1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:07,240 Speaker 1: Hello, So this is my life. Every week I have 2 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:10,879 Speaker 1: a skype call into my mom's nursing home in the Bronx. Hi, Mommy, 3 00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:18,599 Speaker 1: it's Yvonne, Yvonne du Eha. Each call starts more or 4 00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:22,480 Speaker 1: less the same. I reintroduced myself to my mother and 5 00:00:22,600 --> 00:00:26,360 Speaker 1: remind her that this is her daughter, Yvonne speaking. How 6 00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:27,080 Speaker 1: are you feeling? 7 00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:30,640 Speaker 2: Hello? 8 00:00:31,720 --> 00:00:39,400 Speaker 3: This is Margo Margita Dunietta. 9 00:00:40,760 --> 00:00:43,479 Speaker 1: My younger daughter Margot is on this call and we 10 00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:46,760 Speaker 1: are trying to get my mom to recognize us. She's 11 00:00:46,800 --> 00:00:50,760 Speaker 1: got Alzheimer's disease and it's been hell, and COVID nineteen 12 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:53,479 Speaker 1: has made it worse. The last time I saw her 13 00:00:53,479 --> 00:00:56,560 Speaker 1: in person was in March. She knew who I was. 14 00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:59,920 Speaker 1: Then it was a week before the coronavirus shutdown in 15 00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:01,560 Speaker 1: New York City, where she lives. 16 00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:03,760 Speaker 4: We want to inform me that we have the senior 17 00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:08,440 Speaker 4: confirmation that an individual at Best Abraham's Center has been 18 00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:10,479 Speaker 4: diagnosed with COVID nineteen. 19 00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:13,440 Speaker 1: And now I get endless robo calls telling me that 20 00:01:13,520 --> 00:01:17,200 Speaker 1: the virus is in her nursing home. People are dying there. 21 00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:20,720 Speaker 1: I know I am losing her every second of every day. 22 00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:24,280 Speaker 1: If COVID doesn't take her Alzheimer's will. 23 00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:28,440 Speaker 5: While we understand the inconvenience this may cause, it is 24 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:32,360 Speaker 5: crucial that we restrict visitations to reduce the spread of 25 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:33,360 Speaker 5: this virus. 26 00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:40,160 Speaker 1: And it sucks, and the sky calls are hard. She 27 00:01:40,319 --> 00:01:44,800 Speaker 1: is distant, unfocused. She can barely speak a few words 28 00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:47,960 Speaker 1: and they rarely make sense. I was told to use 29 00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:52,120 Speaker 1: music to reach her mama. She loves Latin music. She 30 00:01:52,320 --> 00:02:02,880 Speaker 1: loves to dance, and so I try. My mom's name 31 00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:07,120 Speaker 1: is Ramona Laddie or Ramanita Mota Laddie or Ramona Novelli 32 00:02:07,240 --> 00:02:10,200 Speaker 1: Amota Hamo sen Laddie. If I want to tease. 33 00:02:09,919 --> 00:02:17,959 Speaker 3: Her, novela monta novel nova nova nova. 34 00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:23,919 Speaker 1: Oi Ohi novelia OUI a very ugly name. You used 35 00:02:23,919 --> 00:02:25,919 Speaker 1: to tell me when I was a kid. You hated 36 00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:30,320 Speaker 1: your middle name. She's eighty seven and it's been four 37 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:34,600 Speaker 1: years now since she was diagnosed. Four years of the 38 00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:39,520 Speaker 1: lonely journey, which in the end, I walk alone because 39 00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:42,680 Speaker 1: my mom has no idea what day it is, what 40 00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:46,240 Speaker 1: year it is, how old she is, or where she is. 41 00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:48,560 Speaker 1: You don't know who I am. You promised me you 42 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:50,679 Speaker 1: were never gonna forget me, And look at you not 43 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:58,079 Speaker 1: forgetting me. Thanks a lot from futuro media. 44 00:02:58,360 --> 00:03:04,440 Speaker 6: It's Latino USA. I'm Mariaino Rossam and today Alzheimer's in color. 45 00:03:13,919 --> 00:03:19,320 Speaker 6: For many aging Latinos, Latinas and African Americans, Alzheimer's disease 46 00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:23,360 Speaker 6: has become one of the leading health crises. Access to healthcare, 47 00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:27,760 Speaker 6: pre existing conditions, the quality of institutions that help aging 48 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:32,120 Speaker 6: people of color. All of these disparities become amplified by 49 00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:36,200 Speaker 6: a diagnosis of Alzheimer's. As more people live longer, the 50 00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:40,960 Speaker 6: challenges around Alzheimer's keep growing. Experts predict that by twenty 51 00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:44,920 Speaker 6: sixty there could be an over eight hundred percent growth 52 00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:50,200 Speaker 6: of Latinos with this incurable degenerative form of dementia. For 53 00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:55,600 Speaker 6: journalist Ivon Latin this story is personal. Her mother, Ramona Latti, 54 00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:59,960 Speaker 6: was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in twenty sixteen. Yvonne has been 55 00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:03,400 Speaker 6: documenting her mother's illness for the past four years and 56 00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:07,040 Speaker 6: brings us this intimate portrait of her mom's life before 57 00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:09,000 Speaker 6: and after Alzheimer's. 58 00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:22,000 Speaker 1: Hello, Ola, I love my mom, I really really do. 59 00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:25,720 Speaker 1: I can't say I have understood her or the decisions 60 00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:29,760 Speaker 1: she's made. I can't say she understood me either. I 61 00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:33,880 Speaker 1: can't say we belong on a latinx American experienced Hollmark card, 62 00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:38,360 Speaker 1: or that our mother daughter bond is unique. She pissed 63 00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:41,080 Speaker 1: me off and could be a pain in the ass. 64 00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:43,960 Speaker 1: I know she would say that about me too. You 65 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:46,120 Speaker 1: know the teen that likes to wear black and locks 66 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:48,440 Speaker 1: herself in her messy room with her headphones on all 67 00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:52,520 Speaker 1: the time. That was me. We had some epic battles, 68 00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:55,719 Speaker 1: for sure. In some ways, I think we were the 69 00:04:55,800 --> 00:05:00,400 Speaker 1: same person, living different extremes, each wanting so much more 70 00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:09,240 Speaker 1: than what is expected of women like us. My mom 71 00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:12,440 Speaker 1: faced dirt, poor poverty in the Dominican Republic where she 72 00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:15,640 Speaker 1: was born. She joined a wave of immigration to the 73 00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:20,440 Speaker 1: US at nineteen, and she surpassed every challenge thrown her way. 74 00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:24,000 Speaker 1: I'm not ashamed to say I am desperate to connect 75 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:27,320 Speaker 1: with her, to understand her story and make it mine. 76 00:05:28,080 --> 00:05:41,120 Speaker 1: Until the world Ramona Laddie, my mom matters. My name is, 77 00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:47,719 Speaker 1: said Amana Latti. That was just four years ago. Whilst 78 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:50,400 Speaker 1: going it happens, going to happen, I might I watch. 