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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to Stephane

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Speaker 1: never told your production of I Heart Radio, and welcome

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Speaker 1: to another Monday Mini. And this one is gonna be

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Speaker 1: a little bit of a heavy one, so I want

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Speaker 1: to go ahead and put that as a content warning

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Speaker 1: at the top. We have been talking a lot about

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Speaker 1: what is happening with Roe v. Wade, and hopefully you

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Speaker 1: have had a chance to listen to our recent episode

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Speaker 1: with the wonderful Melita Easters about what is happening with

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Speaker 1: the possibility of the overturning of Roe v. Wade, which

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Speaker 1: go ahead and put this as a time stamp, because

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Speaker 1: things change quickly and voting is supposed to be happening

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Speaker 1: this week, so who knows, by the time this comes out,

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Speaker 1: we may be in a different type of shambles. Who knows.

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Speaker 1: So it is May tenth, and we are talking about

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Speaker 1: a lot, a lot, and again this content warning is

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Speaker 1: because it is a heavy topic. It is very personal

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Speaker 1: to me as an adoptee. And so if we have

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Speaker 1: any adopted listeners, here are people who have gone through

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Speaker 1: the adoption system, whether they have put a child in

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Speaker 1: the adoption system or any of that. This could be triggering,

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Speaker 1: so be forewarned. There you go. Um, but I didn't

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Speaker 1: want to take a minute to address a statement that

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Speaker 1: was in the brief that was leaked about the ruling

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Speaker 1: of possibly overturning Roe v. Wade before I start, Annie,

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Speaker 1: do you have anything to add because I have a

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Speaker 1: feeling I'm just gonna run through this so hard with

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Speaker 1: a lot of emotion, that you're gonna sit quietly because

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Speaker 1: you're so supportive and and all of this for me,

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Speaker 1: but also being like, I'm gonna give you room. So

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Speaker 1: before we started giving anything to say, no, Um, I mean,

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Speaker 1: I'm I might think of something, but I'm very yeah. Again,

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Speaker 1: just appreciate you being so open. And it has been

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Speaker 1: like so much conversation happening, and so much of it

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Speaker 1: very uninformed and ignorant and damaging. Right yeah, right, And

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Speaker 1: I think that's that big statement is it is very

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Speaker 1: damaging and people do not realize the power of words

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Speaker 1: and how harmful it is. And to have it written

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Speaker 1: on a constitutional level that is a guidance and rule

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Speaker 1: of law for the country that I live in, it's

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Speaker 1: really offensive and really really traumatizing. I'm not gonna lie

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Speaker 1: went through a therapy session a really hard therapy session,

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Speaker 1: by the way, Um, and part of this is what's

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Speaker 1: this conversation specifically, But what I'm referring to is a

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Speaker 1: statement that was an obvious contribution from Justice Amy Coney Barrett,

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Speaker 1: who made a simble of statement during her confirmation hearing

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Speaker 1: that is now in this lead to briefing which pretty

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Speaker 1: much talks about the safe haven law as well as

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Speaker 1: adopting children. In this briefing, it says, Uh, if you've

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Speaker 1: had the chance to read it, I'm sorry because I

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Speaker 1: was traumatized by it. So if to anyone else who's

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Speaker 1: had had to read there or gone through it as well, yeah,

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Speaker 1: we we love you. So sorry. I hope you were

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Speaker 1: able to take a deep breath and take a moment.

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Speaker 1: On page thirty four talks about the arguments made that

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Speaker 1: women have more freedom now and are protected by law

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Speaker 1: from discrimination, and that with safe haven laws and adoption,

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Speaker 1: children are safe and quote has little reason to fear

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Speaker 1: that the baby will not find a suitable home, and

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Speaker 1: that the adoption supporters are fearful of losing autonomy and

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Speaker 1: quote unable to compete with men in the workplace and

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Speaker 1: other endeavors. We put this in our previous episode, but

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Speaker 1: I felt this was the most demeaning, like statement, wow,

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Speaker 1: competing with men, Okay, cool, cool, cool, alright cool, because

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Speaker 1: each has good arguments. Each side decisions to be left

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Speaker 1: to the state. So this is the beginning that we

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Speaker 1: understand why he's like, we need to overturn this, and

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Speaker 1: this is why why it's i legal or unconstitutional rather,

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Speaker 1: but it's obvious from this really privileged. I mean, it

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Speaker 1: feels like I'm in the early, uh, the mid nineteen

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Speaker 1: centuries with the statement about how ignorant it is and

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Speaker 1: how dismissive it is in general. Uh, reeks of white privilege,

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Speaker 1: it reeks of upper class privilege that I hate. UM.

