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Speaker 1: M hmmmmm.

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Speaker 2: Welcome back all the smoke Jacket's been a nice two

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Speaker 2: day run. We get to end it off learning something, Yes,

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Speaker 2: sure with some substance. Yeah, I'm excited about that. Excited

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Speaker 2: about this next episode. Yeah, I started hearing about you

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Speaker 2: maybe two, three, four years ago. I'm on no, I

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Speaker 2: was late to the party. But glad we finally got

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Speaker 2: a chance to sit down. This episode is for boys,

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Speaker 2: young men, fathers, uncles, brothers, husbands that might be struggling

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Speaker 2: with manhood or suffering from suffering in silence. We have

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Speaker 2: someone here to talk to. Six million men are affected

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Speaker 2: by depressing the United States. Every single year. Men die

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Speaker 2: by suicides at are rate four times higher than women.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to the show. Glad to be here finally. Man,

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Speaker 2: it's a pleasure, man, Jason Wilson, I mean, let's get

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Speaker 2: to it. I mean we were doing a little bit

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Speaker 2: off camera and wish the camera was on it because

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Speaker 2: it was just in real and in depth, just this

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Speaker 2: mental game. We all fight for our physical appearances and

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Speaker 2: then the strength muscular bodies and all, but there's not

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Speaker 2: as much emphasis. There's a little bit more now, but

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Speaker 2: just on the mental aspect of all this and that

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Speaker 2: is to me, it is the most powerful aspect of

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Speaker 2: all this. Talk to us about what got you into

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Speaker 2: this space and why you're so passionate about her.

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Speaker 3: I saw the ill effects of trauma early on as

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Speaker 3: a young boy. My grandfather was lynched in nineteen I

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Speaker 3: think thirty five or thirty six, and my mother and

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Speaker 3: her siblings had to live with that happening, but then

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Speaker 3: also the aftermath because the police who beat him and

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Speaker 3: lynched him for being just desiring to be a human

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Speaker 3: being and treated that way, they continued their racial terror

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Speaker 3: after he died. They wanted to make sure that there

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Speaker 3: would never be another estes righte to rise from in

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Speaker 3: the family, and so that the entire community ostracized my family,

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Speaker 3: my mother's family. So you in the black community, and

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Speaker 3: everyone is scared to be around you. So now you're

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Speaker 3: alone with that, and now you're feeling like you were

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Speaker 3: the problem and almost blaming yourself for your own father's lynching.

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Speaker 3: On a psychological level, traveled down maybe another thirty years,

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Speaker 3: I start to see it play out in my mother's life.

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Speaker 3: My brother, Larry, she had to get her first marriage,

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Speaker 3: was very abusive. My brother's father's father would beat them

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Speaker 3: with the flat size of butchernies, would slap them at

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Speaker 3: the table with that, shoot guns in the home, and

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Speaker 3: then beat our mother senseless at times. That trauma carried

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Speaker 3: on and to me when I was born in nineteen seventy,

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Speaker 3: but three years after that, my brother Larry was murdered.

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Speaker 3: One day, my mother, while I was in high school,

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Speaker 3: had a nervous breakdown, and that was the first time

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Speaker 3: I saw that the brain wasn't created to hold all that.

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Speaker 3: We've been conditioned to believe that it's like strength or

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Speaker 3: admirable that we do, especially as black men, what doesn't

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Speaker 3: kill us can only make us stronger. No pain, no gain,

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Speaker 3: even from childhood. Big boys don't cry when you tell

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Speaker 3: a young boy that when he gets older, you wonder

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Speaker 3: why he shuts off. He's apathetic and doesn't want to

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Speaker 3: communicate with you. He's been programmed at being expressive of

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Speaker 3: his human emotions, and his right as a human is

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Speaker 3: not only counter manhood, but also is viewed as weakness,

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Speaker 3: and so growing up, never wanted to be appearing weak,

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Speaker 3: and so seeing all of this, and then seeing my

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Speaker 3: friends who fell into the trap of what I called

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Speaker 3: misconstrued masculinity or misunderstanding of masculinity and seeing them die,

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Speaker 3: friends getting shot and killed, and then my other brother

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Speaker 3: Keith getting murdered. I said, something is really wrong with us,

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Speaker 3: and not necessarily with us and eately as men, but

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Speaker 3: the way we've been programmed. And after all of that

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Speaker 3: trauma and then seeing the ill effects of it on

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Speaker 3: my family, when I got married, that's when I realized

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Speaker 3: something was wrong with me, because I was conditioned to

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Speaker 3: believe that got married at twenty eight, hadn't resolved my

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Speaker 3: father wound, hadn't grieved the death of both of my brothers,

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Speaker 3: just the disappointments in life. I pursued music. I was

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Speaker 3: sharing with someone off camera that I used to be

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Speaker 3: a DJ. That was my desire, Chris Webber. We talked

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Speaker 3: about him, I produced his album, and all of those

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Speaker 3: dreams that shattered, and I had all of this unresolved anger.

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Speaker 3: So when I got married, there was no room for empathy, compassion, patience.

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Speaker 3: I never knew those characteristics. I only knew what it

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Speaker 3: meant to be strong, dogmatic, powerful, bold. If you're not

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Speaker 3: a comprehensive man, it's impossible to truly be a husband

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Speaker 3: because you have to be more than a protector and provider.

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Speaker 3: One day, I'm talking to my wife in the kitchen

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Speaker 3: and our son, Jason was born, and I wanted to

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Speaker 3: spend more time with them, and I simply said, you know,

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Speaker 3: I wish I had more time to spend with Jason.

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Speaker 3: All Nicole said was I wish you desired to spend

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Speaker 3: that much time with me. What I heard was another

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Speaker 3: knock on what I wasn't, another knock on who I

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Speaker 3: was as a man, something else I wasn't doing. But

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Speaker 3: my wife was saying, I longed to be with you

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Speaker 3: the way you longed to be with your son. Because

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Speaker 3: I wasn't an emotionally stable man, a verbal process, or

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Speaker 3: a comprehensive man, I snapped, started yelling at the top

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Speaker 3: of my lungs, hit the refrigerator, and within that moment,

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Speaker 3: my wife, my beautiful wife, Nicole, just sat down. And

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Speaker 3: in the process of that, I saw that I had

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Speaker 3: crushed her spirit. And that's when the most I said,

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Speaker 3: you got major issues you need to resolve. You can't

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Speaker 3: keep running from them. I can't even use you until

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Speaker 3: you become a comprehensive man. And so that journey took

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Speaker 3: me into psychotherapy. I was able to uncover where a

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Speaker 3: lot of my unresolved anger came from. It was from

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Speaker 3: my dad. You know, like most of us, you know,

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Speaker 3: if the hero in your life isn't invested in you,

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Speaker 3: and you're not the apple of his eye but the

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Speaker 3: worm and the fruit, you know, that hurts, and that

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Speaker 3: creates an anger that I see often with working with boys.

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Speaker 3: And so that's how I started the process to save

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Speaker 3: my family. Here it is, we got married in nineteen

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Speaker 3: ninety eight, two thousand and fifteen. We consider separation all

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Speaker 3: because I hadn't dealt with what was really hurting me,

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Speaker 3: and so that began. And I could go on and on,

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Speaker 3: but that's how the process started for me. Are you

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Speaker 3: guys still we're still your twenty six years in and

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Speaker 3: this is deep, So it's not like we still don't

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Speaker 3: have problems. Right, We're scheduled to have another therapy session.

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Speaker 3: You know, I didn't want counseling. We wanted therapykay, because

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Speaker 3: typically typically what happens when we're arguing with your wife

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Speaker 3: or your spouse, we think it's that grown person, but

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Speaker 3: it's the broken child within. And as you and I

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Speaker 3: were talking, little Matt is hurt as well. You see

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Speaker 3: what I'm saying, I don't know if stack I mean,

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Speaker 3: you haven't really talked on a deeper level. But we

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Speaker 3: lived from that broken boy, and so I wanted to

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Speaker 3: heal that boy so that I can be the man

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Speaker 3: the moment demands, and instead of missing so many moments,

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Speaker 3: I don't want to be an older man who has

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Speaker 3: a lot, maybe financially as far as success and accolades,

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Speaker 3: but failed so much in life regarding my family, and

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Speaker 3: so something that I hold dear in my heart and understand,

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Speaker 3: even from conspiracy, but from even from a generational wealth standpoint,

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Speaker 3: how important it is to stay in my family, how

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Speaker 3: important it is for my children to see a man

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Speaker 3: who could leave.

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Speaker 2: I could leave.

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Speaker 3: They're women I could sleep with, And but I wanted

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Speaker 3: to model what it really means to be a comprehensive man,

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Speaker 3: what it means to be committed, what it means to

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Speaker 3: keep the covenant I made with Nicole at the Altar

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Speaker 3: before the Most High, And it was just so much

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Speaker 3: their brothers that I said, you know what, I fight

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Speaker 3: for things that are far less worth than this. You

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Speaker 3: know what I mean, like that are worthless compared to

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Speaker 3: my marriage. Why am I not putting that same zeal

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Speaker 3: and saving something that literally could create a legacy that

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Speaker 3: can last throughout maybe three or four generations.

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Speaker 2: When you say you started with psychotherapy and therapy, how

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Speaker 2: far into that journey? I know we're always learning and

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Speaker 2: always evolving. Did the light turn on for you?

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Speaker 3: I went to a retreat for men called the Crucible,

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Speaker 3: and I didn't know what to expect. So imagine being

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Speaker 3: in three days in the wilderness, no technology, no one

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Speaker 3: can contact you, and maybe from fourteen to twenty therapists

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Speaker 3: and counselors, and as being a man of the most high,

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Speaker 3: these men were men of faith as well, and so

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Speaker 3: I can't give a lot away because it would ruin

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Speaker 3: the experience if you guys ever tried it. But at

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Speaker 3: that point in my life, I needed to hear what

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Speaker 3: I missed from my father, and so being around all

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Speaker 3: these men who were not only men of faith but

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Speaker 3: were trained in psychology, they were able to help me

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Speaker 3: go back to the times that has still kept me

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Speaker 3: wounded as a man, resolve those issues. And so that's

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Speaker 3: when I was able to finally cry about the neglect

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Speaker 3: and the abandonment I felt from my dad, the lack

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Speaker 3: of affirmation. But then to hear the words that he

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Speaker 3: actually has said that I missed due to my pain. Man,

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Speaker 3: it was liberating, and so it takes you know, as men,

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Speaker 3: we're jumping front the bullets for our loved ones, our

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Speaker 3: families if we feel disrespected, But when it's time for

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Speaker 3: us to deal introspectively with what we're dealing with, to

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Speaker 3: go deep to that childhood, that pain, we run because

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Speaker 3: I believe we're conditioned by society that whenever we feel weak,

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Speaker 3: whenever we feel emotions of sadness, depression, with pusillanimous or

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Speaker 3: lacking courage. So that's why men with relationships, I don't

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Speaker 3: want to marry her until I have everything together. What's

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Speaker 3: the hesitation. The hesitation isn't that you don't love her

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Speaker 3: or you unsure. The hesitation is that you really aren't

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Speaker 3: the man that she thinks you are, because you can't hide.