79 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:55,040 Speaker 5: You though, My swere thing an easy. 80 00:05:57,200 --> 00:06:01,159 Speaker 1: Don't march. This was right after her die gnosis, when 81 00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:03,560 Speaker 1: we could still talk to each other, and we were 82 00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:08,080 Speaker 1: going on endless doctor's visits looking for some hope, a treatment, 83 00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:13,200 Speaker 1: a way to slow the disease down. So before scared 84 00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:16,800 Speaker 1: of bit, but you're not scared now. I'm not scared 85 00:06:16,839 --> 00:06:17,040 Speaker 1: of that. 86 00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:23,360 Speaker 3: I famtus society. 87 00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:27,520 Speaker 1: Since my mother said those words, her life went on 88 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:31,880 Speaker 1: a rapid decline. The threat that holds us together gets thinner, 89 00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:37,640 Speaker 1: The conversation's more difficult, and my profound sadness over losing 90 00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:39,560 Speaker 1: her harder to manage. 91 00:06:40,279 --> 00:06:46,320 Speaker 7: My first impressions were that she she was able to 92 00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:47,760 Speaker 7: propel her wheelchair with. 93 00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:51,479 Speaker 1: Her feet, not her hands. These days, my lifeline is 94 00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:54,120 Speaker 1: the staff at the Beth Abraham Nursing Home in the Bronx, 95 00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:58,080 Speaker 1: where my mom lives. This is her nurse practitioner, Iris Megan. 96 00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:02,719 Speaker 1: She has supported me on countless occasions. I started working 97 00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:05,320 Speaker 1: with my mom in January of twenty nineteen. 98 00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:09,080 Speaker 7: She seemed to communicate a little better in Spanish than 99 00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:14,960 Speaker 7: in English. The impoverishment of speech and often the inability 100 00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:20,400 Speaker 7: to walk are connected to having had dementia for a while. 101 00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:28,400 Speaker 1: And then you thought it also. Sa I wrote that 102 00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:36,640 Speaker 1: Alzheimer's is a brain disease. It slowly destroys your memories, 103 00:07:37,160 --> 00:07:43,120 Speaker 1: your ability to think, speak, walk, talk, Even the simplest 104 00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:48,120 Speaker 1: tasks become impossible. It's a wicked form of dementia and 105 00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:51,840 Speaker 1: it will slowly kill you. The type of Alzheimer's my 106 00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:55,280 Speaker 1: mom has is not genetic, but my odds of getting 107 00:07:55,280 --> 00:08:00,320 Speaker 1: the disease are slightly higher because she has it. Other thing, 108 00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:03,200 Speaker 1: my mom is always hard and when I don't see her, 109 00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:06,600 Speaker 1: I worry and feel guilty, and I don't even know 110 00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:09,000 Speaker 1: if my skype calls help her at all. At this point, 111 00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:12,160 Speaker 1: I guess really is one of the things that happens 112 00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:16,080 Speaker 1: with dementia is the world gets very, very small. And 113 00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:19,000 Speaker 1: always tells me that these visits and calls are hard 114 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:20,160 Speaker 1: on my mother as well. 115 00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:30,320 Speaker 7: Hi, And I think when people come from the outside world, 116 00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:35,360 Speaker 7: they bring with them expectations, and I think the expectations 117 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:40,679 Speaker 7: can be hard on someone who has advanced dementia. 118 00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:45,400 Speaker 1: But that has been the challenge of the disease, understanding 119 00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:49,840 Speaker 1: it and holding on to Ramona Laddie. I find myself 120 00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:53,040 Speaker 1: thinking about where she came from, who she was, her 121 00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:57,960 Speaker 1: story pre Alzheimer's, because Alzheimer's is not who she is. 122 00:08:58,240 --> 00:09:03,000 Speaker 1: It's not her story, it's just how her story ends. 123 00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:11,160 Speaker 1: My mom dropped out of school in the eighth grade 124 00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:13,360 Speaker 1: to take care of her little brother so her mom 125 00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:16,920 Speaker 1: could work. Her father died when she was twelve. She 126 00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:21,440 Speaker 1: barely knew him. In the late nineteen forties, her mother 127 00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:23,880 Speaker 1: and aunt came to New York City. It was the 128 00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:28,040 Speaker 1: first wave of Dominican immigration, and although many were fleeing 129 00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:30,800 Speaker 1: the brutal dictator Raphael Ruhedro. 130 00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:39,880 Speaker 8: Picturesque Trujilio City, capital of the Dominican Republic, turns out 131 00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:42,120 Speaker 8: for the inauguration of a president, for whom the city 132 00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:46,800 Speaker 8: is named. General Trujilio is the strong man of the Republic. 133 00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:52,600 Speaker 1: Many were just looking for work and an escape from poverty. 134 00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:55,360 Speaker 1: My then teen mom was left to take care of 135 00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:58,760 Speaker 1: everything at home, which now included her aunt's children. 136 00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:02,800 Speaker 4: But then immigration has brought in many people from the 137 00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:06,160 Speaker 4: Caribbean area. Most of the immigrants went into the factories 138 00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:10,360 Speaker 4: and found their homes in the tenements of America's growing cities. 139 00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:13,160 Speaker 1: In nineteen fifty, she got a chance to come to 140 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:16,040 Speaker 1: New York City. She was nineteen, and she got a 141 00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:18,720 Speaker 1: job in a pocketbook factory and went to beauty school. 142 00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:25,400 Speaker 1: It's such a New York City story. She met Albert, 143 00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:28,800 Speaker 1: my dad, in a beauty parlor in Spanish Harlem, run 144 00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:31,800 Speaker 1: by a Cuban woman who was married to a Jamaican 145 00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:35,680 Speaker 1: man and as a result, had Jamaican customers, which included 146 00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:39,000 Speaker 1: my grandmother. My dad went to pick her up one day, 147 00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:41,640 Speaker 1: saw my mom in the beauty parlor and it was 148 00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:45,040 Speaker 1: love at first sight, even though she spoke no English 149 00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:49,000 Speaker 1: and he spoke no Spanish. 150 00:10:50,559 --> 00:10:52,640 Speaker 8: Hello, Hello, Hi, I'm glad. 151 00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:56,839 Speaker 2: How you okay? Hold on a minute? Social distance? They 152 00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:59,400 Speaker 2: need creating works face between yourself and others. 