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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is a John your og

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime podcast host, and we got some great stories

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Speaker 1: coming up. Before that, we have a quick two minute

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Speaker 1: break from the sponsors that keep the show a lot.

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Speaker 1: My coworker is falling in love with me, but she

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Speaker 1: doesn't know. Again, are you sure? Sugar warning mentions of

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Speaker 1: a So, the title makes it sound worse than it

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Speaker 1: really is, as if I have some ego complex or whatever.

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Speaker 1: But before you pass judgment, let me explain my forty

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Speaker 1: male coworker we'll call her Kim. Thirty one female and

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Speaker 1: I met in twenty seventeen when we started at the

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Speaker 1: company together. We became fast friends and I felt drawn

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Speaker 1: to her. I was attracted to her and at times

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Speaker 1: he seemed like she shared the sentiments, but she was married.

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Speaker 1: Being an EmPATH, I knew she wasn't happy in the

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Speaker 1: marriage and I was proven right when I learned he

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Speaker 1: was harmful towards her and she wound up divorcing him.

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Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from acrylics And if you

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Speaker 1: want to submit your own stories, go to the r

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Speaker 1: slash Okay Storytime stuff ard it.

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Speaker 2: So.

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Speaker 1: I was on medical leave for twenty months due to

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Speaker 1: a back injury, so I didn't get to see Kim

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Speaker 1: during that time. We didn't talk too much because she

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Speaker 1: was distant with the whole marriage slash orce thing and

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Speaker 1: I wasn't going to push her. But I returned to

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Speaker 1: work four weeks ago and we've been talking ever since.

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Speaker 1: We even realized we go to the same gym, so

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Speaker 1: we became workout partner. I told her that I was

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Speaker 1: interested in her and it intrigued her. She wasn't committing

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Speaker 1: to a date, but she was thinking about it. Truth

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Speaker 1: be told, Kim has several guys she's talking to, even

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Speaker 1: dating if the occasion arises. She doesn't sleep around, but

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Speaker 1: she's testing the waters because she doesn't want a repeat

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Speaker 1: this past Tuesday, she tells me after our workout that

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Speaker 1: she needs to get laid. It's been a year and

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Speaker 1: a half for her and she's feeling it. I told

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Speaker 1: her that if that's what she wants, I can supply.

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Speaker 1: She is hesitant, saying that she worries I'll read into

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Speaker 1: it more than I should. I convince her that I

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Speaker 1: can keep it nssay, and she lasts tells me that

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Speaker 1: I'm a talker and says, I have this feeling we're

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Speaker 1: going to wind up having spicy sleep. Wednesday, I proposed

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Speaker 1: getting a hotel room on Payday, not expecting spicy sleep,

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Speaker 1: but just to hang out. She responds, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: Thursday we have our first actual date, and it came

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Speaker 1: as a surprise. I was late to the gym due

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Speaker 1: to a doctor's appointment, and she already got her work

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Speaker 1: out in. She came over to me and we talked

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Speaker 1: for half an hour and then said let's go eat

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Speaker 1: right now. So we go eat. We sat in the

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Speaker 1: restaurant for five hours until closing, just talking and learning

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Speaker 1: about each other. Then she asks, why the hotel room?

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Speaker 1: What are your intentions? I tell her, really, just to

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Speaker 1: get to know you. We don't have many places we

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Speaker 1: can hang out and get to know each other, so

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Speaker 1: why not. She was hesitant, but then tells me, okay,

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Speaker 1: let's get the hotel. Next day at work, she confirms

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Speaker 1: We're getting the hotel that deck. Kim and I spent

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Speaker 1: twelve hours together, walking around the mall, in the hotel room,

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Speaker 1: eating out, and just hanging out. She wanted to nap,

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Speaker 1: and when she couldn't sleep, she asked me to hold

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Speaker 1: her hand. When she still couldn't sleep, I asked, would

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Speaker 1: cuddling you help? He smiled and nodded, so I cuddled

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Speaker 1: her well. Cuddling led to spicy sleep, and she opened

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Speaker 1: up to me and said it was the best nights

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Speaker 1: she'd had in forever, and the most fun with everything

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Speaker 1: she had in a long time. I gave her a

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Speaker 1: full body massage and she was at a loss for word, saying,

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Speaker 1: this is new. I don't know how to react, but

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Speaker 1: it feels so good. She'd never been pampered. We didn't kiss.

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Speaker 1: She isn't mentally ready, but I figured something out today.

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Speaker 1: Kim is the center of attention for the first time

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Speaker 1: in her life. She's got guys bonding over her. She's

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Speaker 1: admitted she's afraid of developing feelings for me, and she

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Speaker 1: wants to save a kiss for when she wants to

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Speaker 1: become attacked. But every one of her actions or the

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Speaker 1: past two days, they speak volume. I'm being patient, I'm waiting,

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Speaker 1: biding my time. Been two days, but it's still so

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Speaker 1: frustrating that she's talking to other guys. But what can

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Speaker 1: I do but expect to be patient. I'm one one

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Speaker 1: hundred percent certain he's falling in love with me, but

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Speaker 1: she's afraid and also doesn't want to lose her center

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Speaker 1: of attention status or hurt me in the process. She

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Speaker 1: told me she went to sleep with a smile on

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Speaker 1: her face. Am I wrong in reading her signs? Is

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Speaker 1: it hopeless? I give up? I don't want to though.

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Speaker 1: Is this a problem? What are your thoughts? We got

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Speaker 1: an update, but Dakota, what do you think about the situation?

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Speaker 1: So Opie's basically saying like what should I do here?

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Speaker 3: She very well could be slowly developing feelings for you.

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Speaker 3: I think Ope needs to before they date, They need

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Speaker 3: to get straight on how they're actually viewing him, because

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Speaker 3: from the very beginning, I was like, something is not right,

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Speaker 3: something struck me wrong the way he was describing it.

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Speaker 3: And still in this where it's like I know she's

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Speaker 3: falling in love with me, It's like, no, you don't.

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Speaker 3: You're just like idealizing the situation and then like putting

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Speaker 3: it on her.

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Speaker 1: I could see there being a little bit of like

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Speaker 1: pedestalization and a little bit of like like I don't

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Speaker 1: think we can say this for sure, but the teensy

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Speaker 1: bit of like controlling this in that or like I

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Speaker 1: know what she's thinking better than she knows herself. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: a little bit. But I think the big thing here

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Speaker 1: is if you try to lock down someone who's not

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Speaker 1: ready to be locked down, you might successfully do so

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Speaker 1: in the short term, but they may still have the

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Speaker 1: desire to sow their wild outs and the long term,

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Speaker 1: and that's gonna pop up like a gopher just popping

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Speaker 1: out of a hole later down the relationship. And so

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Speaker 1: it's like, really, I feel like you got you gotta letter,

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Speaker 1: So sew the oats. So my last post got a

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Speaker 1: lot of heat and a lot of hate. Understandable. Not

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Speaker 1: everyone believes in em Rather.

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Speaker 2: That's not what it is. It's that See, this is

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Speaker 2: what I'm talking about.

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Speaker 3: This is why sometimes EmPATH stuff bothers me because people

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Speaker 3: are like, well I just literally know exactly what everyone's thinking,

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Speaker 3: and it's like, no, you don't. Until you have a conversation,

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Speaker 3: you get clear like normal human beings.

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Speaker 1: I feel like, what really this guy has is he

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Speaker 1: has an overabundance of misplaced confidence in his ability to

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Speaker 1: suss out people's emotions. I believe you, which correct often

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Speaker 1: will make you worse at that. But that's why the update,

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Speaker 1: and it's going to start very well, like most people

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Speaker 1: said it what Kim told me today, she'd reach a decision.

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Speaker 1: That decision, well, she did not want to date me.

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Speaker 1: I told her that I respect her choice and asked

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Speaker 1: her why. Her response was that she knew herself well

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Speaker 1: enough to know she didn't want to fair enough, you

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Speaker 1: proved the comments right. I was reading too much into things.

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Speaker 1: Oh the horror. Life goes on, but so does this story.

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Speaker 1: I told her I wasn't going to the gym today

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Speaker 1: and she demanded to know why. Told her I had

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Speaker 1: things to take care of. Then I also mentioned getting

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Speaker 1: a better paying job, talked about a couple other things,

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Speaker 1: then ended the video chat because she was mean mugging me,

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Speaker 1: told her to enjoy her workout, and left it that.

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Speaker 1: Twenty minutes later, he texts me and says, she's upset now,

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Speaker 1: but she'll be fine. Doesn't want to give me a reason.

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Speaker 1: I told her that I'm still her friend regardless of

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Speaker 1: her decision, and nothing has changed, he tells me, and

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Speaker 1: I don't want to be friends. Didn't give a reason why.

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Speaker 1: I just said she didn't want to be friends anymore. Well,

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Speaker 1: I couldn't let that slide. I hopped my car and

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Speaker 1: drove to the gym, told her I was there and

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Speaker 1: we needed to talk. You told me to go away,

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Speaker 1: not to talk to her. I left her alone, but

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Speaker 1: I told her if you could look me dead in

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Speaker 1: the eye and say our friendship is over, I'll leave

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Speaker 1: you alone. I went over to sit up on the

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Speaker 1: bench and saw her sitting on the ground glaring at me.

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Speaker 1: I mined what to her and no response. Texted her

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Speaker 1: you took her phone out of her pocket and Mike

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Speaker 1: dropped it on the ground, still glaring. So I walk

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Speaker 1: over to her and sit down next to her.

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Speaker 4: I hate you.

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Speaker 1: You're so annoying. It was the first thing she said.

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Speaker 1: Not great communication on her party either.

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Speaker 2: What do you mean if.

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Speaker 3: You had basically someone like stalking you into the gym?

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Speaker 3: After you're like, leave me alone.

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Speaker 4: That was weird.

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Speaker 3: Whatever you just tried to do, I don't want to

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Speaker 3: talk to you. And then they show up to the

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Speaker 3: gym after they said, oh I can't.

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Speaker 4: Sit today, it's still weird. They like, leave me alone.

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Speaker 4: I'm not engaged with you.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I'm also getting not the best communication

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Speaker 1: from her. But she is like I feel like he

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Speaker 1: is prompting her to give him bad communication.

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Speaker 3: I agreed, I want to anyway. He thinks he can

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Speaker 3: just show up and make me talk to him. Yeah, right,

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Speaker 3: I'm not speaking to you.

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Speaker 1: I told her I can be, but would like to

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Speaker 1: know why I was annoying right then, and she said,

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Speaker 1: how do you think I felt when you told me

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Speaker 1: you were leaving for another job. I had just gotten

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Speaker 1: used to seeing your face after twenty months, and now

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Speaker 1: after I tell you I don't want to date you,

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Speaker 1: you spring this on me. I told her it wasn't

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Speaker 1: about that at all, just timing. Then she says, I

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Speaker 1: hate that you read me so well. You know what

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Speaker 1: I'm feeling even before I admit it. Stop reading me.

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Speaker 2: That's a lie. There's no way that happened. I'm sorry.

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Speaker 1: It feels like things that didn't happen. For one hundred bucks, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I probe for more information and ultimately asked was I

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Speaker 1: right when I said you were developing feelings for me,

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Speaker 1: which she said yes, But I refuse to acknowledge him.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to date you. I'm not mentally ready.

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Speaker 1: I hate you. I hate what you do to my feelings.

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Speaker 1: My life was perfect. I had a routine going on,

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Speaker 1: and then you walked right in and left it all

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Speaker 1: up now. I'm out of whack with my routine. He says,

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Speaker 1: I'm a distraction that I keep her from doing what

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Speaker 1: she needs to do.

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Speaker 4: He paints.

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Speaker 1: In the past month, she has not finished a single

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Speaker 1: painting because I distract her thoughts. I'm everything she wants.

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Speaker 1: She says, she's not meant today ready. I told her,

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Speaker 1: I'm still patient.

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Speaker 2: I just have to say, humble brag.

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Speaker 3: I'm so glad I clocked this guy's energy flock instantaneously

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Speaker 3: at the beginning of this story, cause it is it's like, guys,

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Speaker 3: don't be this guy. Don't be the guy who's like,

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Speaker 3: I know she's in love with me. I'm an mpath

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Speaker 3: if you were. I just want to know the real

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Speaker 3: version of when he showed up to the gym, she

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Speaker 3: probably was like security, can you get this guy out

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Speaker 3: of here?

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Speaker 1: I feel like she probably I feel like there's elements

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Speaker 1: of truth to this where it's like like she wasn't

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Speaker 1: interested in dating him, but he's inventing this reason because

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Speaker 1: it sounds ridiculous.

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Speaker 3: I mean, sure, there's a situation where probably they are

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Speaker 3: they do hook up, maybe, and there is some like

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Speaker 3: you know, I don't know. I just got out of

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Speaker 3: this weird thing, and you are kind of cool. But

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Speaker 3: I love that She as soon as he tried to

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Speaker 3: pull the oh oh you won't date me, well, then

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Speaker 3: I guess she's like, all right, yeah bye, yeah, cool,

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Speaker 3: you go girl, that's exactly what you should do.

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Speaker 4: Well.

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Speaker 1: We left the gym and walked to her car talking.

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Speaker 1: She walked towards me, put her head on my shoulder

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Speaker 1: and asked me to hold her. Then she muttered, I

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Speaker 1: hate you again, laughing this time. Then she almost kissed me,

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Speaker 1: but stopped herself because of reasons. You told me you're

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Speaker 1: ex demanded all of her time and that in the

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Speaker 1: three years of marriage she got half a painting done.

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Speaker 1: In the year and a half of separation she got

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Speaker 1: six done. I told her I'm not interested in holding

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Speaker 1: her back, and that I have a life outside of

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Speaker 1: her and don't need her at my becking call, she

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Speaker 1: told me relationships are hard work, and she does not

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Speaker 1: want to work like that. I told her that it's

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Speaker 1: only hard work when people don't connect. She just doesn't

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Speaker 1: want to be held back anymore, and forget her passions.

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Speaker 1: I made a promise not to hold her back at all.

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Speaker 1: She smiled at me, then tells me she needs to

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Speaker 1: get home. I ask her if she wants to me

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Speaker 1: to bring her a protein shake tomorrow for her I

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Speaker 1: make pumpkin spice, which she enjoys. He asked me instead

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Speaker 1: for strawberry banana, so I oblige. Later, she tells me

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00:09:37,679 --> 00:09:39,800
Speaker 1: you get me a ruby chocolate for V Day. I'll

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00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:41,960
Speaker 1: be happy. She's falling in love with me, but isn't

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Speaker 1: prepared mentally, And I'm so glad I took her risk

249
00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:46,079
Speaker 1: heading to the gym when she said she wanted to

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Speaker 1: be left alone. Sometimes you have to go with your gut.

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Speaker 1: We're still not dating, but she's got those feelings now.

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Speaker 1: She just needs to get her a mentality right. All

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Speaker 1: the while, I'll still be patiently waiting. Thank you all

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Speaker 1: for your previous comments, no matter the context. I don't know, man,

255
00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:01,840
Speaker 1: I don't know if I I think man got rejected

256
00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:04,000
Speaker 1: so hard and this is his coping mechanism.

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Speaker 3: I don't think this guy's ever been in a freaking

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Speaker 3: relationship the way he said.

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Speaker 2: Relationships are only hard work when people don't connect.

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Speaker 4: Hey, idiot, it's hard work to connect. Yeah, you gotta.

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Speaker 3: Work on that constantly to make sure you're connecting like

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00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:20,880
Speaker 3: there's some element of truth to that, But it's like

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Speaker 3: just to say that, it's like, oh, as long as

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Speaker 3: people are connecting this, that is the work.

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Speaker 2: It's like nonsense that he would say.

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Speaker 1: That, Yeah, this feels very nice. Guy, feels very nice guy.

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Speaker 2: I went on an accidental date with my friend months.

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Speaker 4: Before my wedding.

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Speaker 2: What did you not know?

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Speaker 4: It was a date?

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Speaker 2: I twenty eight mail.

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Speaker 3: I'm getting married to my partner, will call him James

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Speaker 3: thirty nine mail of eight years in October.

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Speaker 2: We both have been working two jobs to.

275
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Speaker 3: Save up for the special day, with me going back

276
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Speaker 3: to my old retail job part time. By the way,

277
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Speaker 3: this comes from user a throwaway accident date and if

278
00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:53,080
Speaker 3: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

279
00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:56,440
Speaker 3: r slash okay storytime subreddit. My current full time job

280
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Speaker 3: has a very toxic work environment with a coworker bullying me,

281
00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:03,240
Speaker 3: so I am job hunting. This past Saturday, I ubered

282
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Speaker 3: did my part time job to work on my resume

283
00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:07,679
Speaker 3: and cover letter with my boss. As I was getting

284
00:11:07,679 --> 00:11:10,880
Speaker 3: ready to leave, one of my coworkers slash friends, Eric

285
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Speaker 3: thirty one mail, was getting out.

286
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Speaker 2: We had worked together before I left.

287
00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:16,360
Speaker 3: We always got along and had a lot in common,

288
00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:19,040
Speaker 3: like liking the same books, movies, TV, blah blah blah.

289
00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:20,840
Speaker 3: He said he wanted to cheer me up, so we

290
00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:23,000
Speaker 3: walked around the outside of the shopping center where the

291
00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:25,679
Speaker 3: retail job is. We talked, We caught up. We went

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00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:27,600
Speaker 3: into Barnes and Noble. Then he showed me some of

293
00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:29,880
Speaker 3: his favorite books. It made me forget about my work

294
00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:31,679
Speaker 3: issues at my other job, and it was nice to

295
00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:34,400
Speaker 3: talk with someone outside of my tight knit circle like

296
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Speaker 3: my family and my fiance. After this, he bought me

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Speaker 3: some lunch and an ice cream because it was warm out.

298
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Speaker 2: After that, he drove me home.

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Speaker 3: My partner was working in overnight, so by the time

300
00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:45,280
Speaker 3: I got home he had left. My brother called to

301
00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:46,920
Speaker 3: check up on me, as I was in a bad

302
00:11:46,920 --> 00:11:49,679
Speaker 3: mental space today prior due to my job. Told him

303
00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:52,200
Speaker 3: about my day. When he goes, hey, is everything good

304
00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:55,280
Speaker 3: with you and James? I asked him why, and he elaborated, saying,

305
00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:57,040
Speaker 3: it sounds like you and Eric went on a date.

306
00:11:57,080 --> 00:11:58,840
Speaker 3: While my brother has always had a sense of humor,

307
00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:00,960
Speaker 3: deadpan was never his strong suit, and he sounded one

308
00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:03,520
Speaker 3: hundred percent serious. I assured him that it was not

309
00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:05,640
Speaker 3: a date. That it was a straight man cheering up

310
00:12:05,679 --> 00:12:08,920
Speaker 3: his a friend. Then he went into his typical joking demeanor,

311
00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:11,720
Speaker 3: saying that I didn't know for sure that Eric was straight,

312
00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:13,720
Speaker 3: which Eric has confessed to me in the past that

313
00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:17,360
Speaker 3: he is by curious. Now, admittedly, Eric is my type

314
00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:19,600
Speaker 3: and our jokes can be flirty.

315
00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:21,120
Speaker 4: But it is just jokes.

316
00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:23,360
Speaker 3: For example, he had some ice cream in his beard

317
00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:25,320
Speaker 3: that day and when I told him, he said, well,

318
00:12:25,360 --> 00:12:26,920
Speaker 3: if you want, you can kiss it off.

319
00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:30,200
Speaker 4: Oh hey, ope, be sure you accidentally went on this date.

