1 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:20,320 Speaker 1: Hey, I do Part two. It's your mentor Kathy Schwartz 2 00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:24,160 Speaker 1: from The Golden Bachelor and the podcast Bachelor Happy Hour 3 00:00:24,280 --> 00:00:29,080 Speaker 1: Golden Hour. Today, I've got an amazing guest from Bachelor Nation, 4 00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:36,720 Speaker 1: former Bachelorette now in her chapter two, Ashley A Bear. So, actually, 5 00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:41,319 Speaker 1: you were first a contestant on Brad Womack season, and 6 00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:44,720 Speaker 1: Brad lives in Austin like I do, so there's that connection. 7 00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:48,600 Speaker 1: And then you went on to star in The Bachelorette 8 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:51,960 Speaker 1: for our audience, you know who may not know, tell 9 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:54,440 Speaker 1: them how it all turned out for you, your season 10 00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:55,240 Speaker 1: as a bachelorette. 11 00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:59,200 Speaker 2: Goodness. Yeah, it's a long story. I would say overall, 12 00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:03,760 Speaker 2: it was a very successful part of my life, even 13 00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:06,400 Speaker 2: though it didn't turn out in you know, a marriage. 14 00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:09,760 Speaker 2: We were married for ten years. But I feel like, 15 00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:12,760 Speaker 2: even though we didn't stay married, like what came of 16 00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:15,039 Speaker 2: being on the show and our relationship is like such 17 00:01:15,040 --> 00:01:17,600 Speaker 2: a beautiful thing and such an important part of my 18 00:01:17,760 --> 00:01:21,920 Speaker 2: life and his life and our lives together. And even 19 00:01:21,959 --> 00:01:25,199 Speaker 2: though we're not, you know, even though we're not in love, 20 00:01:26,080 --> 00:01:28,480 Speaker 2: we still have a great relationship and I feel like 21 00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:32,120 Speaker 2: we've created two like amazing human beings. And we just 22 00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:37,520 Speaker 2: live a very happy, fruitful life. So I feel like, 23 00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:39,319 Speaker 2: you know, a lot of good things came out. I 24 00:01:39,319 --> 00:01:41,320 Speaker 2: know a lot of people say, oh, it wasn't a success, 25 00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:45,120 Speaker 2: it wasn't a true success story. But to us, it's 26 00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:48,560 Speaker 2: like a real success because our lives are forever, you know, 27 00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:51,520 Speaker 2: we're blessed by all of the things that the show 28 00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:54,240 Speaker 2: brought to us. So I think it's a real success. 29 00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:56,400 Speaker 1: Well, I'm glad to hear that. I would say it's 30 00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:59,960 Speaker 1: a real success. I mean, you, how many contestants act 31 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:04,480 Speaker 1: actually marry the guy that they get engaged to. So 32 00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:08,079 Speaker 1: the fact that you and JP did get married and 33 00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:11,120 Speaker 1: had these two great kids and built a life for 34 00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:14,320 Speaker 1: ten years, I mean that's really the building blocks of 35 00:02:14,360 --> 00:02:17,160 Speaker 1: a good, happy life. So I'm with you. It's a success. 36 00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:18,200 Speaker 1: It is, thank you. 37 00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:19,240 Speaker 2: I agree with you. 38 00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:23,400 Speaker 1: What was it like though, I'm curious being on the 39 00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:28,200 Speaker 1: Golden Bachelor, I didn't get the guy, thankfully, But when 40 00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:31,560 Speaker 1: you meet the guy, when you and JP are in 41 00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:35,400 Speaker 1: the bubble and you're together, uh huh, what's it like then? 42 00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:40,480 Speaker 1: What was it like then to transition into building that marriage, 43 00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:41,920 Speaker 1: that relationship off camera? 44 00:02:42,440 --> 00:02:45,800 Speaker 2: Honestly, I feel like JP and I are very whether 45 00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:48,320 Speaker 2: cameras are on or off. I feel like it's hard 46 00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:50,320 Speaker 2: for us to not be our authentic selves, and I 47 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:52,760 Speaker 2: think that was We're similar in that way, So I 48 00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:56,359 Speaker 2: don't think it was a huge difference from going on 49 00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:58,720 Speaker 2: camera to off camera in terms of who we were. 50 00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:01,760 Speaker 2: We were still the same people. Definitely. Of course, a 51 00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:06,320 Speaker 2: lot of you know, adjustments with your life changes, right 52 00:03:06,639 --> 00:03:09,560 Speaker 2: like you're in the spotlight, and I think in a 53 00:03:09,639 --> 00:03:13,040 Speaker 2: way it's great at first, but then you know when 54 00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:17,520 Speaker 2: you start going through issues, like there's different challenges that 55 00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:20,200 Speaker 2: you that you maybe deal with it differently because you're 56 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:22,960 Speaker 2: in the public eye. So yes, very interesting. I guess 57 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:25,160 Speaker 2: I haven't thought that it was so long ago to me. 58 00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:28,200 Speaker 1: So that's where I was heading. So you know this 59 00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:31,519 Speaker 1: as I do Part two. You're in your part two, 60 00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:36,800 Speaker 1: your chapter two. I'm curious again because this plays out 61 00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:40,320 Speaker 1: in the public eye. Did you see your divorce coming? 62 00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:43,880 Speaker 1: Because everyone on the show, you know, we get behind 63 00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:46,960 Speaker 1: the contestants, we believe in the fairy tale and so 64 00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:49,480 Speaker 1: just have it break up and then have it publicly. 65 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:52,400 Speaker 1: Did you see it coming? Was it a surprise? Because 66 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:55,120 Speaker 1: I think that's where nation saw it as a surprise. 67 00:03:55,680 --> 00:04:00,280 Speaker 2: That's a good question. I think maybe really early on 68 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:03,400 Speaker 2: there were some red flags that I had in my mind. 69 00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:08,160 Speaker 2: I think everything shift in when we had kids. I 70 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:12,520 Speaker 2: think that's really what happened, and to this day now 71 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:15,640 Speaker 2: I know looking back why we didn't work out. We're 72 00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:20,440 Speaker 2: two different people, two different we think of life, we 73 00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:23,600 Speaker 2: see things differently, we see life very differently. So I 74 00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:26,279 Speaker 2: can see it now. But I think when you get 75 00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:29,760 Speaker 2: caught up at the beginning, you kind of just maybe 76 00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:31,440 Speaker 2: push it off to the side, like the little red 77 00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:35,359 Speaker 2: flags that you have here and there. Yeah, and I 78 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:39,240 Speaker 2: think it was somewhat sudden, but it was like the 79 00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:41,960 Speaker 2: first half of our marriage was very strong and then 80 00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:43,880 Speaker 2: I felt like it kind of crumbled towards the end. 81 00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:46,600 Speaker 2: But I also feel like sometimes when you're with someone, 82 00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:50,200 Speaker 2: like are you as authentic as you are? You ever 83 00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:52,440 Speaker 2: really being your true self. I think when people get 84 00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:55,320 Speaker 2: put in situations when you have kids and you're you're 85 00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:58,240 Speaker 2: dealing with, you know, making decisions for people that are 86 00:04:58,320 --> 00:05:00,160 Speaker 2: very important in your life, like it puts you in 87 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:03,960 Speaker 2: a hard place and sometimes you see a person differently 88 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:05,880 Speaker 2: after that. I don't know if that makes sense. 