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Speaker 1: God Will and I have a daughter. People are going

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Speaker 1: to be very surprised of how I tell her how

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Speaker 1: to date. Mm, dead ass. Well, that leads me to

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Speaker 1: I'm borderline curious to see how that's going to pan out.

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Speaker 1: And I can't believe I just said that, because that

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Speaker 1: means I'd have to have a dead ass. Hey, I'm

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Speaker 1: Cadine and we're the ellis Is. You may know us

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Speaker 1: from posting funny videos with our boys and reading each

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Speaker 1: other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait, I'll make

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Speaker 1: you need therapy most days. Wow. And one more important

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Speaker 1: thing to mention, we're married. We are. We created this

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Speaker 1: podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics,

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Speaker 1: things most folks don't want to talk about through the

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Speaker 1: lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass is the

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Speaker 1: term that we say every day. So when we say

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Speaker 1: dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth,

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Speaker 1: and nothing but the truth. Were about to take pillow

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Speaker 1: Talk to a whole new level. Dead ad starts right now.

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Speaker 1: This story time is gonna take me to a few

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Speaker 1: months back. I'm on the Internet, all right, the Internet,

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Speaker 1: on the Internet or the Internet Internet, the Internet Internet.

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Speaker 1: I was on the Internet, was going through my my

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Speaker 1: I G feed, and everybody was talking about Lorie Harvey. Right,

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Speaker 1: so I'm looking through this. I'm looking through this, and

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Speaker 1: I'm kind of like, Okay, she was dating this person,

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Speaker 1: talking to this person, talking to that person, and I

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Speaker 1: think at the time she was talking to future HM.

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Speaker 1: And I've seen like a lot of disparaging comments from

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Speaker 1: both men and women in about their relationship or about

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Speaker 1: her or to be honest, I don't know exactly what

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Speaker 1: what they were talking about because we really don't know

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Speaker 1: much about her. All the relationships gorgeous, but yeah, right,

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Speaker 1: so I was confused. So then you know, her in

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Speaker 1: the future didn't work out, and I think now she's

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Speaker 1: talking to Michael B. Jordan's and once again people are upset.

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Speaker 1: I think a lot of women's hearts are broken because

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Speaker 1: they probably thought one day they'd end up with Michael B. Jordan's. Okay,

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Speaker 1: that's fair, you know what I'm saying. Somebody's didn't your

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Speaker 1: crush you automatically upset. But I remember looking at my

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Speaker 1: phone and being seriously perplexed as to what the issue was.

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Speaker 1: Like I was looking I was looking through looking for

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Speaker 1: stuff and I just couldn't find anything, and I was

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Speaker 1: I was perplexed, and I'm still perplexed, and I really

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Speaker 1: want to talk to you about it. Okay, all right,

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Speaker 1: so let's talk about it. Let's break it down, all right.

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Speaker 1: So we have a special karaoke song for today. Okay,

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Speaker 1: you're going to do it. She's gonna do it in

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Speaker 1: the spoken words, spoken word form and in the words

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Speaker 1: of the great little Kim. You want to buy me

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Speaker 1: diamonds and Armani suits, Adreamandini and Chanelle nine boots, things

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Speaker 1: that make up for all the games and the lies,

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Speaker 1: Hallmark cards saying I apologize? Is you with me? How

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Speaker 1: could you ever deceive me? But payback is a bitch

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Speaker 1: motherfucker believe me. What do you think bitches? Money get money? Hey,

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Speaker 1: I mean, if you want to buy any all the things,

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Speaker 1: baby boy, go right ahead, then you go snap it up,

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Speaker 1: snap it up. You had to court me and buy

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Speaker 1: me all the things. Thank you for that spoken word piece.

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Speaker 1: You're welcome, Yes of the Kim of little that's my girl.

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Speaker 1: I knew way too many little kid lyrics back in

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Speaker 1: the day that I had new No I know your

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Speaker 1: mother was she had that was listen little Kimberly quiet

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Speaker 1: as it's kept. I used to have my CD that

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Speaker 1: my cousin had to get me because you know, my

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Speaker 1: mom wasn't buying it with the explicit sign at the bottom,

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Speaker 1: and then I would listen to it. I definitely had

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Speaker 1: c d s. I would listen to it on my

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Speaker 1: disc man, and then you stop it and you rewind

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Speaker 1: it to get the lyrics because we ain't had lyrics

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Speaker 1: like that back in the day. I'm totally aging myself.

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Speaker 1: I am aging myself right now. So you would have

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Speaker 1: to rewind it and I would have to open up

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Speaker 1: my trapper keeper with the fresh loose leaf joint and

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Speaker 1: I would write down the lyrics, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: I had to get it right, and then there's a

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Speaker 1: lot of times I couldn't get the lyric, and then

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Speaker 1: I realized in my older years that I had the

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Speaker 1: lyrics all wrong. Have you had moments like that with

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Speaker 1: songs like Man? You couldn't hear it clearly because you

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Speaker 1: had to Discman. Before that, you had to transfer from

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Speaker 1: you your cassette tapes and your A tracks, so it

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Speaker 1: wasn't really clear, you know what I'm saying. When you

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Speaker 1: had the eight track and then you transferred over. It

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Speaker 1: was kind of like it was like get money. If

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Speaker 1: that's the case you was doing the same thing with

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Speaker 1: Biggie I I was born by all right, So Lorie Harvey, yes,

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Speaker 1: is it Lorie Harvey me? Or don't Lorie Harvey me?

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Speaker 1: I don't know. Well, come a herb. I feel like

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Speaker 1: me as a dude, you know, hoping to one day

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Speaker 1: have a daughter, is don't Lorie Harvey me? Like? If

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Speaker 1: I have a daughter and my daughter's dating around, right

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Speaker 1: and she's trying to figure out who she wants to

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Speaker 1: spend the rest of her life with, don't attack my

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Speaker 1: daughter like that, Like, don't that's not fair. I think

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Speaker 1: the context of the comments that you were seeing where

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Speaker 1: people feeling like, oh my goodness, she's getting around, or

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Speaker 1: there was also the comments of like, wow, look at

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Speaker 1: all of these extravagant things that she has gotten these

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Speaker 1: men to do for her during their dating phase. So

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Speaker 1: that became the verb Lorie Harvey me, give me all

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Speaker 1: the gifts, take me on all the trips. Like there

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Speaker 1: are two different ways that people. I think we're looking

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Speaker 1: at her going from one relationship to another, and in

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Speaker 1: her defense, I feel like it's one of those situations

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Speaker 1: where she's dating publicly. She's dating men who are in

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Speaker 1: the public eye, right exactly, So you know that is

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Speaker 1: already subjecting her to unwanted and unsolicited opinions. Okay, you know,

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Speaker 1: but I think they did a good job of combating that.

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Speaker 1: Hold On, I'm cool with opinions, right, but the opinions

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Speaker 1: have to make sense. Right. For example, I've seen some

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Speaker 1: opinions from women. You know what I'm saying, saying how

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Speaker 1: she's you know, she's just jumping from man to man

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Speaker 1: and she's in a quote unquote phase. Right. We have

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Speaker 1: no confirmation at all that Lorie Harvey has been intimate

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Speaker 1: or slept with any of these men, right, And I

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Speaker 1: just want to put this out there for just people

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Speaker 1: just to think about this, because that's her business. Hold On,

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Speaker 1: but let's let's think about this. Right. It could be

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Speaker 1: very possible that men are taking their shot at dating

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Speaker 1: her for the sake of trying to smash, right, because

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Speaker 1: that's what men do. Is that what you did to me? Yes,

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Speaker 1: I was trying to smash. I was trying to smash, right,

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Speaker 1: and I succeeded. I'll let you wait a little bit

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Speaker 1: though may be. But I still smashed though. But I

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Speaker 1: still smashed though. But my point is is that it

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Speaker 1: could be very viable that these men are dating her

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Speaker 1: with the intent to smash, and it's very viable that

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Speaker 1: she's not putting out. So those men move on and

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Speaker 1: be like, you know what, I couldn't crack the colt

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Speaker 1: and they move on because she may be looking for

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Speaker 1: something more serious. And that's why she's going from relationship

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Speaker 1: to relationship, because it's dating. That's what dating. You decide

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Speaker 1: in that moment, if we can agree to try to

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Speaker 1: figure out if we're gonna spend life together, and if

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Speaker 1: it doesn't work, you move on, right, And if she's

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Speaker 1: dating purposefully, she's looking for a quote unquote suitor. Right now,

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Speaker 1: this is where I think people are going to be

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Speaker 1: shocked at how I'm going to teach my daughter how

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Speaker 1: to date, right, And I just want to put this

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Speaker 1: out there. My daughter is going to be used to

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Speaker 1: a certain lifestyle, right, the same like Lorie Harvey. Now

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Speaker 1: I'm not as rich as Steve Harvey yet, but by

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Speaker 1: the time I have a daughter, but by the time

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Speaker 1: I have a daughter and twenties mid twenties, right, twenty

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Speaker 1: five years from now, I'm gonna be in a way

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Speaker 1: better position. My daughter is going to be used to

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Speaker 1: a certain lifestyle right now. Of course, I'm going to

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Speaker 1: mentor my daughter to have her own the same way

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Speaker 1: her mom has her own. Right So I'm gonna want

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Speaker 1: my daughter have her own, make her own money, be

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Speaker 1: a businesswoman, not been replying or relying on the man

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Speaker 1: for anything. She's gonna be able to have that ability.

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Speaker 1: But when she chooses to date, I'm gonna want her

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Speaker 1: to date someone of her father's caliber or better. You

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Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Lorie Harvey. Now, dating man who

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Speaker 1: are in the industry exactly created some sort of lifestyle

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Speaker 1: for them exactly. And people may say that's that's unfair.

