WEBVTT - Mister Spelling 0:00:08.840 --> 0:00:12.920 Misspelling with Tory Spelling and iHeartRadio podcast. 0:00:14.680 --> 0:00:15.960 I'm not a perfectionist. 0:00:16.680 --> 0:00:23.280 When detail oriented, you're a perfectionista chic, you're detail oriented. 0:00:23.400 --> 0:00:26.440 Yes, yeah, And I always say I got that her 0:00:26.520 --> 0:00:30.280 mom like the devils and the details, like she you know, 0:00:30.320 --> 0:00:33.160 when we had parties and we had it was always 0:00:33.159 --> 0:00:36.479 those little things. And you know, I feel like people 0:00:36.840 --> 0:00:38.720 would always say when I would you know, I just 0:00:38.800 --> 0:00:42.720 grew up knowing that, and I would always think, like, gosh, 0:00:43.000 --> 0:00:46.479 that is that's care that went into that. Like you 0:00:46.520 --> 0:00:49.120 know when she like would wrap gifts and put little 0:00:49.280 --> 0:00:52.559 you know, the glue gun and spend so much time it. 0:00:52.560 --> 0:00:54.960 Would be on there. Do you remember how intricate those were? 0:00:55.160 --> 0:00:55.279 Oh? 0:00:55.800 --> 0:00:58.840 Man, But it was it was all of the details 0:00:58.840 --> 0:01:02.600 that when you receive that gift, wow, oh my gosh, 0:01:02.840 --> 0:01:04.880 just getting the gift was amazing, right. 0:01:05.080 --> 0:01:08.920 But it's yeah, and it was as much for the 0:01:08.959 --> 0:01:11.520 person as it was for her because she enjoyed it. 0:01:11.800 --> 0:01:14.320 She had a passion for it. She would make it 0:01:14.480 --> 0:01:18.640 very personal, like yeah, and I think that's super important. 0:01:19.120 --> 0:01:20.679 I mean, now I just do stick on bows. 0:01:20.800 --> 0:01:23.280 That's like I love a good stick on bow. 0:01:23.520 --> 0:01:25.840 That's the only thing. Like I'm crafty, just like her. 0:01:25.840 --> 0:01:28.479 But I've rebelled against the bows well because I don't 0:01:28.480 --> 0:01:29.600 think I could ever make them right. 0:01:30.000 --> 0:01:33.160 I'm curmudgeon now, so I've shifted into a home place 0:01:33.200 --> 0:01:35.280 where I used to do the stick on bows. And 0:01:35.319 --> 0:01:39.000 then I'm like, it's so bad for the environment. Do 0:01:39.040 --> 0:01:41.320 we really even need that on there? What about all 0:01:41.319 --> 0:01:44.880 this wrapping paper? It goes in the landfill. So now 0:01:44.920 --> 0:01:48.000 I'm I'm gonna hand it over. No, but I wanted to, 0:01:48.080 --> 0:01:52.520 like I reuse bags or sometimes a shopping bag, and 0:01:52.560 --> 0:01:56.520 I'll just put tape on it. And is that? I mean? 0:01:56.600 --> 0:01:57.520 I see fireworks? 0:01:58.080 --> 0:02:02.080 VI simple tape? Boy bends going one? So do you 0:02:02.120 --> 0:02:04.320 just put like straight up scotch tape? Do you like 0:02:04.600 --> 0:02:07.640 folded and stick it underneath? Do you crease? I've seen 0:02:07.680 --> 0:02:09.320 you wrap. You're good, You're good. 0:02:09.440 --> 0:02:11.920 You used to put more care in the wrapping. I 0:02:11.960 --> 0:02:14.880 still do the folds, but I do the straight up 0:02:14.919 --> 0:02:18.520 scotch tape without the double sticky because we had we 0:02:18.680 --> 0:02:21.480 kind of had to like hide the tape so you 0:02:21.520 --> 0:02:22.440 didn't see the tape. 0:02:22.480 --> 0:02:23.680 When you say we, who's we? 0:02:24.120 --> 0:02:25.000 Like? We? You? 0:02:25.000 --> 0:02:25.080 You? 0:02:25.160 --> 0:02:26.359 And I like how we learned? 0:02:26.720 --> 0:02:30.280 Yeah, at Christmas time, the birthday time. I remember sitting 0:02:30.360 --> 0:02:32.920 up and we had the weighted tape thing that we 0:02:32.960 --> 0:02:33.560 would use. 0:02:33.919 --> 0:02:37.000 Yeah, totally, was like, oh well there was a wait 0:02:37.040 --> 0:02:39.000 are we talking about? Like there was there was a 0:02:39.040 --> 0:02:41.600 black one, the family one, or like you and I, 0:02:41.680 --> 0:02:42.240 Oh there was? 0:02:42.480 --> 0:02:44.200 We didn't have one in our room? Did we not? 0:02:44.280 --> 0:02:47.560 In a room? I thought you were like fast forwarding 0:02:47.600 --> 0:02:49.200 like in our twenties when we wrap gifts and do 0:02:49.240 --> 0:02:49.680 things like that. 0:02:49.760 --> 0:02:52.959 No, no, I was talking about growing up. But did 0:02:53.000 --> 0:02:57.680 you never use double sided tape? Yeah? Of course? Yeah? Yeah, 0:02:57.720 --> 0:02:59.880 and then when do we do you still use the 0:03:00.160 --> 0:03:03.040 sided tape straight up scotch Yeah? 0:03:04.280 --> 0:03:10.119 No, one side? Yeah, yeah, okay exactly. We've graduated movies 0:03:10.240 --> 0:03:11.560 that that was our thing. 0:03:12.280 --> 0:03:15.520 So we watched so many movies, movies and over. I 0:03:15.600 --> 0:03:17.760 was telling my girls this the other day. We used 0:03:17.760 --> 0:03:22.080 to watch movies one hundred times, right VHS. We'd watched 0:03:22.120 --> 0:03:24.320 the same movie thirty times? 0:03:24.680 --> 0:03:26.120 We did? We did? 0:03:26.639 --> 0:03:30.120 Yeah? What about what was that movie? You made me 0:03:30.200 --> 0:03:32.680 watch it? I loved it and I would sit with 0:03:32.760 --> 0:03:36.280 you and watch it. Oh, I will give you a hint, 0:03:36.400 --> 0:03:40.240 Jodie Foster, Yeah, how did you know? Do you know 0:03:40.280 --> 0:03:40.840 which one. 0:03:42.600 --> 0:03:47.760 We're related? No? Watch other's minds. Oh gosh, and Billy Billy, 0:03:47.960 --> 0:03:51.640 yes his name, ye, I wanted to marry that guy. 0:03:52.000 --> 0:03:57.240 Can we look up a few single Billy William mc McNamara, 0:03:57.320 --> 0:04:02.040 Billy McNamara, right, do you remember the movie name Summer? Uh? 0:04:04.360 --> 0:04:06.640 Some remember Summer Lovers? 0:04:07.360 --> 0:04:09.080 Lovers? Was not that? 0:04:09.640 --> 0:04:15.000 Nope, nope, nope, Oh my god, it was called remember 0:04:15.000 --> 0:04:17.160 Secret Admire. Oh my god, that was a good one. 0:04:17.200 --> 0:04:19.960 Oh I remember that one kind of ruined my life? 0:04:20.240 --> 0:04:20.480 Was that? 0:04:21.640 --> 0:04:22.360 Thomas Howe? 0:04:22.480 --> 0:04:27.880 Correct, Laurie Laughlin, Yeah, that's right, Hilly Preston. 0:04:29.040 --> 0:04:30.680 We have to move on because I don't even remember 0:04:30.680 --> 0:04:36.680 the title. I don't even know the movie title. Stealing Home, 0:04:36.880 --> 0:04:37.640 that's right. 0:04:37.960 --> 0:04:40.320 Stealing Home for the one that is one of my 0:04:40.480 --> 0:04:41.320 favorite movies. 0:04:41.440 --> 0:04:44.360 Made you guys over and over and over. 0:04:44.920 --> 0:04:47.080 Sorry, because you were young then, and that. 0:04:47.360 --> 0:04:51.240 Probably No, that was not traumatizing. The exercises and all 0:04:51.279 --> 0:04:54.240 the horror films that you and mom used to watch 0:04:54.240 --> 0:04:57.640 and then I would sit there, those were traumatizing. That 0:04:57.760 --> 0:05:05.560 was not make him. I still remember the scene somewhere 0:05:05.560 --> 0:05:07.560 in Egypt and the digging, and it was just the 0:05:08.240 --> 0:05:11.120 yeah too, but. 0:05:11.160 --> 0:05:16.840 Yeah, uh huh oh, yeah, that was Exorcist too, I 0:05:17.000 --> 0:05:21.000 mean that was I'm so, I'm sorry because you were 0:05:21.000 --> 0:05:22.280 young and you weren't into them. 0:05:22.560 --> 0:05:26.039 Like, for instance, when mom first introduced me to horror films, 0:05:26.040 --> 0:05:27.799 I believe I was four and it was in Palm 0:05:27.839 --> 0:05:29.760 Springs and it was Return of the Body Snatchers, the 0:05:29.760 --> 0:05:33.560 one with Donald Southwy And I can see myself sitting 0:05:33.640 --> 0:05:36.040 right now in the chair on Dad's lap actually, which 0:05:36.080 --> 0:05:39.159 is odd because he didn't like horror films and we 0:05:39.279 --> 0:05:41.640 watched it and I was into it. 0:05:42.520 --> 0:05:44.680 No, and you always had Yeah, so you got to 0:05:44.800 --> 0:05:46.159 know dad. 0:05:46.279 --> 0:05:49.080 You know, we say read the room like you read 0:05:49.080 --> 0:05:52.240 the room, but you never were into them. And yet 0:05:52.360 --> 0:05:57.080 I forcibly, literally when you were young, forcibly made you 0:05:57.120 --> 0:05:59.080 watch them because. 0:06:00.440 --> 0:06:01.400 Did you hold me down? 0:06:02.760 --> 0:06:03.000 Yeah? 0:06:03.160 --> 0:06:04.560 Or I just wanted to be with you so I'd 0:06:04.600 --> 0:06:08.279 sit there with you. Yeah, both are. 0:06:08.520 --> 0:06:12.279 Just Oh what was I watching? We were watching once 0:06:12.320 --> 0:06:14.960 something in the projection room, but not on the projection 0:06:15.120 --> 0:06:18.040 the screen, not the big house, not the man or 0:06:18.080 --> 0:06:19.400 our first house together. 0:06:19.600 --> 0:06:22.400 Yeah, our first Yeah, because we would watch movies there. 0:06:22.440 --> 0:06:24.360 That's where the TV was, and we'd pull up those 0:06:24.560 --> 0:06:25.480 big chairs. 0:06:25.760 --> 0:06:27.000 In a room that big. 0:06:26.839 --> 0:06:29.680 We would watch watch the TV and it was. 0:06:29.760 --> 0:06:32.839 Not small, but it wasn't big forty two inch like, 0:06:32.920 --> 0:06:37.600 not ginormous compared Oh that was big back then. 0:06:38.080 --> 0:06:40.800 That was probably big back then, yeah, because remember TV's 0:06:40.880 --> 0:06:41.719 were like this big. 0:06:42.960 --> 0:06:44.719 I don't know, because what about the one and the den? 0:06:45.040 --> 0:06:48.440 That one's like, oh that was bigger, bigger. But we 0:06:48.520 --> 0:06:49.320 never went in there. 0:06:49.400 --> 0:06:51.640 We always would go in the projection room there. 0:06:51.480 --> 0:06:54.680 And pull up chairs and sit in front. But there 0:06:54.720 --> 0:06:57.160 was some movie I had on and you didn't want 0:06:57.160 --> 0:06:58.560 to watch it. I don't know why I wind you 0:06:58.600 --> 0:07:00.800 in there or something. When you left it, that's when 0:07:00.800 --> 0:07:02.279 you walked through the office and I ran and tackle. 0:07:02.320 --> 0:07:03.400 Do you remember it differently? 0:07:04.000 --> 0:07:07.760 That was the same night day, That was the same day. No, 0:07:07.920 --> 0:07:10.800 I didn't put two and two together, but I certainly 0:07:10.840 --> 0:07:13.960 remember the time you tackled me. And I also remember it. 0:07:14.360 --> 0:07:16.200 You probably had no one else to watch it with, 0:07:16.720 --> 0:07:20.080 and so you needed But that's when we were closer 0:07:20.520 --> 0:07:23.000 and you you would have no one else, so your 0:07:23.000 --> 0:07:25.520 friends wouldn't be around, and then you'd be like, Jean, 0:07:26.040 --> 0:07:28.960 come here, fandle come here, and you would call me 0:07:29.040 --> 0:07:31.280 in or if you needed to go shopping, then I 0:07:31.320 --> 0:07:36.000 would go showan pee did you ever know? Yeah, I 0:07:36.040 --> 0:07:38.640 told you this. I love this story that I would 0:07:38.920 --> 0:07:43.440 pray at night. So remember so remember my room. It 0:07:43.520 --> 0:07:46.600 was green, right, and I had those shutters, those blinds, 0:07:47.520 --> 0:07:52.800 the shutter blinds, and Jerry would take the dogs out 0:07:52.840 --> 0:07:54.560 at a certain point in the light would go on. 0:07:54.640 --> 0:07:59.080 But every time security guard slash like family friend. He 0:08:00.120 --> 0:08:01.000 was so close with us. 0:08:01.080 --> 0:08:02.880 That was the great thing. Like growing up, people would 0:08:02.880 --> 0:08:04.960 be like, oh my gosh, you had stuff working for you. 0:08:05.320 --> 0:08:09.720 They all we were close, became family, like we were 0:08:09.760 --> 0:08:10.440 all a family. 0:08:10.800 --> 0:08:12.560 Yeah. So he would take the dogs out, and I 0:08:12.600 --> 0:08:15.360 remember I'd be sitting in my bed and that was 0:08:15.400 --> 0:08:18.520 my talking to God moment. I'd be like, okay, okay God. 0:08:18.600 --> 0:08:21.000 So after one of the days of either shopping or 0:08:21.120 --> 0:08:24.200 movies or something, I would be like, please God, please 0:08:24.240 --> 0:08:26.600 have Tory. W'd be nice to meet tomorrow. And then 0:08:26.640 --> 0:08:29.520 it would be Monday and I would come down to breakfast. 0:08:30.280 --> 0:08:32.400 You'd be like, don't look at me. I don't want 0:08:32.400 --> 0:08:34.280 to watch this. I don't want to watch tom and Jerry, 0:08:34.280 --> 0:08:38.080 I want the news get away, And I was like. 0:08:41.920 --> 0:08:43.920 I was trying. I had current events in fifth grade. 0:08:44.040 --> 0:08:46.360 I had to act like I knew what I was doing. 0:08:46.360 --> 0:08:48.720 There were boys there, but in all fairness, I will 0:08:48.720 --> 0:08:50.720 tell you this because I didn't. I was thinking about 0:08:50.720 --> 0:08:53.680 this the other day. I also started thinking and just 0:08:53.920 --> 0:08:56.000 doing what i'd do working with people for a living 0:08:56.040 --> 0:08:58.040 and helping families and whatnot. 0:08:58.679 --> 0:09:00.520 I was like, you know what, my brother an amazing 0:09:00.559 --> 0:09:03.680 life coach. If you don't know, thank you. But but 0:09:03.720 --> 0:09:05.640 I was thinking, if you know me and listen to this, 0:09:05.720 --> 0:09:07.199 then you know him and you knew that. 0:09:07.760 --> 0:09:10.440 But I was thinking about this, thank you. I was. 0:09:10.600 --> 0:09:12.880 I was like, you know what, I tried to really 0:09:12.880 --> 0:09:15.920 put myself in your position because at some point, and 0:09:16.000 --> 0:09:18.920 especially through early years of therapy, I looked at it 0:09:19.040 --> 0:09:21.920 as just from my point of view, but it was 0:09:22.040 --> 0:09:25.560 like I even see Sage and Lotus right, like they're 0:09:25.600 --> 0:09:28.520 two years apart and they get into things. I was like, 0:09:28.679 --> 0:09:32.880 as an older sibling, there are probably many times where 0:09:32.920 --> 0:09:36.840 I was irking you or I was annoying or right, 0:09:37.080 --> 0:09:40.280 and so I mean, why why do you think? Why 0:09:40.280 --> 0:09:41.160 do you think you. 0:09:41.080 --> 0:09:45.880 Want my attention? Yes, I understand, but when you're five 0:09:46.120 --> 0:09:49.200 and I'm like eleven, and I'm like trying to be 0:09:49.320 --> 0:09:52.520 cool or hang out, you have zero tolerance, which goes 0:09:52.559 --> 0:09:53.360 back to what you're saking. 0:09:53.400 --> 0:09:53.760 That's true. 0:09:53.880 --> 0:09:55.679 So what I know not when I see my kids 0:09:55.720 --> 0:09:59.080 do it? I do because I remember I was like, 0:09:59.160 --> 0:10:01.079 I see both sides now and I'm like, gosh, it 0:10:01.840 --> 0:10:03.600 was super annoying to be like. 0:10:03.600 --> 0:10:08.280 Stop, stop, stop, right, and then I wouldn't stop, and 0:10:08.320 --> 0:10:12.199 then you would blow up and get annoyed so understandably. 0:10:11.440 --> 0:10:14.240 Right, and then you cry, and then I get in trouble. 0:10:14.280 --> 0:10:18.200 I cried a lot. Do you remember I cried a lot? 0:10:18.320 --> 0:10:20.679 I was. I was a sensitive child, which paid off 0:10:20.679 --> 0:10:21.840 for you. It paid off for me. 0:10:22.080 --> 0:10:25.880 I did not cry a lot, and I'm still paying 0:10:25.920 --> 0:10:29.040 for it now. Who pushing your all down? 0:10:30.120 --> 0:10:34.360 You're a you're a pusher, but you're frying, right, Clarify that, 0:10:34.440 --> 0:10:37.960 I'm a pusher of emotions. You push emotions down, but 0:10:38.120 --> 0:10:43.280 you're working on that right right. Yes. I don't know 0:10:43.280 --> 0:10:46.720 if you had this, but I remember in in elementary school, 0:10:46.880 --> 0:10:49.880 randomly I would I would see someone that I saw 0:10:50.480 --> 0:10:52.400 every day, but all of a sudden it was like 0:10:52.559 --> 0:10:55.200 I'm in love, and then I would be in love. 0:10:55.240 --> 0:10:56.920 And then I remember I worked up the courage to 0:10:56.960 --> 0:10:59.800 ask Michelle Lee out, and I asked her out. Whatever 0:10:59.800 --> 0:11:04.559 that means in third grade and not from not slanding right, No, 0:11:05.120 --> 0:11:07.760 not just asked the classmate out and she said yes. 0:11:07.960 --> 0:11:09.520 And then two days later she broke. 0:11:09.440 --> 0:11:12.640 Up with me. And Michelle Lee I remember Chelle, and. 0:11:12.720 --> 0:11:15.160 She broke up with me, and I literally loved her. 0:11:15.320 --> 0:11:19.200 I was in bed, he was gutted, gutted, crying with 0:11:19.280 --> 0:11:21.960 a box of tissues, and you came in and helped me. 0:11:22.040 --> 0:11:24.000 You made it better. You were like, what's going on, 0:11:24.120 --> 0:11:28.440 what's wrong? And I'm she broke up with me, and 0:11:28.480 --> 0:11:32.439 you were like oh. And then at some point you 0:11:32.480 --> 0:11:33.599 invented Gertrude. 0:11:33.880 --> 0:11:36.480 See that wasn't all bad. I didn't just beat you up. 0:11:37.320 --> 0:11:40.559 No, you gave me a pretend friend on the other 0:11:40.679 --> 0:11:41.560 end of the phone line. 0:11:42.440 --> 0:11:42.679 I did. 0:11:43.200 --> 0:11:44.959 It was an old woman named Gertrude. 0:11:45.000 --> 0:11:51.040 This is true. Does your mind and bring whatever it is? Like? 0:11:51.120 --> 0:11:54.280 You're telling me the story and reminding me of Michelle 0:11:54.360 --> 0:11:57.079 Lee and everything, and then all of a sudden, my memory. 0:11:57.800 --> 0:11:59.320 You know, people go back and be like, oh, I 0:11:59.400 --> 0:12:03.000 remember that. The way I remember it is my brain. 0:12:03.320 --> 0:12:04.240 I see a picture of it. 0:12:04.400 --> 0:12:07.000 Yeah, totally, I can see almost like a video. I 0:12:07.000 --> 0:12:09.760 see the scene. Okay, yeah, is. 0:12:09.720 --> 0:12:13.679 That common is that something is that genetic. 0:12:16.000 --> 0:12:19.959 I haven't had kids from a genius on this, I 0:12:20.000 --> 0:12:24.080 would say, I'm very visual, you're very visual. We're both creative. Yes, 0:12:25.440 --> 0:12:30.240 I do think people can be very visual. Some people aren't. 0:12:30.320 --> 0:12:35.439 Some people are more auditory or they remember certain things 0:12:35.440 --> 0:12:39.760 that they see. But visual, by the way, is great 0:12:40.160 --> 0:12:42.679 for change. If you want to change. 0:12:42.920 --> 0:12:45.520 You see you just said change and I shut down. Proceed. 