WEBVTT - Teaching Consent 0:00:00.380 --> 0:00:05.520 It's really not that difficult. Anything other than enthusiastic yes 0:00:06.780 --> 0:00:07.180 is a no. 0:00:07.340 --> 0:00:10.100 That is a fact. And in every form, way, shape, 0:00:10.240 --> 0:00:14.690 and fashion, no is a full statement. 0:00:15.670 --> 0:00:16.030 Deadass. 0:00:18.670 --> 0:00:21.710 It all started with real talk, unfiltered, honest, and straight 0:00:21.730 --> 0:00:22.290 from the heart. 0:00:22.450 --> 0:00:24.610 Since then, we've gone on to become Webby Award winning 0:00:24.630 --> 0:00:27.110 podcasters and New York Times bestselling authors. 0:00:27.270 --> 0:00:29.930 Deadass was more than a podcast for us. It was 0:00:30.070 --> 0:00:32.660 about our growth. A place where we could be vulnerable, 0:00:32.840 --> 0:00:33.400 be raw. 0:00:33.860 --> 0:00:35.960 But most importantly, be us. 0:00:36.120 --> 0:00:39.100 But as we know, life keeps evolving and so do we. 0:00:39.200 --> 0:00:42.080 And through it all, one thing has never changed. 0:00:42.580 --> 0:00:45.140 This is Ellis Ever After. Deadass. 0:00:45.420 --> 0:00:47.100 Because we got a lot to talk about. 0:00:48.229 --> 0:00:48.879 Story time. 0:00:51.100 --> 0:00:55.160 As you guys know, we have four boys, one of 0:00:55.240 --> 0:00:56.960 which is 15 years old. 0:00:58.000 --> 0:00:58.260 And I. 0:00:59.820 --> 0:01:02.880 Was not going to wait until he got to high 0:01:02.940 --> 0:01:09.030 school to start discussing sex. I remember when I was 0:01:09.030 --> 0:01:11.509 13 and my mom tried to sit down and talk 0:01:11.550 --> 0:01:14.449 to me about sex. 0:01:14.530 --> 0:01:16.490 And i was like yeah nah nah nah i'm not 0:01:16.510 --> 0:01:17.210 i didn't know. 0:01:17.030 --> 0:01:18.750 She made an attempt i always hear about your dad 0:01:18.770 --> 0:01:20.030 may give you the condom story but. 0:01:19.970 --> 0:01:22.990 That's it so here's the funny part my dad was 0:01:23.010 --> 0:01:24.530 just like you know these condoms in my drawer right 0:01:24.750 --> 0:01:27.310 and i was like yeah he was like cool that 0:01:27.330 --> 0:01:29.350 was it my mom was just like you know you 0:01:29.670 --> 0:01:32.050 know you have valentine and you're interested in young ladies 0:01:32.069 --> 0:01:35.080 and i was like yo yo yo i immediately shut 0:01:35.120 --> 0:01:37.120 it down like she didn't even get any more words 0:01:37.160 --> 0:01:38.680 out of that and then she was like you know 0:01:38.700 --> 0:01:40.820 are you you know and i was like ew ma 0:01:40.840 --> 0:01:43.600 like It made me feel uncomfortable. 0:01:43.840 --> 0:01:44.140 Okay. 0:01:44.400 --> 0:01:46.580 So with Jackson, I was like, I. 0:01:46.580 --> 0:01:49.300 Don't want to be that dad or that mom to 0:01:49.360 --> 0:01:50.640 make him feel uncomfortable. 0:01:50.800 --> 0:01:51.000 Right. 0:01:51.520 --> 0:01:53.080 And then I said, fuck that. You're going to have 0:01:53.100 --> 0:01:53.920 to feel uncomfortable. 0:01:53.940 --> 0:01:56.210 Because what I'm not going to do is wait until 0:01:56.330 --> 0:01:58.450 I'm comfortable with your comfort level to find out that 0:01:58.490 --> 0:01:59.910 you've already been having sex. 0:02:00.130 --> 0:02:00.370 Right. 0:02:00.550 --> 0:02:04.570 So I was like, listen, bro. You are going to 0:02:04.610 --> 0:02:07.160 have to. Here's the deal. Yeah, here's the deal. You 0:02:07.340 --> 0:02:08.739 are going to have to. 0:02:09.540 --> 0:02:12.240 Become comfortable with this conversation we are about to have 0:02:12.280 --> 0:02:13.700 in the next 30 seconds. 0:02:14.040 --> 0:02:15.720 Because you want to go to the movies you want 0:02:15.740 --> 0:02:16.160 to go out. 0:02:16.080 --> 0:02:18.579 With your friends you want to do these things I 0:02:18.620 --> 0:02:20.400 have to know that you know how to behave in 0:02:20.440 --> 0:02:24.279 those situations so he just sat there and he just 0:02:24.360 --> 0:02:29.140 listened and he didn't really ask many questions you know 0:02:29.160 --> 0:02:32.480 because he's we do have innocent kids we try not 0:02:32.500 --> 0:02:33.980 to keep them in a bubble but we don't keep 0:02:34.000 --> 0:02:35.980 them in certain elements you know we remove them from 0:02:36.020 --> 0:02:38.660 certain elements so He didn't have many questions, or at 0:02:38.700 --> 0:02:39.840 least he didn't have them to me. 0:02:39.700 --> 0:02:40.800 Because I'm his dad. 0:02:40.860 --> 0:02:42.500 Or in that moment. He might have still been in. 0:02:42.560 --> 0:02:44.620 In that moment, because this is also 13. This was 0:02:44.660 --> 0:02:45.240 two years ago. 0:02:45.360 --> 0:02:45.540 Yeah. 0:02:45.860 --> 0:02:47.960 He also has uncles that he talks to, and I 0:02:47.980 --> 0:02:49.420 know he has conversations with you. 0:02:50.020 --> 0:02:51.419 He also has Jay that he talks to. 0:02:51.500 --> 0:02:54.780 So hopefully he's speaking to someone about these things or 0:02:54.820 --> 0:02:55.540 feelings he's having. 0:02:55.560 --> 0:02:57.900 Because if I'm being honest, he hasn't expressed them to 0:02:57.940 --> 0:03:00.040 me yet. Right. But the one thing I did. 0:02:59.940 --> 0:03:07.270 Tell him, bro, the minute you feel that she does 0:03:07.370 --> 0:03:10.760 not feel comfortable with anything, it's a wrap. 0:03:11.300 --> 0:03:11.940 That's a fact. 0:03:12.919 --> 0:03:16.160 You don't need no verbal anything. You don't need to. 0:03:16.520 --> 0:03:20.220 If you can sense that something may not be right, 0:03:20.260 --> 0:03:21.500 she may not be comfortable. 0:03:22.290 --> 0:03:22.750 That's it. 0:03:23.110 --> 0:03:25.870 And the other thing I told him was consent is 0:03:25.910 --> 0:03:27.250 not given in perpetuity. 0:03:27.530 --> 0:03:27.930 Correct. 0:03:28.150 --> 0:03:30.650 Which means you could be, and I did say this 0:03:30.669 --> 0:03:33.280 to him, I said you could be inside, y'all both 0:03:33.350 --> 0:03:36.660 enjoying yourself. And then she stops and grabs you for 0:03:36.680 --> 0:03:39.300 a minute and something don't feel right. If that feels 0:03:39.340 --> 0:03:42.460 like resistance, the consent is removed, bro. 0:03:43.140 --> 0:03:44.280 And he was like, I know that. And we don't 0:03:44.300 --> 0:03:44.840 try again. 0:03:44.860 --> 0:03:45.060 Right. 0:03:45.220 --> 0:03:47.000 He was like, I know that. I was like, are 0:03:47.020 --> 0:03:50.740 you positive that you know? He's like, yes, I do know. 0:03:51.320 --> 0:03:53.560 And then we had a conversation about what is going 0:03:53.600 --> 0:03:56.980 to come with him moving like that. Because that's how 0:03:57.080 --> 0:03:59.380 I was raised. My father and my uncle don't play 0:03:59.420 --> 0:04:03.500 no games. And they told me that very thing was like, yo, bro. 0:04:04.680 --> 0:04:07.640 Matter of fact, when we get back from story time, 0:04:08.020 --> 0:04:10.120 I'll tell you what comes with moving like that. 0:04:10.020 --> 0:04:10.940 As a man. Okay. 0:04:11.100 --> 0:04:11.940 All right. 0:04:13.370 --> 0:04:14.310 All right, time for karaoke. 0:04:14.430 --> 0:04:15.869 Karaoke. I know you guys know this. 0:04:16.730 --> 0:04:20.270 Dean and I and four-fifths of the crew, which is 0:04:20.310 --> 0:04:22.790 about 80%, has on blue and orange. 0:04:23.910 --> 0:04:26.029 Tribble, we're not going to be mad at you because 0:04:26.070 --> 0:04:29.700 nobody told you because nobody told us. Matt walked in here. 0:04:30.440 --> 0:04:31.660 Tell them how it rolled out, though. 0:04:31.839 --> 0:04:33.020 Yeah, Matt walked in here today. 0:04:33.990 --> 0:04:36.550 He had on a final shirt from last summer, well, 0:04:36.589 --> 0:04:37.270 this past. 0:04:37.029 --> 0:04:38.849 Summer, because, of course, the New York Knicks are now 0:04:38.870 --> 0:04:39.710 the world champions. 0:04:40.029 --> 0:04:43.810 So then I went, put on my Jalen Brunson shirt, 0:04:43.890 --> 0:04:46.849 because tonight, as we're recording, it's opening night, and it's 0:04:46.870 --> 0:04:48.489 the first night in 53 years. 0:04:48.310 --> 0:04:50.529 That the New York Knicks are the world champions. 0:04:50.570 --> 0:04:53.100 So then I looked to my left. And my wife 0:04:53.240 --> 0:04:56.740 just so happened to have on blue and orange. 0:04:56.820 --> 0:04:58.820 I was like, let me put on this. First of all, 0:04:58.839 --> 0:05:00.140 he's just like, why are you all dressed up? And 0:05:00.160 --> 0:05:01.360 I was just like, first of all, we were supposed 0:05:01.380 --> 0:05:02.460 to be dressing for this podcast. 0:05:02.480 --> 0:05:03.860 But anyway, here we are. 0:05:04.240 --> 0:05:06.100 It depends on the day. But secondly, I'm like, I 0:05:06.140 --> 0:05:08.000 just have stuff sitting in my closet. I was like, 0:05:08.460 --> 0:05:10.039 this was like an outfit I wore, I think, on 0:05:10.060 --> 0:05:12.920 an interview like years ago. And I'm like, let me 0:05:12.960 --> 0:05:15.099 just throw it on. It's monochromatic. Not monochromatic. 0:05:15.140 --> 0:05:15.440 I'm sorry. 0:05:15.520 --> 0:05:19.020 Complimentary color look. So it worked out to work. 0:05:19.330 --> 0:05:20.950 And then by the time we walked into the kitchen, 0:05:20.990 --> 0:05:23.089 there were three of us in Nick's colors and outfits. 0:05:23.130 --> 0:05:26.370 And then the biggest Nick fan in the house was like, nah, son. 0:05:26.589 --> 0:05:27.550 You're not going to outdo me. 0:05:27.570 --> 0:05:29.230 Yeah, I got to go change. Now he got on 0:05:29.310 --> 0:05:31.570 a Nick hat, got on a Nick jersey, got on 0:05:31.650 --> 0:05:34.590 Nick drawers, probably got on Nick socks. You know what 0:05:34.630 --> 0:05:35.050 I'm saying? 0:05:35.150 --> 0:05:36.029 Wouldn't be surprised. 0:05:36.370 --> 0:05:37.550 My wife going to get this Nick. 0:05:41.500 --> 0:05:42.039 Get it, girl. 0:05:42.060 --> 0:05:43.500 You ready, a Nicker? 0:05:43.680 --> 0:05:43.800 Ah. 0:05:47.720 --> 0:05:48.320 Oh, man. 0:05:48.360 --> 0:05:49.020 Oh, my God. 0:05:49.040 --> 0:05:49.520 So funny. 0:05:49.540 --> 0:05:50.000 All right. 0:05:50.260 --> 0:05:52.240 In honor of all the New York songs, we're going 0:05:52.260 --> 0:05:53.460 to sing a New York song. 0:05:54.279 --> 0:05:54.760 Classic. 0:05:54.779 --> 0:05:56.080 A classic New York song. 0:05:56.300 --> 0:05:56.400 Ready? 0:05:56.420 --> 0:06:00.830 I'm going to start with the beat. Start spreading the news. 0:06:00.950 --> 0:06:15.810 I'm leaving today. I want to be a part of it. 0:06:16.390 --> 0:06:18.990 New York, New York. 0:06:19.070 --> 0:06:19.830 Yes. 0:06:20.070 --> 0:06:21.289 I know you were thinking of basing it. I don't 0:06:21.310 --> 0:06:25.770 know the rest of the words. So I'm going to 0:06:25.830 --> 0:06:27.940 make up something else. 0:06:28.480 --> 0:06:29.540 These vagabond shoes. 0:06:29.940 --> 0:06:33.020 These vagabond shoes. 0:06:33.140 --> 0:06:34.180 They're longing to stray. 0:06:34.660 --> 0:06:36.900 They're longing to stray. 0:06:37.420 --> 0:06:37.560 Mm-hmm. 0:06:38.720 --> 0:06:43.230 And step into the heart of it. I think New York, 0:06:43.350 --> 0:06:45.409 New York. I miss New York. 0:06:45.570 --> 0:06:46.539 I miss New York too, bro. 0:06:46.570 --> 0:06:49.260 Every time I land in JFK, I be like, yes. 0:06:49.320 --> 0:06:49.940 You conflicted? 