153 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:02,000 Speaker 1: Want did it start a few years intil my mom's 154 00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:04,640 Speaker 1: journey in New York City? And to do that I 155 00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:07,600 Speaker 1: reached out to Grace Lawrence, or Aunt Grace, who has 156 00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:10,800 Speaker 1: been very close to my mom for over sixty years, and. 157 00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:13,280 Speaker 2: We became fast friends. 158 00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:17,680 Speaker 1: On Grace's ninety four lives in Queen's and her memory, 159 00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:20,520 Speaker 1: unlike my mom's, is sharp as attack. 160 00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:25,200 Speaker 2: Okay, I might as well say, okay when my age 161 00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:28,920 Speaker 2: things happens up and down, but I'm okay, so to 162 00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:29,840 Speaker 2: sleave it as that. 163 00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:32,560 Speaker 1: And Grace told me that she met my mom in 164 00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:35,000 Speaker 1: the late nineteen fifties through my dad. 165 00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:41,439 Speaker 2: Well, I know that he became very close and he 166 00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:47,360 Speaker 2: wanted to meet his girlfriend. His girlfriend at that time 167 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:51,199 Speaker 2: it was grand Mom, So he didn't say that much 168 00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:55,400 Speaker 2: about her except that she was Spanish. 169 00:11:55,880 --> 00:12:00,480 Speaker 1: That's what they called Latinos back then, Spanish, And. 170 00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:03,400 Speaker 2: Of course that didn't bother me at all. 171 00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:06,280 Speaker 9: When you first met my mother, what did you what 172 00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:07,679 Speaker 9: did you think of about her? 173 00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:11,760 Speaker 2: Like, your mother loved to dance. She was so pretty 174 00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:13,720 Speaker 2: and vivacious. 175 00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:24,480 Speaker 1: And that's how I remember her dancing with us in 176 00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:32,360 Speaker 1: the kitchen to disco, salsa, meringe. Everything was hips, hips, hips, 177 00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:33,480 Speaker 1: didn't matter the music. 178 00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:43,960 Speaker 2: She really was a beautiful young lady. And of course 179 00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:48,240 Speaker 2: you know your mother was very stylish. She was always stylish. 180 00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:52,480 Speaker 1: Greece's parents were from Barbados and immigrants, so and Grace 181 00:12:52,559 --> 00:12:56,199 Speaker 1: knew about the prejudice that existed between some Caribbean blacks 182 00:12:56,200 --> 00:13:01,000 Speaker 1: towards Latinos, which my mom walked right into loving my dad. 183 00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:07,600 Speaker 2: Albert's mother was Jamaican and she was a very strict lady, 184 00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:14,560 Speaker 2: very proper, and unfortunately she did not want to come 185 00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:17,520 Speaker 2: to the wedding because her Mona was Spanish. 186 00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:21,600 Speaker 1: So what was happening. Was this? My grandmother was raised 187 00:13:21,640 --> 00:13:24,440 Speaker 1: by a well off family in Jamaica, and although she 188 00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:27,040 Speaker 1: was a maid in New York, she felt her son 189 00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:28,360 Speaker 1: was too good for my mom. 190 00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:32,880 Speaker 2: She was very disappointed. She didn't come to the wedding, 191 00:13:33,559 --> 00:13:36,600 Speaker 2: but that did not stop the wedding. 192 00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:38,400 Speaker 1: And Grace was the matron of honor. 193 00:13:38,679 --> 00:13:42,679 Speaker 2: The wind went and your father kissed his wife. She 194 00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:44,000 Speaker 2: was so proud of her. 195 00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:48,439 Speaker 1: But my grandmother, Nana, did not accept the marriage. Nana 196 00:13:48,559 --> 00:13:51,000 Speaker 1: was a dark skinned woman who would not accept the 197 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:54,600 Speaker 1: light skinned Latina in her family. My mom came from 198 00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:59,160 Speaker 1: the Dominican Republic, a country with extremely negative attitudes towards 199 00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:02,560 Speaker 1: black skin, but she didn't care that my father was black. 200 00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:06,040 Speaker 1: The story on my father's side of the family was different. 201 00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:11,160 Speaker 1: My mom was Spanish and that was enough to be rejected. 202 00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:18,840 Speaker 2: Ramona really worked establishing a relationship with her. 203 00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:21,600 Speaker 1: Mother in law, and this is something I really admire 204 00:14:21,640 --> 00:14:25,400 Speaker 1: about my mother. She did not give up picture this. 205 00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:28,400 Speaker 1: My mom lived on one hundred and h Street near 206 00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:32,080 Speaker 1: Central Park West, and my grandmother was just about six 207 00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:35,760 Speaker 1: blocks away. My father would visit Nana every week without 208 00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:38,560 Speaker 1: my mom, so she worked on being the best version 209 00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:42,200 Speaker 1: of herself to figure this out. She worked on her English, 210 00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:45,200 Speaker 1: she worked on being a good wife, and she had 211 00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:48,840 Speaker 1: hope no matter how much she was ignored and rejected. 212 00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:52,240 Speaker 1: But it took the birth of my older sister Margie 213 00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:59,120 Speaker 1: in nineteen sixty to finally warm my grandmother's heart. On 214 00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:01,760 Speaker 1: my next skype called to my mother. I try to 215 00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:04,480 Speaker 1: bring up our old address fifteen. What's one hundred and 216 00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:07,520 Speaker 1: h Street. Remember one hundred and h Street. Maybe that 217 00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:13,360 Speaker 1: address the names of her family would trigger a memory. Margie. 218 00:15:13,720 --> 00:15:15,800 Speaker 3: Remember Margie. 219 00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:21,360 Speaker 1: Do eha Margie. But I came up empty. My talk 220 00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:24,760 Speaker 1: with Aunt Grace and April left me wanting more. The 221 00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:27,480 Speaker 1: mom I have had for years now is a shadow 222 00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:30,560 Speaker 1: of who she was, and I want that mother back 223 00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:41,960 Speaker 1: so badly. Coming up on Latino, USA. 224 00:15:42,120 --> 00:15:45,760 Speaker 9: She was seeing this boy in her apartment, this like 225 00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:49,680 Speaker 9: evil boy, and at one point it got so bad 226 00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:52,320 Speaker 9: that she was hiding knives so that she could stab 227 00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:52,800 Speaker 9: the boy. 228 00:15:54,400 --> 00:16:41,480 Speaker 6: Stay with us, Yes, Hey, we're back. And before the break, 229 00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:45,200 Speaker 6: journalist Yvonne Latti had introduced us to her mother's world 230 00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:49,200 Speaker 6: and what it's like to have advanced Alzheimer's disease. In 231 00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:53,200 Speaker 6: the middle of a COVID nineteen crisis. We return now 232 00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:57,400 Speaker 6: to Yvonne's intimate portrait of her life with Ramona, and 233 00:16:57,640 --> 00:17:00,440 Speaker 6: just a warning, there's some offensive language in this part 234 00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:03,120 Speaker 6: of the story. 