Speaker 1: Episode two eight three, Frugal Parenting Mindset Shifts. Welcome to
Speaker 1: the Frugal Friends podcast, where you'll learn to save money,
Speaker 1: embrace simplicity rights, and live with your life. Here your
Speaker 1: host Jen and Jill Mmm, welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast.
Speaker 1: My name is Jen, my name is Jill, And this
Speaker 1: one's for the moms and the parents, and the parents
Speaker 1: which includes dad's yeah, and the dads. It is actually
Speaker 1: for moms and dads. But I'm a mom, and you
Speaker 1: can't see any other perspective than that. It's motherhood or die,
Speaker 1: mother Die. But I can understand why being a parent is.
Speaker 1: It's really hard to also combine that with a frugal
Speaker 1: mindset sometimes because when the when the frugal lifestyle converges
Speaker 1: and conflicts with our lives, it is so often in
Speaker 1: regards to our children. And as somebody who is about
Speaker 1: to have plural children, I really wanted to do this
Speaker 1: one as just as much for me as it is
Speaker 1: for other moms and dads trying to be frugal while
Speaker 1: raising children. And this is Jill. I don't have children,
Speaker 1: so I will be primarily an observer during this episode.
Speaker 1: No I have input. It's an interesting position to be
Speaker 1: in because I don't have my own children, so there
Speaker 1: are certain things that I will just steer clear of.
Speaker 1: But I am an observer of many many parents, and
Speaker 1: I think have a unique position where I can kind
Speaker 1: of see the way different things pan out for different
Speaker 1: approaches and techniques and personalities. I'll be gentle and i
Speaker 1: will be careful, but I've observed more parent friends than
Speaker 1: I do, so take her considerations with with to heart.
Speaker 1: I also have children that I love deeply, and I
Speaker 1: can understand the conflict you're describing. I see it with
Speaker 1: my nieces and nephews, where I have this thing of
Speaker 1: I don't want to give stuff, collect stuff, plastics out,
Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden, my brain gets taken
Speaker 1: over with love for children, and I think it equates
Speaker 1: to spending money and giving stuff, and it's It's had
Speaker 1: to be an ongoing mindset shift for me too, of
Speaker 1: how can I care for the kids in my life
Speaker 1: well while also modeling the things that I think are
Speaker 1: going to be healthy and beneficial for future lifestyle. So
Speaker 1: I feel like I can understand to like a smaller degree,
Speaker 1: and so I'm here for it. We're all here for it.
Speaker 1: Let's talk about this, okay, But first, this episode is
Speaker 1: brought to you by the Advertising Department. This is the
Speaker 1: Advertising departments semi annual reminder that you are awesome and
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Speaker 1: so that's great. Um. I was practically biting my fingers
Speaker 1: and my nails watching you go through this. The sponsorship
Speaker 1: of the Advertising department, Oh struggles real. But we're so
Speaker 1: glad to be here, and we're glad you're here. And yes,
Speaker 1: thanks for putting up with the ads. And as a
Speaker 1: thank you, here's more free content. Yes, we can do
Speaker 1: that because of advertising and the Advertising department. Alright, Moms,
Speaker 1: Dad's future, mom's dads, parents, the children. Yeah, we have
Speaker 1: several episodes on mostly tips for raising children frugally. Uh
Speaker 1: so episode one two We've got Raising Babies Frugally, minimally
Speaker 1: and Sustainably with Chelsea Brennan um and then episode forty
Speaker 1: four Frugal Pregnancy and Parenting with a Frugal Friends favorite
Speaker 1: Mrs Frugal Woods. So mostly for younger kids. I know,
Speaker 1: we do get some requests for like teenage episodes. We're
Speaker 1: just we're gonna have to find somebody to take that
Speaker 1: on because neither of us have teenagers, so t B
Speaker 1: A to be announced when we have that one. But
Speaker 1: for now, this episode is really for parents with kids
Speaker 1: of any age, and so our first article that we're
Speaker 1: going to go into is really going to talk about
Speaker 1: the benefits of a frugal lifestyle for kids, because I
Speaker 1: think at our core, the reason I tend to overspend
Speaker 1: on my son the times I do it is because
Speaker 1: I think it's better for him. But I have to
Speaker 1: keep myself in check in knowing that spending more money
Speaker 1: on him is not what's better for him. It's something deeper,
Speaker 1: it's the deeper reason behind that purchase. And so this
Speaker 1: article really gets into some deeper reasons. What did you think?
Speaker 1: Great summary? I think it ties into what we've talked
Speaker 1: about even off the mic gen regarding what what is
Speaker 1: frugality like, we still have these conversations and what is
Speaker 1: the messaging that we're giving, And it really is a lifestyle.
Speaker 1: It's principles that we implement. It's not just about not spending.
Speaker 1: It's it's hardly about that. It's about spending well, it's
Speaker 1: about knowing the money that's coming in and going out.
Speaker 1: And so we're not describing that oh, forced scarcity is
Speaker 1: better for our children. It's more the principles and mindsets
Speaker 1: that go along with frugality that are going to benefit
Speaker 1: all aspects of ourselves and our kids. So not saying
Speaker 1: it's better to grow up with less money, We're not
Speaker 1: saying that at all. It's just how is the best
Speaker 1: way to go about utilizing implementing our resources that's going
Speaker 1: to be a good example for our children and is
Speaker 1: going to set them up well for adulthood, going to
Speaker 1: prepare them for whatever type of situation they may find
Speaker 1: themselves in financially. So I think as a whole, I
Speaker 1: love this perspective, and I think that this first article
Speaker 1: lays that out well. I appreciated so they go into
Speaker 1: five benefits of living a frugal lifestyle in the way
Speaker 1: that that impacts children. But I also appreciate their definition
Speaker 1: of frugality. We've got our own and it's fun to
Speaker 1: see other people. So how the way they describe this
Speaker 1: as that frugal living is spending less than you earn.
Speaker 1: It's knowing how much you spend each month, it's reducing
Speaker 1: waste spending lass might mean reducing debt and or increasing savings.
