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Speaker 1: Welcome. You are now listening to the Professional Professional Hey,

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Speaker 1: Professional home Girls is the kid of a name from

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Speaker 1: the PSD podcast, the only place where you would hear

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Speaker 1: interviews from black women an honestly on stories that will

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Speaker 1: enlightened and expand on taboo topics. Now, if you hear

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Speaker 1: someone that sounds familiar, mind the business that pays you child.

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Speaker 1: If you like the PhD podcast, please rate, review and

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Speaker 1: subscribe on Apple Podcasts. Please five star reviews only. Hold

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Speaker 1: Me Down, Don't Hold Me Up is now available on

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Speaker 1: the site as well as my book list, so please

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Speaker 1: make sure you visit the link in the show notes below.

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Speaker 1: You can connect with the kid on Instagram at the

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Speaker 1: Professional home Girl and at the PSD podcast. If you

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Speaker 1: are on Twitter, please follow me at the PhD podcast Now.

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Speaker 1: If you are all caught up with episode, listen to

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Speaker 1: the bonus episodes by supporting the PSD podcast Patreon account.

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Speaker 1: To support, please visit www dot Patreon dot com. Forward

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Speaker 1: slash the PSG podcast now. Please keep in mind that

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Speaker 1: all of my guests are nonness, so listen again this

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Speaker 1: week's episode. So I have a special guest on the

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Speaker 1: show today. Her daughter was on episode seven and afterwards,

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Speaker 1: be kept in contact and she mentioned that her mom

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Speaker 1: should be on the show because she has a very

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Speaker 1: powerful and inspiring story. So to mom, how are you feeling.

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Speaker 1: How are you doing? I'm feeling fine, Okay, are you nervous?

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Speaker 1: Not really? Okay, that's the energy I like. So, how

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Speaker 1: did your dough to present this to you? Uh? She

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Speaker 1: she spoke to me about what she've been through. What

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Speaker 1: I didn't know that she's been through because I was

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Speaker 1: out of the household. And she told me that she

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Speaker 1: uh spoke to a pastor or someone and that they said,

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Speaker 1: you need to tell your mother what you've been through

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Speaker 1: at the time and stuff, and she told me finally

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Speaker 1: because I didn't know that she'd been through what she's

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Speaker 1: been through. How did that make you feel, um, like

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Speaker 1: a really bad mother? M hm? Why? Because I wasn't

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Speaker 1: there at the time. I was out the house and

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Speaker 1: she was living with my mother, and I didn't know

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Speaker 1: half of the things that she has been through. So

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Speaker 1: it just it made me feel really bad at the time.

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Speaker 1: Do you believe it's possible to break the generational curses

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Speaker 1: within our community? Yes? I do. How so how so

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Speaker 1: I feel that what my daughter has been through I

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Speaker 1: I should have been able to be there for her

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Speaker 1: at the time, and it was it was just a

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Speaker 1: difficult um situation at the time. I was um. My

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Speaker 1: mother reported me for using drugs and not being there

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Speaker 1: for my kids at the time, and my daughter finally

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Speaker 1: told me what happened to her, and it just made

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Speaker 1: me feel really really bad because I'm so outspoken on

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Speaker 1: the issue and I'm gonna make sure that the next

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Speaker 1: generation of females are not gonna have to go through this.

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Speaker 1: That's a door to y'all. That's my guest from Okay,

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Speaker 1: So I'll let you know. I'm just curious on your thoughts.

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Speaker 1: Why do you think people don't believe kids or children

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Speaker 1: or anybody. I don't know, because I would always know.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, because I would always believe my children

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Speaker 1: and stuff, like, um, my mother, you know, she had

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Speaker 1: two kids by her stepfather, so my brother and sister

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Speaker 1: was put up for adoption while my mother went to

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Speaker 1: an all girls school and came home on the weekends

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Speaker 1: and stuff. And is um, why didn't have believe kids?

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Speaker 1: I I never heard what was going on with my

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Speaker 1: daughter and stuff, but I would always believe my kids

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Speaker 1: and su and Um, my mother went through what she

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Speaker 1: went through with her two kids from her stepfather, and

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Speaker 1: she was always like, your shorts are too short, don't

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Speaker 1: walk around any man, dress halfway and this and that.

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Speaker 1: And when I did finally tell that my uncle Gary

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Speaker 1: tried to molest me or rape me, she just she

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Speaker 1: didn't believe me. My aunt told me that she said, oh,

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Speaker 1: I'm over exaggerating and stuff. But yet she was always

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Speaker 1: on our case to stay dressed and if anything happen

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Speaker 1: to you, let me know. And she was always on

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Speaker 1: top of that. But when I finally told her what

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Speaker 1: was going on, she didn't believe me. So I didn't

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Speaker 1: know what to think about that. Mm hmm. Before we

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Speaker 1: get into your story, where do you hold people will

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Speaker 1: receive from hearing your story once they hear it. On

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Speaker 1: this episode, Wow, I just come to believe your kids.

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Speaker 1: Always to believe your kids and and love your kids definitely.

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Speaker 1: And um, I have a lot of bad feelings about

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Speaker 1: what happened to my daughter without me even knowing what happened.

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Speaker 1: And and I want other people to realize that listen

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Speaker 1: to your kids, because they're not lying to you. They're

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Speaker 1: not you know, making this up at anything. But I

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Speaker 1: just really couldn't understand what my mother didn't listen to

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Speaker 1: me when she was always on top of situations like that.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, so that really uh m hmmm. It made

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Speaker 1: me feel kind of funny, kind of different, like, you know,

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Speaker 1: she was always on top of that, and then she

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Speaker 1: didn't believe me. I didn't care at the time. Do

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Speaker 1: you think the reason why she didn't believe you, because

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Speaker 1: nobody probably believe her when she was raped by her stepfather. Well,

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Speaker 1: what her mother did to her was when she was

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Speaker 1: she was put in an all girls school. Her mother

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Speaker 1: put her kids up for adoption because it was by

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Speaker 1: her husband and she didn't want to have nothing to

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Speaker 1: do with that. Mm hmm. So my father he when

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Speaker 1: she met him, he promised that he would find her

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Speaker 1: kids for her. So he did find my um older sister,

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Speaker 1: and we never found our brother, but we found her

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Speaker 1: and she looked so much like my mother that my

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Speaker 1: cousins was coming up to her saying hi, Auntie Diana,

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Speaker 1: kissing her on the cheek and stuff, and then they realized,

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Speaker 1: that's not her, but she looks so much like a year,

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Speaker 1: so much like my mother and stuff. So we did

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Speaker 1: eventually find her, but I don't know what happened to

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Speaker 1: my brother. How did you suppose the field with your father? She? Um,

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Speaker 1: my mother took her in the back room and explained

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Speaker 1: to her what her life was about and what happened

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Speaker 1: to her and stuff like that. So she took us

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Speaker 1: then and stuff, and she she was all right by it.

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Speaker 1: But um, she's never been like one hundred of sin

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Speaker 1: close to my mother or anything because she was in

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Speaker 1: to care all her life and stuff. Mm hmm. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And well other ways, because I know your daughter was

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Speaker 1: telling me how your mom was also very abusive. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: she was pretty abusive. She yuh. Is it hard for

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Speaker 1: you talk about this mom a little bit because I

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Speaker 1: don't know what to say. I don't know what really

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Speaker 1: to say. My mother like she um, she did things

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Speaker 1: like said, oh, she cut all my hair off and

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Speaker 1: that I was always put putting it out of the way,

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Speaker 1: and uh that you know, she cut all my hair off,

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Speaker 1: and she just she just did bad things to me

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Speaker 1: and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Do you think she was jealous

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Speaker 1: of you because of how you look? Because you look

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Speaker 1: so much. My I was like, you know, your mother

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Speaker 1: is jealous of you, because she told me at one

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Speaker 1: point she was like, Um, my husband Michael, I don't

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Speaker 1: want you around him. When he walks in the room.

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Speaker 1: You walk out and mind your business and don't be

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Speaker 1: nowhere around him. So my aunt one night, uh she

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Speaker 1: I was in an all girls school like she was.

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Speaker 1: And I came home Friday, um, Sunday afternoon, and she

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Speaker 1: told me not to be around him and stuff like that.

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Speaker 1: And my aunt told me, she said, you know, your

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Speaker 1: mother is jealous of you, and she thinks you're trying

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Speaker 1: to take her husband. And she told me like a

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Speaker 1: week later, she said, um, I don't want you around

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Speaker 1: my husband. If I find out there's some shady ship

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Speaker 1: going on, there's gonna be some u chad. When she

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Speaker 1: said that, I just like looked at her from a distance,

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Speaker 1: like this is not my mother, Like I just I

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Speaker 1: just felt weird, like I could never she could never

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Speaker 1: be my mother. For stranger in the street. Yeah, So

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Speaker 1: I didn't have too much to say to her to

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Speaker 1: do with her. But I got pregnant when I was

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Speaker 1: about fifteen, and my mother thought it was his kids.