320
00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:32,640
Speaker 3: When I explained the situation to a mutual friend of

321
00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:35,160
Speaker 3: Eric's in eyes, they too tease me for going on

322
00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:38,400
Speaker 3: an accidental date. It made a really nice time out

323
00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:40,839
Speaker 3: with my friend turn into something I am now feeling

324
00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:42,960
Speaker 3: kind of ashamed of. Eric has reached out to me

325
00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:44,760
Speaker 3: since to thank me for spending the time with him,

326
00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:47,800
Speaker 3: but I felt too conflicted to respond. And now I'm

327
00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:50,600
Speaker 3: keeping the situation from my partner, which is causing me

328
00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:53,959
Speaker 3: more stressed. Now I am unsure what exactly I am feeling.

329
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:55,800
Speaker 3: I was hoping to get some advice how should I

330
00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:56,360
Speaker 3: move forward?

331
00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:58,520
Speaker 4: And there's an update. First of all, I forgot.

332
00:12:58,200 --> 00:12:59,920
Speaker 3: To tell you all in the original post that I'm

333
00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:02,920
Speaker 3: I'm neurodiverson, so I suck at social cues and don't

334
00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:05,120
Speaker 3: always pick up on someone's intentions at first.

335
00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:06,160
Speaker 2: That's not an excuse.

336
00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:09,160
Speaker 3: It just informs part of why I made the original

337
00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:11,880
Speaker 3: post in the first place, and why I might have

338
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,680
Speaker 3: missed some red flags from Eric, which on the surface

339
00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:17,640
Speaker 3: seemed obvious, a fact which some of you were not

340
00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:19,400
Speaker 3: kind nor understanding about.

341
00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:20,560
Speaker 2: Welcome to the Internet, buddy.

342
00:13:20,679 --> 00:13:24,760
Speaker 3: I've told my fiance everything I've ever said to Eric today.

343
00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:28,000
Speaker 3: I have said them, including the spiciest thing I ever

344
00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:28,960
Speaker 3: said to Eric.

345
00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:31,360
Speaker 2: Oh, you must be putting in work at the gym.

346
00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:32,000
Speaker 4: You look great.

347
00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:33,680
Speaker 3: I got to catch up with you cause I'm looking

348
00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:35,880
Speaker 3: like a bloated whale. When I say that we have

349
00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:39,160
Speaker 3: made flirty jokes. In hindsight, it's been mostly Eric, but

350
00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:41,120
Speaker 3: I do own up to the times I participated in

351
00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:43,800
Speaker 3: the belief that it was harmless. Everything I've said is

352
00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:47,240
Speaker 3: considered by my fiance as relatively tame compared to the

353
00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:49,960
Speaker 3: things he has said to some of his friends, which

354
00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:52,520
Speaker 3: I'm okay with. The General rule in our relationship is

355
00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:55,480
Speaker 3: that harmless flirty jokes among trusted friends and close peters

356
00:13:55,520 --> 00:13:58,840
Speaker 3: are okay? Flirting with the intention of the spassley or

357
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:02,040
Speaker 3: romance is not the day I posted. I asked my

358
00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:05,160
Speaker 3: fiance to talk. I explained everything, my lunch with Eric,

359
00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:07,840
Speaker 3: the joke. I also told him how people thought it

360
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:09,880
Speaker 3: sounded like a day and how others thought it was

361
00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:12,800
Speaker 3: bordering on an emotional affair. I showed him the post

362
00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:15,640
Speaker 3: and he said, dang, the internet is harsh. It seems

363
00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:17,160
Speaker 3: like a lot of people have been cheated on. He

364
00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:19,280
Speaker 3: didn't agree with the emotional affair takes, as he felt

365
00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:21,800
Speaker 3: like this was an isolated incident as opposed to a

366
00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:24,520
Speaker 3: pattern that was projected by some. When I told him

367
00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:26,880
Speaker 3: to eat ice cream off my beard comment, he went, wait,

368
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:28,000
Speaker 3: I need you to tell me this.

369
00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:29,680
Speaker 2: What flavor was the ice cream?

370
00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:31,760
Speaker 3: That he suggested you kiss off his beard, because that

371
00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:34,360
Speaker 3: would decide whether or not I did it. I love

372
00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:37,000
Speaker 3: my fiance because he always knows how to make me

373
00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:39,600
Speaker 3: feel better and is a much better jokester than myself

374
00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:42,000
Speaker 3: or Eric. He said that he knows I never considered

375
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:43,920
Speaker 3: my feelings for Eric as romantic, which is why I

376
00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:46,040
Speaker 3: didn't look into his joke at first. He did also

377
00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:47,760
Speaker 3: say that due to me being on the spectrum. He

378
00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:50,040
Speaker 3: knows I struggle with social interactions and that I was

379
00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:52,360
Speaker 3: only seeing the best in someone I viewed as a friend.

380
00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:54,680
Speaker 3: He suggested that I tell Eric that this was his

381
00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:58,040
Speaker 3: last warning and in the future he needed to respect

382
00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:01,800
Speaker 3: my boundaries and that my fiance didn't feel comfortable with

383
00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:04,600
Speaker 3: us having meetups without his knowledge beforehand. That was what

384
00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:06,360
Speaker 3: I set out to do. I met with Eric again

385
00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:09,040
Speaker 3: the day after, having told my fiance that this was happening.

386
00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:11,080
Speaker 3: He apologized for the joke before I even got a

387
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:13,400
Speaker 3: chance to tell him about the situation. That was when

388
00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:14,920
Speaker 3: the real heavy stuff began.

389
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:15,520
Speaker 4: Oh no.

390
00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:17,760
Speaker 3: He explained that he was starting to feel like his

391
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:21,040
Speaker 3: by curiousness was more than curiosity which many of you

392
00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:21,840
Speaker 3: put together.

393
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:23,600
Speaker 4: He said that he didn't.

394
00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:25,120
Speaker 3: Want to ruin his friendship with me, but that he

395
00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:27,720
Speaker 3: did want a test date with a guy see how

396
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,880
Speaker 3: he felt, and this was his reasoning behind asking me

397
00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:32,200
Speaker 3: to hang out last Saturday again, something most of you

398
00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:33,800
Speaker 3: caught on to right away.

399
00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:35,640
Speaker 2: Call me and iive for not picking up on it.

400
00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:37,440
Speaker 3: Again, I was in a bad mental space due to

401
00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:40,520
Speaker 3: my job situation and viewed Eric as my friend only.

402
00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:42,360
Speaker 3: I asked him why he felt that a test date

403
00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:45,560
Speaker 3: was appropriate with someone he knows is age. He continued

404
00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:48,800
Speaker 3: that he thought most gay men were in open relationships,

405
00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:50,760
Speaker 3: and then I would be cool with it, though for

406
00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:53,160
Speaker 3: some reason did not divulge his true intentions.

407
00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:55,560
Speaker 4: That's nothing, nothing.

408
00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:58,240
Speaker 3: Well, he probably just like got confused with the vacation

409
00:15:58,480 --> 00:15:59,400
Speaker 3: he needs to go on.

410
00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:02,280
Speaker 2: One is when he I think he sometimes the gaycation

411
00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:02,880
Speaker 2: can throw you.

412
00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:04,960
Speaker 4: For a loop. He han't. Yeah, because we're.

413
00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:06,240
Speaker 2: Just straight guys. I don't know.

414
00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:08,920
Speaker 4: Give him the gacation pamphlet he has to read up.

415
00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:12,480
Speaker 4: Just just submit to theation or it will consume him.

416
00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:19,280
Speaker 3: Submit submit yourself to the gacation lest He clarified that

417
00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:22,600
Speaker 3: since he wasn't into me, he just wanted his first

418
00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:25,480
Speaker 3: date with a guy be someone he was comfortable with.

419
00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:28,800
Speaker 3: I asked him if he considered how uncomfortable this made me.

420
00:16:29,040 --> 00:16:31,880
Speaker 3: I explained that it felt like my trust was mistreated

421
00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:34,800
Speaker 3: and that I felt like an idiot. He apologized again,

422
00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:37,600
Speaker 3: but I asked him that if he thought most gay

423
00:16:37,640 --> 00:16:39,880
Speaker 3: men were open, and if he saw it as a date,

424
00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:43,320
Speaker 3: why did he make the inappropriate comment about kissing him, since,

425
00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:46,040
Speaker 3: by his own logic, I would have done it. He explained,

426
00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:48,600
Speaker 3: that since his jokes were lightly flirtatious in the past

427
00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:50,560
Speaker 3: and I had let them slide, he decided to up

428
00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:53,280
Speaker 3: the ante and hoped I wouldn't notice or be bothered

429
00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:56,280
Speaker 3: by it, And at first I wasn't, but I elaborated

430
00:16:56,360 --> 00:16:58,640
Speaker 3: that I was bothered now and that what he did

431
00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:01,320
Speaker 3: was a violation of my friendship, my trust, and the

432
00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:03,840
Speaker 3: fact that I don't always pick up on those cues,

433
00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:05,640
Speaker 3: and even stigmas.

434
00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:07,720
Speaker 4: About my spicy oh clivities.

435
00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:10,320
Speaker 3: I left it with telling him I wasn't here to

436
00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:16,399
Speaker 3: be his closet key ooooooo roasted, because despite all of

437
00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:19,159
Speaker 3: his protests, I am now aware of his true intentions,

438
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:22,000
Speaker 3: and any claims of not being in to be don't

439
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:24,359
Speaker 3: seem true. I don't know what he expected to happen,

440
00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:26,280
Speaker 3: and some of you might feel like I led him on,

441
00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:28,280
Speaker 3: but I always made it clear to him that I

442
00:17:28,359 --> 00:17:29,240
Speaker 3: was committed to jam.

443
00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:32,320
Speaker 2: He continued his apology. He asked if I could ever

444
00:17:32,359 --> 00:17:35,040
Speaker 2: forgive him. I told him that I could, but not now.

445
00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:37,560
Speaker 3: After all, I can only imagine the confusion he is

446
00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:40,480
Speaker 3: going through, but manipulation of a friend is not the

447
00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:43,159
Speaker 3: way to go if someone is having these feelings. He

448
00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:45,280
Speaker 3: could have been upfront with me and if our friendship

449
00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:47,720
Speaker 3: was real like I thought it was, I would have

450
00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:50,240
Speaker 3: helped him and gladly been his wingman. I put in

451
00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:53,080
Speaker 3: a request at work that we no longer have shifts together.

452
00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:56,240
Speaker 3: I explained all of this to my fiance and I

453
00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:59,399
Speaker 3: had a big old cry about it, feeling used is

454
00:17:59,440 --> 00:17:59,880
Speaker 3: no fun.

455
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:00,680
Speaker 2: Who would have thought.

456
00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:03,000
Speaker 3: I then called my brother and thanked him for catching

457
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:05,800
Speaker 3: on to something that I didn't at first. He teased me,

458
00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:08,240
Speaker 3: saying it was his job as my older brother to

459
00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:09,399
Speaker 3: keep a holes away from me.

460
00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:09,879
Speaker 4: Again.

461
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:13,359
Speaker 3: I appreciate everyone's comments, especially everyone who urged me to

462
00:18:13,359 --> 00:18:15,720
Speaker 3: confide in the love of my life, who suggested I

463
00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:17,520
Speaker 3: question my friendship with Eric.

464
00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:20,560
Speaker 2: So that's all I guess. My relationship with James seems

465
00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:21,480
Speaker 2: stronger than ever.

466
00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:24,200
Speaker 3: I will miss my friendship with Eric, not because I

467
00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:27,160
Speaker 3: wanted the attention like some of you thought, only because

468
00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:29,560
Speaker 3: it was my first friendship with a guy outside of

469
00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:33,320
Speaker 3: my fiance in forever. Most of my friends are girls,

470
00:18:33,359 --> 00:18:36,520
Speaker 3: and I thought I could have one uncomplicated relationship with

471
00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:38,600
Speaker 3: a guy, but it turned out to be fake. Now

472
00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:41,000
Speaker 3: that I have had that existential crisis, I'm going to

473
00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:43,280
Speaker 3: go continue working to pay for my wedding. I have

474
00:18:43,359 --> 00:18:46,119
Speaker 3: a great one, everybody, and that is the end of

475
00:18:46,119 --> 00:18:46,679
Speaker 3: that story.

476
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,800
Speaker 5: Honestly, that could have gone so bad and that went

477
00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:50,760
Speaker 5: pretty smooth.

478
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm happy with that.

479
00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:57,600
Speaker 3: Could have been horrendous, horrible, but congratulations us like you

480
00:18:57,640 --> 00:18:59,119
Speaker 3: guys are good partners.

481
00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:01,840
Speaker 1: Sam here ogi host. We're gonna get back to these stories.

482
00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:03,880
Speaker 1: But here's three minutes fads from our sponsors.

483
00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:07,119
Speaker 6: First, my boyfriend wants me to quit my job, but

484
00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:08,520
Speaker 6: he won't stop gambling.

485
00:19:08,560 --> 00:19:11,440
Speaker 4: You gotta make sacrifices. On what are we doing?

486
00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:15,720
Speaker 6: I thirty female and currently six months pregnant. My boyfriend

487
00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:17,679
Speaker 6: twenty nine male, and I just moved in with my

488
00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:20,159
Speaker 6: mother to quickly save for a house together. While for

489
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:22,520
Speaker 6: a bit of a backstory, my boyfriend and I have

490
00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:24,840
Speaker 6: been dating off and on for about two years. We

491
00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:26,920
Speaker 6: have been off and on due to him not really

492
00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:31,320
Speaker 6: communicating with me, hardly texting, going days without calling. He

493
00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:34,040
Speaker 6: just seemed to lack care and interest. By the way,

494
00:19:34,080 --> 00:19:36,719
Speaker 6: this comes from Impossible Code three eighty eight and if

495
00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:37,920
Speaker 6: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

496
00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:39,000
Speaker 6: r slash Okay storytime.

497
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:39,480
Speaker 4: So about it.

498
00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:42,280
Speaker 6: I also have a lot of trauma from past relationships

499
00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:46,040
Speaker 6: and childhood. That does create issues with relationships in my

500
00:19:46,119 --> 00:19:51,879
Speaker 6: life trauma including child domestic, spicy related, and lots of infidelity.

501
00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:54,600
Speaker 6: Although I am not one to lean on my trauma

502
00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:57,200
Speaker 6: as a crutch and I'm fully aware of the need

503
00:19:57,320 --> 00:20:00,639
Speaker 6: for therapy and medication, he fully understood the struggles that.

504
00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:01,639
Speaker 4: I was going through mentally.

505
00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:05,240
Speaker 6: We reconnected six months after not speaking for a few months.

506
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:07,680
Speaker 6: After he lied to me, he had been lying about

507
00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:10,639
Speaker 6: what he was doing, but finally admitted to traveling to

508
00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:15,439
Speaker 6: gamble and staying all night and day without contacting me.

509
00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:19,000
Speaker 6: My goodness, he literally lost so much that he was

510
00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:21,520
Speaker 6: sleeping in his car in a Walmart parking lot with

511
00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:24,480
Speaker 6: no way to get home. The truth only came out

512
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:27,359
Speaker 6: after I had a severe mental breakdown at work. I

513
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:30,200
Speaker 6: felt that someone that really loved me would never cause

514
00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:33,440
Speaker 6: me so much distress and almost jeopardize my job. Once

515
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:36,680
Speaker 6: we reconnected, he had been communicating differently. He sat down

516
00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:39,760
Speaker 6: and actually expressed his feelings. It was the only time

517
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:42,440
Speaker 6: I had ever seen him cry. He just seemed so different.

518
00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:45,000
Speaker 6: He was communicating in a way that I had always needed.

519
00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:47,480
Speaker 6: It felt like I could actually see that he really

520
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:50,200
Speaker 6: cared for me. Before, he never spoke about his emotions

521
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:52,400
Speaker 6: and never really talked to me. A few weeks after

522
00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:56,119
Speaker 6: reconnecting and doing well, we were reckless. He had done

523
00:20:56,240 --> 00:21:00,280
Speaker 6: the deed inside of me, which he had never done

524
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:03,280
Speaker 6: until that day. I'm not on birth control, so I

525
00:21:03,359 --> 00:21:06,240
Speaker 6: felt I needed to get a plan B. However, what

526
00:21:06,359 --> 00:21:08,639
Speaker 6: I thought was my period came the next day, so

527
00:21:08,920 --> 00:21:11,280
Speaker 6: I didn't take it. I was not on my period.

528
00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:14,080
Speaker 6: I knew I was pregnant two weeks after. I just

529
00:21:14,119 --> 00:21:17,240
Speaker 6: felt it. A test didn't show positive for another few weeks,

530
00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:20,240
Speaker 6: and that's when I finally told him. We decided it

531
00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:21,720
Speaker 6: would be best for him to move in with me

532
00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:25,040
Speaker 6: for financial reasons as well as emotional reasons. Soon after,

533
00:21:25,119 --> 00:21:27,720
Speaker 6: we realized that my tiny rental was not good for

534
00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:30,840
Speaker 6: a family. It was way too small and way too expensive,

535
00:21:31,119 --> 00:21:33,000
Speaker 6: so I gave him the idea to put all my

536
00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:35,080
Speaker 6: stuff in storage and live with my mother so we

537
00:21:35,119 --> 00:21:37,399
Speaker 6: could quickly save up for a down payment on a house.

538
00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:39,600
Speaker 6: He thought that was a great idea to proceed. Within

539
00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:42,840
Speaker 6: the next few months, at about three months pregnant, I

540
00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:46,200
Speaker 6: discovered that he was looking up only pans and other

541
00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:49,080
Speaker 6: corn sites. This was devastating to me. Because we had

542
00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:52,800
Speaker 6: discussed how I felt about it. The key there super

543
00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:56,320
Speaker 6: quick when your partner communicates something to you and then

544
00:21:56,359 --> 00:21:58,280
Speaker 6: you say, you know what, yes, let me not do

545
00:21:58,359 --> 00:21:59,919
Speaker 6: that because that's something you don't want, and then you

546
00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:02,280
Speaker 6: do the thing bad, bad.

547
00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:04,760
Speaker 4: Bad, And he had said that he didn't watch it.

548
00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:07,439
Speaker 4: He lied. It has always made me feel cheated on.

549
00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:10,240
Speaker 6: Then to be pregnant and starting to feel vulnerable about

550
00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:12,239
Speaker 6: my body during pregnancy on top of all of it,

551
00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:13,280
Speaker 6: I was devastated.

552
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:14,960
Speaker 4: I'm still devastated when I think about it.

553
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:17,720
Speaker 1: At about four months pregnant, he took a week off

554
00:22:17,760 --> 00:22:19,280
Speaker 1: for his hobby of MMA.

555
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:24,879
Speaker 5: Okay, he took a week off like of work for MMM.

556
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:27,639
Speaker 5: I can't do it like after work. It's not like

557
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:29,520
Speaker 5: you can do it for like eight hours a day,

558
00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:31,200
Speaker 5: biding these dress.

559
00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:37,320
Speaker 4: I need seven days twenty four to seven. Fight yeahazy cuckoo.

560
00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:40,359
Speaker 6: I was working as a full time semi driver, still

561
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:43,040
Speaker 6: currently doing so during this time. I guess him taking

562
00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:47,240
Speaker 6: a week off while I'm consistently nauseous and exhausted working eleven.

563
00:22:46,840 --> 00:22:49,280
Speaker 4: Hour nights had me a little bit hurt.

564
00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:52,240
Speaker 6: Knowing if something happens with the pregnancy, he just took

565
00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:54,280
Speaker 6: his only week off, So how can you be there

566
00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:56,320
Speaker 6: for me? He took the only week off that he

567
00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:59,000
Speaker 6: could when she's about to pop out a baby.

568
00:22:59,119 --> 00:23:01,439
Speaker 4: Hey, I don't know what you want from me. I

569
00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:04,159
Speaker 4: already spent a week. I have to spend a week fighting.

