WEBVTT - “MY ONLINE GF STOOD ME UP” 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:01.560 Awesome, Alexander. 0:00:02.000 --> 0:00:04.040 Hello, Hello, Hi, who's this? 0:00:04.720 --> 0:00:06.560 I'm Alexander. Is is Lyle? 0:00:07.400 --> 0:00:09.080 Yes, sir? What's going on, Alexander? 0:00:09.320 --> 0:00:10.240 How you doing? Brother? 0:00:11.520 --> 0:00:18.040 I am hanging in there. I actually feel pretty good today. 0:00:18.160 --> 0:00:21.440 I'm in a well lit room for the first time 0:00:21.560 --> 0:00:28.120 in years. I yeah, I'm okay. I have a lot 0:00:28.320 --> 0:00:31.240 I love to hear me grateful for so I love that. 0:00:32.200 --> 0:00:37.640 I'm trying my fucking best, brother. How are you, Alexander? 0:00:38.280 --> 0:00:42.320 I am doing the same. I'm drama and I got 0:00:42.360 --> 0:00:44.680 a love story for you that's a little crazy in 0:00:44.760 --> 0:00:45.360 my opinion. 0:00:46.400 --> 0:00:49.159 Oh, I love you story. Taylor Swift? What's going on? 0:00:49.560 --> 0:00:53.040 Taylor Swift? Hell? Yes? All right? So I met this 0:00:53.240 --> 0:00:58.040 girl over Instagram twenty twenty, twenty nineteen, right at the 0:00:58.080 --> 0:01:01.280 end of twenty nineteen, right shooting text. You know, I 0:01:01.400 --> 0:01:04.680 was actually just getting out of the hospital from a 0:01:04.720 --> 0:01:07.800 major depressive episode, and I was kind of on a 0:01:07.800 --> 0:01:10.759 good path and everything and just feeling really good and 0:01:11.200 --> 0:01:13.959 just shooting text to random people, just trying to connect 0:01:14.040 --> 0:01:18.360 and send one random one to this girl, and she 0:01:18.480 --> 0:01:21.039 responds back and we have this little back and forth, 0:01:21.080 --> 0:01:23.839 and the more we're talking, the more we're both realizing 0:01:23.920 --> 0:01:28.600 we're kind of like really excited, and it's like I 0:01:28.720 --> 0:01:31.760 had a really rough upbringing, so I don't really connect 0:01:31.760 --> 0:01:35.319 with people and in a deep way. For me, I'm 0:01:35.319 --> 0:01:39.320 actually a peer counselor, so I work with people who 0:01:39.400 --> 0:01:41.760 are like just coming out of a hospital or you know, 0:01:42.840 --> 0:01:45.360 people who have been through the prison system. You know, 0:01:45.640 --> 0:01:47.360 I'll work with anybody. You know. I always try to 0:01:47.400 --> 0:01:51.560 get people on their best stuff. So you know, I 0:01:52.080 --> 0:01:55.680 it's weird because I connect with people on a people 0:01:56.880 --> 0:01:59.760 but like for me personally, it's different. So I connect 0:01:59.760 --> 0:02:06.640 with this girl and it was insane, Like I I like, 0:02:06.680 --> 0:02:09.960 it's felt like magic and everything, and I'm I've always 0:02:09.960 --> 0:02:12.880 been like science, science, science, you know, followed the book 0:02:13.000 --> 0:02:16.720 just at the third and it, uh, it was it 0:02:16.760 --> 0:02:19.800 was different. It felt different. You know, I had dated before, 0:02:19.840 --> 0:02:22.880 I said I love you before, and this time it 0:02:23.360 --> 0:02:28.320 felt real. So the problem was she lived across the world, 0:02:28.800 --> 0:02:32.680 three thousand miles away and a different country and everything. 0:02:32.760 --> 0:02:37.600 And this was right before COVID. And I'm pretty crazy, 0:02:37.760 --> 0:02:41.239 so occasionally, like my brain will come up with a scenario, 0:02:41.360 --> 0:02:45.520 like it'll make these really small logical jumps and then 0:02:45.560 --> 0:02:47.639 all of a sudden, I'm in deep water. It's insane. 0:02:48.320 --> 0:02:50.959 So I was like, yeah, go for it real quick, 0:02:50.960 --> 0:02:54.480 so real quick. First of all, I'm sorry you kind 0:02:54.480 --> 0:02:56.680 of explained it. How exactly did you meet this girl? 0:02:57.480 --> 0:03:00.720 I just randomly sending messages on Instagram to just people 0:03:00.800 --> 0:03:03.160 that I thought looked cool, just like wanted to make 0:03:03.200 --> 0:03:05.960 new friends. I was trying to, Uh, you were an influencer. 0:03:06.280 --> 0:03:08.440 You were you were using you were using Instagram as 0:03:08.440 --> 0:03:09.080 a dating app. 0:03:09.760 --> 0:03:11.600 Not really, I was trying to be an influencer. I 0:03:11.639 --> 0:03:13.000 play in a band, so I was kind of just 0:03:13.040 --> 0:03:15.640 trying to boost myself up, to like boost the band up. 0:03:17.320 --> 0:03:19.040 I reached out to a lot of like rock and 0:03:19.080 --> 0:03:21.360 metal chicks and stuff like that, so she was one 0:03:21.400 --> 0:03:23.760 of them, and it just so happened to you know, 0:03:23.840 --> 0:03:24.440 we connected. 0:03:25.000 --> 0:03:27.320 You thought you thought a lady was pretty, and you 0:03:27.360 --> 0:03:30.800 slayed in the DMS. There's that's you know, more or less, 0:03:30.880 --> 0:03:33.960 that's a classic human experience. You don't have to you 0:03:34.000 --> 0:03:37.200 don't have to play around it. That's a normal human experience. 0:03:37.760 --> 0:03:41.480 Well, I mean, like, so, so you know, I made 0:03:41.520 --> 0:03:43.400 sure she was real, you know, like never asked me 0:03:43.440 --> 0:03:46.080 for money and anything. We face timed and it was 0:03:46.520 --> 0:03:50.400 it was literally different and then COVID happens, and I 0:03:50.440 --> 0:03:53.120 got it in my head that I'm not allowed to 0:03:53.160 --> 0:03:56.480 be happy. If I'm happy, the world ends, and I 0:03:56.520 --> 0:03:59.600 still struggle with that to this day. I mean, I'm 0:03:59.600 --> 0:04:02.680 pretty good reality testing myself and kind of like getting 0:04:02.680 --> 0:04:04.440 myself straight and just be like, all right, what does 0:04:04.480 --> 0:04:06.200 it matter. You have to keep going anyway, so just 0:04:06.240 --> 0:04:09.960 keep going. But like a year and a half in 0:04:10.280 --> 0:04:12.400 we had this falling out and it was like over 0:04:12.520 --> 0:04:16.760 just really bad miscommunication on all fronts, you know, like 0:04:16.839 --> 0:04:19.520 I had problems, she had problems. We were triggering each 0:04:19.520 --> 0:04:23.720 other's trauma left and right, and you know, I jumped 0:04:23.720 --> 0:04:25.480 the gun and I tried to protect myself and I 0:04:25.560 --> 0:04:27.920 kind of just cut it off. And then I realized 0:04:27.920 --> 0:04:30.120 that I made a mistake, and you know, I kind 0:04:30.120 --> 0:04:31.640 of would lashed it back. It was just like, hey, 0:04:31.720 --> 0:04:33.880 I'm stupid, Like let's let's keep going. Let's pick up 0:04:33.880 --> 0:04:34.600 where we left off. 0:04:34.640 --> 0:04:37.200 Like it well? So also, also what what where did 0:04:37.279 --> 0:04:39.839 she live? What country she lives in? 0:04:39.880 --> 0:04:40.480 Northern Europe? 0:04:41.440 --> 0:04:46.080 Okay? Okay? And so you met, you started dming with 0:04:46.120 --> 0:04:49.080 her pre COVID, and then did you ever even I 0:04:49.080 --> 0:04:53.279 mean before before getting into your first fight. Did you 0:04:53.279 --> 0:04:56.080 have your first encounter in person? 0:04:58.440 --> 0:05:01.960 Like, No, we didn't, and it was because we were 0:05:02.000 --> 0:05:05.920 planning for it the year COVID happened, so everything got 0:05:05.960 --> 0:05:08.960 shut down, and so we had facetimes and everything, and 0:05:09.000 --> 0:05:12.280 we had plans to meet up in July of twenty twenty, 0:05:12.800 --> 0:05:15.440 and then COVID happened and that all got shut down, 0:05:15.480 --> 0:05:18.840 and I started losing my mind pretty badly, you know, 0:05:18.920 --> 0:05:21.040 like I was. I'm good at putting on a good front. 0:05:21.080 --> 0:05:23.400 I've I had major depression since I was twelve years 0:05:23.440 --> 0:05:26.880 old and I'm thirty five, so I just I kind 0:05:26.880 --> 0:05:28.640 of run with it. I don't know how, I just do. 0:05:29.600 --> 0:05:29.720 So. 0:05:31.080 --> 0:05:34.839 Yeah, so I kind of went crazy with it and everything. 0:05:34.880 --> 0:05:36.839 It wasn't really so much a first fight. It was 0:05:36.960 --> 0:05:38.520 just I mean, like in the other thing, this is 0:05:38.520 --> 0:05:40.840 all a long distance and half of it is over text, 0:05:40.880 --> 0:05:45.400 so it's just difficult to begin with. And then I 0:05:45.600 --> 0:05:48.080 decided to go over there and we kind of rekindled 0:05:48.080 --> 0:05:51.000 something a little bit in like late twenty twenty one. 0:05:51.680 --> 0:05:54.960 I decided to go over there and you know, made 0:05:54.960 --> 0:05:57.000 plans with her. I like kind of reached out to her. 0:05:57.040 --> 0:05:59.080 I was like, Hey, I'm thinking about coming here and 0:05:59.200 --> 0:06:00.680 would you want to meet up on a day and 0:06:00.800 --> 0:06:03.280 just that the third and she was open to it, 0:06:03.320 --> 0:06:05.400 told me what days she would be off from work, 0:06:05.480 --> 0:06:08.159 and you know, like I went over there and she 0:06:08.200 --> 0:06:14.680 stood me up and whoa yeah, and you know, like 0:06:15.160 --> 0:06:17.760 it was bad communication too, you know. I reached out 0:06:17.800 --> 0:06:21.360 to her like a while after that, and I mean like, 0:06:21.520 --> 0:06:23.640 I had a bad depressive episode. I locked myself in 0:06:23.680 --> 0:06:26.440 a hotel room for a day. I was, I was bad, 0:06:27.080 --> 0:06:29.200 and I forced myself out the day after. I was like, no, 0:06:29.320 --> 0:06:31.160 you're in another country, you don't know what's going on, 0:06:31.240 --> 0:06:33.600 you have no connection to anything. You need to go 0:06:33.720 --> 0:06:36.479 just do stuff. So I took myself to museums and 0:06:36.560 --> 0:06:39.520 I took myself to like parks, and I made something 0:06:39.520 --> 0:06:41.039 on the trip. You know, I didn't. I didn't let 0:06:41.080 --> 0:06:43.360 it fall apart. And like three months up to that trip, 0:06:43.400 --> 0:06:44.280 she wasn't talking to me. 0:06:44.320 --> 0:06:46.240 See that's what you gotta that's what you gotta do. 0:06:46.400 --> 0:06:48.039 And by the way, I just want to hear the 0:06:48.520 --> 0:06:53.880 quick message to anyone listening who is thinking of going 0:06:53.920 --> 0:06:58.280 to visit a girl or a guy or whatever in 0:06:58.320 --> 0:07:03.080 another country or another state or whatever. You really, whoever, 0:07:03.240 --> 0:07:06.240 you really if you're gonna do it, you have to 0:07:07.520 --> 0:07:12.400 first imagine what if they stand me up? Can I 0:07:12.560 --> 0:07:16.360 still have a good time visiting this place. That's the 0:07:16.480 --> 0:07:18.440 number one thing you gotta do. If you're thinking about 0:07:18.480 --> 0:07:22.080 going to another country to visit someone, you got to 0:07:22.120 --> 0:07:25.040 imagine yourself like even if they don't. If I get 0:07:25.080 --> 0:07:29.000 there and they ghost me, can I still you know, 0:07:29.360 --> 0:07:33.520 have a backup plan to just enjoy my time visiting 0:07:33.600 --> 0:07:35.760 another country. It's very important if you're gonna do that. 0:07:36.600 --> 0:07:38.920 I do want to say it's always one hundred. I mean, 0:07:38.960 --> 0:07:41.120 it's always fifty to fifty, you know, Like I'm not 0:07:41.120 --> 0:07:43.280 going to say I was perfect. And you know I 0:07:43.320 --> 0:07:46.800 went over there, and you know, like we didn't communicate 0:07:47.440 --> 0:07:49.320 what Like she reached out to me the day I 0:07:49.360 --> 0:07:51.080 got there, and I was like, hey, do you still 0:07:51.120 --> 0:07:53.640 want to meet up? And she never said anything. And 0:07:53.680 --> 0:07:56.400 then I got drunk and I started like giving all 0:07:56.440 --> 0:07:58.840 my feelings and that was too much, and you know, 0:07:58.920 --> 0:08:00.800 I understood it was too much, so I apologize. I 0:08:00.840 --> 0:08:03.320 was like, I'm not contacting you anymore. And we didn't 0:08:03.320 --> 0:08:05.640 really have contact again until this year on her birthday, 0:08:06.400 --> 0:08:08.640 and things have been pretty good. You know, like I 0:08:08.800 --> 0:08:11.480 dated outside of her and everything, and just like it 0:08:11.520 --> 0:08:12.840 didn't real quick. 