Speaker 1: So there's a lot of ways that we can look
Speaker 1: at this. This is their definition, and it's kind of
Speaker 1: how they're saying, if we implement this as a lifestyle,
Speaker 1: kids are going to see the benefit. And one of
Speaker 1: the first benefits that they highlight is less stuff means
Speaker 1: more opportunities for creativity. Now, less stuff, again doesn't mean scarcity,
Speaker 1: and they're not necessarily highlighting that either, but that with
Speaker 1: a frugal lifestyle there can be greater levels of contentment,
Speaker 1: less buying impulsively, less collecting things just because they're cheap,
Speaker 1: but being more intentional about the things that we purchase,
Speaker 1: potentially pairing that with a degree of minimalism, not just
Speaker 1: shoving the living room and kids bedrooms full of toys,
Speaker 1: but being more mindful and intentional about what's going to
Speaker 1: be most beneficial, what's going to spark them growing into
Speaker 1: their personalities and their likes and their skill sets and
Speaker 1: when they have And I've seen this too, so coming
Speaker 1: from both the clinical world and background of counseling families
Speaker 1: and children and kids of all ages and seeing my
Speaker 1: own friends, so both both ends of the spectrum. The
Speaker 1: ability to engage in creativity when there's not as much
Speaker 1: around this is particularly true for younger children. And I
Speaker 1: know this kind of pairs with like the Montessorian method
Speaker 1: and others like it, where if you give kids just
Speaker 1: the more minimal options, options are still good, but where
Speaker 1: their brains developmentally can take it in. What am I
Speaker 1: seeing and what is sparking curiosity for me? And can
Speaker 1: I give my attention to and be creative with? It's
Speaker 1: just really great for development and engaging with the world
Speaker 1: in a creative way. I know it's true for me too.
Speaker 1: When my desk is less cluttered, I am more able
Speaker 1: to engage in the task that's right in front of me.
Speaker 1: And I see it for people. You know, we only
Speaker 1: brought a coloring book and a train with us to
Speaker 1: hang out with somebody, and that might not be great
Speaker 1: for someone who's used to having a ton of stuff,
Speaker 1: But when we grow kids up with just a few things.
Speaker 1: I have seen it just personally observationally that the creativity
Speaker 1: of those kids, the ability to fill in the space
Speaker 1: not get bored as easily, is pretty profound. Yeah. And
Speaker 1: I think as a adults, we always say that frugality
Speaker 1: is getting creative and how you meet your needs, because
Speaker 1: so quickly we revert to I have a problem, What
Speaker 1: can I buy to fix it? Which is buying products
Speaker 1: and services to solve problems is not inherently bad. Again,
Speaker 1: we do not advocate for not spending money. What we
Speaker 1: want to do is create a mindset and a lifestyle
Speaker 1: where we first look to get creative in how can
Speaker 1: I meet this need without spending money, or how can
Speaker 1: I meet this need with spending as little money as possible?
Speaker 1: And if those you know two things don't pan out,
Speaker 1: then we go to purchasing the product or service at
Speaker 1: full price. But it is that little filter. And if
Speaker 1: we can instill that little filter in kids, then they
Speaker 1: are going to it's gonna be easy year for them
Speaker 1: to be creative in other places and so that they too,
Speaker 1: eventually will have those filters before they just jump to
Speaker 1: solving problems with money. So I love that one. I
Speaker 1: also love the second one, responsibility. So kids love to help,
Speaker 1: They love to be included, and it does not always
Speaker 1: help efficiently, but they love to help. And when you
Speaker 1: are doing things for yourself, it can be an opportunity
Speaker 1: for them to have opportunity to help you. So it
Speaker 1: just creates these organic instances. So like when you are
Speaker 1: meal prepping instead of eating out all the time. They
Speaker 1: see that and they this, my son does this, He's like,
Speaker 1: can I help? And I always give him a spoon,
Speaker 1: and his job is just to mix things, even if
Speaker 1: the thing doesn't need mixing, like that's just his job.
Speaker 1: So it can instill this sense of responsibility and then
Speaker 1: growing up to know like, this is what we do.
Speaker 1: This is what adults do, and it's not it's not
Speaker 1: a chore, it's just something that we do to live well.
Speaker 1: And engaging kids and what you're doing to their level
Speaker 1: of skill set and obviously including safety precautions in there.
Speaker 1: Also there's bonding that happens as we're working side by
Speaker 1: side with one another. There's life skills that they're gaining.
Speaker 1: When when you can start teaching a kid how to
Speaker 1: be in the kitchen or full laundry at three, four
Speaker 1: or five years old, that's going to be a benefit
Speaker 1: for them into adulthood. The understanding of the world around them,
Speaker 1: the skills that that produces, how that can then lend
Speaker 1: to their own discovery of what they enjoy doing and
Speaker 1: learn new hobbies or figure out even like what trajectory
Speaker 1: in life is going to look like for them. It's
Speaker 1: just really amazing when when it's not just all about
Speaker 1: the toys or the things, but just regular family life
Speaker 1: and what am I doing? What can you do side
Speaker 1: by side with me? The third thing on this list
Speaker 1: is enjoying simple pleasures. So obviously, when we're aimed at
Speaker 1: more simplicity, less stuff, a frugal lifestyle, maybe even a
Speaker 1: slower pace can be paired with that, then noticing the
Speaker 1: simple pleasures around us can be so fun. This is
Speaker 1: good for us to I know. We recently did a
Speaker 1: Juga episode which I think pairs well with this, where
Speaker 1: we're not onto the next thing or feeding our discontentment
Speaker 1: or feeling like we need the best, next shiny thing.
Speaker 1: And as we practice that, of course, all of these
Speaker 1: things that we're listing off need to be us in
Speaker 1: our own lives so that they can then be modeled
Speaker 1: and something that's inherited and engaged in from kids, the
Speaker 1: kids that are around us, whether we're parenting them or
Speaker 1: we're niece and nephewing them. I don't think that that's
Speaker 1: a verb, but I made it one. We get to
Speaker 1: engage and point out these these things around us, enjoy
Speaker 1: the simple things around us without spending money and again
Speaker 1: discover and learn new things as we're out in nature
Speaker 1: or in our homes, and we can ask questions, and
Speaker 1: we can be curious, and we can spark creativity and gosh,
Speaker 1: just all of this sounds so great. Yeah. I often
Speaker 1: think about this one in particular. I think with the description,
Speaker 1: you could also call this one like it teaches your
Speaker 1: kids what special is. When you have too much of something,
Speaker 1: it becomes ordinary, and then it becomes a lot harder
Speaker 1: to do special things. And so when we are in
Speaker 1: bracing simplicity, which does not mean embracing nothingness, it does
Speaker 1: mean it does not mean deprivation, because at that point
Speaker 1: an adult will rebel against like what you're instilling in
Speaker 1: them and just go to the complete other end. It's about,
Speaker 1: you know, six days of the week having these routines
Speaker 1: that embrace simplicity, so the seventh day you can have
Speaker 1: really special things. Uh. And the author uses the like strawberries.