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Speaker 1: For the most possible she told me that I had

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Speaker 1: to give my child up for adoption. All the family

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Speaker 1: was willing to take her, take her from me and stuff.

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Speaker 1: But my mother in the long run, she asked about

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Speaker 1: I said, about two months before I had her, she

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Speaker 1: changed her mind. The social worker told me, did you

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Speaker 1: know your mother changed your mind let you keep the baby?

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Speaker 1: And I was like what what? And I was so excited.

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Speaker 1: She was like, oh, she didn't tell you. She didn't

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Speaker 1: tell you, but she let me keep the baby. After

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Speaker 1: a while. Oh, that was back at the back in

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Speaker 1: the day when the parents had to say so if

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Speaker 1: the child, yeah, yeah, yeah, damn. And then it was

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Speaker 1: also a time when she put chains in the refrigerator.

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Speaker 1: So you and your brother, yeah, yeah, she put chains

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Speaker 1: on the refrigerator. Start we wouldn't getting nothing to eat

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Speaker 1: out of there, and so that we will learn a

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Speaker 1: lesson and stop being so greedy and stuff. So we

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Speaker 1: would like we would stick our arms due the chain

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Speaker 1: door and grab something out of it and eat it

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Speaker 1: and stuff. But yes, she she changed the refrigerator. M hm.

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Speaker 1: So when you told your mom that your uncle, which

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Speaker 1: is her brother, tries to molest you and rape you,

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Speaker 1: she put on the room together so he can confess. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so he could confess on You know, I would never

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Speaker 1: do that to her. You know she's lying. You know,

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Speaker 1: it's not like that. And she just said, okay, just

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Speaker 1: you know whatever, I go back to your room. Whatever.

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Speaker 1: And she didn't do nothing to say nothing about it. Well,

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Speaker 1: you're head about all the things that your mom experienced.

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Speaker 1: Taking the fact that she's your mom, like looking at

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Speaker 1: her as a woman, I didn't make you feel because

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Speaker 1: it had to mess with her psyche for her to

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Speaker 1: treat you the way she treated you. Oh, doesn't make

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Speaker 1: an excuse, though, Yeah, doesn't make an excuse. Um, I

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Speaker 1: just we really don't. I haven't spoken to my mother

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Speaker 1: in twenty years. And when I did used to speak

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Speaker 1: with her, it was when we was drinking vodka and

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Speaker 1: listening to music, right, And what has she ever tried

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Speaker 1: to apologize? No, she's never And so I just grew

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Speaker 1: up thinking that my mother pretty much wanted the income

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Speaker 1: that I was getting for my kids. And yeah, after

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Speaker 1: a while I started to thank that. And um, she

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Speaker 1: was getting that income like it's about fifteen hundred a

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Speaker 1: month or whatever because one of my kids was on

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Speaker 1: s S I and this and that. So she took

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Speaker 1: me down to the security office that had that signed

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Speaker 1: over to her, and this and that, and remember just

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Speaker 1: walking away, knowing that it was all about the money.

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Speaker 1: And I just walked away and she was like, you

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Speaker 1: don't care a long a you got the money and stuff.

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Speaker 1: Mm hmm. And during this time, how was your relationship

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Speaker 1: with your brother? My brother he um, my brother Matt.

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Speaker 1: We was close. He would come home eleven thirty twelve

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Speaker 1: o'clock at night and tell me how his day went up,

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Speaker 1: what he did. And he was a criminal, but he

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Speaker 1: was the closest thing to me. And my mother used

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Speaker 1: to treat him really bad and stuff and tell him

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Speaker 1: he got to move out and go to job corps

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Speaker 1: and this and that. And I was thinking, how are

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Speaker 1: you tell uh a thug to go to job corps

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Speaker 1: after all the stuff that he was involved in, his stuff,

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Speaker 1: And one time he told me he wanted to kill

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Speaker 1: himself and he left outside the apartment and I heard

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Speaker 1: a gun go off, and I told my mother, you

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Speaker 1: gotta go out there and check on him, because he

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Speaker 1: told me he wanted to kill himself and stuff. And

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Speaker 1: he didn't kill itself, but he just went through some

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Speaker 1: tragic stuff too. Because um, when my mother uh finally

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Speaker 1: took him to court. The course that you have to

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Speaker 1: choose between your husband or your son, which one you're

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Speaker 1: gonna take. And she said she choose her husband and

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Speaker 1: left him there and he called my father and my

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Speaker 1: father came and took custody of him, so he was

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Speaker 1: living with him. M why didn't um, she just wanted

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Speaker 1: to get custody up up of him and uh, he

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Speaker 1: just he was shocked that she did that when when

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Speaker 1: the judge told her she had to choose, and he

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Speaker 1: pulled me aside one day and told me what happened.

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Speaker 1: I didn't know that all that happened. Mm hmm. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So we was very close to stuff and it was

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Speaker 1: just one of them things. So do you think that

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Speaker 1: his childhood as well affected him to where he's at now? Yes? Yes,

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Speaker 1: uh yeah. We loved each other very much, and I

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Speaker 1: end up upsetting him because I got with one of

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Speaker 1: his friends and had a daughter by him, and um,

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Speaker 1: when I told him who I was pregnant by, he

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Speaker 1: was like, oh, you're preakning by that nerd again or whatever,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, no, we see a friend such

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Speaker 1: and such and he just hung up the phone on me.

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Speaker 1: And a while later, I end up trying to commit suicide.

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Speaker 1: So I was. I was in a hospital and he

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Speaker 1: called him and said, what you do to my sister? Listen?

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Speaker 1: He said, I didn't do nothing. I didn't know she

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Speaker 1: was gonna do that or whatever. And you know, so

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Speaker 1: we was always pretty close. So were you kind of

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Speaker 1: like heartbroken when he went away for jail. I went

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Speaker 1: to jail. Oh yeah, I was very much hot broke,

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Speaker 1: and I went to his court cases and stuff, and

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Speaker 1: they gave him about twenty seven years to life and stuff.

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Speaker 1: But he's on he's getting out eventually. Now, he's getting

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Speaker 1: out in about a few months. But he's he's been

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Speaker 1: in there for twenty thirty three years, so he's just

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Speaker 1: now getting out. Do y'all talk about your childhood? No,

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Speaker 1: I talked about it to my daughter a lot. Yeah. Well,

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Speaker 1: I guess one of the main reasons why I was

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Speaker 1: really excited by having you on because one, I like

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Speaker 1: to have older women on the show because I feel

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Speaker 1: like you'll have so many like gems and like lessons

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Speaker 1: that you can pass on to women me and your

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Speaker 1: daughter age or even younger than us. And also, I

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Speaker 1: feel like there's not a lot of conversations that goes

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Speaker 1: around relationships for mothers because I didn't have a good

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Speaker 1: relationship with my mom at all. Yeah, So I was

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Speaker 1: looking forward to having you on the show because I

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Speaker 1: feel like, you know, we need to hear more of

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Speaker 1: these stories to let people know that they're not alone.

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Speaker 1: So what happened to your uncle? My uncle went to

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Speaker 1: prison for murder mm hmm. It was a crack addict.

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Speaker 1: So the last time I've seen him, I told him

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Speaker 1: that I forgive him for what he did and I

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Speaker 1: still love him, and I hugged him. And then a

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Speaker 1: couple of months later he was in prison. So when

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Speaker 1: he got out, he I heard that he was asking

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Speaker 1: for me and how I was doing this stuff mm hmm. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And what made you do that for him? I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I have no idea. That's just the way I him.

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Speaker 1: I have no idea. And let me see um. And

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Speaker 1: like my mom's she sent me to the store with

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Speaker 1: my little brother get him whatever he wanted. And we

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Speaker 1: was late coming back, and when they opened the front door,

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Speaker 1: she hit me in the face with a tennis racket.

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Speaker 1: And I was my mother and I was screaming because

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Speaker 1: I was late, she said, And so I was screaming

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Speaker 1: and yelling, and I walked in the house and she

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Speaker 1: was still beating me with the tennis racket and I

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Speaker 1: nailed down to the to the couch chair and and

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Speaker 1: just covered my face and she kept beating me, beating me,

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Speaker 1: and my grandmother was dying from lung cancer, and she

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Speaker 1: came out and said, Diane, Diane, don't get no blood

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Speaker 1: on my couch. And I thought he came to save me.

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Speaker 1: I said, stopped beating her like that, but she said,

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Speaker 1: don't get no blood on my couch. To get her

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Speaker 1: off my couch. And when I walked back to my bedroom,

295
00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:20,719
Speaker 1: I glanced in the mirror and my bone was sticking

296
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Speaker 1: out of my cheek, out of my face. Oh wow.

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Speaker 1: He sent me right back outside after that, and my

298
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Speaker 1: friends are saying, what happened to you? And I was saying, oh,

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Speaker 1: I got jumped by some girls going to visit my father.

