WEBVTT - Sucky Daters Helpline with Mari Pepin 0:00:00.480 --> 0:00:04.680 Hell I Suck at Dating with Denonglert and Jared Haven 0:00:04.920 --> 0:00:11.600 and I heard radio podcast What's Up? Everyone. Welcome to 0:00:11.880 --> 0:00:15.840 Thursday's edition of Help I Suck at Dating. We've got 0:00:15.920 --> 0:00:19.279 something new this week. Something we're gonna try, something that 0:00:19.320 --> 0:00:21.560 could really backfire in our faces and make us look 0:00:21.600 --> 0:00:24.040 like complete idiots. But let's be honest, that's basically everything 0:00:24.040 --> 0:00:28.000 we do here anyways. This week, instead of having um 0:00:28.120 --> 0:00:31.360 us read the emails from our incredible listeners who are 0:00:31.360 --> 0:00:34.560 dealing with things in their dating life, are just looking 0:00:34.560 --> 0:00:36.159 for some advice or whatever it might be, we are 0:00:36.159 --> 0:00:39.800 going to be fielding phone calls from listeners to help 0:00:39.880 --> 0:00:43.320 them navigate this crazy world that we call Earth in 0:00:43.400 --> 0:00:46.520 terms of dating. So we got one great caller about 0:00:46.560 --> 0:00:49.440 to call in. His name is Will. He is going 0:00:49.520 --> 0:00:54.240 to share his story with us, and UM, I don't 0:00:54.280 --> 0:00:57.040 know what's gonna happen. I've never done this before, Mari, 0:00:57.200 --> 0:01:01.120 Just so you're ready for this, We've never done this before. Um, 0:01:01.160 --> 0:01:04.839 it could backfire horribly in our faces. We have no idea. 0:01:04.959 --> 0:01:07.199 But the thing is, we're going to figure it out together. 0:01:09.440 --> 0:01:14.160 So I don't know if Will is is here, I 0:01:14.160 --> 0:01:17.000 am here? Yeah, Well, hello, how are you thank you 0:01:17.720 --> 0:01:21.360 in all right? Thanks for having me. Yeah, it's a pleasure. 0:01:21.520 --> 0:01:23.479 So what's going on? Well, what's going on in your 0:01:23.480 --> 0:01:27.360 life right now? So I need some help. Um. A 0:01:27.400 --> 0:01:29.720 couple of weeks ago, I met this girl through a 0:01:29.800 --> 0:01:34.319 mutual friend and we began talking. We hit things off instantly, 0:01:34.560 --> 0:01:37.600 and she asked if I would come out to visit her, 0:01:38.319 --> 0:01:42.720 and I ended up going and the first night was awesome. 0:01:43.120 --> 0:01:47.200 The second night, she asked me if I would sleep 0:01:47.240 --> 0:01:49.160 somewhere else because she had to get up for work 0:01:49.160 --> 0:01:52.280 in the morning. Um. Like, thank god, my friend lives 0:01:52.280 --> 0:01:55.480 in her hometown, so I crashed at his house. But 0:01:55.600 --> 0:01:58.160 now she's like barely talking to me but acting like 0:01:58.280 --> 0:02:00.960 nothing is wrong. I don't know. I just don't know 0:02:00.960 --> 0:02:05.840 how to handle this. Um. Well, first of all, well, 0:02:05.880 --> 0:02:09.320 I'm sorry it sounds uh well, I'll let Jared and 0:02:09.360 --> 0:02:11.639 Maari handle it because I've got my thoughts and that 0:02:11.800 --> 0:02:15.799 things about this, but I'll hold in. Well, something's definitely up. 0:02:15.840 --> 0:02:17.679 I think it's odd that she had asked you to 0:02:17.720 --> 0:02:19.800 sleep somewhere else and her excuse was that she had 0:02:19.840 --> 0:02:23.400 to get up for work in the morning. Yeah, okay, 0:02:23.760 --> 0:02:29.200 So this was on a weekday, yeah. Interesting. I mean, 0:02:29.360 --> 0:02:32.679 what what was the communication that day while she was 0:02:32.720 --> 0:02:36.200 at work or whatever? I mean, you know, we were 0:02:36.240 --> 0:02:40.240 just kind of texting back and forth. Uh, you know, 0:02:40.280 --> 0:02:42.919 it's just like regular, Like it wasn't like anything was wrong, 0:02:43.000 --> 0:02:44.960 but like, why did she ask me to sleep in 0:02:45.000 --> 0:02:48.760 a different space? I don't know, I just felt like, 0:02:48.840 --> 0:02:53.560 do you? I mean, the only the only