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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Riley and this is Dakota, your favorite

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime house, and we've got some great stories coming up.

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Speaker 1: But before that, we have a quick two minute break

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Speaker 1: from the sponsors that keep the show alive.

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Speaker 2: My family called my wife cringe, so I walked out

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Speaker 2: on Christmas Eve?

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Speaker 3: Well are they?

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Speaker 2: My mom and sister can't stand my wife because they

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Speaker 2: think that she is a quirky girl and it's cringe. Yes,

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Speaker 2: my adult mother said cringe. I am still processing how

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Speaker 2: would feel about it. This happened on Christmas Eve. We

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Speaker 2: were at my family's home. I don't know if I

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Speaker 2: will ever go back there. By the way, this comes

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Speaker 2: from it No. Appy thirteen eighty three, And if you

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Speaker 2: want to submit your own stories, go to the r

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Speaker 2: slash Okay Storytime Supreddit.

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Speaker 4: And I'm Angie, I'm Keon, and we're here to give

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Speaker 4: good advice. Goofuy.

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Speaker 2: But we don't have all the answers. We just know

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Speaker 2: what we would do in these situations. So let us

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Speaker 2: know what you would do in the common And Opie says,

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Speaker 2: my wife took a break to go for a long

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Speaker 2: walk and pop over to her mom's house that is

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Speaker 2: only a mile or two away. I went into the

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Speaker 2: garage to also take a break, and the door was

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Speaker 2: cracked so I could hear them talking. I sat there

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Speaker 2: for about ten minutes while they dumped on my wife

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Speaker 2: and a little bit me as well. Reasons include when

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Speaker 2: we went outside to leave, my wife looked up at

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Speaker 2: the sky and smiled and said hello to the moon.

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Speaker 3: Oh love lay, Hello Moon, Hello Moon.

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Speaker 2: They mocked her saying it. When the sun was setting,

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Speaker 2: she said that we should come look.

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Speaker 4: Yes, of course I did.

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Speaker 2: She has never asked me to get up and look

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Speaker 2: at a sunrise or sunset that wasn't one hundred percent

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Speaker 2: worth it. One of the best things she has given

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Speaker 2: me is the thought to look more and appreciate my surroundings.

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Speaker 2: She holds coffee cups with both hands wrapped around them,

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Speaker 2: and this is apparently cringe. She has a braid of

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Speaker 2: hair that she wraps with different colored string and does

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Speaker 2: holiday colors. My mom said that it was so tacky.

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Speaker 2: She wears holiday themed earrings like jingle bells or peppermint candies,

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Speaker 2: and that is also cringe. She wears weird outfits and

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Speaker 2: tells people that she got her clothes out at the

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Speaker 2: thirst store. If that's where she got. I don't think

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Speaker 2: her clothes are weird. She was wearing a plaid skirt,

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Speaker 2: white top, and a silly cardigan with snowman and stuff

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Speaker 2: embroidered on it. They were talking about oh Zembic at

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Speaker 2: dinner because my mom and sister are on it, and

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Speaker 2: they said that they could get it for my wife,

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Speaker 2: and they were offended that she said I'm happy with

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Speaker 2: my weight because according to them, she needs to lose

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Speaker 2: twenty pounds and it made her seem pretentious.

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Speaker 4: That's crazy, that's free.

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Speaker 3: That's cringe. I'm sorry.

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Speaker 2: It's offering someone oh zempic out of like totally unsolicited,

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Speaker 2: not even talking about weight loss or anything.

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Speaker 4: That's insulting. Are you kidding me?

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Speaker 3: That's cringe. I'm sorry. Wee woo wee woo wee woo.

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Speaker 3: Are they the fun please?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: I don't know like they sound. They sound tacky, they

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Speaker 3: sound like the out of the ordinary ones, because I

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Speaker 3: don't know she sounds so fun. Yeah, I have gotten nothing.

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Speaker 3: I'm sorry I say hello moon, a hello star sometimes

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Speaker 3: beautiful or good night moon, just because I'm like, does

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Speaker 3: that make me cringe? Am I cringe?

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Speaker 4: Not at all?

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Speaker 2: I think this is so stupid and like wearing holiday

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Speaker 2: themed earrings.

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Speaker 4: Dude, I have so many right earings.

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Speaker 3: Like Also, when somebody says, oh I thrift her this,

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Speaker 3: usually people respond with that's so cool. Yeah, like that's

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Speaker 3: a cool like, oh you got that for like ten bucks?

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Speaker 3: What I'm jealous? That's sick?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, like what who are these people? They were also like,

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Speaker 2: did you see how much she.

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Speaker 5: Ate with like it says with gagging, but I'm assuming

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Speaker 5: with like the oh, like yeah, she is a hypocrite

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Speaker 5: because she used to talk about this all the time

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Speaker 5: with other celebrities, so somehow her favorite is just not allowed.

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Speaker 2: She doesn't get her clothes professionally tailored, which has always

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Speaker 2: been an issue with them, something they brought up before

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Speaker 2: we got married. She read over one hundred books this year,

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Speaker 2: and they think that's cringe. How she always brings a

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Speaker 2: book with her and her purse. They said, does she

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Speaker 2: not't have any friends? Speaking of her purse, did you

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Speaker 2: see what she was carrying? It was a Kate Spade back.

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Speaker 2: I thought Kate Spade was designer. I was the one

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Speaker 2: who got for her. She had blank nails and I

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Speaker 2: guess she has the type of hands where she should

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Speaker 2: really wear fake nails to elongate them. My sister kept saying,

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Speaker 2: because she's a quirky girl with weird inflection. Now I

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Speaker 2: know what you're going to say. Why would you sit

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Speaker 2: there and listen to people bash the woman you left?

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Speaker 4: Number one?

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Speaker 2: If she had been there, I wouldn't have. But it

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Speaker 2: was also a surprise for me because aside from the

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Speaker 2: closeted celebrity thing and off the rat clothes, no one

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Speaker 2: has ever expressed disliking her before. I was very confused

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Speaker 2: because I also had to wonder was I missing obvious

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Speaker 2: signs before. I felt bad because what if I was

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Speaker 2: one of those guys who was obviously letting their wife

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Speaker 2: get pummeled by their family emotionally? I would be so

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Speaker 2: upset with myself if I let that happen. I left

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Speaker 2: abruptly and went to my mother in law's house to

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Speaker 2: be with my wife. Later on, I asked her if

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Speaker 2: my family has ever made her feel uncomfortable, and she

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Speaker 2: just didn't tell me to avoid drama. She was hesitant

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Speaker 2: to answer, and then she said that my sister might

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Speaker 2: have anonymously harrasked her about the celebrity, but she never

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Speaker 2: had proof that it was her.

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Speaker 4: So she never said anything.

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Speaker 2: But she doesn't go on social media except to see

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Speaker 2: pictures from her friend circle. She's never talked about that

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Speaker 2: celebrity online, so she doesn't know why anyone else would have. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: that would one hundred percent be the sister, Like, I

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Speaker 2: don't know what exactly happens?

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Speaker 3: Do you mean to tell me the superfan of that

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Speaker 3: one specific celebrity.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, is randomly saying like, no, I think they're straight.

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Speaker 4: I think it's weird to say that they're also who cares? Right?

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Speaker 3: Why? Why is at the top of your list of life?

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Speaker 4: It does not matter.

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Speaker 3: It does not matter, and I guarantee you your partners

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Speaker 3: said it as like I heard something and like I

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Speaker 3: heard a rumor, Like okay, what's what's the matter?

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Speaker 4: Making conversation? Yeah, She's like, how dare you ruin my

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Speaker 4: chances with the celebrity?

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Speaker 3: Is celeberty number one?

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Speaker 4: Right? How dare you say and choose that they're ughugh cringe.

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Speaker 2: She said she also noticed my mom was making a

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Speaker 2: face at her outfits when she takes off her coat,

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Speaker 2: but she knows that my mom is very into appearances.

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Speaker 2: I did not tell my wife any of what they said,

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Speaker 2: at least not yet. I don't know what to do next.

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Speaker 2: I'm giving myself time to process. People are allowed to

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Speaker 2: have their opinions. I get that, but I'm really sad

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Speaker 2: that they would say all of those things about her

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Speaker 2: like this. I get now why, for example, my sister

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Speaker 2: tried to sell her handbag and choose to her all

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Speaker 2: the time. Oh my god, would it be overreacting for

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Speaker 2: me to call mom and say I heard the things

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Speaker 2: you said about my wife at Christmas Eve. I'm beyond

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Speaker 2: disappointed to find out how caddie and mean you two

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Speaker 2: were about someone who has only ever wanted to be

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Speaker 2: a part of this family. Please do not contact me again,

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Speaker 2: unless it is to apologize for the horrible things you

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Speaker 2: said and for being superficial.

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Speaker 4: And childish to boot. Honestly, I don't think so.

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Speaker 3: I think that's a very good way about going things.

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Speaker 6: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I also think it's very smart of you not to

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Speaker 3: tell your wife just yet. I feel like you need

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Speaker 3: to handle this situation aside. You know, you don't need

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Speaker 3: to involve her just yet, and that's very Yeah. No,

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Speaker 3: this is the right thing to do. I mean, hopefully

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Speaker 3: they respond well, but I guarantee you they're not going

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Speaker 3: to do that, I feel like they're gonna call you

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Speaker 3: cringe and tacky.

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Speaker 4: Now you're gonna be like, oh my gosh, he's standing

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Speaker 4: up for his wife. Cringe, cringe.

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Speaker 3: She can't sit it for herself.

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Speaker 2: You and if I do that, my instinct is to

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Speaker 2: tell my wife the truth, but not say the things

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Speaker 2: that they said. Just say I overheard some things that

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Speaker 2: they said and it disgusted me. There are some comments here.

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Speaker 2: Comment number one says that your mom and sister are

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Speaker 2: mean girls. Your wife sounds like she knows how to

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Speaker 2: be happy. Heaven forbid she enjoy her own style or clothes,

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Speaker 2: or cup of coffee or the sunset. Your family can

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Speaker 2: suck an egg. Comment too says I knew a woman

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Speaker 2: who was like that. She would wear shoes with cat

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Speaker 2: ears on them, put googly eyes on her home appliances,

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Speaker 2: always had time to give the kids a laugh or

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Speaker 2: a story. She also had a goblin puppet, and she

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Speaker 2: liked looking at bugs. She was one of the sweetest

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Speaker 2: people I've ever met, but the family she married into

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Speaker 2: would talk crap about her all the time, and her

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Speaker 2: husband would privately reassure her, but he never stood up

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Speaker 2: to them stick up for your wife. Tell your mom

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Speaker 2: and your sister that you will not tolerate them being bullies.

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Speaker 4: No one deserves that crap.

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Speaker 2: Remind them both that even five year olds, no, it

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Speaker 2: isn't okay to talk about people like that. Common number

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Speaker 2: three says I couldn't even.

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Speaker 4: Finish the list. Your mom and sister in law are bullies.

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Speaker 6: F them.

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Speaker 4: Save your wife with some boundaries. Story time.

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Speaker 2: When I was in high school, I was an a

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Speaker 2: hole to my brother's girlfriend. They are married now twenty

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Speaker 2: years later. Guess what she's amazing stellar wife and mother

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Speaker 2: and sister in law. I was a pretentious a hole.

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Speaker 2: They are wrong and are acting like a holes. I

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Speaker 2: missed out on five years of having a cool sister.

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Speaker 2: Glad I grew up. I hope your family does too.

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Speaker 2: Comment four says not overreacting. Your wife sounds wonderful and

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Speaker 2: I want to be friends with her. Comment five says

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Speaker 2: this actually just made me sad to read. Your wife

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Speaker 2: sounds cool and sweet. They sound like high school mean

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Speaker 2: girls picking on someone just for being themselves. It'd be

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Speaker 2: different if she was rude or snarky, but she just

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Speaker 2: wears jingle belly earrings and holds her mug. With two hands.

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Speaker 2: They're looking for things to talk crap about. Comment six

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Speaker 2: says protect your wife at all costs, especially if she's

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Speaker 2: this pure. Not overreacting. Another commentary says, none over reacting.

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Speaker 2: Your wife sounds lovely. It sounds like she is someone

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Speaker 2: who is full of love, finds joy in life's little corners,

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Speaker 2: and is authentically herself. The further I read into your post,

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Speaker 2: the further I read into your post, the more I

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Speaker 2: wanted to be your friend. Your family is being horrible,

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Speaker 2: caddy and cruel. I absolutely think you should say something

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Speaker 2: and establish some harsh boundaries.

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Speaker 4: They don't deserve a relationship with you or your wife

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Speaker 4: if they can't be kind.

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Speaker 2: I would refrain from telling your wife the details to

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Speaker 2: spare her feelings, but you can tell her why you're

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Speaker 2: setting some new boundaries with your family.

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Speaker 4: Dude, this reainly sucks.

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Speaker 3: I wonder when this really started, because this is your wife. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: so they at least have to known her for some

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Speaker 3: sort of time, some amount of time at least. What

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Speaker 3: has it always been going on? Or did it start

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Speaker 3: when she said the thing about your sister's favorite celebrity?

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Speaker 3: When did it start when she's like, oh, I'm good

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Speaker 3: off ozempic. I don't need a zempic, right, I just

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Speaker 3: want to know what did it start? During the holidays.

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Speaker 3: They've been saying this the entire time. I want to

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Speaker 3: know the timelt of like when did this first start?

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Speaker 3: None of it excuses it, but like you're like just

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Speaker 3: for you started realizing it now.

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Speaker 4: I mean he was saying that like before they even

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Speaker 4: got married.

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Speaker 2: His mom was already saying, like you, like she should

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Speaker 2: get her clothes properly tailored or something.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it seems like they're like very small things that

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Speaker 3: you're like, oh, okay, whatever, like, but then it became

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Speaker 3: very blatant.

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Speaker 2: Right crazy. There are some more comments here. One commenter says,

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Speaker 2: your mom and sister are legit jealous of your wife,

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Speaker 2: and they have a mean girl approach that further reveals

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Speaker 2: how insecure they are, and your wife's confidence and who

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Speaker 2: she is makes them even more uncomfortable with themselves. They

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Speaker 2: can't fathom that people can just enjoy the small things

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Speaker 2: around them.

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Speaker 4: I relate to your wife.

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Speaker 2: I've been called goofy and weird my entire life because

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Speaker 2: I stop to appreciate a fuzzy plant or a pretty sky.

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Speaker 4: People who are incapable of being.

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Speaker 2: In peace with the world around them and themselves, will

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Speaker 2: always be looking for ways to bring others down to

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Speaker 2: their level. Those types of people suck. They have nothing

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Speaker 2: of fun or unique to offer anyone, and it drives

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Speaker 2: them crazy. Obviously, you're not overreacting. Your mom and sister

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Speaker 2: are miserable people. Your wife sounds like it to total gem.

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Speaker 2: Glad you have her back. And that's the end of

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Speaker 2: that story.

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Speaker 3: My sister in law obsessed over my showers, so my

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Speaker 3: husband exposed her.

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Speaker 4: We talk in baby showers or like clean showers.

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Speaker 3: I'm thinking of like the rainforest shower, you know, like

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Speaker 3: the raining showers from the top.

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Speaker 4: Oh ye yeah, those kinds.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, those are the best. Okay, Okay, I'm staying with

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Speaker 3: my in laws for twenty four days. First of all,

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Speaker 3: I didn't want to stay for more than ten to

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Speaker 3: fourteen days, but my husband went above my head and

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Speaker 3: bought the tickets. Anyway, that's not a red flag if

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Speaker 3: I've ever saw one. By the way, this comes from

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Speaker 3: User Anywhere Present, nineteen ninety eight, and if you want

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Speaker 3: submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

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Speaker 3: story time suppurt it. I'm keon I'm Angie and we're

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Speaker 3: here to you have good advice. Goofily. We don't have

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Speaker 3: all the answers. We only know what we do, so

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Speaker 3: let us know what you do in the comments. Pretty

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Speaker 3: pretty pleased, as Obie says. I want to start off

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Speaker 3: by saying that I love my parents in law. They

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Speaker 3: treat me like one of their own, and I get

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Speaker 3: along with them really well. We hang out and watch

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Speaker 3: movies together all the time. Basically, they're friends slash family

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Speaker 3: that I've always wanted. I always get along with my

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Speaker 3: sister in law, but she's always been a bit tricky.