0:08:12.840 --> 0:08:14.200 I want to I want to hear about that. I 0:08:14.680 --> 0:08:19.280 have many questions. Where so where in northern Europe was 0:08:19.480 --> 0:08:20.239 this person? 0:08:22.000 --> 0:08:22.880 She was in Finland? 0:08:23.720 --> 0:08:26.240 Finland? All right? So you took a little impromptu solo 0:08:26.280 --> 0:08:30.000 trip in Finland. I did, and you went there. She 0:08:30.120 --> 0:08:33.360 goes to you, and you were you. I had like 0:08:33.520 --> 0:08:36.240 one full day, and you gotta do you gotta have 0:08:36.520 --> 0:08:42.640 you gotta let yourself have one day and go right. 0:08:42.679 --> 0:08:45.520 You gotta have one day of morning of feeling sorry 0:08:45.559 --> 0:08:49.880 for yourself, of being upset and angry, and pass to 0:08:49.920 --> 0:08:53.080 give you one day you let yourself loose, you have 0:08:53.200 --> 0:09:00.080 your emotional uh feast whatever, and then you gotta go 0:09:00.280 --> 0:09:05.439 to the Museum of Ducks or whatever the fuck they got? Yeah, 0:09:05.520 --> 0:09:07.080 how long were you in? How long were you there for? 0:09:07.800 --> 0:09:09.920 I was only there a week. I don't make a 0:09:09.960 --> 0:09:12.120 lot of money in mental health. You don't make a 0:09:12.160 --> 0:09:13.640 lot of money. I think you know that, but uh, 0:09:14.720 --> 0:09:15.480 it's what it is. 0:09:16.360 --> 0:09:18.520 I'm I am, I am in, and I am in 0:09:18.559 --> 0:09:19.720 the gecko business. 0:09:20.040 --> 0:09:21.800 I got that. I'm sure there's a ton of money 0:09:21.800 --> 0:09:22.760 in the gecko business. 0:09:22.760 --> 0:09:27.680 As you know, I will say, uh, well, what the 0:09:27.679 --> 0:09:31.160 fuck was I gonna say? Uh? Oh, So did you 0:09:31.200 --> 0:09:34.160 meet anyone in this week? Did you go to try 0:09:34.200 --> 0:09:35.800 to talk to anyone? Did you go to any events? 0:09:35.800 --> 0:09:36.680 Did you go to any house? 0:09:36.840 --> 0:09:36.920 No. 0:09:37.520 --> 0:09:40.439 I kept going to this one bar that I just 0:09:40.520 --> 0:09:43.280 kind of really enjoyed, and uh yeah, I had a 0:09:43.280 --> 0:09:45.800 good time there. I actually got so drunk one night 0:09:45.840 --> 0:09:48.760 I peeked in the sewer, looked at the uh looked 0:09:48.760 --> 0:09:50.400 at the guard and I was like, I go get 0:09:50.400 --> 0:09:54.240 my jacket. He's like, yeah, let me go. It was great, 0:09:54.480 --> 0:09:56.400 But you know, I had fun. I have fun memories 0:09:56.400 --> 0:09:58.559 of that trip even, you know, all things that standing 0:09:58.679 --> 0:10:01.040 and like I said, you know, we connected again, and 0:10:01.760 --> 0:10:03.880 you know I've dated outside of her, and you know, 0:10:04.160 --> 0:10:07.600 strange things happen all the time. Like, for example, I 0:10:07.679 --> 0:10:11.120 was streaming on Twitch and I was playing this game 0:10:11.160 --> 0:10:14.400 called Universe sim and it's a god simulator. You start 0:10:14.440 --> 0:10:16.680 with your god and you get Adam and even you 0:10:16.720 --> 0:10:19.160 have to build an entire society. The game likes to 0:10:19.360 --> 0:10:22.520 rename the town that you're building, just like when you 0:10:22.559 --> 0:10:26.000 get enough people, and it's usually like like Blitzenberg or 0:10:26.320 --> 0:10:30.240 you know, like Jingleville. It's usually either something really boring 0:10:30.320 --> 0:10:33.400 or really stupid. And then one day, while I'm streaming 0:10:33.520 --> 0:10:35.400 with like one of my best friends in the stream, 0:10:36.040 --> 0:10:40.599 it comes up with her exact city, and like I 0:10:41.120 --> 0:10:43.640 it's like finished cities have weird names, and it was 0:10:43.679 --> 0:10:45.600 a really strange, out there name. But it just like 0:10:46.280 --> 0:10:48.600 it knocked me off my feet, and I was just like, 0:10:48.800 --> 0:10:49.439 that's crazy. 0:10:50.000 --> 0:10:51.839 It's okay, I got I have more questions for you. 0:10:51.880 --> 0:10:55.040 All right, So you go on this week long trip. 0:10:55.520 --> 0:10:58.080 Did you have fun? Ultimately, even though the woman stood up, 0:10:58.080 --> 0:10:58.640 did you have a good time? 0:10:59.240 --> 0:10:59.440 Yeah? 0:11:00.440 --> 0:11:06.440 And so you got back in touch with her? What what? 0:11:06.440 --> 0:11:08.600 What was that whole thing? 0:11:09.720 --> 0:11:11.960 It was eating at me? It was eating at me. 0:11:12.080 --> 0:11:13.520 I have to go sit back down just in case 0:11:13.600 --> 0:11:17.000 my phone decides to disconnect again. It was eating at 0:11:17.040 --> 0:11:22.960 me really badly because like I still felt strong still, 0:11:23.000 --> 0:11:26.040 even with everything I've been cheated on in past relationships 0:11:26.040 --> 0:11:27.920 and everything. And you know what, if I lose a 0:11:27.960 --> 0:11:30.360 couple of grand to you know, kind of a gamble, 0:11:30.880 --> 0:11:32.520 I can't really be mad at her. You know, like 0:11:32.559 --> 0:11:34.560 it's just what it is. You know, I know the 0:11:34.640 --> 0:11:37.680 reasons why everything happened the way they happened, and you know, 0:11:37.760 --> 0:11:40.760 I'm happy that we're talking again. So you know, I 0:11:40.800 --> 0:11:44.240 can forgure so who so so who? 0:11:44.559 --> 0:11:47.120 But what I'm saying is who who reached out to who? 0:11:47.280 --> 0:11:49.760 Like what was I reached I reached out to her 0:11:49.840 --> 0:11:52.079 and we had a discussion on this and I reached 0:11:52.080 --> 0:11:54.520 out to her and she had said, She's like, there 0:11:54.520 --> 0:11:56.360 were times I wanted to reach back out to you 0:11:56.400 --> 0:12:00.680 see how you were, but the way I had ended it, 0:12:00.760 --> 0:12:03.080 she didn't feel comfortable doing that. She said it would 0:12:03.120 --> 0:12:05.600 need to have come from you, and she was super receptive. 0:12:06.200 --> 0:12:08.240 You know, I was under the impression she hated me 0:12:08.280 --> 0:12:10.240 and wanted nothing to do with me because I'm crazy. 0:12:10.240 --> 0:12:13.040 And I was telling myself that and you know, like 0:12:13.120 --> 0:12:15.760 I've been pretty happy with how things are going. It's 0:12:15.760 --> 0:12:18.160 not it's not I want. 0:12:18.000 --> 0:12:22.120 To I will say. I mean, that's a real I 0:12:22.160 --> 0:12:24.600 really think that's that's just a fucked up thing to 0:12:24.640 --> 0:12:27.959 do if you to make a plan with someone. I mean, 0:12:28.080 --> 0:12:29.520 is that how? I mean? Like, tell me, is that 0:12:29.600 --> 0:12:31.240 how it? Well? 0:12:31.559 --> 0:12:34.400 I understand that, you know, like, did. 0:12:34.320 --> 0:12:37.200 You guys, did you guys like make a plan? And 0:12:37.240 --> 0:12:41.280 she was like, yes, come buy a plane ticket like 0:12:41.520 --> 0:12:43.600 or or was it more like your were like, I 0:12:43.640 --> 0:12:46.520 am coming, like, which would you guys make the plan together? 0:12:47.160 --> 0:12:49.840 And then she just bailed, like what was it? 0:12:49.960 --> 0:12:54.800 I was saying, so, so, hey, I think we should 0:12:54.880 --> 0:12:56.480 meet up. You know this at the third you know, 0:12:56.520 --> 0:12:58.440 I would like to just come visit you know, the 0:12:58.480 --> 0:13:01.960 city and every the city I'll think he specifically. I 0:13:02.000 --> 0:13:03.800 was like, but you know, at the same time, you know, 0:13:03.880 --> 0:13:05.920 I think we should meet up, and she's like, hey, okay, 0:13:05.920 --> 0:13:07.920 I'm down for that. I was like, all right, you know, 0:13:08.080 --> 0:13:10.480 like what would work good for you? And she gives 0:13:10.480 --> 0:13:12.680 me dates and I'm like all right, and then I 0:13:12.720 --> 0:13:13.920 was like, all right, this is going to be my 0:13:14.000 --> 0:13:16.400 flight and I'm going to be staying over here, you know, 0:13:16.679 --> 0:13:19.720 like and I got an Airbnb and I was just like, 0:13:19.800 --> 0:13:21.839 you know, let's let mean I The last thing I 0:13:22.240 --> 0:13:24.440 think I said was like, let me know, you know 0:13:24.520 --> 0:13:27.080 what your plans are, what you want to do. And 0:13:27.120 --> 0:13:29.600 then three months go by and I didn't hear anything. 0:13:29.640 --> 0:13:31.800 And then the trip comes up and I didn't hear anything, 0:13:31.840 --> 0:13:33.880 and you know, it was already over and done with. 0:13:35.559 --> 0:13:39.160 So you so you planned this three months in advance 0:13:39.320 --> 0:13:40.839 and then in those three months. 0:13:40.760 --> 0:13:42.760 No, it was more than three. It was more than 0:13:42.760 --> 0:13:45.720 three months week, but like we we only connected like 0:13:45.760 --> 0:13:47.559 a little bit like here and there, and then the 0:13:47.720 --> 0:13:49.040 three months happened. 0:13:49.120 --> 0:13:52.200 So you planned it in advance, and then in the 0:13:52.280 --> 0:13:55.000 time following had no communication. 