thing I 0:02:53.600 --> 0:02:56.040 can think of, honestly, is that something that she didn't 0:02:56.120 --> 0:02:59.640 enjoy happened while you guys were sleeping. Maybe she sleeps 0:02:59.639 --> 0:03:02.080 hot and you made the that hotter. Maybe there was 0:03:02.120 --> 0:03:05.360 some story, maybe there was some moving around, you know, 0:03:05.440 --> 0:03:07.720 and she just didn't want to make you feel bad 0:03:07.720 --> 0:03:12.600 about that. Potentially, Yeah, I can't say that. I don't 0:03:12.600 --> 0:03:16.200 do any of those things. So well, what is really 0:03:16.360 --> 0:03:18.600 what is your hygiene schedule? Like? Because I once dated 0:03:18.639 --> 0:03:21.320 a girl who would not let me sleep in bed 0:03:21.480 --> 0:03:23.800 unless I had showered that night, and as we mentioned 0:03:23.880 --> 0:03:26.640 in last episode, I'm not a night shower, so I 0:03:26.720 --> 0:03:29.200 was often relegated to the couch. Did you shower the 0:03:29.280 --> 0:03:32.040 night that you guys spent the night together beforehand? I 0:03:32.040 --> 0:03:34.160 mean no, I was just like it was my first 0:03:34.160 --> 0:03:36.920 time at our house and uh, I mean I showered 0:03:36.920 --> 0:03:40.040 that day, but I didn't like take a shower right 0:03:40.080 --> 0:03:43.120 before I went to sleep. Um, so this is the 0:03:43.120 --> 0:03:45.600 first time you're have you guys slept in the same 0:03:45.640 --> 0:03:48.560 bed together yet? Sorry I miss that part. No, we 0:03:48.640 --> 0:03:51.880 had so my I think maybe she's just worried about 0:03:52.000 --> 0:03:55.720 the sex part of it. Maybe she was maybe she 0:03:55.760 --> 0:03:57.600 wants to take it slow and didn't know how to 0:03:57.640 --> 0:04:00.800 approach this, like the conversation with you, and so instead 0:04:00.840 --> 0:04:02.600 of saying, hey, I want to take it slow, I'm 0:04:02.600 --> 0:04:04.000 not sure if we should be sleeping in the same 0:04:04.000 --> 0:04:06.320 bed yet, she was like, I'm just going to tell 0:04:06.360 --> 0:04:10.560 him to sleep someplace else and uh. And then that's that, 0:04:11.200 --> 0:04:14.640 I think, because wait, you said that you had slept 0:04:14.880 --> 0:04:19.360 at her place the night before, right, Yeah, okay, so 0:04:19.400 --> 0:04:23.120 they had already. Yeah. I think we're I think we're 0:04:23.160 --> 0:04:25.200 sugarcoating this a little too much for will Well. I 0:04:25.240 --> 0:04:26.719 hate to break it to you, man, she's just not 0:04:26.839 --> 0:04:28.920 that into you. It sounds like she's trying to like 0:04:29.240 --> 0:04:31.040 get you out of the house. It's like it's the 0:04:31.040 --> 0:04:33.800 classic like it's not you, it's me, you know, go, 0:04:34.040 --> 0:04:37.440 maybe I got I got a busy work tomorrow. Um yeah, 0:04:37.440 --> 0:04:39.080 I mean I'm sorry. I just I don't think it's 0:04:39.400 --> 0:04:42.279 I don't think it's she's the one for you. I 0:04:42.279 --> 0:04:44.800 would agree that it's an excuse. I mean, she definitely 0:04:44.880 --> 0:04:46.840 there's something up, and she was just trying to word 0:04:46.920 --> 0:04:49.719 it differently or use something totally unrelated to get you 0:04:49.760 --> 0:04:52.720 to leave. I think figuring out what that reason is 0:04:52.839 --> 0:04:55.120 it's gonna stuck because everybody wants to know why I 0:04:55.160 --> 0:04:58.080 wants the closure. But yeah, I think it's definitely her 0:04:58.120 --> 0:05:01.599 way of pushing you to the a little bit. Yeah, 0:05:01.680 --> 0:05:04.360 it sounds like kind of had a feeling. Did you 0:05:04.400 --> 0:05:06.279 like this one though? Will? What do you think she 0:05:06.279 --> 0:05:08.880 could have been the one? I mean, you know, you 0:05:08.920 --> 0:05:11.960 never know, but like, yeah, we got along, she was cool, 0:05:12.080 --> 0:05:19.040 she's extremely pretty. Um, you know, it's just ah, yeah, 0:05:19.320 --> 0:05:21.839 that is what it does. Those