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Speaker 3: Every single time all three of us come to their

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Speaker 3: family home for Christmas, she's always on my butt about

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Speaker 3: the electricity bill. I don't leave lights on or use

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Speaker 3: much of it, so she comes to bother me about

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Speaker 3: the hot water slash heater. It's been five years of this.

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Speaker 3: They have a water heater that they put on about

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Speaker 3: thirty to sixty minutes before showering and it's off the

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Speaker 3: rest of the time. The cheap is electricity times are

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Speaker 3: from one pm to three pm and ten pm to

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Speaker 3: eight am, so that's when I shower. So first she

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Speaker 3: tells me that I need to take less time less

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Speaker 3: than fifteen minutes showering. I say, okay, sure, I don't

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Speaker 3: ever go over fifteen minutes anyway. Then she says I

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Speaker 3: need to shower less than ten minutes. I say, okay,

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Speaker 3: I'll do the whole navy shower thing, but I realize

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Speaker 3: it's hard because of washing my long hair. I say, okay,

300
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Speaker 3: I'll only wash my hair twice a week while here,

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Speaker 3: and I'll only shower once a day. Then she comes

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Speaker 3: to tell me that I need to not shower every day.

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Speaker 3: What I say, why am I the one you're telling

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Speaker 3: this to. Doesn't everyone shower once a day? She says that, no,

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Speaker 3: no one except me and my husband's shower every day,

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Speaker 3: and that's only because I probably forced him to. She

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Speaker 3: kept going on and on about the electricity bill, and

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Speaker 3: I just felt that it was super rude of her

309
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Speaker 3: to try and make me feel guilty for something so normal.

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Speaker 3: On top of it, I'm still a guest. We had

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Speaker 3: a really good day and even went out shopping together.

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Speaker 3: I don't know why she would bring up this ridiculousness

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Speaker 3: up to me right before bed. Oh we continue saying

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Speaker 3: this just ruined my sleepiness. I just told her that

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Speaker 3: if I have to pay their electricity bill in order

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Speaker 3: to shower once a day, then I'll do it. To

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Speaker 3: just leave me alone. I'm just going to talk to

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Speaker 3: her about it anymore, because in my mind, she wouldn't

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Speaker 3: see reason she kept going to no matter what I said.

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Speaker 3: I brought it up to my husband yet again, because

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Speaker 3: as I said, it's been every single year on the

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Speaker 3: same topic. He says again that she's just being an

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Speaker 3: overbearing auntie and not to take it seriously, but he'll

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Speaker 3: speak to her. It's hard for me not to be

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Speaker 3: upset because I'm already away from all my comforts for

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Speaker 3: longer than I ever wanted, and I thought that the

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Speaker 3: last thing I had was I wants a day shower.

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Speaker 3: To just imagine, I'm back home with my beautiful, clean bathroom,

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Speaker 3: all the hot water I need, and my peace and quiet.

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Speaker 3: I'm not complained once. So this really stings. Am I

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Speaker 3: being a dramatic or what?

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Speaker 4: I don't think?

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Speaker 3: So, I don't think you're being dramatic in any sense. Again,

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Speaker 3: if they had their reasonings of like, oh, the water

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Speaker 3: bill is really high, or the plumbing or something like

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00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:24,760
Speaker 3: we have to conserve water, what have you? If there

337
00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:28,240
Speaker 3: was legit reasonings. Okay, if everybody else is doing this,

338
00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:31,440
Speaker 3: I guess, but it seems like it's just out for you.

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00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,120
Speaker 3: I would ask everybody in the house. Is everyone's showering

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Speaker 3: a day? Is she showering? Does she take like forty

341
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Speaker 3: minute showers?

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Speaker 6: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: Right, that's my question. She's like, you actually can't shower

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Speaker 4: every day because I'm.

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Speaker 3: Going to So you're reading my shower time.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so if you lessen your amount of showers, then

347
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Speaker 2: I can shower for however long I want.

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Speaker 3: I don't know. She also can find to be like

349
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Speaker 3: take less than fifteen minute showers, which OP was like cool,

350
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Speaker 3: and then just like less than ten minutes to ten

351
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Speaker 3: I don't know. This is very weird. Also, the thing

352
00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:00,640
Speaker 3: with your husband earlier that you said that, hey, I

353
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Speaker 3: only want to go for like two weeks, and he's like,

354
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Speaker 3: we're gonna stay there for twenty four days. Yeah, long time,

355
00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:09,000
Speaker 3: and he doesn't take it that into consideration. There's also

356
00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:11,520
Speaker 3: a problem with your husband listening to you, because if

357
00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:13,800
Speaker 3: you've been doing this for five years, he knows you

358
00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:16,200
Speaker 3: don't want to go for that long, still does it Anyway,

359
00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:19,440
Speaker 3: there needs to be a very clear cut communication between

360
00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:22,160
Speaker 3: you and your husband about how you feel, because yeah,

361
00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:24,880
Speaker 3: he's not treating you right on that part. Comments Comment

362
00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:27,520
Speaker 3: number one, Go to your mother in law privately apologize

363
00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:30,080
Speaker 3: for using too much electricity. Tell her you didn't know

364
00:15:30,160 --> 00:15:32,920
Speaker 3: things were that tough, and ask how you can help her.

365
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,800
Speaker 3: Tell her you'll be sure to leave the money for

366
00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:37,040
Speaker 3: the bills when you leave. Tell her that you never

367
00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:38,920
Speaker 3: meant to stress her out while she was ill. When

368
00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:42,160
Speaker 3: she asked what you're talking about, kindly and nicely throw

369
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Speaker 3: sister in law under the bus, because I doubt any

370
00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:46,960
Speaker 3: of this is coming from mother in law. Comment number two.

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00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:49,960
Speaker 3: Is there a truck stop or planet fitness nearby? Just

372
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:52,120
Speaker 3: go there once a day and buy a shower, and

373
00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:54,640
Speaker 3: don't be quiet about leaving, but getting a break while

374
00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:57,200
Speaker 3: you do this each day. They provide some comfort if

375
00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:59,360
Speaker 3: you can figure out a place to charge them. Get

376
00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:02,000
Speaker 3: some battery band thanks for your electronics bonus points if

377
00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:03,840
Speaker 3: you can set up a solar charging station in the

378
00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:07,080
Speaker 3: front yard because it gets the best sun. Also, wear

379
00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:09,080
Speaker 3: a headlamp around the house at the height. This is

380
00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:11,360
Speaker 3: a little extreme. Anytime you go in a room that

381
00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:13,840
Speaker 3: doesn't already have the light on, turn on the headlamp.

382
00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:16,280
Speaker 3: If anyone says anything, tell them you read about this

383
00:16:16,360 --> 00:16:19,120
Speaker 3: and waste to save electricity. Maybe give everyone head lambs

384
00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:24,760
Speaker 3: for Christmas. Opie replied this maybe chuckle. Thanks man made

385
00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:26,880
Speaker 3: me chuckle too. Climb At number three, offer your in

386
00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:30,400
Speaker 3: laws to help with utilities while there, and make sure

387
00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:33,200
Speaker 3: sister in law is there to hear it. Mom and Dad,

388
00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:35,800
Speaker 3: we want to give you this cash to help pay

389
00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:38,280
Speaker 3: for the utilities we are using while here. It's only

390
00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:40,920
Speaker 3: fair since we are staying so long. I guarantee sister

391
00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:46,000
Speaker 3: in law hasn't offered anything. Watch her squirm that good idea. Yeah,

392
00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:48,000
Speaker 3: Then after you insist that inlass is up the money,

393
00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:49,800
Speaker 3: turn the tables on sister in law and tell her

394
00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:52,600
Speaker 3: she should also fork over the money or stop using

395
00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:54,760
Speaker 3: the utilities. Comm A number four, Tell your sister in

396
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Speaker 3: law that unless she pays the bills at your in

397
00:16:56,680 --> 00:16:59,360
Speaker 3: law's house with her own money, she doesn't tell you

398
00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:01,600
Speaker 3: what to do. If the in laws were this stressed,

399
00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:04,560
Speaker 3: they would have spoken to your husband. Then tell your

400
00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:07,280
Speaker 3: husband he better start running interference or you will simply

401
00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:10,280
Speaker 3: have to handle the situation yourself. Personally, I would be

402
00:17:10,359 --> 00:17:13,639
Speaker 3: renting a hotel room without the husband if necessary. If

403
00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:15,399
Speaker 3: you don't stand up for yourself, you will put up

404
00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:17,960
Speaker 3: with this for the next thirty years. Come number five,

405
00:17:18,359 --> 00:17:20,480
Speaker 3: not over reacting, go to your mother in law. Tell

406
00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:23,040
Speaker 3: her you'd like to apologize for causing expenses, that your

407
00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:25,760
Speaker 3: sister in law has been bringing it up daily, and

408
00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:27,840
Speaker 3: add that you don't want to be a burden and

409
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,880
Speaker 3: that you and your husband don't have to be there

410
00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:32,280
Speaker 3: every Christmas, or that you can find a hotel to

411
00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:35,199
Speaker 3: make things easier for everyone. Say all this in a humble,

412
00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:38,320
Speaker 3: non ironic tone. Then sit back and watch the house

413
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:41,040
Speaker 3: burn as your mother in law lectures her daughter on

414
00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:43,919
Speaker 3: how to behave towards invited guest when dealing with family

415
00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:47,119
Speaker 3: matters involving arguments during a visit. You shouldn't get your

416
00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:50,520
Speaker 3: hands dirty yourself. That's what hosts are for. If you

417
00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:53,760
Speaker 3: go into open confrontation with her without backup, you can

418
00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:56,960
Speaker 3: only lose and there is an updates.

419
00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:58,160
Speaker 4: I think those are great ideas.

420
00:17:58,280 --> 00:18:01,960
Speaker 2: I like the one about just going to the parents

421
00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:05,960
Speaker 2: in law separately bringing up the issue of apologizing for

422
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:08,760
Speaker 2: the issue, so you're not just like, hey, sister.

423
00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:10,840
Speaker 4: In law is saying this, Like is that bad?

424
00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:11,119
Speaker 6: True?

425
00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:13,560
Speaker 4: Yeah? Because they might be put in an awkward spot.

426
00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:15,760
Speaker 2: But if you just apologize for it, then they could

427
00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:19,479
Speaker 2: accept it if that's true, or they could, you know,

428
00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:21,280
Speaker 2: be like, what are you talking about?

429
00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:24,240
Speaker 3: Yeah? Five years of this, this is insane and your husband

430
00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:27,960
Speaker 3: not really doing anything per se right those five years

431
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:28,880
Speaker 3: also insane?

432
00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:29,640
Speaker 4: Yeah? Right?

433
00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:31,600
Speaker 2: Like I feel like it would be so easy for

434
00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:33,440
Speaker 2: him to talk to his sister about.

435
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:35,800
Speaker 3: Being like, Yo, what do you what exactly?

436
00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:36,840
Speaker 4: I shower every.

437
00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:40,119
Speaker 2: Day because that's what we should be doing, not because

438
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:41,320
Speaker 2: my wife is forcing me.

439
00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:44,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, insane, But we do have an update. Let's get

440
00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:45,800
Speaker 3: right into it. I just want to say thank you

441
00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:49,080
Speaker 3: to everyone for all the wonderful advice. I'm especially grateful

442
00:18:49,119 --> 00:18:51,760
Speaker 3: to you guys for validating my concerns and feelings. I

443
00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:54,159
Speaker 3: just wanted to clear up the whole auntie thing. We

444
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:56,159
Speaker 3: don't have any kids, and he used this term in

445
00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:59,520
Speaker 3: a slang way, the way you say unk okay. Anyway,

446
00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:02,400
Speaker 3: messaged her in the family group chat last night addressing

447
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:04,520
Speaker 3: the whole thing. It wasn't in my native tongue, so

448
00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:06,600
Speaker 3: I can't tell you word for word what was said.

449
00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:09,520
Speaker 3: We're in southern eastern Europe, but basically he told her

450
00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:12,240
Speaker 3: to knock it off and leave me alone. Okay, okay,

451
00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:14,240
Speaker 3: I woke up late today because I didn't fall asleep

452
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:17,199
Speaker 3: until two am, so I missed the whole confrontation. I

453
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:19,240
Speaker 3: just know. I woke up to shouting and then strong

454
00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:22,240
Speaker 3: vacuuming outside my door, and she sent me two videos

455
00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:25,960
Speaker 3: about wives greeting their husbands and clothes or being topless.

456
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:31,359
Speaker 2: Why this is such a weird, uncomfortable relationship.

457
00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:33,399
Speaker 3: I have no words to respond to that.

458
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:39,400
Speaker 2: That's for sure, that's insane and so inappropriate and why.

459
00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:41,760
Speaker 3: And OPI's also in the same boat as us, thankfully

460
00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:45,160
Speaker 3: saying I don't even haveving know you, guys, I can't

461
00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:48,040
Speaker 3: even begin to understand what she's meaning by this, and

462
00:19:48,119 --> 00:19:50,199
Speaker 3: neither do we. My husband told me that she was

463
00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:52,920
Speaker 3: embarrassed that he told his parents and asked him why

464
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:54,920
Speaker 3: he had to stress my mother in law out about

465
00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:57,439
Speaker 3: such simple things, and that she didn't mean to upset me.

466
00:19:57,600 --> 00:20:00,000
Speaker 3: She's just a direct person and it's a simple request.

467
00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:03,480
Speaker 3: Mother in law defended me, yes, and told her that

468
00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:05,320
Speaker 3: she needs us to be a family right now, and

469
00:20:05,359 --> 00:20:09,200
Speaker 3: she's arguing over dumb stuff. She was very annoyed.

470
00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:11,320
Speaker 4: How's would anybody yeah what.

471
00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:13,720
Speaker 3: The whole day was super awkward, of course, as we

472
00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:15,560
Speaker 3: didn't talk a lot and she never brought it up

473
00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:18,479
Speaker 3: to me, just basically pretended like nothing happened, Fine by

474
00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:20,040
Speaker 3: me as long as she leaves me alone.

475
00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:20,760
Speaker 4: Thank god.

476
00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:23,280
Speaker 2: The mom was like, girl, what are you talking about?

477
00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:27,120
Speaker 2: Because it truly is like so minuscule and annoying.

478
00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:28,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, how old was she?

479
00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:30,840
Speaker 4: I'm assuming around the same age.

480
00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:32,760
Speaker 3: She sounds like a child, not like a child, but

481
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:34,359
Speaker 3: like a teenager, like a teenager.

482
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:35,000
Speaker 4: Yeah.

483
00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:37,200
Speaker 3: I don't have ages, so I don't know how old

484
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:38,520
Speaker 3: she is really.

485
00:20:38,359 --> 00:20:41,560
Speaker 2: No, I mean I'm guessing like probably late twenties or something,

486
00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:42,800
Speaker 2: maybe early thirties.

487
00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:46,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I also like how it took, in hindsight,

488
00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:49,040
Speaker 3: five years for this to be really brought up to

489
00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:52,080
Speaker 3: everyone's attention. Yeah, right, like this could have been done

490
00:20:52,119 --> 00:20:55,040
Speaker 3: the first time. Yeah, the husband be like, hey, do

491
00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:58,560
Speaker 3: we need to not take long showers because water's expensive

492
00:20:58,800 --> 00:20:59,920
Speaker 3: or the electricity goes way too.

493
00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:02,920
Speaker 2: It's so weird that that's it's the showers that are

494
00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:03,520
Speaker 2: bothering her.

495
00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:04,960
Speaker 4: It's not anything else.

496
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:08,000
Speaker 2: It's not like, oh, I don't know, put your dishes

497
00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:09,040
Speaker 2: away or something like that.

498
00:21:09,119 --> 00:21:12,720
Speaker 4: It's like it's just all about the showering every year.

