1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:01,880 Speaker 1: So, yeah, I have disrupted things. 2 00:00:02,440 --> 00:00:04,800 Speaker 2: But it's like me standing in the middle of a 3 00:00:04,840 --> 00:00:08,000 Speaker 2: tornado and I'm smiling, you know what I'm saying, Like, Yeah, 4 00:00:08,080 --> 00:00:09,400 Speaker 2: y'all go crazy. 5 00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:10,639 Speaker 1: But I feel amazing. 6 00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:11,240 Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying. 7 00:00:11,240 --> 00:00:12,000 Speaker 1: I feel good. 8 00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:15,880 Speaker 3: And that is a beautiful way to say that. 9 00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:19,400 Speaker 4: Yeah, like there's a tornado, y'all can have a tornado 10 00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:23,520 Speaker 4: all y'all want swirl on like, but I'm just smiling 11 00:00:23,560 --> 00:00:25,040 Speaker 4: inside the tornadoes and. 12 00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:29,360 Speaker 2: Get thatspiration will calm down and then people will look 13 00:00:29,440 --> 00:00:33,720 Speaker 2: back and say, Wow, that's actually pretty inspiring that she 14 00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:35,239 Speaker 2: just went for it like that. 15 00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:42,680 Speaker 3: Thanks for watching, guys. Today's episode is brought to you 16 00:00:42,720 --> 00:00:47,199 Speaker 3: by boost Mobile. Today's guest is a cultural force who 17 00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:50,400 Speaker 3: turned reality TV into a launch pad for reinvention. She's 18 00:00:50,440 --> 00:00:55,120 Speaker 3: an entrepreneur, activist, media personality. She builds brands. I can 19 00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:57,959 Speaker 3: already tell she is a girl's girl. I will tell 20 00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:00,760 Speaker 3: you the story about that after she build brands like 21 00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:02,960 Speaker 3: Pampered by a Porsche. She's in the upcoming season of 22 00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:06,840 Speaker 3: Real Housewives of Atlanta and Traders, a mother of Boss. 23 00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:10,240 Speaker 3: Please welcome Porsche Williamson Show today. 24 00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:11,800 Speaker 1: I have a lot of audience. 25 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:15,360 Speaker 3: I'm you know, be quiet. I love it. It will 26 00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:17,679 Speaker 3: be quiet, though it does get quiet, but for the 27 00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:19,760 Speaker 3: initial welcome, we want you to feel the energy and 28 00:01:19,840 --> 00:01:22,200 Speaker 3: the love you do. I'm so glad to be here. 29 00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:24,880 Speaker 3: I'm happy to have you, baby. How are you doing good? 30 00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:27,200 Speaker 3: I could already tell you a girl's girl because I 31 00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:29,479 Speaker 3: was like, oh my god, I like these earrings so much. 32 00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:31,200 Speaker 3: You took the thing off to get me the name, 33 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:32,680 Speaker 3: and I was like, I'm gonna get you a pair. 34 00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:35,160 Speaker 1: That's right. I do not get keep that is. 35 00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:36,440 Speaker 3: Girls girls activity. 36 00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:37,120 Speaker 1: I'm like that. 37 00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:39,160 Speaker 2: I'm like, because if I ask you, I want you 38 00:01:39,160 --> 00:01:40,600 Speaker 2: to tell me, and I would have sent you to 39 00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:41,279 Speaker 2: link and everything. 40 00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:45,160 Speaker 3: Actually I'll take it though, still I'll take that. Actually 41 00:01:45,280 --> 00:01:48,080 Speaker 3: do that. How are you, baby? And what's happened? What 42 00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:51,680 Speaker 3: season of your life? Not you not the reality show? 43 00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:54,120 Speaker 3: Season of your life? Are you in right now? 44 00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:56,240 Speaker 1: What season of my life am I in? 45 00:01:56,520 --> 00:02:01,520 Speaker 2: I would say the truest season, the true with I 46 00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:04,760 Speaker 2: thought to get to where I am and I really 47 00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:08,920 Speaker 2: can appreciate what I've been through. I can appreciate where 48 00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:12,320 Speaker 2: I'm standing right now and who I am and how 49 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:15,919 Speaker 2: I am handling and living my life, how I'm really 50 00:02:16,040 --> 00:02:18,040 Speaker 2: truly living and loving life right now. 51 00:02:18,160 --> 00:02:21,320 Speaker 3: What is the difference though, like in the everyday ness 52 00:02:21,360 --> 00:02:22,360 Speaker 3: of it? What is the difference. 53 00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:25,320 Speaker 2: The difference in the everyday ness is I have boundaries 54 00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:29,240 Speaker 2: and loving boundaries. You know, I'm not like walking around 55 00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:32,280 Speaker 2: like some mean you know person every day. But healthy 56 00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:35,320 Speaker 2: boundaries are good to say, you know, not just in business, 57 00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:39,600 Speaker 2: just in everyday life with friendships, with relationships. Did you 58 00:02:39,639 --> 00:02:44,120 Speaker 2: not have across the world. I didn't always practice that, No, 59 00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:46,600 Speaker 2: I really didn't. I you know, would do whatever to 60 00:02:46,680 --> 00:02:50,560 Speaker 2: keep the peace or compromise myself in a lot of 61 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:53,600 Speaker 2: different situations. But I found a healthy balance. 62 00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:54,080 Speaker 1: You know what I mean. 63 00:02:54,120 --> 00:02:56,680 Speaker 2: I feel like when you first start to practice having 64 00:02:56,720 --> 00:03:00,160 Speaker 2: boundaries and protecting yourself, you do a little too much. 65 00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:01,760 Speaker 1: You end up seeing there boy yourself because it's like 66 00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:02,720 Speaker 1: you don't pushing everybody. 67 00:03:02,760 --> 00:03:04,880 Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying. You isolate. You known isolated 68 00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:05,639 Speaker 3: a little bit too much. 69 00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:09,160 Speaker 2: Now I have isolated, but I have learned to discern 70 00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:12,000 Speaker 2: the right people to let back around me, the right situations, 71 00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:16,000 Speaker 2: the right opportunities. And I don't know, I trust myself 72 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:18,120 Speaker 2: a lot more now, like you know, in your forties, 73 00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:18,799 Speaker 2: I really. 74 00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:19,960 Speaker 1: Know what I want and don't want. 75 00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:23,200 Speaker 2: And I'm quick to say yes to what I do 76 00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:25,480 Speaker 2: want and quick to say no, which is not something 77 00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:26,240 Speaker 2: I always used to do. 78 00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:28,080 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it takes women some time. I think 79 00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:31,440 Speaker 3: a couple of days. I think people pleasing sometimes puts 80 00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:35,120 Speaker 3: our boundaries at risk, and they also like not even 81 00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:39,080 Speaker 3: knowing ourselves or not trusting ourselves right, not trusting, not trusting, 82 00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:43,080 Speaker 3: and also in the past seeing yourself through other people's eyes, 83 00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:44,720 Speaker 3: trusting other people's. 84 00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:47,160 Speaker 2: Opinion for your life or for or them telling you 85 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:49,840 Speaker 2: who you are better than yourself. Yeah, and you know, 86 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,720 Speaker 2: I feel like every mistake has just been to learn 87 00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:58,560 Speaker 2: an opportunity. Like I live by no no mistakes, lessons learned, 88 00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:01,320 Speaker 2: you know what I mean for me, And so at 89 00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:06,440 Speaker 2: this point you forgive yourself, you celebrate yourself. And I 90 00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:10,680 Speaker 2: take moments. I take real life snapshots of things that 91 00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:13,200 Speaker 2: happen to me. If I'm around my mother and we're 92 00:04:13,240 --> 00:04:15,320 Speaker 2: having a good day and we're talking about something and 93 00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:17,560 Speaker 2: I'm just like a pause, and I take it in 94 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:20,640 Speaker 2: because as a single mom who works all the time 95 00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:23,640 Speaker 2: and you know, trying to build empire and do all 96 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:25,840 Speaker 2: these multifaceted different things. 97 00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:27,320 Speaker 1: Life will just pass you by. 98 00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:29,800 Speaker 2: You miss it, and you don't appreciate the small things. 99 00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:31,840 Speaker 2: So there's times when I'm just sitting there with my 100 00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:33,479 Speaker 2: daughter and watching TV and I just give her an 101 00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:36,200 Speaker 2: extra snuggle and I take a snapshot and I keep 102 00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:38,919 Speaker 2: that from myself, and I'm so glad that I've learned 103 00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:41,240 Speaker 2: to slow down when I needed to. 104 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:45,120 Speaker 3: Snapshots are good. Snapshots are real good, yeah, because you 105 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:46,760 Speaker 3: have them forever, and then you have them in the 106 00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:48,839 Speaker 3: bad moments when you're down and you need them. 107 00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:51,480 Speaker 1: They're they're there, yeah, and you can go back to 108 00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:52,240 Speaker 1: those moments. 109 00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:55,039 Speaker 2: I feel like in my life when I've had trauma, 110 00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:58,279 Speaker 2: I can go back to those moments like that. But 111 00:04:58,320 --> 00:05:00,600 Speaker 2: when there's been good things that happen, and I don't 112 00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:02,640 Speaker 2: because I don't savor those moments. 113 00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:04,240 Speaker 1: I just say, oh I did good or this is 114 00:05:04,279 --> 00:05:04,720 Speaker 1: a good moment. 115 00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:06,680 Speaker 2: I just keep on going trying to get the next 116 00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:10,560 Speaker 2: good moment or the next thing that I. 117 00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:10,960 Speaker 1: Have to do. 118 00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:14,400 Speaker 2: You rush along past things that you supt should celebrate 119 00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:17,919 Speaker 2: and things that really feel good to you, whereas now 120 00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:20,000 Speaker 2: I savor them. So when I do have like a 121 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:22,680 Speaker 2: tough day, I'm like, oh, I know what I need. 122 00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:24,680 Speaker 2: I need PJ to come in here and let's just 123 00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:27,520 Speaker 2: cook together. I need us to just cuddle together. I 124 00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:29,240 Speaker 2: need to call my mom, I need to call my friend. 125 00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:31,040 Speaker 1: I need to go have a drink. So when you 126 00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:33,800 Speaker 1: have higher in your mind, the positive and the things 127 00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:37,960 Speaker 1: that calm your nervous system as opposed to always going 128 00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:41,200 Speaker 1: back and relying to trauma to help you push through, 129 00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:41,880 Speaker 1: then it's. 130 00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:43,880 Speaker 3: Better for me, so much better. It's so much better. 131 00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:47,240 Speaker 3: What is like just thinking about your life and looking 132 00:05:47,279 --> 00:05:50,960 Speaker 3: at the resume and stuff? What is how many years? 133 00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:54,600 Speaker 3: Twelve thirteen years? In reality? Yeah, I think it's over 134 00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:55,120 Speaker 3: a time, but. 135 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:56,919 Speaker 1: Yeah it's yeah, it's probably eleven. 136 00:05:57,160 --> 00:06:00,520 Speaker 3: Yeah. How does that shape your view of your yourself, 137 00:06:00,720 --> 00:06:03,760 Speaker 3: your view of the world, Because at first you're performing, right, 138 00:06:03,839 --> 00:06:06,240 Speaker 3: so you probably don't even get it, But then it starts. 139 00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:08,160 Speaker 3: It's like a mirror back to you, right, and then 140 00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:11,120 Speaker 3: what people think of you is another mirror back to you, right. 141 00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:15,000 Speaker 3: And then I could imagine that that almost informs if 142 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,560 Speaker 3: you're not strong and you're not mindful, it could inform 143 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:19,560 Speaker 3: how you see yourself true right. 144 00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:24,120 Speaker 2: For me, it was I really had to figure it 145 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:28,520 Speaker 2: out because I was I people pleased to get used 146 00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:30,400 Speaker 2: too much. But I was the type of person where 147 00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:34,360 Speaker 2: with men and different situations as I was growing up, 148 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:36,440 Speaker 2: every other things are more important than what I was 149 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:39,880 Speaker 2: doing in my life, you know, hence my first marriage. 150 00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:42,840 Speaker 2: You know, I owned businesses, I was very successful, I 151 00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:45,880 Speaker 2: owned property, but when I got married, it was like, oh, no, 152 00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:48,280 Speaker 2: let me go do this, let me go be a wife, 153 00:06:48,279 --> 00:06:50,080 Speaker 2: and let everything that I had worked for go. So 154 00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:53,479 Speaker 2: my self worth was really somewhere else other than with me. 155 00:06:54,279 --> 00:06:58,440 Speaker 2: And I did see myself through other people's eyes, mostly 156 00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:01,599 Speaker 2: you know, men or job or whoever would like me 157 00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:04,719 Speaker 2: at the time. And so in reality TV, I was 158 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:07,080 Speaker 2: so naive and just thinking, oh, I'm just gonna get 159 00:07:07,080 --> 00:07:09,480 Speaker 2: on TV and I want to show my beautiful life 160 00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:13,520 Speaker 2: and you know, my perfect marriage and now yeah, and 161 00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:15,600 Speaker 2: you know, in your real life, who walks up to 162 00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:17,200 Speaker 2: you and says they don't like you, who walks up 163 00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:18,680 Speaker 2: to you and judges you, no one. 164 00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:21,760 Speaker 1: So it really was a shock, like, oh my god, like. 165 00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:25,560 Speaker 2: Someone is really taken to heart that I said something silly, 166 00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:28,080 Speaker 2: like they're really judging me off of that or whatever. 167 00:07:28,320 --> 00:07:31,720 Speaker 2: And it took a moment for me not to read 168 00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:35,720 Speaker 2: the comments and just kind of frame myself as this 169 00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:39,400 Speaker 2: character that everybody was making me into because reality TV 170 00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:41,960 Speaker 2: is going to sensationalize the part that's entertaining for me. 171 00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:45,680 Speaker 2: I'm super goofy, I'm like down home country. I say 172 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:49,080 Speaker 2: funny things, even on purpose to make people laugh. But 173 00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:52,280 Speaker 2: on TV it just made me into like a particular box. 174 00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:55,480 Speaker 2: And so over the years I realized that the only 175 00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:57,560 Speaker 2: way this is where I am now doing the show 176 00:07:57,640 --> 00:07:59,640 Speaker 2: now that I'm back, the only way that I can 177 00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:01,400 Speaker 2: do is really be just me. 178 00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:03,080 Speaker 1: I have to stand on everything. 