1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,840 Speaker 1: You hear me confession, I can't. 2 00:00:04,600 --> 00:00:08,520 Speaker 2: Take back o arms. 3 00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:12,959 Speaker 1: Mouth speak text to sevent eighty five ninety two says 4 00:00:13,039 --> 00:00:16,040 Speaker 1: I eat cereal by spooning it into my mouth dry, 5 00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:20,360 Speaker 1: then sipping oat milk from a glass. Trust me, it's 6 00:00:20,440 --> 00:00:24,400 Speaker 1: the best way. You'll never have another soggy corn flake 7 00:00:24,520 --> 00:00:29,120 Speaker 1: in your life. I know I'm actually the same. But 8 00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:32,200 Speaker 1: with steak, I pop the meat in my mouth raw, 9 00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:34,800 Speaker 1: then stick a big lighter down there, cook it on 10 00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:37,760 Speaker 1: my tongue till it's perfect, drop a tab of butter 11 00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:43,360 Speaker 1: on top, and just swallow. Best way to eat steak, yeah, 12 00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:46,839 Speaker 1: if I'm feeling fancy. But the best way to confess 13 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:50,040 Speaker 1: your secrets is anonymously right here on the mass speaker. 14 00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:52,400 Speaker 1: And that's what today's collar wants to do using the 15 00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:55,400 Speaker 1: fake name John. So John, welcome to the show. 16 00:00:56,520 --> 00:00:58,640 Speaker 2: Hey guys, how do you like your steak? 17 00:00:58,720 --> 00:00:59,000 Speaker 3: John? 18 00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:03,360 Speaker 2: Medium rare? But I wouldn't stick a lighter in my mouth. 19 00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:05,640 Speaker 3: Okay, you wouldn't have to do it for very long 20 00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:06,920 Speaker 3: with medium rare, so that's good. 21 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:09,880 Speaker 1: New Gordon Ramsey would disagree with you, John, but that's okay. 22 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:12,600 Speaker 1: Voice changer is on. You are the mass speaker whenever 23 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:13,960 Speaker 1: you're ready, let's hear your confession. 24 00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:16,119 Speaker 2: Okay. Well, and I hope it is okay, but it's 25 00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:20,039 Speaker 2: actually I heard a confession from my mom recently. 26 00:01:20,319 --> 00:01:22,280 Speaker 3: Oh, I thought you meant on this show, Like, what 27 00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:26,120 Speaker 3: did the voice changer not work? Did you know it 28 00:01:26,319 --> 00:01:26,600 Speaker 3: was her? 29 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:29,600 Speaker 1: Your mom told you a secret recently and you want 30 00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:30,119 Speaker 1: to share it? 31 00:01:30,520 --> 00:01:32,679 Speaker 2: Yeah, she told the family a secret. 32 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:32,960 Speaker 3: Yeah. 33 00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:34,520 Speaker 2: I kind of feel like I have to share it. 34 00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:37,959 Speaker 1: Oh, okay, let's get the juicy gossip from the family. 35 00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:38,560 Speaker 1: What's going on? 36 00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:44,200 Speaker 2: Okay, So for the last what forty years, apparently she's 37 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:46,520 Speaker 2: been lying to the family about how she really met 38 00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:46,920 Speaker 2: my dad. 39 00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:50,160 Speaker 1: Oh, the whole origin story. 40 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:53,040 Speaker 3: Okay, I mean that makes sense, Like, you know, you 41 00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:55,080 Speaker 3: never go to a wedding and they're actually like, so 42 00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:56,240 Speaker 3: we were both wasted. 43 00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:57,800 Speaker 1: Yeah. 44 00:01:57,880 --> 00:01:59,840 Speaker 2: All my friends said they'll never tell they met on dating. 45 00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:02,240 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that's so common. 46 00:02:03,240 --> 00:02:06,560 Speaker 1: How did they say that they met? Like originally they said, like. 47 00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:10,000 Speaker 2: We've always heard this story about how they met randomly 48 00:02:10,040 --> 00:02:12,760 Speaker 2: at a minor league baseball game. In terms of that 49 00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:14,920 Speaker 2: was completely a lie. It was a total lie. 50 00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:16,799 Speaker 3: Oh wow, was it major? 