89 00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:08,279 Speaker 1: No, it does. I'm sitting here thinking because I was 90 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:12,279 Speaker 1: married very young. I was married for almost forty six years, 91 00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:18,040 Speaker 1: and my husband died by suicide. So that's that's okay, 92 00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:21,039 Speaker 1: it's okay, thank you. But I bring that up only 93 00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:24,640 Speaker 1: because you said it was sort of sudden and end 94 00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:28,560 Speaker 1: of marriage. It can be sudden or it can grow 95 00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:33,080 Speaker 1: or dissolve slowly over time. And you know, you've had 96 00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:36,800 Speaker 1: to obviously he's gone, You've had to co parent. You've 97 00:05:36,839 --> 00:05:40,920 Speaker 1: had to sort of build a life outside of marriage, 98 00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:44,400 Speaker 1: if that makes sense with him, with raising kids, and 99 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:48,960 Speaker 1: that's got to be a whole nother strand of that 100 00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:51,320 Speaker 1: you probably didn't anticipate. That's what I'm guessing. 101 00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:53,479 Speaker 2: Can I tell you something funny now that I'm thinking 102 00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:55,960 Speaker 2: about it, I kind of feel like co parenting him 103 00:05:56,120 --> 00:05:59,480 Speaker 2: with him is easier than it was when we were married. 104 00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:04,479 Speaker 2: Like we get along so well, I think, when expectations 105 00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:07,719 Speaker 2: of each other are dropped and just who we are 106 00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:10,680 Speaker 2: and we don't have any expectations for the other person 107 00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:13,400 Speaker 2: except for just caring for your kids and putting your 108 00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:15,520 Speaker 2: kids first and doing the right thing and setting a 109 00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:19,000 Speaker 2: great example, we get along so well. You know, he 110 00:06:19,080 --> 00:06:20,800 Speaker 2: comes over to my house, sits down and we talk 111 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:24,080 Speaker 2: for hours, like over a glass of wine. We still 112 00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:26,599 Speaker 2: are you know, we're really good co parents. 113 00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:28,400 Speaker 1: How old are your children now? 114 00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:30,200 Speaker 2: There are nine and eleven? 115 00:06:30,680 --> 00:06:35,200 Speaker 1: So did they again? I wasn't divorced, but my what 116 00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:39,200 Speaker 1: immediately came to my mind? Do your children say to 117 00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:42,680 Speaker 1: you because you're you know, it's a double edged sword. 118 00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:45,800 Speaker 1: You're so successful co parenting. Why aren't mommy and daddy's 119 00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:47,360 Speaker 1: still together? Do you ever get that? 120 00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:50,400 Speaker 2: No, they don't ask that. They know how different we are. 121 00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:54,880 Speaker 2: Oh okay, they understand. But it's really funny because we 122 00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:58,080 Speaker 2: recently went to the Bahamas, like we vacation together. So 123 00:06:58,120 --> 00:07:00,880 Speaker 2: for Springbok we took the kids to the Bahamas. I 124 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:04,880 Speaker 2: saw that and our son Ford goes, mom, Dad, this 125 00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:07,480 Speaker 2: is a perfect opportunity for you guys to get back together. 126 00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:11,120 Speaker 1: Well that's what I'm saying. I mean there was probably 127 00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:12,440 Speaker 1: a kernel of truth in that. 128 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:14,560 Speaker 2: Yeah, the way he said it was so fun He's like, 129 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:16,240 Speaker 2: it's a perfect opportunity for you too. 130 00:07:17,280 --> 00:07:19,560 Speaker 1: So I have a couple of quess So my parents, 131 00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:22,360 Speaker 1: just so we're clear, if you remember the War of 132 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:25,360 Speaker 1: the Roses that was my parents divorce, There was nothing 133 00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:29,880 Speaker 1: collaborative or congenial. Ever, no co parenting zipity do not. 134 00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:32,920 Speaker 1: So I find the fact that you guys chose to 135 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:38,200 Speaker 1: vacation together amazing for your children. But I'm curious why 136 00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:40,280 Speaker 1: was it important to do that? What made you guys 137 00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:41,480 Speaker 1: come up with that idea? 138 00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:45,040 Speaker 2: Honestly, we do everything together. We vacation together, we vacation, 139 00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:48,040 Speaker 2: we went to Hawaii for two weeks last year. We 140 00:07:48,280 --> 00:07:51,920 Speaker 2: just we love our kids, and we are still a 141 00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:55,600 Speaker 2: family even though we're divorced, like we very much are like, okay, 142 00:07:55,680 --> 00:07:58,880 Speaker 2: family time, family, dinner, family this, like we're very still, 143 00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:00,880 Speaker 2: very much still a unit. I don't know if that 144 00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:03,160 Speaker 2: makes sense to anyone else, it just works for us. 145 00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:06,960 Speaker 2: And also, I think it's important to show your kids that. 146 00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:09,920 Speaker 2: I know not everybody agrees with this, but I don't 147 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:13,520 Speaker 2: think marriage is for everybody. And I think that everyone's 148 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:16,560 Speaker 2: so scared to get divorced. It's like, oh my gosh, 149 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:20,200 Speaker 2: my kids. But I think that when you try and 150 00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:22,600 Speaker 2: you try and it doesn't work and it's not working 151 00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:25,000 Speaker 2: and it's not healthy, I think it's okay to make 152 00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:27,960 Speaker 2: that decision and to still, you know, move on your 153 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:30,240 Speaker 2: separate ways, but still have a great relationship and I 154 00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:33,880 Speaker 2: think that's what we want to show our kids too, right, Like, 155 00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:36,000 Speaker 2: it doesn't have to be perfect for it to work. 156 00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:39,560 Speaker 1: That's a great lesson to teach your children that you know, 157 00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:42,560 Speaker 1: at a very basic level, mommy and daddy don't love 158 00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:44,679 Speaker 1: each other in that way. But we love you guys, 159 00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:46,680 Speaker 1: and we want you to grow up and be strong, 160 00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:49,920 Speaker 1: great you know, adults, And this is how we're doing it. 161 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:53,360 Speaker 1: I think it's It may not be traditional, but who 162 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:54,760 Speaker 1: cares if it's working. 163 00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:56,920 Speaker 2: Right, it displays healthy relationship. 164 00:08:56,960 --> 00:08:57,600 Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying. 165 00:08:57,800 --> 00:09:00,760 Speaker 2: Our relationship is not healthy when we were I mean, 166 00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:04,199 Speaker 2: we were fighting and screaming and arguing, but we had 167 00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:07,440 Speaker 2: a lot of tension between us and now we so 168 00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:10,120 Speaker 2: we're showing more healthy relationships now with our kids than 169 00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:11,760 Speaker 2: we did when we were married. 170 00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:14,840 Speaker 1: I'm telling you to write a book. It'll be a 171 00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:18,120 Speaker 1: best seller for us. But I have a question. Are 172 00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:22,160 Speaker 1: either one of you dating? Because I only can imagine 173 00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:27,480 Speaker 1: that that might complicate that chapter two of I'm Dating. 