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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are

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Speaker 1: the founding hosts of Okay Storytime podcast and we have

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Speaker 1: some foundational stories coming up for you. But the thing

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Speaker 1: is this foundation needs a little support from these sponsors.

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Speaker 1: So we'll stick around two minutes and we'll get into

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Speaker 1: the episode.

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Speaker 2: My ex husband left a baby on my doorstep after

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Speaker 2: cheating on me for years. That sounds like bad Harry

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Speaker 2: Potter and folks, there is a trigger warning for emotional

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Speaker 2: dent and also, folks, this does come directly from the

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Speaker 2: r slash Okay Storytime Cyberta.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, once again, this will not be my story. This

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Speaker 4: is actually my other sister Jen's story. My ex husband

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Speaker 4: will call him Dan. We met in college. We're both

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Speaker 4: in the same program. He was very sweet and charming

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Speaker 4: and everything that you would expect from a Southern man.

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Speaker 4: We got married after graduating. After this, everything changed all

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Speaker 4: of a sudden. He went from sweet and charming and

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Speaker 4: surprising me with flowers to avoiding me and rather hanging

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Speaker 4: out with the boys than at home with me. I

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Speaker 4: became very unhappy. By the way, this comes from miss

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Speaker 4: kitty Cat. Oh my god, I know you, And if

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Speaker 4: you want to submit your own stories. Go to the

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Speaker 4: r slash Okay storytime subreddit. I'm Sophia, I'm Carly, and

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Speaker 4: we're here to give good advice. Goofully, but we don't

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Speaker 4: have all the answers. We only know what we do,

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Speaker 4: So let us know what you would do in the

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Speaker 4: comments and op says. Unfortunately, I was not able to

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Speaker 4: find a job in my career as quickly as he did,

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Speaker 4: and we moved for his job, so I was away

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Speaker 4: from my family. Also, I had religious trauma, and my

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Speaker 4: pastors and members of my church just kept telling me

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Speaker 4: to work harder. That was super damaging. I would put

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Speaker 4: him first all the time, to my detriment. If he

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Speaker 4: didn't want to go out, we weren't going out. You

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Speaker 4: would tell me how much I needed him, and I

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Speaker 4: truly believed him. Eventually I was able to find a job.

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Speaker 4: It was over an hour away from our home. I

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Speaker 4: enjoyed what I did. I was happy to be somewhere

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Speaker 4: that wasn't inside the house. In my head, things were

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Speaker 4: getting better. In reality, it wasn't. It was just because

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Speaker 4: I wasn't trapped in the house all the time. When

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Speaker 4: I finally got brave enough and left my church, I

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Speaker 4: realized how bad of a situation I was actually in.

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Speaker 4: I wanted to start the divorce process. We'd only been

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Speaker 4: married for a year and a half at that point,

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Speaker 4: a total of five years together. I was so miserable.

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Speaker 4: I was over six and a half hours away from

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Speaker 4: my family. I just wasn't happy. So I served him

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Speaker 4: the divorce papers, and like a light switch, everything changed.

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Speaker 4: He begged for me to stay and said he didn't

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Speaker 4: realize so good. He had it all the same old

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Speaker 4: stuff they say to you when they want you to stay.

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Speaker 4: So I agreed to hold off for a little bit,

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Speaker 4: just because I saw such a drastic chain, but that

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Speaker 4: never lasts for long. During that time, I got pregnant.

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Speaker 4: It was not a plan pregnancy, and trust me, neither

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Speaker 4: of us wanted a kid at the time. None of

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Speaker 4: his friends had kids, so he was very upset about it.

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Speaker 4: Everything went downhill fast. He kept telling me how I

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Speaker 4: was gonna ruin his life. No, he didn't want a

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Speaker 4: kid right now. It's not like I wanted one either,

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Speaker 4: and we were both using birth controls. He wasn't ready

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Speaker 4: to be locked down. After that, I called my dad crying,

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Speaker 4: stating everything that was going on and how much. Dan

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Speaker 4: did not want this kid, and I needed to leave.

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Speaker 4: My mom got a hold of Dan's parents and let

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Speaker 4: them know what was going on. I was six months

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Speaker 4: pregnant at this time. I couldn't remove any of my

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Speaker 4: stuff on my own, and I needed help. My parents

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Speaker 4: showed up, and so did Dan's parents. Dan's dad will

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Speaker 4: call him. Bill was apologizing to me, stating how he

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Speaker 4: didn't raise his son like this, and no son of

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Speaker 4: his was going to a tread a woman like this.

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Speaker 4: I had five separate vehicles here to load up all

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Speaker 4: my stuff. But as we were loading my bigger items

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Speaker 4: into my dad's truck, Dan finally came home, mind you,

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Speaker 4: slightly wasted. He got out of his vehicle and Bill

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Speaker 4: came running out of our house and grabbed Dan by

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Speaker 4: the collar and started screaming at him. I've never seen

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Speaker 4: Dan look so scared. My mom rushed me into the

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Speaker 4: house so that the men could handle the business. I

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Speaker 4: didn't see or hear much. I just hurt a lot

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Speaker 4: of screaming. About five minutes later, a scuffed up Bill

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Speaker 4: came back into the house and apologized again to me.

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Speaker 4: I didn't say anything. I just started crying all over again.

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Speaker 4: I knew I had to go, so we finished packing

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Speaker 4: and Dan came out of the corner as we were

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Speaker 4: about to leave and goes, you're really divorcing me. I said, yes,

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Speaker 4: I couldn't be with a man who hated me and

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Speaker 4: his child. I told Dan he didn't have to be

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Speaker 4: a part of his child's life at all, and he

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Speaker 4: could give up custody. I didn't care. Dan looked at

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Speaker 4: me and said, good glad you're leaving. I can't believe

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Speaker 4: the one time I sleep with you you get pregnant.

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Speaker 4: But I've been sleeping with Marcy for two and a

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Speaker 4: half years now and she hasn't gotten pregnant once. It's

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Speaker 4: not a flex dude, You just suck.

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Speaker 5: You are the worst dude.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, stinky man, stinky stinky. My heart shattered. I couldn't

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Speaker 4: feel any lower. In a calm voice, I said, you've

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Speaker 4: been cheating on me for two and a half years

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Speaker 4: so before we got married. He said, yeah. They work

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Speaker 4: at the same job. She actually helped him get this job.

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Speaker 4: She also came to our wedding. Who is this girl

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Speaker 4: who goes to the wedding of the person you're cheating with.

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Speaker 5: Clearly someone that knows about the wife the whole time.

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Speaker 4: I just couldn't cry anymore, and I said, I hope

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Speaker 4: you're happy with her, and turned around and walked. Dan

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Speaker 4: screamed at me as I walked away. No, no one's

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Speaker 4: gonna want a single mom. Now you've ruined your own life. Well,

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Speaker 4: it'll be better than being with you, dah, anything's better

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Speaker 4: than this guy. Bill came out of nowhere and punched

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Speaker 4: Dan straight in the mouth. Dan's dad. I think this

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Speaker 4: is Dan's dad. Go sure, go Bill Sure. They started

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Speaker 4: wrestling in the front yard. My mom got me into

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Speaker 4: my vehicle and she said, you don't need to be

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Speaker 4: here for this, and started driving me away. But then

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Speaker 4: it hit me all at once that he said that

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Speaker 4: he's been cheating on me for two and a half years.

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Speaker 4: I went back to my mom's house with the realization

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Speaker 4: that I no longer had a job, I was about

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Speaker 4: to have a baby by myself, and everything that I

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Speaker 4: thought I knew was just gone. Fast forward a couple

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Speaker 4: of days, my in laws showed up with the rest

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Speaker 4: of my stuff to unload at my mom's house. Before

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Speaker 4: I even add a chance to get to the door,

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Speaker 4: I saw Bill outside crying at his vehicle. To his wife.

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Speaker 4: Seeing him cry made me cry, and I walked outside.

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Speaker 4: I have no idea what he tried to say to me.

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Speaker 4: It was just sobs and tears. I could understand in

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Speaker 4: between the sobs some of the words saying, I'm so sorry.

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Speaker 4: I mean, at least you have like very supportive family members,

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Speaker 4: right like eight plus Bill, Yeah, Like you have four

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Speaker 4: parents who all seemingly support you. Yeah, and you're about

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Speaker 4: have a kid. It's you know, you're not.

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Speaker 5: Alone, yeah something, you still have that good support system

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Speaker 5: without the worst man, Yeah of the bunch.

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Speaker 4: Honestly, your support system has gone up.

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Speaker 6: Now.

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Speaker 4: Eventually, once everything calmed down, he told me that they're

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Speaker 4: cutting off their son and anything they need to do

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Speaker 4: to support me and their grand baby. They will be

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Speaker 4: here for no question asked. That is not a son

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Speaker 4: to them. I was super grateful for their support. I've

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Speaker 4: always had a good relationship with them, but I never

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Speaker 4: thought they would choose me over their own biological son.

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Speaker 4: Bill is a blue collar working man who worked in construction.

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Speaker 4: Seeing a big, burly man break down in tears really

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Speaker 4: pulls on your heartstrings. And let's fast forward three years now,

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Speaker 4: I'm happily divorced my now boyfriend at the time was

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Speaker 4: raising our little girl. I wasn't looking for anybody, but

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Speaker 4: my buddy Matt just kind of fell into my life perfectly.

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Speaker 4: He was working at one of the jobs that I

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Speaker 4: would come into for rotation. I told him I wasn't

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Speaker 4: looking for anything. I just got out of a nasty

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Speaker 4: divorce and I have huge trust issues. He was incredibly helpful. Actually,

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Speaker 4: funny enough, we lived in the same apartment complex. We

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Speaker 4: didn't even know it until one day I was going

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Speaker 4: on a run and he happened to be walking outside

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Speaker 4: of his building. The rest became history. I informed him

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Speaker 4: of the complicated and loving relationship I had with my

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Speaker 4: in laws. He accepted all that. He loves my daughter

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Speaker 4: just like his own, and he's been in her life

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Speaker 4: since she was seven months old. She calls him Dad.

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Speaker 4: This is great. What a lovely update. Ah. Sometimes you

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Speaker 4: get rid of a trash man and get wonderful man.

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Speaker 5: Just like a plus in great A plus Matt A

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Speaker 5: plus family when's ass.

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Speaker 4: Unfortunately, Matt was in a really bad accident no when

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Speaker 4: he was in the military, so he has one prosthetic

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Speaker 4: leg and is not able to have children. At least

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Speaker 4: he's still alive. I got really scared.

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Speaker 5: I was very worried.

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Speaker 4: So he is over the moon to have this little

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Speaker 4: girl in his life.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Mag Eventually we moved in together. One day, I got

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Speaker 4: a ring at home. By the time I got up

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Speaker 4: and went to the door, I didn't see anybody. I

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Speaker 4: was confused about what was happening. I opened my door

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Speaker 4: and saw a literal baby on my front porch. I

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Speaker 4: was so confused. I picked up the baby. She was

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Speaker 4: in a very nasty car seat, and the note just said,

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Speaker 4: I know you'll take care of her.

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Speaker 5: I'm glad you opened the door, because if I looked

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Speaker 5: at my people and saw no I'd think someone was

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Speaker 5: hiding and I would not open the door.

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Speaker 6: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: I called my sister, who's in law enforcement, and explained

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Speaker 4: that there was a random baby at my door. I

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Speaker 4: don't know who it is. The baby clearly needed a

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Speaker 4: bath and needed food, and luckily guy had some extra

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Speaker 4: formula just in case of an emergency in my cupboards.

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Speaker 4: My sister informed me to call the police to let

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Speaker 4: them know what was going on. When my sister showed up,

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Speaker 4: she was in her squad vehicle and she was on

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Speaker 4: her way home out of nowhere, my ex husband shows up,

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Speaker 4: He screamed from across the lot at us, saying, you

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Speaker 4: called the effing police. A random baby showed up on

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Speaker 4: her door.

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Speaker 5: Right, you didn't sign the note with whose me?

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Speaker 4: Your ex? This is my baby? Gummy dance, gummy Dan,

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Speaker 4: here's here's my baby.

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Speaker 3: Good luck.

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Speaker 4: She could get arrested if she didn't call the police.

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Speaker 5: You could have pulled kidnapping on her or something.

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Speaker 4: Kat says back to Dan, what do you know about this?

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Speaker 4: And what is this all about? Turns out that this

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Speaker 4: little eighteen week old baby is Dan and Marcy's. I

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Speaker 4: guess Dan really doesn't want children, and thought, since I

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Speaker 4: already had one child, but I could take care of

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Speaker 4: a second one.

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Speaker 5: How that works, buddy?

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Speaker 4: Nope. Dan looked absolutely terrible, very skinny, very erratic. Apparently

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Speaker 4: he and Marcy have been doing substances for quite some

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Speaker 4: time now. Marcy ended up oh odeing about a month

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Speaker 4: after giving birth to her baby, So you know that

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Speaker 4: baby is gonna have some issues in terms of you know,

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Speaker 4: she was probably pregnant and doing substances. Dan was taking

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Speaker 4: care of it and he figured he couldn't do it anymore.

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Speaker 4: He refuses to get in contact with his own parents,

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Speaker 4: so he figured if he just dropped off the baby

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Speaker 4: at my front door that I would just handle it.

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Speaker 4: The cops for my county ended up showing up, and

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Speaker 4: I was just so confused. I asked him, what if

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Speaker 4: I wasn't home. He said, oh, no, I've been here

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Speaker 4: for a couple of days now, and I've been watching

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Speaker 4: to make sure you've been home. I barked my vehicle

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Speaker 4: in my garage, and so does my fiance. So Dan

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Speaker 4: found my address from his aunt. He said that he

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Speaker 4: needed to give me child support check. But the thing is,

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Speaker 4: he terminated his rights to our daughter when she was born,

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Speaker 4: so he's been stalking outside my house for a few days.

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Speaker 4: When he saw me coming out to get the mail,

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Speaker 4: he figured this would be the best time. I contacted

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Speaker 4: his parents and let them know that they have another granddaughter.

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Speaker 4: They were heartbroken and so excited all at the same time.

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Speaker 4: I know Dan got arrested for child neglect due to

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Speaker 4: the way this baby looked again. She was very dirty,

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Speaker 4: and she looked like she hadn't had a good meal

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Speaker 4: in a while. He also looked like he was high

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Speaker 4: on substances. After everything calmed down, my fiance was so

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Speaker 4: shocked with everything that was going on. He's never seen

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Speaker 4: the real crazy up in person. My ex in laws

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Speaker 4: were trying to get custody of the little girl, but

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Speaker 4: due to some of their health concerns, they didn't know

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Speaker 4: if they were actually able to take her. Eventually, Matt

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Speaker 4: asked me if we should adopt her a little girl's sister.

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Speaker 4: I looked at him with big eyes. I wasn't even

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Speaker 4: considering that. That seems like such a pretty.

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Speaker 5: Good I also was figuring the in laws would adopt her,

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Speaker 5: but seems.

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Speaker 6: Like they can.

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Speaker 4: Matt went and talked to Bill about everything that was

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Speaker 4: going on and asked if he thought it'd be a

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Speaker 4: good idea if we took on the little girl. Dan

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Speaker 4: was going to terminate his rights as soon as he

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Speaker 4: got out of jail and got everything squared away. Obviously

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Speaker 4: the mother was no longer in the picture. She also

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Speaker 4: did not have parents. She was an only child, and

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Speaker 4: Dan said he would have no idea even who to

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Speaker 4: look for to see if they would also take the child.

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Speaker 4: That was a lot for me to think about. I

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Speaker 4: already have this amazing three year old taking on another

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Speaker 4: baby who probably has a lot of health issues and

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Speaker 4: maybe definitely some some health stuff probably, I wasn't quite

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Speaker 4: sure about that. Matt said the decision was up to me,

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Speaker 4: but if I decided I would like to take on

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Speaker 4: the baby girl, he would be more than happy to

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Speaker 4: be there with me. It took me some time to

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Speaker 4: really think about everything.

