WEBVTT - EP 376: Needles, UTI’s, & Turtlenecks 0:00:02.560 --> 0:00:04.200 Guess what decision we're about to make? 0:00:04.720 --> 0:00:05.800 Horrible decision? 0:00:08.720 --> 0:00:13.000 How do y'all Welcome to another episode of horrible decision? 0:00:13.200 --> 0:00:18.360 Boy do a hat make y'all goddamn Welcome y'all, it's 0:00:18.440 --> 0:00:21.040 your girl man e v ak a full court pumps 0:00:21.079 --> 0:00:26.040 a ka dot. Hi, everybody, my name is Weezy. We're 0:00:26.079 --> 0:00:28.200 back for another episode of horrible. We don't have a 0:00:28.240 --> 0:00:31.240 guest today, which means we're not fighting, which means it's 0:00:31.280 --> 0:00:35.600 gonna be a great fucking episode. And y'all get to 0:00:35.600 --> 0:00:38.440 hear us finally talk about ourselves because for whatever reason, 0:00:38.720 --> 0:00:41.279 y'all motherfuckers want to act like we talk about ourselves 0:00:41.280 --> 0:00:43.480 too much when we got a motherfucking guess, So now 0:00:43.720 --> 0:00:47.160 we have the motherfucking floor And damn didn't I say 0:00:47.159 --> 0:00:49.600 we shouldn't have been cussing this much early on in 0:00:49.640 --> 0:00:54.840 the goddamn motherfucking shit My bad. I also do want 0:00:54.840 --> 0:01:00.560 to address a comment. Oh, I know, I know. 0:01:00.640 --> 0:01:02.880 You're going to get somebody who no, no, no, it's not even. 0:01:02.760 --> 0:01:04.959 That I'm going to get it, but I just want 0:01:05.000 --> 0:01:07.360 to address it because it was also it was also 0:01:07.400 --> 0:01:10.040 a comment that I ended up bringing up bitch in 0:01:10.120 --> 0:01:14.160 my therapy, pus A hope, and I don't let these 0:01:14.200 --> 0:01:16.679 wople things they be making you go to therapy. No, no, no, no, 0:01:16.880 --> 0:01:19.839 y'all hoes are not making me go to therapy at all. 0:01:20.720 --> 0:01:22.080 Said, I should have been in there anyway. 0:01:22.240 --> 0:01:24.320 So well, bitch, I've been in there like a good 0:01:24.360 --> 0:01:27.480 four years now. But I just wanted to read it 0:01:27.520 --> 0:01:33.920 because I wanted to kind of respond on ay, I 0:01:34.000 --> 0:01:37.839 don't agree, but also why you can suck my dick 0:01:37.880 --> 0:01:38.399 from the back. 0:01:39.840 --> 0:01:43.000 Damn, I know, ain't that crazy? Team? I hope it's 0:01:43.040 --> 0:01:46.360 not in my other phone. It might be in my 0:01:46.440 --> 0:01:50.240 other phone. Damn, my bad, my bad. 0:01:50.480 --> 0:01:53.320 Anyways, this is the problem. I have two phones now, 0:01:53.440 --> 0:01:55.840 and so it's probably a man. He said, I have 0:01:55.920 --> 0:01:57.160 two phones that I go to industry. 0:01:57.200 --> 0:01:58.560 Ready, shut the fuck up. 0:01:58.960 --> 0:02:04.120 Anyways, it was a comment on the YouTube that what 0:02:04.200 --> 0:02:07.600 episode was it. I think it was our last solo one, okay, 0:02:08.560 --> 0:02:11.400 and I think it was in reference to me talking 0:02:11.440 --> 0:02:16.040 about not feeling safe with certain men. But the comment 0:02:17.520 --> 0:02:22.920 referenced that I trauma dump on this podcast, and it 0:02:23.000 --> 0:02:26.120 was just so interesting to me because I don't like 0:02:26.160 --> 0:02:28.120 the word trauma dump. But I also know that you 0:02:28.160 --> 0:02:31.640 and I spoke heavily about as well maybe in another episode. 