174 00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:29,760 Speaker 1: But I'm also how does that work? 175 00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:33,319 Speaker 2: Yeah? So I when I so, Okay, let me think 176 00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:36,040 Speaker 2: back here the timeline. So when we got divorced a 177 00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:41,160 Speaker 2: year later, I dated somebody seriously for four years. We're 178 00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:44,199 Speaker 2: not not together anymore, just you know, for that's a 179 00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:48,240 Speaker 2: whole other podcast, but we're not together anymore. But I 180 00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:50,959 Speaker 2: do think during that time it was really hard for JP, 181 00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:56,760 Speaker 2: even though we still co parented respectfully. There was not 182 00:09:56,920 --> 00:09:59,520 Speaker 2: around the kids, but when we were in like a 183 00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:02,160 Speaker 2: Loane talk or if he was messaging me, I think 184 00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:04,400 Speaker 2: there was some tension there for sure. I think the 185 00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:08,080 Speaker 2: relationship was easier when my ex boyfriend and I kind 186 00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:10,600 Speaker 2: of separated, like it was easier for him to feel 187 00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:13,160 Speaker 2: more comfortable. I know he was very hurt when I 188 00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:17,600 Speaker 2: moved on a year later. I don't ask him about 189 00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:20,560 Speaker 2: his relationships because I don't want to interfere in that way, 190 00:10:20,559 --> 00:10:22,800 Speaker 2: but I do think he dates on and off. 191 00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:26,760 Speaker 1: Do you think he would get married again? I'm curious. Yeah. 192 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,480 Speaker 1: The reason I asked that is you said marriage isn't 193 00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:30,120 Speaker 1: for everyone. 194 00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:33,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, so unpopular opinion, and I might get some heat 195 00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:36,640 Speaker 2: from this, Like I don't. I don't. I would not 196 00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:40,360 Speaker 2: personally get married again. I don't think marriage. This is 197 00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:45,000 Speaker 2: another podcast. I don't think marriage isn't the best interest 198 00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:48,760 Speaker 2: of a woman. But that's my own that's my own 199 00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:51,440 Speaker 2: personal thing. That's my own personal thing. 200 00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:55,680 Speaker 1: Actually, this this podcast is about you, so let's talk 201 00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:58,520 Speaker 1: about that for a second. Why is it not in 202 00:10:58,559 --> 00:11:01,040 Speaker 1: your best interest? I mean, you've got to get me more. 203 00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:03,000 Speaker 2: Okay, that's a good I don't want to I don't 204 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:07,280 Speaker 2: want to say anything too heated. I just think the 205 00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:11,120 Speaker 2: I just think as Okay, let me how to try 206 00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:13,040 Speaker 2: to explain. When I was in a relationship, I felt 207 00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:17,560 Speaker 2: like all the time I had was given to someone else. 208 00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:21,440 Speaker 2: There was no time for me. There was no everything 209 00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:23,800 Speaker 2: I had belonged to someone else. I was expected to 210 00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:26,160 Speaker 2: do this, this, this, care for this, do this, take 211 00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:29,160 Speaker 2: care of this. There was nothing left for me. And 212 00:11:29,559 --> 00:11:36,400 Speaker 2: I see myself as a successful person in all areas 213 00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:40,000 Speaker 2: of my life. And I don't necessarily think marriage helped 214 00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:45,240 Speaker 2: me with that. I think being a single woman allowed 215 00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:47,120 Speaker 2: me to be more successful in all the areas of 216 00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:49,960 Speaker 2: my life. And maybe that's not important to everybody, but 217 00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:53,520 Speaker 2: for me, I just I thrived when I was not 218 00:11:53,640 --> 00:11:55,440 Speaker 2: in a marriage, and even more when I'm not in 219 00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:58,800 Speaker 2: a relationship. So for me, it's it's working for me 220 00:11:58,880 --> 00:11:59,320 Speaker 2: right now. 221 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:02,840 Speaker 1: So okay, so first of all, let me just say 222 00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:05,960 Speaker 1: this is your chapter two. You get to define it. 223 00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:08,200 Speaker 1: You get, you know, it doesn't matter what other people think. 224 00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:10,120 Speaker 1: You get to do this all on your terms, which 225 00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:16,200 Speaker 1: is sort of what you're saying. I'm curious you said relate. 226 00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:20,360 Speaker 1: Is it that if I think there's a financial piece 227 00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:24,160 Speaker 1: here too? Women I think often stay in marriage is 228 00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:28,839 Speaker 1: because they are financially insecure. They they need they can't 229 00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:30,320 Speaker 1: survive on their own, right. 230 00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:31,160 Speaker 2: I agree with that. 231 00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:35,360 Speaker 1: So you are self reliant clearly, and that makes it 232 00:12:35,559 --> 00:12:38,800 Speaker 1: easier to espouse the theory that you're you know that 233 00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:43,560 Speaker 1: you're that you are. But I'm curious marriage. I think 234 00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:46,560 Speaker 1: that's at really any age, lots of women are choosing 235 00:12:46,559 --> 00:12:49,800 Speaker 1: to be single, have children single. But you just said 236 00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:52,520 Speaker 1: you didn't even feel the need to be in a relationship. 237 00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:54,280 Speaker 1: Is that tell me why that is? 238 00:12:54,559 --> 00:12:56,000 Speaker 2: I think it's just where I'm at in my life. 239 00:12:56,040 --> 00:12:59,480 Speaker 2: I think we all go through these periods, whether it's 240 00:12:59,679 --> 00:13:03,480 Speaker 2: just I style, hormonal fluctuations, or whatever it is, but 241 00:13:03,559 --> 00:13:05,079 Speaker 2: I think that we all go through our periods in 242 00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:08,040 Speaker 2: our life where we need certain things. And where I'm 243 00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:11,199 Speaker 2: at right now, I feel like I figured it out. 244 00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:14,760 Speaker 2: If I have all these responsibilities in my free time, 245 00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:18,840 Speaker 2: I need to be you know, like taking care of me, 246 00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:22,520 Speaker 2: and when I'm in a relationship, I'm expected to take 247 00:13:22,559 --> 00:13:25,600 Speaker 2: care of someone else, which is hard for me because 248 00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:28,480 Speaker 2: all day I'm taking care of everybody else. So it's 249 00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:32,120 Speaker 2: like I was left with nothing for me. And you know, 250 00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:33,840 Speaker 2: some people say to me, oh, well, it's probably just 251 00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:36,520 Speaker 2: the person you're with or the relationship you're you're in, 252 00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:38,440 Speaker 2: and maybe you just didn't find the right person. And 253 00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:41,920 Speaker 2: maybe that's true. But I'm just loving my life right 254 00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:46,640 Speaker 2: now because it's just I can go home and I 255 00:13:46,679 --> 00:13:49,040 Speaker 2: can do what I want to do right like I 256 00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:52,679 Speaker 2: can spend time with my kids, and I can I 257 00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:54,520 Speaker 2: have the I have so much freedom right now, and 258 00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:57,240 Speaker 2: I sometimes feel like, and maybe this is a negative 259 00:13:57,240 --> 00:13:59,560 Speaker 2: thing about me, is when I'm with someone, I feel 260 00:13:59,559 --> 00:14:02,040 Speaker 2: almost like, oh, like I can't go do this because 261 00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:04,320 Speaker 2: I got to be here doing I don't know, sitting 262 00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:06,400 Speaker 2: on the couch with this. Like I just feel such 263 00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:09,280 Speaker 2: a freedom in being single. So that's what's working for me. 264 00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:11,840 Speaker 1: I admire that, I will tell you, because I'm a 265 00:14:11,880 --> 00:14:15,160 Speaker 1: lot older than you are, and I think many women 266 00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:19,120 Speaker 1: at your age, at least my friends, my daughter, they 267 00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:22,760 Speaker 1: think they would call that, they would define that selfish. 