0:06:49.960 --> 0:06:52.500 I can't sing that song. I'm the biggest Yankees fan 0:06:52.520 --> 0:06:55.050 y'all ever going to meet. And they stink. And that's 0:06:55.070 --> 0:06:56.930 the song we play every time they win. 0:06:57.070 --> 0:06:58.250 I can't sing that right now. 0:06:58.270 --> 0:06:58.730 I get it. 0:06:58.730 --> 0:07:00.190 They didn't sing it good, so it don't matter. 0:07:00.250 --> 0:07:00.570 It's fine. 0:07:01.070 --> 0:07:04.950 Y'all was transposing like three times, like three different notes. 0:07:04.970 --> 0:07:07.110 Well, yeah, yeah. 0:07:07.290 --> 0:07:08.010 I don't know. 0:07:08.089 --> 0:07:10.960 That was written in different octaves, but it's all good. 0:07:12.100 --> 0:07:16.200 Those who can't critique. Because Josh ain't had nothing. He 0:07:16.240 --> 0:07:16.960 sure didn't. 0:07:16.980 --> 0:07:17.760 I couldn't do it. 0:07:18.040 --> 0:07:19.940 I couldn't sound any better because he wanted to sing 0:07:19.960 --> 0:07:20.780 the real New York. 0:07:20.960 --> 0:07:23.700 I'm trying my best. 0:07:24.040 --> 0:07:28.560 We outside. We out. There's several versions. 0:07:28.620 --> 0:07:29.710 I got 100 grams on the clip. 0:07:29.770 --> 0:07:30.730 I'm from New York, New York. 0:07:34.670 --> 0:07:36.050 I got this in me, you know what I mean? 0:07:36.090 --> 0:07:38.920 We're nonviolent. We are nonviolent over here. 0:07:38.940 --> 0:07:39.920 But we are from New York. 0:07:40.020 --> 0:07:40.980 Facts. Facts. 0:07:41.000 --> 0:07:41.720 Don't get it twisted. 0:07:41.800 --> 0:07:42.660 Yeah, remember. 0:07:43.280 --> 0:07:46.220 What did LL say in his last interview? He said, 0:07:46.700 --> 0:07:49.640 I'm a kind, but I'm not a nice guy. You 0:07:49.660 --> 0:07:49.990 feel me? 0:07:50.400 --> 0:07:53.430 I'm a nice guy. I related to that. 0:07:53.550 --> 0:07:54.430 I did too. 0:07:54.510 --> 0:07:55.070 I did too. 0:07:55.170 --> 0:07:56.590 I like that. I reposted it. 0:07:56.610 --> 0:07:58.690 That's a very East Coast thing too. I feel like 0:07:58.730 --> 0:08:01.930 people from the East Coast are kind. They're not really nice. 0:08:02.230 --> 0:08:02.710 Correct. 0:08:02.800 --> 0:08:04.740 It's a difference. People from the East Coast will help 0:08:04.780 --> 0:08:07.300 you with some shit. They'll scoff at. 0:08:07.260 --> 0:08:08.260 You while they're doing it. 0:08:08.280 --> 0:08:08.679 Right. 0:08:09.660 --> 0:08:12.300 They'll be like, giving you the coat off their back, like, 0:08:12.340 --> 0:08:14.280 why the hell you out here in this coat like that? 0:08:14.340 --> 0:08:15.540 That is a fact, though. 0:08:15.680 --> 0:08:16.020 Yes. 0:08:16.370 --> 0:08:18.110 Yes. That is a fact. 0:08:18.130 --> 0:08:19.670 The South is actually the reverse. 0:08:20.090 --> 0:08:21.110 Yes, exactly. 0:08:21.130 --> 0:08:21.810 They're nice. 0:08:22.130 --> 0:08:25.010 But that niceness is a front. 0:08:25.310 --> 0:08:30.310 In the Midwest, we have a superficial, we're like too nice. Like, 0:08:31.080 --> 0:08:34.719 You know, if you go to a basketball game in 0:08:34.740 --> 0:08:36.300 the Midwest, you know how you got to get up 0:08:36.400 --> 0:08:38.540 to get out? You want to go to the bathroom? 0:08:38.940 --> 0:08:42.640 People from the Midwest be like, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. 0:08:42.679 --> 0:08:44.050 That's how you can tell, yeah. 0:08:44.090 --> 0:08:45.190 We do that in New York, but that's when you 0:08:45.210 --> 0:08:46.330 know the person's from church. 0:08:46.809 --> 0:08:47.150 Yeah. 0:08:47.770 --> 0:08:48.210 Absolutely. 0:08:48.230 --> 0:08:49.530 You go to church, huh? Sorry. 0:08:49.590 --> 0:08:51.449 See, I don't say sorry. I be like, pardon me. 0:08:51.550 --> 0:08:52.390 Excuse me. 0:08:52.429 --> 0:08:52.670 Right. 0:08:52.690 --> 0:08:53.910 That's all you gotta say. 0:08:53.990 --> 0:08:56.840 Pardon me. I said, pardon me. You're not going to 0:08:56.860 --> 0:08:58.860 move your foot? My fault. 0:08:58.880 --> 0:08:59.240 Right. 0:08:59.260 --> 0:09:00.059 That's New Yorker. 0:09:00.300 --> 0:09:01.099 Exactly. 0:09:01.260 --> 0:09:05.120 And pardon and sorry is two different things. 0:09:05.500 --> 0:09:07.920 You say sorry, we Jamaican and West Indian. 0:09:08.120 --> 0:09:09.760 Sorry, sorry, sorry. Sorry, sorry. 0:09:09.900 --> 0:09:10.240 Sorry, sorry. 0:09:13.200 --> 0:09:15.120 My uncle used to be like telling the story, drop 0:09:15.140 --> 0:09:17.400 the LF bomb and start cursing all clots and all 0:09:17.420 --> 0:09:20.220 that and be like, sorry, mommy, sorry, sorry. In front 0:09:20.340 --> 0:09:22.540 of my grandmother, it'd be so funny. 0:09:22.679 --> 0:09:25.240 I got the funniest Uncle Paul story. This is Christmas, right? 0:09:25.660 --> 0:09:26.100 Christmas. 0:09:26.700 --> 0:09:30.350 And grandma's sitting right here. Uncle Paul is on the phone, right? 0:09:30.429 --> 0:09:32.679 He's talking to his girl. And he's like, man, you 0:09:32.710 --> 0:09:34.250 ain't going to keep that punani ready. 0:09:34.300 --> 0:09:34.910 Sorry, mommy. 0:09:34.950 --> 0:09:35.250 Sorry. 0:09:35.270 --> 0:09:38.910 Sorry, mommy. Get that punani ready for me. I'll come 0:09:38.950 --> 0:09:39.410 mash it. 0:09:39.450 --> 0:09:39.750 Sorry. 0:09:39.790 --> 0:09:41.830 He wouldn't stop, though. 0:09:41.890 --> 0:09:45.390 He on the phone talking to his girl and wouldn't stop. 0:09:45.429 --> 0:09:47.110 And my grandmother's like, Paul, come on. 0:09:47.190 --> 0:09:49.229 You got to go down, man. 0:09:49.570 --> 0:09:50.790 Can't fall there, man. 0:09:50.809 --> 0:09:53.210 I miss Uncle Paul. April 2nd, my birthday boy. 0:09:53.230 --> 0:09:53.930 Birthday twin. 0:09:53.950 --> 0:09:54.670 I love you, Uncle Paul. 0:09:54.690 --> 0:09:55.510 All right, y'all. 0:09:56.050 --> 0:09:58.030 Let's take a quick break and we'll be back with 0:09:58.230 --> 0:09:59.130 Op or No Op. 0:09:59.150 --> 0:09:59.550 Stick around. 0:10:04.890 --> 0:10:05.569 All right, we're back. 0:10:06.070 --> 0:10:08.860 Tribs, what you got for us today? 0:10:09.360 --> 0:10:13.900 Well, an interesting story I saw on the internet. They're 0:10:13.920 --> 0:10:16.420 making food out of plastic. Did you hear about this? 0:10:16.800 --> 0:10:17.380 Oh my God. 0:10:17.679 --> 0:10:21.420 So there's this scientist who Discovered a way. So he 0:10:21.440 --> 0:10:25.720 said all food is made from the same elements, carbon, oxygen, 0:10:26.240 --> 0:10:28.780 hydrogen or something like that. And plastic is made of 0:10:28.830 --> 0:10:33.950 the same things. So he's taking plastic, making it like 0:10:34.570 --> 0:10:37.550 like reducing it down to its elements, making this mush 0:10:37.630 --> 0:10:42.850 and mixing it with baker's yeast, essentially. And making this 0:10:43.550 --> 0:10:48.490 plastic cookie. And it's supposed to be, the idea was 0:10:48.630 --> 0:10:51.070 to be able to make food out of things that 0:10:51.110 --> 0:10:56.360 could be on a spaceship. Which is, it's harkening back 0:10:56.400 --> 0:11:00.260 to this idea that these motherfuckers are getting ready to 0:11:00.320 --> 0:11:03.099 leave us down here and live on Mars. 0:11:03.440 --> 0:11:04.560 That's what it's giving. 0:11:04.780 --> 0:11:06.340 Leave us down here? You mean six feet under? 0:11:06.360 --> 0:11:06.440 Yeah. 0:11:07.170 --> 0:11:07.949 Exactly. 0:11:08.010 --> 0:11:11.510 Because how does one's body even begin to digest? 0:11:11.850 --> 0:11:15.830 So I'm asking you if if if they said, listen, 0:11:15.870 --> 0:11:19.050 we got food rations now and you we got these 0:11:19.270 --> 0:11:21.360 plastic cookies. Would you eat it? 0:11:21.570 --> 0:11:25.030 No, no, bro. This is why I know. 0:11:25.130 --> 0:11:25.360 Right. 0:11:25.960 --> 0:11:27.900 Water from the sky is free. 0:11:28.300 --> 0:11:28.559 Yeah. 0:11:28.620 --> 0:11:32.080 You can get seeds and grow something. I'm not eating plastic, bro. 0:11:32.530 --> 0:11:34.670 There was a meme that I saw that said humans 0:11:34.710 --> 0:11:37.200 are the only species on the planet smart enough to 0:11:37.240 --> 0:11:38.420 make their own food. 0:11:39.040 --> 0:11:40.119 And dumb enough to eat it. 0:11:40.820 --> 0:11:41.160 That's real. 0:11:41.179 --> 0:11:43.720 Think about it. Think about it. You drop a McDonald's 0:11:43.760 --> 0:11:46.179 french fry on the ground, the ants don't even go 0:11:46.220 --> 0:11:46.510 near it. 0:11:46.620 --> 0:11:47.280 That's right. 0:11:47.300 --> 0:11:48.890 The birds come down, pick it up, and drop it. 0:11:48.940 --> 0:11:51.280 Dang, that's facts. 0:11:51.570 --> 0:11:51.950 Yeah. 0:11:51.990 --> 0:11:55.150 There's actually people who do these experiments online or whatever. 0:11:55.170 --> 0:11:59.150 A couple popped up on my feed, and they'll put 0:11:59.250 --> 0:12:01.750 even just fruits and vegetables from the supermarket. You know, 0:12:01.770 --> 0:12:03.589 you're supposed to look at the sticker number to see 0:12:03.690 --> 0:12:06.150 what number, like if it starts with a nine, it's organic. 0:12:06.210 --> 0:12:08.750 If it's four, it's conventionally grown. So they had this 0:12:08.770 --> 0:12:12.180 person do an experiment getting like organic, getting conventionally grown. 0:12:12.220 --> 0:12:14.520 And then three, I forget, is like GMO or something. 0:12:14.540 --> 0:12:18.500 But yeah, they left them out there overnight in the sun. 0:12:18.940 --> 0:12:19.780 Ants didn't want them. 0:12:19.940 --> 0:12:21.760 Animals like none of them. 0:12:21.980 --> 0:12:25.780 None of them. Even some of the organic stuff. Was 0:12:25.820 --> 0:12:26.440 not being eaten. 0:12:26.679 --> 0:12:27.640 Just turned. 0:12:27.679 --> 0:12:27.780 Wow. 0:12:27.800 --> 0:12:30.400 Was not being eaten. I'm like, if the animals are 0:12:30.420 --> 0:12:32.100 turning up their nose to the food, then you know. 0:12:32.120 --> 0:12:33.100 That's crazy. 0:12:33.120 --> 0:12:34.020 They come eat my zucchini. 0:12:34.040 --> 0:12:34.920 I'm not eating no plastic. 0:12:34.940 --> 0:12:36.420 They be tearing up my tomatoes all night. 0:12:36.640 --> 0:12:36.760 Yeah. 0:12:36.780 --> 0:12:39.260 How do you manage, like, in your garden now, growing 0:12:39.300 --> 0:12:41.380 things that you know are actually organic? Because that's the 0:12:41.400 --> 0:12:44.059 biggest part with my dad, the issue he has. They ate, like, 0:12:44.100 --> 0:12:44.840 all his strawberries. 0:12:44.860 --> 0:12:47.750 If you wait too... So, animals will eat it if 0:12:47.800 --> 0:12:49.089 it's ripe. That's what I've noticed. 0:12:49.210 --> 0:12:49.370 Right. 0:12:49.390 --> 0:12:49.980 They're not going to. 0:12:50.470 --> 0:12:52.650 like eat it if it's not ripe so if you 0:12:52.710 --> 0:12:54.930 wait too long they're gonna come and they're gonna eat 0:12:54.980 --> 0:12:55.540 it they don't care. 0:12:55.480 --> 0:12:57.940 What it is is there anything well that's the purpose 0:12:57.980 --> 0:12:59.540 I guess of pesticides I'm like is there anything you 0:12:59.559 --> 0:13:00.480 can do to avoid. 0:13:00.240 --> 0:13:01.860 It we try to do like peppermint but that stuff 0:13:01.900 --> 0:13:05.560 don't help like they just come or neem oil use 0:13:05.600 --> 0:13:08.280 that as well it's neem oil is more for the 0:13:08.320 --> 0:13:12.140 bugs but the like the rodents like squirrels yeah I've 0:13:12.160 --> 0:13:14.000 seen squirrels and I don't know what else is there 0:13:14.040 --> 0:13:16.439 probably mice maybe they'll come and I'll eat. 0:13:16.400 --> 0:13:19.060 It but we try to they don't have you seen 0:13:19.100 --> 0:13:19.820 mice in your garden. 0:13:20.370 --> 0:13:21.870 I seen, yes, when I was plowing. 