Speaker 1: Hell I Suck at Dating with Denonglert and Jared Haven
Speaker 1: and I heard radio podcast What's Up? Everyone. Welcome to
Speaker 1: Thursday's edition of Help I Suck at Dating. We've got
Speaker 1: something new this week. Something we're gonna try, something that
Speaker 1: could really backfire in our faces and make us look
Speaker 1: like complete idiots. But let's be honest, that's basically everything
Speaker 1: we do here anyways. This week, instead of having um
Speaker 1: us read the emails from our incredible listeners who are
Speaker 1: dealing with things in their dating life, are just looking
Speaker 1: for some advice or whatever it might be, we are
Speaker 1: going to be fielding phone calls from listeners to help
Speaker 1: them navigate this crazy world that we call Earth in
Speaker 1: terms of dating. So we got one great caller about
Speaker 1: to call in. His name is Will. He is going
Speaker 1: to share his story with us, and UM, I don't
Speaker 1: know what's gonna happen. I've never done this before, Mari,
Speaker 1: Just so you're ready for this, We've never done this before. Um,
Speaker 1: it could backfire horribly in our faces. We have no idea.
Speaker 1: But the thing is, we're going to figure it out together.
Speaker 1: So I don't know if Will is is here, I
Speaker 1: am here? Yeah, Well, hello, how are you thank you
Speaker 1: in all right? Thanks for having me. Yeah, it's a pleasure.
Speaker 1: So what's going on? Well, what's going on in your
Speaker 1: life right now? So I need some help. Um. A
Speaker 1: couple of weeks ago, I met this girl through a
Speaker 1: mutual friend and we began talking. We hit things off instantly,
Speaker 1: and she asked if I would come out to visit her,
Speaker 1: and I ended up going and the first night was awesome.
Speaker 1: The second night, she asked me if I would sleep
Speaker 1: somewhere else because she had to get up for work
Speaker 1: in the morning. Um. Like, thank god, my friend lives
Speaker 1: in her hometown, so I crashed at his house. But
Speaker 1: now she's like barely talking to me but acting like
Speaker 1: nothing is wrong. I don't know. I just don't know
Speaker 1: how to handle this. Um. Well, first of all, well,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry it sounds uh well, I'll let Jared and
Speaker 1: Maari handle it because I've got my thoughts and that
Speaker 1: things about this, but I'll hold in. Well, something's definitely up.
Speaker 1: I think it's odd that she had asked you to
Speaker 1: sleep somewhere else and her excuse was that she had
Speaker 1: to get up for work in the morning. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: So this was on a weekday, yeah. Interesting. I mean,
Speaker 1: what what was the communication that day while she was
Speaker 1: at work or whatever? I mean, you know, we were
Speaker 1: just kind of texting back and forth. Uh, you know,
Speaker 1: it's just like regular, Like it wasn't like anything was wrong,
Speaker 1: but like, why did she ask me to sleep in
Speaker 1: a different space? I don't know, I just felt like,
Speaker 1: do you? I mean, the only the only thing I
Speaker 1: can think of, honestly, is that something that she didn't
Speaker 1: enjoy happened while you guys were sleeping. Maybe she sleeps
Speaker 1: hot and you made the that hotter. Maybe there was
Speaker 1: some story, maybe there was some moving around, you know,
Speaker 1: and she just didn't want to make you feel bad
Speaker 1: about that. Potentially, Yeah, I can't say that. I don't
Speaker 1: do any of those things. So well, what is really
Speaker 1: what is your hygiene schedule? Like? Because I once dated
Speaker 1: a girl who would not let me sleep in bed
Speaker 1: unless I had showered that night, and as we mentioned
Speaker 1: in last episode, I'm not a night shower, so I
Speaker 1: was often relegated to the couch. Did you shower the
Speaker 1: night that you guys spent the night together beforehand? I
Speaker 1: mean no, I was just like it was my first
Speaker 1: time at our house and uh, I mean I showered
Speaker 1: that day, but I didn't like take a shower right
Speaker 1: before I went to sleep. Um, so this is the
Speaker 1: first time you're have you guys slept in the same