0:02:32.919 --> 0:02:33.880 I just don't like that. 0:02:34.040 --> 0:02:36.480 No emotional dumping, that's what I called it, the emotional dumping, 0:02:36.520 --> 0:02:39.960 but the trauma dumping. To me, I was just like, uh, nigga, 0:02:39.960 --> 0:02:43.560 what like A, this is my life. B We're literally 0:02:43.600 --> 0:02:46.519 going through things in real time, and to me, there's 0:02:46.520 --> 0:02:48.520 no way for y'all to see the growth of you 0:02:48.800 --> 0:02:54.079 or myself without referencing like the things that have affected 0:02:54.160 --> 0:02:57.000 us or things and why we view things the way 0:02:57.000 --> 0:02:59.560 we do. And so I just didn't like that comment, 0:02:59.680 --> 0:03:04.520 and I wanted to tell you, respectfully to suck my 0:03:04.600 --> 0:03:08.240 dick from the back, especially because I think that I 0:03:08.280 --> 0:03:12.560 think that us sharing our traumas or the things that 0:03:12.600 --> 0:03:16.799 we go through within dating, our relationships, our friendships, I'm 0:03:16.880 --> 0:03:19.519 in hell, even you and me, I feel like it's 0:03:19.520 --> 0:03:22.160 not trauma dumping as much as it's like, Hey, this 0:03:22.200 --> 0:03:24.240 is what's happening, this is how I'm handling it, this 0:03:24.320 --> 0:03:28.360 is what I'm going through. And you know, So for 0:03:28.400 --> 0:03:32.080 anyone listening to this podcast who thinks that we may 0:03:32.120 --> 0:03:35.200 be trauma dumping or sharing too much, I do think 0:03:35.240 --> 0:03:39.760 we share too much. Sometimes, Yeah, I will say we 0:03:39.800 --> 0:03:43.720 probably do share too much. But I want to say, 0:03:43.880 --> 0:03:48.520 you see, and actually it's interesting because there's two conflicting comments. 0:03:48.560 --> 0:03:52.600 So someone said, oh her, it wasn't actually a bad comment. 0:03:52.920 --> 0:03:54.600 Eh love that Mandy's. 0:03:54.520 --> 0:03:56.440 Tay that shit to motherfucking therapy. Is what the fuck 0:03:56.480 --> 0:03:57.720 she's said, bitch, we'll read it. 0:03:57.760 --> 0:04:00.000 Which love that Mandy's working through her trauma and theory, 0:04:00.280 --> 0:04:02.760 but it's starting to feel like trauma dunking, and I 0:04:02.800 --> 0:04:05.280 think she needs to have a conversation with her therapist 0:04:05.600 --> 0:04:08.880 about the frequency in which she shares her trauma. That 0:04:09.040 --> 0:04:12.520 isn't a bad comment, I don't. She didn't kept it 0:04:12.520 --> 0:04:16.600 to herself. Yeah, like, but twenty one likes is crazy. 0:04:16.600 --> 0:04:20.480 And you're supposed to have Oh no, Theanna. 0:04:20.279 --> 0:04:21.599 Got enough dick ball of y'all. 0:04:21.680 --> 0:04:25.760 But you know what, that's a really interesting comment in conversation, 0:04:25.920 --> 0:04:29.279 not making it about you. Yes, the frequency in which you 0:04:29.360 --> 0:04:36.240 share like that's interesting because frequency like because obviously you 0:04:36.279 --> 0:04:39.880 have to be emotional. But to me, I recently had 0:04:39.880 --> 0:04:41.599 a friend that was sharing a lot of stuff she 0:04:41.600 --> 0:04:44.720 didn't like about a partner. Okay, it was so frequent 0:04:44.920 --> 0:04:47.120 that I felt like we were supposed to hate this nigga, 0:04:47.760 --> 0:04:51.720 And when we all went out together. She was like 0:04:51.800 --> 0:04:53.800 kind of confused why I was being stand offish. I'm like, 0:04:54.360 --> 0:04:56.120 every time I speak to you, I wouldn't want to 0:04:56.120 --> 0:04:58.040 be around a nigga. And she's like, yeah, but it's 0:04:58.080 --> 0:05:01.360 just girlfriend. She's is just venting. And I think you 0:05:01.400 --> 0:05:03.600 actually do have a barometer for how much you can 0:05:03.720 --> 0:05:06.200 do that before someone starts to even look at it, 0:05:06.240 --> 0:05:08.799 like maybe they could even think Mandy is not happy, 0:05:09.240 --> 0:05:12.720 or they could think Mandy hasn't healed. 