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Speaker 1: They may say that's unfair. But I want my my

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Speaker 1: daughter to be taken care of and appreciate it the

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Speaker 1: way I appreciate her mom, you know what I'm saying,

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Speaker 1: So the way I appreciate you. I want someone to

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Speaker 1: take care of and I want someone who's being able

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Speaker 1: to do the things for her that I was able

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Speaker 1: to do for her mom. So it's going to be

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Speaker 1: a certain level of man that I'm gonna want her

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Speaker 1: to be around right now. That doesn't have to be

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Speaker 1: an industry man, because there's plenty of men who make

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Speaker 1: tons of money who are good man who do other jobs.

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, CEOs, executives, um being rich

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Speaker 1: on the low ea, when people who are thinking about

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Speaker 1: generational wealth and it's not just about being rich and

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Speaker 1: having money. But when I talk about caliber, I'm talking

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Speaker 1: about the caliber of man who believes in family, you

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Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, So a family and wealth building.

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Speaker 1: So of course there's gonna be a certain caliberman. If

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Speaker 1: people have an issue with her dating a certain status

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Speaker 1: of man, that's their problem. That's their problem, because men

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Speaker 1: have a list of things that they expect in want

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Speaker 1: in a woman. So if a man has that, why

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Speaker 1: can't a woman have that? No? I agree I as

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Speaker 1: a woman, I agree with you, And I feel like

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Speaker 1: it's also one of those things where you look at

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Speaker 1: Laura Harvey for example, or anyone who is dating in

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Speaker 1: that that realm okay, meaning like in the public eye. Naturally,

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Speaker 1: that's going to open up people's opinions and whatnot when

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Speaker 1: it comes to potentially raising a girl or a daughter

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Speaker 1: and things like that. I agree with you and that

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Speaker 1: I feel like there should be a level of Okay,

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Speaker 1: well what is he bringing to the table if we've

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Speaker 1: already raised her in such a manner um. But I

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Speaker 1: also to know that there's a certain an autonomy that

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Speaker 1: I want to raise a daughter with that autonomy over

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Speaker 1: her body, over her space, over her time, so that

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Speaker 1: she feels like she then can decide, meaning that she

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Speaker 1: should be able to know where she wants to invest

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Speaker 1: her time when it comes to dating certain people, which

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Speaker 1: means it maybe for a couple of months, it maybe

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Speaker 1: for a year, it maybe for two years. But the

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Speaker 1: fact that she may be in a relationship or dating

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Speaker 1: somebody for a couple of months and then moves on

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Speaker 1: doesn't necessarily mean that she's less of a woman or

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Speaker 1: redevalue her now because she's picking, choosing and refusing, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean. And it doesn't mean that she

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Speaker 1: having sex. That's themazing exactly. It doesn't have to be that.

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Speaker 1: Because I'm going to tell my daughter to don't don't

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Speaker 1: get caught up in there your mom and your dad

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Speaker 1: who had a relationship since eighteen, because I wouldn't advise

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Speaker 1: that either. That's what I was getting to. I wouldn't

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Speaker 1: advise that based on my own experience, I wouldn't advise

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Speaker 1: for you to just meet somebody at seventeen eighteen and

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Speaker 1: then that's the person who you're going to spend the

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Speaker 1: rest of your life with, because I feel like we're

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Speaker 1: in an anomaly, to be honest, Um, somebody who had

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Speaker 1: you met somebody really early on and then we've been

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Speaker 1: able to, you know, somewhat healthily grow together as individuals

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Speaker 1: and together. That's very rare. And we've had even you know, friends,

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Speaker 1: people who we know that got together really young and

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Speaker 1: try to make it work and ended up not working.

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Speaker 1: They grew apart, you end up in divorce and all that. Um. Ultimately,

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Speaker 1: you want someone to do with what makes them happy. Yes,

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Speaker 1: but you know, so it gets very kind of touchy,

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Speaker 1: especially when it comes to women, because we've always been conditioned,

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Speaker 1: according to society, to hold women to a different standard

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Speaker 1: than we hold men. We'll talk a little bit about that.

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Speaker 1: So a man, a man, for example, you're dating around,

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Speaker 1: you're you know, meeting different women. Um, you're encouraged to

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Speaker 1: you know, sold your wild oats and you know, date

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Speaker 1: around and explore and eventually it's almost as if men

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Speaker 1: are given a timeline where it's like, Okay, you're reached

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Speaker 1: maybe your mid to late thirties, when are you going

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Speaker 1: to settle down? Like that's what happens with men, whereas

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Speaker 1: with women it's completely different. It's like, oh my gosh,

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Speaker 1: we're gonna condition this woman and we're going to train

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Speaker 1: her up to be one day somebody's wife or to

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Speaker 1: be somebody's mother, And then in turn, it then puts

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Speaker 1: the pressure on a woman to then say, well, man,

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Speaker 1: I may have to feel ashamed if I decide that

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Speaker 1: that's not the route I want to take, or I

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Speaker 1: may not be able to tell my family and friends

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Speaker 1: that I don't want to be a mother, or I

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Speaker 1: don't want to, you know, be married off to a

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Speaker 1: man for example. So so wait, So even in the

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Speaker 1: dating process, what you're saying is you feel like women

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Speaker 1: date and will stay in relationships because they don't want

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Speaker 1: to be seen with a bunch of different men, because

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Speaker 1: even if they're seen with a bunch of different men,

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Speaker 1: it's like this, it's bad. Well, I mean I can

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Speaker 1: say that I felt that way early on, and I

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Speaker 1: felt like I was kind of raised that way. It's like,

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Speaker 1: you don't want to be seen out with a man

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Speaker 1: pass a certain time. For example, you know, even when

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Speaker 1: you and I Harvey, she was on vacation, go on

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Speaker 1: vacation for a couple of days with a guy. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and my mama definitely, she definitely said that early on.

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Speaker 1: We were about what eighteen nineteen, and we want us

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Speaker 1: to go on vacation for Spring DrAk together to Jamaica,

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Speaker 1: and pretty much almost booked the trip. And then she

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Speaker 1: was just like, what is that going to look like?

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Speaker 1: You know, a woman of your caliber that I'm trying

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Speaker 1: to raise, you know, going on a vacation with a

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Speaker 1: man that you're not married to, and what is that

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Speaker 1: gonna look like? And how am I going to tell

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Speaker 1: your grandmother? And I was just like, I'm just trying

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Speaker 1: to go and have fun. And I'm with one man

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Speaker 1: that I've been with at that point for at least

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Speaker 1: what maybe two years, you know, So it's not like

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Speaker 1: I was dating around and going on vacations with several men. However,

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Speaker 1: I could have had that autonomy to do that, but

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Speaker 1: I was raised differently in that it was almost shamed, right,

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Speaker 1: It definitely was shamed. It definitely was shamed. But what

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Speaker 1: my my thing is is this why do we automatically

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Speaker 1: put on a woman right that if she's talking to

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Speaker 1: a man that she's sleeping with him, Because that, to

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Speaker 1: me is what bothers me. Like we watched the show Britain, right,

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Speaker 1: we watched to show Bridgetain, and even in the show

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Speaker 1: Bridge even tho it's the fantasy, it's a fairy tale, right.

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Speaker 1: The women are groomed to be wives, right, but they're

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Speaker 1: supposed to take on suitors, right, and suitors are supposed

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Speaker 1: to court them a bunch of different men are supposed

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Speaker 1: to court them, but their modesty is important. But even

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Speaker 1: though their modesty is important, men are supposed to court them, right.

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Speaker 1: Men are supposed to shower with them with gifts and

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Speaker 1: show them what they're supposed to plem that's okay, and

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Speaker 1: to show them experiences. Right. So it's like, if Lorie

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Speaker 1: Harvey is doing that and keeping her modesty right, and

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Speaker 1: she's not sleeping with these men, what's the problem if

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Speaker 1: if so and so? What what if next week's Who's

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Speaker 1: an Eligible Bachelor? Klay Thompson? Besides that, she he wants

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Speaker 1: to shoot this shot at at Lorie Harvey and send

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Speaker 1: her on a trip or send her flowers or by

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Speaker 1: her diamonds. If he can afford to do that, and she's,

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Speaker 1: you know, the most eligible bachelorette, why do people have

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Speaker 1: a problem like I really don't want I really don't understand.

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Speaker 1: Did you see what he did, Michael B. Jordan did

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Speaker 1: for her for valance? As because you showed me. I said, listen,

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Speaker 1: if there was anything that was gonna get some panties,

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Speaker 1: wet is that rent me out? The whole museum? What

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Speaker 1: was it? The music, Michael? But the aquarium though, like

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Speaker 1: with and he called her turtle and there were like

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Speaker 1: turtle swimming everywhere. I was like, how well, I thought

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Speaker 1: that was that? And then the turtle bracelet and there

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Speaker 1: was flowers and everything. I will admit that, but you

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Speaker 1: won't for that. I will admit that I said, hadn't

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Speaker 1: been me? See you wrong for that? You put it

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Speaker 1: on Michael B. Jordan's See that's what that's wrong. That's

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Speaker 1: just what it would have been for see LORI doing it.

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Speaker 1: That is really rocking that Mike. That's that. But that

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Speaker 1: right to see. But it is my problem if it

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Speaker 1: was me, no no, no, no no, tom out to time

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Speaker 1: out to out please that you can't do that to

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Speaker 1: Michael B want to feel that someone. Alright, no open

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Speaker 1: aquarium for you and get sucked up. I don't care.

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Speaker 1: I don't care how many action movies you do. Bro. Listen,

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Speaker 1: all right, I'm just saying, if it was I don't

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Speaker 1: want I don't even want to see that. But that's

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Speaker 1: where she can come from, because that's wrong. It's wrong.

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Speaker 1: But I'm just like you. I get it about I

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Speaker 1: understand that it's wrong. I am saying if it were me,

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Speaker 1: I get that, but k what you're not understanding it.

