WEBVTT - When A Former Bachelorette Knew Her Marriage Was Going To Kill Her

0:00:17.000 --> 0:00:20.320
<v Speaker 1>Hey, I do Part two. It's your mentor Kathy Schwartz

0:00:20.360 --> 0:00:24.160
<v Speaker 1>from The Golden Bachelor and the podcast Bachelor Happy Hour

0:00:24.280 --> 0:00:29.080
<v Speaker 1>Golden Hour. Today, I've got an amazing guest from Bachelor Nation,

0:00:29.400 --> 0:00:36.720
<v Speaker 1>former Bachelorette now in her chapter two, Ashley A Bear. So, actually,

0:00:36.840 --> 0:00:41.319
<v Speaker 1>you were first a contestant on Brad Womack season, and

0:00:41.440 --> 0:00:44.720
<v Speaker 1>Brad lives in Austin like I do, so there's that connection.

0:00:45.400 --> 0:00:48.600
<v Speaker 1>And then you went on to star in The Bachelorette

0:00:48.840 --> 0:00:51.960
<v Speaker 1>for our audience, you know who may not know, tell

0:00:52.000 --> 0:00:54.440
<v Speaker 1>them how it all turned out for you, your season

0:00:54.480 --> 0:00:55.240
<v Speaker 1>as a bachelorette.

0:00:55.440 --> 0:00:59.200
<v Speaker 2>Goodness. Yeah, it's a long story. I would say overall,

0:00:59.280 --> 0:01:03.760
<v Speaker 2>it was a very successful part of my life, even

0:01:03.800 --> 0:01:06.400
<v Speaker 2>though it didn't turn out in you know, a marriage.

0:01:06.440 --> 0:01:09.760
<v Speaker 2>We were married for ten years. But I feel like,

0:01:09.800 --> 0:01:12.760
<v Speaker 2>even though we didn't stay married, like what came of

0:01:12.800 --> 0:01:15.039
<v Speaker 2>being on the show and our relationship is like such

0:01:15.040 --> 0:01:17.600
<v Speaker 2>a beautiful thing and such an important part of my

0:01:17.760 --> 0:01:21.920
<v Speaker 2>life and his life and our lives together. And even

0:01:21.959 --> 0:01:25.199
<v Speaker 2>though we're not, you know, even though we're not in love,

0:01:26.080 --> 0:01:28.480
<v Speaker 2>we still have a great relationship and I feel like

0:01:28.560 --> 0:01:32.120
<v Speaker 2>we've created two like amazing human beings. And we just

0:01:32.640 --> 0:01:37.520
<v Speaker 2>live a very happy, fruitful life. So I feel like,

0:01:37.600 --> 0:01:39.319
<v Speaker 2>you know, a lot of good things came out. I

0:01:39.319 --> 0:01:41.320
<v Speaker 2>know a lot of people say, oh, it wasn't a success,

0:01:41.400 --> 0:01:45.120
<v Speaker 2>it wasn't a true success story. But to us, it's

0:01:45.160 --> 0:01:48.560
<v Speaker 2>like a real success because our lives are forever, you know,

0:01:48.600 --> 0:01:51.520
<v Speaker 2>we're blessed by all of the things that the show

0:01:51.560 --> 0:01:54.240
<v Speaker 2>brought to us. So I think it's a real success.

0:01:54.560 --> 0:01:56.400
<v Speaker 1>Well, I'm glad to hear that. I would say it's

0:01:56.400 --> 0:01:59.960
<v Speaker 1>a real success. I mean, you, how many contestants act

0:02:00.000 --> 0:02:04.480
<v Speaker 1>actually marry the guy that they get engaged to. So

0:02:04.520 --> 0:02:08.079
<v Speaker 1>the fact that you and JP did get married and

0:02:08.240 --> 0:02:11.120
<v Speaker 1>had these two great kids and built a life for

0:02:11.160 --> 0:02:14.320
<v Speaker 1>ten years, I mean that's really the building blocks of

0:02:14.360 --> 0:02:17.160
<v Speaker 1>a good, happy life. So I'm with you. It's a success.

0:02:17.480 --> 0:02:18.200
<v Speaker 1>It is, thank you.

0:02:18.480 --> 0:02:19.240
<v Speaker 2>I agree with you.

0:02:20.240 --> 0:02:23.400
<v Speaker 1>What was it like though, I'm curious being on the

0:02:23.440 --> 0:02:28.200
<v Speaker 1>Golden Bachelor, I didn't get the guy, thankfully, But when

0:02:28.280 --> 0:02:31.560
<v Speaker 1>you meet the guy, when you and JP are in

0:02:31.600 --> 0:02:35.400
<v Speaker 1>the bubble and you're together, uh huh, what's it like then?

0:02:35.520 --> 0:02:40.480
<v Speaker 1>What was it like then to transition into building that marriage,

0:02:40.520 --> 0:02:41.920
<v Speaker 1>that relationship off camera?

0:02:42.440 --> 0:02:45.800
<v Speaker 2>Honestly, I feel like JP and I are very whether

0:02:45.880 --> 0:02:48.320
<v Speaker 2>cameras are on or off. I feel like it's hard

0:02:48.320 --> 0:02:50.320
<v Speaker 2>for us to not be our authentic selves, and I

0:02:50.320 --> 0:02:52.760
<v Speaker 2>think that was We're similar in that way, So I

0:02:52.800 --> 0:02:56.359
<v Speaker 2>don't think it was a huge difference from going on

0:02:56.520 --> 0:02:58.720
<v Speaker 2>camera to off camera in terms of who we were.

0:02:58.800 --> 0:03:01.760
<v Speaker 2>We were still the same people. Definitely. Of course, a

0:03:01.800 --> 0:03:06.320
<v Speaker 2>lot of you know, adjustments with your life changes, right

0:03:06.639 --> 0:03:09.560
<v Speaker 2>like you're in the spotlight, and I think in a

0:03:09.639 --> 0:03:13.040
<v Speaker 2>way it's great at first, but then you know when

0:03:13.120 --> 0:03:17.520
<v Speaker 2>you start going through issues, like there's different challenges that

0:03:16.840 --> 0:03:20.200
<v Speaker 2>you that you maybe deal with it differently because you're

0:03:20.240 --> 0:03:22.960
<v Speaker 2>in the public eye. So yes, very interesting. I guess

0:03:23.000 --> 0:03:25.160
<v Speaker 2>I haven't thought that it was so long ago to me.

0:03:25.440 --> 0:03:28.200
<v Speaker 1>So that's where I was heading. So you know this

0:03:28.360 --> 0:03:31.519
<v Speaker 1>as I do Part two. You're in your part two,

0:03:31.600 --> 0:03:36.800
<v Speaker 1>your chapter two. I'm curious again because this plays out

0:03:36.800 --> 0:03:40.320
<v Speaker 1>in the public eye. Did you see your divorce coming?

0:03:40.640 --> 0:03:43.880
<v Speaker 1>Because everyone on the show, you know, we get behind

0:03:43.920 --> 0:03:46.960
<v Speaker 1>the contestants, we believe in the fairy tale and so

0:03:47.320 --> 0:03:49.480
<v Speaker 1>just have it break up and then have it publicly.

0:03:49.520 --> 0:03:52.400
<v Speaker 1>Did you see it coming? Was it a surprise? Because

0:03:52.400 --> 0:03:55.120
<v Speaker 1>I think that's where nation saw it as a surprise.

0:03:55.680 --> 0:04:00.280
<v Speaker 2>That's a good question. I think maybe really early on

0:04:00.640 --> 0:04:03.400
<v Speaker 2>there were some red flags that I had in my mind.

0:04:04.520 --> 0:04:08.160
<v Speaker 2>I think everything shift in when we had kids. I

0:04:08.200 --> 0:04:12.520
<v Speaker 2>think that's really what happened, and to this day now

0:04:12.600 --> 0:04:15.640
<v Speaker 2>I know looking back why we didn't work out. We're

0:04:15.680 --> 0:04:20.440
<v Speaker 2>two different people, two different we think of life, we

0:04:20.520 --> 0:04:23.600
<v Speaker 2>see things differently, we see life very differently. So I

0:04:23.640 --> 0:04:26.279
<v Speaker 2>can see it now. But I think when you get

0:04:26.320 --> 0:04:29.760
<v Speaker 2>caught up at the beginning, you kind of just maybe

0:04:29.760 --> 0:04:31.440
<v Speaker 2>push it off to the side, like the little red

0:04:31.440 --> 0:04:35.359
<v Speaker 2>flags that you have here and there. Yeah, and I

0:04:35.400 --> 0:04:39.240
<v Speaker 2>think it was somewhat sudden, but it was like the

0:04:39.240 --> 0:04:41.960
<v Speaker 2>first half of our marriage was very strong and then

0:04:42.000 --> 0:04:43.880
<v Speaker 2>I felt like it kind of crumbled towards the end.

0:04:44.400 --> 0:04:46.600
<v Speaker 2>But I also feel like sometimes when you're with someone,

0:04:47.360 --> 0:04:50.200
<v Speaker 2>like are you as authentic as you are? You ever

0:04:50.240 --> 0:04:52.440
<v Speaker 2>really being your true self. I think when people get

0:04:52.480 --> 0:04:55.320
<v Speaker 2>put in situations when you have kids and you're you're

0:04:55.320 --> 0:04:58.240
<v Speaker 2>dealing with, you know, making decisions for people that are

0:04:58.320 --> 0:05:00.160
<v Speaker 2>very important in your life, like it puts you in

0:05:00.200 --> 0:05:03.960
<v Speaker 2>a hard place and sometimes you see a person differently

0:05:04.000 --> 0:05:05.880
<v Speaker 2>after that. I don't know if that makes sense.