0:05:13.480 --> 0:05:14.320 Whatever the fun they want. 0:05:14.360 --> 0:05:16.960 Well, I'll say though to me, like, and I get 0:05:17.120 --> 0:05:20.760 the how often you're sharing your trauma as one thing 0:05:21.279 --> 0:05:25.120 I think for this podcast, we do outlines. I specifically 0:05:25.160 --> 0:05:26.839 come in and know things that I want to share 0:05:27.720 --> 0:05:31.480 on this podcast. It's crazy because I also realize how 0:05:32.200 --> 0:05:33.560 private public I am. 0:05:33.600 --> 0:05:35.000 Like I'm battling. 0:05:34.680 --> 0:05:37.520 With actually how much I don't share and the things 0:05:37.520 --> 0:05:39.600 that I want to keep private and what I share 0:05:39.600 --> 0:05:40.400 on this pod. 0:05:40.320 --> 0:05:45.080 About your personal life or about people both both. 0:05:45.279 --> 0:05:48.400 I'm I think I'm really open about what I'm dealing 0:05:48.480 --> 0:05:52.320 with personally on this podcast and and therapy and bitch 0:05:52.320 --> 0:05:55.560 we're writing a book, so baby, y'all about to y'all 0:05:55.600 --> 0:05:58.040 about to hear it but or read it not hear 0:05:58.080 --> 0:06:01.560 it well and hear it we're doing audiobook. But to me, 0:06:01.680 --> 0:06:04.480 my partners and the things that I choose to share, 0:06:04.480 --> 0:06:06.960 and how I choose to navigate, and the way I 0:06:07.000 --> 0:06:10.480 specifically choose to leave certain things out or kind of 0:06:11.360 --> 0:06:13.920 exaggerate things just so people don't even start to try 0:06:13.960 --> 0:06:19.680 to guess, like I don't know, just battling that I I. 0:06:19.680 --> 0:06:20.920 Don't want to say it like this because it is 0:06:20.960 --> 0:06:24.600 going to sound do it right. I'm so happy right 0:06:24.600 --> 0:06:26.120 now that I'm just scared to talk about it. 0:06:26.360 --> 0:06:28.360 Could you be talking about it every episode? No? 0:06:28.360 --> 0:06:32.640 No, oh, not to the extent that you could be like, uh, 0:06:32.920 --> 0:06:34.800 whether how I'm love I am, how safe I'm feeling. 0:06:34.839 --> 0:06:37.800 I'll tell fun stories a little even. For example, I 0:06:37.800 --> 0:06:41.400 shared something on Patreon about a conversation at a wedding 0:06:41.480 --> 0:06:46.080 we had right and even I was like, I'm telling 0:06:46.120 --> 0:06:48.680 this story just because I think other couples may be 0:06:48.800 --> 0:06:51.479 having conversations or it's an interesting thing to bring up, 0:06:52.160 --> 0:06:54.359 But I'm only doing it for the sake of bringing 0:06:54.400 --> 0:06:58.040 this conversation to the show. I'm so happy, Like and uh, 0:06:59.160 --> 0:07:02.240 I think when you share certain things, people can like 0:07:02.320 --> 0:07:04.920 literally they have this view on this is what I 0:07:05.000 --> 0:07:07.760 know about this person. But like, yeah, I really like 0:07:08.240 --> 0:07:09.840 strongly believe in evil eye. 0:07:10.120 --> 0:07:14.000 I'm so scared. Then there's this other thing that's kind 0:07:14.040 --> 0:07:14.760 of ridiculous. 0:07:14.760 --> 0:07:19.560 But I thought to myself, what if there's someone that 0:07:19.800 --> 0:07:22.480 knows maybe from his past, that still got feelings or 0:07:22.760 --> 0:07:24.360 that knows that he's ay to me, and now this 0:07:24.400 --> 0:07:25.800 is where they collect the info. 0:07:26.160 --> 0:07:28.000 I just just anything, just someone watching. 0:07:28.040 --> 0:07:30.320 And it's probably because I have a close friend of 0:07:30.360 --> 0:07:32.840 mine who's a witch and now hope he getting me scared? Bro, 0:07:33.360 --> 0:07:35.920 she really really does though about like power of the tongue. 