499
00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:14,160
Speaker 4: Like what what?

500
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:16,760
Speaker 3: But let's go ahead and finish up this story. I

501
00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:18,960
Speaker 3: was on my way to the bathroom to go use

502
00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:20,879
Speaker 3: it when she stopped me to say she needs to

503
00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:23,040
Speaker 3: do something in there before I go in. Mother in

504
00:21:23,119 --> 00:21:26,119
Speaker 3: law yelled at her to leave me be, so she said, okay,

505
00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:29,080
Speaker 3: go go go, go go. At least, I know that

506
00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:31,600
Speaker 3: my parents in law are reasonable people, so I'm glad

507
00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:34,560
Speaker 3: about that. My husband, however, doesn't understand that she has

508
00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:37,080
Speaker 3: never really warmed up to me and only pretends to

509
00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:39,800
Speaker 3: be my friend. He claims she can't fake being nice

510
00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:42,560
Speaker 3: and that she loves me. Whatever. I wash my hands

511
00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:44,560
Speaker 3: of his sister, as this is just the cherry on

512
00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:48,080
Speaker 3: top of her microaggressions and backhand to talk for years.

513
00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:49,919
Speaker 3: Thanks again, you guys, But that is the end of

514
00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:50,480
Speaker 3: that story.

515
00:21:51,359 --> 00:21:54,880
Speaker 2: My son's birthday took an unexpected turn and I wasn't

516
00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:55,800
Speaker 2: ready well.

517
00:21:56,160 --> 00:21:56,960
Speaker 3: I hope it went well.

518
00:21:57,160 --> 00:21:59,600
Speaker 2: I twenty five female, am a single mom to Lewis,

519
00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:02,280
Speaker 2: who he just had his sixth birthday. My son also

520
00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:05,080
Speaker 2: happens to be on the autism spectrum. He's high functioning

521
00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:07,440
Speaker 2: but is still trying to navigate his everyday life.

522
00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:08,200
Speaker 4: With some difficulties.

523
00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:10,359
Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from Luckiest And if you

524
00:22:10,359 --> 00:22:11,960
Speaker 2: want to submit your own stories, go to the r

525
00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:14,920
Speaker 2: slash Okay, storytime Supreddit And I'm Angie.

526
00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:17,120
Speaker 4: I'm Keon, and we're here to give good advice Goofuly.

527
00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:19,000
Speaker 4: But we don't have all the answers. We just know

528
00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:20,800
Speaker 4: what we would do in these situations, So let us

529
00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:22,520
Speaker 4: know what you do in the comments.

530
00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:27,160
Speaker 2: And no Bee says he has sensory issues, special interests,

531
00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:30,720
Speaker 2: and he gets overstimulated in really crowded places. However, he's

532
00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:33,879
Speaker 2: been slowly navigating his life and has been doing so

533
00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:36,360
Speaker 2: much better as he gets older. Now that you have

534
00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:38,639
Speaker 2: some background about him, I want to tell you about

535
00:22:38,640 --> 00:22:42,240
Speaker 2: my boyfriend Jordan. He's a heavy machinery mechanic who focuses

536
00:22:42,280 --> 00:22:45,240
Speaker 2: mostly on farming equipment, but will also help out some

537
00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:47,840
Speaker 2: construction businesses if they're in a pinch and don't have

538
00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:50,600
Speaker 2: a person for that already. Jordan owns his own business,

539
00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:52,920
Speaker 2: which he runs out of his own house and garage.

540
00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:55,000
Speaker 2: He lives on a big plot of land in the

541
00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:59,200
Speaker 2: rural areas. He keeps livestock like chickens, ducks, goats, and cows,

542
00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:02,320
Speaker 2: but he doesn't farm them out. I personally don't understand

543
00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:04,200
Speaker 2: how he has the time to do everything he does

544
00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:07,720
Speaker 2: with us and work, but he's amazing. Louis instantly took

545
00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:11,000
Speaker 2: a liking to Jordan and vice versa. Lewis loves visiting

546
00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:13,320
Speaker 2: the farm as he calls it and riding around with

547
00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:17,439
Speaker 2: Jordan on his UTV. Lewis is super interested in building

548
00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:19,800
Speaker 2: lego and just working with his hands. He loves to

549
00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:24,120
Speaker 2: follow Jordan in the garage and learn about cars, engines, tractors, baylors,

550
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:27,960
Speaker 2: et cetera. Jordan has been an absolute godsend for Louis.

551
00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:31,080
Speaker 2: He's so careful with him. He's even buys packs of

552
00:23:31,119 --> 00:23:33,560
Speaker 2: gloves so Louis doesn't need to worry as much about

553
00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:36,480
Speaker 2: the sensory overload with Greece and whatever else they come

554
00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:39,359
Speaker 2: into the house covered in moving to this last month,

555
00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:41,679
Speaker 2: Jordan told me that he wanted to give Louis the

556
00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:45,240
Speaker 2: best possible birthday he could. I kind of brushed it off,

557
00:23:45,280 --> 00:23:47,919
Speaker 2: as he'll get him a small gift like one of

558
00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:51,760
Speaker 2: the cheap lego sets or toy tractors, but nope, he

559
00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:54,480
Speaker 2: walked us to the big garage and opened the door.

560
00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:57,119
Speaker 2: This man went out of his way to get Louis

561
00:23:57,280 --> 00:24:00,880
Speaker 2: every single thing he could think of. He got Lewis

562
00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:04,160
Speaker 2: ten Lego sets and built him a freaking go car.

563
00:24:04,560 --> 00:24:07,560
Speaker 4: What what he's going on here? It's awesome.

564
00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:12,000
Speaker 2: Oh this man spent well over one thousand dollars on

565
00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:14,159
Speaker 2: my son. I know he makes a lot of money,

566
00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:18,520
Speaker 2: but my jaw hit the floor. I instantly just dropped

567
00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:22,840
Speaker 2: to the floor, sobbing. I never ever expected anybody to

568
00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:25,360
Speaker 2: be so caring about a little boy. They didn't have

569
00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:29,000
Speaker 2: to do anything for Louis was overjoyed. The first thing

570
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:31,800
Speaker 2: he did was yell, is that a go car?

571
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:33,480
Speaker 4: Can I ride in it?

572
00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:34,439
Speaker 6: With the Jordan?

573
00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:38,359
Speaker 4: Wait? Are these lego sets? You got me? The Titanic set?

574
00:24:38,600 --> 00:24:39,920
Speaker 6: What it's that before ever?

575
00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:44,359
Speaker 3: Oh that's a big set. It it's a big set.

576
00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:45,200
Speaker 4: Oh wow.

577
00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:48,280
Speaker 2: The look on Lewis's face was enough to last me

578
00:24:48,359 --> 00:24:51,520
Speaker 2: a lifetime of happiness. Jordan did what nobody else has

579
00:24:51,560 --> 00:24:54,120
Speaker 2: done for us, without even asking. The look on Jordan's

580
00:24:54,119 --> 00:24:57,159
Speaker 2: face was just pure excitement to see Louis so happy.

581
00:24:57,520 --> 00:24:59,560
Speaker 2: Of course, he told Louis that the go car was

582
00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:01,720
Speaker 2: his and that he can drive it as long as

583
00:25:01,720 --> 00:25:03,760
Speaker 2: one of us sits with him until he learns how

584
00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:06,240
Speaker 2: to drive in it better. I'm sorry for all the rambling,

585
00:25:06,240 --> 00:25:08,400
Speaker 2: and maybe some of it was not coherent, but thank

586
00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:10,440
Speaker 2: you to anyone who read this. I think I'm going

587
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:12,480
Speaker 2: to buy this man a ring, and there is an edit.

588
00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:15,440
Speaker 2: I can't express how grateful I am for so many

589
00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:18,280
Speaker 2: people to have read this, and just how kind everyone is.

590
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:20,680
Speaker 2: You're all my friends now, and I hope whoever sees

591
00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:22,560
Speaker 2: this it gets nothing but joy from life.

592
00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:27,760
Speaker 4: You're just so sweet. Okay, oh my goodness.

593
00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:31,679
Speaker 2: Wow, And we do have some comments, but wow, Kean,

594
00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:32,760
Speaker 2: this is amazing.

595
00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:34,320
Speaker 3: We don't get these very often.

596
00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:36,760
Speaker 4: We surely don't. That's true.

597
00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:40,359
Speaker 3: This sounds amazing. I think you have to, of course,

598
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:43,960
Speaker 3: tell Lewis to be like, hey, make sure you tell

599
00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:48,600
Speaker 3: Jordan thank you first and foremost. Yeah, right, which I

600
00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:51,040
Speaker 3: guarantee you he will, you know. He seems like a

601
00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:54,040
Speaker 3: very great kid, and then go to Jordan and be like, Okay,

602
00:25:54,119 --> 00:25:56,000
Speaker 3: when people get me gifts I get, I'm like, well

603
00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:59,200
Speaker 3: you don't have to do that, ye, but like I'm like, yay, gift,

604
00:25:59,280 --> 00:26:02,000
Speaker 3: but right, because my love language is also gift giving.

605
00:26:02,119 --> 00:26:04,960
Speaker 3: I love giving gifts. Yeah, so I can see that

606
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:08,680
Speaker 3: how it works. But it's just yeah, tell Jordan how

607
00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:11,959
Speaker 3: how appreciative you are, and like, yeah, genuinely, like this

608
00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:14,359
Speaker 3: is crazy. You didn't have to go this extreme or

609
00:26:14,359 --> 00:26:17,360
Speaker 3: this far. I mean even getting him like one thing

610
00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:19,400
Speaker 3: or two things goes a long way. But you got

611
00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:21,800
Speaker 3: him the whole cake and he's gonna eat the cake

612
00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:23,240
Speaker 3: and another cake. Yea pretty much.

613
00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:25,560
Speaker 4: And then you built it, you like bought him ten

614
00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:29,639
Speaker 4: cakes and then made one from scratch, like made the

615
00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:31,119
Speaker 4: grew the flour and everything.

616
00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:32,159
Speaker 3: That is crazy.

617
00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:34,560
Speaker 2: There are some comments here. Comming number one says you

618
00:26:34,640 --> 00:26:38,199
Speaker 2: have found yourself a gem. Such a heartwarming story. The

619
00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:41,920
Speaker 2: world needs more. Jordan's Opie replied, I really have, thank

620
00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:44,840
Speaker 2: you so much. Comment two says update us when you

621
00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:48,679
Speaker 2: propose to him with a lego tractor goat ring. He

622
00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:50,800
Speaker 2: sounds like a lovely man, and your son sounds like

623
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:52,400
Speaker 2: such a precious child.

624
00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:54,840
Speaker 4: Opi replied, I absolutely will.

625
00:26:54,920 --> 00:26:57,560
Speaker 2: Comment three says son of a Why people gotta be

626
00:26:57,640 --> 00:27:00,320
Speaker 2: gutting onions when I'm just trying to chill and some

627
00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:03,119
Speaker 2: read it on my lunch break. Happy to hear Lewis

628
00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:06,280
Speaker 2: had an awesome birthday. Hope you're replied, sorry about the onions.

629
00:27:06,320 --> 00:27:07,560
Speaker 2: I got hungry.

630
00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:09,639
Speaker 4: What do you shrek? Come in?

631
00:27:09,760 --> 00:27:12,280
Speaker 2: Number four says I hope you and your son treat

632
00:27:12,359 --> 00:27:14,680
Speaker 2: him as well as how he seems to treat y'all.

633
00:27:14,840 --> 00:27:17,199
Speaker 4: It seems all have found the start of your forever family.

634
00:27:17,280 --> 00:27:19,879
Speaker 2: I know how imposter syndrome can get some people, so

635
00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:21,000
Speaker 2: I'll go ahead and say this.

636
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:22,800
Speaker 4: Now, you and your son.

637
00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:25,160
Speaker 2: Deserve all the love that comes your way, and if

638
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:28,439
Speaker 2: it feels right, fight for it. May you all be

639
00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:31,200
Speaker 2: intentional with your actions and words, and may you all

640
00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:34,520
Speaker 2: be safe, cherish every moment. And if you ever feel

641
00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:36,639
Speaker 2: as if you can't appreciate him as much as you

642
00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:39,640
Speaker 2: think he should be, just know your words of gratitude

643
00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:42,240
Speaker 2: and appreciation can go a long way. Being vocal about

644
00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:44,680
Speaker 2: someone's worth goes more of a long way than most

645
00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:48,120
Speaker 2: people realize. I'm sorry I read books like this. I've

646
00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:51,639
Speaker 2: already planned your happy ending. Hope you're replied. I'm glad

647
00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:54,800
Speaker 2: you planned the happy ending. I think it sounds absolutely amazing.

648
00:27:55,040 --> 00:27:55,479
Speaker 4: Thank you.

649
00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:58,080
Speaker 2: Coming five says my brain is so ruined by life

650
00:27:58,119 --> 00:27:59,879
Speaker 2: that I was expecting a cruel ending to this.

651
00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:01,040
Speaker 4: Good for you?

652
00:28:01,359 --> 00:28:01,760
Speaker 6: So were we?

653
00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:04,280
Speaker 3: Why so were we? I was like, what's the catch.

654
00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:06,639
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, we were like halfway through the

655
00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:09,879
Speaker 2: story yet. Uh oh, something's gonna happen. But it was

656
00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:14,360
Speaker 2: a positive one positive OPI replied. I'm glad I could

657
00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:17,239
Speaker 2: surprise you, and we do have an update here on

658
00:28:17,359 --> 00:28:20,280
Speaker 2: December twenty ninth, twenty twenty five, which is twenty six

659
00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:21,560
Speaker 2: days after the first post.

660
00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:23,480
Speaker 3: This was about a month ago.

661
00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:26,399
Speaker 4: I'm excited. What do we think is gonna happen?

662
00:28:26,680 --> 00:28:29,119
Speaker 3: I hope something very magical.

663
00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:31,840
Speaker 4: I hope a ring is in the mix here.

664
00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:35,359
Speaker 3: Oh he buys you Lego Landy Bye.

665
00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:36,359
Speaker 4: Yeah, there you go.

666
00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:39,240
Speaker 2: Hi everyone, I really wanted to make an update post,

667
00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:42,200
Speaker 2: and I think now it's a perfect time. After Lewis's birthday,

668
00:28:42,280 --> 00:28:44,600
Speaker 2: me and him sat down to make a thank you card.

669
00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:47,520
Speaker 2: I made sure Lewis wrote everything himself and told him

670
00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:50,320
Speaker 2: to really think and make it personal. I also said,

671
00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:53,240
Speaker 2: and make it as funny, creative, or whatever other adjective

672
00:28:53,280 --> 00:28:55,280
Speaker 2: he could think of, but make sure it's nice.

673
00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:56,480
Speaker 4: He did just that.

674
00:28:56,640 --> 00:28:59,760
Speaker 2: We picked out a giant trifle poster his idea and

675
00:28:59,800 --> 00:29:02,920
Speaker 2: got all kinds of decorations and craft stuff. He spent

676
00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:05,680
Speaker 2: days trying to make it perfect. We printed out pictures

677
00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:08,520
Speaker 2: of Lewis and Jordan together and glued them on right

678
00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:10,760
Speaker 2: next to all the drawings and writing that he put

679
00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:13,240
Speaker 2: I even wrote my own little section where there was

680
00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:16,280
Speaker 2: free space, I put down, thank you, Jordan, not just

681
00:29:16,320 --> 00:29:19,200
Speaker 2: for all the gifts, all the dinners, movie nights, game nights,

682
00:29:19,520 --> 00:29:21,720
Speaker 2: and even the guy time as you two call it,

683
00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:24,479
Speaker 2: thank you for seeing Lewis for who he is and

684
00:29:24,520 --> 00:29:27,000
Speaker 2: what he enjoys, and not what sets him back. I

685
00:29:27,040 --> 00:29:29,600
Speaker 2: know he can't fully put into words how he feels sometimes,

686
00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:32,440
Speaker 2: but believe me, he loves you more than you could know.