0:12:46.440 --> 0:12:53.520 Great for glowing up okay, oh oh okay, yeah, see 0:12:53.559 --> 0:12:56.160 where I'm going with that. It's it's a great glow 0:12:56.240 --> 0:12:58.240 up because if you can see it, if you can 0:12:58.280 --> 0:13:01.760 picture it, and you can actually create the scene, then 0:13:01.800 --> 0:13:04.520 your body is more willing to get on board. You're like, wait, 0:13:04.559 --> 0:13:06.800 I've seen it. I can make it happen. If you 0:13:06.880 --> 0:13:09.520 don't have a reference point, very hard to make it 0:13:09.559 --> 0:13:13.000 happen for people, just positive affirmation alone doesn't always work. 0:13:13.440 --> 0:13:16.480 You have to actually see it and be there, and 0:13:16.520 --> 0:13:20.640 once you do, that's when change happens. 0:13:21.559 --> 0:13:24.920 So to that point, can you go back in time 0:13:25.080 --> 0:13:29.880 to a visual of something that you know led to 0:13:31.679 --> 0:13:37.560 something you perceived maybe as trauma? Emotional trauma is something 0:13:37.559 --> 0:13:40.000 that has stayed with you your entire life. If you 0:13:40.040 --> 0:13:42.800 can see that scene specifically, can you go back and 0:13:42.880 --> 0:13:43.560 change it? 0:13:43.600 --> 0:13:47.800 Hands down? So okay, stay with me though for a second. 0:13:48.520 --> 0:13:50.000 You can't change the event. 0:13:50.240 --> 0:13:50.760 We're in bed. 0:13:51.000 --> 0:13:55.240 I'm not going you can't change the event. I'm present, right, 0:13:56.200 --> 0:13:57.920 thank you, I'm glad, I'm liking this. 0:13:58.720 --> 0:14:01.440 You can't change the event. If something traumatic happened, that 0:14:01.600 --> 0:14:04.160 thing happened, and I never want to dismiss that or 0:14:04.200 --> 0:14:08.280 excuse that. That's important. But it's almost like now with 0:14:08.679 --> 0:14:14.319 the with smartphones. How what happens with trauma is something 0:14:14.400 --> 0:14:19.160 becomes static, like a static picture where it doesn't move, 0:14:19.240 --> 0:14:22.880 it's frozen in your head, and that traumatic event. You 0:14:23.040 --> 0:14:26.960 just see that event happening over and over. But now 0:14:27.000 --> 0:14:28.800 like with the iPhones, when you put your finger on 0:14:28.880 --> 0:14:32.080 it and you see before and you see after, the live, 0:14:32.360 --> 0:14:35.520 the live, if you can go back, and usually it's 0:14:35.560 --> 0:14:40.760 done therapeutically, if you can see a little bit of 0:14:40.840 --> 0:14:44.320 the before and a little bit of the after, your 0:14:44.360 --> 0:14:49.280 perspective actually changes because you realize, as a parent, right, 0:14:50.080 --> 0:14:52.720 oh that wasn't a great Let's say a parent did 0:14:52.760 --> 0:14:55.600 something right, or a brother or a sister or like, 0:14:55.720 --> 0:14:58.840 oh that moment was really hard and that that hurt me, 0:14:58.960 --> 0:15:01.840 or that broke my heart, or but what you don't 0:15:01.880 --> 0:15:04.920 realize is the fight that they got into with their 0:15:05.000 --> 0:15:08.640 partner right before, or how stressed they were feeling, or 0:15:08.640 --> 0:15:10.960 what was going on. So when you can see things 0:15:11.000 --> 0:15:13.440 from a little bit of a different vantage point, that 0:15:13.560 --> 0:15:17.400 traumatic event that used to be crystallized and frozen in 0:15:17.480 --> 0:15:21.040 time starts to dissolve and give way to something new. 0:15:21.280 --> 0:15:22.840 And that's when you can look at it differently. 