Speaker 1: God Will and I have a daughter. People are going
Speaker 1: to be very surprised of how I tell her how
Speaker 1: to date. Mm, dead ass. Well, that leads me to
Speaker 1: I'm borderline curious to see how that's going to pan out.
Speaker 1: And I can't believe I just said that, because that
Speaker 1: means I'd have to have a dead ass. Hey, I'm
Speaker 1: Cadine and we're the ellis Is. You may know us
Speaker 1: from posting funny videos with our boys and reading each
Speaker 1: other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait, I'll make
Speaker 1: you need therapy most days. Wow. And one more important
Speaker 1: thing to mention, we're married. We are. We created this
Speaker 1: podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics,
Speaker 1: things most folks don't want to talk about through the
Speaker 1: lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass is the
Speaker 1: term that we say every day. So when we say
Speaker 1: dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth,
Speaker 1: and nothing but the truth. Were about to take pillow
Speaker 1: Talk to a whole new level. Dead ad starts right now.
Speaker 1: This story time is gonna take me to a few
Speaker 1: months back. I'm on the Internet, all right, the Internet,
Speaker 1: on the Internet or the Internet Internet, the Internet Internet.
Speaker 1: I was on the Internet, was going through my my
Speaker 1: I G feed, and everybody was talking about Lorie Harvey. Right,
Speaker 1: so I'm looking through this. I'm looking through this, and
Speaker 1: I'm kind of like, Okay, she was dating this person,
Speaker 1: talking to this person, talking to that person, and I
Speaker 1: think at the time she was talking to future HM.
Speaker 1: And I've seen like a lot of disparaging comments from
Speaker 1: both men and women in about their relationship or about
Speaker 1: her or to be honest, I don't know exactly what
Speaker 1: what they were talking about because we really don't know
Speaker 1: much about her. All the relationships gorgeous, but yeah, right,
Speaker 1: so I was confused. So then you know, her in
Speaker 1: the future didn't work out, and I think now she's
Speaker 1: talking to Michael B. Jordan's and once again people are upset.
Speaker 1: I think a lot of women's hearts are broken because
Speaker 1: they probably thought one day they'd end up with Michael B. Jordan's. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's fair, you know what I'm saying. Somebody's didn't your
Speaker 1: crush you automatically upset. But I remember looking at my
Speaker 1: phone and being seriously perplexed as to what the issue was.
Speaker 1: Like I was looking I was looking through looking for
Speaker 1: stuff and I just couldn't find anything, and I was
Speaker 1: I was perplexed, and I'm still perplexed, and I really
Speaker 1: want to talk to you about it. Okay, all right,
Speaker 1: so let's talk about it. Let's break it down, all right.
Speaker 1: So we have a special karaoke song for today. Okay,
Speaker 1: you're going to do it. She's gonna do it in
Speaker 1: the spoken words, spoken word form and in the words
Speaker 1: of the great little Kim. You want to buy me
Speaker 1: diamonds and Armani suits, Adreamandini and Chanelle nine boots, things
Speaker 1: that make up for all the games and the lies,
Speaker 1: Hallmark cards saying I apologize? Is you with me? How
Speaker 1: could you ever deceive me? But payback is a bitch
Speaker 1: motherfucker believe me. What do you think bitches? Money get money? Hey,
Speaker 1: I mean, if you want to buy any all the things,
Speaker 1: baby boy, go right ahead, then you go snap it up,
Speaker 1: snap it up. You had to court me and buy
Speaker 1: me all the things. Thank you for that spoken word piece.
Speaker 1: You're welcome, Yes of the Kim of little that's my girl.
Speaker 1: I knew way too many little kid lyrics back in
Speaker 1: the day that I had new No I know your
Speaker 1: mother was she had that was listen little Kimberly quiet
Speaker 1: as it's kept. I used to have my CD that
Speaker 1: my cousin had to get me because you know, my
Speaker 1: mom wasn't buying it with the explicit sign at the bottom,
Speaker 1: and then I would listen to it. I definitely had
Speaker 1: c d s. I would listen to it on my
Speaker 1: disc man, and then you stop it and you rewind
Speaker 1: it to get the lyrics because we ain't had lyrics
Speaker 1: like that back in the day. I'm totally aging myself.
Speaker 1: I am aging myself right now. So you would have
Speaker 1: to rewind it and I would have to open up
Speaker 1: my trapper keeper with the fresh loose leaf joint and
Speaker 1: I would write down the lyrics, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: I had to get it right, and then there's a
Speaker 1: lot of times I couldn't get the lyric, and then
Speaker 1: I realized in my older years that I had the
Speaker 1: lyrics all wrong. Have you had moments like that with
Speaker 1: songs like Man? You couldn't hear it clearly because you
Speaker 1: had to Discman. Before that, you had to transfer from
Speaker 1: you your cassette tapes and your A tracks, so it
Speaker 1: wasn't really clear, you know what I'm saying. When you
Speaker 1: had the eight track and then you transferred over. It
Speaker 1: was kind of like it was like get money. If
Speaker 1: that's the case you was doing the same thing with
Speaker 1: Biggie I I was born by all right, So Lorie Harvey, yes,
Speaker 1: is it Lorie Harvey me? Or don't Lorie Harvey me?
Speaker 1: I don't know. Well, come a herb. I feel like
Speaker 1: me as a dude, you know, hoping to one day
Speaker 1: have a daughter, is don't Lorie Harvey me? Like? If
Speaker 1: I have a daughter and my daughter's dating around, right
Speaker 1: and she's trying to figure out who she wants to
Speaker 1: spend the rest of her life with, don't attack my
Speaker 1: daughter like that, Like, don't that's not fair. I think
Speaker 1: the context of the comments that you were seeing where
Speaker 1: people feeling like, oh my goodness, she's getting around, or
Speaker 1: there was also the comments of like, wow, look at
Speaker 1: all of these extravagant things that she has gotten these
Speaker 1: men to do for her during their dating phase. So
Speaker 1: that became the verb Lorie Harvey me, give me all
Speaker 1: the gifts, take me on all the trips. Like there
Speaker 1: are two different ways that people. I think we're looking
Speaker 1: at her going from one relationship to another, and in
Speaker 1: her defense, I feel like it's one of those situations
Speaker 1: where she's dating publicly. She's dating men who are in
Speaker 1: the public eye, right exactly, So you know that is
Speaker 1: already subjecting her to unwanted and unsolicited opinions. Okay, you know,
Speaker 1: but I think they did a good job of combating that.