268 00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:24,720 Speaker 1: I want to be selfish. I haven't heard that word 269 00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:28,080 Speaker 1: out of your mouth once. It's it's not being selfish, 270 00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:31,560 Speaker 1: it's living the life that you're choosing to live. 271 00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:34,080 Speaker 2: It's because I feel like when I was younger, it 272 00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:37,040 Speaker 2: was like, oh my goodness, that's she's such a great mom. 273 00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:40,560 Speaker 2: She does everything for her kids, she sacrifices everything. And 274 00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:43,160 Speaker 2: I was that person. Yeah, and I woke up and 275 00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:46,240 Speaker 2: I said, listen, like we got to teach women to 276 00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:49,640 Speaker 2: take care of themselves. Like that's how you take care 277 00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:51,880 Speaker 2: of your kids is when you have a happy mom 278 00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:55,920 Speaker 2: that's well fed, that's well cared for, that's rested. Like 279 00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:58,560 Speaker 2: that's when you truly can be your best self as 280 00:14:58,600 --> 00:15:00,800 Speaker 2: a mom. And I feel like, I don't know why 281 00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:04,480 Speaker 2: we think that over like working women and sacrifice and 282 00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:07,640 Speaker 2: sacrifice and sacrifice is like a good mom. 283 00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:11,040 Speaker 1: I hear you. You're singing to the choiry or so. 284 00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:14,120 Speaker 1: When my parents were divorceding, I was young. I was six, 285 00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:20,640 Speaker 1: and I remember that I wanted again. Divorce is much 286 00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:22,600 Speaker 1: more prevalent now than it was when I was young, 287 00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:27,080 Speaker 1: but I remember I wanted. I'm curious what your kids say, 288 00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:30,000 Speaker 1: if they if they if they see you as this 289 00:15:30,160 --> 00:15:35,000 Speaker 1: independent woman, if they or and this happy satisfied person, 290 00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:40,480 Speaker 1: or do they or simultaneously say to you, but you know, 291 00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:44,600 Speaker 1: I would like to have that normal relationship that kids have, 292 00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:46,560 Speaker 1: you know, mom and dad, a dog and a fence 293 00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:49,000 Speaker 1: kind of thing. Or do they how do they feel 294 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:51,120 Speaker 1: about your life choices question? 295 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:54,000 Speaker 2: I would love to ask them. My kids are very like. 296 00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:56,960 Speaker 2: Let me give you a perfect example when when our 297 00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,880 Speaker 2: kids were little, when we got divorced, and when we 298 00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:02,120 Speaker 2: sat in the kitchen and told them, my son, who 299 00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:05,080 Speaker 2: was four and a half at the time, said, we 300 00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:06,600 Speaker 2: said it. We had to say it a couple of 301 00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:10,000 Speaker 2: times because we weren't sure if he was understanding, and 302 00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:13,360 Speaker 2: he said, oh, no, I understand, and I'm okay with it. 303 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:17,800 Speaker 2: Like they are. So they're just they're different. I think 304 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:23,080 Speaker 2: these kids are our kids are just different. I don't know. 305 00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:26,000 Speaker 2: I don't know if they're like old souls or they 306 00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:31,880 Speaker 2: just have like a really mature mindset and a very 307 00:16:32,160 --> 00:16:37,120 Speaker 2: they grew up in a very like, respectful, healthy family, 308 00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:41,480 Speaker 2: and I think that they truly embody what we've always 309 00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:45,400 Speaker 2: wanted them to be by displaying behaviors of respect towards 310 00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:48,200 Speaker 2: each other and thoughtfulness and kindness like I just think 311 00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:49,600 Speaker 2: they're like really good kids. 312 00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:52,800 Speaker 1: You should ask them. I'm very curious because. 313 00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:54,080 Speaker 2: We should bring them on the podcast. 314 00:16:54,120 --> 00:16:57,680 Speaker 1: We should bring them on the podcast. Your son was 315 00:16:57,680 --> 00:16:59,760 Speaker 1: four and a half. Few have a daughter as well, right. 316 00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:03,400 Speaker 2: Younger she was like she too, well, let me let 317 00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:06,359 Speaker 2: me think back my timeline here, because she might have 318 00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:10,200 Speaker 2: been she was really young, like we couldn't she wasn't understanding, 319 00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:12,199 Speaker 2: So I think maybe she was two and a half. Yeah, 320 00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:14,879 Speaker 2: he was four and a half. Yeah, it was a 321 00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:15,480 Speaker 2: long time ago. 322 00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:18,960 Speaker 1: I mean, in some ways my son got worse when 323 00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:22,440 Speaker 1: his daughter was two and a half, and in some ways, 324 00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:27,240 Speaker 1: your children it's all they know, especially since you and 325 00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:30,080 Speaker 1: your ex husband are respectful to each other. It's the 326 00:17:30,119 --> 00:17:34,000 Speaker 1: relationship they know it is. It is not abnormal. I 327 00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:37,080 Speaker 1: hate use network, but you know it's normal to them 328 00:17:37,119 --> 00:17:38,560 Speaker 1: because that's what they've grown up with. 329 00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:40,879 Speaker 2: Right, They're not tormented by it. They're not like I 330 00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:43,200 Speaker 2: wish you too were I've never never once have they 331 00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:45,080 Speaker 2: said I wish you two were together. 332 00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:48,119 Speaker 1: Like, how did they feel about the guy you dated 333 00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:49,159 Speaker 1: for four years? 334 00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:50,200 Speaker 2: They loved him? 335 00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:51,879 Speaker 1: How was that when he left? 336 00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:55,320 Speaker 2: So he only met them a year into our relationship, 337 00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:57,800 Speaker 2: so we were very you know, like I wanted to 338 00:17:57,880 --> 00:18:00,000 Speaker 2: make sure I didn't want to introduce them to him 339 00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:04,359 Speaker 2: and if we weren't sure about the relationship. So how 340 00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:08,840 Speaker 2: so my son, for my son, Ford, he's eleven, He's 341 00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:13,600 Speaker 2: a very active boy, very like silly, funny, active, sporty, 342 00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:17,200 Speaker 2: and they would interact a lot like they had their 343 00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:20,679 Speaker 2: you know, fun time. But you know, my ex and 344 00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:25,120 Speaker 2: I are still friends. We still see him sometimes. 345 00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:29,880 Speaker 1: Well, you are a modern woman, I really am. 346 00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:33,480 Speaker 2: But you know what it is like when I care 347 00:18:33,520 --> 00:18:35,720 Speaker 2: about someone and when I love someone, I really do. 348 00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:38,439 Speaker 2: It doesn't just shut off like that. I can't just 349 00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:41,879 Speaker 2: be have a great relationship with someone and then just 350 00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:44,120 Speaker 2: cut them out of my life. Like those people are 351 00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:47,479 Speaker 2: very important people. They still live in my heart. So 352 00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:52,439 Speaker 2: there's definitely still you know, still interaction with people in 353 00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:52,840 Speaker 2: my past. 354 00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:56,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, I just again, this was not my relationship. I've 355 00:18:56,960 --> 00:19:00,800 Speaker 1: told you, it was just abysmal. H My parents got 356 00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:04,040 Speaker 1: divorced and then so it was a very different situation. 357 00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:08,400 Speaker 1: I applaud you for that. I think I have a couple. 358 00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:11,920 Speaker 1: I have so many questions, but well, because you are 359 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:15,560 Speaker 1: so different in a very positive way. I love the 360 00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:19,560 Speaker 1: message of sending to women. But so many women out 361 00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:24,479 Speaker 1: there you mess you mentioned earlier, you know there are 362 00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:28,560 Speaker 1: women out there who are contemplating getting out of a marriage. 363 00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:32,159 Speaker 1: They want a chapter two? What would you say to 364 00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:35,520 Speaker 1: them to make them? How would you tell them to 365 00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:37,080 Speaker 1: approach the decision making? 