0:13:21.910 --> 0:13:23.349 You sure it was New York? I would expect to 0:13:23.390 --> 0:13:23.530 see it. 0:13:23.550 --> 0:13:28.550 When I was plowing just recently, two weeks ago, I'm. 0:13:28.470 --> 0:13:29.820 Trying to wonder why the dirt moving. 0:13:30.429 --> 0:13:32.520 The dirt moved and ran across the garden. 0:13:32.780 --> 0:13:37.240 And by the time I realized what it was, I 0:13:37.780 --> 0:13:40.699 realized it was a mouse. And it wasn't like there 0:13:40.720 --> 0:13:43.740 were any visible holes. There's nothing there. I just picked 0:13:43.760 --> 0:13:48.370 up all our old tomatoes, not tomatoes, cucumbers had finished. 0:13:49.390 --> 0:13:51.430 And I'm just plowing the ground, like in the ground. 0:13:52.190 --> 0:13:55.170 And this little nigga came up and just started running 0:13:55.190 --> 0:13:55.630 around the yard. 0:13:55.650 --> 0:13:58.490 And by the time I could realize what it was, 0:13:59.010 --> 0:14:00.190 it had ran to the neighbor's backyard. 0:14:00.210 --> 0:14:01.290 Let me buy you a BB gun. 0:14:01.550 --> 0:14:03.630 See, I would say this. 0:14:03.929 --> 0:14:06.689 The advances in modern technology should not be teaching people 0:14:06.730 --> 0:14:09.230 how to make food out of plastic. The advancement in 0:14:09.270 --> 0:14:12.530 modern technology should be teaching people how to plant in 0:14:12.570 --> 0:14:12.990 their home. 0:14:13.030 --> 0:14:13.570 Yeah, cultivate. 0:14:13.590 --> 0:14:15.860 Like hydroponics, how to cultivate. Like that to me is 0:14:15.890 --> 0:14:18.990 how you save. the planet and save people. My sister 0:14:19.000 --> 0:14:21.230 talks about this all the time. She grows stuff at 0:14:21.250 --> 0:14:23.850 the time in the house and like at the windowsill. 0:14:24.070 --> 0:14:25.150 You had yours too, Tripp, right? 0:14:25.190 --> 0:14:27.850 Yeah, I have my hydroponic vertical garden. 0:14:28.570 --> 0:14:29.630 And you actually eat from it? 0:14:29.890 --> 0:14:30.750 Yeah. 0:14:30.830 --> 0:14:33.540 I grow food. I grow greens a lot because they 0:14:33.580 --> 0:14:36.520 grow more plentiful because like I can grow, I've grown 0:14:36.560 --> 0:14:39.800 like a strawberry, but like only one will grow, you know? So, 0:14:39.820 --> 0:14:43.120 but if I grow kale, spinach, lettuce, it'll grow more. 0:14:43.140 --> 0:14:44.440 Does it taste. 0:14:44.120 --> 0:14:46.950 Different to you? Yeah, it tastes fresh, you know. 0:14:47.030 --> 0:14:47.270 Yeah. 0:14:47.490 --> 0:14:48.830 It grows a little bit smaller, but. 0:14:48.990 --> 0:14:49.810 We need a couple of those then. 0:14:49.850 --> 0:14:51.310 Please, please people. Because if we're half the six, we're. 0:14:51.170 --> 0:14:52.010 Like, we're going to need a couple of those. 0:14:52.050 --> 0:14:55.190 Educate yourself on growing your food, man. Educate yourself so 0:14:55.210 --> 0:14:57.550 that you can eat and be healthy. And it also 0:14:57.610 --> 0:15:00.010 saves money. Like these small things that you buy, these 0:15:00.050 --> 0:15:02.650 small little greens become expensive now. Because people don't know 0:15:02.670 --> 0:15:04.560 how to farm. So they can put a premium on 0:15:04.580 --> 0:15:07.320 how much they sell people. When realistically, if you just 0:15:07.340 --> 0:15:09.060 take the time to learn, you can feed yourself. 0:15:09.320 --> 0:15:12.080 We were originally hunters and gatherers. Let's get back to 0:15:12.120 --> 0:15:13.320 hunting and gathering. 0:15:13.820 --> 0:15:14.960 I want to hunt her too. 0:15:16.360 --> 0:15:20.280 Yeah, for sure. For sure. I think we also, we 0:15:20.320 --> 0:15:23.140 have to talk about the Cornell 7. We talking about 0:15:23.180 --> 0:15:26.580 consent today. Y'all heard about the incident at Cornell. 0:15:26.820 --> 0:15:28.060 Yes. 0:15:28.220 --> 0:15:29.960 A lot of this tends to happen. I don't know, 0:15:30.060 --> 0:15:32.490 op or no op. In college, I feel like there 0:15:32.520 --> 0:15:36.230 were certain groups of young men who maybe it was 0:15:36.310 --> 0:15:40.090 rumored or maybe they kind of took pride in running 0:15:40.130 --> 0:15:44.420 trains on bitches. And it's weird to me. Op or 0:15:44.460 --> 0:15:46.340 no op on that. Was that a thing that you 0:15:46.640 --> 0:15:47.610 experienced in college? 0:15:47.950 --> 0:15:48.540 I'll be honest. 0:15:48.680 --> 0:15:50.370 I've heard rumors. I'll be honest. 0:15:50.490 --> 0:15:53.070 In college, it wasn't just one group. 0:15:53.130 --> 0:15:55.390 There were groups who wanted to get trains run on 0:15:55.430 --> 0:15:58.030 them and groups who wanted to run trains. 0:15:59.010 --> 0:16:01.090 I will be honest. I never wanted to do that. 0:16:01.110 --> 0:16:01.770 We took the bus. 0:16:01.960 --> 0:16:05.560 We took an Uber. 0:16:06.080 --> 0:16:08.500 To me, and this was part of my upbringing, my 0:16:08.780 --> 0:16:11.410 uncle was like, never get involved in that. One thing 0:16:11.470 --> 0:16:14.170 about consent is you never get consent from a third party. 0:16:14.750 --> 0:16:17.590 Oh, she said that we good. That's not consent. 0:16:17.650 --> 0:16:17.950 Yeah. 0:16:18.350 --> 0:16:20.370 And I'm old enough to know now. 0:16:20.670 --> 0:16:23.830 Well, I was old enough then to remember stories of 0:16:23.910 --> 0:16:25.770 people saying she said it was okay. 0:16:26.090 --> 0:16:27.930 And then more people coming in the room. So the 0:16:27.970 --> 0:16:29.989 guys who said it was okay all got in trouble too. 0:16:30.230 --> 0:16:30.450 Yeah. 0:16:30.670 --> 0:16:32.250 So I just stayed away from the whole thing. 0:16:32.650 --> 0:16:36.850 Now I've heard stories where it's been good for both parties. 0:16:37.190 --> 0:16:38.810 The person who got the train run on them was 0:16:38.850 --> 0:16:40.450 cool with it. The ones who ran the train was 0:16:40.470 --> 0:16:43.060 cool with it. I've heard horror stories when she said, 0:16:43.080 --> 0:16:45.100 I never said all of them and guys came in 0:16:45.120 --> 0:16:45.400 the room. 0:16:45.420 --> 0:16:46.200 That does happen. 0:16:46.260 --> 0:16:46.500 Yeah. 0:16:46.980 --> 0:16:50.420 That's what seemed to have happened in this incident at Cornell. 0:16:50.850 --> 0:16:55.850 Somebody sent out a message after things had happened. And 0:16:55.870 --> 0:16:57.790 I don't think the girl even knew what was going 0:16:57.870 --> 0:17:00.430 on in the first place. I think the story is 0:17:00.470 --> 0:17:02.710 that she was already intoxicated when she got there. Then 0:17:02.730 --> 0:17:05.230 they gave her some drugs that made her more intoxicated. 0:17:05.290 --> 0:17:09.550 At some point, she was unresponsive and it should have 0:17:09.930 --> 0:17:10.490 been halted. 0:17:10.960 --> 0:17:11.879 But it wasn't. 0:17:11.920 --> 0:17:16.200 And it's weird that people online have been kind of 0:17:17.160 --> 0:17:20.270 defending it. Like, well, she took the drugs, you know, 0:17:20.830 --> 0:17:23.770 on purpose. Okay. But she didn't know what the drugs 0:17:24.070 --> 0:17:26.350 would have done to her, how she would respond to them. 0:17:26.970 --> 0:17:29.910 And she didn't send the message on Snapchat. You know 0:17:29.930 --> 0:17:34.159 what I'm saying? Like, it's weird that people are defending it. 0:17:34.570 --> 0:17:37.430 Did she go there with the intention of doing that? 0:17:37.490 --> 0:17:39.050 Because I'm thinking if a girl is going to a 0:17:39.090 --> 0:17:39.609 frat house. 0:17:39.850 --> 0:17:40.010 Mm-hmm. 0:17:40.510 --> 0:17:42.310 Like, what exactly are you going for? Was she, like, 0:17:42.350 --> 0:17:43.310 with another group of girls? 0:17:43.330 --> 0:17:46.820 No, she was by herself, and one of her friends, 0:17:46.900 --> 0:17:49.020 a male friend of hers, invited her over. It didn't 0:17:49.040 --> 0:17:52.500 seem like that's what she went for, but I think 0:17:52.520 --> 0:17:53.400 the story differs. 0:17:53.680 --> 0:17:54.640 Differ, yeah, varying. 0:17:55.119 --> 0:17:57.000 This is my thing with these type of things. It's 0:17:57.080 --> 0:17:58.369 going to be their word versus her word. 0:17:58.530 --> 0:17:59.410 Exactly, yeah. 0:17:59.450 --> 0:18:01.830 And it should not be tried in the court of 0:18:01.910 --> 0:18:02.609 public opinion. 0:18:02.650 --> 0:18:04.310 Like, to me, the biggest thing is when you even 0:18:04.330 --> 0:18:07.280 start having these conversations with and people start speaking for 0:18:07.300 --> 0:18:09.840 the young lady or people start speaking for the seven. 0:18:09.880 --> 0:18:12.980 You all can't do that. And then you muddy the waters. 0:18:13.160 --> 0:18:15.400 True. Let it come out in the court and let 0:18:15.540 --> 0:18:18.310 what the truth happens, happens. But when people start to 0:18:18.330 --> 0:18:21.090 get in public opinion and giving their perspective on what 0:18:21.109 --> 0:18:24.510 they think happened now, now, you know, it's all dirty now. 0:18:24.570 --> 0:18:24.890 Of course. 0:18:24.910 --> 0:18:26.590 And bits and pieces of things. Because I have a 0:18:26.630 --> 0:18:28.070 thousand questions and I'm like, I don't even know. 0:18:28.890 --> 0:18:32.369 And this is the point just to transition into what 0:18:32.410 --> 0:18:35.850 we're talking about today, right? You can avoid all of 0:18:35.890 --> 0:18:40.230 these things by understanding what consent is, not just for 0:18:40.290 --> 0:18:42.230 young men, but also for young women. And I wanted 0:18:42.250 --> 0:18:44.490 to ask Josh, too, because you have a daughter, like 0:18:44.990 --> 0:18:50.190 how parents are teaching daughters consent. Like, for example, my parents, 0:18:50.230 --> 0:18:52.840 my uncles and my pops told me like, yo, if 0:18:52.900 --> 0:18:55.340 it's not an enthusiastic yes, it's a no. If she 0:18:55.359 --> 0:18:57.200 seemed like she's not sure, it's a no. I lived 0:18:57.240 --> 0:18:59.500 by that my whole life. And because of that, there 0:18:59.520 --> 0:19:01.920 was many times I was called soft. I was called 0:19:01.980 --> 0:19:04.080 a punk. Women told me like, oh, you just didn't 0:19:04.119 --> 0:19:04.760 try hard enough. 0:19:05.119 --> 0:19:05.379 Ditto. 0:19:05.640 --> 0:19:08.219 But same thing, right, Matt? But you know what I 0:19:08.260 --> 0:19:10.940 walk around with? I also don't have someone saying. 0:19:10.760 --> 0:19:12.960 That I did try too hard or that I did 0:19:13.040 --> 0:19:16.080 push too far. I'd rather have someone say that I 0:19:16.119 --> 0:19:16.940 wasn't trying hard enough. 0:19:16.960 --> 0:19:18.480 That you were corny or something, yeah. 0:19:18.560 --> 0:19:21.380 And then I'll find my lady or my young woman 0:19:21.420 --> 0:19:23.180 who's willing to rock with me the way I want 0:19:23.200 --> 0:19:24.179 to rather than trying to. 0:19:24.180 --> 0:19:27.270 Be something because people are telling me that I wasn't 0:19:27.310 --> 0:19:27.990 being man enough. 0:19:28.510 --> 0:19:31.770 And that gets to me telling young women also, like 0:19:31.810 --> 0:19:33.770 we have to speak to our young girls about consent. 0:19:34.530 --> 0:19:36.810 It's not okay to tell a young man you didn't 0:19:36.830 --> 0:19:39.409 try hard enough. And young man, it's not okay for 0:19:39.430 --> 0:19:41.290 you to say, I was only trying hard because you 0:19:41.330 --> 0:19:41.970 never said no. 0:19:42.609 --> 0:19:44.250 It has to be an enthusiastic yes. 0:19:44.710 --> 0:19:45.230 From both parties. 