Speaker 1: Hold On, I'm cool with opinions, right, but the opinions
Speaker 1: have to make sense. Right. For example, I've seen some
Speaker 1: opinions from women. You know what I'm saying, saying how
Speaker 1: she's you know, she's just jumping from man to man
Speaker 1: and she's in a quote unquote phase. Right. We have
Speaker 1: no confirmation at all that Lorie Harvey has been intimate
Speaker 1: or slept with any of these men, right, And I
Speaker 1: just want to put this out there for just people
Speaker 1: just to think about this, because that's her business. Hold On,
Speaker 1: but let's let's think about this. Right. It could be
Speaker 1: very possible that men are taking their shot at dating
Speaker 1: her for the sake of trying to smash, right, because
Speaker 1: that's what men do. Is that what you did to me? Yes,
Speaker 1: I was trying to smash. I was trying to smash, right,
Speaker 1: and I succeeded. I'll let you wait a little bit
Speaker 1: though may be. But I still smashed though. But I
Speaker 1: still smashed though. But my point is is that it
Speaker 1: could be very viable that these men are dating her
Speaker 1: with the intent to smash, and it's very viable that
Speaker 1: she's not putting out. So those men move on and
Speaker 1: be like, you know what, I couldn't crack the colt
Speaker 1: and they move on because she may be looking for
Speaker 1: something more serious. And that's why she's going from relationship
Speaker 1: to relationship, because it's dating. That's what dating. You decide
Speaker 1: in that moment, if we can agree to try to
Speaker 1: figure out if we're gonna spend life together, and if
Speaker 1: it doesn't work, you move on, right, And if she's
Speaker 1: dating purposefully, she's looking for a quote unquote suitor. Right now,
Speaker 1: this is where I think people are going to be
Speaker 1: shocked at how I'm going to teach my daughter how
Speaker 1: to date, right, And I just want to put this
Speaker 1: out there. My daughter is going to be used to
Speaker 1: a certain lifestyle, right, the same like Lorie Harvey. Now
Speaker 1: I'm not as rich as Steve Harvey yet, but by
Speaker 1: the time I have a daughter, but by the time
Speaker 1: I have a daughter and twenties mid twenties, right, twenty
Speaker 1: five years from now, I'm gonna be in a way
Speaker 1: better position. My daughter is going to be used to
Speaker 1: a certain lifestyle right now. Of course, I'm going to
Speaker 1: mentor my daughter to have her own the same way
Speaker 1: her mom has her own. Right So I'm gonna want
Speaker 1: my daughter have her own, make her own money, be
Speaker 1: a businesswoman, not been replying or relying on the man
Speaker 1: for anything. She's gonna be able to have that ability.
Speaker 1: But when she chooses to date, I'm gonna want her
Speaker 1: to date someone of her father's caliber or better. You
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Lorie Harvey. Now, dating man who
Speaker 1: are in the industry exactly created some sort of lifestyle
Speaker 1: for them exactly. And people may say that's that's unfair.
Speaker 1: They may say that's unfair. But I want my my
Speaker 1: daughter to be taken care of and appreciate it the
Speaker 1: way I appreciate her mom, you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: So the way I appreciate you. I want someone to
Speaker 1: take care of and I want someone who's being able
Speaker 1: to do the things for her that I was able
Speaker 1: to do for her mom. So it's going to be
Speaker 1: a certain level of man that I'm gonna want her
Speaker 1: to be around right now. That doesn't have to be
Speaker 1: an industry man, because there's plenty of men who make
Speaker 1: tons of money who are good man who do other jobs.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, CEOs, executives, um being rich
Speaker 1: on the low ea, when people who are thinking about
Speaker 1: generational wealth and it's not just about being rich and
Speaker 1: having money. But when I talk about caliber, I'm talking
Speaker 1: about the caliber of man who believes in family, you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, So a family and wealth building.
Speaker 1: So of course there's gonna be a certain caliberman. If
Speaker 1: people have an issue with her dating a certain status
Speaker 1: of man, that's their problem. That's their problem, because men
Speaker 1: have a list of things that they expect in want
Speaker 1: in a woman. So if a man has that, why
Speaker 1: can't a woman have that? No? I agree I as
Speaker 1: a woman, I agree with you, And I feel like
Speaker 1: it's also one of those things where you look at
Speaker 1: Laura Harvey for example, or anyone who is dating in
Speaker 1: that that realm okay, meaning like in the public eye. Naturally,
Speaker 1: that's going to open up people's opinions and whatnot when
Speaker 1: it comes to potentially raising a girl or a daughter
Speaker 1: and things like that. I agree with you and that
Speaker 1: I feel like there should be a level of Okay,
Speaker 1: well what is he bringing to the table if we've
Speaker 1: already raised her in such a manner um. But I
Speaker 1: also to know that there's a certain an autonomy that
Speaker 1: I want to raise a daughter with that autonomy over
Speaker 1: her body, over her space, over her time, so that
Speaker 1: she feels like she then can decide, meaning that she
Speaker 1: should be able to know where she wants to invest
Speaker 1: her time when it comes to dating certain people, which
Speaker 1: means it maybe for a couple of months, it maybe
Speaker 1: for a year, it maybe for two years. But the
Speaker 1: fact that she may be in a relationship or dating
Speaker 1: somebody for a couple of months and then moves on
Speaker 1: doesn't necessarily mean that she's less of a woman or
Speaker 1: redevalue her now because she's picking, choosing and refusing, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. And it doesn't mean that she
Speaker 1: having sex. That's themazing exactly. It doesn't have to be that.
Speaker 1: Because I'm going to tell my daughter to don't don't
Speaker 1: get caught up in there your mom and your dad
Speaker 1: who had a relationship since eighteen, because I wouldn't advise
Speaker 1: that either. That's what I was getting to. I wouldn't
Speaker 1: advise that based on my own experience, I wouldn't advise
Speaker 1: for you to just meet somebody at seventeen eighteen and
Speaker 1: then that's the person who you're going to spend the
Speaker 1: rest of your life with, because I feel like we're
Speaker 1: in an anomaly, to be honest, Um, somebody who had
Speaker 1: you met somebody really early on and then we've been
Speaker 1: able to, you know, somewhat healthily grow together as individuals
Speaker 1: and together. That's very rare. And we've had even you know, friends,
Speaker 1: people who we know that got together really young and
Speaker 1: try to make it work and ended up not working.
Speaker 1: They grew apart, you end up in divorce and all that. Um. Ultimately,
Speaker 1: you want someone to do with what makes them happy. Yes,
Speaker 1: but you know, so it gets very kind of touchy,
Speaker 1: especially when it comes to women, because we've always been conditioned,
Speaker 1: according to society, to hold women to a different standard
Speaker 1: than we hold men. We'll talk a little bit about that.