Speaker 1: bed together yet? Sorry I miss that part. No, we
Speaker 1: had so my I think maybe she's just worried about
Speaker 1: the sex part of it. Maybe she was maybe she
Speaker 1: wants to take it slow and didn't know how to
Speaker 1: approach this, like the conversation with you, and so instead
Speaker 1: of saying, hey, I want to take it slow, I'm
Speaker 1: not sure if we should be sleeping in the same
Speaker 1: bed yet, she was like, I'm just going to tell
Speaker 1: him to sleep someplace else and uh. And then that's that,
Speaker 1: I think, because wait, you said that you had slept
Speaker 1: at her place the night before, right, Yeah, okay, so
Speaker 1: they had already. Yeah. I think we're I think we're
Speaker 1: sugarcoating this a little too much for will Well. I
Speaker 1: hate to break it to you, man, she's just not
Speaker 1: that into you. It sounds like she's trying to like
Speaker 1: get you out of the house. It's like it's the
Speaker 1: classic like it's not you, it's me, you know, go,
Speaker 1: maybe I got I got a busy work tomorrow. Um yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I'm sorry. I just I don't think it's
Speaker 1: I don't think it's she's the one for you. I
Speaker 1: would agree that it's an excuse. I mean, she definitely
Speaker 1: there's something up, and she was just trying to word
Speaker 1: it differently or use something totally unrelated to get you
Speaker 1: to leave. I think figuring out what that reason is
Speaker 1: it's gonna stuck because everybody wants to know why I
Speaker 1: wants the closure. But yeah, I think it's definitely her
Speaker 1: way of pushing you to the a little bit. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it sounds like kind of had a feeling. Did you
Speaker 1: like this one though? Will? What do you think she
Speaker 1: could have been the one? I mean, you know, you
Speaker 1: never know, but like, yeah, we got along, she was cool,
Speaker 1: she's extremely pretty. Um, you know, it's just ah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that is what it does. Those pretty ones will break
Speaker 1: your heart. But hey, well, we appreciate calling in. UM,
Speaker 1: we're sorry that you had to deal with this. Um.
Speaker 1: I listen, and maybe at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: maybe it is something like maybe she did actually have
Speaker 1: to work. But I gotta say, it sounds like it's
Speaker 1: just maybe it's just not in the cards for you too.
Speaker 1: But maybe before you guys break up, make sure you
Speaker 1: tell her to check out the podcast because it sounds
Speaker 1: like she might suck at dating a little bit, so definitely. Well, yeah,
Speaker 1: gains some advice from listening to us to dumbasses ullay. Well,
Speaker 1: thanks for calling and thanks for being our first game
Speaker 1: thing on this topic. Thank you, Amelia. Welcome to the podcast.
Speaker 1: How are you? I'm well, how are you? Oh We're
Speaker 1: doing great. Thank you so much for joining us. You're
Speaker 1: the second caller ever in the history of Help I
Speaker 1: second dating. Oh my gosh, how exciting. Congratulations. We'll send
Speaker 1: you a silver medal here after the phone call. But
Speaker 1: tell us what's going on in your life over there? Oh? Thanks,
Speaker 1: thanks for meeting with me. I yeah, I just um,
Speaker 1: I listened to your last podcast and I thought you
Speaker 1: guys might be able to have some advice. I just um,
Speaker 1: I struggle with anxiety and depression and I just wanted
Speaker 1: to see like how much I like, I just don't
Speaker 1: know if I'm putting too much on my boyfriend or not.
Speaker 1: And um, yeah, it's just like how much is too much?
Speaker 1: You know, Like I want him to be there for me,
Speaker 1: but at the same time, like I don't want to
Speaker 1: overwhelm him and I've just been needing a lot of
Speaker 1: support lately, So yeah, I just kind of wanted to
Speaker 1: like bounce that idea off of you guys. No, that's interesting. Um,
Speaker 1: I want to hear what Mari has to say. I
Speaker 1: feel like she's got really get input on this. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think it's finding that balance because you never want to,
Speaker 1: like you said, put too much weight on the other person.
