Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central. Wow, it's officially the holiday season,
Speaker 1: a time for family togetherness and cocktails with eggs for
Speaker 1: some reason. But you better enjoy it while it lasts.
Speaker 1: Ronnie Chang tells us why in another installment of Everything
Speaker 1: Is Stupid. It's Christmas again. It's just another excuse for
Speaker 1: you people send me stupid pictures of your family. Oh great,
Speaker 1: another baby dressed as an elf. Wow. Thanks for the
Speaker 1: reminder to get a vasecto me. But now, thanks to
Speaker 1: all these stupid world leaders not giving a ship about
Speaker 1: climate change, everything you love about Christmas is gonna disappear,
Speaker 1: starting with Christmas trees. This year, your Christmas tree couldn't
Speaker 1: wind up costing you more than you've spent in the past.
Speaker 1: At this farm outside Los Angeles, the average tree costs
Speaker 1: around a hundred bucks. Nationwide of fresh cut Christmas treat
Speaker 1: now averages seventy six dollars, double what it costs in
Speaker 1: two thousand eight. Blame it on climate change. Rising temperatures, wildfires,
Speaker 1: and drought have all made farming more challenging. Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 1: Climate change is taken away Christmas trees. They're gonna be
Speaker 1: so expensive that the tree will be the present. How
Speaker 1: are you gonna trick kids into behaving that way? Listen,
Speaker 1: you better be good all year or you're not gonna
Speaker 1: get Douglas fur for Christmas. Why do people want Christmas
Speaker 1: trees in their house anyway? All they do is shed
Speaker 1: pine needles all over the floor. If that's what you're into,
Speaker 1: just call me. I'll stab you in the foot for free.
Speaker 1: And it's not just trees that are going away. Climate
Speaker 1: change is gonna kill Santa's transportation too. In our Eye
Speaker 1: on Earth series will take you to Santa's hometown in
Speaker 1: the North Pole, where climate change is threatening the reindeer population.
Speaker 1: The reindeer feed even through the winter on lichen, a
Speaker 1: mussy plant. They dig down through through the snow to
Speaker 1: get at except when all that thawing and refreezing means
Speaker 1: they can't. And when the snow turns to ice, what
Speaker 1: happens to the reindeer? We have to feed them. You
Speaker 1: know things are bad when your entire species depends on
Speaker 1: a guy in a weird hat. I mean, what if
Speaker 1: you always leaves one day? He'll be like, oh, sheet
Speaker 1: lay alarm didn't go off. Now I need to dig
Speaker 1: a mass reindeer grave and this is a big problem. Okay,
Speaker 1: because without reindeer, how is Santa going to go around?
Speaker 1: He's gonna have to hitch hike around the world, trading
Speaker 1: rides for hand jobs. Okay, but guess what The climate
Speaker 1: crisis is coming for our New Year's drinks too. Another
Speaker 1: popular consumer item that's expected to get a lot more
Speaker 1: expensive prosecco. Climate change is doing a number on the
Speaker 1: grapes that make the sparkling line cowlow. Thomas Sellers says
Speaker 1: extreme weather is posing new challenges. It is vineyard. Climate
Speaker 1: change is a big problem when it's still a very
Speaker 1: hole when he's raining a thing very much. Prosecco, he explained,
Speaker 1: should have low alcohol and high acidity, but high temperatures
Speaker 1: and earlier ripening produced the opposite effect. That's right. Thanks
Speaker 1: the climate change, prosecco is gonna cost more and taste worse.
Speaker 1: Although to be fair, if you can't about taste, you
Speaker 1: wouldn't be drinking prosecco. Okay, you peasants. Prosecco is the
Speaker 1: champagne that dumped out of high school. Okay, you know
Speaker 1: what my holiday drink of choices, good old fashioned rubbing
Speaker 1: alcohol that's right. Sure, I'll make you go blind, but
Speaker 1: that's when the party really starts. So happy new everyone.
Speaker 1: Spoiler is gonna be worse, probably chang everyone. Watch The
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