0:19:45.950 --> 0:19:48.320 It has to be. And if you don't get the yes, 0:19:49.430 --> 0:19:52.619 then it's a no. That's just it. I don't understand 0:19:53.820 --> 0:19:54.940 where there's the confusion. 0:19:55.140 --> 0:19:56.900 I can see where the confusion is coming. Sorry. 0:19:57.080 --> 0:19:58.900 No, I was going to say when you throw things 0:19:58.980 --> 0:20:01.600 in like drugs and alcohol, I think that's usually at 0:20:02.020 --> 0:20:03.980 the core of a lot of these stories that we hear. 0:20:04.520 --> 0:20:07.960 Someone was intoxicated. Someone wasn't given the consent that they 0:20:08.040 --> 0:20:11.140 thought they got because it was under the influence of something. 0:20:11.160 --> 0:20:14.240 So that's typically, I think, where the issues lie in 0:20:14.320 --> 0:20:15.300 most of these cases. 0:20:15.619 --> 0:20:18.359 Additionally, if we're going to be honest, you know how 0:20:18.400 --> 0:20:20.580 we talk about sometimes the laws are created in a 0:20:20.600 --> 0:20:23.940 way where it can protect people, right? I do think 0:20:23.980 --> 0:20:25.500 that it's, and this is just my perspective, I do 0:20:25.520 --> 0:20:27.540 think that it's unfair that if, because I think this 0:20:27.560 --> 0:20:29.960 was what was said, if she came to the house intoxicated, 0:20:30.040 --> 0:20:32.030 part of the reason why they couldn't prosecute was because 0:20:32.070 --> 0:20:35.070 she intoxicated herself. I think that was one of the things. 0:20:35.570 --> 0:20:39.919 And then because she intoxicated herself, she can't then say 0:20:40.280 --> 0:20:42.900 that it was rape after the fact. And I'm like, 0:20:42.940 --> 0:20:44.980 if you think about how the law is created, that's 0:20:45.000 --> 0:20:46.300 in a way to protect predators. 0:20:46.880 --> 0:20:50.080 What does intoxication have to do with rape? 0:20:50.400 --> 0:20:52.480 Well, this is what the young lady was saying on 0:20:52.580 --> 0:20:54.380 The View. I forgot her name. But remember, she got 0:20:54.400 --> 0:20:55.940 a lot of backlash. 0:20:55.440 --> 0:20:57.879 Because she was saying, she was pretty much saying the law, 0:20:58.340 --> 0:21:00.270 saying based on the rule of the law, there's a 0:21:00.330 --> 0:21:02.030 reason why they couldn't prosecute. 0:21:02.810 --> 0:21:04.629 But I don't think that's what people are arguing here. 0:21:04.650 --> 0:21:07.919 They're not arguing the law. They're arguing morality. Like at 0:21:07.980 --> 0:21:09.190 some point, someone has. 0:21:09.090 --> 0:21:10.330 To do the right thing to do. 0:21:10.590 --> 0:21:13.070 But if we as black people can't sit up here 0:21:13.090 --> 0:21:14.410 and say, well, we're going to go by the rule 0:21:14.430 --> 0:21:15.870 of the law. The rule of the law is what 0:21:15.910 --> 0:21:18.290 gets us in trouble a lot of times anyway, because 0:21:18.570 --> 0:21:20.810 the laws were never created for us to protect us anyway. 0:21:20.850 --> 0:21:22.670 And if you think about those same laws, those laws 0:21:22.690 --> 0:21:24.220 weren't created to protect women either. 0:21:24.880 --> 0:21:25.600 You know what I'm saying? 0:21:25.640 --> 0:21:28.219 So to me, if I had a daughter, I'm not 0:21:28.260 --> 0:21:31.000 just going to the laws and say, well, you know, daughter, 0:21:31.280 --> 0:21:32.540 you know, based on the rule of the law, you 0:21:32.580 --> 0:21:33.139 did consent. 0:21:33.200 --> 0:21:36.050 No, I'm not doing that. As a dad, so as 0:21:36.090 --> 0:21:38.350 a dad of sons, I have to use the same morality. 0:21:38.869 --> 0:21:40.750 You know what I'm saying? That's my perspective on it. 0:21:40.770 --> 0:21:42.150 I'm not going to go by the law. 0:21:42.280 --> 0:21:44.840 I don't know all the laws, but I know for 0:21:44.859 --> 0:21:46.500 a fact I'm teaching my sons that if it is 0:21:46.560 --> 0:21:50.219 not an enthusiastic yes that you hear first person, it's 0:21:50.260 --> 0:21:50.820 always a no. 0:21:51.060 --> 0:21:52.440 What were you going to say, Matt? 0:21:52.680 --> 0:21:55.139 I just think the lines can... I'm not talking about 0:21:55.160 --> 0:21:58.439 this in particular. I just think lines get blurred by 0:21:58.580 --> 0:22:01.330 you hearing from women sometimes, oh, you ain't go hard enough. 0:22:01.570 --> 0:22:03.670 You ain't try... I agree. Yeah, I said no, but 0:22:03.770 --> 0:22:06.409 you didn't try more. It's like, you wanted me to 0:22:06.450 --> 0:22:08.350 push past that? Like, that doesn't make sense. 0:22:08.530 --> 0:22:09.250 Playing hard to get. 0:22:09.270 --> 0:22:11.490 Yeah, I can see how that can mess up some 0:22:11.600 --> 0:22:12.260 young kids' minds. 0:22:12.500 --> 0:22:14.580 So how do you decipher that? Like, Deval, you said 0:22:14.600 --> 0:22:17.020 when that happened to you, you just completely removed yourself 0:22:17.080 --> 0:22:19.360 and backed off. Matt, you kind of nodded that you've 0:22:19.380 --> 0:22:21.040 been in that position where someone said maybe you didn't 0:22:21.080 --> 0:22:23.780 try hard enough. So do you continue to try or no? 0:22:24.020 --> 0:22:25.699 Yeah, even if it started going down the path where 0:22:25.720 --> 0:22:27.659 it was like, yeah, and it's like, yeah, you feel uncomfortable, 0:22:27.740 --> 0:22:27.970 I'm out. 0:22:28.430 --> 0:22:28.570 Yes. 0:22:28.609 --> 0:22:28.850 Okay. 0:22:29.010 --> 0:22:31.080 So there's no sticking around to see if you're going 0:22:31.100 --> 0:22:32.800 to change your mind again. Okay. 0:22:32.920 --> 0:22:34.000 And this is what I want to go back to 0:22:34.020 --> 0:22:35.860 the story of what I had to prepare Jackson for. 0:22:35.960 --> 0:22:38.560 Be prepared to be told that you soft. Be prepared 0:22:38.600 --> 0:22:40.399 to be told that you a punk. Be prepared to 0:22:40.440 --> 0:22:42.000 be told that, oh, you ain't go hard enough. 0:22:42.020 --> 0:22:44.240 You not a punk. Hey, I'm not a city boy then. 0:22:44.740 --> 0:22:47.490 Like that's just not, I'm not going to fight past 0:22:47.530 --> 0:22:50.110 your defenses to make you feel like I'm chasing you 0:22:50.170 --> 0:22:50.869 for it. Right. 0:22:51.050 --> 0:22:53.590 It has to be mutual. And if it's not mutual, 0:22:53.810 --> 0:22:54.800 then it's just a no for me. 0:22:55.260 --> 0:22:57.379 And we have to start getting used to telling our 0:22:57.460 --> 0:23:00.330 young men that that's okay. You don't have to get 0:23:00.400 --> 0:23:02.790 every woman that says, I want you to chase me. Right. 0:23:02.910 --> 0:23:03.730 You know what I'm saying? 0:23:03.850 --> 0:23:07.230 As a father, two sons, I am telling my boys that. 0:23:07.930 --> 0:23:09.890 You're going to be told that you didn't go hard enough. 0:23:10.070 --> 0:23:11.490 I was told that all the high school. 0:23:12.150 --> 0:23:14.530 What happened? I used to like you. What happened? Oh, 0:23:14.550 --> 0:23:16.610 you didn't go hard enough. I thought you liked me too, 0:23:16.670 --> 0:23:19.910 but we went here, you was kissing, and then you stopped. Well, 0:23:19.950 --> 0:23:22.189 you told me to stop. Yeah, but you didn't even 0:23:22.230 --> 0:23:24.410 keep going. All right, so then I guess I'm corny. 0:23:24.810 --> 0:23:26.369 In all the high school, that's what it was. 0:23:26.390 --> 0:23:26.810 Right, right. 0:23:26.830 --> 0:23:27.350 You know what I'm saying? 0:23:27.369 --> 0:23:28.530 I'm trying to think back in high school days if 0:23:28.590 --> 0:23:29.399 I was that kind of. 0:23:29.650 --> 0:23:29.970 No. 0:23:30.290 --> 0:23:31.550 I was either in it or not. You know what 0:23:31.580 --> 0:23:33.040 I'm saying? Like, it was a yes or no. 0:23:33.080 --> 0:23:34.900 Because your parents probably taught you consent. 0:23:34.940 --> 0:23:36.220 They did, actually. Bitch licks. 0:23:37.100 --> 0:23:37.379 Right. 0:23:37.720 --> 0:23:39.940 You know what's funny? Because my mom was so, like, 0:23:40.040 --> 0:23:43.280 weird about sex and things like that, we never actually 0:23:43.300 --> 0:23:44.439 had a conversation about consent. 0:23:44.460 --> 0:23:46.080 That's... You see? 0:23:46.119 --> 0:23:48.220 We've never had a conversation about consent. We've never... We 0:23:48.310 --> 0:23:51.030 barely had a conversation about sex. It was more so... 0:23:51.350 --> 0:23:53.149 There was a full on like, here's the book and 0:23:53.190 --> 0:23:55.330 you talk about menstruation and the changes that happen to 0:23:55.369 --> 0:24:00.220 your body. But the male body, you know, sex, desires, feelings, 0:24:00.300 --> 0:24:01.619 those things were never, never. 0:24:01.940 --> 0:24:02.800 And that's the problem. 0:24:02.840 --> 0:24:04.119 They were never discussed. 0:24:04.140 --> 0:24:05.060 That's what our generation. 0:24:05.100 --> 0:24:06.560 I just kind of had to figure it out along 0:24:06.600 --> 0:24:08.810 the way. I went based off of what I felt 0:24:09.109 --> 0:24:10.490 morally felt right, you know. 0:24:10.750 --> 0:24:13.230 And that's the problem. Our generation had to figure it 0:24:13.310 --> 0:24:13.889 out on our own. 0:24:14.050 --> 0:24:16.669 And we're watching the generation after us still trying to 0:24:16.710 --> 0:24:18.840 figure out when you don't have to figure it out. 0:24:19.270 --> 0:24:22.190 we as the elders have to start standing up and saying, no, 0:24:22.250 --> 0:24:25.100 this is not how we do things. For both our 0:24:25.130 --> 0:24:27.320 young men and our young women. Tribble said something a 0:24:27.340 --> 0:24:29.960 while ago that stuck with me. It's like, why would 0:24:29.980 --> 0:24:32.080 you even want to be with a young woman who 0:24:32.119 --> 0:24:33.900 wants you to chase her after saying no? 0:24:34.500 --> 0:24:36.700 And if you think about that, realistically. 0:24:36.880 --> 0:24:40.770 As a father teaching his sons, that's a lesson we 0:24:40.790 --> 0:24:43.510 should be teaching our sons as well. Don't chase after 0:24:43.550 --> 0:24:46.670 the girl who's just looking for the attention, especially sexual attention. 0:24:46.990 --> 0:24:49.530 That's part of your consent. You don't have to consent 0:24:49.570 --> 0:24:52.629 to chasing her. You can say, okay, I'm not chasing you. 0:24:52.690 --> 0:24:54.030 If you want to be with me, let it be 0:24:54.070 --> 0:24:57.129 mutually agreeing and we do it together. Right. But I'm 0:24:57.150 --> 0:24:58.929 not going to just chase you all the time to 0:24:58.970 --> 0:25:01.360 make you feel better or to make me look like 0:25:01.420 --> 0:25:02.240 I'm a tryhard. 0:25:02.320 --> 0:25:02.700 For sure. 0:25:02.780 --> 0:25:04.940 Like, we need to have these conversations with both parties. 0:25:04.960 --> 0:25:05.520 Both parties. 0:25:05.619 --> 0:25:07.720 Did you have the conversation, Trib, with your family? Did 0:25:07.740 --> 0:25:10.179 your parents ever talk about consent, sex? What was that 0:25:10.200 --> 0:25:10.600 like for you? 0:25:11.540 --> 0:25:14.980 No, there was not really a conversation. I feel like, 0:25:16.080 --> 0:25:19.900 you know, maybe... If anybody ever touches you weird, like, 0:25:20.220 --> 0:25:22.080 you know, tell us as a kid, you know. 0:25:22.160 --> 0:25:22.440 Yeah. 0:25:22.680 --> 0:25:27.330 But the conversation about sex my mom had with me, 0:25:27.390 --> 0:25:32.469 I was 16 or 17. And she was like, she 0:25:32.510 --> 0:25:34.170 was like, let me tell you something I didn't learn 0:25:34.210 --> 0:25:37.590 till I was 40. Can't nobody do you better than 0:25:37.630 --> 0:25:39.830 you can do yourself. 