366 00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:39,280 Speaker 2: I guess it's a good question. I get a lot 367 00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:42,000 Speaker 2: of messages from people. Actually, when I got when I 368 00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:44,600 Speaker 2: we got when we announced our divorce, I got messages 369 00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:48,520 Speaker 2: from people I knew, like in person, about how did 370 00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:50,480 Speaker 2: you know? That's the real question I always get, like 371 00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:53,120 Speaker 2: how did you know your marriage was over? Like what 372 00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:56,800 Speaker 2: was it? Without sharing too many details, there was one moment, 373 00:19:57,000 --> 00:20:00,680 Speaker 2: like something that happened where I was like, yep, this 374 00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:02,879 Speaker 2: is this is it. There's no turning back from this. 375 00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:05,520 Speaker 2: So this is you know, this is it for me. 376 00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:08,280 Speaker 2: But I know that a lot of women, especially if 377 00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:10,640 Speaker 2: they have kids, go back and forth and like what's 378 00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:12,680 Speaker 2: the best for their kids? Like I think women truly 379 00:20:12,840 --> 00:20:15,880 Speaker 2: and men too probably, But I know the messages I've 380 00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:17,400 Speaker 2: got from women is like I don't want to ruin 381 00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:20,280 Speaker 2: my family and I don't want to mess up my kids, 382 00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:22,879 Speaker 2: and I like they're always thinking about their kids, and 383 00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:26,640 Speaker 2: like I said before, if you have tried and tried 384 00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:30,120 Speaker 2: at your relationship. First off, I think everybody should try 385 00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:32,240 Speaker 2: to make it work. It's not like, oh it's not working, 386 00:20:32,359 --> 00:20:34,440 Speaker 2: I'm out of here. You know, try to make it work. 387 00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:36,879 Speaker 2: We did therapy. We you know, it went on for 388 00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:39,879 Speaker 2: a long time. But I think that also it's like 389 00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:43,200 Speaker 2: it might not work. And I think it's O Number 390 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:46,879 Speaker 2: one knowing it's okay to have a failed marriage. I 391 00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:48,800 Speaker 2: don't think it's called failed, but people call it failed. 392 00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:52,040 Speaker 2: I think divorce is okay if it's not working for you. 393 00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:54,200 Speaker 2: You have one life to live. You know what I 394 00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:57,359 Speaker 2: would always say to myself, do tell no, I no no. 395 00:20:57,440 --> 00:21:00,399 Speaker 2: I would always say like this, And this is no 396 00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:02,480 Speaker 2: offense to JP, because you know we talk all the time. 397 00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:04,879 Speaker 2: I'll even tell them I said this like I felt, 398 00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:07,600 Speaker 2: you know how women they hold in a lot of stress, 399 00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:10,560 Speaker 2: and it says it leads to like audio immune diseases. 400 00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:12,639 Speaker 2: I'm like, this marriage is going to kill me, Like 401 00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:15,680 Speaker 2: it's going to kill me. Like, so I made the 402 00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:18,800 Speaker 2: decision because I'm like, I care about myself and my 403 00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:23,560 Speaker 2: health a lot, and especially for the kids, my longevity 404 00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:25,159 Speaker 2: and for to be there for my kids. So I 405 00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:27,800 Speaker 2: kind of thought about it like that. But I also 406 00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:29,560 Speaker 2: think the most important thing is like, if you're not 407 00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:32,400 Speaker 2: in a healthy relationship, that's not great for your kids. 408 00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:36,040 Speaker 2: Everyone thinks sticking around an unhealthy tension like that's not 409 00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:39,080 Speaker 2: good for kids. So I think that if if it's unhealthy, 410 00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:43,520 Speaker 2: if you've worked at it, it's okay. 411 00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:54,600 Speaker 1: I have to ask you. I just on my podcast 412 00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:57,240 Speaker 1: Golden Now. We just had this conversation the other day. 413 00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:04,240 Speaker 1: I think that oftentimes marriages, people go through the motions 414 00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:08,080 Speaker 1: you said, oh, we did counseling, almost like ticking the box. 415 00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:11,119 Speaker 1: Because I don't know how you feel about this, but 416 00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:16,320 Speaker 1: I'm interested. Do you think many marriages, many relationships, it 417 00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:20,400 Speaker 1: is a box ticking when really, in your heart of hearts, 418 00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:23,000 Speaker 1: you knew you said this is going to kill me. 419 00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:26,280 Speaker 1: You knew that you weren't happy, that it was not 420 00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:29,840 Speaker 1: a good thing for you. So is the therapy just 421 00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:33,000 Speaker 1: something you did to check the box? 422 00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:36,000 Speaker 2: No? I mean I really wanted to see if there 423 00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:40,080 Speaker 2: was a way to fix the issues. I really did, 424 00:22:40,119 --> 00:22:42,960 Speaker 2: and I think he did too. I didn't. I don't 425 00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:44,960 Speaker 2: think about it as checking a box, but maybe other 426 00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:48,080 Speaker 2: people do. I really was curious to see if there 427 00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:50,679 Speaker 2: was a way if this was normal for two people. 428 00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:55,960 Speaker 2: But then it just got the therapy got a little weird, honestly. 429 00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:56,040 Speaker 1: Like. 430 00:22:57,400 --> 00:22:59,479 Speaker 2: It just got a little funky, Like it just felt 431 00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:03,040 Speaker 2: what what I'll tell you is that I felt like 432 00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:06,320 Speaker 2: when we were on camera it was different from when 433 00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:07,920 Speaker 2: so we were doing it through zoom because it was 434 00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:10,560 Speaker 2: during COVID by the way, Oh got it. Oh, when 435 00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:12,879 Speaker 2: we were doing the zoom, like I felt like after 436 00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:18,360 Speaker 2: the computer close, like it was like a different dynamic. Yeah, 437 00:23:18,359 --> 00:23:21,399 Speaker 2: there was a different dynamic. So this is this is 438 00:23:21,440 --> 00:23:24,560 Speaker 2: not like anybody can just sit here and I could 439 00:23:24,560 --> 00:23:26,280 Speaker 2: talk to you and be whoever I want you to 440 00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:28,679 Speaker 2: think I am, and then when I close the box 441 00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:31,639 Speaker 2: be my normal self again. So it was just like 442 00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:36,200 Speaker 2: I don't know, it just it didn't work. Something happened 443 00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:38,920 Speaker 2: and it didn't work, And I won't share that because 444 00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:40,680 Speaker 2: that's a little like too personal. 445 00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:42,920 Speaker 1: Wait, I'm sorry, you just I just want to make 446 00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:46,879 Speaker 1: sure I understand something happened in therapy or something is 447 00:23:46,880 --> 00:23:48,680 Speaker 1: something happened in your life with JP? 448 00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:52,800 Speaker 2: Yes, with JP, something that like a moment a conversation, Right, 449 00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:55,840 Speaker 2: it had to do with a therapy session? Ah, Okay, 450 00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:58,000 Speaker 2: it was something that happened, and I said, no, got it. 451 00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:00,240 Speaker 1: Yeah, no, I didn't know if you were saying they 452 00:24:00,359 --> 00:24:03,080 Speaker 1: or the marriage. Well, you know, it sounds like you 453 00:24:03,359 --> 00:24:10,520 Speaker 1: are very different from certainly my experience with divorce, I 454 00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:14,560 Speaker 1: will say in reading about you, and you know, I'm 455 00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:17,680 Speaker 1: in my chapter two of life, and I always come 456 00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:21,760 Speaker 1: and sort of think about how even though we're different 457 00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:24,320 Speaker 1: ages and my kids are grown and I have grandchildren 458 00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:27,680 Speaker 1: chapter two. I don't know what I want to say. 459 00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:31,240 Speaker 1: Chapter two targets, for lack of a better word, seem 460 00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:35,680 Speaker 1: to be similar for women across the board, whether you're 461 00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:42,080 Speaker 1: choosing yourself, your career, whatever it is. We take time, 462 00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:45,560 Speaker 1: we feel good about our chapter two. We feel good 463 00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:48,600 Speaker 1: about making decisions that are best for us. And I 464 00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:51,879 Speaker 1: find that interesting that age doesn't seem to change that. 465 00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:55,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I think that different. 