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Speaker 3: I don't know.

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Speaker 4: Could we do foster to adopt?

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Speaker 5: Getting approved to be a foster though, would take too

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Speaker 5: much time. Probably been adopting her, I mean, I don't

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Speaker 5: know how for sure it would work.

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Speaker 4: Dan was going to end up terminating the rights to

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Speaker 4: his child and agreeing to leave her in foster care.

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Speaker 4: I've heard all the terrible stories about the foster care system,

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Speaker 4: and I really did not want what happened to other

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Speaker 4: children to happen to her.

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Speaker 5: If they knew the mother's name, I would think the

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Speaker 5: police might be able to try to track down other

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Speaker 5: family members related to mom.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that's true.

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Speaker 5: I'm not sure how great that'll go from the sounds

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Speaker 5: of her exactly and her relationships, but you definitely wouldn't

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Speaker 5: see this baby again.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: The social worker told Bill that they were unlikely to

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Speaker 4: get the child, but they could foster until they could

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Speaker 4: find her at home. Bill has a lot of back

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Speaker 4: problems and so he no longer works, but his wife

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Speaker 4: Joanne still does. So we'd have a hard time picking

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Speaker 4: up the baby or bending over toget her, but at

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Speaker 4: this point this would be the only family she would have.

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Speaker 4: It did take me some time, but eventually I did

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Speaker 4: agree that I would like to adopt her. Wow, what

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Speaker 4: I mean, angel move? You did not have to do

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Speaker 4: that at all, but like, truly what a angel move

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Speaker 4: of you?

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Speaker 5: Angel move to Matt? Be a angel move?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, Matt has no relation to either of these kids,

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Speaker 4: and yet has like stepped up far more like I'm

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Speaker 4: both you know most men would do, or most people

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Speaker 4: in this situation would do to.

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Speaker 3: You, Matt.

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Speaker 4: I talked everything over with Matt, and we thought it'd

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Speaker 4: be in our best interest for all the procedures to

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Speaker 4: go easy, just to have a quick courthouse wedding and

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Speaker 4: then start the logistics of adopting. We got married that

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Speaker 4: same weekend and we informed our families what we would

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Speaker 4: be doing. Matt's mom and dad weren't really thrilled about it,

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Speaker 4: but did understand the fact that he would never be

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Speaker 4: able to have biological children, so even if he wanted

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Speaker 4: more kids, adoption would be the only other way to go.

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Speaker 4: At least my oldest will be with her biological sister.

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Speaker 4: Bill cried so much after we informed him of our decision.

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Speaker 4: Bill just kept hugging Matt and crying into his shoulder.

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Speaker 4: Bill seems like such a great guy, telling him what

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Speaker 4: a good man he was, and he was more of

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Speaker 4: a son to him than his actual son. Matt's shirt

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Speaker 4: was soaking wet when we left. The more time I

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Speaker 4: spent with this little girl, the more I loved her,

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Speaker 4: and I see no difference between the daughter I gave

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Speaker 4: birth to and the daughter that I adopted. So over time,

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Speaker 4: with all the hoops and the visits and everything we

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Speaker 4: had to go to, eventually we were able to adopt her.

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Speaker 5: Is amazing the great story.

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Speaker 4: Matt is thrilled to be a girl dad. He's having

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Speaker 4: the time of his life. My kids are now six

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Speaker 4: and three.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, they are.

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Speaker 4: They now have a loving, messed up, blended family. Luckily,

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Speaker 4: now we have a very good co parent and grandparents' relationship.

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Speaker 4: We have Papa, which is my dad. We have Poppy,

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Speaker 4: my mom's husband. We have Pappy which is Bill, and

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Speaker 4: we have Grandpa, which is Matt's dad.

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Speaker 3: Love that.

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Speaker 4: Then we have Mema, who is my mom. We have Mimi,

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Speaker 4: who is my dad's wife. Then we have Nana who

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Speaker 4: is Bill's wife, Joanne. Then we have Grandma, who's Matt's mom.

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Speaker 4: Babies are gonna be so loved. They're already, so our

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Speaker 4: kids always have a loving set of grandparents. Any final thoughts.

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Speaker 5: No notes, no thoughts, just love and happiness.

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00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:48,800
Speaker 4: Just joy, pure joy, just joy. Man lovely story panaa

349
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Speaker 4: tenemous kitty cat shit. I know it's great, really truly awesome.

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Speaker 4: I'm happy, but that's the end of that story book.

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Speaker 5: I found my boyfriend's secret Twitter account, so I dumped him.

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Speaker 5: What were you hiding secret Twitter? Yeah, and we have

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Speaker 5: a trigger warning for verbally. I twenty one female, have

354
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Speaker 5: been dating my boyfriend, twenty five male for about a year.

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Speaker 5: A couple of weeks ago, I glanced over at his

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Speaker 5: phone and saw that he was on a Twitter account

357
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Speaker 5: that I didn't know about. When I was alone, I

358
00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:24,440
Speaker 5: looked up the Twitter handle and started reading through his tweets.

359
00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:28,080
Speaker 5: I saw several tweets to other users giving them advice

360
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Speaker 5: to cheat on their partners, spicy related comments about some girls,

361
00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:38,920
Speaker 5: kitty ah a spicy can and some more degrading comments.

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Speaker 4: Whew.

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Speaker 5: By the way, this comes from Throwaway Secret Twitter, and

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00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:44,760
Speaker 5: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

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00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:48,040
Speaker 5: the r slash okay storytime subreddit. I'm Carly, I'm Sophia,

366
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Speaker 5: and we're here to give good advice goofully, but we

367
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:53,240
Speaker 5: don't have all the answers. We only know what we

368
00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:54,840
Speaker 5: would do, So let us know what you would do

369
00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:58,440
Speaker 5: in the comments and Opie says reading through the comments

370
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:02,080
Speaker 5: made me feel sick to my stomach. I feel disappointed

371
00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:05,800
Speaker 5: and stupid because how he presented himself to me is

372
00:17:05,840 --> 00:17:08,639
Speaker 5: not at all like the person who made those comments.

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Speaker 5: I'm currently living with my parents, and my boyfriend and

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Speaker 5: I have talked about moving in together. My parents' household

375
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Speaker 5: is very toxic and I feel desperate to move out.

376
00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:20,600
Speaker 5: He also doesn't hesitate to take care of some of

377
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:24,480
Speaker 5: my finances, as I am disabled and can't work currently.

378
00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:27,479
Speaker 5: I don't ask him for money, but he has offered

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Speaker 5: to help out. We have had a rocky relationship from

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Speaker 5: the start, but we both have strong feelings for each other,

381
00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:36,879
Speaker 5: at least from what he's told me. I'm not sure

382
00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:40,000
Speaker 5: how to bring up the secret Twitter and the posts

383
00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:42,440
Speaker 5: he's made, or if I should say anything about it.

384
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Speaker 4: At all, Well, yeah you should, because this is very

385
00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:50,000
Speaker 4: concerning that he's you know, saying any of this type

386
00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:54,920
Speaker 4: of very degrading, inappropriate stuff online. Doesn't really matter if

387
00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:57,840
Speaker 4: he's doing it from like anonymous accounty, is he still

388
00:17:57,880 --> 00:18:00,239
Speaker 4: saying the stuff and that means he believes it at

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Speaker 4: least to a certain degree.

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Speaker 5: Yeah. Also personal opinion, I do feel like a year

391
00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:07,199
Speaker 5: is pretty early to move in. I know you're not

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Speaker 5: in a good spot to stay there, and it's totally

393
00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:11,880
Speaker 5: your call, but I would just be weary because clearly

394
00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:14,920
Speaker 5: after a year move in after this, right, you sometimes

395
00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:18,600
Speaker 5: don't know a person after a year still proof be told, Yeah,

396
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:21,080
Speaker 5: break up. I feel like if I say anything, he

397
00:18:21,119 --> 00:18:23,159
Speaker 5: will just delete it and make a new one. I

398
00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:25,280
Speaker 5: don't want to date someone who thinks about woman the

399
00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:27,800
Speaker 5: way he does. But leaving him would mean I would

400
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:29,960
Speaker 5: need to stay at my parents' house and I would

401
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:31,320
Speaker 5: be struggling financially.

402
00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:33,880
Speaker 4: Again, I will say, like, I agree that you should

403
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:36,359
Speaker 4: get at your parents' house, but yeah, there's got you know,

404
00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:40,280
Speaker 4: maybe friends, maybe going on to Facebook, you know, things,

405
00:18:40,359 --> 00:18:42,560
Speaker 4: you can find people that you can live with.

406
00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:45,400
Speaker 5: Yeah, I would be worried that in moving in with him,

407
00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:48,119
Speaker 5: it might not seem like it now, but you could

408
00:18:48,119 --> 00:18:50,240
Speaker 5: be putting yourself into a worse situation.

409
00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:54,399
Speaker 4: Absolutely, do not move in with him. No, try not

410
00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:57,159
Speaker 4: to move back with your parents or stay with your parents.

411
00:18:57,680 --> 00:18:59,600
Speaker 4: But let's see if we can find any other people

412
00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:00,000
Speaker 4: that we can.

413
00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:02,520
Speaker 5: I also want to note that I'm not with him

414
00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:05,600
Speaker 5: just for financial reasons. I love him and could see

415
00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:08,240
Speaker 5: a future with him. There just seems to be so

416
00:19:08,359 --> 00:19:11,160
Speaker 5: many red flags. Yeah, yes, and I'm worried he's taking

417
00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:14,199
Speaker 5: advantage of my navete How should I bring this up

418
00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:16,840
Speaker 5: with him? Thank you for taking the time to read

419
00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:21,600
Speaker 5: my post. Some relevant comments. X JRQH says, I guarantee

420
00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:24,080
Speaker 5: you that his true colors will show once you two

421
00:19:24,119 --> 00:19:26,919
Speaker 5: are living together. And do you really want to be

422
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:30,240
Speaker 5: fully dependent on that person? Opie says that's my fear.

423
00:19:30,720 --> 00:19:32,600
Speaker 5: I want to think that talking to him about it

424
00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:35,000
Speaker 5: would change his mind, but I don't know if I'm

425
00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:37,480
Speaker 5: just in denial about it all. I don't want to

426
00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:41,320
Speaker 5: be dependent on anyone. It's just challenging giving my disability.

427
00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:44,920
Speaker 5: Another commenter says, is it a spicy hobby thing? Wait,

428
00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:47,120
Speaker 5: that's not better if he was looking at it next

429
00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:50,399
Speaker 5: to you, Opie responds, I don't think he intended for

430
00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:52,600
Speaker 5: me to see as I saw the phone as it

431
00:19:52,640 --> 00:19:55,520
Speaker 5: was sitting down next to him, and he quickly exited out.

432
00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:58,400
Speaker 5: I actually have asked him if he had spicy hobbies,

433
00:19:58,760 --> 00:20:01,000
Speaker 5: and he only responded with with what kind of question

434
00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:01,399
Speaker 5: is that?

435
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:04,320
Speaker 4: He what do you mean? I don't like that. I

436
00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:06,359
Speaker 4: think that's a perfectly good question. I think you should

437
00:20:06,359 --> 00:20:07,480
Speaker 4: be asking for your partner with that.

438
00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:08,320
Speaker 5: You should know about it.

439
00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:10,120
Speaker 4: I think it's an important question to ask.

440
00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:13,200
Speaker 5: He asked me if I would ever have a mana

441
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:16,560
Speaker 5: Jautois with him and another female. I said I wouldn't

442
00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:18,879
Speaker 5: be comfortable. I turned to the question on him and

443
00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:20,800
Speaker 5: asked how he would feel if he saw me with

444
00:20:20,840 --> 00:20:25,680
Speaker 5: another man, and he just said he would unlive us both. Okaya,

445
00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:29,120
Speaker 5: stapy right here. When a man says that you believe him,

446
00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:30,480
Speaker 5: you believe him, girl.

447
00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:31,240
Speaker 4: He would.

448
00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:35,359
Speaker 5: And we stayed with this man out out and make

449
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,560
Speaker 5: sure this isn't them down there, it's not. We're good.

450
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:39,359
Speaker 5: When he saw that I was scared, he said he

451
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:41,879
Speaker 5: was just joking. He wasn't he wasn't We have an

452
00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:44,639
Speaker 5: update two days later. Any other thoughts, break up?

453
00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:45,400
Speaker 4: Breakup?

454
00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:51,560
Speaker 5: Yesterday morning, I confronted my now ex boyfriend Yeah about

455
00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:54,120
Speaker 5: this secret Twitter account he has been using to make

456
00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:58,159
Speaker 5: derogatory and inappropriate comments. My stomach was hurting and my

457
00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:01,440
Speaker 5: hands were shaking in anticipation for the conversation I was

458
00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:03,880
Speaker 5: about to have with my boyfriend. I found out about

459
00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:06,960
Speaker 5: this account almost two weeks ago, but I hadn't said

460
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:10,080
Speaker 5: anything until yesterday. I knew once I brought it up,

461
00:21:10,119 --> 00:21:14,080
Speaker 5: our relationship would be completely over. I've gone back and

462
00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:16,680
Speaker 5: forth in my mind, deciding if it's worth bringing up

463
00:21:17,119 --> 00:21:20,119
Speaker 5: or if I should just move on and forget about it. Yesterday,

464
00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:22,440
Speaker 5: I told him I needed to talk, and I've asked

465
00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:24,960
Speaker 5: him to sit down on the couch. I said, I've

466
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:27,400
Speaker 5: seen what you've been posting on Twitter. I made sure

467
00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:30,000
Speaker 5: to keep my voice quiet and calm, since he has

468
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:34,240
Speaker 5: a tendency to become explosive whenever accusations were made against him.

469
00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:37,399
Speaker 5: He responded with, Okay, this is how you talk to people,

470
00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:40,520
Speaker 5: this is what you think about others. What are you

471
00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:43,040
Speaker 5: talking about. I've done nothing wrong. Show me what you're

472
00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:45,280
Speaker 5: talking about. I got up and grabbed my phone to

473
00:21:45,359 --> 00:21:49,359
Speaker 5: read off comments I'd screenshoted about another person that asked

474
00:21:49,359 --> 00:21:51,800
Speaker 5: for advice on what to do since his girl best

475
00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:55,040
Speaker 5: friend who he was crushing on, was going through a breakup,

476
00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:57,440
Speaker 5: and he wrote, just play the part and soon your

477
00:21:57,480 --> 00:21:59,760
Speaker 5: wiener will be in her mouth. She's gonna need some

478
00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:02,720
Speaker 5: good poking to get through this. More concerning to me

479
00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:05,640
Speaker 5: were the comments giving advice to cheat. To one man

480
00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:08,520
Speaker 5: who was unhappy about his spicy sleep life with his wife,

481
00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:11,840
Speaker 5: he said, start looking for a side piece. Shouldn't have

482
00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:14,440
Speaker 5: to beg for head. Another comment to a man who

483
00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:17,080
Speaker 5: wanted to grow his family but his wife was hesitant,

484
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:20,080
Speaker 5: said go make a second family in a foreign country.

485
00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:25,359
Speaker 5: Spread your seed. Notable inappropriate comments included weener her down,

486
00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:29,680
Speaker 5: get some head, bro, make sure you bust the biggest

487
00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:32,920
Speaker 5: nut on her face. Your parents don't want to think

488
00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:35,639
Speaker 5: about you getting your kitty eight. You probably got some

489
00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:40,280
Speaker 5: good kiddie. I mean, what the F I would never

490
00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:43,040
Speaker 5: be involved with the man who talked this way. What's

491
00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:46,280
Speaker 5: more concerning is wondering what else he's hiding since he

492
00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:49,159
Speaker 5: thinks it's totally okay to cheat if you're unhappy and

493
00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:52,120
Speaker 5: not getting your way in a relationship. His response, that's

494
00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:54,399
Speaker 5: not mine. I told him that he used the same

495
00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:58,159
Speaker 5: username he had for his old Instagram. The area code

496
00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:00,439
Speaker 5: is from the town he grew up in, and he

497
00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:05,600
Speaker 5: posts specific information that identifies him. He became enraged. Why

498
00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:08,280
Speaker 5: are you spying on me? Trying to spy on me? Now?