0:25:39.930 --> 0:25:40.470 You told us that. 0:25:40.490 --> 0:25:41.709 You told us that. Right, right, right. 0:25:41.730 --> 0:25:42.119 That was it. 0:25:42.480 --> 0:25:44.199 That's crazy that we all had. That's it. 0:25:44.340 --> 0:25:44.619 Yeah. 0:25:45.220 --> 0:25:48.930 But I will say, yeah, I definitely moved with morally 0:25:48.970 --> 0:25:50.909 what I felt was right. Like, I got called a 0:25:50.930 --> 0:25:53.510 freezer and stuff like that because I just was the 0:25:53.550 --> 0:25:55.690 kind that was like, I'm not getting alone in a 0:25:55.750 --> 0:25:57.149 room with a boy. Like, that's crazy. 0:25:57.410 --> 0:25:57.670 Right. 0:25:58.190 --> 0:26:00.129 A freezer? Yeah. 0:26:00.250 --> 0:26:00.929 Like, you'd freeze it? 0:26:01.170 --> 0:26:04.359 Yeah. Like, I had boyfriends, but I'm like, don't touch 0:26:04.390 --> 0:26:05.840 me even. Please leave me alone. 0:26:06.940 --> 0:26:08.580 See, that was me. 0:26:08.660 --> 0:26:11.240 I had female friends and stuff, and then we would 0:26:11.260 --> 0:26:13.409 be going to do stuff. And it was like, if 0:26:13.470 --> 0:26:15.550 I touched them or they like, was like, they felt. 0:26:15.670 --> 0:26:17.490 And I was like, oh, my bad. You don't like that. 0:26:17.650 --> 0:26:20.210 And they'd be like, no, no, no. And I'm like, nah. 0:26:20.310 --> 0:26:21.110 You showed me you. 0:26:21.070 --> 0:26:21.850 Don't like that. 0:26:21.869 --> 0:26:22.169 Right. 0:26:22.190 --> 0:26:23.609 Your body should have responded. 0:26:23.710 --> 0:26:26.150 You not with it. And I was like, hey, man. 0:26:27.130 --> 0:26:27.470 Guess not. 0:26:27.859 --> 0:26:31.020 I'm not. Not with it. I never had a problem being, 0:26:31.080 --> 0:26:31.800 I am corny then. 0:26:32.140 --> 0:26:34.399 Yeah. Because my dad was just not with that. And 0:26:34.420 --> 0:26:36.780 my uncle Kevin, he was a detective for 20 plus years. 0:26:36.859 --> 0:26:38.800 He used to be like, yo, no. 0:26:39.780 --> 0:26:40.380 He was not. 0:26:40.750 --> 0:26:42.149 Shout out to my Uncle Kevin because now that I 0:26:42.150 --> 0:26:44.950 think about it, that's protection. A lot of times protection 0:26:45.030 --> 0:26:47.950 and provision is in the instruction. And when people tell 0:26:47.990 --> 0:26:49.649 you stuff, if you just listen to it, that's the 0:26:49.690 --> 0:26:50.540 protection you need. 0:26:50.730 --> 0:26:54.139 Yeah. I like that. I do feel like because we 0:26:54.160 --> 0:26:58.360 didn't have those conversations along the way, what I was 0:26:58.440 --> 0:27:01.879 learning about, you know, how far to go or what 0:27:01.920 --> 0:27:04.530 was appropriate was from my friends and from what other 0:27:04.570 --> 0:27:07.250 people were doing. You know what I'm saying? Like feeling 0:27:07.310 --> 0:27:10.109 behind if you weren't doing certain things. You know what 0:27:10.119 --> 0:27:10.409 I'm saying? 0:27:10.430 --> 0:27:11.310 That's a good point. 0:27:11.609 --> 0:27:11.990 Yeah. 0:27:12.050 --> 0:27:12.350 Yeah. 0:27:12.450 --> 0:27:16.310 Like the conversations that happen post, you know, interactions with people. 0:27:16.330 --> 0:27:16.830 Yeah. 0:27:16.850 --> 0:27:19.750 You're like, okay, so this happened. Oh, you did that? Oh, 0:27:19.790 --> 0:27:22.260 I never tried that before. Is that really good? Oh, 0:27:22.280 --> 0:27:23.100 I'm never doing that. 0:27:23.119 --> 0:27:24.260 Middle school started for that. 0:27:24.280 --> 0:27:24.859 Yeah. 0:27:25.000 --> 0:27:27.619 Yeah. So then it's like you have to now decipher, 0:27:27.740 --> 0:27:30.199 are you that person that feels behind now? Are you 0:27:30.220 --> 0:27:32.000 going to be more curious? Do you want to try 0:27:32.040 --> 0:27:32.500 these things? 0:27:32.540 --> 0:27:33.520 See, I'm glad you brought that up. 0:27:33.520 --> 0:27:34.510 Based off of someone else. 0:27:34.530 --> 0:27:36.410 Because you asked a question about the culture. 0:27:36.430 --> 0:27:42.830 Me too. College culture is very, very, if you think 0:27:42.890 --> 0:27:45.350 about it, you take kids who've never lived outside of 0:27:45.369 --> 0:27:46.250 their parents' home. 0:27:46.690 --> 0:27:50.709 You don't have any discussions with them about sex. You 0:27:50.730 --> 0:27:51.889 put them all in one place. 0:27:52.869 --> 0:27:53.090 Right? 0:27:53.230 --> 0:27:56.850 Hormones raging. There's no adult supervision. Hormones raging. 0:27:57.270 --> 0:27:59.020 They're in the best shape of their life if they're 0:27:59.130 --> 0:28:00.600 athletes and these young women. 0:28:00.670 --> 0:28:01.919 And now you add drugs. 0:28:02.660 --> 0:28:05.240 And you add alcohol and you expect these young people 0:28:05.300 --> 0:28:07.659 to make the most mature decision they ever have to 0:28:07.700 --> 0:28:09.880 make in their life in a split second. 0:28:09.940 --> 0:28:12.080 With peer pressure from both sides. 0:28:12.460 --> 0:28:15.159 And you wonder why these young people are making these 0:28:15.220 --> 0:28:16.020 poor decisions. 0:28:16.300 --> 0:28:17.780 It's on us as the parents, bro. 0:28:18.060 --> 0:28:20.379 I'm not even going to blame the kids at this point. 0:28:20.460 --> 0:28:22.129 Or the institution. Like, it is what it is. 0:28:22.210 --> 0:28:23.790 At this point, too, it's like, yeah. 0:28:23.930 --> 0:28:25.750 As a parent, you have to do a better job 0:28:25.790 --> 0:28:28.050 of making sure your young ladies and your young men 0:28:28.109 --> 0:28:29.990 know what to do when they go out of the house. 0:28:30.690 --> 0:28:33.290 That's just a fact. We can't blame schools no more. 0:28:33.910 --> 0:28:35.389 You know what I'm saying? We can't blame football. 0:28:35.410 --> 0:28:37.270 Well, I mean, we can't blame coaches because coaches are 0:28:37.290 --> 0:28:39.810 supposed to be there to teach young men. But before 0:28:39.850 --> 0:28:42.250 my kids leave my house, bro, I'm never going to 0:28:42.270 --> 0:28:44.770 say to a coach, like, my son did that because 0:28:44.830 --> 0:28:45.290 you didn't. 0:28:45.530 --> 0:28:45.750 Yeah. 0:28:45.770 --> 0:28:47.410 Right. That sounds crazy. 0:28:47.590 --> 0:28:48.090 Don't it? 0:28:48.150 --> 0:28:48.730 It really does. 0:28:49.130 --> 0:28:49.380 Yeah. 0:28:49.540 --> 0:28:52.100 It really does. How do you have the conversations with Tori? 0:28:53.840 --> 0:28:54.900 Are you having the conversations? 0:28:54.960 --> 0:28:57.560 Yeah. Or sex, have you gotten, like, where are you 0:28:57.640 --> 0:28:59.940 in that process? Because I know different ages call for, like, 0:28:59.980 --> 0:29:03.390 different levels of unlocking that information. 0:29:03.650 --> 0:29:03.990 Yeah. 0:29:04.050 --> 0:29:06.170 So we spoke, we first talked to her about sex, 0:29:06.230 --> 0:29:11.600 I think around eight or nine. It wasn't our, we, 0:29:12.820 --> 0:29:17.020 she came to us about wanting to know like what 0:29:17.100 --> 0:29:17.840 sex was about. 0:29:18.600 --> 0:29:19.100 So we explained. 0:29:19.120 --> 0:29:20.960 She asked about sexual, like just where babies come from. 0:29:22.900 --> 0:29:26.300 Maybe the babies come from, maybe babies wasn't sex. And then, 0:29:26.400 --> 0:29:28.900 but in that conversation, you're explaining what sex is. 0:29:29.000 --> 0:29:29.320 Right. 0:29:29.340 --> 0:29:30.780 So you didn't do birds and the bees. You didn't 0:29:30.800 --> 0:29:31.320 do the stork. 0:29:31.320 --> 0:29:33.080 I don't even know those stories. 0:29:33.080 --> 0:29:35.610 I've never heard the birds and the bees. I don't 0:29:35.610 --> 0:29:38.640 even know that. Somebody needs to tell me what that is. 0:29:38.640 --> 0:29:41.280 um but we had that conversation with her it was 0:29:41.420 --> 0:29:42.980 i mean it went exactly how you would expect it 0:29:43.000 --> 0:29:45.740 to go um she was like ew that's that's what 0:29:45.780 --> 0:29:47.940 it is like i don't want to hear about it 0:29:48.900 --> 0:29:52.830 and then we've had the conversation a little bit more 0:29:52.910 --> 0:29:55.810 in depth after i think probably like a year or 0:29:55.830 --> 0:29:58.570 so after but we've never taught consent to her yet 0:29:58.790 --> 0:30:03.200 right And it's a feel thing because we had to 0:30:03.240 --> 0:30:07.140 have the conversation about sex at that time because we 0:30:07.180 --> 0:30:09.500 had been putting it off because she kept coming to us. 0:30:09.680 --> 0:30:11.160 Like we were like, how are we going to speak 0:30:11.180 --> 0:30:12.460 to her about it? So it probably was over the 0:30:12.480 --> 0:30:13.160 course of a couple. 0:30:13.000 --> 0:30:13.660 Of months, maybe. 0:30:13.860 --> 0:30:14.860 Right. 0:30:14.900 --> 0:30:16.590 They were like, oh, no, she asked like this is 0:30:16.610 --> 0:30:18.230 the third time she asked me. We need to actually 0:30:18.250 --> 0:30:18.670 address it. 0:30:18.690 --> 0:30:19.110 And we did. 0:30:19.730 --> 0:30:22.210 But that sex talk we have like that consent talk 0:30:22.230 --> 0:30:25.830 we haven't had yet because we're still trying to feel 0:30:25.870 --> 0:30:29.010 Tori out in where she is with sex in general. 0:30:29.030 --> 0:30:29.620 Or with the opposite sex, too. 0:30:29.630 --> 0:30:30.730 With it being on her mind. 0:30:30.870 --> 0:30:31.190 Right. 0:30:31.410 --> 0:30:34.650 Right now, it's the most disgusting things in the world. 0:30:34.890 --> 0:30:36.650 Or interesting boys. And she's 11 years old. 0:30:36.970 --> 0:30:38.550 See, but that was my concern with Jackson. 0:30:38.570 --> 0:30:40.030 Remember, I said I didn't want to wait until I 0:30:40.050 --> 0:30:42.950 was comfortable with his comfort level. I started talking to 0:30:42.970 --> 0:30:44.930 Jackson about consent when he was nine. Remember when he 0:30:44.970 --> 0:30:48.610 went down to watch TV with Aubrey in Calabasas? 0:30:48.650 --> 0:30:48.890 Yeah. 0:30:49.350 --> 0:30:51.530 At that moment, I was like, because her pops called me. 0:30:51.530 --> 0:30:52.730 I was like, yo, we got to talk to Jackson 0:30:52.750 --> 0:30:54.630 and Aubrey. They're coming down. They want to watch TV. 0:30:55.400 --> 0:30:57.540 He called me, my boy Rob, Dave Vaughn. He was like, yo, 0:30:58.280 --> 0:31:00.020 Jax had his arm around Aubrey when I went in 0:31:00.040 --> 0:31:00.380 the room. 0:31:01.160 --> 0:31:01.780 How old was he? 0:31:02.000 --> 0:31:04.780 He was nine. He had his arm around Aubrey. And 0:31:04.800 --> 0:31:05.980 then he was just like, when I came back, his 0:31:06.040 --> 0:31:07.810 arm wasn't there no more. He's like, you know, as 0:31:07.850 --> 0:31:11.270 a dad to dad, because we both black dads, he wanted. 0:31:11.110 --> 0:31:13.390 You to know what was happening. So when Jaxon came 0:31:13.470 --> 0:31:16.070 back to the house, I was like, yo, how'd it go? 0:31:16.090 --> 0:31:17.530 He was like, it was cool. I said, I heard 0:31:17.550 --> 0:31:19.350 you put your arm around Aubrey. He was like, yeah. 0:31:19.370 --> 0:31:20.630 I said, why'd you do that? He was like, well, 0:31:20.670 --> 0:31:23.340 I see you do it with mommy. And I was like, well, 0:31:23.360 --> 0:31:25.760 you know that mommy's my friend. And he said, I 0:31:25.880 --> 0:31:27.479 asked her first if I could put my arm around her. 0:31:28.240 --> 0:31:30.510 And I said, what'd she say? She said, okay. 0:31:30.640 --> 0:31:32.910 And then after like 30 seconds, she was just like, no, 0:31:32.930 --> 0:31:34.010 my dad's going to come in here. 0:31:34.310 --> 0:31:36.190 So he moved it. So I was like, well, that's 0:31:36.230 --> 0:31:37.010 what consent is. 0:31:37.550 --> 0:31:39.350 You didn't say to her, well, you told me, yes, 0:31:39.370 --> 0:31:40.100 I'm going to keep it up. 0:31:40.110 --> 0:31:41.750 I don't care what your dad say. She said she 0:31:41.790 --> 0:31:43.070 was uncomfortable. So you moved it. 0:31:43.450 --> 0:31:44.810 So we've been kind of like, I've been trying to 0:31:44.850 --> 0:31:47.010 introduce it in small ways because that consent had nothing 0:31:47.030 --> 0:31:47.650 to do with sex. 0:31:47.710 --> 0:31:48.130 Correct. 