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Speaker 1: And yeah, obviously I have a lot of thoughts, UM,

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Speaker 1: and again thank you for giving me the space to

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Speaker 1: you as a listener who is listening, as well as

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Speaker 1: any my friend who was like, I have to talk

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Speaker 1: about this immediately and you're like, okay, okay through it.

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Speaker 1: I cannot express how triggering and how dismissive this idea

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Speaker 1: is not only for adoptees like myself, but for those

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Speaker 1: who have placed a child for adoption or have felt

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Speaker 1: dis a minute against so often UM and recently due

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Speaker 1: to the possibility of him being pregnant. So let's start.

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Speaker 1: And I tried to write these things down, y'all, because

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Speaker 1: this is what we do. This is how any has

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Speaker 1: prepared me, because she's more of a professional on this.

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Speaker 1: By writing it down, I'm gonna go on tangents. If

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Speaker 1: I sound emotional, get over it, because it is emotional

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Speaker 1: for me. This is not about just rights. This is

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Speaker 1: about people who are able to get pregnant their lives

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Speaker 1: as well as those who are given who are birth

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Speaker 1: um and it's more traumatic than you think. First, the

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Speaker 1: argument of just just put them up for adoption, which

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Speaker 1: is such a loud rhetoric that it's become a joke.

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Speaker 1: It has become almost a tagline to any anti choice

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Speaker 1: protest um, and it's demeaning. Let's talk about how often

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Speaker 1: people joke about their siblings being adopted, and how obviously

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Speaker 1: that's supposed to be an insult. So for myself, who

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Speaker 1: grew up hearing this, feeling this very heaviness of like, Okay, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I am a I am a joke to begin with, Um,

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Speaker 1: my existence is apparently a joke, um, and I should

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Speaker 1: be ashamed of my status when I'm also being told

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Speaker 1: be grateful, UM, do better. Let's put into that also

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Speaker 1: that how pro lifers have forgotten the pure trauma and

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Speaker 1: overwhelming amount of emotional and physical labor it takes for

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Speaker 1: a person to be pregnant um perhaps partially because a

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Speaker 1: big majority of these supporters do not have a uterus

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Speaker 1: and have no clue what it could possibly entail. And

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Speaker 1: I say, this is a person that I've never been

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Speaker 1: pregnant that I know of. But do I have a uterus?

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Speaker 1: And have I gone through the awful period pains of

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Speaker 1: trying to prepare my body supposedly for a child? Yes?

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Speaker 1: And is it painful? It is so painful that I

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Speaker 1: would be on the floor in tears trying to wait

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Speaker 1: out the week period of the week's period and I'm

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Speaker 1: not meaning the actual period, but like the time frame

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Speaker 1: I guess of passing the blood clots which were oftentimes

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Speaker 1: the size of golf balls that was trying to be

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Speaker 1: expelled out of my body, and how painful that was.

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Speaker 1: Just recently a new study found that is aligned to

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Speaker 1: having a heart attack, That's what and then have been

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Speaker 1: like what men who have actually been listening and believe

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Speaker 1: science or like, really isn't really that bad. Yes, yes,

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Speaker 1: it's really that bad, and just the overall process that

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Speaker 1: that doesn't include. That's if you're somewhat healthy. And I

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Speaker 1: say somewhat healthy because apparently that's not the norm, and

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Speaker 1: because we're told to be quiet and not talk about it,

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Speaker 1: we don't know what's the norm healthy. Uh time of

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Speaker 1: the month is. But on top of that, those who

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Speaker 1: have gone through so many painful, painful cysts and unine problems,

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Speaker 1: there are so many things that are so dangerous. That's

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Speaker 1: all so does not include us trying to go through

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Speaker 1: birth control, not because we're not necessarily preventing childbirth, but

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Speaker 1: we're actually trying to help the symptoms that are so

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Speaker 1: painful it takes us out. I can't even tell you,

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Speaker 1: like I was prescribed birth control way before I started

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Speaker 1: having sex to try to ease my pain and the

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Speaker 1: flow and all of that too. So there's so many

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Speaker 1: things to this that I know, our listeners they know,

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Speaker 1: I know, y'all know, But just trying to remind the

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Speaker 1: world if someone knew was catching on about why we're

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Speaker 1: so upset and angry. This is part of this um

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Speaker 1: which adding on to that, the new laws that are

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Speaker 1: happening around the country with I think is strategic because

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Speaker 1: they want to make the most extreme laws, so when

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Speaker 1: they lessen it to just not abortion, it seems reasonable.