179 00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:05,960 Speaker 2: Nobody can give me a storyline, Nobody can tell me 180 00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:07,960 Speaker 2: what to say, Nobody can do any of that. It 181 00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:10,760 Speaker 2: literally has to be how I feel, and the cameras 182 00:08:10,760 --> 00:08:12,440 Speaker 2: are just watching me live my life. 183 00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:15,600 Speaker 1: And with being in that way, I. 184 00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:17,640 Speaker 2: Don't care what anybody has to say. I don't care 185 00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:20,600 Speaker 2: really will come no comments and things like that. They 186 00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:22,960 Speaker 2: don't bother me at all, because a lot of times 187 00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:25,480 Speaker 2: you're only seeing again back to a snapshot, you've seen 188 00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:28,000 Speaker 2: a piece of my life, or you're seeing the beginning 189 00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:30,200 Speaker 2: of a story, and you have to let things play out. 190 00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:34,400 Speaker 2: And so I am now a very confident person because 191 00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:35,960 Speaker 2: at the end of the day, I know everything's going 192 00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:38,480 Speaker 2: to work out for my good I know, I move 193 00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:41,120 Speaker 2: with love. I'm not trying to hurt anybody. Will I 194 00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:43,840 Speaker 2: still make mistakes, hell yeah, Like of course I'll still 195 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:47,479 Speaker 2: make mistakes, but it's nothing that I'm trying to hurt anybody. 196 00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:50,480 Speaker 2: It's nothing that I can't take accountability for. And so 197 00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:52,800 Speaker 2: when you live that kind of life. At this point, 198 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:55,200 Speaker 2: I want to say this season for me, it was 199 00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:56,240 Speaker 2: one of the best. 200 00:08:56,480 --> 00:08:56,920 Speaker 3: It was. 201 00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:57,559 Speaker 1: It was. 202 00:08:57,880 --> 00:09:01,480 Speaker 3: Yeah, it really You're more free, right or yes. 203 00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:05,680 Speaker 2: And I'm very I'm very direct. Yeah, I've become a 204 00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:10,240 Speaker 2: very upfront person. And because that's what I want back. 205 00:09:10,640 --> 00:09:11,640 Speaker 2: I think when you. 206 00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:14,480 Speaker 3: God, it's so much easier, it's so much easier. But 207 00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:15,800 Speaker 3: when you have people who've been in. 208 00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:18,360 Speaker 2: Your life who you felt were not direct with you, 209 00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:20,600 Speaker 2: lie to you, we're not loyal to you, et cetera. 210 00:09:21,920 --> 00:09:24,400 Speaker 2: Me I want people to reciprocate it. So if I 211 00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:26,319 Speaker 2: want you to reciprocate it, I gotta give it to you. 212 00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:27,840 Speaker 1: If I'm gonna. 213 00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:30,080 Speaker 2: Expect you to always be honest with me and tell 214 00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:31,920 Speaker 2: me if I bothered you, if I've done something, if 215 00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:34,560 Speaker 2: we have issue or whatever, then I need to do 216 00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:37,120 Speaker 2: the same with you. So it's uncomfortable with the new 217 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:40,280 Speaker 2: relationships that I have with friends and things, but it's 218 00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:43,200 Speaker 2: a truer relationship, Like you already know, this is how 219 00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:46,120 Speaker 2: I am in a relationship, this is how I friend, 220 00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:48,400 Speaker 2: And you know you're the likely that you don't. 221 00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:50,760 Speaker 3: But at least you can make a choice based on 222 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:51,280 Speaker 3: something real. 223 00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:54,120 Speaker 2: You can make a choice based on sound stand real exactly. 224 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:56,439 Speaker 2: And really I used to not want to be around 225 00:09:56,440 --> 00:09:58,840 Speaker 2: people who are like I am now because you know, 226 00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:00,800 Speaker 2: you kind of like people back and then I used 227 00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:02,760 Speaker 2: to like people just go along and get along, have 228 00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:04,800 Speaker 2: a good time, but no, you have to have tougher 229 00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:07,640 Speaker 2: conversations to really like build a good foundation with people. 230 00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:10,920 Speaker 2: So I'm very I'm very intentional. 231 00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:16,600 Speaker 3: Now, what makes a good friend. 232 00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:16,960 Speaker 2: Well, I can just speak from where I am. I 233 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,720 Speaker 2: don't have a lot of friends because I'm not that 234 00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:23,679 Speaker 2: trusting and I've been through some traumatic things and friendships, 235 00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:26,320 Speaker 2: things that I've called things that people have done to me. 236 00:10:27,679 --> 00:10:30,040 Speaker 2: So for me, it's just a person who understands how 237 00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:33,000 Speaker 2: I am and I understand how they are. If you're 238 00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:35,160 Speaker 2: not the type of person who needs to see me 239 00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:37,400 Speaker 2: every week or talk every day on the phone, then 240 00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:39,160 Speaker 2: that's cool. But when I see you, I love you, 241 00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:41,640 Speaker 2: I miss you, it's like we never skip time. Those 242 00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:44,200 Speaker 2: type of people who allow other friends to live life, 243 00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:46,439 Speaker 2: but you're still there for them when they need them. 244 00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:49,000 Speaker 2: That's a real friend. That's the type of that's really 245 00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:50,760 Speaker 2: the only kind of friend that I can have because 246 00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:52,160 Speaker 2: I'm busy living life. 247 00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:53,800 Speaker 1: I'm busy trying to survive out here. 248 00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:58,000 Speaker 3: It shouldn't be like another responsibility. Yeah, like another job. Yeah. 249 00:10:58,000 --> 00:10:59,760 Speaker 2: Those people who you call and it's like, oh, I 250 00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:01,360 Speaker 2: have hurt him you or I was trying to call 251 00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:03,520 Speaker 2: you or I was hey, what's up? 252 00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:05,520 Speaker 3: How you been? Like you good? 253 00:11:05,559 --> 00:11:07,920 Speaker 1: It's like you know what I'm saying, Do you need anything? 254 00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:08,719 Speaker 1: What you're working on? 255 00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:09,640 Speaker 3: Like that? 256 00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:12,680 Speaker 2: Those are the because life is life and for a 257 00:11:12,679 --> 00:11:15,360 Speaker 2: lot of people, you never know what people are dealing with. 258 00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:17,319 Speaker 2: I mean, I dressed up and put on makeup in 259 00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:20,080 Speaker 2: a wig every day and every day it is not 260 00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:20,920 Speaker 2: glamorous for me. 261 00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:22,440 Speaker 1: Every day is not the best day. 262 00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:25,600 Speaker 2: So when you meet someone you really want to check 263 00:11:25,640 --> 00:11:27,839 Speaker 2: on them where they are right, then don't go badge 264 00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:28,840 Speaker 2: with them because you haven't. 265 00:11:28,679 --> 00:11:29,200 Speaker 1: Talked to them. 266 00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:31,040 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a waste of time. Time. 267 00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:33,040 Speaker 2: You don't wasted ten minutes of the phone call, and 268 00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:34,920 Speaker 2: I actually wuldn't get off and now I gotta go yeah, 269 00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:39,400 Speaker 2: now I gotta go long, you know, like, yeah. 270 00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:43,600 Speaker 3: It's so funny. It's so funny. So what about this? 271 00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:47,840 Speaker 3: So there's a new season, yes, and new and the 272 00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:50,640 Speaker 3: Trader Show. So you have how many jobs? How many jobs? 273 00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:51,319 Speaker 2: You have? 274 00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:52,679 Speaker 3: The product projects? 275 00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:53,120 Speaker 1: Yes? 276 00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:56,520 Speaker 3: I had products? Yeah, projects, the products. 277 00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:59,080 Speaker 1: Projects, products, that's true. Actually you got a new boo. 278 00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:03,319 Speaker 2: You gotta okay, you gotta have your hand and everything, 279 00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:05,319 Speaker 2: you know. For me being I didn't just want to 280 00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:07,240 Speaker 2: be known as a reality star. I did want to 281 00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:11,080 Speaker 2: be the top of my reality TV world. But outside 282 00:12:11,080 --> 00:12:12,520 Speaker 2: of that, I want to build my own brand. So 283 00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:15,840 Speaker 2: I've always been a businesswoman, so I had to be 284 00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:19,360 Speaker 2: able to monetize all of this fame and people paying 285 00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:21,959 Speaker 2: me attention and wanting to purchase something from me. So 286 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:25,320 Speaker 2: I started Pepper by Porscha Sheets, and I started from 287 00:12:25,360 --> 00:12:27,600 Speaker 2: my mom. She actually hooked me up with the vendor, 288 00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:31,320 Speaker 2: and I started because the line of sheets feel just 289 00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:32,920 Speaker 2: like the sheet she had on her bed, and I 290 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:34,959 Speaker 2: used to love being in my mommy's bed. So they 291 00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:37,360 Speaker 2: really when people say I look at sheets are so soft. 292 00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:39,040 Speaker 1: I'm like, I know, I know. That's a part of 293 00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:39,640 Speaker 1: home for me. 294 00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:42,559 Speaker 2: And then I started Go Naked Hair after my first 295 00:12:42,559 --> 00:12:46,760 Speaker 2: divorce because I just lost my self confidence totally and 296 00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:50,320 Speaker 2: I used hair to express myself to like fake it 297 00:12:50,360 --> 00:12:51,599 Speaker 2: till you make it, if you will, you know what 298 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:53,600 Speaker 2: I'm saying, Like, if I needed to handle business, I'm 299 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:55,800 Speaker 2: putting on a bob. If I need curly hair, I 300 00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:57,440 Speaker 2: want to feel fun and free, I put on my 301 00:12:57,520 --> 00:13:01,080 Speaker 2: curly wigs. So to me, we women, we express ourselves 302 00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:03,600 Speaker 2: through hair. And so that's how Go Naked started, and 303 00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:07,560 Speaker 2: then you know, Housewives of course, and then Traders was 304 00:13:07,640 --> 00:13:08,240 Speaker 2: really fun. 305 00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:09,880 Speaker 1: That's the super huge show. 306 00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:13,319 Speaker 2: That I don't really know what to expect when I 307 00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:15,680 Speaker 2: got there, but a lot of people when you watch 308 00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:18,040 Speaker 2: the show, you get immersed into it, like the mystery 309 00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:18,480 Speaker 2: of it all. 310 00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:22,680 Speaker 1: But it's very intense in actually doing the show. But yeah, 311 00:13:22,679 --> 00:13:26,360 Speaker 1: it's very intense because you're in situations to where you're 312 00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:29,079 Speaker 1: having to prove yourself and convince people that you think 313 00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:32,920 Speaker 1: should automatically believe you. It's like, what you know, I 314 00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:36,280 Speaker 1: didn't say that or do that or this. So yeah, 315 00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:39,360 Speaker 1: so Traders was fun. Traders was fun. And then I'm 316 00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:41,800 Speaker 1: also doing a podcast with my sister. 317 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:45,480 Speaker 2: And of course yes, yes, yes, so that's we'll be 318 00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:47,000 Speaker 2: starting that in the new year. 319 00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:47,480 Speaker 1: Nice. 320 00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:51,079 Speaker 2: Yeah yeah yeah, and then two other shows that are 321 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:53,240 Speaker 2: coming up. But yeah, I try to stay busy. But 322 00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:55,680 Speaker 2: to be honest with you, as busy as I am, 323 00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:59,959 Speaker 2: I decided before I retired from Housewives, before took a high, 324 00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:03,240 Speaker 2: that I was going to have blocks. 325 00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:04,240 Speaker 1: Of time in there for my family. 326 00:14:04,440 --> 00:14:06,800 Speaker 2: So even though it seems like I'm always busy, I 327 00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:09,600 Speaker 2: do still have a lot of downtime. You schedule it out, 328 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:10,439 Speaker 2: I schedule it out. 329 00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:13,320 Speaker 1: It's priority. Yeah, yeah, that's good, and I'm priority. 330 00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:17,080 Speaker 3: Yeah. We forget that, we don't. We forget that. I 331 00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:18,920 Speaker 3: do it too, And then I wait something all the 332 00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:23,600 Speaker 3: way beat down. So I'm like, yeah, you you know, 333 00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:24,000 Speaker 3: we have. 334 00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:26,160 Speaker 2: Managers, we have people who handle things for us, but 335 00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:28,960 Speaker 2: you have to have your best interest in handle yourself. Yeah, 336 00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:30,680 Speaker 2: and you have to say, you know what, Okay, I've 337 00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:33,200 Speaker 2: been going, going going for two weeks straight. No, no, no, 338 00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:35,360 Speaker 2: I need this whole weekend or I need this whole 339 00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:37,200 Speaker 2: half a week. And I'll let you know when I'm 340 00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:37,960 Speaker 2: ready to work again. 341 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:38,640 Speaker 1: You gotta do that. 342 00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:44,280 Speaker 3: Yeah, I was seeing something about some of the stereotypes 343 00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:50,240 Speaker 3: of reality and then also like how different reality personalities 344 00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:53,320 Speaker 3: are treated versus how others are treated. You've been able 345 00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:55,240 Speaker 3: to kind of like push past that with it, maybe 346 00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:57,880 Speaker 3: just because of your business and your personality. Why do 347 00:14:57,880 --> 00:14:59,360 Speaker 3: you think that is? What do you attribute that to 348 00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:03,200 Speaker 3: you being in to kind of like push past where 349 00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:04,160 Speaker 3: some people get stuck. 350 00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:11,120 Speaker 2: Well, reality TV is one hundred percent entertainment one percent. 351 00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:13,680 Speaker 2: There are feel good moments, there's things that you can 352 00:15:13,720 --> 00:15:15,800 Speaker 2: relate to. That's why we all watch it, right, But 353 00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:17,840 Speaker 2: at the end of the day, people like to put 354 00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:19,640 Speaker 2: it in its own box and the people who are 355 00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:23,000 Speaker 2: on it. But at the same time, everybody, if they 356 00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:25,400 Speaker 2: had the opportunity to be on reality TV show, they 357 00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:26,880 Speaker 2: would want to be on it. They would want to 358 00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:29,160 Speaker 2: do exactly what we're doing. But it's kind of fun 359 00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:31,520 Speaker 2: to poke fun at the people who are doing It's. 360 00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:32,240 Speaker 3: Like an easy target. 