Speaker 1: So a man, a man, for example, you're dating around,
Speaker 1: you're you know, meeting different women. Um, you're encouraged to
Speaker 1: you know, sold your wild oats and you know, date
Speaker 1: around and explore and eventually it's almost as if men
Speaker 1: are given a timeline where it's like, Okay, you're reached
Speaker 1: maybe your mid to late thirties, when are you going
Speaker 1: to settle down? Like that's what happens with men, whereas
Speaker 1: with women it's completely different. It's like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: we're gonna condition this woman and we're going to train
Speaker 1: her up to be one day somebody's wife or to
Speaker 1: be somebody's mother, And then in turn, it then puts
Speaker 1: the pressure on a woman to then say, well, man,
Speaker 1: I may have to feel ashamed if I decide that
Speaker 1: that's not the route I want to take, or I
Speaker 1: may not be able to tell my family and friends
Speaker 1: that I don't want to be a mother, or I
Speaker 1: don't want to, you know, be married off to a
Speaker 1: man for example. So so wait, So even in the
Speaker 1: dating process, what you're saying is you feel like women
Speaker 1: date and will stay in relationships because they don't want
Speaker 1: to be seen with a bunch of different men, because
Speaker 1: even if they're seen with a bunch of different men,
Speaker 1: it's like this, it's bad. Well, I mean I can
Speaker 1: say that I felt that way early on, and I
Speaker 1: felt like I was kind of raised that way. It's like,
Speaker 1: you don't want to be seen out with a man
Speaker 1: pass a certain time. For example, you know, even when
Speaker 1: you and I Harvey, she was on vacation, go on
Speaker 1: vacation for a couple of days with a guy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and my mama definitely, she definitely said that early on.
Speaker 1: We were about what eighteen nineteen, and we want us
Speaker 1: to go on vacation for Spring DrAk together to Jamaica,
Speaker 1: and pretty much almost booked the trip. And then she
Speaker 1: was just like, what is that going to look like?
Speaker 1: You know, a woman of your caliber that I'm trying
Speaker 1: to raise, you know, going on a vacation with a
Speaker 1: man that you're not married to, and what is that
Speaker 1: gonna look like? And how am I going to tell
Speaker 1: your grandmother? And I was just like, I'm just trying
Speaker 1: to go and have fun. And I'm with one man
Speaker 1: that I've been with at that point for at least
Speaker 1: what maybe two years, you know, So it's not like
Speaker 1: I was dating around and going on vacations with several men. However,
Speaker 1: I could have had that autonomy to do that, but
Speaker 1: I was raised differently in that it was almost shamed, right,
Speaker 1: It definitely was shamed. It definitely was shamed. But what
Speaker 1: my my thing is is this why do we automatically
Speaker 1: put on a woman right that if she's talking to
Speaker 1: a man that she's sleeping with him, Because that, to
Speaker 1: me is what bothers me. Like we watched the show Britain, right,
Speaker 1: we watched to show Bridgetain, and even in the show
Speaker 1: Bridge even tho it's the fantasy, it's a fairy tale, right.
Speaker 1: The women are groomed to be wives, right, but they're
Speaker 1: supposed to take on suitors, right, and suitors are supposed
Speaker 1: to court them a bunch of different men are supposed
Speaker 1: to court them, but their modesty is important. But even
Speaker 1: though their modesty is important, men are supposed to court them, right.
Speaker 1: Men are supposed to shower with them with gifts and
Speaker 1: show them what they're supposed to plem that's okay, and
Speaker 1: to show them experiences. Right. So it's like, if Lorie
Speaker 1: Harvey is doing that and keeping her modesty right, and
Speaker 1: she's not sleeping with these men, what's the problem if
Speaker 1: if so and so? What what if next week's Who's
Speaker 1: an Eligible Bachelor? Klay Thompson? Besides that, she he wants
Speaker 1: to shoot this shot at at Lorie Harvey and send
Speaker 1: her on a trip or send her flowers or by
Speaker 1: her diamonds. If he can afford to do that, and she's,
Speaker 1: you know, the most eligible bachelorette, why do people have
Speaker 1: a problem like I really don't want I really don't understand.
Speaker 1: Did you see what he did, Michael B. Jordan did
Speaker 1: for her for valance? As because you showed me. I said, listen,
Speaker 1: if there was anything that was gonna get some panties,
Speaker 1: wet is that rent me out? The whole museum? What
Speaker 1: was it? The music, Michael? But the aquarium though, like
Speaker 1: with and he called her turtle and there were like
Speaker 1: turtle swimming everywhere. I was like, how well, I thought
Speaker 1: that was that? And then the turtle bracelet and there
Speaker 1: was flowers and everything. I will admit that, but you
Speaker 1: won't for that. I will admit that I said, hadn't
Speaker 1: been me? See you wrong for that? You put it
Speaker 1: on Michael B. Jordan's See that's what that's wrong. That's
Speaker 1: just what it would have been for see LORI doing it.
Speaker 1: That is really rocking that Mike. That's that. But that
Speaker 1: right to see. But it is my problem if it
Speaker 1: was me, no no, no, no no, tom out to time
Speaker 1: out to out please that you can't do that to
Speaker 1: Michael B want to feel that someone. Alright, no open
Speaker 1: aquarium for you and get sucked up. I don't care.
Speaker 1: I don't care how many action movies you do. Bro. Listen,
Speaker 1: all right, I'm just saying, if it was I don't
Speaker 1: want I don't even want to see that. But that's
Speaker 1: where she can come from, because that's wrong. It's wrong.
Speaker 1: But I'm just like you. I get it about I
Speaker 1: understand that it's wrong. I am saying if it were me,
Speaker 1: I get that, but k what you're not understanding it.
Speaker 1: Part of the issue that I saw with those comments
Speaker 1: wasn't even only men have an issue with it. It
Speaker 1: was women. You say, women. Women keep saying they want
Speaker 1: autonomy over their life, they want to live their sexual
Speaker 1: all this other stuff. Right here, you have a woman
Speaker 1: who's twenty five existing in that space and women are
Speaker 1: finding issue with it. And I was just like, why,
Speaker 1: But now did I hear you? Because you're saying if
Speaker 1: that were you, you know what I'm saying, a lot
Speaker 1: of women that was me. I'd have been putting out,
Speaker 1: so they probably felt like future was doing certain things,
Speaker 1: taken on trips, she's putting out, she was associated with
Speaker 1: other men. I don't want to keep naming names. I
Speaker 1: think it's also fucked up to do that. But she
Speaker 1: must be putting out to get these men to be
Speaker 1: paying attention to her. I'm telling you right now, she
Speaker 1: does not have to be putting out for men to
Speaker 1: do those things for her. She doesn't like that. I
Speaker 1: remember in high school there was always the chicks right
Speaker 1: who would like the bad chick or the cute, innocent chick,
Speaker 1: And dudes used to be trying to crack the code. Dude, dudes,
Speaker 1: she can't. You can't claim that was you. Now, when
Speaker 1: you're talking about she was gonna be miking, seven year
Speaker 1: old Condeine would have rocked the mic, not so much
Speaker 1: as seventeen and seventeen. I was about seven year o
Speaker 1: Conine because Lorie Harvey showed me a year old woman
Speaker 1: right now who's not dating right now in this time. Yes,
Speaker 1: you're right, it's different, this particular time and space that