Speaker 1: At the end of the day, it's a partnership and
Speaker 1: you should be able to balance things equally. But you
Speaker 1: also do want your partner to be someone that can
Speaker 1: listen to you and help you and help be that
Speaker 1: person that you went to and take your problems too.
Speaker 1: So I understand, But is there any indication that he
Speaker 1: has made that you feel that way that you might
Speaker 1: be putting too much on him. I just feel like
Speaker 1: he gets overwhelmed a lot by my emotions, and like,
Speaker 1: you know, it's just been such a hard time for everyone,
Speaker 1: and I feel like everyone else has sort of like
Speaker 1: gotten out of the pandemic funk and I'm still struggling.
Speaker 1: And yeah, I just feel like, you know, it's I
Speaker 1: want so badly to not overwhelm him, but I just
Speaker 1: don't know if if I also love him so much
Speaker 1: that I don't want to keep putting him in a
Speaker 1: position where it's like I'm the person who needs more support,
Speaker 1: you know, um, and I don't want him to ultimately
Speaker 1: resent me for that. So yeah, I think, uh, well,
Speaker 1: first I'm sorry that you're dealing with that. Secondly, I
Speaker 1: feel that, I mean, we always put a lot on
Speaker 1: our significant others. I think if we're kind of battling
Speaker 1: with our own anxiety and depression, you know, seeing professional
Speaker 1: help is it big. It's just a helpful tool that
Speaker 1: I've gone through, Dean's gone through. Um, it's tough, you know,
Speaker 1: putting a lot of your It's just relationships are tough. Obviously,
Speaker 1: you want to be loved and you you want your
Speaker 1: parter to be there every step of the way, but
Speaker 1: it's they're dealing with their own things and you try
Speaker 1: to come put you into the relationship. But it's hard.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I think, UM, relying on somebody else besides your boyfriend,
Speaker 1: especially if you want to go talk to someone, would
Speaker 1: be beneficial. I Um, I mean I go to the
Speaker 1: same thing, depression, anxiety. It's kind of like a seasonal
Speaker 1: thing for me. There are certain um, there's certain phases
Speaker 1: of the year that I consistently find myself lulling super
Speaker 1: harden And I don't necessarily take it out on Klin
Speaker 1: in terms of like my anxiety or anything like that,
Speaker 1: but I definitely get more distant and more shut off.
Speaker 1: And Caln always a really good job of recognizing that
Speaker 1: and trying to lend um support if and when she can,
Speaker 1: and their vice versa. Like, sometimes Calin gets super anxious
Speaker 1: or gets down the dumps about something, and um, it
Speaker 1: kind of takes a toll on me too. I wish
Speaker 1: I was as strong as she is. I'm not quite
Speaker 1: as capable as she is when it comes to this
Speaker 1: to kind of stuff. But I think the biggest thing
Speaker 1: when it really comes to it is just communication. Like
Speaker 1: if I'm if I'm feeling super depressed about something like,
Speaker 1: for instance, end of October is the anniversary of my
Speaker 1: mom dying, and so I always get super super depressed,
Speaker 1: and uh, last year, Calin like kind of caught a
Speaker 1: wind of it, and like all she had to do
Speaker 1: was like asked me what was wrong, and eventually when
Speaker 1: I told her it was wrong, and then she like
Speaker 1: like super present and I was like, well, how can
Speaker 1: I help? Is there anything you need for me and
Speaker 1: stuff that no one's ever really asked me before. And
Speaker 1: I was like, well, I don't really know what you
Speaker 1: could do, but I appreciate asking, and like maybe just
Speaker 1: like giving my space. And so I think like when
Speaker 1: it comes to it, maybe communicate to your boyfriend like, hey,
Speaker 1: like I'm dealing with some anxiety, I'm dealing with some depression. Um.
Speaker 1: And then that way, like he can help how he
Speaker 1: thinks his best and how you think is best. And
Speaker 1: at least that way it provides some context for him
Speaker 1: to like if you're not acting like yourself, at least
Speaker 1: now he'll understand why you're being a little unlike yourself.
Speaker 1: And I think that's really important. Yeah, that's really good advice.