361 00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:35,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, you're sharing my life and I'm making mistakes and 362 00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:37,720 Speaker 2: I'm going through different things, and it's easier to point 363 00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:39,800 Speaker 2: and judge it. But if we put a camera on 364 00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:42,000 Speaker 2: you and what you're doing in your life, how would 365 00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:42,520 Speaker 2: that feel? 366 00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:44,320 Speaker 3: So for me. 367 00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:48,640 Speaker 2: I don't really think too heavy on what box reality 368 00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:51,920 Speaker 2: TV puts me in because I'm Porsche and I do 369 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:56,200 Speaker 2: many many different things. I've hosted TV shows before, I've 370 00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:58,240 Speaker 2: done a lot of different things. So I feel like 371 00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:01,600 Speaker 2: when you are talented and you can kind of branch out, 372 00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:03,720 Speaker 2: then it helps you come out of that box, like 373 00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:07,000 Speaker 2: you can have fans and supporters in different places and 374 00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:09,440 Speaker 2: most of all own what you do. 375 00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:12,720 Speaker 1: You know, I think a lot of times people. 376 00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:15,120 Speaker 2: Judge reality stars like they're just silly or whatever, which 377 00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:17,080 Speaker 2: sometimes just we are. Okay, I think I could be 378 00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:21,760 Speaker 2: the funniest and silliest one, but I respect what it is. 379 00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:23,000 Speaker 1: I respect that I. 380 00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:25,000 Speaker 2: Am sharing my life and that a lot of women 381 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:27,080 Speaker 2: that I meet can relate to me. They talk to 382 00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:29,800 Speaker 2: me about different things that I've been through and they 383 00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:32,280 Speaker 2: match it and how I've helped them by telling my 384 00:16:32,280 --> 00:16:35,200 Speaker 2: story or showing something that normally somebody wouldn't want to 385 00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:36,280 Speaker 2: talk about that's embarrassing. 386 00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:38,080 Speaker 1: So I lean into it. 387 00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:41,200 Speaker 2: You know, even if I am dating someone, you know, 388 00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:43,360 Speaker 2: you have to come into it with confidence because people 389 00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:44,960 Speaker 2: will make you feel like, oh, you're. 390 00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:47,680 Speaker 1: Doing that show. No, I do this show. 391 00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:50,360 Speaker 2: Yes, I'm a reality star and this is what we do, 392 00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:52,160 Speaker 2: and this is how I use my platform, and these 393 00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:54,520 Speaker 2: are the things that have I've benefited from it. 394 00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:57,000 Speaker 3: So yeah, I just have you ever been in a 395 00:16:57,000 --> 00:17:00,120 Speaker 3: situation where somebody didn't want to be part of that 396 00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:05,040 Speaker 3: world but wanted to be part of your world privately? Yeah? Yeah, 397 00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:08,119 Speaker 3: even dating, I would imagine. 398 00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:11,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, I was single for a long time after my 399 00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:14,320 Speaker 2: first divorce and I went to go see a dating 400 00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:19,560 Speaker 2: you did a matchmaker, and a lot of the matches 401 00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:22,360 Speaker 2: once they realized that I was on a reality show, 402 00:17:22,359 --> 00:17:23,280 Speaker 2: they didn't want to match. 403 00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:23,800 Speaker 3: Wow. 404 00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:27,040 Speaker 1: Yeah, and it wasn't like them filming. 405 00:17:27,359 --> 00:17:28,360 Speaker 3: Did you feel a way about it? 406 00:17:29,240 --> 00:17:32,439 Speaker 2: I felt like, even though you would think that my 407 00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:35,000 Speaker 2: pool of dating is huge, it's really not. I mean, 408 00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:37,960 Speaker 2: once you take out the cheaters and you know, the 409 00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:40,360 Speaker 2: people who just are horrible in relationships and the people 410 00:17:40,359 --> 00:17:43,080 Speaker 2: who don't want to be a part of reality trauma, 411 00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:46,359 Speaker 2: it's very it's a very, very very small dating pool. 412 00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:48,960 Speaker 2: And then also you have to think about if someone 413 00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:51,360 Speaker 2: is dating you and you're in the public eye at all, 414 00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:54,359 Speaker 2: you know, are they an opportunist? You know, something that 415 00:17:54,359 --> 00:17:55,879 Speaker 2: they want from you to do they want to use that, 416 00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:59,800 Speaker 2: So it's it can be really tough to try to 417 00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:01,679 Speaker 2: just side how you're gonna maneuver that. 418 00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:05,080 Speaker 3: For real? You ever notice how everything keeps going up? 419 00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:08,480 Speaker 3: I mean rent is going up, Streaming services are going up. 420 00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:10,720 Speaker 3: Even like your favorite burrito places all of a sudden wants 421 00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:12,480 Speaker 3: to charge you for salsa. You go to the supermarket, 422 00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:14,320 Speaker 3: they want to charge you extra for the bag. 423 00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:15,920 Speaker 1: It's kind of crazy out here. 424 00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:18,560 Speaker 3: The good thing is with boost Mobile, you and your 425 00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:20,520 Speaker 3: phone bill do not have to play that game. You 426 00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:23,840 Speaker 3: don't have to play the will this go up soon? Game? Why? 427 00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:27,919 Speaker 3: Because boost Mobile has an unlimited talk, text, and data 428 00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:31,040 Speaker 3: plan at a price that will never go up. In fact, 429 00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:34,160 Speaker 3: it's the same price you'll pay for life. So switch 430 00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:36,680 Speaker 3: now to unlimited wireless at a price that will never 431 00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:40,280 Speaker 3: go up. Only at boost Mobile. After thirty gigabytes, customers 432 00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:43,520 Speaker 3: may experience slower speeds. Customers will pay twenty five dollars 433 00:18:43,560 --> 00:18:45,520 Speaker 3: a month as long as they remain active on the 434 00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:48,320 Speaker 3: boost Mobile unlimited plan. And so, how have you done it? 435 00:18:48,359 --> 00:18:50,240 Speaker 3: How have you managed it? What were the tricks that 436 00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:50,960 Speaker 3: you had to learn? 437 00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:56,399 Speaker 2: I think that I'm still learning, for sure, And I 438 00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:59,440 Speaker 2: really try to make sure that someone has their own 439 00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:02,119 Speaker 2: like you know what I mean, I don't think that 440 00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:04,800 Speaker 2: I can really speak on that because I thought I 441 00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:10,119 Speaker 2: had it figured out with my last situation, but I didn't. 442 00:19:10,240 --> 00:19:13,320 Speaker 2: I thought that fame and social media will be the 443 00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:17,040 Speaker 2: last thing that someone will be a part of who 444 00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:19,679 Speaker 2: I chose, and it was absolutely the number one. 445 00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:25,280 Speaker 1: Thing that they wanted. So yeah, yeah, so I you know. 446 00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:27,680 Speaker 1: And so once I realized that, I was like, well, hell, 447 00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:29,960 Speaker 1: you know, Okay, I guess you just don't know. You 448 00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:30,600 Speaker 1: just never know. 449 00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:34,280 Speaker 2: So for me, I just go off of what I feel, 450 00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:36,840 Speaker 2: you know, And I try to even though I do 451 00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:38,920 Speaker 2: and know as much as I said I'm going to 452 00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:41,520 Speaker 2: keep my relationship, my relationship private. 453 00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:44,679 Speaker 1: It's hard to do for me. 454 00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:48,200 Speaker 2: Number one, Just as who I am when I am 455 00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:52,040 Speaker 2: and when I'm happy, I want to express that I'm happy, 456 00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:53,119 Speaker 2: like I'm. 457 00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:53,720 Speaker 1: Just I show it. 458 00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:57,640 Speaker 2: You're an open book, you know, and so I want 459 00:19:57,680 --> 00:19:59,919 Speaker 2: to express it. And then of course, not only do 460 00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:01,560 Speaker 2: I want to express it, there's a mic in my 461 00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:02,680 Speaker 2: face asking me about it. 462 00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:08,400 Speaker 3: Oh, so you're trying to keep You're trying it out. 463 00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:11,520 Speaker 3: Though you're trying to keep, we are trying to your 464 00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:14,800 Speaker 3: new situation. Learning that as private as possible. 465 00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:17,919 Speaker 1: Yeah, get yes. I mean, you know, I have some 466 00:20:18,119 --> 00:20:20,480 Speaker 1: old habits, which is I. 467 00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:23,840 Speaker 2: Love out loud, you know, and I am living in 468 00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:26,560 Speaker 2: my truth and I'm open with where I am in 469 00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:28,480 Speaker 2: my life, you know. But that doesn't mean you should 470 00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:30,240 Speaker 2: be dragging someone else into. 471 00:20:30,119 --> 00:20:33,520 Speaker 3: Into all your crazy world, you know, so, I especially 472 00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:36,399 Speaker 3: when it's still and you're still trying to figure it 473 00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:40,000 Speaker 3: out exactly. But you do make headlines when you were 474 00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:43,040 Speaker 3: married to two men and then you say a woman, 475 00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:45,119 Speaker 3: that's gonna automatically. 476 00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:46,400 Speaker 1: That's gonna automatically automatically. 477 00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:47,400 Speaker 3: People got questions. 478 00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:52,359 Speaker 2: And I'm not lying when I say I really thought 479 00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:56,200 Speaker 2: it was the worst kept secret. But I think seeing 480 00:20:57,040 --> 00:21:00,560 Speaker 2: me say it was the worst kept secret because over 481 00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:04,040 Speaker 2: the years I have definitely spoke about dating, not dating women, 482 00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:05,720 Speaker 2: but you know, being with women before. 483 00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:07,719 Speaker 1: But dating is different dating. 484 00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:11,560 Speaker 3: I've never you never dated women. I've never so before 485 00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:19,120 Speaker 3: it was like experimental or just swarring or explore, exploring, exploration, exploration. 486 00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:23,400 Speaker 1: I'm just exploring all parts of who I am. 487 00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:26,560 Speaker 2: And I you know, I know people are like, oh, 488 00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:29,639 Speaker 2: you know, she shouldn't why this is my life? 489 00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:32,000 Speaker 1: And you know, people ask me questions. 490 00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:35,080 Speaker 2: Again, I am not going to feel ashamed of how 491 00:21:35,119 --> 00:21:38,320 Speaker 2: I feel or at this point in my life. It 492 00:21:38,359 --> 00:21:40,760 Speaker 2: doesn't mean that anything in my past wasn't real. It 493 00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:42,760 Speaker 2: just means this is also another part of who I am. 494 00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:44,840 Speaker 2: It's so funny. People in my comments are life. She's 495 00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:48,000 Speaker 2: lived nine lives, and it's so funny because my family 496 00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:49,000 Speaker 2: we've said that I have. 497 00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:51,520 Speaker 1: And I don't think that there's an issue with you 498 00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:54,520 Speaker 1: reinventing yourself. I don't think there's an issue with you 499 00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:57,880 Speaker 1: exploring a different side of who you are. I think 500 00:21:57,920 --> 00:22:01,600 Speaker 1: in my world, I have been beat down enough for 501 00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:03,480 Speaker 1: who I am to the point where I don't care 502 00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:06,080 Speaker 1: what anybody has to say, and so I'm just not. 503 00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:08,440 Speaker 2: Going to hide anything. You know, I am going to 504 00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:10,719 Speaker 2: try to be private moving forward. 505 00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:11,840 Speaker 3: Right about the relationship. 506 00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:15,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, details and things like that, but I'm more interested. 507 00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:17,119 Speaker 2: I thought it was I never writing for me to 508 00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:18,200 Speaker 2: live out loud more. 509 00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:20,400 Speaker 3: So than the details of this relationship or any relationship. 510 00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:23,560 Speaker 3: But I think it's I don't know. I think it's uh, 511 00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:26,679 Speaker 3: it's like kind of inspiring that you don't have fear, 512 00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:29,399 Speaker 3: Like you said, you've never dated a woman before, the 513 00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:32,480 Speaker 3: fact that you're freely open to that and then open 514 00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:35,320 Speaker 3: to letting people see that you're doing that is interesting. 515 00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:40,680 Speaker 2: It wasn't as easy. After the aftermath wasn't as easy. 516 00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:43,639 Speaker 2: What do you mean, the after mask wasn't as easy. 517 00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:48,239 Speaker 2: So me, me being a spontaneous person and you know, 518 00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:50,880 Speaker 2: really into someone and wanting to share it, and yes, 519 00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:53,960 Speaker 2: this is brand new Portia is dating a woman. Yes, 520 00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:58,679 Speaker 2: that is something that shocked everyone. And as I was 521 00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:01,680 Speaker 2: doing it felt natural to me, felt like a natural transition. 522 00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:04,480 Speaker 2: It's my real life, it's how I feel, and I'm 523 00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:08,480 Speaker 2: really into this person. However, I then just had to 524 00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:13,439 Speaker 2: kind of really think about what was actually happening. I 525 00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:15,840 Speaker 2: had to take a step back and say, wow, like, 526 00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:21,119 Speaker 2: you know, I introduced my family, and then it's people 527 00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:23,560 Speaker 2: with the labels and it's like, oh, she's coming out 528 00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:25,760 Speaker 2: and she's this and this label and that. I'm like, well, 529 00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:32,240 Speaker 2: I'm just me. I am just showing and operating in 530 00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:36,520 Speaker 2: another side of me. So I don't really have that 531 00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:39,320 Speaker 2: need to want to label anything at all. I just 532 00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:42,360 Speaker 2: I've made a joke and I'm like, I'm just poorsious sexual. 