether Seth could

1302
01:02:10,720 --> 01:02:13,880
Speaker 1: be his best man. Ultimately, Seth made the decision for

1303
01:02:13,960 --> 01:02:16,720
Speaker 1: him by blocking me on Facebook and removing me from

1304
01:02:16,720 --> 01:02:20,120
Speaker 1: his contacts on everything for a long time. That was it.

1305
01:02:20,320 --> 01:02:23,040
Speaker 1: Seth and Miah were strangers to us. We didn't even

1306
01:02:23,040 --> 01:02:25,760
Speaker 1: invite them to our wedding oof. The reason I asked

1307
01:02:25,760 --> 01:02:27,800
Speaker 1: the oul out now though, is that I'm left with

1308
01:02:27,840 --> 01:02:31,120
Speaker 1: an impossible situation and I need help. In March of

1309
01:02:31,160 --> 01:02:33,320
Speaker 1: this year, about two months before Joe and My wedding,

1310
01:02:33,520 --> 01:02:36,680
Speaker 1: Seth called Joe while Joe was at work and asked

1311
01:02:36,760 --> 01:02:39,520
Speaker 1: what had happened to them. Joe asked if he was joking,

1312
01:02:39,720 --> 01:02:42,200
Speaker 1: and when he realized Seth wasn't, he laid it all out.

1313
01:02:42,600 --> 01:02:45,880
Speaker 1: The wig, the non apology, the name calling, all of it.

1314
01:02:46,000 --> 01:02:48,360
Speaker 1: Apparently Seth and Mia don't have anyone to hang out

1315
01:02:48,360 --> 01:02:51,320
Speaker 1: with anymore. Wonder why, mostly due to the way they

1316
01:02:51,440 --> 01:02:54,440
Speaker 1: treated me. Seth must have taken notes during this phone

1317
01:02:54,440 --> 01:02:57,240
Speaker 1: call or something, because a day or so later, Seth

1318
01:02:57,560 --> 01:03:01,720
Speaker 1: sent a long apology to Joe for me. Apparently Mia

1319
01:03:01,760 --> 01:03:04,000
Speaker 1: had written that apology that I needed over a year

1320
01:03:04,000 --> 01:03:05,800
Speaker 1: and a half ago. He gave it to Seth, and

1321
01:03:05,840 --> 01:03:08,200
Speaker 1: Seth gave it to Joe. Joe had been looking for

1322
01:03:08,240 --> 01:03:11,200
Speaker 1: the right time to tell me about it for a

1323
01:03:11,280 --> 01:03:14,520
Speaker 1: year and a half. Joe again, I don't like Joe. Yeah,

1324
01:03:14,600 --> 01:03:16,920
Speaker 1: I don't know what's going on. She sent an apology.

1325
01:03:17,000 --> 01:03:18,480
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, you don't have to accept it. But

1326
01:03:18,520 --> 01:03:21,960
Speaker 1: the fact that he hit it for a year. Yeah,

1327
01:03:22,160 --> 01:03:25,200
Speaker 1: he said it sounds sort of legit, but he also

1328
01:03:25,240 --> 01:03:28,240
Speaker 1: admitted that it sounds like Seth had written it himself.

1329
01:03:28,560 --> 01:03:30,640
Speaker 1: All of this with the intention of Seth and Joe

1330
01:03:30,680 --> 01:03:34,080
Speaker 1: hanging out together, which, let me be clear, I never

1331
01:03:34,280 --> 01:03:37,040
Speaker 1: prevent it. I encouraged Joe to keep up with Seth.

1332
01:03:37,200 --> 01:03:39,080
Speaker 1: I just didn't want anything to do with him. The

1333
01:03:39,160 --> 01:03:42,360
Speaker 1: moment Mia had that wig put on my head, It's

1334
01:03:42,480 --> 01:03:45,880
Speaker 1: like she and Seth became strangers to me. So that's

1335
01:03:45,920 --> 01:03:48,680
Speaker 1: why I'm here. I haven't read the apology, and my

1336
01:03:48,760 --> 01:03:51,480
Speaker 1: partner said he wouldn't blame me if I never wanted

1337
01:03:51,520 --> 01:03:54,680
Speaker 1: to read it. Even typing this all out is reminding

1338
01:03:54,720 --> 01:03:57,120
Speaker 1: me the kind of emotional turmoil they put me through

1339
01:03:57,160 --> 01:04:00,160
Speaker 1: over this. What's the play? Do I read the apology?