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Speaker 1: Part of the issue that I saw with those comments

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Speaker 1: wasn't even only men have an issue with it. It

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Speaker 1: was women. You say, women. Women keep saying they want

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Speaker 1: autonomy over their life, they want to live their sexual

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Speaker 1: all this other stuff. Right here, you have a woman

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Speaker 1: who's twenty five existing in that space and women are

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Speaker 1: finding issue with it. And I was just like, why,

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Speaker 1: But now did I hear you? Because you're saying if

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Speaker 1: that were you, you know what I'm saying, a lot

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Speaker 1: of women that was me. I'd have been putting out,

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Speaker 1: so they probably felt like future was doing certain things,

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Speaker 1: taken on trips, she's putting out, she was associated with

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Speaker 1: other men. I don't want to keep naming names. I

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Speaker 1: think it's also fucked up to do that. But she

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Speaker 1: must be putting out to get these men to be

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Speaker 1: paying attention to her. I'm telling you right now, she

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Speaker 1: does not have to be putting out for men to

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Speaker 1: do those things for her. She doesn't like that. I

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Speaker 1: remember in high school there was always the chicks right

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Speaker 1: who would like the bad chick or the cute, innocent chick,

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Speaker 1: And dudes used to be trying to crack the code. Dude, dudes,

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Speaker 1: she can't. You can't claim that was you. Now, when

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Speaker 1: you're talking about she was gonna be miking, seven year

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Speaker 1: old Condeine would have rocked the mic, not so much

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Speaker 1: as seventeen and seventeen. I was about seven year o

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Speaker 1: Conine because Lorie Harvey showed me a year old woman

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Speaker 1: right now who's not dating right now in this time. Yes,

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Speaker 1: you're right, it's different, this particular time and space that

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Speaker 1: we're in. I will say it is fair to say that, yes,

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Speaker 1: it's very different than when I was twenty seven or

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Speaker 1: when I was seventeen. So now this is what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: I'm saying that I understand it to an extent. But

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Speaker 1: what I'm saying is, this is why I said, don't

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Speaker 1: Lorie Harvey me is because when I have a daughter,

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Speaker 1: God bless us with a daughter, don't Lorie Harvey out

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Speaker 1: door when you see dudes coming with boxes of roses

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Speaker 1: or taking it to the aquarium and you're feeling like

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Speaker 1: the vow the vow our daughters putting out what he

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Speaker 1: did wouldn't be placing that energy on her either, though,

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Speaker 1: But you just place it on Lorie hard Do not

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Speaker 1: place it one harder. I said it for me, that

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Speaker 1: would have been me. I'm not saying that that's what

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Speaker 1: she was doing. OK. Just listen to what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: You're saying, is that was you? Right? I don't want

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Speaker 1: you to say because your daughter is dating someone, Damn

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Speaker 1: if that were me at that point, I would so

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Speaker 1: you wonder if our daughter is That's what I'm saying

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Speaker 1: about the whole That's not would my old lady. But

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Speaker 1: that's what I'm saying that everybody, let's try to project

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Speaker 1: Let's not project on these young women who have opportunities

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Speaker 1: they can agree on. That's what I'm saying. Let's not

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Speaker 1: project these these things on these young women who have

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Speaker 1: an opportunity to date a certain calibornim man that they're

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Speaker 1: automatically putting out because men according them the part of

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Speaker 1: the That's what I'm saying. Women don't understand that the

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Speaker 1: courting process entails that a man should show you what

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Speaker 1: he's willing to do for you. But since we're not

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Speaker 1: courting anymore, if a man does that, people automatically assume

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Speaker 1: she must be putting out in order for him to

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Speaker 1: do that. They can also be reciprocated as well too,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I think about it. There

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Speaker 1: may be things that she's doing for him. I don't

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Speaker 1: I'm not sure if she's posting it on social media

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Speaker 1: as much, you know what I'm just saying, Like, I know,

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Speaker 1: he had like a birthday or something, and she she

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Speaker 1: threw a party for him or something like that. So

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Speaker 1: she's probably reciprocating in that way. It may not be

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Speaker 1: that because he did all of these things for Valentine's

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Speaker 1: day's putting out sexually. She can be reciprocating that to

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Speaker 1: him as well too, in a way to say, hey,

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Speaker 1: I appreciate what you've done for me in this space

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Speaker 1: for Valentine's Day, for example, I want to do something

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Speaker 1: special for you as well. But but we've also been

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Speaker 1: conditioned to believe that the only way a woman can

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Speaker 1: reciprocate those type of gifts are sexual favors. And that's

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Speaker 1: why I keep saying, don't Laurie harvy me, because don't

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Speaker 1: if when my daughter is dating, if she's dating a

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Speaker 1: certain caliber of men and she's going on trips or

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Speaker 1: she's doing certain things, I'm going to talk to my

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Speaker 1: daughter about soul tie and having autonomy over her body. Now,

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Speaker 1: there's a difference if you're sexually attracted to someone and

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Speaker 1: you you know women of sexual beings as well, and

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Speaker 1: she wants to have sex and because she wants to,

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Speaker 1: not because she feels obligated to because someone got her

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Speaker 1: a gift, then that's her own prerogative. As long as

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Speaker 1: she's safe, she takes care of herself. But I'm not

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Speaker 1: gonna tell my daughter to just, you know, go out

407
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Speaker 1: there and any time a man gives you a gift,

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Speaker 1: well two things. I'm not gonna tell her, you gotta

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Speaker 1: wait ninety days exactly because I don't believe in that either.

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Speaker 1: Some people have ties. You and I didn't wait ninety days.

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Speaker 1: We waited a little bit, but it worked out in

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Speaker 1: our favor. So I don't feel like I can ever

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Speaker 1: put uh a day amount of time on how to wait.

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Speaker 1: But I want my daughter to ultimately date openly and

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Speaker 1: be like, Yo, this is how you live. But men

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Speaker 1: should be courting you, bro, Men should be courting you.

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Speaker 1: A man should be especially the type of man and

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Speaker 1: I want my daughter to be with should be focused

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Speaker 1: on generational wealth bill and building a family. That type

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Speaker 1: of man will court a woman to show her not

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Speaker 1: only this is how I'm going to get you, but

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Speaker 1: this is the life you could live living with me

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Speaker 1: for the rest of your life, because that's what I

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Speaker 1: did with you. I continue to exist and you do

425
00:22:14,840 --> 00:22:16,720
Speaker 1: continue to exist in that space, and I enjoy that.

426
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:22,400
Speaker 1: At this point I'm putting out, are you hurting out

427
00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:24,600
Speaker 1: to earn you? Definitely put it out now, you know

428
00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:27,520
Speaker 1: what I mean exactly. But it's also a thing where well,

429
00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:29,520
Speaker 1: clearly we're out of space where I understand the level

430
00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:31,679
Speaker 1: of respect that you have for me, you know what

431
00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:33,879
Speaker 1: I mean. But I actually felt that early on with you,

432
00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:35,919
Speaker 1: I kind of felt like too, as a woman, you

433
00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:37,639
Speaker 1: kind of have to know who you're dealing with. You

434
00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:40,320
Speaker 1: got to kind of know the kind of man that

435
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:43,119
Speaker 1: you are dating, you know what I mean, And I

436
00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:45,399
Speaker 1: mean sometimes people walk around here with facades and you

437
00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:47,400
Speaker 1: may not be sure who you're dealing with until you're

438
00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:50,080
Speaker 1: well into it, or you find something out, or you know,

439
00:22:50,119 --> 00:22:52,360
Speaker 1: you scour their Instagram page and like, it looks nice,

440
00:22:52,359 --> 00:22:54,440
Speaker 1: but then you find out there's a really bad habit

441
00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:56,760
Speaker 1: they have, for example, or something, and then you're just like, man,

442
00:22:56,800 --> 00:22:59,359
Speaker 1: I gotta move on. Um. But that's also sometimes the

443
00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:01,880
Speaker 1: risk that you take in the dating process, which makes

444
00:23:01,920 --> 00:23:05,040
Speaker 1: me feel like I do not actually, um, I feel

445
00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:07,280
Speaker 1: like I'm missing out too much on the dating process,

446
00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:09,320
Speaker 1: though I do feel like I wish I should have

447
00:23:09,359 --> 00:23:11,679
Speaker 1: done more of that when I was younger. Yeah, and

448
00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:17,600
Speaker 1: again dating meaning being courted, Um, having experiences meeting other people,

449
00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:19,880
Speaker 1: knowing what I like what I don't like. That would

450
00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:21,560
Speaker 1: have given me a little bit more of a better

451
00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:23,600
Speaker 1: scope to see, Okay, what does cadein like and not

452
00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:26,359
Speaker 1: like in a person, rather than being with somebody and

453
00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:30,680
Speaker 1: then having to be that flexible in a relationship. Yeah,

454
00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:32,680
Speaker 1: but I feel like we also met and we got

455
00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:35,200
Speaker 1: together early on where we were both still very malleable,

456
00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:40,439
Speaker 1: so we were able to kind of finesse. That's another thing,

457
00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:44,760
Speaker 1: how kind of finesse, how we dealt with each other,

458
00:23:44,760 --> 00:23:47,560
Speaker 1: and also how we grew and it worked out for us.

459
00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:49,359
Speaker 1: But that could also be to a detriment for some

460
00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:51,600
Speaker 1: people too. But that's what I want to touch on,

461
00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:54,240
Speaker 1: as far as even the whole, the whole idea that

462
00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:56,560
Speaker 1: someone has to give you expensive gifts to show you

463
00:23:56,600 --> 00:24:00,800
Speaker 1: how to court. I courted Cadein with no spensive gifts

464
00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:04,119
Speaker 1: and no trips because I didn't have it hero right,

465
00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:08,879
Speaker 1: A hero would have pickle on the side I had

466
00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:15,320
Speaker 1: to pickle for she got that pickled to But no, realistically,

467
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:20,399
Speaker 1: the simple it is simple. If you let me finish.

468
00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:21,800
Speaker 1: If you let me finish what I'm saying, I'm gone

469
00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:23,880
Speaker 1: you not go ahead. I'm gonna tell you why he's simple.

