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Speaker 1: The Fread Show is on. It's Stay or Go. Chris

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Speaker 1: is here. Hi, Chris, good morning, good morning. Yeah we're

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Speaker 1: doing okay man, welcome to the program.

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Speaker 2: Stay our Ghosts.

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Speaker 3: So it's like group therapy here and people can call

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Speaker 3: with their thoughts eight five five five nine one one

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Speaker 3: o three five. It could text the same number. By

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Speaker 3: the way, on the radio, the iHeart app as well.

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Speaker 3: You can hear us all over the place. So what's

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Speaker 3: going on with Melissa? Who is this person in your life?

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Speaker 3: And what's the problem.

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Speaker 4: She's the and there's no easier way to send me.

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Speaker 2: She's the girl in my dreams.

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Speaker 4: She's we've been dating for about four months now, and

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Speaker 4: it's I've I've never fallen for a girl so heavy.

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Speaker 4: She's she just gets me. We're constantly laughing with each other,

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Speaker 4: and like I said, I just I can't get enough

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Speaker 4: of her. The only issue we have right now though,

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Speaker 4: she is a divorced, single mom, and that's totally fine.

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Speaker 2: Her kids are really.

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Speaker 4: Sweet and she sacrificed a lot for them. She's had

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Speaker 4: to call off a few of our dates a few

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Speaker 4: times for them, which I totally find me it sucks,

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Speaker 4: but like I get it. You know kids are first.

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Speaker 4: My issue though, is that her husband is ridiculously petty.

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Speaker 4: I don't know if he's like trying to get back

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Speaker 4: together with her or he's just like in this I

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Speaker 4: just want to ruin her life. He's not happy. I like,

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Speaker 4: I haven't like doven too much into it. But he

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Speaker 4: also ruins a bunch of our dates, so like we'll

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Speaker 4: be like I've gotten a few weekends planned for us,

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Speaker 4: like what I was going to take us out to,

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Speaker 4: like some somewhere tropical, but Bahamas or something, and he

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Speaker 4: he constantly like started bringing up drama about like oh,

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Speaker 4: I want to talk about our co parents in agreement,

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Speaker 4: or you know, you have to come back in here.

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Speaker 5: I have to talk.

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Speaker 4: Or he would stir up some drama that there was

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Speaker 4: some like medical thing with one of his family.

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Speaker 5: Members just to like.

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Speaker 2: Make her not go.

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Speaker 6: And she's aware, like we're all aware that everything that

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Speaker 6: he's been saying is not true. He's just he just

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Speaker 6: makes it's always like right when she's about to leave,

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Speaker 6: and whenever she starts to talk to him, it's never

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Speaker 6: for that big of a deal, but every single time

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Speaker 6: she continues to just believe him, and it's kind of

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Speaker 6: ruining what we have here, and again like when she

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Speaker 6: has the sacrifice stuff for the kids, and if he

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Speaker 6: had real things to talk about with the kids. I'm

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Speaker 6: completely supportive of that. I'm not trying to get it

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Speaker 6: away of anything like that. But right now it's just

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Speaker 6: really apparent and true that he's just trying to ruin

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Speaker 6: things and she's just letting it happen.

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Speaker 3: And you know what, Chris, this is Chris, I have

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Speaker 3: strung though I've strong Thus, first of all, I understand it.

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Speaker 3: I'm starting to reup to you, but I just I

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Speaker 3: can't help myself. I understand there are kids here, so

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Speaker 3: that unfortunately, fortunately whatever I want, I don't mean the

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Speaker 3: kids are unfortunate, but that means that he's going to

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Speaker 3: be linked to her and she to them, and that

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Speaker 3: whole thing that that is that is required communication for

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Speaker 3: in some form for an extended period of time. But

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Speaker 3: my initial relaction is bye bye girl, bye. And here's why,

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Speaker 3: because if it is also up to her to control

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Speaker 3: that communication and to and to control the amount of manipulation.

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Speaker 3: So you guys both agree that a lot of the

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Speaker 3: contact is unnecessary, yet she still leans into it and

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Speaker 3: allows it.

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Speaker 2: Bye Bye bye. We're done.

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Speaker 3: We're done with that because she's not completely innocent in this.

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Speaker 3: She's not innocent at all, confused.

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Speaker 4: In something as someone's been like, look, I thought we

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Speaker 4: all know that there's people out there that community like people.