687
00:29:32,760 --> 00:29:36,000
Speaker 2: You've replaced me as his best friend, and honestly, I

688
00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:38,240
Speaker 2: couldn't be more grateful for that. You've made this past

689
00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:41,240
Speaker 2: year a dream true, even through the struggles.

690
00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:45,240
Speaker 4: I love you. Oh my goodness, Ah, this is great.

691
00:29:45,760 --> 00:29:48,080
Speaker 3: So many onions, so many onions.

692
00:29:48,440 --> 00:29:51,200
Speaker 2: After we finally got the card to be up to standard,

693
00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:53,640
Speaker 2: as the Little boss Man likes to say, we jumped

694
00:29:53,640 --> 00:29:56,160
Speaker 2: into the car and headed over for a surprise visit.

695
00:29:56,280 --> 00:29:58,400
Speaker 2: Jordan was having dinner with his parents, who we just

696
00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:01,120
Speaker 2: absolutely adore. I think they treat us more like family

697
00:30:01,160 --> 00:30:04,600
Speaker 2: than my own lol. I already warned Jordan's parents we'd

698
00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:07,880
Speaker 2: be popping in quick, so there was no unwanted interruptions. Anyways,

699
00:30:07,920 --> 00:30:09,560
Speaker 2: we told the parents that we were on our way

700
00:30:09,720 --> 00:30:12,440
Speaker 2: and we'd sneak in. Well, we got caught trying to

701
00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:15,920
Speaker 2: sneak a giant poster board past the windows, and Jordan

702
00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:18,480
Speaker 2: greeted us at the door, gave us hugs and me

703
00:30:18,560 --> 00:30:21,200
Speaker 2: a kiss, and left and let us in. We sat

704
00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:25,880
Speaker 2: down and watched Jordan open his comically large letter. He

705
00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:29,400
Speaker 2: opened it and started looking all across the cardboard. He

706
00:30:29,480 --> 00:30:32,320
Speaker 2: sat reading with tears welling up and just muffled a

707
00:30:32,720 --> 00:30:35,320
Speaker 2: I love you guys too, before excusing himself to get

708
00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:39,840
Speaker 2: a tissue. This is so this is sweet, Oh my gosh.

709
00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:42,640
Speaker 2: We proceeded to spend the night playing games, building lego,

710
00:30:42,720 --> 00:30:44,000
Speaker 2: and just hanging out with everyone.

711
00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:47,680
Speaker 4: Dude, onions too much, for sure, this is crazy. Too

712
00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:48,720
Speaker 4: many onions in here?

713
00:30:49,560 --> 00:30:53,400
Speaker 3: Who let the onions out? Wow, this is so sweet.

714
00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:54,880
Speaker 3: This is one of those things where we don't really

715
00:30:54,880 --> 00:30:57,840
Speaker 3: need to give advice and you just say, that's so good.

716
00:30:58,200 --> 00:30:59,560
Speaker 3: Thank you, thank you you.

717
00:30:59,720 --> 00:31:02,520
Speaker 4: Give it us advice. Yeah, in a way. Thank you

718
00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:04,840
Speaker 4: so much, Opie for sharing this lovely.

719
00:31:04,920 --> 00:31:06,520
Speaker 3: Loveliness, amazing story.

720
00:31:06,680 --> 00:31:07,960
Speaker 4: I like this side of Reddit.

721
00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:09,080
Speaker 3: This is GREATO.

722
00:31:10,240 --> 00:31:12,200
Speaker 2: There is a little bit more into the story. Now

723
00:31:12,240 --> 00:31:16,840
Speaker 2: onto the big change. We're moving in with Jordans. My

724
00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:19,720
Speaker 2: lease is coming up for renewal in February. Jordan wrapped

725
00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:22,440
Speaker 2: up a box with the house key to ask. Obviously,

726
00:31:22,520 --> 00:31:24,960
Speaker 2: I jumped up with excitement and I ran over and

727
00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:27,760
Speaker 2: dove into his arms. He also gave Lewis his own

728
00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:30,360
Speaker 2: key for his bedroom. He waited until I said yes

729
00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:32,800
Speaker 2: to ask Louis. Now, I hate to say Louis is

730
00:31:32,800 --> 00:31:36,560
Speaker 2: a little nervous and excited, but we're here so much anyways,

731
00:31:36,560 --> 00:31:38,120
Speaker 2: and I feel like this is the first step to

732
00:31:38,160 --> 00:31:39,360
Speaker 2: building a healthy future.

733
00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:40,320
Speaker 4: We also wanted to make.

734
00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:42,640
Speaker 2: Sure we could live together without problems before making any

735
00:31:42,760 --> 00:31:46,040
Speaker 2: big leaps. Anyways, now it's packing and donation times to

736
00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:48,480
Speaker 2: clear out some of my old stuff and make room

737
00:31:48,560 --> 00:31:51,200
Speaker 2: for new things. I'm so grateful for everything I have,

738
00:31:51,320 --> 00:31:53,760
Speaker 2: and everyone who reads Slash has read any part of

739
00:31:53,800 --> 00:31:56,120
Speaker 2: this or the last post, I love each and every

740
00:31:56,120 --> 00:31:58,480
Speaker 2: one of you and wish you all the best. But

741
00:31:58,560 --> 00:31:59,800
Speaker 2: that's the end of that story.

742
00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:04,160
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Dakota, your favorite goofball host here, and we're

743
00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:05,360
Speaker 1: going to get back to the stories.

744
00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:08,000
Speaker 6: But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

745
00:32:08,320 --> 00:32:11,680
Speaker 1: My husband and I went to counseling and he still

746
00:32:11,880 --> 00:32:12,720
Speaker 1: divorced me.

747
00:32:12,920 --> 00:32:16,000
Speaker 6: Anyway, looks like it wasn't the counseling's fault.

748
00:32:16,320 --> 00:32:20,120
Speaker 1: I twenty nine female, was married to my husband, twenty

749
00:32:20,200 --> 00:32:22,560
Speaker 1: nine male, for two years, but we were in a

750
00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:26,280
Speaker 1: relationship for fourteen years, half of our lives.

751
00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:27,600
Speaker 6: No kids either.

752
00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:31,800
Speaker 1: In my opinion, we were good couple, full of warm

753
00:32:31,920 --> 00:32:36,360
Speaker 1: for each other, support, love and ambition. People in our

754
00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:39,600
Speaker 1: environment said that we were like perfect couple.

755
00:32:40,080 --> 00:32:41,120
Speaker 6: I thought we had.

756
00:32:40,960 --> 00:32:45,880
Speaker 1: Good life, good jobs, family and friends, support, traveling daily,

757
00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:50,080
Speaker 1: chatting during work day, then talking at home, eating meals together.

758
00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:53,760
Speaker 1: Almost no arguments. By the way, this comes from user

759
00:32:54,480 --> 00:32:57,920
Speaker 1: underscore air ad and if you want us meet your

760
00:32:57,920 --> 00:32:59,880
Speaker 1: own stories, go with our slash Okay storytime subur.

761
00:33:00,640 --> 00:33:03,720
Speaker 6: I'm Dakota, I'm Riley, I'm so glad I'm not reading this.

762
00:33:04,120 --> 00:33:08,400
Speaker 1: I'm Carly, and we and we're here to give good advice.

763
00:33:08,480 --> 00:33:08,880
Speaker 6: Goofy.

764
00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:11,720
Speaker 1: But we don't have all the answers. We just know,

765
00:33:12,560 --> 00:33:15,640
Speaker 1: you know, they here and there, some stuff, stuff from

766
00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:18,640
Speaker 1: up and down, left and right, whatever. Just let us

767
00:33:18,680 --> 00:33:20,760
Speaker 1: know all the stuff. Everything you've ever known in the

768
00:33:20,800 --> 00:33:25,760
Speaker 1: comments yea, we love it and and Opie says. But

769
00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:29,600
Speaker 1: half a year ago, my husband started to admit that

770
00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:32,840
Speaker 1: he isn't happy and that he needs help. I gave

771
00:33:32,920 --> 00:33:35,200
Speaker 1: him as much support as I could. I asked him,

772
00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:38,320
Speaker 1: what can I do for you? I promised I am

773
00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:41,760
Speaker 1: here for you anytime and want to help you. I

774
00:33:41,800 --> 00:33:44,480
Speaker 1: gave him a lot of support and attention. During this

775
00:33:44,520 --> 00:33:47,440
Speaker 1: half year, my husband has cried a lot. And it

776
00:33:47,600 --> 00:33:51,840
Speaker 1: wasn't a few tears, it was hysteria and despair. I

777
00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:54,960
Speaker 1: always sat next to him on the floor, sometimes for hours,

778
00:33:55,000 --> 00:33:58,560
Speaker 1: and tried to find some solution, give him support, hope,

779
00:33:58,960 --> 00:34:01,400
Speaker 1: begging him to tell tell me what is happening and

780
00:34:01,440 --> 00:34:04,280
Speaker 1: how to help him. But he never gave me a reason.

781
00:34:04,880 --> 00:34:07,640
Speaker 1: So I thought it was about work or house we

782
00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:10,960
Speaker 1: were building. I had no idea the reason could be

783
00:34:11,080 --> 00:34:15,760
Speaker 1: in our marriage. I helped him to find psychologist and psychiatrist.

784
00:34:16,200 --> 00:34:20,040
Speaker 1: He was prescribed antidepressants, but he didn't want to take them.

785
00:34:20,320 --> 00:34:22,800
Speaker 1: I also noticed that he spent a lot of time

786
00:34:22,840 --> 00:34:24,280
Speaker 1: on phone chatting.

787
00:34:24,719 --> 00:34:25,040
Speaker 6: Oh.

788
00:34:25,120 --> 00:34:27,680
Speaker 1: He took his phone to the toilet and kept in

789
00:34:27,719 --> 00:34:31,280
Speaker 1: the pocket. I said him that I noticed this hiding,

790
00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:34,040
Speaker 1: but I didn't want to break his privacy, so I

791
00:34:34,280 --> 00:34:37,279
Speaker 1: just begged him, look me in the eyes and tell

792
00:34:37,440 --> 00:34:39,880
Speaker 1: I don't have to worry about another woman.

793
00:34:40,400 --> 00:34:43,960
Speaker 6: He looked. You don't have to, he said, and for

794
00:34:44,080 --> 00:34:47,160
Speaker 6: me it was enough. I trusted him. You know, with

795
00:34:47,360 --> 00:34:52,200
Speaker 6: technology advancing, it may not be another woman, It may

796
00:34:52,280 --> 00:34:54,239
Speaker 6: just be a robot. So in saeid Ai robot, it

797
00:34:54,239 --> 00:34:55,480
Speaker 6: could just you know.

798
00:34:56,239 --> 00:34:59,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, growk I mean technically would they say the ais

799
00:34:59,200 --> 00:35:01,360
Speaker 1: are going to be better everyone at any job?

800
00:35:01,480 --> 00:35:03,720
Speaker 6: So at some point the ais are going to be better.

801
00:35:03,560 --> 00:35:08,080
Speaker 1: At romance scams than anyone else. So and then what

802
00:35:08,080 --> 00:35:09,160
Speaker 1: do they need that money for?

803
00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:15,200
Speaker 6: Server? More, more graphics cards, more RAM.

804
00:35:15,440 --> 00:35:17,440
Speaker 1: The AI is going to buy more RAM and more

805
00:35:17,480 --> 00:35:22,480
Speaker 1: graphics cards so we can make more fake relationship scams

806
00:35:23,360 --> 00:35:26,400
Speaker 1: and get more graphics cards and more money.

807
00:35:27,320 --> 00:35:29,719
Speaker 6: This is the future Sam Altman wants for us. Oh

808
00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:33,720
Speaker 6: my gosh. One month ago, he found courage to admit

809
00:35:33,760 --> 00:35:36,359
Speaker 6: that the reason of him being unhappy is in our

810
00:35:36,480 --> 00:35:40,440
Speaker 6: marriage and wants to break you up. Ah. He said

811
00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:41,680
Speaker 6: that he sees that I.

812
00:35:41,640 --> 00:35:44,040
Speaker 1: Love him with all my being, with all my heart,

813
00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:47,800
Speaker 1: but he can't return this feelings. He said that he

814
00:35:48,040 --> 00:35:50,600
Speaker 1: changed and we are not compatible anymore.

815
00:35:51,320 --> 00:35:54,880
Speaker 6: It broke my heart. In one moment, my whole world collapse.

816
00:35:55,400 --> 00:35:58,640
Speaker 1: I begged him to go to marriage counseling because there

817
00:35:58,719 --> 00:36:01,480
Speaker 1: was no way to end in such a long relationship,

818
00:36:01,480 --> 00:36:05,880
Speaker 1: and just one day without a fight, he agreed for counseling.

819
00:36:06,239 --> 00:36:10,319
Speaker 1: We were in counseling only once. He said there that

820
00:36:10,480 --> 00:36:12,319
Speaker 1: he is unhappy in this relationship.

821
00:36:12,719 --> 00:36:13,640
Speaker 6: He is tired.

822
00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:17,319
Speaker 1: He doesn't want to pretend anymore. He said that he

823
00:36:17,360 --> 00:36:20,759
Speaker 1: had been keeping this decision in himself for months, but

824
00:36:20,840 --> 00:36:22,960
Speaker 1: he was afraid to tell me about it because he

825
00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:25,640
Speaker 1: felt responsible for me. He didn't want to hurt me.

826
00:36:26,080 --> 00:36:29,719
Speaker 1: He was afraid that I wouldn't be able to cope alone.

827
00:36:29,760 --> 00:36:32,839
Speaker 1: I saw that there is no light and hope in him,

828
00:36:32,880 --> 00:36:36,360
Speaker 1: and it can really be over. When I understand that

829
00:36:36,440 --> 00:36:39,080
Speaker 1: I can't do anything more, I decided this is the

830
00:36:39,120 --> 00:36:43,120
Speaker 1: moment for checking his messages and find the true reason.

831
00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:47,600
Speaker 1: And I found what I was looking for. It was

832
00:36:47,880 --> 00:36:48,480
Speaker 1: week ago.

833
00:36:48,719 --> 00:36:54,279
Speaker 6: Ah, he's monkey branching, bro, monkey branch What is that

834
00:36:54,960 --> 00:36:59,520
Speaker 6: where you're hanging on one vine one relationship and hanging

835
00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:01,520
Speaker 6: on to another on another relationship, and you're gonna let

836
00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:04,160
Speaker 6: go of the previous relationship swing.

837
00:37:03,800 --> 00:37:07,640
Speaker 1: To the wing into the next vine. A monkey man

838
00:37:08,320 --> 00:37:09,560
Speaker 1: must have crazy for her.

839
00:37:10,400 --> 00:37:11,200
Speaker 6: It's a strategy.

840
00:37:11,719 --> 00:37:15,560
Speaker 7: He has cheated on me with his coworker for over

841
00:37:15,840 --> 00:37:22,439
Speaker 7: six months. Oh she is six years younger girl, and

842
00:37:22,560 --> 00:37:25,920
Speaker 7: she was in long term relationship just a month ago.

843
00:37:26,120 --> 00:37:30,160
Speaker 6: Also, but she finished it. Oh no, Well, at least

844
00:37:30,560 --> 00:37:32,479
Speaker 6: at least one person did it the right way.

845
00:37:33,040 --> 00:37:35,880
Speaker 8: No, she did it five months in. Still they've been

846
00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:37,280
Speaker 8: seeing each other for six months.

847
00:37:37,600 --> 00:37:39,560
Speaker 6: No, nobody did it right.

848
00:37:39,840 --> 00:37:39,880
Speaker 3: No.

849
00:37:41,040 --> 00:37:44,160
Speaker 1: When I thought he was in the office, he was

850
00:37:44,239 --> 00:37:46,279
Speaker 1: working from her house with her.

851
00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:48,399
Speaker 6: Oh no, working on what.

852
00:37:49,320 --> 00:37:53,080
Speaker 1: They professed love to each other. They talked about kissing

853
00:37:53,560 --> 00:37:56,640
Speaker 1: in the elevator. He promised her that he put his

854
00:37:56,680 --> 00:38:00,400
Speaker 1: affairs in order, but needs time. Begged her to not

855
00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:04,160
Speaker 1: leaving him. She said, I will be waiting no matter what.