0:07:36.000 --> 0:07:39.880 We've talked about this too in a manifestation. But it's 0:07:40.000 --> 0:07:42.640 weird because, like the happiness that I want to share, 0:07:42.680 --> 0:07:45.160 I'm scared to talk about it out loud and fear 0:07:45.200 --> 0:07:47.400 that it'll go away, even in writing about it in 0:07:47.440 --> 0:07:47.880 a book. 0:07:48.560 --> 0:07:50.559 I was sitting at a party. 0:07:50.600 --> 0:07:54.760 It was Lenneus, and I shared with him the love 0:07:54.840 --> 0:07:57.360 chapter and I shared. 0:07:57.080 --> 0:07:59.960 It just like a part of it because he was 0:08:00.120 --> 0:08:01.520 how's the book coming in? Him? 0:08:01.560 --> 0:08:02.960 And I don't even talk that much, but I did 0:08:03.040 --> 0:08:05.600 share it and he literally said, in front of my 0:08:05.720 --> 0:08:08.160 man and other people, not that it was a problem. 0:08:08.160 --> 0:08:11.080 But it's an honest question. What if you guys break up, 0:08:12.280 --> 0:08:15.440 like you just wrote this amazing thing. Oh yeah, No, 0:08:16.360 --> 0:08:18.440 We've been working on this book for over a year. 0:08:18.760 --> 0:08:22.200 I was with my ex when we thought about our chapters. 0:08:22.440 --> 0:08:24.680 I've had to re envision those chapters because I'm no 0:08:24.720 --> 0:08:27.760 longer with him. I'm actually elated that we did not 0:08:27.800 --> 0:08:30.840 write this book and complete it while I was with him. Yeah, 0:08:31.120 --> 0:08:33.679 I mean, I remember you and I were having a 0:08:33.720 --> 0:08:36.440 lot of tension in the beginning because I was like, bro, 0:08:36.640 --> 0:08:40.400 what and now you're you definitely have a different if 0:08:40.440 --> 0:08:41.480 you're in the headspace. 0:08:41.480 --> 0:08:45.240 But and I will share that, share what. 0:08:45.600 --> 0:08:47.400 I remember the exact phone call where I was like, 0:08:47.400 --> 0:08:48.440 what the fuck is Romamandi? 0:08:48.559 --> 0:08:48.880 Right now? 0:08:48.920 --> 0:08:52.280 We were talking Charlemagne maybe jumped on the call, and 0:08:52.320 --> 0:08:54.240 You're like, I don't need to write a book about sex. 0:08:54.280 --> 0:08:55.920 I don't need to include sex. I don't need to 0:08:55.920 --> 0:08:56.360 talk about that. 0:08:56.400 --> 0:08:59.439 No, no, no, The problem is you wanted to be 0:08:59.640 --> 0:09:03.959 a and I was going through a phase in therapy 0:09:04.360 --> 0:09:07.720 with shame from my twenties, right and you were like, shame, 0:09:08.280 --> 0:09:11.840 we are horrible decisions and we can't be shameful of 0:09:11.880 --> 0:09:12.400 our past. 0:09:12.800 --> 0:09:15.280 You don't have that. Why no, no, no, it's not that. 0:09:15.280 --> 0:09:15.920 That's not true. 0:09:15.960 --> 0:09:19.040 Oh okay, I've definitely worked through my own things in therapy. 0:09:19.280 --> 0:09:20.480 I just maybe I haven't shared it. 0:09:20.720 --> 0:09:27.280 But no, I think the disconnect was what you're experiencing 0:09:27.280 --> 0:09:28.040 in therapy one. 0:09:28.120 --> 0:09:30.880 I don't know. So when you're saying things you're ashamed of. 0:09:31.080 --> 0:09:33.840 In my head, I'm like, Mandy, we're writing a book 0:09:33.840 --> 0:09:35.520 about celebrating these things. 0:09:35.600 --> 0:09:38.559 We are who we are, How suddenly you hate? Oh no? 0:09:38.760 --> 0:09:41.240 I literally tell I was on the call of Monument 0:09:41.360 --> 0:09:46.360 Charlemagne with the publisher and maybe Karen was on it, 0:09:46.920 --> 0:09:50.600 maybe maybe, And I literally am like, weezy, I am 0:09:50.640 --> 0:09:54.880 not celebrating or telling any young girl to have sex 0:09:54.960 --> 0:09:57.680 for their rents. I can't believe I was having sex 0:09:57.760 --> 0:10:00.880 for some little ass five hundred dollars. Like I literally 0:10:00.920 --> 0:10:04.040 am like, I am not celebrating fucking for rent or 0:10:04.080 --> 0:10:04.680 to pay bill. 0:10:04.760 --> 0:10:06.120 But I'm being real though. 