0:05:05.720 --> 0:05:08.279
<v Speaker 1>No, it does. I'm sitting here thinking because I was

0:05:08.360 --> 0:05:12.279
<v Speaker 1>married very young. I was married for almost forty six years,

0:05:13.160 --> 0:05:18.040
<v Speaker 1>and my husband died by suicide. So that's that's okay,

0:05:18.200 --> 0:05:21.039
<v Speaker 1>it's okay, thank you. But I bring that up only

0:05:21.120 --> 0:05:24.640
<v Speaker 1>because you said it was sort of sudden and end

0:05:24.720 --> 0:05:28.560
<v Speaker 1>of marriage. It can be sudden or it can grow

0:05:29.400 --> 0:05:33.080
<v Speaker 1>or dissolve slowly over time. And you know, you've had

0:05:33.160 --> 0:05:36.800
<v Speaker 1>to obviously he's gone, You've had to co parent. You've

0:05:36.839 --> 0:05:40.920
<v Speaker 1>had to sort of build a life outside of marriage,

0:05:40.960 --> 0:05:44.400
<v Speaker 1>if that makes sense with him, with raising kids, and

0:05:44.440 --> 0:05:48.960
<v Speaker 1>that's got to be a whole nother strand of that

0:05:49.040 --> 0:05:51.320
<v Speaker 1>you probably didn't anticipate. That's what I'm guessing.

0:05:51.680 --> 0:05:53.479
<v Speaker 2>Can I tell you something funny now that I'm thinking

0:05:53.480 --> 0:05:55.960
<v Speaker 2>about it, I kind of feel like co parenting him

0:05:56.120 --> 0:05:59.480
<v Speaker 2>with him is easier than it was when we were married.

0:06:00.080 --> 0:06:04.479
<v Speaker 2>Like we get along so well, I think, when expectations

0:06:04.520 --> 0:06:07.719
<v Speaker 2>of each other are dropped and just who we are

0:06:08.080 --> 0:06:10.680
<v Speaker 2>and we don't have any expectations for the other person

0:06:11.440 --> 0:06:13.400
<v Speaker 2>except for just caring for your kids and putting your

0:06:13.440 --> 0:06:15.520
<v Speaker 2>kids first and doing the right thing and setting a

0:06:15.520 --> 0:06:19.000
<v Speaker 2>great example, we get along so well. You know, he

0:06:19.080 --> 0:06:20.800
<v Speaker 2>comes over to my house, sits down and we talk

0:06:20.880 --> 0:06:24.080
<v Speaker 2>for hours, like over a glass of wine. We still

0:06:24.120 --> 0:06:26.599
<v Speaker 2>are you know, we're really good co parents.

0:06:26.880 --> 0:06:28.400
<v Speaker 1>How old are your children now?

0:06:28.960 --> 0:06:30.200
<v Speaker 2>There are nine and eleven?

0:06:30.680 --> 0:06:35.200
<v Speaker 1>So did they again? I wasn't divorced, but my what

0:06:35.320 --> 0:06:39.200
<v Speaker 1>immediately came to my mind? Do your children say to

0:06:39.240 --> 0:06:42.680
<v Speaker 1>you because you're you know, it's a double edged sword.

0:06:42.720 --> 0:06:45.800
<v Speaker 1>You're so successful co parenting. Why aren't mommy and daddy's

0:06:45.800 --> 0:06:47.360
<v Speaker 1>still together? Do you ever get that?

0:06:47.760 --> 0:06:50.400
<v Speaker 2>No, they don't ask that. They know how different we are.

0:06:50.960 --> 0:06:54.880
<v Speaker 2>Oh okay, they understand. But it's really funny because we

0:06:54.960 --> 0:06:58.080
<v Speaker 2>recently went to the Bahamas, like we vacation together. So

0:06:58.120 --> 0:07:00.880
<v Speaker 2>for Springbok we took the kids to the Bahamas. I

0:07:00.920 --> 0:07:04.880
<v Speaker 2>saw that and our son Ford goes, mom, Dad, this

0:07:04.960 --> 0:07:07.480
<v Speaker 2>is a perfect opportunity for you guys to get back together.

0:07:08.920 --> 0:07:11.120
<v Speaker 1>Well that's what I'm saying. I mean there was probably

0:07:11.120 --> 0:07:12.440
<v Speaker 1>a kernel of truth in that.

0:07:12.800 --> 0:07:14.560
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, the way he said it was so fun He's like,

0:07:14.600 --> 0:07:16.240
<v Speaker 2>it's a perfect opportunity for you too.

0:07:17.280 --> 0:07:19.560
<v Speaker 1>So I have a couple of quess So my parents,

0:07:19.600 --> 0:07:22.360
<v Speaker 1>just so we're clear, if you remember the War of

0:07:22.400 --> 0:07:25.360
<v Speaker 1>the Roses that was my parents divorce, There was nothing

0:07:25.480 --> 0:07:29.880
<v Speaker 1>collaborative or congenial. Ever, no co parenting zipity do not.

0:07:30.080 --> 0:07:32.920
<v Speaker 1>So I find the fact that you guys chose to

0:07:33.000 --> 0:07:38.200
<v Speaker 1>vacation together amazing for your children. But I'm curious why

0:07:38.320 --> 0:07:40.280
<v Speaker 1>was it important to do that? What made you guys

0:07:40.280 --> 0:07:41.480
<v Speaker 1>come up with that idea?

0:07:41.520 --> 0:07:45.040
<v Speaker 2>Honestly, we do everything together. We vacation together, we vacation,

0:07:45.240 --> 0:07:48.040
<v Speaker 2>we went to Hawaii for two weeks last year. We

0:07:48.280 --> 0:07:51.920
<v Speaker 2>just we love our kids, and we are still a

0:07:51.960 --> 0:07:55.600
<v Speaker 2>family even though we're divorced, like we very much are like, okay,

0:07:55.680 --> 0:07:58.880
<v Speaker 2>family time, family, dinner, family this, like we're very still,

0:07:59.240 --> 0:08:00.880
<v Speaker 2>very much still a unit. I don't know if that

0:08:00.920 --> 0:08:03.160
<v Speaker 2>makes sense to anyone else, it just works for us.

0:08:04.040 --> 0:08:06.960
<v Speaker 2>And also, I think it's important to show your kids that.

0:08:07.440 --> 0:08:09.920
<v Speaker 2>I know not everybody agrees with this, but I don't

0:08:10.000 --> 0:08:13.520
<v Speaker 2>think marriage is for everybody. And I think that everyone's

0:08:13.560 --> 0:08:16.560
<v Speaker 2>so scared to get divorced. It's like, oh my gosh,

0:08:16.600 --> 0:08:20.200
<v Speaker 2>my kids. But I think that when you try and

0:08:20.240 --> 0:08:22.600
<v Speaker 2>you try and it doesn't work and it's not working

0:08:22.640 --> 0:08:25.000
<v Speaker 2>and it's not healthy, I think it's okay to make

0:08:25.040 --> 0:08:27.960
<v Speaker 2>that decision and to still, you know, move on your

0:08:28.000 --> 0:08:30.240
<v Speaker 2>separate ways, but still have a great relationship and I

0:08:30.240 --> 0:08:33.880
<v Speaker 2>think that's what we want to show our kids too, right, Like,

0:08:33.960 --> 0:08:36.000
<v Speaker 2>it doesn't have to be perfect for it to work.

0:08:36.440 --> 0:08:39.560
<v Speaker 1>That's a great lesson to teach your children that you know,

0:08:40.160 --> 0:08:42.560
<v Speaker 1>at a very basic level, mommy and daddy don't love

0:08:42.600 --> 0:08:44.679
<v Speaker 1>each other in that way. But we love you guys,

0:08:44.800 --> 0:08:46.680
<v Speaker 1>and we want you to grow up and be strong,

0:08:47.480 --> 0:08:49.920
<v Speaker 1>great you know, adults, And this is how we're doing it.

0:08:50.200 --> 0:08:53.360
<v Speaker 1>I think it's It may not be traditional, but who

0:08:53.400 --> 0:08:54.760
<v Speaker 1>cares if it's working.

0:08:54.600 --> 0:08:56.920
<v Speaker 2>Right, it displays healthy relationship.

0:08:56.960 --> 0:08:57.600
<v Speaker 1>That's what I'm saying.

0:08:57.800 --> 0:09:00.760
<v Speaker 2>Our relationship is not healthy when we were I mean,

0:09:00.840 --> 0:09:04.199
<v Speaker 2>we were fighting and screaming and arguing, but we had

0:09:04.240 --> 0:09:07.440
<v Speaker 2>a lot of tension between us and now we so

0:09:07.440 --> 0:09:10.120
<v Speaker 2>we're showing more healthy relationships now with our kids than

0:09:10.160 --> 0:09:11.760
<v Speaker 2>we did when we were married.

0:09:13.120 --> 0:09:14.840
<v Speaker 1>I'm telling you to write a book. It'll be a

0:09:14.840 --> 0:09:18.120
<v Speaker 1>best seller for us. But I have a question. Are

0:09:18.160 --> 0:09:22.160
<v Speaker 1>either one of you dating? Because I only can imagine

0:09:22.160 --> 0:09:27.480
<v Speaker 1>that that might complicate that chapter two of I'm Dating.

0:09:27.640 --> 0:09:29.760
<v Speaker 1>But I'm also how does that work?

0:09:30.160 --> 0:09:33.319
<v Speaker 2>Yeah? So I when I so, Okay, let me think

0:09:33.360 --> 0:09:36.040
<v Speaker 2>back here the timeline. So when we got divorced a

0:09:36.120 --> 0:09:41.160
<v Speaker 2>year later, I dated somebody seriously for four years. We're

0:09:41.160 --> 0:09:44.199
<v Speaker 2>not not together anymore, just you know, for that's a

0:09:44.240 --> 0:09:48.240
<v Speaker 2>whole other podcast, but we're not together anymore. But I

0:09:48.280 --> 0:09:50.959
<v Speaker 2>do think during that time it was really hard for JP,

0:09:51.120 --> 0:09:56.760
<v Speaker 2>even though we still co parented respectfully. There was not

0:09:56.920 --> 0:09:59.520
<v Speaker 2>around the kids, but when we were in like a

0:09:59.520 --> 0:10:02.160
<v Speaker 2>Loane talk or if he was messaging me, I think

0:10:02.160 --> 0:10:04.400
<v Speaker 2>there was some tension there for sure. I think the

0:10:04.480 --> 0:10:08.080
<v Speaker 2>relationship was easier when my ex boyfriend and I kind

0:10:08.120 --> 0:10:10.600
<v Speaker 2>of separated, like it was easier for him to feel

0:10:10.640 --> 0:10:13.160
<v Speaker 2>more comfortable. I know he was very hurt when I

0:10:13.240 --> 0:10:17.600
<v Speaker 2>moved on a year later. I don't ask him about

0:10:17.600 --> 0:10:20.560
<v Speaker 2>his relationships because I don't want to interfere in that way,

0:10:20.559 --> 0:10:22.800
<v Speaker 2>but I do think he dates on and off.