Speaker 1: I appreciate that, you know what, Amelia. I think we
Speaker 1: appreciate you calling in. It takes a lot to a
Speaker 1: lot of vulnerability to call in and tell us what's
Speaker 1: going on. So we appreciate you. Thanks. Guys, let your show.
Speaker 1: How you do? Jared? How do you? How would you?
Speaker 1: How would you say? This is going on a scale
Speaker 1: one to ten callers versus emailers. I think it's at
Speaker 1: ten right now. I like this. I would say it's
Speaker 1: pretty good too. Um. We got an next another caller.
Speaker 1: Her name is Emily, joining us. Emily, how are you Hi?
Speaker 1: I'm pretty good. How are you guys? Good? The first
Speaker 1: person to have not one but a video here, I
Speaker 1: am here? You are? Thanks for calling in? Yeah, what's
Speaker 1: going on in your life? Thanks? Thanks for having me. Okay.
Speaker 1: So I'm twenty seven and I've been dating my twenty
Speaker 1: year old boyfriend for about two years. We're happy. I've
Speaker 1: never had any reason to doubt his feelings or anything,
Speaker 1: but a couple of weeks ago, he went out with
Speaker 1: a group of friends to a bar and I heard
Speaker 1: afterwards that he was flirting with this other girl at
Speaker 1: the bar. And I've never been jealous before, like if
Speaker 1: you talk to other girls, but it hit me differently,
Speaker 1: maybe because I wasn't there, and I like, I feel jealous,
Speaker 1: And it might have been because I like also found
Speaker 1: out from like a mutual friend, like kind of like
Speaker 1: you should know this instead of just saying like, oh,
Speaker 1: I had fun, we met some people or whatever. So
Speaker 1: I guess I'm wondering you guys have ever experienced this
Speaker 1: with your significant others? And like how I should confront
Speaker 1: him about it? Like, I don't want to get the
Speaker 1: person who told me in trouble, but I feel really
Speaker 1: betrayed and I don't know if I'm making too much
Speaker 1: of it or well, was it, uh did your friends
Speaker 1: say that it was crossing the line or was it
Speaker 1: just kind of innocent and it just was like, oh,
Speaker 1: then my friend it was over. She said it was
Speaker 1: a nut like she told me, which says something to me,
Speaker 1: you know, because I feel like if it had just
Speaker 1: been like a chit chat, she wouldn't have said anything.
Speaker 1: And she was kind of like he was flirting with
Speaker 1: her all night. I meaning happened, but like she wouldn't
Speaker 1: have told me if it wasn't significant. Yeah, that's stuff.
Speaker 1: I feel like it kind of brings back to what
Speaker 1: we're talking about earlier, Mari, with like the whole Tristan
Speaker 1: and Chloe thing a little little bit at least. Yeah, No, absolutely,
Speaker 1: you have some strong opinions about that too, which I
Speaker 1: think is important. Yeah. I mean I think first and foremost,
Speaker 1: if you're feeling bothered and betrayed by it, then you
Speaker 1: you should speak up because otherwise it's just gonna fuester
Speaker 1: inside and that could grow into resentment and that could
Speaker 1: grow into a lab of trust down the line, because
Speaker 1: what if he goes out another night and that's in
Speaker 1: the back of your mind, you know, and you don't
Speaker 1: want to let that affect you that way. So I
Speaker 1: think you should bring it up and say, hey, um,
Speaker 1: I know you had a great time the other night.
Speaker 1: I something was brought to my attention. I just wanted
Speaker 1: to ask you what's up about it and then let
Speaker 1: him either reassure you or own up to it, tell
Speaker 1: you what happened, um, and then have a conversation from there. Well, Mary,
Speaker 1: I gotta ask you, because when you go to a
Speaker 1: bar with Kenny, I can imagine a lot of girls
Speaker 1: try to pull Kenny away and like talk to him, right,
Speaker 1: So how do you deal with it? Yeah, So women
Speaker 1: haven't tried to pull him away necessarily, but there have
Speaker 1: definitely been like that, oh my gosh, you're Kenny. You're
Speaker 1: so hot, let's take a picture, not Marie, just Kenny.