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Speaker 1: Mother was yelling at me, saying, you're gonna be just

301
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Speaker 1: like your brother. You're gonna be up just like your

302
00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:39,760
Speaker 1: brother and stuff, and she had me rents the call

303
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Speaker 1: and Green's off and then told me to go back outside.

304
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Speaker 1: You can turn to help you. No, no, I didn't.

305
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Speaker 1: And I told my girlfriend, I said my mother, I said,

306
00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:55,040
Speaker 1: I really didn't get jumped by no girls. My mother

307
00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:57,119
Speaker 1: beat me like that. She said, I figured that because

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Speaker 1: you went in the house and came back out looking

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Speaker 1: like that. So yeah, and I can't imagine how your

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Speaker 1: your little brother was filling. Yeah, he tried to run

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Speaker 1: back out the door, and my uncle stopped him and said,

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Speaker 1: you were you going? You ain't going nowhere. But he

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00:18:12,680 --> 00:18:17,400
Speaker 1: didn't get beat the isaac mm hmm. So when when

314
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:20,720
Speaker 1: did you move out to be on your own? I

315
00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:23,320
Speaker 1: was living in the street. I was pretty much homeless.

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Speaker 1: I was living in a banded apartment buildings. My son's father, Uh,

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Speaker 1: he beat me and he had aids, so he raped

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Speaker 1: me repeatedly all the time, and and he just said,

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Speaker 1: you think I can't get nobody better than you are,

320
00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:41,360
Speaker 1: You're so pretty this and that look what I did

321
00:18:41,359 --> 00:18:44,320
Speaker 1: to you now, bitch, and just stuff like that. So

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00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:47,439
Speaker 1: I end up having aids from him. When did you

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00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:51,760
Speaker 1: find out he had? He told me this when when

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Speaker 1: I first met him. I was busying my other daughter's

325
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Speaker 1: father family, and he lives across the street, and he

326
00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,639
Speaker 1: was always saying he's doing girl, and and you know,

327
00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:04,000
Speaker 1: it's talking trash like that stuff. And I just went

328
00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:05,879
Speaker 1: for it. Even though I heard the room and say

329
00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:07,639
Speaker 1: don't work with him. He got aged and said that

330
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Speaker 1: I did. I don't know why I did, but I did.

331
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Speaker 1: And um, he beat me a lot and he raped

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Speaker 1: me a lot and stuff like that. So that's what

333
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:21,320
Speaker 1: happened to me. So how did you find out that

334
00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:25,040
Speaker 1: you was that you had? As I couldn't already figured

335
00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:27,200
Speaker 1: it out? Was having knighted me? Is about it about

336
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:30,040
Speaker 1: his family telling me and this and that, and uh,

337
00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:32,880
Speaker 1: I finally went to the guts and I was pregnant

338
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:36,920
Speaker 1: by him, and well when did I find out about this?

339
00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:43,560
Speaker 1: I don't It's just I don't remember that. It was

340
00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:46,840
Speaker 1: just he just he hated me like he hated women.

341
00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:50,520
Speaker 1: M me. It was like, oh you thank you, so pretty,

342
00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:53,280
Speaker 1: you thank you. He just he hated me, and he

343
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:55,280
Speaker 1: beat the ship out of me and did all types

344
00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:58,320
Speaker 1: of stuff to me. And the man that I did love,

345
00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:01,760
Speaker 1: my daughter's father, mysel sucking dogs father. He was in

346
00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:05,240
Speaker 1: prison at the time, and when he heard, everything just

347
00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:09,160
Speaker 1: fell apart and my life just went downhill from there

348
00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:12,720
Speaker 1: because I started to smoke crack. He got the hooked

349
00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:18,600
Speaker 1: on crack and prostitute to get more crack money, So

350
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:22,960
Speaker 1: my life just don Your daughter told me that you

351
00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:27,440
Speaker 1: stopped doing drugs cold turkey though. Yeah, yeah, I don't

352
00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:30,919
Speaker 1: know how. I don't know how it happened. I just stopped.

353
00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:33,879
Speaker 1: I just just stopped. I don't know how it happened

354
00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:38,480
Speaker 1: or whatever. I just stopped and stopped drinking, stop smoking crack.

355
00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:43,720
Speaker 1: I just quit. I don't know how to. So we're

356
00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:46,159
Speaker 1: your son's father and now and then also because I

357
00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:49,360
Speaker 1: know sometimes how when children look like the parents did

358
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:54,600
Speaker 1: that with your son? No, not well my son, um,

359
00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:56,480
Speaker 1: I really didn't want to have too much to do

360
00:20:56,560 --> 00:20:59,240
Speaker 1: with him because of his father. So it did affect

361
00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:02,840
Speaker 1: me and I have spoken to him about it and

362
00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:05,040
Speaker 1: stuff and told him I'm so sorry for being a

363
00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:07,000
Speaker 1: way I was. And I supposed to him about a

364
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:12,480
Speaker 1: couple of months ago about that too, but it was

365
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:16,280
Speaker 1: a hard battle to go through it. But his father

366
00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:19,440
Speaker 1: just never kid. He's like that. Men hated me. I

367
00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:22,439
Speaker 1: don't know why or what, but he just couldn't stand

368
00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:26,600
Speaker 1: me and was like yeah, and it was like, bitch,

369
00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:28,879
Speaker 1: I don't give a funk about you, and it just

370
00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:32,920
Speaker 1: the man just hated me. I don't know so worri

371
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:36,400
Speaker 1: if he had talk or no, we don't talk. He's

372
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:40,879
Speaker 1: on the street somewhere, living with his family or whatever,

373
00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:43,439
Speaker 1: on the street somewhere and we don't talk about nothing.

374
00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:48,240
Speaker 1: And I had one one point I told him at

375
00:21:48,280 --> 00:21:51,480
Speaker 1: one point I put him in jail for beating on me,

376
00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:55,160
Speaker 1: and the police came and took him in. And at

377
00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:59,160
Speaker 1: one point, uh, this guy pulled out a pulled out

378
00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:01,640
Speaker 1: a police off says gun and tried to shoot him

379
00:22:01,640 --> 00:22:04,520
Speaker 1: in the hand. So he got a big lawsuit for that.

380
00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:08,119
Speaker 1: But the lawsuit was that he's gonna pay the money

381
00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:10,200
Speaker 1: to my son to go to college and stuff, and

382
00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:12,280
Speaker 1: then he could keep the rest of the money. But

383
00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:15,480
Speaker 1: he didn't do that. He just took all the money

384
00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:18,760
Speaker 1: and came by to see the big crack house where

385
00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:21,760
Speaker 1: I was at and just smiled and just left, like

386
00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:24,160
Speaker 1: I'm not giving you ship bitch off for your son.

387
00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:30,720
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm, yes, so yeah, I know you had to

388
00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:36,399
Speaker 1: be feeling like I don't even imagine, but stupid acts

389
00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:39,040
Speaker 1: like you know, I forgive you for everything you've done

390
00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:42,040
Speaker 1: to me, and I hope that you know we could

391
00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:44,680
Speaker 1: get along in the filter. I I forgive you and

392
00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:47,439
Speaker 1: walk away like that, And people say, how could you

393
00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:49,400
Speaker 1: forgive him, my fucker that took your life and did

394
00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:51,320
Speaker 1: all this ship to you. I don't know how, but

395
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:56,760
Speaker 1: I just do. Right. Did you know at the time

396
00:22:56,840 --> 00:23:00,960
Speaker 1: that your daughter knew that she was prospertum um? I

397
00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:03,239
Speaker 1: don't think my kids know. Did y'all know? Used to

398
00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:09,000
Speaker 1: tell me with me stop my single with me one time,

399
00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:11,560
Speaker 1: and I was like, Oh, we're gonna get paid. We're

400
00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:14,119
Speaker 1: gonna get paid, girl, We're gonna get paid. And she

401
00:23:14,280 --> 00:23:17,000
Speaker 1: repeated to my grandmother, where the fund she get that

402
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:22,199
Speaker 1: ship from? Someone? We're gonna get paid. We're gonna get paid, Yeah,

403
00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:25,760
Speaker 1: she they I guess she know. I didn't really realize that.

404
00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:29,600
Speaker 1: She told me stories about how she used to see

405
00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:33,720
Speaker 1: her guys counselor coming in and at the house. Who oh,

406
00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:36,520
Speaker 1: I don't even think. Yes, I don't even know she

407
00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:40,840
Speaker 1: fathers don't even remember. But yeah. One of her John

408
00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:45,439
Speaker 1: ended up being one of my counselors from school. I

409
00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:49,040
Speaker 1: was home from school one day and he walked through

410
00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:52,880
Speaker 1: and walked right straight to the back room, just said,

411
00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:56,000
Speaker 1: how does that make you feel? That makes me feel awful.