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Speaker 3: Once you're married, you know they're gonna see. We ain't

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Speaker 3: impervious to feeling insecure, feeling fear, feeling self doubt, insecurities.

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Speaker 3: But for me, I chose like it's nothing more liberating

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Speaker 3: to tell my wife, Yeah, I'm scared of this decision,

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Speaker 3: but I'm gonna move through it. But that in that moment,

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Speaker 3: Nicole has told me that the fact that I can

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Speaker 3: acknowledge the fear but don't succumb to it, in her eyes,

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Speaker 3: makes me even more of a stronger man. And so

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Speaker 3: I just I didn't want to in my life the

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Speaker 3: way it was kind of given to me. You know,

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Speaker 3: I wanted to. I want to have my mind and

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Speaker 3: just everything I'm involved in liberated.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 3: I don't want to live for wounds. I want to

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Speaker 3: live from a healed heart.

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Speaker 4: It's a bar new book out, The Man, The Moment,

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Speaker 4: The Man. Can you explain that to our our followers?

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Speaker 3: The reason I titled that, that's my third book, probably

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Speaker 3: my last, in regarding the whole Manhood series, how many

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Speaker 3: of us as men are the wrong man in the moment,

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Speaker 3: And we talked about that as well. Often the subtitle

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Speaker 3: is Master the Ten Characteristics of the Comprehensive Man. So

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Speaker 3: comprehensive is just another word for being complete. Most of

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Speaker 3: us are stuck in the first gear of manhood, which

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Speaker 3: I say is masculinity. And when you look up the

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Speaker 3: word itself, it's just an adjective. It's not a comprehensive

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Speaker 3: definition of what it means to be a man. But

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Speaker 3: when you have a man who only can live by

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Speaker 3: the attributes of strength, bolden, its aggression, or being just

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Speaker 3: a protector and provider. Now his life is only performance based,

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Speaker 3: which a lot of athlete's lives are, then you wonder

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Speaker 3: why you can't trust anyone. It's hard for you to

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Speaker 3: remain faithful because you can't. You feel that they only

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Speaker 3: the women in your life is because of what you

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Speaker 3: have and who you are, well no, what you do

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Speaker 3: and not necessarily who you are, and so unpacking that

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Speaker 3: you say, wait a minute, you're telling me there's more

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Speaker 3: to being a man than just providing and protecting. And

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Speaker 3: there is. And the issue is a lot of us.

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Speaker 3: And I tell women this as well, because they'll say, well,

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Speaker 3: why won't my husband go to the doctor. Do you

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Speaker 3: expect a man who entire life is based on giving

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Speaker 3: to go to the doctor, to live longer, to continue

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Speaker 3: to give and don't experience anything of what he works

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Speaker 3: so hard for. They all get quiet. But to some extent,

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Speaker 3: my brothers, that's our fault as well. If we keep

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Speaker 3: wearing a superhero costume, why would we get mad at

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Speaker 3: those who expect us to save today? You know we

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Speaker 3: have to realize and say, and if anything, we need

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Speaker 3: to be masculine about standing for the life that we

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Speaker 3: design and deserve and take the cape off the strangling us.

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Speaker 3: There is no freedom in the facade. And when we

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Speaker 3: can stand on that, now we can experience the other characteristics.

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Speaker 3: So the ten are I start with the fighter because

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Speaker 3: I knew that would draw men in. The issue is

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Speaker 3: that we fight, but we don't fight the right way.

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Speaker 3: How many intellectually gifted men we know who are incarcerated

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Speaker 3: from any emotional decision. So you got the fighter, you

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Speaker 3: got the provider. The provider is an issue for me

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Speaker 3: because we give to everyone but ourselves. We forget that

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Speaker 3: we too are a part of the family, and then

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Speaker 3: we get angry when we don't take care of ourselves.

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Speaker 3: The lack of self love. We have the affirmation. So

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Speaker 3: I don't say self love anymore because it's so foreign

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Speaker 3: to us. I say self maintenance. So as men, we

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Speaker 3: understand what it means to maintain something. As an athlete,

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Speaker 3: you understand, I got to maintain this body for me

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Speaker 3: to perform well and provide for my family. After the provider,

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Speaker 3: you have the leader. Do you lead by intimidation or cooperation.

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Speaker 3: Then after that you have the lover, you have the nurturer.

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Speaker 3: We're all nurturers. Some of the greatest coaches in history

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Speaker 3: were the greatest nurturers. You have the gentleman being a

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Speaker 3: gentleman or Chivalry isn't dead. And when I studied that,

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Speaker 3: chivalry was not a system to pander to women, but

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Speaker 3: it was a code of honor amongst the medieval knights.

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Speaker 3: So here it is these are warriors of their day,

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Speaker 3: and they practice chivalry as their code of honor. But

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Speaker 3: we've allowed society to make it seem like it's pandering

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Speaker 3: to women to be chivalrous. After the gentleman, you have

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Speaker 3: the friend, and then the deeper with the devotion characteristics,

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Speaker 3: the husband, the father, and the sun. And I close

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Speaker 3: with the sun, similar to you, Matt. You know my

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Speaker 3: mother lost my mom. I wasn't a comprehensive man when

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Speaker 3: she dubbed this she developed dementia. I was a masculine mail.

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Speaker 3: I knew how to provide and protect.

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Speaker 2: That was it.

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Speaker 3: But the most I showed me, says, the only way

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Speaker 3: she's going to get the care she needs from you.

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Speaker 3: You got to become a nurturer. You're going to have

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Speaker 3: to become long suffering and patience. You're gonna have to

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Speaker 3: by all her nails, you may have to wash her,

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Speaker 3: massage your scalp. I would have never done that, but

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Speaker 3: when she almost died from a mini stroke, I had

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Speaker 3: prayed for her to die. I said, most High, this

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Speaker 3: isn't life. Why don't you just take her from me.

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Speaker 3: She's not experiencing it, and it's really causing a lot

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Speaker 3: of pain, not only to her.

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Speaker 2: But our family.

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Speaker 3: And he made it very clear, he says, Jason, that's

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Speaker 3: not love, nor is that sacrifice. Sacrifice is not doing

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Speaker 3: what needs to be done. Is doing what needs to

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Speaker 3: be done that you don't want to do. And the

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Speaker 3: greatest example of that is Messiah or yes Sure or

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Speaker 3: who they call Jesus. Many people don't understand. We see

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Speaker 3: that he died on the cross for our sins, but

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Speaker 3: we missed the part in the garden of Gassemite where

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Speaker 3: he was wavering back and forth like I don't want

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Speaker 3: to do this. It was something that needed to be

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Speaker 3: done that he didn't want to do, but he pushed

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Speaker 3: through it. So for me with my mom, the sacrifice

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Speaker 3: was yeah, you're gonna cry a lot now, Yeah, you're

293
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Speaker 3: going to have to answer her forty nine times after

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Speaker 3: you'd told her to answer to her question forty eight times. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: you're going to have to get up at two in

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Speaker 3: the morning, the same way you would have her worry

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Speaker 3: when you were out hanging and didn't call and she

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Speaker 3: had to get up at two in the morning. But

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Speaker 3: when I became a comprehensive men, in that process made

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Speaker 3: me who I am today, and it made me even

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Speaker 3: a teacher I am amongst boys. And so that's why

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Speaker 3: I ended the book with the sun chapter, because many

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Speaker 3: of us aren't serving sons with still dependents, and it's

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Speaker 3: important when you become a man that you get in

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Speaker 3: a place where you can serve your parents.

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Speaker 4: It's crazy, how I know. You talk about a lot

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Speaker 4: about how life can force you to be the person

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Speaker 4: that you're supposed to be. You know, they'll tell you.

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Speaker 4: I've always been a protect and provider for like I

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Speaker 4: got to jump in front of everything for all my friends.

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Speaker 4: I've always been that guy. But losing my siblings it

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Speaker 4: changed me a lot, you know what I mean? And

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Speaker 4: I can see I to never I hate to say

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Speaker 4: I don't have them, but I would never be the

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Speaker 4: person that I am today if I didn't experience that,

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Speaker 4: because my mama tells my wife that she has the

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Speaker 4: best version of me because of everything I went through.

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Speaker 4: You know, I lost my sister and my younger sister,

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Speaker 4: my longer brother two much apart. And I don't think

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Speaker 4: I still handily right. But it's made it made me

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Speaker 4: a better person. It's making me a better person.

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Speaker 3: I mean, that's all we can do. Brother. Even when

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Speaker 3: I my best friend dropped out of a heart attack

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Speaker 3: on the job with us, my other best friend here Vic,

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Speaker 3: he was in the room with him, still holding onto that.

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Speaker 3: I've been in the gym many times, but I used

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Speaker 3: to love lifting weights and I would grab the waights

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Speaker 3: and just break down cry. And it's been years since

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Speaker 3: he's been gone. But his absence and not releasing it

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Speaker 3: like I thought I.

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Speaker 2: Had, Yeah, man, it.

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Speaker 3: You snap it things that like, man, where did that

333
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Speaker 3: come from? Where is this anger coming from? And that's

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Speaker 3: why I tell brothers, tears when you're really leased them

335
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Speaker 3: in the natural way through crying, it really stress hormones.

336
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Speaker 3: All Right, you may now if you don't cry that way,

337
00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:10,840
Speaker 3: you're crying in other areas. So you're crying with depression,

338
00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:14,119
Speaker 3: you're crying with suicidal ideations, you're crying with.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you name it.

340
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Speaker 3: And so these crutches that we lean on eventually slipped

341
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Speaker 3: from underneath us. But it's a good thing, brother, you're becoming.

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00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:27,760
Speaker 3: You became a better version of yourself. Like even in parenting,

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Speaker 3: one of the characteristics is the father and I transparently share.