Speaker 1: Like things like that, and that bothers me, as we
Speaker 1: should those people know. Well. The other like a week ago,
Speaker 1: we were at one of the boy Gand shows and
Speaker 1: we were hanging out by the stage and we were
Speaker 1: facing different directions like I was kind of talking to
Speaker 1: some other girl and he was talking to somebody and
Speaker 1: someone comes up and she's like, oh my god, Kenny,
Speaker 1: you're so freaking hot. Like me and my friends wanted
Speaker 1: to come tell you hi and blah blah blah. And
Speaker 1: he's like, oh, Hi, this is Mari, And I turned around.
Speaker 1: I was like, Hi, I'm this fiance. Um so, you
Speaker 1: know you gotta let them know. But anyway, UM, I
Speaker 1: don't think trifling ass bitches, So I in this situation,
Speaker 1: I okay, let me put myself in those shoes. If
Speaker 1: I had heard Kenny was sporting with someone all night, like,
Speaker 1: he's not that kind of person. He's never like alerted
Speaker 1: with anybody like around me or in front of me. Um.
Speaker 1: So the fact that your partner is doing that when
Speaker 1: you're not there also adds a certain level to it
Speaker 1: and extra added layer of betrayal almost. And I feel like,
Speaker 1: you know, like I said, you should definitely bring it up.
Speaker 1: I would. I would, Hey, something's been bothering me, and
Speaker 1: I just want to talk about it so that we
Speaker 1: can you know, cover it or you know, go over
Speaker 1: and then not let it bother me anymore and see
Speaker 1: what he has to say. I mean, the only thing
Speaker 1: I would suggest in that case is you've got to
Speaker 1: be prepared for what he says, you know, Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think Emily, it's all about how you approach the situation.
Speaker 1: Anybody going through this that you want to talk about
Speaker 1: something with your significant other, especially if you're feeling not
Speaker 1: portrayed but just a little on edge, just talk to them.
Speaker 1: But I feel like a big thing that you need
Speaker 1: to think about is how you approach the situation, because
Speaker 1: if you go into it saying, hey, I heard you
Speaker 1: were flirting with somebody else, then he's going to get
Speaker 1: defensive and you're going to get accusatory. I think just
Speaker 1: saying listen, I trust you, I love you, but this
Speaker 1: has brought to my attention, it's been bothering me. I
Speaker 1: just want to get it off my chest so we
Speaker 1: can move past it. Is there anything I should know
Speaker 1: or Emily, or what you could do if you want
Speaker 1: to take if you want to take um not take
Speaker 1: those advices, go to the bar with him and then
Speaker 1: just do the opposite and flirt with all the guys there,
Speaker 1: and then at the end of the night, when he
Speaker 1: voices his frustration with you, you could be like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you see, it sucks, doesn't it, And then you can
Speaker 1: rub it in his face and maybe that would like
Speaker 1: put his foot in his mouth for him. Yeah, it
Speaker 1: totally sounds like a healthy alternative. That's one way to
Speaker 1: go about it. I don't think I would suggest that
Speaker 1: way to be, but hey, it could be the right way.
Speaker 1: Who knows, really it could? You know it could It
Speaker 1: could really really make him eat his words and make
Speaker 1: him really think about what he's been doing. Okay, I'll
Speaker 1: be honest. I wouldn't suggest doing that obviously, but um,
Speaker 1: it's gonna be tough. Like if if I went to
Speaker 1: the bar and I saw Calm flirting with some guys,
Speaker 1: which she would never in a million years do because
Speaker 1: she's an incredible woman and faithful and all that kind
Speaker 1: of stuff. Um, I would definitely like be punching the
Speaker 1: gut a little bit. I don't know how I would retaliate,
Speaker 1: so to speak, but I definitely think Mario is right.
Speaker 1: I think having a conversation about it is the first step, um,
Speaker 1: and and hopefully you find a solution later on after that. Right,
Speaker 1: And I think another important aspect is to him maybe
Speaker 1: having a conversation with another woman is not a big deal.
Speaker 1: And that goes back to what we were talking about earlier.
Speaker 1: Everyone has their boundaries, everyone has what they think is
Speaker 1: crossing the line versus not. So to him, it might
Speaker 1: not have even been something in his mind. So if
Speaker 1: it is something for you, bring it up and let
Speaker 1: him know. In that way, if he didn't think it
Speaker 1: was a big deal, now he knows that it bothers you.