470
00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:25,720
Speaker 1: A right, I'm gonna tell you why it's simple. The

471
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:30,439
Speaker 1: courting process is to show someone care. Right now, you

472
00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:32,920
Speaker 1: and I were at a certain level in life right

473
00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:35,960
Speaker 1: where you understand, you understood where I was financial, understood

474
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:38,600
Speaker 1: where you were financially. I wasn't Michael B. Jordan's, I

475
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:40,440
Speaker 1: wasn't Steve Harvey. You know what I'm saying. But you

476
00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:44,080
Speaker 1: weren't Lorie Harvey either, so you appreciated the things I

477
00:24:44,119 --> 00:24:45,800
Speaker 1: got for you, you know what I'm saying. But even

478
00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:48,919
Speaker 1: back then, if it's not a trip to Cobbo or

479
00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:52,960
Speaker 1: Bora Bora, even if we drove to Virginia, people would assume,

480
00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:55,720
Speaker 1: if social media existed like that, that we would drive

481
00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:58,560
Speaker 1: into Virginia the automatically that what you were putting out,

482
00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:00,879
Speaker 1: you see what I'm saying. But it was still just

483
00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:03,200
Speaker 1: part of the courting process that allowed us to learn

484
00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:05,720
Speaker 1: each other and ultimately make the decision to say, you

485
00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:07,600
Speaker 1: know what, this is the type of guy I want

486
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:09,840
Speaker 1: to spend the rest of my life with. And that's

487
00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:12,439
Speaker 1: why I feel like it's simple, because it's like when

488
00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:14,240
Speaker 1: you're going through the dating process and you get a

489
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:15,960
Speaker 1: chance to court and you get a chance to show

490
00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:18,400
Speaker 1: a woman like I can take care of you, not

491
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:20,800
Speaker 1: because you need me to. Because at the time, it

492
00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:23,400
Speaker 1: was never a I'm gonna take care of Kate because

493
00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:24,920
Speaker 1: I could tell ka and got ship and I'm gonna

494
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:26,960
Speaker 1: have to carry her through life. It was more of

495
00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:29,080
Speaker 1: a thing, this is my equals. She's in college. I'm

496
00:25:29,119 --> 00:25:30,720
Speaker 1: in college, but I want her to know what I'm here.

497
00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:32,720
Speaker 1: It was a learning process. For us, I feel like

498
00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:34,399
Speaker 1: we were learning each other. Think about the hours that

499
00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:37,080
Speaker 1: we spent on those road trips, just like talking. Don't

500
00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:40,120
Speaker 1: tell me why it's not simple, Tell me why it's

501
00:25:40,119 --> 00:25:44,920
Speaker 1: not it's not simple. I think because people nowadays are

502
00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:48,919
Speaker 1: contending with social media and this facade and this life,

503
00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:55,240
Speaker 1: this aspirational life. Half the time it's not real. So

504
00:25:55,480 --> 00:25:59,640
Speaker 1: I feel badly for men, particularly because they have these

505
00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:03,880
Speaker 1: levels of of Instagram photos that they're trying to live

506
00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:06,040
Speaker 1: up to. You know, you think about a man who's

507
00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:08,800
Speaker 1: thinking about proposing, it's no longer just oh my god,

508
00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:11,800
Speaker 1: I'm going to have an intimate proposal with family and

509
00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:16,520
Speaker 1: friends without it being an elaborate spread of like flats everywhere,

510
00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:21,920
Speaker 1: photographer and video. So that difficult for I think according process,

511
00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:25,120
Speaker 1: particularly for men. Yes, and then women have a standard

512
00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:27,159
Speaker 1: to which like, man, if he can't do this for

513
00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:28,520
Speaker 1: me and if we can't do that, don't do it

514
00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:30,399
Speaker 1: at all. I gotta agree with you, because when I

515
00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:32,200
Speaker 1: proposed to you, all that mattered to me was our

516
00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:35,040
Speaker 1: family was there, and absolutely and to me too. But

517
00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:38,040
Speaker 1: if but now, but now, if I were to propose

518
00:26:38,119 --> 00:26:42,040
Speaker 1: to you, I definitely would feel a certain level absolutely

519
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:44,520
Speaker 1: pressure and standard to be like, you know what, I

520
00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:47,600
Speaker 1: gotta have a videographer, I gotta do a huge gesture.

521
00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:49,760
Speaker 1: I gotta make sure and in turn that may delay

522
00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:51,960
Speaker 1: your process in trying to get things done because she

523
00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:53,679
Speaker 1: may want to do it a certain way for that

524
00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:55,800
Speaker 1: woman and then you're just like, damn, I can't do

525
00:26:55,840 --> 00:26:58,119
Speaker 1: it to the calibers, but she's wanting it, you know

526
00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:00,480
Speaker 1: what I mean. But even aside from say engage, just

527
00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:03,720
Speaker 1: just courting in general, like you see people like hopping

528
00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:05,760
Speaker 1: planes to go on vacation with a boar from her

529
00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:07,760
Speaker 1: girlfriend or something like that, you know what I mean.

530
00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:14,680
Speaker 1: And if that's courting days, well, you know, people people

531
00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:16,440
Speaker 1: to be spending other people's money to go on these

532
00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:19,400
Speaker 1: vacations and putting it on Instagrams. But that's what that's

533
00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:21,239
Speaker 1: what it comes back to, what you're saying, it's not

534
00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:23,439
Speaker 1: fair because that's the standard of life. That may not

535
00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:26,520
Speaker 1: because listen, like I did, like we brought it back

536
00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:28,919
Speaker 1: to being simple. Think about my our Toyota Ciana when

537
00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:31,160
Speaker 1: I opened up that that that trunk and I put

538
00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:32,760
Speaker 1: them a cute little date night in the back of

539
00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:35,000
Speaker 1: the trunk, you know what I mean. Something like that.

540
00:27:35,080 --> 00:27:38,200
Speaker 1: I feel like maybe for our generation will hold some value.

541
00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:40,520
Speaker 1: I don't know how the generation of people coming up,

542
00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:42,840
Speaker 1: and so let me feel about something simple like that.

543
00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:44,600
Speaker 1: So let me ask you a question. We do we

544
00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:47,560
Speaker 1: have a daughter, right, we do have How how would

545
00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:52,639
Speaker 1: you help her navigate through this time? And I'm asking

546
00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:54,679
Speaker 1: you because I don't want to try to man splain

547
00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:58,280
Speaker 1: you know how a woman should go through this process?

548
00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:01,159
Speaker 1: How would you help our daughter? God bless, we have

549
00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:05,960
Speaker 1: a daughter. She's twenty two right now? Dating and social

550
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:08,440
Speaker 1: media is a thing. You can't say, get off social

551
00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:11,560
Speaker 1: media and dat. But I think it kind of goes

552
00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:13,440
Speaker 1: back to what you kind of explained earlier, is that

553
00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:16,120
Speaker 1: you know, we're we would be providing it with her

554
00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:18,560
Speaker 1: with a certain kind of lifestyle for example, right and

555
00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:22,440
Speaker 1: she would god willing be around a certain group of

556
00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:25,760
Speaker 1: family friends who just kind of empower her to feel like,

557
00:28:25,760 --> 00:28:28,359
Speaker 1: you know what, she holds so much value that she's

558
00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:32,840
Speaker 1: worth dating around, She's worth having those experiences. She's worth

559
00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:37,760
Speaker 1: also to having the freedom and the autonomy over herself

560
00:28:37,760 --> 00:28:39,600
Speaker 1: and over her body to make those decisions when I

561
00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:41,440
Speaker 1: feel like she's ready. So I feel like we as

562
00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:43,160
Speaker 1: parents would have to raise her in a in a

563
00:28:43,240 --> 00:28:46,400
Speaker 1: way in which she would feel like, Wow, I feel

564
00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:49,400
Speaker 1: like I hold so much value that I'm not just

565
00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:53,800
Speaker 1: going to be out here that I know that I'm

566
00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:55,840
Speaker 1: talking about how would you tell how to navigate this space?

567
00:28:55,960 --> 00:28:59,640
Speaker 1: Like social media that, yeah, would you tell her, you know,

568
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:02,240
Speaker 1: date but don't date on social media or don't put

569
00:29:02,280 --> 00:29:04,760
Speaker 1: who you're dating on social media? With like, like, how

570
00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:07,240
Speaker 1: would you tell her to navigate the other the principles?

571
00:29:07,280 --> 00:29:11,240
Speaker 1: I know how you would because you know, yeah, we

572
00:29:11,280 --> 00:29:13,480
Speaker 1: agree with that, but I'm saying, like, how would you

573
00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:19,560
Speaker 1: tell her to navigate this space? Okay, that gives better clarification. Um, yes,

574
00:29:19,880 --> 00:29:23,640
Speaker 1: I think there's a beauty and there's a mistique in

575
00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:26,040
Speaker 1: a little bit of mystery and a little bit of

576
00:29:26,080 --> 00:29:29,600
Speaker 1: privacy and not having to post every single thing and stuff.

577
00:29:29,680 --> 00:29:32,200
Speaker 1: And it's funny coming from us because people probably feel like, damn,

578
00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:34,600
Speaker 1: you'll post everything though you know, you guys are open

579
00:29:34,640 --> 00:29:36,240
Speaker 1: book and we know everything. The best part about it

580
00:29:36,280 --> 00:29:38,080
Speaker 1: is that people don't know everything about us because we

581
00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:40,160
Speaker 1: can pick and choose what we're putting out there. So

582
00:29:40,200 --> 00:29:42,480
Speaker 1: the beauty and social media in that space when you're

583
00:29:42,520 --> 00:29:45,280
Speaker 1: thinking about dating is that you can decide what you

584
00:29:45,280 --> 00:29:47,440
Speaker 1: want to put out or not. The thing is, she's

585
00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:49,080
Speaker 1: going to have to feel confident in herself to know

586
00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:51,680
Speaker 1: that I'm not flossing for nobody, you know what I mean.

587
00:29:51,680 --> 00:29:53,760
Speaker 1: There's like this flossy mentality that it's like, who are

588
00:29:53,840 --> 00:29:56,280
Speaker 1: you really doing it for? You know, and you don't

589
00:29:56,280 --> 00:29:59,560
Speaker 1: need that justification from friends or from follows or from

590
00:29:59,640 --> 00:30:02,440
Speaker 1: like So we're gonna have to really condition our children,

591
00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:04,360
Speaker 1: even our boys, you know what I'm saying. We have

592
00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:06,120
Speaker 1: to condition our boys to feel the same way to

593
00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:08,520
Speaker 1: like you're not. You're gonna have to be respectful of

594
00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:10,360
Speaker 1: women in general, yes, and then you're also going to

595
00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:12,320
Speaker 1: have to be mindful of what you're putting out there

596
00:30:12,720 --> 00:30:18,840
Speaker 1: that then invites the negative content. So ultimately, it's not

597
00:30:18,880 --> 00:30:22,160
Speaker 1: so much her dating process because she doesn't say much,

598
00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:24,280
Speaker 1: so we don't know what her dating process is. It's

599
00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:29,760
Speaker 1: her being social and you know, putting it out there

600
00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:32,440
Speaker 1: for people to have comments, which I'm gonna be honest.

601
00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:36,200
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be honest with everybody. Lorie Harvey is a

602
00:30:36,280 --> 00:30:41,440
Speaker 1: social life, right, much like Kim Kardashian Paris Hilton. Right.

603
00:30:42,120 --> 00:30:47,480
Speaker 1: They feed off of this type of energy because it

604
00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:51,040
Speaker 1: boosts their engagement, It gives them a level of status,

605
00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:55,080
Speaker 1: which ultimately helps them make money. So people need to

606
00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:58,320
Speaker 1: also realize that this could be a business decision for

607
00:30:58,360 --> 00:31:01,480
Speaker 1: her to date publicly. You know, she's not putting out.

608
00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:03,080
Speaker 1: We don't know if she's putting out or not. She's

609
00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:05,840
Speaker 1: not even saying much about the situations. It could be

610
00:31:05,880 --> 00:31:08,120
Speaker 1: a huge business move for her to say, you know what,

611
00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:10,920
Speaker 1: I'm going to choose to date publicly. People don't have

612
00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:13,560
Speaker 1: something to say, They're gonna constantly repost. You know what

613
00:31:13,560 --> 00:31:15,440
Speaker 1: I'm saying. I have brands and products that I want

614
00:31:15,480 --> 00:31:18,160
Speaker 1: to market, so they're gonna come to my page. Homegirl

615
00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:20,240
Speaker 1: got a whole billboard in l A for her her

616
00:31:20,280 --> 00:31:23,760
Speaker 1: integration with her line with Naked Wardrobe. So it's like

617
00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:26,960
Speaker 1: so in a way, she's winning both ways. So it's

618
00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:30,280
Speaker 1: kind of genius and me while we're over here talking

619
00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:32,440
Speaker 1: about her, right, but she's over there living the life,

620
00:31:32,480 --> 00:31:34,280
Speaker 1: you know what, which makes sense. But but I will

621
00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:36,800
Speaker 1: say this, you have I would I would as a father,

622
00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:39,520
Speaker 1: teach my daughter even if she would wants to be

623
00:31:39,560 --> 00:31:42,400
Speaker 1: a socialite or an influencer, because it is it's a job. Now,

624
00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:45,400
Speaker 1: like people, you know, people make jokes about gen Z.

625
00:31:45,520 --> 00:31:46,760
Speaker 1: You know what you what are you gonna do when

626
00:31:46,760 --> 00:31:52,240
Speaker 1: you're gonna be an influencer? Influencer? Influencer marketing is multimillion

627
00:31:52,280 --> 00:31:55,160
Speaker 1: dollar industry. I know firsthand number one, and I also

628
00:31:55,240 --> 00:31:57,320
Speaker 1: being a part of the podcast, you realize how much

629
00:31:57,360 --> 00:31:59,920
Speaker 1: people make off marketing. So yes, it is a job. Being.

630
00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:03,960
Speaker 1: My daughter decides she wants to be an influencer, I

631
00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:07,240
Speaker 1: would tell her, you have to have thick skin to

632
00:32:07,360 --> 00:32:09,560
Speaker 1: be able to put your your life out there and

633
00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:13,160
Speaker 1: understand that people are going to have opinions regardless of

634
00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:15,640
Speaker 1: how much information they know. You know what I'm saying,

635
00:32:15,640 --> 00:32:17,959
Speaker 1: Because the truth is we have minimal information and they

636
00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:22,160
Speaker 1: will build an entire story around it. Yeah, You're going

637
00:32:22,200 --> 00:32:24,640
Speaker 1: to have to just be able to contend with something

638
00:32:24,680 --> 00:32:26,880
Speaker 1: like that. And I would tell her to listen, Lorie

639
00:32:26,920 --> 00:32:29,120
Speaker 1: sis I ain't mad at it. I'm at it either.

640
00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:34,280
Speaker 1: That's the case Lorie Harvey me, because it's very polarizing,

641
00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:36,760
Speaker 1: this whole situation here. It's like there's that don't Lorie

642
00:32:36,760 --> 00:32:38,960
Speaker 1: Harvey mean that, like, don't talk about what I'm doing

643
00:32:39,040 --> 00:32:41,320
Speaker 1: and don't make these assumptions. But then there's a Lorie

644
00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:45,240
Speaker 1: Harvey me like rent out the freaking aquarium as now,

645
00:32:45,240 --> 00:32:47,120
Speaker 1: I'll take it. You know what I mean, I get it,

646
00:32:47,160 --> 00:32:49,760
Speaker 1: I get it. I do say that I do feel

647
00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:55,480
Speaker 1: like I'm proud of her for normalizing the dating process

648
00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:57,680
Speaker 1: and the courting process. Yeah, you know what I'm saying,

649
00:32:57,920 --> 00:33:00,880
Speaker 1: because I'm going to keep I'm going to keep pounding

650
00:33:00,920 --> 00:33:03,719
Speaker 1: this away, you know, saying, no pun intended. But we

651
00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:07,440
Speaker 1: do not have any confirmation that she's putting out for people.

652
00:33:08,200 --> 00:33:10,240
Speaker 1: So so for people who to say that she's jumping

653
00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:12,880
Speaker 1: from man to man and she's going through her whole phase,

654
00:33:13,280 --> 00:33:16,080
Speaker 1: you don't have any confirmation that. But her dating and

655
00:33:16,160 --> 00:33:20,719
Speaker 1: being courted by by rich and powerful men who are bachelors.

656
00:33:21,160 --> 00:33:23,720
Speaker 1: I feel like she's normalizing that in a space for

657
00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:26,640
Speaker 1: black women because we haven't seen it before. You know

658
00:33:26,640 --> 00:33:29,239
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, her being a socialite, her being courted her,

659
00:33:29,360 --> 00:33:32,960
Speaker 1: and I I appreciate that because and also being a

660
00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:35,800
Speaker 1: businesswoman to be able to capitalize financially off of it.

661
00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:41,720
Speaker 1: So that's the question is if she is having sexual

662
00:33:41,720 --> 00:33:45,600
Speaker 1: relations with these people, these men, is it a whole phase?

663
00:33:45,800 --> 00:33:47,960
Speaker 1: Are we calling it a whole phase? Why is it

664
00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:50,280
Speaker 1: a whole phase? That's a whole another podcast as a

665
00:33:50,280 --> 00:33:55,440
Speaker 1: whole other podcast. That is a whole other podcast. Yes,

666
00:33:55,520 --> 00:33:58,160
Speaker 1: we're gonna do a podcast about the whole phase. Yes, yes,

667
00:33:58,520 --> 00:34:01,840
Speaker 1: but right now we're gonna take a break and pay

668
00:34:01,880 --> 00:34:03,680
Speaker 1: some of these bills because I gotta I just found

669
00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:05,920
Speaker 1: out I gotta open up in the quarium for my wife.

670
00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:09,640
Speaker 1: That's all right, to get the Gulf golf. Um. So

671
00:34:09,680 --> 00:34:12,319
Speaker 1: I'm gonna pay some of these bills, get some of

672
00:34:12,360 --> 00:34:15,600
Speaker 1: these ads paid, so that you can rock this mind.

673
00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:35,399
Speaker 1: We'll be back after these messages, all right. So we're

674
00:34:35,440 --> 00:34:38,719
Speaker 1: back from listening to letters to letters actually bad, Yes,

675
00:34:38,719 --> 00:34:41,439
Speaker 1: we're actually back to listener letters and just for for

676
00:34:41,600 --> 00:34:43,440
Speaker 1: you know, to be fair and be right. Lorie Harvey

677
00:34:43,560 --> 00:34:48,000
Speaker 1: is she's not she's not twenty two, and then gave

678
00:34:48,080 --> 00:34:52,160
Speaker 1: us so many ages she's twenty four years old again.

679
00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:56,440
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, you still look baby, thank you look

680
00:34:56,520 --> 00:34:59,040
Speaker 1: at you. So I'm gonna read this first listening to letters.

681
00:34:59,120 --> 00:35:01,600
Speaker 1: I go for it. I'm a twenty two year old woman,

682
00:35:01,600 --> 00:35:03,440
Speaker 1: and I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for

683
00:35:03,480 --> 00:35:05,839
Speaker 1: two and a half years, and we've liked each other

684
00:35:05,920 --> 00:35:08,560
Speaker 1: since sixth grade. Very nice. He cheated on me in March,

685
00:35:08,719 --> 00:35:11,759
Speaker 1: and I have fully gotten over, haven't I haven't fully

686
00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:14,359
Speaker 1: gotten over. We had an argument and he broke up

687
00:35:14,400 --> 00:35:16,680
Speaker 1: with me because I can't trust him. But I'm telling

688
00:35:16,760 --> 00:35:18,840
Speaker 1: him that he needs to give me time. He feels

689
00:35:18,840 --> 00:35:20,800
Speaker 1: like we can never get back to where we were before,

690
00:35:21,040 --> 00:35:24,040
Speaker 1: but we previously agreed to go to couples therapy and reconcile.

