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Speaker 1: Am I the a hole for turning the shoes I

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Speaker 1: got for my husband after he accused me of stealing

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Speaker 1: from him.

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Speaker 2: Excuse me, excuse me.

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to do a nice thing, and you think

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Speaker 1: I'm a steely Steelerson.

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Speaker 3: Come on, man, that's that's that's egregious. That's egregious gregious.

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Speaker 1: My twenty nine husband thirty six, is the breadwinner of

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Speaker 1: the family. I stay home with the kids who are

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Speaker 1: preschool age. He pays to the mortgage bills, household needs, food,

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Speaker 1: kids needs, et cetera. He has a set monthly budget

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Speaker 1: for each category and handles getting everything done. Recently, he

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Speaker 1: has become overwhelmed and told me the handle grocery shopping.

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Speaker 1: But before he let me, he asked me to write

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Speaker 1: a list of all the stuff we need so we

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Speaker 1: could calculate the total, and also so we'd have an

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Speaker 1: idea of how much I'll be spending when I take

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Speaker 1: his credit card.

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Speaker 2: Makes sense, I guess I didn't have.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a little slightly od a little bit.

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Speaker 2: We'll see, But you know, maybe he just trying to

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Speaker 2: save for something I don't know. Yeah, true, true, I.

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Speaker 1: Didn't have an issue with that because this way we'd

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Speaker 1: watcher spending habits. However, he said, I'm never allowed to

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Speaker 1: get something that isn't on the list unless I'm paying

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Speaker 1: for it in some other way.

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Speaker 3: How about what if I want a donut, Sir, No,

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Speaker 3: no donuts, a cliff bar.

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Speaker 1: I this guy is like, only I can tell you

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Speaker 1: what you need. Yeah, a little yeah, a little little

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Speaker 1: spooky right there. On Friday, I was doing some grocery

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Speaker 1: shopping as usual and saw that the store had some

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Speaker 1: nice shoes on sale. The price was insanely low for

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Speaker 1: this brand, and so I decided to grab a pair

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Speaker 1: for my husband, thinking he'd be happy with them since

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Speaker 1: he needed new sneakers anyway, let's go gift time baby.

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Speaker 1: I bought them, and when I showed them to him,

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Speaker 1: he flipped out on me, saying I made a huge

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Speaker 1: mistake by buying something that.

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Speaker 2: Was not on the list.

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Speaker 1: I agreed with him, but I thought that since the

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Speaker 1: shoes were for him, that it'd be different. He said,

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Speaker 1: I screwed up and shouldn't have bought those sneakers without

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Speaker 1: even telling him. But in my defense, I said, the

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Speaker 1: price was so low, It's not like I's been one

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Speaker 1: hundred dollars on shoes, and also I saw this as

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Speaker 1: a great deal and wanted him to have some nice sneakers.

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Speaker 1: He plainly said what I did is considered stealing. Excuse

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Speaker 1: me since he never consented to have those sneakers purchase

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Speaker 1: and said, I'm being irresponsible with money. That is why

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Speaker 1: I no longer have an income and my spending habots

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Speaker 1: need a grip.

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Speaker 2: That's crazy. She's taking care of the kids. Way over

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Speaker 2: the line.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I honestly, I was talking to Ariana about this.

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Speaker 1: There's still more story. I was talking to Ariona about this,

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Speaker 1: like what does what do finances look like after kids?

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Speaker 1: Because like there's this mister money mindset, like podcast guy

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Speaker 1: where he talks about like him and his wife have

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Speaker 1: separate bank accounts, right, and when they want to do

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Speaker 1: something together, they contribute a similar percentage of their uh,

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Speaker 1: like their wealth or whatever or their income.

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Speaker 2: Right, their respective moneies.

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Speaker 1: Yeah to that thing, and that makes sense to me.

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Speaker 1: But when you have kids, it complicates everything because it's like,

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Speaker 1: all right, you're someone has to maybe take a step

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Speaker 1: back to take care of the kids, right right, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: one person's not yeah, yeah, earning as much. Yeah, Sometimes,

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Speaker 1: like are a lot of the times that happens, right,

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Speaker 1: especially if you agree upon it, and so like I

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Speaker 1: don't know, like I don't know what what I don't

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Speaker 1: know what the norm is. I guess I have no idea.