Speaker 1: we're in. I will say it is fair to say that, yes,
Speaker 1: it's very different than when I was twenty seven or
Speaker 1: when I was seventeen. So now this is what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: I'm saying that I understand it to an extent. But
Speaker 1: what I'm saying is, this is why I said, don't
Speaker 1: Lorie Harvey me is because when I have a daughter,
Speaker 1: God bless us with a daughter, don't Lorie Harvey out
Speaker 1: door when you see dudes coming with boxes of roses
Speaker 1: or taking it to the aquarium and you're feeling like
Speaker 1: the vow the vow our daughters putting out what he
Speaker 1: did wouldn't be placing that energy on her either, though,
Speaker 1: But you just place it on Lorie hard Do not
Speaker 1: place it one harder. I said it for me, that
Speaker 1: would have been me. I'm not saying that that's what
Speaker 1: she was doing. OK. Just listen to what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: You're saying, is that was you? Right? I don't want
Speaker 1: you to say because your daughter is dating someone, Damn
Speaker 1: if that were me at that point, I would so
Speaker 1: you wonder if our daughter is That's what I'm saying
Speaker 1: about the whole That's not would my old lady. But
Speaker 1: that's what I'm saying that everybody, let's try to project
Speaker 1: Let's not project on these young women who have opportunities
Speaker 1: they can agree on. That's what I'm saying. Let's not
Speaker 1: project these these things on these young women who have
Speaker 1: an opportunity to date a certain calibornim man that they're
Speaker 1: automatically putting out because men according them the part of
Speaker 1: the That's what I'm saying. Women don't understand that the
Speaker 1: courting process entails that a man should show you what
Speaker 1: he's willing to do for you. But since we're not
Speaker 1: courting anymore, if a man does that, people automatically assume
Speaker 1: she must be putting out in order for him to
Speaker 1: do that. They can also be reciprocated as well too,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I think about it. There
Speaker 1: may be things that she's doing for him. I don't
Speaker 1: I'm not sure if she's posting it on social media
Speaker 1: as much, you know what I'm just saying, Like, I know,
Speaker 1: he had like a birthday or something, and she she
Speaker 1: threw a party for him or something like that. So
Speaker 1: she's probably reciprocating in that way. It may not be
Speaker 1: that because he did all of these things for Valentine's
Speaker 1: day's putting out sexually. She can be reciprocating that to
Speaker 1: him as well too, in a way to say, hey,
Speaker 1: I appreciate what you've done for me in this space
Speaker 1: for Valentine's Day, for example, I want to do something
Speaker 1: special for you as well. But but we've also been
Speaker 1: conditioned to believe that the only way a woman can
Speaker 1: reciprocate those type of gifts are sexual favors. And that's
Speaker 1: why I keep saying, don't Laurie harvy me, because don't
Speaker 1: if when my daughter is dating, if she's dating a
Speaker 1: certain caliber of men and she's going on trips or
Speaker 1: she's doing certain things, I'm going to talk to my
Speaker 1: daughter about soul tie and having autonomy over her body. Now,
Speaker 1: there's a difference if you're sexually attracted to someone and
Speaker 1: you you know women of sexual beings as well, and
Speaker 1: she wants to have sex and because she wants to,
Speaker 1: not because she feels obligated to because someone got her
Speaker 1: a gift, then that's her own prerogative. As long as
Speaker 1: she's safe, she takes care of herself. But I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna tell my daughter to just, you know, go out
Speaker 1: there and any time a man gives you a gift,
Speaker 1: well two things. I'm not gonna tell her, you gotta
Speaker 1: wait ninety days exactly because I don't believe in that either.
Speaker 1: Some people have ties. You and I didn't wait ninety days.
Speaker 1: We waited a little bit, but it worked out in
Speaker 1: our favor. So I don't feel like I can ever
Speaker 1: put uh a day amount of time on how to wait.
Speaker 1: But I want my daughter to ultimately date openly and
Speaker 1: be like, Yo, this is how you live. But men
Speaker 1: should be courting you, bro, Men should be courting you.
Speaker 1: A man should be especially the type of man and
Speaker 1: I want my daughter to be with should be focused
Speaker 1: on generational wealth bill and building a family. That type
Speaker 1: of man will court a woman to show her not
Speaker 1: only this is how I'm going to get you, but
Speaker 1: this is the life you could live living with me
Speaker 1: for the rest of your life, because that's what I
Speaker 1: did with you. I continue to exist and you do
Speaker 1: continue to exist in that space, and I enjoy that.
Speaker 1: At this point I'm putting out, are you hurting out
Speaker 1: to earn you? Definitely put it out now, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean exactly. But it's also a thing where well,
Speaker 1: clearly we're out of space where I understand the level
Speaker 1: of respect that you have for me, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. But I actually felt that early on with you,
Speaker 1: I kind of felt like too, as a woman, you
Speaker 1: kind of have to know who you're dealing with. You
Speaker 1: got to kind of know the kind of man that
Speaker 1: you are dating, you know what I mean, And I
Speaker 1: mean sometimes people walk around here with facades and you
Speaker 1: may not be sure who you're dealing with until you're
Speaker 1: well into it, or you find something out, or you know,
Speaker 1: you scour their Instagram page and like, it looks nice,
Speaker 1: but then you find out there's a really bad habit
Speaker 1: they have, for example, or something, and then you're just like, man,
Speaker 1: I gotta move on. Um. But that's also sometimes the
Speaker 1: risk that you take in the dating process, which makes
Speaker 1: me feel like I do not actually, um, I feel
Speaker 1: like I'm missing out too much on the dating process,
Speaker 1: though I do feel like I wish I should have
Speaker 1: done more of that when I was younger. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: again dating meaning being courted, Um, having experiences meeting other people,
Speaker 1: knowing what I like what I don't like. That would
Speaker 1: have given me a little bit more of a better
Speaker 1: scope to see, Okay, what does cadein like and not
Speaker 1: like in a person, rather than being with somebody and
Speaker 1: then having to be that flexible in a relationship. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I feel like we also met and we got
Speaker 1: together early on where we were both still very malleable,
Speaker 1: so we were able to kind of finesse. That's another thing,
Speaker 1: how kind of finesse, how we dealt with each other,
Speaker 1: and also how we grew and it worked out for us.
Speaker 1: But that could also be to a detriment for some
Speaker 1: people too. But that's what I want to touch on,
Speaker 1: as far as even the whole, the whole idea that
Speaker 1: someone has to give you expensive gifts to show you
Speaker 1: how to court. I courted Cadein with no spensive gifts
Speaker 1: and no trips because I didn't have it hero right,
Speaker 1: A hero would have pickle on the side I had
Speaker 1: to pickle for she got that pickled to But no, realistically,
Speaker 1: the simple it is simple. If you let me finish.
Speaker 1: If you let me finish what I'm saying, I'm gone
Speaker 1: you not go ahead. I'm gonna tell you why he's simple.