0:13:54.520 --> 0:13:57.880 With her, very little communication, you know, like and I 0:13:57.920 --> 0:14:01.160 think a lot of it was just a lot of 0:14:01.200 --> 0:14:03.320 it was like fear on both ends, you know, like 0:14:03.400 --> 0:14:05.720 I didn't reach out because I didn't want to like 0:14:05.760 --> 0:14:07.800 take up too much of her space. And you know, 0:14:08.080 --> 0:14:11.640 I think she and you know, like we we I 0:14:11.720 --> 0:14:15.079 got attached pretty hard pretty fast because things she was 0:14:15.120 --> 0:14:18.079 saying was like kind of like gold to me. And 0:14:18.320 --> 0:14:21.760 you know, we're in it's different now, Like I'm I've 0:14:21.840 --> 0:14:24.400 grown Like when we met, I was thirty now and 0:14:24.520 --> 0:14:27.760 thirty five, so you know, like that's there's been a 0:14:27.760 --> 0:14:29.960 lot of growth there. You know, I've been through the 0:14:30.040 --> 0:14:33.240 hospital multiple times and you know kind of really had 0:14:33.280 --> 0:14:35.560 to learn a new place in life and new direction 0:14:35.680 --> 0:14:37.800 in life. And I'm in that path now and I 0:14:37.800 --> 0:14:40.560 feel good. And that's kind of why I reached out 0:14:40.560 --> 0:14:42.880 to her, because I feel better than I have and 0:14:43.000 --> 0:14:46.040 even though I'm like still fighting my brain left and right, 0:14:46.200 --> 0:14:48.360 it's just kind of I still feel strong about her. 0:14:48.560 --> 0:14:51.440 I mean, like, I've been cheated on really badly multiple times. 0:14:51.440 --> 0:14:53.360 I've been lied to to my face about it, and 0:14:53.440 --> 0:14:55.960 you know, I've called them out on it. I've been told, 0:14:56.440 --> 0:14:59.160 you know, like I need to experience something else, and 0:14:59.280 --> 0:15:01.520 you know kind of just left and gone and done that. 0:15:01.640 --> 0:15:04.120 I had somebody I threw a party and my girlfriend 0:15:04.240 --> 0:15:07.480 ran off with another guy, and you know, like I 0:15:08.320 --> 0:15:11.000 actually called him and I was just like, yeah, pray 0:15:11.040 --> 0:15:15.880 I don't see him. Chose to smoke a cigarette at 0:15:15.920 --> 0:15:17.840 the time instead of get myself in trouble. 0:15:17.880 --> 0:15:20.040 So you I lost you. I lost you at the 0:15:20.120 --> 0:15:23.560 very end there. But uh so what's your day? What's 0:15:23.560 --> 0:15:24.240 your dating life? 0:15:24.400 --> 0:15:24.480 Like? 0:15:24.560 --> 0:15:26.920 Now? Uh? 0:15:27.320 --> 0:15:30.360 Honestly, just I'm kind of just doing me. I just 0:15:30.720 --> 0:15:33.480 like being creative, So I just let myself be creative. 0:15:33.520 --> 0:15:36.040 I play my band, you know, we do crap on 0:15:36.080 --> 0:15:38.600 Twitch and that's it. You know, Like I I don't 0:15:39.240 --> 0:15:42.240 care enough to date because like I don't feel connected 0:15:42.240 --> 0:15:45.280 to people, so like and like you know, like I'll 0:15:45.440 --> 0:15:48.600 like meet somebody and they're just I don't feel anything. 0:15:48.640 --> 0:15:50.160 You know, It's just like all right, whatever, you're there, 0:15:50.200 --> 0:15:52.680 we're talking. There's no magic here, there's nothing special. 0:15:52.800 --> 0:15:55.880 Like it's it's it's hard. Yeah, it's hard. I'm on 0:15:56.400 --> 0:15:58.920 I'm on the dating apps and stuff, and I every 0:15:58.960 --> 0:16:02.680 time I like look it up profile, I'm like, could 0:16:02.760 --> 0:16:09.920 I see myself really like uh fucking like like connecting 0:16:10.560 --> 0:16:14.360 with this person you know, well, you meet the first time, 0:16:14.400 --> 0:16:16.240 you have to you have to like go through that. 0:16:16.320 --> 0:16:18.320 You have to like able to look at them and 0:16:18.320 --> 0:16:20.400 be like in a weird way like the first time 0:16:20.440 --> 0:16:23.120 you meet someone, you I guess kind of have to 0:16:23.200 --> 0:16:26.400 judge like do you really feel like you can form 0:16:26.440 --> 0:16:28.440 a strong connection with this person, which is hard to 0:16:28.440 --> 0:16:29.640 do when the first time. 0:16:29.680 --> 0:16:32.040 Well yeah, so you know, like that's why I usually 0:16:32.080 --> 0:16:33.680 like I give it a little bit, and you know, 0:16:33.720 --> 0:16:36.000 and I've gotten myself. I've dated people that I shouldn't 0:16:36.040 --> 0:16:38.120 have dated because I'm doing that, you know, Like I 0:16:38.160 --> 0:16:40.640 always I have this like idea in my head of 0:16:40.720 --> 0:16:43.360 like who I'm looking for and everything, and I will 0:16:43.640 --> 0:16:47.000 I have very all my entire dating history dated outside 0:16:47.000 --> 0:16:49.480 of that, because I've said to myself, that's ridiculous, You're 0:16:49.480 --> 0:16:52.360 being ridiculous. Try to date outside of this. Date outside 0:16:52.360 --> 0:16:56.000 of it, and you know, like immediately like get hit 0:16:56.000 --> 0:16:58.520 with the dumpster fire and just go like, Okay, maybe 0:16:58.560 --> 0:17:00.760 maybe you were onto something with that, and you know 0:17:00.800 --> 0:17:04.040 that's the other thing of it. You know, this woman 0:17:04.160 --> 0:17:07.320 kind of like I didn't. I don't. I don't feel like, 0:17:07.359 --> 0:17:09.439 you know, like anything's missing. I just you know, the 0:17:09.440 --> 0:17:11.879 thing that's missing is is how close we are. And 0:17:11.920 --> 0:17:14.280 that's it. And I just tell myself how maybe one 0:17:14.359 --> 0:17:15.280 day it won't be the case. 0:17:16.320 --> 0:17:22.000 So I have you're a fear counselor? What is that? 0:17:22.359 --> 0:17:24.520 Peer per Oh? 0:17:24.560 --> 0:17:26.480 A peer cow? I thought you were a fear I 0:17:26.520 --> 0:17:27.159 thought you were. 0:17:27.000 --> 0:17:31.840 Like, yeah, yeah, right, that'd be great. 0:17:32.119 --> 0:17:34.320 No, no, no, I thought, So what do you do 0:17:34.359 --> 0:17:35.400 as a peer counselor? 0:17:36.080 --> 0:17:38.800 I take my life experience and things that have happened 0:17:38.840 --> 0:17:41.400 to me, such as, you know, my major depressive disorder, 0:17:41.480 --> 0:17:46.880 my borderline personality disorder, my OCD, my OCPD, my unspecified 0:17:46.920 --> 0:17:51.040 anxiety disorder, this beautiful cocktail that I've been given and 0:17:51.080 --> 0:17:53.479 all the torture that it's put me through. I learned 0:17:53.480 --> 0:17:57.199 how to share that with people who are going through it, 0:17:57.240 --> 0:18:00.639 who don't understand it and need help and guide through it. 0:18:01.240 --> 0:18:03.320 And I take a lot of pride in my work 0:18:03.359 --> 0:18:04.879 and I'm really proud of it. And I actually have 0:18:04.920 --> 0:18:07.280 an interview for a supervisor position on Monday. So I 0:18:07.320 --> 0:18:08.400 got my fingers crossed. 0:18:10.080 --> 0:18:13.480 Very nice, man, very nice? Are you I want to 0:18:13.480 --> 0:18:15.919 hear about this too. So you said that from thirty 0:18:15.920 --> 0:18:22.400 to thirty five, you you feel like you underwent some change. 0:18:22.480 --> 0:18:26.199 I feel like, yeah, so I'm I'm twenty six, and 0:18:26.400 --> 0:18:29.480 I often think about, like, you know, the difference of 0:18:29.520 --> 0:18:32.280 my life now, you know, from when I was twenty one, 0:18:32.320 --> 0:18:35.240 and how much I've like changed as a person, you know, yeah, 0:18:35.280 --> 0:18:38.160 from then, and then I'm like, wow, in five years 0:18:38.520 --> 0:18:41.159 when I'm thirty one, I'll probably be like, wow, I 0:18:41.200 --> 0:18:43.480 was a fucking idiot when I. 0:18:43.400 --> 0:18:44.920 Was Yeah, I've noticed it. 0:18:44.960 --> 0:18:47.320 And now you're telling me that when out at five 0:18:47.400 --> 0:18:50.920 years after that, yeah, be looking back to going wow, 0:18:50.920 --> 0:18:52.600 I was a fucking idiot. Now I just feel like 0:18:52.640 --> 0:18:54.960 the biggest fucking idiot on the planet Earth right now. 0:18:55.520 --> 0:18:58.320 No, I mean, don't feel that way, because like it's interesting, 0:18:58.320 --> 0:19:00.960 you know, I noticed a change in my mentality from like, 0:19:01.040 --> 0:19:03.240 you know, eighteen to twenty three, from twenty three to 0:19:03.280 --> 0:19:05.960 twenty five, twenty five to twenty eight, twenty eight to 0:19:06.000 --> 0:19:08.919 thirty two, and now thirty two to thirty five. It's 0:19:09.160 --> 0:19:11.760 very interesting, like, you know, just seeing like these different 0:19:11.760 --> 0:19:15.840 evolutions of myself. I really like, I think it's just 0:19:15.920 --> 0:19:18.439 part of the human experience that you just grow and 0:19:18.480 --> 0:19:21.080 you learn more, and the best thing to do is 0:19:21.160 --> 0:19:23.880 kind of just put your best foot forward and be peaceful, 0:19:23.920 --> 0:19:25.720 you know, and try to just like kind of like 0:19:25.800 --> 0:19:28.240 help people through their shit instead of just dragging them 0:19:28.240 --> 0:19:31.840 with yours. You know, that's my that's my stuff, Man's 0:19:31.840 --> 0:19:32.879 that's what's important to me. 0:19:35.960 --> 0:19:38.439 Do you feel better, like at the age of thirty 0:19:38.480 --> 0:19:43.280 five after a lifetime of you know, mental health issues, 0:19:43.320 --> 0:19:46.239 do you feel better now than you have in the 0:19:46.280 --> 0:19:47.600 past or broke? 0:19:48.800 --> 0:19:51.480 No, it's a mess, and it's always going to be 0:19:51.480 --> 0:19:53.320 a mess. It's never going to be a clean answer. 0:19:53.320 --> 0:19:55.199 It's never gonna be Yeah, I feel great. Yeah, I 0:19:55.200 --> 0:19:58.240 feel bad because every day is different and I need 0:19:58.280 --> 0:20:01.800 every day to be different. Like there's where like earlier 0:20:01.880 --> 0:20:03.440 this week, you know, I'm putting my head through a 0:20:03.480 --> 0:20:05.639 wall because I'm so anxious and everything, you know, and 0:20:05.800 --> 0:20:08.960 I had really bad ideation earlier in that week, and 0:20:09.040 --> 0:20:11.640 then you know, the week went on and it all 0:20:11.680 --> 0:20:13.879 went away, and I like today I feel great, you know, 0:20:13.960 --> 0:20:16.200 I'm really excited. I got some D and D stuff 0:20:16.240 --> 0:20:18.840 planned with friends later and that's going to be dope. 0:20:18.880 --> 0:20:22.520 And you know, so like it's it's always a roller coaster. 