0:31:48.170 --> 0:31:49.570 But everything to do with understanding. 0:31:49.590 --> 0:31:51.450 But it's still consent, right? That is a building block 0:31:51.510 --> 0:31:52.170 of what consent is. 0:31:52.210 --> 0:31:53.590 And that's how you start. 0:31:53.610 --> 0:31:54.570 Yeah, physical contact. 0:31:54.590 --> 0:31:55.090 That's how you start. 0:31:55.110 --> 0:31:57.820 Physical contact, for sure. And we have to also understand 0:31:58.040 --> 0:32:00.360 how we move and maneuver in this house and what 0:32:00.420 --> 0:32:03.500 our boys see as well, too. So while we want 0:32:03.540 --> 0:32:05.820 our boys to see a healthy relationship and what it 0:32:05.860 --> 0:32:08.160 looks like between a man and a woman... This is 0:32:08.160 --> 0:32:10.340 24 years in the making, you know, so there has 0:32:10.380 --> 0:32:12.400 to be the conversation and there is the conversation with 0:32:12.560 --> 0:32:15.720 us about what is appropriate with the right person at 0:32:15.770 --> 0:32:18.610 the right age. We are married. Like there's so many 0:32:18.670 --> 0:32:20.770 building blocks, like you said, Josh, when it comes to 0:32:21.130 --> 0:32:22.110 this kind of conversation. 0:32:22.170 --> 0:32:24.590 That's a really good point, because I feel like another 0:32:24.690 --> 0:32:28.690 level of consent is. the feeling of possession over somebody 0:32:28.910 --> 0:32:32.130 once you are dating them or in a relationship. Or even, 0:32:32.310 --> 0:32:35.110 like you said, once they've said yes to one thing, 0:32:35.190 --> 0:32:38.880 just feeling like you have a blanketed yes for everything. 0:32:39.420 --> 0:32:44.340 That's buzzing. Okay. So, yeah. So there was a story 0:32:44.420 --> 0:32:48.340 about a woman in Cincinnati back in the 80s. was 0:32:48.360 --> 0:32:51.520 sexually assaulted and ended up years later finding out that 0:32:51.560 --> 0:32:55.140 it was her best friend's husband. And because they found 0:32:55.180 --> 0:32:57.200 out it was him, then the friend was like, you 0:32:57.240 --> 0:32:59.320 know what? I think he had been drugging me over 0:32:59.340 --> 0:33:02.810 the years. But like the law, there was no law against, 0:33:02.870 --> 0:33:05.950 you could actually legally rape your spouse in Ohio. 0:33:06.030 --> 0:33:06.670 I remember that. 0:33:06.710 --> 0:33:09.930 Yeah. So it's like that also has kind of been 0:33:09.950 --> 0:33:13.110 ingrained in the culture. And just with how we think 0:33:13.150 --> 0:33:15.750 about monogamy, you think because you're in a relationship, you 0:33:15.770 --> 0:33:18.710 have an automatic yes. And that's not necessarily true. 0:33:18.750 --> 0:33:21.770 So that's a really good point. We talk about that 0:33:21.810 --> 0:33:24.090 all the time. An additional part of this that no 0:33:24.150 --> 0:33:26.010 one ever talks about this. I do talk about this 0:33:26.030 --> 0:33:28.710 with Jackson because shout out again to my uncle Kevin. 0:33:28.730 --> 0:33:33.090 He was like, yo, when a young lady allows you 0:33:33.330 --> 0:33:35.610 to lay down with her and give up herself to you, 0:33:36.810 --> 0:33:40.150 it is now then your opportunity to continue to treat 0:33:40.210 --> 0:33:42.590 her like a human when y'all are no longer doing 0:33:42.610 --> 0:33:45.410 the do. Part of the problem with consent is like, yeah, 0:33:45.450 --> 0:33:48.580 I consented to have sex. I didn't consent for you 0:33:48.620 --> 0:33:51.020 to take those videos and share them to your friends. 0:33:51.140 --> 0:33:53.980 I didn't consent for you to talk bad about me 0:33:54.020 --> 0:33:55.300 like a dog afterwards. 0:33:55.380 --> 0:33:56.660 I didn't consent to that. 0:33:56.780 --> 0:33:58.900 Or even consent to let anybody know what we did. 0:34:00.340 --> 0:34:03.600 That desire to run, tell that just because you did 0:34:03.620 --> 0:34:06.280 something with someone just to make yourself feel better or 0:34:06.720 --> 0:34:08.100 look good to your homies. 0:34:08.500 --> 0:34:11.180 One thing my uncles and my dad always told me 0:34:11.219 --> 0:34:11.750 was that. 0:34:11.590 --> 0:34:16.200 If you want to make a woman feel special, always 0:34:16.280 --> 0:34:18.600 treat her like a human, whether you're having sex or not. 0:34:19.140 --> 0:34:21.840 That to me right there allows a woman to at 0:34:21.900 --> 0:34:25.070 least give you the type of consent to start having 0:34:25.110 --> 0:34:28.950 that conversation about sexual contact, right? Because I know as 0:34:28.989 --> 0:34:31.230 a woman, it's difficult for you. First of all, men 0:34:31.250 --> 0:34:33.830 are bigger than you. So yeah, I have to give you. 0:34:33.750 --> 0:34:36.130 Consent in order to lay down with me and be 0:34:36.190 --> 0:34:37.230 inside my body, right? 0:34:37.570 --> 0:34:39.150 But now I also have to trust that you're not 0:34:39.190 --> 0:34:41.810 going to take this deed and hold it over my 0:34:41.850 --> 0:34:46.370 head because is it called virtuosity? politics or what is 0:34:46.430 --> 0:34:49.170 it called when a woman's virtue was all wrapped up 0:34:49.810 --> 0:34:55.009 in her respectability respectability politics is it what it's like 0:34:55.510 --> 0:34:57.350 now that we've had sex and I've consented to sex 0:34:57.370 --> 0:34:58.950 you think that it's okay to just run around and 0:34:58.989 --> 0:35:01.509 tell everybody and show people right that's a violation of 0:35:01.530 --> 0:35:03.710 the consent and I don't think a lot of young 0:35:03.770 --> 0:35:05.549 men understand that I also don't think a lot of 0:35:05.590 --> 0:35:08.279 young women understand that because there was another thing that 0:35:08.300 --> 0:35:11.140 happened to a football player when I was in college 0:35:11.700 --> 0:35:14.010 he had sex with a young girl her friends found 0:35:14.070 --> 0:35:15.920 out and her friends started telling everybody. 0:35:16.620 --> 0:35:19.200 Which was upsetting to her. So, of course, she lashed 0:35:19.280 --> 0:35:19.719 out at him. 0:35:20.620 --> 0:35:23.560 But it's just like young women also need to understand 0:35:23.600 --> 0:35:27.080 that this is a woman's virtue when she lays down 0:35:27.100 --> 0:35:28.680 to sleep with someone. No one should just be going 0:35:28.739 --> 0:35:31.379 out spreading all of this information. And I think that's 0:35:31.420 --> 0:35:33.959 part of what happened with the Cornell 7 was. 0:35:33.880 --> 0:35:36.259 That the news started getting around afterwards, right? Wasn't that 0:35:36.300 --> 0:35:38.010 part of the story? Like it happened and then two 0:35:38.030 --> 0:35:40.299 weeks later, Everyone was talking about it. 0:35:40.320 --> 0:35:43.420 Yeah, somebody wrote an article about it in the school newspaper. 0:35:43.440 --> 0:35:44.739 An article in the school newspaper? 0:35:44.760 --> 0:35:46.500 It's like we have to speak to our young people 0:35:46.560 --> 0:35:49.280 about respecting a young person who's been through something. 0:35:49.300 --> 0:35:52.040 Yeah, but also privacy. That doesn't seem to be a 0:35:52.080 --> 0:35:53.020 thing anymore either. 0:35:53.060 --> 0:35:55.480 The internet has fucked our heads up. 0:35:55.560 --> 0:35:55.799 Yeah. 0:35:56.180 --> 0:35:57.780 Everything does not need to be online. 0:35:57.960 --> 0:35:58.340 I agree. 0:35:58.580 --> 0:36:00.620 I think that's where it's coming from. 0:36:00.640 --> 0:36:01.160 I agree. 0:36:01.400 --> 0:36:03.560 This next generation has seen us put so much stuff 0:36:03.620 --> 0:36:05.779 out in the early years of social media that it's 0:36:05.800 --> 0:36:08.299 like they don't know that you're not supposed to put 0:36:08.390 --> 0:36:08.860 everything out. 0:36:09.239 --> 0:36:09.529 Right. 0:36:09.700 --> 0:36:11.790 Or kissing and tell shouldn't be a thing. 0:36:12.230 --> 0:36:14.790 I think the purpose of them publishing the article was 0:36:14.850 --> 0:36:22.130 to talk about the lack of pursuing the case. They weren't... Oh, 0:36:22.130 --> 0:36:22.730 then that's different. 0:36:22.870 --> 0:36:23.210 Yeah. 0:36:25.150 --> 0:36:28.040 The guy who wrote it wanted to bring awareness to 0:36:28.080 --> 0:36:29.360 like nothing was being done. 0:36:29.380 --> 0:36:31.960 And what I was talking about was the fact that 0:36:32.120 --> 0:36:34.820 there were young men and young women sharing what happened 0:36:34.860 --> 0:36:38.219 in the event weeks after. And it's like, If you're 0:36:38.260 --> 0:36:41.120 teaching your young people about consent, there has to be 0:36:41.140 --> 0:36:43.109 a young person that'll say, like, I'm not sharing this. 0:36:43.710 --> 0:36:45.390 You know, like, I'm not talking about this. And if 0:36:45.430 --> 0:36:47.009 you have a group of young people like this is 0:36:47.050 --> 0:36:48.790 not cool for us to share and spread, it kind 0:36:48.850 --> 0:36:50.890 of kills it. And I think that needs to be 0:36:50.930 --> 0:36:54.430 a conversation with consent as well. You hear something about 0:36:54.469 --> 0:36:56.140 a young lady or a young man and you have 0:36:56.200 --> 0:36:59.070 nothing to do with it. It is not your responsibility 0:36:59.110 --> 0:37:00.950 to share that information to multiple people. 0:37:00.969 --> 0:37:01.859 Share your version of that. 0:37:01.880 --> 0:37:02.600 You know what I'm saying? 0:37:02.620 --> 0:37:05.000 Share your version. Because that's what happens. 0:37:05.140 --> 0:37:08.080 Now we're hearing all of these different accounts from people 0:37:08.120 --> 0:37:11.100 in the school that weren't in the room. And all 0:37:11.160 --> 0:37:13.339 it does is muddy the waters for the victim or 0:37:13.700 --> 0:37:16.070 whoever the victim is. We don't know who the victim 0:37:16.130 --> 0:37:18.310 is right now, but whoever it is, now the waters 0:37:18.370 --> 0:37:18.990 is muddy. 0:37:18.790 --> 0:37:22.030 Because everyone has their perspective. Whereas if we let people 0:37:22.090 --> 0:37:24.730 tell their story, it's clear what's happening here. You know 0:37:24.750 --> 0:37:27.030 what I'm saying? That needs to be spoken about with consent. 0:37:27.330 --> 0:37:27.509 Yeah. 0:37:27.530 --> 0:37:28.649 For young people as well, too. 0:37:31.160 --> 0:37:31.420 All right. 0:37:31.660 --> 0:37:34.020 Sounds good. Well, let's go ahead and take a break. 0:37:34.040 --> 0:37:35.450 We're going to pay some bills and we will be 0:37:35.489 --> 0:37:52.950 back with our listener letter of the day. Hey, Ellis 0:37:53.010 --> 0:37:55.210 Ever After crew, I want to first start off by 0:37:55.230 --> 0:37:58.490 saying I absolutely love you guys and hope you all 0:37:58.590 --> 0:38:00.450 bring back the live shows. 0:38:00.469 --> 0:38:01.140 Boop, boop. 0:38:01.219 --> 0:38:02.180 Yeah, we'll see y'all in April. 0:38:02.200 --> 0:38:02.580 I don't know. 0:38:02.700 --> 0:38:05.040 I can't make no promises. You know what I'm saying? 