0:10:23.120 --> 0:10:26.760
<v Speaker 1>Do you think he would get married again? I'm curious. Yeah.

0:10:26.960 --> 0:10:29.480
<v Speaker 1>The reason I asked that is you said marriage isn't

0:10:29.520 --> 0:10:30.120
<v Speaker 1>for everyone.

0:10:30.480 --> 0:10:33.840
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so unpopular opinion, and I might get some heat

0:10:33.840 --> 0:10:36.640
<v Speaker 2>from this, Like I don't. I don't. I would not

0:10:36.720 --> 0:10:40.360
<v Speaker 2>personally get married again. I don't think marriage. This is

0:10:40.400 --> 0:10:45.000
<v Speaker 2>another podcast. I don't think marriage isn't the best interest

0:10:45.160 --> 0:10:48.760
<v Speaker 2>of a woman. But that's my own that's my own

0:10:48.840 --> 0:10:51.440
<v Speaker 2>personal thing. That's my own personal thing.

0:10:51.960 --> 0:10:55.680
<v Speaker 1>Actually, this this podcast is about you, so let's talk

0:10:55.720 --> 0:10:58.520
<v Speaker 1>about that for a second. Why is it not in

0:10:58.559 --> 0:11:01.040
<v Speaker 1>your best interest? I mean, you've got to get me more.

0:11:01.480 --> 0:11:03.000
<v Speaker 2>Okay, that's a good I don't want to I don't

0:11:03.000 --> 0:11:07.280
<v Speaker 2>want to say anything too heated. I just think the

0:11:08.760 --> 0:11:11.120
<v Speaker 2>I just think as Okay, let me how to try

0:11:11.120 --> 0:11:13.040
<v Speaker 2>to explain. When I was in a relationship, I felt

0:11:13.080 --> 0:11:17.560
<v Speaker 2>like all the time I had was given to someone else.

0:11:17.600 --> 0:11:21.440
<v Speaker 2>There was no time for me. There was no everything

0:11:21.480 --> 0:11:23.800
<v Speaker 2>I had belonged to someone else. I was expected to

0:11:23.840 --> 0:11:26.160
<v Speaker 2>do this, this, this, care for this, do this, take

0:11:26.200 --> 0:11:29.160
<v Speaker 2>care of this. There was nothing left for me. And

0:11:29.559 --> 0:11:36.400
<v Speaker 2>I see myself as a successful person in all areas

0:11:36.440 --> 0:11:40.000
<v Speaker 2>of my life. And I don't necessarily think marriage helped

0:11:40.040 --> 0:11:45.240
<v Speaker 2>me with that. I think being a single woman allowed

0:11:45.240 --> 0:11:47.120
<v Speaker 2>me to be more successful in all the areas of

0:11:47.160 --> 0:11:49.960
<v Speaker 2>my life. And maybe that's not important to everybody, but

0:11:50.120 --> 0:11:53.520
<v Speaker 2>for me, I just I thrived when I was not

0:11:53.640 --> 0:11:55.440
<v Speaker 2>in a marriage, and even more when I'm not in

0:11:55.480 --> 0:11:58.800
<v Speaker 2>a relationship. So for me, it's it's working for me

0:11:58.880 --> 0:11:59.320
<v Speaker 2>right now.

0:11:59.760 --> 0:12:02.840
<v Speaker 1>So okay, so first of all, let me just say

0:12:02.880 --> 0:12:05.960
<v Speaker 1>this is your chapter two. You get to define it.

0:12:06.040 --> 0:12:08.200
<v Speaker 1>You get, you know, it doesn't matter what other people think.

0:12:08.240 --> 0:12:10.120
<v Speaker 1>You get to do this all on your terms, which

0:12:10.120 --> 0:12:16.200
<v Speaker 1>is sort of what you're saying. I'm curious you said relate.

0:12:16.360 --> 0:12:20.360
<v Speaker 1>Is it that if I think there's a financial piece

0:12:20.400 --> 0:12:24.160
<v Speaker 1>here too? Women I think often stay in marriage is

0:12:24.240 --> 0:12:28.839
<v Speaker 1>because they are financially insecure. They they need they can't

0:12:28.840 --> 0:12:30.320
<v Speaker 1>survive on their own, right.

0:12:30.400 --> 0:12:31.160
<v Speaker 2>I agree with that.

0:12:31.480 --> 0:12:35.360
<v Speaker 1>So you are self reliant clearly, and that makes it

0:12:35.559 --> 0:12:38.800
<v Speaker 1>easier to espouse the theory that you're you know that

0:12:38.840 --> 0:12:43.560
<v Speaker 1>you're that you are. But I'm curious marriage. I think

0:12:43.640 --> 0:12:46.560
<v Speaker 1>that's at really any age, lots of women are choosing

0:12:46.559 --> 0:12:49.800
<v Speaker 1>to be single, have children single. But you just said

0:12:50.080 --> 0:12:52.520
<v Speaker 1>you didn't even feel the need to be in a relationship.

0:12:52.640 --> 0:12:54.280
<v Speaker 1>Is that tell me why that is?

0:12:54.559 --> 0:12:56.000
<v Speaker 2>I think it's just where I'm at in my life.

0:12:56.040 --> 0:12:59.480
<v Speaker 2>I think we all go through these periods, whether it's

0:12:59.679 --> 0:13:03.480
<v Speaker 2>just I style, hormonal fluctuations, or whatever it is, but

0:13:03.559 --> 0:13:05.079
<v Speaker 2>I think that we all go through our periods in

0:13:05.120 --> 0:13:08.040
<v Speaker 2>our life where we need certain things. And where I'm

0:13:08.080 --> 0:13:11.199
<v Speaker 2>at right now, I feel like I figured it out.

0:13:11.280 --> 0:13:14.760
<v Speaker 2>If I have all these responsibilities in my free time,

0:13:14.880 --> 0:13:18.840
<v Speaker 2>I need to be you know, like taking care of me,

0:13:19.600 --> 0:13:22.520
<v Speaker 2>and when I'm in a relationship, I'm expected to take

0:13:22.559 --> 0:13:25.600
<v Speaker 2>care of someone else, which is hard for me because

0:13:25.679 --> 0:13:28.480
<v Speaker 2>all day I'm taking care of everybody else. So it's

0:13:28.520 --> 0:13:32.120
<v Speaker 2>like I was left with nothing for me. And you know,

0:13:32.160 --> 0:13:33.840
<v Speaker 2>some people say to me, oh, well, it's probably just

0:13:33.880 --> 0:13:36.520
<v Speaker 2>the person you're with or the relationship you're you're in,

0:13:36.600 --> 0:13:38.440
<v Speaker 2>and maybe you just didn't find the right person. And

0:13:38.480 --> 0:13:41.920
<v Speaker 2>maybe that's true. But I'm just loving my life right

0:13:41.960 --> 0:13:46.640
<v Speaker 2>now because it's just I can go home and I

0:13:46.679 --> 0:13:49.040
<v Speaker 2>can do what I want to do right like I

0:13:49.040 --> 0:13:52.679
<v Speaker 2>can spend time with my kids, and I can I

0:13:52.280 --> 0:13:54.520
<v Speaker 2>have the I have so much freedom right now, and

0:13:54.760 --> 0:13:57.240
<v Speaker 2>I sometimes feel like, and maybe this is a negative

0:13:57.240 --> 0:13:59.560
<v Speaker 2>thing about me, is when I'm with someone, I feel

0:13:59.559 --> 0:14:02.040
<v Speaker 2>almost like, oh, like I can't go do this because

0:14:02.080 --> 0:14:04.320
<v Speaker 2>I got to be here doing I don't know, sitting

0:14:04.360 --> 0:14:06.400
<v Speaker 2>on the couch with this. Like I just feel such

0:14:06.400 --> 0:14:09.280
<v Speaker 2>a freedom in being single. So that's what's working for me.

0:14:09.440 --> 0:14:11.840
<v Speaker 1>I admire that, I will tell you, because I'm a

0:14:11.880 --> 0:14:15.160
<v Speaker 1>lot older than you are, and I think many women

0:14:15.200 --> 0:14:19.120
<v Speaker 1>at your age, at least my friends, my daughter, they

0:14:19.160 --> 0:14:22.760
<v Speaker 1>think they would call that, they would define that selfish.

0:14:22.800 --> 0:14:24.720
<v Speaker 1>I want to be selfish. I haven't heard that word

0:14:24.760 --> 0:14:28.080
<v Speaker 1>out of your mouth once. It's it's not being selfish,

0:14:28.160 --> 0:14:31.560
<v Speaker 1>it's living the life that you're choosing to live.

0:14:31.920 --> 0:14:34.080
<v Speaker 2>It's because I feel like when I was younger, it

0:14:34.200 --> 0:14:37.040
<v Speaker 2>was like, oh my goodness, that's she's such a great mom.

0:14:37.440 --> 0:14:40.560
<v Speaker 2>She does everything for her kids, she sacrifices everything. And

0:14:40.600 --> 0:14:43.160
<v Speaker 2>I was that person. Yeah, and I woke up and

0:14:43.200 --> 0:14:46.240
<v Speaker 2>I said, listen, like we got to teach women to

0:14:46.280 --> 0:14:49.640
<v Speaker 2>take care of themselves. Like that's how you take care

0:14:49.680 --> 0:14:51.880
<v Speaker 2>of your kids is when you have a happy mom

0:14:52.320 --> 0:14:55.920
<v Speaker 2>that's well fed, that's well cared for, that's rested. Like

0:14:56.200 --> 0:14:58.560
<v Speaker 2>that's when you truly can be your best self as

0:14:58.600 --> 0:15:00.800
<v Speaker 2>a mom. And I feel like, I don't know why

0:15:00.880 --> 0:15:04.480
<v Speaker 2>we think that over like working women and sacrifice and

0:15:04.560 --> 0:15:07.640
<v Speaker 2>sacrifice and sacrifice is like a good mom.

0:15:07.960 --> 0:15:11.040
<v Speaker 1>I hear you. You're singing to the choiry or so.