691
00:35:24,239 --> 00:35:26,319
Speaker 1: Should I fight for my relationship because I love him

692
00:35:26,360 --> 00:35:30,120
Speaker 1: so much? Or should I just move on with my life?

693
00:35:31,239 --> 00:35:44,040
Speaker 1: I hear two two so young a half together together? Yeah?

694
00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:49,160
Speaker 1: Oh yes, sorry right now. Um, there are a lot

695
00:35:49,239 --> 00:35:51,960
Speaker 1: of things that happened in those early twenties that I

696
00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:55,360
Speaker 1: don't feel like should be the do or die the

697
00:35:55,440 --> 00:36:00,200
Speaker 1: final judgment for any person. UM at that age. I

698
00:36:00,280 --> 00:36:04,440
Speaker 1: have a question, though, is he a cheater or did

699
00:36:04,440 --> 00:36:07,720
Speaker 1: he just cheat? Because there's a difference difference difference between

700
00:36:07,719 --> 00:36:10,440
Speaker 1: being a cheater and it's a different someone who cheated

701
00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:14,800
Speaker 1: the serious because someone like that who's just a cheater,

702
00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:16,879
Speaker 1: who's like, I'm never gonna stop cheating. This is who

703
00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:19,000
Speaker 1: I am. And you want to be in a monogamous

704
00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:21,800
Speaker 1: relationship as a person, whether it's a man or woman,

705
00:36:22,400 --> 00:36:24,000
Speaker 1: that's not somebody you want to be with. Do you

706
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:25,239
Speaker 1: think there are people out there there's just like you know,

707
00:36:25,320 --> 00:36:27,920
Speaker 1: I'm never I'm never going to stop cheating, yes, or

708
00:36:27,960 --> 00:36:30,640
Speaker 1: I'm just always going to be with multiple people and

709
00:36:30,719 --> 00:36:33,279
Speaker 1: just not one. Yes, Because I feel like right now,

710
00:36:33,440 --> 00:36:37,640
Speaker 1: as people, we aren't open to the ideas of polygamy

711
00:36:37,880 --> 00:36:41,160
Speaker 1: or polyamorous relationships. So for a lot of people, they

712
00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:42,920
Speaker 1: don't want to be judged. So what they do is

713
00:36:42,920 --> 00:36:45,240
Speaker 1: they get in a relationship to feel like they're normal

714
00:36:45,320 --> 00:36:47,759
Speaker 1: quote unquote. But you're in this relationship to feel like

715
00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:50,719
Speaker 1: you're normal, and you don't enjoy it. So what do

716
00:36:50,760 --> 00:36:52,719
Speaker 1: you do? You have a secret life, you know. And

717
00:36:52,760 --> 00:36:55,160
Speaker 1: that's not just men. Women do the same thing, you

718
00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:57,520
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. So I feel like until we

719
00:36:57,600 --> 00:37:00,319
Speaker 1: normalize people being able to choose the type of style

720
00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:02,120
Speaker 1: they want to live and it being okay and they're

721
00:37:02,120 --> 00:37:05,200
Speaker 1: not being demonized for it, then this is what's going

722
00:37:05,239 --> 00:37:07,880
Speaker 1: to happen. People are going to continue to live secret lives,

723
00:37:08,440 --> 00:37:10,239
Speaker 1: you know, and and then put this facade on for

724
00:37:10,400 --> 00:37:12,719
Speaker 1: everyone else to make them feel comfortable with who they are.

725
00:37:13,200 --> 00:37:15,759
Speaker 1: So I think that's what she has to figure out

726
00:37:15,760 --> 00:37:17,719
Speaker 1: and he has to figure out. I think she they

727
00:37:17,719 --> 00:37:20,320
Speaker 1: should maybe take advantage of this break time too, because

728
00:37:20,320 --> 00:37:23,160
Speaker 1: I feel like, being that young and having been together

729
00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:26,960
Speaker 1: you and I since the age of eighteen, we understand

730
00:37:26,960 --> 00:37:29,439
Speaker 1: now the value of maybe giving each other some space

731
00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:31,399
Speaker 1: because we didn't our twenties, because we didn't we didn't

732
00:37:31,400 --> 00:37:34,440
Speaker 1: really take fake breaks. But it wasn't like break breaks.

733
00:37:34,440 --> 00:37:35,879
Speaker 1: Wasn't break breaks, but it was like, yeah, we're gonna

734
00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:37,080
Speaker 1: take a break, and we're gonna take a break, and

735
00:37:37,080 --> 00:37:38,880
Speaker 1: then you know, a week later or something, we're like

736
00:37:38,920 --> 00:37:41,400
Speaker 1: still calling each other and whatnot. So our breaks were

737
00:37:41,440 --> 00:37:43,360
Speaker 1: kind of like very loose breaks. But the fact that

738
00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:45,719
Speaker 1: you guys have broken up, you may want to take

739
00:37:45,760 --> 00:37:49,600
Speaker 1: this time to give him some space. Maybe he needs

740
00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:53,239
Speaker 1: to realize like, Okay, you know, life is better over here,

741
00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:55,719
Speaker 1: or you know, I enjoy being with different people and

742
00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:58,839
Speaker 1: kind of just you know, figuring things out while I'm

743
00:37:58,840 --> 00:38:00,560
Speaker 1: in my early twenties, and you never know, y'all might

744
00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:03,400
Speaker 1: just kind of the paths may lead together again and

745
00:38:03,440 --> 00:38:06,399
Speaker 1: they may merge a little bit later on. You know. Yeah,

746
00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:09,239
Speaker 1: I think when she's saying should I fight from my relationship?

747
00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:12,320
Speaker 1: I think him cheating, you know, I fact be cheated,

748
00:38:12,360 --> 00:38:15,000
Speaker 1: and then broke up with her because she didn't she

749
00:38:15,040 --> 00:38:17,680
Speaker 1: can't trust them, shows that he kind of wants some space.

750
00:38:18,440 --> 00:38:21,279
Speaker 1: And I feel like, you know what will be will

751
00:38:21,360 --> 00:38:24,160
Speaker 1: be especially for them too, if they if they have

752
00:38:24,239 --> 00:38:26,160
Speaker 1: soul times, if there are two people that can't stay

753
00:38:25,960 --> 00:38:28,480
Speaker 1: away from each other, it'll be that way. And I

754
00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:30,840
Speaker 1: think by giving him some space and allowing him to

755
00:38:30,880 --> 00:38:33,520
Speaker 1: realize what life would be like without her would be

756
00:38:33,880 --> 00:38:36,080
Speaker 1: what he needs to figure out if he wants to

757
00:38:36,080 --> 00:38:38,560
Speaker 1: continue to be in that relationship. What I'm saying, so,

758
00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:40,600
Speaker 1: I think she should. You know, Mama, I think you

759
00:38:40,600 --> 00:38:44,480
Speaker 1: should give him some space. Um, don't feel in any

760
00:38:44,520 --> 00:38:47,799
Speaker 1: way that you have to behave like you're still in

761
00:38:47,840 --> 00:38:50,680
Speaker 1: a relationship while you give him space, because typically people

762
00:38:50,719 --> 00:38:53,760
Speaker 1: do that and then they don't give themselves any space,

763
00:38:54,080 --> 00:38:55,560
Speaker 1: and what they want to try to do is remain

764
00:38:55,640 --> 00:38:58,160
Speaker 1: in their relationship for the person while that persons or whatever,

765
00:38:58,200 --> 00:39:00,640
Speaker 1: and resentment bills. So it makes if you're gonna give

766
00:39:00,680 --> 00:39:03,080
Speaker 1: him space, take your own space, live your life, and

767
00:39:03,160 --> 00:39:05,360
Speaker 1: you'll figure it out once you gain more clarity. Because

768
00:39:05,440 --> 00:39:08,200
Speaker 1: maybe you're twenty two, you're young, you're you're a baby,

769
00:39:08,200 --> 00:39:10,959
Speaker 1: your infant. Yeah, there's still a lot of life feels

770
00:39:11,160 --> 00:39:12,560
Speaker 1: being your twenties and feeling like you have it all

771
00:39:12,600 --> 00:39:14,880
Speaker 1: figured out, like this is like the start of life.

772
00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:17,520
Speaker 1: But man, when you hit the sweet spot in your

773
00:39:17,560 --> 00:39:20,680
Speaker 1: mid third, remember what I said, when from fifteen to

774
00:39:20,760 --> 00:39:24,280
Speaker 1: twenty you think you know everything, From twenty to twenty

775
00:39:24,360 --> 00:39:28,319
Speaker 1: five you know that you know everything. From twenty five

776
00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:30,160
Speaker 1: to thirty, you start to realize that you ain't no

777
00:39:30,239 --> 00:39:33,479
Speaker 1: ship that whole time. Then you spend your thirties trying

778
00:39:33,480 --> 00:39:37,080
Speaker 1: to fix all the messed up stuff you did. So

779
00:39:37,280 --> 00:39:39,960
Speaker 1: that's where they are now. You know, normalize the twenties

780
00:39:40,040 --> 00:39:42,840
Speaker 1: not being the prime. It maybe for people physically, you

781
00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:45,520
Speaker 1: know what I mean, But when it comes to the

782
00:39:45,719 --> 00:39:50,719
Speaker 1: whole package and where you are mentally and emotionally, emotionally, financially, spiritually,

783
00:39:50,960 --> 00:39:54,920
Speaker 1: doesn't develop until you go exactly all right, next one,

784
00:39:54,920 --> 00:39:57,120
Speaker 1: al right, next one coda, Devo. I need some advice.