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Speaker 3: I failed many times raising my daughter Alexis because I

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Speaker 3: was just like you, hard protector and provider. That was

346
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Speaker 3: just my lane, that's all I ran in. But being

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Speaker 3: a father, the children need you, not to be perfect,

348
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Speaker 3: but to be present. They don't need someone who's infallible,

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Speaker 3: but someone who's faithful. My son has a better father

350
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Speaker 3: than my daughter had, you know, But I still have

351
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Speaker 3: to go back and make sure I'm still a better

352
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Speaker 3: father to her.

353
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Speaker 2: Now.

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Speaker 3: What I mean by that is because of the memories

355
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Speaker 3: and in the lack of affection, because I didn't get

356
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Speaker 3: it from my mother. Not that she didn't love me,

357
00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:13,320
Speaker 3: but I didn't realize till recently that because of my

358
00:20:13,359 --> 00:20:15,960
Speaker 3: brother dying, she was scared to really commit all of

359
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:19,080
Speaker 3: her heart to me because she may lose another son.

360
00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:22,560
Speaker 3: Until my brother sent Claire said he saw it but

361
00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:25,840
Speaker 3: never told me. And so here it is. I'm wondering

362
00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:30,120
Speaker 3: why that lack of affirmation turned me into this teenager

363
00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:33,439
Speaker 3: and even in my early twenties a man just seeking

364
00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:36,800
Speaker 3: it through women and never could find it there. And

365
00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:40,280
Speaker 3: so the goal is always to evolve as men. We

366
00:20:40,359 --> 00:20:42,760
Speaker 3: always want to have a standard, a goal, or a

367
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Speaker 3: point to reach. There is no master level in manhood.

368
00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:50,639
Speaker 3: You keep evolving. You keep evolving, You keep evolving, and

369
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Speaker 3: that's the beautiful thing. When you can allow yourself that

370
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Speaker 3: space and that freedom, mistakes then become instead of condemnation,

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Speaker 3: they become our best teachers. And that's what I tell

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Speaker 3: all men. It's like, look, I've never been a grandfather.

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Speaker 3: When it's that time, I'm gonna have to find a

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Speaker 3: man to teach me how to be one, because it's

375
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Speaker 3: different from being a father, and I just you know,

376
00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:16,160
Speaker 3: the goal is to live from the good in my heart.

377
00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:19,000
Speaker 3: Growing up, we had to wear a facade. We had

378
00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:20,879
Speaker 3: to look tough. You know. One of the songs I

379
00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:25,280
Speaker 3: used to joke about was E forty song practice looking hard. Literally,

380
00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:27,479
Speaker 3: you know that's what we had to do. You know,

381
00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:30,840
Speaker 3: you look soft in Detroit. You wouldn't make it so

382
00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:33,800
Speaker 3: you had to practice looking hard. You were conditioned that way.

383
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:37,160
Speaker 3: Even Drake says in one of his songs, I pop

384
00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:40,720
Speaker 3: bottles because I bottle my emotions. So in the club,

385
00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:42,879
Speaker 3: you may be doing this, but you miss what this

386
00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:46,119
Speaker 3: brother is saying. He's saying because I can't express how

387
00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:49,240
Speaker 3: I feel, I got to get drunk. I gotta get high.

388
00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:52,359
Speaker 3: And that's not the path of freedom. That's why I

389
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Speaker 3: think it's almost over eighty percent of homicide in the

390
00:21:55,119 --> 00:21:58,880
Speaker 3: United States are committed by us. This is a lot

391
00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:03,280
Speaker 3: of unreleased aim, trauma and emotional loss, and crying is

392
00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:06,400
Speaker 3: not something especially from what you went through and myself

393
00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:09,600
Speaker 3: and even you, my brother, you just don't get over

394
00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:13,680
Speaker 3: some of this stuff. It's a journey. And I tell

395
00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:16,800
Speaker 3: my brothers who read my books and hardened street brothers,

396
00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:21,000
Speaker 3: they called me, like, man, why am I crying over everything? Jay,

397
00:22:21,119 --> 00:22:23,640
Speaker 3: Like it's just a cartoon. I'm watching with my son,

398
00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:26,320
Speaker 3: and I just start crying. I said, my brother, you

399
00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:30,680
Speaker 3: backed up your entire life. You've been programmed to be stoic.

400
00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:35,480
Speaker 3: A stoic you can't really express or experience life, and

401
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:39,280
Speaker 3: that's why we so quick to commit suicide. And so

402
00:22:39,359 --> 00:22:41,560
Speaker 3: I tell my brother's like, look, you ain't tired of living,

403
00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:46,000
Speaker 3: You're tired of not living. Instead of us complaining about this,

404
00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:49,359
Speaker 3: and that let's finally fight for what we deserve, and

405
00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:53,760
Speaker 3: in the process of doing for ourselves, others would benefit.

406
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Speaker 2: We kind of started talking to it earlier because I

407
00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:02,119
Speaker 2: saw an interview able to cray and you spoke to

408
00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:04,560
Speaker 2: the power of crying, and I, you know, kind of

409
00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:09,760
Speaker 2: briefly shared my story of growing up by racial black dad,

410
00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:15,680
Speaker 2: Italian mom, drugs abuse, alcohol, violence, losing my mom at

411
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Speaker 2: twenty seven. So it'll be eighteen years this November, and

412
00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:24,240
Speaker 2: I haven't cried. And I mean, like I said, last

413
00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:26,320
Speaker 2: time I think I cried was maybe ten eleven twelve

414
00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:28,359
Speaker 2: when I got my ass whipped. But outside of that, like,

415
00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:32,480
Speaker 2: have not cried in so long. And from that time,

416
00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:37,440
Speaker 2: from being the breadwinner, the provider, through college, through the pros,

417
00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:40,680
Speaker 2: through post career, starting a business and hiring my friends

418
00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:42,959
Speaker 2: and looking out for everyone and taking care of everyone,

419
00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:46,000
Speaker 2: like always taking care of everybody, and it gets to

420
00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:48,840
Speaker 2: the point where, ibbi shit forty five next week, like

421
00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:50,440
Speaker 2: I'm starting to feel it now, you know, and I

422
00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:52,600
Speaker 2: feel like I'm almost pouring from an empty cup, and

423
00:23:53,359 --> 00:23:55,960
Speaker 2: you know through my actions, I literally just lost my

424
00:23:56,119 --> 00:23:59,679
Speaker 2: family through being what you talked about, like not I

425
00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:04,040
Speaker 2: was a strong provider, I wasn't there emotionally, I wasn't empathetic.

426
00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:08,119
Speaker 2: I wasn't willing to share those emotions, and that was

427
00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:11,240
Speaker 2: stuffed in my expotement like I don't, you're a wall.

428
00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:14,159
Speaker 2: And then again trying to dig back and understanding and

429
00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:18,200
Speaker 2: starting counseling that, like you said, little Matt from back

430
00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:22,240
Speaker 2: then is still hurt and still trying to find his way.

431
00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:24,520
Speaker 2: Although grown Matt feels it seems like he has it all,

432
00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:28,320
Speaker 2: Little Matt is there more than I realize. And how

433
00:24:28,359 --> 00:24:31,040
Speaker 2: do you? So? My question is like to all those

434
00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:34,720
Speaker 2: men that can't or feel like they can or just won't,

435
00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:37,959
Speaker 2: tears won't come out. I know it's such a refreshing

436
00:24:38,040 --> 00:24:41,560
Speaker 2: and helpful and good thing to do as a man,

437
00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:43,680
Speaker 2: But how do you cry if you don't? I don't

438
00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:45,040
Speaker 2: want to say I don't know how to cry because

439
00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:47,439
Speaker 2: I've cried before, but I haven't cried in probably thirty years.

440
00:24:47,680 --> 00:24:49,800
Speaker 2: Your guard it too much.

441
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:52,520
Speaker 3: You have to change your perspective of what crying is.

442
00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:56,199
Speaker 3: You still deep inside of you, you still believe it's

443
00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:59,600
Speaker 3: a sign of weakness. It's really is a sign of

444
00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:02,680
Speaker 3: you being human. And until we get to the place

445
00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:06,479
Speaker 3: where we can release it, that's when you always feel

446
00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:10,440
Speaker 3: this raise, this anger, never feeling settled. You gotta smoke

447
00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:12,439
Speaker 3: some weed, you gotta get something to drink, You need

448
00:25:12,480 --> 00:25:15,399
Speaker 3: to call that girl, and you don't even hear it.

449
00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:18,879
Speaker 3: Taught enough about contentment, like when is enough is enough?

450
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:21,560
Speaker 3: You know? Why do I have to keep grinding and

451
00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:26,000
Speaker 3: keep going? That's not peace, you know? And then speaking

452
00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:28,120
Speaker 3: of peace, which it seems like the majority of us,

453
00:25:28,119 --> 00:25:36,080
Speaker 3: that's all we want. Peace is not the absence of chaos, trials, tests, adversity.

454
00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:39,520
Speaker 3: It's having a calm heart in the midst of those things.

455
00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:42,040
Speaker 3: So the only way you can have a calm heart

456
00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:43,639
Speaker 3: in the midst of all of that. For me, you

457
00:25:43,720 --> 00:25:46,440
Speaker 3: had to start with my relationship with the Most High

458
00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:49,560
Speaker 3: through is sure Christ. After that, I had to put

459
00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:51,800
Speaker 3: the work in, because faith with our works is dead.

460
00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:52,360
Speaker 2: Okay.

461
00:25:53,040 --> 00:25:56,160
Speaker 3: Once I started putting the work in and digging deep

462
00:25:57,000 --> 00:26:01,480
Speaker 3: and then shattering the misleading mantos we've been programmed to

463
00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:03,000
Speaker 3: believe it, I had to start there. I had to

464
00:26:03,080 --> 00:26:06,560
Speaker 3: unpack why can't I cry but we honor you guys

465
00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:11,560
Speaker 3: are athletes. When you win a championship, no one dog's

466
00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:14,879
Speaker 3: Jordan for crying over a trophy or Kobe. But I

467
00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:17,320
Speaker 3: couldn't cry when my wife walked down the aisle. My

468
00:26:17,359 --> 00:26:20,600
Speaker 3: best friend linked up in my ear. Dog, if you cry,

469
00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:21,840
Speaker 3: I'm hitting you and your kidney?

470
00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:26,040
Speaker 2: What is that? I cried, Yeah, but you should.