235 00:17:05,840 --> 00:17:09,280 Speaker 1: In mid April, about a month after the COVID lockdown 236 00:17:09,359 --> 00:17:13,280 Speaker 1: started in New York, I recruited Nola, my oldest daughter, 237 00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:15,600 Speaker 1: to help me dig through some old photos I keep 238 00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:18,280 Speaker 1: in a big plastic bin in our home in Philadelphia. 239 00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:21,760 Speaker 1: I took these photos out of my mom's photo albums 240 00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:24,439 Speaker 1: when I cleaned out her apartment after she was placed 241 00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:30,520 Speaker 1: in the nursing home. The day I packed them three 242 00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:35,760 Speaker 1: years ago, I was crying, confused, and disappointed in myself 243 00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:40,040 Speaker 1: for not being able to slow down the inevitable. I 244 00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:43,199 Speaker 1: have not looked at the photos since. Nola. This is 245 00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:44,439 Speaker 1: my mom's wedding picture. 246 00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:47,639 Speaker 9: I've seen this one, which was really pretty. 247 00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:51,959 Speaker 1: Nola is twenty one and studies acting and directing at NYU. 248 00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:55,160 Speaker 1: We're sitting on an old yellow sofa in the basement, 249 00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:58,080 Speaker 1: and the first photo we pull out is an eleven 250 00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:01,399 Speaker 1: x fourteen black and white way picture. What do you 251 00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:02,199 Speaker 1: think of her dress? 252 00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:04,679 Speaker 2: I love her dress. I love all the. 253 00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:08,680 Speaker 1: Lace in the photo. My mom is wearing a beautiful 254 00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:12,159 Speaker 1: white lace dress and in her arms a bouquet of 255 00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:15,840 Speaker 1: white flowers. My dad is in a dark suit behind her, 256 00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:19,320 Speaker 1: holding her. She has a slight smile on her face. 257 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:24,399 Speaker 1: She's twenty six, and she looks almost regal and ready 258 00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:27,720 Speaker 1: for what's next. She looks like you. Yeah, do you 259 00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:30,280 Speaker 1: see yourself in her? M h, I think you've always 260 00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:34,200 Speaker 1: looked like Nola. Looking like my mom has always given 261 00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:38,360 Speaker 1: me comfort. Nola and my mom were always close. She 262 00:18:38,520 --> 00:18:42,520 Speaker 1: was her Nolita, her oldest grandchild, and she loved to 263 00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:46,280 Speaker 1: cook Dominican food for her and buy her clothes. But 264 00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:49,960 Speaker 1: these photos reveal an abrelita Nola had never seen. 265 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:52,080 Speaker 9: Waita wait, what's this one? 266 00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:54,959 Speaker 1: Nola pulls out a black and white photo booth image 267 00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:58,440 Speaker 1: of my mom taken in the early nineteen fifties. That's 268 00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:00,000 Speaker 1: when she first came to this country. 269 00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:02,000 Speaker 9: She looks so good in this picture. 270 00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:05,320 Speaker 1: She's looking away from the camera in a playful way. 271 00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:11,760 Speaker 1: She's wearing hoop earrings and dark lipstick. The photo seems timeless. 272 00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:13,359 Speaker 9: She's like working it. 273 00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:14,760 Speaker 4: Can I have this? Yeah? 274 00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:17,480 Speaker 9: I really like this picture. She looks like you and 275 00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:19,800 Speaker 9: this really yeah, she looks like you. 276 00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:22,560 Speaker 1: When people tell me I look like my mom. I 277 00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:25,639 Speaker 1: don't believe it. Oh my god, what a compliment. She 278 00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:30,680 Speaker 1: looks so pretty. We are different colors. She's light skinned 279 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:34,040 Speaker 1: and I am dark skinned. I think she's way prettier 280 00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:38,360 Speaker 1: than me. She's petite while I'm five eight. And when 281 00:19:38,359 --> 00:19:41,359 Speaker 1: I was growing up, there was this idea that the 282 00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:45,080 Speaker 1: lighter skins you are the prettier. I tried to explain 283 00:19:45,119 --> 00:19:47,800 Speaker 1: this to Nola, and I was in light skin that 284 00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:52,199 Speaker 1: I wasn't even my mother's complexion or Margie's complexion. I 285 00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:55,480 Speaker 1: was darker than my dad, and my darker skin led 286 00:19:55,520 --> 00:20:00,000 Speaker 1: to bullying. I was called ugly and mocked the first 287 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:02,199 Speaker 1: this time I was called a nigger. I was in 288 00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:06,159 Speaker 1: third grade and it was by light skinned Latino classmates. 289 00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:09,879 Speaker 1: We were, you know, the ugly ones, and there was 290 00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:13,200 Speaker 1: nothing I could do to change the color of my skin. 291 00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:18,679 Speaker 1: My mom indirectly reinforced in negativity by constantly commenting on 292 00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:23,000 Speaker 1: my hair and forcing me into painful, smaller shoes because 293 00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:26,280 Speaker 1: she didn't want me to have big feet. Although she 294 00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:29,880 Speaker 1: was rejected by my grandmother for being Spanish, she held 295 00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:33,480 Speaker 1: some form of internalized racism which was directed in me 296 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:38,480 Speaker 1: and my hair. Black hair is bad. Straight hair is good. 297 00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:40,879 Speaker 1: You know, like the hair had to be relaxed, it 298 00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:44,320 Speaker 1: had to be pressed. I couldn't sweat. Everything had to 299 00:20:44,359 --> 00:20:47,840 Speaker 1: be about my appearance, and I was a tomboy. I 300 00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:51,119 Speaker 1: wanted to play sports and wanted to run around. My 301 00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:55,040 Speaker 1: hair didn't really go natural until you were born. And 302 00:20:55,119 --> 00:20:57,760 Speaker 1: when you were born and she saw you, one of 303 00:20:57,840 --> 00:20:59,680 Speaker 1: the first things she said to me was how old 304 00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:03,040 Speaker 1: is she have to be before we can strain her hair? 305 00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:07,879 Speaker 1: That was the game changer. I never relaxed my hair again, 306 00:21:08,359 --> 00:21:21,879 Speaker 1: and my mom had to live with both my daughter's curls. 