1340
01:04:00,320 --> 01:04:01,760
Speaker 1: It sounds like Seth and me and want to go

1341
01:04:01,800 --> 01:04:04,440
Speaker 1: back to double dating and house parties like before. Is

1342
01:04:04,480 --> 01:04:07,240
Speaker 1: that a possibility? I genuinely don't think I could ever

1343
01:04:07,240 --> 01:04:09,640
Speaker 1: look either one of them in the eye again. But

1344
01:04:09,760 --> 01:04:11,760
Speaker 1: do I owe it to them and to my partner

1345
01:04:11,800 --> 01:04:15,680
Speaker 1: to try? And there is an update? Oh gosh, it

1346
01:04:15,680 --> 01:04:18,240
Speaker 1: seems like the apology was a not It doesn't seem

1347
01:04:18,280 --> 01:04:19,560
Speaker 1: like he hit it for a year and a half.

1348
01:04:19,600 --> 01:04:21,040
Speaker 1: It seems like they sent it a year and a

1349
01:04:21,040 --> 01:04:23,760
Speaker 1: half later. I think I misshoked. Okay, Okay, that part

1350
01:04:23,840 --> 01:04:27,320
Speaker 1: was written weird, poor Seth. Yeah, I mean he's obviously

1351
01:04:27,320 --> 01:04:29,920
Speaker 1: stuck in this situation. Sure that he feels like he

1352
01:04:29,960 --> 01:04:33,240
Speaker 1: cannot escape for me exactly. However, doesn't mean that that

1353
01:04:33,400 --> 01:04:35,560
Speaker 1: excuses him from treating everyone terribly.

1354
01:04:35,640 --> 01:04:38,120
Speaker 3: Sure, but I can also understand if, like, you know,

1355
01:04:38,600 --> 01:04:40,760
Speaker 3: the reason that he was like, no, we can't be.

1356
01:04:40,720 --> 01:04:44,280
Speaker 1: Friends anymore was because he was just like, probably you're not.

1357
01:04:44,200 --> 01:04:46,120
Speaker 3: Going to be a good husband if, like, you know,

1358
01:04:46,200 --> 01:04:47,840
Speaker 3: you don't stand up for me like this or something

1359
01:04:47,880 --> 01:04:48,320
Speaker 3: like that.

1360
01:04:48,200 --> 01:04:52,000
Speaker 1: Something silly billy like that. She's probably trying to isolate

1361
01:04:52,080 --> 01:04:55,640
Speaker 1: him and has successfully done so. Yeah, exactly, it worked.

1362
01:04:55,800 --> 01:04:58,000
Speaker 1: I told my husband, I'm not gonna read the letter.

1363
01:04:58,320 --> 01:05:00,680
Speaker 1: The apology is a year and a half late, and

1364
01:05:00,760 --> 01:05:03,920
Speaker 1: as far as I'm concerned, it's a load of bs

1365
01:05:04,080 --> 01:05:06,600
Speaker 1: intended to get back to being friends with them. If

1366
01:05:06,640 --> 01:05:09,760
Speaker 1: they truly cared about me in this situation, they'd never

1367
01:05:09,880 --> 01:05:12,840
Speaker 1: have called me crazy. They'd have apologized the minute I

1368
01:05:12,920 --> 01:05:15,800
Speaker 1: expressed how hurt I was. They wouldn't have done what

1369
01:05:15,840 --> 01:05:18,840
Speaker 1: they did in the first place. Joe is a huge

1370
01:05:18,840 --> 01:05:22,520
Speaker 1: believer in giving people room to grow and learn from mistakes,

1371
01:05:22,520 --> 01:05:24,080
Speaker 1: which is why he told me about the letter in

1372
01:05:24,120 --> 01:05:26,680
Speaker 1: the first place and not just burned it himself. After

1373
01:05:26,720 --> 01:05:29,320
Speaker 1: our talk, he realizes what kind of damage it would

1374
01:05:29,320 --> 01:05:31,360
Speaker 1: do to me to let Seth and Mia back into

1375
01:05:31,400 --> 01:05:34,320
Speaker 1: our lives, even if they had grown and changed. I

1376
01:05:34,360 --> 01:05:36,800
Speaker 1: don't need to be their human empathy test subject. I

1377
01:05:36,880 --> 01:05:40,360
Speaker 1: truly hope they've become better people, but given their reaching

1378
01:05:40,400 --> 01:05:43,080
Speaker 1: back out because nobody else will be friends with them,

1379
01:05:43,560 --> 01:05:46,080
Speaker 1: I doubt they have. As for the comments, I had

1380
01:05:46,120 --> 01:05:48,200
Speaker 1: a lot of people asserting that the outcome of this

1381
01:05:48,360 --> 01:05:51,400
Speaker 1: is entirely my fault and that I let myself be

1382
01:05:51,480 --> 01:05:54,439
Speaker 1: walked over, so I deserved everything that came to me. Well,

1383
01:05:54,480 --> 01:05:57,280
Speaker 1: I don't entirely disagree. I do think that even in

1384
01:05:57,360 --> 01:06:01,000
Speaker 1: my long posts, there's a lot of context. To start.