Speaker 1: A right, I'm gonna tell you why it's simple. The
Speaker 1: courting process is to show someone care. Right now, you
Speaker 1: and I were at a certain level in life right
Speaker 1: where you understand, you understood where I was financial, understood
Speaker 1: where you were financially. I wasn't Michael B. Jordan's, I
Speaker 1: wasn't Steve Harvey. You know what I'm saying. But you
Speaker 1: weren't Lorie Harvey either, so you appreciated the things I
Speaker 1: got for you, you know what I'm saying. But even
Speaker 1: back then, if it's not a trip to Cobbo or
Speaker 1: Bora Bora, even if we drove to Virginia, people would assume,
Speaker 1: if social media existed like that, that we would drive
Speaker 1: into Virginia the automatically that what you were putting out,
Speaker 1: you see what I'm saying. But it was still just
Speaker 1: part of the courting process that allowed us to learn
Speaker 1: each other and ultimately make the decision to say, you
Speaker 1: know what, this is the type of guy I want
Speaker 1: to spend the rest of my life with. And that's
Speaker 1: why I feel like it's simple, because it's like when
Speaker 1: you're going through the dating process and you get a
Speaker 1: chance to court and you get a chance to show
Speaker 1: a woman like I can take care of you, not
Speaker 1: because you need me to. Because at the time, it
Speaker 1: was never a I'm gonna take care of Kate because
Speaker 1: I could tell ka and got ship and I'm gonna
Speaker 1: have to carry her through life. It was more of
Speaker 1: a thing, this is my equals. She's in college. I'm
Speaker 1: in college, but I want her to know what I'm here.
Speaker 1: It was a learning process. For us, I feel like
Speaker 1: we were learning each other. Think about the hours that
Speaker 1: we spent on those road trips, just like talking. Don't
Speaker 1: tell me why it's not simple, Tell me why it's
Speaker 1: not it's not simple. I think because people nowadays are
Speaker 1: contending with social media and this facade and this life,
Speaker 1: this aspirational life. Half the time it's not real. So
Speaker 1: I feel badly for men, particularly because they have these
Speaker 1: levels of of Instagram photos that they're trying to live
Speaker 1: up to. You know, you think about a man who's
Speaker 1: thinking about proposing, it's no longer just oh my god,
Speaker 1: I'm going to have an intimate proposal with family and
Speaker 1: friends without it being an elaborate spread of like flats everywhere,
Speaker 1: photographer and video. So that difficult for I think according process,
Speaker 1: particularly for men. Yes, and then women have a standard
Speaker 1: to which like, man, if he can't do this for
Speaker 1: me and if we can't do that, don't do it
Speaker 1: at all. I gotta agree with you, because when I
Speaker 1: proposed to you, all that mattered to me was our
Speaker 1: family was there, and absolutely and to me too. But
Speaker 1: if but now, but now, if I were to propose
Speaker 1: to you, I definitely would feel a certain level absolutely
Speaker 1: pressure and standard to be like, you know what, I
Speaker 1: gotta have a videographer, I gotta do a huge gesture.
Speaker 1: I gotta make sure and in turn that may delay
Speaker 1: your process in trying to get things done because she
Speaker 1: may want to do it a certain way for that
Speaker 1: woman and then you're just like, damn, I can't do
Speaker 1: it to the calibers, but she's wanting it, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. But even aside from say engage, just
Speaker 1: just courting in general, like you see people like hopping
Speaker 1: planes to go on vacation with a boar from her
Speaker 1: girlfriend or something like that, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: And if that's courting days, well, you know, people people
Speaker 1: to be spending other people's money to go on these
Speaker 1: vacations and putting it on Instagrams. But that's what that's
Speaker 1: what it comes back to, what you're saying, it's not
Speaker 1: fair because that's the standard of life. That may not
Speaker 1: because listen, like I did, like we brought it back
Speaker 1: to being simple. Think about my our Toyota Ciana when
Speaker 1: I opened up that that that trunk and I put
Speaker 1: them a cute little date night in the back of
Speaker 1: the trunk, you know what I mean. Something like that.
Speaker 1: I feel like maybe for our generation will hold some value.
Speaker 1: I don't know how the generation of people coming up,
Speaker 1: and so let me feel about something simple like that.
Speaker 1: So let me ask you a question. We do we
Speaker 1: have a daughter, right, we do have How how would
Speaker 1: you help her navigate through this time? And I'm asking
Speaker 1: you because I don't want to try to man splain
Speaker 1: you know how a woman should go through this process?
Speaker 1: How would you help our daughter? God bless, we have
Speaker 1: a daughter. She's twenty two right now? Dating and social
Speaker 1: media is a thing. You can't say, get off social
Speaker 1: media and dat. But I think it kind of goes
Speaker 1: back to what you kind of explained earlier, is that
Speaker 1: you know, we're we would be providing it with her
Speaker 1: with a certain kind of lifestyle for example, right and
Speaker 1: she would god willing be around a certain group of
Speaker 1: family friends who just kind of empower her to feel like,
Speaker 1: you know what, she holds so much value that she's
Speaker 1: worth dating around, She's worth having those experiences. She's worth
Speaker 1: also to having the freedom and the autonomy over herself
Speaker 1: and over her body to make those decisions when I
Speaker 1: feel like she's ready. So I feel like we as
Speaker 1: parents would have to raise her in a in a
Speaker 1: way in which she would feel like, Wow, I feel
Speaker 1: like I hold so much value that I'm not just
Speaker 1: going to be out here that I know that I'm
Speaker 1: talking about how would you tell how to navigate this space?
Speaker 1: Like social media that, yeah, would you tell her, you know,
Speaker 1: date but don't date on social media or don't put
Speaker 1: who you're dating on social media? With like, like, how
Speaker 1: would you tell her to navigate the other the principles?
Speaker 1: I know how you would because you know, yeah, we
Speaker 1: agree with that, but I'm saying, like, how would you
Speaker 1: tell her to navigate this space? Okay, that gives better clarification. Um, yes,
Speaker 1: I think there's a beauty and there's a mistique in
Speaker 1: a little bit of mystery and a little bit of
Speaker 1: privacy and not having to post every single thing and stuff.
Speaker 1: And it's funny coming from us because people probably feel like, damn,
Speaker 1: you'll post everything though you know, you guys are open
Speaker 1: book and we know everything. The best part about it
Speaker 1: is that people don't know everything about us because we
Speaker 1: can pick and choose what we're putting out there. So
Speaker 1: the beauty and social media in that space when you're
Speaker 1: thinking about dating is that you can decide what you
Speaker 1: want to put out or not. The thing is, she's
Speaker 1: going to have to feel confident in herself to know
Speaker 1: that I'm not flossing for nobody, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: There's like this flossy mentality that it's like, who are
Speaker 1: you really doing it for? You know, and you don't
Speaker 1: need that justification from friends or from follows or from
Speaker 1: like So we're gonna have to really condition our children,
Speaker 1: even our boys, you know what I'm saying. We have
Speaker 1: to condition our boys to feel the same way to
Speaker 1: like you're not. You're gonna have to be respectful of
Speaker 1: women in general, yes, and then you're also going to
Speaker 1: have to be mindful of what you're putting out there
Speaker 1: that then invites the negative content. So ultimately, it's not
Speaker 1: so much her dating process because she doesn't say much,
Speaker 1: so we don't know what her dating process is. It's
Speaker 1: her being social and you know, putting it out there
Speaker 1: for people to have comments, which I'm gonna be honest.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be honest with everybody. Lorie Harvey is a
Speaker 1: social life, right, much like Kim Kardashian Paris Hilton. Right.