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Speaker 4: Steve's got her wrapped around. I mean, they were obviously

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Speaker 4: married and he's he's freaking like using her life, right,

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Speaker 4: But you know that you say, I want to see

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Speaker 4: we can at least stratify through it. Okay, but but

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Speaker 4: anything I can, like, there's something I can say to her,

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Speaker 4: like hey, and then you know if she crosses the

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Speaker 4: line again. But I don't want to just.

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Speaker 2: Drop it right away.

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Speaker 3: But you guys both agree that this isn't you going,

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Speaker 3: I don't want you talking to this man, and she's going, well,

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Speaker 3: I have to. We have kids, you know. I I mean,

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Speaker 3: there's no way not to. That's not what you're saying.

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Speaker 3: You're saying to her that you both agree that she's

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Speaker 3: being manipulated. You both agree that he's asking for things

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Speaker 3: that are not necessarily required, that he's trying to control

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Speaker 3: her and she's allowing it, and she's aware of it.

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Speaker 3: You already said in this call, she's conscious of the

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Speaker 3: fact that she believes she's being manipulated, but yet she

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Speaker 3: doesn't lay any boundaries.

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Speaker 2: Out boundary bye bye bye, more.

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Speaker 3: Clear, I've never I've never I've never felt any more

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Speaker 3: more strong. You help her through this, but you can't

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Speaker 3: change what someone is feels compelled to do. Quote unquote

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Speaker 3: this woman, this woman manipulated that my own meaning, well,

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Speaker 3: how do you do that?

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Speaker 2: But I tell her, like, hey, no more of this.

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Speaker 5: But I was hoping there was like an easier way

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Speaker 5: into it. That's what I was kind of hoping this

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Speaker 5: call would do.

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Speaker 2: You can say no more. Okay, you can say no more.

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Speaker 3: You can say Look, I'm uncomfortable with this because it's

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Speaker 3: beyond the scope of what's necessary for a relationship that

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Speaker 3: he's over right and for you guys to co parent effectively.

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Speaker 3: This is more he's getting more from you than is

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Speaker 3: required for this. It makes me uncomfortable. It kind of

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Speaker 3: feels like you're still in a relationship with him, and

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Speaker 3: I'm in a relationship with you, so I need you

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Speaker 3: to establish firm her boundaries. She even agrees with that.

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Speaker 3: That's the part of this that's the most compelling is

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Speaker 3: that she'll even tell you that a lot of it's unnecessary,

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Speaker 3: but she does it anyway.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, she needs to change that. We don't have the

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Speaker 7: relationship that she's had with her ex. But I think

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Speaker 7: depending where this is coming from, maybe there was something

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Speaker 7: her children, right, it could be.

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Speaker 5: Like it's not like a little like it's just.

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Speaker 4: Some random X. I mean, this guy has a strong

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Speaker 4: power over her. And that's why I'm like, I don't

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Speaker 4: want to just let her go because of this, that

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Speaker 4: she's going to be trapped in that forever.

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Speaker 5: I'm not saying like and obviously I don't want to

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Speaker 5: go through the ringer myself, but.

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Speaker 4: The idea of just abandoning somebody because someone's treating them

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Speaker 4: like crap, I mean.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but there is a component of this where this

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Speaker 3: person's allowing themselves to be or herself in this case,

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Speaker 3: to be treated this way and she knows it and

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Speaker 3: she leans in as opposed to leaning out.

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Speaker 2: There's a way to do this.

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Speaker 3: There's I mean, people do it every day, they get

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Speaker 3: divorced and still co parent, but yet one doesn't rule

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Speaker 3: the other and one doesn't allow the other to rule them.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, maybe Chris can't step into that role though, and like,

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Speaker 7: maybe help her because you don't know the relationship. Maybe

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Speaker 7: there was some narcissism happening, right, Maybe there was some

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Speaker 7: control issues happening, and she doesn't know how to people

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Speaker 7: mentally get out of that. One hundred percent agree. You

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Speaker 7: cannot save people. Well, you can try to help them

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Speaker 7: and if it doesn't work out, then Chris got to go.

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Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying, But at least try to

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Speaker 2: help her. Yeah, he can't just leave this woman.