570
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,800
Speaker 4: Myn is a tide I got. It's my hobby.

571
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:09,560
Speaker 6: My hands are tied, and I need to go to

572
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:12,640
Speaker 6: MMA to learn how to break out of it.

573
00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:14,800
Speaker 4: That's why I'm going there.

574
00:23:15,400 --> 00:23:17,840
Speaker 5: But I can't break out of it because I was

575
00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:20,480
Speaker 5: actually doing somewmelse conspiracy theory.

576
00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:24,240
Speaker 4: Oh I haven't made for eight hours a day. We're

577
00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:27,040
Speaker 4: predicting the future. Insane stuff.

578
00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:29,320
Speaker 6: Oh no, Not only that, I found out that he

579
00:23:29,359 --> 00:23:31,520
Speaker 6: had said he was going to his parents' house, only

580
00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:34,000
Speaker 6: to find out he had gone to a casino.

581
00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:35,600
Speaker 4: To gamble on one of his days off.

582
00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:37,440
Speaker 6: At five months, he said that he had planned to

583
00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:40,199
Speaker 6: propose me soon, So when he insisted on taking a

584
00:23:40,240 --> 00:23:43,520
Speaker 6: long overnight trip to a major zoo four hours away,

585
00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:46,080
Speaker 6: I was extremely excited. I never wanted to be a

586
00:23:46,119 --> 00:23:49,000
Speaker 6: single mother. That's why I'm thirty two with no children.

587
00:23:49,119 --> 00:23:52,560
Speaker 6: I've always desperately wanted a husband, a family. Everything about

588
00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:55,639
Speaker 6: this trip screamed proposal. It was my birthday weekend, and

589
00:23:55,720 --> 00:23:58,439
Speaker 6: he insisted that we go that specific weekend instead of

590
00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:01,160
Speaker 6: waiting for my family to go the following. My boyfriend

591
00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:03,479
Speaker 6: had also set it up so we would take his

592
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:05,879
Speaker 6: four year old niece along with us. I was okay

593
00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:08,160
Speaker 6: with that, although a bit stressful. She's a sweet girl

594
00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:09,720
Speaker 6: and I knew she would have a lot of fun.

595
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:12,280
Speaker 6: I got the flu pretty bad a few days before

596
00:24:12,480 --> 00:24:15,760
Speaker 6: the trip to the zoo. That, on top of working

597
00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:18,680
Speaker 6: and my pregnancy, it was too much. Yeah, girl, that's

598
00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:23,639
Speaker 6: a lot, a lot. I know I shouldn't have still gone,

599
00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:26,280
Speaker 6: but I just knew he was going to propose, and

600
00:24:26,359 --> 00:24:29,840
Speaker 6: I didn't want to ruin it. I also desperately wanted

601
00:24:29,840 --> 00:24:32,800
Speaker 6: to be able to call him my fiance instead of

602
00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:35,639
Speaker 6: my boyfriend. I'd been so embarrassed to refer to him

603
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:38,360
Speaker 6: as my boyfriend, and his coworkers referred to me as

604
00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:39,320
Speaker 6: a baby mama.

605
00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:40,040
Speaker 4: Not cool.

606
00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:42,240
Speaker 6: I feel I've done so much in my life to

607
00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:45,560
Speaker 6: be referred to something so slimy sounding. I work hard,

608
00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:48,119
Speaker 6: more hours than a lot of people. I cook, I clean,

609
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:51,159
Speaker 6: there's always clean, folded laundry, and I'm having his child.

610
00:24:51,280 --> 00:24:54,119
Speaker 6: I just feel I deserve more. The day at the

611
00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:57,479
Speaker 6: zoo had gone by without him proposing. I felt like

612
00:24:57,560 --> 00:25:00,520
Speaker 6: passing away after chasing around a four year old on

613
00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:04,200
Speaker 6: a hot summer day, pregnant, still recovering from the flu.

614
00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:06,920
Speaker 6: Oh my gosh, I still can't get over the zoo.

615
00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:09,760
Speaker 4: Like this zoo is so funny. Why are we taking

616
00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:11,320
Speaker 4: a four hour trip to go to zoo? This is

617
00:25:11,359 --> 00:25:13,439
Speaker 4: a really crazy idea laid on me.

618
00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:15,360
Speaker 6: But what if we have to take for our trip.

619
00:25:15,359 --> 00:25:18,560
Speaker 6: Maybe we go to something like a spa for pregnant wife.

620
00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:21,000
Speaker 4: We go to like a little resort.

621
00:25:21,080 --> 00:25:24,399
Speaker 6: Sounds great, little beach where we can relax read a book,

622
00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:28,840
Speaker 6: sounds great. But no, we have to go where it's hot, smelly,

623
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:30,080
Speaker 6: full of tourists.

624
00:25:30,359 --> 00:25:34,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, monkeys are throwing poo. Monkeys are throwing poo at us. Yeah.

625
00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:38,440
Speaker 5: Why it's your proposal. You have to make it special.

626
00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:39,960
Speaker 5: That other stuff isn't special.

627
00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:43,199
Speaker 4: This is first date. Energy. Now I'm proposing to my

628
00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:48,840
Speaker 4: pregnant girlfriend energy. Yeah, which she's sick, and she's sick.

629
00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:50,639
Speaker 5: Pick another day to go to the I feel like

630
00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:53,320
Speaker 5: it's really easy to reschedule a zoo day.

631
00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:56,560
Speaker 6: So my heart felt so shattered as The day went

632
00:25:56,600 --> 00:25:58,560
Speaker 6: on without any sign of him proposing.

633
00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:00,679
Speaker 4: When he finally asked me, oh was wrong?

634
00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:03,000
Speaker 6: I told him he acted as if he didn't know

635
00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:04,720
Speaker 6: why I would think he would propose.

636
00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:06,400
Speaker 4: I also discovered he not.

637
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:09,520
Speaker 6: Only didn't plan to propose, he didn't have a ring,

638
00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:12,400
Speaker 6: nor did he have any money saved up for a ring.

639
00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:15,280
Speaker 6: For months, he had been living with me, only paying

640
00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:17,840
Speaker 6: for part of the rent, not even covering utilities or

641
00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:21,520
Speaker 6: household essentials. Those expenses were all covered by me. He

642
00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:24,359
Speaker 6: had also not bought anything for our child, while I've

643
00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:27,880
Speaker 6: bought everything about fifteen hundred dollars worth thus far. When

644
00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:29,600
Speaker 6: I asked where all his money has been going, he

645
00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:31,800
Speaker 6: said it has all gone to catching up on debts

646
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:33,720
Speaker 6: to improve his credit score so we can get a

647
00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:36,639
Speaker 6: better rate on our FHA loan for the house.

648
00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:39,040
Speaker 4: He had no proof of these claims.

649
00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:40,879
Speaker 6: So I immediately thought that he had been gambling and

650
00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:43,560
Speaker 6: that everything was a lie. I've seen him play poker

651
00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:45,679
Speaker 6: on his phone for money, so I don't think this

652
00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:47,920
Speaker 6: was outlandish to think. The day after we got back

653
00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:49,560
Speaker 6: from the zoo, I told him he needed to leave

654
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:51,800
Speaker 6: my home. He left and didn't contact me all night.

655
00:26:51,880 --> 00:26:56,119
Speaker 6: The next day, my birthday. Let's have your birthday present

656
00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:59,199
Speaker 6: be this man is not in your life. Being a

657
00:26:59,240 --> 00:27:03,280
Speaker 6: single mom is better than being with this guy. Is

658
00:27:03,359 --> 00:27:06,040
Speaker 6: my current take as of being this far in the story.

659
00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:07,280
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, and.

660
00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:09,160
Speaker 6: Kimberly rock Would says owns you don't buy a home

661
00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:11,119
Speaker 6: with him. Yeah, I feel like there's a lot of

662
00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:14,119
Speaker 6: things that could get complicated with that. He said that

663
00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:17,679
Speaker 6: he was at work, but that was clearly not reasonable.

664
00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:20,080
Speaker 6: He finally admitted that he had been at the casino.

665
00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:25,840
Speaker 6: He had spent eleven hours there. He lost one thousand dollars.

666
00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:28,560
Speaker 4: Honestly, not a bad trip to the casino.

667
00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:32,679
Speaker 6: I will say that lost per hour rate is at

668
00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:34,680
Speaker 6: least not as bad as.

669
00:27:34,600 --> 00:27:36,440
Speaker 4: It could be. I was expecting it to be more

670
00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:37,320
Speaker 4: for sure.

671
00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:37,720
Speaker 7: Yeah.

672
00:27:37,800 --> 00:27:40,120
Speaker 5: Yeah, but if you think about how much money she's

673
00:27:40,119 --> 00:27:43,119
Speaker 5: spent on the baby stuff, that's fifteen hundred.

674
00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:45,800
Speaker 3: The part we're not hearing is that he actually won

675
00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:49,159
Speaker 3: one hundred thousand dollars and then lost it all and

676
00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:51,760
Speaker 3: ended up with negative one thousand dollars at the end

677
00:27:51,800 --> 00:27:52,760
Speaker 3: of his trips.

678
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:56,159
Speaker 4: And and says he needs rehab for his addiction.

679
00:27:56,280 --> 00:28:01,359
Speaker 6: Yes, he needs help, support, just certain like something some

680
00:28:01,560 --> 00:28:06,200
Speaker 6: sort of thing to help work through it, versus just like, ah, okay,

681
00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:07,080
Speaker 6: I'll want do it.

682
00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:08,800
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's like I don't know, Let just go to

683
00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:12,199
Speaker 5: the freaking zoo. Yeah for fundies when you're sick and

684
00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:14,360
Speaker 5: pregnant and it's my god zoo.

685
00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:16,960
Speaker 6: My stipulations for him to come back to my home

686
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:18,720
Speaker 6: were to get therapy by the end of the week,

687
00:28:19,080 --> 00:28:21,040
Speaker 6: buy the crib for our daughter, and he agreed to

688
00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:22,479
Speaker 6: give me access to his bank account.

689
00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:23,280
Speaker 4: He has done none of that.

690
00:28:23,359 --> 00:28:25,959
Speaker 6: Currently, at six months, we have officially moved in with

691
00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:28,160
Speaker 6: my mother. My doctor put me on a two week

692
00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:30,919
Speaker 6: leave because with the stress of him, plus working eleven

693
00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:33,600
Speaker 6: hours a night, moving, cleaning, cooking, taking care of my

694
00:28:33,640 --> 00:28:35,720
Speaker 6: two dogs, heah the pregnancy, I felt like I was

695
00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:37,400
Speaker 6: losing my mind and I.

696
00:28:37,359 --> 00:28:39,360
Speaker 4: Broke down crying in her office. Oh.

697
00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:42,080
Speaker 6: He is always telling me to just relax, but I

698
00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:45,920
Speaker 6: can't because if I do, nothing will get done. All

699
00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:48,920
Speaker 6: he does is either work, play on his phone, or

700
00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:51,479
Speaker 6: lay in bed and sleep. I go do things, no

701
00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:53,960
Speaker 6: matter how exhausted I am, just in fear that he'll

702
00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:57,160
Speaker 6: get bored and gamble or find someone else. On the

703
00:28:57,200 --> 00:28:59,480
Speaker 6: fourth of July, I brought him to a get together

704
00:28:59,520 --> 00:29:01,240
Speaker 6: at a lake just to make sure he had a

705
00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:03,920
Speaker 6: bit of fun again, her taking care of him and

706
00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:05,760
Speaker 6: thinking of him, and he's doing nothing. When we got

707
00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:08,360
Speaker 6: back to my mother's I immediately started cooking food for

708
00:29:08,400 --> 00:29:09,840
Speaker 6: a little cookout that we had planned.

709
00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:12,280
Speaker 4: The entire time I noticed him on his phone. It

710
00:29:12,320 --> 00:29:12,880
Speaker 4: was so bad.

711
00:29:12,960 --> 00:29:16,320
Speaker 6: He literally had a sparkler lit staring at his phone.

712
00:29:16,320 --> 00:29:18,520
Speaker 6: In the same hand, I was so embarrassed that my

713
00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:20,560
Speaker 6: mom was seeing how glued to the phone he was.

714
00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:22,880
Speaker 6: It was a poker game he was playing, but he

715
00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:26,040
Speaker 6: swore he put no money into it. That night, he

716
00:29:26,160 --> 00:29:28,400
Speaker 6: was up in bed until five am playing on his

717
00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:30,720
Speaker 6: phone while I slept. The same thing happened the next day.

718
00:29:30,880 --> 00:29:33,600
Speaker 6: This time it was six am. I finally asked to

719
00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:36,120
Speaker 6: see his phone. The entire time. He swore he had

720
00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:38,560
Speaker 6: put no money into it. I found three hundred and

721
00:29:38,560 --> 00:29:39,320
Speaker 6: fifteen charges.

722
00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:43,000
Speaker 4: There you go, oh man. At first, she acted like

723
00:29:43,040 --> 00:29:45,960
Speaker 4: he didn't know what the charges were. Oh, oh jeez,

724
00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:47,920
Speaker 4: what's what is this? Oh?

725
00:29:47,960 --> 00:29:52,400
Speaker 6: Did you order burritos from this place called Casino's Burritos?

726
00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:54,719
Speaker 4: Is that where you bought burritos from? Baby? You'd use

727
00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:58,160
Speaker 4: my phone to buy the from casino. What does mean?

728
00:29:59,040 --> 00:30:06,680
Speaker 4: What's that? Casino? El casino, el casino? No being venidos

729
00:30:06,760 --> 00:30:08,720
Speaker 4: el cao, he.

730
00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:11,600
Speaker 6: Finally admitted to it. I also saw a thousand dollars

731
00:30:11,720 --> 00:30:14,320
Speaker 6: charge from a jewelry store. I had known he went

732
00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:16,479
Speaker 6: to get me a ring the day before, but I

733
00:30:16,520 --> 00:30:19,200
Speaker 6: didn't know he bought it. I'm hurting that he spent

734
00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:22,640
Speaker 6: more in three weeks on gambling than he did for

735
00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:25,320
Speaker 6: my ring and your baby. I'm not sure if I'm

736
00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:27,400
Speaker 6: in the wrong for that, but it hurts you're not.

737
00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:29,560
Speaker 6: It hurts that he has caused so much pain, that

738
00:30:29,600 --> 00:30:32,160
Speaker 6: he has broken my trust over and over. It hurts

739
00:30:32,280 --> 00:30:34,680
Speaker 6: that it's as if he doesn't take me or our

740
00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:37,400
Speaker 6: family seriously. He wants me to quit my job, But

741
00:30:37,640 --> 00:30:40,600
Speaker 6: how can I when he has still not purchased anything

742
00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:42,800
Speaker 6: for our child? How can I stop working? When he

743
00:30:42,840 --> 00:30:45,920
Speaker 6: gambled away more money than he has ever put towards

744
00:30:45,920 --> 00:30:48,480
Speaker 6: our family. He felt her baby for the first time,

745
00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:50,600
Speaker 6: then in the same night, gambled away three hundred and

746
00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:53,520
Speaker 6: fifty dollars while she still has no crip. He has

747
00:30:53,600 --> 00:30:56,240
Speaker 6: given my mother no money for allowing us to stay

748
00:30:56,240 --> 00:30:58,520
Speaker 6: in her home, not that she asked, but I feel

749
00:30:58,560 --> 00:31:00,920
Speaker 6: the right thing to do is to give or something.

750
00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:02,960
Speaker 4: Like the three hundred and fifty he threw away.

751
00:31:03,080 --> 00:31:05,480
Speaker 6: Great point. I told him that he needs to leave.

752
00:31:05,880 --> 00:31:08,400
Speaker 6: He admits he's wrong, but in the same breath tries

753
00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:11,440
Speaker 6: to say, my mental issues are causing me not to

754
00:31:11,440 --> 00:31:13,960
Speaker 6: see the good in him. Oh no, he tries to

755
00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:17,000
Speaker 6: say that my mental issues are causing me not to

756
00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:20,320
Speaker 6: see the good that he has in his heart. He's like, yeah,

757
00:31:20,320 --> 00:31:22,080
Speaker 6: I know I'm wrong, but you're not seeing the good

758
00:31:22,080 --> 00:31:26,320
Speaker 6: in me because of your mental issues that you have,

759
00:31:26,480 --> 00:31:29,120
Speaker 6: all of your mental issues, your mental issues. Like, there's

760
00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:34,160
Speaker 6: this condition called working a job. Yeah, there's this condition called.

761
00:31:34,040 --> 00:31:35,560
Speaker 4: Caring about your baby.

762
00:31:35,920 --> 00:31:40,080
Speaker 6: Yeah, there's a condition called trying to be a responsible

763
00:31:40,120 --> 00:31:42,640
Speaker 6: and caring partner. Yeah, and let me tell you, OPI,

764
00:31:42,640 --> 00:31:44,560
Speaker 6: he's got a severe case of all three of them.

765
00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:47,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, what a shame, What a shame, What a shame.

766
00:31:47,640 --> 00:31:50,920
Speaker 6: It's a terminal diagnosis. She's gonna have those for the

767
00:31:50,960 --> 00:31:53,280
Speaker 6: rest of her life because of how caring she is.

768
00:31:53,760 --> 00:31:56,320
Speaker 6: It's tough. It's tough to see, Opie says. I feel

769
00:31:56,360 --> 00:31:58,640
Speaker 6: like I'm being gas lit. I guess I'm here because

770
00:31:58,640 --> 00:32:00,960
Speaker 6: I'm so lost. I love him with everything. I just

771
00:32:01,080 --> 00:32:03,560
Speaker 6: can't believe that he's ever loved me. I can't believe

772
00:32:03,560 --> 00:32:05,000
Speaker 6: that he really wants to have a family with me.

773
00:32:05,280 --> 00:32:07,720
Speaker 5: So that last sentence was saying like, I don't think

774
00:32:07,760 --> 00:32:10,600
Speaker 5: he ever loved me pretty much, right, yep. Unfortunately that

775
00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:13,920
Speaker 5: can be true, yep, because in a relationship, love is

776
00:32:14,040 --> 00:32:15,920
Speaker 5: more than just an emotion that you feel.

777
00:32:16,120 --> 00:32:16,680
Speaker 4: It's an action.

778
00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:17,400
Speaker 5: Right.

779
00:32:17,720 --> 00:32:21,120
Speaker 4: They might love you, they might have that emotion, they're

780
00:32:21,120 --> 00:32:22,040
Speaker 4: not acting like it.

781
00:32:22,200 --> 00:32:25,800
Speaker 5: Someone who loves you would not be doing this stuff

782
00:32:25,800 --> 00:32:28,560
Speaker 5: of gas lighting you and claiming that you have mental

783
00:32:28,560 --> 00:32:30,560
Speaker 5: issues and saying that they're not a problem. You just

784
00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:33,160
Speaker 5: can't see that they're a wonderful, amazing person. They're not

785
00:32:33,440 --> 00:32:37,120
Speaker 5: showing you the love and acting like they love. It's

786
00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:37,920
Speaker 5: a verb.

787
00:32:38,080 --> 00:32:40,920
Speaker 4: It's a verb. It's a verb, and they don't love you. No,

788
00:32:41,160 --> 00:32:45,120
Speaker 4: Ain't that the truth? My God? Well, on that incredible note,

789
00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:47,280
Speaker 4: we're going to close out this story. Let's do it.

790
00:32:47,440 --> 00:32:49,600
Speaker 6: I know therapy is needed, but I'm so busy and

791
00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:52,160
Speaker 6: exhausted that I can't imagine searching for a therapist and

792
00:32:52,200 --> 00:32:54,480
Speaker 6: setting it up. I feel like I'm fighting for someone

793
00:32:54,520 --> 00:32:55,880
Speaker 6: that doesn't want what I want.

794
00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:56,640
Speaker 4: Should I let him?

795
00:32:56,640 --> 00:32:56,760
Speaker 5: Go.

796
00:32:57,240 --> 00:32:59,320
Speaker 6: Yes, I know if I left up to him, he

797
00:32:59,360 --> 00:33:01,440
Speaker 6: will not fix it. Yes, yes, we will never have

798
00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:03,720
Speaker 6: a family, and that breaks my heart beyond any pain

799
00:33:03,760 --> 00:33:06,160
Speaker 6: I felt. And Lord knows, I've lived through too many

800
00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:08,680
Speaker 6: painful things, but at this point, my baby and my

801
00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:10,880
Speaker 6: health are at risk. I feel it in my heart.

802
00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:12,800
Speaker 6: I feel my body getting weaker with all of these

803
00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:15,160
Speaker 6: burdens and stress. I wanted a family with him more

804
00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:17,800
Speaker 6: than anything, but I'm too weak to fight anymore. He's

805
00:33:17,840 --> 00:33:21,240
Speaker 6: saying I'm destroying everything over three hundred dollars. I feel

806
00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:24,240
Speaker 6: like he's playing with my mind. Am I the ahole

807
00:33:24,280 --> 00:33:26,480
Speaker 6: for giving up and praying for him to fix things?

808
00:33:26,520 --> 00:33:29,000
Speaker 6: Are my feelings accurate? Does he really not want this?

809
00:33:29,400 --> 00:33:31,200
Speaker 6: Is it even worth fighting anymore?

810
00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:36,160
Speaker 4: Angie? What is the one word answer to that question? No? Nope,

811
00:33:36,280 --> 00:33:39,360
Speaker 4: not worth it at all, Not at all. He's not

812
00:33:39,400 --> 00:33:40,040
Speaker 4: gonna change.

813
00:33:40,400 --> 00:33:42,840
Speaker 5: No, Hopefully he gets helped him today and he does change,

814
00:33:42,880 --> 00:33:43,920
Speaker 5: because that's possible.

815
00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:46,120
Speaker 4: But you don't have to be there. That's all there

816
00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:46,920
Speaker 4: is to say about that.

817
00:33:47,160 --> 00:33:50,560
Speaker 3: I made my boyfriend break up with our girlfriend and

818
00:33:50,600 --> 00:33:51,800
Speaker 3: then left him too.

819
00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:56,080
Speaker 4: Well. Sure sounds like a standard love story.

820
00:33:56,720 --> 00:34:00,240
Speaker 3: My boyfriend Tom Male twenty nine and I female twenty

821
00:34:00,280 --> 00:34:02,440
Speaker 3: seven had been a couple for three years.

822
00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:04,640
Speaker 4: When we met Jen twenty six female.

823
00:34:04,680 --> 00:34:07,240
Speaker 3: It was a party with friends when she just approached

824
00:34:07,280 --> 00:34:11,600
Speaker 3: us and started a conversation. She was charming, open and captivating.

825
00:34:11,840 --> 00:34:14,000
Speaker 3: It was immediately fun to talk to her. By the way,

826
00:34:14,040 --> 00:34:16,680
Speaker 3: this comes from users silver lining fifty eight to forty

827
00:34:16,680 --> 00:34:19,719
Speaker 3: one on the r slash of Charlotte Dobray YouTube subreddit.

828
00:34:19,800 --> 00:34:22,040
Speaker 3: And if you want to submit your own stories, won't

829
00:34:22,040 --> 00:34:23,840
Speaker 3: you go on over to the r slash oh case

830
00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:28,759
Speaker 3: story time subreddit. Okay, so a quick note for orientation boy,

831
00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:29,759
Speaker 3: we've got orientation.

832
00:34:30,040 --> 00:34:30,200
Speaker 4: Oh.

833
00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:35,160
Speaker 3: I don't feel a clear, spicy attraction to any specific gender,

834
00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:37,880
Speaker 3: whether man or woman, doesn't matter much to me. I

835
00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:40,200
Speaker 3: fall in love with the person, not their gender. That

836
00:34:40,239 --> 00:34:43,120
Speaker 3: doesn't mean I don't find anyone attractive or can't have

837
00:34:43,640 --> 00:34:48,319
Speaker 3: a spicy relationship. I just have a little desire for

838
00:34:48,360 --> 00:34:50,440
Speaker 3: it in my life. I've only dated men so far.

839
00:34:50,640 --> 00:34:52,480
Speaker 3: Tom knew that he was the only one in my

840
00:34:52,560 --> 00:34:55,760
Speaker 3: circle to whom I had confided in this regard. After

841
00:34:55,800 --> 00:34:58,440
Speaker 3: the first evening, we hardly talked about Jen. It'd been

842
00:34:58,480 --> 00:35:00,560
Speaker 3: a nice evening, sure, but she would it was initially

843
00:35:00,560 --> 00:35:03,839
Speaker 3: nothing more than a fleeting acquaintance, someone who had shared

844
00:35:03,880 --> 00:35:06,440
Speaker 3: a few hours with us, nothing more. Later we found

845
00:35:06,440 --> 00:35:08,520
Speaker 3: out that Jen lived in our city, which is why

846
00:35:08,560 --> 00:35:10,960
Speaker 3: we ran into her a few times by chance, for example,

847
00:35:10,960 --> 00:35:13,759
Speaker 3: while shopping. It was never planned, but somehow she kept

848
00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:17,600
Speaker 3: catching our attention. Her presence had something light and effortless

849
00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:20,320
Speaker 3: about it. She just seemed to be there without being intrusive,

850
00:35:20,400 --> 00:35:22,560
Speaker 3: and at some point we noticed that we started looking

851
00:35:22,600 --> 00:35:24,680
Speaker 3: forward to seeing her when we knew she would be

852
00:35:24,719 --> 00:35:28,120
Speaker 3: there too, Tom and I began talking about her, initially casually,

853
00:35:28,200 --> 00:35:31,480
Speaker 3: almost jokingly, a comment about her laugh of remark about

854
00:35:31,480 --> 00:35:34,480
Speaker 3: her directness. Then one day, as we were on our

855
00:35:34,560 --> 00:35:36,840
Speaker 3: way home from shopping, I said to Tom that I

856
00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:39,960
Speaker 3: could imagine Jen becoming a really good friend. Tom agreed

857
00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:42,920
Speaker 3: and raved about how sweet and fun she was. I

858
00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:46,280
Speaker 3: also mentioned how pretty I find her, and he agreed

859
00:35:46,320 --> 00:35:49,360
Speaker 3: with that too. During this conversation, Tom made a suggestion.

860
00:35:49,760 --> 00:35:52,520
Speaker 3: At first I thought he was joking when he talked

861
00:35:52,520 --> 00:35:55,600
Speaker 3: about a men nagett bois. I laughed it off, haha,

862
00:35:55,960 --> 00:35:56,960
Speaker 3: but he was serious.

863
00:35:57,480 --> 00:35:58,520
Speaker 4: It felt kind of disturbing.

864
00:35:58,680 --> 00:36:01,400
Speaker 5: Yeah, they came out from like the felt like it

865
00:36:01,440 --> 00:36:02,680
Speaker 5: was just floating right here.

866
00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:05,440
Speaker 4: Where it was there's some sort of demon had.

867
00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:08,759
Speaker 3: A frog in my throat. He wasn't pushy or unpleasant,

868
00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:11,960
Speaker 3: just matter of fact. I had never tried something like that,

869
00:36:12,040 --> 00:36:14,920
Speaker 3: he said, And if I find her attractive, maybe I

870
00:36:14,960 --> 00:36:16,720
Speaker 3: could try it with him as support.

871
00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:19,000
Speaker 4: The thought made me quite uncomfortable.

872
00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:22,640
Speaker 3: I'm rather reserved in such matters, prudish, I would say,

873
00:36:22,760 --> 00:36:25,799
Speaker 3: And polyamory was never an option for me. So I

874
00:36:25,880 --> 00:36:28,120
Speaker 3: told him that this is just how I am, and

875
00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:30,200
Speaker 3: he had never known me any other way. He said

876
00:36:30,200 --> 00:36:32,440
Speaker 3: that was true, but I couldn't know if it really

877
00:36:32,680 --> 00:36:35,200
Speaker 3: wasn't for me. If I had never tried it, he

878
00:36:35,280 --> 00:36:38,359
Speaker 3: might have been right. But still thought didn't feel good

879
00:36:38,440 --> 00:36:38,640
Speaker 3: to me.

880
00:36:38,920 --> 00:36:42,600
Speaker 4: I don't like that. M so, Well, until you've tried it,

881
00:36:42,680 --> 00:36:44,640
Speaker 4: you know you won't like it. It's like there's.

882
00:36:44,440 --> 00:36:47,200
Speaker 3: Stuff I know I won't like. There's stuff I feel

883
00:36:47,239 --> 00:36:49,360
Speaker 3: I'm like, I don't feel by when I do that.

884
00:36:49,640 --> 00:36:53,480
Speaker 5: You know, I think I won't like unliving someone I've

885
00:36:53,520 --> 00:36:54,319
Speaker 5: never done it.

886
00:36:54,480 --> 00:36:59,080
Speaker 4: Well, you never you might love it. Be your wife's calling. Oh,

887
00:36:59,120 --> 00:37:00,000
Speaker 4: I don't think though.

888
00:37:00,960 --> 00:37:03,200
Speaker 3: Just like the guy eating glass is like if you've

889
00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:06,480
Speaker 3: never eaten glass, but you do not live. You gotta try.

890
00:37:06,719 --> 00:37:09,520
Speaker 3: You don't know if you can eat glass till you try. Yeah,

891
00:37:09,840 --> 00:37:12,719
Speaker 3: just not gonna do it. Okay, So he may have

892
00:37:12,800 --> 00:37:15,560
Speaker 3: been right, but still the thought didn't feel good to me.

893
00:37:15,719 --> 00:37:17,719
Speaker 3: He then let the topic rest, kissed me on the

894
00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:20,520
Speaker 3: forehead and emphasized that it was just as suggestion.

895
00:37:20,960 --> 00:37:22,600
Speaker 4: He didn't want to pressure me into anything.

896
00:37:22,640 --> 00:37:24,520
Speaker 3: The topic didn't come up again for quite a while

897
00:37:24,640 --> 00:37:27,360
Speaker 3: until we met Jen again at a birthday party one evening,

898
00:37:27,520 --> 00:37:30,719
Speaker 3: where she told us about her lifestyle. For her, polyamory

899
00:37:30,760 --> 00:37:33,799
Speaker 3: and an open relationship were quite natural. That evening, she

900
00:37:33,880 --> 00:37:36,680
Speaker 3: also gave me an incredible number of compliments about my

901
00:37:36,760 --> 00:37:39,920
Speaker 3: appearance and said that she found both of us very attractive.

902
00:37:40,239 --> 00:37:44,600
Speaker 4: H it's part of time for Gen. I think Hubby's

903
00:37:44,640 --> 00:37:46,359
Speaker 4: been talking to Gen on the side. Oh.

904
00:37:46,680 --> 00:37:49,520
Speaker 3: I think, Oh that's why Hubby knew he could go, Oh,

905
00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:51,279
Speaker 3: maybe you could try this with Gen, because I think

906
00:37:51,320 --> 00:37:52,240
Speaker 3: he's already been pursuing.

907
00:37:52,320 --> 00:37:54,359
Speaker 4: Yeah, he's already been like planting the seas, he's laying

908
00:37:54,360 --> 00:37:54,840
Speaker 4: the foundation.

909
00:37:54,960 --> 00:37:57,880
Speaker 3: No pipe has been laid yet into the foundation, but

910
00:37:58,040 --> 00:38:00,520
Speaker 3: he's building it up. He's putting the concrete in. There's

911
00:38:00,560 --> 00:38:06,280
Speaker 3: really yeah, to order of operations strictly general contractor talk.

912
00:38:07,600 --> 00:38:12,520
Speaker 4: Nothing else, nothing else, mine to the gutter. Gosh, where's

913
00:38:12,520 --> 00:38:14,320
Speaker 4: your shame? It's for shame.

914
00:38:14,680 --> 00:38:19,360
Speaker 3: So after that we started texting, first sporadically and then regularly.

915
00:38:19,440 --> 00:38:23,080
Speaker 3: Messages turned into voice messages, and those turned into deep conversations.

916
00:38:23,200 --> 00:38:25,080
Speaker 3: Tom and I talked about the topic again, and I

917
00:38:25,160 --> 00:38:28,080
Speaker 3: somehow let myself be persuaded that we should at least

918
00:38:28,120 --> 00:38:30,680
Speaker 3: get to know her better and spend more time with her.

919
00:38:30,800 --> 00:38:33,319
Speaker 3: She agreed to the whole thing too, and so we

920
00:38:33,360 --> 00:38:37,520
Speaker 3: started quote unquote dating her. We invited her over a

921
00:38:37,600 --> 00:38:39,720
Speaker 3: dinner with the three of us. I had no idea

922
00:38:39,719 --> 00:38:42,279
Speaker 3: how I would feel, whether it would be strange or not.

923
00:38:42,640 --> 00:38:45,279
Speaker 3: I was nervous but curious because I had decided to

924
00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:47,959
Speaker 3: be braver and just try more things, all the things

925
00:38:48,040 --> 00:38:49,480
Speaker 3: I hadn't done in the past years.

926
00:38:49,480 --> 00:38:52,000
Speaker 4: And of course I discussed all of this with Tom.

927
00:38:52,120 --> 00:38:54,799
Speaker 3: I always thought I couldn't do something like that my

928
00:38:55,040 --> 00:38:56,480
Speaker 3: partner with another woman.

929
00:38:57,000 --> 00:39:00,120
Speaker 4: I was convinced it would tear me apart. But it

930
00:39:00,160 --> 00:39:00,680
Speaker 4: was different.

931
00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:03,960
Speaker 3: At least sometimes I quickly noticed how Tom looked at her,

932
00:39:04,120 --> 00:39:07,759
Speaker 3: not in an obvious way, not greedy or awkward, more

933
00:39:07,800 --> 00:39:10,640
Speaker 3: curious and quiet, as if he wanted to understand how

934
00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:14,279
Speaker 3: she thought, how she felt. It wasn't threatening, not uncomfortable,

935
00:39:14,320 --> 00:39:17,480
Speaker 3: at least not immediately. He seemed to develop feelings for

936
00:39:17,520 --> 00:39:19,239
Speaker 3: her much faster than I did. I was about to

937
00:39:19,239 --> 00:39:22,080
Speaker 3: say it should be uncomfortable. You're watching your boyfriend fall

938
00:39:22,120 --> 00:39:24,560
Speaker 3: in love with her, Like yeah, what.

939
00:39:25,160 --> 00:39:27,359
Speaker 5: And he's probably telling Jen on the side, like, yeah,

940
00:39:27,400 --> 00:39:28,400
Speaker 5: my wife's totally cool with this.

941
00:39:28,440 --> 00:39:29,520
Speaker 4: She feels the exact same way.

942
00:39:29,640 --> 00:39:33,040
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, total, totally totally yeah yeah sure, yeah she

943
00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:33,759
Speaker 3: thinks she's quy hot.

944
00:39:33,840 --> 00:39:36,040
Speaker 4: Yeah no, she totally thinks' hong. Yeah.

945
00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:37,839
Speaker 3: But like so, like tell me more about like your

946
00:39:37,840 --> 00:39:40,200
Speaker 3: grandma's days in the old country, because he's like trying

947
00:39:40,239 --> 00:39:41,560
Speaker 3: to like really dig.

948
00:39:41,320 --> 00:39:43,520
Speaker 4: In, like he's getting to the heart and soul. This

949
00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:46,640
Speaker 4: is more than just a physical thing going on here.

950
00:39:46,600 --> 00:39:49,520
Speaker 3: Right Exactly. At some point I told myself, I'm just

951
00:39:49,560 --> 00:39:52,160
Speaker 3: imagining things, that maybe I was reading too much into it.

952
00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:55,160
Speaker 3: And then I started paying attention to myself how I

953
00:39:55,200 --> 00:39:57,399
Speaker 3: set across from her, whether I looked into her eyes

954
00:39:57,440 --> 00:40:00,479
Speaker 3: for too long, whether I laughed differently when she was there.

955
00:40:00,600 --> 00:40:03,759
Speaker 3: But somehow I never felt more than deep friendship, And

956
00:40:03,840 --> 00:40:05,759
Speaker 3: so it went on for a while, We saw each

957
00:40:05,800 --> 00:40:08,960
Speaker 3: other more often, invited her over, became a bit more

958
00:40:09,040 --> 00:40:11,960
Speaker 3: like a trio instead of just a couple and our friend.

959
00:40:12,120 --> 00:40:14,480
Speaker 3: Sometimes she was just there for a glass of wine.

960
00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:17,640
Speaker 3: Sometimes she stayed for breakfast. Long story short, Jen became

961
00:40:17,719 --> 00:40:21,000
Speaker 3: part of our relationship. However, we kept it a secret

962
00:40:21,040 --> 00:40:23,680
Speaker 3: from friends and family because I knew exactly how they

963
00:40:23,680 --> 00:40:26,360
Speaker 3: would react. As you can imagine, there was, of course

964
00:40:26,440 --> 00:40:29,239
Speaker 3: a first time between gen Tom and I, which I

965
00:40:29,280 --> 00:40:33,080
Speaker 3: would basically just describe as strange. It wasn't traumatically bad,

966
00:40:33,160 --> 00:40:35,600
Speaker 3: but also not really great. I would love to hear

967
00:40:35,920 --> 00:40:38,680
Speaker 3: your husband's take on that. I'm sure he would be

968
00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:42,960
Speaker 3: like the opposite. Yeah, it's a whole new world over here.

969
00:40:43,239 --> 00:40:43,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, yea.

970
00:40:43,800 --> 00:40:46,960
Speaker 3: I attributed the whole thing to my general disinterest in

971
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:50,400
Speaker 3: such things. After all, Jen and Tom seemed enthusiastic, and

972
00:40:50,400 --> 00:40:53,440
Speaker 3: both were very happy with the relationship. Somehow I got

973
00:40:53,520 --> 00:40:56,520
Speaker 3: used to it and everything was initially fine. It was easy,

974
00:40:56,760 --> 00:40:59,440
Speaker 3: it was nice, but then it got harder again. I

975
00:40:59,480 --> 00:41:02,760
Speaker 3: feel like it easy because you just stopped thinking for yourself.

976
00:41:02,800 --> 00:41:05,920
Speaker 4: You were just like, well, okay, this is what it is.

977
00:41:06,200 --> 00:41:07,080
Speaker 4: I guess it's okay.

978
00:41:07,200 --> 00:41:09,480
Speaker 3: I'm gonna go to work today and I'm gonna come

979
00:41:09,480 --> 00:41:11,960
Speaker 3: back home later. Okay, Yeah, and you did that until

980
00:41:11,960 --> 00:41:12,879
Speaker 3: your brain was like.

981
00:41:12,840 --> 00:41:14,160
Speaker 4: We can't keep doing that.

982
00:41:14,440 --> 00:41:18,200
Speaker 5: Yeah, why is Jen dating my husband? Yeah it's too

983
00:41:18,280 --> 00:41:20,160
Speaker 5: hard to try to swim out of this river.

984
00:41:20,200 --> 00:41:23,600
Speaker 4: I'm just gonna let it take me. Yes, exactly. Yeah,

985
00:41:23,640 --> 00:41:26,120
Speaker 4: that's what's happening. So here's where it gets harder again.

986
00:41:26,239 --> 00:41:28,600
Speaker 3: At the same time, I had just started a new

987
00:41:28,680 --> 00:41:32,279
Speaker 3: job and was incredibly nervous, new people, new environment, a

988
00:41:32,360 --> 00:41:35,840
Speaker 3: completely new field of work. Luckily, my team was kind

989
00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:38,239
Speaker 3: and supportive, and I especially hit it off with a

990
00:41:38,280 --> 00:41:42,680
Speaker 3: colleague named Evan third email. He and I are both

991
00:41:42,680 --> 00:41:47,080
Speaker 3: in leadership positions at our work. He was quiet, thoughtful,

992
00:41:47,120 --> 00:41:48,840
Speaker 3: had a dry sense of humor, and a way of

993
00:41:48,840 --> 00:41:51,920
Speaker 3: interacting with people that I really liked. We quickly became

994
00:41:51,960 --> 00:41:58,400
Speaker 3: work besties. Okay, conspiracy theory. Jen and Opie's husband like

995
00:41:58,680 --> 00:42:00,960
Speaker 3: end up getting to the point where they're like, all right,

996
00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:03,000
Speaker 3: we have to break it to her, Yeah, and then

997
00:42:03,080 --> 00:42:05,080
Speaker 3: she goes, actually, I was gonna break it to you

998
00:42:05,120 --> 00:42:06,080
Speaker 3: that I'm in love with Evan.

999
00:42:06,080 --> 00:42:08,600
Speaker 4: I'm leaving you perfect. I think that's where we're headed.

1000
00:42:08,640 --> 00:42:10,960
Speaker 4: When when hopefully Yeah, that'd be the best way that

1001
00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:11,400
Speaker 4: this could go.

1002
00:42:11,480 --> 00:42:12,719
Speaker 3: She's like, you're going to try to pull the rug

1003
00:42:12,719 --> 00:42:14,799
Speaker 3: out under me? Psych check under your feet. There's no

1004
00:42:14,840 --> 00:42:17,120
Speaker 3: more rug. I just pulled it out. Boom boom bam.

1005
00:42:17,160 --> 00:42:20,120
Speaker 4: Okay, So where work? Besties? Me and Evan.

1006
00:42:20,560 --> 00:42:22,920
Speaker 3: I didn't hide my relationship from him and was very

1007
00:42:22,960 --> 00:42:25,840
Speaker 3: open about it, partly because he soon sensed that something

1008
00:42:25,880 --> 00:42:29,279
Speaker 3: was bothering me. After about six months, doubts about my

1009
00:42:29,360 --> 00:42:33,279
Speaker 3: relationship resurfaced, and I often found myself feeling uneasy. It

1010
00:42:33,320 --> 00:42:36,160
Speaker 3: started with small moments that I couldn't explain away anymore,

1011
00:42:36,480 --> 00:42:39,200
Speaker 3: a glance between Tom and Jen that I couldn't quite interpret,

1012
00:42:39,320 --> 00:42:42,440
Speaker 3: too long, too familiar, a joke that felt meant just

1013
00:42:42,480 --> 00:42:45,239
Speaker 3: for the two of them, with a pause that excluded me,

1014
00:42:45,560 --> 00:42:48,160
Speaker 3: Or a conversation that continued when I briefly left the room,

1015
00:42:48,200 --> 00:42:50,640
Speaker 3: only to fall silent when I came back. Nothing was

1016
00:42:50,680 --> 00:42:53,439
Speaker 3: obviously wrong, and nothing I could point to. I would

1017
00:42:53,480 --> 00:42:55,719
Speaker 3: point right at Jen. I'd be like, that's what's wrong.

1018
00:42:55,840 --> 00:42:57,759
Speaker 3: You are in love with her now, you love her

1019
00:42:57,800 --> 00:43:00,480
Speaker 3: more than me? Yeah, And it's like, is that necessarily

1020
00:43:00,480 --> 00:43:04,200
Speaker 3: like wrong or bad? Like no, but it is what's happening.

1021
00:43:04,360 --> 00:43:07,759
Speaker 3: And it's like that's why relationships like this, like you

1022
00:43:07,880 --> 00:43:10,680
Speaker 3: need to be willing to not only have like crazy

1023
00:43:10,719 --> 00:43:13,160
Speaker 3: open communication, but you also need to be willing to

1024
00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:16,320
Speaker 3: be like this might not look at all what it

1025
00:43:16,320 --> 00:43:18,880
Speaker 3: looks like right now in like two months, in six months,

1026
00:43:18,920 --> 00:43:20,799
Speaker 3: in a year, whenever. You got to be willing for

1027
00:43:20,840 --> 00:43:22,080
Speaker 3: things to completely change.

1028
00:43:22,280 --> 00:43:25,440
Speaker 5: Yeah, because that's true like with just a regular monogamous

1029
00:43:25,480 --> 00:43:28,040
Speaker 5: relationship too. It's like, yeah, you go in there, you're

1030
00:43:28,120 --> 00:43:33,520
Speaker 5: risking yourself like getting so hurt. Yeah, and uh yeah,

1031
00:43:33,560 --> 00:43:35,040
Speaker 5: it's the same exact thing.

1032
00:43:35,239 --> 00:43:37,759
Speaker 4: Oh that is crazy, that that really is exactly. It's

1033
00:43:37,800 --> 00:43:38,399
Speaker 4: just in Polly.

1034
00:43:38,480 --> 00:43:40,760
Speaker 3: It's like one of the things isn't like our girlfriend

1035
00:43:40,840 --> 00:43:43,200
Speaker 3: might actually end up being his wife and then I'd

1036
00:43:43,200 --> 00:43:44,960
Speaker 3: have to divorce him, right, It's.

1037
00:43:44,800 --> 00:43:47,719
Speaker 4: Like different ways it could go down.

1038
00:43:47,600 --> 00:43:50,840
Speaker 2: But yeah, same, at any point, everything could change.

1039
00:43:51,000 --> 00:43:53,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're opening yourself up to that risk. Interesting.

1040
00:43:53,920 --> 00:43:55,600
Speaker 3: I guess you can either like lean into that as

1041
00:43:55,640 --> 00:43:57,719
Speaker 3: a beautiful thing or try to resist it and then

1042
00:43:57,760 --> 00:44:00,920
Speaker 3: it makes you feel anxious. So nothing was obviously wrong,

1043
00:44:01,400 --> 00:44:03,839
Speaker 3: nothing that I could point to, but I had this

1044
00:44:03,920 --> 00:44:08,120
Speaker 3: nagging feeling that I was slowly being replaced, not deliberately,

1045
00:44:08,440 --> 00:44:12,120
Speaker 3: not even consciously, but bit by bit. I didn't want

1046
00:44:12,160 --> 00:44:14,960
Speaker 3: to be jealous or insecure. I wanted to show trust.

1047
00:44:15,360 --> 00:44:18,000
Speaker 3: Maybe I was just being paranoid, but still I brought

1048
00:44:18,040 --> 00:44:20,959
Speaker 3: up my concerns to Tom several times, but he never

1049
00:44:21,040 --> 00:44:23,960
Speaker 3: really seemed to take them seriously. It's not like Jen

1050
00:44:24,000 --> 00:44:28,960
Speaker 3: and Tom ever did anything obviously wrong or intentionally exclude me.

1051
00:44:29,200 --> 00:44:32,440
Speaker 3: I was usually very included, and both of them made

1052
00:44:32,480 --> 00:44:36,240
Speaker 3: an effort to Tom I was still his primary partner

1053
00:44:36,640 --> 00:44:40,680
Speaker 3: and he treated me as such. And yet I felt uneasy.

1054
00:44:40,760 --> 00:44:44,360
Speaker 3: I increasingly felt like this type of relationship didn't suit me.

1055
00:44:44,480 --> 00:44:46,360
Speaker 3: I couldn't let go and enjoy it the way I

1056
00:44:46,440 --> 00:44:49,799
Speaker 3: used to. But Tom downplayed that too. He said I

1057
00:44:49,840 --> 00:44:52,880
Speaker 3: probably just needed more time to adjust. I felt torn.

1058
00:44:53,000 --> 00:44:55,600
Speaker 3: I didn't want to lose them. I liked Jen, that

1059
00:44:55,760 --> 00:44:58,600
Speaker 3: was the hardest part. I still laugh with her. I

1060
00:44:58,719 --> 00:45:00,440
Speaker 3: liked her voice and the way she thought and the

1061
00:45:00,440 --> 00:45:03,839
Speaker 3: way she questioned things. It wasn't just something between them

1062
00:45:03,880 --> 00:45:06,920
Speaker 3: that had changed. Something had shifted inside me too. But

1063
00:45:06,960 --> 00:45:09,360
Speaker 3: I could never have called it romantic love. It was

1064
00:45:09,360 --> 00:45:12,840
Speaker 3: more like a deep, intense kind of friendship. During that time,

1065
00:45:12,920 --> 00:45:15,319
Speaker 3: Evan became a bit of a confidant for me. We

1066
00:45:15,360 --> 00:45:18,680
Speaker 3: had a very easy rapport, constantly teasing each other and

1067
00:45:18,760 --> 00:45:22,320
Speaker 3: joking around, but he also always listened attentively and genuinely

1068
00:45:22,320 --> 00:45:22,879
Speaker 3: tried to help.

1069
00:45:22,960 --> 00:45:23,920
Speaker 4: He shared my views.

1070
00:45:23,960 --> 00:45:27,080
Speaker 3: He wasn't really a fan of polyamorous relationships either, but

1071
00:45:27,120 --> 00:45:30,120
Speaker 3: he never judged me. His go to line was always quote,

1072
00:45:30,239 --> 00:45:32,600
Speaker 3: whatever makes you happy. Evan really is a great friend.

1073
00:45:32,719 --> 00:45:35,680
Speaker 3: But that friendship soon became a thorn in Tom's side.

1074
00:45:35,760 --> 00:45:38,879
Speaker 3: Evan often complimented me little things, like saying he liked

1075
00:45:38,880 --> 00:45:41,120
Speaker 3: my outfit or I thought I was smart. Sometimes, when

1076
00:45:41,120 --> 00:45:42,800
Speaker 3: something went wrong at work, he joked that I was

1077
00:45:42,840 --> 00:45:46,280
Speaker 3: only good at looking nice. Hmmm, Evan's got a question

1078
00:45:46,320 --> 00:45:53,080
Speaker 3: on you, and it sounds sweet. Yeah, it sounds like wholesome.

1079
00:45:53,239 --> 00:45:57,520
Speaker 3: And he's too nice to tell you your boyfriend is garbage,

1080
00:45:57,640 --> 00:46:01,280
Speaker 3: trying to convince you you want something you don't want. Yeah,

1081
00:46:01,320 --> 00:46:05,280
Speaker 3: you clearly hate this. For anyone out there, this happened

1082
00:46:05,320 --> 00:46:05,480
Speaker 3: to me.

1083
00:46:06,160 --> 00:46:06,839
Speaker 4: I was with someone.

1084
00:46:06,880 --> 00:46:09,040
Speaker 3: It was like, shoot, we do an open thing, and

1085
00:46:09,120 --> 00:46:12,399
Speaker 3: we did it and I was like I hate this, yeah,

1086
00:46:12,600 --> 00:46:15,480
Speaker 3: and they were like I don't. And guess what that

1087
00:46:15,680 --> 00:46:17,840
Speaker 3: was really the beginning of Vienna.

1088
00:46:18,320 --> 00:46:20,920
Speaker 4: It sounds like it so it sounds like it. It

1089
00:46:20,960 --> 00:46:22,200
Speaker 4: Take that for what it's worth.

1090
00:46:22,239 --> 00:46:24,839
Speaker 7: Also, chat they're not married, Oh they're not married. No,

1091
00:46:24,960 --> 00:46:28,640
Speaker 7: there's it's boyfriend, I said, husband like three years. Yeah,

1092
00:46:28,680 --> 00:46:32,360
Speaker 7: I'm sorry. Oh god, I'm sorry.

1093
00:46:32,680 --> 00:46:36,120
Speaker 4: Oh God, I'm back.

1094
00:46:36,400 --> 00:46:38,720
Speaker 2: I'm locked in all clearly in jest.

1095
00:46:38,960 --> 00:46:42,000
Speaker 3: I have to admit I liked the compliments, especially because

1096
00:46:42,040 --> 00:46:44,120
Speaker 3: Tom wasn't really the type to say things like that,

1097
00:46:44,480 --> 00:46:46,719
Speaker 3: and I rarely heard them from him. One day, Tom

1098
00:46:46,800 --> 00:46:49,320
Speaker 3: visited me at work and happened to overhear Evan saying

1099
00:46:49,360 --> 00:46:52,319
Speaker 3: something nice several times. In fact, from that point on,

1100
00:46:52,480 --> 00:46:55,440
Speaker 3: Tom really didn't like Evan, but he didn't forbid the

1101
00:46:55,480 --> 00:46:57,799
Speaker 3: friendship either. Then a few weeks later, Evan made a

1102
00:46:57,840 --> 00:47:01,200
Speaker 3: comment about my butt, not knowing Tom was within earshot.

1103
00:47:01,360 --> 00:47:03,120
Speaker 3: That was the last straw for Tom. We had a

1104
00:47:03,160 --> 00:47:06,000
Speaker 3: minor argument at home. Tom was convinced I had feelings

1105
00:47:06,000 --> 00:47:08,040
Speaker 3: for Evan, which wasn't true at all. I joked that

1106
00:47:08,080 --> 00:47:10,600
Speaker 3: maybe four people in a relationship was too much for

1107
00:47:10,680 --> 00:47:13,760
Speaker 3: him after all, and he got really upset, which honestly

1108
00:47:14,040 --> 00:47:16,840
Speaker 3: was a little understandable. No, it's not this has to

1109
00:47:16,920 --> 00:47:20,160
Speaker 3: be funny, I reassured him over and over again. That

1110
00:47:20,200 --> 00:47:22,920
Speaker 3: Evan was just a friend. I have never read too

1111
00:47:23,000 --> 00:47:25,960
Speaker 3: much into his words. They were just words. He had

1112
00:47:25,960 --> 00:47:29,279
Speaker 3: never touched me inappropriately or across boundaries. He always kept

1113
00:47:29,280 --> 00:47:32,520
Speaker 3: a respectful distance unless it was for work, and unlike Tom,

1114
00:47:32,560 --> 00:47:35,239
Speaker 3: Evan had never spoken badly about him. The day after

1115
00:47:35,280 --> 00:47:38,040
Speaker 3: the argument, Evan again noticed that I wasn't doing well.

1116
00:47:38,280 --> 00:47:40,560
Speaker 3: But it wasn't just the fight. There had been another

1117
00:47:40,560 --> 00:47:43,600
Speaker 3: incident before that. Jen, Tom and I had tried to

1118
00:47:43,640 --> 00:47:46,200
Speaker 3: be intimate again a few days ago, but I couldn't

1119
00:47:46,239 --> 00:47:48,120
Speaker 3: go through with it. I told them I felt ill,

1120
00:47:48,560 --> 00:47:51,120
Speaker 3: though that wasn't the truth. Both things were eating away

1121
00:47:51,160 --> 00:47:53,720
Speaker 3: at me, so I confided in Evan. What he said

1122
00:47:53,880 --> 00:47:56,839
Speaker 3: hit me hard. Let's go, Evan, he said, quote, you're

1123
00:47:56,880 --> 00:48:00,879
Speaker 3: a lot of things, smart, talented, and beautiful, but you're

1124
00:48:00,960 --> 00:48:02,320
Speaker 3: definitely not happy.

1125
00:48:02,480 --> 00:48:03,359
Speaker 4: And he was right.

1126
00:48:03,640 --> 00:48:07,200
Speaker 3: I hadn't been happy for a long time. Following his advice,

1127
00:48:07,239 --> 00:48:10,120
Speaker 3: I decided to talk to Tom again, hoping this time

1128
00:48:10,160 --> 00:48:13,400
Speaker 3: he'd really take it seriously. Tom could already tell something

1129
00:48:13,440 --> 00:48:16,400
Speaker 3: was bothering me, and when he asked, I told him everything.

1130
00:48:16,680 --> 00:48:19,759
Speaker 3: He wasn't thrilled, of course, but he promised to break

1131
00:48:19,840 --> 00:48:23,240
Speaker 3: up with Jen, and in that moment, I felt awful.

1132
00:48:23,440 --> 00:48:25,720
Speaker 3: On the one hand, it was exactly what I had wanted,

1133
00:48:25,840 --> 00:48:27,920
Speaker 3: but on the other hand, it wasn't. It felt like

1134
00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:31,480
Speaker 3: I was taking something away from them. They were happy together,

1135
00:48:31,680 --> 00:48:34,400
Speaker 3: they got along well. Tom had worked so hard to

1136
00:48:34,400 --> 00:48:37,279
Speaker 3: make it all work. I told him honestly that I

1137
00:48:37,280 --> 00:48:39,880
Speaker 3: didn't want to force him into anything, but he said,

1138
00:48:39,960 --> 00:48:42,480
Speaker 3: if it was really making me this miserable, there was

1139
00:48:42,520 --> 00:48:45,000
Speaker 3: no other solution. He'd talked to Jen the next day.

1140
00:48:45,160 --> 00:48:48,400
Speaker 3: Tom and I lived together. Jen often stayed over, but

1141
00:48:48,480 --> 00:48:51,359
Speaker 3: actually lived in a shared apartment with a friend. By then,

1142
00:48:51,520 --> 00:48:54,239
Speaker 3: I barely interacted with her anymore. I had a lot

1143
00:48:54,280 --> 00:48:57,960
Speaker 3: of work, I brought tasks home often and was constantly busy,

1144
00:48:58,160 --> 00:49:00,400
Speaker 3: so it made sense to Tom to talk to her alone,

1145
00:49:00,840 --> 00:49:01,960
Speaker 3: and he insisted on it.

1146
00:49:02,040 --> 00:49:04,800
Speaker 2: Afterwards, he told me everything was fine, but that wasn't true.

1147
00:49:04,840 --> 00:49:06,640
Speaker 3: I was helping my family set up a booth for

1148
00:49:06,680 --> 00:49:09,680
Speaker 3: a spring fare in our city park when Jen suddenly

1149
00:49:09,800 --> 00:49:13,239
Speaker 3: stormed toward me like a fury. She screamed that I

1150
00:49:13,320 --> 00:49:16,160
Speaker 3: had ruined her life. We had a brief exchange. I

1151
00:49:16,200 --> 00:49:18,400
Speaker 3: tried to calm her down since we were in public,

1152
00:49:18,760 --> 00:49:21,759
Speaker 3: surrounded by people, but she kept accusing me, I had

1153
00:49:21,840 --> 00:49:24,839
Speaker 3: ruined everything. I forced Tom into the decision and took

1154
00:49:24,840 --> 00:49:27,640
Speaker 3: it upon myself to decide the fate of their relationship.

1155
00:49:27,760 --> 00:49:30,360
Speaker 3: I explained that it actually wasn't my decision and that

1156
00:49:30,440 --> 00:49:31,920
Speaker 3: it had been Tom's, and he.

1157
00:49:32,000 --> 00:49:34,000
Speaker 4: Insisted and that he had chosen.

1158
00:49:34,120 --> 00:49:36,280
Speaker 3: But of course I could understand that she was upset

1159
00:49:36,320 --> 00:49:39,160
Speaker 3: and felt blindsided. I had never shared my doubts openly

1160
00:49:39,200 --> 00:49:41,239
Speaker 3: with her because I never wanted her to feel bad.

1161
00:49:41,560 --> 00:49:44,240
Speaker 3: Sure she noticed when I was uncomfortable, but often brushed

1162
00:49:44,239 --> 00:49:44,720
Speaker 3: it off.

1163
00:49:44,520 --> 00:49:46,000
Speaker 4: With a you'll get used to it.

1164
00:49:46,320 --> 00:49:49,560
Speaker 3: Oh, oh, p stop playing nice with these people who

1165
00:49:49,560 --> 00:49:50,400
Speaker 3: were not nice to you.

1166
00:49:50,520 --> 00:49:52,440
Speaker 4: Ye knew, who knew what they were doing to you?

1167
00:49:52,640 --> 00:49:55,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, you will not be considered a bad person if

1168
00:49:55,000 --> 00:49:56,040
Speaker 5: you are mean to these people.

1169
00:49:56,120 --> 00:49:59,200
Speaker 3: Folks, just date each other, you, oh, Pe, date Evan

1170
00:49:59,480 --> 00:50:01,279
Speaker 3: your boyfriend day Jen, it's over.

1171
00:50:01,400 --> 00:50:02,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's fine. Everyone wins.

1172
00:50:02,840 --> 00:50:04,279
Speaker 5: And I mean, the way that she put it is

1173
00:50:04,320 --> 00:50:07,400
Speaker 5: just more proof that they were not seen as a

1174
00:50:07,440 --> 00:50:08,320
Speaker 5: three person couple.

1175
00:50:08,719 --> 00:50:12,560
Speaker 4: She's like, how dare you ruin my relationship.

1176
00:50:11,880 --> 00:50:12,680
Speaker 2: With your boyfriend?

1177
00:50:12,760 --> 00:50:13,400
Speaker 4: Right exactly?

1178
00:50:13,600 --> 00:50:16,160
Speaker 5: Instead of you know, my relationship with both of you guys.

1179
00:50:16,160 --> 00:50:19,880
Speaker 5: It's like, obviously they were just they didn't care about.

1180
00:50:19,640 --> 00:50:25,879
Speaker 3: Opie nonsense, so so my insecurity wasn't entirely foreign to her.

1181
00:50:26,080 --> 00:50:28,080
Speaker 3: In hindsight, it would have been better if the three

1182
00:50:28,120 --> 00:50:30,520
Speaker 3: of us had talked together, but Tom didn't want that,

1183
00:50:30,560 --> 00:50:32,720
Speaker 3: and maybe I relied too much on him to explain

1184
00:50:32,800 --> 00:50:33,440
Speaker 3: things properly.

1185
00:50:33,560 --> 00:50:34,719
Speaker 4: Eventually I walked.

1186
00:50:34,480 --> 00:50:37,280
Speaker 3: Away from Jen and she stormed off in anger. Naturally,

1187
00:50:37,360 --> 00:50:39,600
Speaker 3: I had to explain everything to my family. I just

1188
00:50:39,640 --> 00:50:41,839
Speaker 3: said it was a fight between friends, though no one

1189
00:50:41,920 --> 00:50:44,520
Speaker 3: really believed that. But I had other things on my mind.

1190
00:50:44,560 --> 00:50:47,840
Speaker 3: I was angry with Tom what the heck? And he

1191
00:50:47,920 --> 00:50:50,120
Speaker 3: told Jen to make her believe this was all my doing.

1192
00:50:50,239 --> 00:50:52,839
Speaker 3: I confronted him about it. He swore he had said

1193
00:50:52,880 --> 00:50:55,200
Speaker 3: exactly what we'd agreed on. So I let it go

1194
00:50:55,320 --> 00:50:57,640
Speaker 3: for the moment. So I let it go for the moment.

1195
00:50:58,040 --> 00:51:01,200
Speaker 3: Tom and I were a couple again us, but it

1196
00:51:01,200 --> 00:51:04,040
Speaker 3: didn't feel right anymore, even without Jen. There was no

1197
00:51:04,200 --> 00:51:07,080
Speaker 3: ease and no real sense of closeness. I missed how

1198
00:51:07,120 --> 00:51:09,120
Speaker 3: it used to feel. At the same time, I couldn't

1199
00:51:09,120 --> 00:51:12,000
Speaker 3: stop wondering if Tom had only taken me seriously now

1200
00:51:12,280 --> 00:51:14,560
Speaker 3: because he saw Evan as a threat. It felt like

1201
00:51:14,600 --> 00:51:18,600
Speaker 3: previously it had just been unimportant. My guilt kept growing.

1202
00:51:18,680 --> 00:51:20,759
Speaker 3: Tom seemed to be hurting from the breakup, even if

1203
00:51:20,760 --> 00:51:21,600
Speaker 3: he tried to hide it.

1204
00:51:21,640 --> 00:51:22,359
Speaker 4: My thoughts kept.

1205
00:51:22,280 --> 00:51:24,879
Speaker 3: Spiraling until about two months after the breakup with Jen,

1206
00:51:25,040 --> 00:51:28,200
Speaker 3: I decided to break up with Tom too, and afterward

1207
00:51:28,280 --> 00:51:31,520
Speaker 3: I felt even worse. Tom was shocked. He couldn't believe it.

1208
00:51:31,520 --> 00:51:33,760
Speaker 3: I tried to explain how I felt, but he just said,

1209
00:51:34,120 --> 00:51:36,840
Speaker 3: but I gave you everything you wanted. Why isn't that enough?

1210
00:51:36,960 --> 00:51:40,080
Speaker 3: And I asked myself the same thing. It was freeing

1211
00:51:40,160 --> 00:51:42,960
Speaker 3: in a way, but I felt like the biggest a hole.

1212
00:51:43,320 --> 00:51:45,960
Speaker 3: He had done exactly what I had wished for, and

1213
00:51:46,040 --> 00:51:48,960
Speaker 3: still it wasn't enough. We argued for over two hours,

1214
00:51:49,000 --> 00:51:50,880
Speaker 3: and then I packed my things and moved in with

1215
00:51:50,920 --> 00:51:53,719
Speaker 3: a friend temporarily, where I still live while I look

1216
00:51:53,800 --> 00:51:54,719
Speaker 3: for a place of my own.

1217
00:51:54,760 --> 00:51:57,440
Speaker 4: I told her everything. She said I had every.

1218
00:51:57,280 --> 00:51:59,799
Speaker 3: Right to leave if I didn't feel okay, and that

1219
00:51:59,880 --> 00:52:02,600
Speaker 3: I shouldn't feel guilty just because Tom broke up with Jen.

1220
00:52:02,680 --> 00:52:04,200
Speaker 4: For me, that's not a reason to stay.

1221
00:52:04,280 --> 00:52:07,680
Speaker 3: She also said Tom could have taken my concerns seriously earlier,

1222
00:52:07,960 --> 00:52:09,880
Speaker 3: and maybe then it wouldn't have come to this. But

1223
00:52:09,960 --> 00:52:12,279
Speaker 3: still I can't shake the guilt. And just when I

1224
00:52:12,280 --> 00:52:14,719
Speaker 3: thought it couldn't get more complicated, it did.

1225
00:52:15,280 --> 00:52:18,520
Speaker 2: Oh man, please fall in love with Evan and move

1226
00:52:18,600 --> 00:52:20,759
Speaker 2: in with him and have a hundred babies.

1227
00:52:21,160 --> 00:52:23,759
Speaker 4: Please? Maybe not one hundred, that's too many. Please. I know,

1228
00:52:23,880 --> 00:52:26,120
Speaker 4: but I'm remembering the title too, and I'm really scared.

1229
00:52:26,239 --> 00:52:29,480
Speaker 3: No, no, no, no, no, please please no. I went to

1230
00:52:29,520 --> 00:52:31,919
Speaker 3: Evan at work to tell him I'd broken up with Tom.

1231
00:52:32,040 --> 00:52:34,520
Speaker 3: He already knew that things hadn't gotten better after Jen,

1232
00:52:34,800 --> 00:52:36,600
Speaker 3: so I told him it was over with Tom too.

1233
00:52:36,760 --> 00:52:39,080
Speaker 3: To my surprise, his first reaction was to kiss me.

1234
00:52:39,239 --> 00:52:41,399
Speaker 3: And the worst part, I wasn't upset about it.

1235
00:52:41,719 --> 00:52:42,680
Speaker 2: That's the best part.

1236
00:52:42,920 --> 00:52:47,439
Speaker 4: Oh, ok, yay, so good. Oh we're you get there,

1237
00:52:47,760 --> 00:52:49,000
Speaker 4: smooch smuch.

1238
00:52:49,280 --> 00:52:52,080
Speaker 2: Evan apologized immediately. He said it shouldn't have happened and

1239
00:52:52,080 --> 00:52:59,279
Speaker 2: that his emotions got the better of him. Guys, I'm sorry.

1240
00:52:59,320 --> 00:53:01,680
Speaker 4: I just love I just want to I didn't even

1241
00:53:01,640 --> 00:53:02,120
Speaker 4: think about it.

1242
00:53:02,160 --> 00:53:03,239
Speaker 2: I was just so happy for you now that you

1243
00:53:03,239 --> 00:53:06,520
Speaker 2: got rid of that. Literally like anchor, just an anchor

1244
00:53:06,560 --> 00:53:07,799
Speaker 2: of a relationship.

1245
00:53:07,880 --> 00:53:08,560
Speaker 4: Okay, wow.

1246
00:53:08,640 --> 00:53:11,239
Speaker 3: He never wanted to interfere in my relationship because he's

1247
00:53:11,239 --> 00:53:14,360
Speaker 3: a real g I wasn't angry, but a new relationship

1248
00:53:14,400 --> 00:53:17,799
Speaker 3: is the last thing I want right now, and thankfully.

1249
00:53:17,480 --> 00:53:18,400
Speaker 4: He understood that.

1250
00:53:18,719 --> 00:53:22,280
Speaker 3: So we're still just friends, even if Tom sees it differently.

1251
00:53:22,320 --> 00:53:24,680
Speaker 3: A few days later, Tom showed up at my workplace.

1252
00:53:25,000 --> 00:53:27,000
Speaker 3: I was shocked when I saw him. He looked like

1253
00:53:27,040 --> 00:53:29,040
Speaker 3: he hadn't slept in days, and when he overheard a

1254
00:53:29,040 --> 00:53:31,880
Speaker 3: harmless joke between Evan and I, he snapped. He accused

1255
00:53:31,880 --> 00:53:34,960
Speaker 3: me of cheating on him, all along in anger. I

1256
00:53:35,080 --> 00:53:38,240
Speaker 3: just said, then go back to Jen and walked away.

1257
00:53:38,719 --> 00:53:42,720
Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, yes, yeah.

1258
00:53:44,160 --> 00:53:46,560
Speaker 2: What It is not often that we get a And

1259
00:53:46,600 --> 00:53:50,600
Speaker 2: then they did exactly what they should have done. Yeah yeah, wow.

1260
00:53:50,440 --> 00:53:53,799
Speaker 4: Tom to celebrate, Oh my god, oh my goodness, she says,

1261
00:53:53,880 --> 00:53:55,359
Speaker 4: I know that wasn't fair. It was totally fair. I'm

1262
00:53:55,400 --> 00:53:55,840
Speaker 4: skipping that.

1263
00:53:55,920 --> 00:53:59,520
Speaker 3: Maybe I should have just explained now, I'm the salute

1264
00:53:59,560 --> 00:54:02,040
Speaker 3: in his friend, who cares new friends whatever. His best

1265
00:54:02,040 --> 00:54:04,399
Speaker 3: friend even messaged me yesterday calling me horrible names.

1266
00:54:04,400 --> 00:54:04,759
Speaker 4: Who cares?

1267
00:54:04,800 --> 00:54:07,080
Speaker 3: He's a loser to them? I'm the a hole, and

1268
00:54:07,120 --> 00:54:09,080
Speaker 3: I can't stop feeling awful about it. I know I

1269
00:54:09,120 --> 00:54:12,040
Speaker 3: didn't handle things perfectly. I made mistakes, but I still

1270
00:54:12,120 --> 00:54:15,680
Speaker 3: keep asking myself. Did I really behave that badly? Am

1271
00:54:15,719 --> 00:54:17,360
Speaker 3: I truly the A hole?

1272
00:54:17,680 --> 00:54:17,960
Speaker 5: No?

1273
00:54:18,600 --> 00:54:21,719
Speaker 2: And there's an update, Wow, you're not the a hole.

1274
00:54:22,040 --> 00:54:24,359
Speaker 3: I mean you got ghastly into thinking that you were

1275
00:54:24,360 --> 00:54:27,960
Speaker 3: just eventually gonna like polyamory when you know you didn't

1276
00:54:28,040 --> 00:54:29,239
Speaker 3: and probably would never.

1277
00:54:29,520 --> 00:54:31,879
Speaker 2: So if your boyfriend actually loved you and.

1278
00:54:31,800 --> 00:54:34,680
Speaker 3: Like cared about y'all's relationship, as soon as that became apparent,

1279
00:54:34,719 --> 00:54:36,160
Speaker 3: it would have been like, all right, we're shutting it down.

1280
00:54:36,239 --> 00:54:38,719
Speaker 5: Yeah, Because I mean, unless there was a conversation of like, hey,

1281
00:54:38,760 --> 00:54:41,440
Speaker 5: like we're gonna open up, but it's not like open open,

1282
00:54:41,560 --> 00:54:43,959
Speaker 5: it's just like just inviting Jen into the group.

1283
00:54:44,040 --> 00:54:46,120
Speaker 4: I could see how you'd be upset and see that

1284
00:54:46,160 --> 00:54:46,680
Speaker 4: as cheating.

1285
00:54:46,960 --> 00:54:49,279
Speaker 5: But if you guys just said that, it was you're

1286
00:54:49,400 --> 00:54:52,200
Speaker 5: just open, like it's just an open relationship.

1287
00:54:52,320 --> 00:54:52,520
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1288
00:54:52,560 --> 00:54:54,440
Speaker 5: And Jen just happens to be the focal point at

1289
00:54:54,440 --> 00:54:56,799
Speaker 5: the point at the beginning that he can't be mad

1290
00:54:56,800 --> 00:54:57,320
Speaker 5: at to you about that.

1291
00:54:57,520 --> 00:54:58,160
Speaker 4: No, you can't.

1292
00:54:58,280 --> 00:55:01,080
Speaker 3: If he wanted to pull like the real move, you'd

1293
00:55:01,160 --> 00:55:03,640
Speaker 3: just be honest and he'd go, hey, So I think

1294
00:55:03,680 --> 00:55:06,880
Speaker 3: I might really have feelings for Jen, like on a

1295
00:55:06,960 --> 00:55:09,880
Speaker 3: level that was not there before. Right, Let's open that

1296
00:55:10,000 --> 00:55:12,440
Speaker 3: Pandora's box, right, And you got to be able to

1297
00:55:12,440 --> 00:55:14,319
Speaker 3: do that. If you're going to put yourself in this

1298
00:55:14,440 --> 00:55:16,520
Speaker 3: kind of situation, you've gotta be ready for that. But

1299
00:55:16,600 --> 00:55:19,160
Speaker 3: let's get into the update. Since my last post, I

1300
00:55:19,200 --> 00:55:22,759
Speaker 3: haven't had any contact with Tom. That's partly because I

1301
00:55:22,840 --> 00:55:25,800
Speaker 3: went on vacation with friends for about two weeks shortly

1302
00:55:25,840 --> 00:55:28,200
Speaker 3: after posting. Tom was actually supposed to come along, but

1303
00:55:28,280 --> 00:55:31,560
Speaker 3: obviously that didn't happen after the breakup. The trip, more

1304
00:55:31,600 --> 00:55:34,280
Speaker 3: camping than hotel, did me a lot of good, no stress,

1305
00:55:34,520 --> 00:55:37,120
Speaker 3: no drama. I'm not sure if Tom win anyway, but

1306
00:55:37,200 --> 00:55:39,520
Speaker 3: I didn't run into him once, and maybe it's better

1307
00:55:39,560 --> 00:55:42,480
Speaker 3: off this way. There were nearly two hundred thousand people there.

1308
00:55:42,600 --> 00:55:42,880
Speaker 4: Wow.

1309
00:55:43,040 --> 00:55:45,400
Speaker 3: Well, back to real life and back to the drama.

1310
00:55:45,440 --> 00:55:47,880
Speaker 3: As soon as I got home, the trouble started again.

1311
00:55:48,000 --> 00:55:50,880
Speaker 3: I'd blocked all of Tom's friends to avoid more stupid messages,

1312
00:55:50,920 --> 00:55:52,440
Speaker 3: and I thought that would be the end of it.

1313
00:55:52,480 --> 00:55:53,120
Speaker 4: But it wasn't.

1314
00:55:53,160 --> 00:55:55,719
Speaker 3: An anonymous complaint was filed at work, not against me,

1315
00:55:55,880 --> 00:55:58,080
Speaker 3: but against Evan. He was accused of being rude to

1316
00:55:58,080 --> 00:56:01,320
Speaker 3: customers and behaving unprofessionally. The ridiculous part is that it

1317
00:56:01,360 --> 00:56:03,239
Speaker 3: was all supposed to have happened on a day Evan

1318
00:56:03,719 --> 00:56:08,839
Speaker 3: was provably off work. I definitely have my suspicions about

1319
00:56:08,880 --> 00:56:11,000
Speaker 3: who filed the complaint, but no proof.

1320
00:56:11,239 --> 00:56:14,040
Speaker 2: Evan took it all in stride with his usual calm

1321
00:56:14,080 --> 00:56:16,120
Speaker 2: and even a bit of humor. He and I are

1322
00:56:16,160 --> 00:56:18,400
Speaker 2: still good friends, and he's apologized to me like a

1323
00:56:18,560 --> 00:56:20,799
Speaker 2: hundred times for what happened. But it didn't stop there.

1324
00:56:21,120 --> 00:56:23,600
Speaker 2: I wasn't there myself, but some of my family members

1325
00:56:23,600 --> 00:56:26,160
Speaker 2: were when it happened. There was a festival in our

1326
00:56:26,200 --> 00:56:28,360
Speaker 2: town that I went to with Evan and a few coworkers.

1327
00:56:28,719 --> 00:56:30,840
Speaker 3: It was the first time I'd seen Tom since the

1328
00:56:30,880 --> 00:56:33,279
Speaker 3: original post. He looked a lot better than the last

1329
00:56:33,280 --> 00:56:35,520
Speaker 3: time I saw him. We didn't talk, and I'll admit

1330
00:56:35,600 --> 00:56:38,160
Speaker 3: I probably avoided him on purpose. Why are you saying that,

1331
00:56:38,200 --> 00:56:39,840
Speaker 3: like that's like an unreasonable bad thing to do.

1332
00:56:39,960 --> 00:56:41,120
Speaker 4: My family knows Evan.

1333
00:56:41,320 --> 00:56:43,319
Speaker 3: While I was off getting food with a friend, Tom

1334
00:56:43,360 --> 00:56:46,040
Speaker 3: apparently walked up to Evan. According to my sister, who

1335
00:56:46,040 --> 00:56:49,560
Speaker 3: told me afterward, Tom was really angry. He blamed Evan

1336
00:56:49,680 --> 00:56:52,879
Speaker 3: for everything, insulted him, and, according to her, even tried

1337
00:56:52,920 --> 00:56:53,879
Speaker 3: to instigate a fight.

1338
00:56:53,960 --> 00:56:54,279
Speaker 4: With him.

1339
00:56:54,320 --> 00:56:56,680
Speaker 3: Evan apparently stayed calm and told Tom that he was

1340
00:56:56,719 --> 00:56:59,480
Speaker 3: responsible for the situation himself and should have taken my

1341
00:56:59,520 --> 00:57:01,959
Speaker 3: feelings when or Seriously. I didn't ask how things ended

1342
00:57:02,000 --> 00:57:04,280
Speaker 3: after that. But if all this is true, I'm honestly

1343
00:57:04,360 --> 00:57:07,480
Speaker 3: even more disappointed in Tom than I already was, not

1344
00:57:07,640 --> 00:57:09,479
Speaker 3: just because of how he acted, but because he keeps

1345
00:57:09,480 --> 00:57:12,200
Speaker 3: blaming others instead of reflecting on his self. Naturally, the

1346
00:57:12,239 --> 00:57:14,400
Speaker 3: whole thing raised a lot of new questions in my family,

1347
00:57:14,560 --> 00:57:17,200
Speaker 3: questions I now have to answer. What's a bit strange

1348
00:57:17,240 --> 00:57:19,240
Speaker 3: is that Evan hasn't mentioned any of it to me.

1349
00:57:19,560 --> 00:57:21,840
Speaker 3: Then again, I haven't brought it up either. I'm not

1350
00:57:21,920 --> 00:57:23,880
Speaker 3: sure if I should talk to him about it or

1351
00:57:24,000 --> 00:57:25,760
Speaker 3: just leave it alone. But I admit I'm a little

1352
00:57:25,760 --> 00:57:29,439
Speaker 3: curious what exactly they talked about. Another open topic, I've

1353
00:57:29,440 --> 00:57:31,920
Speaker 3: been thinking about meeting up with Tom one last time. No,

1354
00:57:32,600 --> 00:57:34,640
Speaker 3: mainly to get closure and to pick up the rest

1355
00:57:34,680 --> 00:57:35,800
Speaker 3: of my things from the apartment.

1356
00:57:35,880 --> 00:57:37,200
Speaker 4: Someone else could pick up that stuff.

1357
00:57:37,200 --> 00:57:39,840
Speaker 3: He had messaged me before my original post, offering to

1358
00:57:39,880 --> 00:57:42,800
Speaker 3: help carry some of the furniture. No, I don't have

1359
00:57:42,880 --> 00:57:45,560
Speaker 3: many people who could help, and he knows that maybe

1360
00:57:45,560 --> 00:57:47,520
Speaker 3: my dad, but I don't really want to deal with

1361
00:57:47,600 --> 00:57:50,640
Speaker 3: him and with just him and Tom. Evan would absolutely

1362
00:57:50,720 --> 00:57:52,000
Speaker 3: jump into help, but I don't think it would be

1363
00:57:52,000 --> 00:57:54,240
Speaker 3: smart to bring him along. Absolutely bring Evan, what are

1364
00:57:54,240 --> 00:57:57,360
Speaker 3: you crazy? That would probably just escalate things. Tom and

1365
00:57:57,400 --> 00:57:59,360
Speaker 3: I had agreed that i'd reached out when I was

1366
00:57:59,400 --> 00:58:01,479
Speaker 3: ready to get my I haven't done that yet.

1367
00:58:01,520 --> 00:58:04,320
Speaker 4: We all know where we're at. Absolutely, be with Evan.

1368
00:58:04,560 --> 00:58:05,160
Speaker 4: Be with Evan.

1369
00:58:05,600 --> 00:58:09,200
Speaker 5: Closure does not come from a conversation. Yeah, with the person,

1370
00:58:09,240 --> 00:58:10,800
Speaker 5: not at all. Ever, Yeah, I feel like we've said

1371
00:58:10,800 --> 00:58:11,040
Speaker 5: it all.

1372
00:58:11,240 --> 00:58:14,080
Speaker 4: We have said it all. Screw this guy. You don't

1373
00:58:14,080 --> 00:58:16,360
Speaker 4: need to care about how Ever, again.

1374
00:58:16,920 --> 00:58:20,320
Speaker 3: Yes, let's finish this story. Finally we come to Jen.

1375
00:58:20,680 --> 00:58:22,120
Speaker 3: I haven't heard a single word from her.

1376
00:58:22,240 --> 00:58:24,120
Speaker 4: Good. She blocked me everywhere she could.

1377
00:58:24,200 --> 00:58:26,439
Speaker 3: I have no idea if she's still in contact with Tom,

1378
00:58:26,440 --> 00:58:28,640
Speaker 3: and honestly, I don't really care, but the guilt is

1379
00:58:28,680 --> 00:58:31,600
Speaker 3: still there. I really liked her and it never should

1380
00:58:31,600 --> 00:58:34,360
Speaker 3: have ended like that. And now really, finally, there is

1381
00:58:34,400 --> 00:58:37,600
Speaker 3: one last strange thing. Yesterday I ran into one of

1382
00:58:37,600 --> 00:58:40,200
Speaker 3: Tom's friends on the street. Unlike most of the others,

1383
00:58:40,240 --> 00:58:42,440
Speaker 3: he was friendly and greeted me normally and we had

1384
00:58:42,440 --> 00:58:44,480
Speaker 3: a quick chat. He said he'd like to talk sometime,

1385
00:58:44,800 --> 00:58:46,640
Speaker 3: that there are things I might want to know, but

1386
00:58:46,720 --> 00:58:48,920
Speaker 3: he didn't say what exactly. I'm a little curious, but

1387
00:58:48,960 --> 00:58:51,080
Speaker 3: I'm not sure if I really want to have that conversation,

1388
00:58:51,440 --> 00:58:53,000
Speaker 3: as I don't know if I can trust him. I

1389
00:58:53,040 --> 00:58:55,000
Speaker 3: want to throw that phone through a walk because that

1390
00:58:55,200 --> 00:58:56,120
Speaker 3: is the end of that story.

1391
00:58:56,200 --> 00:58:56,840
Speaker 4: That's all we care.

1392
00:58:56,960 --> 00:58:59,280
Speaker 3: And this is so fresh, we're gonna have to come

1393
00:58:59,320 --> 00:59:01,000
Speaker 3: back to it so point, but that's it.

1394
00:59:01,320 --> 00:59:03,920
Speaker 4: Stop it. Hey's John Ogi host. We're gonna get back

1395
00:59:03,920 --> 00:59:05,480
Speaker 4: to the stories. But a quick three minute break of

1396
00:59:05,480 --> 00:59:06,640
Speaker 4: ads from our sponsors.

1397
00:59:06,920 --> 00:59:10,560
Speaker 5: My ex girlfriend demands to have my dog after we

1398
00:59:10,720 --> 00:59:11,320
Speaker 5: broke up.

1399
00:59:11,480 --> 00:59:13,760
Speaker 4: That's literally my dog backstory.

1400
00:59:13,840 --> 00:59:15,400
Speaker 5: We met a long time ago and just out of

1401
00:59:15,440 --> 00:59:17,720
Speaker 5: high school and ended up going to college together. She's

1402
00:59:17,720 --> 00:59:19,840
Speaker 5: about four years younger than me, and we were together

1403
00:59:19,880 --> 00:59:23,000
Speaker 5: for ten years. Things just started getting rocky two years ago,

1404
00:59:23,280 --> 00:59:25,320
Speaker 5: believe it or not, once I started to sense our

1405
00:59:25,360 --> 00:59:27,160
Speaker 5: relationship was starting to erode.

1406
00:59:27,200 --> 00:59:29,800
Speaker 4: I honestly feel that I did everything that I could

1407
00:59:29,840 --> 00:59:30,640
Speaker 4: to get her to stay.

1408
00:59:30,920 --> 00:59:33,240
Speaker 5: I spent my free time cleaning and working on things

1409
00:59:33,240 --> 00:59:35,520
Speaker 5: that I have always said I would do, but never

1410
00:59:35,560 --> 00:59:39,080
Speaker 5: did until now while she was out getting wasted.

1411
00:59:38,680 --> 00:59:41,560
Speaker 4: With her new friends. Well, that's very nice of you. Cool,

1412
00:59:41,840 --> 00:59:42,600
Speaker 4: by the way, it's.

1413
00:59:42,440 --> 00:59:45,320
Speaker 5: Come from a throwasy and if you want to submit

1414
00:59:45,360 --> 00:59:47,240
Speaker 5: your own stories, go to the our slash Okay storytime

1415
00:59:47,320 --> 00:59:50,280
Speaker 5: separate it. So I wasn't what she wanted, and I'm

1416
00:59:50,280 --> 00:59:52,400
Speaker 5: okay with that. At this point, she just didn't want

1417
00:59:52,400 --> 00:59:54,120
Speaker 5: to be with me. She wanted to move on.

1418
00:59:54,560 --> 00:59:58,600
Speaker 4: Okay, what's a real reason then, Yeah, cheating, It's always cheating, cheating.

1419
00:59:59,480 --> 01:00:02,000
Speaker 5: We didn't ever get married, and maybe that was part

1420
01:00:02,040 --> 01:00:04,400
Speaker 5: of the problem, but ultimately I'm glad that we didn't

1421
01:00:04,440 --> 01:00:06,480
Speaker 5: because it just would have made things harder for both

1422
01:00:06,520 --> 01:00:09,760
Speaker 5: of us. So post relationship now, it was honestly the

1423
01:00:09,800 --> 01:00:12,760
Speaker 5: most amicable breakup I've ever had. I've never kept in

1424
01:00:12,800 --> 01:00:15,680
Speaker 5: touch with an ex as long as I have with her,

1425
01:00:16,520 --> 01:00:19,040
Speaker 5: though I am not friends with her, regardless of how

1426
01:00:19,120 --> 01:00:21,480
Speaker 5: much she claims she wants to be my friend. I

1427
01:00:21,480 --> 01:00:23,880
Speaker 5: am entirely good on that, and I honestly don't really

1428
01:00:23,880 --> 01:00:24,760
Speaker 5: want anything.

1429
01:00:24,440 --> 01:00:26,400
Speaker 4: To do with her. That's okay. You don't have to

1430
01:00:26,400 --> 01:00:29,000
Speaker 4: be friends with your ex if you don't want to. Yeah.

1431
01:00:29,080 --> 01:00:31,480
Speaker 5: When we broke up, we had two dogs and a cat.

1432
01:00:31,640 --> 01:00:33,680
Speaker 5: One of the dogs will name him Pee.

1433
01:00:34,400 --> 01:00:40,840
Speaker 4: Penny, well name Penny Penny. My sister's dog name is Penny. Oh.

1434
01:00:40,880 --> 01:00:43,480
Speaker 5: One of the dogs, Penny was our first pet and

1435
01:00:43,560 --> 01:00:46,320
Speaker 5: one that I had sought out and adopted from the pound.

1436
01:00:46,400 --> 01:00:50,400
Speaker 5: The next was a cat, Kitty kitty, and and that.

1437
01:00:50,560 --> 01:00:53,000
Speaker 4: Was all her. I'm fine with cats, but they're not

1438
01:00:53,120 --> 01:00:58,000
Speaker 4: my gig. Eventually, not my gig. I guess what. I've

1439
01:00:58,000 --> 01:01:00,920
Speaker 4: never heard that before, But my gig she playing with them?

1440
01:01:02,600 --> 01:01:07,760
Speaker 4: Oh like playing that? That is pretty good? Interesting? Do

1441
01:01:07,800 --> 01:01:16,720
Speaker 4: we think that's what he meant? Andy? Okay?

1442
01:01:17,160 --> 01:01:20,800
Speaker 5: Eventually she decided that she wanted another dog, and entirely

1443
01:01:20,840 --> 01:01:25,800
Speaker 5: of her own accord, adopted a new dog. Oh Ollie, Allie.

1444
01:01:25,800 --> 01:01:28,880
Speaker 5: My one demand was my dog Penny. She could take

1445
01:01:28,960 --> 01:01:32,560
Speaker 5: everything but Penny. She kind of half heartedly agreed, but

1446
01:01:32,600 --> 01:01:35,520
Speaker 5: didn't really agree. But it didn't matter because Penny stayed

1447
01:01:35,520 --> 01:01:38,120
Speaker 5: with me. Throughout the past year, my ex has contacted

1448
01:01:38,160 --> 01:01:38,840
Speaker 5: me and asked.

1449
01:01:38,680 --> 01:01:40,080
Speaker 4: If she could take Penny for a while.

1450
01:01:40,200 --> 01:01:42,040
Speaker 5: I still trusted her for the most part and didn't

1451
01:01:42,080 --> 01:01:44,600
Speaker 5: want to come between them, mostly for Penny's sake, so

1452
01:01:44,640 --> 01:01:46,960
Speaker 5: I agreed and let my ex take her for one

1453
01:01:46,960 --> 01:01:49,000
Speaker 5: to two weeks at a time when it was convenient

1454
01:01:49,000 --> 01:01:51,320
Speaker 5: for me as a single guy, to have her be

1455
01:01:51,440 --> 01:01:54,040
Speaker 5: a babysitter for a while. This occurred maybe five to

1456
01:01:54,080 --> 01:01:56,440
Speaker 5: six times throughout the last year. The last time I

1457
01:01:56,520 --> 01:01:59,120
Speaker 5: let her take Penny, it was for a week. At

1458
01:01:59,120 --> 01:02:01,520
Speaker 5: that point, I messed asking when she was.

1459
01:02:01,480 --> 01:02:04,040
Speaker 4: Bringing Penny back. I got no response.

1460
01:02:04,520 --> 01:02:08,480
Speaker 5: I wasn't worried because typically I would ignore her texts

1461
01:02:08,880 --> 01:02:11,560
Speaker 5: until it was convenient for me, and I didn't blame

1462
01:02:11,600 --> 01:02:13,800
Speaker 5: her for doing the same, so I gave her another day.

1463
01:02:14,120 --> 01:02:17,680
Speaker 4: I texted her again. Still no response. Dude, she stole

1464
01:02:17,760 --> 01:02:21,680
Speaker 4: your animal. Wait a few hours, text her again, rinse,

1465
01:02:21,760 --> 01:02:25,040
Speaker 4: and repeat. This is literally she did. She dog napped,

1466
01:02:25,080 --> 01:02:26,840
Speaker 4: She dog napped, dog napped.

1467
01:02:27,160 --> 01:02:29,800
Speaker 5: By the third day, I'm freaking out, thinking she has

1468
01:02:29,880 --> 01:02:32,160
Speaker 5: taken my dog and isn't giving her back, and then

1469
01:02:32,240 --> 01:02:34,920
Speaker 5: I'll never see Penny again. I drive to her parents

1470
01:02:35,000 --> 01:02:37,240
Speaker 5: house and see her car in the driveway. I parked

1471
01:02:37,280 --> 01:02:40,120
Speaker 5: nearby just in case she tries to leave with my dog.

1472
01:02:40,720 --> 01:02:42,840
Speaker 5: I text her saying, okay, well, I'm just gonna come

1473
01:02:42,880 --> 01:02:45,120
Speaker 5: to your parents' house and pick up Penny. Then she

1474
01:02:45,160 --> 01:02:48,120
Speaker 5: responds immediately saying she's having a really bad day and

1475
01:02:48,160 --> 01:02:49,720
Speaker 5: she'll bring Penny back in a few days.

1476
01:02:49,760 --> 01:02:51,479
Speaker 4: Boohoo, give me my dog. Yeah.

1477
01:02:51,560 --> 01:02:54,760
Speaker 5: I sit and wait for about five minutes, watching for

1478
01:02:54,800 --> 01:02:57,080
Speaker 5: her to come out with Penny, but she doesn't. I

1479
01:02:57,120 --> 01:02:59,840
Speaker 5: text her back saying no problem, I'm already here, and

1480
01:03:00,200 --> 01:03:02,120
Speaker 5: walk up to her parents' house and have an awkward

1481
01:03:02,160 --> 01:03:04,360
Speaker 5: conversation with her mom for the first time in a year.

1482
01:03:04,840 --> 01:03:07,640
Speaker 5: As she gets Penny ready to leave, I take Penny,

1483
01:03:07,800 --> 01:03:10,320
Speaker 5: and just before I do, my ex says something like

1484
01:03:10,640 --> 01:03:12,200
Speaker 5: I want to get her back next week.

1485
01:03:12,840 --> 01:03:15,280
Speaker 4: Okay, that's funny because you won't be Yeah.

1486
01:03:15,360 --> 01:03:17,680
Speaker 5: She says that in a very serious tone, and I'm

1487
01:03:17,720 --> 01:03:24,440
Speaker 5: just like, I can't buy me so what A lot.

1488
01:03:24,320 --> 01:03:26,800
Speaker 4: Of this text is to explain this screenshot.

1489
01:03:26,920 --> 01:03:29,959
Speaker 5: This is the email exchange that has occupied my mind

1490
01:03:29,960 --> 01:03:32,160
Speaker 5: for the last two weeks, and after two weeks of

1491
01:03:32,160 --> 01:03:35,760
Speaker 5: stewing on it, she just responded this morning. Knowing her

1492
01:03:35,800 --> 01:03:38,000
Speaker 5: as I do. I can't help but read this as

1493
01:03:38,040 --> 01:03:40,880
Speaker 5: a threat. Not that she's a terrible person or anything,

1494
01:03:40,960 --> 01:03:43,400
Speaker 5: but that response really makes me think that she's going

1495
01:03:43,440 --> 01:03:45,160
Speaker 5: to try and steal Penny. Okay, I feel like we

1496
01:03:45,200 --> 01:03:47,640
Speaker 5: need this screenshot. I feel it gets the screenshot of

1497
01:03:47,680 --> 01:03:50,360
Speaker 5: the of the email, and we need to see what's

1498
01:03:50,440 --> 01:03:51,800
Speaker 5: going on. Oh my gosh.

1499
01:03:52,960 --> 01:03:53,800
Speaker 4: Okay, thank you.

1500
01:03:54,000 --> 01:03:58,560
Speaker 8: All right, this is from the woman. Okay, hello, I

1501
01:03:58,560 --> 01:03:59,120
Speaker 8: hope it is all.

1502
01:03:59,120 --> 01:03:59,560
Speaker 4: What's going well.

1503
01:03:59,640 --> 01:04:02,200
Speaker 8: I'm coming to get Penny for a list to week,

1504
01:04:02,560 --> 01:04:04,920
Speaker 8: given that I have let you have her all to

1505
01:04:04,960 --> 01:04:08,000
Speaker 8: yourself for a month now, sometime this week. Please let

1506
01:04:08,080 --> 01:04:10,160
Speaker 8: me know which day is best for you. I'm happy

1507
01:04:10,200 --> 01:04:12,520
Speaker 8: to come get her, or you're welcome to come bring

1508
01:04:12,560 --> 01:04:16,400
Speaker 8: her to me. Thanks Dash, Miss blank Gmail back to

1509
01:04:16,480 --> 01:04:19,440
Speaker 8: op Hi. Everything is fine. Since the last time i'll

1510
01:04:19,480 --> 01:04:22,440
Speaker 8: let you visit, I put a lot of thought into it,

1511
01:04:22,440 --> 01:04:24,880
Speaker 8: and I've decided I really don't want her to be gone.

1512
01:04:25,120 --> 01:04:27,720
Speaker 8: It's really hard for me when she's gone and confusing.

1513
01:04:28,120 --> 01:04:30,560
Speaker 8: We have had a routine, do a lot of walking,

1514
01:04:30,720 --> 01:04:34,160
Speaker 8: and when she is gone, everything changes and I'm kind

1515
01:04:34,200 --> 01:04:36,840
Speaker 8: of lost. When she was gone last time, it was

1516
01:04:36,960 --> 01:04:41,160
Speaker 8: especially hard not knowing when or if she's coming home

1517
01:04:41,200 --> 01:04:44,120
Speaker 8: and worrying about her. I fully realize you love her

1518
01:04:44,520 --> 01:04:46,640
Speaker 8: and that she was your dog too for a lot

1519
01:04:46,640 --> 01:04:49,600
Speaker 8: of years, but obviously things are different now. For almost

1520
01:04:49,600 --> 01:04:52,480
Speaker 8: a year, she has now just been my dog, my

1521
01:04:52,560 --> 01:04:55,640
Speaker 8: family visiting you and my parents occasionally. My intention is

1522
01:04:55,680 --> 01:04:58,120
Speaker 8: not to hurt you, but this is opee.

1523
01:04:57,760 --> 01:04:59,000
Speaker 4: By the way, sorry, the other way away.

1524
01:04:59,120 --> 01:05:01,960
Speaker 8: Okay, okay, my Attenchen is not to hurt you from

1525
01:05:02,040 --> 01:05:04,000
Speaker 8: seeing her. And I hope you understand that this is

1526
01:05:04,040 --> 01:05:07,560
Speaker 8: hard and it's not about retribution and the last thing

1527
01:05:07,600 --> 01:05:09,800
Speaker 8: I want is conflict with you. I am just no

1528
01:05:09,880 --> 01:05:12,920
Speaker 8: longer comfortable with letting her go. I'm more than happy

1529
01:05:13,040 --> 01:05:15,960
Speaker 8: to set up visits for you with her. You can

1530
01:05:16,000 --> 01:05:18,200
Speaker 8: meet me when I take her for a walk. You

1531
01:05:18,240 --> 01:05:21,120
Speaker 8: can visit her and walk her for a bit, but

1532
01:05:21,560 --> 01:05:25,800
Speaker 8: she goes home with me, thanks Opie from Zex. That's

1533
01:05:25,880 --> 01:05:28,640
Speaker 8: totally unexceptable. I want her this week.

1534
01:05:30,000 --> 01:05:32,000
Speaker 4: No, and then you block her.

1535
01:05:32,120 --> 01:05:35,240
Speaker 5: You have the dog now, yeah, I'd be like, okay, sorry,

1536
01:05:35,240 --> 01:05:35,960
Speaker 5: and Arieta's here.

1537
01:05:36,240 --> 01:05:36,439
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1538
01:05:36,640 --> 01:05:42,120
Speaker 5: He gives her this list of very reasonable, like reasons,

1539
01:05:42,320 --> 01:05:45,720
Speaker 5: very like valid reasons to keep the dog, and she's like,

1540
01:05:45,720 --> 01:05:46,240
Speaker 5: that's not fair.

1541
01:05:46,280 --> 01:05:48,360
Speaker 4: I get her next week. It's like, oh, did you

1542
01:05:48,400 --> 01:05:49,640
Speaker 4: not just read what I said?

1543
01:05:50,080 --> 01:05:53,600
Speaker 5: Like no, no, no, not that she's a terrible person

1544
01:05:53,680 --> 01:05:55,960
Speaker 5: or anything, but that response really makes me think that

1545
01:05:56,000 --> 01:05:58,080
Speaker 5: she's going to try and steal penny.

1546
01:05:58,280 --> 01:05:59,040
Speaker 4: I cannot afford a.

1547
01:05:59,080 --> 01:06:01,080
Speaker 5: Lawyer, and I'm pretty sure that I have no real

1548
01:06:01,760 --> 01:06:05,280
Speaker 5: recourse against her if she is able to actually acquire Penny.

1549
01:06:05,560 --> 01:06:08,200
Speaker 5: I've dropped Penny off at a safe location for the night,

1550
01:06:08,320 --> 01:06:10,560
Speaker 5: and as I am not sure if she has a

1551
01:06:10,600 --> 01:06:14,880
Speaker 5: spare or not, I'm changing my locks tomorrow. Am I overreacting?

1552
01:06:15,280 --> 01:06:17,800
Speaker 5: Am I to a hole? Assessments thoughts, and we do

1553
01:06:17,880 --> 01:06:19,760
Speaker 5: have an update. But what do we think? Honestly, No,

1554
01:06:19,880 --> 01:06:21,760
Speaker 5: she seems like she's gonna try and get your dog

1555
01:06:22,200 --> 01:06:24,520
Speaker 5: or another. I mean she kind of did try to

1556
01:06:24,520 --> 01:06:26,720
Speaker 5: see try to keep it. The reason you got it

1557
01:06:26,760 --> 01:06:29,080
Speaker 5: back was because she went over there. Yeah, Like she

1558
01:06:29,240 --> 01:06:31,240
Speaker 5: was not responding when you were like, hey, so when

1559
01:06:31,280 --> 01:06:32,280
Speaker 5: are you dropping out my dog?

1560
01:06:32,360 --> 01:06:34,560
Speaker 4: She's just oh sorry, I didn't hear that.

1561
01:06:35,080 --> 01:06:38,480
Speaker 5: And then soon as she saw the text of being like,

1562
01:06:38,840 --> 01:06:40,120
Speaker 5: oh okay, I'm coming over to.

1563
01:06:40,120 --> 01:06:42,520
Speaker 4: Pick her up, she's like a don't do no, no,

1564
01:06:42,520 --> 01:06:45,440
Speaker 4: no no, It's like neat. Yeah, I would trust her.

1565
01:06:45,440 --> 01:06:47,600
Speaker 4: I would totally change the locks. But we do have

1566
01:06:47,680 --> 01:06:48,200
Speaker 4: an update.

1567
01:06:48,440 --> 01:06:50,680
Speaker 5: I changed my locks the day after I got that

1568
01:06:50,800 --> 01:06:54,520
Speaker 5: last disturbingly short and demanding email from her. I saw

1569
01:06:54,560 --> 01:06:56,560
Speaker 5: the email as a threat and predicted that at some

1570
01:06:56,600 --> 01:06:58,320
Speaker 5: point in the next week she was going to show

1571
01:06:58,400 --> 01:07:02,800
Speaker 5: up demanding her and an hour or so ago, that's

1572
01:07:02,800 --> 01:07:04,040
Speaker 5: exactly what she did.

1573
01:07:04,360 --> 01:07:04,840
Speaker 4: Wow.

1574
01:07:05,200 --> 01:07:07,160
Speaker 5: Since I got her last email, I've been in the

1575
01:07:07,200 --> 01:07:11,280
Speaker 5: habit of bolting and locking all of my doors, regardless

1576
01:07:11,280 --> 01:07:13,200
Speaker 5: of what I'm doing or what time of the day

1577
01:07:13,200 --> 01:07:16,160
Speaker 5: it is. I made sure to never leave Penny in

1578
01:07:16,200 --> 01:07:19,120
Speaker 5: a situation where she could be snatched. After she rang

1579
01:07:19,160 --> 01:07:21,280
Speaker 5: the doorbell, I peeked through the blinds to see her

1580
01:07:21,360 --> 01:07:22,680
Speaker 5: car in my driveway.

1581
01:07:23,080 --> 01:07:24,880
Speaker 4: Uh oh. I just sat where.

1582
01:07:24,680 --> 01:07:27,640
Speaker 5: I was and didn't make a sound, but quickly realized

1583
01:07:27,680 --> 01:07:28,760
Speaker 5: it was pretty clear.

1584
01:07:28,520 --> 01:07:31,600
Speaker 4: That my dog and I were Oh. A few minutes later,

1585
01:07:31,960 --> 01:07:34,680
Speaker 4: she banged loudly on the door. I got up from

1586
01:07:34,720 --> 01:07:36,840
Speaker 4: where I was and went to the door. Bad move

1587
01:07:36,880 --> 01:07:39,040
Speaker 4: in retrospect. Could have been shocked if there was a

1588
01:07:39,040 --> 01:07:40,000
Speaker 4: pupiu involved.

1589
01:07:40,200 --> 01:07:43,480
Speaker 5: What I think there's a pupil really down the police

1590
01:07:43,520 --> 01:07:47,880
Speaker 5: of all there is but geez, but but I guess sure,

1591
01:07:48,120 --> 01:07:51,960
Speaker 5: good good thinking of piece liked it, Like, if that's involved,

1592
01:07:52,000 --> 01:07:54,880
Speaker 5: then sure don't you that that's good to know. I

1593
01:07:54,920 --> 01:07:57,400
Speaker 5: told her that I didn't appreciate her coming over unannounced,

1594
01:07:57,400 --> 01:07:59,840
Speaker 5: and if she didn't leave, I was going to call

1595
01:07:59,880 --> 01:08:03,439
Speaker 5: the She responded with something about not wanting to take

1596
01:08:03,520 --> 01:08:04,000
Speaker 5: my dog.

1597
01:08:04,440 --> 01:08:07,240
Speaker 4: Do we believe her? No, No, absolutely not.

1598
01:08:07,560 --> 01:08:09,520
Speaker 5: I told her that I wasn't opening the door and

1599
01:08:09,560 --> 01:08:13,720
Speaker 5: she should leave, and then I heard another voice from

1600
01:08:13,800 --> 01:08:18,080
Speaker 5: an effeminate male called me a kiddy and attempted to

1601
01:08:18,200 --> 01:08:23,040
Speaker 5: shame me for not letting say yeah, not letting the

1602
01:08:23,080 --> 01:08:26,120
Speaker 5: girlfriend see Penny. He said that if I didn't give

1603
01:08:26,240 --> 01:08:28,840
Speaker 5: up Penny right now, that they'd be back and they

1604
01:08:28,880 --> 01:08:32,800
Speaker 5: would take my truck, to which the girlfriend's father still

1605
01:08:32,840 --> 01:08:35,320
Speaker 5: has the title, and that they would make my life.

1606
01:08:35,840 --> 01:08:39,000
Speaker 4: Heck, well, you need call the girlfriend's father, Yeah what,

1607
01:08:39,040 --> 01:08:40,960
Speaker 4: I sat under him, give me your dog or we're

1608
01:08:40,960 --> 01:08:43,599
Speaker 4: taking your truck. Yeah, call the policeman, yeah what.

1609
01:08:44,520 --> 01:08:46,720
Speaker 5: He claimed to have called the cops already, that they

1610
01:08:46,720 --> 01:08:48,120
Speaker 5: were on their way to take Penny.

1611
01:08:48,200 --> 01:08:50,400
Speaker 4: What that they're not going to do that?

1612
01:08:50,760 --> 01:08:53,559
Speaker 5: No. I was pretty full of adrenaline at this point

1613
01:08:53,600 --> 01:08:57,080
Speaker 5: and was frustrated as f with my crappy iPhone and

1614
01:08:57,200 --> 01:08:59,840
Speaker 5: its insistence that I use Google effing.

1615
01:08:59,560 --> 01:09:01,040
Speaker 4: Hangout to call anyone.

1616
01:09:01,120 --> 01:09:03,680
Speaker 5: I ended up calling my parents, who are just a

1617
01:09:03,720 --> 01:09:06,200
Speaker 5: couple of miles away, first, simply out of the ease

1618
01:09:06,280 --> 01:09:08,600
Speaker 5: at which I could contact them over the sheriff. Or

1619
01:09:08,600 --> 01:09:11,160
Speaker 5: Shortly after finally getting a hold of them, my ex

1620
01:09:11,200 --> 01:09:14,439
Speaker 5: and dude with her got in her car and left.

1621
01:09:14,640 --> 01:09:17,439
Speaker 5: I called the sheriff. I haven't had good experiences with

1622
01:09:17,439 --> 01:09:19,719
Speaker 5: the law enforcement. I was freaking out because I really

1623
01:09:19,760 --> 01:09:21,920
Speaker 5: have an aversion to police and I do not trust

1624
01:09:21,920 --> 01:09:22,439
Speaker 5: them at all.

1625
01:09:22,880 --> 01:09:24,920
Speaker 4: I wanted to just close my front door and deal

1626
01:09:24,960 --> 01:09:26,240
Speaker 4: with it outside on the deck.

1627
01:09:26,439 --> 01:09:28,880
Speaker 5: My parents talked to me out of it, though, telling

1628
01:09:28,920 --> 01:09:30,519
Speaker 5: me that it was weird to have the police meet

1629
01:09:30,560 --> 01:09:32,880
Speaker 5: with me on my deck rather than in my house,

1630
01:09:33,160 --> 01:09:35,439
Speaker 5: and they helped me spruce up my living room and.

1631
01:09:35,439 --> 01:09:37,960
Speaker 4: I felt better about a police officer coming in. Thank

1632
01:09:38,000 --> 01:09:38,600
Speaker 4: god they did that.

1633
01:09:38,960 --> 01:09:41,680
Speaker 5: I explained the situation and showed all of my documentation

1634
01:09:41,720 --> 01:09:44,800
Speaker 5: to the officer, the adoption documentation showing that my name

1635
01:09:45,080 --> 01:09:48,040
Speaker 5: as the one who both adopted and paid for Penny.

1636
01:09:48,400 --> 01:09:49,680
Speaker 4: He offered to put.

1637
01:09:49,400 --> 01:09:52,280
Speaker 5: Out a no trespass on her and the dude that

1638
01:09:52,320 --> 01:09:55,040
Speaker 5: came by with her. I was happy for anything after

1639
01:09:55,080 --> 01:09:57,680
Speaker 5: what had just happened. Apparently, if either of them is

1640
01:09:57,720 --> 01:10:00,840
Speaker 5: calm my property again, they're looking at jail time.

1641
01:10:01,160 --> 01:10:02,920
Speaker 4: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

1642
01:10:02,960 --> 01:10:06,320
Speaker 5: I do think that was all the right move. I agree, yeah,

1643
01:10:06,360 --> 01:10:09,160
Speaker 5: because this is like kind of pre lawyer stuff, so

1644
01:10:09,160 --> 01:10:10,799
Speaker 5: they don't have to spend the money on the lawyer,

1645
01:10:10,840 --> 01:10:14,560
Speaker 5: but you still get some kind of legal stuff involved

1646
01:10:14,560 --> 01:10:16,439
Speaker 5: in terms of, you know, making sure they can't just

1647
01:10:16,479 --> 01:10:17,280
Speaker 5: steal your dog.

1648
01:10:17,720 --> 01:10:21,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, and that's nice that that's like like legally this

1649
01:10:22,120 --> 01:10:26,719
Speaker 4: is opening a paper trailing. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And yeah, yeah, that's.

1650
01:10:26,640 --> 01:10:30,840
Speaker 5: Just so insane and absolutely dodged able by her just

1651
01:10:30,880 --> 01:10:32,200
Speaker 5: not being interested in you anymore.

1652
01:10:32,240 --> 01:10:33,799
Speaker 4: But there is a little bit more to the story.

1653
01:10:34,000 --> 01:10:36,439
Speaker 5: So Penny is now at my parents' house, and I'm

1654
01:10:36,520 --> 01:10:38,639
Speaker 5: here at my house ready to call the cops if

1655
01:10:38,680 --> 01:10:41,559
Speaker 5: I see some headlights in my driveway. I also sent

1656
01:10:41,640 --> 01:10:45,000
Speaker 5: an email to Jay's father, the girlfriend's father, trying to

1657
01:10:45,760 --> 01:10:48,680
Speaker 5: resolve the situation, with the title, I am ready to

1658
01:10:48,680 --> 01:10:49,840
Speaker 5: give up the truck if need be.

1659
01:10:50,200 --> 01:10:54,080
Speaker 4: I am in the process of acquiring a Oh damg.

1660
01:10:55,000 --> 01:10:59,559
Speaker 5: I I definitely predicted it. But still I just can't

1661
01:10:59,600 --> 01:11:02,640
Speaker 5: believe it got to this point after a year of amicability,

1662
01:11:03,439 --> 01:11:07,240
Speaker 5: that she thought escalation was the answer. Here edit forgot

1663
01:11:07,280 --> 01:11:09,640
Speaker 5: to mention when the cop who came by called me

1664
01:11:09,720 --> 01:11:12,120
Speaker 5: after talking to my ex, he told me that she

1665
01:11:12,320 --> 01:11:13,719
Speaker 5: asked him about civil action.

1666
01:11:14,080 --> 01:11:17,800
Speaker 4: Is my next destination that legal advice? Read it? Or

1667
01:11:17,840 --> 01:11:18,880
Speaker 4: can I depend.

1668
01:11:18,680 --> 01:11:20,680
Speaker 5: On the fact that we were never married and I

1669
01:11:20,760 --> 01:11:23,240
Speaker 5: have documentations showing that I was both the one who

1670
01:11:23,320 --> 01:11:26,519
Speaker 5: adopted her and paid for her, along with all the

1671
01:11:26,560 --> 01:11:29,880
Speaker 5: back and forth texts with her about her essentially babysitting

1672
01:11:29,880 --> 01:11:32,880
Speaker 5: my dog, and the text where she clearly ignored me

1673
01:11:33,080 --> 01:11:35,640
Speaker 5: about getting her back until I told her I was

1674
01:11:35,680 --> 01:11:37,719
Speaker 5: on my way to pick her up, and the fact

1675
01:11:37,800 --> 01:11:41,120
Speaker 5: that my ex's day was nowhere on the adoption paperwork.

1676
01:11:41,280 --> 01:11:42,840
Speaker 4: I did call the VET last.

1677
01:11:42,600 --> 01:11:44,880
Speaker 5: Week and changed her to my name and even told

1678
01:11:44,920 --> 01:11:48,040
Speaker 5: them about the situation and to not let my ex

1679
01:11:48,120 --> 01:11:50,479
Speaker 5: make any changes, and the person I talked to so

1680
01:11:50,560 --> 01:11:52,719
Speaker 5: that they would write down that there was a conflict.

1681
01:11:52,800 --> 01:11:54,799
Speaker 5: So I'm hoping that it helps a bit. I wouldn't

1682
01:11:54,800 --> 01:11:57,240
Speaker 5: put it past her to try. Do I seriously need

1683
01:11:57,240 --> 01:11:59,680
Speaker 5: a lawyer when I have all of this documentation in

1684
01:11:59,720 --> 01:12:03,559
Speaker 5: my I don't think you do at this time. I

1685
01:12:03,600 --> 01:12:06,479
Speaker 5: think right now you have all that documentation, you have

1686
01:12:06,520 --> 01:12:07,759
Speaker 5: a paper trail with the police.

1687
01:12:08,520 --> 01:12:11,160
Speaker 4: I think you're okay. I mean, I'm not a lawyer,

1688
01:12:11,560 --> 01:12:15,240
Speaker 4: but yeah, you're okay. I mean, I feel like it

1689
01:12:15,360 --> 01:12:17,519
Speaker 4: kind of. I don't know that.

1690
01:12:17,920 --> 01:12:20,479
Speaker 5: It seems like a strange question to me because I

1691
01:12:20,479 --> 01:12:25,559
Speaker 5: feel like you would want the documentation for a lawyer.

1692
01:12:25,640 --> 01:12:28,120
Speaker 5: It feels, well, I know, saying like do I need

1693
01:12:28,200 --> 01:12:30,680
Speaker 5: to start like finding a lawyer and prepping for a

1694
01:12:30,760 --> 01:12:33,960
Speaker 5: legal battle. I yeah, probably not until anything happens. Yeah,

1695
01:12:34,000 --> 01:12:37,640
Speaker 5: the documentation would be great for future stuff. But I

1696
01:12:37,640 --> 01:12:39,160
Speaker 5: think I was saying like, oh, if the police try

1697
01:12:39,160 --> 01:12:40,760
Speaker 5: to come and take dog, I think you're fine.

1698
01:12:40,840 --> 01:12:42,200
Speaker 4: Yeah now yeah, yeah, I.

1699
01:12:42,160 --> 01:12:43,800
Speaker 5: Think you would only need a lawyer if like she

1700
01:12:44,000 --> 01:12:46,720
Speaker 5: does anything and she like escalates it.

1701
01:12:46,680 --> 01:12:48,639
Speaker 4: Even more where you would need to go to court.

1702
01:12:48,560 --> 01:12:51,200
Speaker 5: Or something and you can be like, hey, judge's she

1703
01:12:51,479 --> 01:12:55,280
Speaker 5: I literally she has no grounds. She's got a ground, judge, judge,

1704
01:12:56,040 --> 01:12:59,960
Speaker 5: but literally doesn't have anything. Unfortunately, we have no ground

1705
01:13:00,080 --> 01:13:01,439
Speaker 5: uns left