0:10:07.000 --> 0:10:10.960 I actually don't think you're wrong in that. But I 0:10:11.000 --> 0:10:13.320 also think it's wrong to think someone that does fuck 0:10:13.360 --> 0:10:13.640 for some. 0:10:13.800 --> 0:10:15.840 Money is So I'm not saying that they're wrong. I 0:10:15.880 --> 0:10:16.439 know you weren't. 0:10:16.600 --> 0:10:19.679 But when that attitude was how it started to come 0:10:19.679 --> 0:10:23.079 off in my brain because whereas your sugar is a miscommunication. 0:10:23.880 --> 0:10:25.640 No, I think it was also your therapy. You was 0:10:25.679 --> 0:10:27.800 deeping it, bitch. Yeah, but I mean I'm still deep 0:10:27.800 --> 0:10:28.280 in it. No. 0:10:28.280 --> 0:10:32.200 No, through breakup and that and your man at the time, 0:10:33.360 --> 0:10:34.360 right through that on me. 0:10:34.640 --> 0:10:37.959 There's another layer of when you throw it in my face. 0:10:38.000 --> 0:10:39.760 Oh wait, you said, damn Eddie, you don't know what 0:10:39.800 --> 0:10:42.960 that nigga said. I might have only even shared it 0:10:43.000 --> 0:10:43.600 on Patreon. 0:10:44.080 --> 0:10:46.440 So the very last thing that you want to share, 0:10:46.679 --> 0:10:47.080 that's fine. 0:10:47.200 --> 0:10:50.319 I might have shared it on patrem Like I said, 0:10:50.480 --> 0:10:51.079 the job. 0:10:52.679 --> 0:10:54.120 I want to put into perspective. 0:10:54.480 --> 0:10:56.320 I met him in twenty twenty, so by the time 0:10:56.320 --> 0:10:59.120 I had met him, bitch, I was well into six figures. 0:10:59.200 --> 0:11:00.520 I had already quit my job. 0:11:01.040 --> 0:11:03.800 I was living on my own, no roommates, like he 0:11:03.920 --> 0:11:06.440 met me at a great point in my life where 0:11:06.480 --> 0:11:09.120 he didn't know about what I was doing. 0:11:09.360 --> 0:11:11.440 Did I share and open up about my past with 0:11:11.520 --> 0:11:14.160 my partner. Yes. So the very last thing that let 0:11:14.200 --> 0:11:15.760 me know I would never. 0:11:16.080 --> 0:11:20.760 Suck this nigga's dick again was literally we were arguing 0:11:21.240 --> 0:11:23.160 and when I went to break up with him because 0:11:23.160 --> 0:11:25.520 I said, I'm not doing this emotional rollercoaster with your ass. 0:11:25.559 --> 0:11:29.240 No more that Nigga said, Oh, that's fine, you must 0:11:29.280 --> 0:11:30.760 go want to go fuck for money because that's what 0:11:30.800 --> 0:11:31.680 you like to do, right. 0:11:32.840 --> 0:11:35.000 Okay, What he's so weak for this? 0:11:35.360 --> 0:11:37.760 Why he said you just want to go fuck for money? 0:11:37.800 --> 0:11:40.040 Because that's what I also want to say, and why 0:11:40.080 --> 0:11:41.719 I think this is a very weak thing to do. 0:11:43.400 --> 0:11:45.439 I'm going through that shit and therapy right. That's when 0:11:45.440 --> 0:11:46.599 he throws it in my face. 0:11:46.440 --> 0:11:47.520 When in a disagreement. 0:11:48.760 --> 0:11:52.080 People, people know when you're vulnerable, the things that are 0:11:52.200 --> 0:11:55.679 so hurtful to you or like whatever would make you 0:11:55.720 --> 0:11:57.240 feel a way as much as you're talking on this 0:11:57.240 --> 0:11:58.880 podcast about how you love that you can walk in 0:11:58.880 --> 0:12:02.840 a certain space or whatever. He knew exactly what. And honestly, Mandy, 0:12:03.400 --> 0:12:06.680 a random person saying it doesn't matter. It's the intent 0:12:06.880 --> 0:12:09.120 that you know you want to hurt me anyone in 0:12:09.160 --> 0:12:12.320 my life that has said certain things to me to stick. 