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Speaker 1: So I'm wondering. I'm wondering because right now different states

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Speaker 1: are talking about um outlawing i e. D s outlaws,

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Speaker 1: specific birth control, out so many things. So but on

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Speaker 1: top of all that, we know the system in itself

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Speaker 1: when it comes to adoption, when it comes to reproduction,

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Speaker 1: when it comes to women's health, and we're not talking

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Speaker 1: about abortion, but abortion is healthcare. We're gonna go with that.

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Speaker 1: But we're talking about women's health, just being able to

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Speaker 1: check and see what's wrong with their bodies if it

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Speaker 1: is abnormally. It's like, if we don't have to suffer

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Speaker 1: this pain, it shouldn't be suffering us pain. Um. As

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Speaker 1: well as the fact that the system for the children,

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Speaker 1: it is corrupt um um and dismissive and oftentimes placed

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Speaker 1: at the bottom of people's priorities. We know this. I

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Speaker 1: know this, I've seen this, I've been in this. Let's

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Speaker 1: talk about the children. As a September of the Adoption

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Speaker 1: and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting System show that over

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Speaker 1: four hundred hours and children are currently in foster care

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Speaker 1: programs with minimal assistance, and every year it seems that

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Speaker 1: the budget is cut even more, including pay for workers

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Speaker 1: who are being demonized. Do I think this system works? No?

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Speaker 1: Do I think the system is bad? Yes? In every level? Yes.

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Speaker 1: Do I think the people who come into this position

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Speaker 1: come in thinking that they're gonna be the demons that

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Speaker 1: they're being called out to be. No, I really came

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Speaker 1: in thinking that I was saving children and hoping to

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Speaker 1: save children. And I'm not talking about saving babies. I'm

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Speaker 1: talking about the children that come into this foster care

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Speaker 1: or coming to the system and come into a home

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Speaker 1: or are taken out of a home without actually getting

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Speaker 1: assistance for the homes. Whole different conversation. But we don't

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Speaker 1: see that. We see the mid middlemen or the bottom

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Speaker 1: men slash and not saying this men people being blamed

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Speaker 1: for everything because we don't know where else to blame,

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Speaker 1: and because the system is made up that way so

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Speaker 1: that the people who are profiting off of this are

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Speaker 1: hidden nicely in the background. And yes, people are profiting

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Speaker 1: off of this. And I'm not talking about foster parents either.

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Speaker 1: So within that number, at least twenty kids age out

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Speaker 1: without family and support. When I say age out, there

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Speaker 1: means at the age of eighteen, any child in the

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Speaker 1: United States can put right themselves out, essentially a foster care,

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Speaker 1: so they're no longer a part of the government's system.

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Speaker 1: And many children do this because they're tired. They have

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Speaker 1: been screwed over by the system for so long they've

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Speaker 1: been passed around that all they think that they need

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Speaker 1: is autonomy without understanding, they are not prepared for adulthood

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Speaker 1: and have no support. Now, if they do sign themselves

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Speaker 1: back into care, meaning they decided to stay within the

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Speaker 1: system until they're twenty one, they can and they can

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Speaker 1: get more assistance. However, much like the system that has

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Speaker 1: been set up when it comes to depending on nonprofits

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Speaker 1: or church related things, you have to abide by their

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Speaker 1: rules and be kicked out for any reason, which is

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Speaker 1: unreasonable in my opinion. Um, and they can choose to

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Speaker 1: sign themselves out at any point in time. So even then,

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Speaker 1: let's say they do the perfect thing and continue on.

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Speaker 1: At the age of twenty one, they literally are dropped again.