Speaker 1: So if you ate strawberries every day, they would become
Speaker 1: a normal, ordinary part of your routine. But for them,
Speaker 1: they only eat strawberries when they are in season, so
Speaker 1: it is a seasonal treat and the kids look forward
Speaker 1: to picking strawberries from the fields and eating them, and
Speaker 1: they are there are things you can't have every day.
Speaker 1: It's not that they are deprived from having them at all,
Speaker 1: but it it teaches them how special things are um
Speaker 1: when they are not available to you every day. That
Speaker 1: is what I love. Fourth is it promoves a life
Speaker 1: of happiness. So happiness is debatable, but the article does say,
Speaker 1: according to research cited in the High Price of Materialism,
Speaker 1: the more materialistic young people are, the unhappier they are.
Speaker 1: And so I think we can all we've all, you know,
Speaker 1: witnessed some form of this, either with kids that we
Speaker 1: have grown up with or just people that we've seen
Speaker 1: as adults. But it's not always that way. There are
Speaker 1: kids that grow up with a lot that are still happy,
Speaker 1: but they have a lot of other support systems and
Speaker 1: mindsets in place behind that. So I think you can
Speaker 1: take the happiness with a grain of salt. I think
Speaker 1: frugality promotes intentionality with materials, and that is I think
Speaker 1: what's most important is whether you have the ability to
Speaker 1: have a lot or do not have the ability to
Speaker 1: have a lot. When you are intentional with what you
Speaker 1: do have, then you can really make those first three
Speaker 1: points work in your favor. Yeah, there's something I want
Speaker 1: to say about that, but I think it also blends
Speaker 1: in with number five, So I'll mention this and then
Speaker 1: we can weave it all together. But number five is
Speaker 1: delayed gratification, that when we lead a frugal lifestyle, we
Speaker 1: can learn the value of money, the importance of choosing
Speaker 1: mindfully the items we own, how to take pleasure from
Speaker 1: simple things, learning how to say no or yes but
Speaker 1: later kind of an idea, and be resourceful. Now, related
Speaker 1: to this and kind of what you're stating to about
Speaker 1: happiness is frugality isn't always about saying no. It's about
Speaker 1: saying yes to the things that we value and being
Speaker 1: mindful about the things that we purchased. So, yes, delayed
Speaker 1: gratification can be part of this, especially if we want
Speaker 1: a certain item, but we've set a budget for that thing,
Speaker 1: and so now we're being patient on when we can
Speaker 1: afford it, or we're saving up for that thing. So
Speaker 1: absolutely there's going to be delayed gratification in this journey
Speaker 1: and in this lifestyle. But I don't think it's just
Speaker 1: about deprivation. I don't want to set up this kind
Speaker 1: of mentality or ideology around we raise better kids with
Speaker 1: lower amounts of money or lesser It is more about
Speaker 1: what you highlighted gen of just intentionality and identifying our
Speaker 1: values and being really mindful about the way that we
Speaker 1: engage with our resources and engage with one another and
Speaker 1: giving space for each other. Because the things that you
Speaker 1: value as a parent might be different from the child,
Speaker 1: and how can we create space for them to grow
Speaker 1: into their value system and give space for them to
Speaker 1: engage in their resources in the same way that you
Speaker 1: are for yourself. I think one of the things that
Speaker 1: I notice a lot for parents, and the difficulty here
Speaker 1: is that is that holding the tension, because I think
Speaker 1: we all have examples of people that we've seen friends
Speaker 1: or other parents, who, yes, there is plenty, there's abundance,
Speaker 1: there is so so much, and there's the lack of
Speaker 1: mindfulness that can create the whatever idea of being spoiled
Speaker 1: or entitled that we might have in our minds. But
Speaker 1: then we've also got the examples where there's abundance and
Speaker 1: there's not that. But then you've got the other end
Speaker 1: of the spectrum of true poverty and people who are
Speaker 1: going without and maybe can barely pay their bills and
Speaker 1: end up coming out of those circumstances with an incredible
Speaker 1: mentality and resilience and strength. And so sometimes we can
Speaker 1: look at the one and say, oh, that's the answer,
Speaker 1: it's poverty. How do we get closest to just saying
Speaker 1: no to our kids all the time so that they
Speaker 1: can have character and grit as they grow up. And
Speaker 1: I don't think it's I don't think it's either, because
Speaker 1: we see great people come out of both scenarios, and
Speaker 1: so again that that holding the tension, that kind of
Speaker 1: radical middle. But I think that can be the toughest part,
Speaker 1: particularly for parents, because with any situation money included, we
Speaker 1: can look back to our own experiences and say, well,
Speaker 1: what didn't work for me, what did I wish was
Speaker 1: different as a child? Let me do the opposite for
Speaker 1: my kid. But at the end of the day, your
Speaker 1: kid is different from you, and you can probably even
Speaker 1: see that if you have siblings, of the things that
Speaker 1: I took away from growing up in my household is
Speaker 1: not the same thing that my siblings took away. So
Speaker 1: we could try and do the opposite for our kids,
Speaker 1: thinking I wish I had this, but our kids are
Speaker 1: different people and they're going to walk away with their
Speaker 1: own thing, and so, yeah, what what can be done?
Speaker 1: I think just modeling whatever is going to be best
Speaker 1: for you in walking out your own mindfulness and your
Speaker 1: own values and at least instilling that knowing that the
Speaker 1: choices they make out of the value their own values
Speaker 1: might look different from you. But I don't think the
Speaker 1: aim is either having a ton and let me just
Speaker 1: give my kid everything or let me deprive my kid
Speaker 1: of everything, because that's the secret to building character. I
Speaker 1: don't think it exists in either extreme, but being aware
Speaker 1: of both and trying to hold the tension there of
Speaker 1: how do I at least be mindful in the way
Speaker 1: that I'm modeling for my child, how I'm engaging with
Speaker 1: my resources. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes that's yes. See
Speaker 1: I told you Jill was going to bring a lot
Speaker 1: of good stuff to the parent I said, I'd be quiet,
Speaker 1: but you can't. You can't keep opinions and they're good ones,
Speaker 1: thanks j So okay, so this is really that, that's
Speaker 1: really the foundation shin for a frugal parenting mindset. Honestly,
Speaker 1: if we want to sum it up into one sentence,
Speaker 1: is it is somewhere in the radical middle right. It's
Speaker 1: not either or it's holding the tension between both sides,
Speaker 1: So like, how do we do that practically? And so
Speaker 1: that's kind of what this second article covers. It's called
Speaker 1: raising kids with Frugal Living, which I think is a
Speaker 1: grammatically makes me uncomfortable. That's the name that has an idea.
Speaker 1: I kind of like it, like raising you with their
Speaker 1: they're pandering to Google. If you see something on the
Speaker 1: Internet that makes you grammatically uncomfortable, it's probably because it's
Speaker 1: pandering to Google search engine. I just like, try to
Speaker 1: have better grammar. Like, so these five kind of tips
Speaker 1: go over how do we do it? And they're not
Speaker 1: like do this, do this, do this. It's it's kind
Speaker 1: of I think, how how do we hold that tension?
Speaker 1: I think it's tips for dat and I'm gonna let
Speaker 1: you finish, Jen. But I've got to say here at
Speaker 1: this juncture, we've used a lot of words already. But
Speaker 1: I think they summarized it so well in the beginning
Speaker 1: of this article when they said it's not about how
Speaker 1: much money you make, it's about how it's spent. If
Speaker 1: it's probably just a great summary for the last thirty
Speaker 1: minutes of conversation we've just had. You can be at
Speaker 1: any level of money, how are you spending it? What's
Speaker 1: that modeling to your child? And what will that produce
Speaker 1: an adulthood for them? Absolutely? Absolutely, So let's dive into
Speaker 1: these tips for raising frugal kids. Um, And the first
Speaker 1: one is to set an example a frugal living. And
Speaker 1: there is nothing more truer. And I wish this were
Speaker 1: untrue there, but there is nothing more truer. Then the
Speaker 1: phrase more is caught than taught. That's just it. That's
Speaker 1: just it. And and we don't we want to like
Speaker 1: do as I say, not as I do it. Zero
Speaker 1: percent of the time. I'm a lot more eloquent with
Speaker 1: my words than my actions. So this is not great
Speaker 1: for me. Yeah, no, zero percent of the time. Does
Speaker 1: that work? We have to be setting the example, and
Speaker 1: not only that, we have to let our kids in
Speaker 1: on the example. Being frugal cannot be a secret. Like
Speaker 1: in my house growing up, money was a secret. It
Speaker 1: was we don't let jen in on any conversation about
Speaker 1: money because that's not a kid thing. Well, when you're
Speaker 1: managing it well, when you're living frugally and you feel
Speaker 1: good about your finances, even if you're not like super
Speaker 1: you know, rich and whatever. When you feel good about
Speaker 1: your finances, tell your children. Tell your children. They need
Speaker 1: to know how to feel good in their finances, and
Speaker 1: they won't know how to do that unless they see
Speaker 1: it from you. We can complain all we want about
Speaker 1: how the public school system in the United States does
Speaker 1: not teach kids how to manage finances, and that's true,
Speaker 1: that's still a valid complaint. But also what about us
Speaker 1: at home modeling and teaching and filling in the gaps
Speaker 1: and showing, because ultimately that's a life skill, just like
Speaker 1: folding laundry and doing the dishes. If we're doing it
Speaker 1: well at home, we can bring them in on that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And honestly, you don't really want the public school system
Speaker 1: responsible for your child's financial education because as you know,
Speaker 1: that curriculum is going to be sponsored by American Express
Speaker 1: Bank of America and they are going I mean probably
Speaker 1: not sponsored, but you you get what I'm saying, Like
Speaker 1: it's going to be created by people like that, not
Speaker 1: people like Jen and Jill, Like creating curriculum. Okay, that's
Speaker 1: doing your Your public school system is not going to
Speaker 1: ask us to create curriculum for your child school. They
Speaker 1: are going to ask, you know, an ex Bank of
Speaker 1: America exact, you know, something something like that. So and again,
Speaker 1: more is caught than taught. How much Spanish do you
Speaker 1: remember from your Spanish class in high school? You know,
Speaker 1: like less than I'd like? Right, more is caught than taught.
Speaker 1: That's it. How do I catch Spanish? You've got to
Speaker 1: live in a Spanish speaking country. Start making the plans. Now,
Speaker 1: all right too, that's a total side. What have you
Speaker 1: gotten from this episode? You can't teach Spanish, you got
Speaker 1: catch Spanish. Uh. Number two is teach what's important to
Speaker 1: your family. I love dish one. I kind of do,
Speaker 1: and I kind of don't. Actually, well I do, I do.
Speaker 1: Mostly we're talking. You're cute aggression faith, You got your
Speaker 1: like voice, You're cute aggression voice? Do I? Yeah? You
Speaker 1: just did that with this point. I don't. Yeah, there's
Speaker 1: so there is something that's adorable about this concept. Well
Speaker 1: we've got first, we've got a fir. That's true that
Speaker 1: the two can pair together. Well, cute aggression when you
Speaker 1: have it, you know it. That that is that's neither
Speaker 1: cotton nor taught. That's born in just a part of
Speaker 1: yourn and you yeah, So you first have to know
Speaker 1: what's important to you, and if you've been listening to
Speaker 1: the Frugal Friends for a while, you probably do. But
Speaker 1: we need to know what our values are, and that
Speaker 1: is going to be intricately hopefully connected to the way
Speaker 1: that we spend and we save, and then letting our
Speaker 1: kids in on that of here's what we value. Now,
Speaker 1: when I say I do, but I don't, I think
Speaker 1: what I can see a lot of times in families
Speaker 1: is this mantra of the family. These are the family
Speaker 1: values those who are really connected to that, But then
Speaker 1: that's to the absence of the individual values of each member.
Speaker 1: So I think if I were to express my own
Speaker 1: personal opinion and observation and perspective, is giving room for
Speaker 1: both what do we want to be about as a
Speaker 1: collective family unit, but also what's important to us each
Speaker 1: as individuals and how do we create space for that
Speaker 1: because I think sometimes there can be Again, this is
Speaker 1: my own observation, and I'm sure that there's a lot
Speaker 1: that goes into this, So take this with a grain
Speaker 1: of salt. But where parents can often view their kids
Speaker 1: as just like many them, sometimes to the exclusion of
Speaker 1: the child is becoming their own person and I can
Speaker 1: understand all the reasons that would blend into that, But
Speaker 1: where I think there can be space given for the
Speaker 1: child to come into their own personhood and what do
Speaker 1: they like and how do we give space even in
Speaker 1: the family budget, for them to pursue some of the
Speaker 1: things that they enjoy that might be valuable to them
Speaker 1: where it might not be valuable to mom and dad.
Speaker 1: But if we are instilling this idea of values based spending,
Speaker 1: can we give room for that of what is important
Speaker 1: to you, how do you want to engage with the
Speaker 1: limited resources that you have available to you, and give
Speaker 1: space for that to maybe be different from the values
Speaker 1: of mom and dad and maybe even adjacent to the
Speaker 1: family values. Maybe they fall right in line, and that's
Speaker 1: great too, But I like the idea of developing each
Speaker 1: person's value system and giving space for each one to
Speaker 1: learn what that means about how they engage with their resources. Yeah. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: And because your personal values are not the families values,
Speaker 1: you also probably have a partner, and you have at
Speaker 1: least one child, one small human being who is still
Speaker 1: figuring out their values, and their values will change so frequently,
Speaker 1: so just being aware of of what that is, and
Speaker 1: the values are not going to be like my child
Speaker 1: values efficiency and community, and still that's not going to
Speaker 1: be their values. Like my three year olds values right
Speaker 1: now are like trains, monster trucks, and pop patrol, like
Speaker 1: that's what he likes. But he does have values. He
Speaker 1: values other people for sure, like engaging with others and
Speaker 1: making others feel good about themselves like that it is there, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: But then sometimes he just doesn't want to talk to people,
Speaker 1: and he just wants to play with his toys. Like
Speaker 1: we'll go over to our friend's house, you know this Jill,
Speaker 1: and he's like, oh, I'm so excited to go to
Speaker 1: juden Ezra's. He doesn't give a crap about jude Ezra.
Speaker 1: He is excited to go over and play with their toys,
Speaker 1: specifically their Monster Innovation and Discovery. Listen, there's always a
Speaker 1: strength based way to be. Yes, there are standard values
Speaker 1: that age groups have, so that's really easy if you
Speaker 1: want to study any child psychology to see that. But
Speaker 1: also kind of simply knowing what your child likes so
Speaker 1: that you can have more room for to make things special.
Speaker 1: So like on that one day a week, maybe they
Speaker 1: get to do something special, like you found a patrol
Speaker 1: pillowcase and you're buy nothing group and you get to
Speaker 1: give that to them, or you get to go to
Speaker 1: Monster Jam, which is happening very soon for our son. Yes,
Speaker 1: I think Eric's going to join you, Oh my god.
Speaker 1: Uh So, so that's paying attention to what they like
Speaker 1: as kind of an easy way to figure out what
Speaker 1: they value. And uh but also know you don't have
Speaker 1: to do it all though, because I think that the
Speaker 1: other piece of like, well they're in the ballet and
Speaker 1: soccer and girl Scouts and cookie stuff. I don't know that.
Speaker 1: I guess that Scouts too, but like they don't have
Speaker 1: to do it all. And that's a part of that
Speaker 1: narrowing down the values of what do you want to
Speaker 1: give the best of your time, energy and attention to.
Speaker 1: And it will mean saying no to some stuff. We
Speaker 1: model that first not be buried and chaotic. Saying yes
Speaker 1: to everything means nothing is special. So we have to
Speaker 1: say no to some things so that the things we
Speaker 1: really want to be special are special. So that is
Speaker 1: probably that's the biggest takeaway on that. So the next
Speaker 1: one is to take your kids to the grocery store.
Speaker 1: You don't have to tell any family to do this,
Speaker 1: It's already happening. Well, okay, no, because I do Walmart
Speaker 1: grocery pickup, I don't take I take no one to
Speaker 1: the grocery store, not even miss because okay, here's the thing.
Speaker 1: This is where one of those like greater goods comes in.
Speaker 1: So yes, I could teach my son's stuff by taking
Speaker 1: him to the grocery store. That's a lot in a
Speaker 1: short amount of time. And it also opens me up
Speaker 1: to impulse spending. It just opens maybe some cans of
Speaker 1: worms that I don't want to deal with on a
Speaker 1: weekly basis. Right, So I've grocery shop online. I take
Speaker 1: no husban been, I take no child, I take no me.
Speaker 1: We stick to the we stick to the list. We
Speaker 1: get to do it. After Kay has gone to bed.
Speaker 1: I get to ask my husband, Hey, you want anything
Speaker 1: from the grocery store, and he's like no, I can't
Speaker 1: think of anything. I'm like, great, because if you went yourself,
Speaker 1: you'd find fifty dollars worth of things you need. So
Speaker 1: that's me. Yeah, I will. I will do the other
Speaker 1: stuff that I think is enough to instill frugality without
Speaker 1: putting myself at risk. It doesn't have to be the
Speaker 1: grocery store. There's other places where. But the idea of
Speaker 1: this is bring them into some of these daily life
Speaker 1: activities and opportunities to engage with money to help them
Speaker 1: learn the skill set. But I also think that there's
Speaker 1: an age appropriateness to this. Of course, this article is
Speaker 1: written just kids in general. I would say this is
Speaker 1: something to start considering at age eight, nine, ten and beyond,
Speaker 1: when there's not the possibility of tantrums in every aisle
Speaker 1: and you have to be super in tune with doing
Speaker 1: all of the object lessons while you're also just trying
Speaker 1: to figure out like whether you want romaine or iceberg
Speaker 1: this week. Like, there's opportunities to consider what's going to
Speaker 1: be best at each life stage. But I think especially
Speaker 1: as kids are older, more in control of themselves, their
Speaker 1: bodies and their emotions, and you're in you're starting before
Speaker 1: the grocery store. In my estimation, you're bringing them through
Speaker 1: the process of looking at the pantry, meal planning for
Speaker 1: the week, figuring out what ingredients you need, then setting
Speaker 1: the budget, then going to the grocery store. Like, I
Speaker 1: don't think it should start at the grocery store and
Speaker 1: I would say even older, like in high school, to
Speaker 1: start giving them like one week every quarter where they
Speaker 1: are planning the meal plan and they're checking the pantry
Speaker 1: and they're doing the grocery shopping. So not just trudging
Speaker 1: them along just you know, to let them see you
Speaker 1: use your cubans and YadA YadA, but to give them
Speaker 1: the responsibility of the grocery stores around responsibility that you
Speaker 1: have to learn before you go to college. And parents
Speaker 1: don't really think about that. They're like, oh, I've taken
Speaker 1: my kid to the grocery store their entire life. They'll
Speaker 1: be fine, But no, they don't know how to and
Speaker 1: even like the first few times they'll do this meal plan,
Speaker 1: they might not be able to handle it. Like you
Speaker 1: think you know something until you really get into it,
Speaker 1: and when you figure it out on your own, it's
Speaker 1: much harder and much more wasteful when you can do
Speaker 1: it in the home than it's a softer space to
Speaker 1: land when you fail. I've got a lot of friends
Speaker 1: whose kids are going off to college and they're just
Speaker 1: now realizing, oh man, I don't know how prepared they are.
Speaker 1: I don't know if they actually know how to cook
Speaker 1: or grocery shop or budget, and I'm concerned about them
Speaker 1: going they should probably just stay home and commute to
Speaker 1: a school nearby because I've I have not given them
Speaker 1: the life skills yet, so it's something to consider. I
Speaker 1: don't think it was intentional. It just as we're doing
Speaker 1: life or doing life. Oh no, you're about to leave
Speaker 1: the house. How do we play catch up? So I
Speaker 1: think it's something to put on the radar of all Right,
Speaker 1: if they were to have to live on their own,
Speaker 1: could they do it? What are the what are the
Speaker 1: final pieces they need to know? You can't stuff it
Speaker 1: all into the summer after between high school and college. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you can try, but okay, and then la is this
Speaker 1: the last? Last but not least? I think let them
Speaker 1: manage their own money. So this I think can start
Speaker 1: at any age. Of course, this plays into the concept
Speaker 1: of are we giving allowance and we're not giving an allowance?
Speaker 1: That is for each and every family to decide. But
Speaker 1: I think some level of opportunity, and this is what
Speaker 1: this article is explaining to the ability to learn how
Speaker 1: to spend, save, and give, and those are really three
Speaker 1: great categories. It's what we all engage in in adulthood.
Speaker 1: We can get deeper into the weeds of how that looks,
Speaker 1: but at age appropriate levels, how are we spending, saving,
Speaker 1: and giving? This could be available for people who do
Speaker 1: give allowances and those who don't. There could be family
Speaker 1: money or opportunity for them to just be a part
Speaker 1: of the budgeting process at various ages throughout life to
Speaker 1: learn how to manage money. How are we spending, how
Speaker 1: are we saving, how are we giving? And really that's
Speaker 1: how are you doing it? As a parent? Let them
Speaker 1: see that or figure out smaller ways that your kids
Speaker 1: can engage in that, because we really more is caught
Speaker 1: than taught. We really learn by doing as well. And
Speaker 1: so when the kids have the opportunity to hands on
Speaker 1: engage in something, even if it's more so in the
Speaker 1: sense of pen and paper or play money, that represents
Speaker 1: real money. However you want to do it. Letting them
Speaker 1: have an opportunity for hands on tangible experience is going
Speaker 1: to be the best thing for them as they moved
Speaker 1: through life. Absolutely, and there is one last thing on here.
Speaker 1: This will be like a funny story I have. The
Speaker 1: last one is opt for second hand stuff. So I
Speaker 1: went with my mom to a thrift store once and
Speaker 1: I don't know. I was in rare form. I refused
Speaker 1: to go into the thrift store. I did not want
Speaker 1: to go look at the thrift store. And it's partly
Speaker 1: because my mom shopped as a hobby, so it's not
Speaker 1: like we needed something. But again, when you're thrift ng
Speaker 1: and you're opting for a second hand, it is wise
Speaker 1: to sometimes just go and look to see if they have,
Speaker 1: you know, something on your list. But I just I
Speaker 1: sat in a hot car until I could not bear
Speaker 1: it anymore, and I walked inside. It was so long,
Speaker 1: and I think she just stayed in there to spite me. Um,
Speaker 1: and I stayed outside to spite her. And uh, now
Speaker 1: now look at me, now look at you. You only
Speaker 1: go second hand. It's funny. I had a similar perspective
Speaker 1: on the thrift store as well. My grandmother would always
Speaker 1: take me and I just thought it was gross and cheap.
Speaker 1: And I can't even totally remember because now I love
Speaker 1: it so much, But there was something in me that
Speaker 1: just repelled the thought. I guess being a middle child,
Speaker 1: I always got hand me downs, and I think it
Speaker 1: just felt like hand me downs on steroids, like it's
Speaker 1: just everyone's hand me downs now until until I started
Speaker 1: to manage my own money and I saw the value
Speaker 1: of it, and then obviously learning more about just the
Speaker 1: economics of things and waste and wanting to reduce There's
Speaker 1: many reasons to go second hand. But similarly I was
Speaker 1: not a fan initially. Yeah, I think I don't know
Speaker 1: if there's anything that could have fixed me on that,
Speaker 1: But I think something that I will do with my
Speaker 1: children is to show them that that cost like analysis
Speaker 1: of saying, Okay, this is what this would be if
Speaker 1: we bought it new, these are the prices, and then
Speaker 1: going to the thrift store and said, this is what
Speaker 1: this is second hand? Do we sacrifice quality do for
Speaker 1: the better price? And that's a valid question. Sometimes you do,
Speaker 1: sometimes you don't. So to teach them that and say, okay,
Speaker 1: if we save fifty dollars by shopping at the thrift
Speaker 1: store for the things we needed, what can we do
Speaker 1: with that fifty dollars that is better? That is more
Speaker 1: in line with what you really love. And I think
Speaker 1: kids are are to an extent, they are just naturally materialistic,
Speaker 1: and so sometimes you do have to like give into that.