Speaker 1: They feed off of this type of energy because it
Speaker 1: boosts their engagement, It gives them a level of status,
Speaker 1: which ultimately helps them make money. So people need to
Speaker 1: also realize that this could be a business decision for
Speaker 1: her to date publicly. You know, she's not putting out.
Speaker 1: We don't know if she's putting out or not. She's
Speaker 1: not even saying much about the situations. It could be
Speaker 1: a huge business move for her to say, you know what,
Speaker 1: I'm going to choose to date publicly. People don't have
Speaker 1: something to say, They're gonna constantly repost. You know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. I have brands and products that I want
Speaker 1: to market, so they're gonna come to my page. Homegirl
Speaker 1: got a whole billboard in l A for her her
Speaker 1: integration with her line with Naked Wardrobe. So it's like
Speaker 1: so in a way, she's winning both ways. So it's
Speaker 1: kind of genius and me while we're over here talking
Speaker 1: about her, right, but she's over there living the life,
Speaker 1: you know what, which makes sense. But but I will
Speaker 1: say this, you have I would I would as a father,
Speaker 1: teach my daughter even if she would wants to be
Speaker 1: a socialite or an influencer, because it is it's a job. Now,
Speaker 1: like people, you know, people make jokes about gen Z.
Speaker 1: You know what you what are you gonna do when
Speaker 1: you're gonna be an influencer? Influencer? Influencer marketing is multimillion
Speaker 1: dollar industry. I know firsthand number one, and I also
Speaker 1: being a part of the podcast, you realize how much
Speaker 1: people make off marketing. So yes, it is a job. Being.
Speaker 1: My daughter decides she wants to be an influencer, I
Speaker 1: would tell her, you have to have thick skin to
Speaker 1: be able to put your your life out there and
Speaker 1: understand that people are going to have opinions regardless of
Speaker 1: how much information they know. You know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: Because the truth is we have minimal information and they
Speaker 1: will build an entire story around it. Yeah, You're going
Speaker 1: to have to just be able to contend with something
Speaker 1: like that. And I would tell her to listen, Lorie
Speaker 1: sis I ain't mad at it. I'm at it either.
Speaker 1: That's the case Lorie Harvey me, because it's very polarizing,
Speaker 1: this whole situation here. It's like there's that don't Lorie
Speaker 1: Harvey mean that, like, don't talk about what I'm doing
Speaker 1: and don't make these assumptions. But then there's a Lorie
Speaker 1: Harvey me like rent out the freaking aquarium as now,
Speaker 1: I'll take it. You know what I mean, I get it,
Speaker 1: I get it. I do say that I do feel
Speaker 1: like I'm proud of her for normalizing the dating process
Speaker 1: and the courting process. Yeah, you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: because I'm going to keep I'm going to keep pounding
Speaker 1: this away, you know, saying, no pun intended. But we
Speaker 1: do not have any confirmation that she's putting out for people.
Speaker 1: So so for people who to say that she's jumping
Speaker 1: from man to man and she's going through her whole phase,
Speaker 1: you don't have any confirmation that. But her dating and
Speaker 1: being courted by by rich and powerful men who are bachelors.
Speaker 1: I feel like she's normalizing that in a space for
Speaker 1: black women because we haven't seen it before. You know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, her being a socialite, her being courted her,
Speaker 1: and I I appreciate that because and also being a
Speaker 1: businesswoman to be able to capitalize financially off of it.
Speaker 1: So that's the question is if she is having sexual
Speaker 1: relations with these people, these men, is it a whole phase?
Speaker 1: Are we calling it a whole phase? Why is it
Speaker 1: a whole phase? That's a whole another podcast as a
Speaker 1: whole other podcast. That is a whole other podcast. Yes,
Speaker 1: we're gonna do a podcast about the whole phase. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: but right now we're gonna take a break and pay
Speaker 1: some of these bills because I gotta I just found
Speaker 1: out I gotta open up in the quarium for my wife.
Speaker 1: That's all right, to get the Gulf golf. Um. So
Speaker 1: I'm gonna pay some of these bills, get some of
Speaker 1: these ads paid, so that you can rock this mind.
Speaker 1: We'll be back after these messages, all right. So we're
Speaker 1: back from listening to letters to letters actually bad, Yes,
Speaker 1: we're actually back to listener letters and just for for
Speaker 1: you know, to be fair and be right. Lorie Harvey
Speaker 1: is she's not she's not twenty two, and then gave
Speaker 1: us so many ages she's twenty four years old again.
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, you still look baby, thank you look
Speaker 1: at you. So I'm gonna read this first listening to letters.
Speaker 1: I go for it. I'm a twenty two year old woman,
Speaker 1: and I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for
Speaker 1: two and a half years, and we've liked each other
Speaker 1: since sixth grade. Very nice. He cheated on me in March,
Speaker 1: and I have fully gotten over, haven't I haven't fully
Speaker 1: gotten over. We had an argument and he broke up
Speaker 1: with me because I can't trust him. But I'm telling
Speaker 1: him that he needs to give me time. He feels
Speaker 1: like we can never get back to where we were before,
Speaker 1: but we previously agreed to go to couples therapy and reconcile.
Speaker 1: Should I fight for my relationship because I love him
Speaker 1: so much? Or should I just move on with my life?
Speaker 1: I hear two two so young a half together together? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Oh yes, sorry right now. Um, there are a lot
Speaker 1: of things that happened in those early twenties that I
Speaker 1: don't feel like should be the do or die the
Speaker 1: final judgment for any person. UM at that age. I
Speaker 1: have a question, though, is he a cheater or did
Speaker 1: he just cheat? Because there's a difference difference difference between
Speaker 1: being a cheater and it's a different someone who cheated
Speaker 1: the serious because someone like that who's just a cheater,
Speaker 1: who's like, I'm never gonna stop cheating. This is who
Speaker 1: I am. And you want to be in a monogamous
Speaker 1: relationship as a person, whether it's a man or woman,
Speaker 1: that's not somebody you want to be with. Do you
Speaker 1: think there are people out there there's just like you know,
Speaker 1: I'm never I'm never going to stop cheating, yes, or
Speaker 1: I'm just always going to be with multiple people and
Speaker 1: just not one. Yes, Because I feel like right now,
Speaker 1: as people, we aren't open to the ideas of polygamy
Speaker 1: or polyamorous relationships. So for a lot of people, they
Speaker 1: don't want to be judged. So what they do is
Speaker 1: they get in a relationship to feel like they're normal
Speaker 1: quote unquote. But you're in this relationship to feel like
Speaker 1: you're normal, and you don't enjoy it. So what do
Speaker 1: you do? You have a secret life, you know. And
Speaker 1: that's not just men. Women do the same thing, you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. So I feel like until we
Speaker 1: normalize people being able to choose the type of style
Speaker 1: they want to live and it being okay and they're
Speaker 1: not being demonized for it, then this is what's going
Speaker 1: to happen. People are going to continue to live secret lives,
Speaker 1: you know, and and then put this facade on for
Speaker 1: everyone else to make them feel comfortable with who they are.
Speaker 1: So I think that's what she has to figure out
Speaker 1: and he has to figure out. I think she they
Speaker 1: should maybe take advantage of this break time too, because
Speaker 1: I feel like, being that young and having been together
Speaker 1: you and I since the age of eighteen, we understand
Speaker 1: now the value of maybe giving each other some space
Speaker 1: because we didn't our twenties, because we didn't we didn't
Speaker 1: really take fake breaks. But it wasn't like break breaks.
Speaker 1: Wasn't break breaks, but it was like, yeah, we're gonna
Speaker 1: take a break, and we're gonna take a break, and
Speaker 1: then you know, a week later or something, we're like
Speaker 1: still calling each other and whatnot. So our breaks were
Speaker 1: kind of like very loose breaks. But the fact that
Speaker 1: you guys have broken up, you may want to take
Speaker 1: this time to give him some space. Maybe he needs
Speaker 1: to realize like, Okay, you know, life is better over here,
Speaker 1: or you know, I enjoy being with different people and
Speaker 1: kind of just you know, figuring things out while I'm
Speaker 1: in my early twenties, and you never know, y'all might
Speaker 1: just kind of the paths may lead together again and
Speaker 1: they may merge a little bit later on. You know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think when she's saying should I fight from my relationship?
Speaker 1: I think him cheating, you know, I fact be cheated,
Speaker 1: and then broke up with her because she didn't she
Speaker 1: can't trust them, shows that he kind of wants some space.
Speaker 1: And I feel like, you know what will be will
Speaker 1: be especially for them too, if they if they have
Speaker 1: soul times, if there are two people that can't stay
Speaker 1: away from each other, it'll be that way. And I
Speaker 1: think by giving him some space and allowing him to
Speaker 1: realize what life would be like without her would be
Speaker 1: what he needs to figure out if he wants to
Speaker 1: continue to be in that relationship. What I'm saying, so,
Speaker 1: I think she should. You know, Mama, I think you
Speaker 1: should give him some space. Um, don't feel in any
Speaker 1: way that you have to behave like you're still in
Speaker 1: a relationship while you give him space, because typically people
Speaker 1: do that and then they don't give themselves any space,
Speaker 1: and what they want to try to do is remain
Speaker 1: in their relationship for the person while that persons or whatever,
Speaker 1: and resentment bills. So it makes if you're gonna give
Speaker 1: him space, take your own space, live your life, and
Speaker 1: you'll figure it out once you gain more clarity. Because
Speaker 1: maybe you're twenty two, you're young, you're you're a baby,
Speaker 1: your infant. Yeah, there's still a lot of life feels
Speaker 1: being your twenties and feeling like you have it all
Speaker 1: figured out, like this is like the start of life.
Speaker 1: But man, when you hit the sweet spot in your
Speaker 1: mid third, remember what I said, when from fifteen to
Speaker 1: twenty you think you know everything, From twenty to twenty
Speaker 1: five you know that you know everything. From twenty five
Speaker 1: to thirty, you start to realize that you ain't no
Speaker 1: ship that whole time. Then you spend your thirties trying
Speaker 1: to fix all the messed up stuff you did. So
Speaker 1: that's where they are now. You know, normalize the twenties
Speaker 1: not being the prime. It maybe for people physically, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, But when it comes to the
Speaker 1: whole package and where you are mentally and emotionally, emotionally, financially, spiritually,
Speaker 1: doesn't develop until you go exactly all right, next one,
Speaker 1: al right, next one coda, Devo. I need some advice.
Speaker 1: My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for
Speaker 1: basically three years d years now. We're both twenty six
Speaker 1: and have some days where we wonder if this is
Speaker 1: I have some days when I wonder if this is
Speaker 1: the relationship for me. For the past three years, he's
Speaker 1: been struggling to get it together, for example, keep a
Speaker 1: job longer than three months. And I have my bachelor's
Speaker 1: degree in criminal justice, I have a semi good job.
Speaker 1: Still looking for a career, however, I want to do
Speaker 1: things like travel the world and expand our relationship more.
Speaker 1: But because he's always looking for work and focus on
Speaker 1: the wrong things, it's holding me back. But I'm working
Speaker 1: hard to get my life together and it's just taking
Speaker 1: him so much time with mad ease, mad time. But
Speaker 1: I know he has great potential to be a great
Speaker 1: man and it's taking so long. It's not about him
Speaker 1: not having money, it's about him being able to be
Speaker 1: stable in life. Well, um, this is just the you know,
Speaker 1: the old adage. You know, people have different processes in life. Um,
Speaker 1: typically you would think if I find someone with the
Speaker 1: same access is me, my relationship would be better. But
Speaker 1: that may not be the case. Um, Coin and I
Speaker 1: have gone through this. I've said three years they've been
Speaker 1: together six they've been together since. Okay, Yeah, Codeine and
Speaker 1: I have gone through this. Codein is thirty seven now,
Speaker 1: and sometimes she still feel like she don't know what
Speaker 1: she wants to do. So okay, it's like it's not
Speaker 1: easy like, you don't. Just I'm such for that too.
Speaker 1: I just like spontaneing. You like molds, and I don't
Speaker 1: like mundane. So I'm just like, oh, I feel like
Speaker 1: doing this today and tomorrow. I'm like, I don't really
Speaker 1: feel like that. I mean, you know, I mean, I
Speaker 1: don't know if they're millennials or they're gen z or
Speaker 1: if they're a little bit older, but I do. Once again,
Speaker 1: young people feeling like they have to have everything figured
Speaker 1: out at six. Most of the time that's not the case.
Speaker 1: You know, you have your bachelor's degree and you ever
Speaker 1: send my good job, so you figure like, I'm on
Speaker 1: my path, I know what I want to do. Some
Speaker 1: people at that age have no clue what they want
Speaker 1: to do, and it's okay for them to not know
Speaker 1: as long as they're trying to figure it out, you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. It seems like he's trying. He's
Speaker 1: going in and out of jobs. At least he's trying
Speaker 1: to stay with work. But if he's he's gen z er.
Speaker 1: Gen Zers are not going to stay with work that
Speaker 1: they don't want to do for longer than three months.
Speaker 1: That's something that this generation is not going to do.
Speaker 1: Our parents generation stuck with a job because they were
Speaker 1: like I got a good job, I got benefits, got
Speaker 1: my vacation time. They did that right, or they got
Speaker 1: that city job where they can just write out for
Speaker 1: rot it out for years. This generation doesn't do that. So,
Speaker 1: you know, if you're the type of person who's willing
Speaker 1: to keep a job just to keep a job, and
Speaker 1: then that person that's trying to figure out their passion,
Speaker 1: it's going to be difficult for y'all to navigate that
Speaker 1: relationship because that person is always going to have that
Speaker 1: that you know, wandering idea of what if I do
Speaker 1: something else? And quite so I would say give it
Speaker 1: time six Yeah, yeah, I was gonna stay that. They're
Speaker 1: still young, he's maybe maybe still trying to figure it out.