Speaker 1: Very good point. Thank you. That's really helpful, Emily. Thank
Speaker 1: you so much for being our first ever video caller
Speaker 1: on the Help by Secret Dating. What an honor. I
Speaker 1: We're gonna send you a gold medal. Yeah, all right,
Speaker 1: thanks guys, thank you so much. Take care. Wow, the
Speaker 1: first ever caller segment on help by Second Dating. I
Speaker 1: gotta say, when when we first launched this podcast, I
Speaker 1: would I would tweet out and I would have like
Speaker 1: people calling live and it was a big, big mess.
Speaker 1: We did it for like two weeks, and it was
Speaker 1: always like people calling in and being like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: am I really on the air right now, And that's
Speaker 1: all they would do for the entire like five or
Speaker 1: ten minute phone call. So it's good to see that
Speaker 1: we were reviving the live caller segment because that was
Speaker 1: probably better than emails. I would say, brings a really
Speaker 1: cool perspective to have them after here and talking back
Speaker 1: and forth. Yeah. I think it's also be back and forth,
Speaker 1: which is nice because when you email in there's only
Speaker 1: a certain amount of information we're getting, where if the
Speaker 1: person is here with us, we can get more information
Speaker 1: out of them, add more context to the story, and
Speaker 1: give them the worst possible advice we can give. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but we do it with dignity, and we do it
Speaker 1: like we do it on help by secondating, and do
Speaker 1: it with the best intentions obviously, Come on, um, is
Speaker 1: that going to do it for this entire little uh
Speaker 1: pseudo episode of help Us second Dating? That is so
Speaker 1: thank you so much once again, Mary for joining us.
Speaker 1: You were the best. Please come back anytime. Tell Kenny
Speaker 1: we say hello, best of luck with wedding planning. Do
Speaker 1: you have a date? Thank you? We don't have a
Speaker 1: date yet. We're looking at October next year. Oh so
Speaker 1: October twenty three, so you guys got to have a
Speaker 1: fall wedding. Beautiful. Yes, as far as um B I
Speaker 1: p engaged couples go, that's a pretty quick timeline. I
Speaker 1: respect that. Yeah, I mean I think for us honestly,
Speaker 1: like I would go to the courthouse tomorrow, like you know,
Speaker 1: then just have a good party later on. Um. But
Speaker 1: you know, I think for us there's no reason to wait. Necessarily.
Speaker 1: We were waiting to find out what happened with the pageant,
Speaker 1: and now that that's over, we get get on with it.
Speaker 1: Very cool. Well, um, maybe we can live stream and
Speaker 1: help I suck at dating? Not that funny, it's so funny.
Speaker 1: What is it? I got a question for you before
Speaker 1: we leave part ways with you? What is it like
Speaker 1: when someone comes to you and says, hey, would you
Speaker 1: like to guest co host help I Suck at Dating
Speaker 1: with Dean and Jared? What is the first thing that
Speaker 1: goes through your mind? Because obviously you don't suck at dating?
Speaker 1: And you're like, why the heck would I be a
Speaker 1: guest co host on this podcast when I'm getting married
Speaker 1: to the love of my life next year? Well, you
Speaker 1: know what that was like the first thing in my mind?
Speaker 1: I was like, why me? Do I suck? Like? Do
Speaker 1: they know my history? But I mean we're all we're
Speaker 1: all happy, we're all in relationships, so it's all good,
Speaker 1: you know, but we've all been in that dating seen
Speaker 1: in the past, so we've all got experience to drop from. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's true. My theory is that we all suck at dating,
Speaker 1: just no matter if you're married, single, in a relationship,
Speaker 1: out of a relationship, we all suck at dating. There's
Speaker 1: all things that we can get better at in the
Speaker 1: dating world, which is why everybody listening now should definitely
Speaker 1: tune in next week. We're gonna have more callers, more guests.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be a lot of fun and hopefully we
Speaker 1: all just suck a little less. Follow help by Suck
Speaker 1: at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen
Speaker 1: to podcast