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Speaker 8: But Chris is making a lot of excuses. It almost

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Speaker 8: sounds like the ex husband is now manipulating Chris because

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Speaker 8: he's like, well, that's the father of her kids, and

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Speaker 8: you know, well they always have to talk, like Chris, No,

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Speaker 8: you need to set some firm boundaries because you're coming

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Speaker 8: into this situation. You don't need to answer for the

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Speaker 8: ex husband, like you need to make clear boundaries, like

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Speaker 8: if it's about the kids, then you guys need to talk.

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Speaker 3: If not, I'm not comfortable with you. Also to learn, yes,

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Speaker 3: your point, Kiki, You shouldn't have to try to interrupt. You

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Speaker 3: shouldn't have to convince someone else to be a priority

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Speaker 3: or not to be manipulated by their acts. You shouldn't

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Speaker 3: have to convince someone of your what I mean, the

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Speaker 3: kids are a big component here, and I get that

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Speaker 3: no kids and this is really really done right.

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Speaker 2: No kids.

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Speaker 3: There is absolutely no reason for this extended conversation if

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Speaker 3: the relationship is over the fact that there are kids involved.

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Speaker 3: I get they have to have some contact, but trust me,

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Speaker 3: my parents got divorced and my parents had minimal contact.

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Speaker 3: There was no leaning into any bs. It was this

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Speaker 3: is the minimum basic thing that we have to talk about.

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Speaker 3: What time are you picking them up? What time are

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Speaker 3: you bringing them back? Where's my money?

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Speaker 2: They don't want to have money. It's that simple.

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Speaker 3: And like there is no come outside and talk to me,

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Speaker 3: or come over and let's have a conversation, or we're done,

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Speaker 3: we're divorced, we're not together anymore.

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Speaker 2: That I couldn't be any more impassionate about this. You're

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Speaker 2: standing on business. I'm just telling.

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Speaker 3: You, like I understand that it's probably difficult, but you

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Speaker 3: know it isn't It is a new relationship. I mean

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Speaker 3: maybe she's you know, figuring it all out, but I

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Speaker 3: don't know if you.

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Speaker 5: Both in the first relationships, but but.

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Speaker 3: You both have had the conversation and you're not even

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Speaker 3: having to convince her that what he's doing is inappropriate.

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Speaker 3: She knows it already, and yet she still does it.

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Speaker 3: That says something to me. But I don't like at all, But.

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Speaker 4: I would that's common for everyone, Like you know, we

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Speaker 4: all do a little something a little too much sometimes

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Speaker 4: or like you know, we make those.

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Speaker 5: Mistakes, and just trying to figure out how do.

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Speaker 4: I make the boundary and you know, if she doesn't

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Speaker 4: honor it, of course, you know, I'm not gonna saying

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Speaker 4: this forever. And you're trying to see there's an answer

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Speaker 4: other than just leaving.

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Speaker 3: I mean, it sounds like you've had the conversation and

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Speaker 3: that's the first step. And so I think you got

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Speaker 3: what you said, that you've talked to this person about

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Speaker 3: about the contact, and then you both are well, then

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Speaker 3: you may have a firmer conversation. Then I think I

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Speaker 3: need to watch very carefully and see if things change

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Speaker 3: in my opinion. So but you need to sit down

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Speaker 3: and say, hey, look, I think you're being taken advantage of.

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Speaker 3: It's affecting this relationship because this dude has this guy

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Speaker 3: has a seat at the table still and he doesn't

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Speaker 3: need to have as much access to you as he does,

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Speaker 3: considering you are divorced.

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Speaker 2: You know what I mean?

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Speaker 3: Right right, Chris, I'm gonnake phone calls on this and

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Speaker 3: we're gonna talk about you behind your back.

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Speaker 2: Good luck though. I appreciate you.

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Speaker 5: Man, Thanks, guys, I appreciate it.

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Speaker 2: Chris is down bad. Yeah, that boy is down bad. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I feel for him, I really do. But I don't.

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Speaker 3: I don't know this stuff. I feel like this stuff

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Speaker 3: if it's not automatic, You're right. I mean, people are

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Speaker 3: texting that this person probably is with in a toxic

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Speaker 3: relationship and this person is reeling over you know, getting

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Speaker 3: out of a controlling situ or whatever exactly.

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Speaker 2: I got all that, But what I have.

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Speaker 3: Learned is even if it's somebody else's fault or even

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Speaker 3: it doesn't mean that you have a place right now.