412
00:23:56,040 --> 00:24:01,359
Speaker 1: I didn't know anything about that that. I didn't know

413
00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:08,280
Speaker 1: how you forgave me forgiving yourself, mother, forgiving myself. Oh

414
00:24:08,359 --> 00:24:12,840
Speaker 1: how no, No, because no, I don't forgive myself. I

415
00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:19,240
Speaker 1: just I just I want to forgive yourself. Wow. I

416
00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:21,159
Speaker 1: know it's easier said than done, but you did the

417
00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:23,920
Speaker 1: It's only so much you could have did with the

418
00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:26,760
Speaker 1: choices that you had. You can't force yourself for doing

419
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:29,520
Speaker 1: what you felt was right at the moment. I was

420
00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:32,280
Speaker 1: just so like when my brother went to prison and

421
00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:35,679
Speaker 1: then my daughter's father went to prison right after, I

422
00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:39,119
Speaker 1: just I was, I didn't I was so naive and

423
00:24:39,359 --> 00:24:41,119
Speaker 1: because I know my brother wouldn't let me go through

424
00:24:41,119 --> 00:24:45,400
Speaker 1: anything like that and stuff, God his father, and I'm saying,

425
00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:48,320
Speaker 1: you know, when y'all both left, it is just, um,

426
00:24:48,760 --> 00:24:51,879
Speaker 1: the sheep seen me coming. I mean they see this

427
00:24:52,119 --> 00:24:55,600
Speaker 1: naive girl and take it, take advantage of her, and

428
00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:58,280
Speaker 1: they just see me coming because I didn't know nothing

429
00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:04,000
Speaker 1: and protected nobody. So I just was I was just

430
00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:08,840
Speaker 1: played like a full Right. Hey, your daughter also told

431
00:25:08,880 --> 00:25:11,640
Speaker 1: me that your mother was a prostitute as well. Yeah,

432
00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:14,359
Speaker 1: my my father want to help her find her dog

433
00:25:14,520 --> 00:25:18,480
Speaker 1: or whatever. Yeah, he was her pimp and yeah I

434
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:22,320
Speaker 1: never had a pimp, but he was a pomping and Uh.

435
00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:24,840
Speaker 1: We learned that when I was about fourteen thirteen or

436
00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:30,320
Speaker 1: something like that, and uh she uh, she fell in

437
00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:33,000
Speaker 1: love with another man and my father had to go

438
00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:35,600
Speaker 1: on mad and stuff to get over her and stuff

439
00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:40,480
Speaker 1: because he went kind of crazy. Mm hmm. Yeah. So,

440
00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:43,920
Speaker 1: but my father always tried to beat it for me.

441
00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:46,480
Speaker 1: Like when I got sick with chronic pink get tied

442
00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:49,560
Speaker 1: from drinking so much alcohol. I was in the hospital

443
00:25:49,600 --> 00:25:53,440
Speaker 1: for like two and a half months, and he kept

444
00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:55,920
Speaker 1: calling saying, how's doing this, That she's sick, she's sick,

445
00:25:56,359 --> 00:25:58,440
Speaker 1: and he kept calling for like three days straight. Then

446
00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:00,040
Speaker 1: he came as I'm taking you to the hospital a

447
00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:02,200
Speaker 1: law and there was like, you know, you're about to die.

448
00:26:02,359 --> 00:26:06,080
Speaker 1: You you got chronic pancreatitis from drinking so much alcoholic

449
00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:09,359
Speaker 1: and you're very sick and stuff and stuff. And then

450
00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:11,760
Speaker 1: a couple of times he came and rescued me out

451
00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:16,960
Speaker 1: of that situation. Right, you don't have to take medication

452
00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:22,840
Speaker 1: for your oh for yeah, I'm on one pill now

453
00:26:23,520 --> 00:26:27,879
Speaker 1: m hm hill and it's um kidney friendly because my

454
00:26:27,960 --> 00:26:32,160
Speaker 1: kidneys has been acting up here and there and stuff. Yeah,

455
00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:36,600
Speaker 1: so I'm still I'm still dealing with that. So your

456
00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:39,600
Speaker 1: daughter also told me that one night she woke up

457
00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:42,560
Speaker 1: and she saw you in the hospital gown and your

458
00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:47,280
Speaker 1: face was swollen. Yeah. I remember that. Um, now that

459
00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:53,280
Speaker 1: story was so hard breaking. Yeah, but what happened, Uh,

460
00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:56,639
Speaker 1: I got I got raped and beat up in the

461
00:26:56,680 --> 00:27:00,720
Speaker 1: bottom of a basement and he beat my face in

462
00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:03,199
Speaker 1: so much that my whole face was just going you

463
00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:08,239
Speaker 1: couldn't recognize me or anything. M was this guy And

464
00:27:08,280 --> 00:27:10,600
Speaker 1: I usually say, don't mess with them, young, Um, black

465
00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:14,199
Speaker 1: black motherfuckers, don't mess with them. You know, it just

466
00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:16,800
Speaker 1: goes with something like like a white person or something

467
00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:21,440
Speaker 1: like that. But anyway, Um, yeah, he beat me pretty bad.

468
00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:24,719
Speaker 1: And I came home, came home the next morning and

469
00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:27,920
Speaker 1: my kids seen me and stuff, and I just told

470
00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:30,919
Speaker 1: my I'm okay and every thing's gonna be okay. But

471
00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:33,800
Speaker 1: my face was really wrecked. He really hurt me bad.

472
00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:38,439
Speaker 1: So how long was it before you saw him again?

473
00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:42,320
Speaker 1: I saw who again? The guy who did this to you?

474
00:27:42,359 --> 00:27:47,320
Speaker 1: Because then, J yeah, most definitely. Yeah, I can't believe this.

475
00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:50,280
Speaker 1: I seen him down the hall at my neighbor's house

476
00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:52,080
Speaker 1: where I used to go down there and get high,

477
00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:54,760
Speaker 1: and I took to me and he was like when

478
00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:56,480
Speaker 1: are you gonna do my head? Break my head and

479
00:27:56,560 --> 00:27:58,480
Speaker 1: get close at my that's the one that beat me

480
00:27:58,520 --> 00:28:01,000
Speaker 1: and raped me, said, don't get too close to him

481
00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:06,200
Speaker 1: or whatever. And we went to the pool together with summertimes.

482
00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:08,200
Speaker 1: I said I'm going to the pool. He's like, oh,

483
00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:10,000
Speaker 1: you're scared to go to the pool and me because

484
00:28:10,080 --> 00:28:12,000
Speaker 1: you think I did something to you or whatever. And

485
00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:15,040
Speaker 1: I kept asking him, wasn't you the one who did

486
00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:17,320
Speaker 1: this to me? Whatever? And he finds that, yeah, I

487
00:28:17,359 --> 00:28:20,320
Speaker 1: was taking out when I went through with my baby's mother.

488
00:28:20,320 --> 00:28:22,359
Speaker 1: I took it out on you. I'm sorry, just say that.

489
00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:24,680
Speaker 1: So I took him down to the pool and stuff,

490
00:28:25,119 --> 00:28:27,240
Speaker 1: and we went swimming and stuff, and I even hugged

491
00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:29,800
Speaker 1: him and kissed him to play it off. And we

492
00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:32,400
Speaker 1: walked back to the house and I drunk him under

493
00:28:32,440 --> 00:28:34,240
Speaker 1: the table because I had drink a lot of alcohol

494
00:28:34,320 --> 00:28:35,920
Speaker 1: and take a lot of people under the table. I

495
00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:38,400
Speaker 1: drunk him under the table. I called the police, went

496
00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:40,320
Speaker 1: to the neighbor's house and called the police and said,

497
00:28:40,320 --> 00:28:42,640
Speaker 1: the guy that raped me, he's here now, I want

498
00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:44,600
Speaker 1: you to come and get him. And they took him

499
00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:46,520
Speaker 1: out of the house hend to have his shoes on

500
00:28:46,760 --> 00:28:49,200
Speaker 1: he was sleeping and they took him out of the

501
00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:51,200
Speaker 1: house and that was that. That was the end of that.

502
00:28:52,280 --> 00:28:57,280
Speaker 1: Were you scared? No, I wasn't no, because what he

503
00:28:57,400 --> 00:29:00,080
Speaker 1: did to me what No. And the police when I

504
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:02,200
Speaker 1: called him the first time when I seen him, that

505
00:29:02,360 --> 00:29:03,960
Speaker 1: was like, we can't do nothing. He could be right

506
00:29:04,040 --> 00:29:06,320
Speaker 1: next door from you and we still can't do nothing

507
00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:09,080
Speaker 1: about it. That's what the police told me. So when

508
00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:11,440
Speaker 1: I did him, when I did get him alone and

509
00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:13,840
Speaker 1: called the police on him and he was passed out,

510
00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:19,000
Speaker 1: that's when they got him. M m. And we locked

511
00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:25,200
Speaker 1: up for multiple breaks, right yeah, and that's what I heard. Yeah, man,

512
00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:29,360
Speaker 1: that is crazy. M hm. So what they do you

513
00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:35,480
Speaker 1: stop proct to? It was or um, I just I

514
00:29:35,520 --> 00:29:39,760
Speaker 1: don't know how I saw, I just stopped. I just um,

515
00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:43,280
Speaker 1: my kids, my mother moved my kids to Florida, and

516
00:29:43,560 --> 00:29:47,640
Speaker 1: I was living with my son's my son's um father

517
00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:50,640
Speaker 1: and stuff. He was a firefighter, but he's a little

518
00:29:50,680 --> 00:29:55,400
Speaker 1: cuckoo himself. He's a firefighter, and um, I end up

519
00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:57,920
Speaker 1: staying with him and he took care of man stuff

520
00:29:58,160 --> 00:30:00,360
Speaker 1: and I wanted to move down here with Mike kids

521
00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:06,120
Speaker 1: and stuff. So um, they they kind of I told

522
00:30:06,160 --> 00:30:08,040
Speaker 1: him I wanted to check on my case with him

523
00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:10,160
Speaker 1: and what was going on when it there was like,

524
00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:11,960
Speaker 1: we're not sure when I show what was going on,

525
00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:13,320
Speaker 1: and that's why I was like, I don't care. I'm

526
00:30:13,320 --> 00:30:17,320
Speaker 1: just moving out of Boston period. I'm going where my

527
00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:20,160
Speaker 1: kids are at. So that just left it right there.