51 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:21,359 Speaker 2: No, So, the real story is that when my mom 52 00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:22,840 Speaker 2: was in her early twenties. 53 00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:24,360 Speaker 1: I think her fun days. 54 00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:28,440 Speaker 2: Yeah, she had to go to her grandmother's funeral, my 55 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:30,240 Speaker 2: my great grandmother I never met. 56 00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:32,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, I already don't like where this is going. 57 00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:37,600 Speaker 2: Yeah okay, yeah, yeah, I mean neither. They were at 58 00:02:37,720 --> 00:02:41,080 Speaker 2: the memorial service, and the pastor was apparently this tiny 59 00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:44,760 Speaker 2: old man with the with the squeaky voice and a 60 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:47,720 Speaker 2: corner my mom, he would sting random words in the 61 00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:52,320 Speaker 2: middle of speaking, like Vanna was was my great grandmother's name, 62 00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:56,720 Speaker 2: Like Vanna was a oneonderful soul. 63 00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:01,040 Speaker 1: Would see, Oh my god, the guy that works at 64 00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:03,160 Speaker 1: the grocery store by me who does that? And it 65 00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:04,079 Speaker 1: is hilarious. 66 00:03:04,639 --> 00:03:06,359 Speaker 3: Is he's so alive? Because I want to hire him 67 00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:09,200 Speaker 3: for my funeral? That sounds amazing. 68 00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:13,600 Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, And so my mom started to laugh during. 69 00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:16,600 Speaker 1: The during the ceremony, Yeah, there's the ceremony. 70 00:03:16,919 --> 00:03:19,920 Speaker 2: You know, he's like, oh, Susannah will be deeply missed 71 00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:24,440 Speaker 2: by her face, and she's like, my mom's cracking out apparently, Okay, I. 72 00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:25,960 Speaker 3: Mean she kind of nice. 73 00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:29,240 Speaker 1: She can smile, and well, unless you're the only person 74 00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:31,120 Speaker 1: laughing in the entire place, I know, but. 75 00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:34,480 Speaker 3: Sometimes when you're so like there's so much emotion sometimes 76 00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:36,400 Speaker 3: just any emotion getting it out as good. 77 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:40,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, but I think according to story, at least she 78 00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:42,560 Speaker 2: tried to stifle laugh and she sort of couldn't. 79 00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:45,240 Speaker 3: It makes it always worse. You want to laugh more? 80 00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:50,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, And so she ran outside and when she got outside, 81 00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:53,160 Speaker 2: she really burst the laughter. And she's got a guy 82 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:56,560 Speaker 2: out there who done the exact same thing, who couldn't 83 00:03:56,560 --> 00:03:58,360 Speaker 2: take it and have run out. And there they both 84 00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:00,320 Speaker 2: found it too funny. They were just cracking up next 85 00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:01,240 Speaker 2: to each other outside. 86 00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:03,600 Speaker 3: That's cute, is that your dad? 87 00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:08,480 Speaker 2: Yeah? And so they start chatting and they end up 88 00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:11,240 Speaker 2: taking a walk around the cemetery to calm down, I guess, 89 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:17,040 Speaker 2: and somehow they they they wound up fooling around the mausoleum. 90 00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:20,719 Speaker 3: She included these details, and she's retelling, you. 91 00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:24,320 Speaker 1: Did your mom have when she told this story? 92 00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:30,680 Speaker 3: I mean, way to go, mom, but also like. 93 00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:31,040 Speaker 2: May yeah, like no wonder she kept it from anyway. 