0:20:22.640 --> 0:20:24.440 You know. You can't you can't be like, oh, oh 0:20:24.480 --> 0:20:26.840 it's always bad, because it's not always bad. You know, 0:20:26.960 --> 0:20:28.640 learn to live in that moment, you know, go out 0:20:28.640 --> 0:20:30.680 with your friends. When I'm out my friends, I'm not 0:20:30.720 --> 0:20:32.760 telling myself, okay, you know you have to be MOPI. 0:20:32.840 --> 0:20:34.320 You have to be said, you have to be depressed 0:20:34.320 --> 0:20:36.840 about X y Z. You know, like, I'm out with 0:20:36.840 --> 0:20:38.360 my friends, so I'm going to go have a good 0:20:38.359 --> 0:20:41.240 time with them, you know. And when I'm by myself 0:20:41.320 --> 0:20:43.640 and I got nothing to do, and I'm just kind 0:20:43.680 --> 0:20:46.240 of like going over and over and over in my 0:20:46.359 --> 0:20:49.000 head just reliving one thing, you know, like looking at 0:20:49.040 --> 0:20:52.240 one little instance in my life and then being like, oh, 0:20:52.280 --> 0:20:54.120 that means this, that means this, that means this. I'm 0:20:54.119 --> 0:20:55.320 not going to get the job. I'm not going to 0:20:55.359 --> 0:20:58.000 get this. This person hates me. I don't like doing 0:20:58.040 --> 0:20:59.919 that to myself. So but you know, when I notice it, 0:21:00.520 --> 0:21:02.840 I tell you, I shut it off. I force it off, 0:21:02.880 --> 0:21:04.680 and I go do something else. I put on music, 0:21:04.720 --> 0:21:07.080 I play in a band, I get so much cathartic 0:21:07.160 --> 0:21:09.480 energy out. I'm the vocalist of a metal band, and 0:21:09.520 --> 0:21:10.879 I get so much cathartic. 0:21:10.640 --> 0:21:12.639 The vocalist of a metal band. 0:21:13.240 --> 0:21:15.280 Hell yeah, brother, all right, I gotta. 0:21:15.080 --> 0:21:17.040 I gotta ask you. All right, So I don't know 0:21:17.040 --> 0:21:19.359 how comfortable you are sharing this stuff. But what is 0:21:19.520 --> 0:21:21.080 what is your band? 0:21:21.359 --> 0:21:24.920 Uh? The band? Am I allowed to promote on your stream? 0:21:24.960 --> 0:21:28.360 Because I look, I would love I'd love to hear. 0:21:28.800 --> 0:21:29.959 Please promote if you want to. 0:21:30.800 --> 0:21:33.359 We're actually dm are. Our current EP is d M 0:21:33.440 --> 0:21:35.199 c A free, so you could actually even play it 0:21:35.240 --> 0:21:37.800 on your stream where Reign of Fear are e I 0:21:37.880 --> 0:21:42.000 G N of Fear. You can find us on Spotify. 0:21:42.280 --> 0:21:45.920 Our latest EP was called Haven Axiom. We also are 0:21:45.960 --> 0:21:49.359 on Twitch at Reign of Fear Live. We go live 0:21:50.320 --> 0:21:53.320 like twice a week every other week. Sometimes it's the 0:21:53.359 --> 0:21:57.240 band playing video games, sometimes it's we have a full 0:21:57.280 --> 0:21:59.399 set up where all four of us have our audio 0:21:59.440 --> 0:22:01.520 pumped in through computer and we'll play like live shows. 0:22:01.560 --> 0:22:05.239 And we also do a podcast about different albums. Right 0:22:05.280 --> 0:22:08.840 now we have to do Dua Lipa and the Acacia Strains. 0:22:08.880 --> 0:22:13.399 So it's an interesting How did you meet your band members. 0:22:13.400 --> 0:22:14.480 How long have you guys been together? 0:22:14.680 --> 0:22:18.359 Oh dude, I've been with this drummer for like twenty years. 0:22:18.760 --> 0:22:22.040 Twenty plus years actually, because like I was in a 0:22:22.080 --> 0:22:25.200 band in high school called of Chaos and Creation, and 0:22:25.400 --> 0:22:27.480 you know, we did one talent show that was emceed 0:22:27.520 --> 0:22:31.160 by mc foley and he comes out and he introduces us, 0:22:31.200 --> 0:22:33.080 and I just kind of go hand with it, you know. 0:22:33.119 --> 0:22:35.520 I started learning how to do the death metal vocals then, 0:22:36.119 --> 0:22:38.040 and I was working at Blockbuster and he comes in. 0:22:38.040 --> 0:22:41.920 It's this tiny little blonde kid with our friend, our 0:22:41.960 --> 0:22:44.160 other friend who is now in a band called Iapetus, 0:22:44.200 --> 0:22:47.000 and they're doing really well, and he's like, hey, I 0:22:47.040 --> 0:22:48.560 heard you do screams. Do you want to be in 0:22:48.560 --> 0:22:50.479 my band? So I went and I tried out, and 0:22:50.800 --> 0:22:53.359 then that was Warborne, and Warborne put out one really 0:22:53.400 --> 0:22:56.760 bad CD and then we had a big falling out. 0:22:56.840 --> 0:22:58.680 We didn't talk for like ten years, and then I came, 0:22:58.800 --> 0:23:01.440 I went away to school, got a degree, came back 0:23:01.480 --> 0:23:04.320 and wanted to do music again. And they just kicked 0:23:04.320 --> 0:23:06.359 out their vocalist and I was just like, hey, you know, 0:23:06.480 --> 0:23:08.719 like let me get in there. So I try out 0:23:08.760 --> 0:23:10.399 and they're like yeah, you want in. That was like 0:23:10.480 --> 0:23:11.879 seven eight years ago, So. 0:23:11.840 --> 0:23:15.360 Like, all right, you do screams? 0:23:16.000 --> 0:23:18.040 Yeah, I do like the death metal grouls and everything. 0:23:18.040 --> 0:23:19.760 I love that stuff, all right, always love that. 0:23:20.400 --> 0:23:26.720 We we gotta hear a scream. Headphone users, headphone users, 0:23:26.760 --> 0:23:31.240 please take this time to lower your volume. I'm giving 0:23:31.280 --> 0:23:36.760 you ample preparation, uh to this is this is your 0:23:36.800 --> 0:23:41.840 moment to prepare for the raising of the volume. It's 0:23:41.840 --> 0:23:45.240 going to be all in the red. Go ahead, give 0:23:45.280 --> 0:23:57.159 us some some some heavy metal noises. Right, I was 0:23:57.200 --> 0:24:02.000 half expecting a demon to be summoned in my room. 0:24:00.960 --> 0:24:02.959 A little bit, a little bit. You gotta be careful. 0:24:03.520 --> 0:24:05.320 Are are do you? Are you into? 0:24:05.440 --> 0:24:05.520 Like? 0:24:05.720 --> 0:24:09.680 Uh, I mean heavy metal? It's very like Satanists, demon 0:24:10.040 --> 0:24:10.960 fucking hell. 0:24:12.240 --> 0:24:13.879 Was when I was like younger and stuff. 0:24:14.480 --> 0:24:14.600 Uh. 0:24:14.800 --> 0:24:17.119 I've developed my own like kind of like idea on 0:24:17.160 --> 0:24:20.680 my religion and stuff like that. That's very Uh, it's 0:24:20.760 --> 0:24:24.160 influenced by a lot of the Satanic stuff, but it's 0:24:24.200 --> 0:24:27.439 not Satanic. It's like I just believe in my own power, 0:24:27.640 --> 0:24:31.160 in my own movement in my life. I've been the 0:24:31.200 --> 0:24:35.520 only force that has kind of like pushed myself through things. 0:24:35.640 --> 0:24:38.199 I've you know, like when I was real, I was 0:24:39.400 --> 0:24:45.359 raised very Italian and uh that, uh it comes with 0:24:45.400 --> 0:24:47.800 a lot of like Catholicism and everything, and I rebelled 0:24:47.800 --> 0:24:50.480 hard against that, and uh you know that was that 0:24:50.560 --> 0:24:52.040 was another thing. You know, like a lot of my 0:24:52.119 --> 0:24:54.600 friends and stuff, their families got them into metal and 0:24:54.680 --> 0:24:56.960 like their dad or their brother or their uncle. And 0:24:57.440 --> 0:24:59.679 I discovered it on my own. So it's like just 0:24:59.720 --> 0:25:03.360 another like caveat of like finding who I was and whatnot. 0:25:03.480 --> 0:25:07.399 And uh yeah, I just there's something about it that 0:25:07.520 --> 0:25:09.679 just feels good. And I just I like playing it 0:25:09.720 --> 0:25:11.679 more than I like listening to it, to be honest, 0:25:11.800 --> 0:25:16.639 But like I still jam my. Unfortunately, my favorite, my 0:25:16.640 --> 0:25:20.680 favorite artist took his own life two years ago and 0:25:20.200 --> 0:25:23.119 it's been His name was trevorster Nadd. He was of 0:25:23.200 --> 0:25:25.720 the Black Tali Murder. I mean like a lot of 0:25:25.760 --> 0:25:28.280 like what I learned, what I wanted to be as 0:25:28.280 --> 0:25:31.719 a vocalist and everything, like as a frontman, I learned 0:25:31.880 --> 0:25:34.680 from watching him. And it was a bad blow because 0:25:34.680 --> 0:25:36.960 there was a moment I had he was he was 0:25:37.000 --> 0:25:40.280 at a show in Brooklyn and I was there, and uh, 0:25:40.800 --> 0:25:42.159 I didn't want to bother him. You know, he was 0:25:42.160 --> 0:25:44.360 there with his girlfriend, and I just I really did 0:25:44.440 --> 0:25:45.840 want to run over and be like, bro, I love 0:25:45.840 --> 0:25:47.320 your lyrics. You know what did you mean by x 0:25:47.440 --> 0:25:49.280 y Z? That's that the third asn't you know? That's 0:25:49.560 --> 0:25:53.679 apparently my catch raises. But I didn't. I chose to 0:25:53.720 --> 0:25:55.639 respect his space, and I like kept myself in the 0:25:55.640 --> 0:25:58.720 corner and quiet, and you know, I was like, I'll 0:25:58.760 --> 0:26:00.400 get to do it. I'll get to do it. It'll 0:26:00.440 --> 0:26:02.960 be okay, It'll be okay. Then now I'd never get 0:26:02.960 --> 0:26:03.639 the opportunity. 0:26:04.240 --> 0:26:07.119 I just want to say, if anyone you know is 0:26:07.160 --> 0:26:09.080 thinking back coming up to me at one of my 0:26:09.119 --> 0:26:12.240 live shows to ask me what I mean when I 0:26:12.280 --> 0:26:15.240 say that Alaska is a city, not a state, don't 0:26:15.280 --> 0:26:19.520 ask me because I'll never tell you. What's your name again, 0:26:19.600 --> 0:26:24.040 Sir Alexander Alexander Alexander is really really really great talking 0:26:24.040 --> 0:26:26.040 to you. Man. Yeah, your story. 0:26:26.840 --> 0:26:27.080 Thanks? 0:26:27.520 --> 0:26:30.760 I uh, this was cool. This was a really really 0:26:30.800 --> 0:26:36.440 cool interaction. Rain of Terror, Fear, Rein of Fear, Rain 0:26:36.520 --> 0:26:38.960 of Fear. Okay, I was close. Rain of Fear. Everyone. 0:26:39.000 --> 0:26:41.240 Check out Rein of Fear. You guys on Instagram too. 0:26:41.280 --> 0:26:43.200 If I go to Instagram, will I find you yep. 0:26:43.560 --> 0:26:45.639 Yeah, we're on Instagram, and I think the link of 0:26:45.720 --> 0:26:47.200 the twitches on the Instagram too. 0:26:47.560 --> 0:26:50.359 Very cool, very cool, Alexander. Is anything else do I 0:26:50.359 --> 0:26:52.080 say to the people of the computer before we go. 0:26:52.520 --> 0:26:54.720 Hey, man, just keep doing your best. You know you'll 0:26:54.760 --> 0:26:57.080 make it and we'll remember we're all in this together. 0:26:57.200 --> 0:26:57.439 You know. 0:26:57.560 --> 0:26:58.919 Pick up your brothers when you see them. 0:26:58.920 --> 0:27:03.680 Paul, thanks brother, take care, take care. Oh. I like 0:27:03.760 --> 0:27:08.399 that guy. He was really great. You know, it's funny. 0:27:08.400 --> 0:27:10.560 He brought up a lot of things that I'm always 0:27:10.560 --> 0:27:14.120 thinking about, like that thing about uh, you know, think 0:27:14.200 --> 0:27:16.600 thinking about five years ago, I was an idiot, and 0:27:17.600 --> 0:27:19.399 but now I feel like I haven't figured out but 0:27:19.440 --> 0:27:21.000 you don't. And then it's like, oh my god, I'm 0:27:21.080 --> 0:27:24.320 that's gonna that's gonna that's gonna happen every five years. 0:27:25.040 --> 0:27:27.840 Every five years, I'm gonna realize that I've been, uh, 0:27:29.280 --> 0:27:35.000 living stupidly this entire time. It's a little scary. It's 0:27:35.040 --> 0:27:38.640 a little scary every day I am walking around as 0:27:38.680 --> 0:27:43.040 a dumber version of myself than me in the future. 0:27:44.640 --> 0:27:49.439 That's there's room for so much error in that. It 0:27:49.600 --> 0:27:54.480 makes me fearful. But whatever, what are you gonna do? 0:27:54.560 --> 0:27:59.479 That's all you your your brain. You only have the 0:27:59.520 --> 0:28:03.080 information that you have at the time that you presently 0:28:03.119 --> 0:28:06.840 exist to work off of. That's all you have. That's 0:28:06.880 --> 0:28:10.480 all you ever possibly can have forever until you die. 0:28:11.119 --> 0:28:16.040 So just just deal with it. That's what you got. 0:28:16.359 --> 0:28:21.960 Run with that and keep trying to accumulate more information 0:28:22.560 --> 0:28:30.399 as best as your skinny little brain can handle. And don't, 0:28:31.640 --> 0:28:34.639 like I said, don't go to a foreign country to 0:28:34.720 --> 0:28:38.360 meet a lady unless if you have other plans, you know, 0:28:38.960 --> 0:28:44.400 get some museums written down, Go eat some fish. I 0:28:44.400 --> 0:28:46.480 don't know what the fuck they have in Finland. You 0:28:46.480 --> 0:28:48.280 know why I thought it was they have fish, and 0:28:48.520 --> 0:28:50.600 that Finland is known for fish is because I thought 0:28:50.840 --> 0:28:54.960 that's because it's finn Land. All right. That was stupid. 0:28:55.000 --> 0:28:59.160 I'm gonna stop talking. Thanks for calling, Alexander. Attention, Europe, 0:28:59.600 --> 0:29:04.480 I am bringing my wildly fun Therapy Gecko Live show 0:29:04.880 --> 0:29:09.200 once again to your continent this fall, and you can 0:29:09.240 --> 0:29:14.000 get tickets right now at therapy geckotour dot com for 0:29:14.160 --> 0:29:22.560 the following European cities Amsterdam November twelfth, Berlin November thirteenth, 0:29:23.000 --> 0:29:31.080 Manchester November fourteenth, London November sixteenth, Cologne, Germany. We'll see 0:29:31.120 --> 0:29:35.640 how many people come to that November eighteenth, Dublin, Ireland 0:29:35.920 --> 0:29:41.840 November nineteenth, and Glasgow, Scotland November twenty first. Once again, 0:29:41.920 --> 0:29:45.360 you can get tickets for all those shows, and you 0:29:45.400 --> 0:29:48.719 can still get tickets from any of my US American 0:29:48.840 --> 0:29:55.240 tour dates right now at therapygekotour dot com. These are 0:29:55.400 --> 0:29:58.000 very fun shows. I did a Europe tour last year 0:29:58.040 --> 0:30:00.600 and I had the time of my life. I hope 0:30:00.640 --> 0:30:04.440 you guys come back out. That's therapy Gecko tour dot 0:30:04.440 --> 0:30:07.920 com for tickets. Hope to see if folks there call 0:30:08.040 --> 0:30:12.600 from Billy Hello, Hello, Hi, who is this Where are 0:30:12.600 --> 0:30:13.320 you calling from? 0:30:13.800 --> 0:30:15.440 Hello? I'm calling from England? 0:30:15.480 --> 0:30:19.040 Actually why England might rock and roll? 0:30:19.720 --> 0:30:22.479 Okay, don't let me brief on my tickets, all right? 0:30:22.800 --> 0:30:25.760 I just bought the the Oh did you buy? I 0:30:25.880 --> 0:30:30.360 just yeah, I just announced my Europe dates. Did you which? 0:30:30.400 --> 0:30:30.720 Where are you? 0:30:30.720 --> 0:30:32.080 Where? Where are you coming to? Which one are you 0:30:32.120 --> 0:30:32.400 going to? 0:30:33.800 --> 0:30:33.920 Oh? 0:30:34.000 --> 0:30:37.720 I didn't know there were multiple? Oh? Wait? Oh wait? 0:30:37.800 --> 0:30:40.640 Sorry if weekend that was multiple in England. No, I'm 0:30:40.640 --> 0:30:42.960 going to London one cool, No. 0:30:43.000 --> 0:30:45.600 There are markable. No, I'm doing one in uh London 0:30:45.600 --> 0:30:46.520 and one in Manchester. 0:30:47.840 --> 0:30:49.520 Oh what Manchester's. 0:30:51.200 --> 0:30:51.440 Hold on? 0:30:51.560 --> 0:30:51.800 Wait? 0:30:51.880 --> 0:30:54.440 Why did you hold on? Why did you buy tickets 0:30:54.440 --> 0:30:57.120 for London instead of Manchester? If Manchester is closer? 0:30:57.640 --> 0:31:01.480 It was the only well of soul, so like, what do. 0:31:01.400 --> 0:31:02.760 You mean it was the only one? Where did you 0:31:02.800 --> 0:31:03.160 see it? 0:31:03.760 --> 0:31:05.360 I don't know. I just got an email and I 0:31:05.400 --> 0:31:07.719 was in a meeting and I turned my camera off, 0:31:07.760 --> 0:31:10.120 bought it and then put it back on. And I 0:31:10.160 --> 0:31:12.360 haven't speaking. Someone will notice, and I don't know. I 0:31:12.360 --> 0:31:13.320 don't really think about it. 0:31:13.800 --> 0:31:15.320 That's funny whatever, I mean, what's that? 0:31:15.480 --> 0:31:15.600 Man? 0:31:15.640 --> 0:31:18.720 How's how's how's it going? Thanks for I'll see you. 0:31:18.760 --> 0:31:21.200 I'll see you in November then, but before then, what's 0:31:21.240 --> 0:31:23.800 what's going on? How how can I get you today? 0:31:25.520 --> 0:31:27.080 Yeah? I don't know. I just kind of want to 0:31:27.160 --> 0:31:29.880 talk about life because the problem I find is that 0:31:30.520 --> 0:31:33.760 my life is really weird, and this is in like 0:31:33.920 --> 0:31:40.000 every vector of my life. I mean, I mean, these 0:31:40.080 --> 0:31:42.960 kind of problems range from like I've been harassing BBC 0:31:43.160 --> 0:31:48.000 Radio to get me on and from that to being 0:31:48.040 --> 0:31:51.320 closeted to my family and my mom walking in on 0:31:51.400 --> 0:31:56.120 me being like a feminine man, which I don't really 0:31:56.120 --> 0:31:57.600 know how to explain that there's a. 0:31:57.520 --> 0:32:00.120 Lot going on all right, before you continues, before you 0:32:00.160 --> 0:32:03.000 continue with new information, I have questions about the information 0:32:03.040 --> 0:32:08.800 you've already provided. Oh okay, so okay, I'm keeping I 0:32:08.840 --> 0:32:10.440 have questions about a lot of things. When you say 0:32:10.480 --> 0:32:12.360 your mom walked in on you being a feminine man, 0:32:12.360 --> 0:32:13.760 were you doing the buffalo bill thing? 0:32:14.840 --> 0:32:17.320 The buffalo bill? What is the buffalo bill? 0:32:17.880 --> 0:32:21.240 That's when you tuck your penis between your legs and 0:32:21.480 --> 0:32:23.760 look into a mirror and go I would fuck me. 0:32:24.560 --> 0:32:27.520 Oh yo, know, I mean I've done that, But no, 0:32:27.600 --> 0:32:31.720 it wasn't that buffalo bill. I'm gonna use that phrase. 0:32:33.400 --> 0:32:36.360 No, don't, don't use it just for context. Buffalo bill 0:32:36.440 --> 0:32:40.160 killed a lot of people, so if maybe find it different, 0:32:40.320 --> 0:32:42.080 I'm sure there's people who do that that have not 0:32:42.320 --> 0:32:48.440 killed people. But whatever, So what was go ahead? You 0:32:48.480 --> 0:32:49.920 were going to say things and I. 0:32:50.240 --> 0:32:55.800 Said no, no, don't worry, don't okay. So this is 0:32:55.840 --> 0:32:59.280 like back when I didn't own my own place. I've 0:32:59.320 --> 0:33:00.800 just moved out, like a couple of months ago, so 0:33:00.880 --> 0:33:04.000 now I'll do this all freely. But this was when 0:33:04.160 --> 0:33:08.600 I was i'd say probably mid eighteen, So a couple 0:33:08.640 --> 0:33:10.880 of years ago and I was looking at my parents 0:33:10.880 --> 0:33:14.640 and you know, for ages doing my teens, I always 0:33:14.680 --> 0:33:17.480 thought like that, ah, you know, I'm not gay. I 0:33:17.680 --> 0:33:21.600 fuck that guy, you know, like the kind of transition 0:33:21.800 --> 0:33:25.640 period per se. And then I really got into the 0:33:25.680 --> 0:33:28.760 whole like this is when the like term I suppose 0:33:28.840 --> 0:33:33.000 benboy kind of kicked off and it was like, oh, okay, yeah, 0:33:33.080 --> 0:33:35.720 this is this is kind of cool. I mean I 0:33:35.760 --> 0:33:38.320 would be one, but I mean I don't know, maybe 0:33:38.320 --> 0:33:40.320 that's a reach. And then it suddenly kind of thing off. 0:33:40.360 --> 0:33:42.840 I came eighteen off, like I'm going to buy all 0:33:42.880 --> 0:33:51.440 these women clothes and wear them and yeah. So for 0:33:51.480 --> 0:33:55.240 a while it was just me like just wearing these 0:33:55.520 --> 0:33:59.040 long socks and skirts and stuff when no one was 0:33:59.080 --> 0:34:03.920 in the house, and that that was kind of weird. 0:34:04.400 --> 0:34:07.320 It was. It was nice, But the problem is is 0:34:07.400 --> 0:34:12.040 that when you entered eight like communities like that as 0:34:12.080 --> 0:34:14.879 like a freshly eighteen year old, there's a lot of 0:34:14.920 --> 0:34:19.640 like thirty plus people who are like, oh oh yeah, 0:34:19.640 --> 0:34:23.320 you like like fresh meat. It's like, wait, wait when. 0:34:23.160 --> 0:34:25.719 You say when you say enter these communities, is it 0:34:25.760 --> 0:34:27.879 like were you like were you in like chat rooms and. 0:34:27.840 --> 0:34:31.520 Ship Yeah, kind of it's not like like discord servers 0:34:31.560 --> 0:34:32.479 and stuff like that. 0:34:33.120 --> 0:34:37.279 So you're in like a discord server of people who 0:34:37.440 --> 0:34:40.320 like to wear of guys who like to wear women's clothing. 0:34:43.200 --> 0:34:46.040 Yeah. Yeah, yeah. 0:34:46.640 --> 0:34:52.040 Basically you're surprised. You're surprised that just people in there 0:34:52.080 --> 0:34:53.120 that want to fuck each other. 0:34:54.320 --> 0:34:58.759 I mean, I don't know. I I shouldn't be surprised. 0:34:58.880 --> 0:35:02.399 But the weird part about is that some of them 0:35:02.400 --> 0:35:04.520 are like forty and it's like I've been tho. The 0:35:04.520 --> 0:35:07.359 one guy I told you who was like like a 0:35:07.440 --> 0:35:09.560 father of like two kids and like had a wife 0:35:09.560 --> 0:35:12.120 and everything, and like it was kind of like, Okay, 0:35:12.680 --> 0:35:15.200 I need to kind of enter away from you. That 0:35:15.320 --> 0:35:16.600 was very weird. 0:35:17.360 --> 0:35:23.799 So what are you? I guess? Uh so so wait, 0:35:23.840 --> 0:35:25.120 so by the way, so you said this was two 0:35:25.200 --> 0:35:26.120 years ago, so you're. 0:35:26.000 --> 0:35:28.759 Twenty twenty one now. 0:35:29.200 --> 0:35:33.359 I dude. It's something about the fucking English accent. You 0:35:33.880 --> 0:35:37.759 sound like you're like a grown fucking man. You sound 0:35:37.800 --> 0:35:42.040 like you're in your forties. That's why, for a second, 0:35:42.040 --> 0:35:43.719 I didn't think it was that weird because I was like, 0:35:43.760 --> 0:35:47.640 you sound like you're also forty and married with kids. 0:35:47.440 --> 0:35:49.440 It's got It's just the English accent. 0:35:50.560 --> 0:35:53.960 I promise you I am. I am twenty one, twenty 0:35:54.000 --> 0:35:55.360 two in a couple of months. 0:35:56.000 --> 0:36:05.120 Okay, yeah, So congratulations on this new found way of life. 0:36:05.320 --> 0:36:07.840 I guess you could call it or hobby or whatever. 0:36:07.880 --> 0:36:11.359 Are you? Are you having fun? Are you stoked? Are 0:36:11.360 --> 0:36:12.640 you what's up? 0:36:13.320 --> 0:36:15.040 I mean, it wasn't fun for a lot of time. 0:36:16.280 --> 0:36:18.480 And I suppose I haven't really got to the kicker yet. 0:36:19.080 --> 0:36:19.760 What's the kicker? 0:36:19.800 --> 0:36:24.120 Because so one time? So okay. The one thing I've 0:36:24.120 --> 0:36:26.359 also learned is that people on the intro a lot more. 0:36:27.800 --> 0:36:30.160 Maybe it's just I've not been into people that are 0:36:30.280 --> 0:36:38.000 very explorative, should we say. So. It was this one 0:36:38.040 --> 0:36:40.719 time someone had bought me like this. You can get 0:36:40.719 --> 0:36:45.360 like remote control. How do I praise this remote control 0:36:45.400 --> 0:36:50.400 like mechanics that you use on your never regions and 0:36:50.400 --> 0:36:53.319 it's like controlled for the internet. It's like someone like 0:36:53.400 --> 0:36:55.960 bought me like one of those. It's like one hundred 0:36:55.960 --> 0:36:59.640 and fifty pounds. Is like, oh my god, like you'd 0:36:59.640 --> 0:37:00.719 spend that much money on me? 0:37:00.800 --> 0:37:04.839 Hello, someone someone someone bought you a remote controlled vibrator 0:37:04.920 --> 0:37:07.120 thing for you stick your ass. 0:37:07.440 --> 0:37:10.600 Oh oh no. It wasn't just that it did that, 0:37:10.719 --> 0:37:14.040 but also I can remember the name of it. It's 0:37:14.040 --> 0:37:17.399 like it's like an edge or something like that, but 0:37:18.719 --> 0:37:22.120 it's listen, you put it in your like kind of 0:37:22.280 --> 0:37:26.520 rear entrance, but then also like vibrates your balls as well. 0:37:27.000 --> 0:37:30.640 It's like a it's like the double team. It's it's pretty. 0:37:31.640 --> 0:37:35.160 It's it was and you were okay, so somebody, somebody 0:37:35.400 --> 0:37:39.600 bought you a little taint vibrator, and it's sounds the 0:37:39.600 --> 0:37:41.680 way that you the way that you just talked about 0:37:41.719 --> 0:37:43.840 it just now, it sounded like you were flattered that 0:37:44.000 --> 0:37:47.640 somebody would would would do that for you. Is that 0:37:47.680 --> 0:37:48.280 how you felt? 0:37:49.160 --> 0:37:53.439 Yeah, yeah, well it's actually yeah, I wouldn't feel flaster 0:37:53.640 --> 0:37:55.360 if someone actually sent me another one of like a 0:37:55.360 --> 0:37:56.080 week ago. 0:37:56.480 --> 0:37:59.000 So uh, now you're doe. Now you got one for 0:37:59.080 --> 0:38:02.040 your taint and one for your asshole. It's kind of 0:38:02.040 --> 0:38:05.400 funny that these like these guys are like they're vying 0:38:05.719 --> 0:38:10.600 for like real estates on you. Like one person owns 0:38:10.800 --> 0:38:14.360 has the control, literally has a control to your taint, 0:38:14.480 --> 0:38:17.680 and the other person has a remote control for your asshole. 0:38:18.880 --> 0:38:20.480 Yeah. I mean the problem is is that when you 0:38:20.640 --> 0:38:22.560 use it for a while, it gets a bit saturated, 0:38:22.840 --> 0:38:25.520 So it's a bit like, yeah, it's almost like you're 0:38:25.560 --> 0:38:28.480 sitting in a car after you use it for too long. 0:38:28.719 --> 0:38:30.920 It's it's the law of diminishing returns. 0:38:32.080 --> 0:38:36.560 Yeah, it's it needs to be used infrequently to kind 0:38:36.600 --> 0:38:40.200 of get the maximum value out. 0:38:39.680 --> 0:38:42.520 So is that you said you mentioned something about a kicker. 0:38:42.600 --> 0:38:43.360 Is that the kicker? 0:38:44.280 --> 0:38:46.239 Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh we're 0:38:46.239 --> 0:38:51.799 not even there. Sorry. So one night there's this guy 0:38:51.920 --> 0:38:53.920 and I wouldn't even lie it was it was really hot, 0:38:54.840 --> 0:38:57.839 but uh it's kind of like, oh, do you want 0:38:57.880 --> 0:38:59.960 to like, you know, do some like you know, east 0:39:00.080 --> 0:39:04.400 like ship And I'm like, yeah, yeah, why not. We're 0:39:04.440 --> 0:39:08.759 feeling frisky tonight. What I didn't realize is that I 0:39:08.840 --> 0:39:14.560 wasn't in the house alone. Ah yeah, yes, oh oh 0:39:14.680 --> 0:39:19.400 it was. It was not good. So this is like 0:39:19.520 --> 0:39:22.560 me in my bedroom at like two in the morning, 0:39:22.840 --> 0:39:26.800 right with this American guy who I don't know who's 0:39:26.840 --> 0:39:28.840 where he's gone since But that's not the point of this. 0:39:30.160 --> 0:39:33.040 It's me over the coll with his American guy and 0:39:34.080 --> 0:39:36.440 you know, we're kind of sitting, I've got my camera on, 0:39:37.040 --> 0:39:40.720 I'm in like these long back black socks, skirt. 0:39:41.760 --> 0:39:43.600 You know, your face in these videos do you. 0:39:46.280 --> 0:39:50.680 You know that's a that's a good question. I can't remember. 0:39:50.920 --> 0:39:53.239 I can't remember. I think it probably did. 0:39:54.160 --> 0:39:57.200 Maybe here's by the way, by the way, just oh, 0:39:57.239 --> 0:39:59.680 I actually want to clarify that comment you put, like, 0:40:00.120 --> 0:40:06.200 here's here's my thing. You probably shouldn't have your face 0:40:06.480 --> 0:40:09.600 in the camera, but at the this is my pure 0:40:09.680 --> 0:40:12.120 honest belief at the end of the day, even if 0:40:12.280 --> 0:40:18.120 you do, it's like, who gives a ship, you know, 0:40:18.320 --> 0:40:20.840 just own it whatever? Who cares anyway? 0:40:20.920 --> 0:40:25.000 Yeah, I mean to be honest, I just don't really 0:40:25.000 --> 0:40:26.560 look at myself. I just kind of do it and 0:40:26.840 --> 0:40:28.000 enjoy doing it, and that's it. 0:40:28.160 --> 0:40:35.359 So yeah, okay, go ahead, all right, So you're you're 0:40:35.520 --> 0:40:38.719 cyber and with the with the dude in Missouri. 0:40:38.719 --> 0:40:42.879 Yeah, somewhere like that, I don't know. And then it's 0:40:43.200 --> 0:40:45.359 like two in the morning, and I don't know how 0:40:45.440 --> 0:40:48.799 much noise I was making because my mom like kind 0:40:48.800 --> 0:40:51.319 of like doesn't knock her anything, just kind of walks in. 0:40:51.400 --> 0:40:54.200 She's like, can you keep the noise down? And like 0:40:54.280 --> 0:40:56.279 she was saying down and it's just cut and it 0:40:56.360 --> 0:41:00.719 was just we just stare at you with the longest 0:41:00.760 --> 0:41:02.560 ten seconds of my life. It was just we had 0:41:02.560 --> 0:41:06.759 this staring competition. It's just me ass on camera, like 0:41:06.840 --> 0:41:10.040 sitting in my chair. I don't even know how to 0:41:10.080 --> 0:41:12.680 describe this. So like my heels were on the desk, 0:41:13.239 --> 0:41:16.239 my like my legs were up in the chair and 0:41:16.280 --> 0:41:18.279 I was sitting down but like shining my ass. Does 0:41:18.320 --> 0:41:18.919 that makes sense? 0:41:19.360 --> 0:41:22.080 Oh? You were like, well hold on, you you were 0:41:22.239 --> 0:41:27.400 spread eagle with your heels on the fucking desk. Yeah, 0:41:27.480 --> 0:41:29.560 and your mom and your do your mom came in. 0:41:30.560 --> 0:41:37.360 Yeah, yeah, I'm telling you it was like, you know, 0:41:37.640 --> 0:41:41.080 four K cinematography like quality. 0:41:41.239 --> 0:41:43.799 You got this in and she just like we had 0:41:43.800 --> 0:41:49.280 the staring competition and she just broke down and yeah 0:41:49.360 --> 0:41:50.880 and she did you hold that? 0:41:51.040 --> 0:41:54.360 Ha ha? When when she opened the door, did you like, 0:41:54.719 --> 0:41:57.200 did you did you stay spread eagle or did you 0:41:57.320 --> 0:41:59.000 like readjust yourself? 0:41:59.480 --> 0:42:02.400 No? No, no, no no no. I I just froze. 0:42:02.440 --> 0:42:05.960 I couldn't moved. So you are so you're you are 0:42:06.680 --> 0:42:10.879 spread eagle, Your asshole is spread out. You're wearing high 0:42:10.960 --> 0:42:14.840 heels up on the desk, just staring at your mom. 0:42:16.840 --> 0:42:22.479 Yeah yeah, I mean it's yeah, yeah, I didn't really. 0:42:22.960 --> 0:42:26.879 I wish I reacted, but I don't know. 0:42:27.320 --> 0:42:29.640 It's just how long. How long were you guys staring 0:42:29.680 --> 0:42:30.319 at each other for? 0:42:31.280 --> 0:42:33.560 I don't know, the concept of time kind of went 0:42:33.600 --> 0:42:36.359 out the window at that point. He was just kind 0:42:36.400 --> 0:42:42.440 of stuck, and she just yeah, after that, she just 0:42:42.800 --> 0:42:45.920 she went like like all fours on the four sight, 0:42:46.040 --> 0:42:50.479 breaking down, like we're talking screen crying, all right, We're 0:42:50.480 --> 0:42:54.880 talking like this was hysterical, Like it was almost like 0:42:55.080 --> 0:42:59.120 someone had just died in the family, except the only 0:42:59.160 --> 0:43:01.880 thing that died it was my my dignity, I suppose. 0:43:03.920 --> 0:43:07.080 So yeah, she she's like trying, there's this whole thing 0:43:07.120 --> 0:43:07.640 of like. 0:43:07.960 --> 0:43:09.240 Why are you doing this at my house? 0:43:09.320 --> 0:43:11.719 Are you? I didn't even know you were like into men. 0:43:11.800 --> 0:43:16.080 It's like, oh okay, uh yeah, no, this is what 0:43:16.160 --> 0:43:18.680 I do a meme while she's like having his breakdown, right, 0:43:19.400 --> 0:43:22.880 and this is I just like, I can't think I 0:43:22.960 --> 0:43:25.759 disconnected from the court at this point, because this isn't 0:43:25.840 --> 0:43:29.080 that bit was caught on the court. I disconnected, But 0:43:29.120 --> 0:43:31.719 they still have the remote to this thing that was 0:43:31.920 --> 0:43:34.000 inside my rectum. 0:43:34.320 --> 0:43:39.920 They still hit the remote. Yeah, absolutely fucked up. 0:43:40.560 --> 0:43:46.160 Oh it was so bad that I don't even know, dude, 0:43:46.760 --> 0:43:51.279 It's I was literally I was trying to stay serious, I. 0:43:51.280 --> 0:43:54.839 Was like bright. So, so, so you're cybering with this 0:43:54.920 --> 0:43:58.759 dude who has a remote control to your asshole, and 0:43:59.200 --> 0:44:03.359 he see that your mom walks in on you and 0:44:03.440 --> 0:44:07.640 decides that that's the right moment to start vibrating your asshole. 