528
00:30:20,240 --> 00:30:22,560
Speaker 1: I just left and when when where my kids was at?

529
00:30:25,040 --> 00:30:28,160
Speaker 1: And then I found out offtible rapists and stuff. So

530
00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:33,840
Speaker 1: it was he following you that night. But he said

531
00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:37,000
Speaker 1: that he had seen me multiple times walking down the

532
00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:39,320
Speaker 1: street like I would go get high and then I

533
00:30:39,520 --> 00:30:42,280
Speaker 1: start walking the streets to get more money to get high.

534
00:30:42,320 --> 00:30:45,040
Speaker 1: And he said he always seen me and always wanted

535
00:30:45,080 --> 00:30:47,720
Speaker 1: to contact me, but he didn't, but he always seen me,

536
00:30:49,120 --> 00:30:51,280
Speaker 1: so he just they said, you're so pretty. I always

537
00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:53,400
Speaker 1: see you walking down street. I didn't do nothing to you.

538
00:30:53,720 --> 00:30:55,120
Speaker 1: He's like, I'm just telling you I didn't do not

539
00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:56,840
Speaker 1: until you I don't know what you're thinking, but I

540
00:30:56,840 --> 00:31:02,920
Speaker 1: didn't do nothing toil you, but I knew he did it. Yeah, Well,

541
00:31:02,920 --> 00:31:04,760
Speaker 1: I feel like you've just been through so much more,

542
00:31:04,880 --> 00:31:07,320
Speaker 1: Like what does Helen look like for you? Because you're

543
00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:09,560
Speaker 1: gonna have to forgive yourself for a lot of things.

544
00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:15,360
Speaker 1: Wow that I know you're not doing drugs anymore, but

545
00:31:16,360 --> 00:31:18,200
Speaker 1: like how are you coping? Like how are you like?

546
00:31:18,200 --> 00:31:20,280
Speaker 1: Like what are you doing to keep yourself happy? Because

547
00:31:20,440 --> 00:31:22,160
Speaker 1: I can hear in your voice that you're just like

548
00:31:22,920 --> 00:31:27,400
Speaker 1: you're just tired. Yeah. I don't know what to say

549
00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:35,080
Speaker 1: about that. Yeah, grandkids and grandkids don't keep me pretty busy.

550
00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:38,080
Speaker 1: I love my grandkids. That spoiled brats and I love

551
00:31:38,160 --> 00:31:42,000
Speaker 1: them to that. But that's good be around some love. Yeah,

552
00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:47,720
Speaker 1: grandkids that keep me going. Yeah, what does Helen look

553
00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:53,800
Speaker 1: like for you to? Have you ever thought about that? Um? No? I? Um,

554
00:31:53,840 --> 00:31:56,480
Speaker 1: I noticed that. I think about my past a lot.

555
00:31:56,840 --> 00:32:01,800
Speaker 1: I think. Uh, I just think about everything that's happened

556
00:32:01,800 --> 00:32:06,920
Speaker 1: to me and and dwelling on. Um what do they say? Is? Um? Pre?

557
00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:10,560
Speaker 1: What did I say? It's it's like you keep thinking

558
00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:14,160
Speaker 1: about it over and over. You just yeah, it's just

559
00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:18,479
Speaker 1: I don't know. I just still think about my life

560
00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:23,720
Speaker 1: and my past, Like I don't like doing that, but

561
00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:26,160
Speaker 1: it keeps popping up like oh you was right, you

562
00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:29,120
Speaker 1: was messed up? You. Yeah, I just keep going back

563
00:32:29,160 --> 00:32:37,080
Speaker 1: into that. Mm hmmm. Did you ever question God? No?

564
00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:44,000
Speaker 1: I never question God about it. Um no, I just um,

565
00:32:44,040 --> 00:32:47,200
Speaker 1: I don't know how I get through it all. Yeah,

566
00:32:47,480 --> 00:32:50,440
Speaker 1: you're still here. You overcame a lot of things by yourself,

567
00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:53,200
Speaker 1: which is amazing. You gotta give you some type of credit.

568
00:32:53,240 --> 00:32:58,320
Speaker 1: Ma nah nah, I just um, I messed up a lot,

569
00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:00,560
Speaker 1: and I I just wish my brother other was here

570
00:33:00,560 --> 00:33:02,960
Speaker 1: because he would have protected me from that. But what

571
00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:05,520
Speaker 1: he was doing was bad too, all in the streets

572
00:33:05,520 --> 00:33:11,160
Speaker 1: and stuff. So mm hmmm. Yeah, So I'm just curious.

573
00:33:11,160 --> 00:33:13,080
Speaker 1: What were some of your dreams that you always wanted

574
00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:16,440
Speaker 1: to accomplish. Um, I was pretty enough to be a model,

575
00:33:16,960 --> 00:33:20,080
Speaker 1: and I want some modeling contests and stuff. And my

576
00:33:20,200 --> 00:33:24,880
Speaker 1: son's um, my son's father would uh give like you

577
00:33:24,880 --> 00:33:26,760
Speaker 1: ain't not and you're still a bit this and that,

578
00:33:26,840 --> 00:33:29,040
Speaker 1: and he would take the bouquet flowers I wanted, threw

579
00:33:29,080 --> 00:33:30,680
Speaker 1: them down the hill and then told me to go

580
00:33:30,800 --> 00:33:34,600
Speaker 1: fucking get them, and just uh, I didn't really have

581
00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:40,040
Speaker 1: too many dreams mm hmm. If you wanted to grow

582
00:33:40,080 --> 00:33:45,280
Speaker 1: up in the thing or besides a model, um, I believe,

583
00:33:45,680 --> 00:33:49,880
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't, I don't know because I

584
00:33:49,880 --> 00:33:51,680
Speaker 1: feel but maybe you I felt like you probably don't

585
00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:53,680
Speaker 1: even have a chance to even dream because everything was

586
00:33:53,760 --> 00:33:57,680
Speaker 1: just happen. And my mother told me, she said, go

587
00:33:57,720 --> 00:33:59,720
Speaker 1: out there and find your dream, this and that, and

588
00:33:59,760 --> 00:34:02,040
Speaker 1: I told all I said, well, the modeling agency. I

589
00:34:02,120 --> 00:34:04,200
Speaker 1: said that I have to pay a thousand dollars to

590
00:34:04,920 --> 00:34:07,760
Speaker 1: John Robert Powell's agency in Boston. He said, I have

591
00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:10,160
Speaker 1: to pay a thousand dollars to get in. And she

592
00:34:10,320 --> 00:34:13,200
Speaker 1: was like, you know, forget that, you ain't doing ship,

593
00:34:13,520 --> 00:34:17,239
Speaker 1: you know. So that was pretty much the end of that.

594
00:34:21,160 --> 00:34:29,640
Speaker 1: So do you have any regrets? Oh? Just um, I

595
00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:35,680
Speaker 1: just um. I just didn't make it. I just didn't

596
00:34:35,680 --> 00:34:40,800
Speaker 1: become who I wanted to be. M h. Yeah. And

597
00:34:40,840 --> 00:34:43,160
Speaker 1: I know my father's friend came up and she was

598
00:34:43,239 --> 00:34:45,239
Speaker 1: from Miami, and she was like, she's so pretty. I

599
00:34:45,239 --> 00:34:47,040
Speaker 1: could She said, I lived right across the street from

600
00:34:47,080 --> 00:34:48,880
Speaker 1: a modeling agency. I could put her in there. I

601
00:34:48,880 --> 00:34:51,200
Speaker 1: could put her in there. And my father whispered to her, Oh,

602
00:34:51,239 --> 00:34:53,120
Speaker 1: you know she's on drugs. You don't want to put

603
00:34:53,120 --> 00:34:55,279
Speaker 1: her there. And then she said whisper and said, well,

604
00:34:55,320 --> 00:34:57,799
Speaker 1: when she get herself together, call me because she could

605
00:34:57,800 --> 00:35:01,040
Speaker 1: definitely be in there like that. And I was, you know,

606
00:35:01,080 --> 00:35:04,759
Speaker 1: disappointed my father would even say that about me and stuff? Right?

