WEBVTT - Ron Hangs With the Wrong Crowd 0:00:01.760 --> 0:00:12.879 Ron Berg and Dan talking and saything. Hello, do all 0:00:12.880 --> 0:00:17.120 my podcast listeners. My name is ron Burgundy, and I'm 0:00:17.160 --> 0:00:20.959 a very big deal. If you like common sense and 0:00:21.000 --> 0:00:23.520 you can handle the truth, then you've come to the 0:00:23.640 --> 0:00:27.600 right place. If you like fairy tales and Pally Waller, 0:00:27.880 --> 0:00:31.040 then you can hit the road. Pal you know who 0:00:31.080 --> 0:00:34.640 you are. I'm serious. If you see me out there 0:00:34.680 --> 0:00:38.000 buying a magazine or a bag of pipe cleaners, how 0:00:38.040 --> 0:00:40.279 about doing me a favor and walk the other way. 0:00:40.440 --> 0:00:43.280 We have nothing in common you and I, so don't 0:00:43.360 --> 0:00:46.640 make it uncomfortable. My listeners sign up for the truth, 0:00:46.840 --> 0:00:51.680 not Pally Waller. The rest of you. Beat it. Carolina, 0:00:52.159 --> 0:00:55.360 What do you got to say for yourself this morning? Um? Well, 0:00:55.400 --> 0:00:58.440 I wait, I'm so sorry. What does Palli Waller mean? 0:00:58.760 --> 0:01:03.000 Palli Waller? You know? Nonsense? Pally Waller? Is that like? 0:01:03.840 --> 0:01:07.360 Is that slang? I've never heard of it? You know what? 0:01:07.480 --> 0:01:10.880 Maybe maybe it's not a word. That's troubling. Where do 0:01:10.920 --> 0:01:13.880 you suppose it came from? You said it, You said 0:01:13.880 --> 0:01:16.440 it a second ago. No, no, no, I know, But 0:01:16.440 --> 0:01:19.039 but where did it come from? Why did I say it? 0:01:19.760 --> 0:01:23.840 I think we're onto something here, Carolina. Where do words 0:01:23.959 --> 0:01:28.080 come from write that down for an episode idea etymology. 0:01:28.319 --> 0:01:32.720 Yes exactly. I didn't make the word pally waller up. 0:01:33.080 --> 0:01:36.559 I just used it in a sentence. Isn't that amazing? 0:01:37.200 --> 0:01:39.800 It's a word now and has a life of its own. 0:01:40.319 --> 0:01:43.840 Pally waller. Huh, A bunch of noises coming out of 0:01:43.840 --> 0:01:46.600 my mouth. And now it's a new word ready to 0:01:46.680 --> 0:01:49.560 take on the world. If you're listening out there, I 0:01:49.600 --> 0:01:54.240 suggest using the word pally waller, meaning nonsense, three times 0:01:54.240 --> 0:01:56.480 a day. It's one of our new words in the 0:01:56.520 --> 0:02:00.400 English language. And it came to me about a minute ago. Anyway, 0:02:00.840 --> 0:02:05.560 enjoy the word pali waller, I did, pali waller. Wonderful, 0:02:05.920 --> 0:02:10.200 pali waller. I love it, Carolina, I do. But this 0:02:10.280 --> 0:02:14.440 is a news and agricultural business program, so we shouldn't 0:02:14.639 --> 0:02:18.000 doddle on new words. Has there ever been a news 0:02:18.040 --> 0:02:21.920 and agricultural business program. I'm just yeah, you know, your right, 0:02:21.960 --> 0:02:25.640 old friend, I was speaking nonsense. Yes, it sounds a 0:02:25.720 --> 0:02:32.960 little bit like pali waller. Sensational. Uh, wonderful. So who's 0:02:33.000 --> 0:02:35.960 on the program today, Carolina? You told me not to 0:02:35.960 --> 0:02:38.720 book anyone because you said you wanted to talk about 0:02:39.000 --> 0:02:44.720 large crowds. Oh, so I did large crowds. Well, let's 0:02:44.720 --> 0:02:47.239 get this out on the table quickly. It's it's come 0:02:47.320 --> 0:02:50.079 to light that I was part of an unruly mob 0:02:50.160 --> 0:02:53.799 of people that attacked our Capitol Building earlier this year. 0:02:54.560 --> 0:02:57.640 I thought for the longest time I would escape. Notice. 