0:12:13.040 --> 0:12:17.480 It's worse because a random person doesn't really feel like anything, 0:12:17.760 --> 0:12:19.640 but you knowing that you were in my safe space 0:12:19.679 --> 0:12:21.400 then and now you do this, bro. 0:12:21.800 --> 0:12:24.240 But not only that, I I listen to people with 0:12:24.320 --> 0:12:26.800 words so like where I don't know how y'all do 0:12:26.840 --> 0:12:27.240 y'all relate? 0:12:28.760 --> 0:12:32.920 I listen to more words to us? You know that 0:12:33.000 --> 0:12:38.079 did sound okay, like right, like fuck up? 0:12:38.520 --> 0:12:45.240 No, Like to me, I don't shut. 0:12:43.960 --> 0:12:44.480 The fuck up. 0:12:44.840 --> 0:12:48.440 To me, I don't get into arguments with my friends 0:12:48.760 --> 0:12:51.240 or my partners where we go below the belt and 0:12:51.280 --> 0:12:55.080 then get over it. So like I'm not arguing and 0:12:55.120 --> 0:12:58.000 saying ship that I can't take back and a nigga 0:12:58.200 --> 0:13:00.240 as soon as you say something and that ship don't 0:13:00.280 --> 0:13:03.400 fucking fly with it, deuces, I'm good on you. So 0:13:03.559 --> 0:13:06.520 that was even the first time he had like he 0:13:06.559 --> 0:13:09.160 had dug so deep, I mean clearly the emails to 0:13:09.240 --> 0:13:11.640 follow after we no longer spoke and he wrote me 0:13:11.679 --> 0:13:16.080 those emails that I was no nigga, nigga, nigga nigga. 0:13:16.160 --> 0:13:19.480 No them emails dug even deeper, like to where he 0:13:19.520 --> 0:13:23.440 brought up like my mom, my dad, my friends, and 0:13:23.679 --> 0:13:26.280 was like it was really it was really hurtful. It 0:13:26.320 --> 0:13:30.040 was really hurtful. It was really hurtful. And so he 0:13:30.080 --> 0:13:31.600 brought up what about your friends, what do you mean 0:13:31.960 --> 0:13:32.760 He just brought. 0:13:32.600 --> 0:13:32.959 Up like. 0:13:35.760 --> 0:13:39.440 He said, oh, I love myself and just talking about 0:13:39.480 --> 0:13:43.320 like how I'm a liar because I hang around people 0:13:43.360 --> 0:13:45.400 that I'm not even friends with, and I'm not cool. 0:13:45.520 --> 0:13:47.719 He talked about how Ibby stooding up on at the time, 0:13:47.800 --> 0:13:49.160 both my pods and you. 0:13:49.200 --> 0:13:52.480 And I'm like, niggas you and you. 0:13:52.480 --> 0:13:54.600 You let me know how them nigga's in the firehouse 0:13:54.640 --> 0:13:55.480 ain't really fuck with you? 0:13:55.520 --> 0:13:57.000 So what did you talk about? This is the first 0:13:57.040 --> 0:13:58.880 time he crossed Is this the first time he crossed 0:13:58.880 --> 0:13:59.400 that line? Though? 0:14:00.040 --> 0:14:02.800 And it was the first and last, Like he had 0:14:02.840 --> 0:14:06.320 lied to me, he had betrayed my trust, absolutely, but 0:14:06.920 --> 0:14:09.400 this was the first time he had attacked me on 0:14:09.400 --> 0:14:13.480 a personal level and the last, like I never went back. 0:14:13.520 --> 0:14:15.280 I never had another conversation with him. 0:14:15.320 --> 0:14:18.280 But also here's the thing too, when it comes to 0:14:18.640 --> 0:14:21.880 friendships and what we choose to do, Like, that's the 0:14:21.920 --> 0:14:22.640 other thing I don't like. 0:14:23.000 --> 0:14:26.200 First of all, I pillow talk. Here we go. 0:14:26.520 --> 0:14:29.320 You wanted to say that motherfucking word the same way 0:14:29.360 --> 0:14:31.480 you want to just talk about words and ears and listening. 