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Speaker 1: Twenty one, I think we've already established they are not

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Speaker 1: truly adults. They're being called adults and they're being prosecuted

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Speaker 1: like adults, and they're being told they can have responsibilities

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Speaker 1: and should act as an adult, but they have not

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Speaker 1: been prepared to be adults. I don't think. I don't

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Speaker 1: think I hit that until my mid thirties. Any Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm here now, I'm doing adulting things and I'm panicking. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: A couple of years ago, before the pandemic, we were

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Speaker 1: at an office party and our wonderful office manager called

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Speaker 1: me an adult and I literally had a moment of like,

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Speaker 1: oh no, she's right exactly. So let's talk about those numbers.

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Speaker 1: There are so many things I've been I've been going

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Speaker 1: through this system. I've been working the system for years,

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Speaker 1: and it is set up so people will fail. And

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Speaker 1: I say this, um, not because that's what the workers want.

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Speaker 1: And I know there are bad workers out there, I

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Speaker 1: know they have bad intent, but truly, this is where

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Speaker 1: they think they are doing something different. I really tried

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Speaker 1: my damnedest and saw it going nowhere. And the people

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Speaker 1: who truly, truly, truly, truly try without falling into the

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Speaker 1: trap of just giving up and getting the money, which,

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Speaker 1: by the way, twenty nine to five thousand a year

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Speaker 1: is not a lot or whoever wants to know. The

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Speaker 1: best that I've seen within the system that for workers

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Speaker 1: are maybe thirty five UM thousand a year UM, but

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Speaker 1: they just finally give up and they just hope that

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Speaker 1: they can survive, and they go through forgetting about who

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Speaker 1: what they're doing it for. And those who don't can't

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Speaker 1: forget it. And I say can't because I had nightmares

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Speaker 1: until I left. We quit because we know it's bad,

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Speaker 1: we know the system is bad, and honestly it was

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Speaker 1: because of the system I became less leaning when I

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Speaker 1: worked in the system. Um, these kids are given up

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Speaker 1: on so quickly, and because they're not the perfect kids,

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Speaker 1: which is one of the biggest misconceptions ever. This whole

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Speaker 1: lie that you're saving a child and they're going to

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Speaker 1: be eternally grateful and change their ways for you is

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Speaker 1: a whole load of both, and you need to stop

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Speaker 1: with that. These are broken people coming in being completely

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Speaker 1: lied to and betrayed repeatedly throughout their lives, and then

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Speaker 1: you think because you were nice to them that they're

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Speaker 1: going to change their life for you. No, that's not

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Speaker 1: how that works. It takes years of work to undo

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Speaker 1: the trauma that happens to these kids. And because people

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Speaker 1: are not faced with the reality of what that looks like,

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Speaker 1: they give up on these children and become one more

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Speaker 1: person that has betrayed them. Just a reminder if you

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Speaker 1: do this going into a foster and the is what

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Speaker 1: I've actually I've scared off so many potential foster parents

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Speaker 1: because I could not allow for these people who came

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Speaker 1: in with these rose colored glasses think they're slaving someone

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Speaker 1: and not realizing they're probably gonna steal from you. They're

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Speaker 1: gonna take things away from you. They're probably gonna bully

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Speaker 1: your own biological kids to a certain degree. It's not

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Speaker 1: pretty and there are reasons for that. And if you

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Speaker 1: can't accept that, then don't do this because you don't

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Speaker 1: need to be one more person that builds on their trauma.

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Speaker 1: And I will tell anyone and everyone this. If you're

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Speaker 1: playing the foster, make sure you understand what you're getting into.

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Speaker 1: On top of that, the system does not work for

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Speaker 1: the biological families. They do not care to keep families together.

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Speaker 1: I have seen it. I have seen it. Do individuals Yes,

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Speaker 1: do they are their individuals who will fight for it? Yes?

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Speaker 1: Have I been one of the workers. Yes. The judge

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Speaker 1: that I had that I worked with when I first

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Speaker 1: started working in the foster care so dum slash Child

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Speaker 1: Abuse Services. It was an amazing judge who understood this,

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Speaker 1: who understood how important it is to keep family together

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Speaker 1: as possible, and that poverty and economics and racism comes

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Speaker 1: into play when it comes to the system. And so

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Speaker 1: I was able to experience some good things, but it's

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Speaker 1: not how it goes most of the time, because our

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Speaker 1: judicial system is dump as we can see. As we

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Speaker 1: can see as we can see, so this whole alternative

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Speaker 1: attitude towards adoption, it doesn't work. It's not working. The

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Speaker 1: foster care system is not working. So until that is fixed.