1385
01:06:01,240 --> 01:06:03,920
Speaker 1: Joe and Seth have been best friends for over ten

1386
01:06:04,160 --> 01:06:06,560
Speaker 1: years at this point. If I caused a scene at

1387
01:06:06,680 --> 01:06:09,520
Speaker 1: Seth's wedding, even warranted, I feared what it would do

1388
01:06:09,600 --> 01:06:12,680
Speaker 1: to their friendship. The friendship basically ended either way thanks

1389
01:06:12,720 --> 01:06:16,120
Speaker 1: to Seth's wife, But I digress. I wore the wig

1390
01:06:16,200 --> 01:06:18,320
Speaker 1: because I didn't want to rock the boat. I was

1391
01:06:18,400 --> 01:06:21,880
Speaker 1: young and naive and didn't actually think Mia would make

1392
01:06:21,960 --> 01:06:24,360
Speaker 1: me wear a wig until the morning of when they

1393
01:06:24,360 --> 01:06:26,160
Speaker 1: were slapping a wig on my head and shoeing me

1394
01:06:26,200 --> 01:06:28,480
Speaker 1: out of the slawn chair. I'd heard from mea firsthand

1395
01:06:28,560 --> 01:06:30,520
Speaker 1: how much stress she was under due to the wedding

1396
01:06:30,600 --> 01:06:33,240
Speaker 1: and her insane mother, and I thought being a sounding

1397
01:06:33,280 --> 01:06:35,840
Speaker 1: board for her and being there for would have made

1398
01:06:35,880 --> 01:06:39,280
Speaker 1: her have a change of heart. Instead, I became the target.

1399
01:06:39,520 --> 01:06:42,160
Speaker 1: She couldn't very well bully her mother, so she bullied

1400
01:06:42,160 --> 01:06:44,440
Speaker 1: me instead. There were also a lot of people calling

1401
01:06:44,480 --> 01:06:47,080
Speaker 1: me out about Seth, pulling me aside and telling me

1402
01:06:47,120 --> 01:06:49,760
Speaker 1: how unhappy he was. And again, I think you're missing

1403
01:06:49,840 --> 01:06:52,240
Speaker 1: key context. I didn't just tell him we have a

1404
01:06:52,240 --> 01:06:54,440
Speaker 1: spare bedroom for you and leave it at that. I

1405
01:06:54,560 --> 01:06:57,400
Speaker 1: talked at length with him about these things. I told

1406
01:06:57,480 --> 01:06:59,720
Speaker 1: him that he deserved better, that he could come stay

1407
01:06:59,760 --> 01:07:01,400
Speaker 1: with us, yes, for as long as he needed to

1408
01:07:01,400 --> 01:07:04,040
Speaker 1: figure things out, that no matter how deep the hole

1409
01:07:04,120 --> 01:07:06,800
Speaker 1: he dug himself, felt we were there to get him

1410
01:07:06,840 --> 01:07:09,439
Speaker 1: out of it. He had a house and pets with Mia,

1411
01:07:09,960 --> 01:07:13,040
Speaker 1: he worked with me as dad. She had successfully made

1412
01:07:13,080 --> 01:07:15,040
Speaker 1: herself a part of every piece of his life. And

1413
01:07:15,080 --> 01:07:17,840
Speaker 1: in our conversations, I told Seth that Joe and I

1414
01:07:17,880 --> 01:07:21,280
Speaker 1: could help him detach however he needed. I even told

1415
01:07:21,360 --> 01:07:24,200
Speaker 1: him he was being mistreated, especially when it came to

1416
01:07:24,280 --> 01:07:28,120
Speaker 1: things being thrown and doors being slammed. But Seth is

1417
01:07:28,120 --> 01:07:30,760
Speaker 1: of the mindset that men could never be the victims

1418
01:07:30,800 --> 01:07:34,120
Speaker 1: of domestic violence, which is not true. Seth, he is

1419
01:07:34,160 --> 01:07:36,960
Speaker 1: not true. I wonder if that mindset is changed by now.

1420
01:07:37,040 --> 01:07:39,160
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, it seems like he's living in that

1421
01:07:39,240 --> 01:07:41,960
Speaker 1: world of like, oh, well, I can't be abused, so

1422
01:07:42,000 --> 01:07:42,960
Speaker 1: I have to stay with her.

1423
01:07:43,200 --> 01:07:45,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, so like this is just me being too sensitive

1424
01:07:45,320 --> 01:07:46,640
Speaker 3: or something which is not true.