307 00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:25,680 Speaker 1: Growing up with my mom could be frustrating. There were 308 00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:28,720 Speaker 1: a lot of extremes. I grew up on one hundred 309 00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:32,159 Speaker 1: and h Street between Manhattan Avenue and Central Park West. 310 00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:35,560 Speaker 1: It was rough back then, and my mom would not 311 00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:38,960 Speaker 1: let us out of the house. My outside space was 312 00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:41,919 Speaker 1: the fire escape. I wanted to share what that was 313 00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:45,520 Speaker 1: like with my daughter, Nola. There were murders and people 314 00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:49,399 Speaker 1: got raped, and it's a lot of robberies. One of 315 00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:53,000 Speaker 1: my early memories is one afternoon when my mom went 316 00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:56,200 Speaker 1: shopping and came home with a red welt across her face. 317 00:21:57,160 --> 00:22:00,560 Speaker 1: She had been robbed. She had a man's hamper on 318 00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:02,760 Speaker 1: her face because he slapped her so hard when he 319 00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:06,360 Speaker 1: robbed her, and she was crying, and she was really upset, 320 00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:09,200 Speaker 1: and she called my dad. This was not a one off. 321 00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:12,280 Speaker 1: My mom was robbed a lot. But the next week 322 00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:14,679 Speaker 1: my mother got her shopping cart out again and she 323 00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:19,000 Speaker 1: went right back to the grocery store. I admired her 324 00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:22,959 Speaker 1: for it, but it made me angry. The neighborhood was 325 00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:27,680 Speaker 1: filled with abandoned buildings and so much neglect. Our building 326 00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:30,200 Speaker 1: was abandoned by the landlord when I was a kid, 327 00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:34,480 Speaker 1: and the city took it over. Fires were set aimed 328 00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:38,719 Speaker 1: at forcing us to move. Most winters, we went weeks 329 00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:42,479 Speaker 1: without heat or hot water. Sometimes it was so cold 330 00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:44,679 Speaker 1: we all had to sleep in the living room with 331 00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:47,680 Speaker 1: a space heater and close off the rest of the apartment. 332 00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:51,160 Speaker 1: But my mom was happy. I think she would say 333 00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:54,120 Speaker 1: those were the best years of her life. We were 334 00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:54,840 Speaker 1: all together. 335 00:22:55,359 --> 00:22:56,800 Speaker 9: I feel like there's a lot of her that I know, 336 00:22:57,119 --> 00:22:59,760 Speaker 9: you know, and that I've experienced, and a lot of 337 00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:02,520 Speaker 9: her that I don't like. I can see a lot 338 00:23:02,560 --> 00:23:03,760 Speaker 9: of vibrants in her. 339 00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:07,960 Speaker 1: My mother's world was the pocketbook factory, the beauty parlor, 340 00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:11,399 Speaker 1: and then finally the insurance company she worked for in 341 00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:14,760 Speaker 1: their mailroom. She felt like a big success coming to 342 00:23:14,840 --> 00:23:17,879 Speaker 1: this country, and she always raised me to believe how 343 00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:21,080 Speaker 1: lucky I was to be here. But that wasn't how 344 00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:25,160 Speaker 1: I felt. So like my mom in the Dominican Republic, 345 00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:28,200 Speaker 1: I dreamed of a way out, and that was something 346 00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:32,760 Speaker 1: that really drove me in my life, was figuring out 347 00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:34,560 Speaker 1: how to get the heck out of there. 348 00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:37,359 Speaker 9: I mean, I think they were both driven, you know, 349 00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:40,520 Speaker 9: like you talk about wanting to leave one hundred and 350 00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:43,679 Speaker 9: eighth Street, but like they were there because I believe 351 00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:48,800 Speaker 9: the leftdr like, so there's definitely like just a wanting 352 00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:52,080 Speaker 9: to move up and out. I mean, did you guys 353 00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:52,879 Speaker 9: not get along? 354 00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:57,720 Speaker 1: I really didn't understand her. By the time I was sixteen, 355 00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:01,040 Speaker 1: I felt that had grown past her in so many ways. 356 00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:05,679 Speaker 1: I struggle to understand the lucky sprays, the candle lighting 357 00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:18,520 Speaker 1: for saints, the hoarding, the confusion. The next photo we 358 00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:22,160 Speaker 1: pull out of the bin is of my dad, my mom, 359 00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:26,000 Speaker 1: and my sister, and this is a photo of their 360 00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:30,320 Speaker 1: first Christmas with my sister Margie. It's an eight x 361 00:24:30,359 --> 00:24:33,159 Speaker 1: ten black and white photo. There in front of the tree, 362 00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:37,080 Speaker 1: all dressed up. My sister is sitting on my dad's lap, 363 00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:41,280 Speaker 1: and my mom is crouched behind them smiling. Margie has 364 00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:42,399 Speaker 1: a smirk on her face. 365 00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:45,040 Speaker 9: Oh, Margie is such a smash. 366 00:24:49,359 --> 00:24:53,959 Speaker 3: Mommy, do you remember it was Margie's birthday last week? 367 00:24:57,440 --> 00:25:05,560 Speaker 1: Mommy, Mommy, My big sister. Marjorie was killed in a 368 00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:08,840 Speaker 1: car accident in nineteen eighty eight, when she was twenty seven. 369 00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:12,200 Speaker 1: She was engaged and on her way back from respeech 370 00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:15,000 Speaker 1: in Brooklyn when a driver high on pill struck the 371 00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:19,200 Speaker 1: car her fiance was driving. Margie and my mom were 372 00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:23,080 Speaker 1: real close. She spent endless hours in the kitchen cooking 373 00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:26,680 Speaker 1: with her, talking to her. They looked so much alike 374 00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:30,280 Speaker 1: and seemed to have so much in common. I fell 375 00:25:30,359 --> 00:25:35,280 Speaker 1: close to Margie too. She was my playmate, my friend, 376 00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:38,600 Speaker 1: and always looked out for me. This is a really 377 00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:42,439 Speaker 1: hard picture for me, Nola, because when Margie died, this 378 00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:46,159 Speaker 1: was the photo that my mother was holding and running 379 00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:50,520 Speaker 1: up and down the house screaming. If there was anything 380 00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:54,600 Speaker 1: that changed my relationship with my mom, it was Margie's death. 