466 00:24:55,119 --> 00:24:55,399 Speaker 1: I don't know. 467 00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:57,480 Speaker 2: It's so hard because I see some people in chapter 468 00:24:57,560 --> 00:24:59,800 Speaker 2: two like oh I want this, or so many people 469 00:24:59,840 --> 00:25:03,880 Speaker 2: are pushing me like oh you know, go do this 470 00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:05,960 Speaker 2: or be with this or be with this type of person, 471 00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:08,160 Speaker 2: and I'm like, I'm so happy here in my chapter two, 472 00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:13,199 Speaker 2: just you know, enjoying life and my kids and really 473 00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:16,160 Speaker 2: taking the time that I have and putting it where 474 00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:18,040 Speaker 2: I want to be, you know, And I feel like 475 00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:20,080 Speaker 2: I never got to experience that when I was younger. 476 00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:20,600 Speaker 2: I don't know. 477 00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:24,080 Speaker 1: So so you don't want to date right now where 478 00:25:24,119 --> 00:25:24,440 Speaker 1: you do. 479 00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:26,160 Speaker 2: I don't want to date right now. 480 00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:28,040 Speaker 1: You don't want to date. That's how you have plenty 481 00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:28,360 Speaker 1: of time. 482 00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:31,399 Speaker 2: Sometimes I wonder like, sorry, this is maybe TMI, but 483 00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:33,760 Speaker 2: like there's part I mean forty I'm about to be 484 00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:38,439 Speaker 2: forty two, and I feel like my hormones really, like 485 00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:43,480 Speaker 2: I really understand human nature now in terms of women's hormones. 486 00:25:43,119 --> 00:25:45,199 Speaker 3: Which I know that's a whole other podcast or a 487 00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:49,520 Speaker 3: medical podcast, but I feel like my hormones have shifted 488 00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:53,920 Speaker 3: so much in like what how I feel on a 489 00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:57,439 Speaker 3: day to day, Like sometimes I feel super feminine and 490 00:25:57,480 --> 00:26:00,680 Speaker 3: I want, you know, to go on a second sorry 491 00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:04,399 Speaker 3: sexy vacation with somebody and enjoy time at the pool, 492 00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:06,800 Speaker 3: and the next day, I'm going to be a badass bitch, 493 00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:09,360 Speaker 3: Like I'm just going to be like you know, I'm 494 00:26:09,359 --> 00:26:11,200 Speaker 3: gonna work my butt off, I'm going to do great. 495 00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:12,920 Speaker 2: I'm going to do everything I need for the kids. 496 00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:15,880 Speaker 2: Like I just feel so different every day that I'm 497 00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:19,479 Speaker 2: trying to understand myself a little better in this like 498 00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:20,320 Speaker 2: in my fotys. 499 00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:22,320 Speaker 1: Can it all be true? I mean, it doesn't have 500 00:26:22,359 --> 00:26:25,560 Speaker 1: to be one or the other, right, yeah, right, But. 501 00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:28,160 Speaker 2: The only thing it's confusing because it's like some days 502 00:26:28,160 --> 00:26:30,160 Speaker 2: I want one thing, like some days I want to date, 503 00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:32,240 Speaker 2: and then the next day I'm like, Nope, I don't 504 00:26:32,240 --> 00:26:34,600 Speaker 2: want to date. So that's the tricky part that I'm 505 00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:37,160 Speaker 2: trying to understand. But I think just time will reveal. 506 00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:40,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, I was going to say, it's not. It's like 507 00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:42,359 Speaker 1: some days you want vanill ice cream, some days you 508 00:26:42,359 --> 00:26:45,480 Speaker 1: want chocolate ice cream. You know it doesn't. So I'm 509 00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:49,840 Speaker 1: curious what advice would you give women? Because you clearly 510 00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:55,320 Speaker 1: are very content successful in your chapter two. Not all 511 00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:58,359 Speaker 1: women feel that way. So how would you tell a 512 00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:01,480 Speaker 1: woman to find her happy place? How would you tell 513 00:27:01,480 --> 00:27:03,720 Speaker 1: her how to date? What advice would you give to 514 00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:06,840 Speaker 1: women your age or close to your age who are 515 00:27:07,119 --> 00:27:08,600 Speaker 1: entering chapter their chapter two? 516 00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:12,040 Speaker 2: Well, you know what I would tell anybody, anybody going 517 00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:14,600 Speaker 2: into chapter two, or anybody in their chapter one or 518 00:27:14,600 --> 00:27:18,399 Speaker 2: whatever chapter they're in, is I truly believe in a 519 00:27:18,440 --> 00:27:23,160 Speaker 2: woman's body and their like their gut if you have 520 00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:27,800 Speaker 2: to force something, like if you fighting something it's not 521 00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:31,600 Speaker 2: right for you, you have to go where like the 522 00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:34,960 Speaker 2: waterfall will push you like naturally, like if you're always 523 00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:37,480 Speaker 2: like for me, when something's not right for me, I'm 524 00:27:37,520 --> 00:27:41,040 Speaker 2: fighting back, I'm fighting back against it. But then you 525 00:27:41,080 --> 00:27:43,040 Speaker 2: have to just release and let it go like that, 526 00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:46,760 Speaker 2: like trust yourself in knowing what's right for you. If 527 00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:50,639 Speaker 2: your marriage isn't working, or if your relationship or isn't working, 528 00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:55,239 Speaker 2: or your job isn't working, stop fighting it, Stop fighting it. 529 00:27:55,320 --> 00:27:58,320 Speaker 2: You do the work. It's okay to let go. It's 530 00:27:58,359 --> 00:28:01,240 Speaker 2: okay to shift, it's okay to to make decisions that 531 00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:03,160 Speaker 2: are best for you. It's okay to be a little 532 00:28:03,160 --> 00:28:05,520 Speaker 2: selfish because when you take care of yourself, guess what, 533 00:28:06,119 --> 00:28:08,760 Speaker 2: You're a better mom, You're a better friend. Yeah, you're 534 00:28:08,760 --> 00:28:09,520 Speaker 2: a better person. 535 00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:12,320 Speaker 1: It's putting the oxygen mask on yourself first. 536 00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:15,400 Speaker 2: Yeah. I love who I am because I take care 537 00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:17,679 Speaker 2: of myself so I can be my best self for 538 00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:20,879 Speaker 2: everybody around me. So that's kind of I don't know. 539 00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:23,320 Speaker 2: That was a lot of different things. I think I 540 00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:25,439 Speaker 2: only learned that as I was getting older, because like 541 00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:28,840 Speaker 2: in my thirties, I was, you know, it's like suffering, 542 00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:32,520 Speaker 2: was it's like almost like women. I don't know, I 543 00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:36,400 Speaker 2: don't know if you if they make you or society 544 00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:40,000 Speaker 2: makes you think like suffering is part of like being 545 00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:42,640 Speaker 2: a woman and like giving everything to everybody and not 546 00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:45,440 Speaker 2: caring for yourself. And I think that needs to shift, 547 00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:48,120 Speaker 2: Like that's that's what I would tell people, care for yourself. 548 00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:52,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I think it's great advice. I do 549 00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:56,920 Speaker 1: think that as women, and you've said it very very succinctly, 550 00:28:56,960 --> 00:29:00,840 Speaker 1: that women are expected to do it all and give 551 00:29:00,880 --> 00:29:04,680 Speaker 1: all and be all to everyone, and sometimes we get 552 00:29:04,720 --> 00:29:08,120 Speaker 1: lost in the shuffle or what we want for ourselves. 