0:15:11.120 --> 0:15:14.120
<v Speaker 1>When my parents were divorceding, I was young. I was six,

0:15:14.680 --> 0:15:20.640
<v Speaker 1>and I remember that I wanted again. Divorce is much

0:15:20.680 --> 0:15:22.600
<v Speaker 1>more prevalent now than it was when I was young,

0:15:22.880 --> 0:15:27.080
<v Speaker 1>but I remember I wanted. I'm curious what your kids say,

0:15:26.880 --> 0:15:30.000
<v Speaker 1>if they if they if they see you as this

0:15:30.160 --> 0:15:35.000
<v Speaker 1>independent woman, if they or and this happy satisfied person,

0:15:35.440 --> 0:15:40.480
<v Speaker 1>or do they or simultaneously say to you, but you know,

0:15:40.680 --> 0:15:44.600
<v Speaker 1>I would like to have that normal relationship that kids have,

0:15:44.720 --> 0:15:46.560
<v Speaker 1>you know, mom and dad, a dog and a fence

0:15:46.640 --> 0:15:49.000
<v Speaker 1>kind of thing. Or do they how do they feel

0:15:49.000 --> 0:15:51.120
<v Speaker 1>about your life choices question?

0:15:51.120 --> 0:15:54.000
<v Speaker 2>I would love to ask them. My kids are very like.

0:15:54.440 --> 0:15:56.960
<v Speaker 2>Let me give you a perfect example when when our

0:15:57.040 --> 0:15:58.880
<v Speaker 2>kids were little, when we got divorced, and when we

0:15:58.920 --> 0:16:02.120
<v Speaker 2>sat in the kitchen and told them, my son, who

0:16:02.320 --> 0:16:05.080
<v Speaker 2>was four and a half at the time, said, we

0:16:05.120 --> 0:16:06.600
<v Speaker 2>said it. We had to say it a couple of

0:16:06.640 --> 0:16:10.000
<v Speaker 2>times because we weren't sure if he was understanding, and

0:16:10.040 --> 0:16:13.360
<v Speaker 2>he said, oh, no, I understand, and I'm okay with it.

0:16:13.840 --> 0:16:17.800
<v Speaker 2>Like they are. So they're just they're different. I think

0:16:17.600 --> 0:16:23.080
<v Speaker 2>these kids are our kids are just different. I don't know.

0:16:23.120 --> 0:16:26.000
<v Speaker 2>I don't know if they're like old souls or they

0:16:26.120 --> 0:16:31.880
<v Speaker 2>just have like a really mature mindset and a very

0:16:32.160 --> 0:16:37.120
<v Speaker 2>they grew up in a very like, respectful, healthy family,

0:16:37.240 --> 0:16:41.480
<v Speaker 2>and I think that they truly embody what we've always

0:16:41.480 --> 0:16:45.400
<v Speaker 2>wanted them to be by displaying behaviors of respect towards

0:16:45.400 --> 0:16:48.200
<v Speaker 2>each other and thoughtfulness and kindness like I just think

0:16:48.200 --> 0:16:49.600
<v Speaker 2>they're like really good kids.

0:16:50.000 --> 0:16:52.800
<v Speaker 1>You should ask them. I'm very curious because.

0:16:52.720 --> 0:16:54.080
<v Speaker 2>We should bring them on the podcast.

0:16:54.120 --> 0:16:57.680
<v Speaker 1>We should bring them on the podcast. Your son was

0:16:57.680 --> 0:16:59.760
<v Speaker 1>four and a half. Few have a daughter as well, right.

0:17:00.200 --> 0:17:03.400
<v Speaker 2>Younger she was like she too, well, let me let

0:17:03.440 --> 0:17:06.359
<v Speaker 2>me think back my timeline here, because she might have

0:17:06.400 --> 0:17:10.200
<v Speaker 2>been she was really young, like we couldn't she wasn't understanding,

0:17:10.200 --> 0:17:12.199
<v Speaker 2>So I think maybe she was two and a half. Yeah,

0:17:12.400 --> 0:17:14.879
<v Speaker 2>he was four and a half. Yeah, it was a

0:17:14.880 --> 0:17:15.480
<v Speaker 2>long time ago.

0:17:15.960 --> 0:17:18.960
<v Speaker 1>I mean, in some ways my son got worse when

0:17:18.960 --> 0:17:22.440
<v Speaker 1>his daughter was two and a half, and in some ways,

0:17:23.640 --> 0:17:27.240
<v Speaker 1>your children it's all they know, especially since you and

0:17:27.320 --> 0:17:30.080
<v Speaker 1>your ex husband are respectful to each other. It's the

0:17:30.119 --> 0:17:34.000
<v Speaker 1>relationship they know it is. It is not abnormal. I

0:17:34.000 --> 0:17:37.080
<v Speaker 1>hate use network, but you know it's normal to them

0:17:37.119 --> 0:17:38.560
<v Speaker 1>because that's what they've grown up with.

0:17:38.760 --> 0:17:40.879
<v Speaker 2>Right, They're not tormented by it. They're not like I

0:17:40.920 --> 0:17:43.200
<v Speaker 2>wish you too were I've never never once have they

0:17:43.240 --> 0:17:45.080
<v Speaker 2>said I wish you two were together.

0:17:45.000 --> 0:17:48.119
<v Speaker 1>Like, how did they feel about the guy you dated

0:17:48.160 --> 0:17:49.159
<v Speaker 1>for four years?

0:17:49.440 --> 0:17:50.200
<v Speaker 2>They loved him?

0:17:50.560 --> 0:17:51.879
<v Speaker 1>How was that when he left?

0:17:52.240 --> 0:17:55.320
<v Speaker 2>So he only met them a year into our relationship,

0:17:55.400 --> 0:17:57.800
<v Speaker 2>so we were very you know, like I wanted to

0:17:57.880 --> 0:18:00.000
<v Speaker 2>make sure I didn't want to introduce them to him

0:18:00.080 --> 0:18:04.359
<v Speaker 2>and if we weren't sure about the relationship. So how

0:18:04.680 --> 0:18:08.840
<v Speaker 2>so my son, for my son, Ford, he's eleven, He's

0:18:08.880 --> 0:18:13.600
<v Speaker 2>a very active boy, very like silly, funny, active, sporty,

0:18:14.240 --> 0:18:17.200
<v Speaker 2>and they would interact a lot like they had their

0:18:17.520 --> 0:18:20.679
<v Speaker 2>you know, fun time. But you know, my ex and

0:18:20.720 --> 0:18:25.120
<v Speaker 2>I are still friends. We still see him sometimes.

0:18:25.560 --> 0:18:29.880
<v Speaker 1>Well, you are a modern woman, I really am.

0:18:31.840 --> 0:18:33.480
<v Speaker 2>But you know what it is like when I care

0:18:33.520 --> 0:18:35.720
<v Speaker 2>about someone and when I love someone, I really do.

0:18:35.920 --> 0:18:38.439
<v Speaker 2>It doesn't just shut off like that. I can't just

0:18:38.560 --> 0:18:41.879
<v Speaker 2>be have a great relationship with someone and then just

0:18:41.960 --> 0:18:44.120
<v Speaker 2>cut them out of my life. Like those people are

0:18:44.320 --> 0:18:47.479
<v Speaker 2>very important people. They still live in my heart. So

0:18:47.520 --> 0:18:52.439
<v Speaker 2>there's definitely still you know, still interaction with people in

0:18:52.480 --> 0:18:52.840
<v Speaker 2>my past.

0:18:52.960 --> 0:18:56.920
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I just again, this was not my relationship. I've

0:18:56.960 --> 0:19:00.800
<v Speaker 1>told you, it was just abysmal. H My parents got

0:19:00.800 --> 0:19:04.040
<v Speaker 1>divorced and then so it was a very different situation.

0:19:04.200 --> 0:19:08.400
<v Speaker 1>I applaud you for that. I think I have a couple.

0:19:08.600 --> 0:19:11.920
<v Speaker 1>I have so many questions, but well, because you are

0:19:12.000 --> 0:19:15.560
<v Speaker 1>so different in a very positive way. I love the

0:19:15.640 --> 0:19:19.560
<v Speaker 1>message of sending to women. But so many women out

0:19:19.560 --> 0:19:24.479
<v Speaker 1>there you mess you mentioned earlier, you know there are

0:19:24.480 --> 0:19:28.560
<v Speaker 1>women out there who are contemplating getting out of a marriage.

0:19:28.640 --> 0:19:32.159
<v Speaker 1>They want a chapter two? What would you say to

0:19:32.240 --> 0:19:35.520
<v Speaker 1>them to make them? How would you tell them to

0:19:35.600 --> 0:19:37.080
<v Speaker 1>approach the decision making?

0:19:37.200 --> 0:19:39.280
<v Speaker 2>I guess it's a good question. I get a lot

0:19:39.280 --> 0:19:42.000
<v Speaker 2>of messages from people. Actually, when I got when I

0:19:42.040 --> 0:19:44.600
<v Speaker 2>we got when we announced our divorce, I got messages

0:19:44.640 --> 0:19:48.520
<v Speaker 2>from people I knew, like in person, about how did

0:19:48.560 --> 0:19:50.480
<v Speaker 2>you know? That's the real question I always get, like

0:19:50.640 --> 0:19:53.120
<v Speaker 2>how did you know your marriage was over? Like what

0:19:53.200 --> 0:19:56.800
<v Speaker 2>was it? Without sharing too many details, there was one moment,

0:19:57.000 --> 0:20:00.680
<v Speaker 2>like something that happened where I was like, yep, this

0:20:00.760 --> 0:20:02.879
<v Speaker 2>is this is it. There's no turning back from this.

0:20:03.080 --> 0:20:05.520
<v Speaker 2>So this is you know, this is it for me.

0:20:05.920 --> 0:20:08.280
<v Speaker 2>But I know that a lot of women, especially if

0:20:08.320 --> 0:20:10.640
<v Speaker 2>they have kids, go back and forth and like what's

0:20:10.680 --> 0:20:12.680
<v Speaker 2>the best for their kids? Like I think women truly

0:20:12.840 --> 0:20:15.880
<v Speaker 2>and men too probably, But I know the messages I've

0:20:15.880 --> 0:20:17.400
<v Speaker 2>got from women is like I don't want to ruin

0:20:17.440 --> 0:20:20.280
<v Speaker 2>my family and I don't want to mess up my kids,

0:20:20.320 --> 0:20:22.879
<v Speaker 2>and I like they're always thinking about their kids, and

0:20:22.960 --> 0:20:26.640
<v Speaker 2>like I said before, if you have tried and tried

0:20:26.680 --> 0:20:30.120
<v Speaker 2>at your relationship. First off, I think everybody should try

0:20:30.160 --> 0:20:32.240
<v Speaker 2>to make it work. It's not like, oh it's not working,

0:20:32.359 --> 0:20:34.440
<v Speaker 2>I'm out of here. You know, try to make it work.