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Speaker 1: And I'm not even talking about the fact that the

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Speaker 1: anti l g pt Q adoption bills have been passed

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Speaker 1: in so many places, what the hell I thought this

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Speaker 1: was about the children? Like this again with that recently

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Speaker 1: on top of that, I missed this somehow, And I

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Speaker 1: don't know how I missed this. They have pretty much

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Speaker 1: attributed children as commodities. Literally said, um within a domestic

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Speaker 1: supply of influence that was taken out of that, meaning

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Speaker 1: that abortion is affecting babies the commodity of babies to

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Speaker 1: be given out or sold. This is human trafficking. Like,

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Speaker 1: I'm really baffled by the right, this extreme conservative ideal

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Speaker 1: of human trafficking and not realizing this is this is

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Speaker 1: human trafficking. Forcing people to have children so they can

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Speaker 1: be adopted. Are you freaking kidding me? This is literal

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Speaker 1: a human track, Like you're buying babies and forcing a

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Speaker 1: person to go through some of the most traumatic events

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Speaker 1: and oftentimes it is not covered. So going into thousands

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Speaker 1: of dollars of debt by a health care system does

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Speaker 1: not that does not provide for those who are giving birth.

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Speaker 1: What So I am beyond angry now the reason I

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Speaker 1: am so affected, Yes, I'm adoptee, but growing up hearing

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Speaker 1: my entire life that I should be grateful that someone

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Speaker 1: saved me and that I could have died, that I

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Speaker 1: could have been dead or a prostitute, which we talked

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Speaker 1: about in a recent episode, has always haunted me. To

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Speaker 1: have this narrative in the Constitution is literally that kind

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Speaker 1: of spewing both that adoptees have to hear for the

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Speaker 1: rest of their life and for people not to figure

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Speaker 1: out how damaging that is is insulting and I know

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Speaker 1: many people have not heard this. I know we hear

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Speaker 1: the bigger picture. Social media has allowed for the fact

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Speaker 1: that we are able to express these pains in this

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Speaker 1: this rhetoric being so damaging, and I'm grateful for that,

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Speaker 1: but it's not talked about enough because this type of

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Speaker 1: bs continues to come out, with this white Night type

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Speaker 1: of principle that has come out for so long. This

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Speaker 1: is also why colonization is a huge as problem um

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Speaker 1: and that's why it needs to be talked about and

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Speaker 1: called what it is. This is colonization of the poor

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Speaker 1: people essentially, if you want or for those who cannot

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Speaker 1: do this, who cannot do this, who cannot afford this.

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Speaker 1: And by the way, the amount of money that is

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Speaker 1: given by federal and state level, I tried to break

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Speaker 1: it down and I was like, oh, we must have

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Speaker 1: so many more grants because it's not possible. It's sintially

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Speaker 1: goes down to a year per kid, and I was like, no,

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Speaker 1: that's not possible. But that's the level of money that's given,

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Speaker 1: and then you have to raise the rest of the

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Speaker 1: money through grants and all these things and funding that

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Speaker 1: doesn't make sense. I have been so sickened by this

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Speaker 1: entire conversation, and then the amount of people who continue

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Speaker 1: to spew this adoption thing to the point where people say,

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Speaker 1: would you rather not be here? And I was like,

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't know, I wouldn't care. And the one thing

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Speaker 1: we know, even though I am grateful to be here,

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Speaker 1: someone would have taken this mantle and I'm okay with that.

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Speaker 1: The deaths that I've seen and the young children, it

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Speaker 1: may sound very harsh, not that I didn't want them

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Speaker 1: to exist, but they shouldn't have had to gone through

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Speaker 1: that hard life. And that's not okay. And the amount

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Speaker 1: of rhetoric that is happening here that continues to push

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Speaker 1: this onto marginalized communities as their responsibility is the problem

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Speaker 1: is a huge problem. You don't care about this child,

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Speaker 1: these children for you to make a blanket statement saying

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Speaker 1: has little reason to fear that the baby will not

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Speaker 1: find a suitable home. There's there's a reason we have

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Speaker 1: over food children in the United States who are in

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Speaker 1: the system. There's a reason why we have one of

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Speaker 1: the highest amount of people in poverty. The level of

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Speaker 1: people in poverty in the United States is unreal. It

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Speaker 1: shouldn't be not with who is not with us being

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Speaker 1: considered one of the richest countries. Still that is a problem.