533 00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:48,960 Speaker 2: I am just I'm just poortious sexual. I am comfortable, 534 00:23:49,359 --> 00:23:53,359 Speaker 2: and you know, it really wasn't so much freedom. It 535 00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:56,720 Speaker 2: is absolutely a freedom, especially when you have your family 536 00:23:56,760 --> 00:23:59,520 Speaker 2: support for sure. I think if my family were side 537 00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:01,680 Speaker 2: eyeing me and different things like that, it would have 538 00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:05,000 Speaker 2: felt been more of a coming out, a hard luck 539 00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:07,359 Speaker 2: coming out story of some other some other people have 540 00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:11,520 Speaker 2: experienced with me. The support and just the love of 541 00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:15,440 Speaker 2: knowing that if I'm happy, they're happy. And I think 542 00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:18,840 Speaker 2: that's how this transition has happened. It hasn't felt like 543 00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:22,800 Speaker 2: some huge change going on natural to you, It's very 544 00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:25,679 Speaker 2: natural and to me, I'm more so attracted to the person. 545 00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:28,480 Speaker 2: It really wasn't about her being a woman, although she 546 00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:32,480 Speaker 2: is an absolutely gorgeous, beautiful woman, and really. 547 00:24:32,359 --> 00:24:34,120 Speaker 3: Trying not to talk about her, but you can't even 548 00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:38,680 Speaker 3: help and look at you, you look at you. I'm 549 00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:43,760 Speaker 3: trying not to ask. I know, I know, And this 550 00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:44,560 Speaker 3: is how I am. 551 00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:45,879 Speaker 1: I'm a lover girl. 552 00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:49,360 Speaker 2: I am such a lover girl. Again, I was alone 553 00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:51,360 Speaker 2: for a while, you know what I mean. I mean 554 00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:53,080 Speaker 2: I know that people are like, oh, this is what 555 00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:55,199 Speaker 2: you filed and this is this, but you know, you 556 00:24:55,200 --> 00:24:56,720 Speaker 2: feel a lone way before. 557 00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:59,160 Speaker 1: You actually chile and you leave and then you go through. 558 00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:04,040 Speaker 2: This long, hard lonely, stressful, divorce and then all of that, 559 00:25:04,280 --> 00:25:07,800 Speaker 2: and honestly, I was so numb for so long that 560 00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:09,200 Speaker 2: I just didn't know if I was going to be 561 00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:11,359 Speaker 2: able to feel like this the same way I didn't 562 00:25:11,359 --> 00:25:12,720 Speaker 2: know if I was going to be able to make 563 00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:16,480 Speaker 2: it back to Porsche. And that's why I celebrate myself 564 00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:20,560 Speaker 2: right now. And I really don't have a mind or 565 00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:24,080 Speaker 2: space to think about anybody else's opinion or anything, because 566 00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:27,560 Speaker 2: I fought hard to be here, Like ending this year, 567 00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:29,960 Speaker 2: people talk to me and I'm like, I'm just glad 568 00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:30,920 Speaker 2: to be in my right mind. 569 00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:32,760 Speaker 1: Like people don't know how. 570 00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:36,439 Speaker 2: Much you deal with in life, of course, and yeah, 571 00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:40,119 Speaker 2: they have no idea. And me in this industry, I 572 00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:42,040 Speaker 2: always have to pretty it up right. Who wants to 573 00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:45,280 Speaker 2: be on somebody's Instagram and they look like, you know what, 574 00:25:45,520 --> 00:25:49,040 Speaker 2: was me at every moment. So it's my job to 575 00:25:49,119 --> 00:25:51,280 Speaker 2: put on a wig and lashes and do my job 576 00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:54,400 Speaker 2: and look good. But it's also my job to take 577 00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:57,880 Speaker 2: care of Porsche. And thank God that I am where 578 00:25:57,880 --> 00:26:00,679 Speaker 2: I am so just as thankful as I to be 579 00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:02,920 Speaker 2: back and feel like I can really have a good 580 00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:06,760 Speaker 2: gut laugh again, really hug my daughter and feel her 581 00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:10,680 Speaker 2: energy again, really appreciate family again. It's the same way 582 00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:14,160 Speaker 2: I'm happy that I actually have butterflies again and I 583 00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:18,080 Speaker 2: can feel, you know what I'm saying, excited about someone again. 584 00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:20,560 Speaker 2: That those two things is something that I really do. 585 00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:22,600 Speaker 2: Chaerish right now for sure, that's beautiful. 586 00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:25,280 Speaker 3: Yeah, there's so many women that well men too. The 587 00:26:25,359 --> 00:26:28,800 Speaker 3: people go through divorce and it hits hard for people. Yeah, 588 00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:32,760 Speaker 3: what what was the And you you have to like 589 00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:35,600 Speaker 3: you say, put your lasses on, in your wig on, Well, 590 00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:37,560 Speaker 3: what what was that moment like? And then how do 591 00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:40,200 Speaker 3: you pick yourself back up? Like what does the dark 592 00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:43,000 Speaker 3: moment feel like? And I don't know for you, what 593 00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:43,760 Speaker 3: was that experience? 594 00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:44,000 Speaker 1: You know? 595 00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:46,520 Speaker 2: I want to say is you know, I don't want 596 00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:49,359 Speaker 2: to talk much about him because it just brings up 597 00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:52,800 Speaker 2: so much, but I can speak about my experience and 598 00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:55,760 Speaker 2: what I feel like I lost. You lose the future 599 00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:58,160 Speaker 2: that you were working on. You lose like your biggest 600 00:26:58,240 --> 00:27:02,199 Speaker 2: job on earth, your biggest blessing, the biggest thing that 601 00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:05,560 Speaker 2: you're hoping for to happen for a long period of time. 602 00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:09,080 Speaker 2: You lose that and when it happens, it rocks your world. 603 00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:12,560 Speaker 2: I mean I truly identify as a wife when I 604 00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:15,879 Speaker 2: am married, I really do, and I'm locked in and 605 00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:18,240 Speaker 2: I want to give my all. I mean, I'm a cancer. 606 00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:21,000 Speaker 2: I'm such a nurturer, like I want to take care 607 00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:23,480 Speaker 2: of everyone, and I especially want to take care of 608 00:27:23,920 --> 00:27:26,280 Speaker 2: my family, and I wanted to I don't want to 609 00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:27,280 Speaker 2: be successful at that. 610 00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:30,440 Speaker 1: And also I'm very intentional. 611 00:27:30,520 --> 00:27:32,639 Speaker 2: So each day I want to make you happy, and 612 00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:34,439 Speaker 2: I hope that you want to make me happy. And 613 00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:37,879 Speaker 2: when those things break suddenly, the way I had to 614 00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:42,439 Speaker 2: end it, it was devastating. But then I also had 615 00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:43,840 Speaker 2: to pick the pieces up and it had to go 616 00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:45,800 Speaker 2: to work. You know, you got to keep going. You 617 00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:48,240 Speaker 2: got to keep going and going and going. And I 618 00:27:48,359 --> 00:27:51,439 Speaker 2: reached a point that where I realized, like, if I 619 00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:54,679 Speaker 2: just keep going, you may end up still successful, you 620 00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:57,480 Speaker 2: may end up still finishing out everything that you're trying 621 00:27:57,520 --> 00:27:59,560 Speaker 2: to do, but you're going to be empty and you 622 00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:04,440 Speaker 2: could be bitter. And so I took time and I said, 623 00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:07,240 Speaker 2: you know what, I'm going to start doing things for me, 624 00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:09,760 Speaker 2: and I cut my days in half. And if I 625 00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:12,080 Speaker 2: needed to stay in the bed all day and cry, 626 00:28:12,400 --> 00:28:13,760 Speaker 2: if I need to stay in the bed all day 627 00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:16,800 Speaker 2: and watch TV, or doom scroll or whatever, rotten bed, 628 00:28:16,880 --> 00:28:19,280 Speaker 2: whatever it was, I would take those times and do it. 629 00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:21,880 Speaker 1: If I had content I needed to do, I. 630 00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:23,919 Speaker 2: Would load up two days and just you know, two 631 00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:25,480 Speaker 2: or three days and just kill a killer killer and 632 00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:28,040 Speaker 2: then make sure I had Saturday Sunday to do absolutely 633 00:28:28,080 --> 00:28:30,480 Speaker 2: nothing to look like crap, you know what I'm saying. 634 00:28:30,520 --> 00:28:33,040 Speaker 2: So I really had to figure out what I could 635 00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:35,959 Speaker 2: do to put me first, and most of it was 636 00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:39,360 Speaker 2: me praying and having to go into myself. I had 637 00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:44,320 Speaker 2: to take accountability for my part, choices that I made, ways, 638 00:28:44,680 --> 00:28:47,760 Speaker 2: things that had things that had shaped two I was 639 00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:51,520 Speaker 2: in my past to make me choose that situation, make 640 00:28:51,560 --> 00:28:55,040 Speaker 2: me ignore certain things. And when you take accountability from 641 00:28:55,040 --> 00:28:57,320 Speaker 2: the very beginning and say, ooh this was a pattern 642 00:28:57,720 --> 00:28:59,920 Speaker 2: and you thought you could cover it up with overdoing this, 643 00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:03,360 Speaker 2: are overdoing that or over compensating here and there, when 644 00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:05,880 Speaker 2: you forgive yourself along the way and you really so 645 00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:09,320 Speaker 2: search and decide, Okay, I see where I see where 646 00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:11,520 Speaker 2: they could have gone wrong. Maybe I could have Maybe 647 00:29:11,560 --> 00:29:13,800 Speaker 2: it's not so much as the other person. Just you're 648 00:29:13,800 --> 00:29:16,120 Speaker 2: speaking up for yourself more. Hey, I don't think you've 649 00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:18,120 Speaker 2: really looked at me in my eyes in a while. Hey, 650 00:29:18,680 --> 00:29:21,480 Speaker 2: I don't know if I don't, I don't feel our connection. 651 00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:23,840 Speaker 2: Just some of the things that you could do along 652 00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:26,760 Speaker 2: the way, ask for what you need instead of trying 653 00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:31,239 Speaker 2: to just please. And even though that doesn't sound like 654 00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:33,640 Speaker 2: such a horrible thing, in the end, it can be 655 00:29:34,120 --> 00:29:35,760 Speaker 2: because you just end up a shadow. 656 00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:36,720 Speaker 1: You just end up. 657 00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:40,920 Speaker 3: When you said that, you said you always you want 658 00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:43,560 Speaker 3: to serve you. You're like, you put so much until 659 00:29:43,560 --> 00:29:46,520 Speaker 3: you want to be a great wife. Yeah, not you 660 00:29:46,560 --> 00:29:48,920 Speaker 3: want somebody to be a great partner for you, right, 661 00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:50,720 Speaker 3: which is different. You're right. 662 00:29:50,760 --> 00:29:52,800 Speaker 1: As long as it looked like a good partner for me, 663 00:29:52,880 --> 00:29:54,360 Speaker 1: I was okay with it, because. 664 00:29:54,120 --> 00:29:56,200 Speaker 3: Then you get to be you can be the good 665 00:29:56,240 --> 00:29:57,960 Speaker 3: wife without receiving. 666 00:29:57,760 --> 00:29:59,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, a good part in the long run, you're not 667 00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:02,640 Speaker 1: and receive it. In the long run, you're not. You're not. 668 00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:07,040 Speaker 2: You're gonna have to pick someone who at the root 669 00:30:07,120 --> 00:30:09,320 Speaker 2: and the base of who you are, they can appreciate 670 00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:13,800 Speaker 2: that person without all without me coming in doing everything. 671 00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:18,000 Speaker 1: I think men and some people they do love bomb. 672 00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:20,680 Speaker 2: But I didn't realize I do it too, Like I'll 673 00:30:20,680 --> 00:30:22,840 Speaker 2: come in and I want to be your everything, Like. 674 00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:25,800 Speaker 1: I mean you know, seriously, like I mean to you girl, 675 00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:29,160 Speaker 1: yeah yeah, But I also. 676 00:30:29,080 --> 00:30:31,440 Speaker 2: Make sure it's reciprocated now, you know, make sure I'm 677 00:30:31,440 --> 00:30:34,400 Speaker 2: feeling it back, because I'll forget and next thing I know, 678 00:30:34,520 --> 00:30:37,600 Speaker 2: I've overloved and I'm not receiving it back the way 679 00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:38,880 Speaker 2: I needed to be received. 680 00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:43,480 Speaker 3: You get angry, or you get well sad lonely like. 681 00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:47,160 Speaker 2: I get sad and lonely, and I feel empty. And 682 00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:50,560 Speaker 2: when you wake up and you have everything and you 683 00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:52,360 Speaker 2: still feel empty, something isn't right. 684 00:30:52,720 --> 00:30:53,680 Speaker 1: Life is too short. 685 00:30:54,040 --> 00:30:56,560 Speaker 2: And I really truly think about life as being this 686 00:30:56,720 --> 00:30:59,479 Speaker 2: one experience that God has given us. I don't know 687 00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:01,440 Speaker 2: what's gonna happened when I leave this earth, but I 688 00:31:01,480 --> 00:31:04,080 Speaker 2: do know right now I am blessed and I can 689 00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:08,720 Speaker 2: be fulfilled. I have a beautiful daughter, beautiful mother, family, sister, everything, 690 00:31:09,200 --> 00:31:11,240 Speaker 2: and I have one way to deal with it, one 691 00:31:11,280 --> 00:31:13,400 Speaker 2: way to handle my life. And am I gonna think 692 00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:15,640 Speaker 2: about it and just think about what someone else wants 693 00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:18,200 Speaker 2: and live a negative life glass half empty? Or am 694 00:31:18,240 --> 00:31:19,680 Speaker 2: I gonna look at it and say what can I 695 00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:22,480 Speaker 2: do to own my world? What can I do? And 696 00:31:22,920 --> 00:31:25,200 Speaker 2: if I do what I want to do, will it 697 00:31:25,280 --> 00:31:27,959 Speaker 2: shake something up. Yeah, but whatever shakes up. 698 00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:28,600 Speaker 1: I didn't need it. 699 00:31:29,240 --> 00:31:30,000 Speaker 3: I didn't need it. 700 00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:31,960 Speaker 2: It's okay, you know what I mean. I didn't know 701 00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:35,960 Speaker 2: what was gonna happen with me coming out, you know, 702 00:31:36,080 --> 00:31:37,680 Speaker 2: I didn't know if people were going to accept it. 703 00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:39,000 Speaker 1: I have definitely. 704 00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:41,080 Speaker 3: Received a lot of native negatively. 705 00:31:41,360 --> 00:31:43,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure, I definitely have. But that's okay. 706 00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:45,880 Speaker 3: It's not the it's not the first you put that 707 00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:47,560 Speaker 3: in quotes. But that's the real thing. I was thinking 708 00:31:47,560 --> 00:31:50,680 Speaker 3: because we interviewed Janelle Monet on the podcast one time 709 00:31:50,960 --> 00:31:54,520 Speaker 3: and she was talking about the responsibility. It's all of 710 00:31:54,560 --> 00:31:58,040 Speaker 3: a sudden, It's like if you are a dated woman 711 00:31:58,200 --> 00:32:00,400 Speaker 3: or however you identify, all of a sudden, there's the 712 00:32:00,720 --> 00:32:04,320 Speaker 3: you have to represent all of the community. 713 00:32:04,440 --> 00:32:04,640 Speaker 1: Right. 714 00:32:05,320 --> 00:32:08,360 Speaker 3: It's like, I don't know something about the label that 715 00:32:08,480 --> 00:32:12,000 Speaker 3: can be overwhelming for people, any label, I'm sure. Well, 716 00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:12,680 Speaker 3: even when. 717 00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:15,000 Speaker 2: I was vegan, I mean, I was like, well, goodness, 718 00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:19,120 Speaker 2: you're not diet. It's not I'm not living the vegan lifestyle. 719 00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:21,560 Speaker 3: So you're vegan ambassador. I'm not. 720 00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:25,160 Speaker 2: But you know, this is the position I'm in, is 721 00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:28,560 Speaker 2: the platform I've been platform I've been given, and. 722 00:32:28,560 --> 00:32:29,720 Speaker 1: People do take it. Seriously. 723 00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:34,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, so I would like my way to look how 724 00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:36,320 Speaker 2: it is. And no, you may not be able to 725 00:32:36,360 --> 00:32:39,400 Speaker 2: necessarily label it, and that's okay, that's okay everybody, but 726 00:32:39,960 --> 00:32:41,480 Speaker 2: you can do the same thing. You don't have to 727 00:32:41,520 --> 00:32:44,160 Speaker 2: label yourself either. We're all just the human rings. You're 728 00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:46,400 Speaker 2: trying to figure it out. Do you not label yourself 729 00:32:46,760 --> 00:32:49,680 Speaker 2: or do you label yourself in which way just in 730 00:32:49,760 --> 00:32:53,120 Speaker 2: terms of like sexuality or oh no, I've never thought 731 00:32:53,120 --> 00:32:55,680 Speaker 2: about it. It's not something that I necessarily thought about. 732 00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:57,440 Speaker 3: You haven't thought about it at all. 733 00:32:57,760 --> 00:32:59,640 Speaker 1: I love how I love you know what I mean. 734 00:32:59,680 --> 00:33:02,320 Speaker 2: And it wasn't something to think about because dating a 735 00:33:02,400 --> 00:33:04,840 Speaker 2: woman is new to me, so it wasn't something I 736 00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:05,840 Speaker 2: even had to deal with. 737 00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:07,680 Speaker 3: No, it sounds like if you date race, like if 738 00:33:07,680 --> 00:33:09,920 Speaker 3: you date if you date black men your whole life, 739 00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:11,680 Speaker 3: and then all of a sudden, at forty years old, 740 00:33:11,720 --> 00:33:14,040 Speaker 3: you're like, I'm gonna try dating this white guy. You 741 00:33:14,160 --> 00:33:17,280 Speaker 3: gotta think about it, Like therese thoughts that, like this 742 00:33:17,360 --> 00:33:21,040 Speaker 3: is gonna be different. I think Christmas dinner, I feel different. 743 00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:26,320 Speaker 2: You think more right, you think more about the details. 744 00:33:26,800 --> 00:33:30,680 Speaker 2: But I was trying to not overthink it because I 745 00:33:30,720 --> 00:33:33,120 Speaker 2: felt like if I were to overthink it, then I. 746 00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:34,560 Speaker 1: Wouldn't go for it. 747 00:33:34,640 --> 00:33:38,840 Speaker 2: I wouldn't allow myself to get to know something different. 748 00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:42,520 Speaker 2: You know, you're just open. Yeah, And so I just 749 00:33:42,560 --> 00:33:44,680 Speaker 2: decided to be open. I mean, I'm sitting in the 750 00:33:44,680 --> 00:33:54,280 Speaker 2: passage to see the car, like, oh my gosh. 751 00:33:50,440 --> 00:33:54,840 Speaker 3: I'm dating her. Was like, wow, you know, like you're 752 00:33:54,920 --> 00:33:58,080 Speaker 3: some utifal you know, it's just it's I don't know 753 00:33:58,760 --> 00:34:01,600 Speaker 3: that is so cute? Is it is? 754 00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:07,400 Speaker 2: And and also there's a part of looking at someone 755 00:34:07,520 --> 00:34:10,600 Speaker 2: who you match with or hoping. I met with for 756 00:34:10,640 --> 00:34:13,319 Speaker 2: a long time, but I'm matching with now when you 757 00:34:13,360 --> 00:34:19,320 Speaker 2: see yourself in them, See that is calming, Like it's 758 00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:21,359 Speaker 2: she is a part of me. It's not like I'm 759 00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:23,840 Speaker 2: dating someone who is foreign to me. I mean I 760 00:34:23,880 --> 00:34:27,080 Speaker 2: have our characteristics and things are very similar. 761 00:34:27,320 --> 00:34:30,279 Speaker 1: Yeah. So you know, it's the same thing with men. 762 00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:32,719 Speaker 2: You know, I like a man who's like calm and 763 00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:35,920 Speaker 2: very nurturing and very sweet because I can be calm, 764 00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:38,440 Speaker 2: nurturing and sweet. I'm not gonna pick like an asshole. 765 00:34:39,080 --> 00:34:42,839 Speaker 2: So like, you know, when it comes to sometimes they'll 766 00:34:42,880 --> 00:34:43,520 Speaker 2: turn into it. 767 00:34:43,600 --> 00:34:45,080 Speaker 1: Oh baby, they'll turn into it. 768 00:34:45,239 --> 00:34:49,200 Speaker 3: But I don't know, I just I we. 769 00:34:48,719 --> 00:34:52,200 Speaker 1: Were very very similar, were very very similar, and sweet. 770 00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:54,800 Speaker 3: You seem so happy I am. 771 00:34:56,440 --> 00:34:59,560 Speaker 2: Yeah, because guess what, you know, people live their life 772 00:34:59,600 --> 00:35:02,279 Speaker 2: and they're really afraid to be who they are there 773 00:35:02,280 --> 00:35:04,840 Speaker 2: really are. I mean, think about it, nobody if my 774 00:35:04,880 --> 00:35:07,600 Speaker 2: page's just calm, like the way it was before all 775 00:35:07,600 --> 00:35:10,000 Speaker 2: of this, people rather stay right there where it's comfortable, 776 00:35:10,640 --> 00:35:13,120 Speaker 2: and you end up living a comfortable life. 777 00:35:13,120 --> 00:35:15,680 Speaker 1: But is it your truest self. Is it where you 778 00:35:15,800 --> 00:35:19,279 Speaker 1: really should be, where you're really gonna thrive? Maybe not so. Yeah, 779 00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:21,200 Speaker 1: I have disrupted things. 780 00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:23,680 Speaker 2: But it's like me standing in the middle of a 781 00:35:23,719 --> 00:35:26,880 Speaker 2: tornado and I'm smiling, you know what I'm saying, Like, yeah, 782 00:35:26,960 --> 00:35:29,480 Speaker 2: y'all go crazy, but I feel amazing. 783 00:35:29,560 --> 00:35:30,080 Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. 784 00:35:30,120 --> 00:35:34,360 Speaker 3: I feel good, And that is the beautiful way to 785 00:35:34,400 --> 00:35:34,719 Speaker 3: say that. 786 00:35:35,000 --> 00:35:38,240 Speaker 4: Yeah, like, there's a tornado, y'all could have a tornado 787 00:35:38,280 --> 00:35:42,360 Speaker 4: all y'all want swirl on like, but I'm just smiling 788 00:35:42,440 --> 00:35:44,200 Speaker 4: inside the tornadoes and get. 789 00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:48,239 Speaker 2: That spiration will calm down and then people will look 790 00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:52,600 Speaker 2: back and say, Wow, that's actually pretty inspiring that she 791 00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:53,680 Speaker 2: just went for. 792 00:35:53,680 --> 00:35:54,160 Speaker 1: It like that. 793 00:35:54,280 --> 00:35:55,839 Speaker 3: Yeah, what I mean, I was gonna say that that's 794 00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:59,480 Speaker 3: inspiring to somebody who has to do something that might 795 00:35:59,520 --> 00:36:02,120 Speaker 3: be against the grain in any way to what their 796 00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:05,480 Speaker 3: community or whatever is and what it's like. What do 797 00:36:05,480 --> 00:36:08,000 Speaker 3: you like? You said this one life? What are you 798 00:36:08,040 --> 00:36:10,960 Speaker 3: gonna do? You waste your time making everybody feel comfortable 799 00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:11,800 Speaker 3: and warm and fuzzy. 800 00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:14,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and I and again, I don't want to 801 00:36:14,520 --> 00:36:18,360 Speaker 2: sit here like I am the all knowing, the all 802 00:36:18,400 --> 00:36:19,640 Speaker 2: knowing I mean I am. 803 00:36:19,640 --> 00:36:24,320 Speaker 1: It's still brand new to me. I'm still figuring everything out. 804 00:36:24,600 --> 00:36:26,560 Speaker 3: But you are what you are and your truth. 805 00:36:27,239 --> 00:36:30,399 Speaker 2: I am I am, and I think that's the best 806 00:36:30,440 --> 00:36:32,680 Speaker 2: way to be. I just can't say enough. And people 807 00:36:32,840 --> 00:36:34,960 Speaker 2: ask me a many questions about it, what about this? 808 00:36:35,040 --> 00:36:35,680 Speaker 2: And how's that part? 809 00:36:35,719 --> 00:36:39,000 Speaker 1: And I don't know. 810 00:36:39,160 --> 00:36:40,640 Speaker 3: Like, here's the thing. 811 00:36:40,800 --> 00:36:43,160 Speaker 2: When you're dating, let's say a man, you don't know 812 00:36:43,200 --> 00:36:45,239 Speaker 2: if it's going to last. You don't know what's going 813 00:36:45,320 --> 00:36:46,360 Speaker 2: to happen that relationship. 814 00:36:46,400 --> 00:36:48,120 Speaker 1: Why do I have to have all the answers. 815 00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:48,520 Speaker 3: Right now, right now? 816 00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:56,400 Speaker 2: Enjoying and curious? Yes, they're like, how what's happening? I'm like, relaxed, 817 00:36:56,440 --> 00:36:59,680 Speaker 2: go Google, like it's on the internet. 818 00:37:01,400 --> 00:37:03,160 Speaker 1: Honey, I'm not the first. 819 00:37:03,560 --> 00:37:07,319 Speaker 3: Okay, So funny you are so funny. Today's show is 820 00:37:07,360 --> 00:37:10,720 Speaker 3: brought to you by our new presenting sponsor, hard Rock Bets. 821 00:37:10,800 --> 00:37:11,879 Speaker 1: Okay, so winter's here. 822 00:37:11,880 --> 00:37:13,840 Speaker 3: It's cold outside, and if you want to get in 823 00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:16,560 Speaker 3: on the action and you don't want to have to 824 00:37:16,640 --> 00:37:19,640 Speaker 3: leave your house to get on the casino floor, you 825 00:37:19,680 --> 00:37:22,200 Speaker 3: can do it, of course, right from the app. And 826 00:37:22,640 --> 00:37:24,560 Speaker 3: hard Rock Bets got you. 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Casino bonus credit 855 00:38:41,880 --> 00:38:44,640 Speaker 3: has a one time wager requirement. Must be twenty one 856 00:38:44,719 --> 00:38:46,759 Speaker 3: or older in president, Michigan or New Jersey to play 857 00:38:46,960 --> 00:38:49,880 Speaker 3: gambling problem called one eight hundred gambler. Well you did it. 858 00:38:49,920 --> 00:38:54,359 Speaker 2: You survived two divorces, yeah, and an engagement. 859 00:38:53,960 --> 00:38:58,759 Speaker 3: And an engagement and I'm sure other things probably things 860 00:38:58,760 --> 00:39:01,560 Speaker 3: that people with people that's people probably think. 861 00:39:01,600 --> 00:39:04,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, they don't have to think too much. I wrote 862 00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:08,120 Speaker 1: a book. I know, yeah, you read the book, Yeah, 863 00:39:08,440 --> 00:39:09,360 Speaker 1: The Pursuit of Porsche. 864 00:39:09,600 --> 00:39:12,840 Speaker 2: And I really wish I could re release that book 865 00:39:13,680 --> 00:39:17,200 Speaker 2: because it really I really said a lot of things 866 00:39:17,200 --> 00:39:19,160 Speaker 2: in the book I had never even said before, you know, 867 00:39:19,520 --> 00:39:22,160 Speaker 2: just me speaking about in my twenties through abuse from men, 868 00:39:22,480 --> 00:39:24,440 Speaker 2: and you know, when you go through things like that, 869 00:39:24,480 --> 00:39:26,319 Speaker 2: you kind of push it down. And I think that 870 00:39:26,400 --> 00:39:28,240 Speaker 2: was a part of me when I first got married, 871 00:39:28,320 --> 00:39:32,279 Speaker 2: of just throwing that person away and putting myself worth 872 00:39:32,320 --> 00:39:34,440 Speaker 2: only in my ex husband because it was like, oh, 873 00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:36,960 Speaker 2: I've been through all this and yeah, I accomplished all this, 874 00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:38,960 Speaker 2: and yes I'm where I am. But you know what, 875 00:39:39,040 --> 00:39:40,920 Speaker 2: it don't mean anything. What do you want me to be? 876 00:39:41,320 --> 00:39:42,920 Speaker 2: What do you want me to do? How do you 877 00:39:42,920 --> 00:39:47,080 Speaker 2: want me to live my life for you? And I 878 00:39:47,080 --> 00:39:50,279 Speaker 2: don't even know where did you learn what just to 879 00:39:50,360 --> 00:39:50,919 Speaker 2: be that way? 880 00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:53,200 Speaker 3: Like what why did you think you had to? 881 00:39:53,480 --> 00:39:55,799 Speaker 2: Well when I was when I was much younger, I 882 00:39:56,000 --> 00:39:58,560 Speaker 2: was I'm still an introvert, but I was very much 883 00:39:58,600 --> 00:40:00,439 Speaker 2: an introvert when I was a child, to the point 884 00:40:00,480 --> 00:40:01,880 Speaker 2: to where I would just come home and be in 885 00:40:01,880 --> 00:40:04,360 Speaker 2: my room every single day, and I would have my 886 00:40:04,400 --> 00:40:07,000 Speaker 2: own show set up. I had like a whole table setup. 887 00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:09,480 Speaker 2: I would gather things from around the house and have 888 00:40:09,719 --> 00:40:13,000 Speaker 2: basically Porsche's World, which is like a QBC. And so 889 00:40:13,120 --> 00:40:18,120 Speaker 2: I would entertain myself every afternoon by myself. I like, 890 00:40:18,160 --> 00:40:20,240 Speaker 2: I actually do it for a living now, which is crazy, 891 00:40:20,560 --> 00:40:22,239 Speaker 2: but yeah, I have my own TV show. 892 00:40:22,280 --> 00:40:24,759 Speaker 1: But basically I was just you. 893 00:40:24,719 --> 00:40:28,520 Speaker 2: Know, very alone and isolated as a child. And then 894 00:40:28,560 --> 00:40:32,480 Speaker 2: I also always dealt with depression throughout the years, and 895 00:40:32,719 --> 00:40:35,200 Speaker 2: I don't think I truly understood that it was depression 896 00:40:35,280 --> 00:40:38,160 Speaker 2: until I got, you know, much older. And so when 897 00:40:38,280 --> 00:40:41,080 Speaker 2: I would feel vulnerable and have no self worth, and 898 00:40:41,239 --> 00:40:44,000 Speaker 2: really when my depression showed up, I had zero hope. 899 00:40:44,520 --> 00:40:47,080 Speaker 1: Like I would actually feel like the world is ending. 900 00:40:47,600 --> 00:40:49,439 Speaker 2: And then you have someone who's looking at you until 901 00:40:49,480 --> 00:40:51,160 Speaker 2: you're beautiful or you're this or you're that. 902 00:40:51,320 --> 00:40:53,200 Speaker 1: Then you are like putting in their hands. 903 00:40:53,760 --> 00:40:56,560 Speaker 2: And so I think that was the beginning of people say, 904 00:40:56,560 --> 00:40:58,759 Speaker 2: people pleasing, but it was just like man pleasing at 905 00:40:58,760 --> 00:40:59,880 Speaker 2: the time, and I would. 906 00:40:59,600 --> 00:41:04,080 Speaker 3: Just you found your worth in your mail or whatever ship. 907 00:41:04,239 --> 00:41:07,239 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and then the abuse, what happened, and then 908 00:41:07,280 --> 00:41:09,280 Speaker 2: that takes so much from you when. 909 00:41:09,120 --> 00:41:11,640 Speaker 3: You pray on that type of personality. 910 00:41:11,680 --> 00:41:14,239 Speaker 2: By the way, yeah, absolutely, yeah most of the time 911 00:41:14,280 --> 00:41:17,840 Speaker 2: those are narcissists. Yeah, and you know, you find yourself 912 00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:21,120 Speaker 2: in those relationships. And when I was young, the bad 913 00:41:21,200 --> 00:41:24,720 Speaker 2: part about it is when I would be abused by someone, 914 00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:29,560 Speaker 2: I stayed and I never really understood like how like 915 00:41:29,600 --> 00:41:31,799 Speaker 2: I think when out because when my thirties stopped after 916 00:41:31,880 --> 00:41:35,240 Speaker 2: my wedding, my first marriage, I never got secially abused 917 00:41:35,239 --> 00:41:37,239 Speaker 2: again in my thirties forties and nothing. I haven't been 918 00:41:37,239 --> 00:41:40,680 Speaker 2: in abuseum, but it happened all through my twenties, and 919 00:41:41,480 --> 00:41:44,280 Speaker 2: like why would I stay? Like what do you think 920 00:41:44,320 --> 00:41:45,880 Speaker 2: what was missing in me to stay? 921 00:41:46,320 --> 00:41:47,000 Speaker 1: And I don't know. 922 00:41:47,080 --> 00:41:50,440 Speaker 2: I think it was just me wanting to be whatever 923 00:41:50,480 --> 00:41:52,680 Speaker 2: that person wanted and I just didn't have self worth. 924 00:41:52,840 --> 00:41:56,520 Speaker 1: So through the years I have to take the time 925 00:41:56,719 --> 00:42:00,360 Speaker 1: to look at what I've done and celebrate my self 926 00:42:00,719 --> 00:42:04,120 Speaker 1: and put that on the side of my self worth. 927 00:42:04,719 --> 00:42:07,319 Speaker 2: I am worthy. I'm worthy of someone to love me. 928 00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:09,480 Speaker 2: I'm worthy of someone to respect me. I'm worthy of 929 00:42:09,520 --> 00:42:12,600 Speaker 2: someone not to speak down on me or you know, 930 00:42:12,719 --> 00:42:15,360 Speaker 2: take from me in different situations. I'm worthy enough for 931 00:42:15,480 --> 00:42:17,439 Speaker 2: you not to do that all on my own. It's 932 00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:19,160 Speaker 2: nothing that you need to give me or show me. 933 00:42:19,560 --> 00:42:21,120 Speaker 1: I'm worthy of that on my own. 934 00:42:21,520 --> 00:42:24,239 Speaker 2: So I always talk about having self work, because when 935 00:42:24,280 --> 00:42:27,080 Speaker 2: you don't have that, then that's when you fall prey 936 00:42:27,160 --> 00:42:28,759 Speaker 2: to people who want to take advantage of you. 937 00:42:28,840 --> 00:42:31,680 Speaker 3: For sure, that's when they swoop in. And it's usually 938 00:42:31,719 --> 00:42:35,040 Speaker 3: when you're young and you haven't developed that kind of exactly. Yeah. 939 00:42:35,120 --> 00:42:37,680 Speaker 1: Yeah, and people they can sense it. Yeah, I'm saying 940 00:42:37,680 --> 00:42:38,359 Speaker 1: they can sense it. 941 00:42:38,360 --> 00:42:41,000 Speaker 3: It's so true. Did you get any did you like 942 00:42:41,040 --> 00:42:43,200 Speaker 3: when you were going through the depression? What was triggering 943 00:42:43,239 --> 00:42:45,239 Speaker 3: the depression? So I. 944 00:42:48,120 --> 00:42:52,440 Speaker 1: Went through depression my really, my whole life. Yeah, and 945 00:42:52,920 --> 00:42:54,600 Speaker 1: you're so like, I know. 946 00:42:54,640 --> 00:42:58,840 Speaker 3: You're so just a bundle of joy and smiles and 947 00:42:59,040 --> 00:43:01,640 Speaker 3: it's just those are some of the. 948 00:43:01,400 --> 00:43:05,920 Speaker 1: Main ones I would have to say, really my whole life. 949 00:43:06,040 --> 00:43:10,000 Speaker 2: I have these bouts with depression. I have, you know, 950 00:43:10,160 --> 00:43:14,080 Speaker 2: tried to commit suicide like twice. But I want to say, 951 00:43:14,080 --> 00:43:15,800 Speaker 2: that's why I really wanted a child, That's why I 952 00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:19,160 Speaker 2: really wanted and needed Polar And that's why I call 953 00:43:19,239 --> 00:43:23,680 Speaker 2: her my life saver, because I knew if I had her, 954 00:43:24,239 --> 00:43:26,760 Speaker 2: she would be what I would live for, my actual 955 00:43:26,960 --> 00:43:30,680 Speaker 2: life saver, and she was. I have definitely dealt with 956 00:43:30,719 --> 00:43:34,279 Speaker 2: depression after her, But I really pay attention to the triggers, 957 00:43:34,640 --> 00:43:37,680 Speaker 2: and I really when I can feel it coming on, 958 00:43:38,400 --> 00:43:39,919 Speaker 2: I start to get I start to move. 959 00:43:40,120 --> 00:43:41,120 Speaker 1: What do I need to do? 960 00:43:40,960 --> 00:43:43,200 Speaker 3: What is it? You don't just let it happen? 961 00:43:43,400 --> 00:43:45,960 Speaker 2: No, no, no no, Because when I lean into it, 962 00:43:45,960 --> 00:43:46,560 Speaker 2: it's over with. 963 00:43:46,880 --> 00:43:47,759 Speaker 1: Once I start. 964 00:43:47,520 --> 00:43:50,480 Speaker 2: Closing the blinds to turn the phone off, TV's off, 965 00:43:50,760 --> 00:43:52,000 Speaker 2: it's over with the devil. 966 00:43:52,120 --> 00:43:52,840 Speaker 1: Your mind is. 967 00:43:52,840 --> 00:43:55,480 Speaker 2: Speaking to you, and you will forget that you have 968 00:43:55,600 --> 00:43:57,200 Speaker 2: a whole life that's abundant. 969 00:43:57,239 --> 00:43:58,120 Speaker 1: You truly will. 970 00:43:58,480 --> 00:44:00,879 Speaker 2: It doesn't matter that my mother and I are super close. 971 00:44:00,920 --> 00:44:04,480 Speaker 2: It doesn't matter that my my sister is there for me. 972 00:44:04,520 --> 00:44:07,360 Speaker 2: It does not matter how many friends would like to 973 00:44:07,400 --> 00:44:11,120 Speaker 2: lift me up. It doesn't matter at that moment. Your 974 00:44:11,160 --> 00:44:15,520 Speaker 2: world is in that room, in that in that silent room, 975 00:44:15,600 --> 00:44:18,520 Speaker 2: that silent dark room, that's it dark. So for me, 976 00:44:18,719 --> 00:44:21,160 Speaker 2: when I feel like coming on, which like I said, 977 00:44:21,160 --> 00:44:24,160 Speaker 2: it happens, still, sometimes I get up, you know what 978 00:44:24,200 --> 00:44:25,600 Speaker 2: I mean, It's like, Okay, let me go to the 979 00:44:25,640 --> 00:44:27,680 Speaker 2: gym or something. Let me like at least walk around 980 00:44:27,719 --> 00:44:29,640 Speaker 2: the house. Let me get in the car, like people 981 00:44:29,680 --> 00:44:30,920 Speaker 2: see me in the land. I'm like sitting at a 982 00:44:30,960 --> 00:44:33,920 Speaker 2: restaurant by myself eating. Just move around, do something. 983 00:44:34,360 --> 00:44:36,239 Speaker 3: You cut it off at the path. I try to 984 00:44:36,239 --> 00:44:37,879 Speaker 3: cut it off at the path. Yeah, I really do. 985 00:44:37,960 --> 00:44:39,919 Speaker 3: And have you done? Like have you gotten help? 986 00:44:40,040 --> 00:44:45,440 Speaker 2: You know, here's the thing I I did go to 987 00:44:45,640 --> 00:44:52,640 Speaker 2: someone probably about it was probably about maybe six months ago, 988 00:44:53,000 --> 00:44:54,960 Speaker 2: oh recently, yeah, six. 989 00:44:54,880 --> 00:44:55,879 Speaker 1: Or seven months ago. 990 00:44:56,239 --> 00:44:59,680 Speaker 2: And now now I have to say that I don't 991 00:44:59,680 --> 00:45:02,120 Speaker 2: think you was just regular depression. 992 00:45:02,440 --> 00:45:03,600 Speaker 1: I think it was hormonal. 993 00:45:04,000 --> 00:45:07,959 Speaker 2: That's what I was wondering, pre mental puzzle because it 994 00:45:08,000 --> 00:45:09,319 Speaker 2: was hitting me like a break. 995 00:45:09,719 --> 00:45:11,160 Speaker 1: Like I literally sat in her office. 996 00:45:11,160 --> 00:45:14,719 Speaker 2: I said, my quality of life is not where it 997 00:45:14,719 --> 00:45:16,880 Speaker 2: needs to be right now. And so she talked to 998 00:45:16,920 --> 00:45:18,640 Speaker 2: me and she said, you're like on this, you're like 999 00:45:18,680 --> 00:45:21,960 Speaker 2: at a seven, so meaning like if you didn't have 1000 00:45:22,040 --> 00:45:24,200 Speaker 2: the surroundings that you have, you could probably be like 1001 00:45:24,200 --> 00:45:26,520 Speaker 2: a killer, but you could be like you're on the 1002 00:45:26,560 --> 00:45:31,520 Speaker 2: same line as that you're in danger mentally. And I 1003 00:45:31,719 --> 00:45:33,360 Speaker 2: left there and I was like, oh my god, like 1004 00:45:33,480 --> 00:45:36,000 Speaker 2: I knew yeah, like I knew it. You know how 1005 00:45:36,040 --> 00:45:39,160 Speaker 2: I felt inside you feel like empty, just lethargic. I 1006 00:45:39,200 --> 00:45:42,880 Speaker 2: could not move, you know, I'm just eating everything. And 1007 00:45:43,040 --> 00:45:46,520 Speaker 2: I was like, damn, are you serious? You mean this 1008 00:45:46,560 --> 00:45:48,600 Speaker 2: has come back and gotten on my back to where 1009 00:45:48,600 --> 00:45:53,839 Speaker 2: I could, you know, harm myself or something. And I 1010 00:45:53,960 --> 00:45:56,360 Speaker 2: just remember thinking, I'm not gonna let that happen. And 1011 00:45:56,440 --> 00:45:58,640 Speaker 2: I never went back to that particular doctor. And I 1012 00:45:58,760 --> 00:46:01,960 Speaker 2: just rebuked it in the name G I just rebuked it, rebukes, 1013 00:46:02,000 --> 00:46:02,759 Speaker 2: I rebuke it. 1014 00:46:03,280 --> 00:46:03,759 Speaker 3: This is this. 1015 00:46:03,880 --> 00:46:04,839 Speaker 1: I'm not going back there. 1016 00:46:05,000 --> 00:46:06,200 Speaker 3: Wow, I'm not going back there. 1017 00:46:06,360 --> 00:46:07,320 Speaker 1: I've done the work. 1018 00:46:07,960 --> 00:46:10,600 Speaker 2: I've done the work, and I know that I can 1019 00:46:10,640 --> 00:46:13,320 Speaker 2: pull myself out of this. And I went to another 1020 00:46:13,400 --> 00:46:16,840 Speaker 2: doctor and we talked about, you know, my age and 1021 00:46:16,880 --> 00:46:19,600 Speaker 2: different things factoring things around it, things that I might 1022 00:46:19,640 --> 00:46:22,880 Speaker 2: have been deficient in. And she didn't diagnose me as 1023 00:46:22,920 --> 00:46:27,279 Speaker 2: being pre menopausal, but she did say, you need more vitamins, 1024 00:46:27,440 --> 00:46:30,440 Speaker 2: you know, you need some na D, you need some testosterone. 1025 00:46:30,719 --> 00:46:30,920 Speaker 3: You know. 1026 00:46:31,040 --> 00:46:32,880 Speaker 2: It was a lot of different things help wise that 1027 00:46:32,920 --> 00:46:34,520 Speaker 2: I hadn't even thought about, because when you go to 1028 00:46:34,520 --> 00:46:36,319 Speaker 2: your primary doctor, they're just doing the. 1029 00:46:36,280 --> 00:46:43,680 Speaker 3: Right educated as they should be in perimanopauspause, They're not overall, 1030 00:46:43,719 --> 00:46:45,480 Speaker 3: I didn't actually feel depressed. 1031 00:46:45,480 --> 00:46:48,160 Speaker 2: I just knew I could move, and when I worked, 1032 00:46:48,200 --> 00:46:50,319 Speaker 2: I was only working and thinking about my bed. How 1033 00:46:50,400 --> 00:46:53,080 Speaker 2: can I get back to my bed? Like literally, I 1034 00:46:53,120 --> 00:46:56,839 Speaker 2: swear to God, everything I did was to get right 1035 00:46:56,840 --> 00:46:59,840 Speaker 2: back home in my bed and shut that door. And 1036 00:46:59,880 --> 00:47:02,880 Speaker 2: I remember telling my telling Dennis, my child's father. I 1037 00:47:02,880 --> 00:47:04,719 Speaker 2: remember crying to him in the car one day and 1038 00:47:04,719 --> 00:47:07,919 Speaker 2: I said, I don't know what's going on. I said, 1039 00:47:07,960 --> 00:47:15,160 Speaker 2: but when I hugged Polar, I can't feel it, and. 1040 00:47:13,760 --> 00:47:16,400 Speaker 1: And I was like, oh no. I was like, oh, 1041 00:47:17,640 --> 00:47:18,400 Speaker 1: I can't. 1042 00:47:18,160 --> 00:47:22,480 Speaker 2: Let that happen because I always talk about my life experience, 1043 00:47:22,560 --> 00:47:25,520 Speaker 2: but what's most important to me is Polar's life experience. 1044 00:47:25,920 --> 00:47:28,239 Speaker 2: And as close as I am with my mother and 1045 00:47:28,280 --> 00:47:30,239 Speaker 2: as much as I need her, I never want to 1046 00:47:30,280 --> 00:47:33,520 Speaker 2: not be here for her. So even though I don't 1047 00:47:33,520 --> 00:47:35,600 Speaker 2: know if I can put myself first for me, I 1048 00:47:35,640 --> 00:47:38,280 Speaker 2: can put myself first for her, and I can fight 1049 00:47:38,440 --> 00:47:40,319 Speaker 2: for me for her so that I can be here 1050 00:47:40,360 --> 00:47:40,719 Speaker 2: for her. 1051 00:47:41,400 --> 00:47:45,319 Speaker 1: And so after I admitted that to him, because you 1052 00:47:45,320 --> 00:47:45,600 Speaker 1: do have. 1053 00:47:45,560 --> 00:47:48,920 Speaker 3: To end up saying it out loud, yeah, it was 1054 00:47:49,000 --> 00:47:51,160 Speaker 3: hard to confight in him. It's hard for you to 1055 00:47:51,160 --> 00:47:52,560 Speaker 3: say right now, Yeah it is. 1056 00:47:52,800 --> 00:47:55,280 Speaker 2: And him being my co parent, I knew I needed 1057 00:47:55,280 --> 00:47:59,680 Speaker 2: to tell him because we are her her keepers, and 1058 00:47:59,760 --> 00:48:02,520 Speaker 2: so I admitted it to him, and I finally admitted 1059 00:48:02,560 --> 00:48:05,640 Speaker 2: it to my mom, which was also hard because my 1060 00:48:05,680 --> 00:48:08,160 Speaker 2: family's a very strong family. Mostly in black families, we 1061 00:48:08,200 --> 00:48:10,080 Speaker 2: don't admit things like this. We don't talk about it. 1062 00:48:10,000 --> 00:48:13,120 Speaker 3: Too much when you're down, you know. 1063 00:48:13,160 --> 00:48:15,719 Speaker 2: And maybe it was down last month, you know, but 1064 00:48:15,760 --> 00:48:17,800 Speaker 2: I'm back up. But like for me to like admit 1065 00:48:17,840 --> 00:48:21,720 Speaker 2: it in real time, it was it was tough. And 1066 00:48:21,920 --> 00:48:23,920 Speaker 2: like I said, it just didn't look like it. You 1067 00:48:23,960 --> 00:48:26,080 Speaker 2: could look anywhere in my life and you would not 1068 00:48:26,120 --> 00:48:27,960 Speaker 2: see that I was sad or depressed or anything. 1069 00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:31,600 Speaker 1: But it was there and they found it. 1070 00:48:31,760 --> 00:48:34,320 Speaker 2: And so, like I said, I just went into heavy, 1071 00:48:34,400 --> 00:48:38,680 Speaker 2: heavy prayer and I just really crawled and fought my 1072 00:48:38,760 --> 00:48:41,160 Speaker 2: way out of it. And I never, like I said, 1073 00:48:41,160 --> 00:48:42,839 Speaker 2: I never got into medication or anything like that. 1074 00:48:42,880 --> 00:48:45,759 Speaker 1: And I do feel much much better. I definitely I do. 1075 00:48:45,800 --> 00:48:48,359 Speaker 2: I have a new therapist now, and I tell her 1076 00:48:48,400 --> 00:48:52,000 Speaker 2: the truth, you know, because I was like these therapists 1077 00:48:52,040 --> 00:48:54,080 Speaker 2: is once I tell him. Like I told my sister, 1078 00:48:54,120 --> 00:48:55,879 Speaker 2: I said, every time I tell the therapist the truth, 1079 00:48:55,920 --> 00:48:56,239 Speaker 2: they tell me. 1080 00:48:56,280 --> 00:48:56,840 Speaker 3: I'm depressed. 1081 00:48:56,880 --> 00:48:58,480 Speaker 2: So I'm like, I ain't gonna be telling them everything. 1082 00:49:01,280 --> 00:49:03,160 Speaker 2: You gotta, you know, try to put me in award. 1083 00:49:04,520 --> 00:49:04,960 Speaker 3: But no. 1084 00:49:05,239 --> 00:49:07,759 Speaker 1: So this particular therapist, I told her the truth and 1085 00:49:07,760 --> 00:49:10,600 Speaker 1: I've been talking to her and I'm She's like, you're good. 1086 00:49:10,760 --> 00:49:12,360 Speaker 1: I love the way you're handling things. 1087 00:49:13,200 --> 00:49:16,319 Speaker 2: We have rearranged and compartmentalized my life in the way 1088 00:49:16,320 --> 00:49:17,920 Speaker 2: that I can handle everything. I can see what I 1089 00:49:17,960 --> 00:49:20,319 Speaker 2: need to do. I have my big, big box for 1090 00:49:20,400 --> 00:49:24,000 Speaker 2: Portie and it's filled. It's filled with everything that I need. 1091 00:49:24,480 --> 00:49:25,840 Speaker 2: And again that's why. 1092 00:49:25,680 --> 00:49:28,319 Speaker 1: People, you know, said, oh, she says she's standing her. No, 1093 00:49:28,600 --> 00:49:29,920 Speaker 1: me standing in my truth. 1094 00:49:29,800 --> 00:49:32,200 Speaker 2: Is really me, just really standing in my life whatever 1095 00:49:32,239 --> 00:49:36,440 Speaker 2: that is. I deal with me positively. I do not 1096 00:49:36,800 --> 00:49:39,840 Speaker 2: talk bad on me at all. I mean, I actually 1097 00:49:39,840 --> 00:49:42,840 Speaker 2: said to some one the other day when those thoughts 1098 00:49:42,880 --> 00:49:46,120 Speaker 2: in my mind come and I'm just thinking so negative, 1099 00:49:46,320 --> 00:49:49,080 Speaker 2: you know, I'm looking at me and I say, you 1100 00:49:49,120 --> 00:49:50,040 Speaker 2: can shut the fuck up. 1101 00:49:52,680 --> 00:49:55,520 Speaker 3: I'm gonna try that ship, try that ship. I need 1102 00:49:55,520 --> 00:49:55,879 Speaker 3: that ship. 1103 00:49:57,840 --> 00:50:00,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, shut the fuck up, because you will be like, oh, 1104 00:50:00,960 --> 00:50:01,680 Speaker 1: you're an impostle. 1105 00:50:01,760 --> 00:50:04,400 Speaker 3: You're not only never told myself to shut the fuck o. 1106 00:50:04,640 --> 00:50:07,720 Speaker 1: Yourself and you're not really you're telling that inner boy 1107 00:50:07,960 --> 00:50:10,480 Speaker 1: of course that hates you. There's one that hates you 1108 00:50:10,520 --> 00:50:12,600 Speaker 1: in this of course, God and you who loves you, 1109 00:50:12,920 --> 00:50:15,120 Speaker 1: and that's the one you should be really leaning into. 1110 00:50:15,200 --> 00:50:18,000 Speaker 1: But you gotta tell that bit to shut the fuck up, because. 1111 00:50:17,880 --> 00:50:20,560 Speaker 3: Why are you saying this to me? I just woke up. 1112 00:50:20,760 --> 00:50:22,919 Speaker 1: I'll get your ass back in the bed, lazy ass, 1113 00:50:23,160 --> 00:50:24,040 Speaker 1: I just walk. 1114 00:50:23,920 --> 00:50:25,040 Speaker 3: Up, am I lazy? 1115 00:50:25,200 --> 00:50:29,080 Speaker 1: You can shut the fuck suck up, like. 1116 00:50:29,120 --> 00:50:31,560 Speaker 3: For real, And I swear to you. 1117 00:50:31,719 --> 00:50:34,320 Speaker 1: I don't know what the magic is, but it works. 1118 00:50:34,320 --> 00:50:37,760 Speaker 3: It's us. It works. I'm gonna start that. That's gonna 1119 00:50:37,760 --> 00:50:41,920 Speaker 3: be in my new twenty twenty six okay pack, It's easy, 1120 00:50:41,960 --> 00:50:43,759 Speaker 3: my little bag. I'm gonna put that in the twenty 1121 00:50:43,800 --> 00:50:45,799 Speaker 3: twenty six bag. You can shut the fuck up right 1122 00:50:45,800 --> 00:50:48,840 Speaker 3: now and look dead in that mirror, you bitch. 1123 00:50:48,880 --> 00:50:49,319 Speaker 1: You hear me? 1124 00:50:49,360 --> 00:50:53,160 Speaker 2: Oh yeah, and flip your hair and go on about 1125 00:50:53,160 --> 00:50:56,600 Speaker 2: your damn day because we have things to handle. We 1126 00:50:56,640 --> 00:50:59,280 Speaker 2: are here for a reason. We have a life to live. 1127 00:50:59,440 --> 00:51:02,719 Speaker 2: We have people to you know, pour into. And you know, 1128 00:51:02,840 --> 00:51:05,560 Speaker 2: if you're walking around and you're letting that voice just 1129 00:51:05,600 --> 00:51:07,560 Speaker 2: tear you down, to you down, tear you down, You're 1130 00:51:07,560 --> 00:51:08,359 Speaker 2: not gonna really live. 1131 00:51:08,520 --> 00:51:13,440 Speaker 3: Yeah, go ahead, mama. Yeah, and wow, how much you 1132 00:51:13,440 --> 00:51:15,719 Speaker 3: your daughter is your savior because it was that that 1133 00:51:15,760 --> 00:51:18,000 Speaker 3: low moment, that's the one that took you down. Even 1134 00:51:18,040 --> 00:51:20,360 Speaker 3: telling me this whole story today, that's the moment that 1135 00:51:20,400 --> 00:51:22,960 Speaker 3: it's like the hardest for you to even to even 1136 00:51:23,239 --> 00:51:23,919 Speaker 3: see visit. 1137 00:51:24,360 --> 00:51:26,719 Speaker 1: Yeah, you can't think about you know. 1138 00:51:27,560 --> 00:51:29,360 Speaker 2: I don't know, and I don't want to sound crazy, 1139 00:51:29,440 --> 00:51:33,920 Speaker 2: but when you have dealt with depression over your life, 1140 00:51:34,280 --> 00:51:36,000 Speaker 2: the thought of death is not that scary. 1141 00:51:36,600 --> 00:51:38,520 Speaker 1: It's just not you know, I don't think about it 1142 00:51:38,560 --> 00:51:39,560 Speaker 1: like other people think about it. 1143 00:51:39,560 --> 00:51:43,319 Speaker 2: Maybe I'm a little morbid, So yeah, I have thought 1144 00:51:43,360 --> 00:51:45,279 Speaker 2: about it so much in my past when I was 1145 00:51:45,440 --> 00:51:47,359 Speaker 2: in my twenties and going through that, all those things 1146 00:51:47,400 --> 00:51:50,800 Speaker 2: I went through that I don't think about. 1147 00:51:50,560 --> 00:51:52,560 Speaker 1: It the way other people do. It's like, really, yeah, 1148 00:51:52,560 --> 00:51:56,839 Speaker 1: if this experience is okay, but my daughter I will. 1149 00:51:56,960 --> 00:51:58,279 Speaker 1: I want to be here for her. 1150 00:51:58,440 --> 00:52:01,560 Speaker 2: I want to make sure that she has a loving 1151 00:52:01,680 --> 00:52:05,280 Speaker 2: mother and a protector, and then I'm here to witness 1152 00:52:05,320 --> 00:52:07,520 Speaker 2: her life and be there for her anytime she needs me. 1153 00:52:07,560 --> 00:52:11,160 Speaker 2: So being a mother has absolutely saved my life. 1154 00:52:11,400 --> 00:52:14,040 Speaker 3: Wow, that's funny. Because when we first thoughted this podcast, 1155 00:52:14,120 --> 00:52:16,800 Speaker 3: the first season was called We're All Gonna. 1156 00:52:16,560 --> 00:52:19,560 Speaker 5: Die ah, and everybody thought it was so dark and whatever, 1157 00:52:19,600 --> 00:52:21,680 Speaker 5: but it really wasn't because to me, a long time 1158 00:52:21,719 --> 00:52:23,440 Speaker 5: ago when we launched it, I had a bad car 1159 00:52:23,480 --> 00:52:26,160 Speaker 5: accident and I had this realization like, shit I could 1160 00:52:26,160 --> 00:52:27,160 Speaker 5: have been that could have been it? 1161 00:52:27,280 --> 00:52:30,120 Speaker 3: Yeah, and so okay, so now I'm still here. Okay, 1162 00:52:30,120 --> 00:52:31,960 Speaker 3: what if I only have a year or whatever? It is, 1163 00:52:32,000 --> 00:52:34,319 Speaker 3: like what But when you think about life and you 1164 00:52:34,360 --> 00:52:36,960 Speaker 3: remind yourself that we are this is time is limited 1165 00:52:36,960 --> 00:52:39,320 Speaker 3: for everybody. But when you remind yourself that, it forces 1166 00:52:39,360 --> 00:52:42,239 Speaker 3: you to make better decisions. It forces you to not 1167 00:52:42,280 --> 00:52:44,200 Speaker 3: waste your time doing shit you don't really want to do, 1168 00:52:45,000 --> 00:52:48,319 Speaker 3: or having conversations you don't really give a shit about having, and. 1169 00:52:48,320 --> 00:52:50,440 Speaker 2: It doesn't matter what it's connected to. So like a 1170 00:52:50,440 --> 00:52:54,239 Speaker 2: lot of people's driving force is money, you know. But 1171 00:52:54,480 --> 00:52:56,920 Speaker 2: I learned a long time ago, if you're doing something 1172 00:52:57,000 --> 00:53:00,960 Speaker 2: that is fulfilling to your spirit, then the money's gonna come. Okay, 1173 00:53:01,120 --> 00:53:03,080 Speaker 2: And maybe it didn't come in this one in this 1174 00:53:03,080 --> 00:53:05,759 Speaker 2: particular job or opportunity, right, who knows. If I don't 1175 00:53:05,760 --> 00:53:07,480 Speaker 2: make a lot of money in my podcast. I love 1176 00:53:07,560 --> 00:53:09,600 Speaker 2: to do it. It feels good to me to sit 1177 00:53:09,640 --> 00:53:11,480 Speaker 2: and talk to my sister and enjoy and share our 1178 00:53:11,480 --> 00:53:15,080 Speaker 2: life stories and funny things and antidotes. But over here, 1179 00:53:15,280 --> 00:53:18,120 Speaker 2: this job pays me money. So you still have to 1180 00:53:18,280 --> 00:53:20,799 Speaker 2: fill your life with things that are fulfilling to you. 1181 00:53:20,800 --> 00:53:22,800 Speaker 2: You cannot just work yourself to the bomb. 1182 00:53:23,080 --> 00:53:24,800 Speaker 3: Whether you're working a nine to five. 1183 00:53:25,560 --> 00:53:27,279 Speaker 2: Or whether you're on TV like me and you're taking 1184 00:53:27,320 --> 00:53:29,520 Speaker 2: all these it's all relative at the end of the day. 1185 00:53:29,880 --> 00:53:33,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, So you have to do things that are fulfilling 1186 00:53:33,040 --> 00:53:33,799 Speaker 1: to you. 1187 00:53:33,800 --> 00:53:34,359 Speaker 3: You have to be. 1188 00:53:34,360 --> 00:53:38,479 Speaker 2: Around people who calm your nervous system. I don't care 1189 00:53:38,600 --> 00:53:40,920 Speaker 2: who you are, I don't care what the job is. 1190 00:53:41,239 --> 00:53:44,239 Speaker 2: If this interview was uncomfortable, I love you and respect you, 1191 00:53:44,280 --> 00:53:46,279 Speaker 2: I would have to say, respectfully, I'm gonna have to 1192 00:53:46,280 --> 00:53:49,439 Speaker 2: go because when my nervous system is not settled, something 1193 00:53:49,560 --> 00:53:51,879 Speaker 2: is not right and I don't have to live like that. 1194 00:53:52,480 --> 00:53:54,640 Speaker 2: You can decide to make that choice. If I'm in 1195 00:53:54,680 --> 00:53:58,399 Speaker 2: a relationship with someone, I let them. If I don't 1196 00:53:58,400 --> 00:54:01,440 Speaker 2: feel calm with you, then that means we're not vibrating 1197 00:54:01,440 --> 00:54:05,640 Speaker 2: on the same space. You know, our energies don't match. Yeah, 1198 00:54:05,680 --> 00:54:08,799 Speaker 2: and so I really I put that anywhere I am. 1199 00:54:09,400 --> 00:54:10,960 Speaker 1: It doesn't matter in any situation. 1200 00:54:11,160 --> 00:54:11,919 Speaker 3: I'm so good. 1201 00:54:12,320 --> 00:54:12,879 Speaker 1: I like to. 1202 00:54:12,800 --> 00:54:16,839 Speaker 2: Protect my peace as you should. Got to protect my piece. 1203 00:54:16,960 --> 00:54:19,439 Speaker 2: I work hard for that bit of piece. And yes, 1204 00:54:19,480 --> 00:54:21,920 Speaker 2: I had that bit of peace, you know, when I 1205 00:54:21,960 --> 00:54:24,440 Speaker 2: was in a relationship and that didn't last. But I 1206 00:54:24,640 --> 00:54:27,680 Speaker 2: learned and I felt what that felt like, and I'll 1207 00:54:27,680 --> 00:54:28,640 Speaker 2: never let it go again. 1208 00:54:29,840 --> 00:54:33,600 Speaker 3: And then, so, how have the past shit your life? 1209 00:54:33,640 --> 00:54:36,919 Speaker 3: In the past six months, it's drastically shifted from where 1210 00:54:36,960 --> 00:54:40,960 Speaker 3: you were six months ago. Yeah, like that's pretty fast. No, 1211 00:54:41,160 --> 00:54:43,200 Speaker 3: you don't have any remnants of it? Are you still 1212 00:54:43,280 --> 00:54:45,560 Speaker 3: kind of on the Do you still have feelings or 1213 00:54:45,600 --> 00:54:48,360 Speaker 3: concerns about any type of depression or those type of 1214 00:54:48,360 --> 00:54:51,439 Speaker 3: states coming back? Or well you're just still today a time. 1215 00:54:52,080 --> 00:54:55,960 Speaker 2: Well, first of all, you have to try to identify 1216 00:54:56,800 --> 00:55:00,640 Speaker 2: what may be happening that's different for you as a woman. 1217 00:55:00,680 --> 00:55:02,319 Speaker 2: I can't just say, oh, I'm just a person who 1218 00:55:02,400 --> 00:55:04,319 Speaker 2: deals with depression. No, I'm also a woman who's forty 1219 00:55:04,320 --> 00:55:09,200 Speaker 2: four years old. Could it be paramenopause? You know, over 1220 00:55:09,239 --> 00:55:11,319 Speaker 2: my life when you look look at certain things, could 1221 00:55:11,320 --> 00:55:14,680 Speaker 2: I be adhd you know, like, what other things can 1222 00:55:14,719 --> 00:55:17,040 Speaker 2: I find out about me in order? 1223 00:55:17,200 --> 00:55:17,680 Speaker 3: Just think about it. 1224 00:55:17,680 --> 00:55:19,400 Speaker 1: If it was someone else and they had an issue 1225 00:55:19,400 --> 00:55:21,319 Speaker 1: like me, I'm a problem solver. If you came to 1226 00:55:21,320 --> 00:55:21,680 Speaker 1: me and you. 1227 00:55:21,640 --> 00:55:24,680 Speaker 2: Had an issue you wanted to solve or you wanted advice, 1228 00:55:24,680 --> 00:55:26,359 Speaker 2: I'm gonna ask you a manion questions to get down 1229 00:55:26,400 --> 00:55:29,279 Speaker 2: to it where we have something to Oh, just depression. No, 1230 00:55:29,480 --> 00:55:32,279 Speaker 2: it could be a chemical imbalance. It could be a 1231 00:55:32,440 --> 00:55:36,279 Speaker 2: number of things, and you know the box. I've gotten 1232 00:55:36,320 --> 00:55:40,000 Speaker 2: a couple diagnoses that have helped me be able to 1233 00:55:40,719 --> 00:55:43,840 Speaker 2: look at different triggers in my life, different things that 1234 00:55:43,880 --> 00:55:45,960 Speaker 2: I've done. There been things that I may need to change, 1235 00:55:46,200 --> 00:55:48,359 Speaker 2: maybe need more order in my life. I may need 1236 00:55:48,400 --> 00:55:50,360 Speaker 2: to clean my damn house up a little bit more. 1237 00:55:50,600 --> 00:55:52,439 Speaker 2: I may need to be more organized with my daughter 1238 00:55:52,480 --> 00:55:54,560 Speaker 2: so that I'm not rushing her or vote stressed in 1239 00:55:54,600 --> 00:55:56,960 Speaker 2: the mornings. There's just a lot of little things. 1240 00:55:57,000 --> 00:55:57,920 Speaker 1: Once you find out. 1241 00:55:57,840 --> 00:56:00,680 Speaker 2: How you operate and how you can make those small 1242 00:56:00,719 --> 00:56:04,000 Speaker 2: tweaks that can make your life better and like distress you. 1243 00:56:04,960 --> 00:56:08,839 Speaker 2: So for me with ADHD, it just really it just 1244 00:56:08,880 --> 00:56:11,640 Speaker 2: really showed me like, Okay, this is how I think. 1245 00:56:11,719 --> 00:56:13,319 Speaker 3: Did you get diagnosed with ADHD too? 1246 00:56:13,400 --> 00:56:16,040 Speaker 2: Yes, and so it's a matter of Okay, this is 1247 00:56:16,080 --> 00:56:17,839 Speaker 2: how I think. It's nothing wrong with how I think, 1248 00:56:17,880 --> 00:56:19,520 Speaker 2: but this is how I think. That's how it operates. 1249 00:56:19,680 --> 00:56:23,640 Speaker 3: ADHD probably makes for a great reality star. Well here 1250 00:56:23,719 --> 00:56:30,280 Speaker 3: I am. It's probably I am. 1251 00:56:30,160 --> 00:56:31,920 Speaker 1: I was like, oh, what made. 1252 00:56:31,680 --> 00:56:34,480 Speaker 3: Me like a star. Here we go. Because you have 1253 00:56:34,520 --> 00:56:37,000 Speaker 3: to be on, you have to have energy, like you 1254 00:56:37,080 --> 00:56:43,600 Speaker 3: have to be exciting to watch unpredictable, unpredictable. I'm sure 1255 00:56:43,719 --> 00:56:47,160 Speaker 3: that has contributed to the success. Yes, of your reality 1256 00:56:47,200 --> 00:56:47,480 Speaker 3: is good. 1257 00:56:48,000 --> 00:56:49,080 Speaker 1: Yes, spontaneous. 1258 00:56:49,120 --> 00:56:51,719 Speaker 3: So it's a gift that a curse. Probably it is. 1259 00:56:52,080 --> 00:56:54,160 Speaker 2: I and I look at it now as a gift, 1260 00:56:54,480 --> 00:56:57,640 Speaker 2: you know. And I've found I'm not medicated. What I 1261 00:56:57,680 --> 00:57:00,319 Speaker 2: take is LDN, which is really good. So any body 1262 00:57:00,320 --> 00:57:01,960 Speaker 2: out there, I hope I can spread that message that 1263 00:57:02,320 --> 00:57:05,520 Speaker 2: Elf Thanning is amazing. Those voices that I told you 1264 00:57:05,520 --> 00:57:07,759 Speaker 2: we have to tell to be quiet, elth Thanning just 1265 00:57:07,960 --> 00:57:09,960 Speaker 2: tells them to calm it down. It calms it for 1266 00:57:10,040 --> 00:57:13,200 Speaker 2: me in the mirror. It goes in the system and 1267 00:57:13,239 --> 00:57:16,640 Speaker 2: tell everything to shut the buck up. And it's amazing. 1268 00:57:16,760 --> 00:57:18,680 Speaker 2: And so it's it's a way that like if I 1269 00:57:18,720 --> 00:57:20,640 Speaker 2: feel high stressed or whatever, it just kind of comes 1270 00:57:20,680 --> 00:57:23,680 Speaker 2: down at least quiets me from overthinking, et cetera. 1271 00:57:24,960 --> 00:57:28,080 Speaker 3: Yeah, so amazing, And I'm learning more and more about it. 1272 00:57:28,120 --> 00:57:30,280 Speaker 1: You know, you start to go into research, you find. 1273 00:57:30,040 --> 00:57:33,360 Speaker 3: Out I love this journey for you, this whole journey. 1274 00:57:33,400 --> 00:57:35,760 Speaker 3: I love where you are. You know, it's great. I think, 1275 00:57:35,840 --> 00:57:37,120 Speaker 3: yes I will. I'm not going to ask you a 1276 00:57:37,160 --> 00:57:39,760 Speaker 3: bunch of personal questions, but I do I really value 1277 00:57:39,800 --> 00:57:42,120 Speaker 3: I think it's I thank you for sharing what you 1278 00:57:42,160 --> 00:57:44,520 Speaker 3: did share today, because I really think there is something 1279 00:57:44,560 --> 00:57:48,760 Speaker 3: to that. Like not letting outside noise, outside opinions, whatever, 1280 00:57:49,160 --> 00:57:52,600 Speaker 3: just kind of interfere with you finding or exploring. Who 1281 00:57:52,640 --> 00:57:54,480 Speaker 3: knows if this is your answer or not, but at 1282 00:57:54,520 --> 00:57:57,360 Speaker 3: least you're not afraid to see to try to do. 1283 00:57:57,400 --> 00:57:58,360 Speaker 3: It feels right right. 1284 00:57:58,280 --> 00:58:01,120 Speaker 2: Now, and everybody's trying to figure it out. Yeah, yeah, 1285 00:58:01,120 --> 00:58:03,120 Speaker 2: everybody's trying to figure it out. It's just a news cycle. 1286 00:58:03,480 --> 00:58:05,400 Speaker 2: If it's just beach trending for like a week, it's okay, 1287 00:58:05,440 --> 00:58:06,520 Speaker 2: a week or two, that's right. 1288 00:58:06,800 --> 00:58:07,400 Speaker 3: I can put the. 1289 00:58:07,360 --> 00:58:09,240 Speaker 1: Phone down, you know what I mean? 1290 00:58:09,360 --> 00:58:11,720 Speaker 2: Like, I think you know some points, as you know, 1291 00:58:11,800 --> 00:58:14,160 Speaker 2: public figures we forget. You can put the phone down, 1292 00:58:14,680 --> 00:58:16,480 Speaker 2: you can delete that app for a while. 1293 00:58:16,680 --> 00:58:18,600 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's okay, and they'll still say it and it's 1294 00:58:18,640 --> 00:58:20,240 Speaker 3: not going to affect you if you don't see. 1295 00:58:20,240 --> 00:58:22,240 Speaker 1: Ever freaking No, it's not until I go to dinner 1296 00:58:22,320 --> 00:58:23,400 Speaker 1: or something they're like, oh, did you see this? 1297 00:58:23,480 --> 00:58:25,040 Speaker 2: I'm like, you need to show that to me. Like, 1298 00:58:25,080 --> 00:58:27,760 Speaker 2: I'm good, let's just drink and enjoy. Yeah, you can 1299 00:58:28,000 --> 00:58:30,680 Speaker 2: put the phone down. Do not wake up in the 1300 00:58:30,680 --> 00:58:32,560 Speaker 2: morning and that's the first thing that you're looking at, 1301 00:58:32,600 --> 00:58:33,880 Speaker 2: you know what I mean, or the last thing that 1302 00:58:33,920 --> 00:58:34,920 Speaker 2: you see before you go to bed. 1303 00:58:35,080 --> 00:58:38,760 Speaker 1: Take a moment and just just live. 1304 00:58:38,880 --> 00:58:41,760 Speaker 3: By the way, not just for public figures in genera, 1305 00:58:42,280 --> 00:58:45,160 Speaker 3: take a moment, because if it's not a story about you, 1306 00:58:45,200 --> 00:58:47,760 Speaker 3: if you're not a public figure, is it is something 1307 00:58:47,800 --> 00:58:50,640 Speaker 3: being fed to you that is meant to either stress 1308 00:58:50,680 --> 00:58:54,840 Speaker 3: you out, compare you to somebody else, compare your life 1309 00:58:54,880 --> 00:58:57,440 Speaker 3: to somebody else's life. Like there's just so much negative 1310 00:58:57,600 --> 00:58:58,400 Speaker 3: putting you in the. 1311 00:58:58,360 --> 00:59:02,480 Speaker 2: Position to judge other people. And that's what social media does. 1312 00:59:02,640 --> 00:59:05,680 Speaker 2: It gives everybody a voice and the ability to judge 1313 00:59:05,720 --> 00:59:08,200 Speaker 2: and then find a community of people who are also judging. 1314 00:59:08,240 --> 00:59:09,200 Speaker 1: So now it's a good time. 1315 00:59:09,880 --> 00:59:13,000 Speaker 3: But yeah, that bitch is crazy. 1316 00:59:13,400 --> 00:59:16,000 Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, when you put 1317 00:59:16,000 --> 00:59:19,080 Speaker 1: your phone down, what you're doing in your life. 1318 00:59:18,640 --> 00:59:21,920 Speaker 2: You got going on boom, you know what, what did you 1319 00:59:22,000 --> 00:59:23,720 Speaker 2: just do that? If we knew about it, we would 1320 00:59:23,720 --> 00:59:26,920 Speaker 2: also judge. And then they feel empty after they are 1321 00:59:26,960 --> 00:59:29,400 Speaker 2: no longer in that community that's in the cell phone 1322 00:59:29,440 --> 00:59:32,320 Speaker 2: on social media. So live outside of all of that 1323 00:59:32,440 --> 00:59:36,000 Speaker 2: for sure, Like, start to do some things I'm not 1324 00:59:36,160 --> 00:59:39,560 Speaker 2: seeing in my community sometimes, you know, we don't, you know, 1325 00:59:39,640 --> 00:59:41,640 Speaker 2: get outside and do the crazy things like you know, 1326 00:59:41,680 --> 00:59:44,360 Speaker 2: we don't out here riding horses and playing outside and 1327 00:59:44,400 --> 00:59:44,760 Speaker 2: doing things. 1328 00:59:44,880 --> 00:59:47,000 Speaker 1: Get out some like do things that you wouldn't really 1329 00:59:47,000 --> 00:59:50,280 Speaker 1: to go rend some dirt bikes, go fishing, like you know, 1330 00:59:50,880 --> 00:59:53,800 Speaker 1: I'm golfing now, the greatest thing. 1331 00:59:54,000 --> 00:59:56,600 Speaker 3: It's the greatest thing. Everybody's gonna get real good. 1332 00:59:56,680 --> 00:59:57,920 Speaker 1: I mean you already look amazing. 1333 00:59:58,200 --> 01:00:02,280 Speaker 3: You're very sweet. Yes, damn, thank you, nobody. It's my thing. 1334 01:00:02,280 --> 01:00:05,320 Speaker 3: It's that to be outside, you in the grass, find 1335 01:00:05,360 --> 01:00:07,040 Speaker 3: your thing. What is your thing? 1336 01:00:07,720 --> 01:00:10,360 Speaker 2: So my thing was golf as well. I didn't know 1337 01:00:10,440 --> 01:00:11,720 Speaker 2: that I think was golf as well. 1338 01:00:12,560 --> 01:00:15,040 Speaker 1: Did I know that? Because I didn't post about it. 1339 01:00:15,040 --> 01:00:17,080 Speaker 3: It was my thing. It was my thing. 1340 01:00:17,120 --> 01:00:17,960 Speaker 1: So I kept it for me. 1341 01:00:18,040 --> 01:00:19,040 Speaker 3: You golf by yourself. 1342 01:00:19,440 --> 01:00:21,320 Speaker 1: I used to, but I haven't do it for a while. 1343 01:00:21,360 --> 01:00:24,000 Speaker 3: You do. I golf by myself sometimes, but when you go. 1344 01:00:23,920 --> 01:00:26,080 Speaker 1: They don't try to partner you up sometimes. 1345 01:00:25,600 --> 01:00:27,439 Speaker 3: Sometimes, but I was in a club and I could. 1346 01:00:27,480 --> 01:00:29,520 Speaker 3: I would book like weird hours and then I would 1347 01:00:29,560 --> 01:00:31,320 Speaker 3: go like when people were even It's like later in 1348 01:00:31,360 --> 01:00:32,880 Speaker 3: the day. I might not do a full eighteen, but 1349 01:00:32,920 --> 01:00:34,760 Speaker 3: I'll I get some in by myself. But I like 1350 01:00:34,800 --> 01:00:36,040 Speaker 3: also golfing with other people. 1351 01:00:36,080 --> 01:00:36,400 Speaker 1: That's good. 1352 01:00:36,440 --> 01:00:37,440 Speaker 3: I'm golf with strangers. 1353 01:00:37,440 --> 01:00:39,880 Speaker 2: You can go golfing strangers great because you don't have 1354 01:00:39,960 --> 01:00:40,600 Speaker 2: to talk about shit. 1355 01:00:40,680 --> 01:00:41,120 Speaker 1: You don't. 1356 01:00:41,120 --> 01:00:42,960 Speaker 3: You just want to know what club did you use 1357 01:00:43,000 --> 01:00:44,200 Speaker 3: for that? And how far did it go? 1358 01:00:44,320 --> 01:00:46,280 Speaker 1: And you know, you get on through and you can 1359 01:00:46,360 --> 01:00:47,720 Speaker 1: drink and enjoy your horsho. 1360 01:00:48,600 --> 01:00:51,760 Speaker 3: We're gonna be golf friends. Can we really do that? 1361 01:00:51,840 --> 01:00:53,840 Speaker 2: I would so do it when I tell you, I 1362 01:00:53,880 --> 01:00:55,720 Speaker 2: love it. I got my own clubs and everything. 1363 01:00:56,160 --> 01:00:58,720 Speaker 3: So do I wait a minute, where's my Look at 1364 01:00:58,720 --> 01:01:01,160 Speaker 3: what I have on my chair? You no, I just 1365 01:01:01,200 --> 01:01:04,600 Speaker 3: want this. I won the Ladies Long Drive competition at 1366 01:01:04,600 --> 01:01:10,200 Speaker 3: the c C Sabathia Thing. It's a little golf. This congratulations. 1367 01:01:10,200 --> 01:01:12,040 Speaker 3: I don't hit that far, but there wasn't that many ladies. 1368 01:01:12,120 --> 01:01:14,640 Speaker 3: So I want it. So I wont that it's still 1369 01:01:14,680 --> 01:01:16,000 Speaker 3: in there because I had it on earlier, so I 1370 01:01:16,000 --> 01:01:16,920 Speaker 3: had tucked it inside. 1371 01:01:17,000 --> 01:01:18,840 Speaker 1: And no, you need to keep that. You need to 1372 01:01:18,880 --> 01:01:19,840 Speaker 1: find your hobby. 1373 01:01:20,160 --> 01:01:22,080 Speaker 3: Come on, like we got to get off. When i'm 1374 01:01:22,160 --> 01:01:23,800 Speaker 3: and when I go, I don't put the phone on. 1375 01:01:23,840 --> 01:01:24,680 Speaker 3: There's no phone. 1376 01:01:24,720 --> 01:01:27,080 Speaker 1: There's no phone throwing off your frequency. 1377 01:01:27,320 --> 01:01:28,280 Speaker 3: For sure, it really is. 1378 01:01:28,360 --> 01:01:30,560 Speaker 1: I mean I didn't. I'm not perfect. Yes, I'm on 1379 01:01:30,600 --> 01:01:31,000 Speaker 1: my phone. 1380 01:01:31,040 --> 01:01:32,440 Speaker 3: I have to post I so am I. 1381 01:01:32,800 --> 01:01:35,480 Speaker 2: Okay, we do all that, but think about your frequency 1382 01:01:35,520 --> 01:01:36,680 Speaker 2: at the end of the day. You don't want that 1383 01:01:36,720 --> 01:01:39,520 Speaker 2: throwing it off. I have another secret to admit today. 1384 01:01:39,720 --> 01:01:40,439 Speaker 3: Okay. 1385 01:01:40,680 --> 01:01:41,280 Speaker 1: Tree hugger. 1386 01:01:41,760 --> 01:01:43,600 Speaker 3: What do you mean I go outside on hug trees? 1387 01:01:43,880 --> 01:01:45,280 Speaker 3: You don't I do? I do. 1388 01:01:45,600 --> 01:01:49,760 Speaker 2: I go outside often barefoot and I'll just ground and 1389 01:01:49,800 --> 01:01:52,600 Speaker 2: I have this big tree that I had been eyeing them. 1390 01:01:52,480 --> 01:01:53,000 Speaker 3: For a while. 1391 01:01:54,000 --> 01:01:56,040 Speaker 1: You don't hear about the tree huggers and like, you know, 1392 01:01:56,080 --> 01:01:56,720 Speaker 1: the synergy. 1393 01:01:56,880 --> 01:01:59,320 Speaker 3: I didn't know it's a real thing. 1394 01:01:59,880 --> 01:02:02,360 Speaker 2: And I was like, I'm gonna walk up to them 1395 01:02:02,360 --> 01:02:04,320 Speaker 2: and just see if I can hug them. And I 1396 01:02:04,400 --> 01:02:06,560 Speaker 2: went and I hugged them, and I just felt you 1397 01:02:06,640 --> 01:02:09,680 Speaker 2: automatically feel like this peace, like this one that's with 1398 01:02:09,760 --> 01:02:10,080 Speaker 2: the earth. 1399 01:02:10,200 --> 01:02:14,240 Speaker 1: Stop it. I'm not I'm not kidding say this, but 1400 01:02:14,280 --> 01:02:15,600 Speaker 1: you're also gonna go hug a tree. 1401 01:02:15,760 --> 01:02:16,840 Speaker 3: How often do you do this? 1402 01:02:17,240 --> 01:02:19,680 Speaker 1: Well, it's cold now. I haven't visited him in a while. 1403 01:02:19,720 --> 01:02:23,640 Speaker 2: Okay, you have a particular Oh yeah, he's right in 1404 01:02:23,640 --> 01:02:25,280 Speaker 2: the middle of the putt putt in my backyard. 1405 01:02:25,360 --> 01:02:27,920 Speaker 3: Got it, But I haven't done part of your backyard. 1406 01:02:27,960 --> 01:02:31,200 Speaker 3: We're gonna be friendly. I want to come to your house. 1407 01:02:31,680 --> 01:02:33,400 Speaker 1: The next interview was at my house. 1408 01:02:33,440 --> 01:02:34,680 Speaker 3: Okay, fine, it's at my house. 1409 01:02:34,720 --> 01:02:35,000 Speaker 5: Fine. 1410 01:02:35,280 --> 01:02:39,760 Speaker 2: And we recently went to Scotland on Housewives and in 1411 01:02:39,800 --> 01:02:42,439 Speaker 2: the castle we were staying it, there was this big 1412 01:02:42,480 --> 01:02:45,040 Speaker 2: beauty I cheated on my tree, okay because there was 1413 01:02:45,080 --> 01:02:47,439 Speaker 2: this big beautiful tree in the back and you could 1414 01:02:47,520 --> 01:02:51,520 Speaker 2: see they feel this all out they filled. 