471
00:26:27,359 --> 00:26:31,120
Speaker 3: My wife when she lost had the fifth miscarriage, lost

472
00:26:31,119 --> 00:26:34,840
Speaker 3: our daughter Olivia. I'm next to her and the doctor

473
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:38,520
Speaker 3: and he's rubbing the ultrasound the jail over her stomach

474
00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:45,160
Speaker 3: and we don't hit a heartbeat show boy, And I'm

475
00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:48,720
Speaker 3: sitting there stoic, because that's all I knew. I got

476
00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:50,960
Speaker 3: to just be strong. I'm saying, I can't cry in

477
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:55,439
Speaker 3: front of her. That's my daughter gone. But if I

478
00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:59,320
Speaker 3: won a Super Bowl and cry holding it in the

479
00:26:59,359 --> 00:27:03,320
Speaker 3: locker room, no one would say a word. That's crazy,

480
00:27:03,359 --> 00:27:08,200
Speaker 3: that's insanity. So you have to start unearthing the lies

481
00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:11,879
Speaker 3: when we get there and understand. Look, that ain't manhood.

482
00:27:12,359 --> 00:27:15,159
Speaker 3: I want to be able to feel even like the

483
00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:18,800
Speaker 3: concept of the alpha male, that's a lie. There is

484
00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:22,600
Speaker 3: never a battle between two wolves male wolves to see

485
00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:26,639
Speaker 3: who leads the wolf pack. The man who created the study.

486
00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:29,640
Speaker 3: These wolves were even in captivity, so they weren't even

487
00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:34,400
Speaker 3: in the wilderness. Come to find out, the alphas are

488
00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:38,000
Speaker 3: the male and female wolf leading a wolf pack. So

489
00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:42,240
Speaker 3: in the essence or the example of humans, you want

490
00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:45,600
Speaker 3: to be the alpha, stay married to your wife and

491
00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:50,440
Speaker 3: lead a family. That's the alpha, you see. But it's

492
00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:53,080
Speaker 3: like the society in the world wants to keep us

493
00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:57,120
Speaker 3: boxed in and locked in, and then they complain when

494
00:27:57,119 --> 00:28:01,480
Speaker 3: they have a man who's less sensitive, less kind. That's empathetic,

495
00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:08,400
Speaker 3: let's considerate, volatile, lax patience. You can't have it both ways.

496
00:28:09,119 --> 00:28:11,440
Speaker 3: And so with you, I would just ask, you know,

497
00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:14,280
Speaker 3: for me my mother, I could cry if I see

498
00:28:14,359 --> 00:28:15,239
Speaker 3: a few pictures of her.

499
00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:16,480
Speaker 2: I'm gone.

500
00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:20,000
Speaker 3: You know you're still guarded. Something happened in that time

501
00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:23,240
Speaker 3: that you're still holding on too. And I will work

502
00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:25,320
Speaker 3: with you till you come to Detroit. I got you,

503
00:28:25,840 --> 00:28:29,400
Speaker 3: but I see it in your eyes now, it's right there.

504
00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:32,360
Speaker 3: It's like a damn ready to break. But you got

505
00:28:32,359 --> 00:28:34,720
Speaker 3: to be willing to say, look all of this you

506
00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:37,720
Speaker 3: got here, this ain't your identity. This isn't your identity.

507
00:28:38,920 --> 00:28:41,840
Speaker 3: See when your performance based which is my heart stays heavy.

508
00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:45,160
Speaker 3: For a lot of athletes that I work with, everyone

509
00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:48,040
Speaker 3: wants something from you. You graded as soon as you

510
00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:51,200
Speaker 3: start dribbling a ball? Are you a five star, four star?

511
00:28:51,360 --> 00:28:51,680
Speaker 2: Whatever?

512
00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:55,640
Speaker 3: Your whole life? Now you're okay, good. So who I

513
00:28:55,680 --> 00:28:59,880
Speaker 3: am is based on what I do. You're programmed. Now,

514
00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:03,320
Speaker 3: then you wonder why you give? You give, you give,

515
00:29:03,360 --> 00:29:06,160
Speaker 3: and you can't say no, or I give you this,

516
00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:09,360
Speaker 3: what's the plan? I can't just give it to you.

517
00:29:09,600 --> 00:29:12,440
Speaker 3: I want to teach you business. So I'm gonna give

518
00:29:12,480 --> 00:29:15,800
Speaker 3: you a loan. But if it fails, I got you.

519
00:29:16,360 --> 00:29:19,640
Speaker 3: But if you succeed, you get me back. You can't

520
00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:23,160
Speaker 3: do that because you're worth. You have been hoodwinked into

521
00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:28,280
Speaker 3: thinking your value is based in doing, performing, protecting. That's

522
00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:31,280
Speaker 3: why it's so hard to take naps. Your brain never

523
00:29:31,320 --> 00:29:34,280
Speaker 3: consists still because you got to keep thinking how I'm

524
00:29:34,280 --> 00:29:37,720
Speaker 3: gonna make things happen. The beautiful thing with me, I

525
00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:43,000
Speaker 3: can my wife, she runs our nonprofit. When our boilers

526
00:29:43,040 --> 00:29:45,880
Speaker 3: went out when we first bought the building over sixty

527
00:29:45,920 --> 00:29:51,760
Speaker 3: thousand dollars, I wasn't worried, she was nervous. I said,

528
00:29:52,080 --> 00:29:55,200
Speaker 3: God called us to do this, that's his responsibility to

529
00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:59,640
Speaker 3: replace those, to be able to settle in that and

530
00:29:59,680 --> 00:30:02,560
Speaker 3: become confident. And then I got called for interview for

531
00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:05,840
Speaker 3: my second book, and I prayed over the host. It

532
00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:09,720
Speaker 3: was a Christian show in Texas. The vice president comes

533
00:30:09,760 --> 00:30:12,240
Speaker 3: down and says, I'm gonna give you twenty five thousand

534
00:30:12,280 --> 00:30:15,040
Speaker 3: dollars because you can't fake that. So that hit me

535
00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:18,960
Speaker 3: and caught me off guard. Still wasn't enough to get

536
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:22,680
Speaker 3: the boilers. When I told him the price, he says, all,

537
00:30:22,760 --> 00:30:26,560
Speaker 3: I give you thirty. But that still wasn't enough. I

538
00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:29,160
Speaker 3: fly back to Detroit. I wasn't trying to figure out,

539
00:30:29,640 --> 00:30:32,920
Speaker 3: worrying about how I'm gonna make this happen. He cost me,

540
00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:35,640
Speaker 3: he says. He texts me. He says, can you jump

541
00:30:35,720 --> 00:30:39,640
Speaker 3: on a call? I said sure. This man tells me.

542
00:30:41,280 --> 00:30:44,800
Speaker 3: I thought about this and I prayed, and it hit me.

543
00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:47,280
Speaker 3: How am I helping a man only giving him half?

544
00:30:48,840 --> 00:30:52,360
Speaker 3: He sent sixty thousand dollars directly to our nonprofit account,

545
00:30:53,160 --> 00:30:56,160
Speaker 3: and I just met him. That was the power. The

546
00:30:56,200 --> 00:31:01,840
Speaker 3: scriptures say that the power of crisis affected in our weakness.

547
00:31:02,960 --> 00:31:05,960
Speaker 3: Me allowing myself to be weak and powerless in that

548
00:31:06,080 --> 00:31:10,160
Speaker 3: moment allowed his power to be perfected in me. So

549
00:31:10,240 --> 00:31:12,320
Speaker 3: even if you can call yourself a man a god,

550
00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:15,280
Speaker 3: you'll say a brother. Steph Curry has it on his shoes.

551
00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:17,320
Speaker 3: I can do all things through Christ, who strengthen me.

552
00:31:18,280 --> 00:31:20,320
Speaker 3: I say that is possible for many of I mean

553
00:31:20,320 --> 00:31:23,360
Speaker 3: that is the truth. But can He do all things

554
00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:28,480
Speaker 3: through us? So if we're only protectors and providers, he's limited.

555
00:31:28,520 --> 00:31:30,840
Speaker 3: If he needs us to go to an orphanage and

556
00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:33,880
Speaker 3: just serve and wipe the faces of babies who are

557
00:31:33,920 --> 00:31:39,760
Speaker 3: crying and can't can't are they blind or have disabilities,

558
00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:44,080
Speaker 3: or help parents with children who are autistic. And because

559
00:31:44,080 --> 00:31:47,280
Speaker 3: you're scared of crying in front of people, you can't

560
00:31:47,320 --> 00:31:50,320
Speaker 3: even be used by him in those moments. And so

561
00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:53,920
Speaker 3: who wants to live a life where all I got

562
00:31:54,200 --> 00:31:58,600
Speaker 3: is based on just doing? It's misery and that's what

563
00:31:58,680 --> 00:31:59,960
Speaker 3: men want a scare.

564
00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:03,000
Speaker 4: I will tell you this too, Matt, Like what I

565
00:32:03,040 --> 00:32:04,680
Speaker 4: have to learn to I from losing four out of

566
00:32:04,720 --> 00:32:05,640
Speaker 4: six siblings is.

567
00:32:06,400 --> 00:32:09,280
Speaker 2: When you cry, is you know we do a lot

568
00:32:09,280 --> 00:32:09,680
Speaker 2: of people do.

569
00:32:09,800 --> 00:32:12,000
Speaker 4: Think it's a sign of weakness, But that's that's your

570
00:32:12,040 --> 00:32:13,640
Speaker 4: way of showing you miss him and the way you

571
00:32:13,680 --> 00:32:14,000
Speaker 4: love him.

572
00:32:14,080 --> 00:32:15,720
Speaker 2: Say it you know what I mean. That's why I love.

573
00:32:15,760 --> 00:32:17,880
Speaker 4: That's why I'm cool with crying on the short like

574
00:32:17,920 --> 00:32:19,680
Speaker 4: I was, just like you mad but like y'all know,

575
00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:21,960
Speaker 4: I cry all the time when something bothered me. I

576
00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:23,800
Speaker 4: let him out because that's that's the only way I

577
00:32:23,800 --> 00:32:25,520
Speaker 4: can show those people that I miss him and love him.

578
00:32:25,760 --> 00:32:27,760
Speaker 4: And if I don't do it, it'll drive me crazy.

579
00:32:28,160 --> 00:32:30,440
Speaker 2: No, I feel it's definitely boughted up. Like you said,

580
00:32:30,480 --> 00:32:33,520
Speaker 2: there's a damn ready to be broken. Also, another thing

581
00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:37,560
Speaker 2: I've wondered too is I feel like I can give

582
00:32:37,640 --> 00:32:40,600
Speaker 2: love but can't accept it. I feel like I can't

583
00:32:40,600 --> 00:32:43,320
Speaker 2: accept love. We don't really get what we put into.