Speaker 1: Maybe whatever he's been doing so far within his career field,
Speaker 1: he's feeling is not motivating for him, and he's not
Speaker 1: sparked by it. Um A lot of people change career
Speaker 1: fills too. You're fairing to go to school for one thing,
Speaker 1: and then the next thing you know, they're in something
Speaker 1: doing something completely different, or they pick up a trade
Speaker 1: or they start a business. Um, so just be there
Speaker 1: to support him. But I would say, also feel free
Speaker 1: to date. This is why you date. Going through the
Speaker 1: dating process just taught you that you don't want to
Speaker 1: be with someone right. You don't want to date with
Speaker 1: someone right, with someone who's not making progress and it's
Speaker 1: kind of frivolous with their lifestyle as far as livelihood.
Speaker 1: So if you're learning that you don't like this, you
Speaker 1: don't just stay in it because you invested three years
Speaker 1: in it a character trait that's not gonna change, right,
Speaker 1: I mean, if it doesn't change, then you're kind of
Speaker 1: stuck hoping that it's going to change. And that's the
Speaker 1: last thing you want to do in a relationship. But
Speaker 1: you know what happens though. People feel like especially women,
Speaker 1: feel like I started in this relationship. It's been three years.
Speaker 1: I'm twenty six. If I move on to another relationship,
Speaker 1: then I've wasted all this time. Or I don't want
Speaker 1: to keep dating around because if I keep dating around,
Speaker 1: then I'm gonna seem as if I'm a whole you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. No date, you just learned if
Speaker 1: you don't like this, you realize that I don't like this,
Speaker 1: go find someone that you like. Need to normalize, like
Speaker 1: not feeling that you have to be stuck with somebody
Speaker 1: because invested a certain amount of time, whatever that time is,
Speaker 1: and just trying to say, you know what, I'll deal
Speaker 1: with it because that's the worst, the worst way. That's
Speaker 1: how resentment to start. So good luck to our listener
Speaker 1: letters who wrote in today. Thank you all so much
Speaker 1: for always uh, you know, telling us a little bit
Speaker 1: about what's going on and getting us giving our two cents.
Speaker 1: You know I enjoy doing that, you know, um and
Speaker 1: if you want to be featured is one of our
Speaker 1: listener letters. You know, tell your friends right in. Everybody
Speaker 1: whoever wants to tell us a little bit and is
Speaker 1: looking for a word or two, email us at dead
Speaker 1: as Advice at gmail dot com. That's d E A
Speaker 1: d A S S A d V I C E
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com. All right, moment at truth time,
Speaker 1: Moment at truth time. My moment of truth is, don't
Speaker 1: LORI harvy me speaking on behalf of the young women
Speaker 1: who want to be courted, you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: who want to enjoy their life. Don't project what you
Speaker 1: think I'm doing on me? Right If if men according
Speaker 1: me and they're taking me place and doing this. Don't
Speaker 1: automatically assume that I'm putting out sexually to get these gifts,
Speaker 1: or I'm doing this for some other reason other than
Speaker 1: the fact that I want to. Don't put that on me.
Speaker 1: If you have issues with that for yourself, that's fine,
Speaker 1: And and that's for men and women, men and women
Speaker 1: who are putting those projections on me and what I
Speaker 1: should and shouldn't be doing in my life. Don't lurry
Speaker 1: harvy me, bro. Don't don't automatically assume, Bro. Don't I'm
Speaker 1: just look at the camera. Don't automatically assume BRO, that
Speaker 1: because I'm living my life in a certain way that
Speaker 1: if you would do something that that's what I'm doing
Speaker 1: to get when I'm getting. Don't do that for me,
Speaker 1: because when I have a daughter, I'm going to tell
Speaker 1: my daughter to make sure that she's courted the right
Speaker 1: way and the right type of man. And if that
Speaker 1: means that that man wants to take her places and
Speaker 1: buy her gifts and do all this other stuff. Receive
Speaker 1: the gifts, but don't feel like you gotta put out
Speaker 1: in order to receive them. If he wants to show
Speaker 1: you what he's capable of, and at some point you like, now,
Speaker 1: you're not really my type, and he moves on and
Speaker 1: another man comes in to do that. That's part of
Speaker 1: the dating process, bro, that's period. I don't. I don't.
Speaker 1: And you know, my daughter is not going to be
Speaker 1: a gold digger because Daddy can give her whatever she wants.
Speaker 1: So no, she's not gonna be a gold digger. And
Speaker 1: my daughter gonna be a boss. She's gonna make her
Speaker 1: own money. But she will be courted me respectfully. She
Speaker 1: will be courted respectfully. Meet her. I love it, well,
Speaker 1: you want me her soon? What's what's what's the day? March?
Speaker 1: You're gonna meet her in December? So that being said, um,
Speaker 1: my moment of truth is that I would really appreciate
Speaker 1: it and love it if people can normalize the dating
Speaker 1: process and that it can be having fun with somebody,
Speaker 1: having experiences, getting to know everybody, going to getting to
Speaker 1: each other rather and not having everybody feel as if
Speaker 1: sex always has to be involved, because it doesn't have
Speaker 1: to be. And if it is, that's your business, and
Speaker 1: if it's your business, keep it your business. It doesn't
Speaker 1: have to be a thing where everybody is involved. And
Speaker 1: I know that's so very very difficult in this age
Speaker 1: that we're in, in in this space that we're in with
Speaker 1: social media, but I feel like there needs to be
Speaker 1: that process of people going out there and meeting and
Speaker 1: and meeting without the you know, influences of everybody else,
Speaker 1: without sex necessarily being involved. You know what I mean, Like,
Speaker 1: let's take it back to some of the basics. Do
Speaker 1: I sound like an old lady for saying that? No,
Speaker 1: you don't sound like the old lady, but I do
Speaker 1: see in social media though, it's like when two people
Speaker 1: date people automatically, I love them together. They need to
Speaker 1: stay together forever, and if they don't and that someone
Speaker 1: else moves on, not that person is wrong. So when
Speaker 1: that person is dating and trying to figure out who
Speaker 1: the person is, because I know some people who have
Speaker 1: been together for a long time and have not posted
Speaker 1: one picture together on social media or it's like a
Speaker 1: close friends. No, but the general republic don't know. And
Speaker 1: that's that's cool too. You mean, there's privacy and that
Speaker 1: it's okay to be private with the cording and dating
Speaker 1: process if you want to be, especially if you know
Speaker 1: you don't have the skin think enough that people in
Speaker 1: their judgments and their gency and whatever else comes with
Speaker 1: that territory for all right now, So um yeah, y'all,
Speaker 1: be sure to find us on social media. If you're
Speaker 1: not following already, that as the podcast on Instagram and
Speaker 1: I'm Kadina I am and I am Devout. And if
Speaker 1: you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate, review
Speaker 1: and subscribe. We love you. We'll be back next week.
Speaker 1: Next week, We'll be back as. Dead Ass is a
Speaker 1: production of I Heart Media podcast Network and is produced
Speaker 1: by the Noorapinia and Triple Follow the podcast on social
Speaker 1: media at dead as the podcasts and never miss a thing,
Speaker 1: I said, lest I s