0:38:05.160 --> 0:38:05.680 He promised. 0:38:05.760 --> 0:38:07.020 One person made a promise. 0:38:07.080 --> 0:38:08.680 One person said, I can't make no promises. 0:38:08.900 --> 0:38:10.660 Y'all got to get your shit together. 0:38:10.800 --> 0:38:11.880 I mean, yeah, DeVal. 0:38:12.180 --> 0:38:12.799 Yeah, I'm in April 20. 0:38:12.780 --> 0:38:14.839 DeVal's always the one to tell his super special. It's 0:38:14.900 --> 0:38:16.060 going to be DeVal. 0:38:17.540 --> 0:38:20.300 He's always the one to tell it first. DeVal, don't 0:38:20.320 --> 0:38:21.279 give me that. 0:38:21.340 --> 0:38:21.420 Bruh. 0:38:21.440 --> 0:38:21.560 Right. 0:38:22.530 --> 0:38:25.069 Can't say hi, y'all. I'm right. 0:38:25.410 --> 0:38:25.670 I'm right. 0:38:25.690 --> 0:38:26.529 Could y'all imagine that? 0:38:27.190 --> 0:38:30.050 I can't wait to be Michael on stage in Atlanta. 0:38:30.110 --> 0:38:30.840 It's the last tour. 0:38:30.860 --> 0:38:31.360 I can't. 0:38:32.080 --> 0:38:34.899 Now, let's get into it. So I have this guy 0:38:34.940 --> 0:38:37.060 friend and we've known each other since we were 12. 0:38:37.060 --> 0:38:40.840 I'm laughing because you heard what she said. 0:38:40.920 --> 0:38:42.400 I can't wait to be Michael in Atlanta. 0:38:42.880 --> 0:38:46.779 This is our final tour. 0:38:46.820 --> 0:38:47.540 She's going to do that. 0:38:49.120 --> 0:38:52.240 Through all these years, our friendship turned into something more. Basically, 0:38:52.260 --> 0:38:57.319 we've done everything except actually hunch. The thing is, we 0:38:57.360 --> 0:39:00.810 have never dated and have always dated other people. In fact, 0:39:00.969 --> 0:39:03.770 we both have two kids with other people. During these years, 0:39:03.810 --> 0:39:06.710 we stopped talking and started talking again more times than 0:39:06.750 --> 0:39:10.460 I can count. We always reconnect somehow. We have some 0:39:10.500 --> 0:39:12.319 kind of hole on each other that we can't seem 0:39:12.360 --> 0:39:15.180 to let go of. Right now, he's single, but talking 0:39:15.219 --> 0:39:17.580 to someone, and I'm with my kid's father and have 0:39:17.600 --> 0:39:19.950 been for a while. I've actually been with my kid's 0:39:19.989 --> 0:39:21.370 father on and off since. 0:39:21.250 --> 0:39:22.049 I was 13. 0:39:22.050 --> 0:39:24.319 I don't know what to do because I love my 0:39:24.340 --> 0:39:26.800 kid's father and dream about our future all the time. 0:39:27.200 --> 0:39:30.680 And he's the only one I have actually hunched. I 0:39:30.719 --> 0:39:32.520 never knew that was a term now for it, but okay. 0:39:32.760 --> 0:39:34.140 Not for adults. 0:39:34.260 --> 0:39:35.300 I'm about to say, yeah. 0:39:35.460 --> 0:39:35.880 Right? 0:39:35.940 --> 0:39:36.839 He sounds like a kid. 0:39:36.880 --> 0:39:40.330 He be 17. However, my kid's father stepped out on 0:39:40.370 --> 0:39:43.510 me and had another kid, and I chose to stay. 0:39:43.650 --> 0:39:48.009 She put in parentheses, don't judge me. I always love 0:39:48.050 --> 0:39:50.910 my guy friend. That's my dog. I have feelings for 0:39:50.950 --> 0:39:53.920 him and thought about exploring the option of actually being together. 0:39:54.380 --> 0:39:57.739 We've had so much pent up sexual tension. We've tried 0:39:57.760 --> 0:40:00.180 to just be friends again. And it always comes back 0:40:00.260 --> 0:40:03.880 to this like friends with benefits thing. I know I'm 0:40:03.920 --> 0:40:05.960 wrong for wanting my cake and eating it too. I 0:40:06.000 --> 0:40:08.130 just don't know how to let go of my guy friend. 0:40:08.250 --> 0:40:11.290 Part of me feels like I need quote unquote get 0:40:11.350 --> 0:40:14.350 back or I'll resent my kid's father because of his 0:40:14.390 --> 0:40:16.400 stepping out. On the other hand, I feel like I 0:40:16.420 --> 0:40:19.259 want to experience another partner because I haven't fully ever 0:40:19.300 --> 0:40:22.170 been with anyone else besides my kid's father. I have 0:40:22.210 --> 0:40:24.350 so much more to say, but this is already too long. 0:40:24.390 --> 0:40:25.310 Please help a girl out. 0:40:25.610 --> 0:40:28.410 I just want to hit triple first. Are you going 0:40:28.430 --> 0:40:29.430 to give her the same energy? 0:40:31.870 --> 0:40:32.670 Come on. 0:40:32.670 --> 0:40:32.890 Okay. 0:40:33.670 --> 0:40:35.200 Meaning if she was a man, it was a man 0:40:35.219 --> 0:40:35.529 writing in? 0:40:35.530 --> 0:40:37.719 If this was a man writing in saying, I have 0:40:37.780 --> 0:40:40.180 feelings for my best friend who's a woman. My girlfriend 0:40:40.200 --> 0:40:41.640 stepped out, but I took her back, but we've done 0:40:41.680 --> 0:40:42.660 everything except fuck. 0:40:42.680 --> 0:40:43.060 Uh-huh. 0:40:43.739 --> 0:40:45.100 I know what Tribble would have said. I want to 0:40:45.120 --> 0:40:46.800 see if she would have the same energy for this woman. 0:40:47.300 --> 0:40:48.669 No, you don't know what I would say. 0:40:48.850 --> 0:40:49.850 Niggas ain't shit. 0:40:49.870 --> 0:40:52.710 Niggas ain't shit. 0:40:52.850 --> 0:40:56.850 I'm saying, if you have feelings for your friend, if 0:40:56.890 --> 0:41:00.029 you think that they're more than friendship, I think it 0:41:00.050 --> 0:41:03.310 could be worth exploring, especially if your baby daddy already 0:41:03.330 --> 0:41:05.900 stepped out on you. And it seems like you're not 0:41:05.960 --> 0:41:10.760 even giving yourself a chance to explore other relationships anyway. 0:41:10.780 --> 0:41:14.320 You're still talking about hunching, like, You know what I'm saying? 0:41:14.360 --> 0:41:16.680 Yeah, she hasn't done anything. We have sex now. 0:41:16.739 --> 0:41:19.180 Yeah, and that's not awkward to say. 0:41:19.219 --> 0:41:21.620 You got kids and shit, girl. We say other stuff. 0:41:21.640 --> 0:41:22.440 Two kids at that. 0:41:22.760 --> 0:41:23.020 Yeah. 0:41:23.120 --> 0:41:24.740 Yeah, I would say, hey. 0:41:25.160 --> 0:41:27.040 You never know what you got. I'm inclined to feel 0:41:27.080 --> 0:41:29.210 the same. You don't know what you're missing out on. 0:41:29.219 --> 0:41:31.920 And even if it was a man, I'm not with 0:41:32.040 --> 0:41:35.589 anybody just limiting themselves or settling for a situation. My 0:41:35.610 --> 0:41:37.989 thing is if there's an opportunity that presents itself for 0:41:38.030 --> 0:41:40.580 you to see what could be, that could be the 0:41:40.620 --> 0:41:42.340 love of your life. And you could be starting a 0:41:42.400 --> 0:41:44.850 whole nother life with this person because the friendship is 0:41:44.890 --> 0:41:46.590 a great foundation for any relationship. 0:41:46.890 --> 0:41:47.210 Yeah. 0:41:47.710 --> 0:41:52.049 And I will throw in there, your baby daddy ain't shit. 0:41:52.130 --> 0:42:00.020 I'm sitting here like, come on, Trevor, get to it. 0:42:00.060 --> 0:42:01.360 He out there, he out there hunching. 0:42:01.580 --> 0:42:02.900 Nah, I will say this though. 0:42:04.580 --> 0:42:07.589 Women like to say everything is cheating, right? If you 0:42:07.610 --> 0:42:10.350 talk to somebody else, it's cheating. If you're thinking about 0:42:10.390 --> 0:42:14.009 somebody else, it's cheating, right? So she openly admitted here, 0:42:14.050 --> 0:42:15.970 and I'm surprised Tribble missed it because Tribble was able 0:42:15.989 --> 0:42:17.239 to read between the lines. 0:42:17.020 --> 0:42:18.880 Yesterday when we had that guy. 0:42:18.920 --> 0:42:20.399 Remember we had that guy and he was like, well, 0:42:20.420 --> 0:42:22.320 she got both of them pregnant at the same time. 0:42:22.680 --> 0:42:23.760 Then he's an asshole. 0:42:24.440 --> 0:42:27.540 She said she'd been friends with this person since 12, right? 0:42:27.840 --> 0:42:30.460 So she's had feelings for this guy friend and still 0:42:30.520 --> 0:42:32.620 has sex with her baby daddy and still had two 0:42:32.660 --> 0:42:36.270 kids while still having not everything but intercourse, which means 0:42:36.290 --> 0:42:38.330 they have been Physical, right? 0:42:38.870 --> 0:42:40.570 I don't think they have. 0:42:41.290 --> 0:42:43.720 She said they've done everything but hunch. She said it. 0:42:44.250 --> 0:42:46.950 Yeah, but I'm not really sure what hunching means. 0:42:47.110 --> 0:42:50.759 Oh, my God. Yo, Tribble, you really going to do 0:42:50.780 --> 0:42:51.339 this right now? 0:42:51.360 --> 0:42:54.700 Because I'm not sure. At first, I thought, yeah, maybe 0:42:54.739 --> 0:42:57.460 they kissed or something like that. But it seems like 0:42:57.520 --> 0:43:00.020 they never messed around. But I can't tell. 0:43:00.040 --> 0:43:00.500 But, okay. 0:43:00.640 --> 0:43:00.960 Okay. 0:43:01.270 --> 0:43:05.969 For all these years, our friendship turned into something more. Basically, 0:43:06.030 --> 0:43:11.170 we've done everything except actually hunch, LOL. How do you 0:43:11.210 --> 0:43:11.750 say you don't. 0:43:11.650 --> 0:43:12.210 Think they've been physical? 0:43:12.230 --> 0:43:15.029 They've been touchy-feely. They've been touchy-feely. They've made out. They've 0:43:15.050 --> 0:43:16.200 done everything except intercourse. 0:43:16.239 --> 0:43:18.680 The truth is, because she's a woman, Tribble is willing 0:43:18.719 --> 0:43:21.090 to look past that and say that her baby daddy 0:43:21.140 --> 0:43:21.960 ain't shit for cheating. 0:43:22.280 --> 0:43:24.759 She's been cheating the whole time. Are we not going 0:43:24.780 --> 0:43:26.540 to call this out? We call the men out all 0:43:26.580 --> 0:43:27.779 the time. We not going to call this out? 0:43:28.440 --> 0:43:29.939 It don't sound like she's been cheating the whole time? 0:43:31.170 --> 0:43:34.390 Through all these years, our friendship turned into something more. Basically, 0:43:34.410 --> 0:43:36.290 we've done everything except actually hunch. 0:43:37.590 --> 0:43:37.910 Right. 0:43:38.180 --> 0:43:40.620 But she said it was... Sorry, was it on and 0:43:40.660 --> 0:43:42.000 off with him or was it on and off with 0:43:42.020 --> 0:43:42.620 the baby father? 0:43:42.719 --> 0:43:43.779 It was on and off with both of them. 0:43:43.800 --> 0:43:45.660 Maybe with both of them. Yeah, maybe she's just been 0:43:45.700 --> 0:43:47.969 on and off. I don't know. Timelines and whatnot. 0:43:47.989 --> 0:43:50.230 But like I'm saying though, are we not going to 0:43:50.290 --> 0:43:53.130 hold her accountable for the fact that she's with two guys. 0:43:52.890 --> 0:43:55.600 At the same time? No, she is. Essentially, she has 0:43:55.620 --> 0:43:57.160 feelings for two people. That's why I'm like, don't settle. 0:43:57.219 --> 0:43:59.500 I'm like, go ahead and sleep with hunch. 0:44:00.180 --> 0:44:00.600 Yeah. 0:44:01.000 --> 0:44:05.220 Having feelings for two people and having sex with two people, 0:44:05.670 --> 0:44:06.569 that's two different things. 0:44:06.690 --> 0:44:08.330 But if she's with one of them and she's having 0:44:08.350 --> 0:44:09.790 feelings for somebody else, it's emotional cheating. 0:44:10.090 --> 0:44:10.370 Yes. 0:44:10.810 --> 0:44:11.210 Okay. 0:44:11.450 --> 0:44:11.629 Yes. 0:44:11.650 --> 0:44:12.570 What you mean, okay? 0:44:12.710 --> 0:44:12.810 Okay. 0:44:12.860 --> 0:44:14.390 If it was a man, you would have said he's 0:44:14.450 --> 0:44:16.489 a dirtbag. Say to tell the truth, Tribble. 0:44:16.590 --> 0:44:19.060 No, I don't think. I don't think. 0:44:19.360 --> 0:44:20.600 No, I don't think. 