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Speaker 3: That's the problem, you know what I mean, Like you

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Speaker 3: might be battling. I don't know what the issue is.

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Speaker 3: But that person has, you know, an opportunity to fix herself,

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Speaker 3: fix the situation or both. And if she's unable to

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Speaker 3: do that in a way that's fair to him, he's

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Speaker 3: got to go because there's nothing he can do about it.

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Speaker 2: Don't you think you would allow more?

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Speaker 9: Though, Like in terms of her if there's a child involved,

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Speaker 9: you know what I mean, Like, who is to say

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Speaker 9: if there wasn't a kid, she wouldn't completely cut this

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Speaker 9: person off.

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Speaker 3: It's true, But the part of his story that really

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Speaker 3: gets me is that they both agree that he's overreaching,

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Speaker 3: and she's leaning into his overreaching.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 3: Again, It's like if it's if he were to call

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Speaker 3: me and say, I'm getting a woman with kids and

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Speaker 3: they're co parenting and I don't think she should talk

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Speaker 3: to him at all, that is not reasonable. They have

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Speaker 3: to They're a basic there's basic communication that you have

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Speaker 3: to have.

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Speaker 2: That I understand.

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Speaker 3: But when he gets into talking about feelings and emotions

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Speaker 3: and I need your time for this, I need that

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Speaker 3: and the other thing, whether it's a relationship or not,

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Speaker 3: to draw on this relationship, and it's unfair and ultimately

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Speaker 3: it will cause more problems than that.

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Speaker 10: I just think she may be trying to protect her kid.

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Speaker 10: You know, sometimes you put up with more just so

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Speaker 10: that you can your kid will see their dad.

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Speaker 2: I mean we don't know.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean maybe the kids thing is a major

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Speaker 3: issue here. Like I would agree that it will complicate

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Speaker 3: that it will keep people in contact, and definitely that

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Speaker 3: part I got, But that I think just speaks all

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Speaker 3: the more to the need for boundaries and the need

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Speaker 3: for everyone to feel like, hey, this person doesn't still

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Speaker 3: have any real power over my life. Maybe over the

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Speaker 3: part of my life that the kids are involved with,

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Speaker 3: but not over all of it.

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Speaker 10: You're assuming, though, that that dude can handle boundaries.

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Speaker 2: We don't know. He could be toxic as hell, but

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Speaker 2: he's still maybe's dad, you know. But I don't know why.

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Speaker 3: That means she doesn't have to try, oh to create

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Speaker 3: those boundaries, and it doesn't sound like she is. And

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Speaker 3: the another thing I've said like four times, but he

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Speaker 3: said it. They've talked about it, and she's acknowledged it's overreaching,

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Speaker 3: it's too much. Well then why aren't you doing anything

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Speaker 3: about it. All I'm saying is it will ultimately be

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Speaker 3: the demise of that relationship if they don't get control

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Speaker 3: over it. And he can say, well, I'm going to

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Speaker 3: hang around and try and encourage her, Yeah, But it

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Speaker 3: doesn't work that way.

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Speaker 2: Unfortunately.

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Speaker 3: What it winds up being is somebody just begging for

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Speaker 3: relevance in a relationship where the other person's making choices

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Speaker 3: whether and the thing is I don't know maybe she's

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Speaker 3: got a whole lot of work to do with him

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Speaker 3: or them, or herself or whatever. Ultimately, he's going to

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Speaker 3: be the one who winds up sad and devastated in

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Speaker 3: this whole thing. Michelle, Hi, Hi, Hey, you say stay?

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Speaker 9: I say stay. However I want to say she needs

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Speaker 9: to get up an app called Our Family Wizard to

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Speaker 9: have it ordered by the court.

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Speaker 11: She doesn't need to talk to.

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Speaker 9: Him face to face. Everything's typed out. They send messages.

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Speaker 9: They also can put their parenting agreement in the program

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Speaker 9: calendar everything.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, eliminates the.

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Speaker 4: Back and forth.