1415 01:02:53,640 --> 01:02:55,280 Speaker 3: And so there were these they had. 1416 01:02:55,200 --> 01:02:58,240 Speaker 2: This big beautiful roots coming out, and I was like 1417 01:02:58,400 --> 01:03:00,520 Speaker 2: the girls, you know, they didn't understand what was I said, yeah, 1418 01:03:00,520 --> 01:03:02,720 Speaker 2: I'll be right back, and I went and I hugged 1419 01:03:02,720 --> 01:03:05,840 Speaker 2: this tree for like five minutes. Straight and it was 1420 01:03:06,000 --> 01:03:08,320 Speaker 2: just I don't know, it just comes me. I'm sure 1421 01:03:08,360 --> 01:03:12,000 Speaker 2: there's a scientific or spiritual Uh. So you just wondered 1422 01:03:12,080 --> 01:03:13,560 Speaker 2: did somebody tell you to do this or you just 1423 01:03:13,600 --> 01:03:15,520 Speaker 2: wanted to sing it online? You know how it is 1424 01:03:15,560 --> 01:03:18,520 Speaker 2: on social media you start tapping into and then all 1425 01:03:20,000 --> 01:03:22,600 Speaker 2: vibration in your life and how you know, water is 1426 01:03:22,640 --> 01:03:26,280 Speaker 2: living and things like that and frequency and those. That 1427 01:03:26,400 --> 01:03:27,880 Speaker 2: was one of the things that I had learned about. 1428 01:03:27,880 --> 01:03:29,400 Speaker 2: And I was like, I'm gonna try it, and it 1429 01:03:29,600 --> 01:03:30,280 Speaker 2: actually worked. 1430 01:03:30,440 --> 01:03:31,000 Speaker 3: You were into it. 1431 01:03:31,080 --> 01:03:31,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm into it. 1432 01:03:31,640 --> 01:03:33,040 Speaker 3: I'm gonna try it. I'm gonna try it on the 1433 01:03:33,080 --> 01:03:35,000 Speaker 3: golf course. Yeah, try it on the golf course. 1434 01:03:36,000 --> 01:03:38,720 Speaker 2: Pick your right tree and do it, and try to 1435 01:03:38,880 --> 01:03:40,440 Speaker 2: like let your skin touch it if you can. 1436 01:03:40,680 --> 01:03:42,080 Speaker 3: Now me, I don't like bugs. 1437 01:03:42,080 --> 01:03:45,080 Speaker 1: I don't like none of that. But I don't. But 1438 01:03:45,120 --> 01:03:46,600 Speaker 1: I was like, I need this, goodness. 1439 01:03:46,800 --> 01:03:48,840 Speaker 3: I'm gonna try. It's gonna be weird, but you know 1440 01:03:48,920 --> 01:03:55,000 Speaker 3: what thing do the thing that's hard to shut the 1441 01:03:55,040 --> 01:03:57,840 Speaker 3: fuck up exactly, I don't hug the tree exactly. 1442 01:03:57,800 --> 01:03:59,480 Speaker 2: You didn't know you was gonna get that out this interview. 1443 01:03:59,480 --> 01:04:02,960 Speaker 2: I got so. 1444 01:04:01,600 --> 01:04:05,280 Speaker 3: Into it, So thank you for that all right. We 1445 01:04:05,320 --> 01:04:06,920 Speaker 3: have a couple of things before we let you go. 1446 01:04:07,080 --> 01:04:09,200 Speaker 3: I have a gowl in real life ball with a 1447 01:04:09,240 --> 01:04:12,480 Speaker 3: couple in real life questions. Can somebody pass me the bowl? 1448 01:04:12,600 --> 01:04:14,080 Speaker 3: We're doing the bowl? First of a voice note? Do 1449 01:04:14,080 --> 01:04:15,919 Speaker 3: we have a voice note? Oh, we have a voice 1450 01:04:15,960 --> 01:04:18,640 Speaker 3: note for you? This is our mobile voice note section 1451 01:04:19,360 --> 01:04:21,520 Speaker 3: where somebody I haven't even heard this, so I don't 1452 01:04:21,520 --> 01:04:24,360 Speaker 3: know if it's a fan, a friend, but somebody who 1453 01:04:24,400 --> 01:04:25,840 Speaker 3: has a message or a question for you. 1454 01:04:26,680 --> 01:04:29,560 Speaker 1: A portia when your daughter looks back at you in 1455 01:04:29,600 --> 01:04:32,120 Speaker 1: your journey one day, like what do you hope she 1456 01:04:32,360 --> 01:04:35,520 Speaker 1: understands about the woman you were becoming? 1457 01:04:37,640 --> 01:04:39,880 Speaker 3: She might hear that, she might see that that moment 1458 01:04:39,880 --> 01:04:40,880 Speaker 3: that we just talked about. 1459 01:04:40,960 --> 01:04:46,080 Speaker 2: She might, and I'm pretty sure she will with social media. Well, 1460 01:04:46,160 --> 01:04:49,280 Speaker 2: my daughter looks back on my life, which is well 1461 01:04:49,320 --> 01:04:52,160 Speaker 2: documented a lot of it. I would hope that she 1462 01:04:52,320 --> 01:04:56,080 Speaker 2: saw a woman who is in pursuit of her best 1463 01:04:56,080 --> 01:05:01,160 Speaker 2: self and a woman who was living life on her 1464 01:05:01,200 --> 01:05:08,280 Speaker 2: own terms and who loved herself, forgave herself and most 1465 01:05:08,320 --> 01:05:09,280 Speaker 2: of all. 1466 01:05:09,440 --> 01:05:12,560 Speaker 1: Found joy or fought for joy. 1467 01:05:12,640 --> 01:05:15,200 Speaker 2: Because as a mom, the only thing I want from 1468 01:05:15,200 --> 01:05:17,200 Speaker 2: my child. I know people hit a lot of expectations 1469 01:05:17,200 --> 01:05:19,520 Speaker 2: on their kids. I just want her to be happy, 1470 01:05:19,560 --> 01:05:23,480 Speaker 2: whatever that is. You know, even though I'm working, and 1471 01:05:23,680 --> 01:05:27,120 Speaker 2: you know, I'm building. The money that I have for 1472 01:05:27,160 --> 01:05:28,200 Speaker 2: her is for her. 1473 01:05:28,040 --> 01:05:29,720 Speaker 1: To be able to do what she wants to do. 1474 01:05:29,960 --> 01:05:32,400 Speaker 2: I don't have any particular life to set out for her, 1475 01:05:32,960 --> 01:05:35,080 Speaker 2: and I wish everybody lived like that. 1476 01:05:35,200 --> 01:05:37,000 Speaker 1: My mom actually was like that with me, even though 1477 01:05:37,000 --> 01:05:39,760 Speaker 1: I work with her. But I would just want her 1478 01:05:39,800 --> 01:05:45,440 Speaker 1: to see me fighting for my life and living my 1479 01:05:45,680 --> 01:05:48,920 Speaker 1: real life how I wanted to live it. And that's 1480 01:05:48,960 --> 01:05:50,920 Speaker 1: all I want for her, and Mommy will be happy. 1481 01:05:51,600 --> 01:05:54,640 Speaker 3: That is a wonderful example to set for your daughter, 1482 01:05:54,840 --> 01:05:57,600 Speaker 3: we said some we always worry about be strong, being 1483 01:05:57,640 --> 01:06:00,600 Speaker 3: this being that. It's like, just let me show you, 1484 01:06:00,640 --> 01:06:04,240 Speaker 3: watch me chase this happiness because happiness is important. Yeah, 1485 01:06:04,280 --> 01:06:06,520 Speaker 3: and she peace is important, all of it. 1486 01:06:06,840 --> 01:06:09,640 Speaker 2: But she needs to see and know from me that 1487 01:06:09,680 --> 01:06:12,560 Speaker 2: it's something you're gonna have to be intentional about, Be 1488 01:06:12,720 --> 01:06:16,320 Speaker 2: intentional about what your life looks like, who is in 1489 01:06:16,360 --> 01:06:18,840 Speaker 2: your life, what you do in your life. If she 1490 01:06:18,920 --> 01:06:21,600 Speaker 2: can live that way and not just go along the 1491 01:06:21,640 --> 01:06:24,080 Speaker 2: way what somebody else wants or what life is pushing 1492 01:06:24,080 --> 01:06:26,920 Speaker 2: her to. No, no, no, always have your goal set 1493 01:06:27,000 --> 01:06:29,480 Speaker 2: for yourself and make sure that you are at the 1494 01:06:29,480 --> 01:06:31,560 Speaker 2: head of it no matter what, even if you have 1495 01:06:31,640 --> 01:06:34,280 Speaker 2: a child, even if she's married or whatever. Make sure 1496 01:06:34,320 --> 01:06:35,960 Speaker 2: that you are putting you first regardless. 1497 01:06:35,960 --> 01:06:38,280 Speaker 3: And that's not so good. Yeah, and the parent and 1498 01:06:38,360 --> 01:06:40,440 Speaker 3: your mom is your first example. I just had to 1499 01:06:40,640 --> 01:06:43,400 Speaker 3: remember of we have you know, Adrian Howe and byline 1500 01:06:43,440 --> 01:06:45,920 Speaker 3: from the real she was on with her husband recently, 1501 01:06:46,440 --> 01:06:48,880 Speaker 3: and you know, she had a relationships before that didn't 1502 01:06:48,880 --> 01:06:52,320 Speaker 3: go well and she left an engagement and everything because 1503 01:06:53,080 --> 01:06:56,080 Speaker 3: she watched her mother chase her happiness. She's like, her 1504 01:06:56,080 --> 01:06:59,680 Speaker 3: mother got a divorce from her first husband. She's like, 1505 01:06:59,720 --> 01:07:03,000 Speaker 3: something about watching my mother chase her happiness made me 1506 01:07:03,080 --> 01:07:06,240 Speaker 3: realize want to have that too, and kids do that. 1507 01:07:06,480 --> 01:07:10,240 Speaker 3: Your mother is your first example of like how it's 1508 01:07:10,280 --> 01:07:11,280 Speaker 3: supposed to be done. 1509 01:07:12,240 --> 01:07:15,080 Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, and that life is a steady flow. 1510 01:07:15,440 --> 01:07:16,560 Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah. 1511 01:07:16,760 --> 01:07:18,760 Speaker 2: You are not your circumstance. I'm sure you may go 1512 01:07:18,840 --> 01:07:20,560 Speaker 2: through hard things in your life, but you are not 1513 01:07:21,280 --> 01:07:24,760 Speaker 2: your circumstance. You are beyond that. You're just going through that. 1514 01:07:25,160 --> 01:07:27,320 Speaker 2: And so as long as she remains fluid and I 1515 01:07:27,400 --> 01:07:29,760 Speaker 2: remain fluid and can see a way out and keep 1516 01:07:29,960 --> 01:07:33,480 Speaker 2: moving with my energy and my love and my life, 1517 01:07:33,600 --> 01:07:34,640 Speaker 2: then she'll be fine. 1518 01:07:35,240 --> 01:07:36,000 Speaker 1: Things are going to happen. 1519 01:07:36,080 --> 01:07:37,960 Speaker 2: She's got to know that, yes, life is hard, and 1520 01:07:37,960 --> 01:07:39,480 Speaker 2: she's gonna watch mom's life and be like. 1521 01:07:39,520 --> 01:07:42,680 Speaker 1: Yeah, mom went through some things. Okay, yeah mom, girl 1522 01:07:43,800 --> 01:07:46,439 Speaker 1: in there. But she's going to see that and be like, yeah, 1523 01:07:46,480 --> 01:07:47,320 Speaker 1: it's the real world. 1524 01:07:47,360 --> 01:07:49,040 Speaker 3: That's amazing that she could watch your life. 1525 01:07:49,120 --> 01:07:52,560 Speaker 2: I know, right, yeah, you know it's real. It's real, 1526 01:07:52,760 --> 01:07:55,000 Speaker 2: and you know, a lot of people don't have the opportunity. 1527 01:07:55,080 --> 01:07:56,920 Speaker 2: I was really close to my mom, so I watched 1528 01:07:56,920 --> 01:08:01,400 Speaker 2: my mom fight to be the number one childher center 1529 01:08:01,480 --> 01:08:05,160 Speaker 2: owner and entrepreneur and single mom and take care of us. 1530 01:08:05,040 --> 01:08:06,080 Speaker 1: And the whole family. 1531 01:08:06,400 --> 01:08:08,840 Speaker 2: And so that's where I get my work ethic from, 1532 01:08:08,960 --> 01:08:10,960 Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying. And that's and there were 1533 01:08:10,960 --> 01:08:13,360 Speaker 2: also some things that she feels like she might have 1534 01:08:13,440 --> 01:08:14,680 Speaker 2: missed in doing all this. 1535 01:08:14,800 --> 01:08:14,880 Speaker 5: Well. 1536 01:08:14,920 --> 01:08:17,519 Speaker 3: It's also her generation where they were trying to fight 1537 01:08:17,600 --> 01:08:20,960 Speaker 3: for equal rights and fair pay and they wanted to 1538 01:08:21,000 --> 01:08:23,160 Speaker 3: be bosses too, and they wanted to prove it so 1539 01:08:23,200 --> 01:08:26,240 Speaker 3: they had that was their play. And then the next 1540 01:08:26,280 --> 01:08:28,360 Speaker 3: generation it's like, wait a minute, I want to be 1541 01:08:28,479 --> 01:08:31,040 Speaker 3: happy too, Like yeah, we want to be hustlers, but 1542 01:08:31,120 --> 01:08:34,519 Speaker 3: we also and bosses, but kind of also really want 1543 01:08:34,520 --> 01:08:37,120 Speaker 3: to prioritize joy and being happy. 1544 01:08:37,240 --> 01:08:40,200 Speaker 2: And that's the ultimate way of having it all. A 1545 01:08:40,200 --> 01:08:42,080 Speaker 2: lot of people say, I hear me say, I want 1546 01:08:42,080 --> 01:08:44,200 Speaker 2: to have it all. No, I really mean it. I 1547 01:08:44,240 --> 01:08:46,559 Speaker 2: really mean it. But I know now it starts with me. 1548 01:08:46,840 --> 01:08:49,680 Speaker 2: I have to feel complete in who I am. Then 1549 01:08:49,680 --> 01:08:52,640 Speaker 2: everything else is at it, Like literally everything else is 1550 01:08:52,640 --> 01:08:52,920 Speaker 2: at it. 1551 01:08:53,120 --> 01:08:53,599 Speaker 3: So good. 1552 01:08:53,720 --> 01:08:54,120 Speaker 1: Hey, guys. 1553 01:08:54,120 --> 01:08:56,920 Speaker 3: Support for this podcast is brought to you by Walden University. 1554 01:08:57,320 --> 01:08:59,920 Speaker 3: Have you ever thought to yourself, what if I could 1555 01:08:59,920 --> 01:09:03,040 Speaker 3: go after what I actually want and I could really 1556 01:09:03,080 --> 01:09:05,680 Speaker 3: make a difference. Well, you are not alone, and this 1557 01:09:05,800 --> 01:09:08,320 Speaker 3: is exactly why I want to tell you about Walden University. 1558 01:09:08,560 --> 01:09:12,080 Speaker 3: For over fifty years, Walden has helped working adults like 1559 01:09:12,160 --> 01:09:15,880 Speaker 3: you get the w with the knowledge, the skills and 1560 01:09:15,960 --> 01:09:18,120 Speaker 3: everything you need to build the future that you want 1561 01:09:18,400 --> 01:09:20,639 Speaker 3: and you can make a difference where it matters most. 1562 01:09:20,800 --> 01:09:23,320 Speaker 3: If you've been waiting for the right moment, this is it. 1563 01:09:23,600 --> 01:09:26,920 Speaker 3: Head to waldenu dot edu and take that first step. 1564 01:09:27,160 --> 01:09:31,320 Speaker 3: Walden University set a course for Change, certified to operate 1565 01:09:31,360 --> 01:09:34,320 Speaker 3: by SHIV. All Right, before you go hit our Irl Bowl. 1566 01:09:34,479 --> 01:09:40,799 Speaker 3: Boo by our Irl Bowl is sponsored by Walden University. Okay, 1567 01:09:41,080 --> 01:09:42,799 Speaker 3: thank you to our friends at Walden. 1568 01:09:42,880 --> 01:09:50,320 Speaker 1: This is real life questions. Yes, what is the best 1569 01:09:50,360 --> 01:09:52,559 Speaker 1: and the worst decision you ever made? 1570 01:09:52,840 --> 01:09:53,520 Speaker 3: Oh? 1571 01:09:53,560 --> 01:09:57,840 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, oh wow, there's. 1572 01:09:57,560 --> 01:10:02,559 Speaker 3: A many, not a many to be the best. What's 1573 01:10:02,560 --> 01:10:03,320 Speaker 3: the first one that comes? 1574 01:10:05,200 --> 01:10:09,880 Speaker 1: Okay, the best decision I would say is well, of course, 1575 01:10:10,680 --> 01:10:13,120 Speaker 1: getting with my eggs and having polar I say that's 1576 01:10:13,160 --> 01:10:13,519 Speaker 1: the best. 1577 01:10:13,760 --> 01:10:16,519 Speaker 2: Yeah, because I I really didn't know that relationship was 1578 01:10:16,600 --> 01:10:19,320 Speaker 2: new and you know, we had our blessing. So I 1579 01:10:19,320 --> 01:10:24,920 Speaker 2: would have to say that's the best decision I ever made. 1580 01:10:24,040 --> 01:10:27,200 Speaker 1: And worst decision I ever made. 1581 01:10:27,760 --> 01:10:29,840 Speaker 3: A lot big one. 1582 01:10:30,160 --> 01:10:32,760 Speaker 2: Okay, that should have just been one question that didn't 1583 01:10:32,800 --> 01:10:37,000 Speaker 2: have to be fully loaded like that. Okay, worst decision 1584 01:10:37,120 --> 01:10:43,439 Speaker 2: ever made was probably compromising myself like in a lot 1585 01:10:43,479 --> 01:10:44,560 Speaker 2: of different situations. 1586 01:10:44,640 --> 01:10:46,960 Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't, you don't need to do that. 1587 01:10:47,240 --> 01:10:47,679 Speaker 1: You don't. 1588 01:10:47,920 --> 01:10:50,760 Speaker 2: I don't feel like you need to because you know why, 1589 01:10:50,800 --> 01:10:52,439 Speaker 2: Because at the end of the day, your destiny is 1590 01:10:52,439 --> 01:10:55,400 Speaker 2: already said. The gift that you have is going to 1591 01:10:55,479 --> 01:10:57,479 Speaker 2: take you right where you need to be. So as 1592 01:10:57,520 --> 01:10:59,040 Speaker 2: long as your gift and you're. 1593 01:10:58,960 --> 01:11:02,639 Speaker 1: Fully aligned and you're living in divine alignment. You don't 1594 01:11:02,680 --> 01:11:04,680 Speaker 1: need to compromise yourself. You need to be you, in 1595 01:11:04,800 --> 01:11:07,840 Speaker 1: your fullest self, and then what's meant for you will 1596 01:11:07,880 --> 01:11:15,240 Speaker 1: be for you. There's any situation, hey, hello ya Really, 1597 01:11:15,280 --> 01:11:17,559 Speaker 1: if that's a situation you got to compromise yourself, don't 1598 01:11:17,600 --> 01:11:17,840 Speaker 1: do it. 1599 01:11:17,960 --> 01:11:22,360 Speaker 3: Yes, don't do it. You're actually going against yourself. You're like, 1600 01:11:22,760 --> 01:11:25,600 Speaker 3: You're like, yeah, it's not good. Okay, you know, I 1601 01:11:25,680 --> 01:11:27,280 Speaker 3: like this question for you. It's very simple. When we 1602 01:11:27,320 --> 01:11:30,679 Speaker 3: started our podcast, taking it back up, so this is good. 1603 01:11:30,800 --> 01:11:32,559 Speaker 3: I know it kept saying goodbye. This is how we 1604 01:11:32,640 --> 01:11:35,240 Speaker 3: usually used to start. This was our startup question. I 1605 01:11:35,280 --> 01:11:37,040 Speaker 3: have a startup question and the end question. This is 1606 01:11:37,080 --> 01:11:39,840 Speaker 3: the start of question. How happy are you poorscha on 1607 01:11:39,880 --> 01:11:42,000 Speaker 3: the scale of one to ten today? 1608 01:11:42,240 --> 01:11:47,639 Speaker 2: Oh to energy check today, I am at a ten. Yeah, yeah, 1609 01:11:47,760 --> 01:11:50,560 Speaker 2: I'm at a ten. I had a really rough day yesterday, 1610 01:11:51,000 --> 01:11:53,280 Speaker 2: and I like the way I handled it. I like 1611 01:11:53,320 --> 01:11:57,800 Speaker 2: to felt I felt triggered yesterday and I felt like 1612 01:11:57,840 --> 01:12:00,200 Speaker 2: I was going down a loop and I stopped myself 1613 01:12:00,400 --> 01:12:01,560 Speaker 2: and I started. 1614 01:12:01,720 --> 01:12:04,960 Speaker 1: Going solution based and I handled it, and so I'm 1615 01:12:04,960 --> 01:12:05,439 Speaker 1: proud of it. 1616 01:12:05,479 --> 01:12:07,320 Speaker 2: Like every time I have a win like that, even 1617 01:12:07,320 --> 01:12:09,000 Speaker 2: though it feels like a loss, every time I have 1618 01:12:09,040 --> 01:12:10,200 Speaker 2: a win, I feel good. 1619 01:12:10,280 --> 01:12:13,639 Speaker 1: So today I am happy ten. I'm a ten. 1620 01:12:13,840 --> 01:12:17,800 Speaker 3: That's amazing ten. And my other favorable In the question 1621 01:12:17,840 --> 01:12:19,800 Speaker 3: which we ended with a lot is and we'll end 1622 01:12:19,800 --> 01:12:22,559 Speaker 3: it today with that is if God were to text 1623 01:12:22,600 --> 01:12:24,320 Speaker 3: you today, what would it say? 1624 01:12:25,520 --> 01:12:29,519 Speaker 2: Oh, my God, if God texts me today, were to say, 1625 01:12:31,240 --> 01:12:35,120 Speaker 2: thank you for fighting for our relationship. Yeah, There's been 1626 01:12:35,120 --> 01:12:37,200 Speaker 2: a lot of different times in life where I have 1627 01:12:37,360 --> 01:12:40,120 Speaker 2: felt led away from God, or I have felt like 1628 01:12:40,200 --> 01:12:42,879 Speaker 2: I was in his clothes, or I did not pay attention. 1629 01:12:43,560 --> 01:12:46,080 Speaker 2: But I walk around my house all day speaking to God, 1630 01:12:46,760 --> 01:12:48,519 Speaker 2: I mean, and I teach my daughter to pray. 1631 01:12:49,000 --> 01:12:50,880 Speaker 1: And so I would have to. 1632 01:12:50,800 --> 01:12:54,960 Speaker 2: Say that we have a close relationship, and I think 1633 01:12:55,000 --> 01:12:58,240 Speaker 2: that's what he would appreciate. It's me constantly him being 1634 01:12:58,280 --> 01:13:01,000 Speaker 2: in my mind and me thinking of him first that 1635 01:13:01,040 --> 01:13:03,840 Speaker 2: relationship and working. You have to work on that relationship 1636 01:13:03,840 --> 01:13:05,960 Speaker 2: because the world is trying to pull you away. Your 1637 01:13:05,960 --> 01:13:08,080 Speaker 2: flesh is trying to pull you away. So you have 1638 01:13:08,200 --> 01:13:11,840 Speaker 2: to consciously be thankful and grateful even in the midst 1639 01:13:11,880 --> 01:13:12,920 Speaker 2: of what you have going on. 1640 01:13:13,040 --> 01:13:14,799 Speaker 1: Even all that that we talked about today. 1641 01:13:15,080 --> 01:13:20,320 Speaker 2: I have to constantly say, but God, yeah, thank you 1642 01:13:20,400 --> 01:13:20,920 Speaker 2: for today. 1643 01:13:20,960 --> 01:13:28,960 Speaker 3: Thank you. That's Portia in real life, everybody. 1644 01:13:27,560 --> 01:13:29,439 Speaker 1: This is Porsche Williams in real life. 1645 01:13:31,040 --> 01:13:34,680 Speaker 3: Hey guys, thanks for watching. Make sure you subscribe, like comments, 1646 01:13:34,800 --> 01:13:36,840 Speaker 3: and check out all of the other episodes we have 1647 01:13:36,920 --> 01:13:38,719 Speaker 3: on Edge. Martinez Iro Podcast