0:15:24.080 --> 0:15:28.440 I love that again, traumas individual and this took me 0:15:28.480 --> 0:15:34.200 a long time to understand that someone's trauma might be 0:15:34.280 --> 0:15:38.000 what you perceive as ginormous, and it might be physical, 0:15:38.320 --> 0:15:42.240 it can be emotional, it can be mental. And sometimes 0:15:42.240 --> 0:15:45.760 I think we're quick to dismiss our trauma because we're like, well, 0:15:46.280 --> 0:15:47.680 it was nothing, it's. 0:15:47.440 --> 0:15:51.080 No big deal, right. There wasn't like major sexual abuse, 0:15:51.480 --> 0:15:55.960 physical abuse, so you know, it was kind of not 0:15:56.120 --> 0:15:59.800 that bad. But even Gobora Mate talks about if the 0:16:00.200 --> 0:16:03.240 if a child is crying or screaming in a crib 0:16:03.240 --> 0:16:06.320 and a parent turns and walks away, that alone can 0:16:06.360 --> 0:16:10.120 be a traumatic event that could stick with you. 0:16:18.760 --> 0:16:20.960 Okay, I'm going to go back to Gertrude now. 0:16:20.880 --> 0:16:23.720 Because Okay, yeah, Gertrude, So in my. 0:16:23.680 --> 0:16:26.760 Mind how I asked, like, can you visualize the situation? 0:16:27.120 --> 0:16:30.720 It is interesting like you were like I was in bed. 0:16:31.800 --> 0:16:34.760 It might have been a different conversation that I'm remembering 0:16:35.640 --> 0:16:41.320 you walking towards mom and Dad's room and passing our staircase, 0:16:42.040 --> 0:16:46.480 and I was you were going in and you're crying 0:16:46.920 --> 0:16:48.840 and you just like dropped to your knees and you 0:16:48.840 --> 0:16:49.160 were like. 0:16:49.600 --> 0:16:53.040 Why oh I did that at some point too, yeah, right. 0:16:53.160 --> 0:16:54.680 I don't know if it was for the same thing. 0:16:54.720 --> 0:16:57.000 I think it might have been later in school you 0:16:57.000 --> 0:16:59.200 were getting bullied and you didn't feel like you were 0:16:59.280 --> 0:17:05.199 it was the right elementary school, middle school. I think 0:17:05.359 --> 0:17:08.840 that was like, actually, you know what that combo where 0:17:08.880 --> 0:17:11.520 you dropped your knees and cried. I think you were 0:17:12.920 --> 0:17:14.119 in seventh grade. 0:17:15.880 --> 0:17:20.320 No, no, no, you're remembering in seventh grade when I 0:17:20.400 --> 0:17:22.560 was going into eighth grade and I didn't want to 0:17:22.560 --> 0:17:24.639 go back to school, and we were actually at the 0:17:24.680 --> 0:17:27.840 manor and I came in your room and I was like, 0:17:28.480 --> 0:17:30.639 I was a mess. I said, I don't want to 0:17:30.680 --> 0:17:33.080 go back to school. I really don't like my school. 0:17:33.600 --> 0:17:36.720 And you were really helpful. You jumped into action because 0:17:36.840 --> 0:17:39.480 mom and dad were out that night and then they 0:17:39.520 --> 0:17:41.639 came home and you said, I think we need to 0:17:41.640 --> 0:17:45.240 do something. He's really, really, really upset. And you suggested 0:17:45.280 --> 0:17:47.679 the school that I ended up going to because you 0:17:47.720 --> 0:17:50.080 had close friends, and you said it was smaller. I 0:17:50.080 --> 0:17:52.479 think he's really gonna like it and thrive there. And 0:17:52.560 --> 0:17:53.000 I did. 0:17:53.359 --> 0:17:57.159 I thrived there. Thank you for Kenny and Jennifer. 0:17:58.200 --> 0:18:01.480 Yeah, you went to bat for me on that one in. 0:18:01.280 --> 0:18:04.720 My moments, but the one okay, so the one where 0:18:05.240 --> 0:18:06.800 Michelle Lee dumped you. 0:18:07.480 --> 0:18:09.440 That was just in my room and you came in, 0:18:09.520 --> 0:18:11.600 but there were there were a few moments. 0:18:12.000 --> 0:18:16.880 But okay, Gertrude, So from your perspective, how did that work? 0:18:17.720 --> 0:18:20.119 From my perspective, I was land lines. 