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Speaker 1: I mean, right now, it's easy. Me and my girlfriend

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Speaker 1: literally just split everything down the middle. Yeah, just whatever

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Speaker 1: we get, We'll just cut in half, bend with each other,

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Speaker 1: the other half with the kids.

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 3: It almost seems like you'd have to like change, like

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Speaker 3: if one person's working but then one person stops working,

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Speaker 3: Like I don't know's there's a lot of variables there.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, because essentially they are like giving up the income.

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Speaker 2: I think I think what.

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Speaker 1: Maybe would be better is just having like a monthly

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Speaker 1: budget instead of like micromanaging it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, or even or even just like, hey, well we'll

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Speaker 3: put money in this like kind of joint bank account

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Speaker 3: and let it do its thing. Like let's say we

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Speaker 3: got whatever twenty thirty in that bank account and then

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Speaker 3: we just, without you know, thinking about it, just okay,

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Speaker 3: we'll buy the kids of this, and we've put in

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Speaker 3: a set a preset amount of what we think is best.

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Speaker 2: For both of us for the month or.

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Speaker 3: No, just like for a year or like whatever, we

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Speaker 3: are a big bank account, you know what I mean, Like, well,

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Speaker 3: let's put a bunch of money in here, so we

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Speaker 3: don't have to like think about every purchase. We just

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Speaker 3: like swipe on that card or so. I don't know,

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Speaker 3: that's hard, that's hard off to think about that one.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I have no idea how Like I just I don't

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Speaker 1: know how finances work post kids. It's different because it's

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Speaker 1: like so simple when it's you know, when you're just

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Speaker 1: dating or even when you're married and you still both

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Speaker 1: have jobs totally. But if you're asking someone to stay

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Speaker 1: at home, I think I guess it's like if you're

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Speaker 1: asking someone the thing that I guess makes sense to

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Speaker 1: me as if I was.

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Speaker 3: If the other person doesn't work, they have to have

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Speaker 3: some sort of access to money.

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Speaker 2: Yeah exactly. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: So it's like whether it could be the whole thing,

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Speaker 3: it could be part of it, like something, or you.

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Speaker 1: Do like joint parent where you both have like part

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Speaker 1: time jobs and both are part time parents. That seems

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Speaker 1: like the most fair.

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Speaker 3: I feel like at some point, like I would like

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Speaker 3: to like take short so like when I have my

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Speaker 3: first kid, I kind of want to take a little

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Speaker 3: bit of a sabbatical. Yeah, just like spend it with

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Speaker 3: a kid and then maybe like you know what, I

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Speaker 3: want to take a month off or a few months

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Speaker 3: off like when he's five or something like that, you

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Speaker 3: know what I mean, like different different plot points like that.

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Speaker 2: But we'll see. Yeah, it's an idea I have.

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Speaker 1: I feel like something that's good about what we're doing

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Speaker 1: right is like we have the flexibility to be wherever

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Speaker 1: we need to be exactly.

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Speaker 3: And this too is I'm also imagining I'm like thirty

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Speaker 3: six or something like that, Like this is like, yeah,

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Speaker 3: a decade down.

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Speaker 2: Way down the line.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Like ideally, I guess you know, this is not

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Speaker 1: what everyone's position is, but like ideally you're financially stable

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Speaker 1: enough to have that choice, Like that's the ideal ideal.

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Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, dude, I don't know. I don't know.

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Speaker 2: You're really mull and on this one.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, because it's something I was thinking about it. I

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Speaker 1: really just don't know how finance. I guess I should

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Speaker 1: do more research on this, because I mean i've but also,

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Speaker 1: like I actually asked my parents. I wonder what they did,

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Speaker 1: because my mom worked part time for at doing architecture

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Speaker 1: for yeah, like as long as I've known it. Now

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Speaker 1: she has a full time architecture jobs post post us

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Speaker 1: going off to college. But yeah, she was always working

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Speaker 1: during that time. And so like I see, like that's

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Speaker 1: my examples. Like my mom was always working. My dad

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Speaker 1: was like the main breadwetter, but my mom was always

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Speaker 1: working and doing stuff.

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Speaker 2: We'll figure it out, We'll figure it out. We'll figure

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Speaker 2: it out for sure. Yeah, we got a few years.

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Speaker 2: We got a few years.

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Speaker 1: The next day I went and returned the sneakers and

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Speaker 1: took the money back. He got home in the evening

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Speaker 1: and lost it when he found out I returned them.