0:02:58.120 --> 0:03:01.480 I wasn't wearing a Viking costume after all. But photos 0:03:01.480 --> 0:03:04.519 have surfaced, and yes I was there, and double yes, 0:03:04.560 --> 0:03:08.160 I did rush into the Capitol Building that day. I'm 0:03:08.160 --> 0:03:10.959 not proud of my participation in this ugly chapter in 0:03:11.000 --> 0:03:14.200 American history, but I can't hide behind a curtain of 0:03:14.280 --> 0:03:16.840 lies the way some people do and the way I 0:03:16.919 --> 0:03:21.880 do quite often. Okay, So I would like to explain 0:03:22.000 --> 0:03:24.920 what happened though, So Caroline, I hope you can indulge me. 0:03:25.440 --> 0:03:29.639 I'm I'm just trying to digest this. So you stormed 0:03:29.680 --> 0:03:34.800 the Capitol Building January six with that ugly bunch of 0:03:34.920 --> 0:03:38.920 racists and conspiracy nuts. I did. I did, But it 0:03:38.960 --> 0:03:43.480 was totally an accident, and I'll explain um all right, 0:03:43.760 --> 0:03:49.440 I'm listening. January six, two thousand one, I was in 0:03:49.520 --> 0:03:53.240 town for the usual reasons, a visit to the Washington Monument, 0:03:53.680 --> 0:03:58.400 the Reflecting Pool, and of course my favorite, the Lincoln Memorial. 0:03:59.240 --> 0:04:01.800 It's something I've done since I was a small boy. 0:04:02.040 --> 0:04:04.560 I have always said it takes courage to be a patriot, 0:04:04.720 --> 0:04:08.880 but it also takes work, hard work. Well, there I 0:04:08.960 --> 0:04:12.560 was standing on the edge of the reflecting pool, reflecting 0:04:12.600 --> 0:04:15.160 on a life well lived. I thought about all the 0:04:15.240 --> 0:04:18.440 dogs I've owned and the goats. I thought about the 0:04:18.520 --> 0:04:21.440 different beards I've tried out. And I thought about Mary 0:04:21.480 --> 0:04:24.279 lou Retton, who was such an inspiration and just a 0:04:24.720 --> 0:04:27.680 just a dynamo of positive energy. Do you remember Mary 0:04:27.720 --> 0:04:32.240 lou Retton, Carolina? No. I reflected that day on her. 0:04:33.240 --> 0:04:36.520 I also reflected on what we as a nation had become. 0:04:37.279 --> 0:04:40.760 I was troubled from the reflecting pool. I walked over 0:04:40.800 --> 0:04:44.000 to the Lincoln Memorial, signing autographs as I strolled along 0:04:44.040 --> 0:04:48.719 the wide walkways of our nation's capital. Oh, taurusts and DC, 0:04:49.279 --> 0:04:52.640 get your autograph by the memorials. Yeah, I mean, I 0:04:53.120 --> 0:04:55.279 not a ton I think I signed for Do you 0:04:55.400 --> 0:04:59.159 offer to sign them before someone asks? Fully, I seek 0:04:59.240 --> 0:05:03.560 people out their opportunity to get my autograph viewed as 0:05:03.640 --> 0:05:07.000 like a public service. That's very generous, so, as I 0:05:07.120 --> 0:05:10.240 was saying, when I got to the memorial. I looked 0:05:10.320 --> 0:05:12.760 up at that great man sitting there in his chair, 0:05:12.839 --> 0:05:16.000 and I thought what I've always thought, We are a 0:05:16.000 --> 0:05:18.760 lot of like you and I, which is true, in 0:05:18.760 --> 0:05:22.920 a verified fact. We are both tall. I like to 0:05:22.960 --> 0:05:25.320 sit straight up, just like Lincoln whenever I sit in 0:05:25.320 --> 0:05:28.479 a chair. That's true. We both liked the ladies and 0:05:28.600 --> 0:05:32.440 fine wines and pleasure. I've been to many sex parties, 0:05:32.480 --> 0:05:35.640 which I can only imagine. The tall, handsome Lincoln must 0:05:35.640 --> 0:05:38.719 have indulged himself in many times. You can only imagine 0:05:38.760 --> 0:05:41.080 that can imagine. There's no record of it. The history 0:05:41.080 --> 0:05:43.520 books tell us that his wife, Mary Todd Lincoln was 0:05:43.560 --> 0:05:47.440 a sexless wet blanket, and Abraham liked to cat around. 0:05:47.480 --> 0:05:50.120 So yeah, whenever I lay my eyes on the memorial, 0:05:50.200 --> 0:05:54.039 I get a very very cool vibe from it. Lincoln 0:05:54.040 --> 0:05:58.560 and I are tot swan. I'm sorry toats. Yes, Totes 0:05:59.160 --> 0:06:01.960 the brand name you can trust for your rainy day protection, 0:06:02.440 --> 0:06:05.239 rain slickers, shoes and boots, and of course the world 0:06:05.279 --> 0:06:08.600 famous Tots umbrella. When it's what outside, I reached for 0:06:08.680 --> 0:06:13.440 my Totes Totes, Oh your wet weather needs. Now let's 0:06:13.440 --> 0:06:16.719 see if anyone upstairs at my heart is listening. That 0:06:16.839 --> 0:06:18.800 was a freebee I did for the toats company, and 0:06:18.839 --> 0:06:23.640 hopefully someone will go chase that bread. When you say upstairs, 0:06:23.680 --> 0:06:27.360 are you yelling upstairs? There's nobody upstairs. I was yelling 0:06:27.360 --> 0:06:30.479 in the direction of what I feel like would be upstairs. Okay, 0:06:30.520 --> 0:06:33.880 there's no boss upstairs. We're just in a studio. Anyway, 0:06:34.040 --> 0:06:36.520 where where I was, I was our story. You were 0:06:36.640 --> 0:06:40.760 explaining how you ended up storming the Capitol building by accident. 