Speaker 1: I think I just wanted new for the you know,
Speaker 1: because I wanted to fit in and nobody else was
Speaker 1: buying used and so that was more important to me
Speaker 1: than the cost and having an extra fifty dollars. So
Speaker 1: sometimes you will get that and you have that's a
Speaker 1: value for your child, and that's hopefully not going to
Speaker 1: be their value forever, but that is a valid value
Speaker 1: that you have to respect, and especially if they're managing
Speaker 1: their own money, giving space for them to discover and
Speaker 1: decide for themselves. Absolutely. Yeah, So there are ways you
Speaker 1: can approach normalizing second hand, between having the conversation about sustainability,
Speaker 1: UH and cost and value. But then also it comes
Speaker 1: from the like the other side that if fitting in
Speaker 1: and all of that is of higher priority and they're
Speaker 1: still working, you know, we don't. We don't fully stop
Speaker 1: caring till our thirties, so they're still working up to that.
Speaker 1: You have to respect. That's true. That's so true. There's
Speaker 1: an age appropriateness to caring less. And it's good that
Speaker 1: they care in their teens and twenties because that's how
Speaker 1: you move through life, you know, how else we move
Speaker 1: through life, and is something that is so much more
Speaker 1: caught than it is taught. Thankfully, you all have caught
Speaker 1: on the bell of the week. That's right, it's time
Speaker 1: for the best minute of your entire week. Maybe a
Speaker 1: baby was born and his name is William. Maybe you
Speaker 1: paid off your mortgage, maybe your car died and you're
Speaker 1: happy to not have to pay that bill anymore. That's bills,
Speaker 1: Buffalo bills, Bill Clint, this is the bill of the week. Hi,
Speaker 1: I just wanted to share with you guys, my personal
Speaker 1: bill of the week. I submitted an entry into a
Speaker 1: contest at my job um where you talk about a
Speaker 1: health journey that you have been on recently to get
Speaker 1: yourself into better health. I ended up winning the contest
Speaker 1: and the prize is free health insurance premiums for three
Speaker 1: So I'm very glad to not have that bill for
Speaker 1: the next year and I gets to take that money
Speaker 1: and invest it instead. That is such a great feeling.
Speaker 1: Wow wow, wow wow that How can I win? That?
Speaker 1: What a legitim And I thought you were going to
Speaker 1: say a fifty, which I would have been a hot
Speaker 1: please for that right, and you said healthcare premiums for
Speaker 1: the year, the entire year, And then how you're taking
Speaker 1: that money that you're saving that you would have spent
Speaker 1: on your health insurance premium and investing it. That is stacking,
Speaker 1: stacking it up, stacking up. The fall done, Hailey, and
Speaker 1: you're healthier in some way, shape or form. So win
Speaker 1: win win, killed in win, killed it, crushing it. They
Speaker 1: get better and better, But keep calling them in. If
Speaker 1: you have a bill, if you one contest and now
Speaker 1: you don't have to pay for your health insurance, and
Speaker 1: then you're investing that money, if you are stacking those
Speaker 1: bills of the week, or if you just are a
Speaker 1: person named Bill, you know it's it's a wide spectrum.
Speaker 1: Google Friends, podcast, dot com, slash Bill. Please please do
Speaker 1: leave us your bill. It doesn't have to top this one.
Speaker 1: It could top this one. But also just come at us,
Speaker 1: come talk to us. If you're Bill Curtis. And now
Speaker 1: it's time for p Today's lightning Round after I clean
Speaker 1: off my microphone. Yeah, give you time to do that.
Speaker 1: Uh is a frugal thing you learned from your parents
Speaker 1: that you still do today. And and Goldie found like
Speaker 1: this list from my old blog Modern Modern Frugality, And
Speaker 1: it's funny enough. It's one that I did not write.
Speaker 1: It was a guest post on my blog because I
Speaker 1: was like when I read this question. I was like, wait,
Speaker 1: I I wrote a blog on this, and you will
Speaker 1: see why that's funny later. Jill, what's a frugle thing
Speaker 1: you learned from your parents? Yeah? I think one of
Speaker 1: the biggest takeaways from my upbringing is to take care
Speaker 1: of stuff. My parents definitely had a high value for
Speaker 1: keeping their things in good condition, cleaning them, maintaining them
Speaker 1: so that you can experience longevity with the things that
Speaker 1: you've invested money into. I think that they did a
Speaker 1: really great job of that, and it's something that I
Speaker 1: see in myself as as I moved through life. Keeping
Speaker 1: my car clean and maintained and my home clean. It
Speaker 1: really does prolong the life of things when when we're
Speaker 1: maintaining things well. So I think, yeah, that's my takeaway.
Speaker 1: How about you. So my entire adult life has been
Speaker 1: pushing back on the cheap mindsets that my family perpetuated
Speaker 1: in my childhood, and that that's why it's funny that
Speaker 1: this is this was very hard for me to figure out.
Speaker 1: But and it's so it was this not like I know,
Speaker 1: some people rebel because their parents spent too much, got
Speaker 1: into debt, lived a lifestyle they couldn't afford that was
Speaker 1: not my experience. It was kind of the opposite is
Speaker 1: and not even out of not even out of intention.
Speaker 1: It wasn't even in the other extreme where it's like
Speaker 1: you get nothing. But it was just all in the
Speaker 1: moment thinking. There was no thinking about the future, no
Speaker 1: planning about the future. Nothing was that delayed gratification or
Speaker 1: um taught even talking about money or saving or thinking
Speaker 1: about spending. Shopping was a hobby. Um that that's just
Speaker 1: every Saturday. Mom got paid on Friday. We went shopping
Speaker 1: on Saturday. That was That was a thing. And so
Speaker 1: I would say, I think the biggest thing I learned
Speaker 1: that I still practice today is that you don't need
Speaker 1: a lot of space to be happy. That there can be.