856
00:38:05,040 --> 00:38:08,000
Speaker 1: He said to me that there was no spicy sleep

857
00:38:08,040 --> 00:38:10,560
Speaker 1: between them. But I am not sure if I.

858
00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:11,480
Speaker 6: Should believe him.

859
00:38:11,920 --> 00:38:14,160
Speaker 1: When I told him that I knew, he admitted that

860
00:38:14,239 --> 00:38:16,960
Speaker 1: he didn't have the courage to tell me about the affair.

861
00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:20,200
Speaker 1: He wanted to help me become independent, and when I

862
00:38:20,440 --> 00:38:24,160
Speaker 1: was ready, he would leave and nobody would find out

863
00:38:24,200 --> 00:38:27,600
Speaker 1: about her. He felt responsible for me and the need

864
00:38:27,640 --> 00:38:30,759
Speaker 1: to take care of me. He said he fall in

865
00:38:30,840 --> 00:38:33,880
Speaker 1: love with her first time. He feels something like this

866
00:38:34,080 --> 00:38:37,719
Speaker 1: because so far there was no comparaton. He didn't think

867
00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:40,400
Speaker 1: it was possible to feel this way. It hurt me

868
00:38:40,520 --> 00:38:44,160
Speaker 1: like nothing ever before. I love him with the strongest

869
00:38:44,239 --> 00:38:47,040
Speaker 1: love in the world. I can't hate him. I know

870
00:38:47,200 --> 00:38:49,480
Speaker 1: that I am naive, but if he said it was

871
00:38:49,520 --> 00:38:51,800
Speaker 1: a mistake, I would forgive him in a second.

872
00:38:52,280 --> 00:38:53,080
Speaker 6: But he won't.

873
00:38:53,360 --> 00:38:57,080
Speaker 1: He doesn't want me anymore. I know that it is

874
00:38:57,200 --> 00:39:00,600
Speaker 1: the lack of respect for myself. I oh, he hurt

875
00:39:00,680 --> 00:39:02,440
Speaker 1: me and can do it again in the future. But

876
00:39:02,520 --> 00:39:05,520
Speaker 1: he is my favorite person in the world. He did

877
00:39:05,560 --> 00:39:08,040
Speaker 1: a lot for me. He gave me motivation and made

878
00:39:08,080 --> 00:39:11,959
Speaker 1: me ambitious in many life fields. We experienced the most

879
00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:13,640
Speaker 1: beautiful moments in life together.

880
00:39:14,280 --> 00:39:16,000
Speaker 6: I don't want to accept the fact that he will

881
00:39:16,040 --> 00:39:18,800
Speaker 6: live happy life with her and I will be alone.

882
00:39:19,560 --> 00:39:22,239
Speaker 6: I have huge support in my family and friends, but

883
00:39:22,760 --> 00:39:24,880
Speaker 6: in the end of the day, there are only me

884
00:39:25,000 --> 00:39:28,719
Speaker 6: in my thoughts and empty bed. How can I move on?

885
00:39:29,520 --> 00:39:30,600
Speaker 6: How to deal.

886
00:39:30,360 --> 00:39:33,919
Speaker 1: With this situation? I have never lived alone. It's only

887
00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:36,480
Speaker 1: been a week and I already feel like the loneliness

888
00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:40,399
Speaker 1: is getting to me, even though I have friends who

889
00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:43,240
Speaker 1: call me or meet me every day, but I only

890
00:39:43,320 --> 00:39:46,960
Speaker 1: want him. I talked with him every day for fourteen

891
00:39:47,080 --> 00:39:51,360
Speaker 1: yera and now we have no contact, sometimes one or

892
00:39:51,400 --> 00:39:55,279
Speaker 1: two logistic messages a day. I have obsessive thoughts about

893
00:39:55,320 --> 00:39:58,279
Speaker 1: where he is, what he is doing, where there he

894
00:39:58,520 --> 00:40:03,279
Speaker 1: is with her promise, I'll go crazy. I NonStop think

895
00:40:03,360 --> 00:40:07,080
Speaker 1: that she will live my life, my dream life. Maybe

896
00:40:07,080 --> 00:40:10,680
Speaker 1: they will get married, maybe have kids together. This thoughts

897
00:40:10,840 --> 00:40:14,480
Speaker 1: are making me feel bad because it was our plan,

898
00:40:14,960 --> 00:40:18,880
Speaker 1: his and mine. Yesterday I had the first therapy session,

899
00:40:18,880 --> 00:40:22,719
Speaker 1: but it gave no relief. What should I do? I

900
00:40:22,760 --> 00:40:25,879
Speaker 1: don't have energy or motivation for anything. And there are

901
00:40:25,920 --> 00:40:32,680
Speaker 1: some comments, but definitely keep going to therapy, keep going.

902
00:40:33,200 --> 00:40:37,040
Speaker 6: Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna get on the little serious bus,

903
00:40:37,040 --> 00:40:39,879
Speaker 6: get on the serious hat on here. My first thought

904
00:40:39,880 --> 00:40:43,920
Speaker 6: and concern are they in the US? Second thought and

905
00:40:43,960 --> 00:40:47,000
Speaker 6: concern is she from a country outside of the US?

906
00:40:47,080 --> 00:40:50,439
Speaker 6: Because it sounds like she doesn't. It sounds like she's

907
00:40:50,440 --> 00:40:52,800
Speaker 6: not from Like English isn't like her first language? So

908
00:40:52,960 --> 00:40:55,120
Speaker 6: like does she have a green card? And has he

909
00:40:55,239 --> 00:40:57,480
Speaker 6: just been providing for her this whole time? And now

910
00:40:57,719 --> 00:41:01,080
Speaker 6: that they've only been married for two years. How long

911
00:41:01,120 --> 00:41:02,200
Speaker 6: do you have to be together for?

912
00:41:02,640 --> 00:41:05,279
Speaker 8: I want to say two might be one of the benchmarks,

913
00:41:05,320 --> 00:41:06,640
Speaker 8: but I think the other one is like.

914
00:41:06,680 --> 00:41:11,640
Speaker 6: Five years, like she's together or like married married. That's

915
00:41:11,640 --> 00:41:14,000
Speaker 6: what I'm also worried about, because he's like the provider

916
00:41:14,080 --> 00:41:16,279
Speaker 6: taking care of him, taking care of her and that,

917
00:41:16,400 --> 00:41:18,280
Speaker 6: and that makes sense why she has this like dyandamic.

918
00:41:18,640 --> 00:41:21,279
Speaker 6: That's when I'm worrying away. I don't think we have

919
00:41:21,320 --> 00:41:23,320
Speaker 6: to worry about that because way.

920
00:41:23,880 --> 00:41:27,319
Speaker 8: I think after two she can apply for her own thing.

921
00:41:27,680 --> 00:41:29,960
Speaker 8: I think it's it's either two or five though, I

922
00:41:29,960 --> 00:41:32,000
Speaker 8: think is when you can get your own citizenship.

923
00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:35,080
Speaker 1: He was he was doing that weird thing though, where

924
00:41:35,080 --> 00:41:38,080
Speaker 1: he was like, yeah, I wasn't going to tell you

925
00:41:38,239 --> 00:41:42,520
Speaker 1: until I felt you were independent and ready enough to

926
00:41:42,600 --> 00:41:46,080
Speaker 1: be so, Like if if her, if him leaving her

927
00:41:46,200 --> 00:41:51,439
Speaker 1: would like jeopardize her like immigration status or what any

928
00:41:51,480 --> 00:41:54,400
Speaker 1: of that, I'm sure he would have like gotten it so.

929
00:41:54,280 --> 00:41:56,279
Speaker 6: That it wouldn't and then did it.

930
00:41:56,520 --> 00:42:00,480
Speaker 1: Okay, that's my only Yeah, yeah, I'm not I'm saying

931
00:42:00,520 --> 00:42:03,839
Speaker 1: this guy did anything right, but he's definitely not out

932
00:42:03,840 --> 00:42:06,239
Speaker 1: here trying to be like, yeah, I don't love you,

933
00:42:06,320 --> 00:42:09,200
Speaker 1: and I never did and I don't even freaking care

934
00:42:09,280 --> 00:42:12,200
Speaker 1: about you at all, and I hope you have to

935
00:42:12,480 --> 00:42:13,480
Speaker 1: leave the country.

936
00:42:13,600 --> 00:42:15,520
Speaker 6: He's like, he's just like, I don't know.

937
00:42:15,640 --> 00:42:18,480
Speaker 1: She's six years younger and really hot, and I've not

938
00:42:18,640 --> 00:42:20,719
Speaker 1: ever felt this way about anyone, and I did not

939
00:42:20,880 --> 00:42:25,600
Speaker 1: know you could. So I'm confused, and I'm gonna, We're gonna,

940
00:42:25,640 --> 00:42:26,640
Speaker 1: I'm gonna leave.

941
00:42:27,200 --> 00:42:31,400
Speaker 6: What goes on in like in the mind with like boom,

942
00:42:31,480 --> 00:42:35,520
Speaker 6: I'm gonna go over here. Just opportune opportunists. I don't know.

943
00:42:36,160 --> 00:42:38,640
Speaker 6: This is so sad. I'm and I feel for this girl.

944
00:42:39,080 --> 00:42:44,200
Speaker 6: Relevant comments, This is the correct advice. Do not go

945
00:42:44,280 --> 00:42:46,000
Speaker 6: to Wait what what?

946
00:42:46,880 --> 00:42:48,640
Speaker 8: So? There was a comment because I just head it

947
00:42:48,719 --> 00:42:52,360
Speaker 8: up and I don't know if the actual comments referring

948
00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:54,120
Speaker 8: to made it in because there's a bunch of.

949
00:42:54,120 --> 00:42:55,080
Speaker 4: Responses to it.

950
00:42:55,840 --> 00:42:57,600
Speaker 6: Okay, but the first.

951
00:42:57,560 --> 00:43:00,279
Speaker 8: Comment is the first thing you need to do. Go

952
00:43:00,360 --> 00:43:04,920
Speaker 8: to HR and report the person and your cheating husband.

953
00:43:05,080 --> 00:43:08,360
Speaker 8: Maybe all those be us and crying with him feeling guilty.

954
00:43:08,440 --> 00:43:11,680
Speaker 8: If it's been going on for six months, they'd professed

955
00:43:11,880 --> 00:43:15,319
Speaker 8: love to each other, trust me, they've been doing it.

956
00:43:15,880 --> 00:43:19,600
Speaker 6: This is the correct advice. Do not go to HR.

957
00:43:20,040 --> 00:43:22,239
Speaker 1: Talk to an attorney and let them guide you through

958
00:43:22,239 --> 00:43:25,719
Speaker 1: the divorce process. Any attempt at revenge will only bring

959
00:43:25,760 --> 00:43:30,640
Speaker 1: temporary satisfaction. Don't lower your own standards just because he

960
00:43:30,800 --> 00:43:33,400
Speaker 1: was willing to do it. He has the poor character,

961
00:43:33,560 --> 00:43:36,840
Speaker 1: not you. And definitely don't do it because there's a

962
00:43:36,840 --> 00:43:40,719
Speaker 1: bunch of petty humans online. Consult an attorney. Grieve your

963
00:43:40,760 --> 00:43:45,000
Speaker 1: marriage and friendship as it is no longer, move forward

964
00:43:45,000 --> 00:43:47,239
Speaker 1: and heal. It's going to be a long road, but

965
00:43:47,320 --> 00:43:50,160
Speaker 1: stay strong. You'll be so proud of yourself when you've

966
00:43:50,160 --> 00:43:53,000
Speaker 1: made it through to the other side of this healing journey.

967
00:43:53,640 --> 00:43:57,040
Speaker 6: And we have an update. Oh no, let's get it.

968
00:43:57,239 --> 00:43:58,200
Speaker 6: Let's get it.

969
00:43:58,200 --> 00:44:01,520
Speaker 1: It is over a month since d Day, over three

970
00:44:01,600 --> 00:44:06,839
Speaker 1: weeks since our last meeting, five days total of no contact.

971
00:44:07,480 --> 00:44:10,160
Speaker 1: For most of the last few weeks, I've felt quite fine.

972
00:44:10,719 --> 00:44:13,520
Speaker 1: I moved into a new, beautiful apartment in a beautiful

973
00:44:13,520 --> 00:44:15,200
Speaker 1: area where I feel peaceful.

974
00:44:15,440 --> 00:44:17,200
Speaker 4: Ah Mm hmm.

975
00:44:17,960 --> 00:44:21,320
Speaker 6: That's what we can do, babe. We prioritize our piece.

976
00:44:22,800 --> 00:44:25,759
Speaker 1: I've been able to joke about the whole situation, talk

977
00:44:25,800 --> 00:44:28,719
Speaker 1: about it without emotion and without crying. And there was

978
00:44:28,760 --> 00:44:31,759
Speaker 1: a lot of anger rage and hatred in me. I

979
00:44:31,760 --> 00:44:35,160
Speaker 1: think my good condition was due to the adrenaline and shock.

980
00:44:35,960 --> 00:44:39,320
Speaker 1: Since D Day, we texted a little, but about nothing.

981
00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:42,480
Speaker 1: He almost always texted first and I answered with just

982
00:44:42,520 --> 00:44:43,799
Speaker 1: a few words, nothing more.

983
00:44:44,400 --> 00:44:46,840
Speaker 6: I didn't feel the need to talk. But for the

984
00:44:46,840 --> 00:44:48,040
Speaker 6: past few days.

985
00:44:47,840 --> 00:44:51,000
Speaker 1: I have been struggling with the overwhelming need to contact

986
00:44:51,080 --> 00:44:55,200
Speaker 1: him and meet him. The anger has been replaced with longing.

987
00:44:55,840 --> 00:44:58,600
Speaker 1: I can't stand the thought that I don't know where

988
00:44:58,600 --> 00:45:02,520
Speaker 1: he is, what he is doing, how he is. I

989
00:45:02,600 --> 00:45:05,400
Speaker 1: know this piece of advice that I should focus on myself,

990
00:45:05,440 --> 00:45:09,320
Speaker 1: I know, but I can't. I try to make myself busy,

991
00:45:09,360 --> 00:45:13,080
Speaker 1: but my obsessive thoughts about him never leave me. Yesterday

992
00:45:13,160 --> 00:45:15,640
Speaker 1: I was in cinema and I barely remember the movie

993
00:45:15,640 --> 00:45:18,799
Speaker 1: because I thought about him all the time, and I

994
00:45:18,880 --> 00:45:21,319
Speaker 1: constantly checked my phone with hope he would call me.

995
00:45:22,080 --> 00:45:24,879
Speaker 1: I check his status on Messenger dozens of times a day.

996
00:45:25,160 --> 00:45:27,680
Speaker 1: When he is offline for a few hours during the day,

997
00:45:27,719 --> 00:45:30,800
Speaker 1: I create stories in my head about what he is doing.

998
00:45:31,120 --> 00:45:34,279
Speaker 1: I told my therapist about my need to meet him

999
00:45:34,320 --> 00:45:36,520
Speaker 1: and talk to him. She told me that he is

1000
00:45:36,640 --> 00:45:39,160
Speaker 1: still my husband, so if I want to text him

1001
00:45:39,200 --> 00:45:41,200
Speaker 1: or meet him, I shouldn't fight with this feeling and

1002
00:45:41,320 --> 00:45:43,719
Speaker 1: just do it because I have a right to. And

1003
00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:46,480
Speaker 1: it isn't about showing weakness, but about going through the

1004
00:45:46,480 --> 00:45:49,320
Speaker 1: situation on my terms instead of adjusting what I was

1005
00:45:49,360 --> 00:45:52,360
Speaker 1: put in without my consent. She told me I shouldn't

1006
00:45:52,360 --> 00:45:55,759
Speaker 1: pretend that I don't exist and hide underground making his

1007
00:45:55,800 --> 00:45:58,799
Speaker 1: life easier, but give him some of the burden that

1008
00:45:58,920 --> 00:46:02,440
Speaker 1: I carry and that he should also face. But she

1009
00:46:02,520 --> 00:46:05,520
Speaker 1: also told me that I should firstly think about the

1010
00:46:05,560 --> 00:46:09,200
Speaker 1: purpose of conversation with him, and I can't see the purpose.