381 00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:06,120 Speaker 1: A few months after Margie died, I booked my mom 382 00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:09,160 Speaker 1: and I a flight to Paris with a stop in Rome. 383 00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:13,439 Speaker 1: I did it on a whim. It was a magical trip. 384 00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:17,600 Speaker 1: We scratched Margie's name on every surface we could, saw 385 00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:20,960 Speaker 1: every tourist site, walk too much, ate too much, and 386 00:26:21,119 --> 00:26:24,840 Speaker 1: drank too much. At one point, we were climbing to 387 00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:27,600 Speaker 1: the top of the Arc de Triomphe, and she just 388 00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:30,399 Speaker 1: zoomed by me with this huge smile in her face. 389 00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:33,040 Speaker 1: And when we got to the top, there was a 390 00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:37,040 Speaker 1: gorgeous view of Paris. I looked over at her, and 391 00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:40,280 Speaker 1: at that moment, there was so much joy in her eyes, 392 00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:45,800 Speaker 1: so much hope. Despite her pain. My mom was alive 393 00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:49,119 Speaker 1: and living her life to the fullest. And I learned 394 00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:53,720 Speaker 1: so much about strength just watching her survive the unthinkable. 395 00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:59,240 Speaker 1: And for the first time in my life, I saw 396 00:26:59,320 --> 00:27:00,359 Speaker 1: what we had in. 397 00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:11,639 Speaker 3: Common, Mommy. I was thinking about our trip. Remember the 398 00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:15,400 Speaker 3: trip we took the Dominican Republic. Remember that trip we took, 399 00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:19,200 Speaker 3: all the fun we had. Do you remember? 400 00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:27,000 Speaker 1: Twenty four years later, I took another life changing trip 401 00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:31,240 Speaker 1: with my mom. It was twenty twelve, her eightieth birthday, 402 00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:35,280 Speaker 1: and I decided to take her and my daughters. Nola 403 00:27:35,440 --> 00:27:40,159 Speaker 1: was fourteen and Margo eleven to the Dominican Republic. I 404 00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:42,960 Speaker 1: wanted them to experience where my mother had come from. 405 00:27:43,320 --> 00:27:44,119 Speaker 2: Yeah, that was fun. 406 00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:48,680 Speaker 1: That was a trip for me. That trip was the 407 00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:52,800 Speaker 1: first red flag that something was seriously wrong. 408 00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:58,000 Speaker 9: I think that going to dr it was really clear 409 00:27:58,200 --> 00:27:59,879 Speaker 9: because we saw o believed in the place that was 410 00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:03,639 Speaker 9: her house, and so like seeing her in comparison with 411 00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:07,679 Speaker 9: like other hotel guests and like in an airport, like, 412 00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:09,720 Speaker 9: I think it's a lot easier to be like, oh, 413 00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:13,080 Speaker 9: she doesn't understand how to do things that she should 414 00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:13,679 Speaker 9: know how to do. 415 00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:17,920 Speaker 1: The trip started out uneventful. When we exited the plane, 416 00:28:18,119 --> 00:28:22,080 Speaker 1: I grabbed Margot's hand and Nola held my mom's and she. 417 00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:24,639 Speaker 9: Had some kind of like idea that we had to 418 00:28:24,720 --> 00:28:28,399 Speaker 9: go down some like secret corner that was like not 419 00:28:28,520 --> 00:28:30,560 Speaker 9: where anybody else was going. 420 00:28:31,400 --> 00:28:36,399 Speaker 1: I heard you say, we're Elita, no, Aberlita no, and 421 00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:41,240 Speaker 1: then I was like, you know, mommy. 422 00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:42,920 Speaker 9: Yeah, I realized that like me, as the older sibling too, 423 00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:46,640 Speaker 9: you know, would have to like kind of keep an 424 00:28:46,640 --> 00:28:48,960 Speaker 9: eye on her, you know, and take care of her, 425 00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:50,320 Speaker 9: make sure that she didn't run off. 426 00:28:51,080 --> 00:28:53,760 Speaker 1: As we finally made it to the hotel, my mom 427 00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:57,000 Speaker 1: morphed into a different person. I mean, we all turned 428 00:28:57,040 --> 00:28:59,640 Speaker 1: to her like, okay, Mommy, go for her. 429 00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:02,160 Speaker 9: Like I said, we were just kind of expecting that 430 00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:04,480 Speaker 9: I'll believe it would be like our resident Spanish speaker, 431 00:29:04,560 --> 00:29:06,120 Speaker 9: like we tell her what to say in English and 432 00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:08,080 Speaker 9: you'd say it in Spanish. 433 00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:12,360 Speaker 1: She spoke Spanish time all the time. It was primarily oh. 434 00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:14,200 Speaker 9: My Spanish, you know, and if it was English, it 435 00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:17,280 Speaker 9: was like English with like Spanish words kind of mixed 436 00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:20,600 Speaker 9: in there. And this was like this still makes me laugh. 437 00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:25,040 Speaker 9: I know it's not funny, besca. She turned to us 438 00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:28,720 Speaker 9: like stone faced, and she was like, I do not 439 00:29:28,840 --> 00:29:33,680 Speaker 9: speak Spanish. My husband's American husband is American. I do 440 00:29:33,800 --> 00:29:35,960 Speaker 9: not speak Spanish. And we were like what. 441 00:29:36,640 --> 00:29:39,320 Speaker 1: I was in shock. I had no idea what my 442 00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:43,160 Speaker 1: mother was doing. My dad had died in nineteen ninety seven, 443 00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:47,520 Speaker 1: fifteen years before, and my mom's first language had always 444 00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:52,520 Speaker 1: been Spanish, and suddenly she was refusing to speak it. 445 00:29:52,520 --> 00:29:53,760 Speaker 1: It didn't make any sense. 446 00:29:54,120 --> 00:29:57,680 Speaker 9: She was so distant in a place that we really 447 00:29:57,720 --> 00:29:59,480 Speaker 9: thought she was going to like come alive and be 448 00:29:59,520 --> 00:29:59,960 Speaker 9: really excit. 449 00:30:04,280 --> 00:30:06,760 Speaker 1: A few months after the trip to the Dominican Republic, 450 00:30:07,120 --> 00:30:09,360 Speaker 1: we were joined by aunt Grace and her husband Paul 451 00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:12,920 Speaker 1: for Thanksgiving, and Grace had noticed my mom had seemed 452 00:30:12,920 --> 00:30:17,480 Speaker 1: off lately and confronted us both. My mother said everything 453 00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:20,480 Speaker 1: was fine, and I chose to believe my mom. 454 00:30:20,920 --> 00:30:23,800 Speaker 2: Your mother did not want to get old. That's another 455 00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:27,680 Speaker 2: place she liked to stay the way she loved. She 456 00:30:27,760 --> 00:30:31,320 Speaker 2: wanted to be young. She did not want to get old. 457 00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:33,680 Speaker 1: But my mother was not okay. 458 00:30:34,080 --> 00:30:37,920 Speaker 9: She stopped liking people. You know, she have friends, and 459 00:30:37,920 --> 00:30:41,240 Speaker 9: then she didn't like them anymore. She got really reclusive, 460 00:30:41,360 --> 00:30:42,880 Speaker 9: she got angrier. 