pretty ones will break 0:05:21.880 --> 0:05:24.280 your heart. But hey, well, we appreciate calling in. UM, 0:05:24.320 --> 0:05:26.800 we're sorry that you had to deal with this. Um. 0:05:27.160 --> 0:05:29.400 I listen, and maybe at the end of the day, 0:05:29.440 --> 0:05:31.359 maybe it is something like maybe she did actually have 0:05:31.400 --> 0:05:34.120 to work. But I gotta say, it sounds like it's 0:05:34.160 --> 0:05:36.839 just maybe it's just not in the cards for you too. 0:05:36.839 --> 0:05:39.880 But maybe before you guys break up, make sure you 0:05:39.920 --> 0:05:42.320 tell her to check out the podcast because it sounds 0:05:42.320 --> 0:05:46.880 like she might suck at dating a little bit, so definitely. Well, yeah, 0:05:47.240 --> 0:05:53.040 gains some advice from listening to us to dumbasses ullay. Well, 0:05:53.080 --> 0:05:54.680 thanks for calling and thanks for being our first game 0:05:54.800 --> 0:05:59.120 thing on this topic. Thank you, Amelia. Welcome to the podcast. 0:05:59.120 --> 0:06:02.320 How are you? I'm well, how are you? Oh We're 0:06:02.360 --> 0:06:04.360 doing great. Thank you so much for joining us. You're 0:06:04.400 --> 0:06:06.479 the second caller ever in the history of Help I 0:06:06.480 --> 0:06:12.520 second dating. Oh my gosh, how exciting. Congratulations. We'll send 0:06:12.520 --> 0:06:14.960 you a silver medal here after the phone call. But 0:06:15.120 --> 0:06:18.480 tell us what's going on in your life over there? Oh? Thanks, 0:06:18.839 --> 0:06:22.919 thanks for meeting with me. I yeah, I just um, 0:06:23.080 --> 0:06:25.760 I listened to your last podcast and I thought you 0:06:25.760 --> 0:06:29.560 guys might be able to have some advice. I just um, 0:06:29.680 --> 0:06:33.320 I struggle with anxiety and depression and I just wanted 0:06:33.400 --> 0:06:37.240 to see like how much I like, I just don't 0:06:37.240 --> 0:06:39.360 know if I'm putting too much on my boyfriend or not. 0:06:39.720 --> 0:06:43.400 And um, yeah, it's just like how much is too much? 0:06:43.440 --> 0:06:45.240 You know, Like I want him to be there for me, 0:06:45.279 --> 0:06:47.320 but at the same time, like I don't want to 0:06:47.480 --> 0:06:49.800 overwhelm him and I've just been needing a lot of 0:06:49.839 --> 0:06:52.719 support lately, So yeah, I just kind of wanted to 0:06:52.720 --> 0:06:57.960 like bounce that idea off of you guys. No, that's interesting. Um, 0:06:58.320 --> 0:06:59.560 I want to hear what Mari has to say. I 0:06:59.600 --> 0:07:01.760 feel like she's got really get input on this. Yeah, 0:07:01.839 --> 0:07:04.760 I think it's finding that balance because you never want to, 0:07:05.360 --> 0:07:07.240 like you said, put too much weight on the other person. 0:07:07.360 --> 0:07:08.760 At the end of the day, it's a partnership and 0:07:08.760 --> 0:07:11.480 you should be able to balance things equally. But you 0:07:11.560 --> 0:07:13.400 also do want your partner to be someone that can 0:07:13.440 --> 0:07:16.080 listen to you and help you and help be that 0:07:16.280 --> 0:07:18.400 person that you went to and take your problems too. 0:07:18.720 --> 0:07:22.160 So I understand, But is there any indication that he 0:07:22.240 --> 0:07:24.200 has made that you feel that way that you might 0:07:24.200 --> 0:07:26.760 be putting too much on him. I just feel like 0:07:27.000 --> 0:07:30.640 he gets overwhelmed a lot by my emotions, and like, 0:07:31.200 --> 0:07:32.920 you know, it's just been such a hard time for everyone, 0:07:32.960 --> 0:07:34.520 and I feel like everyone else has sort of like 0:07:34.560 --> 0:07:37.560 gotten out of the pandemic funk and I'm still struggling. 