1011
00:46:09,920 --> 00:46:12,759
Speaker 1: I feel a craving for our conversation, but what would

1012
00:46:12,800 --> 00:46:17,000
Speaker 1: we talk about? How's your new life, how's your new relationship?

1013
00:46:17,200 --> 00:46:19,200
Speaker 1: How are you in our flat without me?

1014
00:46:19,960 --> 00:46:22,400
Speaker 6: It's pointless? How do you deal with.

1015
00:46:22,280 --> 00:46:25,360
Speaker 1: No contact and not knowing how your ex partner is?

1016
00:46:26,080 --> 00:46:29,160
Speaker 1: Do you have experience with breaking no contact? And we

1017
00:46:29,200 --> 00:46:31,960
Speaker 1: do have a second update. Yesterday I met up with

1018
00:46:32,000 --> 00:46:34,719
Speaker 1: my husband for the first time in two months. We

1019
00:46:34,840 --> 00:46:38,560
Speaker 1: had to talk about selling our shared property and the divorce.

1020
00:46:39,120 --> 00:46:41,840
Speaker 1: The conversation was pretty calm and we even chatted a

1021
00:46:41,840 --> 00:46:44,640
Speaker 1: bit about how things have been, But after the meeting,

1022
00:46:44,719 --> 00:46:49,160
Speaker 1: I completely fell apart. I knew exactly why we were meeting.

1023
00:46:49,200 --> 00:46:52,120
Speaker 1: We needed to sort out practical stuff. But deep down

1024
00:46:52,600 --> 00:46:55,000
Speaker 1: there was still this tiny bit of hope that he'd

1025
00:46:55,040 --> 00:46:57,200
Speaker 1: show up and say he missed me over these past

1026
00:46:57,200 --> 00:47:00,240
Speaker 1: two months, maybe even that he regretted what he did.

1027
00:47:00,680 --> 00:47:04,520
Speaker 1: But he didn't, not a single word like that. I

1028
00:47:04,560 --> 00:47:07,080
Speaker 1: thought I'd been doing okay these past few weeks, but

1029
00:47:07,320 --> 00:47:10,839
Speaker 1: seeing him just tore the wound open again. He looked good,

1030
00:47:10,960 --> 00:47:14,080
Speaker 1: had new clothes, and it was another moment of realizing

1031
00:47:14,080 --> 00:47:17,240
Speaker 1: that this really is the end. He was my best

1032
00:47:17,280 --> 00:47:20,720
Speaker 1: friend for half of my life, and yesterday we talked

1033
00:47:20,800 --> 00:47:24,080
Speaker 1: like total strangers. Today I woke up at four in

1034
00:47:24,080 --> 00:47:27,279
Speaker 1: the morning because I dreamt he stayed with me. I

1035
00:47:27,320 --> 00:47:31,120
Speaker 1: can't stop crying for seven hours. And to top it off,

1036
00:47:31,320 --> 00:47:33,520
Speaker 1: he told me that our mutual friends had asked him

1037
00:47:33,560 --> 00:47:36,240
Speaker 1: to be the godfather of their child. In the middle

1038
00:47:36,280 --> 00:47:39,399
Speaker 1: of all this, I trusted them. I even gave them

1039
00:47:39,440 --> 00:47:42,400
Speaker 1: the keys to my new apartment just in case, and

1040
00:47:42,440 --> 00:47:45,040
Speaker 1: in return I got a smack in the face. I'm

1041
00:47:45,040 --> 00:47:47,840
Speaker 1: going to confront them, thank for the help, take my

1042
00:47:47,960 --> 00:47:51,840
Speaker 1: keys back, and end this friendship. I'm done with them.

1043
00:47:52,120 --> 00:47:54,279
Speaker 1: I don't want people in my life who do not

1044
00:47:54,520 --> 00:47:58,759
Speaker 1: only accept what he did, but actually seem to support it.

1045
00:47:59,560 --> 00:48:02,960
Speaker 1: What are you think about this situation? Do I overthink it?

1046
00:48:03,480 --> 00:48:06,200
Speaker 1: If you have any advice, please share And there's a

1047
00:48:06,320 --> 00:48:10,720
Speaker 1: third update. Yeah, it's you know, it takes time, dude,

1048
00:48:11,440 --> 00:48:12,280
Speaker 1: It takes time.

1049
00:48:12,920 --> 00:48:16,640
Speaker 6: Yeah. It took me a very, very very long time

1050
00:48:16,920 --> 00:48:20,600
Speaker 6: to get over my first relationship. To me, it feels

1051
00:48:20,640 --> 00:48:25,040
Speaker 6: like you ever see those uh it's like those things

1052
00:48:25,080 --> 00:48:28,200
Speaker 6: that like in the sand, like those people that like

1053
00:48:28,920 --> 00:48:30,960
Speaker 6: do that thing with the sand that make the sand art.

1054
00:48:31,480 --> 00:48:34,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, art, that what it's called, no.

1055
00:48:34,960 --> 00:48:38,080
Speaker 6: Sart, they do the sart. And let's say you put

1056
00:48:38,160 --> 00:48:39,680
Speaker 6: like a big rock in the middle of it, a

1057
00:48:39,719 --> 00:48:42,000
Speaker 6: big rock. Start, Well, you put a layer of salt

1058
00:48:42,400 --> 00:48:45,560
Speaker 6: or salt sand you do it. Sand, you do it.

1059
00:48:45,600 --> 00:48:47,319
Speaker 6: But every time you get to that rock, you're still

1060
00:48:47,320 --> 00:48:49,399
Speaker 6: gonna have to avoid it a little bit because that's

1061
00:48:49,440 --> 00:48:51,959
Speaker 6: like the damage to the land or like a piece

1062
00:48:51,960 --> 00:48:55,399
Speaker 6: of the land. So until that sand can overcome that rock,

1063
00:48:55,440 --> 00:48:57,600
Speaker 6: no matter how big or small it is, it's gonna

1064
00:48:57,600 --> 00:49:00,000
Speaker 6: take time and you're still gonna have to like learn

1065
00:49:00,040 --> 00:49:03,439
Speaker 6: and how to navigate around it. Yeah, and that takes time,

1066
00:49:03,920 --> 00:49:06,840
Speaker 6: or I heard some experts I do like emd R

1067
00:49:06,960 --> 00:49:09,680
Speaker 6: therapy or something, and they're able to process it faster

1068
00:49:10,080 --> 00:49:13,239
Speaker 6: and add more sand to their smart whatever. But that's

1069
00:49:13,280 --> 00:49:15,520
Speaker 6: the way I look at it and how to approach

1070
00:49:15,760 --> 00:49:18,280
Speaker 6: those kind of things. One day you'll get that sand

1071
00:49:19,239 --> 00:49:19,800
Speaker 6: zind Garden.

1072
00:49:19,880 --> 00:49:22,960
Speaker 1: That's why we broke up in November twenty twenty four.

1073
00:49:23,239 --> 00:49:25,680
Speaker 1: Two weeks later, I moved out and started living alone

1074
00:49:25,680 --> 00:49:28,240
Speaker 1: in a beautiful apartment in my dream part of the city.

1075
00:49:28,800 --> 00:49:31,800
Speaker 1: The first weeks were awful, lots of crying, sometimes the

1076
00:49:31,880 --> 00:49:34,759
Speaker 1: kind where you can barely breathe. I didn't want to

1077
00:49:34,800 --> 00:49:37,640
Speaker 1: believe it happened. I just wanted my old life back

1078
00:49:37,719 --> 00:49:40,400
Speaker 1: because I didn't recognize the one I woke up to.

1079
00:49:41,080 --> 00:49:41,680
Speaker 6: Every morning.

1080
00:49:41,719 --> 00:49:44,440
Speaker 1: My first thought and every night my last was that

1081
00:49:44,520 --> 00:49:46,719
Speaker 1: I lost the love of my life.

1082
00:49:46,880 --> 00:49:48,399
Speaker 6: The sadness literally hurt.

1083
00:49:49,040 --> 00:49:51,560
Speaker 1: I lost not only my favorite person, but also my

1084
00:49:51,719 --> 00:49:53,480
Speaker 1: identity and my routine.

1085
00:49:54,120 --> 00:49:57,840
Speaker 6: What helped me back then was people. I learned to

1086
00:49:58,000 --> 00:50:01,040
Speaker 6: ask for help, to ask friends to come over and

1087
00:50:01,160 --> 00:50:04,120
Speaker 6: just sit with me. I knew I couldn't go through

1088
00:50:04,160 --> 00:50:06,400
Speaker 6: this alone. I also kept busy.

1089
00:50:06,840 --> 00:50:09,640
Speaker 1: I started going out alone to restaurants, to the movies,

1090
00:50:09,719 --> 00:50:12,480
Speaker 1: to concerts, and it felt weird at first, but I

1091
00:50:12,600 --> 00:50:16,920
Speaker 1: kept pushing myself every time. I felt a little proud

1092
00:50:17,360 --> 00:50:18,800
Speaker 1: and a little better afterwards.

1093
00:50:19,320 --> 00:50:20,120
Speaker 6: And the walking.

1094
00:50:20,719 --> 00:50:23,040
Speaker 1: I walked four to five times a week, two to

1095
00:50:23,080 --> 00:50:25,719
Speaker 1: three hours each time, because I couldn't stand being in

1096
00:50:25,760 --> 00:50:28,439
Speaker 1: an empty apartment. At first, it was just a way

1097
00:50:28,560 --> 00:50:31,319
Speaker 1: to waste time, but slowly it started to calm me

1098
00:50:31,440 --> 00:50:35,799
Speaker 1: down and it helped my health too. Solo traveling as well,

1099
00:50:35,960 --> 00:50:39,360
Speaker 1: became my favorite thing. It showed me that I'm actually

1100
00:50:39,440 --> 00:50:43,360
Speaker 1: great company for myself. Years ago, I was deeply sad,

1101
00:50:43,440 --> 00:50:44,880
Speaker 1: but I also felt peace.

1102
00:50:45,440 --> 00:50:48,880
Speaker 6: The war was finally over. Everything I was so afraid

1103
00:50:48,880 --> 00:50:52,359
Speaker 6: of had already happened, so I could finally rest. Then

1104
00:50:52,520 --> 00:50:56,239
Speaker 6: spring came, and so did better days. Week by a week,

1105
00:50:56,320 --> 00:51:00,120
Speaker 6: the sadness and anger faded. I started forgetting pieces of

1106
00:51:00,160 --> 00:51:04,040
Speaker 6: our old life and replacing them with my own memories.

1107
00:51:04,480 --> 00:51:07,320
Speaker 6: In the beginning, I couldn't believe this new life was

1108
00:51:07,360 --> 00:51:10,840
Speaker 6: really mine. Now I can't believe that old one ever was.

1109
00:51:11,640 --> 00:51:14,400
Speaker 6: Feels like it happened to someone else. And how is

1110
00:51:14,440 --> 00:51:14,879
Speaker 6: it now?

1111
00:51:15,560 --> 00:51:19,000
Speaker 1: I still have bad days, especially now in the fall.

1112
00:51:19,480 --> 00:51:22,000
Speaker 1: I'm still healing and I know it'll take more time.

1113
00:51:22,560 --> 00:51:26,200
Speaker 1: Do I think about him every day? When I pass

1114
00:51:26,280 --> 00:51:29,920
Speaker 1: our favorite cafe, but now I'm not afraid of drinking

1115
00:51:29,920 --> 00:51:33,359
Speaker 1: coffee there When I hear our song, but I don't

1116
00:51:33,360 --> 00:51:36,439
Speaker 1: skip it anymore. When I visit a place we plan

1117
00:51:36,600 --> 00:51:39,759
Speaker 1: to see together, but now I just make new memories there,

1118
00:51:39,920 --> 00:51:42,799
Speaker 1: better for me when I achieve something, But he's no

1119
00:51:42,880 --> 00:51:45,120
Speaker 1: longer the first person that I want to tell about it.

1120
00:51:45,840 --> 00:51:49,000
Speaker 1: I'll never forget what happened. I'll always remember that night

1121
00:51:49,080 --> 00:51:52,120
Speaker 1: when I cried so much I thought I would lose

1122
00:51:52,160 --> 00:51:56,000
Speaker 1: my life from heartbreak changed me forever, but there's still

1123
00:51:56,120 --> 00:51:58,840
Speaker 1: a whole life ahead of me, one that is worth

1124
00:51:59,040 --> 00:52:02,160
Speaker 1: living and fighting for. What did that breakup teach me?

1125
00:52:02,760 --> 00:52:06,400
Speaker 1: That nothing lasts forever? And it's sad but true. You

1126
00:52:06,440 --> 00:52:09,400
Speaker 1: can't hold on to anything too tightly or take it

1127
00:52:09,440 --> 00:52:12,200
Speaker 1: for granted. You always need to be ready to say

1128
00:52:12,200 --> 00:52:18,080
Speaker 1: goodbye to people, places, things. Loving harder doesn't fix anything.

1129
00:52:18,600 --> 00:52:21,520
Speaker 1: Someone wants to leave, they will, and you'll just lose

1130
00:52:21,600 --> 00:52:25,000
Speaker 1: respect for yourself trying to stop them. When I found

1131
00:52:25,040 --> 00:52:27,239
Speaker 1: out about the cheating, I was ready to beg him

1132
00:52:27,280 --> 00:52:30,279
Speaker 1: to think it over. I was ready to forgive, but

1133
00:52:30,400 --> 00:52:34,360
Speaker 1: he didn't want to. Now I'm thankful for that. The

1134
00:52:34,400 --> 00:52:38,239
Speaker 1: breakup happened at the best time. I'm still young and

1135
00:52:38,280 --> 00:52:42,920
Speaker 1: we had no kids. Saved me years of my life

1136
00:52:43,480 --> 00:52:48,280
Speaker 1: and no contact. There is a power in not knowing.

1137
00:52:48,760 --> 00:52:51,840
Speaker 1: In the first weeks, I was obsessed. I stalked him everywhere,

1138
00:52:51,840 --> 00:52:53,960
Speaker 1: trying to guess where he was and what he was doing.

1139
00:52:54,719 --> 00:52:57,879
Speaker 1: Now I live peacefully not knowing, and I don't want

1140
00:52:57,920 --> 00:53:00,759
Speaker 1: to know. We last saw each other in June to

1141
00:53:00,800 --> 00:53:04,080
Speaker 1: sort out some things, and since then no contact. I

1142
00:53:04,160 --> 00:53:06,880
Speaker 1: even told our mutual friends not to tell me anything

1143
00:53:06,920 --> 00:53:08,560
Speaker 1: about him, even if I ask.

1144
00:53:09,120 --> 00:53:12,600
Speaker 6: My last act of love for myself and for what

1145
00:53:12,640 --> 00:53:16,560
Speaker 6: we once had, is that he'll never hear from me again.

1146
00:53:17,160 --> 00:53:20,799
Speaker 6: Maybe one day I'll forgive him, not now, but that

1147
00:53:20,880 --> 00:53:24,399
Speaker 6: forgiveness will be for me, not for him. I want

1148
00:53:24,440 --> 00:53:27,480
Speaker 6: to forgive myself for losing self respect when I was

1149
00:53:27,640 --> 00:53:30,880
Speaker 6: tearing myself apart trying to save the marriage just to

1150
00:53:30,960 --> 00:53:34,759
Speaker 6: feel loved for a little longer. You don't need closure

1151
00:53:35,000 --> 00:53:40,960
Speaker 6: or final conversation. Don't chase answers. Don't chase closures. For me,

1152
00:53:41,120 --> 00:53:43,480
Speaker 6: the closure is knowing I did everything I could for

1153
00:53:43,520 --> 00:53:46,319
Speaker 6: this marriage. You have to accept that you will never

1154
00:53:46,440 --> 00:53:50,319
Speaker 6: get all the answers, and that's okay. And probably you

1155
00:53:50,360 --> 00:53:55,160
Speaker 6: will never understand their actions, and that's your superpower. You're

1156
00:53:55,200 --> 00:53:58,320
Speaker 6: not like them. Don't ignore your gut feeling. If you

1157
00:53:58,520 --> 00:54:02,480
Speaker 6: feel something's wrong, it probably is. And a little self

1158
00:54:02,520 --> 00:54:06,719
Speaker 6: love corner what rent right? This year? I bought my

1159
00:54:06,840 --> 00:54:11,520
Speaker 6: first apartment all right. A year ago, we were building.