0:18:20.200 --> 0:18:22.240 Back then, guys, we had land lines. 0:18:22.680 --> 0:18:25.800 It was they would ring in the room. It was 0:18:25.800 --> 0:18:29.080 some sort of like weird push button intercom system that 0:18:29.119 --> 0:18:30.920 we had that probably looked like it was from the 0:18:30.960 --> 0:18:31.920 eighteen hundreds. 0:18:31.960 --> 0:18:35.040 Now. I just mean like everyone had landlines then and 0:18:35.080 --> 0:18:37.560 no one has them now. But you're correct, our house 0:18:37.640 --> 0:18:40.400 was a little different than not even land every bathroom 0:18:40.440 --> 0:18:41.480 in every room. 0:18:41.400 --> 0:18:43.920 That's right, but not only landlines. We had the rotaries 0:18:44.280 --> 0:18:48.000 back then the dial up, and if you missed a number, 0:18:48.119 --> 0:18:49.600 you would have to go all the way back, and 0:18:49.640 --> 0:18:52.359 if you were really excited, you would dial really fast 0:18:52.400 --> 0:18:54.160 and it would hurt your finger because there was that 0:18:54.240 --> 0:18:56.920 stopguard there, that metal stop guard, and when you were 0:18:56.920 --> 0:18:59.000 going really fast, you'd be like, ow, it hurts, but 0:18:59.040 --> 0:19:01.959 I can't wait to call my friend. Do you remember that? 0:19:02.000 --> 0:19:02.560 I do? 0:19:02.760 --> 0:19:04.560 And you know I love the long cord? 0:19:05.640 --> 0:19:08.639 You know I love so much? Right now? Is that 0:19:08.680 --> 0:19:11.240 you're just like me? Like, while we have social clips 0:19:11.240 --> 0:19:14.840 where you can see visuals, most of this is obviously 0:19:15.720 --> 0:19:18.199 just you can hear. It's audio, you hear us, but 0:19:18.600 --> 0:19:21.919 you and I are the same. Like when you're describing something, 0:19:22.000 --> 0:19:25.440 you literally make the hand motion oh yeah. I get 0:19:25.480 --> 0:19:28.960 made fun of that for years. I'm like literally showing 0:19:29.040 --> 0:19:33.359 something with my hands of what yeah, and making the 0:19:33.480 --> 0:19:36.040 sounds as I remember them. 0:19:35.880 --> 0:19:39.320 Yep, yep, So Gertrude. So I was. I don't know 0:19:39.359 --> 0:19:42.080 if I was sick or I was upset about something, 0:19:42.720 --> 0:19:45.840 but somehow I went to dial the phone to call 0:19:45.920 --> 0:19:50.520 the operator or something, and there was this little voice 0:19:50.600 --> 0:19:52.360 on the end, Hello. 0:19:53.000 --> 0:19:59.199 Hello, It's Gertrue. 0:19:57.680 --> 0:20:02.600 Yep, and I who this? And then we start. This 0:20:02.720 --> 0:20:08.520 became a thirty minute long conversation with this old woman 0:20:08.880 --> 0:20:16.480 named Gertrude that I connected with. And then Gertrude, somehow. 0:20:16.160 --> 0:20:18.879 I think you were like getting bullied or something and something. 0:20:19.040 --> 0:20:19.720 It was something. 0:20:19.800 --> 0:20:22.560 It was something that like nothing was working the way 0:20:23.040 --> 0:20:26.639 everyone was saying it, and I felt like you needed 0:20:26.720 --> 0:20:27.520 like a mentor. 0:20:28.160 --> 0:20:31.240 So I the actress in you, was like, I'm going 0:20:31.320 --> 0:20:33.399 to play a character named Gertrude. 0:20:34.160 --> 0:20:37.119 Yeah. And it was interesting because when I called you 0:20:37.520 --> 0:20:39.879 very much like me. Now you know, I'm more like 0:20:40.119 --> 0:20:42.640 off the cuff and not like I'm not. I don't 0:20:42.680 --> 0:20:45.800 plan things. I didn't actually know the character or the 0:20:45.920 --> 0:20:47.920 voice I would use, just that I was going to 0:20:47.960 --> 0:20:49.639 be somebody calling you. 0:20:49.760 --> 0:20:50.919