0:07:37.720 --> 0:07:42.640 And yeah, I just feel like, you know, it's I 0:07:42.880 --> 0:07:45.240 want so badly to not overwhelm him, but I just 0:07:45.280 --> 0:07:48.120 don't know if if I also love him so much 0:07:48.160 --> 0:07:49.440 that I don't want to keep putting him in a 0:07:49.520 --> 0:07:54.080 position where it's like I'm the person who needs more support, 0:07:54.280 --> 0:07:56.840 you know, um, and I don't want him to ultimately 0:07:56.840 --> 0:08:03.200 resent me for that. So yeah, I think, uh, well, 0:08:03.960 --> 0:08:06.400 first I'm sorry that you're dealing with that. Secondly, I 0:08:06.440 --> 0:08:09.080 feel that, I mean, we always put a lot on 0:08:09.120 --> 0:08:12.040 our significant others. I think if we're kind of battling 0:08:12.040 --> 0:08:15.640 with our own anxiety and depression, you know, seeing professional 0:08:15.680 --> 0:08:20.040 help is it big. It's just a helpful tool that 0:08:20.920 --> 0:08:24.000 I've gone through, Dean's gone through. Um, it's tough, you know, 0:08:24.080 --> 0:08:31.000 putting a lot of your It's just relationships are tough. Obviously, 0:08:31.080 --> 0:08:33.520 you want to be loved and you you want your 0:08:33.520 --> 0:08:35.280 parter to be there every step of the way, but 0:08:35.320 --> 0:08:37.800 it's they're dealing with their own things and you try 0:08:37.840 --> 0:08:41.200 to come put you into the relationship. But it's hard. 0:08:41.240 --> 0:08:46.120 Sometimes I think, UM, relying on somebody else besides your boyfriend, 0:08:46.200 --> 0:08:48.320 especially if you want to go talk to someone, would 0:08:48.360 --> 0:08:51.840 be beneficial. I Um, I mean I go to the 0:08:51.880 --> 0:08:55.520 same thing, depression, anxiety. It's kind of like a seasonal 0:08:55.559 --> 0:08:59.520 thing for me. There are certain um, there's certain phases 0:08:59.720 --> 0:09:03.000 of the year that I consistently find myself lulling super 0:09:03.040 --> 0:09:06.360 harden And I don't necessarily take it out on Klin 0:09:06.440 --> 0:09:08.120 in terms of like my anxiety or anything like that, 0:09:08.160 --> 0:09:11.480 but I definitely get more distant and more shut off. 0:09:12.120 --> 0:09:15.320 And Caln always a really good job of recognizing that 0:09:15.920 --> 0:09:20.520 and trying to lend um support if and when she can, 0:09:21.080 --> 0:09:23.960 and their vice versa. Like, sometimes Calin gets super anxious 0:09:24.080 --> 0:09:27.719 or gets down the dumps about something, and um, it 0:09:27.800 --> 0:09:29.640 kind of takes a toll on me too. I wish 0:09:29.640 --> 0:09:31.400 I was as strong as she is. I'm not quite 0:09:31.440 --> 0:09:33.080 as capable as she is when it comes to this 0:09:33.080 --> 0:09:34.920 to kind of stuff. But I think the biggest thing 0:09:34.960 --> 0:09:37.280 when it really comes to it is just communication. Like 0:09:37.720 --> 0:09:40.599 if I'm if I'm feeling super depressed about something like, 0:09:40.640 --> 0:09:44.240 for instance, end of October is the anniversary of my 0:09:44.240 --> 0:09:46.440 mom dying, and so I always get super super depressed, 0:09:46.880 --> 0:09:50.400 and uh, last year, Calin like kind of caught a 0:09:50.440 --> 0:09:52.360 wind of it, and like all she had to do 0:09:52.400 --> 0:09:53.640 was like asked me what was wrong, and eventually when 0:09:53.640 --> 0:09:55.199 I told her it was wrong, and then she like 0:09:55.200 --> 0:09:57.640 like super present and I was like, well, how can 0:09:57.679 --> 0:09:59.719 I help? Is there anything you need for me and 0:10:00.000 --> 0:10:02.040 stuff that no one's ever really asked me before. And 0:10:02.080 --> 0:10:03.640 I was like, well, I don't really know what you 0:10:03.679 --> 0:10:06.320 could do, but I appreciate asking, and like maybe just 0:10:06.320 --> 0:10:08.400 like giving my space. And so I think like when 0:10:08.480 --> 0:10:11.600 it comes to it, maybe communicate to your boyfriend like, hey, 0:10:11.679 --> 0:10:15.040 like I'm dealing with some anxiety, I'm dealing with some depression. Um. 0:10:15.080 --> 0:10:17.000 And then that way, like he can help how he 0:10:17.240 --> 0:10:20.400 thinks his best and how you think is best. And 0:10:20.440 --> 0:10:22.600 at least that way it provides some context for him 0:10:22.640 --> 0:10:25.120 to like if you're not acting like yourself, at least 0:10:25.120 --> 0:10:27.800 now he'll understand why you're being a little unlike yourself. 