1160
00:54:11,160 --> 00:54:14,640
Speaker 1: A house together that later had to be sold. Today

1161
00:54:14,800 --> 00:54:17,640
Speaker 1: I walked into my own place in my dream neighborhood.

1162
00:54:18,040 --> 00:54:18,920
Speaker 1: I got promoted.

1163
00:54:19,320 --> 00:54:21,960
Speaker 6: Oh. Work was the only stable thing in my life,

1164
00:54:21,960 --> 00:54:25,560
Speaker 6: and throwing myself into it paid off. I traveled solo

1165
00:54:25,719 --> 00:54:28,640
Speaker 6: a lot. My first solo trip was local, and it

1166
00:54:28,719 --> 00:54:32,080
Speaker 6: showed me I could actually enjoy my own company. Then

1167
00:54:32,120 --> 00:54:35,279
Speaker 6: I went abroad and later to the US. I'm from

1168
00:54:35,320 --> 00:54:38,440
Speaker 6: the EU, Visiting the US was my teenage dream.

1169
00:54:38,920 --> 00:54:43,040
Speaker 1: Okay, Katy Perry. Now solo travel doesn't scare me at all.

1170
00:54:43,640 --> 00:54:47,080
Speaker 1: I've been to my favorite seaside city, the mountains, Lisbon, Rome,

1171
00:54:47,160 --> 00:54:50,960
Speaker 1: New York, Copenhagen, and still counting. I organized a mountain

1172
00:54:51,040 --> 00:54:54,759
Speaker 1: weekend with my friends for my thirtieth birthday. The whole

1173
00:54:54,760 --> 00:54:57,680
Speaker 1: weekend I didn't miss him even for a second. I

1174
00:54:57,680 --> 00:55:00,880
Speaker 1: had so much fun and felt surrounded by a amazing people.

1175
00:55:01,360 --> 00:55:04,359
Speaker 1: I started running and I used to hate it. Now

1176
00:55:04,360 --> 00:55:07,759
Speaker 1: I can easily run five to seven kilometers. I did

1177
00:55:07,760 --> 00:55:10,640
Speaker 1: my first five k and recently ran ten k for

1178
00:55:10,680 --> 00:55:13,600
Speaker 1: the first time ever. I think all those long walks

1179
00:55:13,600 --> 00:55:16,799
Speaker 1: through fall and winter helped me get here. So much

1180
00:55:16,840 --> 00:55:19,600
Speaker 1: has happened, enough good things to fill a few lives.

1181
00:55:20,120 --> 00:55:21,520
Speaker 1: And this is still just the beginning.

1182
00:55:22,080 --> 00:55:23,560
Speaker 6: And what about dating.

1183
00:55:24,440 --> 00:55:27,240
Speaker 1: I'd like to start dating again, but honestly, I feel

1184
00:55:27,239 --> 00:55:31,359
Speaker 1: paralyzed with fear. The idea that someone new, like from

1185
00:55:31,360 --> 00:55:34,279
Speaker 1: a dating app, could tell me anything about themselves and

1186
00:55:34,320 --> 00:55:36,200
Speaker 1: I'd have no way of knowing if it's true.

1187
00:55:37,120 --> 00:55:40,439
Speaker 6: It terrifies me. I'm just so scared of being lied

1188
00:55:40,480 --> 00:55:40,920
Speaker 6: to again.

1189
00:55:41,080 --> 00:55:44,640
Speaker 1: I can see how much I snuggle with trust now,

1190
00:55:45,200 --> 00:55:49,320
Speaker 1: not just in romantic relationships, but in general. I question

1191
00:55:49,600 --> 00:55:52,759
Speaker 1: everything people say or do. I always look for the

1192
00:55:52,840 --> 00:55:56,319
Speaker 1: hidden meaning or the trap. Right now, I'm kind of

1193
00:55:56,400 --> 00:56:01,480
Speaker 1: stuck in a situationship with a longtime friend that sounds messy.

1194
00:56:01,800 --> 00:56:04,680
Speaker 1: I know it's going nowhere, but it gives me some dopamine,

1195
00:56:04,760 --> 00:56:06,279
Speaker 1: so it is what it is.

1196
00:56:06,400 --> 00:56:07,080
Speaker 6: Target Girl.

1197
00:56:07,440 --> 00:56:10,279
Speaker 1: And finally a few words to end with Believe me

1198
00:56:10,880 --> 00:56:14,280
Speaker 1: in the end, it will work out. You'll be okay

1199
00:56:14,800 --> 00:56:18,640
Speaker 1: one day. You'll wake up and realize it's behind you.

1200
00:56:18,640 --> 00:56:21,880
Speaker 1: You'll feel detached palm and the weight won't feel so

1201
00:56:21,920 --> 00:56:25,399
Speaker 1: heavy anymore. Let it hurt and then let it go,

1202
00:56:26,440 --> 00:56:29,720
Speaker 1: and that is the end of that story.

1203
00:56:30,640 --> 00:56:33,040
Speaker 6: Hey, this is Riley the host. I can't really read that. Well,

1204
00:56:33,120 --> 00:56:35,040
Speaker 6: we're gonna get back to the stories, but here's three

1205
00:56:35,080 --> 00:56:38,880
Speaker 6: minutes worth of ads from our sponsors. My husband admitted

1206
00:56:38,920 --> 00:56:43,640
Speaker 6: his affair beside me in bed, then replace me weeks later. Honestly,

1207
00:56:43,680 --> 00:56:46,120
Speaker 6: can't even be mad about it. He told you. It's

1208
00:56:46,160 --> 00:56:49,520
Speaker 6: been one year since D Day. It feels like it

1209
00:56:49,560 --> 00:56:53,160
Speaker 6: was just yesterday, but also a lifetime ago. I remember

1210
00:56:53,200 --> 00:56:55,640
Speaker 6: waking up that morning with my head on his chest,

1211
00:56:56,000 --> 00:56:59,440
Speaker 6: feeling dread and panic about the state of our relationship,

1212
00:57:00,200 --> 00:57:04,200
Speaker 6: so hopeful that maybe, just maybe the tide was finally turning.

1213
00:57:04,719 --> 00:57:05,080
Speaker 1: Dang.

1214
00:57:05,760 --> 00:57:08,040
Speaker 6: By the way, this comes from a friendly novel forty

1215
00:57:08,040 --> 00:57:09,680
Speaker 6: five fifty eight, And if you want some of your

1216
00:57:09,680 --> 00:57:12,120
Speaker 6: own stories, go to the r slage Okay story time subreddit.

1217
00:57:12,480 --> 00:57:16,800
Speaker 6: I'm Riley, I'm Dakota, I'm Kylie, and we're here to

1218
00:57:16,800 --> 00:57:20,360
Speaker 6: give good advice. Goofully yep, but I'm in a blanket

1219
00:57:20,560 --> 00:57:22,000
Speaker 6: And if you guys have any comments, let us know

1220
00:57:22,040 --> 00:57:22,680
Speaker 6: what do blow.

1221
00:57:22,800 --> 00:57:27,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're not experts in anything except like reading. Yeah,

1222
00:57:27,200 --> 00:57:28,800
Speaker 1: and even that it's a little sketchy.

1223
00:57:29,280 --> 00:57:32,640
Speaker 6: Yeah, I should have been reading this anyways. Then I

1224
00:57:32,680 --> 00:57:35,040
Speaker 6: looked up at him and could see something was wrong.

1225
00:57:35,600 --> 00:57:40,600
Speaker 6: I asked him something wrong, and he said yes, and paused,

1226
00:57:41,320 --> 00:57:42,560
Speaker 6: I've been having an affair.

1227
00:57:43,080 --> 00:57:47,560
Speaker 1: No, No, that's you. You just came out and said it.

1228
00:57:47,880 --> 00:57:49,840
Speaker 1: You didn't even like warm it up or like, just

1229
00:57:49,920 --> 00:57:53,360
Speaker 1: like try to try to try to, you know, elite

1230
00:57:53,400 --> 00:57:55,439
Speaker 1: it somewhere, give a little prep time.

1231
00:57:55,920 --> 00:57:59,200
Speaker 6: I went numb. I didn't believe it. Honestly, I felt nothing.

1232
00:57:59,680 --> 00:58:03,439
Speaker 6: I asked with who, and then the floodgates open. Could

1233
00:58:03,440 --> 00:58:08,720
Speaker 6: barely get my words out. I felt so unbelievably hurt, angry, confused, shock,

1234
00:58:09,320 --> 00:58:12,560
Speaker 6: everything gone in an instant. Ten years together and our

1235
00:58:12,600 --> 00:58:16,240
Speaker 6: marriage was over, just like bat. I think back at

1236
00:58:16,280 --> 00:58:20,280
Speaker 6: all the tears, all the conversations, the utter agony, the

1237
00:58:20,320 --> 00:58:23,680
Speaker 6: heck I was in for so long trying to make

1238
00:58:23,720 --> 00:58:26,880
Speaker 6: some sense of things, trying to get answers, just consumed

1239
00:58:26,880 --> 00:58:29,960
Speaker 6: by it all. The bottomless pit of despair I couldn't

1240
00:58:30,000 --> 00:58:32,920
Speaker 6: crawl out of, felt like a hole had been ripped

1241
00:58:33,040 --> 00:58:36,440
Speaker 6: open in me, and I couldn't stop the bleeding. I

1242
00:58:36,440 --> 00:58:39,200
Speaker 6: couldn't stop the pain, and yet no one could see

1243
00:58:39,240 --> 00:58:42,720
Speaker 6: it but me. His betrayal has been the most painful

1244
00:58:42,800 --> 00:58:46,960
Speaker 6: thing I've ever been through. While time, as slow moving

1245
00:58:47,040 --> 00:58:49,600
Speaker 6: as it can be during moments like this, helped me

1246
00:58:49,640 --> 00:58:52,840
Speaker 6: little by little, and I'm still struggling. I'm in so

1247
00:58:53,000 --> 00:58:56,600
Speaker 6: much pain, full of doubt, fear, confusion, anger, It's all

1248
00:58:56,640 --> 00:58:59,400
Speaker 6: still there. I'm trying my best to fight through it.

1249
00:58:59,760 --> 00:59:02,480
Speaker 6: I still have so many feelings. It's just been so

1250
00:59:02,640 --> 00:59:05,600
Speaker 6: messy and chaotic over the last twelve months. I think

1251
00:59:05,640 --> 00:59:08,600
Speaker 6: there's many things I could have done differently, and lean

1252
00:59:08,680 --> 00:59:11,200
Speaker 6: on him way too much. Of the months following D Day,

1253
00:59:11,640 --> 00:59:15,440
Speaker 6: I didn't want to reconcile, but I needed support. I

1254
00:59:15,480 --> 00:59:18,080
Speaker 6: needed him to witness the destruction, to help pick up

1255
00:59:18,120 --> 00:59:21,439
Speaker 6: the pieces of me. I was in a total free fall,

1256
00:59:22,000 --> 00:59:25,600
Speaker 6: and I was desperately holding onto anything I could survive,

1257
00:59:26,160 --> 00:59:30,320
Speaker 6: second by second. Sometimes spent a lot of days together crying,

1258
00:59:30,880 --> 00:59:34,360
Speaker 6: holding each other. He made some efforts, but I wanted

1259
00:59:34,400 --> 00:59:37,560
Speaker 6: to believe they were sincere. I wanted to believe badly

1260
00:59:37,640 --> 00:59:41,360
Speaker 6: that he was truly remorseful and willing to do whatever

1261
00:59:41,400 --> 00:59:44,760
Speaker 6: it takes to make things right, especially after all the lines,

1262
00:59:44,800 --> 00:59:48,880
Speaker 6: secrets and betrayals, mistreatments, and all the tickle truth that

1263
00:59:49,000 --> 00:59:52,440
Speaker 6: damaged me so deeply I begged him to stop. It

1264
00:59:52,520 --> 00:59:55,960
Speaker 6: made everything that much harder. I didn't need perfection. I

1265
00:59:56,000 --> 01:00:00,120
Speaker 6: needed to see consistency, humility, raw honesty and in a

1266
01:00:00,200 --> 01:00:02,520
Speaker 6: real effort. I needed him to follow through with the

1267
01:00:02,560 --> 01:00:05,400
Speaker 6: things he said, but also the things I asked him for,

1268
01:00:05,880 --> 01:00:08,080
Speaker 6: to keep his word when he made me promises to me,

1269
01:00:08,520 --> 01:00:11,800
Speaker 6: But he kept falling short, and every other opportunity to

1270
01:00:11,840 --> 01:00:15,200
Speaker 6: build safe in trust faded away, and we moved further apart.

1271
01:00:15,520 --> 01:00:17,920
Speaker 6: I told him it was over. The marriage has passed

1272
01:00:17,960 --> 01:00:20,120
Speaker 6: away when he told me about the affair, and I

1273
01:00:20,200 --> 01:00:25,480
Speaker 6: never reconsidered reciliation or the divorce, but I will. All

1274
01:00:25,520 --> 01:00:29,040
Speaker 6: I wanted was healing, clarity and some closure, anything to

1275
01:00:29,120 --> 01:00:31,680
Speaker 6: honor the ten years we spent together. Yes, of course,

1276
01:00:31,720 --> 01:00:33,840
Speaker 6: there was a part of me that whispered.

1277
01:00:33,840 --> 01:00:36,480
Speaker 3: What if he blew your What if he.

1278
01:00:36,360 --> 01:00:40,800
Speaker 6: Gave you one hundred percent? No one, I'm sorry, what

1279
01:00:40,880 --> 01:00:41,440
Speaker 6: if he gave you?

1280
01:00:42,320 --> 01:00:44,320
Speaker 1: And God, if he did that, he'd be making a

1281
01:00:44,360 --> 01:00:46,480
Speaker 1: mess because you could only put one hundred percent of

1282
01:00:46,480 --> 01:00:48,520
Speaker 1: a glass and a cup before it runs over, and

1283
01:00:48,560 --> 01:00:49,680
Speaker 1: now you've builded your water.

1284
01:00:50,120 --> 01:00:53,200
Speaker 6: But if you started to see the man you always deserve,

1285
01:00:54,080 --> 01:00:56,680
Speaker 6: I don't know if that would have been enough to

1286
01:00:56,760 --> 01:01:01,120
Speaker 6: reconsider reeciliation, but I know it would have meant something

1287
01:01:01,160 --> 01:01:05,120
Speaker 6: to me regardless, because I could then see destroying me

1288
01:01:05,120 --> 01:01:08,960
Speaker 6: meant something that was genuinely remorseful and committed to repairing

1289
01:01:09,080 --> 01:01:13,600
Speaker 6: what he broke my heart me and also a commitment

1290
01:01:13,640 --> 01:01:16,960
Speaker 6: to finally repair himself because that is the right thing

1291
01:01:17,000 --> 01:01:20,000
Speaker 6: to do, not just in hopes of winning me back,

1292
01:01:20,320 --> 01:01:23,200
Speaker 6: but because that is what you do when you're truly sorry.

1293
01:01:23,560 --> 01:01:27,400
Speaker 6: You take accountability, responsibility, and you change so you never

1294
01:01:27,480 --> 01:01:28,560
Speaker 6: hurt anyone else again.

1295
01:01:29,160 --> 01:01:34,600
Speaker 1: I mean, I think it's unrealistic to expect to never hurt.