607
00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:10,520
Speaker 1: Have you and your father ever talked about certain things? Um?

608
00:35:10,560 --> 00:35:12,960
Speaker 1: Not really. He was always there for me and stuff,

609
00:35:13,000 --> 00:35:20,520
Speaker 1: but not really, we never really talked about stuff. Mm hmm. Well,

610
00:35:20,520 --> 00:35:22,640
Speaker 1: I really do hope that you find a healing that

611
00:35:22,760 --> 00:35:24,560
Speaker 1: you need mine because you still have a lot of

612
00:35:24,600 --> 00:35:26,880
Speaker 1: life in you, and you never know by sharing your

613
00:35:26,920 --> 00:35:30,440
Speaker 1: story and stuff, you never know where this canna take you. No,

614
00:35:30,560 --> 00:35:32,840
Speaker 1: I'm serious, you have to believe. I really do believe.

615
00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:35,279
Speaker 1: Like that's how we're just so excited to have you

616
00:35:35,320 --> 00:35:37,279
Speaker 1: on the show, because you've just been through so much

617
00:35:37,360 --> 00:35:42,960
Speaker 1: and you're still here. Yeah, you're right about that. Do

618
00:35:43,000 --> 00:35:45,840
Speaker 1: you have any advice to those especially women who have

619
00:35:46,440 --> 00:35:54,400
Speaker 1: that don't have a good relationship with their mom um?

620
00:35:54,440 --> 00:35:57,879
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't know. I don't know about that.

621
00:35:59,160 --> 00:36:00,759
Speaker 1: What would you tell your mom if you had a

622
00:36:00,840 --> 00:36:05,799
Speaker 1: chance to be honest with her? I tried to be

623
00:36:05,920 --> 00:36:08,040
Speaker 1: honest with her and asked her, do you remember you

624
00:36:08,080 --> 00:36:09,680
Speaker 1: said this to me and that to me? She said,

625
00:36:09,680 --> 00:36:12,160
Speaker 1: I don't remember none of it. I don't remember nothing.

626
00:36:13,520 --> 00:36:16,200
Speaker 1: M h And I'm one time I spoke I was

627
00:36:16,400 --> 00:36:18,560
Speaker 1: up all night getting high and it's and that, And

628
00:36:18,600 --> 00:36:20,520
Speaker 1: I said, why is it you get an income from

629
00:36:20,560 --> 00:36:23,759
Speaker 1: my kids. They don't have stomach clothes, they don't have

630
00:36:23,800 --> 00:36:26,319
Speaker 1: their hair done, they don't have nothing going on with them.

631
00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:28,160
Speaker 1: And she was like, well, I'm gonna tell you truth.

632
00:36:28,200 --> 00:36:31,759
Speaker 1: I've been giving my money to your father PEP. And

633
00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:34,320
Speaker 1: I got mad at her, like why are you still

634
00:36:34,360 --> 00:36:37,719
Speaker 1: giving him money that that's supposed to be to take

635
00:36:37,760 --> 00:36:40,319
Speaker 1: care of my kids with and stuff? And then like

636
00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:42,719
Speaker 1: a week later, she was like, okay, I'm I bought

637
00:36:42,760 --> 00:36:44,799
Speaker 1: some clothes for your kids and stuff. See I got

638
00:36:44,880 --> 00:36:48,160
Speaker 1: heard this, like I heard that, and it's that and

639
00:36:48,239 --> 00:36:50,200
Speaker 1: um and that was only for my oh my um

640
00:36:50,600 --> 00:36:54,600
Speaker 1: daughter by that, by her father. It was only for her.

641
00:36:55,280 --> 00:36:57,160
Speaker 1: And I knew that she was just doing that just

642
00:36:57,200 --> 00:36:59,040
Speaker 1: so I could get off her case. But she didn't

643
00:36:59,040 --> 00:37:00,720
Speaker 1: get nothing for the rest of the kids. You got

644
00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:06,680
Speaker 1: stuff for me, me, my daughter and stuff. So I

645
00:37:06,719 --> 00:37:09,400
Speaker 1: did try to confront her, but was mostly when I

646
00:37:09,480 --> 00:37:14,680
Speaker 1: was high and stuff. But that was like years ago, right, yeah, yeah,

647
00:37:14,800 --> 00:37:17,719
Speaker 1: years ago. Yeah, And I feel I'm pretty sure at

648
00:37:17,719 --> 00:37:21,000
Speaker 1: this point you just don't want to her about it.

649
00:37:21,320 --> 00:37:23,720
Speaker 1: What what is it is to say? It's all over

650
00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:26,920
Speaker 1: in that wa She just you know, I don't have

651
00:37:26,960 --> 00:37:29,759
Speaker 1: nothing to really say to her. I love her and

652
00:37:29,840 --> 00:37:33,120
Speaker 1: I care about her, but what do we have to say.

653
00:37:33,239 --> 00:37:37,000
Speaker 1: When we did conversate, it was when we was drinking

654
00:37:37,120 --> 00:37:40,240
Speaker 1: and listening to music and laughing and stuff like that.

655
00:37:40,840 --> 00:37:43,960
Speaker 1: So now it's been many, many years and I just

656
00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:47,680
Speaker 1: don't have nothing to say to her. Really. I don't

657
00:37:47,680 --> 00:37:49,840
Speaker 1: know why that is, but I just don't have nothing

658
00:37:49,840 --> 00:37:51,839
Speaker 1: to say to her. And everybody saying, talk to your mother,

659
00:37:51,920 --> 00:37:55,080
Speaker 1: talked to your mother's when people say talk to your mother,

660
00:37:55,120 --> 00:37:57,480
Speaker 1: because that's you tell me to my mother. But I

661
00:37:57,719 --> 00:38:00,440
Speaker 1: always tell people it's easy. It's hard to hear, but

662
00:38:00,440 --> 00:38:06,359
Speaker 1: it's even harder to experience. Yeah, so you know, well,

663
00:38:06,400 --> 00:38:08,479
Speaker 1: last to my least, what is your advice you would

664
00:38:08,480 --> 00:38:11,680
Speaker 1: like to leave with our listeners about life? Since you

665
00:38:11,719 --> 00:38:19,200
Speaker 1: aren't elder like a mom to all of us, that's

666
00:38:19,200 --> 00:38:24,759
Speaker 1: all keep going on, keep trying, keep living, and you

667
00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:29,759
Speaker 1: know eventually you'll get there. M hmm, yeah, you know

668
00:38:29,880 --> 00:38:34,440
Speaker 1: you'll get there. But I appreciate you. Mom. What do

669
00:38:34,480 --> 00:38:37,000
Speaker 1: you think about the interviews? It was an inc bad,

670
00:38:37,120 --> 00:38:42,000
Speaker 1: was it? No? It wasn't. No, it wasn't. Is there

671
00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:44,840
Speaker 1: anything that you want to touch on that maybe I

672
00:38:44,880 --> 00:38:51,719
Speaker 1: didn't bring up or I don't know, still shocked by

673
00:38:51,760 --> 00:38:56,839
Speaker 1: this an interview. Why. I don't know because I never

674
00:38:56,840 --> 00:38:59,439
Speaker 1: really spoke to anybody about the stuff for my daughter. See,

675
00:38:59,480 --> 00:39:01,920
Speaker 1: I was out her everything and what went on and

676
00:39:01,960 --> 00:39:06,319
Speaker 1: stuff like that. Mm hmm. Yeah. Well, I think your

677
00:39:06,320 --> 00:39:09,040
Speaker 1: girls story is very important because I felt like a

678
00:39:09,120 --> 00:39:12,839
Speaker 1: lot of people go through, especially with their moms, and

679
00:39:12,840 --> 00:39:14,960
Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of the things that you

680
00:39:15,040 --> 00:39:17,839
Speaker 1: touch on, a lot of people within our community don't

681
00:39:17,880 --> 00:39:21,759
Speaker 1: speak on it. Yeah, and the fact that you're still

682
00:39:21,920 --> 00:39:27,840
Speaker 1: here speaks volumes. Yeah. I just don't understand why she

683
00:39:28,040 --> 00:39:30,960
Speaker 1: just she did to me when her mother did the

684
00:39:31,080 --> 00:39:32,880
Speaker 1: hard put her in the all girls school and then

685
00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:35,399
Speaker 1: give her kids a for adoption, that's the exact same

686
00:39:35,400 --> 00:39:37,840
Speaker 1: thing she was gonna do to to my daughter. Was like,

687
00:39:37,920 --> 00:39:40,040
Speaker 1: you're not keeping her. As soon as she's born, she's

688
00:39:40,080 --> 00:39:42,600
Speaker 1: out of here. So I don't understand why she did

689
00:39:42,640 --> 00:39:46,040
Speaker 1: the same thing to me. I don't get that. And