0:10:27.840 --> 0:10:30.800 And I think that's really important. Yeah, that's really good advice. 0:10:30.840 --> 0:10:33.480 I appreciate that, you know what, Amelia. I think we 0:10:33.520 --> 0:10:35.880 appreciate you calling in. It takes a lot to a 0:10:35.880 --> 0:10:37.920 lot of vulnerability to call in and tell us what's 0:10:37.920 --> 0:10:40.680 going on. So we appreciate you. Thanks. Guys, let your show. 0:10:42.000 --> 0:10:55.319 How you do? Jared? How do you? How would you? 0:10:55.480 --> 0:10:56.760 How would you say? This is going on a scale 0:10:56.840 --> 0:10:59.240 one to ten callers versus emailers. I think it's at 0:10:59.280 --> 0:11:02.319 ten right now. I like this. I would say it's 0:11:02.320 --> 0:11:05.080 pretty good too. Um. We got an next another caller. 0:11:05.160 --> 0:11:08.240 Her name is Emily, joining us. Emily, how are you Hi? 0:11:08.440 --> 0:11:11.240 I'm pretty good. How are you guys? Good? The first 0:11:11.280 --> 0:11:16.679 person to have not one but a video here, I 0:11:16.720 --> 0:11:21.760 am here? You are? Thanks for calling in? Yeah, what's 0:11:21.760 --> 0:11:24.400 going on in your life? Thanks? Thanks for having me. Okay. 0:11:24.600 --> 0:11:27.360 So I'm twenty seven and I've been dating my twenty 0:11:27.559 --> 0:11:31.240 year old boyfriend for about two years. We're happy. I've 0:11:31.240 --> 0:11:33.880 never had any reason to doubt his feelings or anything, 0:11:34.600 --> 0:11:36.280 but a couple of weeks ago, he went out with 0:11:36.320 --> 0:11:38.920 a group of friends to a bar and I heard 0:11:39.000 --> 0:11:42.199 afterwards that he was flirting with this other girl at 0:11:42.200 --> 0:11:46.360 the bar. And I've never been jealous before, like if 0:11:46.360 --> 0:11:48.640 you talk to other girls, but it hit me differently, 0:11:48.679 --> 0:11:52.439 maybe because I wasn't there, and I like, I feel jealous, 0:11:53.360 --> 0:11:55.360 And it might have been because I like also found 0:11:55.360 --> 0:11:58.000 out from like a mutual friend, like kind of like 0:11:58.080 --> 0:12:01.960 you should know this instead of just saying like, oh, 0:12:02.040 --> 0:12:05.880 I had fun, we met some people or whatever. So 0:12:05.920 --> 0:12:09.080 I guess I'm wondering you guys have ever experienced this 0:12:09.160 --> 0:12:12.040 with your significant others? And like how I should confront 0:12:12.080 --> 0:12:14.200 him about it? Like, I don't want to get the 0:12:14.200 --> 0:12:16.720 person who told me in trouble, but I feel really 0:12:16.720 --> 0:12:18.719 betrayed and I don't know if I'm making too much 0:12:18.720 --> 0:12:22.600 of it or well, was it, uh did your friends 0:12:22.600 --> 0:12:25.640 say that it was crossing the line or was it 0:12:25.679 --> 0:12:28.080 just kind of innocent and it just was like, oh, 0:12:28.200 --> 0:12:32.720 then my friend it was over. She said it was 0:12:32.760 --> 0:12:35.719 a nut like she told me, which says something to me, 0:12:35.800 --> 0:12:37.400 you know, because I feel like if it had just 0:12:37.480 --> 0:12:40.840 been like a chit chat, she wouldn't have said anything. 0:12:40.920 --> 0:12:42.280 And she was kind of like he was flirting with 0:12:42.320 --> 0:12:47.640 her all night. I meaning happened, but like she wouldn't 0:12:47.640 --> 0:12:54.640 have told me if it wasn't significant. Yeah, that's stuff. 