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Speaker 3: See I like that. I like that, you know, I mean,

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Speaker 3: I get it. You know, people break up, they've been

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Speaker 3: together for a long time. They don't want to just

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Speaker 3: abandon one another. But the other thing is like, at

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Speaker 3: some point it is no longer your responsibility to save

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Speaker 3: the other person. At some point you are not with

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Speaker 3: them anymore and you're trying to move on. If you're

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Speaker 3: trying to move on, then you have to act like

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Speaker 3: you're in a relationship with this guy and not in

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Speaker 3: a relationship with both of them. And if you can't

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Speaker 3: do that for whatever reason, so be it. But you

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Speaker 3: can't necessarily have it both ways, because it sounds like

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Speaker 3: Chris feels this draw that is beyond what is reasonable

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Speaker 3: for co parenting is affecting their relationship, and it sounds

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Speaker 3: like he's willing to be fair about it too. It

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Speaker 3: sounds like he's not saying don't talk to him at all.

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Speaker 3: That's impossible exactly.

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Speaker 9: And if they have this app, our Family Wizard, it'll

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Speaker 9: document that he's bringing in other issues that don't pertain

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Speaker 9: to the children.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, see, there you go. I didn't even know

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Speaker 3: that existed. Thank you, Michelle, have a good day.

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Speaker 12: You can't thank you.

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Speaker 3: Does she worked for my family Wizard? I don't know,

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Speaker 3: but that's a good idea. That's a good idea though. Amelia, Hi, Hi,

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Speaker 3: really quick.

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Speaker 13: Love the show I have, first time on the radio.

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Speaker 3: Well, thank you, well welcome. Don't worry, no one's listening.

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Speaker 3: It doesn't matter. So just us, it's just us talking.

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Speaker 3: What do you think stare Go?

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Speaker 13: I originally said go, but I think he should say

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Speaker 13: at least just for a little bit, just to like

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Speaker 13: try to help her set the boundaries, because like you

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Speaker 13: can't say just like go no contact and like use

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Speaker 13: apps and whatever. But that's not always the case, especially

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Speaker 13: if it's like a deeply rooted like issue, if like

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Speaker 13: with her prior relationship with her ex, and then like

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Speaker 13: to try to help her through it and like just

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Speaker 13: give her some time. But if it like continues to

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Speaker 13: happen over a long period of time, then he should

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Speaker 13: probably go. It's like he shouldn't also hinder himself for

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Speaker 13: the sake of somebody else if it's just not working.

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Speaker 3: I think if there are deeply rooted issues that they're

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Speaker 3: still working through together, then that might be a sign

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Speaker 3: that maybe she's not ready to be in the level

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Speaker 3: of a relationship that Chris wants.

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Speaker 2: To be in. But that's what they need to be

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Speaker 2: honest with each other about that.

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Speaker 13: Yes, yeah, that's true, But it can also still be

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Speaker 13: both too, Like if she's willing to work on it,

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Speaker 13: you know, and actually try, then it.

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Speaker 11: Could work out.

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Speaker 13: But if not, then it's probasibly it's.

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Speaker 10: Not going to happen.

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Speaker 3: I think you can do both, but you have to

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Speaker 3: be on the same page with the person who you're

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Speaker 3: with about what that looks like, right.

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Speaker 2: I think you can do both.

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Speaker 3: I don't think you just have to cut off people

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Speaker 3: who you were married to or have kids with. I mean,

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Speaker 3: but but I do think the relationship has to fundamentally

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Speaker 3: change and everybody involved has to feel like, you know,

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Speaker 3: they're not being taking advantage of. I think that's the

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Speaker 3: key here. But thank you, Amelia, have a good day.

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Speaker 3: He did great. You do your first time?

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Speaker 2: You're a bro? Look at you? My god? Hey Lisa,

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Speaker 2: good morning?

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Speaker 1: Hi?

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Speaker 2: How are you Lisa?

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Speaker 5: Hi?

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Speaker 2: What do you think there go?

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Speaker 4: I think he should go.

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Speaker 10: I was in this kind of relations marriage for nineteen years.

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Speaker 11: They don't change.

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Speaker 9: He's manipulating her and she's running him.

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Speaker 11: Christy set his own boundary.

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Speaker 10: And she needs to possibly see some top professionally because

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Speaker 10: he can't fix her.

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Speaker 11: He can't fit anything. He's going to drain his own

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Speaker 11: mental and sit them and you can't do that. You

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Speaker 11: don't change people.

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Speaker 2: Lisa went away. Have a good day.

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Speaker 11: Thank you.

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Speaker 3: I am Jennifer. Jennifer, you say stay, Why do you

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Speaker 3: say that?