0:20:34.480 --> 0:20:36.879
<v Speaker 2>We did therapy. We you know, it went on for

0:20:36.920 --> 0:20:39.879
<v Speaker 2>a long time. But I think that also it's like

0:20:40.680 --> 0:20:43.200
<v Speaker 2>it might not work. And I think it's O Number

0:20:43.200 --> 0:20:46.879
<v Speaker 2>one knowing it's okay to have a failed marriage. I

0:20:46.880 --> 0:20:48.800
<v Speaker 2>don't think it's called failed, but people call it failed.

0:20:49.240 --> 0:20:52.040
<v Speaker 2>I think divorce is okay if it's not working for you.

0:20:52.040 --> 0:20:54.200
<v Speaker 2>You have one life to live. You know what I

0:20:54.240 --> 0:20:57.359
<v Speaker 2>would always say to myself, do tell no, I no no.

0:20:57.440 --> 0:21:00.399
<v Speaker 2>I would always say like this, And this is no

0:21:00.440 --> 0:21:02.480
<v Speaker 2>offense to JP, because you know we talk all the time.

0:21:02.480 --> 0:21:04.879
<v Speaker 2>I'll even tell them I said this like I felt,

0:21:05.280 --> 0:21:07.600
<v Speaker 2>you know how women they hold in a lot of stress,

0:21:08.160 --> 0:21:10.560
<v Speaker 2>and it says it leads to like audio immune diseases.

0:21:10.600 --> 0:21:12.639
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, this marriage is going to kill me, Like

0:21:13.240 --> 0:21:15.680
<v Speaker 2>it's going to kill me. Like, so I made the

0:21:15.720 --> 0:21:18.800
<v Speaker 2>decision because I'm like, I care about myself and my

0:21:19.040 --> 0:21:23.560
<v Speaker 2>health a lot, and especially for the kids, my longevity

0:21:23.600 --> 0:21:25.159
<v Speaker 2>and for to be there for my kids. So I

0:21:25.240 --> 0:21:27.800
<v Speaker 2>kind of thought about it like that. But I also

0:21:27.840 --> 0:21:29.560
<v Speaker 2>think the most important thing is like, if you're not

0:21:29.600 --> 0:21:32.400
<v Speaker 2>in a healthy relationship, that's not great for your kids.

0:21:32.440 --> 0:21:36.040
<v Speaker 2>Everyone thinks sticking around an unhealthy tension like that's not

0:21:36.160 --> 0:21:39.080
<v Speaker 2>good for kids. So I think that if if it's unhealthy,

0:21:39.160 --> 0:21:43.520
<v Speaker 2>if you've worked at it, it's okay.

0:21:51.800 --> 0:21:54.600
<v Speaker 1>I have to ask you. I just on my podcast

0:21:54.600 --> 0:21:57.240
<v Speaker 1>Golden Now. We just had this conversation the other day.

0:21:58.600 --> 0:22:04.240
<v Speaker 1>I think that oftentimes marriages, people go through the motions

0:22:04.640 --> 0:22:08.080
<v Speaker 1>you said, oh, we did counseling, almost like ticking the box.

0:22:08.640 --> 0:22:11.119
<v Speaker 1>Because I don't know how you feel about this, but

0:22:11.160 --> 0:22:16.320
<v Speaker 1>I'm interested. Do you think many marriages, many relationships, it

0:22:16.480 --> 0:22:20.400
<v Speaker 1>is a box ticking when really, in your heart of hearts,

0:22:20.760 --> 0:22:23.000
<v Speaker 1>you knew you said this is going to kill me.

0:22:23.840 --> 0:22:26.280
<v Speaker 1>You knew that you weren't happy, that it was not

0:22:26.400 --> 0:22:29.840
<v Speaker 1>a good thing for you. So is the therapy just

0:22:29.880 --> 0:22:33.000
<v Speaker 1>something you did to check the box?

0:22:34.080 --> 0:22:36.000
<v Speaker 2>No? I mean I really wanted to see if there

0:22:36.080 --> 0:22:40.080
<v Speaker 2>was a way to fix the issues. I really did,

0:22:40.119 --> 0:22:42.960
<v Speaker 2>and I think he did too. I didn't. I don't

0:22:42.960 --> 0:22:44.960
<v Speaker 2>think about it as checking a box, but maybe other

0:22:45.000 --> 0:22:48.080
<v Speaker 2>people do. I really was curious to see if there

0:22:48.160 --> 0:22:50.679
<v Speaker 2>was a way if this was normal for two people.

0:22:52.040 --> 0:22:55.960
<v Speaker 2>But then it just got the therapy got a little weird, honestly.

0:22:55.720 --> 0:22:56.040
<v Speaker 1>Like.

0:22:57.400 --> 0:22:59.479
<v Speaker 2>It just got a little funky, Like it just felt

0:22:59.760 --> 0:23:03.040
<v Speaker 2>what what I'll tell you is that I felt like

0:23:03.400 --> 0:23:06.320
<v Speaker 2>when we were on camera it was different from when

0:23:06.560 --> 0:23:07.920
<v Speaker 2>so we were doing it through zoom because it was

0:23:08.000 --> 0:23:10.560
<v Speaker 2>during COVID by the way, Oh got it. Oh, when

0:23:10.600 --> 0:23:12.879
<v Speaker 2>we were doing the zoom, like I felt like after

0:23:12.960 --> 0:23:18.360
<v Speaker 2>the computer close, like it was like a different dynamic. Yeah,

0:23:18.359 --> 0:23:21.399
<v Speaker 2>there was a different dynamic. So this is this is

0:23:21.440 --> 0:23:24.560
<v Speaker 2>not like anybody can just sit here and I could

0:23:24.560 --> 0:23:26.280
<v Speaker 2>talk to you and be whoever I want you to

0:23:26.320 --> 0:23:28.679
<v Speaker 2>think I am, and then when I close the box

0:23:29.240 --> 0:23:31.639
<v Speaker 2>be my normal self again. So it was just like

0:23:32.760 --> 0:23:36.200
<v Speaker 2>I don't know, it just it didn't work. Something happened

0:23:36.240 --> 0:23:38.920
<v Speaker 2>and it didn't work, And I won't share that because

0:23:38.920 --> 0:23:40.680
<v Speaker 2>that's a little like too personal.

0:23:40.920 --> 0:23:42.920
<v Speaker 1>Wait, I'm sorry, you just I just want to make

0:23:42.920 --> 0:23:46.879
<v Speaker 1>sure I understand something happened in therapy or something is

0:23:46.880 --> 0:23:48.680
<v Speaker 1>something happened in your life with JP?

0:23:49.200 --> 0:23:52.800
<v Speaker 2>Yes, with JP, something that like a moment a conversation, Right,

0:23:52.880 --> 0:23:55.840
<v Speaker 2>it had to do with a therapy session? Ah, Okay,

0:23:55.920 --> 0:23:58.000
<v Speaker 2>it was something that happened, and I said, no, got it.

0:23:58.280 --> 0:24:00.240
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, no, I didn't know if you were saying they

0:24:00.359 --> 0:24:03.080
<v Speaker 1>or the marriage. Well, you know, it sounds like you

0:24:03.359 --> 0:24:10.520
<v Speaker 1>are very different from certainly my experience with divorce, I

0:24:10.560 --> 0:24:14.560
<v Speaker 1>will say in reading about you, and you know, I'm

0:24:14.600 --> 0:24:17.680
<v Speaker 1>in my chapter two of life, and I always come

0:24:18.280 --> 0:24:21.760
<v Speaker 1>and sort of think about how even though we're different

0:24:21.760 --> 0:24:24.320
<v Speaker 1>ages and my kids are grown and I have grandchildren

0:24:25.000 --> 0:24:27.680
<v Speaker 1>chapter two. I don't know what I want to say.

0:24:27.880 --> 0:24:31.240
<v Speaker 1>Chapter two targets, for lack of a better word, seem

0:24:31.320 --> 0:24:35.680
<v Speaker 1>to be similar for women across the board, whether you're

0:24:35.800 --> 0:24:42.080
<v Speaker 1>choosing yourself, your career, whatever it is. We take time,

0:24:42.400 --> 0:24:45.560
<v Speaker 1>we feel good about our chapter two. We feel good

0:24:45.680 --> 0:24:48.600
<v Speaker 1>about making decisions that are best for us. And I

0:24:49.200 --> 0:24:51.879
<v Speaker 1>find that interesting that age doesn't seem to change that.

0:24:52.400 --> 0:24:55.000
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I mean I think that different.

0:24:55.119 --> 0:24:55.399
<v Speaker 1>I don't know.

0:24:55.400 --> 0:24:57.480
<v Speaker 2>It's so hard because I see some people in chapter

0:24:57.560 --> 0:24:59.800
<v Speaker 2>two like oh I want this, or so many people

0:24:59.840 --> 0:25:03.880
<v Speaker 2>are pushing me like oh you know, go do this

0:25:04.000 --> 0:25:05.960
<v Speaker 2>or be with this or be with this type of person,

0:25:06.000 --> 0:25:08.160
<v Speaker 2>and I'm like, I'm so happy here in my chapter two,

0:25:08.920 --> 0:25:13.199
<v Speaker 2>just you know, enjoying life and my kids and really

0:25:13.800 --> 0:25:16.160
<v Speaker 2>taking the time that I have and putting it where

0:25:16.200 --> 0:25:18.040
<v Speaker 2>I want to be, you know, And I feel like

0:25:18.080 --> 0:25:20.080
<v Speaker 2>I never got to experience that when I was younger.

0:25:20.200 --> 0:25:20.600
<v Speaker 2>I don't know.

0:25:21.560 --> 0:25:24.080
<v Speaker 1>So so you don't want to date right now where

0:25:24.119 --> 0:25:24.440
<v Speaker 1>you do.

0:25:24.880 --> 0:25:26.160
<v Speaker 2>I don't want to date right now.