553 00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:12,560 Speaker 1: And I think that's what's hard about getting from If 554 00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:14,840 Speaker 1: you're going from chapter one to chapter two, again, you 555 00:29:14,880 --> 00:29:16,400 Speaker 1: and I are both in our chapter two is we 556 00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:19,560 Speaker 1: got here in very different ways. I think what I've 557 00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:22,200 Speaker 1: learned first, I was going to take what I've learned. 558 00:29:22,240 --> 00:29:25,080 Speaker 1: What is the biggest thing you've learned about yourself from 559 00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:27,440 Speaker 1: going from chapter one to chapter two, other than to 560 00:29:27,480 --> 00:29:28,440 Speaker 1: take care of yourself. 561 00:29:28,920 --> 00:29:31,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a good question. I think I've learned that 562 00:29:31,760 --> 00:29:34,600 Speaker 2: maybe I don't like, maybe I don't follow the mold 563 00:29:34,640 --> 00:29:38,080 Speaker 2: in that way like I had different beliefs about things, 564 00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:43,000 Speaker 2: and also I'm open to changing my beliefs. Maybe I 565 00:29:43,040 --> 00:29:46,640 Speaker 2: think that I learned when I care about myself, I'm 566 00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:50,600 Speaker 2: a better person all around. For my kids, I think 567 00:29:50,920 --> 00:29:52,880 Speaker 2: a lot of small this is something that I learned. 568 00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:54,520 Speaker 2: This is so silly. I don't even know if you're 569 00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:55,240 Speaker 2: going to care about this. 570 00:29:55,600 --> 00:29:58,000 Speaker 1: Of course I care, and it's never silly, but go ahead. 571 00:29:58,240 --> 00:30:02,040 Speaker 2: This has helped me so much in my life, in 572 00:30:02,160 --> 00:30:06,520 Speaker 2: every different in business, in keeping my house tidy, and 573 00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:09,440 Speaker 2: caring for my kids, in saving money for this, Like 574 00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:14,080 Speaker 2: all these little, these little steps, all these little things 575 00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:16,640 Speaker 2: that you do, add up to something really big one day. 576 00:30:17,040 --> 00:30:20,480 Speaker 2: So I used to push myself ashlely, do this, actually 577 00:30:20,560 --> 00:30:24,000 Speaker 2: do that. I was grinding, grinding, and then you know 578 00:30:24,040 --> 00:30:26,680 Speaker 2: what happened. I burnt out and I was left with nothing. 579 00:30:27,160 --> 00:30:29,360 Speaker 2: And then I decided to do just a little bit 580 00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:31,600 Speaker 2: every day, and guess what, I cared for myself and 581 00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:34,200 Speaker 2: it turned into something really big in every aspect of 582 00:30:34,240 --> 00:30:36,800 Speaker 2: my life. So small steps equal something big in the end. 583 00:30:37,360 --> 00:30:39,800 Speaker 1: And it's so funny you say that, because I agree 584 00:30:39,840 --> 00:30:44,880 Speaker 1: with you wholeheartedly. I also what I've learned. It's okay 585 00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:46,720 Speaker 1: to say no. I mean, among other. 586 00:30:46,600 --> 00:30:48,800 Speaker 2: Things, that's really that's a good one. 587 00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:52,720 Speaker 1: Yeah, I've learned to say no. And I've also learned, 588 00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:58,040 Speaker 1: which you seem to have mastered expertly. I've learned I'm 589 00:30:58,080 --> 00:30:59,920 Speaker 1: not everybody's cup of tea, and not everyone's going to 590 00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:01,400 Speaker 1: agree with the way I live my life. 591 00:31:01,480 --> 00:31:04,080 Speaker 2: And that's okay, that's okay, and that's something you learn 592 00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:06,720 Speaker 2: like later in life. I find right, we're all so 593 00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:10,920 Speaker 2: insecure when we're younger about there's too many people in 594 00:31:10,920 --> 00:31:11,800 Speaker 2: the world to please. 595 00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:14,239 Speaker 1: Sorry, but I think it your I mean, I have, 596 00:31:14,640 --> 00:31:17,400 Speaker 1: I have a son on it's going to be forty one. 597 00:31:17,480 --> 00:31:20,680 Speaker 1: But you know, I think that you have mastered the 598 00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:24,080 Speaker 1: art of you in a in a I don't know why, 599 00:31:24,520 --> 00:31:27,840 Speaker 1: just the circumstances of your life that really could be 600 00:31:27,880 --> 00:31:30,960 Speaker 1: a model to other women, because I do think we're 601 00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:34,920 Speaker 1: expected to, you know, when the just even basic things 602 00:31:34,960 --> 00:31:37,920 Speaker 1: like when the kid is sick, who stays home his 603 00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:41,600 Speaker 1: the mom? You know it's right. You know, there's books 604 00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:46,640 Speaker 1: written about mother daughter connection and it's just it's it's 605 00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:51,760 Speaker 1: it's almost it's almost a cultural expectation that we have 606 00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:56,480 Speaker 1: to learn two to say no, no more. I'm not 607 00:31:56,520 --> 00:31:59,040 Speaker 1: going to do this. That's not what my life is 608 00:31:59,080 --> 00:32:01,600 Speaker 1: going to be. And you seem to have mastered it. 609 00:32:02,160 --> 00:32:04,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think so, I hope. So I'm not sure. 610 00:32:04,800 --> 00:32:07,680 Speaker 2: I mean I'm not perfect, definitely, And don't get me wrong, 611 00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:11,120 Speaker 2: I'm obsessed with my kids and I'm constantly like doing 612 00:32:11,160 --> 00:32:14,440 Speaker 2: everything for them. But when there are moments where are 613 00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:17,640 Speaker 2: there are opportunities for me to step away and stop 614 00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:19,720 Speaker 2: pushing and stop pushing, I take them and I used 615 00:32:19,760 --> 00:32:31,120 Speaker 2: to not take them. 616 00:32:31,160 --> 00:32:33,760 Speaker 1: Do you think do you think you're raising your kids? 617 00:32:34,600 --> 00:32:37,360 Speaker 1: This is something I struggled with. How do you teach 618 00:32:37,440 --> 00:32:42,400 Speaker 1: your kids the really important lessons that you want them 619 00:32:42,440 --> 00:32:44,360 Speaker 1: to learn about about life? 620 00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:47,000 Speaker 2: How do you do that by being a role model 621 00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:48,840 Speaker 2: to them? Like I truly feel like I could tell 622 00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:51,280 Speaker 2: my kids, you know, make sure you take care of yourself, 623 00:32:51,360 --> 00:32:53,880 Speaker 2: make sure you speak to this person this way. But 624 00:32:53,920 --> 00:32:57,000 Speaker 2: if you're not doing that yourself, then I don't think 625 00:32:57,000 --> 00:32:59,360 Speaker 2: that it's going to you know, soak in with your kids, 626 00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:03,720 Speaker 2: like I truly, in every situation around my kids try 627 00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:06,280 Speaker 2: to be what I would want them to be. I 628 00:33:06,280 --> 00:33:08,760 Speaker 2: don't know if that makes sense. And my son, especially 629 00:33:08,840 --> 00:33:13,920 Speaker 2: who he's he's a little edgy, Like he's he's rambunctious, 630 00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:17,600 Speaker 2: and he has a tendency to go towards kind of 631 00:33:17,640 --> 00:33:21,080 Speaker 2: like he's edgy. That's all I'm gonna say. 632 00:33:21,640 --> 00:33:23,440 Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't know what edgy means. I'm 633 00:33:23,440 --> 00:33:24,960 Speaker 1: not trying to dig I just I. 634 00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:27,800 Speaker 2: Know he's edgy. He's like he'll push boundaries with you 635 00:33:28,960 --> 00:33:32,160 Speaker 2: or like he'll like he's a kind person, he will 636 00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:34,240 Speaker 2: never you know, he's a very kind person, but he 637 00:33:34,440 --> 00:33:37,320 Speaker 2: likes to he likes to live on the edge. So 638 00:33:37,480 --> 00:33:40,080 Speaker 2: for him, you know, like, and I always tell JP 639 00:33:41,600 --> 00:33:43,560 Speaker 2: what's important to me is that he is obviously a 640 00:33:43,600 --> 00:33:46,520 Speaker 2: good person cares for people, but that he is a 641 00:33:46,640 --> 00:33:50,000 Speaker 2: gentleman and cares about his mom and cares about the 642 00:33:50,040 --> 00:33:52,040 Speaker 2: women in his life, so his sister. He has to 643 00:33:52,040 --> 00:33:56,280 Speaker 2: take great care of his sister and his future significant 644 00:33:56,320 --> 00:33:58,960 Speaker 2: other if he ever decides to do that. And I 645 00:33:58,960 --> 00:34:02,680 Speaker 2: always tell JP, like how you speak to me like 646 00:34:02,760 --> 00:34:05,280 Speaker 2: he's watching you. You know, our kids are watching us, 647 00:34:05,400 --> 00:34:08,000 Speaker 2: So you know we talk about that a lot. So 648 00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:09,920 Speaker 2: we just try to be the best people we can 649 00:34:09,960 --> 00:34:10,279 Speaker 2: be working. 650 00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:13,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, now, but again, I mean the thing that you're saying, 651 00:34:13,520 --> 00:34:16,080 Speaker 1: Ashley is I just I was just saying this. On 652 00:34:16,400 --> 00:34:19,920 Speaker 1: another podcast, she was asking me about advice for mothering, 653 00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:24,080 Speaker 1: and I said, your children are not going to listen 654 00:34:24,120 --> 00:34:27,839 Speaker 1: to what you say. They're going to watch what you do. 655 00:34:28,360 --> 00:34:31,320 Speaker 1: And so if you want to be the good role model, 656 00:34:31,640 --> 00:34:34,279 Speaker 1: don't tell them what to do, show them what to do. 657 00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:37,600 Speaker 1: And you are forty two years old, and it is 658 00:34:37,680 --> 00:34:40,759 Speaker 1: amazing to me. Maybe I'm just out of touch, but 659 00:34:41,600 --> 00:34:44,440 Speaker 1: you couldn't be more right. I mean, that is exactly 660 00:34:44,600 --> 00:34:46,279 Speaker 1: and you're doing it. You're doing it. 661 00:34:46,360 --> 00:34:48,520 Speaker 2: So they're turning out pretty good. 662 00:34:49,239 --> 00:34:52,279 Speaker 1: So for I mean to be fair, Ashley, they have 663 00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:54,960 Speaker 1: not hit the teen years yet. We're gonna in two 664 00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:58,279 Speaker 1: more years, I'm going to ask you how things are going. 