0:12:54.640 --> 0:12:55.920 I feel like it kind of brings back to what 0:12:55.960 --> 0:12:58.600 we're talking about earlier, Mari, with like the whole Tristan 0:12:58.600 --> 0:13:02.359 and Chloe thing a little little bit at least. Yeah, No, absolutely, 0:13:02.440 --> 0:13:04.199 you have some strong opinions about that too, which I 0:13:04.240 --> 0:13:07.079 think is important. Yeah. I mean I think first and foremost, 0:13:07.120 --> 0:13:10.040 if you're feeling bothered and betrayed by it, then you 0:13:10.040 --> 0:13:12.280 you should speak up because otherwise it's just gonna fuester 0:13:12.400 --> 0:13:15.280 inside and that could grow into resentment and that could 0:13:15.320 --> 0:13:17.400 grow into a lab of trust down the line, because 0:13:17.400 --> 0:13:19.719 what if he goes out another night and that's in 0:13:19.760 --> 0:13:21.120 the back of your mind, you know, and you don't 0:13:21.120 --> 0:13:23.880 want to let that affect you that way. So I 0:13:23.920 --> 0:13:25.960 think you should bring it up and say, hey, um, 0:13:26.320 --> 0:13:28.160 I know you had a great time the other night. 0:13:28.280 --> 0:13:30.720 I something was brought to my attention. I just wanted 0:13:30.720 --> 0:13:32.240 to ask you what's up about it and then let 0:13:32.280 --> 0:13:34.640 him either reassure you or own up to it, tell 0:13:34.679 --> 0:13:39.480 you what happened, um, and then have a conversation from there. Well, Mary, 0:13:39.480 --> 0:13:42.000 I gotta ask you, because when you go to a 0:13:42.040 --> 0:13:44.240 bar with Kenny, I can imagine a lot of girls 0:13:44.240 --> 0:13:46.319 try to pull Kenny away and like talk to him, right, 0:13:47.280 --> 0:13:50.240 So how do you deal with it? Yeah, So women 0:13:50.280 --> 0:13:53.120 haven't tried to pull him away necessarily, but there have 0:13:53.240 --> 0:13:56.160 definitely been like that, oh my gosh, you're Kenny. You're 0:13:56.200 --> 0:13:58.760 so hot, let's take a picture, not Marie, just Kenny. 0:13:58.880 --> 0:14:02.800 Like things like that, and that bothers me, as we 0:14:02.920 --> 0:14:08.280 should those people know. Well. The other like a week ago, 0:14:08.320 --> 0:14:09.920 we were at one of the boy Gand shows and 0:14:10.559 --> 0:14:12.280 we were hanging out by the stage and we were 0:14:12.280 --> 0:14:14.320 facing different directions like I was kind of talking to 0:14:14.360 --> 0:14:16.520 some other girl and he was talking to somebody and 0:14:16.559 --> 0:14:18.760 someone comes up and she's like, oh my god, Kenny, 0:14:18.800 --> 0:14:20.960 you're so freaking hot. Like me and my friends wanted 0:14:21.040 --> 0:14:22.800 to come tell you hi and blah blah blah. And 0:14:22.800 --> 0:14:24.960 he's like, oh, Hi, this is Mari, And I turned around. 0:14:24.960 --> 0:14:28.000 I was like, Hi, I'm this fiance. Um so, you 0:14:28.000 --> 0:14:30.440 know you gotta let them know. But anyway, UM, I 0:14:30.440 --> 0:14:36.000 don't think trifling ass bitches, So I in this situation, 0:14:36.240 --> 0:14:39.280 I okay, let me put myself in those shoes. If 0:14:39.320 --> 0:14:41.360 I had heard Kenny was sporting with someone all night, like, 0:14:41.680 --> 0:14:44.560 he's not that kind of person. He's never like alerted 0:14:44.560 --> 0:14:48.080 with anybody like around me or in front of me. Um. 0:14:48.120 --> 0:14:50.040 So the fact that your partner is doing that when 0:14:50.040 --> 0:14:52.680 you're not there also adds a certain level to it 0:14:53.120 --> 0:14:57.440 and extra added layer of betrayal almost. And I feel like, 0:14:57.520 --> 0:14:59.280 you know, like I said, you should definitely bring it up. 0:14:59.320 --> 0:15:01.720 I would. I would, Hey, something's been bothering me, and 0:15:01.720 --> 0:15:03.080 I just want to talk about it so that we 0:15:03.120 --> 0:15:05.760 can you know, cover it or you know, go over 0:15:05.840 --> 0:15:09.320 and then not let it bother me anymore and see 0:15:09.320 --> 0:15:11.560 what he has to say. I mean, the only thing 0:15:11.560 --> 0:15:13.720 I would suggest in that case is you've got to 0:15:13.760 --> 0:15:17.400 be prepared for what he says, you know, Yeah, I 0:15:17.440 --> 0:15:19.960 think Emily, it's all about how you approach the situation. 