785
00:39:57,200 --> 00:39:59,080
Speaker 1: My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for

786
00:39:59,080 --> 00:40:02,160
Speaker 1: basically three years d years now. We're both twenty six

787
00:40:02,640 --> 00:40:04,480
Speaker 1: and have some days where we wonder if this is

788
00:40:04,520 --> 00:40:06,000
Speaker 1: I have some days when I wonder if this is

789
00:40:06,040 --> 00:40:08,719
Speaker 1: the relationship for me. For the past three years, he's

790
00:40:08,719 --> 00:40:11,880
Speaker 1: been struggling to get it together, for example, keep a

791
00:40:11,960 --> 00:40:14,759
Speaker 1: job longer than three months. And I have my bachelor's

792
00:40:14,760 --> 00:40:18,000
Speaker 1: degree in criminal justice, I have a semi good job.

793
00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:21,200
Speaker 1: Still looking for a career, however, I want to do

794
00:40:21,320 --> 00:40:24,200
Speaker 1: things like travel the world and expand our relationship more.

795
00:40:24,719 --> 00:40:26,880
Speaker 1: But because he's always looking for work and focus on

796
00:40:26,920 --> 00:40:29,479
Speaker 1: the wrong things, it's holding me back. But I'm working

797
00:40:29,520 --> 00:40:31,600
Speaker 1: hard to get my life together and it's just taking

798
00:40:31,680 --> 00:40:37,440
Speaker 1: him so much time with mad ease, mad time. But

799
00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:40,280
Speaker 1: I know he has great potential to be a great

800
00:40:40,320 --> 00:40:43,920
Speaker 1: man and it's taking so long. It's not about him

801
00:40:43,960 --> 00:40:47,040
Speaker 1: not having money, it's about him being able to be

802
00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:53,319
Speaker 1: stable in life. Well, um, this is just the you know,

803
00:40:53,360 --> 00:40:57,480
Speaker 1: the old adage. You know, people have different processes in life. Um,

804
00:40:57,520 --> 00:40:59,600
Speaker 1: typically you would think if I find someone with the

805
00:40:59,640 --> 00:41:02,520
Speaker 1: same access is me, my relationship would be better. But

806
00:41:02,640 --> 00:41:05,680
Speaker 1: that may not be the case. Um, Coin and I

807
00:41:05,719 --> 00:41:07,799
Speaker 1: have gone through this. I've said three years they've been

808
00:41:07,800 --> 00:41:11,319
Speaker 1: together six they've been together since. Okay, Yeah, Codeine and

809
00:41:11,320 --> 00:41:14,000
Speaker 1: I have gone through this. Codein is thirty seven now,

810
00:41:14,239 --> 00:41:16,879
Speaker 1: and sometimes she still feel like she don't know what

811
00:41:16,920 --> 00:41:20,480
Speaker 1: she wants to do. So okay, it's like it's not

812
00:41:20,520 --> 00:41:23,000
Speaker 1: easy like, you don't. Just I'm such for that too.

813
00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:25,919
Speaker 1: I just like spontaneing. You like molds, and I don't

814
00:41:25,960 --> 00:41:27,840
Speaker 1: like mundane. So I'm just like, oh, I feel like

815
00:41:27,880 --> 00:41:29,879
Speaker 1: doing this today and tomorrow. I'm like, I don't really

816
00:41:29,920 --> 00:41:32,360
Speaker 1: feel like that. I mean, you know, I mean, I

817
00:41:32,400 --> 00:41:34,480
Speaker 1: don't know if they're millennials or they're gen z or

818
00:41:34,480 --> 00:41:38,960
Speaker 1: if they're a little bit older, but I do. Once again,

819
00:41:39,320 --> 00:41:41,680
Speaker 1: young people feeling like they have to have everything figured

820
00:41:41,719 --> 00:41:44,839
Speaker 1: out at six. Most of the time that's not the case.

821
00:41:44,920 --> 00:41:46,520
Speaker 1: You know, you have your bachelor's degree and you ever

822
00:41:46,560 --> 00:41:48,480
Speaker 1: send my good job, so you figure like, I'm on

823
00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:50,640
Speaker 1: my path, I know what I want to do. Some

824
00:41:50,680 --> 00:41:52,719
Speaker 1: people at that age have no clue what they want

825
00:41:52,719 --> 00:41:56,040
Speaker 1: to do, and it's okay for them to not know

826
00:41:56,200 --> 00:41:58,440
Speaker 1: as long as they're trying to figure it out, you

827
00:41:58,480 --> 00:42:00,239
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. It seems like he's trying. He's

828
00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:01,959
Speaker 1: going in and out of jobs. At least he's trying

829
00:42:02,000 --> 00:42:05,880
Speaker 1: to stay with work. But if he's he's gen z er.

830
00:42:06,320 --> 00:42:07,840
Speaker 1: Gen Zers are not going to stay with work that

831
00:42:07,880 --> 00:42:10,239
Speaker 1: they don't want to do for longer than three months.

832
00:42:10,280 --> 00:42:12,640
Speaker 1: That's something that this generation is not going to do.

833
00:42:12,719 --> 00:42:16,160
Speaker 1: Our parents generation stuck with a job because they were

834
00:42:16,160 --> 00:42:18,799
Speaker 1: like I got a good job, I got benefits, got

835
00:42:18,840 --> 00:42:20,719
Speaker 1: my vacation time. They did that right, or they got

836
00:42:20,719 --> 00:42:22,680
Speaker 1: that city job where they can just write out for

837
00:42:22,920 --> 00:42:26,439
Speaker 1: rot it out for years. This generation doesn't do that. So,

838
00:42:27,080 --> 00:42:28,560
Speaker 1: you know, if you're the type of person who's willing

839
00:42:28,600 --> 00:42:30,160
Speaker 1: to keep a job just to keep a job, and

840
00:42:30,160 --> 00:42:32,200
Speaker 1: then that person that's trying to figure out their passion,

841
00:42:32,680 --> 00:42:34,600
Speaker 1: it's going to be difficult for y'all to navigate that

842
00:42:34,680 --> 00:42:38,840
Speaker 1: relationship because that person is always going to have that

843
00:42:38,840 --> 00:42:41,920
Speaker 1: that you know, wandering idea of what if I do

844
00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:45,520
Speaker 1: something else? And quite so I would say give it

845
00:42:45,560 --> 00:42:48,000
Speaker 1: time six Yeah, yeah, I was gonna stay that. They're

846
00:42:48,040 --> 00:42:50,359
Speaker 1: still young, he's maybe maybe still trying to figure it out.

847
00:42:50,400 --> 00:42:53,320
Speaker 1: Maybe whatever he's been doing so far within his career field,

848
00:42:53,360 --> 00:42:55,520
Speaker 1: he's feeling is not motivating for him, and he's not

849
00:42:55,560 --> 00:42:58,120
Speaker 1: sparked by it. Um A lot of people change career

850
00:42:58,360 --> 00:43:00,279
Speaker 1: fills too. You're fairing to go to school for one thing,

851
00:43:00,320 --> 00:43:01,680
Speaker 1: and then the next thing you know, they're in something

852
00:43:01,960 --> 00:43:04,040
Speaker 1: doing something completely different, or they pick up a trade

853
00:43:04,160 --> 00:43:06,520
Speaker 1: or they start a business. Um, so just be there

854
00:43:06,680 --> 00:43:10,520
Speaker 1: to support him. But I would say, also feel free

855
00:43:10,560 --> 00:43:13,000
Speaker 1: to date. This is why you date. Going through the

856
00:43:13,080 --> 00:43:15,640
Speaker 1: dating process just taught you that you don't want to

857
00:43:15,640 --> 00:43:20,480
Speaker 1: be with someone right. You don't want to date with

858
00:43:20,520 --> 00:43:23,520
Speaker 1: someone right, with someone who's not making progress and it's

859
00:43:23,600 --> 00:43:26,280
Speaker 1: kind of frivolous with their lifestyle as far as livelihood.

860
00:43:26,320 --> 00:43:28,920
Speaker 1: So if you're learning that you don't like this, you

861
00:43:28,960 --> 00:43:31,720
Speaker 1: don't just stay in it because you invested three years

862
00:43:31,719 --> 00:43:34,359
Speaker 1: in it a character trait that's not gonna change, right,

863
00:43:34,400 --> 00:43:37,200
Speaker 1: I mean, if it doesn't change, then you're kind of

864
00:43:37,239 --> 00:43:39,200
Speaker 1: stuck hoping that it's going to change. And that's the

865
00:43:39,280 --> 00:43:40,799
Speaker 1: last thing you want to do in a relationship. But

866
00:43:40,840 --> 00:43:44,200
Speaker 1: you know what happens though. People feel like especially women,

867
00:43:44,320 --> 00:43:47,839
Speaker 1: feel like I started in this relationship. It's been three years.

868
00:43:47,840 --> 00:43:50,960
Speaker 1: I'm twenty six. If I move on to another relationship,

869
00:43:51,280 --> 00:43:53,520
Speaker 1: then I've wasted all this time. Or I don't want

870
00:43:53,520 --> 00:43:56,040
Speaker 1: to keep dating around because if I keep dating around,

871
00:43:56,320 --> 00:43:59,160
Speaker 1: then I'm gonna seem as if I'm a whole you

872
00:43:59,160 --> 00:44:01,400
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. No date, you just learned if

873
00:44:01,480 --> 00:44:03,960
Speaker 1: you don't like this, you realize that I don't like this,

874
00:44:04,480 --> 00:44:06,840
Speaker 1: go find someone that you like. Need to normalize, like

875
00:44:07,080 --> 00:44:09,160
Speaker 1: not feeling that you have to be stuck with somebody

876
00:44:09,160 --> 00:44:12,279
Speaker 1: because invested a certain amount of time, whatever that time is,

877
00:44:12,800 --> 00:44:14,399
Speaker 1: and just trying to say, you know what, I'll deal

878
00:44:14,440 --> 00:44:17,480
Speaker 1: with it because that's the worst, the worst way. That's

879
00:44:17,480 --> 00:44:21,000
Speaker 1: how resentment to start. So good luck to our listener

880
00:44:21,080 --> 00:44:23,040
Speaker 1: letters who wrote in today. Thank you all so much

881
00:44:23,080 --> 00:44:25,480
Speaker 1: for always uh, you know, telling us a little bit

882
00:44:25,480 --> 00:44:28,040
Speaker 1: about what's going on and getting us giving our two cents.

883
00:44:28,480 --> 00:44:31,239
Speaker 1: You know I enjoy doing that, you know, um and

884
00:44:31,239 --> 00:44:32,480
Speaker 1: if you want to be featured is one of our

885
00:44:32,480 --> 00:44:34,680
Speaker 1: listener letters. You know, tell your friends right in. Everybody

886
00:44:34,680 --> 00:44:36,840
Speaker 1: whoever wants to tell us a little bit and is

887
00:44:36,880 --> 00:44:40,080
Speaker 1: looking for a word or two, email us at dead

888
00:44:40,120 --> 00:44:44,080
Speaker 1: as Advice at gmail dot com. That's d E A

889
00:44:44,200 --> 00:44:46,640
Speaker 1: d A S S A d V I C E

890
00:44:47,200 --> 00:44:51,960
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com. All right, moment at truth time,

891
00:44:52,440 --> 00:44:55,840
Speaker 1: Moment at truth time. My moment of truth is, don't

892
00:44:55,880 --> 00:44:58,879
Speaker 1: LORI harvy me speaking on behalf of the young women

893
00:44:58,960 --> 00:45:00,839
Speaker 1: who want to be courted, you know what I'm saying,

894
00:45:00,840 --> 00:45:03,560
Speaker 1: who want to enjoy their life. Don't project what you

895
00:45:03,640 --> 00:45:07,840
Speaker 1: think I'm doing on me? Right If if men according

896
00:45:07,840 --> 00:45:09,959
Speaker 1: me and they're taking me place and doing this. Don't

897
00:45:09,960 --> 00:45:14,040
Speaker 1: automatically assume that I'm putting out sexually to get these gifts,

898
00:45:14,480 --> 00:45:16,560
Speaker 1: or I'm doing this for some other reason other than

899
00:45:16,560 --> 00:45:18,719
Speaker 1: the fact that I want to. Don't put that on me.

900
00:45:19,080 --> 00:45:22,840
Speaker 1: If you have issues with that for yourself, that's fine,

901
00:45:22,920 --> 00:45:25,759
Speaker 1: And and that's for men and women, men and women

902
00:45:25,800 --> 00:45:27,759
Speaker 1: who are putting those projections on me and what I

903
00:45:27,760 --> 00:45:30,480
Speaker 1: should and shouldn't be doing in my life. Don't lurry

904
00:45:30,480 --> 00:45:34,839
Speaker 1: harvy me, bro. Don't don't automatically assume, Bro. Don't I'm

905
00:45:34,840 --> 00:45:39,000
Speaker 1: just look at the camera. Don't automatically assume BRO, that

906
00:45:39,120 --> 00:45:41,440
Speaker 1: because I'm living my life in a certain way that

907
00:45:41,520 --> 00:45:43,399
Speaker 1: if you would do something that that's what I'm doing

908
00:45:43,440 --> 00:45:45,040
Speaker 1: to get when I'm getting. Don't do that for me,

909
00:45:45,200 --> 00:45:47,560
Speaker 1: because when I have a daughter, I'm going to tell

910
00:45:47,600 --> 00:45:49,319
Speaker 1: my daughter to make sure that she's courted the right

911
00:45:49,360 --> 00:45:52,080
Speaker 1: way and the right type of man. And if that

912
00:45:52,120 --> 00:45:53,880
Speaker 1: means that that man wants to take her places and

913
00:45:54,120 --> 00:45:56,320
Speaker 1: buy her gifts and do all this other stuff. Receive

914
00:45:56,400 --> 00:45:58,239
Speaker 1: the gifts, but don't feel like you gotta put out

915
00:45:58,280 --> 00:46:00,359
Speaker 1: in order to receive them. If he wants to show

916
00:46:00,360 --> 00:46:03,560
Speaker 1: you what he's capable of, and at some point you like, now,

917
00:46:03,600 --> 00:46:05,279
Speaker 1: you're not really my type, and he moves on and

918
00:46:05,320 --> 00:46:07,040
Speaker 1: another man comes in to do that. That's part of

919
00:46:07,040 --> 00:46:10,080
Speaker 1: the dating process, bro, that's period. I don't. I don't.

920
00:46:10,440 --> 00:46:12,160
Speaker 1: And you know, my daughter is not going to be

921
00:46:12,239 --> 00:46:15,160
Speaker 1: a gold digger because Daddy can give her whatever she wants.

922
00:46:15,480 --> 00:46:17,279
Speaker 1: So no, she's not gonna be a gold digger. And

923
00:46:17,320 --> 00:46:19,359
Speaker 1: my daughter gonna be a boss. She's gonna make her

924
00:46:19,360 --> 00:46:24,040
Speaker 1: own money. But she will be courted me respectfully. She

925
00:46:24,160 --> 00:46:29,359
Speaker 1: will be courted respectfully. Meet her. I love it, well,

926
00:46:29,600 --> 00:46:33,799
Speaker 1: you want me her soon? What's what's what's the day? March?

927
00:46:34,360 --> 00:46:41,560
Speaker 1: You're gonna meet her in December? So that being said, um,

928
00:46:41,680 --> 00:46:44,440
Speaker 1: my moment of truth is that I would really appreciate

929
00:46:44,480 --> 00:46:47,760
Speaker 1: it and love it if people can normalize the dating

930
00:46:47,760 --> 00:46:51,680
Speaker 1: process and that it can be having fun with somebody,

931
00:46:52,080 --> 00:46:55,239
Speaker 1: having experiences, getting to know everybody, going to getting to

932
00:46:55,400 --> 00:46:58,439
Speaker 1: each other rather and not having everybody feel as if

933
00:46:59,320 --> 00:47:02,480
Speaker 1: sex always has to be involved, because it doesn't have

934
00:47:02,600 --> 00:47:05,719
Speaker 1: to be. And if it is, that's your business, and

935
00:47:05,760 --> 00:47:08,440
Speaker 1: if it's your business, keep it your business. It doesn't

936
00:47:08,480 --> 00:47:10,560
Speaker 1: have to be a thing where everybody is involved. And

937
00:47:10,560 --> 00:47:14,320
Speaker 1: I know that's so very very difficult in this age

938
00:47:14,320 --> 00:47:15,759
Speaker 1: that we're in, in in this space that we're in with

939
00:47:15,800 --> 00:47:18,799
Speaker 1: social media, but I feel like there needs to be

940
00:47:18,920 --> 00:47:23,200
Speaker 1: that process of people going out there and meeting and

941
00:47:23,200 --> 00:47:28,360
Speaker 1: and meeting without the you know, influences of everybody else,

942
00:47:28,480 --> 00:47:31,960
Speaker 1: without sex necessarily being involved. You know what I mean, Like,

943
00:47:32,040 --> 00:47:34,400
Speaker 1: let's take it back to some of the basics. Do

944
00:47:34,480 --> 00:47:37,120
Speaker 1: I sound like an old lady for saying that? No,

945
00:47:37,239 --> 00:47:38,680
Speaker 1: you don't sound like the old lady, but I do

946
00:47:38,760 --> 00:47:41,280
Speaker 1: see in social media though, it's like when two people

947
00:47:41,400 --> 00:47:44,520
Speaker 1: date people automatically, I love them together. They need to

948
00:47:44,560 --> 00:47:47,240
Speaker 1: stay together forever, and if they don't and that someone

949
00:47:47,280 --> 00:47:49,759
Speaker 1: else moves on, not that person is wrong. So when

950
00:47:49,760 --> 00:47:51,640
Speaker 1: that person is dating and trying to figure out who

951
00:47:51,680 --> 00:47:54,120
Speaker 1: the person is, because I know some people who have

952
00:47:54,200 --> 00:47:56,560
Speaker 1: been together for a long time and have not posted

953
00:47:56,560 --> 00:47:58,880
Speaker 1: one picture together on social media or it's like a

954
00:47:58,920 --> 00:48:03,000
Speaker 1: close friends. No, but the general republic don't know. And

955
00:48:03,040 --> 00:48:06,359
Speaker 1: that's that's cool too. You mean, there's privacy and that

956
00:48:07,320 --> 00:48:11,000
Speaker 1: it's okay to be private with the cording and dating

957
00:48:11,040 --> 00:48:13,279
Speaker 1: process if you want to be, especially if you know

958
00:48:13,320 --> 00:48:15,520
Speaker 1: you don't have the skin think enough that people in

959
00:48:15,560 --> 00:48:19,239
Speaker 1: their judgments and their gency and whatever else comes with

960
00:48:19,280 --> 00:48:25,080
Speaker 1: that territory for all right now, So um yeah, y'all,

961
00:48:25,120 --> 00:48:27,839
Speaker 1: be sure to find us on social media. If you're

962
00:48:27,840 --> 00:48:32,400
Speaker 1: not following already, that as the podcast on Instagram and

963
00:48:32,400 --> 00:48:34,839
Speaker 1: I'm Kadina I am and I am Devout. And if

964
00:48:34,840 --> 00:48:37,920
Speaker 1: you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate, review

965
00:48:38,320 --> 00:48:41,360
Speaker 1: and subscribe. We love you. We'll be back next week.

966
00:48:41,400 --> 00:48:46,840
Speaker 1: Next week, We'll be back as. Dead Ass is a

967
00:48:46,880 --> 00:48:49,840
Speaker 1: production of I Heart Media podcast Network and is produced

968
00:48:49,840 --> 00:48:53,440
Speaker 1: by the Noorapinia and Triple Follow the podcast on social

969
00:48:53,440 --> 00:48:56,080
Speaker 1: media at dead as the podcasts and never miss a thing,

970
00:49:00,960 --> 00:49:03,880
Speaker 1: I said, lest I s