499
00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:10,439
Speaker 5: You want to make up fake scenarios, pull up your

500
00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:13,280
Speaker 5: dating accounts, show me your Twitter, give me your phone.

501
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:15,520
Speaker 5: I said, I knew you would act this way. I

502
00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:18,719
Speaker 5: caught you making inappropriate comments, and instead of admitting it,

503
00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:21,520
Speaker 5: you're lying to my face and now treating me as

504
00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:24,920
Speaker 5: if I have done something wrong. This is so disappointing.

505
00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:27,720
Speaker 5: The way you're acting online is not how you have

506
00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:30,800
Speaker 5: presented yourself to me. I don't have a dating account

507
00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:33,200
Speaker 5: and I have nothing to hide on my phone. You're

508
00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:35,560
Speaker 5: not going to turn this on to me. This is

509
00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:38,080
Speaker 5: not okay, honestly a plus op firs.

510
00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:42,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, good on you, op stand your ground. This guy sucks.

511
00:23:42,359 --> 00:23:44,440
Speaker 5: I genuinely am discussing.

512
00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:44,879
Speaker 6: Yeah.

513
00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:46,480
Speaker 5: I told him all he had to do to prove

514
00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:48,680
Speaker 5: it wasn't his was open the Twitter app and show

515
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:52,199
Speaker 5: me that his account wasn't on there. He refused, I

516
00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:54,719
Speaker 5: have nothing to prove to you, which I don't need

517
00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:56,760
Speaker 5: to show you my phone. What now you want to

518
00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:59,480
Speaker 5: start snooping through my phone. At this point, my hands

519
00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:01,600
Speaker 5: were shaking and I was so upset that it was

520
00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:03,960
Speaker 5: hard for me to talk. He walked towards the door

521
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:06,200
Speaker 5: and said he was leaving. I stood in front of

522
00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:09,200
Speaker 5: the door. He took out his phone and started taking

523
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:11,119
Speaker 5: a video of me. He said, this is why I

524
00:24:11,119 --> 00:24:13,320
Speaker 5: don't deal with people like you. You're a Karen. I'm

525
00:24:13,359 --> 00:24:15,720
Speaker 5: going to call the police because you're holding me hostage.

526
00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:17,520
Speaker 5: Of that point, op I would say, let him go.

527
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:19,639
Speaker 4: Yeah, this is just I mean, like he's just a

528
00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:20,440
Speaker 4: horrendous person.

529
00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:22,679
Speaker 5: Thank god you did not live with this.

530
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:26,800
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, just be happy about that. The biggest soaber ever,

531
00:24:27,160 --> 00:24:29,320
Speaker 4: so giant of a bullet. Yeah.

532
00:24:29,359 --> 00:24:31,560
Speaker 5: He called his mother, put her on speaker phone, and

533
00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:34,320
Speaker 5: said he was being held hostage. Then he pushed me aside,

534
00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:37,000
Speaker 5: walked out the door and said, now I am safe.

535
00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:39,760
Speaker 5: I said, you acted exactly as I thought you would.

536
00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:43,880
Speaker 5: You're a self absorbed person. Your behavior is disgusting. How

537
00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:46,000
Speaker 5: can you stand there and lie straight to my face

538
00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:49,119
Speaker 5: when I have proof in my hand. If this isn't yours,

539
00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:52,240
Speaker 5: It's so easy to prove, isn't it. You aren't smooth,

540
00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:56,080
Speaker 5: he responded. I am smooth, I'm the man, I'm a king.

541
00:24:56,359 --> 00:24:59,480
Speaker 5: You're a skanky butt. You're the biggest liar I've ever met.

542
00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:01,879
Speaker 5: I went inside my house and he started banging on

543
00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:05,040
Speaker 5: the door. I went downstairs to my room until he left.

544
00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:09,240
Speaker 5: After an hour and a half, I counted thirty plus

545
00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:12,000
Speaker 5: missed calls from him. I checked his Twitter and he

546
00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:15,480
Speaker 5: posted once a witch, always a witch. I saw posts

547
00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:18,560
Speaker 5: and comments had been deleted. I've tried breaking up with

548
00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:21,440
Speaker 5: him in the past over unrelated things, and he ended

549
00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:24,080
Speaker 5: up creating new phone numbers and emails so he could

550
00:25:24,080 --> 00:25:26,199
Speaker 5: find a way to get the last word in. I

551
00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:28,240
Speaker 5: expect that he will beg for me to take him

552
00:25:28,280 --> 00:25:31,400
Speaker 5: back and will say that he will change that he's

553
00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:35,679
Speaker 5: going to seek out counseling, et cetera. I am so

554
00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:37,480
Speaker 5: glad that you dumped this man.

555
00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:42,320
Speaker 4: Yeah. Wow he stinks wow stinky.

556
00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:46,000
Speaker 5: Pooh pooh man oh man, wow. He was able to

557
00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:47,840
Speaker 5: hide this for years.

558
00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:48,520
Speaker 4: Crazy.

559
00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:51,520
Speaker 5: Just gonna finish it today. He sent me two hundred

560
00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:54,000
Speaker 5: dollars with a note saying have a good weekend. Then

561
00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:56,040
Speaker 5: he texted me saying he booked a trip for us

562
00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:58,200
Speaker 5: to get out of town for the weekend. He will

563
00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:01,280
Speaker 5: stop at nothing. I don't want to do this anymore.

564
00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:03,560
Speaker 5: I don't want to take him back because I am

565
00:26:03,640 --> 00:26:06,240
Speaker 5: desperate to feel love. I know that none of it

566
00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:09,040
Speaker 5: is real. It hurts so bad to be betrayed by

567
00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:11,960
Speaker 5: someone you trusted. I had an ex that behaved almost

568
00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:14,560
Speaker 5: the exact same way. I don't want to attract these

569
00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:16,959
Speaker 5: type of men. I think I am going to make

570
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:19,280
Speaker 5: an appointment to see a counselor so I can work

571
00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:22,120
Speaker 5: on being independent. I can't seem to find the love

572
00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:24,640
Speaker 5: I desire from men, so I hope that one day

573
00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:27,120
Speaker 5: I may find it elsewhere. If you've taken the time

574
00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:30,080
Speaker 5: to read, thank you moral of the story. When someone

575
00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:32,680
Speaker 5: shows you who they are, believe them O.

576
00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:34,800
Speaker 4: It is the you know, I mean, like I do

577
00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:37,919
Speaker 4: believe in finding love. Yeah, and yourself and through your

578
00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:41,679
Speaker 4: friendships and your family. I think, don't you know, feel

579
00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:44,600
Speaker 4: like you won't ever find romantic love. You're twenty one,

580
00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:46,399
Speaker 4: so much time.

581
00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:49,000
Speaker 5: This is probably one of the first relationships that you've had.

582
00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:51,800
Speaker 5: Who knows how long term they've been before. You have

583
00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:55,520
Speaker 5: now learned so many things that you don't want, and

584
00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:58,000
Speaker 5: what to look for and not to want exactly. And

585
00:26:58,040 --> 00:26:59,560
Speaker 5: that's the end of this story. We're going to go

586
00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:00,640
Speaker 5: to the next one.

587
00:27:01,359 --> 00:27:01,920
Speaker 6: Hey, it's Sam.

588
00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:03,760
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to these stories. But here's three

589
00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:06,000
Speaker 1: bits of bads from our sponsors that keep the show alive.

590
00:27:06,600 --> 00:27:08,720
Speaker 6: I bought a car for my knees and it made

591
00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:10,119
Speaker 6: her brother furious.

592
00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:11,600
Speaker 3: She's fast, he's furious.

593
00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:15,120
Speaker 6: So I fifty mail. Have a niece and a nephew

594
00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:19,200
Speaker 6: who are both eighteen and just graduated a few years ago,

595
00:27:19,280 --> 00:27:21,320
Speaker 6: and they were entering high school. I made a deal

596
00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:24,760
Speaker 6: with them if they kept a b average their entire

597
00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:27,400
Speaker 6: time in high school, I would buy them any car

598
00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:31,560
Speaker 6: of their choosing, within reason of course. By the way,

599
00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:34,159
Speaker 6: this comes from user old man Reddit ta And if

600
00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:35,720
Speaker 6: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

601
00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:38,440
Speaker 6: r slash Okay storytime. Stubbren it. I'm Dakota, I'm Keon,

602
00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:40,400
Speaker 6: and we are here to give you good advice. Goofy,

603
00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:42,119
Speaker 6: But we don't have all the answers. We only know

604
00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:43,919
Speaker 6: what we would do, so if you would do something different,

605
00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:47,280
Speaker 6: let us know in the comments. As op says, we

606
00:27:47,359 --> 00:27:52,120
Speaker 6: added a clause a Santa clause that they got one

607
00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:55,240
Speaker 6: semester forgiven, so they were able to mess up one

608
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:58,399
Speaker 6: semester and I wouldn't hold it against them. I felt

609
00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:01,399
Speaker 6: like seven out of eight semesters with average was pretty fair.

610
00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:05,320
Speaker 6: My niece maintained her grades. She did mess up her

611
00:28:05,359 --> 00:28:09,160
Speaker 6: sophomore year, but otherwise was right on track. My nephew,

612
00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:12,239
Speaker 6: on the other hand, pretty much never did rite. We

613
00:28:12,240 --> 00:28:17,240
Speaker 6: were lucky that he even passed every semester. I offered help, tutors, books,

614
00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:20,040
Speaker 6: and tried to make sure he was okay mentally, whatever

615
00:28:20,080 --> 00:28:22,640
Speaker 6: he needed, But it turns out he just straight up

616
00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:26,160
Speaker 6: was not doing his work. He did well on tests,

617
00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:28,560
Speaker 6: but would never do his actual work, resulting in his

618
00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:32,440
Speaker 6: grades being low. Last week was when my niece got

619
00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:36,240
Speaker 6: her car. She chose at twenty twenty five Toyota Camray.

620
00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:39,800
Speaker 6: My nephew kept asking when he was going to get his,

621
00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:43,720
Speaker 6: and I told him, hey, buddy, you didn't stick to

622
00:28:43,760 --> 00:28:46,200
Speaker 6: your end of the agreement, so you're not getting a car.

623
00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:49,920
Speaker 6: He still got a very nice gift for his graduation.

624
00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:53,080
Speaker 6: Now he and his mom are angry with me and

625
00:28:53,160 --> 00:28:56,840
Speaker 6: saying I'm favoring my niece. He's refusing to speak to

626
00:28:56,920 --> 00:28:59,640
Speaker 6: me or his sister. I don't think I messed up,

627
00:28:59,680 --> 00:29:03,040
Speaker 6: but I'm starting to worry, and we have some comments here.

628
00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:06,520
Speaker 6: Comment one says, not the a hole. You made a

629
00:29:06,560 --> 00:29:09,200
Speaker 6: deal and he choose to f around and find out.

630
00:29:09,760 --> 00:29:13,600
Speaker 6: Academic struggles are one thing, but being irresponsible is quite another.

631
00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:16,680
Speaker 6: Oh P says, yeah, I felt the same. I know

632
00:29:16,760 --> 00:29:18,800
Speaker 6: school had always been a little harder for him. That's

633
00:29:18,840 --> 00:29:22,080
Speaker 6: why I was trying to help before he just before

634
00:29:22,240 --> 00:29:24,400
Speaker 6: just giving up. But when it turned out he was

635
00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:27,120
Speaker 6: making ninety percent on some of his tests, but those

636
00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:29,440
Speaker 6: were the only things he did all year, I sort

637
00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:32,720
Speaker 6: of lost sympathy. Comment two says, not the a hole,

638
00:29:32,760 --> 00:29:36,280
Speaker 6: you made the rules very clear. Question though, has he

639
00:29:36,360 --> 00:29:39,800
Speaker 6: been tested for ADHD? OHP says they've both been tested.

640
00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:42,160
Speaker 6: Niece has it mild and nephew does not have it

641
00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:44,640
Speaker 6: at all. I was the same way in high school,

642
00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:46,640
Speaker 6: so if that was the case, I would have also

643
00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:51,080
Speaker 6: been a lot more understanding. Comment three says, don't want

644
00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:52,920
Speaker 6: to say you're the a hole, but if I was

645
00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:56,920
Speaker 6: your nephew, I'm definitely holding it against you forever. And

646
00:29:57,000 --> 00:29:59,600
Speaker 6: I can imagine the everlasting jealousy of his sister now

647
00:29:59,680 --> 00:30:02,520
Speaker 6: driving this car. He's basically going to be reminded every

648
00:30:02,520 --> 00:30:04,840
Speaker 6: single day about it too, so maybe I'm going to

649
00:30:04,920 --> 00:30:07,000
Speaker 6: be one of the few going against the grain. Actually

650
00:30:07,240 --> 00:30:09,200
Speaker 6: it was a cool concept to motivate them, but not

651
00:30:09,320 --> 00:30:12,240
Speaker 6: everyone learns the same and now he's just going to

652
00:30:12,280 --> 00:30:15,520
Speaker 6: feel worse about it too. Well done. A hole comment

653
00:30:15,560 --> 00:30:17,080
Speaker 6: for says, I get where you're coming from, but at

654
00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:20,440
Speaker 6: some point consequences have to mean something. He could have

655
00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:23,440
Speaker 6: spoken up and told his uncle he was struggling. Judging

656
00:30:23,440 --> 00:30:25,800
Speaker 6: from the post, I'm pretty sure he would have understood.

657
00:30:26,520 --> 00:30:28,400
Speaker 6: He clearly did his best to support him and keep

658
00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:31,080
Speaker 6: him on track. And let's be real, if he still

659
00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:33,800
Speaker 6: got the car despite not meeting the original agreement, the

660
00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:37,280
Speaker 6: niece would have had every right to feel resentful. It

661
00:30:37,320 --> 00:30:40,640
Speaker 6: wouldn't have been fair to her at all. Hope he says, Yep,

662
00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:42,680
Speaker 6: I told him if he needed help to come to me,

663
00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:46,280
Speaker 6: and as I said, I offered tutors or anything, and

664
00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:48,760
Speaker 6: even told him I would give him an extra semester

665
00:30:49,120 --> 00:30:51,240
Speaker 6: if he would take advantage of any of the help

666
00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:54,760
Speaker 6: I offered. I attended a parent principal meeting with him

667
00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:57,680
Speaker 6: because he was in danger of not graduating. When I

668
00:30:57,760 --> 00:31:01,040
Speaker 6: found out. It was just from him being lazy. I

669
00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:04,200
Speaker 6: knew the deal was off the table. OPI on his

670
00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:09,640
Speaker 6: nephew's gift. My nephew got five thousand dollars for his gift.

671
00:31:09,720 --> 00:31:12,080
Speaker 6: What my niece did not get that he could use

672
00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:14,360
Speaker 6: that five thousand dollars to buy a car right now.

673
00:31:14,520 --> 00:31:16,480
Speaker 6: You can buy an old Honda Civic for.

674
00:31:16,440 --> 00:31:20,320
Speaker 3: That, OPI, can you be my uncle. That's crazy, dude.

675
00:31:20,440 --> 00:31:23,080
Speaker 3: The fact that he got five thousand dollars just to

676
00:31:23,200 --> 00:31:25,840
Speaker 3: graduate bare minimum to just pass.

677
00:31:25,920 --> 00:31:26,480
Speaker 6: You're fine.

678
00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:28,400
Speaker 3: And he's still complaining that I didn't get it. I

679
00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:30,920
Speaker 3: didn't get a car, brother, brother.