0:25:26.280 --> 0:25:28.040
<v Speaker 1>You don't want to date. That's how you have plenty

0:25:28.080 --> 0:25:28.360
<v Speaker 1>of time.

0:25:28.600 --> 0:25:31.399
<v Speaker 2>Sometimes I wonder like, sorry, this is maybe TMI, but

0:25:31.520 --> 0:25:33.760
<v Speaker 2>like there's part I mean forty I'm about to be

0:25:33.840 --> 0:25:38.439
<v Speaker 2>forty two, and I feel like my hormones really, like

0:25:38.480 --> 0:25:43.480
<v Speaker 2>I really understand human nature now in terms of women's hormones.

0:25:43.119 --> 0:25:45.199
<v Speaker 3>Which I know that's a whole other podcast or a

0:25:45.240 --> 0:25:49.520
<v Speaker 3>medical podcast, but I feel like my hormones have shifted

0:25:49.560 --> 0:25:53.920
<v Speaker 3>so much in like what how I feel on a

0:25:54.000 --> 0:25:57.439
<v Speaker 3>day to day, Like sometimes I feel super feminine and

0:25:57.480 --> 0:26:00.680
<v Speaker 3>I want, you know, to go on a second sorry

0:26:00.800 --> 0:26:04.399
<v Speaker 3>sexy vacation with somebody and enjoy time at the pool,

0:26:04.720 --> 0:26:06.800
<v Speaker 3>and the next day, I'm going to be a badass bitch,

0:26:06.920 --> 0:26:09.360
<v Speaker 3>Like I'm just going to be like you know, I'm

0:26:09.359 --> 0:26:11.200
<v Speaker 3>gonna work my butt off, I'm going to do great.

0:26:11.240 --> 0:26:12.920
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to do everything I need for the kids.

0:26:12.920 --> 0:26:15.880
<v Speaker 2>Like I just feel so different every day that I'm

0:26:15.920 --> 0:26:19.479
<v Speaker 2>trying to understand myself a little better in this like

0:26:19.520 --> 0:26:20.320
<v Speaker 2>in my fotys.

0:26:20.480 --> 0:26:22.320
<v Speaker 1>Can it all be true? I mean, it doesn't have

0:26:22.359 --> 0:26:25.560
<v Speaker 1>to be one or the other, right, yeah, right, But.

0:26:25.800 --> 0:26:28.160
<v Speaker 2>The only thing it's confusing because it's like some days

0:26:28.160 --> 0:26:30.160
<v Speaker 2>I want one thing, like some days I want to date,

0:26:30.280 --> 0:26:32.240
<v Speaker 2>and then the next day I'm like, Nope, I don't

0:26:32.240 --> 0:26:34.600
<v Speaker 2>want to date. So that's the tricky part that I'm

0:26:34.600 --> 0:26:37.160
<v Speaker 2>trying to understand. But I think just time will reveal.

0:26:37.720 --> 0:26:40.520
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I was going to say, it's not. It's like

0:26:40.680 --> 0:26:42.359
<v Speaker 1>some days you want vanill ice cream, some days you

0:26:42.359 --> 0:26:45.480
<v Speaker 1>want chocolate ice cream. You know it doesn't. So I'm

0:26:45.520 --> 0:26:49.840
<v Speaker 1>curious what advice would you give women? Because you clearly

0:26:49.920 --> 0:26:55.320
<v Speaker 1>are very content successful in your chapter two. Not all

0:26:55.400 --> 0:26:58.359
<v Speaker 1>women feel that way. So how would you tell a

0:26:58.400 --> 0:27:01.480
<v Speaker 1>woman to find her happy place? How would you tell

0:27:01.480 --> 0:27:03.720
<v Speaker 1>her how to date? What advice would you give to

0:27:03.760 --> 0:27:06.840
<v Speaker 1>women your age or close to your age who are

0:27:07.119 --> 0:27:08.600
<v Speaker 1>entering chapter their chapter two?

0:27:08.880 --> 0:27:12.040
<v Speaker 2>Well, you know what I would tell anybody, anybody going

0:27:12.080 --> 0:27:14.600
<v Speaker 2>into chapter two, or anybody in their chapter one or

0:27:14.600 --> 0:27:18.399
<v Speaker 2>whatever chapter they're in, is I truly believe in a

0:27:18.440 --> 0:27:23.160
<v Speaker 2>woman's body and their like their gut if you have

0:27:23.280 --> 0:27:27.800
<v Speaker 2>to force something, like if you fighting something it's not

0:27:28.000 --> 0:27:31.600
<v Speaker 2>right for you, you have to go where like the

0:27:31.680 --> 0:27:34.960
<v Speaker 2>waterfall will push you like naturally, like if you're always

0:27:35.200 --> 0:27:37.480
<v Speaker 2>like for me, when something's not right for me, I'm

0:27:37.520 --> 0:27:41.040
<v Speaker 2>fighting back, I'm fighting back against it. But then you

0:27:41.080 --> 0:27:43.040
<v Speaker 2>have to just release and let it go like that,

0:27:43.400 --> 0:27:46.760
<v Speaker 2>like trust yourself in knowing what's right for you. If

0:27:46.800 --> 0:27:50.639
<v Speaker 2>your marriage isn't working, or if your relationship or isn't working,

0:27:50.720 --> 0:27:55.239
<v Speaker 2>or your job isn't working, stop fighting it, Stop fighting it.

0:27:55.320 --> 0:27:58.320
<v Speaker 2>You do the work. It's okay to let go. It's

0:27:58.359 --> 0:28:01.240
<v Speaker 2>okay to shift, it's okay to to make decisions that

0:28:01.280 --> 0:28:03.160
<v Speaker 2>are best for you. It's okay to be a little

0:28:03.160 --> 0:28:05.520
<v Speaker 2>selfish because when you take care of yourself, guess what,

0:28:06.119 --> 0:28:08.760
<v Speaker 2>You're a better mom, You're a better friend. Yeah, you're

0:28:08.760 --> 0:28:09.520
<v Speaker 2>a better person.

0:28:09.840 --> 0:28:12.320
<v Speaker 1>It's putting the oxygen mask on yourself first.

0:28:12.560 --> 0:28:15.400
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. I love who I am because I take care

0:28:15.440 --> 0:28:17.679
<v Speaker 2>of myself so I can be my best self for

0:28:17.760 --> 0:28:20.879
<v Speaker 2>everybody around me. So that's kind of I don't know.

0:28:20.920 --> 0:28:23.320
<v Speaker 2>That was a lot of different things. I think I

0:28:23.320 --> 0:28:25.439
<v Speaker 2>only learned that as I was getting older, because like

0:28:25.480 --> 0:28:28.840
<v Speaker 2>in my thirties, I was, you know, it's like suffering,

0:28:29.280 --> 0:28:32.520
<v Speaker 2>was it's like almost like women. I don't know, I

0:28:32.520 --> 0:28:36.400
<v Speaker 2>don't know if you if they make you or society

0:28:36.400 --> 0:28:40.000
<v Speaker 2>makes you think like suffering is part of like being

0:28:40.000 --> 0:28:42.640
<v Speaker 2>a woman and like giving everything to everybody and not

0:28:42.720 --> 0:28:45.440
<v Speaker 2>caring for yourself. And I think that needs to shift,

0:28:45.680 --> 0:28:48.120
<v Speaker 2>Like that's that's what I would tell people, care for yourself.

0:28:48.400 --> 0:28:52.760
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I mean, I think it's great advice. I do

0:28:52.840 --> 0:28:56.920
<v Speaker 1>think that as women, and you've said it very very succinctly,

0:28:56.960 --> 0:29:00.840
<v Speaker 1>that women are expected to do it all and give

0:29:00.880 --> 0:29:04.680
<v Speaker 1>all and be all to everyone, and sometimes we get

0:29:04.720 --> 0:29:08.120
<v Speaker 1>lost in the shuffle or what we want for ourselves.

0:29:08.160 --> 0:29:12.560
<v Speaker 1>And I think that's what's hard about getting from If

0:29:12.560 --> 0:29:14.840
<v Speaker 1>you're going from chapter one to chapter two, again, you

0:29:14.880 --> 0:29:16.400
<v Speaker 1>and I are both in our chapter two is we

0:29:16.480 --> 0:29:19.560
<v Speaker 1>got here in very different ways. I think what I've

0:29:19.640 --> 0:29:22.200
<v Speaker 1>learned first, I was going to take what I've learned.

0:29:22.240 --> 0:29:25.080
<v Speaker 1>What is the biggest thing you've learned about yourself from

0:29:25.160 --> 0:29:27.440
<v Speaker 1>going from chapter one to chapter two, other than to

0:29:27.480 --> 0:29:28.440
<v Speaker 1>take care of yourself.

0:29:28.920 --> 0:29:31.640
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that's a good question. I think I've learned that

0:29:31.760 --> 0:29:34.600
<v Speaker 2>maybe I don't like, maybe I don't follow the mold

0:29:34.640 --> 0:29:38.080
<v Speaker 2>in that way like I had different beliefs about things,

0:29:38.320 --> 0:29:43.000
<v Speaker 2>and also I'm open to changing my beliefs. Maybe I

0:29:43.040 --> 0:29:46.640
<v Speaker 2>think that I learned when I care about myself, I'm

0:29:46.640 --> 0:29:50.600
<v Speaker 2>a better person all around. For my kids, I think

0:29:50.920 --> 0:29:52.880
<v Speaker 2>a lot of small this is something that I learned.

0:29:52.920 --> 0:29:54.520
<v Speaker 2>This is so silly. I don't even know if you're

0:29:54.520 --> 0:29:55.240
<v Speaker 2>going to care about this.

0:29:55.600 --> 0:29:58.000
<v Speaker 1>Of course I care, and it's never silly, but go ahead.

0:29:58.240 --> 0:30:02.040
<v Speaker 2>This has helped me so much in my life, in

0:30:02.160 --> 0:30:06.520
<v Speaker 2>every different in business, in keeping my house tidy, and

0:30:06.560 --> 0:30:09.440
<v Speaker 2>caring for my kids, in saving money for this, Like

0:30:10.440 --> 0:30:14.080
<v Speaker 2>all these little, these little steps, all these little things

0:30:14.120 --> 0:30:16.640
<v Speaker 2>that you do, add up to something really big one day.