0:06:41.360 --> 0:06:44.760 We're all waiting. Sometimes I can get off on a tangent. 0:06:45.040 --> 0:06:46.760 It leads to a lot of pally water, but I 0:06:47.080 --> 0:06:51.560 find my way back again. Anyway, back to the storming 0:06:51.839 --> 0:06:56.640 of the Capital. Hey, um, Nick, what about what about 0:06:56.640 --> 0:06:59.400 an echo effect for that line? Let's try it again, 0:07:00.320 --> 0:07:06.360 the story of the Capital. That was pretty cool, as 0:07:06.400 --> 0:07:11.640 the kids say. Anyway, there I was in deep spiritual 0:07:11.680 --> 0:07:15.680 conversation with honest abe Lincoln when often the distance I 0:07:15.680 --> 0:07:18.520 could hear the din of a crowd. At first, it 0:07:18.520 --> 0:07:21.360 didn't bother me that much. Lincoln and I had a 0:07:21.440 --> 0:07:24.920 lot to discuss. The world changes at such a dizzying 0:07:25.040 --> 0:07:28.600 rate these days, Carolina. We we have women doing men's jobs. 0:07:28.600 --> 0:07:32.120 We have adults eating children's cereal. We have dogs wearing 0:07:32.160 --> 0:07:35.280 shoes in the rain, Totes dog shoes, which you can 0:07:35.320 --> 0:07:39.240 find at tote dot com. Anyway, we have a population 0:07:39.320 --> 0:07:41.760 that in less than twenty years will be a majority 0:07:42.040 --> 0:07:45.280 non white. None of this bothered me terribly, and I 0:07:45.320 --> 0:07:48.280 asked Lincoln what he thought about it. Of course, he's 0:07:48.320 --> 0:07:51.640 just a large piece of stone now, But I sweared 0:07:51.640 --> 0:07:56.680 in neptune. He started laughing. The laughter was loud and 0:07:56.720 --> 0:08:00.040 echoed off the walls of the Great Memorial Chamber. I 0:08:00.040 --> 0:08:02.960 had to cover my ears or his loud, hideous laughter 0:08:03.160 --> 0:08:06.640 would have killed me. I screamed out, why are you laughing? 0:08:07.320 --> 0:08:10.800 Why are you laughing? He was definitely laughing at me. 0:08:11.360 --> 0:08:13.560 I take great exception to people who laugh at me. 0:08:14.120 --> 0:08:16.440 Usually they get a fist to the face, and more 0:08:16.480 --> 0:08:20.240 often than not, that fist carries a ring with it. Well, 0:08:20.560 --> 0:08:23.040 I wasn't about to punch a giant stone statue of 0:08:23.080 --> 0:08:25.720 Lincoln in the face, but I did toss some eggs 0:08:25.720 --> 0:08:28.360 at the old guy, and that shut him up real fast. Sorry, 0:08:28.360 --> 0:08:31.440 I have to interrupt you. You threw eggs at the 0:08:31.480 --> 0:08:36.320 Lincoln Memorial. Guilty is charged? Have you been charged? No? 0:08:36.400 --> 0:08:39.600 I'm just using it as it and I happen to 0:08:39.640 --> 0:08:44.120 have some eggs on me. But I digress. So I'm 0:08:44.160 --> 0:08:47.559 so sorry. The statue of Lincoln in the Lincoln Memorials 0:08:47.800 --> 0:08:52.120 spoke to you, spoke to me, correct you communicate. I mean, 0:08:52.200 --> 0:08:53.840 he would speak to you if you knew how to 0:08:53.840 --> 0:08:56.400 open up your ears. But I'm not going to get 0:08:56.440 --> 0:08:59.600 into that right now. Please don't know. It's a spiritual thing, 0:08:59.679 --> 0:09:04.240 and you have no spirituality being a Swarthmore grad. No, 0:09:04.360 --> 0:09:09.920 I didn't go to Swarthmore Oberlin. No, Santa Clarita School 0:09:09.920 --> 0:09:15.520 of Dynastry. No, You're an elusive and complicated bitch. Toughs. 0:09:16.080 --> 0:09:19.240 Stop calling me a bit, right, right right? I actually 0:09:19.240 --> 0:09:22.599 wrote don't call Carolina a bitch on my hand today, 0:09:22.640 --> 0:09:25.120 but then a few hand washes later and it just 0:09:25.160 --> 0:09:30.479 says Carolina a bit. I get it now, Okay. Anyway, 0:09:30.880 --> 0:09:34.000 here's what our sixteenth present said to me. He said, run, 0:09:34.760 --> 0:09:39.240 I'm laughing because the world's always changing. It's been changing 0:09:39.240 --> 0:09:43.280 since the beginning of time. Cowards fear the change. They 0:09:43.280 --> 0:09:47.960 always have Go, he said, go today and see for yourself. 0:09:48.360 --> 0:09:52.200 Walk among them like a ghost. You'll see nothing but cowards. 0:09:52.760 --> 0:09:56.000 Listen to them, yelling that the world needs to go backwards. 0:09:56.400 --> 0:10:00.959 Go roun Burgundy, go into the crowds of people. See 0:10:00.960 --> 0:10:05.080 why I am laughing? And so I ran. I ran 0:10:05.120 --> 0:10:08.960 to where the crowd was gathering outside the capitol building. Oh, Carolina, 0:10:09.080 --> 0:10:12.040 you have to believe me. I wasn't there to take 0:10:12.160 --> 0:10:16.000 down our capitol. I'm a journalist. I needed to understand. 0:10:16.240 --> 0:10:19.760 You needed to understand. But I'm sorry. They have a 0:10:19.880 --> 0:10:22.679 video of you running through the chambers yelling like a 0:10:22.720 --> 0:10:26.600 crazy animal. I'm getting to that. Cool your jets, flapjar 0:10:26.800 --> 0:10:29.400 or cool them for you? You cool your jets? No? 0:10:29.760 --> 0:10:35.760 You whoa? Okay, yeah sorry, okay, yeah, you're right. My 0:10:35.840 --> 0:10:39.840 jets were getting a little overcooked. Okay, they're cooler now. 0:10:40.520 --> 0:10:43.480 So anyway, I ran over to the angry mob that 0:10:43.559 --> 0:10:46.480 was forming outside the capitol. I don't think they liked me. 0:10:46.760 --> 0:10:49.200 I was definitely the only man there in a three 0:10:49.200 --> 0:10:54.240 piece suit. The crowd was definitely not classy. Very few suits. 0:10:54.240 --> 0:10:57.520 In general. Any intelligent person can tell you if you're 0:10:57.600 --> 0:11:01.040 dressed an appropriate attire. I'm talking about a suit preferably 0:11:01.080 --> 0:11:05.880 three piece, hard shoes, a solid large, hefty wristwatch, good 0:11:06.000 --> 0:11:10.160 extremely tight knee high socks that cut off circulation. It's 0:11:10.280 --> 0:11:13.520 very hard to be unclassy. However, if you're dressed like 0:11:13.520 --> 0:11:16.880 a troll or a caveman, or a little boy with 0:11:17.000 --> 0:11:20.880 shorts and sneakers or a Viking, you're gonna do unclassy things. 0:11:21.240 --> 0:11:24.360 Well that's what was happening. First. There was a lot 0:11:24.400 --> 0:11:27.040 of pushing and yelling, and I heard stop the steel, 0:11:27.040 --> 0:11:29.240 which made literally no sense to me. But they were 0:11:29.320 --> 0:11:32.680 yelling at well. They were yelling stop the steel because 0:11:32.720 --> 0:11:36.640 they believe the election was stolen from Donald Trump. I 0:11:36.640 --> 0:11:39.200 didn't know that. I didn't know anything. I was in 0:11:39.280 --> 0:11:43.000 Washington to take my annual bath and democracy. These these 0:11:43.040 --> 0:11:46.040 people were yelling. That's all I knew. I'm gonna be honest. 0:11:46.080 --> 0:11:48.640 I love yelling. When people yell, I get excited. I 0:11:48.720 --> 0:11:51.000 was in a Hooters bar in North Carolina one time. 0:11:51.120 --> 0:11:54.440 Have you been to a Hooters establishment? Um? Yeah, once? 0:11:54.480 --> 0:12:01.560 But it was ironically, of course, ironically me too. Ironically, yes, 0:12:01.640 --> 0:12:06.200 I would say sarcastically right. Anyway, the waitresses at Hooters 0:12:06.200 --> 0:12:09.960 were provocative outfits that highlight their boobies, so I like 0:12:10.080 --> 0:12:12.880 going there. That's what they're famous for. You. Also, the 0:12:12.880 --> 0:12:16.280 hot Wings are superb Hooters for the best boobies and 0:12:16.360 --> 0:12:20.280 delicious wings. Head on over to Hooters. That's money we 0:12:20.320 --> 0:12:36.080 should be chasing, folks, free out for Hooters. Where was I? 0:12:37.040 --> 0:12:39.600 You were in the Hooters, North Carolina? That's right. It 0:12:39.679 --> 0:12:43.400 was a humid and heavy night. The restaurant was overcrowded 0:12:43.440 --> 0:12:46.400 with young college students and their parents. A football game 0:12:46.440 --> 0:12:49.480 was on. The cold beer and hot wings flowed like 0:12:49.559 --> 0:12:52.040 the Amazon River from deep in the jungle of that 0:12:52.080 --> 0:12:55.720 Hooters kitchen. At some point, according to a police report, 0:12:56.040 --> 0:12:59.640 the crowd became unruly. I would characterize it more like 0:12:59.720 --> 0:13:03.439 we were all having a good time. The yelling started. 0:13:03.679 --> 0:13:06.480 I joined in. I love to yell. The crowd was 0:13:06.520 --> 0:13:08.800 singing and yelling something to do with the football game, 0:13:08.840 --> 0:13:11.360 and I was yelling whatever came to my mind. I 0:13:11.440 --> 0:13:15.760 yelled boobies, and I yelled, this is my voice up here. 0:13:16.559 --> 0:13:20.120 I yelled Scotch tape, scotch tape. I'm sorry. Why would 0:13:20.160 --> 0:13:23.200 you ever need to yell scotch tape? It just popped 0:13:23.200 --> 0:13:26.520 into the old noggin. You were just having fun, just 0:13:26.600 --> 0:13:31.200 having fun. Yeah, free association exactly. It was so much fun. 0:13:31.440 --> 0:13:34.920 Plates were broken, tables fell over, and the place burned down. 0:13:35.440 --> 0:13:40.000 No one was hurt. I repeat, no one was hurt. 0:13:40.120 --> 0:13:45.200 It sounds like arson. Nope, Diane one of the waitresses 0:13:45.240 --> 0:13:49.120 at Hooters that night, who who happened to have gigantic jugs. 0:13:49.400 --> 0:13:52.880 But that's not necessarily important to the story, but it 0:13:53.040 --> 0:13:56.800 is true, so I added it for embellishment. Uh, confessed 0:13:56.840 --> 0:13:59.160 to me over coffee later that it had been the 0:13:59.200 --> 0:14:03.480 funnest height of her life. Diane and I discussed many 0:14:03.520 --> 0:14:05.280 things that night. I don't want to hear more. Her 0:14:05.400 --> 0:14:08.679 dreams of one day becoming a hairstylist to the stars, 0:14:08.679 --> 0:14:12.120 her mundane upbringing in the swamps of the Everglades. Her 0:14:12.160 --> 0:14:15.559 husband who was doing a stretch for racketeering. Okay, that's nice. 0:14:15.800 --> 0:14:18.120 We talked through the night, and then we made sweet Love, 0:14:18.640 --> 0:14:24.080 Sweet sweet, sweet love, her wonderful bosom, fully exposed in 0:14:24.080 --> 0:14:28.520 the morning light as she's straddled run. Are you listening? 0:14:29.120 --> 0:14:34.040 What huh? Storming the capital? Oh? Yes, crowds right. I 0:14:34.120 --> 0:14:39.440 drifted away there. I'm embarrassed now. I was thinking about Diane. No, 0:14:39.560 --> 0:14:43.840 we know you were. Where is she now? She's probably 0:14:43.920 --> 0:14:47.200 styling hair for the stars, and me I'm flying in 0:14:47.240 --> 0:14:53.320 my taxi, taking tips and getting stowed Harold Win. Anyway, 0:14:53.960 --> 0:14:57.400 yelling for me always leads to fun, and usually something 0:14:57.440 --> 0:15:01.200 gets broken or burned or both. So you're saying you 0:15:01.240 --> 0:15:02.920 are caught up in the noise of the crowd. You 0:15:02.960 --> 0:15:05.120 had no idea what they were yelling about, and you 0:15:05.200 --> 0:15:09.160 joined in. Oh, I like this, Let's do this. You 0:15:09.160 --> 0:15:12.160 you prosecute me. You put me on the stand, just 0:15:12.240 --> 0:15:14.440 like you're doing, and this will be good practice for 0:15:14.480 --> 0:15:17.000 me when I have to testify on my behalf. I'm 0:15:17.000 --> 0:15:19.680 sorry you're going to court over this. Of course I 0:15:19.760 --> 0:15:23.280 have to defend myself. I wasn't part of any insurrection. 0:15:23.880 --> 0:15:27.600 Here's what we'll do. You play the government prosecutor, and 0:15:27.640 --> 0:15:30.360 you're grilling me on the stand. It really go after me. 0:15:30.720 --> 0:15:32.960 I've just been given the oath, my hand on the Bible. 0:15:33.120 --> 0:15:35.720 Ultru is nothing but the blah blah blah blah blah blah. 0:15:35.720 --> 0:15:39.400 Now go. You want me to prosecute you, Holy Carolina, 0:15:39.480 --> 0:15:42.480 What did they teach you at Vassar? Yes, I want 0:15:42.520 --> 0:15:45.480 you to play a prosecutor and go right after me 0:15:45.800 --> 0:15:49.320 for insurrection and storming the capitol as I am charged. 0:15:50.680 --> 0:15:54.200 Did you storm the capitol? Put some mustard into it, 0:15:54.200 --> 0:15:57.480 will you? They had no theater classes at Cornell. It 0:15:57.520 --> 0:15:59.960 didn't go to any of these schools. Ron, Okay, play 0:16:00.160 --> 0:16:06.360 like a TV prosecutor. Okay, um okay, here goes Mr Burgundy. 0:16:06.520 --> 0:16:09.840 You say you were an innocent bystander on January six, 0:16:10.000 --> 0:16:13.160 earlier this year, when you rushed our nation's capital as 0:16:13.200 --> 0:16:16.400 part of an angry mob attempting to overthrow our government. 0:16:16.840 --> 0:16:22.280 Is that correct? Good? God, that was good Carolina. Um. Yes, 0:16:23.120 --> 0:16:26.800 I was completely innocent and was not part of the insurrection. 0:16:27.080 --> 0:16:31.400 Completely innocent, m ladies and gentlemen of the jury. I 0:16:31.520 --> 0:16:34.360 direct your attention to Exhibit B forty one and the 0:16:34.440 --> 0:16:38.560 six pictures of the defendant inside the capital. Picture number 0:16:38.560 --> 0:16:42.920 one running wildly down the hall. Picture number two coming 0:16:42.960 --> 0:16:45.720 out of the women's bathroom, holding your hands up as 0:16:45.760 --> 0:16:49.280 if to say surfs up. Picture number three smoking a 0:16:49.400 --> 0:16:53.040 cigarette in Nancy Pelosi's office. I'm sorry, how do you 0:16:53.120 --> 0:16:57.040 explain this? Mr? Burgundy? You're a good lady, very good, 0:16:57.320 --> 0:16:59.560 But a couple of brass tits and a bitchy tone 0:16:59.560 --> 0:17:02.800 aren't enough to scare me. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. 0:17:03.920 --> 0:17:07.280 My name is Ron Burgundy. My story is as old 0:17:07.320 --> 0:17:10.240 as the hills. I was born in a small town 0:17:10.240 --> 0:17:13.560 in Iowa, way back yonder from the river. We didn't 0:17:13.600 --> 0:17:16.320 have a lot growing up. But what we did have 0:17:16.440 --> 0:17:19.640 with your honor, I object What does this man's biography 0:17:19.720 --> 0:17:22.480 have to do with his case? Objection? Over rule? Let 0:17:22.600 --> 0:17:26.000 Mr Burgundy speak? How come you're playing the judge. We 0:17:26.040 --> 0:17:28.600 didn't even talk about that. We can't have a woman judge. 0:17:28.720 --> 0:17:31.720 Don't be ridiculous. Some of the greatest judges in American 0:17:31.840 --> 0:17:37.560 history have been women, including five Supreme Court Justices. Okay, okay, 0:17:37.600 --> 0:17:41.160 whatever you get to be the judge, sustained Mr Burgundy. 0:17:41.200 --> 0:17:43.800 You will answer the question. I can explain your honor. 0:17:44.200 --> 0:17:48.560 It's simple. These photos were photoshopped on a computer. They 0:17:48.560 --> 0:17:50.960 did it with Bernie Sanders and his mittens, and now 0:17:51.040 --> 0:17:53.800 my own government is trying to frame me with fake photos. 0:17:54.000 --> 0:17:56.679 We have you on videotape running through the halls of 0:17:56.720 --> 0:18:01.000 Congress yelling the British are coming. I was hi. I 0:18:01.040 --> 0:18:04.600 was high on adrenaline and something a seven foot tall 0:18:04.720 --> 0:18:08.080 Viking gave me. I thought I was in the Revolutionary War, 0:18:08.119 --> 0:18:11.480 and I was Paul Revere, silversmith and patriot. I was 0:18:11.600 --> 0:18:17.840 acting patriotically. How's that that's your defense? Your honor. I object, 0:18:17.920 --> 0:18:22.000 the prosecution is badgering the witness. Overruled. Damn it, this 0:18:22.040 --> 0:18:24.919 is a sticky wicket. I repeat, Mr Burgundy, Can you 0:18:25.040 --> 0:18:28.040 explain to this courtroom why you stormed our nation's capital 0:18:28.119 --> 0:18:31.879 on January six and smoked a thin caprice cigarette in 0:18:32.000 --> 0:18:36.840 Nancy Pelosi's office? I can, your honor, I can, but 0:18:36.920 --> 0:18:39.679 you must indulge me. Will you indulge me just a 0:18:39.720 --> 0:18:43.439 little bit, just this once, Mr Burgundy, crowds have always 0:18:43.440 --> 0:18:46.560 inspired me from the earliest memory as a young boy 0:18:46.600 --> 0:18:50.040 growing up in Iowa. Your honor, I object, overruled. Let 0:18:50.119 --> 0:18:53.439 Mr Burgundy speak, Thank you, your honor. I'm sorry I 0:18:53.480 --> 0:18:57.280 doubted the sagacity of women judges. Women are playing an 0:18:57.320 --> 0:19:00.600 increasing role in society at large. And though it makes 0:19:00.640 --> 0:19:04.280 a lot of men very angry, men with small dingles, usually, 0:19:04.640 --> 0:19:07.159 I think it's for the better. Where was I you 0:19:07.200 --> 0:19:10.440 were a small boy in Iowa? Thank you, judge. You're 0:19:10.520 --> 0:19:14.440 much more patient than the prosecuting attorney. Would you care 0:19:14.560 --> 0:19:16.760 to have a drink? Once? I nailed this thing, and 0:19:16.760 --> 0:19:20.639 it's all over, Mr Burgundy, This is a court of law. 0:19:21.240 --> 0:19:24.160 As the poet hath said, there is no court without 0:19:24.200 --> 0:19:28.040 courtship and no law without love. I object. Shut your 0:19:28.040 --> 0:19:30.800 thin lipped mouth. The judge and I are going for 0:19:30.840 --> 0:19:33.719 cordials at Tommys Shenanigan's when this trial is over and 0:19:33.800 --> 0:19:38.199 you are not invited, please Mr Burgundy your defense of course, Judge. 0:19:40.000 --> 0:19:42.520 Since I was a kid, I've always loved a crowd, 0:19:43.000 --> 0:19:47.520 circuses and fairs, concerts and riots. I simply cannot keep 0:19:47.520 --> 0:19:50.679 away from a good crowd. I don't know why that is. 0:19:51.440 --> 0:19:53.720 I went to a headshrink one time for six years 0:19:53.760 --> 0:19:56.400 to have my being inspected, and he told me, after 0:19:56.440 --> 0:19:58.399 a lot of money went down the drain, that I 0:19:58.480 --> 0:20:02.480 had a personality to s. They're called being a great guy. 0:20:02.680 --> 0:20:05.120 So I guess you can blame it on me being 0:20:05.160 --> 0:20:08.639 a great guy. But whenever a crowd forms, I form 0:20:08.800 --> 0:20:11.760 with it. We had a horse thief come through our 0:20:11.800 --> 0:20:14.520 town when I was around five years old. A large 0:20:14.600 --> 0:20:17.680 group of children ranging from ages two to seven formed 0:20:17.680 --> 0:20:20.600 what they called a posse, but what in hindsight I 0:20:20.600 --> 0:20:23.960 would call an angry mob. Whatever it was, it looked 0:20:24.000 --> 0:20:27.000 adorable and like a lot of fun. I joined in 0:20:27.040 --> 0:20:29.280 and we chased the horse thief to an old barn 0:20:29.320 --> 0:20:32.160 on the edge of town. They're the frightened horse thief 0:20:32.200 --> 0:20:34.679 began yelling out things like I don't have a horse, 0:20:35.040 --> 0:20:37.960 and I'm your second grade school teacher. And then someone 0:20:37.960 --> 0:20:40.880 shouted out, I'm pretty sure it was me. Burn him, 0:20:41.080 --> 0:20:44.800 burned down the barn and the varmut that stole them horses. 0:20:44.960 --> 0:20:48.000 You were around five years old when you shout at this, 0:20:48.200 --> 0:20:50.920 and someone got some torches again, I think it was me, 0:20:51.880 --> 0:20:53.760 and we threw them up on the hay loft and 0:20:53.800 --> 0:20:57.680 set the whole barn ablaze. The excitement was electric. Wait, 0:20:57.760 --> 0:21:00.360 this is horrific. This is one of the worst things 0:21:00.359 --> 0:21:03.479 you've ever said. From that night forward, I knew that 0:21:03.600 --> 0:21:06.800 being in a lively crowd was for me. I rest 0:21:06.840 --> 0:21:11.440 my case. Yes, Judge, no, it's it's Carolina. Now we're 0:21:11.440 --> 0:21:15.480 gonna reality. You can't tell that story in a court 0:21:15.520 --> 0:21:18.399 of law or anywhere. This is your second time talking 0:21:18.400 --> 0:21:21.760 about Arson in this episode alone. And you and all 0:21:21.800 --> 0:21:24.680 of those two year olds and seven year olds killed 0:21:24.720 --> 0:21:26.919 a man. It sounds like and it sounds like an 0:21:26.960 --> 0:21:30.600 innocent man. He was. He was the best second grade 0:21:30.600 --> 0:21:32.840 school teacher at the elementary school in town. He was. 0:21:33.000 --> 0:21:35.680 It was all a big mix up hijinks. You see 0:21:35.680 --> 0:21:38.480 how that story might not work in your favor, though 0:21:38.560 --> 0:21:41.879 when you go to court. I never thought about it 0:21:41.920 --> 0:21:45.480 like that at any rate. Mr grabble Stone didn't die. 0:21:45.640 --> 0:21:48.320 Oh my God, Jesus Christ, that's not the first time 0:21:48.359 --> 0:21:51.600 I thought you've killed someone. Needless to say, However, when 0:21:51.640 --> 0:21:53.919 I finally got to second grade, he was He was 0:21:53.960 --> 0:21:56.280 my teacher, and he was tougher on me than any 0:21:56.320 --> 0:21:58.800 of the other children. At first, I didn't know why, 0:21:58.880 --> 0:22:00.840 but then I remembered I I had to burn him 0:22:00.840 --> 0:22:03.919 to death. So I took the daily after school meetings 0:22:04.000 --> 0:22:07.560 with an understanding that life comes with consequences, and I 0:22:07.600 --> 0:22:11.080 was living in mine. But you're right. If I tell 0:22:11.119 --> 0:22:13.480 that story, people might think I was a violent child, 0:22:13.600 --> 0:22:16.399 and so it could be implied I wish violence on 0:22:16.440 --> 0:22:19.119 our nation's capital. But that is not the case at all. 0:22:19.240 --> 0:22:33.919 I am a patriot first and foremost, and I love democracy. 0:22:33.119 --> 0:22:39.359 So your defense will basically be that you're a guy 0:22:39.560 --> 0:22:43.760 who was trying to have some fun. Precisely, you can't 0:22:43.800 --> 0:22:46.600 tell what the intentions of a crowd are right away. 0:22:46.680 --> 0:22:50.080 You You just can't, and I mean from very very 0:22:50.200 --> 0:22:55.680 very very far away, an aerial of you from the sky. Yeah, no, 0:22:55.840 --> 0:22:58.320 you were on the ground, and it's aerial view. It's 0:22:58.320 --> 0:23:02.000 not Ariola. It could been a carnival. How was I 0:23:02.080 --> 0:23:05.000 to know it was a bigoted cesspool of cargo shorts. 0:23:05.880 --> 0:23:07.920 Let me tell you I was in Argentina a couple 0:23:07.920 --> 0:23:09.760 of years ago, and I was swept up in a 0:23:09.800 --> 0:23:13.000 wonderful partying atmosphere with thousands of people in the streets, 0:23:13.320 --> 0:23:17.360 so much yelling and screaming and that jibbery jabbery language 0:23:17.400 --> 0:23:19.040 they have down there, and it was it was all 0:23:19.320 --> 0:23:21.840 Pally Waller to me. You're I think you're talking about 0:23:21.840 --> 0:23:24.560 the Spanish language. Yes, but it just sounded like Pally 0:23:24.640 --> 0:23:28.760 Waller allowed music to my years. I believe. I started 0:23:28.800 --> 0:23:31.480 yelling my own made up language with him. Pretty Soon 0:23:31.560 --> 0:23:33.879 some army guys showed up with shields and cannons and 0:23:33.920 --> 0:23:37.280 tear guests. Here's my point. That crowd was not there 0:23:37.359 --> 0:23:41.360 to have a party. They were protesting their government, and 0:23:41.440 --> 0:23:43.480 how was I to know that? So we're just going 0:23:43.560 --> 0:23:47.399 to keep going with the I was just having fun. Defense. Basically, 0:23:47.680 --> 0:23:50.040 you should get a lawyer. You could end up in 0:23:50.119 --> 0:23:53.520 jail over this Pally Waller. Do you know how many 0:23:53.640 --> 0:23:57.240 l A laws I've seen take a guess hundred. I 0:23:57.280 --> 0:24:02.000 don't know. Guess again. Uho, and come on, Carolina. They 0:24:02.040 --> 0:24:05.560 didn't make a thousand l A Laws starring Corbin Burnson. 0:24:06.600 --> 0:24:09.440 There are hundred and seventy two episodes, and I've seen 0:24:09.480 --> 0:24:12.800 every one of them. So yeah, I know my way 0:24:12.920 --> 0:24:16.080 around a courtroom. The thing about being in court is 0:24:16.119 --> 0:24:18.760 that you've got to have a great closing argument. No 0:24:18.800 --> 0:24:21.720