690
00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:48,160
Speaker 1: then when I confront her about it's like, I don't

691
00:39:48,200 --> 00:39:54,440
Speaker 1: remember nothing. I remember none of that, right, Yeah, especially

692
00:39:54,480 --> 00:39:56,520
Speaker 1: when she told you when you was younger, if anybody

693
00:39:56,600 --> 00:39:59,000
Speaker 1: wasn't do anything to you to let her know. Yeah,

694
00:39:59,040 --> 00:40:01,120
Speaker 1: she was always unt half of that. Your shorts they're

695
00:40:01,120 --> 00:40:03,640
Speaker 1: too short. Go put on another night gown and put

696
00:40:03,640 --> 00:40:06,040
Speaker 1: on some pants and stuff like that. And then when

697
00:40:06,080 --> 00:40:08,960
Speaker 1: I finally told it was like I had to tell

698
00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:12,080
Speaker 1: my social worker that that man is still living in

699
00:40:12,080 --> 00:40:15,319
Speaker 1: the house with me. You gotta get him out, my mother,

700
00:40:15,360 --> 00:40:16,880
Speaker 1: you have to get a model of taking all the

701
00:40:16,960 --> 00:40:21,560
Speaker 1: kids out. So she took him out. But the stuff

702
00:40:21,600 --> 00:40:26,719
Speaker 1: that never did anything to kill you? Right? Who your stepfather? No,

703
00:40:26,960 --> 00:40:29,560
Speaker 1: my stepfather never did anything to me. My sister told

704
00:40:29,560 --> 00:40:32,279
Speaker 1: me due to the grapevine. She said that Michael told

705
00:40:32,280 --> 00:40:34,520
Speaker 1: my mother that he's been having dreams about me and

706
00:40:34,680 --> 00:40:37,920
Speaker 1: something like that. And then she confronted me about it

707
00:40:37,960 --> 00:40:39,840
Speaker 1: and she was like, oh is he is he the

708
00:40:39,920 --> 00:40:43,160
Speaker 1: father of your baby? And I'm like, get out of here.

709
00:40:43,200 --> 00:40:47,360
Speaker 1: He's crazy, right, and then there's gonna be some bloodshed

710
00:40:47,480 --> 00:40:49,920
Speaker 1: that he is. And that just made me like, wow,

711
00:40:50,160 --> 00:40:54,640
Speaker 1: just for how to say something like that. What does

712
00:40:54,680 --> 00:40:56,759
Speaker 1: that mean there's gonna be some bloodshed? What does that

713
00:40:56,800 --> 00:41:03,520
Speaker 1: mean she's gonna kill me? Right? What's my question? How

714
00:41:03,560 --> 00:41:05,440
Speaker 1: were you able to like because I know it had

715
00:41:05,440 --> 00:41:11,280
Speaker 1: to be times where I'm pretty sure you was suicidal? Suicidal?

716
00:41:11,800 --> 00:41:14,040
Speaker 1: I um, one time, my mother took me to my

717
00:41:14,480 --> 00:41:16,880
Speaker 1: to her job. She was working in a halfway house,

718
00:41:17,120 --> 00:41:18,960
Speaker 1: and I went in the bathroom and found some pills

719
00:41:18,960 --> 00:41:21,880
Speaker 1: and took the whole bottle of pills. And then she

720
00:41:21,920 --> 00:41:23,719
Speaker 1: sent me to the store to get something to eat.

721
00:41:23,760 --> 00:41:28,279
Speaker 1: And I was busy and and rocking and this and that,

722
00:41:28,400 --> 00:41:30,880
Speaker 1: and went to get some food and stuff. And she

723
00:41:30,920 --> 00:41:33,040
Speaker 1: didn't even she never even knew that I did that,

724
00:41:33,640 --> 00:41:35,480
Speaker 1: because I went back to the place and just was

725
00:41:35,560 --> 00:41:38,279
Speaker 1: sitting there all sickly and stuff. She never even knew

726
00:41:38,360 --> 00:41:42,880
Speaker 1: I did them, you know, and just she uh, I,

727
00:41:43,160 --> 00:41:46,800
Speaker 1: I have taken pills. Uh before then I took pills

728
00:41:46,840 --> 00:41:49,920
Speaker 1: of my my daughter's father and stuff. He wasn't getting

729
00:41:49,920 --> 00:41:53,200
Speaker 1: along or whatever, and he would and I was pregnant,

730
00:41:53,680 --> 00:41:56,880
Speaker 1: and um, I took her overdose of pills then too,

731
00:41:57,160 --> 00:41:58,880
Speaker 1: and she brought I came out the room when she

732
00:41:58,920 --> 00:42:01,960
Speaker 1: came here and said, I'm took sister Charlene. She's a

733
00:42:02,000 --> 00:42:05,000
Speaker 1: strong one. She said, you're stupid. It's stupid you took

734
00:42:05,040 --> 00:42:06,880
Speaker 1: some pills. And my mom was like, come, mom was

735
00:42:06,880 --> 00:42:08,520
Speaker 1: taking you to the hospital. So she took me to

736
00:42:08,560 --> 00:42:11,319
Speaker 1: the hospital of that time, and so I think it's

737
00:42:11,320 --> 00:42:13,720
Speaker 1: about three times that I took her overdose of pills.

738
00:42:15,600 --> 00:42:19,440
Speaker 1: M oh and one time when I came home from

739
00:42:19,480 --> 00:42:22,480
Speaker 1: being out all night long and getting high and stuff,

740
00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:25,080
Speaker 1: I was holding the jaw pills in my hand. I said,

741
00:42:25,120 --> 00:42:28,000
Speaker 1: I'm tired of this. I'm just fed up. I'm tired

742
00:42:28,040 --> 00:42:31,880
Speaker 1: of this. And I heard a voice say you coward,

743
00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:35,960
Speaker 1: and it wasn't. It wasn't if I can't explain the

744
00:42:35,960 --> 00:42:38,479
Speaker 1: type of voice. It wasn't. It was like an angel's voice.

745
00:42:38,480 --> 00:42:41,200
Speaker 1: It was like an angelic voice. I can't explain it,

746
00:42:41,400 --> 00:42:43,759
Speaker 1: but it said you coward. And I looked at the

747
00:42:43,800 --> 00:42:46,000
Speaker 1: pills that I said, I'm not a coward, and I

748
00:42:46,040 --> 00:42:49,719
Speaker 1: put them down and I end up just going to

749
00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:52,600
Speaker 1: sleep that night. So it's been about three or four

750
00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:55,000
Speaker 1: times that I wanted to take her overdose of pills,

751
00:42:55,040 --> 00:42:57,520
Speaker 1: but I didn't do it. But I never forget that voice.

752
00:42:57,520 --> 00:43:01,279
Speaker 1: I said, you're being a coward me, And that was

753
00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:05,839
Speaker 1: the last time I ever did anything like that. You're

754
00:43:05,960 --> 00:43:10,040
Speaker 1: your mom's story. How does it make you feel? It's

755
00:43:10,080 --> 00:43:12,840
Speaker 1: like I feel bad for her, Like the girl that is,

756
00:43:12,880 --> 00:43:16,000
Speaker 1: like I feel so bad, like you just really didn't

757
00:43:16,040 --> 00:43:21,000
Speaker 1: have a chance to be kicking down enjoy being a kid.

758
00:43:21,840 --> 00:43:25,319
Speaker 1: You didn't and you didn't have any guidance. So like

759
00:43:25,440 --> 00:43:27,439
Speaker 1: you know, said, she feels bad about things that happened

760
00:43:27,440 --> 00:43:30,160
Speaker 1: to me. But it's like you had no structure in

761
00:43:30,160 --> 00:43:32,600
Speaker 1: your life. You didn't know anything about being a mom,

762
00:43:32,800 --> 00:43:36,600
Speaker 1: so I can't even so I don't hold any budge

763
00:43:36,640 --> 00:43:39,040
Speaker 1: stories her. It's like I just feel like, you know,

764
00:43:39,120 --> 00:43:42,840
Speaker 1: now I'm older, I have a kid, she's clean, she's

765
00:43:42,880 --> 00:43:45,200
Speaker 1: like the grandkids love her. So I just want to

766
00:43:45,239 --> 00:43:47,120
Speaker 1: make the rest of our lives, you know, as best

767
00:43:47,160 --> 00:43:51,480
Speaker 1: as it can be. So if there's anything you want

768
00:43:51,480 --> 00:43:53,080
Speaker 1: to tell your mom, because I think the people need

769
00:43:53,120 --> 00:43:56,279
Speaker 1: to hear this, especially from a dynamic, beautiful mother and

770
00:43:56,360 --> 00:43:58,560
Speaker 1: daughter like yourself. Who would you like to tell your

771
00:43:58,560 --> 00:44:00,399
Speaker 1: mom so we can help her get on the path

772
00:44:00,480 --> 00:44:05,719
Speaker 1: of healing. Forgive herself that you have to forgive yourself

773
00:44:05,760 --> 00:44:09,239
Speaker 1: because you came from a messed up home, so you

774
00:44:09,360 --> 00:44:12,520
Speaker 1: were not even giving a chance to you know, enjoy

775
00:44:12,640 --> 00:44:14,520
Speaker 1: your life. So of course you didn't know how to

776
00:44:14,520 --> 00:44:16,840
Speaker 1: be a mom. So you don't have to feel guilty

777
00:44:16,920 --> 00:44:20,840
Speaker 1: anymore about saying because she tells me sometimes that you know,

778
00:44:20,920 --> 00:44:23,719
Speaker 1: she just shouldn't have been a parent, like she she

779
00:44:23,760 --> 00:44:25,839
Speaker 1: just says, like she that's not what she should have been.