680
00:31:30,960 --> 00:31:33,640
Speaker 6: So okay, Opie continues. My nephew got five thousand dollars

681
00:31:33,680 --> 00:31:35,840
Speaker 6: for his gift. My niece did not get that. He

682
00:31:35,880 --> 00:31:40,080
Speaker 6: does also have full access to an older car that

683
00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:44,880
Speaker 6: runs excellent. It's just old and not amazing looking. I

684
00:31:44,920 --> 00:31:46,680
Speaker 6: thought maybe he would use the money to get it

685
00:31:46,720 --> 00:31:49,400
Speaker 6: repainted or something, but I'm not sure. He has been

686
00:31:49,440 --> 00:31:53,320
Speaker 6: tested twice and does not have ADHD or autism. I

687
00:31:53,360 --> 00:31:56,320
Speaker 6: also had it in school, so I would have completely understood.

688
00:31:56,320 --> 00:31:59,840
Speaker 6: But also he agreed to the deal. It wasn't like

689
00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:03,440
Speaker 6: I just sprang this on them. They had agreed, and

690
00:32:03,480 --> 00:32:07,240
Speaker 6: their mother had as well. Does Opie's nephew have a job,

691
00:32:07,320 --> 00:32:10,520
Speaker 6: op says, yes, he got fired from his only job,

692
00:32:10,560 --> 00:32:13,080
Speaker 6: though because my sister in law went in to yell

693
00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:16,160
Speaker 6: at his boss. Where are the twins father and all this?

694
00:32:16,320 --> 00:32:20,440
Speaker 6: Op replies, My brother is not involved. Oops meant to

695
00:32:20,480 --> 00:32:23,560
Speaker 6: add that in the post. I'm basically their father figure.

696
00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:27,840
Speaker 6: They call me Papa unkl Opie responds to a downvoaded

697
00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:30,520
Speaker 6: comment about getting his nephew an older car, Opie says,

698
00:32:30,640 --> 00:32:34,320
Speaker 6: maybe he does have full access to a car, though

699
00:32:34,640 --> 00:32:37,320
Speaker 6: his mom has two and never drives one of them.

700
00:32:37,840 --> 00:32:41,000
Speaker 6: It's honestly old and raggedy as heck, but it works.

701
00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:45,800
Speaker 6: Definitely no sharing. And yes, my nephew's grad gift was

702
00:32:45,840 --> 00:32:49,080
Speaker 6: five thousand dollars. I'd been saving for their graduation since

703
00:32:49,120 --> 00:32:52,880
Speaker 6: they were babies. And there's an update three months later.

704
00:32:53,280 --> 00:32:56,480
Speaker 3: I I have nothing else to say. We've said our piece.

705
00:32:56,760 --> 00:32:58,400
Speaker 3: Why are you know? Why are you crying?

706
00:32:58,600 --> 00:32:58,760
Speaker 5: Yeah?

707
00:32:58,800 --> 00:33:00,640
Speaker 6: I think honestly, all you can do is just have

708
00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:03,000
Speaker 6: like a sit down conversation and be like, hey, so

709
00:33:04,040 --> 00:33:06,760
Speaker 6: this is why I'm doing this, this is this is

710
00:33:06,840 --> 00:33:11,800
Speaker 6: why I'm holding to our original agreement. I don't like

711
00:33:11,840 --> 00:33:15,600
Speaker 6: you any less than your sister. It's just that this

712
00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:18,520
Speaker 6: is now a valuable way for you to really soak

713
00:33:18,640 --> 00:33:19,280
Speaker 6: up the lesson.

714
00:33:19,360 --> 00:33:21,440
Speaker 3: This is a life lesson. Yeah, and you know'll be

715
00:33:21,480 --> 00:33:23,640
Speaker 3: really funny just to mess with that. I hate messing

716
00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:26,320
Speaker 3: with them, but like, hey, here's a reset button. Click it.

717
00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:29,360
Speaker 3: He just says, Well that sucks. Yeah you Oh would

718
00:33:29,400 --> 00:33:31,080
Speaker 3: you like, would you go back in time and do

719
00:33:31,160 --> 00:33:33,640
Speaker 3: all your homework and do all of this? He says, yeah,

720
00:33:33,680 --> 00:33:36,560
Speaker 3: I would totally do that. That's great. That's a life lesson.

721
00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:38,800
Speaker 3: Now do that from now on, Yes.

722
00:33:38,800 --> 00:33:41,600
Speaker 6: Life lesson. We have an update three months later. Let's

723
00:33:41,600 --> 00:33:44,640
Speaker 6: see what they say. So first, I sat down with

724
00:33:44,680 --> 00:33:47,960
Speaker 6: my nephew and his mom to talk it through. I

725
00:33:48,080 --> 00:33:50,560
Speaker 6: explained that this was the deal he agreed to before

726
00:33:50,600 --> 00:33:53,760
Speaker 6: starting high school, and that he has known four years

727
00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:56,880
Speaker 6: he was not getting the car. Some comments say I

728
00:33:57,000 --> 00:33:59,360
Speaker 6: led him on, which was not the case. He had

729
00:33:59,440 --> 00:34:02,920
Speaker 6: been aware of not getting the car four years, and

730
00:34:02,960 --> 00:34:06,480
Speaker 6: that his sister followed through. He did not well all

731
00:34:06,520 --> 00:34:09,160
Speaker 6: of that to no avail. He was still sulking and

732
00:34:09,200 --> 00:34:12,120
Speaker 6: pretty angry. His mom felt I ruined his summer because

733
00:34:12,120 --> 00:34:15,160
Speaker 6: he couldn't drive himself around and because he refuses to

734
00:34:15,200 --> 00:34:18,560
Speaker 6: speak to his sister, she won't drive him either. I

735
00:34:18,719 --> 00:34:21,520
Speaker 6: then discovered that my niece was being punished at home

736
00:34:21,600 --> 00:34:24,400
Speaker 6: because she would not let nephew drive or ride in

737
00:34:24,440 --> 00:34:27,080
Speaker 6: her car. I told him I was not forcing her to,

738
00:34:27,239 --> 00:34:29,319
Speaker 6: and it pretty much turned into a fight between me

739
00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:32,320
Speaker 6: and sister in law. Also, to address a few comments,

740
00:34:32,320 --> 00:34:34,640
Speaker 6: I got my nephew still got a very nice grad

741
00:34:34,680 --> 00:34:38,080
Speaker 6: gift from me, and he does not have any learning

742
00:34:38,080 --> 00:34:44,000
Speaker 6: disabilities like since comments suggested. And also he has been

743
00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:46,520
Speaker 6: aware he was not getting a car for around three

744
00:34:46,640 --> 00:34:47,560
Speaker 6: years at this point.

745
00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:50,480
Speaker 3: Again, yeah, this is ridiculous. I mean we've said it.

746
00:34:50,760 --> 00:34:55,359
Speaker 3: This nephew of yours is just an untitled brat. He's

747
00:34:55,400 --> 00:34:59,040
Speaker 3: a mama's boy. You know, you are the father figure

748
00:34:59,080 --> 00:35:01,520
Speaker 3: and you are showing the valuable life lesson. I would

749
00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:03,080
Speaker 3: talk to your sister in law like, hey, you know,

750
00:35:04,160 --> 00:35:08,040
Speaker 3: if he if he you know we we're getting participation

751
00:35:08,080 --> 00:35:10,799
Speaker 3: trophies out now, Like is that is that what we're doing?

752
00:35:11,120 --> 00:35:11,640
Speaker 3: You know? We don't.

753
00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:14,600
Speaker 6: Yeah, And it's like this is not a surprise. The

754
00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:18,319
Speaker 6: agreement was made. This is we've known for years this

755
00:35:18,440 --> 00:35:19,560
Speaker 6: was not going to happen.

756
00:35:19,640 --> 00:35:22,480
Speaker 3: Sister in law was there with the agreement and said, yeah,

757
00:35:22,480 --> 00:35:25,080
Speaker 3: that sounds pretty good, doesn't it, Sonny, just got to

758
00:35:25,120 --> 00:35:27,920
Speaker 3: keep your grades up or at least try again.

759
00:35:28,040 --> 00:35:31,160
Speaker 6: It's like he could have. He could have. He was

760
00:35:31,200 --> 00:35:33,960
Speaker 6: smart enough to pass. He could have just done the work.

761
00:35:34,239 --> 00:35:34,719
Speaker 6: But he did not.

762
00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:36,120
Speaker 3: He just wasn't smart enough to try.

763
00:35:36,560 --> 00:35:38,600
Speaker 6: Dude, there was a guy in I went to school

764
00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:42,280
Speaker 6: with a guy like this, literally a sleep in class,

765
00:35:42,320 --> 00:35:45,200
Speaker 6: like did not care, didn't do his homework, didn't really

766
00:35:45,239 --> 00:35:48,160
Speaker 6: care for any work. Tests came around, and he'd always

767
00:35:48,200 --> 00:35:51,040
Speaker 6: passed the test. That was me, honestly, and and he

768
00:35:51,120 --> 00:35:54,279
Speaker 6: had like d's because he'd like, did not get any of.

769
00:35:54,239 --> 00:35:56,000
Speaker 3: His grades up, so that that wasn't me.

770
00:35:56,120 --> 00:35:57,719
Speaker 6: He so he gives. He was like, I'm passing. It

771
00:35:57,760 --> 00:35:58,279
Speaker 6: doesn't matter.

772
00:35:58,400 --> 00:35:59,400
Speaker 3: I just didn't go to school.

773
00:35:59,400 --> 00:36:00,160
Speaker 6: But he was small art.

774
00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:02,959
Speaker 3: I did play a lot of hooky. Go to school kids,

775
00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:05,239
Speaker 3: but I played a lot of hooky. But I was

776
00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:07,319
Speaker 3: just doing all my homework, all my tes. Yeah, I

777
00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:09,160
Speaker 3: was passing with flying colors.

778
00:36:09,440 --> 00:36:12,719
Speaker 6: As for my niece, she's been nothing but grateful. It

779
00:36:12,840 --> 00:36:15,680
Speaker 6: was planned for her and her brother to move in

780
00:36:15,760 --> 00:36:19,000
Speaker 6: with me, but only she has I have not heard

781
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:21,000
Speaker 6: from or seen my sister in law or nephew in

782
00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:24,320
Speaker 6: about a month. They have also both blocked and cut

783
00:36:24,360 --> 00:36:27,160
Speaker 6: off my niece, which has been hard for her. Me

784
00:36:27,239 --> 00:36:29,320
Speaker 6: and my wife are working on getting her into therapy,

785
00:36:29,360 --> 00:36:32,480
Speaker 6: but otherwise she is doing fine and we love having her.

786
00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:35,480
Speaker 6: So things are still hard, but we are all working

787
00:36:35,520 --> 00:36:37,759
Speaker 6: through it. And there are some comments, why were they

788
00:36:37,800 --> 00:36:40,120
Speaker 6: planning on moving in with you? Opie says. They both

789
00:36:40,160 --> 00:36:42,280
Speaker 6: planned to move in with me when they graduated, purely

790
00:36:42,280 --> 00:36:44,439
Speaker 6: because my house is bigger and they wanted a change

791
00:36:44,440 --> 00:36:47,280
Speaker 6: of environment. Comment to says, what else are you doing

792
00:36:47,320 --> 00:36:49,280
Speaker 6: for her? It's starting to feel like you can provide

793
00:36:49,320 --> 00:36:52,480
Speaker 6: them a lifestyle their parents can't, and she's taking advantage

794
00:36:52,520 --> 00:36:55,319
Speaker 6: and her brother is jealous and bitter. He's not benefiting.

795
00:36:55,680 --> 00:36:57,600
Speaker 6: I don't blame you for sticking to the agreement with

796
00:36:57,680 --> 00:37:00,000
Speaker 6: nephew as long as it was clearly laid out from

797
00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:02,399
Speaker 6: the beginning. And for him to treat you this way

798
00:37:02,480 --> 00:37:04,560
Speaker 6: after you still got him a nice grad gift is

799
00:37:04,680 --> 00:37:08,200
Speaker 6: just spoiled kid behavior. Oh and shame on your sister

800
00:37:08,320 --> 00:37:12,040
Speaker 6: for not sticking to any principles or standards. Opie says.

801
00:37:12,040 --> 00:37:14,680
Speaker 6: My nephew is still welcome to live here if he apologizes.

802
00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:16,799
Speaker 6: I was always going to pay for both of their

803
00:37:16,840 --> 00:37:20,840
Speaker 6: colleges or wedding, whichever they chose. Both of them have

804
00:37:20,920 --> 00:37:23,920
Speaker 6: known this their whole life. I'm paying for niece's college,

805
00:37:23,960 --> 00:37:26,360
Speaker 6: and I still plan to pay for nephew's wedding. My

806
00:37:26,440 --> 00:37:29,040
Speaker 6: sister in law isn't super well off, but by no

807
00:37:29,200 --> 00:37:32,359
Speaker 6: means is she's struggling. She could easily afford a car

808
00:37:32,400 --> 00:37:35,920
Speaker 6: for him, she's just too cheap to do so. Nie

809
00:37:36,080 --> 00:37:39,000
Speaker 6: also is not paying to live here. Yep. It's been

810
00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:42,160
Speaker 6: clear since day one, which is why I don't understand

811
00:37:42,239 --> 00:37:45,360
Speaker 6: why they are behaving this way. OPI on having his

812
00:37:45,440 --> 00:37:48,399
Speaker 6: niece's car in his name. Opie says, I do have

813
00:37:48,440 --> 00:37:51,160
Speaker 6: a say in it, as the car is in my name. Also,

814
00:37:51,360 --> 00:37:53,880
Speaker 6: she's an adult, so her mom has no say in

815
00:37:53,960 --> 00:37:57,520
Speaker 6: what she does period, and neither do I. Honestly, yeah,

816
00:37:57,520 --> 00:37:59,680
Speaker 6: she wanted it in my name because she was worried

817
00:37:59,680 --> 00:38:02,239
Speaker 6: her mind might try to actually take it, and at

818
00:38:02,239 --> 00:38:03,759
Speaker 6: the time it was still a few months before they

819
00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:05,640
Speaker 6: were supposed to come live with me. Now that she

820
00:38:05,719 --> 00:38:08,399
Speaker 6: lives with me, we plan on switching it over. Still

821
00:38:08,440 --> 00:38:11,680
Speaker 6: a gift, just protecting her Comment three says, this whole

822
00:38:11,680 --> 00:38:14,799
Speaker 6: thing perfectly shows how being right can still blow up

823
00:38:14,840 --> 00:38:17,840
Speaker 6: your family. You didn't break any promise. You actually stuck

824
00:38:17,880 --> 00:38:21,160
Speaker 6: to the deal exactly as stated, But you completely underestimated

825
00:38:21,200 --> 00:38:24,960
Speaker 6: how pride, shame, and family dynamics work. Your nephew didn't

826
00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:27,960
Speaker 6: just lose a car, he lost face, and that humiliation

827
00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:30,839
Speaker 6: got redirected at everyone else. Now your sister in law

828
00:38:30,880 --> 00:38:33,640
Speaker 6: is furious your nephews cut off his own sister, and

829
00:38:33,760 --> 00:38:36,840
Speaker 6: your niece, the one who did everything right, is paying

830
00:38:36,880 --> 00:38:40,800
Speaker 6: the emotional price for your rigid fairness. You didn't create

831
00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:44,800
Speaker 6: a lesson about accountability. You created a hierarchy, one winner,

832
00:38:44,920 --> 00:38:48,520
Speaker 6: one loser. No, I disagree. I cannot disagree more with this.

833
00:38:48,640 --> 00:38:52,920
Speaker 3: Who is this? No? Everyone was supposed to be winners.

834
00:38:53,880 --> 00:38:57,319
Speaker 6: He also won. He gotten five thousand dollars, and he

835
00:38:57,400 --> 00:38:59,520
Speaker 6: was gonna have his college or his wedding paid for

836
00:38:59,760 --> 00:39:01,520
Speaker 6: a He was gonna have a place to live for free.

837
00:39:01,600 --> 00:39:05,600
Speaker 3: It's his pride and his arrogance, and his selfishness and

838
00:39:05,640 --> 00:39:10,239
Speaker 3: his brady behavior that got him into this, this debacle

839
00:39:10,440 --> 00:39:12,279
Speaker 3: twice the pride, double the fall.

840
00:39:12,840 --> 00:39:15,799
Speaker 6: That kind of setup always ends ugly in families because

841
00:39:15,800 --> 00:39:19,919
Speaker 6: people don't separate logic from feelings. What's genuinely concerning, though,

842
00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:22,040
Speaker 6: is that you don't seem to realize the extent of

843
00:39:22,080 --> 00:39:26,440
Speaker 6: the damage you've caused. You're describing a complete family breakdown

844
00:39:26,680 --> 00:39:29,359
Speaker 6: like it's an unfortunate side effect, when in reality, it's

845
00:39:29,440 --> 00:39:32,640
Speaker 6: the direct consequence of how you handled this. No, no,

846
00:39:32,680 --> 00:39:35,680
Speaker 6: it's not. No, it's not it's a direct consequence of

847
00:39:35,719 --> 00:39:39,600
Speaker 6: how sister in law raised her son. And clearly, even

848
00:39:39,640 --> 00:39:43,160
Speaker 6: after discussion, refused to see, Okay, this is fair.

849
00:39:43,320 --> 00:39:44,440
Speaker 3: We're taking generosity.

850
00:39:44,480 --> 00:39:45,960
Speaker 6: There are no real losers here.

851
00:39:46,760 --> 00:39:50,239
Speaker 3: This compet is taking generosity and like fairness, and you know,

852
00:39:50,840 --> 00:39:54,560
Speaker 3: actually providing a deal with somebody as like, no, you're

853
00:39:54,560 --> 00:39:57,000
Speaker 3: an a hole. You should have never done that. Yeah,

854
00:39:57,040 --> 00:39:57,880
Speaker 3: you're a piece of crap.

855
00:39:58,000 --> 00:40:00,880
Speaker 6: It's weird. It's being like, yeah, op, you should have

856
00:40:01,080 --> 00:40:04,919
Speaker 6: just bowed out to your difficult family and not held

857
00:40:04,960 --> 00:40:09,319
Speaker 6: to any principles or agreed upon terms life.

858
00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:11,759
Speaker 3: You should have known that life lesson. Just don't give

859
00:40:11,800 --> 00:40:14,880
Speaker 3: anyone anything, Just give him a thumbs up. Yeah, like

860
00:40:15,160 --> 00:40:16,520
Speaker 3: you know, jeez.

861
00:40:16,360 --> 00:40:20,440
Speaker 6: This commenter continues, and honestly, it's weird that you made

862
00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:23,000
Speaker 6: a long term deal with miners about something this big

863
00:40:23,040 --> 00:40:25,680
Speaker 6: without really including their mother in the process. That's not

864
00:40:25,760 --> 00:40:27,919
Speaker 6: your call to make a loan. It blurs the line

865
00:40:27,960 --> 00:40:31,080
Speaker 6: between cool uncle and overstepping adult, and it probably added

866
00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:33,799
Speaker 6: to the resentment you. Sister in law feels. Now you're

867
00:40:33,840 --> 00:40:37,120
Speaker 6: not evil, but you overstabbed, underestimated the emotional fallout, and

868
00:40:37,160 --> 00:40:41,160
Speaker 6: now act like the outcome was inevitable. Sometimes sometimes fairness

869
00:40:41,200 --> 00:40:44,920
Speaker 6: without empathy and without boundaries just looks like cruelty wearing

870
00:40:44,920 --> 00:40:48,680
Speaker 6: a suit. Op replies to set this guy straight. Their

871
00:40:48,719 --> 00:40:52,080
Speaker 6: mother was involved the entire time. I asked her before

872
00:40:52,120 --> 00:40:54,160
Speaker 6: I ever brought it up to them. Also, it was

873
00:40:54,239 --> 00:40:56,839
Speaker 6: not one winner and one loser. They both could have

874
00:40:56,960 --> 00:41:00,920
Speaker 6: won or lost. And lastly, I make a vast majority

875
00:41:01,160 --> 00:41:04,080
Speaker 6: or all big decisions in their lives. For much of

876
00:41:04,120 --> 00:41:06,560
Speaker 6: their lives I was raising them without sister in law,

877
00:41:06,760 --> 00:41:09,319
Speaker 6: and even up to right before this, sister in law

878
00:41:09,360 --> 00:41:12,920
Speaker 6: would consult me on anything regarding them, or the kids

879
00:41:13,040 --> 00:41:16,200
Speaker 6: would ask me themselves. So, yeah, I understand I did

880
00:41:16,239 --> 00:41:18,279
Speaker 6: not overstep in any way. And that is the end

881
00:41:18,280 --> 00:41:18,520
Speaker 6: of that.

882
00:41:18,520 --> 00:41:21,600
Speaker 3: Shift for EYOPI that that commentary did not make you

883
00:41:21,640 --> 00:41:24,080
Speaker 3: think of anything else. You knew it was right. You

884
00:41:24,160 --> 00:41:26,239
Speaker 3: know how this is handled you know everything that your

885
00:41:26,280 --> 00:41:30,239
Speaker 3: nephew's doing is completely outlandish. Good for YOPI, You're a

886
00:41:30,239 --> 00:41:32,799
Speaker 3: great uncle. You tried to be a great parent to

887
00:41:33,080 --> 00:41:34,799
Speaker 3: you know, or a father figure to both of them,

888
00:41:34,960 --> 00:41:37,880
Speaker 3: and one of them just an entitled, entitled brat. My

889
00:41:37,920 --> 00:41:41,000
Speaker 3: aunt made my mother's funeral into a drama, and I

890
00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:45,000
Speaker 3: won't let it slide rip. My twenty four mom passed

891
00:41:45,040 --> 00:41:47,160
Speaker 3: away at the end of last month. We both moved

892
00:41:47,160 --> 00:41:49,919
Speaker 3: home and spent four months visiting our mom every day

893
00:41:50,320 --> 00:41:54,560
Speaker 3: while simultaneously trying to sort out her affairs, which we

894
00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:57,239
Speaker 3: are still in the process of doing. We have given

895
00:41:57,320 --> 00:42:01,080
Speaker 3: up our respective our respective lives and different countries, something

896
00:42:01,120 --> 00:42:03,160
Speaker 3: we were both able and willing to do for her,

897
00:42:03,560 --> 00:42:06,160
Speaker 3: and muddle through the best we can ever since. By

898
00:42:06,200 --> 00:42:08,359
Speaker 3: the way, this comes from user paye Violet, and if

899
00:42:08,360 --> 00:42:09,880
Speaker 3: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

900
00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:12,200
Speaker 3: r slash Okay story time subret it. I'm key On,

901
00:42:12,280 --> 00:42:14,680
Speaker 3: I'm Dakota, and we're here to give good advice. Goofily,

902
00:42:14,760 --> 00:42:16,600
Speaker 3: But we don't have all the answers. We only know

903
00:42:16,600 --> 00:42:18,520
Speaker 3: what we do, So let us know what you would

904
00:42:18,560 --> 00:42:22,759
Speaker 3: do in the comments, pretty pretty please, Opie says, there

905
00:42:22,800 --> 00:42:25,520
Speaker 3: is quite a gap between Mom's passing and her funeral,

906
00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:28,600
Speaker 3: purely because my brother and I wanted to hold it

907
00:42:28,640 --> 00:42:31,200
Speaker 3: on a Friday so that people coming from further away

908
00:42:31,239 --> 00:42:33,800
Speaker 3: would be able to stay the weekend if they so wished.

909
00:42:34,600 --> 00:42:37,200
Speaker 3: There has been so much to sort out for the funeral.

910
00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:40,440
Speaker 3: We're expecting one hundred plus people to turn up, so

911
00:42:40,560 --> 00:42:43,560
Speaker 3: we have been busy writing speeches, organizing the order of

912
00:42:43,560 --> 00:42:47,080
Speaker 3: service they'll wake, et cetera, to make sure everything runs

913
00:42:47,120 --> 00:42:50,640
Speaker 3: as smoothly as possible on the day, all the while

914
00:42:50,719 --> 00:42:56,280
Speaker 3: still being inundated with the administrations, applying for probate, contacting banks,

915
00:42:56,719 --> 00:43:02,080
Speaker 3: dealing with debt collectors, et cetera. Our aunt, Sarah, fifties female,

916
00:43:02,440 --> 00:43:05,359
Speaker 3: which is Mom's sister, has flown over from the other

917
00:43:05,400 --> 00:43:07,760
Speaker 3: side of the world for the funeral and is spending

918
00:43:07,800 --> 00:43:11,200
Speaker 3: around ten days over here. She arrived on Monday, but

919
00:43:11,320 --> 00:43:13,120
Speaker 3: my brother and I were spending time in the city

920
00:43:13,440 --> 00:43:16,000
Speaker 3: I lived in before I moved home. We were seeing

921
00:43:16,000 --> 00:43:18,560
Speaker 3: friends and extended family, and I had to speak to

922
00:43:18,560 --> 00:43:21,640
Speaker 3: my PhD supervisors, so she went to stay with our

923
00:43:21,680 --> 00:43:25,759
Speaker 3: other aunt, her sister Emma. We asked them both to

924
00:43:25,800 --> 00:43:29,279
Speaker 3: speak at the funeral. Our mom was a very well

925
00:43:29,280 --> 00:43:32,360
Speaker 3: loved person, so we would have no trouble finding people

926
00:43:32,360 --> 00:43:35,280
Speaker 3: to speak at the funeral, but we wanted her sisters

927
00:43:35,520 --> 00:43:38,319
Speaker 3: to have a chance to commemorate her in their own way.

928
00:43:40,040 --> 00:43:43,879
Speaker 3: Our funeral minister. One more time. Our funeral minister asked

929
00:43:43,920 --> 00:43:46,279
Speaker 3: us to send over all the speeches when we had them,

930
00:43:46,520 --> 00:43:49,160
Speaker 3: and to check that there were no repetition, that no

931
00:43:49,200 --> 00:43:51,480
Speaker 3: one was speaking for a huge amount of time, things

932
00:43:51,520 --> 00:43:54,600
Speaker 3: like that. I helped my brother edit his speech. I

933
00:43:54,600 --> 00:43:57,360
Speaker 3: have gone over speeches of our family friends, and I

934
00:43:57,440 --> 00:44:00,399
Speaker 3: wrote the official eulogy to include memories from a people.

935
00:44:00,480 --> 00:44:02,840
Speaker 3: I've been very involved with what everyone is saying because

936
00:44:02,920 --> 00:44:05,759
Speaker 3: I want to, but also because I want everything to

937
00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:08,640
Speaker 3: run perfectly on this day. I've written a poem for

938
00:44:08,680 --> 00:44:10,560
Speaker 3: the funeral and send it to both my aunts a

939
00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:13,360
Speaker 3: few weeks ago because I wanted them to feel included

940
00:44:13,640 --> 00:44:16,160
Speaker 3: with what I had written and to ask their opinion

941
00:44:16,160 --> 00:44:19,480
Speaker 3: about it. Aunt Sarah sent us her speech last night,

942
00:44:19,880 --> 00:44:24,960
Speaker 3: and it is lovely. It's roughly sixteen hundred words, about

943
00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:27,840
Speaker 3: double the length of my brothers, which is the closing piece,

944
00:44:28,440 --> 00:44:30,760
Speaker 3: and one of the memories she has included is already

945
00:44:30,800 --> 00:44:33,800
Speaker 3: referred to in the eulogy. I messaged her and said,

946
00:44:34,719 --> 00:44:37,719
Speaker 3: thank you for your eulogy. It is really lovely and

947
00:44:37,760 --> 00:44:39,799
Speaker 3: I think will be a really nice way to begin

948
00:44:39,840 --> 00:44:42,879
Speaker 3: the service. If it's all right with you, We're going

949
00:44:42,880 --> 00:44:48,160
Speaker 3: to take out the antidote or anecdote. Anecdote. Yeah, take

950
00:44:48,160 --> 00:44:51,239
Speaker 3: out the anecdote as it's mentioned in the eulogy in

951
00:44:51,320 --> 00:44:54,719
Speaker 3: other friends' memories. Okay, that makes sense, and the occasional

952
00:44:54,800 --> 00:44:57,080
Speaker 3: line here and there just as slightly shorten the piece,

953
00:44:57,440 --> 00:45:02,560
Speaker 3: but nothing major funeral minister won't be editing it. By

954
00:45:02,600 --> 00:45:05,759
Speaker 3: the way, it's us two checking over everything for repetition, etc.

955
00:45:06,080 --> 00:45:08,600
Speaker 3: We don't want to double up here. I will show

956
00:45:08,600 --> 00:45:11,000
Speaker 3: you tomorrow the changes we made, but like I say,

957
00:45:11,080 --> 00:45:13,520
Speaker 3: we don't plan on taking much out. It is a

958
00:45:13,600 --> 00:45:19,160
Speaker 3: lovely piece x x. Her reply, the eulogi was supposed

959
00:45:19,160 --> 00:45:22,640
Speaker 3: to be new to all its audience on Friday. I

960
00:45:22,880 --> 00:45:25,239
Speaker 3: feel really hurt that you needed to read it before

961
00:45:25,280 --> 00:45:28,640
Speaker 3: Friday and that you had to edit it. The paragraph

962
00:45:28,640 --> 00:45:32,719
Speaker 3: that follows my antidote makes no sense without it. Every

963
00:45:32,719 --> 00:45:35,040
Speaker 3: time I have practiced the speech at home, in my

964
00:45:35,080 --> 00:45:38,080
Speaker 3: head or in front of my family, I have sobbed,

965
00:45:38,920 --> 00:45:42,520
Speaker 3: but practice stoicism now. I cry as I don't have

966
00:45:42,560 --> 00:45:45,759
Speaker 3: the means to further edit this. I'm sorry I don't

967
00:45:45,800 --> 00:45:48,160
Speaker 3: come up to your expectations in my writing as an

968
00:45:48,200 --> 00:45:51,080
Speaker 3: aunt or mom's sister. If I had known I was

969
00:45:51,120 --> 00:45:53,520
Speaker 3: going to get graded, I would never have offered to

970
00:45:53,520 --> 00:45:55,960
Speaker 3: stand up and speak. You only have fifty minutes, so

971
00:45:56,080 --> 00:45:59,439
Speaker 3: probably better I don't speak at all. You've both seen

972
00:45:59,480 --> 00:46:02,759
Speaker 3: it and I wrote it for you, lovely piece. It

973
00:46:02,800 --> 00:46:07,680
Speaker 3: doesn't sound like it, my god, and wow, just come on,

974
00:46:08,160 --> 00:46:10,520
Speaker 3: we I think we're dealing with entitled people in this episode.

975
00:46:10,560 --> 00:46:13,200
Speaker 6: And boy, oh boy, well you know this person's probably

976
00:46:13,239 --> 00:46:18,839
Speaker 6: also like grieving like it's their sister's funeral. But it's like,

977
00:46:19,000 --> 00:46:21,399
Speaker 6: you just got to understand, like we're this isn't being

978
00:46:21,440 --> 00:46:23,879
Speaker 6: taken out because we think you're a bad writer. We're

979
00:46:23,920 --> 00:46:26,000
Speaker 6: just trying to I don't know.

980
00:46:26,080 --> 00:46:28,399
Speaker 3: Other people wrote the same thing that you wrote. Yeah,

981
00:46:28,440 --> 00:46:32,040
Speaker 3: they literally said your piece is amazing. We didn't even

982
00:46:32,200 --> 00:46:34,239
Speaker 3: edit major things. It's just a couple of tweaks here

983
00:46:34,239 --> 00:46:37,040
Speaker 3: and there, just so we you know, things run smoothly.

984
00:46:37,400 --> 00:46:40,399
Speaker 3: What why are you taking this soda heart? I mean,

985
00:46:40,440 --> 00:46:43,560
Speaker 3: I get it. She wrote a very moving piece for

986
00:46:43,600 --> 00:46:46,279
Speaker 3: her sister that passed away for the ant. Speaking from

987
00:46:46,280 --> 00:46:48,400
Speaker 3: the perspective of the aunt, she wrote something that she

988
00:46:48,440 --> 00:46:53,120
Speaker 3: wanted to say. I don't know if you wrote something

989
00:46:53,120 --> 00:46:57,960
Speaker 3: about your mom or me or anyone that's close to you,

990
00:46:58,120 --> 00:47:00,319
Speaker 3: and like someone said, so we took like a couple

991
00:47:00,400 --> 00:47:01,840
Speaker 3: things out, how would you react?

992
00:47:04,239 --> 00:47:06,400
Speaker 6: I mean, I well, first I'd be like, all right, well,

993
00:47:06,440 --> 00:47:09,080
Speaker 6: who's using that anecdote? Like should we switch the order?

994
00:47:09,120 --> 00:47:10,480
Speaker 6: Like why does it have to come my mind? If

995
00:47:10,480 --> 00:47:13,600
Speaker 6: it's my sister, yeah, I'd be asking questions. But if

996
00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:17,160
Speaker 6: it's like, oh, her kids are using that anecdote, like okay,

997
00:47:17,680 --> 00:47:19,799
Speaker 6: Like I don't know, I would have questions, but I

998
00:47:19,840 --> 00:47:24,520
Speaker 6: also understand why she's upset. But it's like it's very

999
00:47:24,640 --> 00:47:27,040
Speaker 6: much not like your writing wasn't good enough thing. It's

1000
00:47:27,080 --> 00:47:29,920
Speaker 6: like a like you said, there's only X amount of time.

1001
00:47:30,440 --> 00:47:34,520
Speaker 6: We just want to make sure that you know we're

1002
00:47:34,560 --> 00:47:40,120
Speaker 6: not wasting it, or that it's not just repeated over

1003
00:47:40,160 --> 00:47:43,680
Speaker 6: and over again. It is kind of like telling the

1004
00:47:43,719 --> 00:47:46,759
Speaker 6: way that she responded, where it's like instead of just

1005
00:47:46,800 --> 00:47:49,920
Speaker 6: being like, hey, I hear you, but I really want

1006
00:47:49,960 --> 00:47:53,160
Speaker 6: to read it how I wrote it. So is there

1007
00:47:53,200 --> 00:47:55,360
Speaker 6: any way that I could still just do that? Because

1008
00:47:55,400 --> 00:47:57,680
Speaker 6: that anecdote means a lot to me, and I want

1009
00:47:57,680 --> 00:47:58,600
Speaker 6: it to be in the eulogy.

1010
00:47:58,719 --> 00:48:01,320
Speaker 3: But to continue into the story, have we done anything

1011
00:48:01,360 --> 00:48:04,480
Speaker 3: wrong here? It's a lovely idea that everyone can just

1012
00:48:04,560 --> 00:48:07,200
Speaker 3: waltz up to the podium with a surprise speech and

1013
00:48:07,239 --> 00:48:10,759
Speaker 3: speak for fifteen minutes each, But unfortunately that isn't how

1014
00:48:10,800 --> 00:48:15,239
Speaker 3: funerals work. We have time limits. Our funeral minister specifically

1015
00:48:15,360 --> 00:48:18,480
Speaker 3: said nothing should be really over five minutes long, and

1016
00:48:18,520 --> 00:48:20,640
Speaker 3: I'm trying my best to make everything run as smoothly

1017
00:48:20,640 --> 00:48:23,640
Speaker 3: as possible. In no way was I going to try

1018
00:48:23,680 --> 00:48:26,920
Speaker 3: to improve the speech. We were supposed to go and

1019
00:48:26,920 --> 00:48:29,960
Speaker 3: collect Sarah from Emma's house today, but Emma's phoned to

1020
00:48:29,960 --> 00:48:32,400
Speaker 3: say that Sarah would be going with her to collect

1021
00:48:32,400 --> 00:48:35,560
Speaker 3: our cousins from down south. I asked if that was

1022
00:48:35,600 --> 00:48:37,759
Speaker 3: anything to do with the message she sent me last night,

1023
00:48:37,920 --> 00:48:41,560
Speaker 3: and Emma said, well, you didn't handle it very well.

1024
00:48:42,480 --> 00:48:45,400
Speaker 3: Mum was our worst sister, and we don't feel like

1025
00:48:45,440 --> 00:48:47,960
Speaker 3: we should have to have what we want to say edited.

1026
00:48:48,719 --> 00:48:51,080
Speaker 3: She'd continued to say that maybe they shouldn't speak at all,

1027
00:48:51,560 --> 00:48:55,120
Speaker 3: considering they were clearly stepping on our toes. My brother

1028
00:48:55,160 --> 00:48:57,160
Speaker 3: took over the phone call because he could see me

1029
00:48:57,400 --> 00:49:00,960
Speaker 3: getting more frustrated and anxious, and he told Emma very

1030
00:49:01,000 --> 00:49:04,400
Speaker 3: calmly that we felt hurt by the message Sarah's had

1031
00:49:04,440 --> 00:49:07,040
Speaker 3: sent us, that we had spent so long trying to

1032
00:49:07,120 --> 00:49:09,640
Speaker 3: organize his funeral and the last thing we need is

1033
00:49:09,680 --> 00:49:12,800
Speaker 3: a grown woman throwing her toys out the pram because

1034
00:49:12,800 --> 00:49:14,960
Speaker 3: we wanted to take out a single paragraph of an

1035
00:49:14,960 --> 00:49:18,960
Speaker 3: incredibly long speech. Emma said that Sarah felt slighted that

1036
00:49:19,000 --> 00:49:21,600
Speaker 3: we weren't there when she arrived in the country, that

1037
00:49:21,680 --> 00:49:24,560
Speaker 3: she felt slighted because we have said that she can't

1038
00:49:24,560 --> 00:49:26,960
Speaker 3: stay with us the night of the funeral. We have

1039
00:49:27,120 --> 00:49:30,319
Speaker 3: twelve plus friends coming to stay with us because they've

1040
00:49:30,360 --> 00:49:34,319
Speaker 3: been the ones comforting us the most, and that she

1041
00:49:34,320 --> 00:49:37,600
Speaker 3: felt slighted we had read and edited her speech. Do

1042
00:49:37,640 --> 00:49:40,320
Speaker 3: you know what I feel slighted by? I feel slighted

1043
00:49:40,360 --> 00:49:42,160
Speaker 3: by the fact that it took a week for Sarah's

1044
00:49:42,160 --> 00:49:45,000
Speaker 3: grown children to get in touch after mom passed away,

1045
00:49:45,440 --> 00:49:48,719
Speaker 3: only to send the most robotic, impersonal message we have

1046
00:49:48,800 --> 00:49:51,440
Speaker 3: ever received from anyone. I feel slighted that Sarah couldn't

1047
00:49:51,440 --> 00:49:54,120
Speaker 3: manage the message. My brother back when he told her

1048
00:49:54,160 --> 00:49:57,440
Speaker 3: how seriously ill mum had become. I feel slighted by

1049
00:49:57,480 --> 00:50:00,840
Speaker 3: the fact she doesn't realize this isn't about her. This

1050
00:50:00,960 --> 00:50:04,319
Speaker 3: is about the very painful, heart breaking passing of our

1051
00:50:04,400 --> 00:50:06,759
Speaker 3: only parent, and the last thing in the world we

1052
00:50:06,800 --> 00:50:09,839
Speaker 3: need is an emotional breakdown about a single paragraph from

1053
00:50:09,880 --> 00:50:12,399
Speaker 3: a ground woman. She said the speech was for us.

1054
00:50:13,120 --> 00:50:16,200
Speaker 3: It certainly does not feel like it. My brother tried

1055
00:50:16,239 --> 00:50:17,919
Speaker 3: to speak to her on the phone when he spoke

1056
00:50:17,960 --> 00:50:22,120
Speaker 3: to Emma, but she wouldn't. Sarah was supposed to come

1057
00:50:22,160 --> 00:50:25,160
Speaker 3: and stay with us today until next Thursday when she leaves.

1058
00:50:25,520 --> 00:50:28,640
Speaker 3: As far as as I'm concerned, I don't particularly want

1059
00:50:28,680 --> 00:50:30,799
Speaker 3: her in my house right now, and by the looks

1060
00:50:30,800 --> 00:50:34,000
Speaker 3: of things, she doesn't want to be here either. So

1061
00:50:34,800 --> 00:50:38,360
Speaker 3: what do we do. My brother, who has been incredibly

1062
00:50:38,400 --> 00:50:42,160
Speaker 3: levelheaded about everything considering, has said we should message her

1063
00:50:42,200 --> 00:50:44,520
Speaker 3: this evening and say she can do her whole speech

1064
00:50:44,560 --> 00:50:47,400
Speaker 3: if she wants, and we will edit the eulogy so

1065
00:50:47,480 --> 00:50:50,640
Speaker 3: that no memories are repeated. That we should apologize for

1066
00:50:50,719 --> 00:50:53,120
Speaker 3: not being here when she arrived. I'm sure she won't

1067
00:50:53,200 --> 00:50:56,359
Speaker 3: understand that. Shockingly, we wanted a short break away from

1068
00:50:56,400 --> 00:50:59,640
Speaker 3: our passaway mother's house before the funeral, a trip that

1069
00:50:59,680 --> 00:51:02,439
Speaker 3: was played before Sarah even booked the tickets over here,

1070
00:51:03,160 --> 00:51:05,319
Speaker 3: and that we're sorry she can't stay on the night

1071
00:51:05,360 --> 00:51:08,160
Speaker 3: of the funeral, but that it's our friends we want

1072
00:51:08,160 --> 00:51:10,600
Speaker 3: with us because they have been the ones who comforted

1073
00:51:10,680 --> 00:51:13,920
Speaker 3: us the most throughout this entire process, and maybe next

1074
00:51:13,960 --> 00:51:16,640
Speaker 3: time she should have some consideration for the fact we

1075
00:51:16,719 --> 00:51:19,319
Speaker 3: are two young people dealing with the passing of our

1076
00:51:19,320 --> 00:51:22,480
Speaker 3: mother in the middle of organizing a never ending list

1077
00:51:22,520 --> 00:51:25,319
Speaker 3: of tasks to complete. We've had no time to grieve.

1078
00:51:25,400 --> 00:51:28,759
Speaker 3: Yet she quite literally has no idea what we're going

1079
00:51:28,800 --> 00:51:31,279
Speaker 3: through at the moment, and that maybe she should have

1080
00:51:31,320 --> 00:51:34,160
Speaker 3: dealt with this in a more adult fashion instead of

1081
00:51:34,200 --> 00:51:39,040
Speaker 3: sending angry messages over Facebook. And we have an update. IY,

1082
00:51:39,120 --> 00:51:39,720
Speaker 3: what do you think?

1083
00:51:40,040 --> 00:51:41,640
Speaker 6: I do think you should just let her do the speech.

1084
00:51:41,760 --> 00:51:43,200
Speaker 6: I also don't think it's that big of a deal.

1085
00:51:43,200 --> 00:51:46,960
Speaker 6: If memories get repeated, it's you know, it's kind of

1086
00:51:47,000 --> 00:51:49,400
Speaker 6: a freestyle. You don't know what's gonna happen. I'm sure

1087
00:51:49,440 --> 00:51:51,839
Speaker 6: someone's gonna do their speech and then go off and

1088
00:51:51,920 --> 00:51:54,360
Speaker 6: say other things that aren't in the speech, and that's okay.

1089
00:51:55,120 --> 00:51:56,719
Speaker 6: It's uh, you're gonna have to go with the flow

1090
00:51:56,760 --> 00:51:59,040
Speaker 6: to some extent, you can't really control all the variables

1091
00:51:59,040 --> 00:52:00,000
Speaker 6: here and make them all perfect.

1092
00:52:00,400 --> 00:52:03,640
Speaker 3: I feel like you should also not come from a

1093
00:52:03,680 --> 00:52:07,000
Speaker 3: place of you know, being aggressive or attacking your aunt,

1094
00:52:07,160 --> 00:52:10,160
Speaker 3: but also telling her like, hey, we've been trying to

1095
00:52:10,160 --> 00:52:13,920
Speaker 3: figure this all out and we're having a hard time,

1096
00:52:13,960 --> 00:52:15,920
Speaker 3: and we're trying to do the best we can, and

1097
00:52:16,880 --> 00:52:18,640
Speaker 3: you got to give us some slack. You know, we

1098
00:52:18,680 --> 00:52:22,440
Speaker 3: love you lost a sister, we lost our mom. Could

1099
00:52:22,640 --> 00:52:25,200
Speaker 3: you know, can you can you fill that void right

1100
00:52:25,239 --> 00:52:27,200
Speaker 3: now of you know, just trying to be loving and supporting.

1101
00:52:27,280 --> 00:52:29,040
Speaker 3: We're just trying to do the best we can here

1102
00:52:29,920 --> 00:52:32,959
Speaker 3: with our with with what we have. You know, we

1103
00:52:32,960 --> 00:52:36,760
Speaker 3: we never intended to, you know, make you feel slighted.

1104
00:52:37,400 --> 00:52:40,479
Speaker 3: We we wanted you know, we're a family and Mom

1105
00:52:40,480 --> 00:52:45,120
Speaker 3: would never want this for all of us. We're sorry.

1106
00:52:45,280 --> 00:52:47,000
Speaker 3: Let's just try and figure this out. We'll leave your

1107
00:52:47,040 --> 00:52:50,080
Speaker 3: speech in there and hopefully she apologizes too. I really

1108
00:52:50,080 --> 00:52:52,879
Speaker 3: if she doesn't apologize, then she's very pompous. I mean,

1109
00:52:53,080 --> 00:52:57,440
Speaker 3: bite your tongue after the uluji, you know, do what

1110
00:52:57,480 --> 00:52:59,319
Speaker 3: you want to do with that. But I feel like,

1111
00:52:59,480 --> 00:53:01,680
Speaker 3: just bite your toe right now, do the best you

1112
00:53:01,719 --> 00:53:03,040
Speaker 3: can with what you got.

1113
00:53:03,360 --> 00:53:06,120
Speaker 6: Yeah, you're gonna You're gonna have to, you know, take

1114
00:53:06,160 --> 00:53:09,719
Speaker 6: the initiative, because if anyone's gonna go at you, come

1115
00:53:09,760 --> 00:53:13,880
Speaker 6: at you like this knowing that you've just lost your mom.

1116
00:53:13,920 --> 00:53:16,440
Speaker 6: You know, it's crazy. They're they're not They're not reasonable.

1117
00:53:16,640 --> 00:53:20,000
Speaker 6: That's not a reasonable thing to do, not at all.

1118
00:53:20,320 --> 00:53:24,359
Speaker 3: Again, everyone's emotions are heightened to a ten right now,

1119
00:53:24,760 --> 00:53:26,799
Speaker 3: so it makes sense. But we have an update. First

1120
00:53:26,840 --> 00:53:31,040
Speaker 3: of all, a clarification. I've had lots of people commenting

1121
00:53:31,080 --> 00:53:33,960
Speaker 3: to say that I was wrong to cut short my

1122
00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:37,520
Speaker 3: aunt's speech, that there shouldn't be time restrictions on expressing grief.

1123
00:53:38,360 --> 00:53:41,759
Speaker 3: We have a forty five minutes slot with four speeches,

1124
00:53:42,040 --> 00:53:48,480
Speaker 3: two poems, committal songs, reflective and reflective pieces, a eulogy.

1125
00:53:48,600 --> 00:53:52,120
Speaker 3: There is another funeral after us. If we go over time,

1126
00:53:52,600 --> 00:53:55,640
Speaker 3: then we will be cut short. So please try and

1127
00:53:55,719 --> 00:53:59,600
Speaker 3: understand why a fifteen minute speech is problematic. So there

1128
00:53:59,640 --> 00:54:04,120
Speaker 3: we go. That's a clarification on saying that we could

1129
00:54:04,200 --> 00:54:07,359
Speaker 3: have handled things better. Our aunt never asked us about

1130
00:54:07,400 --> 00:54:10,719
Speaker 3: time limitations, et cetera, probably because she now lives in

1131
00:54:10,719 --> 00:54:14,759
Speaker 3: a country where funerals are much more relaxed affairs. She

1132
00:54:14,880 --> 00:54:17,239
Speaker 3: knew how long her slot was, so we figured she

1133
00:54:17,280 --> 00:54:20,000
Speaker 3: would work it out. But we should have clarified I

1134
00:54:20,040 --> 00:54:22,560
Speaker 3: should not have edited her speech at the time. I

1135
00:54:22,640 --> 00:54:24,920
Speaker 3: genuinely saw it as a compromise to try and shorten

1136
00:54:25,000 --> 00:54:27,560
Speaker 3: it slightly whilst still leaving her with ninety five percent

1137
00:54:27,640 --> 00:54:30,920
Speaker 3: of her writing. But I realize now that was the

1138
00:54:30,960 --> 00:54:32,719
Speaker 3: wrong way to go about it. What I should have

1139
00:54:32,760 --> 00:54:34,960
Speaker 3: done was to ask if she feels confident she can

1140
00:54:35,040 --> 00:54:38,440
Speaker 3: read the unedited speech in a set time, and emphasize

1141
00:54:38,440 --> 00:54:42,120
Speaker 3: that if not that if not, she may be hurried along.

1142
00:54:42,960 --> 00:54:45,760
Speaker 3: It would be unfair for the final speech my brothers

1143
00:54:46,160 --> 00:54:50,120
Speaker 3: to be cut short because of bad timings, especially considering

1144
00:54:50,200 --> 00:54:54,920
Speaker 3: that we are the ones who have spent hours organizing everything.

1145
00:54:55,200 --> 00:54:59,880
Speaker 3: I feel like, yeah, that that should have been clarified

1146
00:55:00,160 --> 00:55:03,120
Speaker 3: right at the start. Hey, like, please write your speeches.

1147
00:55:03,200 --> 00:55:05,040
Speaker 3: You know you can write a speech, but that that

1148
00:55:05,160 --> 00:55:07,919
Speaker 3: was a huge thing to leave out of You could

1149
00:55:07,920 --> 00:55:10,960
Speaker 3: write a speech, but keep in mind, we only have

1150
00:55:11,480 --> 00:55:15,960
Speaker 3: this much time, right, So yeah, a little little, a

1151
00:55:16,000 --> 00:55:21,640
Speaker 3: little tidbit that should have been included now has done

1152
00:55:21,640 --> 00:55:23,680
Speaker 3: this in huge explosion with your family.

1153
00:55:24,960 --> 00:55:27,000
Speaker 6: Yeah, hopefully everyone involved here can just like let this

1154
00:55:27,120 --> 00:55:30,040
Speaker 6: go and move on. From it as time goes by, you.

1155
00:55:29,960 --> 00:55:33,200
Speaker 3: Know, yeah, not let you just apologize and just let

1156
00:55:33,239 --> 00:55:36,799
Speaker 3: her know straight up, straight out. But let's go ahead

1157
00:55:36,840 --> 00:55:39,680
Speaker 3: and finish up the story. I'll admit I have some

1158
00:55:39,719 --> 00:55:43,759
Speaker 3: separate frustrations regarding my aunt, and these absolutely spilled over

1159
00:55:43,840 --> 00:55:47,080
Speaker 3: when this issue arose. I think it's fair to say

1160
00:55:47,280 --> 00:55:50,480
Speaker 3: that she also has frustrations directed at us that she

1161
00:55:50,760 --> 00:55:53,839
Speaker 3: also lets spill over. I guess these will be sorted

1162
00:55:53,880 --> 00:55:56,360
Speaker 3: out in time. It's not really the time or place

1163
00:55:56,440 --> 00:55:58,959
Speaker 3: right now. My brother spoke to her on the phone

1164
00:55:59,000 --> 00:56:01,960
Speaker 3: last night and appallze On behalf of both of us,

1165
00:56:02,360 --> 00:56:06,480
Speaker 3: and so did she good. She'll be reading the unedited

1166
00:56:06,520 --> 00:56:09,400
Speaker 3: speech with the knowledge that it cannot exceed a certain

1167
00:56:09,440 --> 00:56:12,319
Speaker 3: time limit. I have no idea if she plans on

1168
00:56:12,320 --> 00:56:14,879
Speaker 3: staying with us at all, but I hope we can

1169
00:56:14,920 --> 00:56:17,520
Speaker 3: put this behind us and move on to brighter things.

1170
00:56:17,960 --> 00:56:20,200
Speaker 3: Thanks all, Yeah, yeah.

1171
00:56:20,040 --> 00:56:22,560
Speaker 6: I hope so too. And that's the end of this story.

1172
00:56:22,880 --> 00:56:24,800
Speaker 3: Let's head to the next one.

1173
00:56:24,920 --> 00:56:26,520
Speaker 6: Hey, it's John here. We're gonna get back to the stories.

1174
00:56:26,560 --> 00:56:28,560
Speaker 6: Put a quick three minute ad break from our sponsors

1175
00:56:28,600 --> 00:56:29,439
Speaker 6: that keep the show going.

1176
00:56:30,120 --> 00:56:32,640
Speaker 4: I moved back with my parents and it feels like

1177
00:56:32,680 --> 00:56:34,040
Speaker 4: a punishment.

1178
00:56:33,680 --> 00:56:34,760
Speaker 5: Move back out.

1179
00:56:34,880 --> 00:56:38,480
Speaker 4: I was betrayed by my fiance beyond repair, and as

1180
00:56:38,520 --> 00:56:42,000
Speaker 4: a result had to move back home temporarily. I was

1181
00:56:42,080 --> 00:56:45,160
Speaker 4: absolutely dreading it because I did so during the VID

1182
00:56:45,760 --> 00:56:49,680
Speaker 4: and living with my parents was exhausting. I love them

1183
00:56:50,200 --> 00:56:52,320
Speaker 4: and I want a good relationship with them, but living

1184
00:56:52,360 --> 00:56:56,479
Speaker 4: here has re established in their minds an inconsiderate power

1185
00:56:56,600 --> 00:56:59,759
Speaker 4: dynamic that to them, I'm still their young child and

1186
00:56:59,800 --> 00:57:01,920
Speaker 4: they can boss me around however they like. By the way,

1187
00:57:02,000 --> 00:57:04,480
Speaker 4: this comes from Throwa eighty two sixty four sixty two

1188
00:57:04,600 --> 00:57:06,520
Speaker 4: five and if you want to submit your own stories,

1189
00:57:06,560 --> 00:57:09,520
Speaker 4: cord to the r slash Okay, storytime separate it. I'm Sophia,

1190
00:57:09,680 --> 00:57:11,960
Speaker 4: I'm Carly, and we're here to give good advice goofully,

1191
00:57:12,000 --> 00:57:14,279
Speaker 4: but we don't have all the answers. We only know

1192
00:57:14,320 --> 00:57:16,040
Speaker 4: what we'd do, So let us know what you would

1193
00:57:16,080 --> 00:57:19,240
Speaker 4: do in the comments, and Op says we live in

1194
00:57:19,400 --> 00:57:23,040
Speaker 4: a very high cost of living area all surrounding states, really,

1195
00:57:23,560 --> 00:57:26,200
Speaker 4: and I'm doing everything in my power to save up

1196
00:57:26,280 --> 00:57:29,200
Speaker 4: so I can afford my own place. But I'm beginning

1197
00:57:29,240 --> 00:57:32,560
Speaker 4: to doubt that can ever happen unless I find random

1198
00:57:32,640 --> 00:57:35,360
Speaker 4: roommates or a partner I think you should find random roommate.

1199
00:57:35,440 --> 00:57:38,120
Speaker 4: I'm extremely grateful that my parents are letting me stay

1200
00:57:38,160 --> 00:57:41,360
Speaker 4: here and that they understand that our economy isn't like

1201
00:57:41,400 --> 00:57:44,200
Speaker 4: it was when they were younger. So I try to

1202
00:57:44,240 --> 00:57:47,680
Speaker 4: show my gratitude in any way possible. I pay one

1203
00:57:47,720 --> 00:57:50,560
Speaker 4: third of the rent. I constantly offer to help out

1204
00:57:50,600 --> 00:57:53,600
Speaker 4: financially in other ways. I do the grocery shopping, I

1205
00:57:53,640 --> 00:57:57,280
Speaker 4: do the dishes, I cook if needed, I run errands

1206
00:57:57,280 --> 00:58:00,120
Speaker 4: when I'm capable of doing so. And above all well,

1207
00:58:00,160 --> 00:58:02,120
Speaker 4: I stay out of their way and keep all my

1208
00:58:02,200 --> 00:58:06,160
Speaker 4: belongings confined to my bedroom or storage. That being said,

1209
00:58:06,280 --> 00:58:08,680
Speaker 4: I find that even in trying to meet them where

1210
00:58:08,720 --> 00:58:11,880
Speaker 4: I can, my parents can act. My parents can act

1211
00:58:12,000 --> 00:58:16,400
Speaker 4: extremely spoiled, particularly my mom, and they ask me favors

1212
00:58:16,440 --> 00:58:20,120
Speaker 4: that I don't find appropriate. My mom spends a majority

1213
00:58:20,200 --> 00:58:23,080
Speaker 4: of her days sitting on her phone, playing games or

1214
00:58:23,120 --> 00:58:27,040
Speaker 4: talking to her friends, and watching television in her pajamas.

1215
00:58:27,720 --> 00:58:31,320
Speaker 4: She is physically able. In fact, her doctors have encouraged

1216
00:58:31,320 --> 00:58:34,040
Speaker 4: her to be more active, and honestly, she really does

1217
00:58:34,120 --> 00:58:36,280
Speaker 4: spend her days doing a whole lot of nothing and

1218
00:58:36,320 --> 00:58:39,200
Speaker 4: then complaining about how hard her day was because she

1219
00:58:39,280 --> 00:58:42,000
Speaker 4: had to make a customer service call or something, And

1220
00:58:42,080 --> 00:58:45,280
Speaker 4: yet she constantly asks me to do very petty things

1221
00:58:45,320 --> 00:58:48,840
Speaker 4: for her that she's perfectly capable of doing. For example,

1222
00:58:48,920 --> 00:58:51,560
Speaker 4: if I'm in the living room with her then permanently

1223
00:58:51,640 --> 00:58:53,400
Speaker 4: leave to go somewhere else in the house, and she

1224
00:58:53,480 --> 00:58:55,760
Speaker 4: knows I'm not headed back to the living room, she

1225
00:58:55,880 --> 00:58:59,120
Speaker 4: rarely skips a beat to ask me to bring her dessert. Okay,

1226
00:58:59,280 --> 00:59:01,240
Speaker 4: that one's not that that's really not that bad.

1227
00:59:01,360 --> 00:59:02,680
Speaker 5: My parents are getting up anyway.

1228
00:59:02,800 --> 00:59:04,480
Speaker 4: I do that to my parents. My parents do that.

1229
00:59:04,880 --> 00:59:10,120
Speaker 5: Yeah, over the ages again, i'd be in the title

1230
00:59:10,240 --> 00:59:13,840
Speaker 5: scene I didn't remember, but more so of the parents. Yeah,

1231
00:59:14,160 --> 00:59:16,880
Speaker 5: if we have parent ages, that's like how old are

1232
00:59:16,920 --> 00:59:19,520
Speaker 5: your parents? How old are you? Is like a fairly

1233
00:59:19,560 --> 00:59:20,760
Speaker 5: decent factor in that.

1234
00:59:20,880 --> 00:59:23,680
Speaker 4: Even if I explain I'm not coming back beforehand, she

1235
00:59:23,840 --> 00:59:28,160
Speaker 4: still expects a yes, Oh, okay, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're

1236
00:59:28,240 --> 00:59:28,959
Speaker 4: just in the house.

1237
00:59:29,160 --> 00:59:33,120
Speaker 5: She's just permanently going to another room as just asn't

1238
00:59:33,120 --> 00:59:36,600
Speaker 5: she didn't intend on coming back to that room. Do

1239
00:59:36,680 --> 00:59:38,720
Speaker 5: you live in a mansion? Is it like a quarter

1240
00:59:38,760 --> 00:59:40,240
Speaker 5: mile like that's.

1241
00:59:40,600 --> 00:59:43,360
Speaker 4: She still expects it. Yes, Sometimes I'll be sitting there

1242
00:59:43,400 --> 00:59:46,240
Speaker 4: after a long day trying to decompress, and she'll still

1243
00:59:46,280 --> 00:59:48,920
Speaker 4: ask me as if she's not equally as far from

1244
00:59:49,000 --> 00:59:51,160
Speaker 4: the fridge. It's one thing if I get up and

1245
00:59:51,200 --> 00:59:53,480
Speaker 4: ask the room if anyone would like anything, But I

1246
00:59:53,520 --> 00:59:56,200
Speaker 4: feel like she takes advantage of favors to over to

1247
00:59:56,320 --> 00:59:59,720
Speaker 4: compensate for her own laziness, or expects her family to

1248
00:59:59,760 --> 01:00:02,960
Speaker 4: serve her for some reason. Another example, I'll be working

1249
01:00:03,040 --> 01:00:05,600
Speaker 4: during the week and she's fully aware I am, but

1250
01:00:05,640 --> 01:00:07,880
Speaker 4: will still ask if I will go return address she

1251
01:00:07,920 --> 01:00:10,760
Speaker 4: bought for her when she's got nothing going on, could

1252
01:00:10,800 --> 01:00:14,680
Speaker 4: definitely do it herself and isn't otherwise preoccupied. For instance,

1253
01:00:14,720 --> 01:00:17,400
Speaker 4: when I'm out running the errand she'd be watching TV.

1254
01:00:18,160 --> 01:00:21,280
Speaker 4: Sometimes she won't stop, and she just takes every opportunity

1255
01:00:21,320 --> 01:00:24,840
Speaker 4: to ask favors. She switches on this very sweet voice too,

1256
01:00:24,920 --> 01:00:27,960
Speaker 4: so I always know when it's coming, and usually starts

1257
01:00:27,960 --> 01:00:31,800
Speaker 4: a sentence with will be a nice person, and as

1258
01:00:31,800 --> 01:00:34,360
Speaker 4: though I'm a bad person if I don't. The problem

1259
01:00:34,480 --> 01:00:36,600
Speaker 4: is whenever I get fed up and start to set

1260
01:00:36,640 --> 01:00:40,280
Speaker 4: boundaries and say no or even maybe later, or whenever

1261
01:00:40,320 --> 01:00:43,320
Speaker 4: she can read my body language that I'm slightly annoyed,

1262
01:00:43,520 --> 01:00:46,720
Speaker 4: she instantly yells at me, not just oh okay, that's fine,

1263
01:00:47,040 --> 01:00:50,680
Speaker 4: literally yelling like how dare I? I get an immediate

1264
01:00:50,720 --> 01:00:54,680
Speaker 4: reaction like I'm the rudest, most selfish, mouse done caring

1265
01:00:54,760 --> 01:00:57,320
Speaker 4: person in the world if I don't do it, and

1266
01:00:57,360 --> 01:00:59,920
Speaker 4: then she reminds me of all the favors she's done

1267
01:01:00,160 --> 01:01:03,040
Speaker 4: for me as justification for why I should do it

1268
01:01:03,080 --> 01:01:06,920
Speaker 4: without hesitation, which is completely unfair because she'll do me

1269
01:01:06,960 --> 01:01:09,520
Speaker 4: favors I don't ask her to do and in fact

1270
01:01:09,600 --> 01:01:13,040
Speaker 4: wish she wouldn't, like laundry, and then weaponizes them against

1271
01:01:13,120 --> 01:01:15,840
Speaker 4: me as though she's keeping some sort of favor scorecard.

1272
01:01:16,520 --> 01:01:19,000
Speaker 4: Sometimes she'll be mad at me the entire day for

1273
01:01:19,040 --> 01:01:22,240
Speaker 4: this and intentionally avoid me to let me know in

1274
01:01:22,320 --> 01:01:25,640
Speaker 4: her eyes, i'd messed up to boot. The reverse is

1275
01:01:25,680 --> 01:01:26,720
Speaker 4: an absolute no no.

1276
01:01:27,320 --> 01:01:27,520
Speaker 3: I know.

1277
01:01:27,600 --> 01:01:30,160
Speaker 4: If I ever dreamed of asking either of my parents

1278
01:01:30,200 --> 01:01:33,840
Speaker 4: for lazy favors like that, they would immediately shut me down,

1279
01:01:34,080 --> 01:01:36,400
Speaker 4: and my mom would be appalled and laugh in my

1280
01:01:36,480 --> 01:01:39,920
Speaker 4: face in a patronizing tone that I'm a big girl

1281
01:01:40,040 --> 01:01:42,840
Speaker 4: and capable of doing it. My thalth, it would be

1282
01:01:43,000 --> 01:01:45,360
Speaker 4: entirely out of the question, But they can't see the

1283
01:01:45,440 --> 01:01:47,960
Speaker 4: hypocrisy if someone needs me to run the drugs to

1284
01:01:47,960 --> 01:01:50,200
Speaker 4: the drug store or help lift something, I know the

1285
01:01:50,240 --> 01:01:53,680
Speaker 4: important ways to help. I don't mind helping out, truly,

1286
01:01:53,760 --> 01:01:57,400
Speaker 4: but within reason an I definitely feel taken advantage of

1287
01:01:57,480 --> 01:02:01,040
Speaker 4: in this area. I think my mom a very nineteen

1288
01:02:01,080 --> 01:02:04,000
Speaker 4: fifties attitude that children serve their parents because that's what

1289
01:02:04,080 --> 01:02:06,800
Speaker 4: she grew up with. She expects to be coddled, but

1290
01:02:06,880 --> 01:02:10,080
Speaker 4: I can't dare ask for help without bothering her. My

1291
01:02:10,160 --> 01:02:13,000
Speaker 4: dad still asks favors, but he also works very hard,

1292
01:02:13,360 --> 01:02:15,600
Speaker 4: and we have a more equal exchange of effort, if

1293
01:02:15,600 --> 01:02:18,480
Speaker 4: you will, Although sometimes it frustrates me that I'm the

1294
01:02:18,480 --> 01:02:21,640
Speaker 4: one to always do the doting, but honestly, even though

1295
01:02:21,680 --> 01:02:24,040
Speaker 4: I'm living here, I have done more than my fair

1296
01:02:24,080 --> 01:02:27,240
Speaker 4: share of helping out over the last few years. Both

1297
01:02:27,280 --> 01:02:30,160
Speaker 4: my parents have had multiple surgeries over the last few years,

1298
01:02:30,200 --> 01:02:33,040
Speaker 4: including during the VID, and I was the only one

1299
01:02:33,040 --> 01:02:35,560
Speaker 4: of my siblings to step in and care for them

1300
01:02:36,440 --> 01:02:40,560
Speaker 4: even years after quarantine, only to be told I wasn't

1301
01:02:40,560 --> 01:02:44,240
Speaker 4: doing enough, wasn't really doing that much, or sweet sentiments

1302
01:02:44,320 --> 01:02:47,440
Speaker 4: like well, your siblings are married and busy with their lives,

1303
01:02:47,480 --> 01:02:50,840
Speaker 4: then you're not, and what could you possibly have going

1304
01:02:50,840 --> 01:02:53,920
Speaker 4: on that's more important than taking care of your thick parents. Meanwhile,

1305
01:02:53,960 --> 01:02:56,919
Speaker 4: I have become so accustomed to my mom getting mad

1306
01:02:56,920 --> 01:02:59,960
Speaker 4: at me for asking for help that I now expect

1307
01:03:00,160 --> 01:03:03,080
Speaker 4: that reaction, and I've grown into an adult who never

1308
01:03:03,240 --> 01:03:07,400
Speaker 4: asks anyone for favors because I immediately expect they'll say no.

1309
01:03:08,400 --> 01:03:11,120
Speaker 4: Most people I've encountered would never dare help me out

1310
01:03:11,680 --> 01:03:14,040
Speaker 4: through the good or the bad, which is a very

1311
01:03:14,040 --> 01:03:17,439
Speaker 4: difficult and isolating way to live. Would never dare help

1312
01:03:17,480 --> 01:03:20,919
Speaker 4: me out what I know, something like grabbing your parent

1313
01:03:20,960 --> 01:03:23,920
Speaker 4: a sandwich sounds petty, but what hurts me very deeply

1314
01:03:24,040 --> 01:03:26,840
Speaker 4: is my mom and I always had a strained relationship.

1315
01:03:27,600 --> 01:03:31,600
Speaker 4: She's usually quite harsh. She's usually quite harsh and stand

1316
01:03:31,600 --> 01:03:34,160
Speaker 4: offfish with me, and I feel like she often only

1317
01:03:34,200 --> 01:03:36,120
Speaker 4: talks to me if she wants something from me that

1318
01:03:36,160 --> 01:03:39,560
Speaker 4: she doesn't want to do herself, purely because she doesn't

1319
01:03:39,600 --> 01:03:42,720
Speaker 4: feel like it. I rarely get I love us from her,

1320
01:03:42,880 --> 01:03:45,160
Speaker 4: let alone, thank yous? So why would I want to

1321
01:03:45,200 --> 01:03:46,880
Speaker 4: go out of my way for someone who talks to

1322
01:03:46,920 --> 01:03:50,000
Speaker 4: me like that? And let me clarify, I do often

1323
01:03:50,040 --> 01:03:53,120
Speaker 4: offer to do small favors like that, but the few

1324
01:03:53,160 --> 01:03:57,360
Speaker 4: times I don't. That's what gets noticed and criticized more

1325
01:03:57,400 --> 01:03:59,720
Speaker 4: than anything. I hate that I'm being treated like this

1326
01:03:59,840 --> 01:04:03,840
Speaker 4: all because I'm single and this economy doesn't support independence.

1327
01:04:04,560 --> 01:04:07,040
Speaker 4: I'm passing away for my own space and it's not

1328
01:04:07,080 --> 01:04:10,280
Speaker 4: feasible right now. But I am a fully grown, mature,

1329
01:04:10,480 --> 01:04:13,760
Speaker 4: working adult and feel I deserve to be respected as

1330
01:04:13,800 --> 01:04:16,840
Speaker 4: one by my parents. But just because I'm not married,

1331
01:04:17,080 --> 01:04:17,480
Speaker 4: I'm not.

1332
01:04:17,800 --> 01:04:22,840
Speaker 5: I don't think it's because you're not married. I oh, sorry,

1333
01:04:22,880 --> 01:04:25,200
Speaker 5: you're living with them, right, It's just because you're living there.

1334
01:04:25,360 --> 01:04:28,080
Speaker 5: I feel like like I'm assuming the problem is you

1335
01:04:28,160 --> 01:04:31,040
Speaker 5: can't afford to live alone. Yes, in which case there's

1336
01:04:31,840 --> 01:04:35,920
Speaker 5: quite like random roommates, like Sophia said, yeah, maybe another

1337
01:04:35,960 --> 01:04:39,000
Speaker 5: family member that doesn't drive you nuts, but like there's

1338
01:04:39,040 --> 01:04:43,040
Speaker 5: ways around this. Also. Have we had a conversation with them,

1339
01:04:43,080 --> 01:04:46,000
Speaker 5: I don't know. It's unjust to be like, hey, like

1340
01:04:46,040 --> 01:04:48,520
Speaker 5: I'm really tired throughout the day, Like sometimes they just

1341
01:04:48,560 --> 01:04:51,160
Speaker 5: feel that makes me feel really badly that I can't

1342
01:04:51,200 --> 01:04:53,560
Speaker 5: always do these things for you, And then you're like

1343
01:04:53,640 --> 01:04:55,840
Speaker 5: coming at me like sometimes I just can't. I just

1344
01:04:55,880 --> 01:04:56,720
Speaker 5: can't always do it.

1345
01:04:56,720 --> 01:04:56,959
Speaker 6: Man.

1346
01:04:57,320 --> 01:04:59,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, let's see what they say at the moment. I

1347
01:04:59,640 --> 01:05:03,520
Speaker 4: also work extensive hours, sometimes sixty to seventy hours a

1348
01:05:03,600 --> 01:05:06,080
Speaker 4: week to try and save up as much as possible,

1349
01:05:06,160 --> 01:05:08,560
Speaker 4: so it's not like I'm sitting on my behind eaten

1350
01:05:08,680 --> 01:05:12,400
Speaker 4: bond bonds and then complaining about helping out. Most days,

1351
01:05:12,440 --> 01:05:15,440
Speaker 4: I'm exhausted by the end of work, and honestly, some

1352
01:05:15,640 --> 01:05:18,520
Speaker 4: days as a single adult are very heavy, carrying the

1353
01:05:18,560 --> 01:05:21,320
Speaker 4: burden alone while everyone else has a spouse to lean on,

1354
01:05:21,840 --> 01:05:23,800
Speaker 4: And it would be nice to have a selfless act

1355
01:05:23,840 --> 01:05:25,960
Speaker 4: of service from a family member every now and then,

1356
01:05:26,640 --> 01:05:28,920
Speaker 4: but I would never be able to rely on anyone

1357
01:05:28,960 --> 01:05:31,200
Speaker 4: to do so. If my own mother gets pissed at

1358
01:05:31,280 --> 01:05:34,600
Speaker 4: me for asking, I'm confused if you're assuming.

1359
01:05:34,120 --> 01:05:37,560
Speaker 5: That, Like I'm just not understanding the part about like

1360
01:05:37,880 --> 01:05:40,480
Speaker 5: not being married being the factor.

1361
01:05:40,680 --> 01:05:45,720
Speaker 4: Oh that's not my My my curiosity here is. Ope

1362
01:05:45,880 --> 01:05:49,280
Speaker 4: keeps saying like, I can't ask anyone for favors, And

1363
01:05:49,320 --> 01:05:52,600
Speaker 4: I'm wondering if if you have tried and people have

1364
01:05:52,760 --> 01:05:55,200
Speaker 4: rejected you, or if you just think because your mother

1365
01:05:55,280 --> 01:05:58,640
Speaker 4: rejects you that everyone will. Because that's how that last

1366
01:05:58,680 --> 01:06:01,520
Speaker 4: sentence sounded. I'm so strong and overwhelmed in my personal

1367
01:06:01,560 --> 01:06:04,240
Speaker 4: life right now, feeling like I've failed at every aspect

1368
01:06:04,280 --> 01:06:06,480
Speaker 4: of life because I have to live at home, and

1369
01:06:06,520 --> 01:06:08,880
Speaker 4: I hate knowing that saying no to one little favor

1370
01:06:08,920 --> 01:06:11,560
Speaker 4: can make me the enemy and make me feel like

1371
01:06:11,600 --> 01:06:14,440
Speaker 4: I can't even do right by my family despite the

1372
01:06:14,480 --> 01:06:16,440
Speaker 4: lengths I do go to try and win their favor.

1373
01:06:16,560 --> 01:06:20,240
Speaker 4: It really ruins my entire week, and sometimes I feel

1374
01:06:20,240 --> 01:06:23,000
Speaker 4: like I can't take being treated like a complete letdown

1375
01:06:23,600 --> 01:06:27,520
Speaker 4: one more time over such insignificant things. It's a game

1376
01:06:27,560 --> 01:06:30,360
Speaker 4: I cannot win despite all the good I do. One

1377
01:06:30,440 --> 01:06:33,240
Speaker 4: mistake and that's it. But there is a little bit

1378
01:06:33,320 --> 01:06:36,920
Speaker 4: left to this story. Any final thought I stand by.

1379
01:06:37,080 --> 01:06:40,360
Speaker 5: Have we had a conversation, have we exhausted our options

1380
01:06:40,400 --> 01:06:43,840
Speaker 5: to find cheap housing or moving out? I feel like

1381
01:06:43,880 --> 01:06:46,200
Speaker 5: that would be the easiest thing. If there's any way

1382
01:06:46,240 --> 01:06:50,520
Speaker 5: that you could find cheap studio or sun a space

1383
01:06:50,560 --> 01:06:51,760
Speaker 5: you could just have your own.

1384
01:06:52,320 --> 01:06:55,080
Speaker 4: At the same time, I'm resentful. I want to be

1385
01:06:55,080 --> 01:06:57,360
Speaker 4: putting this level of care and energy into a life

1386
01:06:57,400 --> 01:06:59,720
Speaker 4: at home with a husband, and I want to be

1387
01:06:59,760 --> 01:07:03,480
Speaker 4: a appreciated for the extreme effort I do contribute, rather

1388
01:07:03,520 --> 01:07:05,480
Speaker 4: than getting all a life sucked out of me by

1389
01:07:05,520 --> 01:07:08,960
Speaker 4: my ungrateful mother. I just feel like this is going

1390
01:07:09,000 --> 01:07:11,240
Speaker 4: to be the rest of my life and I'm completely stuck.

1391
01:07:11,840 --> 01:07:14,280
Speaker 4: Instead of getting to be married and raising a family

1392
01:07:14,320 --> 01:07:17,720
Speaker 4: of my own, I'm trapped as the spinster Cinderella who

1393
01:07:17,800 --> 01:07:20,000
Speaker 4: had to stick around and take care of her parents

1394
01:07:20,400 --> 01:07:23,000
Speaker 4: because I didn't find love and should be so grateful

1395
01:07:23,000 --> 01:07:25,360
Speaker 4: they let me live here and do anything they demand,

1396
01:07:25,440 --> 01:07:28,160
Speaker 4: even if it's degrading. So am I the ale for

1397
01:07:28,240 --> 01:07:31,040
Speaker 4: not just doing small favors like this? I feel so

1398
01:07:31,320 --> 01:07:34,440
Speaker 4: conflicted because I always feel like the a whole no

1399
01:07:34,560 --> 01:07:38,200
Speaker 4: matter the situation. Am I a bad person? Am I

1400
01:07:38,240 --> 01:07:42,280
Speaker 4: being selfish? Or is this something that entitled parents condition

1401
01:07:42,400 --> 01:07:46,280
Speaker 4: you to feel? Does the severe negative reaction match the crime?

1402
01:07:46,920 --> 01:07:51,000
Speaker 4: Is this normal treatment from parents? Am I overreacting? I

1403
01:07:51,040 --> 01:07:54,560
Speaker 4: think that Opi is still healing from from that hurt

1404
01:07:55,040 --> 01:08:00,880
Speaker 4: with her ex fiance, and I think is just resenting

1405
01:08:00,920 --> 01:08:03,120
Speaker 4: the fact that she's kind of having to start over

1406
01:08:03,160 --> 01:08:06,040
Speaker 4: in a way, or at least in her mind, because

1407
01:08:06,040 --> 01:08:08,919
Speaker 4: she went from having a fully independent life to now

1408
01:08:08,920 --> 01:08:10,840
Speaker 4: being back with her parents. And I think that's so

1409
01:08:11,120 --> 01:08:15,720
Speaker 4: hard to go from independence to not being independent anymore.