0:30:17.040 --> 0:30:20.480
<v Speaker 2>So I used to push myself ashlely, do this, actually

0:30:20.560 --> 0:30:24.000
<v Speaker 2>do that. I was grinding, grinding, and then you know

0:30:24.040 --> 0:30:26.680
<v Speaker 2>what happened. I burnt out and I was left with nothing.

0:30:27.160 --> 0:30:29.360
<v Speaker 2>And then I decided to do just a little bit

0:30:29.440 --> 0:30:31.600
<v Speaker 2>every day, and guess what, I cared for myself and

0:30:31.640 --> 0:30:34.200
<v Speaker 2>it turned into something really big in every aspect of

0:30:34.240 --> 0:30:36.800
<v Speaker 2>my life. So small steps equal something big in the end.

0:30:37.360 --> 0:30:39.800
<v Speaker 1>And it's so funny you say that, because I agree

0:30:39.840 --> 0:30:44.880
<v Speaker 1>with you wholeheartedly. I also what I've learned. It's okay

0:30:44.920 --> 0:30:46.720
<v Speaker 1>to say no. I mean, among other.

0:30:46.600 --> 0:30:48.800
<v Speaker 2>Things, that's really that's a good one.

0:30:49.360 --> 0:30:52.720
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I've learned to say no. And I've also learned,

0:30:53.520 --> 0:30:58.040
<v Speaker 1>which you seem to have mastered expertly. I've learned I'm

0:30:58.080 --> 0:30:59.920
<v Speaker 1>not everybody's cup of tea, and not everyone's going to

0:31:00.000 --> 0:31:01.400
<v Speaker 1>agree with the way I live my life.

0:31:01.480 --> 0:31:04.080
<v Speaker 2>And that's okay, that's okay, and that's something you learn

0:31:04.200 --> 0:31:06.720
<v Speaker 2>like later in life. I find right, we're all so

0:31:06.960 --> 0:31:10.920
<v Speaker 2>insecure when we're younger about there's too many people in

0:31:10.920 --> 0:31:11.800
<v Speaker 2>the world to please.

0:31:12.200 --> 0:31:14.239
<v Speaker 1>Sorry, but I think it your I mean, I have,

0:31:14.640 --> 0:31:17.400
<v Speaker 1>I have a son on it's going to be forty one.

0:31:17.480 --> 0:31:20.680
<v Speaker 1>But you know, I think that you have mastered the

0:31:20.840 --> 0:31:24.080
<v Speaker 1>art of you in a in a I don't know why,

0:31:24.520 --> 0:31:27.840
<v Speaker 1>just the circumstances of your life that really could be

0:31:27.880 --> 0:31:30.960
<v Speaker 1>a model to other women, because I do think we're

0:31:31.000 --> 0:31:34.920
<v Speaker 1>expected to, you know, when the just even basic things

0:31:34.960 --> 0:31:37.920
<v Speaker 1>like when the kid is sick, who stays home his

0:31:38.400 --> 0:31:41.600
<v Speaker 1>the mom? You know it's right. You know, there's books

0:31:41.640 --> 0:31:46.640
<v Speaker 1>written about mother daughter connection and it's just it's it's

0:31:46.680 --> 0:31:51.760
<v Speaker 1>it's almost it's almost a cultural expectation that we have

0:31:51.840 --> 0:31:56.480
<v Speaker 1>to learn two to say no, no more. I'm not

0:31:56.520 --> 0:31:59.040
<v Speaker 1>going to do this. That's not what my life is

0:31:59.080 --> 0:32:01.600
<v Speaker 1>going to be. And you seem to have mastered it.

0:32:02.160 --> 0:32:04.760
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I think so, I hope. So I'm not sure.

0:32:04.800 --> 0:32:07.680
<v Speaker 2>I mean I'm not perfect, definitely, And don't get me wrong,

0:32:07.720 --> 0:32:11.120
<v Speaker 2>I'm obsessed with my kids and I'm constantly like doing

0:32:11.160 --> 0:32:14.440
<v Speaker 2>everything for them. But when there are moments where are

0:32:14.440 --> 0:32:17.640
<v Speaker 2>there are opportunities for me to step away and stop

0:32:17.680 --> 0:32:19.720
<v Speaker 2>pushing and stop pushing, I take them and I used

0:32:19.760 --> 0:32:31.120
<v Speaker 2>to not take them.

0:32:31.160 --> 0:32:33.760
<v Speaker 1>Do you think do you think you're raising your kids?

0:32:34.600 --> 0:32:37.360
<v Speaker 1>This is something I struggled with. How do you teach

0:32:37.440 --> 0:32:42.400
<v Speaker 1>your kids the really important lessons that you want them

0:32:42.440 --> 0:32:44.360
<v Speaker 1>to learn about about life?

0:32:44.920 --> 0:32:47.000
<v Speaker 2>How do you do that by being a role model

0:32:47.040 --> 0:32:48.840
<v Speaker 2>to them? Like I truly feel like I could tell

0:32:48.840 --> 0:32:51.280
<v Speaker 2>my kids, you know, make sure you take care of yourself,

0:32:51.360 --> 0:32:53.880
<v Speaker 2>make sure you speak to this person this way. But

0:32:53.920 --> 0:32:57.000
<v Speaker 2>if you're not doing that yourself, then I don't think

0:32:57.000 --> 0:32:59.360
<v Speaker 2>that it's going to you know, soak in with your kids,

0:32:59.400 --> 0:33:03.720
<v Speaker 2>like I truly, in every situation around my kids try

0:33:03.800 --> 0:33:06.280
<v Speaker 2>to be what I would want them to be. I

0:33:06.280 --> 0:33:08.760
<v Speaker 2>don't know if that makes sense. And my son, especially

0:33:08.840 --> 0:33:13.920
<v Speaker 2>who he's he's a little edgy, Like he's he's rambunctious,

0:33:15.160 --> 0:33:17.600
<v Speaker 2>and he has a tendency to go towards kind of

0:33:17.640 --> 0:33:21.080
<v Speaker 2>like he's edgy. That's all I'm gonna say.

0:33:21.640 --> 0:33:23.440
<v Speaker 1>I don't know, I don't know what edgy means. I'm

0:33:23.440 --> 0:33:24.960
<v Speaker 1>not trying to dig I just I.

0:33:25.000 --> 0:33:27.800
<v Speaker 2>Know he's edgy. He's like he'll push boundaries with you

0:33:28.960 --> 0:33:32.160
<v Speaker 2>or like he'll like he's a kind person, he will

0:33:32.200 --> 0:33:34.240
<v Speaker 2>never you know, he's a very kind person, but he

0:33:34.440 --> 0:33:37.320
<v Speaker 2>likes to he likes to live on the edge. So

0:33:37.480 --> 0:33:40.080
<v Speaker 2>for him, you know, like, and I always tell JP

0:33:41.600 --> 0:33:43.560
<v Speaker 2>what's important to me is that he is obviously a

0:33:43.600 --> 0:33:46.520
<v Speaker 2>good person cares for people, but that he is a

0:33:46.640 --> 0:33:50.000
<v Speaker 2>gentleman and cares about his mom and cares about the

0:33:50.040 --> 0:33:52.040
<v Speaker 2>women in his life, so his sister. He has to

0:33:52.040 --> 0:33:56.280
<v Speaker 2>take great care of his sister and his future significant

0:33:56.320 --> 0:33:58.960
<v Speaker 2>other if he ever decides to do that. And I

0:33:58.960 --> 0:34:02.680
<v Speaker 2>always tell JP, like how you speak to me like

0:34:02.760 --> 0:34:05.280
<v Speaker 2>he's watching you. You know, our kids are watching us,

0:34:05.400 --> 0:34:08.000
<v Speaker 2>So you know we talk about that a lot. So

0:34:08.000 --> 0:34:09.920
<v Speaker 2>we just try to be the best people we can

0:34:09.960 --> 0:34:10.279
<v Speaker 2>be working.

0:34:10.400 --> 0:34:13.520
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, now, but again, I mean the thing that you're saying,

0:34:13.520 --> 0:34:16.080
<v Speaker 1>Ashley is I just I was just saying this. On

0:34:16.400 --> 0:34:19.920
<v Speaker 1>another podcast, she was asking me about advice for mothering,

0:34:20.000 --> 0:34:24.080
<v Speaker 1>and I said, your children are not going to listen

0:34:24.120 --> 0:34:27.839
<v Speaker 1>to what you say. They're going to watch what you do.

0:34:28.360 --> 0:34:31.320
<v Speaker 1>And so if you want to be the good role model,

0:34:31.640 --> 0:34:34.279
<v Speaker 1>don't tell them what to do, show them what to do.

0:34:34.360 --> 0:34:37.600
<v Speaker 1>And you are forty two years old, and it is

0:34:37.680 --> 0:34:40.759
<v Speaker 1>amazing to me. Maybe I'm just out of touch, but

0:34:41.600 --> 0:34:44.440
<v Speaker 1>you couldn't be more right. I mean, that is exactly

0:34:44.600 --> 0:34:46.279
<v Speaker 1>and you're doing it. You're doing it.

0:34:46.360 --> 0:34:48.520
<v Speaker 2>So they're turning out pretty good.

0:34:49.239 --> 0:34:52.279
<v Speaker 1>So for I mean to be fair, Ashley, they have

0:34:52.360 --> 0:34:54.960
<v Speaker 1>not hit the teen years yet. We're gonna in two

0:34:54.960 --> 0:34:58.279
<v Speaker 1>more years, I'm going to ask you how things are going.

0:34:58.360 --> 0:35:01.560
<v Speaker 1>You might have a different answer, right right, Sure, you

0:35:01.600 --> 0:35:04.000
<v Speaker 1>know that's part. That's part of raising teenager. I mean,

0:35:04.000 --> 0:35:07.160
<v Speaker 1>that's their fight for independence. That's just a normal stage too.

0:35:07.680 --> 0:35:10.280
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I'm living this stage right now. It's like they're

0:35:10.320 --> 0:35:14.759
<v Speaker 2>they're independent, they're curious, they're fun, they're funny, they have

0:35:14.840 --> 0:35:18.560
<v Speaker 2>their own personalities, but they're not living like they're not

0:35:18.640 --> 0:35:20.320
<v Speaker 2>going out on their own right. It's like that's a

0:35:20.360 --> 0:35:22.120
<v Speaker 2>whole different worry that I'm not ready for.