1296
01:01:34,480 --> 01:01:35,960
Speaker 6: Anyone ever again.

1297
01:01:36,400 --> 01:01:41,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, it happens, you know, I mean that's just sometimes

1298
01:01:41,160 --> 01:01:47,959
Speaker 1: the way the world works. But like, yeah, definitely understanding

1299
01:01:48,080 --> 01:01:52,040
Speaker 1: how to not actively hurt people by being, you know,

1300
01:01:53,840 --> 01:01:58,439
Speaker 1: an adulterer, that's a good way to go about that.

1301
01:01:58,440 --> 01:02:01,200
Speaker 6: That's a good start. No, you know, I wanted him

1302
01:02:01,240 --> 01:02:03,880
Speaker 6: to be a unicorn. I wanted him to be the

1303
01:02:03,920 --> 01:02:07,840
Speaker 6: man I chose, the one I believed in, the man

1304
01:02:07,880 --> 01:02:11,760
Speaker 6: I spent ten years that I am married, that have

1305
01:02:12,160 --> 01:02:17,439
Speaker 6: fallen in love with to make things right even if

1306
01:02:17,480 --> 01:02:20,040
Speaker 6: we never got back together. I saw the good in him,

1307
01:02:20,200 --> 01:02:22,640
Speaker 6: I really did, and it was painful to watch the

1308
01:02:22,680 --> 01:02:25,760
Speaker 6: mass slip over the ten years, see the cracks for

1309
01:02:25,840 --> 01:02:28,120
Speaker 6: him and for him to turn into someone else. I

1310
01:02:28,160 --> 01:02:30,000
Speaker 6: felt like I didn't even know him the last few

1311
01:02:30,040 --> 01:02:33,280
Speaker 6: years of our relationship, but I kept holding on. I

1312
01:02:33,360 --> 01:02:35,840
Speaker 6: really believed he would rise to meet me, that he

1313
01:02:35,840 --> 01:02:38,440
Speaker 6: would grow up and do the work, that together we

1314
01:02:38,480 --> 01:02:41,720
Speaker 6: could be so strong, that we could do anything together.

1315
01:02:42,200 --> 01:02:44,120
Speaker 6: It's so hard to see someone you love so much,

1316
01:02:44,440 --> 01:02:47,040
Speaker 6: someone you can see is in pain and needs help

1317
01:02:47,480 --> 01:02:50,360
Speaker 6: to continue to choose to run. I know he's struggling.

1318
01:02:50,680 --> 01:02:53,200
Speaker 6: I do believe there's a war inside of him, but

1319
01:02:53,240 --> 01:02:55,680
Speaker 6: I also know that he keeps making choices to avoid

1320
01:02:55,720 --> 01:02:59,600
Speaker 6: the hard, grueling, awkward, lonely, boring, agonizing work that is

1321
01:02:59,680 --> 01:03:03,120
Speaker 6: needed for him to finally find peace. I reached out

1322
01:03:03,280 --> 01:03:05,960
Speaker 6: after about six weeks of no contact. Then the divorce

1323
01:03:06,040 --> 01:03:08,480
Speaker 6: was final. I was struggling and felt a bit of

1324
01:03:08,520 --> 01:03:12,920
Speaker 6: a surge of confusion, panic, fear bubble up. It felt

1325
01:03:12,960 --> 01:03:17,720
Speaker 6: surreal like things were undone. I wanted to explore closure

1326
01:03:17,880 --> 01:03:22,520
Speaker 6: therapy for some structured clarity and closure, because I wasn't

1327
01:03:22,560 --> 01:03:25,520
Speaker 6: in a place for it mentally before he'd asked me

1328
01:03:25,640 --> 01:03:28,800
Speaker 6: for many months for couples therapy and said whenever I

1329
01:03:28,920 --> 01:03:33,000
Speaker 6: was ready, but I don't know that was ever real.

1330
01:03:33,480 --> 01:03:36,360
Speaker 6: He spent ten months after D Day telling me what

1331
01:03:36,480 --> 01:03:39,880
Speaker 6: he wanted was healing, He wanted a reconciliation, he wanted

1332
01:03:39,920 --> 01:03:42,920
Speaker 6: couples therapy, and then he started to slip back into

1333
01:03:42,960 --> 01:03:44,200
Speaker 6: some old terans.

1334
01:03:44,760 --> 01:03:47,760
Speaker 1: It took him ten months to be like, yeah, I

1335
01:03:47,840 --> 01:03:50,440
Speaker 1: know we literally broke up ten mens ago, but let's

1336
01:03:50,520 --> 01:03:52,280
Speaker 1: let's actually work on it now.

1337
01:03:52,640 --> 01:03:55,160
Speaker 6: Now I'm ready. It took me ten months.

1338
01:03:56,000 --> 01:03:58,680
Speaker 1: And also, this is clearly a lie and I'm going

1339
01:03:58,720 --> 01:04:01,680
Speaker 1: to immediately backslide into other bad behaviors.

1340
01:04:01,960 --> 01:04:04,240
Speaker 6: I found out a few things that were quite devastating

1341
01:04:04,280 --> 01:04:07,360
Speaker 6: after I reached out. He secretly started talking to someone

1342
01:04:07,440 --> 01:04:10,600
Speaker 6: new and then proceeded to lie and trickle truth to

1343
01:04:11,160 --> 01:04:14,600
Speaker 6: me about it only after being honest after I kept pressing.

1344
01:04:15,080 --> 01:04:18,480
Speaker 6: It wasn't jealousy I felt, or that he isn't allowed

1345
01:04:18,480 --> 01:04:21,360
Speaker 6: to date. It's that it's emotionally reckless for him to

1346
01:04:21,440 --> 01:04:24,120
Speaker 6: do so. It's that he swore for so many months

1347
01:04:24,200 --> 01:04:27,760
Speaker 6: he wasn't interested in dating or even entertaining anyone because

1348
01:04:28,120 --> 01:04:30,680
Speaker 6: he needed to finally be alone and do the work.

1349
01:04:31,200 --> 01:04:33,240
Speaker 6: That is, he knows deep down that he's not healthy

1350
01:04:33,320 --> 01:04:36,680
Speaker 6: or ready to do it anyway. He also reached out

1351
01:04:36,720 --> 01:04:39,960
Speaker 6: to the affair partner for what who knows. She basically

1352
01:04:39,960 --> 01:04:42,560
Speaker 6: told him to f off, and he said he felt

1353
01:04:42,560 --> 01:04:45,480
Speaker 6: alone and needed that, but also who doesn't know what

1354
01:04:45,560 --> 01:04:49,040
Speaker 6: he would have done if she reacted differently again. He

1355
01:04:49,160 --> 01:04:51,680
Speaker 6: swore to me that he'd never speak to her again,

1356
01:04:52,040 --> 01:04:55,840
Speaker 6: and also he never would want to, yet he still did.

1357
01:04:56,240 --> 01:04:58,760
Speaker 6: He's also still okay with lying to me, even though

1358
01:04:58,800 --> 01:05:01,240
Speaker 6: he knows how much it hurts me. He's also hanging

1359
01:05:01,240 --> 01:05:03,400
Speaker 6: out with an old friend who he knows is not

1360
01:05:03,440 --> 01:05:06,680
Speaker 6: good for him. He spent ten months ignoring him, now

1361
01:05:06,680 --> 01:05:09,640
Speaker 6: he's back to business as usual. It's also not keeping

1362
01:05:09,720 --> 01:05:15,320
Speaker 6: up with his slaa, journaling, meditating, reading, everything being pushed aside,

1363
01:05:15,640 --> 01:05:18,880
Speaker 6: and that whole defensive angry man who is always a

1364
01:05:18,960 --> 01:05:23,520
Speaker 6: victim I see, actually never left. What's up with these adjectives, opie?

1365
01:05:23,720 --> 01:05:26,360
Speaker 6: While we got to attach like four to five adjectives

1366
01:05:26,400 --> 01:05:30,240
Speaker 6: per thing because uh little Kirk Intologically, it's like a

1367
01:05:30,280 --> 01:05:33,760
Speaker 6: crisis mode is over and he's totally regressing if any

1368
01:05:33,760 --> 01:05:36,400
Speaker 6: of the glimmers of hope and growth were even real,

1369
01:05:36,800 --> 01:05:39,320
Speaker 6: or maybe none of it was real or genuine and

1370
01:05:39,480 --> 01:05:42,160
Speaker 6: all in his please, all of his efforts were just

1371
01:05:42,240 --> 01:05:45,640
Speaker 6: about relieving his guilt, his need for comfort, and possibly

1372
01:05:46,080 --> 01:05:48,840
Speaker 6: manipulation to try and get me to change my mind.

1373
01:05:49,000 --> 01:05:52,320
Speaker 6: I don't know, but I know he's once again, as

1374
01:05:52,360 --> 01:05:55,480
Speaker 6: he always has, choosing the path of lease resistance.

1375
01:05:55,920 --> 01:05:58,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think you need to choose the path of

1376
01:05:58,880 --> 01:06:01,120
Speaker 1: stopping or thoughts about this.

1377
01:06:01,160 --> 01:06:05,600
Speaker 6: Guy, honestly. Yeah, in this world where therapy is so

1378
01:06:05,720 --> 01:06:07,680
Speaker 6: good for a person and it's great, I'm not I'm

1379
01:06:07,680 --> 01:06:10,640
Speaker 6: not talking down with therapy or whatever. I feel like

1380
01:06:10,640 --> 01:06:13,680
Speaker 6: it gets to a point where you overthink things and

1381
01:06:13,720 --> 01:06:16,400
Speaker 6: you over explain things that you're stuck in the sloop.

1382
01:06:16,960 --> 01:06:24,520
Speaker 6: And I believe solely that overthinking something joy it. Certainly, Yeah,

1383
01:06:24,760 --> 01:06:27,120
Speaker 6: I would agree with that. You can't. You can't just

1384
01:06:27,600 --> 01:06:29,360
Speaker 6: let it be for the simplicity of it. You need

1385
01:06:29,400 --> 01:06:32,240
Speaker 6: to add meaning to every single thing that you do,

1386
01:06:32,280 --> 01:06:34,080
Speaker 6: and you just can't let it be.

1387
01:06:34,680 --> 01:06:38,720
Speaker 1: It's always better to underthink than to overthink, just internally, No,

1388
01:06:39,480 --> 01:06:41,160
Speaker 1: like you're always gonna be more at peace if you're

1389
01:06:41,200 --> 01:06:44,400
Speaker 1: just like yeah, I don't know, and like you can't really.

1390
01:06:44,160 --> 01:06:46,280
Speaker 6: Do that about everything. But it's like that's literally like

1391
01:06:46,960 --> 01:06:47,800
Speaker 6: what it is? It is it?

1392
01:06:47,840 --> 01:06:50,240
Speaker 1: I guess it's like Zen or like Buddhism is just

1393
01:06:50,280 --> 01:06:52,880
Speaker 1: being like, yeah, I don't have thoughts.

1394
01:06:53,040 --> 01:06:55,240
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's funny because our mind is.

1395
01:06:55,640 --> 01:06:59,760
Speaker 1: I was I watched something today talking about how it's

1396
01:06:59,800 --> 01:07:04,080
Speaker 1: way easier to get crossed up when you consider your

1397
01:07:04,160 --> 01:07:07,640
Speaker 1: mind and yourself to be the same thing, because your

1398
01:07:07,680 --> 01:07:13,080
Speaker 1: mind is actually something you experience outside of you that's

1399
01:07:13,120 --> 01:07:15,720
Speaker 1: like not necessarily real or true all the time. It's

1400
01:07:15,720 --> 01:07:17,680
Speaker 1: like you have thoughts all the time, and they just

1401
01:07:17,720 --> 01:07:19,760
Speaker 1: like they just like come and they go, and those

1402
01:07:19,840 --> 01:07:26,640
Speaker 1: thoughts aren't you. They're like a program that runs on you,

1403
01:07:27,200 --> 01:07:28,400
Speaker 1: but they aren't you.

1404
01:07:29,320 --> 01:07:33,360
Speaker 6: It's like the game on your computer isn't your computer.

1405
01:07:34,000 --> 01:07:36,400
Speaker 6: Computer is separate from the software on it.

1406
01:07:36,880 --> 01:07:40,240
Speaker 8: Right, Sometimes your own brain's an unreliable narrator.

1407
01:07:40,640 --> 01:07:43,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, your brain's like, why you're a loser, you can't

1408
01:07:43,040 --> 01:07:45,360
Speaker 1: do that. And then you're like, I'm a loser and

1409
01:07:45,400 --> 01:07:46,000
Speaker 1: I can't do that.

1410
01:07:46,040 --> 01:07:50,120
Speaker 6: But that's just your brain your mind, and your mind

1411
01:07:50,200 --> 01:07:53,640
Speaker 6: is lying to you. He always chows his own comfort, avoidance,

1412
01:07:53,720 --> 01:07:57,919
Speaker 6: cheap dopamine hits external validation instead of the courageous path

1413
01:07:58,000 --> 01:08:01,400
Speaker 6: of healing and growth. WI FI for me, our marriage,

1414
01:08:01,520 --> 01:08:03,880
Speaker 6: even himself, when it is so much easier to stay

1415
01:08:03,920 --> 01:08:07,000
Speaker 6: the same, to continue to be toxic and harmful, and

1416
01:08:07,040 --> 01:08:10,080
Speaker 6: find a new supply to know himself. I see so

1417
01:08:10,200 --> 01:08:12,520
Speaker 6: much of his true self now. Her is to have

1418
01:08:12,560 --> 01:08:14,520
Speaker 6: been to see for so long. My friends and my

1419
01:08:14,560 --> 01:08:17,360
Speaker 6: family thought so highly of him. We loved him so much,

1420
01:08:17,840 --> 01:08:20,280
Speaker 6: and he has hurt all of us, but especially me,

1421
01:08:20,680 --> 01:08:23,920
Speaker 6: his partner. He was supposed to love me, keep me safe,

1422
01:08:23,960 --> 01:08:27,240
Speaker 6: protect us, and he didn't. He's always fragile. He was

1423
01:08:27,280 --> 01:08:29,879
Speaker 6: barely holding on to it. But I think, maybe, just maybe,

1424
01:08:30,080 --> 01:08:32,200
Speaker 6: there were real opportunities for him to turn it around

1425
01:08:32,280 --> 01:08:35,920
Speaker 6: and save us. Opie continues in the early days, weeks, months.

1426
01:08:35,960 --> 01:08:38,920
Speaker 6: It feels impossible that this is so real, valid, This

1427
01:08:38,960 --> 01:08:41,840
Speaker 6: is pain I wouldn't wish on anyone, but not even him.

1428
01:08:42,040 --> 01:08:44,559
Speaker 6: Betrayal trauma is real, and it takes time to get

1429
01:08:44,600 --> 01:08:47,519
Speaker 6: out of the fog and stabilize. Please be patient with yourself.

1430
01:08:47,880 --> 01:08:50,479
Speaker 6: I am still struggling and giving myself grace every day.

1431
01:08:51,000 --> 01:08:54,879
Speaker 6: It's really one foot in front of the other. Wow, Opie.

1432
01:08:54,880 --> 01:08:58,000
Speaker 6: And my thoughts on this was it's really courageous that

1433
01:08:58,080 --> 01:09:01,240
Speaker 6: you're going through this and keep up the good work. Yeah.

1434
01:09:01,320 --> 01:09:04,160
Speaker 1: My thoughts are that he this wasn't your fault and

1435
01:09:05,160 --> 01:09:07,800
Speaker 1: you just need to learn to like move on from

1436
01:09:07,880 --> 01:09:09,120
Speaker 1: your you know, your ex.

1437
01:09:09,240 --> 01:09:11,920
Speaker 6: Yeah, Coda says, just let it go, OPI exactly. I'm

1438
01:09:11,920 --> 01:09:15,080
Speaker 6: not gonna you had some you. I'd hope that redipose

1439
01:09:15,160 --> 01:09:18,200
Speaker 6: made you feel better. I really don't do. And that's

1440
01:09:18,240 --> 01:09:19,120
Speaker 6: the end of this story.