1425
01:07:46,440 --> 01:07:50,600
Speaker 1: So please leave her. Point is I said everything but

1426
01:07:50,640 --> 01:07:53,040
Speaker 1: outright telling him to leave Mia. Maybe that's what the

1427
01:07:53,040 --> 01:07:55,600
Speaker 1: comments we're getting at, is that I should have spelled

1428
01:07:55,600 --> 01:07:58,240
Speaker 1: it out like that. The day before the wedding, Seth

1429
01:07:58,360 --> 01:08:00,520
Speaker 1: asked if it was too late, and and I told

1430
01:08:00,600 --> 01:08:02,200
Speaker 1: him no. We told him he could get in the

1431
01:08:02,240 --> 01:08:04,920
Speaker 1: car and we could drive away with no questions asked.

1432
01:08:05,320 --> 01:08:08,080
Speaker 1: Seth is a grown adult too. He chose what he did.

1433
01:08:08,240 --> 01:08:11,720
Speaker 1: Poor poor Seth. Yeah, poor I mean, it really sucks

1434
01:08:11,720 --> 01:08:14,040
Speaker 1: because Seth is in a really bad situation and you

1435
01:08:14,120 --> 01:08:16,720
Speaker 1: cannot see it, and you can't force him to see it.

1436
01:08:17,200 --> 01:08:18,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, that does have to be something that he has

1437
01:08:18,840 --> 01:08:21,639
Speaker 3: to choose on his own. So I feel like, ohp

1438
01:08:21,960 --> 01:08:24,280
Speaker 3: was going about that in the right way.

1439
01:08:24,520 --> 01:08:27,000
Speaker 1: She's like, we'll be here for you and we'll support you.

1440
01:08:27,040 --> 01:08:28,759
Speaker 1: If you do want to leave, we'll ask any questions,

1441
01:08:28,840 --> 01:08:30,959
Speaker 1: we'll just get out of here. Yeah, and then obviously,

1442
01:08:31,000 --> 01:08:33,400
Speaker 1: you know, he has to make that decision for himself again.

1443
01:08:33,520 --> 01:08:36,439
Speaker 1: So you guys tried. You guys tried. Yeah, but you

1444
01:08:36,439 --> 01:08:39,719
Speaker 1: don't deserve for Seth or Mia to mistreat you. So yeah,

1445
01:08:39,760 --> 01:08:41,519
Speaker 1: there's a little bit more into the story. Lots of

1446
01:08:41,520 --> 01:08:43,680
Speaker 1: people were coming after my husband as well, and I

1447
01:08:43,680 --> 01:08:46,840
Speaker 1: can't lie Seth and me as wedding definitely did some

1448
01:08:46,960 --> 01:08:50,400
Speaker 1: damage to our relationship. I left that situation feeling like

1449
01:08:50,479 --> 01:08:52,840
Speaker 1: no matter how many times Joe told me I was

1450
01:08:52,880 --> 01:08:55,479
Speaker 1: the most important person in his life, there would always

1451
01:08:55,560 --> 01:08:58,080
Speaker 1: be something or someone that could get in the way

1452
01:08:58,080 --> 01:09:00,600
Speaker 1: of that. Things were rocky for a bit. He was

1453
01:09:00,640 --> 01:09:04,000
Speaker 1: apologetic the moment the wedding was over, wishing he'd taken

1454
01:09:04,000 --> 01:09:06,439
Speaker 1: the wig off my head. Or gone to the salon

1455
01:09:06,479 --> 01:09:09,120
Speaker 1: and picked me up and taken me home. Hindsight is

1456
01:09:09,160 --> 01:09:12,160
Speaker 1: twenty twenty. I guess if either of us had known that,

1457
01:09:12,240 --> 01:09:14,920
Speaker 1: no matter what, Seth and Miah were going to completely

1458
01:09:15,000 --> 01:09:18,240
Speaker 1: isolate themselves, I wouldn't have worried so much about preserving

1459
01:09:18,320 --> 01:09:21,160
Speaker 1: Joe and Seth's friendship, and neither would he. At the

1460
01:09:21,240 --> 01:09:23,639
Speaker 1: end of it, though Joe and I had talked it through,

1461
01:09:24,080 --> 01:09:27,559
Speaker 1: we knew where our priorities lie. The only reason he'd

1462
01:09:27,600 --> 01:09:30,080
Speaker 1: been advocating for me to read the apology letter was

1463
01:09:30,120 --> 01:09:33,160
Speaker 1: for my own peace of mind and my own closure.

1464
01:09:33,360 --> 01:09:36,240
Speaker 1: He respects my decision to leave the note unread and

1465
01:09:36,360 --> 01:09:40,719
Speaker 1: leaves Seth and Mia to be unhappily ever after. And folks,

1466
01:09:40,800 --> 01:09:42,439
Speaker 1: that is the end of that story.