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Speaker 12: I say that she should stay because I think it's

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Speaker 12: something that can be work done. I think that I

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Speaker 12: think that he has to set very clear boundaries on

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Speaker 12: what the expectations are. I think that, uh, he needs

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Speaker 12: to understand or he needs to help her understand what

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Speaker 12: what he's okay with and I think if she can't

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Speaker 12: abide by those boundaries, then it's time to go. I

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Speaker 12: think they have I think they have kids together. I

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Speaker 12: think they have a relationship and they're always going to

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Speaker 12: have to have that relationship, but I think it has

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Speaker 12: to be within limits.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think you're right, Jennifer. Thank you very much.

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Speaker 3: Have a great day. Thanks for listening.

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Speaker 11: Thank you.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, I know it's tough. It's complicated for sure. Andre.

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Speaker 14: Hey, yes, sir, how you guys doing it?

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Speaker 2: Hey, mag good morning, so Steria go.

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Speaker 3: I just want to recap here for just tuning in

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Speaker 3: the Chris is dating a woman for four months who's

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Speaker 3: divorced with kids, and he's concerned about the co parenting

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Speaker 3: because it seems like the husband is taking all liberties

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Speaker 3: to have access to her beyond what might be required

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Speaker 3: for just the co parenting situation. And they both agree,

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Speaker 3: his girlfriend and Chris, they both agree that it's too much,

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Speaker 3: but yet nothing seems to really be done about it,

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Speaker 3: and he doesn't like it.

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Speaker 2: So what do you think he should absolutely go for?

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Speaker 14: I was in this exact same situation, in the position

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Speaker 14: of the wife's position, where I was with somebody for

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Speaker 14: a long time, we had kids, and my new girlfriend

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Speaker 14: was ham saying like, you guys are way way too close,

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Speaker 14: and I didn't see it until she started to reveal

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Speaker 14: some things to me, just like and I was only

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Speaker 14: reaching out to my ex because we had a good

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Speaker 14: parenting situation. We're really good friends and wasn't a promotuous

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Speaker 14: kind of break up or anything like that. So when

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Speaker 14: in this new relationship similar to his, but I think

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Speaker 14: we were get it for about three months, and I

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Speaker 14: would have been with my ex for years, and so

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Speaker 14: when things would happen and she in my family situation,

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Speaker 14: so I would reach out to her for a lot

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Speaker 14: of things. But my new girlfriend was like, this is

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Speaker 14: not okay, this is not like I'm not comfortable with this.

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Speaker 14: So she had to reveal some things to me. And

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Speaker 14: to your point that you were saying throughout the show,

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Speaker 14: so far, she knows, he knows, and she's just not.

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Speaker 5: Doing anything about it.

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Speaker 14: So I think even though he sounds like he's really

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Speaker 14: invested in his relationship, he just yeah, I think it

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Speaker 14: might be time for him to kind of find somebody else.

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Speaker 5: I know that's hard to say, but.

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Speaker 3: Well, he's only going to get more invested, and unless

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Speaker 3: she makes some really firm changes, I think he's just

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Speaker 3: going to get more and more hurt by it, because

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Speaker 3: she's either going to decide she doesn't want to be

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Speaker 3: as much in that she can no longer be that

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Speaker 3: person for her ex because their exes and that then

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Speaker 3: supposedly they got divorced. I mean, something wasn't working. She

433
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Speaker 3: either has to respect that this guy's here playing that

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Speaker 3: role or say, I'm incapable of accepting someone else right

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Speaker 3: now because I'm still reeling or dealing with the issues

436
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Speaker 3: over here. Either neither one of those things is a problem,

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Speaker 3: but you can't have both. It just causes a lot

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Speaker 3: of pain. I think, Yeah, Andre, thank you, have a

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Speaker 3: good day. I'm one hundred percent unlicensed. By the way,

440
00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:37,520
Speaker 3: I have no license. I have no Do not take

441
00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:40,560
Speaker 3: this advice. This is this is for entertainment purposes only.

442
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:44,840
Speaker 2: Emily, Hi, good morning, Hey, good morning. What do you

443
00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:45,399
Speaker 2: think stare go?

444
00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:52,119
Speaker 10: Definitely stay at least stick it out and attempt to

445
00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:52,800
Speaker 10: see it through.