584
00:32:43,240 --> 00:32:48,360
Speaker 3: It, or we don't. Again, where workhorse is not war horses,

585
00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:52,400
Speaker 3: She a workhorse. All he does is work. A war

586
00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:55,360
Speaker 3: horse not only works and it is ready for battle,

587
00:32:55,880 --> 00:32:59,360
Speaker 3: but he is maintained, you know, a war horse because

588
00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:04,200
Speaker 3: he is for workhorse. They send him to off to

589
00:33:04,280 --> 00:33:07,240
Speaker 3: somewhere to die when he's no good anymore. That's how

590
00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:10,880
Speaker 3: we feel as men. It's somewhere in little Matt's life

591
00:33:10,920 --> 00:33:15,000
Speaker 3: where you missed that, somewhere where you didn't feel valued

592
00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:19,160
Speaker 3: or loved or appreciated, just in our ten minute conversation.

593
00:33:19,320 --> 00:33:22,240
Speaker 3: I hear it just from what you shared about certain individuals.

594
00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:26,160
Speaker 3: So you're guarded. Your brain wants to protect little mac

595
00:33:26,520 --> 00:33:31,600
Speaker 3: because the pain of facing it feels too great. But

596
00:33:31,680 --> 00:33:35,200
Speaker 3: that's where we need to go. And as men, it's like, look, yeah,

597
00:33:35,240 --> 00:33:37,160
Speaker 3: you can be strong. You say you're a dog on

598
00:33:37,200 --> 00:33:41,640
Speaker 3: the court, football, boxing mma, but let me see you

599
00:33:41,760 --> 00:33:44,800
Speaker 3: be really a dog and face the issues. Is stopping

600
00:33:44,840 --> 00:33:46,960
Speaker 3: you from being the man that you need to be.

601
00:33:47,840 --> 00:33:51,040
Speaker 3: And men, but once men are in a safe space

602
00:33:51,960 --> 00:33:55,640
Speaker 3: where they feel that there's no chance of condemnation, that

603
00:33:55,680 --> 00:33:57,680
Speaker 3: they see the other brothers open up like what you

604
00:33:57,840 --> 00:34:02,440
Speaker 3: just shared. I've never seen when men stay stoic. They

605
00:34:02,480 --> 00:34:04,719
Speaker 3: start dropping their guards and they open up and they

606
00:34:04,760 --> 00:34:07,800
Speaker 3: break down. Majority of men are carrying the weight of

607
00:34:07,840 --> 00:34:10,600
Speaker 3: the world on their shoulders and are waiting for somebody

608
00:34:10,640 --> 00:34:13,920
Speaker 3: to say how you doing and really mean it. I

609
00:34:13,920 --> 00:34:18,200
Speaker 3: had one guy h engineered for my audiobook one of

610
00:34:18,239 --> 00:34:22,560
Speaker 3: his children, but both are autistic, and he had shared

611
00:34:22,600 --> 00:34:25,520
Speaker 3: he he was watching the son trying to do something

612
00:34:25,520 --> 00:34:28,840
Speaker 3: we do effortlessly every day, brush his teeth, and his

613
00:34:28,960 --> 00:34:31,680
Speaker 3: son was just struggling just to accomplish this one thing.

614
00:34:32,719 --> 00:34:34,880
Speaker 3: And so as a man you may know, may have

615
00:34:34,880 --> 00:34:38,080
Speaker 3: a friend like this, but it's not your problem. So

616
00:34:38,160 --> 00:34:43,000
Speaker 3: you really aren't really empathetic towards your man's Imagine driving

617
00:34:43,040 --> 00:34:47,799
Speaker 3: to work with that. He broke down crying. He just

618
00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:51,840
Speaker 3: needed an ear. Somebody said, Man, I just acknowledge your pain.

619
00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:56,520
Speaker 3: I acknowledge the hurt so many of us we never hear. Man,

620
00:34:56,560 --> 00:34:59,120
Speaker 3: that's a lot what you've been through, Matt Man, I

621
00:34:59,120 --> 00:35:01,120
Speaker 3: see the tears well up in your eyes. I couldn't

622
00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:04,799
Speaker 3: imagine all of this happening. And then not knowing why

623
00:35:04,840 --> 00:35:05,840
Speaker 3: are you so guarded?

624
00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:07,200
Speaker 2: Now?

625
00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:12,279
Speaker 3: It lets like you know now I'm not crazy for

626
00:35:12,320 --> 00:35:15,839
Speaker 3: the way that I feel, And maybe let me take

627
00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:17,800
Speaker 3: another step to go a little deeper so that I

628
00:35:17,840 --> 00:35:20,840
Speaker 3: can heal and break free from that. And like you said,

629
00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:24,719
Speaker 3: my brother, about tears, it's honoring those that we've lost.

630
00:35:24,960 --> 00:35:27,240
Speaker 3: A friend of mine, grandmother, had died. At the funeral

631
00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:29,439
Speaker 3: and I'm sitting I mean at the funeral, I'm sitting

632
00:35:29,480 --> 00:35:34,080
Speaker 3: next to him. He couldn't cry, and as I'm listening

633
00:35:34,120 --> 00:35:37,560
Speaker 3: to her obituary being read, this woman was a pillar

634
00:35:37,680 --> 00:35:40,840
Speaker 3: not only in the community but their family. I just

635
00:35:40,960 --> 00:35:44,200
Speaker 3: leaned next to him. I leanked into him. I said, hey,

636
00:35:44,440 --> 00:35:49,080
Speaker 3: your grandmother deserve your tears, and I just leaned back.

637
00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:55,400
Speaker 3: Matter of seconds, he broke down. He just needed the freedom. Yeah,

638
00:35:55,840 --> 00:35:58,960
Speaker 3: it's a mission to cry. It's okay. And we tell

639
00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:04,000
Speaker 3: our sons what to be fearless, right, No man is fearless.

640
00:36:04,120 --> 00:36:06,239
Speaker 3: No one is fearless because we all have something we

641
00:36:06,280 --> 00:36:08,719
Speaker 3: love that we don't want to lose. When you tell

642
00:36:08,719 --> 00:36:10,920
Speaker 3: a boy to be fearless, it'd be like one of

643
00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:13,719
Speaker 3: my students. Well, he wasn't the stude. He wanted to

644
00:36:13,719 --> 00:36:15,840
Speaker 3: be in the cave. He went to a party he

645
00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:17,719
Speaker 3: knew he shouldn't have been at because there was a

646
00:36:17,800 --> 00:36:20,920
Speaker 3: rival game there. Guys that didn't like him were jealous

647
00:36:20,920 --> 00:36:24,080
Speaker 3: of him. He went anyway, Why I ain't no whole.

648
00:36:24,600 --> 00:36:26,600
Speaker 3: Ain't nobody gonna stop me from doing what I need

649
00:36:26,640 --> 00:36:30,640
Speaker 3: to do? Beautiful young boy. That was Saturday. I get

650
00:36:30,640 --> 00:36:35,800
Speaker 3: a call he got shot and killed. N watching his father,

651
00:36:36,080 --> 00:36:39,960
Speaker 3: beautiful man standing next to this casket like a soldier,

652
00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:45,960
Speaker 3: wouldn't move. I'm not saying his dad told his son that,

653
00:36:46,040 --> 00:36:48,920
Speaker 3: but look how many boys we teach to be fearless

654
00:36:48,920 --> 00:36:51,960
Speaker 3: and it's impossible. Then once you got to understand too

655
00:36:52,080 --> 00:36:55,920
Speaker 3: without fear, there's no room for courage, no need for it.

656
00:36:57,480 --> 00:37:00,520
Speaker 3: But when you scared and something is at risk, that's

657
00:37:00,560 --> 00:37:04,200
Speaker 3: when they say, Wow, he was courageous. But for me

658
00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:06,120
Speaker 3: to get walk from here to there, that don't take

659
00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:10,080
Speaker 3: no courage. But let this be a pool of sharks

660
00:37:10,160 --> 00:37:13,000
Speaker 3: and it's only a five inch board. I gotta walk

661
00:37:13,040 --> 00:37:16,680
Speaker 3: across to get to my daughter, who may walk into

662
00:37:16,719 --> 00:37:21,240
Speaker 3: this pit of sharks. That takes courage. What's even deeper,

663
00:37:21,280 --> 00:37:26,600
Speaker 3: it takes love. We have to start becoming human again.

664
00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:29,759
Speaker 3: When we do that, start living from the good in

665
00:37:29,760 --> 00:37:31,200
Speaker 3: our heart, because we got bad.

666
00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:31,359
Speaker 2: In our heart.

667
00:37:31,400 --> 00:37:34,480
Speaker 3: We all know that as men, definitely. But the comprehence

668
00:37:34,520 --> 00:37:38,360
Speaker 3: of man is courageous but also compassionate, strong but sensitive.

669
00:37:39,239 --> 00:37:41,120
Speaker 3: He lives from the good in his heart instead of

670
00:37:41,160 --> 00:37:44,239
Speaker 3: the fear of how he'll be perceived. And that's how

671
00:37:44,480 --> 00:37:49,440
Speaker 3: I can move man. I have battles every day, mentally, spiritually.

672
00:37:49,480 --> 00:37:51,399
Speaker 3: I'm attacked often because of what I do.

673
00:37:51,960 --> 00:37:52,440
Speaker 2: Look at the.

674
00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:55,400
Speaker 3: Boys I'm trying to save in my community, and the

675
00:37:55,560 --> 00:37:58,040
Speaker 3: fathers who lives are changing, and they no longer coming

676
00:37:58,040 --> 00:38:01,600
Speaker 3: home yelling because they had a bad at work. Oh,

677
00:38:01,640 --> 00:38:05,160
Speaker 3: I got an adversary who don't like me and I

678
00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:07,880
Speaker 3: have wars. I wage every day, but I keep going

679
00:38:08,560 --> 00:38:12,000
Speaker 3: because I make sure I reflect on what's bothering me,

680
00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:15,319
Speaker 3: release it before it becomes toxic, so that I can

681
00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:18,080
Speaker 3: reset and rest. I call it the four rs. I

682
00:38:18,120 --> 00:38:20,600
Speaker 3: do that every day. I can do it while I'm fighting.

683
00:38:20,600 --> 00:38:23,080
Speaker 3: I can do it while I'm talking with Nicole. I

684
00:38:23,120 --> 00:38:25,800
Speaker 3: can do it right now here, even if I'm talking

685
00:38:25,840 --> 00:38:28,680
Speaker 3: now and I'm like, man, I'm with Matt and Stack.

686
00:38:28,760 --> 00:38:31,520
Speaker 3: You know, I got to release that so that I

687
00:38:31,560 --> 00:38:34,840
Speaker 3: can stay in this moment. And that's the power of

688
00:38:34,840 --> 00:38:37,759
Speaker 3: being a verbal process. So that's a the power being

689
00:38:38,160 --> 00:38:41,919
Speaker 3: emotionally intelligent. So now when these feelings arise, you're used

690
00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:44,160
Speaker 3: to them. When sadness come up, I don't have to

691
00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:47,440
Speaker 3: get angry, I can express the sadness. When fear comes up,

692
00:38:47,440 --> 00:38:49,320
Speaker 3: I don't have to get angry. I can just express

693
00:38:49,320 --> 00:38:52,680
Speaker 3: the fear. When depression arises, I don't have to get angry.

694
00:38:52,719 --> 00:38:54,919
Speaker 3: I can just say, hey, I'm depressed and then dig

695
00:38:54,960 --> 00:38:57,880
Speaker 3: deeper why am I depressed? And that's the key, and

696
00:38:57,920 --> 00:39:02,759
Speaker 3: that's comprehensive manhood. So, brother, Matt, I'm this ain't really

697
00:39:02,760 --> 00:39:03,799
Speaker 3: no interview, no more.

698
00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:05,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, because I'm not trying.

699
00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:07,680
Speaker 3: That's over with.

700
00:39:08,360 --> 00:39:08,960
Speaker 2: That's over with.

701
00:39:09,200 --> 00:39:12,200
Speaker 3: But yeah, I just met you and I'm looking in

702
00:39:12,239 --> 00:39:16,279
Speaker 3: your eyes. I can see it, Little Mad. If you

703
00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:19,680
Speaker 3: would have digged deep and close your eyes. Can you

704
00:39:19,719 --> 00:39:23,839
Speaker 3: tell us one emotion Little Matt feels mm close your

705
00:39:23,880 --> 00:39:28,960
Speaker 3: eyes and it ain't no rush? What one emotion? Little Matt Fields?

706
00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:35,400
Speaker 2: First thing come of mind is scared? Good? Why of

707
00:39:35,440 --> 00:39:37,040
Speaker 2: the unknown? Good?

708
00:39:37,120 --> 00:39:41,440
Speaker 3: Keep your eyes closed? What about the unknown? What is

709
00:39:41,480 --> 00:39:44,120
Speaker 3: the unknown? Stay with Little Matt, not Big Mad.

710
00:39:43,960 --> 00:39:45,920
Speaker 2: Because there's just so many people depending on me that

711
00:39:45,960 --> 00:39:46,879
Speaker 2: I'm gonna let them down.

712
00:39:48,560 --> 00:39:50,239
Speaker 3: Why do you have a fear of letting them down?

713
00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:55,040
Speaker 3: Because I never have? MHM. Who told you had to

714
00:39:55,080 --> 00:39:56,520
Speaker 3: take care of him?

715
00:39:56,960 --> 00:39:59,920
Speaker 2: A good question. I just felt like I was the

716
00:40:00,040 --> 00:40:00,960
Speaker 2: chose and wanted to do it.

717
00:40:01,360 --> 00:40:04,960
Speaker 3: Did your father ever tell you that What messages did

718
00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:06,239
Speaker 3: you receive from him?

719
00:40:06,280 --> 00:40:07,080
Speaker 2: Tough love.

720
00:40:09,320 --> 00:40:15,120
Speaker 3: Got it? So Little Matt really didn't experience the love

721
00:40:15,160 --> 00:40:17,120
Speaker 3: that he desired or needed to get from his dad.

722
00:40:17,239 --> 00:40:18,280
Speaker 2: No, not even close.

723
00:40:18,960 --> 00:40:21,400
Speaker 3: Did you ever feel that you had to perform for

724
00:40:21,440 --> 00:40:23,840
Speaker 3: his love or be the best kid ever?

725
00:40:25,560 --> 00:40:29,080
Speaker 2: No? I didn't to be honest with you, but I

726
00:40:29,200 --> 00:40:32,840
Speaker 2: found out after my mom died that how fucked up

727
00:40:32,880 --> 00:40:35,279
Speaker 2: his childhood was, so he was trying to learn on

728
00:40:35,320 --> 00:40:36,960
Speaker 2: the fly and try to make up. And now it's

729
00:40:36,960 --> 00:40:41,080
Speaker 2: funny you mentioned grandfatherhood. He's got nine grand babies now

730
00:40:41,080 --> 00:40:44,320
Speaker 2: and he's amazing grandfather, Like it's almost like his second

731
00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:48,799
Speaker 2: act because as a dad to us, it was volatile.

732
00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:53,439
Speaker 3: Most grandparents said it, it's the second chance to get

733
00:40:53,440 --> 00:40:56,959
Speaker 3: it right. How does that make you feel, the fact

734
00:40:57,000 --> 00:41:01,040
Speaker 3: that you see your father love on the grandchildren in

735
00:41:01,080 --> 00:41:02,239
Speaker 3: the way that you desired.

736
00:41:02,520 --> 00:41:04,920
Speaker 2: I mean, it makes me happy that they get to

737
00:41:04,960 --> 00:41:06,320
Speaker 2: experience that.

738
00:41:06,320 --> 00:41:11,640
Speaker 3: That's cool. That's a good, politically correct, excellent man.

739
00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:14,319
Speaker 2: I mean there's still times, you know, like me and

740
00:41:14,400 --> 00:41:16,279
Speaker 2: my dad. My mom died when I was twenty seven.

741
00:41:16,360 --> 00:41:19,080
Speaker 2: My dad had never hugged me or me recalling hug

742
00:41:19,160 --> 00:41:21,200
Speaker 2: me and tell me love me. Up until that point,

743
00:41:21,239 --> 00:41:23,040
Speaker 2: I don't even recall it, you know what I mean.

744
00:41:23,120 --> 00:41:26,120
Speaker 2: So it's just like now now we get along great,

745
00:41:26,239 --> 00:41:29,000
Speaker 2: and I'm to the notion it's never too late to

746
00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:32,040
Speaker 2: be a father. So when I see him be a

747
00:41:32,080 --> 00:41:36,040
Speaker 2: great popa, I love it. But there's still something me

748
00:41:36,120 --> 00:41:39,319
Speaker 2: at times it'll be kind of like you the same

749
00:41:39,360 --> 00:41:41,840
Speaker 2: motherfucker used to beat my mom in front of me.

750
00:41:42,760 --> 00:41:46,919
Speaker 3: That's where it's at. That's everything you said, That's where

751
00:41:46,920 --> 00:41:51,480
Speaker 3: it is. Have you ever shared with him how you feel? No,

752
00:41:51,840 --> 00:41:55,000
Speaker 3: super deep service level. Let me give you some advice.

753
00:41:56,920 --> 00:42:00,560
Speaker 3: My father was the master of tough love and he

754
00:42:00,560 --> 00:42:02,600
Speaker 3: had a cause and effect just like your dad, which

755
00:42:02,600 --> 00:42:04,520
Speaker 3: is why I was able to forgive him and reconcile.

756
00:42:05,320 --> 00:42:08,480
Speaker 3: It took for him to develop Parkinsons disease for to

757
00:42:08,480 --> 00:42:11,160
Speaker 3: slow him down, for me to have some time with him,

758
00:42:11,200 --> 00:42:14,400
Speaker 3: to really get to know him. The first time I

759
00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:17,080
Speaker 3: heard my father say he loved me, I was thirty

760
00:42:17,120 --> 00:42:22,480
Speaker 3: seven years old. But that couldn't have happened, Matt until

761
00:42:23,920 --> 00:42:27,759
Speaker 3: I confronted some things till I asked him, why was

762
00:42:27,800 --> 00:42:32,080
Speaker 3: he so hard? Why did you curse out your middle

763
00:42:32,080 --> 00:42:36,080
Speaker 3: school age son for making a mistake and turning on

764
00:42:36,120 --> 00:42:38,200
Speaker 3: the heat instead of the ac and the barbershop and

765
00:42:38,280 --> 00:42:41,680
Speaker 3: humiliating me in front of everyone. When I was able

766
00:42:41,719 --> 00:42:44,680
Speaker 3: to hear his heart from where it came from, I

767
00:42:44,719 --> 00:42:48,319
Speaker 3: was able to forgive him, and in that moment, the

768
00:42:48,320 --> 00:42:52,759
Speaker 3: Holy Spirit said, tell your dad, thanks for being the

769
00:42:52,840 --> 00:42:56,640
Speaker 3: dad you needed. So in me, I'm like, that's crazy.

770
00:42:56,680 --> 00:43:01,200
Speaker 3: Because I needed a different father. And I said that,

771
00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:02,960
Speaker 3: and I kissed him on his forehead. That's the first

772
00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:06,080
Speaker 3: time I would kiss my father. As I was walking

773
00:43:06,120 --> 00:43:08,080
Speaker 3: out the room in the nursing home, I hear him

774
00:43:08,080 --> 00:43:11,080
Speaker 3: breathing heavy. He was crying. The first time I saw

775
00:43:11,120 --> 00:43:14,440
Speaker 3: my father cry. And I went back to him and

776
00:43:14,480 --> 00:43:17,400
Speaker 3: I laid my head on his chest and we just

777
00:43:17,520 --> 00:43:22,480
Speaker 3: cried like man. It was so liberating because for so

778
00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:25,920
Speaker 3: long I didn't know it. He held the guilt of

779
00:43:26,040 --> 00:43:29,960
Speaker 3: not being the dad that he even wanted to be

780
00:43:29,960 --> 00:43:34,719
Speaker 3: because he was hardened by his situation. He was the

781
00:43:34,760 --> 00:43:38,000
Speaker 3: things he went through in Florida when it was racist,

782
00:43:38,600 --> 00:43:42,400
Speaker 3: the pimp culture. In Detroit, he was actually called to

783
00:43:42,400 --> 00:43:46,360
Speaker 3: be a pastor, but a lot of the pimps became pastors.

784
00:43:46,360 --> 00:43:48,200
Speaker 3: And he says, I never want to be a hypocrite,

785
00:43:48,239 --> 00:43:50,719
Speaker 3: so I just rather live his life and he ran

786
00:43:50,800 --> 00:43:54,680
Speaker 3: from it. And as a result of that transparent moment,

787
00:43:56,160 --> 00:43:59,520
Speaker 3: I asked him, what would you like me to promise

788
00:43:59,560 --> 00:44:02,440
Speaker 3: you that I could live out? He said that I

789
00:44:02,440 --> 00:44:06,960
Speaker 3: would preach the Gospel and then he would hear it.

790
00:44:07,840 --> 00:44:11,680
Speaker 3: Both of those are fulfilled while your father is living.