0:44:08.600 --> 0:44:09.880 Yeah. 0:44:10.000 --> 0:44:12.560 Psychopathic. Yeah. 0:44:13.239 --> 0:44:15.920 But the I think the bit that was even weirder 0:44:16.040 --> 0:44:19.040 is the fact that so I had like always kept 0:44:19.040 --> 0:44:21.400 the vibrating like in myself, but like my ass was 0:44:21.480 --> 0:44:24.960 never like properly on the chair, right, So I had 0:44:24.960 --> 0:44:26.879 like I had sat up at this point, my ass 0:44:26.960 --> 0:44:29.480 was properly on the chair and it was vibrating. This 0:44:29.719 --> 0:44:36.440 chair was just vibrating the floorballing like there's no hiding it. 0:44:36.560 --> 0:44:37.600 There's no hiding That. 0:44:37.520 --> 0:44:40.799 Guy is a that that that dude is a is 0:44:40.840 --> 0:44:45.560 a master control to hit the remote at that moment. So, okay, 0:44:45.640 --> 0:44:49.600 so your see your mom starts crying, do you, like, 0:44:51.239 --> 0:44:52.759 I mean, what do you do? Does she leave the 0:44:52.880 --> 0:44:57.480 room or she's just crying while you're like, what happens? 0:44:58.520 --> 0:45:01.200 I don't really that point is kind of a blur 0:45:01.280 --> 0:45:03.960 because it's kind of like she try't. I remember we 0:45:03.960 --> 0:45:06.680 were there for ages, Like we were there for ages. 0:45:07.040 --> 0:45:09.040 She eventually just she just left the room and went 0:45:09.080 --> 0:45:12.000 to bed. I was like, yeah, I gotta I gotta 0:45:12.040 --> 0:45:14.400 shut this ship down. And I put it all in 0:45:14.480 --> 0:45:17.840 the bag underneath my bed, which was kind of covered 0:45:17.880 --> 0:45:20.160 up with drawers and like all my you know, all 0:45:20.160 --> 0:45:24.040 my skirts and sucks and you know colors and you know, 0:45:24.120 --> 0:45:27.799 like the fucking choke collar ship. Put it all under 0:45:27.800 --> 0:45:29.680 my bed. I was like, yeah, I just I just 0:45:29.920 --> 0:45:34.200 I'll just be a guy for now whatever, And and 0:45:34.239 --> 0:45:36.440 then she found the bag. I don't know when she 0:45:36.520 --> 0:45:38.400 found the bag, because I must have been out at 0:45:38.400 --> 0:45:40.759 this point, but I remember one time I was like, 0:45:41.960 --> 0:45:43.879 you know, it's been a couple of weeks, we'll put 0:45:43.880 --> 0:45:47.080 it back on, and it's all gone like this, I'm 0:45:47.120 --> 0:45:49.760 not even talking just to clothes, like the toys as well. 0:45:50.560 --> 0:45:53.839 Like she I, which I can't believe, like she even 0:45:54.120 --> 0:45:56.040 like had the guts to do. She like pick must 0:45:56.040 --> 0:46:00.640 have picked up with like bare hands something Yeah yeah, 0:46:00.719 --> 0:46:04.279 oh not good. So that all went. I think it 0:46:04.360 --> 0:46:08.400 was like five pounds of like clothing just like gone. 0:46:08.440 --> 0:46:10.720 I'm sorry to interrupt your story, but this does remind 0:46:10.760 --> 0:46:12.440 me of a time where I used to have this 0:46:12.640 --> 0:46:18.719 uh uh t shirt that I masturbated on frequently, and 0:46:19.040 --> 0:46:21.280 I always kept it in the back of my closet 0:46:22.320 --> 0:46:26.520 when I was when I was living at home and 0:46:27.280 --> 0:46:29.839 I came into my closet once and it was hung up. 0:46:30.760 --> 0:46:33.040 Oh my god, fucking yeah, I was hung up on 0:46:33.080 --> 0:46:35.920 a clothing what do you call that? A rack? Whatever? 0:46:36.480 --> 0:46:38.719 It was hung up on my closet, and I was like, 0:46:39.239 --> 0:46:41.160 that's the most horrifying thing I've ever seen in my 0:46:41.320 --> 0:46:41.840 entire life. 0:46:42.520 --> 0:46:44.640 Wait, so, did were you wearing the shirt and did 0:46:44.880 --> 0:46:46.840 just on do you just kind of lay it out 0:46:47.040 --> 0:46:49.719 to kind of project go onto the can? Wait? 0:46:49.760 --> 0:46:52.120 Wait, well, hol on, you hold on? You think I 0:46:52.239 --> 0:46:56.320 went Winnie the Pooh style and just arked my dick 0:46:56.440 --> 0:46:59.480 up to my face and geezed on the shirt while 0:46:59.520 --> 0:47:00.279 I was wearing it. 0:47:00.960 --> 0:47:02.840 Hey, I mean, look, I mean we've all done it 0:47:02.840 --> 0:47:03.879 at least once. 0:47:03.680 --> 0:47:07.600 Right, That's not what I did, But that is funny 0:47:07.640 --> 0:47:10.000 that that's the first thing in mind. No, I just 0:47:10.080 --> 0:47:12.000 laid it out like like how you would with U 0:47:12.640 --> 0:47:15.040 I don't know, paper towels or whatever. But that's I 0:47:15.080 --> 0:47:16.960 was gonna say, I'll do that next time. But I'm 0:47:17.000 --> 0:47:18.880 I'm never never going to do that. 0:47:19.480 --> 0:47:23.399 My question is what was on the shut I think 0:47:23.440 --> 0:47:23.759 it was. 0:47:25.080 --> 0:47:28.080 I think it was Rick and Morty. Anyway, how's your 0:47:28.120 --> 0:47:29.439 relationship with your mom going? 0:47:32.320 --> 0:47:37.680 Yeah, No, it's Frick and Malty. Is crazy. 0:47:38.880 --> 0:47:42.000 I wasn't thinking about Ricking, but they were just on 0:47:42.040 --> 0:47:44.680 the I think I wasn't thinking about Rick and Morty 0:47:44.719 --> 0:47:46.880 while I was doing it. It was they were just happen. 0:47:49.040 --> 0:47:49.360 Crossed. 0:47:49.560 --> 0:47:52.719 It was on the others. I think I would it 0:47:52.800 --> 0:47:54.960 was inside out and so I never really would like 0:47:55.160 --> 0:47:59.719 saw the Rick and Morty design, but uh, it was 0:47:59.800 --> 0:48:05.000 that anyway. Whatever, what's what's so that's your relationship with 0:48:05.040 --> 0:48:05.399 your mom? 0:48:06.280 --> 0:48:10.400 Yeah, so, I mean it's okay. We've never really discussed 0:48:10.440 --> 0:48:14.160 it since and I was kind of so I bought 0:48:14.160 --> 0:48:18.759 a house. Well maybe I'm what we in July? So 0:48:20.239 --> 0:48:21.760 about three four months ago? 0:48:22.600 --> 0:48:23.919 You bought a house at twenty one. 0:48:24.960 --> 0:48:27.000 Yeah, I'll be honest. I did land on my feet 0:48:27.160 --> 0:48:32.560 a bit. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I do cybersecurity 0:48:32.600 --> 0:48:35.520 and do a lot of like engineering stuff. 0:48:35.840 --> 0:48:38.240 So how much does a house in England cost? 0:48:38.680 --> 0:48:41.840 Like, I mean, it depends where you buy it. I 0:48:41.840 --> 0:48:44.400 mean mine mine was about like one hundred and fifty thousand, 0:48:44.480 --> 0:48:46.279 which negotia down. 0:48:47.200 --> 0:48:50.000 That's actually that's pretty that's amazing for like in London. 0:48:51.239 --> 0:48:52.759 Oh no, no, no, no in London. This is like 0:48:52.760 --> 0:48:55.040 in Newcastle, so it's like four hours north. 0:48:55.640 --> 0:48:57.240 Holy shit, that's pretty great. 0:48:57.880 --> 0:49:00.759 Yeah, they left this home theater hear as well, so 0:49:02.080 --> 0:49:02.680 I can be a. 0:49:02.719 --> 0:49:05.359 Home theater for one hundred and fifty grand. 0:49:05.640 --> 0:49:08.240 Oh man, they did. They didn't take it down because 0:49:08.239 --> 0:49:09.799 they were like, uh, do you want to We don't 0:49:09.800 --> 0:49:12.360 really need a cay bob take it down. Well, okay, sure, 0:49:12.719 --> 0:49:14.560 and I've ready used it. I'm gonna be honest, like 0:49:14.600 --> 0:49:18.319 I've just kind of I got it. I'm not there, 0:49:18.320 --> 0:49:18.640 all right. 0:49:18.719 --> 0:49:21.520 So you bought you bought your own house where you 0:49:21.600 --> 0:49:26.920 can dress like a woman and cyber sex dudes all 0:49:27.000 --> 0:49:31.480 you fucking want? Uh what what what happens? What happened 0:49:31.520 --> 0:49:32.479 with your with your mom? 0:49:32.560 --> 0:49:32.640 Like? 0:49:32.680 --> 0:49:35.200 Did it? Did it? I found my relationship with my 0:49:35.239 --> 0:49:38.600 mom also improved significantly once I would say, moved out 0:49:39.000 --> 0:49:42.759 and and also you know, got my own place to masturbate. 0:49:42.840 --> 0:49:46.799 That's very healthy, helpful thing. Well, so how again, how 0:49:46.800 --> 0:49:47.960 did how's your relationship with her? 0:49:48.000 --> 0:49:48.200 Now? 0:49:49.680 --> 0:49:53.400 Yeah, I mean it's okay. I mean I did go 0:49:53.520 --> 0:49:56.040 back to my mom's like a single parent, so she's 0:49:56.120 --> 0:49:58.319 like she's not got anyone talk to. My sisters has 0:49:58.360 --> 0:50:04.560 gone to Canada for free for wants to work, So yeah, 0:50:04.640 --> 0:50:07.399 she's kind of alone. So she's like, oh, okay, I 0:50:07.400 --> 0:50:09.080 did this, I did that day and she calls me 0:50:09.080 --> 0:50:13.000 on time and stuff and yeah, that's fine, But in 0:50:13.080 --> 0:50:16.760 terms of the actual situation, we never discussed it ever again. 0:50:16.880 --> 0:50:18.640 And I know when I was moving out, I was 0:50:18.719 --> 0:50:22.759 kind of thinking, I kind of want to just ask 0:50:22.800 --> 0:50:24.759 the thing closed back because I can't really find where 0:50:24.840 --> 0:50:27.759 I bought them again because it was over like a 0:50:27.840 --> 0:50:31.799 variety of sites like Amazon, she you know, ship like that. 0:50:31.840 --> 0:50:33.960 Some of it was off I express like, some of 0:50:33.960 --> 0:50:39.040 it was dirt cheap. But yeah, I never asked in 0:50:39.080 --> 0:50:41.760 the end, and I don't think I am going to ask. 0:50:42.400 --> 0:50:45.640 But since since I've moved out, I've been able to 0:50:45.640 --> 0:50:48.520 get some other stuff. Someone bought me a flashlight as well, 0:50:48.840 --> 0:50:53.959 so we've got like the triple team of stuff. Now. Yeah, 0:50:54.239 --> 0:51:01.720 it's it's pretty wild way doing my spare time now, Yeah, well. 0:51:01.600 --> 0:51:03.680 It sounds it sounds like you spend a lot of 0:51:03.719 --> 0:51:05.000 time on the computer. 0:51:06.520 --> 0:51:10.120 Yeah. I've been called chronically online once. I didn't take 0:51:10.160 --> 0:51:10.719 that too well. 0:51:12.040 --> 0:51:15.080 So so so so how did the conversation like the 0:51:15.200 --> 0:51:16.920 first few days, because it sounds like your mom like 0:51:17.160 --> 0:51:20.320 was really upset and she like threw away all your 0:51:20.880 --> 0:51:24.080 stuff and so like, how did the conversation like what 0:51:24.280 --> 0:51:26.960 was what was the what was the vibe around the 0:51:27.000 --> 0:51:29.240 house for the next few days weeks? 0:51:29.560 --> 0:51:35.120 Oh no, oh god, Oh don't even Oh god. It 0:51:35.160 --> 0:51:38.279 makes me still sick now because it was just so horrific. 