0:35:22.560 --> 0:35:24.880
<v Speaker 1>Well, the good news is you know, you do have

0:35:25.440 --> 0:35:28.120
<v Speaker 1>a few more years before you have to worry about that.

0:35:28.160 --> 0:35:32.440
<v Speaker 1>But I actually, you know, I actually did watch your season.

0:35:32.760 --> 0:35:34.560
<v Speaker 1>It was a long time ago, but I watched it,

0:35:35.080 --> 0:35:39.160
<v Speaker 1>and I think that this is just another example you

0:35:40.000 --> 0:35:43.560
<v Speaker 1>and your your divorce, You're moving on your relationship with

0:35:43.640 --> 0:35:47.120
<v Speaker 1>JP and your kids. You are such a good role

0:35:47.200 --> 0:35:52.520
<v Speaker 1>model for bachelorette that what life, you know, what starts

0:35:52.560 --> 0:35:56.560
<v Speaker 1>as a reality TV show for you turned into a

0:35:56.640 --> 0:36:00.359
<v Speaker 1>real life marriage, a real life Now you're building your

0:36:00.480 --> 0:36:04.160
<v Speaker 1>chapter two, and I think that message is just as

0:36:04.200 --> 0:36:07.120
<v Speaker 1>important as the fairy tale we met on TV and

0:36:07.520 --> 0:36:10.440
<v Speaker 1>fell in love and got married. I love that you

0:36:10.719 --> 0:36:15.000
<v Speaker 1>are building a strong life for yourself and that you

0:36:15.080 --> 0:36:17.279
<v Speaker 1>still have a great family unit and great kids and

0:36:17.320 --> 0:36:20.800
<v Speaker 1>a great relationship with JP. That is to be commended.

0:36:20.920 --> 0:36:23.600
<v Speaker 2>So thank you so much. You're so sweet. I really

0:36:23.640 --> 0:36:24.359
<v Speaker 2>appreciate that.

0:36:24.719 --> 0:36:28.080
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I really, I really have enjoyed chatting with you,

0:36:28.120 --> 0:36:30.759
<v Speaker 1>and I kind of wish that I had had this

0:36:30.800 --> 0:36:33.400
<v Speaker 1>conversation when I was raising my kids. But alas and

0:36:33.440 --> 0:36:36.319
<v Speaker 1>a lack, I'm now a grandmother and now I just

0:36:36.360 --> 0:36:42.640
<v Speaker 1>have to, you know, uh, hope to do better myself,

0:36:42.800 --> 0:36:47.200
<v Speaker 1>you know, do better with my grandkids. One last question,

0:36:48.160 --> 0:36:50.719
<v Speaker 1>I need some advice because I struggle sometimes.

0:36:50.920 --> 0:36:52.040
<v Speaker 2>Okay, let's hear it.

0:36:52.560 --> 0:36:54.719
<v Speaker 1>How do you work because I, you know, I have

0:36:54.800 --> 0:36:56.880
<v Speaker 1>these kids and I have issues with adult kids, and

0:36:57.200 --> 0:37:01.080
<v Speaker 1>my life is somewhat complicated like many people. How do

0:37:01.120 --> 0:37:03.359
<v Speaker 1>you work on love? What's the best thing I can

0:37:03.400 --> 0:37:06.880
<v Speaker 1>do loving yourself? What advice do you give for someone

0:37:06.960 --> 0:37:10.719
<v Speaker 1>to aside from taking time for yourself? What is the

0:37:10.840 --> 0:37:11.399
<v Speaker 1>self talk?

0:37:12.000 --> 0:37:14.400
<v Speaker 2>A good question? You know what I have to do

0:37:14.480 --> 0:37:20.200
<v Speaker 2>sometimes I have to think of myself. I have to

0:37:20.239 --> 0:37:23.120
<v Speaker 2>think of myself as someone else when I think back,

0:37:23.280 --> 0:37:26.520
<v Speaker 2>like I think of myself as my daughter a lot.

0:37:26.600 --> 0:37:30.239
<v Speaker 2>And I say, because I'm hard on myself, right, like

0:37:30.360 --> 0:37:32.080
<v Speaker 2>did I do this right? Did I do this the

0:37:32.160 --> 0:37:34.800
<v Speaker 2>right way? And when I look back on my life

0:37:35.640 --> 0:37:38.520
<v Speaker 2>and I think of me as someone else and all

0:37:38.520 --> 0:37:40.799
<v Speaker 2>the things that that person has accomplished, and I think

0:37:40.800 --> 0:37:44.200
<v Speaker 2>to myself, wow, like they did it, Like they overcame this,

0:37:44.320 --> 0:37:48.440
<v Speaker 2>they did this, they created this, they were so successful

0:37:48.440 --> 0:37:51.680
<v Speaker 2>with this, And then I can really just say, hey, Ashley,

0:37:51.719 --> 0:37:55.000
<v Speaker 2>good job. Like it's almost like it's foreign for me

0:37:55.520 --> 0:37:57.719
<v Speaker 2>to look at myself and say, wow, Ashley, you did it,

0:37:57.800 --> 0:38:00.200
<v Speaker 2>Like you did a great job, Ashley. But sometimes I

0:38:00.239 --> 0:38:01.880
<v Speaker 2>look at myself as if I was my daughter, and

0:38:02.600 --> 0:38:05.279
<v Speaker 2>that helps me kind of shift and allow myself to

0:38:05.320 --> 0:38:08.640
<v Speaker 2>give credit to myself, like you did this, You're a badass,

0:38:08.680 --> 0:38:10.520
<v Speaker 2>like good for you. And I don't know why I'm

0:38:10.560 --> 0:38:14.319
<v Speaker 2>like that, but yeah, often thinking of myself as someone

0:38:14.360 --> 0:38:16.239
<v Speaker 2>else is really helps me give the credit that I

0:38:16.360 --> 0:38:17.120
<v Speaker 2>probably deserve.

0:38:17.520 --> 0:38:19.680
<v Speaker 1>I actually love that idea. I'm going to try that

0:38:19.800 --> 0:38:23.640
<v Speaker 1>because I think sometimes if you take yourself out, whether

0:38:23.680 --> 0:38:27.400
<v Speaker 1>it's pretending your daughter your daughter, or just taking yourself

0:38:27.440 --> 0:38:29.960
<v Speaker 1>out in like three faces of eve, you know, talking

0:38:29.960 --> 0:38:32.719
<v Speaker 1>to somebody else that's right there across the room, your

0:38:33.520 --> 0:38:39.479
<v Speaker 1>alter ego, whatever, saying congratulating yourself, patting yourself on the back,

0:38:39.640 --> 0:38:42.040
<v Speaker 1>sometimes it's the most affirming. I've never thought of it

0:38:42.080 --> 0:38:42.439
<v Speaker 1>that way.

0:38:43.000 --> 0:38:44.640
<v Speaker 2>Or sometimes I think of myself as like a young

0:38:44.719 --> 0:38:46.480
<v Speaker 2>kid because I grew up in a really small town,

0:38:46.600 --> 0:38:48.959
<v Speaker 2>like in the middle of nowhere, and I always knew

0:38:48.960 --> 0:38:50.880
<v Speaker 2>I wanted to get out, and I always knew I

0:38:50.920 --> 0:38:53.879
<v Speaker 2>wanted to I dreamed so big, like I almost had

0:38:53.920 --> 0:38:58.440
<v Speaker 2>this faith in myself that you know, was like almost unrealistic.

0:38:58.600 --> 0:39:00.440
<v Speaker 2>But you know what, when you believe in your yourself

0:39:00.520 --> 0:39:03.919
<v Speaker 2>like that, and you keep going and you like put

0:39:03.960 --> 0:39:05.680
<v Speaker 2>put it in your mind that you can do it,

0:39:05.760 --> 0:39:06.960
<v Speaker 2>like you can really do it.

0:39:07.360 --> 0:39:09.759
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, well that's that's and you've done it, and that

0:39:09.960 --> 0:39:12.760
<v Speaker 1>is the self talk. I love this. I love hearing

0:39:12.760 --> 0:39:15.840
<v Speaker 1>a woman your age when so many women are fighting

0:39:15.920 --> 0:39:18.520
<v Speaker 1>like we started this off, you know, going through divorces,

0:39:18.520 --> 0:39:22.120
<v Speaker 1>going through such our times. You have such a positive

0:39:22.120 --> 0:39:24.520
<v Speaker 1>outlook and I love it. I love hearing it. And

0:39:24.560 --> 0:39:28.160
<v Speaker 1>I hope that other women who are in uh trying

0:39:28.200 --> 0:39:30.080
<v Speaker 1>to figure out are they going to stick in part one?

0:39:30.120 --> 0:39:31.680
<v Speaker 1>Are they going to move to part two? What are

0:39:31.680 --> 0:39:34.480
<v Speaker 1>they going to do with their lives? I hope everything

0:39:34.520 --> 0:39:37.880
<v Speaker 1>you've said today gives them take care of themselves and

0:39:37.880 --> 0:39:41.080
<v Speaker 1>and and can build whatever it is they want to

0:39:41.120 --> 0:39:45.320
<v Speaker 1>build in their life. Wow, Well, thank you.

0:39:45.160 --> 0:39:45.880
<v Speaker 2>Good talking to you.

0:39:46.280 --> 0:39:48.920
<v Speaker 1>I enjoyed talking to you too, Ashley. I did I

0:39:48.960 --> 0:39:53.480
<v Speaker 1>really have a therapy session and it didn't cost either

0:39:53.480 --> 0:39:54.040
<v Speaker 1>one of us or.

0:39:54.040 --> 0:39:56.719
<v Speaker 2>Dot And we're not just checking a box, by the.

0:39:56.600 --> 0:40:00.239
<v Speaker 1>Way, way, we are not checking boxes. Well, let's do

0:40:00.320 --> 0:40:03.200
<v Speaker 1>you need some advice on how to navigate dating? In

0:40:03.320 --> 0:40:06.840
<v Speaker 1>chapter two, call us or email us. All the info

0:40:07.080 --> 0:40:10.160
<v Speaker 1>is in the show notes, follow us on socials, and

0:40:10.239 --> 0:40:13.680
<v Speaker 1>make sure to rate and review the podcast. I Do

0:40:14.200 --> 0:40:19.200
<v Speaker 1>Part two, an iHeart podcast where falling in love is

0:40:19.239 --> 0:40:20.400
<v Speaker 1>the main objective.