446
00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:55,760
Speaker 11: My ex and I.

447
00:19:55,800 --> 00:20:02,040
Speaker 10: Had a horrible, horrible fifteen year marriage one percent toxic.

448
00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:05,679
Speaker 10: And the reason that I did not set boundaries like

449
00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:09,639
Speaker 10: possibly she is doing is because I knew the trouble

450
00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:10,520
Speaker 10: that it would cause.

451
00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:14,320
Speaker 11: Okay, sure enough, as soon as I.

452
00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:19,119
Speaker 10: Started setting boundaries, his behavior was absolutely out of control.

453
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:24,120
Speaker 11: But I did begin setting those.

454
00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:29,000
Speaker 10: Boundaries because my new relationship was so important to me.

455
00:20:29,359 --> 00:20:32,240
Speaker 2: Yea, that other person control you.

456
00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:35,280
Speaker 3: I guess based on what your concerned they might do,

457
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,040
Speaker 3: like I guess if they're not, if you're not with

458
00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:39,320
Speaker 3: them anymore, then how long do you allow me?

459
00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:40,760
Speaker 2: That could last a lifetime.

460
00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:46,600
Speaker 10: It absolutely could, and I should have done it the.

461
00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:48,880
Speaker 11: Second we got divorced, But it took.

462
00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:53,120
Speaker 10: Me getting into a new relationship and having that person say, hey,

463
00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:55,240
Speaker 10: this is not okay. The way that he treats you

464
00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:59,920
Speaker 10: is not okay, the communication is not okay, the control

465
00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:03,160
Speaker 10: it's not okay for me to kind of have that

466
00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:05,240
Speaker 10: moment and open my eyes.

467
00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:07,119
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then.

468
00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:09,040
Speaker 10: Otherwise it would have been my entire life.

469
00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:10,680
Speaker 3: Right, And you have a choice, And I don't think

470
00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:13,240
Speaker 3: either answer is wrong, but your choice is, hey, look,

471
00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:16,719
Speaker 3: I need to do that for me and for you

472
00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:18,639
Speaker 3: this new person that I'm with in order for this

473
00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:21,920
Speaker 3: to succeed, or I cannot do that for whatever reason,

474
00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:23,520
Speaker 3: and I'm going to let this person control me for

475
00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:25,560
Speaker 3: the rest of my life, But I don't expect you

476
00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:26,359
Speaker 3: to hang around for that.

477
00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:28,400
Speaker 2: You have two choices there.

478
00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:30,800
Speaker 3: But I guess the thing is, why allow this person,

479
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:34,119
Speaker 3: this extraneous individual, who you claim you don't want to

480
00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:35,720
Speaker 3: be with, or who you divorced. Why do you let

481
00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:38,119
Speaker 3: them control you and prevent you from moving on? I

482
00:21:38,119 --> 00:21:39,080
Speaker 3: guess I don't see the win.

483
00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:42,919
Speaker 11: Fear was my issue.

484
00:21:43,119 --> 00:21:47,640
Speaker 10: Fear of his behavior, fear of what he would do

485
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:53,200
Speaker 10: to my relationship with the kids. Just I mean, for contexts,

486
00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:57,840
Speaker 10: there have been twenty to thirty police reports, he's filed

487
00:21:57,880 --> 00:22:02,920
Speaker 10: restraining orders, just unbelievable behavior.

488
00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:06,200
Speaker 3: The kids are such a huge factor here, I would agree.

489
00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:10,760
Speaker 10: Yeah, and they are, and they have gone to therapy.

490
00:22:11,320 --> 00:22:17,440
Speaker 10: I'm in therapy. It was something that I was unprepared

491
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:23,520
Speaker 10: mentally to deal with before I needed to be in

492
00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:26,600
Speaker 10: a position in my life where I was ready to

493
00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:31,040
Speaker 10: set those boundaries and say that's enough. I know your

494
00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:35,119
Speaker 10: behavior is going to be out of control, but I

495
00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:37,240
Speaker 10: cannot deal with this for the rest of my life.

496
00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:39,480
Speaker 11: And this person that I'm with.

497
00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:45,720
Speaker 10: Is a priority for me, and this makes him incredibly uncomfortable.

498
00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:49,280
Speaker 10: So I had to make that decision, not just for us,

499
00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:50,639
Speaker 10: but also for the kids.