0:15:20.000 --> 0:15:21.720 Anybody going through this that you want to talk about 0:15:21.760 --> 0:15:24.560 something with your significant other, especially if you're feeling not 0:15:24.680 --> 0:15:29.280 portrayed but just a little on edge, just talk to them. 0:15:29.320 --> 0:15:31.400 But I feel like a big thing that you need 0:15:31.440 --> 0:15:33.520 to think about is how you approach the situation, because 0:15:33.520 --> 0:15:36.520 if you go into it saying, hey, I heard you 0:15:36.520 --> 0:15:38.560 were flirting with somebody else, then he's going to get 0:15:38.560 --> 0:15:41.640 defensive and you're going to get accusatory. I think just 0:15:41.640 --> 0:15:44.320 saying listen, I trust you, I love you, but this 0:15:44.360 --> 0:15:46.520 has brought to my attention, it's been bothering me. I 0:15:46.520 --> 0:15:47.720 just want to get it off my chest so we 0:15:47.720 --> 0:15:50.240 can move past it. Is there anything I should know 0:15:51.760 --> 0:15:55.360 or Emily, or what you could do if you want 0:15:55.360 --> 0:15:57.520 to take if you want to take um not take 0:15:57.600 --> 0:16:00.520 those advices, go to the bar with him and then 0:16:00.600 --> 0:16:03.680 just do the opposite and flirt with all the guys there, 0:16:04.120 --> 0:16:05.920 and then at the end of the night, when he 0:16:06.120 --> 0:16:08.920 voices his frustration with you, you could be like, yeah, 0:16:09.040 --> 0:16:10.920 you see, it sucks, doesn't it, And then you can 0:16:11.000 --> 0:16:12.680 rub it in his face and maybe that would like 0:16:12.720 --> 0:16:14.680 put his foot in his mouth for him. Yeah, it 0:16:14.760 --> 0:16:19.040 totally sounds like a healthy alternative. That's one way to 0:16:19.040 --> 0:16:20.720 go about it. I don't think I would suggest that 0:16:20.760 --> 0:16:24.680 way to be, but hey, it could be the right way. 0:16:24.720 --> 0:16:29.560 Who knows, really it could? You know it could It 0:16:29.560 --> 0:16:31.320 could really really make him eat his words and make 0:16:31.400 --> 0:16:33.400 him really think about what he's been doing. Okay, I'll 0:16:33.400 --> 0:16:37.280 be honest. I wouldn't suggest doing that obviously, but um, 0:16:37.320 --> 0:16:39.120 it's gonna be tough. Like if if I went to 0:16:39.200 --> 0:16:41.040 the bar and I saw Calm flirting with some guys, 0:16:41.040 --> 0:16:43.720 which she would never in a million years do because 0:16:43.720 --> 0:16:45.800 she's an incredible woman and faithful and all that kind 0:16:45.840 --> 0:16:48.360 of stuff. Um, I would definitely like be punching the 0:16:48.360 --> 0:16:50.520 gut a little bit. I don't know how I would retaliate, 0:16:50.600 --> 0:16:52.960 so to speak, but I definitely think Mario is right. 0:16:52.960 --> 0:16:55.560 I think having a conversation about it is the first step, um, 0:16:55.800 --> 0:16:58.800 and and hopefully you find a solution later on after that. Right, 0:16:58.880 --> 0:17:02.040 And I think another important aspect is to him maybe 0:17:02.240 --> 0:17:04.560 having a conversation with another woman is not a big deal. 0:17:04.600 --> 0:17:06.399 And that goes back to what we were talking about earlier. 0:17:06.440 --> 0:17:08.960 Everyone has their boundaries, everyone has what they think is 0:17:08.960 --> 0:17:11.600 crossing the line versus not. So to him, it might 0:17:11.600 --> 0:17:13.960 not have even been something in his mind. So if 0:17:13.960 --> 0:17:15.760 it is something for you, bring it up and let 0:17:15.800 --> 0:17:17.919 him know. In that way, if he didn't think it 0:17:17.960 --> 0:17:19.679 was a big deal, now he knows that it bothers you. 0:17:21.080 --> 0:17:24.440 Very good point. Thank you. That's really helpful, Emily. Thank 0:17:24.480 --> 0:17:27.119 you so much for being our first ever video caller 0:17:27.320 --> 0:17:29.560 on the Help by Secret Dating. What an honor. I 0:17:29.600 --> 0:17:34.399 We're gonna send you a gold medal. Yeah, all right, 0:17:34.520 --> 0:17:38.840 thanks guys, thank you so much. Take