791
00:44:12,040 --> 00:44:15,960
Speaker 3: Don't get the enemy. Two stones. What I mean by

792
00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:21,640
Speaker 3: that is when he died and you're not reconciled, you're

793
00:44:21,680 --> 00:44:26,520
Speaker 3: going to have heavy regrets. Just allow one stone, meaning

794
00:44:26,520 --> 00:44:28,720
Speaker 3: you get hit with one stone is death, two stones

795
00:44:28,840 --> 00:44:31,560
Speaker 3: is man. I wish I could have shut it and

796
00:44:31,600 --> 00:44:31,920
Speaker 3: would have.

797
00:44:32,680 --> 00:44:34,399
Speaker 2: I wish it's so much I could ask my father

798
00:44:34,520 --> 00:44:34,960
Speaker 2: right now.

799
00:44:36,400 --> 00:44:38,799
Speaker 3: So you have a chance that many young boys and

800
00:44:38,920 --> 00:44:42,440
Speaker 3: men don't get and your father may need you.

801
00:44:42,400 --> 00:44:42,920
Speaker 2: To help him.

802
00:44:43,000 --> 00:44:45,399
Speaker 3: Dude, they didn't have men of that era, couldn't talk

803
00:44:45,520 --> 00:44:51,360
Speaker 3: like this in that so that the realness was you

804
00:44:51,480 --> 00:44:56,080
Speaker 3: the same. Whatever you said used to beat me. That's resentment.

805
00:44:56,880 --> 00:44:57,520
Speaker 3: That's hurt.

806
00:44:58,800 --> 00:44:59,359
Speaker 2: So your guard.

807
00:44:59,440 --> 00:45:02,919
Speaker 3: So you're living from the anger instead of releasing those

808
00:45:02,960 --> 00:45:05,040
Speaker 3: real emotions. That's why I said, where's the what's the

809
00:45:05,080 --> 00:45:08,839
Speaker 3: real emotion? When you start expressing the real emotion, then

810
00:45:08,880 --> 00:45:11,520
Speaker 3: the tear is gonna come. The anger is it's a front.

811
00:45:11,560 --> 00:45:15,000
Speaker 3: It's safe for us to express that real say we

812
00:45:15,040 --> 00:45:18,880
Speaker 3: go there, real facts. But to say, man, you neglected me.

813
00:45:19,000 --> 00:45:19,280
Speaker 1: Dad.

814
00:45:19,640 --> 00:45:23,399
Speaker 3: I tried my best to to to be your best son,

815
00:45:23,440 --> 00:45:26,799
Speaker 3: and you still missed me. Here it is, I'm in

816
00:45:26,840 --> 00:45:30,120
Speaker 3: the NBA, I'm doing great things. You still missed me.

817
00:45:32,840 --> 00:45:36,719
Speaker 3: That has to come out. And that's why you backed up.

818
00:45:38,840 --> 00:45:42,120
Speaker 3: You need emotional enema. That's what I tell me. You

819
00:45:42,200 --> 00:45:44,799
Speaker 3: gotta release it. It's gonna it's gonna lock you in.

820
00:45:44,840 --> 00:45:48,359
Speaker 3: Like my best friend Vick here struggle with PTSD from

821
00:45:48,400 --> 00:45:52,759
Speaker 3: being a police officer and other things that happened. He

822
00:45:52,880 --> 00:45:58,040
Speaker 3: was driving his car, his truck and he got overwhelmed

823
00:45:58,080 --> 00:46:00,160
Speaker 3: with anger and he was clinching the stern with or

824
00:46:00,280 --> 00:46:04,520
Speaker 3: so fierce that he imprinted his fingernails, imprinted his palm.

825
00:46:04,840 --> 00:46:07,799
Speaker 3: And he has a big pickup truck. But for him

826
00:46:07,840 --> 00:46:11,399
Speaker 3: to be that intense with anger and not knowing where

827
00:46:11,400 --> 00:46:13,680
Speaker 3: it comes from. But his wife died. I can go

828
00:46:13,719 --> 00:46:16,600
Speaker 3: on and on and on, and if you're not crying

829
00:46:16,680 --> 00:46:19,120
Speaker 3: about that a lot, and you got to be strong

830
00:46:19,160 --> 00:46:21,799
Speaker 3: for everyone else. He has a young son, and how

831
00:46:21,800 --> 00:46:25,200
Speaker 3: many friends are emotionally intelligent where it can be there

832
00:46:25,239 --> 00:46:28,160
Speaker 3: with you and not judge you. That's why we lose it.

833
00:46:29,080 --> 00:46:30,960
Speaker 2: I mean, that's always been a thing, man, And that's

834
00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:33,600
Speaker 2: another thing I fear. That's just like one. It could

835
00:46:33,600 --> 00:46:36,319
Speaker 2: be something small like me flying off the edge and

836
00:46:36,360 --> 00:46:38,640
Speaker 2: jumping on somebody's ass, you know what I mean, just

837
00:46:38,640 --> 00:46:42,319
Speaker 2: because it's that's the quickest emotion, the easiest emotion, just

838
00:46:42,360 --> 00:46:43,360
Speaker 2: that anger is.

839
00:46:44,160 --> 00:46:45,640
Speaker 3: Do you want to be free from that?

840
00:46:45,840 --> 00:46:47,560
Speaker 2: Yeah? Absolutely, I would love to.

841
00:46:48,120 --> 00:46:50,279
Speaker 3: All right, you get with.

842
00:46:50,200 --> 00:46:51,960
Speaker 2: Me, Yeah absolutely, We're gonna do it.

843
00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:55,120
Speaker 3: Help you work through that with all these lights and

844
00:46:55,160 --> 00:46:58,360
Speaker 3: can Yeah, your.

845
00:46:58,200 --> 00:47:03,520
Speaker 2: Youth Development Group Union, which is your old record label,

846
00:47:04,239 --> 00:47:07,480
Speaker 2: how did you transition from you know, we skipped over

847
00:47:07,480 --> 00:47:09,759
Speaker 2: a little bit stuff, but you DJed, You found some

848
00:47:09,840 --> 00:47:12,319
Speaker 2: piece in DJ in and worked with a lot of

849
00:47:12,520 --> 00:47:15,560
Speaker 2: big people, big names in that space. Where did the

850
00:47:15,560 --> 00:47:19,879
Speaker 2: transformation from DJing into giving back to comming men?

851
00:47:20,840 --> 00:47:22,920
Speaker 3: It came first and foremost when I was a second

852
00:47:22,920 --> 00:47:26,000
Speaker 3: of DJ, just producing music, just wanted to become the

853
00:47:26,080 --> 00:47:29,239
Speaker 3: number one producer and DJ. It didn't matter what type

854
00:47:29,239 --> 00:47:32,279
Speaker 3: of music I put out. But when I surrendered my

855
00:47:32,320 --> 00:47:34,920
Speaker 3: life to the most high, that all changed. And then

856
00:47:34,960 --> 00:47:37,680
Speaker 3: I saw myself as a hypocrite because here it is

857
00:47:37,719 --> 00:47:41,480
Speaker 3: I'm trying to mentor youth out of the life that

858
00:47:41,520 --> 00:47:44,560
Speaker 3: could lead them astray. But yet my music was the

859
00:47:44,600 --> 00:47:51,000
Speaker 3: soundtrack for it. When we started the Union, when I

860
00:47:51,000 --> 00:47:53,719
Speaker 3: got the vision to do that Union Records, all the

861
00:47:53,840 --> 00:47:58,359
Speaker 3: music was christ centered, It was encouraging, empowering. But what

862
00:47:58,360 --> 00:48:01,200
Speaker 3: we noticed is that when the songs stopped. The kids

863
00:48:01,239 --> 00:48:03,680
Speaker 3: still had their issues, they still had the trauma, they

864
00:48:03,680 --> 00:48:06,080
Speaker 3: still had to deal with the environment they were in.

865
00:48:06,480 --> 00:48:09,120
Speaker 3: And that's when I decided to go after our nonprofit

866
00:48:09,360 --> 00:48:12,799
Speaker 3: and we transform from you and your records to the nonprofit,

867
00:48:12,840 --> 00:48:17,520
Speaker 3: the Union, and we've reached over seventeen thousand youth since

868
00:48:17,520 --> 00:48:21,120
Speaker 3: two thousand and three. And the Cave of Adullam, which

869
00:48:21,200 --> 00:48:25,320
Speaker 3: is the Transformational Training Academy, where I use the martial

870
00:48:25,440 --> 00:48:28,640
Speaker 3: arts as one two to help men with boys to

871
00:48:28,960 --> 00:48:31,360
Speaker 3: navigate through the pressures of this world without succumbing to

872
00:48:31,440 --> 00:48:34,239
Speaker 3: their emotions by first teaching them that it's okay to

873
00:48:34,239 --> 00:48:37,440
Speaker 3: be emotional, and then with the biblical principles and of

874
00:48:37,480 --> 00:48:41,560
Speaker 3: course the presence of their fathers there, it's truly a

875
00:48:41,600 --> 00:48:46,480
Speaker 3: transformational space. You'll see the boys have their emotional breakdown.

876
00:48:46,560 --> 00:48:48,759
Speaker 3: We call it a moment on the mat when I'm

877
00:48:48,800 --> 00:48:50,919
Speaker 3: able to get them to see, Okay, this is why

878
00:48:50,920 --> 00:48:52,960
Speaker 3: you're failing in school, this is why you're talking back

879
00:48:52,960 --> 00:48:57,399
Speaker 3: to your mother, this is why you fear walking your

880
00:48:57,400 --> 00:49:02,880
Speaker 3: own path. The father who is watching starts getting emotional

881
00:49:02,920 --> 00:49:04,319
Speaker 3: because he sees himself.

882
00:49:04,040 --> 00:49:04,480
Speaker 2: On the man.

883
00:49:05,120 --> 00:49:07,080
Speaker 3: So if you were there and I'm working with your sons,

884
00:49:07,200 --> 00:49:09,520
Speaker 3: you not only see them, you'll see a little mad

885
00:49:09,560 --> 00:49:13,560
Speaker 3: on the man, and in them finding freedom, you're going

886
00:49:13,640 --> 00:49:15,600
Speaker 3: to request the same. And then you actually learn how

887
00:49:15,600 --> 00:49:19,759
Speaker 3: to become emotionally intelligent because you watch me help them

888
00:49:19,800 --> 00:49:24,160
Speaker 3: process their emotions as well. And so that's how that

889
00:49:24,239 --> 00:49:27,320
Speaker 3: all started. And we're trying to make it a school

890
00:49:27,360 --> 00:49:29,960
Speaker 3: now because I want to scale the Cave of Adelum.