780
00:44:25,880 --> 00:44:28,560
Speaker 1: She failed at being a parent, and you didn't know

781
00:44:28,640 --> 00:44:31,160
Speaker 1: because you didn't have that structure in your life. So

782
00:44:31,280 --> 00:44:33,399
Speaker 1: you don't have to feel guilty because all your kids

783
00:44:33,440 --> 00:44:36,560
Speaker 1: are here and we're making it and we all still

784
00:44:36,600 --> 00:44:40,799
Speaker 1: love you regardless of all the mistakes, like and we

785
00:44:41,000 --> 00:44:44,040
Speaker 1: all are going, especially me, trying to make sure the

786
00:44:44,080 --> 00:44:46,319
Speaker 1: Nature generation is going to be better because of the

787
00:44:46,320 --> 00:44:48,680
Speaker 1: things that you've been through. And I feel like you're

788
00:44:48,760 --> 00:44:51,239
Speaker 1: such a strong person because you are here and you

789
00:44:51,320 --> 00:44:53,760
Speaker 1: did not take some people definitely could have killed thisself.

790
00:44:54,239 --> 00:44:56,640
Speaker 1: I would have definitely I went through less and I

791
00:44:56,760 --> 00:44:59,080
Speaker 1: used to be suicidal, and so I can imagine going

792
00:44:59,160 --> 00:45:01,719
Speaker 1: through all the stuff she went through. I have made

793
00:45:01,760 --> 00:45:03,960
Speaker 1: it through. So you are a strong person. You're here

794
00:45:04,000 --> 00:45:13,880
Speaker 1: for a reason, and I'm gonna get out of her. Yeah, definitely,

795
00:45:14,040 --> 00:45:17,919
Speaker 1: like she has to. So you know, like I love

796
00:45:17,960 --> 00:45:20,120
Speaker 1: you and we're going to enjoy the rest of our

797
00:45:20,160 --> 00:45:22,560
Speaker 1: life as the best as we can. And I definitely

798
00:45:22,640 --> 00:45:26,000
Speaker 1: want her to do more with helping other women, Like

799
00:45:26,120 --> 00:45:28,640
Speaker 1: just like if she can get through this stuff, you

800
00:45:28,680 --> 00:45:32,480
Speaker 1: can get through whatever you're going through. Because I'm telling

801
00:45:32,520 --> 00:45:35,600
Speaker 1: you she the stuff she tells me. It's like I

802
00:45:35,719 --> 00:45:37,600
Speaker 1: used to be amazed as a kid, like I would

803
00:45:37,600 --> 00:45:40,560
Speaker 1: love hearing these stories because like not even realizing, like

804
00:45:40,600 --> 00:45:43,240
Speaker 1: this is real stuff, but it's like it sounds so interesting.

805
00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:45,200
Speaker 1: You're like, tell me more, and tell me more. But

806
00:45:45,239 --> 00:45:48,400
Speaker 1: it's like, damn, she really went through this stuff and

807
00:45:48,480 --> 00:45:52,560
Speaker 1: survives exactly. And I'm like, my grandmother raised me, So

808
00:45:52,600 --> 00:45:56,440
Speaker 1: I did you know, my life wasn't sweet, but that goodness,

809
00:45:56,520 --> 00:45:58,799
Speaker 1: my grandmother was not as evil as she was with

810
00:45:58,880 --> 00:46:01,680
Speaker 1: them I did. She I did get, you know, not

811
00:46:01,719 --> 00:46:03,879
Speaker 1: the best treatment, but I didn't get it as bad

812
00:46:03,960 --> 00:46:06,560
Speaker 1: as my uncles and aunties and all of them got

813
00:46:06,600 --> 00:46:13,160
Speaker 1: it right. Yeah, I love you, mother, and you're strong

814
00:46:13,600 --> 00:46:20,680
Speaker 1: and girl, you made it like you've made it right. Yeah,

815
00:46:20,880 --> 00:46:24,319
Speaker 1: you got a story to tell. I really appreciate y'all.

816
00:46:24,400 --> 00:46:27,000
Speaker 1: And I'm gonna definitely why I already keep in contact

817
00:46:27,560 --> 00:46:29,360
Speaker 1: with your daughter. Bro, I'm gonna definitely make sure I

818
00:46:29,480 --> 00:46:32,440
Speaker 1: keep checking on you, mom and like just sending you love.

819
00:46:33,000 --> 00:46:38,279
Speaker 1: She really quiet of there? What's she doing? Oh? One

820
00:46:38,320 --> 00:46:41,239
Speaker 1: thing we did I totally forgot, but she is she's

821
00:46:41,280 --> 00:46:44,799
Speaker 1: legally blind also, so she made it. She overcame that too.

822
00:46:44,840 --> 00:46:47,600
Speaker 1: I totally we forgot about that. Oh I forgot about

823
00:46:47,600 --> 00:46:52,120
Speaker 1: that too. Yeah, so she can see, but legally she's gone,

824
00:46:52,200 --> 00:46:54,600
Speaker 1: so she can't see very like she can't read. She

825
00:46:54,640 --> 00:46:57,440
Speaker 1: can't like if I'm staring, you know, like she only

826
00:46:57,520 --> 00:46:59,120
Speaker 1: I could be standing in front of her, but on

827
00:46:59,480 --> 00:47:01,480
Speaker 1: a couple of feet too far back, she won't even know.

828
00:47:01,520 --> 00:47:04,960
Speaker 1: It's means. So it's yeah, like I said, I I'm

829
00:47:05,040 --> 00:47:07,439
Speaker 1: gonna move closer to be with her, to make sure

830
00:47:07,560 --> 00:47:09,759
Speaker 1: that you know her end of her life. We're gonna

831
00:47:09,800 --> 00:47:13,120
Speaker 1: be good and start taking pictures of her. It's never

832
00:47:13,120 --> 00:47:21,480
Speaker 1: too late for you to be a madama. I'm serious,

833
00:47:22,000 --> 00:47:27,120
Speaker 1: because obviously you're fine. She was telling me how pretty

834
00:47:27,160 --> 00:47:29,600
Speaker 1: you are, and you said you was pretty, so looks

835
00:47:29,640 --> 00:47:33,399
Speaker 1: as about an issue. No, she said, she don't look

836
00:47:33,440 --> 00:47:35,400
Speaker 1: like that no more. She's still she's not, you know,

837
00:47:35,600 --> 00:47:38,160
Speaker 1: but yeah she didn't. She ain't whish used to be.

838
00:47:38,239 --> 00:47:40,640
Speaker 1: But so she don't. She's not confident. I'm trying to,

839
00:47:41,080 --> 00:47:42,920
Speaker 1: like I told her, like she used to do the makeup.

840
00:47:43,000 --> 00:47:47,120
Speaker 1: She used to like, I'm trying to. I'm trying. I'm

841
00:47:47,160 --> 00:47:49,839
Speaker 1: trying to get her back into that. I definitely am.

842
00:47:50,000 --> 00:47:52,320
Speaker 1: So that's like I say, next year, my plan is

843
00:47:52,360 --> 00:47:56,480
Speaker 1: to move back down South with her and to definitely

844
00:47:56,640 --> 00:47:58,600
Speaker 1: like get her out of her shell, get her back

845
00:47:58,640 --> 00:48:01,120
Speaker 1: to dolling herself up, even if it's just for herself,

846
00:48:01,200 --> 00:48:04,120
Speaker 1: Like yeah, because that's what you need. Sometimes you just

847
00:48:04,160 --> 00:48:06,560
Speaker 1: need to do it for yourself. I'm telling you because

848
00:48:06,600 --> 00:48:08,359
Speaker 1: it makes me feel better. I don't even go still

849
00:48:08,360 --> 00:48:09,719
Speaker 1: where I'm not. I just want to get cute just

850
00:48:09,760 --> 00:48:15,879
Speaker 1: because right exactly as women, we need to do that sometimes. Well,

851
00:48:15,960 --> 00:48:18,000
Speaker 1: I appreciate y'all. I'm pretty sure people are going to

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Speaker 1: be reaching out to know more about you, So if

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Speaker 1: y'all have any questions or anything, please make sure to

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Speaker 1: email me at Hello at the PhD podcast dot com.

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Speaker 1: And until next time, everyone later, Okay, thank you,