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Speaker 1: So that statement is insulting to anyone with a brain.

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Speaker 1: This whole statement of there's little reason to fear that

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Speaker 1: the baby will not find a suitable home. Actually, the

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Speaker 1: highest numbers of children in the foster care system are

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Speaker 1: six and younger and that includes infants all the and

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Speaker 1: toddlers and up. I thought that would be older, they

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00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:07,320
Speaker 1: are not. So that is again completely both. That's not

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Speaker 1: historically correct, that is not scientific, like, that is not

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Speaker 1: from data. He just assumed it, And it is insulting.

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Speaker 1: It is insulting for those who have been working, who

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Speaker 1: seek to do better, who seek to push to be

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Speaker 1: better in this world by truly being pro life and

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Speaker 1: hoping to help life and improve life. And as someone

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Speaker 1: who had that help and I am very grateful, doesn't

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Speaker 1: mean this trauma isn't real and doesn't mean I'm trying

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Speaker 1: to undo all that trauma because of this narrative. I'm

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Speaker 1: trying to keep less angry. Every reason to be angry,

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Speaker 1: but there's so much. Of course I could keep saying,

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Speaker 1: and to be fair, like I had to stop because

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Speaker 1: I was getting emotional when I was writing it, but like,

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Speaker 1: this is one of those things that I'm preparing myself

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Speaker 1: for debate. Like I say to myself, you know when

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Speaker 1: those pretend arguments that you have, this is one of those,

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Speaker 1: because I've heard it. I've heard it from the people

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Speaker 1: that I love the most, that I'm supposed to trust.

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Speaker 1: That's part of the problem. Mm hmm. And for all

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Speaker 1: of you who are stuck with me through this entire

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Speaker 1: angry rant, thank you. And for any time that you

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Speaker 1: have to deal with people who are anti choice and

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Speaker 1: bringing in this argument, please feel free to direct them

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Speaker 1: this way. I understand they're going to be upset because

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Speaker 1: they know it's less leading. We said it, we're pro

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Speaker 1: But I, as an adoptee who has been told repeatedly

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Speaker 1: that if it wasn't for someone choosing to give birth

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Speaker 1: to me and not abort me, and pro choice every

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Speaker 1: day all day, send them our away. I feel like Samantha,

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Speaker 1: first of all, thank you so much for being so

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Speaker 1: open and sharing that because it is traumatizing and just

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00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:04,600
Speaker 1: triggering and you've been in this world for so long.

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Speaker 1: But also I think you should pick any topic that

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Speaker 1: makes you very happy, uh, and have a happiness moment.

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Speaker 1: All right, we'll come with the happiness, you know what,

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Speaker 1: I'll do well with that. Um, we do want to

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Speaker 1: do a follow up episode about a check in, because yes,

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Speaker 1: this is this is We're ending it on a very

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Speaker 1: emotionally ramped up moment. But we've gotten a little long

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Speaker 1: on our Monday money obviously, but it's something that was

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Speaker 1: super important for me to address because I do not

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Speaker 1: want to be weaponized for a redoric that is causing

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Speaker 1: harm and taking awaite people's rights. Yeah, and I feel

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Speaker 1: like a lot of this whole thing is about that,

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Speaker 1: about weaponizing children. But yes, we are going to have

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Speaker 1: a follow up. I'm sure we'll have more content about

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Speaker 1: this in the future. And listener us from in the

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Speaker 1: US or around the world. If you have any thoughts

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Speaker 1: about about this, and you know what's happening in the

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00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:08,840
Speaker 1: US specifically, but also around the world, because we know

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Speaker 1: it's not just in the US kind of stuff is happening,

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Speaker 1: please let us know. You can email us at Stuff

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Speaker 1: your Mom Stuff at iHeart media dot com. You can

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Speaker 1: find us on Twitter at mom Stuff podcast or on

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Speaker 1: Instagram at Stuff Whatever told You. Thanks as always to

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Speaker 1: our super producer Christina. Thank you Christina, and thanks to

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Speaker 1: you for listening stuff when never told you. Protection of

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Speaker 1: i Heeart Radio for more podcast, my Heart Radio because

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Speaker 1: of the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever

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Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows,