Speaker 1: Awesome, Alexander.
Speaker 2: Hello, Hello, Hi, who's this?
Speaker 1: I'm Alexander. Is is Lyle?
Speaker 2: Yes, sir? What's going on, Alexander?
Speaker 1: How you doing? Brother?
Speaker 2: I am hanging in there. I actually feel pretty good today.
Speaker 2: I'm in a well lit room for the first time
Speaker 2: in years. I yeah, I'm okay. I have a lot
Speaker 2: I love to hear me grateful for so I love that.
Speaker 2: I'm trying my fucking best, brother. How are you, Alexander?
Speaker 1: I am doing the same. I'm drama and I got
Speaker 1: a love story for you that's a little crazy in
Speaker 1: my opinion.
Speaker 2: Oh, I love you story. Taylor Swift? What's going on?
Speaker 1: Taylor Swift? Hell? Yes? All right? So I met this
Speaker 1: girl over Instagram twenty twenty, twenty nineteen, right at the
Speaker 1: end of twenty nineteen, right shooting text. You know, I
Speaker 1: was actually just getting out of the hospital from a
Speaker 1: major depressive episode, and I was kind of on a
Speaker 1: good path and everything and just feeling really good and
Speaker 1: just shooting text to random people, just trying to connect
Speaker 1: and send one random one to this girl, and she
Speaker 1: responds back and we have this little back and forth,
Speaker 1: and the more we're talking, the more we're both realizing
Speaker 1: we're kind of like really excited, and it's like I
Speaker 1: had a really rough upbringing, so I don't really connect
Speaker 1: with people and in a deep way. For me, I'm
Speaker 1: actually a peer counselor, so I work with people who
Speaker 1: are like just coming out of a hospital or you know,
Speaker 1: people who have been through the prison system. You know,
Speaker 1: I'll work with anybody. You know. I always try to
Speaker 1: get people on their best stuff. So you know, I
Speaker 1: it's weird because I connect with people on a people
Speaker 1: but like for me personally, it's different. So I connect
Speaker 1: with this girl and it was insane, Like I I like,
Speaker 1: it's felt like magic and everything, and I'm I've always
Speaker 1: been like science, science, science, you know, followed the book
Speaker 1: just at the third and it, uh, it was it
Speaker 1: was different. It felt different. You know, I had dated before,
Speaker 1: I said I love you before, and this time it
Speaker 1: felt real. So the problem was she lived across the world,
Speaker 1: three thousand miles away and a different country and everything.
Speaker 1: And this was right before COVID. And I'm pretty crazy,
Speaker 1: so occasionally, like my brain will come up with a scenario,
Speaker 1: like it'll make these really small logical jumps and then
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, I'm in deep water. It's insane.
Speaker 2: So I was like, yeah, go for it real quick,
Speaker 2: so real quick. First of all, I'm sorry you kind
Speaker 2: of explained it. How exactly did you meet this girl?
Speaker 1: I just randomly sending messages on Instagram to just people
Speaker 1: that I thought looked cool, just like wanted to make
Speaker 1: new friends. I was trying to, Uh, you were an influencer.
Speaker 2: You were you were using you were using Instagram as
Speaker 2: a dating app.
Speaker 1: Not really, I was trying to be an influencer. I
Speaker 1: play in a band, so I was kind of just
Speaker 1: trying to boost myself up, to like boost the band up.
Speaker 1: I reached out to a lot of like rock and
Speaker 1: metal chicks and stuff like that, so she was one
Speaker 1: of them, and it just so happened to you know,
Speaker 1: we connected.
Speaker 2: You thought you thought a lady was pretty, and you
Speaker 2: slayed in the DMS. There's that's you know, more or less,
Speaker 2: that's a classic human experience. You don't have to you
Speaker 2: don't have to play around it. That's a normal human experience.
Speaker 1: Well, I mean, like, so, so you know, I made
Speaker 1: sure she was real, you know, like never asked me
Speaker 1: for money and anything. We face timed and it was
Speaker 1: it was literally different and then COVID happens, and I
Speaker 1: got it in my head that I'm not allowed to
Speaker 1: be happy. If I'm happy, the world ends, and I
Speaker 1: still struggle with that to this day. I mean, I'm
Speaker 1: pretty good reality testing myself and kind of like getting
Speaker 1: myself straight and just be like, all right, what does
Speaker 1: it matter. You have to keep going anyway, so just
Speaker 1: keep going. But like a year and a half in
Speaker 1: we had this falling out and it was like over
Speaker 1: just really bad miscommunication on all fronts, you know, like
Speaker 1: I had problems, she had problems. We were triggering each
Speaker 1: other's trauma left and right, and you know, I jumped
Speaker 1: the gun and I tried to protect myself and I
Speaker 1: kind of just cut it off. And then I realized
Speaker 1: that I made a mistake, and you know, I kind
Speaker 1: of would lashed it back. It was just like, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm stupid, Like let's let's keep going. Let's pick up
Speaker 1: where we left off.
Speaker 2: Like it well? So also, also what what where did
Speaker 2: she live? What country she lives in?
Speaker 1: Northern Europe?
Speaker 2: Okay? Okay? And so you met, you started dming with
Speaker 2: her pre COVID, and then did you ever even I
Speaker 2: mean before before getting into your first fight. Did you
Speaker 2: have your first encounter in person?
Speaker 1: Like, No, we didn't, and it was because we were
Speaker 1: planning for it the year COVID happened, so everything got
Speaker 1: shut down, and so we had facetimes and everything, and
Speaker 1: we had plans to meet up in July of twenty twenty,
Speaker 1: and then COVID happened and that all got shut down,
Speaker 1: and I started losing my mind pretty badly, you know,
Speaker 1: like I was. I'm good at putting on a good front.
Speaker 1: I've I had major depression since I was twelve years
Speaker 1: old and I'm thirty five, so I just I kind
Speaker 1: of run with it. I don't know how, I just do.
Speaker 3: So.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I kind of went crazy with it and everything.
Speaker 1: It wasn't really so much a first fight. It was
Speaker 1: just I mean, like in the other thing, this is
Speaker 1: all a long distance and half of it is over text,
Speaker 1: so it's just difficult to begin with. And then I
Speaker 1: decided to go over there and we kind of rekindled
Speaker 1: something a little bit in like late twenty twenty one.
Speaker 1: I decided to go over there and you know, made
Speaker 1: plans with her. I like kind of reached out to her.
Speaker 1: I was like, Hey, I'm thinking about coming here and
Speaker 1: would you want to meet up on a day and
Speaker 1: just that the third and she was open to it,
Speaker 1: told me what days she would be off from work,
Speaker 1: and you know, like I went over there and she
Speaker 1: stood me up and whoa yeah, and you know, like
Speaker 1: it was bad communication too, you know. I reached out
Speaker 1: to her like a while after that, and I mean like,
Speaker 1: I had a bad depressive episode. I locked myself in
Speaker 1: a hotel room for a day. I was, I was bad,
Speaker 1: and I forced myself out the day after. I was like, no,
Speaker 1: you're in another country, you don't know what's going on,
Speaker 1: you have no connection to anything. You need to go
Speaker 1: just do stuff. So I took myself to museums and
Speaker 1: I took myself to like parks, and I made something
Speaker 1: on the trip. You know, I didn't. I didn't let
Speaker 1: it fall apart. And like three months up to that trip,
Speaker 1: she wasn't talking to me.
Speaker 2: See that's what you gotta that's what you gotta do.
Speaker 2: And by the way, I just want to hear the
Speaker 2: quick message to anyone listening who is thinking of going
Speaker 2: to visit a girl or a guy or whatever in
Speaker 2: another country or another state or whatever. You really, whoever,
Speaker 2: you really if you're gonna do it, you have to
Speaker 2: first imagine what if they stand me up? Can I
Speaker 2: still have a good time visiting this place. That's the
Speaker 2: number one thing you gotta do. If you're thinking about
Speaker 2: going to another country to visit someone, you got to
Speaker 2: imagine yourself like even if they don't. If I get
Speaker 2: there and they ghost me, can I still you know,
Speaker 2: have a backup plan to just enjoy my time visiting
Speaker 2: another country. It's very important if you're gonna do that.
Speaker 1: I do want to say it's always one hundred. I mean,
Speaker 1: it's always fifty to fifty, you know, Like I'm not
Speaker 1: going to say I was perfect. And you know I
Speaker 1: went over there, and you know, like we didn't communicate
Speaker 1: what Like she reached out to me the day I
Speaker 1: got there, and I was like, hey, do you still
Speaker 1: want to meet up? And she never said anything. And
Speaker 1: then I got drunk and I started like giving all
Speaker 1: my feelings and that was too much, and you know,
Speaker 1: I understood it was too much, so I apologize. I
Speaker 1: was like, I'm not contacting you anymore. And we didn't
Speaker 1: really have contact again until this year on her birthday,
Speaker 1: and things have been pretty good. You know, like I
Speaker 1: dated outside of her and everything, and just like it
Speaker 1: didn't real quick.
Speaker 2: I want to I want to hear about that. I
Speaker 2: have many questions. Where so where in northern Europe was
Speaker 2: this person?
Speaker 1: She was in Finland?
Speaker 2: Finland? All right? So you took a little impromptu solo
Speaker 2: trip in Finland. I did, and you went there. She
Speaker 2: goes to you, and you were you. I had like
Speaker 2: one full day, and you gotta do you gotta have
Speaker 2: you gotta let yourself have one day and go right.
Speaker 2: You gotta have one day of morning of feeling sorry
Speaker 2: for yourself, of being upset and angry, and pass to
Speaker 2: give you one day you let yourself loose, you have
Speaker 2: your emotional uh feast whatever, and then you gotta go
Speaker 2: to the Museum of Ducks or whatever the fuck they got? Yeah,
Speaker 2: how long were you in? How long were you there for?
Speaker 1: I was only there a week. I don't make a
Speaker 1: lot of money in mental health. You don't make a
Speaker 1: lot of money. I think you know that, but uh,
Speaker 1: it's what it is.
Speaker 2: I'm I am, I am in, and I am in
Speaker 2: the gecko business.
Speaker 1: I got that. I'm sure there's a ton of money
Speaker 1: in the gecko business.
Speaker 2: As you know, I will say, uh, well, what the
Speaker 2: fuck was I gonna say? Uh? Oh, So did you
Speaker 2: meet anyone in this week? Did you go to try
Speaker 2: to talk to anyone? Did you go to any events?
Speaker 2: Did you go to any house?
Speaker 3: No.
Speaker 1: I kept going to this one bar that I just
Speaker 1: kind of really enjoyed, and uh yeah, I had a
Speaker 1: good time there. I actually got so drunk one night
Speaker 1: I peeked in the sewer, looked at the uh looked
Speaker 1: at the guard and I was like, I go get
Speaker 1: my jacket. He's like, yeah, let me go. It was great,
Speaker 1: But you know, I had fun. I have fun memories
Speaker 1: of that trip even, you know, all things that standing
Speaker 1: and like I said, you know, we connected again, and
Speaker 1: you know I've dated outside of her, and you know,
Speaker 1: strange things happen all the time. Like, for example, I
Speaker 1: was streaming on Twitch and I was playing this game
Speaker 1: called Universe sim and it's a god simulator. You start
Speaker 1: with your god and you get Adam and even you
Speaker 1: have to build an entire society. The game likes to
Speaker 1: rename the town that you're building, just like when you
Speaker 1: get enough people, and it's usually like like Blitzenberg or
Speaker 1: you know, like Jingleville. It's usually either something really boring
Speaker 1: or really stupid. And then one day, while I'm streaming
Speaker 1: with like one of my best friends in the stream,
Speaker 1: it comes up with her exact city, and like I
Speaker 1: it's like finished cities have weird names, and it was
Speaker 1: a really strange, out there name. But it just like
Speaker 1: it knocked me off my feet, and I was just like,
Speaker 1: that's crazy.
Speaker 2: It's okay, I got I have more questions for you.
Speaker 2: All right, So you go on this week long trip.
Speaker 2: Did you have fun? Ultimately, even though the woman stood up,
Speaker 2: did you have a good time?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: And so you got back in touch with her? What what?
Speaker 2: What was that whole thing?
Speaker 1: It was eating at me? It was eating at me.
Speaker 1: I have to go sit back down just in case
Speaker 1: my phone decides to disconnect again. It was eating at
Speaker 1: me really badly because like I still felt strong still,
Speaker 1: even with everything I've been cheated on in past relationships
Speaker 1: and everything. And you know what, if I lose a
Speaker 1: couple of grand to you know, kind of a gamble,
Speaker 1: I can't really be mad at her. You know, like
Speaker 1: it's just what it is. You know, I know the
Speaker 1: reasons why everything happened the way they happened, and you know,
Speaker 1: I'm happy that we're talking again. So you know, I
Speaker 1: can forgure so who so so who?
Speaker 2: But what I'm saying is who who reached out to who?
Speaker 1: Like what was I reached I reached out to her
Speaker 1: and we had a discussion on this and I reached
Speaker 1: out to her and she had said, She's like, there
Speaker 1: were times I wanted to reach back out to you
Speaker 1: see how you were, but the way I had ended it,
Speaker 1: she didn't feel comfortable doing that. She said it would
Speaker 1: need to have come from you, and she was super receptive.
Speaker 1: You know, I was under the impression she hated me
Speaker 1: and wanted nothing to do with me because I'm crazy.
Speaker 1: And I was telling myself that and you know, like
Speaker 1: I've been pretty happy with how things are going. It's
Speaker 1: not it's not I want.
Speaker 2: To I will say. I mean, that's a real I
Speaker 2: really think that's that's just a fucked up thing to
Speaker 2: do if you to make a plan with someone. I mean,
Speaker 2: is that how? I mean? Like, tell me, is that
Speaker 2: how it? Well?
Speaker 1: I understand that, you know, like, did.
Speaker 2: You guys, did you guys like make a plan? And
Speaker 2: she was like, yes, come buy a plane ticket like
Speaker 2: or or was it more like your were like, I
Speaker 2: am coming, like, which would you guys make the plan together?
Speaker 2: And then she just bailed, like what was it?
Speaker 1: I was saying, so, so, hey, I think we should
Speaker 1: meet up. You know this at the third you know,
Speaker 1: I would like to just come visit you know, the
Speaker 1: city and every the city I'll think he specifically. I
Speaker 1: was like, but you know, at the same time, you know,
Speaker 1: I think we should meet up, and she's like, hey, okay,
Speaker 1: I'm down for that. I was like, all right, you know,
Speaker 1: like what would work good for you? And she gives
Speaker 1: me dates and I'm like all right, and then I
Speaker 1: was like, all right, this is going to be my
Speaker 1: flight and I'm going to be staying over here, you know,
Speaker 1: like and I got an Airbnb and I was just like,
Speaker 1: you know, let's let mean I The last thing I
Speaker 1: think I said was like, let me know, you know
Speaker 1: what your plans are, what you want to do. And
Speaker 1: then three months go by and I didn't hear anything.
Speaker 1: And then the trip comes up and I didn't hear anything,
Speaker 1: and you know, it was already over and done with.
Speaker 2: So you so you planned this three months in advance
Speaker 2: and then in those three months.
Speaker 1: No, it was more than three. It was more than
Speaker 1: three months week, but like we we only connected like
Speaker 1: a little bit like here and there, and then the
Speaker 1: three months happened.
Speaker 2: So you planned it in advance, and then in the
Speaker 2: time following had no communication.
Speaker 1: With her, very little communication, you know, like and I
Speaker 1: think a lot of it was just a lot of
Speaker 1: it was like fear on both ends, you know, like
Speaker 1: I didn't reach out because I didn't want to like
Speaker 1: take up too much of her space. And you know,
Speaker 1: I think she and you know, like we we I
Speaker 1: got attached pretty hard pretty fast because things she was
Speaker 1: saying was like kind of like gold to me. And
Speaker 1: you know, we're in it's different now, Like I'm I've
Speaker 1: grown Like when we met, I was thirty now and
Speaker 1: thirty five, so you know, like that's there's been a
Speaker 1: lot of growth there. You know, I've been through the
Speaker 1: hospital multiple times and you know kind of really had
Speaker 1: to learn a new place in life and new direction
Speaker 1: in life. And I'm in that path now and I
Speaker 1: feel good. And that's kind of why I reached out
Speaker 1: to her, because I feel better than I have and
Speaker 1: even though I'm like still fighting my brain left and right,
Speaker 1: it's just kind of I still feel strong about her.
Speaker 1: I mean, like, I've been cheated on really badly multiple times.
Speaker 1: I've been lied to to my face about it, and
Speaker 1: you know, I've called them out on it. I've been told,
Speaker 1: you know, like I need to experience something else, and
Speaker 1: you know kind of just left and gone and done that.
Speaker 1: I had somebody I threw a party and my girlfriend
Speaker 1: ran off with another guy, and you know, like I
Speaker 1: actually called him and I was just like, yeah, pray
Speaker 1: I don't see him. Chose to smoke a cigarette at
Speaker 1: the time instead of get myself in trouble.
Speaker 2: So you I lost you. I lost you at the
Speaker 2: very end there. But uh so what's your day? What's
Speaker 2: your dating life?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 2: Now? Uh?
Speaker 1: Honestly, just I'm kind of just doing me. I just
Speaker 1: like being creative, So I just let myself be creative.
Speaker 1: I play my band, you know, we do crap on
Speaker 1: Twitch and that's it. You know, Like I I don't
Speaker 1: care enough to date because like I don't feel connected
Speaker 1: to people, so like and like you know, like I'll
Speaker 1: like meet somebody and they're just I don't feel anything.
Speaker 1: You know, It's just like all right, whatever, you're there,
Speaker 1: we're talking. There's no magic here, there's nothing special.
Speaker 2: Like it's it's it's hard. Yeah, it's hard. I'm on
Speaker 2: I'm on the dating apps and stuff, and I every
Speaker 2: time I like look it up profile, I'm like, could
Speaker 2: I see myself really like uh fucking like like connecting
Speaker 2: with this person you know, well, you meet the first time,
Speaker 2: you have to you have to like go through that.
Speaker 2: You have to like able to look at them and
Speaker 2: be like in a weird way like the first time
Speaker 2: you meet someone, you I guess kind of have to
Speaker 2: judge like do you really feel like you can form
Speaker 2: a strong connection with this person, which is hard to
Speaker 2: do when the first time.
Speaker 1: Well yeah, so you know, like that's why I usually
Speaker 1: like I give it a little bit, and you know,
Speaker 1: and I've gotten myself. I've dated people that I shouldn't
Speaker 1: have dated because I'm doing that, you know, Like I
Speaker 1: always I have this like idea in my head of
Speaker 1: like who I'm looking for and everything, and I will
Speaker 1: I have very all my entire dating history dated outside
Speaker 1: of that, because I've said to myself, that's ridiculous, You're
Speaker 1: being ridiculous. Try to date outside of this. Date outside
Speaker 1: of it, and you know, like immediately like get hit
Speaker 1: with the dumpster fire and just go like, Okay, maybe
Speaker 1: maybe you were onto something with that, and you know
Speaker 1: that's the other thing of it. You know, this woman
Speaker 1: kind of like I didn't. I don't. I don't feel like,
Speaker 1: you know, like anything's missing. I just you know, the
Speaker 1: thing that's missing is is how close we are. And
Speaker 1: that's it. And I just tell myself how maybe one
Speaker 1: day it won't be the case.
Speaker 2: So I have you're a fear counselor? What is that?
Speaker 1: Peer per Oh?
Speaker 2: A peer cow? I thought you were a fear I
Speaker 2: thought you were.
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, yeah, right, that'd be great.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, I thought, So what do you do
Speaker 2: as a peer counselor?
Speaker 1: I take my life experience and things that have happened
Speaker 1: to me, such as, you know, my major depressive disorder,
Speaker 1: my borderline personality disorder, my OCD, my OCPD, my unspecified
Speaker 1: anxiety disorder, this beautiful cocktail that I've been given and
Speaker 1: all the torture that it's put me through. I learned
Speaker 1: how to share that with people who are going through it,
Speaker 1: who don't understand it and need help and guide through it.
Speaker 1: And I take a lot of pride in my work
Speaker 1: and I'm really proud of it. And I actually have
Speaker 1: an interview for a supervisor position on Monday. So I
Speaker 1: got my fingers crossed.
Speaker 2: Very nice, man, very nice? Are you I want to
Speaker 2: hear about this too. So you said that from thirty
Speaker 2: to thirty five, you you feel like you underwent some change.
Speaker 2: I feel like, yeah, so I'm I'm twenty six, and
Speaker 2: I often think about, like, you know, the difference of
Speaker 2: my life now, you know, from when I was twenty one,
Speaker 2: and how much I've like changed as a person, you know, yeah,
Speaker 2: from then, and then I'm like, wow, in five years
Speaker 2: when I'm thirty one, I'll probably be like, wow, I
Speaker 2: was a fucking idiot when I.
Speaker 1: Was Yeah, I've noticed it.
Speaker 2: And now you're telling me that when out at five
Speaker 2: years after that, yeah, be looking back to going wow,
Speaker 2: I was a fucking idiot. Now I just feel like
Speaker 2: the biggest fucking idiot on the planet Earth right now.
Speaker 1: No, I mean, don't feel that way, because like it's interesting,
Speaker 1: you know, I noticed a change in my mentality from like,
Speaker 1: you know, eighteen to twenty three, from twenty three to
Speaker 1: twenty five, twenty five to twenty eight, twenty eight to
Speaker 1: thirty two, and now thirty two to thirty five. It's
Speaker 1: very interesting, like, you know, just seeing like these different
Speaker 1: evolutions of myself. I really like, I think it's just
Speaker 1: part of the human experience that you just grow and
Speaker 1: you learn more, and the best thing to do is
Speaker 1: kind of just put your best foot forward and be peaceful,
Speaker 1: you know, and try to just like kind of like
Speaker 1: help people through their shit instead of just dragging them
Speaker 1: with yours. You know, that's my that's my stuff, Man's
Speaker 1: that's what's important to me.
Speaker 2: Do you feel better, like at the age of thirty
Speaker 2: five after a lifetime of you know, mental health issues,
Speaker 2: do you feel better now than you have in the
Speaker 2: past or broke?
Speaker 1: No, it's a mess, and it's always going to be
Speaker 1: a mess. It's never going to be a clean answer.
Speaker 1: It's never gonna be Yeah, I feel great. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: feel bad because every day is different and I need
Speaker 1: every day to be different. Like there's where like earlier
Speaker 1: this week, you know, I'm putting my head through a
Speaker 1: wall because I'm so anxious and everything, you know, and
Speaker 1: I had really bad ideation earlier in that week, and
Speaker 1: then you know, the week went on and it all
Speaker 1: went away, and I like today I feel great, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm really excited. I got some D and D stuff
Speaker 1: planned with friends later and that's going to be dope.
Speaker 1: And you know, so like it's it's always a roller coaster.
Speaker 1: You know. You can't you can't be like, oh, oh
Speaker 1: it's always bad, because it's not always bad. You know,
Speaker 1: learn to live in that moment, you know, go out
Speaker 1: with your friends. When I'm out my friends, I'm not
Speaker 1: telling myself, okay, you know you have to be MOPI.
Speaker 1: You have to be said, you have to be depressed
Speaker 1: about X y Z. You know, like, I'm out with
Speaker 1: my friends, so I'm going to go have a good
Speaker 1: time with them, you know. And when I'm by myself
Speaker 1: and I got nothing to do, and I'm just kind
Speaker 1: of like going over and over and over in my
Speaker 1: head just reliving one thing, you know, like looking at
Speaker 1: one little instance in my life and then being like, oh,
Speaker 1: that means this, that means this, that means this. I'm
Speaker 1: not going to get the job. I'm not going to
Speaker 1: get this. This person hates me. I don't like doing
Speaker 1: that to myself. So but you know, when I notice it,
Speaker 1: I tell you, I shut it off. I force it off,
Speaker 1: and I go do something else. I put on music,
Speaker 1: I play in a band, I get so much cathartic
Speaker 1: energy out. I'm the vocalist of a metal band, and
Speaker 1: I get so much cathartic.
Speaker 2: The vocalist of a metal band.
Speaker 1: Hell yeah, brother, all right, I gotta.
Speaker 2: I gotta ask you. All right, So I don't know
Speaker 2: how comfortable you are sharing this stuff. But what is
Speaker 2: what is your band?
Speaker 1: Uh? The band? Am I allowed to promote on your stream?
Speaker 2: Because I look, I would love I'd love to hear.
Speaker 2: Please promote if you want to.
Speaker 1: We're actually dm are. Our current EP is d M
Speaker 1: c A free, so you could actually even play it
Speaker 1: on your stream where Reign of Fear are e I
Speaker 1: G N of Fear. You can find us on Spotify.
Speaker 1: Our latest EP was called Haven Axiom. We also are
Speaker 1: on Twitch at Reign of Fear Live. We go live
Speaker 1: like twice a week every other week. Sometimes it's the
Speaker 1: band playing video games, sometimes it's we have a full
Speaker 1: set up where all four of us have our audio
Speaker 1: pumped in through computer and we'll play like live shows.
Speaker 1: And we also do a podcast about different albums. Right
Speaker 1: now we have to do Dua Lipa and the Acacia Strains.
Speaker 2: So it's an interesting How did you meet your band members.
Speaker 2: How long have you guys been together?
Speaker 1: Oh dude, I've been with this drummer for like twenty years.
Speaker 1: Twenty plus years actually, because like I was in a
Speaker 1: band in high school called of Chaos and Creation, and
Speaker 1: you know, we did one talent show that was emceed
Speaker 1: by mc foley and he comes out and he introduces us,
Speaker 1: and I just kind of go hand with it, you know.
Speaker 1: I started learning how to do the death metal vocals then,
Speaker 1: and I was working at Blockbuster and he comes in.
Speaker 1: It's this tiny little blonde kid with our friend, our
Speaker 1: other friend who is now in a band called Iapetus,
Speaker 1: and they're doing really well, and he's like, hey, I
Speaker 1: heard you do screams. Do you want to be in
Speaker 1: my band? So I went and I tried out, and
Speaker 1: then that was Warborne, and Warborne put out one really
Speaker 1: bad CD and then we had a big falling out.
Speaker 1: We didn't talk for like ten years, and then I came,
Speaker 1: I went away to school, got a degree, came back
Speaker 1: and wanted to do music again. And they just kicked
Speaker 1: out their vocalist and I was just like, hey, you know,
Speaker 1: like let me get in there. So I try out
Speaker 1: and they're like yeah, you want in. That was like
Speaker 1: seven eight years ago, So.
Speaker 2: Like, all right, you do screams?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I do like the death metal grouls and everything.
Speaker 1: I love that stuff, all right, always love that.
Speaker 2: We we gotta hear a scream. Headphone users, headphone users,
Speaker 2: please take this time to lower your volume. I'm giving
Speaker 2: you ample preparation, uh to this is this is your
Speaker 2: moment to prepare for the raising of the volume. It's
Speaker 2: going to be all in the red. Go ahead, give
Speaker 2: us some some some heavy metal noises. Right, I was
Speaker 2: half expecting a demon to be summoned in my room.
Speaker 1: A little bit, a little bit. You gotta be careful.
Speaker 2: Are are do you? Are you into?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 2: Uh, I mean heavy metal? It's very like Satanists, demon
Speaker 2: fucking hell.
Speaker 1: Was when I was like younger and stuff.
Speaker 3: Uh.
Speaker 1: I've developed my own like kind of like idea on
Speaker 1: my religion and stuff like that. That's very Uh, it's
Speaker 1: influenced by a lot of the Satanic stuff, but it's
Speaker 1: not Satanic. It's like I just believe in my own power,
Speaker 1: in my own movement in my life. I've been the
Speaker 1: only force that has kind of like pushed myself through things.
Speaker 1: I've you know, like when I was real, I was
Speaker 1: raised very Italian and uh that, uh it comes with
Speaker 1: a lot of like Catholicism and everything, and I rebelled
Speaker 1: hard against that, and uh you know that was that
Speaker 1: was another thing. You know, like a lot of my
Speaker 1: friends and stuff, their families got them into metal and
Speaker 1: like their dad or their brother or their uncle. And
Speaker 1: I discovered it on my own. So it's like just
Speaker 1: another like caveat of like finding who I was and whatnot.
Speaker 1: And uh yeah, I just there's something about it that
Speaker 1: just feels good. And I just I like playing it
Speaker 1: more than I like listening to it, to be honest,
Speaker 1: But like I still jam my. Unfortunately, my favorite, my
Speaker 1: favorite artist took his own life two years ago and
Speaker 1: it's been His name was trevorster Nadd. He was of
Speaker 1: the Black Tali Murder. I mean like a lot of
Speaker 1: like what I learned, what I wanted to be as
Speaker 1: a vocalist and everything, like as a frontman, I learned
Speaker 1: from watching him. And it was a bad blow because
Speaker 1: there was a moment I had he was he was
Speaker 1: at a show in Brooklyn and I was there, and uh,
Speaker 1: I didn't want to bother him. You know, he was
Speaker 1: there with his girlfriend, and I just I really did
Speaker 1: want to run over and be like, bro, I love
Speaker 1: your lyrics. You know what did you mean by x
Speaker 1: y Z? That's that the third asn't you know? That's
Speaker 1: apparently my catch raises. But I didn't. I chose to
Speaker 1: respect his space, and I like kept myself in the
Speaker 1: corner and quiet, and you know, I was like, I'll
Speaker 1: get to do it. I'll get to do it. It'll
Speaker 1: be okay, It'll be okay. Then now I'd never get
Speaker 1: the opportunity.
Speaker 2: I just want to say, if anyone you know is
Speaker 2: thinking back coming up to me at one of my
Speaker 2: live shows to ask me what I mean when I
Speaker 2: say that Alaska is a city, not a state, don't
Speaker 2: ask me because I'll never tell you. What's your name again,
Speaker 2: Sir Alexander Alexander Alexander is really really really great talking
Speaker 2: to you. Man. Yeah, your story.
Speaker 1: Thanks?
Speaker 2: I uh, this was cool. This was a really really
Speaker 2: cool interaction. Rain of Terror, Fear, Rein of Fear, Rain
Speaker 2: of Fear. Okay, I was close. Rain of Fear. Everyone.
Speaker 2: Check out Rein of Fear. You guys on Instagram too.
Speaker 2: If I go to Instagram, will I find you yep.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're on Instagram, and I think the link of
Speaker 1: the twitches on the Instagram too.
Speaker 2: Very cool, very cool, Alexander. Is anything else do I
Speaker 2: say to the people of the computer before we go.
Speaker 1: Hey, man, just keep doing your best. You know you'll
Speaker 1: make it and we'll remember we're all in this together.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 1: Pick up your brothers when you see them.
Speaker 2: Paul, thanks brother, take care, take care. Oh. I like
Speaker 2: that guy. He was really great. You know, it's funny.
Speaker 2: He brought up a lot of things that I'm always
Speaker 2: thinking about, like that thing about uh, you know, think
Speaker 2: thinking about five years ago, I was an idiot, and
Speaker 2: but now I feel like I haven't figured out but
Speaker 2: you don't. And then it's like, oh my god, I'm
Speaker 2: that's gonna that's gonna that's gonna happen every five years.
Speaker 2: Every five years, I'm gonna realize that I've been, uh,
Speaker 2: living stupidly this entire time. It's a little scary. It's
Speaker 2: a little scary every day I am walking around as
Speaker 2: a dumber version of myself than me in the future.
Speaker 2: That's there's room for so much error in that. It
Speaker 2: makes me fearful. But whatever, what are you gonna do?
Speaker 2: That's all you your your brain. You only have the
Speaker 2: information that you have at the time that you presently
Speaker 2: exist to work off of. That's all you have. That's
Speaker 2: all you ever possibly can have forever until you die.
Speaker 2: So just just deal with it. That's what you got.
Speaker 2: Run with that and keep trying to accumulate more information
Speaker 2: as best as your skinny little brain can handle. And don't,
Speaker 2: like I said, don't go to a foreign country to
Speaker 2: meet a lady unless if you have other plans, you know,
Speaker 2: get some museums written down, Go eat some fish. I
Speaker 2: don't know what the fuck they have in Finland. You
Speaker 2: know why I thought it was they have fish, and
Speaker 2: that Finland is known for fish is because I thought
Speaker 2: that's because it's finn Land. All right. That was stupid.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna stop talking. Thanks for calling, Alexander. Attention, Europe,
Speaker 2: I am bringing my wildly fun Therapy Gecko Live show
Speaker 2: once again to your continent this fall, and you can
Speaker 2: get tickets right now at therapy geckotour dot com for
Speaker 2: the following European cities Amsterdam November twelfth, Berlin November thirteenth,
Speaker 2: Manchester November fourteenth, London November sixteenth, Cologne, Germany. We'll see
Speaker 2: how many people come to that November eighteenth, Dublin, Ireland
Speaker 2: November nineteenth, and Glasgow, Scotland November twenty first. Once again,
Speaker 2: you can get tickets for all those shows, and you
Speaker 2: can still get tickets from any of my US American
Speaker 2: tour dates right now at therapygekotour dot com. These are
Speaker 2: very fun shows. I did a Europe tour last year
Speaker 2: and I had the time of my life. I hope
Speaker 2: you guys come back out. That's therapy Gecko tour dot
Speaker 2: com for tickets. Hope to see if folks there call
Speaker 2: from Billy Hello, Hello, Hi, who is this Where are
Speaker 2: you calling from?
Speaker 3: Hello? I'm calling from England?
Speaker 2: Actually why England might rock and roll?
Speaker 3: Okay, don't let me brief on my tickets, all right?
Speaker 2: I just bought the the Oh did you buy? I
Speaker 2: just yeah, I just announced my Europe dates. Did you which?
Speaker 1: Where are you?
Speaker 2: Where? Where are you coming to? Which one are you
Speaker 2: going to?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 3: I didn't know there were multiple? Oh? Wait? Oh wait?
Speaker 3: Sorry if weekend that was multiple in England. No, I'm
Speaker 3: going to London one cool, No.
Speaker 2: There are markable. No, I'm doing one in uh London
Speaker 2: and one in Manchester.
Speaker 3: Oh what Manchester's.
Speaker 2: Hold on?
Speaker 3: Wait?
Speaker 2: Why did you hold on? Why did you buy tickets
Speaker 2: for London instead of Manchester? If Manchester is closer?
Speaker 3: It was the only well of soul, so like, what do.
Speaker 2: You mean it was the only one? Where did you
Speaker 2: see it?
Speaker 3: I don't know. I just got an email and I
Speaker 3: was in a meeting and I turned my camera off,
Speaker 3: bought it and then put it back on. And I
Speaker 3: haven't speaking. Someone will notice, and I don't know. I
Speaker 3: don't really think about it.
Speaker 2: That's funny whatever, I mean, what's that?
Speaker 1: Man?
Speaker 2: How's how's how's it going? Thanks for I'll see you.
Speaker 2: I'll see you in November then, but before then, what's
Speaker 2: what's going on? How how can I get you today?
Speaker 3: Yeah? I don't know. I just kind of want to
Speaker 3: talk about life because the problem I find is that
Speaker 3: my life is really weird, and this is in like
Speaker 3: every vector of my life. I mean, I mean, these
Speaker 3: kind of problems range from like I've been harassing BBC
Speaker 3: Radio to get me on and from that to being
Speaker 3: closeted to my family and my mom walking in on
Speaker 3: me being like a feminine man, which I don't really
Speaker 3: know how to explain that there's a.
Speaker 2: Lot going on all right, before you continues, before you
Speaker 2: continue with new information, I have questions about the information
Speaker 2: you've already provided. Oh okay, so okay, I'm keeping I
Speaker 2: have questions about a lot of things. When you say
Speaker 2: your mom walked in on you being a feminine man,
Speaker 2: were you doing the buffalo bill thing?
Speaker 3: The buffalo bill? What is the buffalo bill?
Speaker 2: That's when you tuck your penis between your legs and
Speaker 2: look into a mirror and go I would fuck me.
Speaker 3: Oh yo, know, I mean I've done that, But no,
Speaker 3: it wasn't that buffalo bill. I'm gonna use that phrase.
Speaker 2: No, don't, don't use it just for context. Buffalo bill
Speaker 2: killed a lot of people, so if maybe find it different,
Speaker 2: I'm sure there's people who do that that have not
Speaker 2: killed people. But whatever, So what was go ahead? You
Speaker 2: were going to say things and I.
Speaker 3: Said no, no, don't worry, don't okay. So this is
Speaker 3: like back when I didn't own my own place. I've
Speaker 3: just moved out, like a couple of months ago, so
Speaker 3: now I'll do this all freely. But this was when
Speaker 3: I was i'd say probably mid eighteen, So a couple
Speaker 3: of years ago and I was looking at my parents
Speaker 3: and you know, for ages doing my teens, I always
Speaker 3: thought like that, ah, you know, I'm not gay. I
Speaker 3: fuck that guy, you know, like the kind of transition
Speaker 3: period per se. And then I really got into the
Speaker 3: whole like this is when the like term I suppose
Speaker 3: benboy kind of kicked off and it was like, oh, okay, yeah,
Speaker 3: this is this is kind of cool. I mean I
Speaker 3: would be one, but I mean I don't know, maybe
Speaker 3: that's a reach. And then it suddenly kind of thing off.
Speaker 3: I came eighteen off, like I'm going to buy all
Speaker 3: these women clothes and wear them and yeah. So for
Speaker 3: a while it was just me like just wearing these
Speaker 3: long socks and skirts and stuff when no one was
Speaker 3: in the house, and that that was kind of weird.
Speaker 3: It was. It was nice, But the problem is is
Speaker 3: that when you entered eight like communities like that as
Speaker 3: like a freshly eighteen year old, there's a lot of
Speaker 3: like thirty plus people who are like, oh oh yeah,
Speaker 3: you like like fresh meat. It's like, wait, wait when.
Speaker 2: You say when you say enter these communities, is it
Speaker 2: like were you like were you in like chat rooms and.
Speaker 3: Ship Yeah, kind of it's not like like discord servers
Speaker 3: and stuff like that.
Speaker 2: So you're in like a discord server of people who
Speaker 2: like to wear of guys who like to wear women's clothing.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: Basically you're surprised. You're surprised that just people in there
Speaker 2: that want to fuck each other.
Speaker 3: I mean, I don't know. I I shouldn't be surprised.
Speaker 3: But the weird part about is that some of them
Speaker 3: are like forty and it's like I've been tho. The
Speaker 3: one guy I told you who was like like a
Speaker 3: father of like two kids and like had a wife
Speaker 3: and everything, and like it was kind of like, Okay,
Speaker 3: I need to kind of enter away from you. That
Speaker 3: was very weird.
Speaker 2: So what are you? I guess? Uh so so wait,
Speaker 2: so by the way, so you said this was two
Speaker 2: years ago, so you're.
Speaker 3: Twenty twenty one now.
Speaker 2: I dude. It's something about the fucking English accent. You
Speaker 2: sound like you're like a grown fucking man. You sound
Speaker 2: like you're in your forties. That's why, for a second,
Speaker 2: I didn't think it was that weird because I was like,
Speaker 2: you sound like you're also forty and married with kids.
Speaker 2: It's got It's just the English accent.
Speaker 3: I promise you I am. I am twenty one, twenty
Speaker 3: two in a couple of months.
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, So congratulations on this new found way of life.
Speaker 2: I guess you could call it or hobby or whatever.
Speaker 2: Are you? Are you having fun? Are you stoked? Are
Speaker 2: you what's up?
Speaker 3: I mean, it wasn't fun for a lot of time.
Speaker 3: And I suppose I haven't really got to the kicker yet.
Speaker 2: What's the kicker?
Speaker 3: Because so one time? So okay. The one thing I've
Speaker 3: also learned is that people on the intro a lot more.
Speaker 3: Maybe it's just I've not been into people that are
Speaker 3: very explorative, should we say. So. It was this one
Speaker 3: time someone had bought me like this. You can get
Speaker 3: like remote control. How do I praise this remote control
Speaker 3: like mechanics that you use on your never regions and
Speaker 3: it's like controlled for the internet. It's like someone like
Speaker 3: bought me like one of those. It's like one hundred
Speaker 3: and fifty pounds. Is like, oh my god, like you'd
Speaker 3: spend that much money on me?
Speaker 2: Hello, someone someone someone bought you a remote controlled vibrator
Speaker 2: thing for you stick your ass.
Speaker 3: Oh oh no. It wasn't just that it did that,
Speaker 3: but also I can remember the name of it. It's
Speaker 3: like it's like an edge or something like that, but
Speaker 3: it's listen, you put it in your like kind of
Speaker 3: rear entrance, but then also like vibrates your balls as well.
Speaker 3: It's like a it's like the double team. It's it's pretty.
Speaker 2: It's it was and you were okay, so somebody, somebody
Speaker 2: bought you a little taint vibrator, and it's sounds the
Speaker 2: way that you the way that you just talked about
Speaker 2: it just now, it sounded like you were flattered that
Speaker 2: somebody would would would do that for you. Is that
Speaker 2: how you felt?
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, well it's actually yeah, I wouldn't feel flaster
Speaker 3: if someone actually sent me another one of like a
Speaker 3: week ago.
Speaker 2: So uh, now you're doe. Now you got one for
Speaker 2: your taint and one for your asshole. It's kind of
Speaker 2: funny that these like these guys are like they're vying
Speaker 2: for like real estates on you. Like one person owns
Speaker 2: has the control, literally has a control to your taint,
Speaker 2: and the other person has a remote control for your asshole.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I mean the problem is is that when you
Speaker 3: use it for a while, it gets a bit saturated,
Speaker 3: So it's a bit like, yeah, it's almost like you're
Speaker 3: sitting in a car after you use it for too long.
Speaker 2: It's it's the law of diminishing returns.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's it needs to be used infrequently to kind
Speaker 3: of get the maximum value out.
Speaker 2: So is that you said you mentioned something about a kicker.
Speaker 2: Is that the kicker?
Speaker 3: Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh we're
Speaker 3: not even there. Sorry. So one night there's this guy
Speaker 3: and I wouldn't even lie it was it was really hot,
Speaker 3: but uh it's kind of like, oh, do you want
Speaker 3: to like, you know, do some like you know, east
Speaker 3: like ship And I'm like, yeah, yeah, why not. We're
Speaker 3: feeling frisky tonight. What I didn't realize is that I
Speaker 3: wasn't in the house alone. Ah yeah, yes, oh oh
Speaker 3: it was. It was not good. So this is like
Speaker 3: me in my bedroom at like two in the morning,
Speaker 3: right with this American guy who I don't know who's
Speaker 3: where he's gone since But that's not the point of this.
Speaker 3: It's me over the coll with his American guy and
Speaker 3: you know, we're kind of sitting, I've got my camera on,
Speaker 3: I'm in like these long back black socks, skirt.
Speaker 2: You know, your face in these videos do you.
Speaker 3: You know that's a that's a good question. I can't remember.
Speaker 3: I can't remember. I think it probably did.
Speaker 2: Maybe here's by the way, by the way, just oh,
Speaker 2: I actually want to clarify that comment you put, like,
Speaker 2: here's here's my thing. You probably shouldn't have your face
Speaker 2: in the camera, but at the this is my pure
Speaker 2: honest belief at the end of the day, even if
Speaker 2: you do, it's like, who gives a ship, you know,
Speaker 2: just own it whatever? Who cares anyway?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean to be honest, I just don't really
Speaker 3: look at myself. I just kind of do it and
Speaker 3: enjoy doing it, and that's it.
Speaker 2: So yeah, okay, go ahead, all right, So you're you're
Speaker 2: cyber and with the with the dude in Missouri.
Speaker 3: Yeah, somewhere like that, I don't know. And then it's
Speaker 3: like two in the morning, and I don't know how
Speaker 3: much noise I was making because my mom like kind
Speaker 3: of like doesn't knock her anything, just kind of walks in.
Speaker 3: She's like, can you keep the noise down? And like
Speaker 3: she was saying down and it's just cut and it
Speaker 3: was just we just stare at you with the longest
Speaker 3: ten seconds of my life. It was just we had
Speaker 3: this staring competition. It's just me ass on camera, like
Speaker 3: sitting in my chair. I don't even know how to
Speaker 3: describe this. So like my heels were on the desk,
Speaker 3: my like my legs were up in the chair and
Speaker 3: I was sitting down but like shining my ass. Does
Speaker 3: that makes sense?
Speaker 2: Oh? You were like, well hold on, you you were
Speaker 2: spread eagle with your heels on the fucking desk. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and your mom and your do your mom came in.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I'm telling you it was like, you know,
Speaker 4: four K cinematography like quality.
Speaker 3: You got this in and she just like we had
Speaker 3: the staring competition and she just broke down and yeah
Speaker 3: and she did you hold that?
Speaker 2: Ha ha? When when she opened the door, did you like,
Speaker 2: did you did you stay spread eagle or did you
Speaker 2: like readjust yourself?
Speaker 3: No? No, no, no no no. I I just froze.
Speaker 2: I couldn't moved. So you are so you're you are
Speaker 2: spread eagle, Your asshole is spread out. You're wearing high
Speaker 2: heels up on the desk, just staring at your mom.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, I mean it's yeah, yeah, I didn't really.
Speaker 3: I wish I reacted, but I don't know.
Speaker 2: It's just how long. How long were you guys staring
Speaker 2: at each other for?
Speaker 3: I don't know, the concept of time kind of went
Speaker 3: out the window at that point. He was just kind
Speaker 3: of stuck, and she just yeah, after that, she just
Speaker 3: she went like like all fours on the four sight,
Speaker 3: breaking down, like we're talking screen crying, all right, We're
Speaker 3: talking like this was hysterical, Like it was almost like
Speaker 3: someone had just died in the family, except the only
Speaker 3: thing that died it was my my dignity, I suppose.
Speaker 3: So yeah, she she's like trying, there's this whole thing
Speaker 3: of like.
Speaker 1: Why are you doing this at my house?
Speaker 3: Are you? I didn't even know you were like into men.
Speaker 3: It's like, oh okay, uh yeah, no, this is what
Speaker 3: I do a meme while she's like having his breakdown, right,
Speaker 3: and this is I just like, I can't think I
Speaker 3: disconnected from the court at this point, because this isn't
Speaker 3: that bit was caught on the court. I disconnected, But
Speaker 3: they still have the remote to this thing that was
Speaker 3: inside my rectum.
Speaker 2: They still hit the remote. Yeah, absolutely fucked up.
Speaker 3: Oh it was so bad that I don't even know, dude,
Speaker 3: It's I was literally I was trying to stay serious, I.
Speaker 2: Was like bright. So, so, so you're cybering with this
Speaker 2: dude who has a remote control to your asshole, and
Speaker 2: he see that your mom walks in on you and
Speaker 2: decides that that's the right moment to start vibrating your asshole.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Psychopathic. Yeah.
Speaker 3: But the I think the bit that was even weirder
Speaker 3: is the fact that so I had like always kept
Speaker 3: the vibrating like in myself, but like my ass was
Speaker 3: never like properly on the chair, right, So I had
Speaker 3: like I had sat up at this point, my ass
Speaker 3: was properly on the chair and it was vibrating. This
Speaker 3: chair was just vibrating the floorballing like there's no hiding it.
Speaker 3: There's no hiding That.
Speaker 2: Guy is a that that that dude is a is
Speaker 2: a master control to hit the remote at that moment. So, okay,
Speaker 2: so your see your mom starts crying, do you, like,
Speaker 2: I mean, what do you do? Does she leave the
Speaker 2: room or she's just crying while you're like, what happens?
Speaker 3: I don't really that point is kind of a blur
Speaker 3: because it's kind of like she try't. I remember we
Speaker 3: were there for ages, Like we were there for ages.
Speaker 3: She eventually just she just left the room and went
Speaker 3: to bed. I was like, yeah, I gotta I gotta
Speaker 3: shut this ship down. And I put it all in
Speaker 3: the bag underneath my bed, which was kind of covered
Speaker 3: up with drawers and like all my you know, all
Speaker 3: my skirts and sucks and you know colors and you know,
Speaker 3: like the fucking choke collar ship. Put it all under
Speaker 3: my bed. I was like, yeah, I just I just
Speaker 3: I'll just be a guy for now whatever, And and
Speaker 3: then she found the bag. I don't know when she
Speaker 3: found the bag, because I must have been out at
Speaker 3: this point, but I remember one time I was like,
Speaker 3: you know, it's been a couple of weeks, we'll put
Speaker 3: it back on, and it's all gone like this, I'm
Speaker 3: not even talking just to clothes, like the toys as well.
Speaker 3: Like she I, which I can't believe, like she even
Speaker 3: like had the guts to do. She like pick must
Speaker 3: have picked up with like bare hands something Yeah yeah,
Speaker 3: oh not good. So that all went. I think it
Speaker 3: was like five pounds of like clothing just like gone.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry to interrupt your story, but this does remind
Speaker 2: me of a time where I used to have this
Speaker 2: uh uh t shirt that I masturbated on frequently, and
Speaker 2: I always kept it in the back of my closet
Speaker 2: when I was when I was living at home and
Speaker 2: I came into my closet once and it was hung up.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, fucking yeah, I was hung up on
Speaker 2: a clothing what do you call that? A rack? Whatever?
Speaker 2: It was hung up on my closet, and I was like,
Speaker 2: that's the most horrifying thing I've ever seen in my
Speaker 2: entire life.
Speaker 3: Wait, so, did were you wearing the shirt and did
Speaker 3: just on do you just kind of lay it out
Speaker 3: to kind of project go onto the can? Wait?
Speaker 2: Wait, well, hol on, you hold on? You think I
Speaker 2: went Winnie the Pooh style and just arked my dick
Speaker 2: up to my face and geezed on the shirt while
Speaker 2: I was wearing it.
Speaker 3: Hey, I mean, look, I mean we've all done it
Speaker 3: at least once.
Speaker 2: Right, That's not what I did, But that is funny
Speaker 2: that that's the first thing in mind. No, I just
Speaker 2: laid it out like like how you would with U
Speaker 2: I don't know, paper towels or whatever. But that's I
Speaker 2: was gonna say, I'll do that next time. But I'm
Speaker 2: I'm never never going to do that.
Speaker 3: My question is what was on the shut I think
Speaker 3: it was.
Speaker 2: I think it was Rick and Morty. Anyway, how's your
Speaker 2: relationship with your mom going?
Speaker 3: Yeah, No, it's Frick and Malty. Is crazy.
Speaker 2: I wasn't thinking about Ricking, but they were just on
Speaker 2: the I think I wasn't thinking about Rick and Morty
Speaker 2: while I was doing it. It was they were just happen.
Speaker 3: Crossed.
Speaker 2: It was on the others. I think I would it
Speaker 2: was inside out and so I never really would like
Speaker 2: saw the Rick and Morty design, but uh, it was
Speaker 2: that anyway. Whatever, what's what's so that's your relationship with
Speaker 2: your mom?
Speaker 3: Yeah, so, I mean it's okay. We've never really discussed
Speaker 3: it since and I was kind of so I bought
Speaker 3: a house. Well maybe I'm what we in July? So
Speaker 3: about three four months ago?
Speaker 2: You bought a house at twenty one.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'll be honest. I did land on my feet
Speaker 3: a bit. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I do cybersecurity
Speaker 3: and do a lot of like engineering stuff.
Speaker 2: So how much does a house in England cost?
Speaker 3: Like, I mean, it depends where you buy it. I
Speaker 3: mean mine mine was about like one hundred and fifty thousand,
Speaker 3: which negotia down.
Speaker 2: That's actually that's pretty that's amazing for like in London.
Speaker 3: Oh no, no, no, no in London. This is like
Speaker 3: in Newcastle, so it's like four hours north.
Speaker 2: Holy shit, that's pretty great.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they left this home theater hear as well, so
Speaker 3: I can be a.
Speaker 2: Home theater for one hundred and fifty grand.
Speaker 3: Oh man, they did. They didn't take it down because
Speaker 3: they were like, uh, do you want to We don't
Speaker 3: really need a cay bob take it down. Well, okay, sure,
Speaker 3: and I've ready used it. I'm gonna be honest, like
Speaker 3: I've just kind of I got it. I'm not there,
Speaker 3: all right.
Speaker 2: So you bought you bought your own house where you
Speaker 2: can dress like a woman and cyber sex dudes all
Speaker 2: you fucking want? Uh what what what happens? What happened
Speaker 2: with your with your mom?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 2: Did it? Did it? I found my relationship with my
Speaker 2: mom also improved significantly once I would say, moved out
Speaker 2: and and also you know, got my own place to masturbate.
Speaker 2: That's very healthy, helpful thing. Well, so how again, how
Speaker 2: did how's your relationship with her?
Speaker 1: Now?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean it's okay. I mean I did go
Speaker 3: back to my mom's like a single parent, so she's
Speaker 3: like she's not got anyone talk to. My sisters has
Speaker 3: gone to Canada for free for wants to work, So yeah,
Speaker 3: she's kind of alone. So she's like, oh, okay, I
Speaker 3: did this, I did that day and she calls me
Speaker 3: on time and stuff and yeah, that's fine, But in
Speaker 3: terms of the actual situation, we never discussed it ever again.
Speaker 3: And I know when I was moving out, I was
Speaker 3: kind of thinking, I kind of want to just ask
Speaker 3: the thing closed back because I can't really find where
Speaker 3: I bought them again because it was over like a
Speaker 3: variety of sites like Amazon, she you know, ship like that.
Speaker 3: Some of it was off I express like, some of
Speaker 3: it was dirt cheap. But yeah, I never asked in
Speaker 3: the end, and I don't think I am going to ask.
Speaker 3: But since since I've moved out, I've been able to
Speaker 3: get some other stuff. Someone bought me a flashlight as well,
Speaker 3: so we've got like the triple team of stuff. Now. Yeah,
Speaker 3: it's it's pretty wild way doing my spare time now, Yeah, well.
Speaker 2: It sounds it sounds like you spend a lot of
Speaker 2: time on the computer.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I've been called chronically online once. I didn't take
Speaker 3: that too well.
Speaker 2: So so so so how did the conversation like the
Speaker 2: first few days, because it sounds like your mom like
Speaker 2: was really upset and she like threw away all your
Speaker 2: stuff and so like, how did the conversation like what
Speaker 2: was what was the what was the vibe around the
Speaker 2: house for the next few days weeks?
Speaker 3: Oh no, oh god, Oh don't even Oh god. It
Speaker 3: makes me still sick now because it was just so horrific.
Speaker 3: It was like it was like I always got that
Speaker 3: look of like, you know, not when like you crease
Speaker 3: us one, but it's like the eyes of I know
Speaker 3: what you did right, and I think we I think
Speaker 3: we did. Actually I kind of briefly remember a discussion,
Speaker 3: but it wasn't I remember it wasn't that long because
Speaker 3: I was like, I can't bother with this. But she
Speaker 3: was saying like, look, it's fine if you're having a
Speaker 3: quick tug in the else, but I.
Speaker 2: Don't want to do I love British people, dude, it's fine.
Speaker 3: I don't want to have that discussion with my mom.
Speaker 3: That's wild. Like I can't do that. I can't do that.
Speaker 3: It's so long. But yeah, I mean that was it.
Speaker 3: I was just kind of like, nah, I can't do this.
Speaker 3: And I mean she also said like, oh, so, like,
Speaker 3: what actually is your sexuality? I was like, I don't know.
Speaker 3: I'm just into anyone I want because to be honest,
Speaker 3: I don't really believe in the whole like, oh I'm
Speaker 3: into like you know, I have to have this label.
Speaker 3: I'm just like, well, if I like you sexually, I
Speaker 3: like you sexually. And if I don't, I don't. That's it.
Speaker 2: I don't.
Speaker 3: I don't give a ship like that's it, like, oh,
Speaker 3: you're only into girls, ringing into non bindary whatever. Who cares? Man?
Speaker 3: I just I just I just want to love who
Speaker 3: or want to love and that's it. So but yeah,
Speaker 3: I just kind of said that, and she's like, well,
Speaker 3: I don't want to understand how you can only like
Speaker 3: like everyone. You're saying like men or women and that.
Speaker 3: I was like, okay, all right, all right, gang, I'm
Speaker 3: going to I didn't say all right, gang, but that's
Speaker 3: kind of my generic reaction. And I was just like,
Speaker 3: I can't come up with this. No, it just went upstairs.
Speaker 3: And yeah, I never really talked about it again, and
Speaker 3: I think to this day it's something that's scarred both
Speaker 3: of us and it's just one of those unspoken scenarios.
Speaker 3: Although I'm starting to think, like, should I bring it
Speaker 3: up at like the funeral of like memories that happened,
Speaker 3: you know when they like read that a book.
Speaker 2: No, I don't think you should bring it up at
Speaker 2: the funeral. Well I should bring up your mom? Who
Speaker 2: were whose funeral? Do you want to bring up your
Speaker 2: mom walking in on you gaping your asshole to a camera?
Speaker 3: Hey, I mean I don't know most of the people
Speaker 3: by that point, I won't know, So I don't know.
Speaker 3: I don't know, man, I don't. I don't.
Speaker 2: Harry and the quick tug.
Speaker 3: Harry Potter and the quick tug.
Speaker 2: That's so funny. But I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm using,
Speaker 2: I'm using. I'm going for a quick tug all the
Speaker 2: time now it's my new thing, and it's just it.
Speaker 3: Just sounds a bit vile. Man, I don't know.
Speaker 2: What do you mean? That's the most that's the most
Speaker 2: wholesome way I've that you could possibly describe masturbation. There's
Speaker 2: way more.
Speaker 3: I'd say the word masturbation is just wholesome. A quick tug.
Speaker 3: It just sounds a bit weird, Like.
Speaker 2: God, yeah, that No, that would horrify me too if
Speaker 2: my British mom said that. But you're cool with her now, yeah, I.
Speaker 3: Mean yeah, we've kind of just forgotten about it. Well
Speaker 3: she's forgotten about it, I clearly have. But yeah, it's
Speaker 3: still scares me. But uh, yeah, that's pretty.
Speaker 2: I mean you sound like overall, you sound like, uh,
Speaker 2: you're doing well. I mean, you bought a fucking house
Speaker 2: at twenty one, you got a job, you got your
Speaker 2: own goon cave, You're you seem like you're doing well.
Speaker 2: Am I mistaken? H?
Speaker 3: Yeah? I think things are going well. Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 3: I don't I don't think about whether things are going
Speaker 3: well or not. I just kind of do things and
Speaker 3: that's it. I don't know. I'm a very simple man
Speaker 3: or women at times. It depends sence on time of day,
Speaker 3: but yeah, I'm pretty simple. I just I have a
Speaker 3: you know, I just do things and it rock and roll.
Speaker 2: Rock and roll. Well, thanks for sharing all of this.
Speaker 2: Do you still have the like the the little vibrator
Speaker 2: things are they like? Is it like neurolink where they
Speaker 2: like install it into you or you can take it
Speaker 2: out at will.
Speaker 3: Yeah? No, they actually put it in my brain and
Speaker 3: they fucking yeah, I get vibrated at work. No, it's
Speaker 3: just these little plastic things. It's like a what's it
Speaker 3: called like eleventh I think that's a break. That's a
Speaker 3: brand Frank Loven's Dowstairs. Just to twice find.
Speaker 2: You don't have you do not have to give a
Speaker 2: live demonstration.
Speaker 3: It's okay, no, no, it's I mean I can if
Speaker 3: you want. I mean, I'm looking at Loup, the the
Speaker 3: cat is the you know, we got the whole nine
Speaker 3: yards here.
Speaker 2: What's your name again?
Speaker 3: It's Billy.
Speaker 2: Give my real name on him of Billy. That's a
Speaker 2: very that's I can tell it's a fake name because
Speaker 2: it's an extremely American name. There is no.
Speaker 3: Yeah, let's say it's fake. Let's say it's fake and
Speaker 3: just go with up.
Speaker 2: Uh, Billy. Well, I'll see you in uh in November
Speaker 2: at the at the London show. Thanks for getting getting tickets. Man,
Speaker 2: Is there anything else you want to say to the
Speaker 2: people of the computer or your mom if she's watching
Speaker 2: before we go?
Speaker 3: Hi, mom? Uh, I'd say, do things whilst you have
Speaker 3: the chance, or you'll end up regressing it for the
Speaker 3: rest of your life. That's a whole different story that
Speaker 3: I never told. But you don't want to hear that.
Speaker 3: It's sad. But yeah, so that's my message into that,
Speaker 3: so swag.
Speaker 2: Well, thanks for calling, and let's all let's all, uh,
Speaker 2: let's all go for a quick tug. You know what,
Speaker 2: You're right. It does sound weird. I'm never gonna say
Speaker 2: it again.
Speaker 3: Yeah no, come on, man, just just say masturbation. It's fine,
Speaker 3: like all.
Speaker 2: Right, all right, all right, all right, let's take care.
Speaker 3: Man, say it back.
Speaker 2: I'm I don't, I'm it feels weird. I don't like
Speaker 2: I don't. I it feels weird to say because I
Speaker 2: don't I appreciate I can I I'll say that I
Speaker 2: appreciate you. I appreciate you coming in being vulnerable hun
Speaker 2: or like. No, it's no being sincere and being sincere,
Speaker 2: but love love. I like to reserve love for uh,
Speaker 2: you know, I guess, uh, I don't know. I guess
Speaker 2: I find out, all right, all right, I guess I
Speaker 2: guess I love. I guess I love you in this
Speaker 2: sense that like I love like spiritually, I love all
Speaker 2: of humanity. And you're counting that, Okay, I.
Speaker 3: Go take that as enough of a personalized love. I
Speaker 3: will appreciate that. I think. One more thing I shall
Speaker 3: completely forgot is that I do it's funny. I registered
Speaker 3: a white a white no, a website called Billy dot mom.
Speaker 3: That's not a joke, by the way, I have registered that.
Speaker 2: Billy's that mom. I don't even I don't want to
Speaker 2: know what's on that work.
Speaker 3: No, don't no, don't worry. It's not like porn or anything.
Speaker 3: It's just it's literally just like a Twitter alternative and
Speaker 3: that's it, which it's it's stupid. But I kind of
Speaker 3: after the whole thing, I was kind of like, I
Speaker 3: don't know, because I do a little bit of text
Speaker 3: stuff and I was like, oh, well, I wish I
Speaker 3: set like a website as I just thought Billy's dot
Speaker 3: mom funny, and then now I've kind of thought the
Speaker 3: the correlation between the two.
Speaker 5: So yeah, I feel like I'm still not going to
Speaker 5: go there, but thank you for sharing, and uh, good luck, Billy.
Speaker 2: I'll catch you soon, man.
Speaker 3: I'll see you soon. I love you later, Billy, I
Speaker 3: love you.
Speaker 2: Goes on. Thank you