461 00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:48,479 Speaker 1: In December of twenty fifteen, I decided to go with 462 00:30:48,520 --> 00:30:52,440 Speaker 1: my mom to see her doctor. He suggested cognitive testing 463 00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:56,680 Speaker 1: and gave us a referral. Three months later, after a 464 00:30:56,720 --> 00:30:59,920 Speaker 1: series of tests, we ended up in a neurologist past 465 00:31:00,280 --> 00:31:04,680 Speaker 1: bronx waiting room filled with black and brown people. When 466 00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:07,320 Speaker 1: it was finally our turn, we were told my mom 467 00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:11,600 Speaker 1: had Alzheimer's disease. The doctor wrote down a few URLs 468 00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:15,680 Speaker 1: and told me to google it. A life altering, life 469 00:31:15,840 --> 00:31:19,600 Speaker 1: ending diagnosis was given to her in the same manner 470 00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:23,400 Speaker 1: I was told. I was nearsighted. I grabbed my mother's 471 00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:27,320 Speaker 1: hand as she stared blankly at the doctor. It was 472 00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:30,000 Speaker 1: clear she was just a number to him, part of 473 00:31:30,040 --> 00:31:33,120 Speaker 1: the statistic that shows a growing number of Latinos and 474 00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:37,440 Speaker 1: African Americans stricken by this disease. I soon learned that 475 00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:41,640 Speaker 1: African Americans are two times more likely and Latinos one 476 00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:44,840 Speaker 1: and a half times more likely to develop Alzheimer's disease 477 00:31:44,920 --> 00:31:48,000 Speaker 1: than white Americans. And so here is where my mom 478 00:31:48,000 --> 00:31:52,200 Speaker 1: and I clashed again. She struggled to believe the diagnosis 479 00:31:52,480 --> 00:31:55,120 Speaker 1: while I was researching the hell out of it and 480 00:31:55,160 --> 00:31:56,520 Speaker 1: trying to form a fight plan. 481 00:31:57,000 --> 00:32:01,440 Speaker 2: But your mother said to me, you know how she's 482 00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:05,080 Speaker 2: always taken. I said, your daughter talks a lot of stuff, 483 00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:08,720 Speaker 2: but a lot of stuff is true because she explores. 484 00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:12,320 Speaker 1: I was lost in my research and disgusted by what 485 00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:16,160 Speaker 1: I found. All the issues that play communities of color 486 00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:19,880 Speaker 1: converge in making Alzheimer's disease the last chapter of too 487 00:32:19,920 --> 00:32:24,600 Speaker 1: many of our lives. Low socioeconomic status, high rates of 488 00:32:24,640 --> 00:32:31,200 Speaker 1: cardiovascular disease, and a higher incidence of diabetes, high blood pressure, obesity, 489 00:32:31,480 --> 00:32:37,920 Speaker 1: and depression are aggravating factors, even education factors in Latinos 490 00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:40,720 Speaker 1: also may develop symptoms at a younger age than non 491 00:32:40,800 --> 00:32:46,800 Speaker 1: Latino whites. And the community is under resourced. Income, retirement 492 00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:50,200 Speaker 1: and pension benefits are far too thin to get too 493 00:32:50,240 --> 00:32:55,280 Speaker 1: many members of my community the help the resources it needs. 494 00:32:56,280 --> 00:32:59,280 Speaker 1: I thought about my future, Well, it's going to be 495 00:32:59,320 --> 00:33:04,400 Speaker 1: my end too, and I searched for answers, anything to help. 496 00:33:05,800 --> 00:33:09,880 Speaker 1: A few weeks after my mother received her diagnosis, hallucinations 497 00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:11,440 Speaker 1: began to take over her world. 498 00:33:11,920 --> 00:33:16,000 Speaker 9: She was seeing this boy like in her apartment. This 499 00:33:16,120 --> 00:33:20,040 Speaker 9: like evil boy to me, felt like big demon energy. 500 00:33:20,800 --> 00:33:24,880 Speaker 1: By the summer of twenty sixteen, things spiraled out of control. 501 00:33:25,480 --> 00:33:29,760 Speaker 1: My mother's behavior became more erratic, even dangerous. 502 00:33:29,880 --> 00:33:32,400 Speaker 9: And at one point it got so bad that she 503 00:33:32,560 --> 00:33:35,360 Speaker 9: was hiding knives so that she could stab the boy. 504 00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:39,160 Speaker 9: She needed an aid all the time because it just 505 00:33:39,240 --> 00:33:41,280 Speaker 9: wasn't safe for her to be alone. 506 00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:45,200 Speaker 1: Six months after getting her original diagnosis, I scrambled to 507 00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:48,600 Speaker 1: get her into a clinical trial. Latinos make up just 508 00:33:48,720 --> 00:33:52,600 Speaker 1: seven point five percent of research participants, and I read 509 00:33:52,640 --> 00:33:55,560 Speaker 1: that clinical trials are key to finding ways to help 510 00:33:56,120 --> 00:33:59,360 Speaker 1: not only my mom, but other Latinos caught in the 511 00:33:59,360 --> 00:34:02,840 Speaker 1: web of this disease. Since my mother was presenting with 512 00:34:02,920 --> 00:34:06,960 Speaker 1: psychotic tendencies, her new doctor suggests that this could help. 513 00:34:07,680 --> 00:34:11,440 Speaker 1: The time demands were horrific, the driving her back and 514 00:34:11,520 --> 00:34:15,280 Speaker 1: forth from the Bronx where she lived, to Columbia Presbyterian 515 00:34:15,320 --> 00:34:19,280 Speaker 1: Hospital in Upper Manhattan, the waiting in the office, interviews 516 00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:22,600 Speaker 1: with several doctors, the administration of the drug, which she 517 00:34:22,600 --> 00:34:26,520 Speaker 1: could not do herself. It was about six weeks of stress, 518 00:34:27,400 --> 00:34:29,160 Speaker 1: and in the end she got the placebo. 519 00:34:30,280 --> 00:34:33,480 Speaker 9: I was wrecked, and like things just got harder, Like 520 00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:35,240 Speaker 9: we couldn't do Christmas the same way. 521 00:34:35,600 --> 00:34:38,399 Speaker 1: I also discovered my mom had given away all her 522 00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:42,759 Speaker 1: money to mail order psychics who promised her riches. She 523 00:34:42,920 --> 00:34:46,080 Speaker 1: was always binge buying from catalogs. 524 00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:48,640 Speaker 9: And I feel like and it's because you like love 525 00:34:48,680 --> 00:34:50,520 Speaker 9: her and like see the best in her, and like 526 00:34:50,560 --> 00:34:56,480 Speaker 9: want her to be okay. But you always hope that 527 00:34:56,560 --> 00:34:59,879 Speaker 9: it's going to get better, and instead it gets worse. 528 00:35:00,520 --> 00:35:03,560 Speaker 1: And it did. The hallucinations of the boy and her 529 00:35:03,600 --> 00:35:06,719 Speaker 1: apartment were joined by Ice agents, who she believed were 530 00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:09,600 Speaker 1: coming to deport her, despite the fact that she was 531 00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:13,319 Speaker 1: an American citizen. She would call me frantic that they 532 00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:17,080 Speaker 1: were coming for her, begging me to help her. Things 533 00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:19,799 Speaker 1: kept spiraling out of control until she ended up in 534 00:35:19,840 --> 00:35:23,080 Speaker 1: the nursing home the last thing I wanted to happen. 535 00:35:24,480 --> 00:35:28,799 Speaker 1: And now my mom, who worked all her life, learned English, 536 00:35:29,120 --> 00:35:32,440 Speaker 1: raised two daughters, and gave me the tools to succeed, 537 00:35:33,520 --> 00:35:35,359 Speaker 1: her life has deteriorated to. 538 00:35:35,360 --> 00:35:42,680 Speaker 3: This Mommy Ramona, Ramonita Abulita. 539 00:35:46,920 --> 00:35:50,200 Speaker 1: My mom's nursing home is big. It's residents are mostly 540 00:35:50,239 --> 00:35:54,160 Speaker 1: black and Latino. Some strap boomboxes to their wheelchair, so 541 00:35:54,160 --> 00:35:57,680 Speaker 1: you often hear music like salsa or hip hop. The 542 00:35:57,719 --> 00:36:00,640 Speaker 1: elevators are very slow and it's a bit run down. 543 00:36:01,520 --> 00:36:05,640 Speaker 1: Before COVID they had started renovations, but it's a sad place, 544 00:36:06,400 --> 00:36:13,000 Speaker 1: not a lot of smiles. Hello, Hi, Hi. When COVID 545 00:36:13,040 --> 00:36:15,840 Speaker 1: first struck her nursing home, I took advantage of the 546 00:36:15,840 --> 00:36:19,919 Speaker 1: skype calls they offered, Hi, Mommy, Hi, how are you. 547 00:36:20,840 --> 00:36:23,319 Speaker 1: The first two or three I made, she seemed to 548 00:36:23,360 --> 00:36:25,200 Speaker 1: know who I was by the end of the call, 549 00:36:29,760 --> 00:36:33,600 Speaker 1: but the last few I had she had absolutely no idea. 550 00:36:34,239 --> 00:36:36,960 Speaker 7: Patients, they have no recreational activity. 