care. Wow, the 0:17:38.920 --> 0:17:42.840 first ever caller segment on help by Second Dating. I 0:17:42.880 --> 0:17:46.480 gotta say, when when we first launched this podcast, I 0:17:46.520 --> 0:17:48.320 would I would tweet out and I would have like 0:17:48.400 --> 0:17:52.359 people calling live and it was a big, big mess. 0:17:52.359 --> 0:17:54.200 We did it for like two weeks, and it was 0:17:54.240 --> 0:17:57.320 always like people calling in and being like, oh my gosh, 0:17:57.400 --> 0:17:59.400 am I really on the air right now, And that's 0:17:59.400 --> 0:18:01.040 all they would do for the entire like five or 0:18:01.040 --> 0:18:03.280 ten minute phone call. So it's good to see that 0:18:03.320 --> 0:18:06.399 we were reviving the live caller segment because that was 0:18:06.640 --> 0:18:11.520 probably better than emails. I would say, brings a really 0:18:11.520 --> 0:18:14.560 cool perspective to have them after here and talking back 0:18:14.600 --> 0:18:18.000 and forth. Yeah. I think it's also be back and forth, 0:18:18.040 --> 0:18:20.280 which is nice because when you email in there's only 0:18:20.320 --> 0:18:23.000 a certain amount of information we're getting, where if the 0:18:23.000 --> 0:18:25.200 person is here with us, we can get more information 0:18:25.240 --> 0:18:28.400 out of them, add more context to the story, and 0:18:28.440 --> 0:18:34.000 give them the worst possible advice we can give. Yeah, 0:18:34.040 --> 0:18:36.199 but we do it with dignity, and we do it 0:18:36.359 --> 0:18:38.199 like we do it on help by secondating, and do 0:18:38.200 --> 0:18:41.879 it with the best intentions obviously, Come on, um, is 0:18:41.880 --> 0:18:43.920 that going to do it for this entire little uh 0:18:44.320 --> 0:18:46.960 pseudo episode of help Us second Dating? That is so 0:18:47.040 --> 0:18:49.040 thank you so much once again, Mary for joining us. 0:18:49.040 --> 0:18:52.000 You were the best. Please come back anytime. Tell Kenny 0:18:52.040 --> 0:18:53.960 we say hello, best of luck with wedding planning. Do 0:18:53.960 --> 0:18:55.800 you have a date? Thank you? We don't have a 0:18:55.880 --> 0:18:59.480 date yet. We're looking at October next year. Oh so 0:19:00.000 --> 0:19:03.159 October twenty three, so you guys got to have a 0:19:03.240 --> 0:19:09.439 fall wedding. Beautiful. Yes, as far as um B I 0:19:09.520 --> 0:19:12.000 p engaged couples go, that's a pretty quick timeline. I 0:19:12.320 --> 0:19:15.760 respect that. Yeah, I mean I think for us honestly, 0:19:15.800 --> 0:19:18.320 like I would go to the courthouse tomorrow, like you know, 0:19:18.400 --> 0:19:21.080 then just have a good party later on. Um. But 0:19:21.200 --> 0:19:24.280 you know, I think for us there's no reason to wait. Necessarily. 0:19:24.359 --> 0:19:26.280 We were waiting to find out what happened with the pageant, 0:19:26.320 --> 0:19:28.600 and now that that's over, we get get on with it. 0:19:29.800 --> 0:19:32.399 Very cool. Well, um, maybe we can live stream and 0:19:32.480 --> 0:19:36.800 help I suck at dating? Not that funny, it's so funny. 0:19:36.880 --> 0:19:38.760 What is it? I got a question for you before 0:19:38.760 --> 0:19:41.320 we leave part ways with you? What is it like 0:19:41.359 --> 0:19:43.480 when someone comes to you and says, hey, would you 0:19:43.520 --> 0:19:46.040 like to guest co host help I Suck at Dating 0:19:46.040 --> 0:19:47.840 with Dean and Jared? What is the first thing that 0:19:47.880 --> 0:19:50.040 goes through your mind? Because obviously you don't suck at dating? 0:19:50.440 --> 0:19:51.960 And you're like, why the heck would I be a 0:19:51.960 --> 0:19:54.879 guest co host on this podcast when I'm getting married 0:19:54.880 --> 0:19:57.080 to the love of my life next year? Well, you 0:19:57.119 --> 0:19:59.400 know what that was like the first thing in my mind? 0:19:59.400 --> 0:20:01.960 I was like, why me? Do I suck? Like? Do 0:20:02.040 --> 0:20:05.600