665 00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:01,560 Speaker 1: You might have a different answer, right right, Sure, you 666 00:35:01,600 --> 00:35:04,000 Speaker 1: know that's part. That's part of raising teenager. I mean, 667 00:35:04,000 --> 00:35:07,160 Speaker 1: that's their fight for independence. That's just a normal stage too. 668 00:35:07,680 --> 00:35:10,280 Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm living this stage right now. It's like they're 669 00:35:10,320 --> 00:35:14,759 Speaker 2: they're independent, they're curious, they're fun, they're funny, they have 670 00:35:14,840 --> 00:35:18,560 Speaker 2: their own personalities, but they're not living like they're not 671 00:35:18,640 --> 00:35:20,320 Speaker 2: going out on their own right. It's like that's a 672 00:35:20,360 --> 00:35:22,120 Speaker 2: whole different worry that I'm not ready for. 673 00:35:22,560 --> 00:35:24,880 Speaker 1: Well, the good news is you know, you do have 674 00:35:25,440 --> 00:35:28,120 Speaker 1: a few more years before you have to worry about that. 675 00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:32,440 Speaker 1: But I actually, you know, I actually did watch your season. 676 00:35:32,760 --> 00:35:34,560 Speaker 1: It was a long time ago, but I watched it, 677 00:35:35,080 --> 00:35:39,160 Speaker 1: and I think that this is just another example you 678 00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:43,560 Speaker 1: and your your divorce, You're moving on your relationship with 679 00:35:43,640 --> 00:35:47,120 Speaker 1: JP and your kids. You are such a good role 680 00:35:47,200 --> 00:35:52,520 Speaker 1: model for bachelorette that what life, you know, what starts 681 00:35:52,560 --> 00:35:56,560 Speaker 1: as a reality TV show for you turned into a 682 00:35:56,640 --> 00:36:00,359 Speaker 1: real life marriage, a real life Now you're building your 683 00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:04,160 Speaker 1: chapter two, and I think that message is just as 684 00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:07,120 Speaker 1: important as the fairy tale we met on TV and 685 00:36:07,520 --> 00:36:10,440 Speaker 1: fell in love and got married. I love that you 686 00:36:10,719 --> 00:36:15,000 Speaker 1: are building a strong life for yourself and that you 687 00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:17,279 Speaker 1: still have a great family unit and great kids and 688 00:36:17,320 --> 00:36:20,800 Speaker 1: a great relationship with JP. That is to be commended. 689 00:36:20,920 --> 00:36:23,600 Speaker 2: So thank you so much. You're so sweet. I really 690 00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:24,359 Speaker 2: appreciate that. 691 00:36:24,719 --> 00:36:28,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, I really, I really have enjoyed chatting with you, 692 00:36:28,120 --> 00:36:30,759 Speaker 1: and I kind of wish that I had had this 693 00:36:30,800 --> 00:36:33,400 Speaker 1: conversation when I was raising my kids. But alas and 694 00:36:33,440 --> 00:36:36,319 Speaker 1: a lack, I'm now a grandmother and now I just 695 00:36:36,360 --> 00:36:42,640 Speaker 1: have to, you know, uh, hope to do better myself, 696 00:36:42,800 --> 00:36:47,200 Speaker 1: you know, do better with my grandkids. One last question, 697 00:36:48,160 --> 00:36:50,719 Speaker 1: I need some advice because I struggle sometimes. 698 00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:52,040 Speaker 2: Okay, let's hear it. 699 00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:54,719 Speaker 1: How do you work because I, you know, I have 700 00:36:54,800 --> 00:36:56,880 Speaker 1: these kids and I have issues with adult kids, and 701 00:36:57,200 --> 00:37:01,080 Speaker 1: my life is somewhat complicated like many people. How do 702 00:37:01,120 --> 00:37:03,359 Speaker 1: you work on love? What's the best thing I can 703 00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:06,880 Speaker 1: do loving yourself? What advice do you give for someone 704 00:37:06,960 --> 00:37:10,719 Speaker 1: to aside from taking time for yourself? What is the 705 00:37:10,840 --> 00:37:11,399 Speaker 1: self talk? 706 00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:14,400 Speaker 2: A good question? You know what I have to do 707 00:37:14,480 --> 00:37:20,200 Speaker 2: sometimes I have to think of myself. I have to 708 00:37:20,239 --> 00:37:23,120 Speaker 2: think of myself as someone else when I think back, 709 00:37:23,280 --> 00:37:26,520 Speaker 2: like I think of myself as my daughter a lot. 710 00:37:26,600 --> 00:37:30,239 Speaker 2: And I say, because I'm hard on myself, right, like 711 00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:32,080 Speaker 2: did I do this right? Did I do this the 712 00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:34,800 Speaker 2: right way? And when I look back on my life 713 00:37:35,640 --> 00:37:38,520 Speaker 2: and I think of me as someone else and all 714 00:37:38,520 --> 00:37:40,799 Speaker 2: the things that that person has accomplished, and I think 715 00:37:40,800 --> 00:37:44,200 Speaker 2: to myself, wow, like they did it, Like they overcame this, 716 00:37:44,320 --> 00:37:48,440 Speaker 2: they did this, they created this, they were so successful 717 00:37:48,440 --> 00:37:51,680 Speaker 2: with this, And then I can really just say, hey, Ashley, 718 00:37:51,719 --> 00:37:55,000 Speaker 2: good job. Like it's almost like it's foreign for me 719 00:37:55,520 --> 00:37:57,719 Speaker 2: to look at myself and say, wow, Ashley, you did it, 720 00:37:57,800 --> 00:38:00,200 Speaker 2: Like you did a great job, Ashley. But sometimes I 721 00:38:00,239 --> 00:38:01,880 Speaker 2: look at myself as if I was my daughter, and 722 00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:05,279 Speaker 2: that helps me kind of shift and allow myself to 723 00:38:05,320 --> 00:38:08,640 Speaker 2: give credit to myself, like you did this, You're a badass, 724 00:38:08,680 --> 00:38:10,520 Speaker 2: like good for you. And I don't know why I'm 725 00:38:10,560 --> 00:38:14,319 Speaker 2: like that, but yeah, often thinking of myself as someone 726 00:38:14,360 --> 00:38:16,239 Speaker 2: else is really helps me give the credit that I 727 00:38:16,360 --> 00:38:17,120 Speaker 2: probably deserve. 728 00:38:17,520 --> 00:38:19,680 Speaker 1: I actually love that idea. I'm going to try that 729 00:38:19,800 --> 00:38:23,640 Speaker 1: because I think sometimes if you take yourself out, whether 730 00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:27,400 Speaker 1: it's pretending your daughter your daughter, or just taking yourself 731 00:38:27,440 --> 00:38:29,960 Speaker 1: out in like three faces of eve, you know, talking 732 00:38:29,960 --> 00:38:32,719 Speaker 1: to somebody else that's right there across the room, your 733 00:38:33,520 --> 00:38:39,479 Speaker 1: alter ego, whatever, saying congratulating yourself, patting yourself on the back, 734 00:38:39,640 --> 00:38:42,040 Speaker 1: sometimes it's the most affirming. I've never thought of it 735 00:38:42,080 --> 00:38:42,439 Speaker 1: that way. 736 00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:44,640 Speaker 2: Or sometimes I think of myself as like a young 737 00:38:44,719 --> 00:38:46,480 Speaker 2: kid because I grew up in a really small town, 738 00:38:46,600 --> 00:38:48,959 Speaker 2: like in the middle of nowhere, and I always knew 739 00:38:48,960 --> 00:38:50,880 Speaker 2: I wanted to get out, and I always knew I 740 00:38:50,920 --> 00:38:53,879 Speaker 2: wanted to I dreamed so big, like I almost had 741 00:38:53,920 --> 00:38:58,440 Speaker 2: this faith in myself that you know, was like almost unrealistic. 742 00:38:58,600 --> 00:39:00,440 Speaker 2: But you know what, when you believe in your yourself 743 00:39:00,520 --> 00:39:03,919 Speaker 2: like that, and you keep going and you like put 744 00:39:03,960 --> 00:39:05,680 Speaker 2: put it in your mind that you can do it, 745 00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:06,960 Speaker 2: like you can really do it. 746 00:39:07,360 --> 00:39:09,759 Speaker 1: Yeah, well that's that's and you've done it, and that 747 00:39:09,960 --> 00:39:12,760 Speaker 1: is the self talk. I love this. I love hearing 748 00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:15,840 Speaker 1: a woman your age when so many women are fighting 749 00:39:15,920 --> 00:39:18,520 Speaker 1: like we started this off, you know, going through divorces, 750 00:39:18,520 --> 00:39:22,120 Speaker 1: going through such our times. You have such a positive 751 00:39:22,120 --> 00:39:24,520 Speaker 1: outlook and I love it. I love hearing it. And 752 00:39:24,560 --> 00:39:28,160 Speaker 1: I hope that other women who are in uh trying 753 00:39:28,200 --> 00:39:30,080 Speaker 1: to figure out are they going to stick in part one? 754 00:39:30,120 --> 00:39:31,680 Speaker 1: Are they going to move to part two? What are 755 00:39:31,680 --> 00:39:34,480 Speaker 1: they going to do with their lives? I hope everything 756 00:39:34,520 --> 00:39:37,880 Speaker 1: you've said today gives them take care of themselves and 757 00:39:37,880 --> 00:39:41,080 Speaker 1: and and can build whatever it is they want to 758 00:39:41,120 --> 00:39:45,320 Speaker 1: build in their life. Wow, Well, thank you. 759 00:39:45,160 --> 00:39:45,880 Speaker 2: Good talking to you. 760 00:39:46,280 --> 00:39:48,920 Speaker 1: I enjoyed talking to you too, Ashley. I did I 761 00:39:48,960 --> 00:39:53,480 Speaker 1: really have a therapy session and it didn't cost either 762 00:39:53,480 --> 00:39:54,040 Speaker 1: one of us or. 763 00:39:54,040 --> 00:39:56,719 Speaker 2: Dot And we're not just checking a box, by the. 764 00:39:56,600 --> 00:40:00,239 Speaker 1: Way, way, we are not checking boxes. Well, let's do 765 00:40:00,320 --> 00:40:03,200 Speaker 1: you need some advice on how to navigate dating? In 766 00:40:03,320 --> 00:40:06,840 Speaker 1: chapter two, call us or email us. All the info 767 00:40:07,080 --> 00:40:10,160 Speaker 1: is in the show notes, follow us on socials, and 768 00:40:10,239 --> 00:40:13,680 Speaker 1: make sure to rate and review the podcast. I Do 769 00:40:14,200 --> 00:40:19,200 Speaker 1: Part two, an iHeart podcast where falling in love is 770 00:40:19,239 --> 00:40:20,400 Speaker 1: the main objective.