551 00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:41,440 Speaker 1: They're isolated a lot. Iris, the nurse we heard from earlier, 552 00:36:41,600 --> 00:36:44,400 Speaker 1: told me about the extreme lockdown measures in my mother's 553 00:36:44,480 --> 00:36:47,800 Speaker 1: nursing home after the first case of COVID nineteen was 554 00:36:47,840 --> 00:36:49,360 Speaker 1: discovered back in March. 555 00:36:49,600 --> 00:36:53,040 Speaker 7: The little bit of stimulus they were able to absorb 556 00:36:53,200 --> 00:36:54,279 Speaker 7: has disappeared. 557 00:36:54,640 --> 00:36:57,239 Speaker 1: My mom did have a group of friends. She did 558 00:36:57,360 --> 00:37:00,880 Speaker 1: art classes, played bingo, went to church and love the 559 00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:04,120 Speaker 1: music group where they would play Celia Cruz, Mark Anthony 560 00:37:04,200 --> 00:37:07,440 Speaker 1: and Beyonce to the residents who would dance in their wheelchair. 561 00:37:08,400 --> 00:37:11,600 Speaker 1: Now she's wheeled into the hallway and play six feet 562 00:37:11,600 --> 00:37:14,120 Speaker 1: away from her friends so they can look at each other. 563 00:37:14,600 --> 00:37:19,960 Speaker 1: I've seen a lot of patients experience a tremendous decline. 564 00:37:20,120 --> 00:37:23,319 Speaker 1: That's my mom. I last saw her five months ago 565 00:37:23,400 --> 00:37:25,879 Speaker 1: and have no idea if or when I will see 566 00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:28,440 Speaker 1: her again. I know there has been a lot of 567 00:37:28,480 --> 00:37:30,799 Speaker 1: death in the nursing home, but I can't get a 568 00:37:30,840 --> 00:37:34,960 Speaker 1: straight answer to how many residents have died. Sometimes I 569 00:37:35,040 --> 00:37:38,600 Speaker 1: obsess over what's next, what will happen to her? What 570 00:37:38,760 --> 00:37:41,400 Speaker 1: is the timeline? But there is none. 571 00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:47,200 Speaker 7: It's a hard answer. I mean usually loss of functional status, 572 00:37:47,239 --> 00:37:52,920 Speaker 7: the loss of the ability to speak, weight loss, loss 573 00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:58,439 Speaker 7: of ability to feed yourself, more apathy. All of that 574 00:37:59,480 --> 00:38:07,000 Speaker 7: points to worsening dementia, and dementia is a fatal illness. 575 00:38:07,719 --> 00:38:10,120 Speaker 1: All I have at this point are memories to get 576 00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:13,120 Speaker 1: me through, like the last time she sang me Happy 577 00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:17,240 Speaker 1: Birthday last year before she truly lost the ability to speak. 578 00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:25,440 Speaker 5: Oh the virus they do you how they they are evil? 579 00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:30,160 Speaker 5: Have previstay. 580 00:38:33,960 --> 00:38:35,720 Speaker 1: And a little bit of Nola's wisdom. 581 00:38:36,320 --> 00:38:39,080 Speaker 9: I don't expect anything from her. I can always just 582 00:38:39,120 --> 00:38:41,759 Speaker 9: see that face value and be happy that they get 583 00:38:41,800 --> 00:38:42,680 Speaker 9: to see her at all. 584 00:38:43,239 --> 00:38:45,399 Speaker 1: Nola is so my mom's grandchild. 585 00:38:45,880 --> 00:38:49,239 Speaker 9: I don't care. I don't care if she remembers me 586 00:38:49,360 --> 00:38:56,080 Speaker 9: or not, if she knows my name like okay, and 587 00:38:56,160 --> 00:38:58,319 Speaker 9: if she doesn't, like, that's okay too. 588 00:38:59,120 --> 00:39:00,920 Speaker 1: And so I asked her she could reach her just 589 00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:03,400 Speaker 1: one more time. What she would want to talk to 590 00:39:03,440 --> 00:39:03,960 Speaker 1: her about. 591 00:39:04,360 --> 00:39:08,040 Speaker 9: Her hair is getting so long, and it's really soft, 592 00:39:08,280 --> 00:39:10,960 Speaker 9: and it's really gorgeous. And I wish you could tell, 593 00:39:11,040 --> 00:39:14,840 Speaker 9: like completely lucid Aqualita that her hair looks really. 594 00:39:14,719 --> 00:39:22,040 Speaker 1: Nice and my mom's hair, for the first time in 595 00:39:22,080 --> 00:39:26,200 Speaker 1: her life, is natural. I wish I could tell her 596 00:39:26,200 --> 00:39:30,000 Speaker 1: about my daughter Margot's high school parking Lot graduation, and 597 00:39:30,040 --> 00:39:32,280 Speaker 1: I wish I could tell her that Nolah's doing great 598 00:39:32,320 --> 00:39:35,239 Speaker 1: in college and in love. And I wish I could 599 00:39:35,320 --> 00:39:38,040 Speaker 1: fill her in on all the gossip tell her stories 600 00:39:38,080 --> 00:39:41,560 Speaker 1: about my hectic job, and I wish that she would 601 00:39:41,640 --> 00:39:47,720 Speaker 1: remember me, always remember me, her daughter, her only living daughter. 602 00:39:49,440 --> 00:39:54,160 Speaker 3: Hi, Mommy, it's Yvonne Ybonne. 603 00:39:53,200 --> 00:40:01,800 Speaker 1: Who e her? But she does remember me anymore. 604 00:40:03,320 --> 00:40:03,480 Speaker 7: So. 605 00:40:03,560 --> 00:40:08,560 Speaker 1: In the end, COVID nineteen did take my mom, not physically, 606 00:40:09,320 --> 00:40:12,799 Speaker 1: but it took what was left of her essence. I 607 00:40:12,880 --> 00:40:17,480 Speaker 1: love her, and I choose to hold her memories until 608 00:40:17,520 --> 00:40:19,800 Speaker 1: I too, am just a memory. 609 00:40:37,320 --> 00:40:40,280 Speaker 6: Our thanks to Yvonne Lattie for bringing us that story. 610 00:40:40,600 --> 00:40:43,759 Speaker 6: Yvonne is a journalist who also teaches journalism at New 611 00:40:43,840 --> 00:40:48,120 Speaker 6: York University. Alzheimer's In Color is a collaboration with Black 612 00:40:48,200 --> 00:40:52,600 Speaker 6: Public Media with funding provided by the Corporation for Public Broadcasting. 613 00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:56,280 Speaker 6: We want to thank Denise Green from BPM, Jason Risendez, 614 00:40:56,440 --> 00:41:02,239 Speaker 6: the organization Latinos Against Alzheimer's Andel pifer. If you need 615 00:41:02,280 --> 00:41:06,400 Speaker 6: help or support in navigating Alzheimer's disease, contact the Alzheimer's 616 00:41:06,440 --> 00:41:23,920 Speaker 6: Association at alz dot org. This episode was edited by 617 00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:28,960 Speaker 6: Luis Trees. The Latino USA team includes Niel macis Sofia Palisaka, 618 00:41:29,200 --> 00:41:34,200 Speaker 6: Julieta Martinelli, Gini Montalbo, Alissa Scarce, and Alejandra Sarrassad with 619 00:41:34,280 --> 00:41:38,480 Speaker 6: help from Andrea Lopez Grusado, adrian Na Tapiaz and Raoul Perez. 620 00:41:38,880 --> 00:41:42,360 Speaker 6: Fact checking by Amy Tardiff. Our engineers are Stephanie Lebou, 621 00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:45,880 Speaker 6: Julia Caruso, and Leah Shaw. Our Director of programming and 622 00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:47,920 Speaker 6: Operations is Natalia Friedelholz. 623 00:41:48,200 --> 00:41:49,480 Speaker 1: Our digital editor. 624 00:41:49,280 --> 00:41:52,920 Speaker 6: Is Amandel Canterra. Our New York Coomen's Foundation Ignite fellow 625 00:41:53,040 --> 00:41:56,719 Speaker 6: is Julia Rocha. Our intern is Sofia Sanchez. Our theme 626 00:41:56,800 --> 00:41:58,760 Speaker 6: music was composed by Senior Rorinos. 627 00:41:59,200 --> 00:41:59,680 Speaker 1: If you like the. 628 00:41:59,719 --> 00:42:02,960 Speaker 6: Music you heard on this episode, stop by Latinousa dot 629 00:42:03,040 --> 00:42:06,279 Speaker 6: org and check out our weekly Spotify playlist. I'm your 630 00:42:06,280 --> 00:42:09,520 Speaker 6: host and executive producer Maria no Josa. And a reminder 631 00:42:09,600 --> 00:42:13,200 Speaker 6: Alzheimer's touches many of us. My own father passed away 632 00:42:13,200 --> 00:42:19,000 Speaker 6: from complications of Alzheimer's in twenty fifteen. Puppy giisconsis in bus. 633 00:42:20,760 --> 00:42:23,799 Speaker 9: Funding for Latino USA is coverage of a culture of 634 00:42:23,840 --> 00:42:26,440 Speaker 9: Health is made possible in part by a grant from 635 00:42:26,440 --> 00:42:28,200 Speaker 9: the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation. 636 00:42:28,920 --> 00:42:33,239 Speaker 5: Latino USA is made possible in part by New York 637 00:42:33,320 --> 00:42:37,960 Speaker 5: Women's Foundation. The New York Women's Foundation funding women leaders 638 00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:42,040 Speaker 5: that build solutions in their communities and celebrating thirty years 639 00:42:42,080 --> 00:42:45,960 Speaker 5: of radical generosity and the wind Coat Foundation