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Speaker 1: He said he couldn't believe how petty and childish I

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Speaker 1: was to actually do this. I explained I was just

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Speaker 1: correcting my mistake. He tried to contact the store and

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Speaker 1: was told the sneakers were already sold. He got even

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Speaker 1: angry with me, but I told him that he accused

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Speaker 1: me of stealing from him when I was just trying

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Speaker 1: to do a nice gesture for him. He yelled that

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Speaker 1: I had a lot of nerve, calling what I did

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Speaker 1: a nice gesture while using his money to do it.

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Speaker 1: I told him he had no right to yell at me.

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Speaker 1: After I corrected my mistake and gave back the money

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Speaker 1: he accused me of stealing. He threw a fit, then

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Speaker 1: went out with his friends and came home late at night,

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Speaker 1: still not talking to me. Did I mess up? Maybe

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Speaker 1: I shouldn't have purchased them, knowing they weren't on the list,

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Speaker 1: but I just wanted him to have those sneakers and

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Speaker 1: thought I was doing a nice gesture.

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Speaker 3: Bro, if this is how your your significant other reacts

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Speaker 3: to you buying sneakers, leave, Yeah that is that's a heck,

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Speaker 3: that's a that's a fucking mess.

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Speaker 2: Of a life right there. Yeah. And this he seems

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Speaker 2: so over like he seems so controlling.

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Speaker 3: So like just over the top about everything. Like I

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Speaker 3: feel like, you know, if I do something else in

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Speaker 3: a different area that's like slightly wrong if he has

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Speaker 3: the same reaction, Like, think about all the things that

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Speaker 3: could like trigger him to go crazy.

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Speaker 2: Nope.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you should nope out of there, Nope the

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Speaker 1: heck out Hell Yeah. Also, I like to read one

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Speaker 1: of the the comments, yes, because I think it like

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Speaker 1: summarizes some of the things that we don't like about this.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, let's see it. So not the asshole. With

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Speaker 1: that said something else to add get the hell out

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Speaker 1: of there. I lost count of how many red flags

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Speaker 1: are run in this short story, but just to recap,

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Speaker 1: you have zero knowledge of an input into your family's

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Speaker 1: financial situation. By design, you have to get pre approval

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Speaker 1: for an action as mundane as grocery shopping. Acting even

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Speaker 1: slightly independently was met with extreme anger and accusations. When

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Speaker 1: you try to defend yourself, you were darvoed and berated. Again,

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Speaker 1: acting independently, even to correct a mistake was met with

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Speaker 1: an equal amount of anger. The entire ordeal. You were

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Speaker 1: kept emotionally unstable and purposely left with no resolution possible.

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Speaker 1: My god, it's like Lebron and Serena hooked up and

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Speaker 1: had a super baby and the sport they played was

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Speaker 1: abuse ball. Oh and also darvo is, deny attack, reverse

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Speaker 1: victim and offender short version technique abusers use to make others,

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Speaker 1: includingly think they are the wrong party effectively creates a

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Speaker 1: shield for the abuser that is hard to articulate for

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Speaker 1: the abused.

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Speaker 3: Interesting, I'll learn something new every day. That's the list.

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Speaker 3: They summed it up perfectly. It's like this guy's insane.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, this is really bad.

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Speaker 1: Also a lot so this common is saying, like also

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Speaker 1: a lot of people emphasize that it's his money. That thing, right,

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Speaker 1: it's not his money if both of you are working,

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Speaker 1: you just happen to work at a state as a

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Speaker 1: stay at home mom, And I think I agree with that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you had like if if one person's not working,

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Speaker 3: what are they going to do? Go go on the

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Speaker 3: streets and beg like they need money to do it,

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Speaker 3: and like she's doing one of the tasks, you're doing

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Speaker 3: one of the.

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Speaker 2: Tasks, like and it's a team.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's not like oh my gosh, Like how do

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Speaker 3: like you decided to get to join with this person

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Speaker 3: to go through life together.

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Speaker 1: So it's like, you know, I wonder what his spending

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Speaker 1: habits are because like this this guy sounds like a hypocrite.

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Speaker 3: This guy is buying like blow up the and doritos.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I love how that's like the first thing plope

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Speaker 1: dolls and doritos.

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Speaker 2: Anyway, uh out, so you