0:51:38.440 --> 0:51:42.040 It was like it was like I always got that 0:51:42.120 --> 0:51:44.440 look of like, you know, not when like you crease 0:51:44.560 --> 0:51:46.520 us one, but it's like the eyes of I know 0:51:46.600 --> 0:51:49.879 what you did right, and I think we I think 0:51:49.920 --> 0:51:53.400 we did. Actually I kind of briefly remember a discussion, 0:51:53.440 --> 0:51:54.960 but it wasn't I remember it wasn't that long because 0:51:55.000 --> 0:51:56.920 I was like, I can't bother with this. But she 0:51:57.040 --> 0:51:59.160 was saying like, look, it's fine if you're having a 0:51:59.239 --> 0:52:00.319 quick tug in the else, but I. 0:52:00.320 --> 0:52:05.600 Don't want to do I love British people, dude, it's fine. 0:52:05.600 --> 0:52:10.800 I don't want to have that discussion with my mom. 0:52:11.040 --> 0:52:15.080 That's wild. Like I can't do that. I can't do that. 0:52:15.560 --> 0:52:20.480 It's so long. But yeah, I mean that was it. 0:52:20.560 --> 0:52:22.400 I was just kind of like, nah, I can't do this. 0:52:22.640 --> 0:52:25.480 And I mean she also said like, oh, so, like, 0:52:25.680 --> 0:52:27.560 what actually is your sexuality? I was like, I don't know. 0:52:27.640 --> 0:52:30.080 I'm just into anyone I want because to be honest, 0:52:30.120 --> 0:52:32.520 I don't really believe in the whole like, oh I'm 0:52:32.560 --> 0:52:35.600 into like you know, I have to have this label. 0:52:35.600 --> 0:52:38.000 I'm just like, well, if I like you sexually, I 0:52:38.080 --> 0:52:40.560 like you sexually. And if I don't, I don't. That's it. 0:52:40.760 --> 0:52:41.040 I don't. 0:52:41.120 --> 0:52:44.879 I don't give a ship like that's it, like, oh, 0:52:44.920 --> 0:52:48.359 you're only into girls, ringing into non bindary whatever. Who cares? Man? 0:52:48.680 --> 0:52:50.600 I just I just I just want to love who 0:52:50.680 --> 0:52:53.799 or want to love and that's it. So but yeah, 0:52:53.840 --> 0:52:55.319 I just kind of said that, and she's like, well, 0:52:55.680 --> 0:52:58.560 I don't want to understand how you can only like 0:52:58.560 --> 0:53:01.040 like everyone. You're saying like men or women and that. 0:53:01.320 --> 0:53:05.000 I was like, okay, all right, all right, gang, I'm 0:53:05.000 --> 0:53:07.719 going to I didn't say all right, gang, but that's 0:53:07.800 --> 0:53:10.200 kind of my generic reaction. And I was just like, 0:53:10.280 --> 0:53:13.840 I can't come up with this. No, it just went upstairs. 0:53:13.880 --> 0:53:18.319 And yeah, I never really talked about it again, and 0:53:18.760 --> 0:53:23.600 I think to this day it's something that's scarred both 0:53:23.640 --> 0:53:27.920 of us and it's just one of those unspoken scenarios. 0:53:28.080 --> 0:53:29.880 Although I'm starting to think, like, should I bring it 0:53:29.960 --> 0:53:32.840 up at like the funeral of like memories that happened, 0:53:32.960 --> 0:53:34.240 you know when they like read that a book. 0:53:34.320 --> 0:53:36.279 No, I don't think you should bring it up at 0:53:36.280 --> 0:53:40.080 the funeral. Well I should bring up your mom? Who 0:53:40.120 --> 0:53:43.520 were whose funeral? Do you want to bring up your 0:53:43.560 --> 0:53:47.120 mom walking in on you gaping your asshole to a camera? 0:53:48.440 --> 0:53:51.720 Hey, I mean I don't know most of the people 0:53:51.800 --> 0:53:55.879 by that point, I won't know, So I don't know. 0:53:56.239 --> 0:53:58.080 I don't know, man, I don't. I don't. 0:53:59.680 --> 0:54:02.520 Harry and the quick tug. 0:54:03.000 --> 0:54:04.760 Harry Potter and the quick tug. 0:54:05.280 --> 0:54:07.960 That's so funny. But I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm using, 0:54:08.120 --> 0:54:11.600 I'm using. I'm going for a quick tug all the 0:54:11.640 --> 0:54:14.520 time now it's my new thing, and it's just it. 0:54:14.600 --> 0:54:16.719 Just sounds a bit vile. Man, I don't know. 0:54:17.400 --> 0:54:19.240 What do you mean? That's the most that's the most 0:54:19.360 --> 0:54:23.120 wholesome way I've that you could possibly describe masturbation. There's 0:54:23.200 --> 0:54:24.080 way more. 0:54:24.480 --> 0:54:28.440 I'd say the word masturbation is just wholesome. A quick tug. 0:54:28.480 --> 0:54:30.160 It just sounds a bit weird, Like. 0:54:31.440 --> 0:54:33.960 God, yeah, that No, that would horrify me too if 0:54:34.000 --> 0:54:40.960 my British mom said that. But you're cool with her now, yeah, I. 0:54:40.880 --> 0:54:43.799 Mean yeah, we've kind of just forgotten about it. Well 0:54:43.840 --> 0:54:47.440 she's forgotten about it, I clearly have. But yeah, it's 0:54:48.000 --> 0:54:50.600 still scares me. But uh, yeah, that's pretty. 0:54:50.640 --> 0:54:54.360 I mean you sound like overall, you sound like, uh, 0:54:54.400 --> 0:54:56.840 you're doing well. I mean, you bought a fucking house 0:54:56.880 --> 0:54:59.680 at twenty one, you got a job, you got your 0:54:59.719 --> 0:55:02.719 own goon cave, You're you seem like you're doing well. 0:55:02.760 --> 0:55:04.839 Am I mistaken? H? 0:55:04.920 --> 0:55:08.480 Yeah? I think things are going well. Yeah, I don't know. 0:55:09.520 --> 0:55:11.600 I don't I don't think about whether things are going 0:55:11.600 --> 0:55:13.200 well or not. I just kind of do things and 0:55:13.320 --> 0:55:15.919 that's it. I don't know. I'm a very simple man 0:55:16.880 --> 0:55:21.080 or women at times. It depends sence on time of day, 0:55:21.560 --> 0:55:25.120 but yeah, I'm pretty simple. I just I have a 0:55:25.239 --> 0:55:29.080 you know, I just do things and it rock and roll. 0:55:29.600 --> 0:55:33.120 Rock and roll. Well, thanks for sharing all of this. 0:55:33.880 --> 0:55:37.120 Do you still have the like the the little vibrator 0:55:37.200 --> 0:55:40.759 things are they like? Is it like neurolink where they 0:55:40.920 --> 0:55:43.440 like install it into you or you can take it 0:55:43.480 --> 0:55:46.240 out at will. 0:55:47.160 --> 0:55:49.080 Yeah? No, they actually put it in my brain and 0:55:49.120 --> 0:55:53.279 they fucking yeah, I get vibrated at work. No, it's 0:55:53.360 --> 0:55:56.520 just these little plastic things. It's like a what's it 0:55:56.560 --> 0:55:59.680 called like eleventh I think that's a break. That's a 0:55:59.719 --> 0:56:04.440 brand Frank Loven's Dowstairs. Just to twice find. 0:56:07.120 --> 0:56:08.560 You don't have you do not have to give a 0:56:08.600 --> 0:56:09.520 live demonstration. 0:56:09.640 --> 0:56:13.120 It's okay, no, no, it's I mean I can if 0:56:13.120 --> 0:56:20.799 you want. I mean, I'm looking at Loup, the the 0:56:20.880 --> 0:56:24.359 cat is the you know, we got the whole nine 0:56:24.400 --> 0:56:24.879 yards here. 0:56:26.600 --> 0:56:27.520 What's your name again? 0:56:28.320 --> 0:56:28.880 It's Billy. 0:56:30.239 --> 0:56:32.920 Give my real name on him of Billy. That's a 0:56:33.040 --> 0:56:35.160 very that's I can tell it's a fake name because 0:56:35.160 --> 0:56:39.120 it's an extremely American name. There is no. 0:56:40.200 --> 0:56:42.440 Yeah, let's say it's fake. Let's say it's fake and 0:56:42.640 --> 0:56:43.560 just go with up. 0:56:44.640 --> 0:56:48.840 Uh, Billy. Well, I'll see you in uh in November 0:56:48.880 --> 0:56:51.600 at the at the London show. Thanks for getting getting tickets. Man, 0:56:51.640 --> 0:56:52.960 Is there anything else you want to say to the 0:56:53.000 --> 0:56:56.440 people of the computer or your mom if she's watching 0:56:56.520 --> 0:56:57.040 before we go? 0:56:58.760 --> 0:57:03.040 Hi, mom? Uh, I'd say, do things whilst you have 0:57:03.120 --> 0:57:06.200 the chance, or you'll end up regressing it for the 0:57:06.200 --> 0:57:08.600 rest of your life. That's a whole different story that 0:57:08.680 --> 0:57:10.640 I never told. But you don't want to hear that. 0:57:10.680 --> 0:57:14.279 It's sad. But yeah, so that's my message into that, 0:57:14.400 --> 0:57:16.200 so swag. 0:57:16.600 --> 0:57:21.280 Well, thanks for calling, and let's all let's all, uh, 0:57:21.480 --> 0:57:23.160 let's all go for a quick tug. You know what, 0:57:23.200 --> 0:57:24.840 You're right. It does sound weird. I'm never gonna say 0:57:24.880 --> 0:57:25.200 it again. 0:57:25.440 --> 0:57:28.680 Yeah no, come on, man, just just say masturbation. It's fine, 0:57:28.760 --> 0:57:29.520 like all. 0:57:29.480 --> 0:57:35.920 Right, all right, all right, all right, let's take care. 0:57:36.000 --> 0:57:38.760 Man, say it back. 0:57:39.400 --> 0:57:42.280 I'm I don't, I'm it feels weird. I don't like 0:57:42.360 --> 0:57:46.640 I don't. I it feels weird to say because I 0:57:46.680 --> 0:57:50.640 don't I appreciate I can I I'll say that I 0:57:50.680 --> 0:57:59.200 appreciate you. I appreciate you coming in being vulnerable hun 0:57:59.640 --> 0:58:03.520 or like. No, it's no being sincere and being sincere, 0:58:03.560 --> 0:58:08.120 but love love. I like to reserve love for uh, 0:58:08.200 --> 0:58:12.520 you know, I guess, uh, I don't know. I guess 0:58:12.720 --> 0:58:15.280 I find out, all right, all right, I guess I 0:58:15.320 --> 0:58:17.000 guess I love. I guess I love you in this 0:58:17.120 --> 0:58:22.479 sense that like I love like spiritually, I love all 0:58:22.520 --> 0:58:26.040 of humanity. And you're counting that, Okay, I. 0:58:28.080 --> 0:58:31.960 Go take that as enough of a personalized love. I 0:58:32.240 --> 0:58:35.520 will appreciate that. I think. One more thing I shall 0:58:35.560 --> 0:58:40.240 completely forgot is that I do it's funny. I registered 0:58:40.280 --> 0:58:46.440 a white a white no, a website called Billy dot mom. 0:58:46.760 --> 0:58:48.960 That's not a joke, by the way, I have registered that. 0:58:49.200 --> 0:58:52.040 Billy's that mom. I don't even I don't want to 0:58:52.120 --> 0:58:53.680 know what's on that work. 0:58:53.720 --> 0:58:56.680 No, don't no, don't worry. It's not like porn or anything. 0:58:56.720 --> 0:58:59.200 It's just it's literally just like a Twitter alternative and 0:58:59.240 --> 0:59:04.400 that's it, which it's it's stupid. But I kind of 0:59:04.400 --> 0:59:06.240 after the whole thing, I was kind of like, I 0:59:06.280 --> 0:59:07.720 don't know, because I do a little bit of text 0:59:07.720 --> 0:59:10.680 stuff and I was like, oh, well, I wish I 0:59:10.880 --> 0:59:13.479 set like a website as I just thought Billy's dot 0:59:13.480 --> 0:59:18.720 mom funny, and then now I've kind of thought the 0:59:18.720 --> 0:59:20.600 the correlation between the two. 0:59:21.360 --> 0:59:27.400 So yeah, I feel like I'm still not going to 0:59:27.480 --> 0:59:33.000 go there, but thank you for sharing, and uh, good luck, Billy. 0:59:33.040 --> 0:59:34.720 I'll catch you soon, man. 0:59:35.280 --> 0:59:38.600 I'll see you soon. I love you later, Billy, I 0:59:38.680 --> 0:59:38.920 love you. 0:59:42.080 --> 0:59:49.280 Goes on. Thank you