94 00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:34,720 Speaker 2: So nearly afterwards they went back out and rejoined the 95 00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:37,520 Speaker 2: group that was the you know, at the burial site, 96 00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:39,920 Speaker 2: and they made sure to stay separate so that nobody 97 00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:40,839 Speaker 2: saw her. 98 00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:41,760 Speaker 3: Hair's all tossled. 99 00:04:41,839 --> 00:04:47,159 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, why was here her grandma's funeral though, I 100 00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:50,200 Speaker 1: guess I think he knew her from some business relationship. 101 00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:52,760 Speaker 2: He knew my great grandmother, the works. 102 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:55,359 Speaker 3: Okay, so the confession is they aren't cousins or anything. 103 00:04:56,680 --> 00:04:57,880 Speaker 1: Fun yeah, crasher. 104 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:01,919 Speaker 2: But they were to nervous to tell that story to anyone, 105 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:04,360 Speaker 2: and my dad was too, you know when they got 106 00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:06,360 Speaker 2: engaged and married. So they made up this thing about 107 00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:07,360 Speaker 2: meeting in a baseball game. 108 00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:11,240 Speaker 3: Oh god's really cute. 109 00:05:11,440 --> 00:05:13,400 Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean for the mom and the dad, that's cute. 110 00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:16,240 Speaker 1: How did you feel and your your family feel when 111 00:05:16,279 --> 00:05:17,239 Speaker 1: you heard that story? 112 00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:20,880 Speaker 2: We were shocked. I was poor. I was I think, 113 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:23,400 Speaker 2: like my jaw was actually open the whole time. 114 00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:26,440 Speaker 1: Do you have more respect for your mother now? 115 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:32,440 Speaker 2: Definitely? Oh god? You know my uncle was there yesterday. 116 00:05:32,560 --> 00:05:36,040 Speaker 2: He was laughing, okay, last night because apparently he knew 117 00:05:36,480 --> 00:05:37,200 Speaker 2: the whole time. 118 00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:40,839 Speaker 1: He was watching the door guarding it at the Mauzle lead. 119 00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:46,359 Speaker 2: That apparently turned out the story of how I was born. 120 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:49,480 Speaker 3: Oh god, wait, you were conceived? 121 00:05:50,839 --> 00:05:54,680 Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, at my great grandmother's funeral. 122 00:05:57,839 --> 00:06:00,400 Speaker 3: Have you always had a dark sense of humor or 123 00:06:00,720 --> 00:06:04,760 Speaker 3: do you feel your great grandmother, you know, when one 124 00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:07,040 Speaker 3: life goes, another life was created. 125 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:11,360 Speaker 1: Maybe her spirit like came into you in some way. 126 00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:15,279 Speaker 3: I wouldn't use that what I like, she's embodying you, 127 00:06:15,839 --> 00:06:20,400 Speaker 3: your soul. No, he's having a hard time. 128 00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:21,000 Speaker 2: All right. 129 00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:24,520 Speaker 1: Wow, that is quite the confessed. You feel better getting 130 00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:25,479 Speaker 1: that off of your chest. 131 00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:28,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel a little better, but I also need 132 00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:28,719 Speaker 2: a shower. 133 00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:31,840 Speaker 3: Yeah. What a surprise you were. 134 00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:33,279 Speaker 2: I can tell that. Wow. 135 00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:35,360 Speaker 1: Text in seventy five nine two. 136 00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:37,240 Speaker 3: Your conception story. 137 00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:39,640 Speaker 1: We would love to hear anything like that, or a 138 00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:42,239 Speaker 1: confession you've been holding on to. We can hide your identity, 139 00:06:42,279 --> 00:06:44,239 Speaker 1: mask your voice, and make you the next mass speaker. 140 00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:46,080 Speaker 1: Your phone taps coming up right after 141 00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:48,320 Speaker 2: This freaking Jeffrey in the morning.