500
00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:52,359
Speaker 3: Yeah, well a few things. First of all, thank you

501
00:22:52,359 --> 00:22:54,639
Speaker 3: for your vulnerability and your honesty. And I'm sure this

502
00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:57,720
Speaker 3: is not easy to talk about, especially to you know, well,

503
00:22:57,760 --> 00:22:59,600
Speaker 3: of course we're all best friends here, but yeah, but

504
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:02,560
Speaker 3: you know the other two or three that you are listening, Yeah, right,

505
00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:05,440
Speaker 3: the thirteen people. But so you made that change because

506
00:23:05,480 --> 00:23:07,239
Speaker 3: you realized that you had a chance to kind of

507
00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:10,520
Speaker 3: move on, and that that might slip away if you

508
00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:12,000
Speaker 3: didn't take control.

509
00:23:12,119 --> 00:23:17,680
Speaker 10: Absolutely for sure the relationship would have ended without a doubt.

510
00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:21,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, Well, look I appreciate you calling Emily,

511
00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:22,880
Speaker 3: and that's that's it. You know a lot of people

512
00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:24,879
Speaker 3: have called with their honesty, but that's about as honest

513
00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:26,960
Speaker 3: and transparent as as anybody can be in this situation.

514
00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:27,879
Speaker 2: So thank you for that.

515
00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:33,600
Speaker 10: I will second our family wizard. It's court ordered. It

516
00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:36,760
Speaker 10: It means that he cannot contact you in any other way.

517
00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:38,760
Speaker 10: No phone calls, no text no emails.

518
00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:39,199
Speaker 11: Nothing.

519
00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:44,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean that makes any sense. Yeah, it was a.

520
00:23:44,280 --> 00:23:45,600
Speaker 11: Big issue with boundaries.

521
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:49,680
Speaker 10: It stopped the hundreds of phone calls, hundreds of texts,

522
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:51,120
Speaker 10: So it was a big deal.

523
00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:53,439
Speaker 3: It's not that you have to abandon the other person.

524
00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:56,640
Speaker 3: I just think it's that enough is enough at some point,

525
00:23:56,760 --> 00:23:59,240
Speaker 3: right and you at what point do you claim your

526
00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:02,960
Speaker 3: life back? And how many things have to be squandered

527
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:05,240
Speaker 3: in your life before you realize that this is no

528
00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:08,199
Speaker 3: longer my responsibility, you know, to keep this person in

529
00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:09,480
Speaker 3: check like I can't.

530
00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:11,880
Speaker 2: You can't and that's why you divorce them?

531
00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:12,120
Speaker 4: Right?

532
00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:17,199
Speaker 10: Oh God, absolutely, you are no longer my problems and

533
00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:18,840
Speaker 10: you have to set that firm boundary.

534
00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:22,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, amen, I bet I bet Hey, thank you, Emily,

535
00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:23,119
Speaker 3: have a great.

536
00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:24,760
Speaker 11: Day, Thanks you too.

537
00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:28,040
Speaker 2: I look at Emily right there. That's a crazy story.

538
00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:30,040
Speaker 3: Well, I think a lot of people can relate to.

539
00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:33,159
Speaker 3: But it's just like, you know what, if you have

540
00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:35,879
Speaker 3: the strength to walk away, then I got to think that.

541
00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:37,600
Speaker 3: You know, it may take some time, but at some

542
00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:38,760
Speaker 3: point you got to look in the mirror and say,

543
00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:41,000
Speaker 3: I walked away for these reasons. How long am I

544
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:43,600
Speaker 3: going to let those things continue to affect you know,

545
00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:46,879
Speaker 3: I've made the big step. So now like I got

546
00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:48,440
Speaker 3: a lot of life to live, So how long am

547
00:24:48,440 --> 00:24:49,720
Speaker 3: I going to let this? You know, how many things

548
00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:52,719
Speaker 3: are how many things people relationships are going to walk

549
00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:55,440
Speaker 3: away from me? Because this toxicity still creeps in.

550
00:24:55,920 --> 00:24:58,639
Speaker 2: It's easier said than done. I believe it.

551
00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:01,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, I believe that too. The Entertainment Report and Show

552
00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:03,520
Speaker 3: by Shelley seven hundred and fifty Bucks both next on

553
00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:05,520
Speaker 3: The French Show after Olivia Rodrigo