Speaker 1: There are pros and cons to every type of upbringing,
Speaker 1: and and no parent will do it perfectly. You're just
Speaker 1: not going to do it. You're just not going to
Speaker 1: do it right. Like nine times out of ten, your
Speaker 1: your child will need therapy when they grow up. If
Speaker 1: nine out of ten of your adult friends need therapy,
Speaker 1: is a failure about Like we all that you don't
Speaker 1: want to miss out leads to talk, right, that's the
Speaker 1: whole thing. You don't want to mess up your kids,
Speaker 1: what is messing up? You know, Like even if they
Speaker 1: do a stint in county jail and need therapy, you
Speaker 1: still may not have messed up. So your kids are
Speaker 1: are their own people who are going to make their
Speaker 1: own decisions. So but I did learn that, Um, since
Speaker 1: we had a small house. I mean it's like we
Speaker 1: spent a lot of money on things that didn't matter,
Speaker 1: so we didn't have enough money for the things that
Speaker 1: would have really been memorable. But I still have like
Speaker 1: turned into a good human being. Yes, you are a
Speaker 1: good human being. So they did great in that regard, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: and they were you chose great. Yeah. So we lived
Speaker 1: in this small house that was very cluttered with a
Speaker 1: lot of stuff, but it was all cheap stuff, and
Speaker 1: it is the antithesis of everything I am about today,
Speaker 1: except for the fact that I still don't think you
Speaker 1: need a big house. Yeah, I'll agree with that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you don't need four thousand square feet, Like even if
Speaker 1: you have four children. It's fine, it's great if you
Speaker 1: don't need it, if you want it, right, but you
Speaker 1: don't need it just because of what house hunters is
Speaker 1: telling you is in mm hmm. Yeah, So that's what
Speaker 1: I learned. That's great, Jen, thanks everyone for listening to
Speaker 1: us talk about our childhoods therapy after this one. But
Speaker 1: that's good. You just need to take place. This is
Speaker 1: the safe place to talk. Hopefully you all feel a
Speaker 1: degree of safety to explore your own Childhood's the way
Speaker 1: that impacts how you parent or engage with the kids
Speaker 1: around you. Some take away, that's what we hope for.
Speaker 1: Many of you also know that we have a membership
Speaker 1: for our listeners who are paying off debt, where we
Speaker 1: do monthly money challenges and we offer accountability groups, so
Speaker 1: opportunities to connect with other frugal friends, which is amazing
Speaker 1: and they're all awesome as you can imagine. We do
Speaker 1: want to today congratulate one of our members for a
Speaker 1: big win. This comes from Candice, who shared my goal
Speaker 1: for is to save five thousand dollars. I want an
Speaker 1: emergency fund, enough sentence. I started by opening an online
Speaker 1: savings accounts separate from my bank account and deposited two
Speaker 1: fifty dollars. Candice, you are well on your way to
Speaker 1: your goal and you can talk to your I think
Speaker 1: it's your daughter. I don't know how many kids you have, Candice,
Speaker 1: but you can talk about that and that, and you're
Speaker 1: doing so well. It's really should be a source of
Speaker 1: pride in excitement and that will really bounce off and
Speaker 1: and teach your child a lot. So congrats Candice, Well done, Candice,
Speaker 1: and thank you all for listening. If you want to
Speaker 1: check out our membership. If you've got goals, goals, you
Speaker 1: want to slice and dice and you to talk with
Speaker 1: other people about it, where there's also courses and interviews
Speaker 1: and challenges and more. Head to Frugal Friends podcast dot
Speaker 1: com slash club. You can check it out see if
Speaker 1: it's a good space for you and we'll see you
Speaker 1: next time. I Frugal Friends is produced by Eric Syrian.
Speaker 1: Oh Jen, wh Like, what's the one thing you want
Speaker 1: your children? Oh my gosh, because there's blural to take
Speaker 1: away from being raised by you and Travis, but you
Speaker 1: can only speak for yourself. Like if if your sons
Speaker 1: are older and there's like one thing you want them
Speaker 1: if they're like tell me about your mom, what's like
Speaker 1: the first thing you want to come out of their mouth?
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, what an intense question. Well, I said, therapies.
Speaker 1: Therapy comes later and here it is so funny story
Speaker 1: They actually asked this at the gym, So they asked
Speaker 1: an icebreaker question right when the class starts, because there's
Speaker 1: always late people. So justin just started asking an icebreaker
Speaker 1: question instead of like waiting around for the late people.
Speaker 1: And this is one of the questions, right, I couldn't
Speaker 1: think of anything. I forget what I said if I
Speaker 1: did say anything, but the last guy to go, And
Speaker 1: the question was specifically, what did you learn from your parents?
Speaker 1: Like what's the biggest take like lesson you learn from
Speaker 1: your parents or you know. So this guy's answer, how
Speaker 1: to throw a good party. That's what he learned from
Speaker 1: his parents. Hey, how to throw a good party. If
Speaker 1: that's not strength space, I don't know what is of
Speaker 1: his parents, right, it's like a tell me more. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's what I want to be known for, obviously hopefully
Speaker 1: not that I was, um not good at partying. You know,
Speaker 1: you don't want that to be the first thing that
Speaker 1: comes out of it. Right, tell me about your mom.
Speaker 1: She's not a party er, she's or she party is
Speaker 1: too hard. That's not but that to throw a good party.
Speaker 1: And that's but full disclosure. It's never going to be
Speaker 1: me because that's not my strong suit when we throw parties.
Speaker 1: It's Jill who too throws the party. But I thought
Speaker 1: that would be a great thing to be known if
Speaker 1: you are a really great at partying. But but in
Speaker 1: the best way, not in like the too far of
Speaker 1: a way, like yeah, you want Jen at your party,
Speaker 1: even if she's pregnant, she is good at it. Thank
Speaker 1: you so much for you're welcome. You're welcome. But I
Speaker 1: think what I is feasible that I would want my
Speaker 1: son to know that that I was there, that I
Speaker 1: was always there, not like it's a helicopter, right, he
Speaker 1: was always there, Like I was turned around and she
Speaker 1: was there looking at my eye. And that's part of
Speaker 1: the reason and the flexibility for the flexibility of like
Speaker 1: the lucrative career I have chosen, is flexibility to always
Speaker 1: be there things to our advertisers, the advertising department, Yeah,
Speaker 1: they're never going to feel like, I don't know, like
Speaker 1: you're available to me, like yeah, present for them when
Speaker 1: they need. Yeah. Interesting, So there we go. What do
Speaker 1: you want my kids to think about you? I did
Speaker 1: not see that one a man. I want the Smith
Speaker 1: boys to say a really good their mom's hot friend
Speaker 1: who threw all the great parties. Deal. Deal, she was
Speaker 1: just savage. She cared about us deeply, and she was savage.
Speaker 1: That's what it is. She cared about us deeply, and
Speaker 1: she was savage. That's what I want them to say. Deal, Okay,