0:44:21.160 --> 0:44:22.280 I don't think that. 0:44:22.060 --> 0:44:22.840 Makes you a dirtbag. 0:44:22.880 --> 0:44:25.840 Your assessment of her thing was both right. It was 0:44:25.860 --> 0:44:27.060 real spot on. I have nothing to add to that. 0:44:27.080 --> 0:44:29.020 Yeah, you just like to be messing with Tribble. I 0:44:29.060 --> 0:44:30.020 just want to bother Tribble. 0:44:30.040 --> 0:44:32.180 Because when I was listening to Kim, I was like, 0:44:32.219 --> 0:44:34.040 Tribble would have killed this person. 0:44:34.080 --> 0:44:35.140 But both of y'all's assessment was right. 0:44:35.160 --> 0:44:38.420 She don't need to be settling. Her baby daddy cheated. 0:44:39.000 --> 0:44:40.860 She do sound like she young. Like they've been together 0:44:40.880 --> 0:44:41.340 since they was 12. 0:44:41.320 --> 0:44:43.880 She probably the most 20 years old. 0:44:44.000 --> 0:44:44.380 Yeah. 0:44:44.460 --> 0:44:45.620 She don't even know herself yet. 0:44:45.900 --> 0:44:46.279 I have a hunch. 0:44:46.300 --> 0:44:46.920 So I get it. 0:44:47.020 --> 0:44:47.340 Why? 0:44:47.719 --> 0:44:49.700 You know what I'm saying? Why settle with that? I 0:44:49.739 --> 0:44:51.299 would try to figure, but I would be honest with 0:44:51.340 --> 0:44:51.759 both of them. 0:44:52.140 --> 0:44:52.359 I would. 0:44:52.380 --> 0:44:53.160 So y'all are both right. 0:44:53.260 --> 0:44:55.540 I have a hunch that she should hunch her best friend. 0:44:55.660 --> 0:44:56.390 That's what you think? 0:44:56.410 --> 0:44:58.700 And it might be the best time, girl. Report back. 0:44:58.950 --> 0:45:01.790 Or there could be a secret third nigga out there 0:45:01.830 --> 0:45:02.589 that she should hunch. 0:45:02.650 --> 0:45:03.149 You see this? 0:45:03.210 --> 0:45:07.130 Yo, Kings, work on yourself, Kings. Work on yourself. 0:45:09.390 --> 0:45:10.219 Oh, my goodness. 0:45:10.300 --> 0:45:10.879 That was funny. 0:45:10.900 --> 0:45:12.779 Well, good luck to you, sis. Write back in. I 0:45:12.820 --> 0:45:14.160 know you said you had a lot to say. You 0:45:14.180 --> 0:45:15.960 said there was more to say. Maybe there's stuff that, 0:45:15.980 --> 0:45:17.460 you know, maybe you can fill in the gaps for us. 0:45:17.480 --> 0:45:19.500 Write back in and let us know if there's more 0:45:19.580 --> 0:45:22.600 details that we're missing so that we can better decipher 0:45:22.640 --> 0:45:23.740 what's the best thing to do here. 0:45:24.300 --> 0:45:24.549 All right. 0:45:24.570 --> 0:45:25.670 If you want to be featured as one of our 0:45:25.710 --> 0:45:28.710 listener letters on a future episode, please email us at 0:45:28.870 --> 0:45:31.090 TheEllisAdvice at gmail.com. 0:45:31.250 --> 0:45:35.790 That's T-H-E-E-L-L-I-S-A-D-V-I-C-E at gmail.com. 0:45:36.410 --> 0:45:36.730 All right. 0:45:36.969 --> 0:45:40.469 Moment of truth time. We're talking consent today. Men and 0:45:40.530 --> 0:45:44.589 women raising our children, what that looks like. Who got 0:45:44.610 --> 0:45:45.450 something to start with? 0:45:45.780 --> 0:45:49.070 I got one. I'm a steel case. Should have been karaoke. 0:45:49.300 --> 0:45:51.200 All you got to do is say yes. 0:45:51.260 --> 0:45:52.840 That's a fact. That's simple. 0:45:52.980 --> 0:45:53.560 That's a part. 0:45:53.780 --> 0:45:54.180 That's it. 0:45:54.219 --> 0:45:54.920 That's the consent. 0:45:55.120 --> 0:45:58.299 And don't be saying no, no, no, no, no when 0:45:58.340 --> 0:45:59.719 it's really yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. 0:45:59.760 --> 0:46:00.520 That's right. 0:46:00.560 --> 0:46:01.220 And vice versa. 0:46:01.260 --> 0:46:01.400 Facts. 0:46:01.540 --> 0:46:02.280 That's right. 0:46:02.500 --> 0:46:02.800 Facts. 0:46:02.840 --> 0:46:03.360 My God. 0:46:04.640 --> 0:46:09.230 I'll say as a parent of a daughter, that consent 0:46:09.250 --> 0:46:10.290 needs to start with the parents. 0:46:10.910 --> 0:46:11.670 Sorry, I'll say that over. 0:46:13.030 --> 0:46:14.730 No more mulling these teeth. 0:46:15.030 --> 0:46:18.120 It's breaking up the stuff. It's breaking up the mucus. 0:46:18.820 --> 0:46:19.859 It's just like hanging. 0:46:19.940 --> 0:46:20.320 Flemmy. 0:46:20.340 --> 0:46:21.299 All right. 0:46:21.360 --> 0:46:25.480 So I'll say as a parent of a girl child, 0:46:26.140 --> 0:46:28.810 that consent needs to start with the parents. 0:46:29.430 --> 0:46:29.589 Okay. 0:46:29.950 --> 0:46:31.950 I want to put the onus on the parents to 0:46:32.050 --> 0:46:35.390 educate their children first, as opposed to letting kids try 0:46:35.410 --> 0:46:35.870 to figure it. 0:46:35.830 --> 0:46:36.570 Out on the fly. 0:46:36.950 --> 0:46:41.410 Because two stupid kids lead to one stupid mistake. 0:46:41.910 --> 0:46:43.780 And they both pay the price for that mistake. 0:46:44.040 --> 0:46:45.319 Three different versions of the story. 0:46:45.340 --> 0:46:47.719 As an extra layer of protection, we need to step 0:46:47.820 --> 0:46:50.080 up as parents and talk to our children about what 0:46:50.320 --> 0:46:54.490 yes and no actually means. And the different levels of consent, 0:46:54.840 --> 0:46:59.470 be it, we talked about today, consent of knowledge and 0:46:59.610 --> 0:47:02.170 and spreading the word that you actually did do the 0:47:02.190 --> 0:47:04.770 do that needs to stay quiet as well don't don't 0:47:04.790 --> 0:47:07.630 be a chatterbox and consent for the actual action itself 0:47:07.690 --> 0:47:10.090 so um yeah that's my uh moment. 0:47:09.950 --> 0:47:12.610 I like all of that i like tell josh be 0:47:12.650 --> 0:47:15.510 at the pta meeting we asked. 0:47:15.190 --> 0:47:18.610 You to make brownies for the bake sale. 0:47:18.410 --> 0:47:26.410 Right And what you brought was not brownies. 0:47:26.590 --> 0:47:28.709 Cookies. Cookies are not gluten free. 0:47:28.890 --> 0:47:30.250 Right. Exactly. 0:47:30.290 --> 0:47:30.650 Yeah. 0:47:30.969 --> 0:47:35.210 I think whenever I think about having kids, I think 0:47:35.230 --> 0:47:37.200 that that's one thing I think about is how awkward 0:47:37.219 --> 0:47:42.200 the sex conversation could be down the line. But as parents, yeah, 0:47:42.219 --> 0:47:44.719 you definitely got to get over it because they doing it. Yep. 0:47:45.140 --> 0:47:47.880 No matter what, no matter whether you say it or not. 0:47:48.200 --> 0:47:48.460 Yeah. 0:47:48.480 --> 0:47:49.690 They're humans just like we are. 0:47:49.700 --> 0:47:51.359 Where there's a will, there's a way. They don't find 0:47:51.380 --> 0:47:52.020 a way to do it. 0:47:52.080 --> 0:47:52.319 Yep. 0:47:52.940 --> 0:47:54.930 You said something earlier and I've try to put a 0:47:54.950 --> 0:47:56.589 mental note in it, but then I forgot. You said 0:47:56.610 --> 0:47:59.200 something about like protection and provision is in the instruction 0:47:59.239 --> 0:48:01.140 or something like that. But that makes so much sense 0:48:01.180 --> 0:48:04.060 because like, like Josh said, having the conversation, like giving 0:48:04.120 --> 0:48:06.500 you the instructions off the bat, it could be protection 0:48:06.540 --> 0:48:08.839 for your kid later on, you know? So definitely have 0:48:08.880 --> 0:48:11.960 the conversations, remove that taboo layer. Cause I mean, man, 0:48:11.980 --> 0:48:14.700 when I think about it to my childhood, thankfully I 0:48:14.739 --> 0:48:17.970 got out unscathed, but my mom and dad never had 0:48:17.989 --> 0:48:19.810 those conversations. My father has never once spoken to me 0:48:19.830 --> 0:48:21.730 about sex. Never once. 0:48:21.930 --> 0:48:25.160 That's common, but that's common. Yeah, exactly. 0:48:25.180 --> 0:48:27.000 What did Pop say to you, D? 0:48:27.660 --> 0:48:28.920 Scoop said, you know I got guys. 0:48:28.940 --> 0:48:30.080 No, no, no, no, no, no. Pops. 0:48:30.920 --> 0:48:33.500 When I asked for his... Oh, yeah, I asked for 0:48:33.520 --> 0:48:35.799 K's hand in marriage. And he said, you know, you 0:48:35.840 --> 0:48:38.969 guys do what you got to do. That was it. 0:48:39.010 --> 0:48:41.210 He didn't ask me no questions about having his daughter. 0:48:41.230 --> 0:48:42.590 That was Kassandra's daughter. 0:48:42.670 --> 0:48:43.170 That was it. 0:48:43.530 --> 0:48:45.240 My mother-in-law, are you just going to give away our 0:48:45.280 --> 0:48:47.719 firstborn like that? You don't have any questions for the 0:48:47.760 --> 0:48:48.200 young man? 0:48:48.219 --> 0:48:49.580 We mean he's a nice guy. 0:48:49.640 --> 0:48:51.420 I don't know why you haven't said your mother-in-law. 0:48:51.440 --> 0:48:53.420 You do sound like your mother-in-law. 0:48:53.440 --> 0:48:55.190 Are you just going to give her away like that? 0:48:56.610 --> 0:48:59.570 My father is just like, we mean he's a nice guy. 0:49:01.350 --> 0:49:03.319 That's literally what he said. He was like. 0:49:03.960 --> 0:49:06.920 When DeVal told me that story after he proposed and 0:49:06.940 --> 0:49:08.680 we went to the city, we were in the hotel 0:49:08.719 --> 0:49:10.340 for the night and whatnot. He just like kind of 0:49:10.380 --> 0:49:12.489 replayed everything, how he got to that point. And when 0:49:12.510 --> 0:49:14.250 he told me that story about my parents, I'm like, 0:49:14.310 --> 0:49:17.980 that is so spot on. yeah that is literally them 0:49:18.219 --> 0:49:19.260 in a nutshell. 0:49:19.360 --> 0:49:22.060 I love my in-laws that could be a tv that 0:49:22.140 --> 0:49:24.299 could be a moment a tv show right there for 0:49:24.340 --> 0:49:26.960 sure um my moment of truth is this parents it's 0:49:27.020 --> 0:49:29.700 on us to protect our children both young boys and 0:49:29.719 --> 0:49:32.630 young girls they need the protection the protection like my 0:49:32.670 --> 0:49:35.870 wife said and the provision is in the instructions Don't 0:49:35.910 --> 0:49:38.649 wait until you're comfortable to have the conversation with them. 0:49:38.670 --> 0:49:41.969 Because like Tribble said, they doing it already. So have 0:49:41.989 --> 0:49:44.170 the conversation, man. Consent is important. 0:49:45.570 --> 0:49:45.890 All right. 0:49:46.610 --> 0:49:48.600 Be sure to follow us on Patreon if you are 0:49:48.640 --> 0:49:51.259 not yet. That's where we have more exclusive Ellis Ever 0:49:51.300 --> 0:49:53.080 After content. And we have the After Show where the 0:49:53.100 --> 0:49:55.900 party really goes down. And you can find more Ellis 0:49:55.940 --> 0:49:58.259 family content there as well. And of course, we're on 0:49:58.300 --> 0:50:00.840 social media, Ellis Ever After. I'm Kadeen Iyam. 0:50:01.170 --> 0:50:01.670 I'm DeVal. 0:50:01.790 --> 0:50:02.710 I'm underscore Matt.Ellis. 0:50:03.050 --> 0:50:04.270 And I'm Joshua underscore Dwayne. 0:50:04.510 --> 0:50:08.410 And I'm at Trebs, the cool T-R-I-B-B-Z, the cool on everything. 0:50:08.730 --> 0:50:12.680 And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate, review, subscribe, 0:50:13.040 --> 0:50:14.020 and download. 0:50:14.040 --> 0:50:15.899 There you go, baby, and get your copy of We 0:50:15.940 --> 0:50:19.240 Over Me. Still fresh off the press. 0:50:19.820 --> 0:50:20.360 Deadass. 0:50:23.480 --> 0:50:23.780 Cut. 0:50:26.160 --> 0:50:30.120 Ellis Ever After is an iHeartMedia podcast. It's hosted by 0:50:30.200 --> 0:50:35.140 Kadeen and Deval Ellis. It's produced by Tribble. Video production 0:50:35.200 --> 0:50:39.930 by Joshua Duane and Matthew Ellis. Video editing by LaShawn Rowe. 0:52:00.420 --> 0:52:01.260 Thank you.