0:14:32.080 --> 0:14:36.040 I like to, well, at least pillo talk, and I 0:14:36.200 --> 0:14:38.400 like to pillow talk, and I feel like that's a 0:14:38.440 --> 0:14:39.280 normal relationship. 0:14:39.280 --> 0:14:39.480 Shit. 0:14:39.680 --> 0:14:41.680 Yeah, so my homegirl calls me and said some shit, 0:14:41.680 --> 0:14:43.080 and I'm just like whatever. 0:14:43.200 --> 0:14:43.400 Right. 0:14:44.680 --> 0:14:47.640 It's so strange to me that men then throaty. You 0:14:47.680 --> 0:14:48.320 don't even like. 0:14:48.280 --> 0:14:51.640 Her, Like, bro, we all do this? Where all do you? 0:14:51.680 --> 0:14:54.440 I'm like, stop it. I think that shit is so corny. 0:14:54.920 --> 0:14:58.280 But Bron, this is the reason. Like when I talk 0:14:58.320 --> 0:15:00.640 about being happy, I feel like, Okay, stuff I'm learning. 0:15:00.680 --> 0:15:01.160 Let me say that. 0:15:01.160 --> 0:15:03.480 I don't want to say, oh I'm happy and this avenue, 0:15:03.480 --> 0:15:07.280 but stuff, stuff I'm learning. I hit below the belt 0:15:07.280 --> 0:15:08.800 with old bay Way more than he did with me. 0:15:08.960 --> 0:15:10.680 But I did it because I was so angry when 0:15:10.720 --> 0:15:12.360 he cheated that I was like, oh, what do I 0:15:12.360 --> 0:15:17.040 do to you? Back in this current relationship, I have 0:15:17.080 --> 0:15:20.120 been having constant conversation with him about how we're having 0:15:20.280 --> 0:15:22.520 really good and safe disagreements. 0:15:23.160 --> 0:15:24.400 The only thing that's tough. 0:15:25.520 --> 0:15:27.320 I like to walk away from an argument and come 0:15:27.360 --> 0:15:30.520 back later because I'd be like, oh, let's table our emotions. 0:15:30.520 --> 0:15:32.080 He's like no, Like, we're not kids. 0:15:32.160 --> 0:15:34.560 This is we finished this out, Like we have this 0:15:34.640 --> 0:15:38.040 conversation and then we table it. We're not about to 0:15:38.080 --> 0:15:40.720 have a twelve hour break so you can cool off. 0:15:40.720 --> 0:15:44.440 We're adults, Like, let's talk this through this. And I mean, at. 0:15:44.280 --> 0:15:46.800 First I need to leave there's a time and place 0:15:46.880 --> 0:15:49.680 like Bruce. 0:15:48.440 --> 0:15:52.120 It's actually worked a little better because maybe in a 0:15:52.120 --> 0:15:53.960 way where I'll walk away quicker if I know I'm angry, 0:15:54.000 --> 0:15:56.280 I'll be like no, no, no no. And so it's really 0:15:56.360 --> 0:15:58.760 dealing with me being a hotter head than him, okay, 0:15:58.960 --> 0:16:00.720 and so he's like, yo, you have to learn how 0:16:00.720 --> 0:16:04.320 to fucking manage that, and like, haven't open mind when 0:16:04.320 --> 0:16:06.640 you're talking and not get so fucking riled up. 0:16:07.160 --> 0:16:09.000 And I'm I'm learning a lot. 0:16:08.840 --> 0:16:13.320 About communication when you're disagreeing that I haven't romantically before. 0:16:14.040 --> 0:16:15.800 And I'm enjoying. 0:16:15.360 --> 0:16:18.040 That process, Like there's a lot of respect that I'm 0:16:18.120 --> 0:16:21.160 giving that I haven't before. I also have a lot 0:16:21.200 --> 0:16:26.400 of niggas ain't shit PTSD in trauma that like I'll 0:16:26.440 --> 0:16:28.760 act like you did something that you've never done, Like 0:16:29.440 --> 0:16:30.360 you know what I mean, Like, oh. 0:16:30.320 --> 0:16:32.800 Yeah, not as crazy and it's hard. Yeah, you alone. 0:16:33.080 --> 0:16:34.760 When I say act like you've did something you've never done, 0:16:34.800 --> 0:16:35.640 it could be something like. 0:16:37.560 --> 0:16:39.040 I don't know, I'm feeling really time I'll go to bed, 0:16:39.040 --> 0:16:40.760 why because you about to fucking other bitch type shit? 0:16:40.920 --> 0:16:44.600 Oh now not real, that's not like a verbatim thing, 0:16:44.800 --> 0:16:47.520 but but it's just so, and it's an insecurity that 0:16:47.600 --> 0:16:50.280 I have, right, and it's not something he's doing to me. 0:16:50.280 --> 0:16:53.720 The nigga kin sleep right, Like I'm doing this weird 0:16:53.800 --> 0:16:57.040 thing where I'm getting ready to be hurt and I 0:16:57.120 --> 0:17:00.520 had to truly let go and also understand that, like 0:17:00.600 --> 0:17:03.160 I can be loved on and it can be healthy, 0:17:03.720 --> 0:17:06.159 and I can be supported and it can be okay. 0:17:06.720 --> 0:17:10.199 Like it's it's the things that I think I deserve 0:17:10.400 --> 0:17:11.359 that I've had to learn. 0:17:11.560 --> 0:17:13.439 Yeah, that I like, for. 0:17:13.320 --> 0:17:18.719 Some reason, I just expect every man expect it, excuse me, 0:17:18.960 --> 0:17:21.880 every man to treat me bad damn, like to. 0:17:21.880 --> 0:17:22.720 Get ready for it. 0:17:23.160 --> 0:17:25.399 My man's cool, but it's you know, if this happens, 0:17:25.480 --> 0:17:28.000 I would I would like safeguard it. And I think 0:17:28.040 --> 0:17:32.280 there's so many people listening that know that feeling where 0:17:32.640 --> 0:17:34.800 you can find yourself falling in love. But like I 0:17:34.840 --> 0:17:36.680 won't get too deep because I already know this might 0:17:36.720 --> 0:17:38.119 not go right where I mean. 0:17:38.000 --> 0:17:41.439 Well, yeah, that's a that's a defense mechanism, and that's 0:17:41.760 --> 0:17:45.360 self preserving your heart and your feelings. And I mean, 0:17:45.400 --> 0:17:47.639 no one wants to be hurt again, Like I know 0:17:48.520 --> 0:17:51.680 after that breakup again, y'all know first relationship, first breakup. 0:17:52.440 --> 0:17:56.159 That shit had me fucked up, Like, I don't know 0:17:56.160 --> 0:17:57.800 if I want to go through that again, which is 0:17:57.800 --> 0:17:59.800 why right now I'm loving on my whole. 0:18:00.280 --> 0:18:01.000 My holes are. 0:18:00.960 --> 0:18:04.639 All really good, and although I don't want any of 0:18:04.680 --> 0:18:07.840 them to be my boyfriend, I really like how they're 0:18:07.880 --> 0:18:10.159 showing up for me in all of their individual ways. 0:18:10.280 --> 0:18:12.000 But I've also gotten to a point where this is 0:18:12.040 --> 0:18:14.439 the first time I know what to ask for and 0:18:14.480 --> 0:18:17.160 I want. I know what to demand and if I'm 0:18:17.160 --> 0:18:19.840 not getting it, I'm also so comfortable with walking away 0:18:20.080 --> 0:18:23.600 and not accepting whatever bullshit a man has to offer me. Yeah, like, 0:18:23.920 --> 0:18:26.639 you either gonna do this or I'm good. There's a 0:18:26.640 --> 0:18:29.240 whole bunch of more niggas in a see plenty of fish. 0:18:29.320 --> 0:18:32.080 I'm really glad I have my last two who ass 0:18:32.119 --> 0:18:35.439 euro Summers and by ho, I wasn't even Wilin Wilin. 0:18:35.520 --> 0:18:40.560 I just mean that fucking freedom. Yeah, and not to 0:18:40.600 --> 0:18:42.560 say there's no freedom now. I'm literally going with my 0:18:42.600 --> 0:18:46.119 HOMEBOYE to can right in fashion week. I'm like, my 0:18:46.160 --> 0:18:50.359 man is working, so we can't. But there's a real 0:18:50.920 --> 0:18:53.879 thing in my head of like, oh, I was completely 0:18:53.960 --> 0:18:56.399 obsolete and free of having someone in my life, so 0:18:56.440 --> 0:18:59.399 I was able to open up to experiences and things, 0:18:59.720 --> 0:19:04.120 and that by hoan was honestly healing. I know that 0:19:04.119 --> 0:19:06.520 that might sound crazy to some, like I don't. I 0:19:07.480 --> 0:19:09.320