891
00:49:30,000 --> 00:49:32,680
Speaker 3: I don't want it to die with me. And we

892
00:49:32,719 --> 00:49:36,279
Speaker 3: get a lot of requests, can Chicago, Atlanta, La, can

893
00:49:36,320 --> 00:49:40,239
Speaker 3: you please bring it? Quest for Ghana. So we want

894
00:49:40,280 --> 00:49:42,520
Speaker 3: to make it a middle school with the Cave of

895
00:49:42,560 --> 00:49:47,360
Speaker 3: Adelum as the physical education piece. So imagine all of

896
00:49:47,400 --> 00:49:53,200
Speaker 3: the core subjects are surrounded by that, that principle of

897
00:49:53,200 --> 00:49:57,920
Speaker 3: emotional stability, mental resilience, respect, and all the other codes

898
00:49:57,920 --> 00:50:00,359
Speaker 3: that we teach in the Cave of Adelum. Now a

899
00:50:00,400 --> 00:50:04,760
Speaker 3: student takes those principles into the classroom, then they's community service.

900
00:50:04,800 --> 00:50:08,480
Speaker 3: We teach dining, etiquete, grooming, etiquete, financial literacy. All of

901
00:50:08,520 --> 00:50:11,880
Speaker 3: these principles now are in one hub, and that's what

902
00:50:12,000 --> 00:50:14,680
Speaker 3: can be skilled. If it stays the way it is now,

903
00:50:14,800 --> 00:50:17,759
Speaker 3: it'll die with me. Because I'm annoying it for it,

904
00:50:17,800 --> 00:50:20,239
Speaker 3: which I believe the next person who has it has

905
00:50:20,280 --> 00:50:21,960
Speaker 3: to have that as well, because it takes more than

906
00:50:22,000 --> 00:50:25,080
Speaker 3: martial art skills to help boys navigate through their trauma

907
00:50:25,080 --> 00:50:28,040
Speaker 3: and emotional pain. But it's a lot easier when it

908
00:50:28,120 --> 00:50:32,239
Speaker 3: isn't just that. So that's my desire. We're going to

909
00:50:32,280 --> 00:50:35,560
Speaker 3: pilot it this summer, as we'll call it the Cave Camp,

910
00:50:36,239 --> 00:50:40,480
Speaker 3: and they get to go study math and science other

911
00:50:40,600 --> 00:50:45,080
Speaker 3: ages eight ages eight through twelve. We have them for

912
00:50:45,120 --> 00:50:48,239
Speaker 3: eight hours, which is really good. Yeah, we want to

913
00:50:48,239 --> 00:50:51,839
Speaker 3: see how it really work in the school environment, and

914
00:50:51,920 --> 00:50:53,719
Speaker 3: so we're really excited about that.

915
00:50:54,440 --> 00:50:55,040
Speaker 2: Sounds great.

916
00:50:55,800 --> 00:50:58,480
Speaker 4: Do you wish more rap artists making powering songs to

917
00:50:59,000 --> 00:51:02,400
Speaker 4: empower youth instead of talking about guns and violence and

918
00:51:02,440 --> 00:51:03,040
Speaker 4: stuff like that.

919
00:51:03,239 --> 00:51:05,440
Speaker 3: I mean, yeah, of course I would. You know, I

920
00:51:05,480 --> 00:51:11,560
Speaker 3: would love to that more rappers would have that on

921
00:51:11,600 --> 00:51:14,080
Speaker 3: their heart when they're writing their songs. But more importantly,

922
00:51:15,200 --> 00:51:18,120
Speaker 3: I want them to live in you know, it's it's

923
00:51:19,120 --> 00:51:21,040
Speaker 3: you know, you could find one or two good songs

924
00:51:21,080 --> 00:51:22,680
Speaker 3: on the album, but then we listened to.

925
00:51:22,680 --> 00:51:23,360
Speaker 2: The whole album.

926
00:51:23,480 --> 00:51:26,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, so exactly, you have one good song and then

927
00:51:26,760 --> 00:51:28,319
Speaker 3: one of my students here it and now you buys

928
00:51:28,320 --> 00:51:31,319
Speaker 3: your album. Now he don't like women because of this

929
00:51:31,480 --> 00:51:35,520
Speaker 3: other song. So I understand where they are because I

930
00:51:35,600 --> 00:51:38,239
Speaker 3: was there, you know. I compromised my gift to try

931
00:51:38,280 --> 00:51:41,719
Speaker 3: to get record deals, you know, started producing music for rappers,

932
00:51:42,200 --> 00:51:46,080
Speaker 3: my good friends. We you know, the lyrics didn't match

933
00:51:46,239 --> 00:51:48,279
Speaker 3: my heart, you know, but it was the only way

934
00:51:48,320 --> 00:51:49,200
Speaker 3: to get a record deal.

935
00:51:49,760 --> 00:51:49,960
Speaker 2: You know.

936
00:51:50,040 --> 00:51:53,440
Speaker 3: We started with Ka and Mashra was my first group.

937
00:51:53,840 --> 00:51:55,880
Speaker 3: We're friends with Chuck Depublican and me. He even let

938
00:51:55,960 --> 00:51:58,640
Speaker 3: us open up for him twice, you know. But that

939
00:51:58,800 --> 00:52:02,520
Speaker 3: shifted when the music industry shifted, and now you can

940
00:52:02,560 --> 00:52:04,560
Speaker 3: only get a record deal if you rap a certain way,

941
00:52:04,600 --> 00:52:06,640
Speaker 3: you act a certain way, you talk a certain way.

942
00:52:07,200 --> 00:52:09,919
Speaker 3: So I get it. But now the power is now

943
00:52:10,080 --> 00:52:13,080
Speaker 3: back to the artists, and you have the power to

944
00:52:13,160 --> 00:52:16,200
Speaker 3: really shift the culture. So yeah, I would love for

945
00:52:16,280 --> 00:52:20,040
Speaker 3: them to do that because I see the result of

946
00:52:20,080 --> 00:52:24,239
Speaker 3: what's being produced when the kids come to behavior their mindset.

947
00:52:24,560 --> 00:52:26,560
Speaker 3: And as a DJ, you can't tell me there's no

948
00:52:26,640 --> 00:52:29,680
Speaker 3: power in music to change. I would throw on certain

949
00:52:29,719 --> 00:52:31,680
Speaker 3: songs when the party was kind of dead, or I

950
00:52:31,800 --> 00:52:34,239
Speaker 3: just wanted to go meet a girl. I knew what

951
00:52:34,320 --> 00:52:36,640
Speaker 3: songs to throw on and make them fight, and I

952
00:52:36,760 --> 00:52:38,400
Speaker 3: just throw on certain music. Just wait next to you know,

953
00:52:38,400 --> 00:52:41,399
Speaker 3: a chair, bag bag. I'm packing up, ready to leave.

954
00:52:41,440 --> 00:52:43,000
Speaker 3: Give me my money. I'm going to get something to

955
00:52:43,000 --> 00:52:45,279
Speaker 3: eat and meet this girl. So you can't tell me

956
00:52:45,320 --> 00:52:48,080
Speaker 3: there's no power in music and we have to hold

957
00:52:48,120 --> 00:52:51,359
Speaker 3: each other responsible for that. It's a powerful too, it's

958
00:52:51,400 --> 00:52:54,279
Speaker 3: a powerful gift. But the thing is because I'm reached

959
00:52:54,320 --> 00:52:56,279
Speaker 3: out by a lot of rappers you know who are

960
00:52:56,320 --> 00:53:00,160
Speaker 3: real popular, I'm like cool. I appreciate the DM. I

961
00:53:00,440 --> 00:53:03,760
Speaker 3: admire the fact that you're seeking. But let's go deeper.

962
00:53:04,800 --> 00:53:07,160
Speaker 3: And that's the stopping point for a lot of us

963
00:53:07,200 --> 00:53:10,240
Speaker 3: as men because to many of them, like a father

964
00:53:10,320 --> 00:53:13,160
Speaker 3: they didn't have. So when you finally could get with

965
00:53:13,200 --> 00:53:15,920
Speaker 3: a man who cares for who you are and not

966
00:53:16,000 --> 00:53:18,920
Speaker 3: what you do. Even when I work with NFL players

967
00:53:19,000 --> 00:53:22,600
Speaker 3: or basketball players, I'm not really a fan of what

968
00:53:22,640 --> 00:53:24,120
Speaker 3: you do. I'm a fan of who you are as

969
00:53:24,160 --> 00:53:26,920
Speaker 3: a man. When you meet someone like that, now you

970
00:53:26,960 --> 00:53:29,840
Speaker 3: got to drop your guard and I'm not going to

971
00:53:29,920 --> 00:53:33,240
Speaker 3: crush your heart. I'm not going to crush even your ego.

972
00:53:33,560 --> 00:53:36,239
Speaker 3: I'm gonna give you the space to feel and to

973
00:53:36,320 --> 00:53:39,160
Speaker 3: fail in that moment so that you can heal. Once

974
00:53:39,239 --> 00:53:42,839
Speaker 3: you get them to see that different, they won't even

975
00:53:42,840 --> 00:53:45,319
Speaker 3: want to make the music that way. And so that's

976
00:53:45,360 --> 00:53:48,040
Speaker 3: my I'm a principal person. So making one song and

977
00:53:48,120 --> 00:53:51,120
Speaker 3: your heart hasn't changed won't really change the culture.

978
00:53:51,360 --> 00:53:54,800
Speaker 2: You know, the sense of the community has been lost.

979
00:53:55,040 --> 00:53:58,799
Speaker 4: We have a real mutual friend that I wish he

980
00:53:58,920 --> 00:54:01,160
Speaker 4: was in every state the United States because a lot

981
00:54:01,160 --> 00:54:03,080
Speaker 4: of things will be different in new era.

982
00:54:03,160 --> 00:54:04,360
Speaker 2: Zeke, you know, that's my brother.

983
00:54:05,160 --> 00:54:07,120
Speaker 4: What do we need to do to continue to support

984
00:54:07,120 --> 00:54:11,200
Speaker 4: people like that, just to get that contagious in every state,

985
00:54:11,239 --> 00:54:14,560
Speaker 4: because what he's doing is showing how we need to

986
00:54:14,920 --> 00:54:17,400
Speaker 4: take care of our community, provide for our community, and

987
00:54:17,440 --> 00:54:21,040
Speaker 4: care about the children in our community. He's showing that

988
00:54:21,120 --> 00:54:23,759
Speaker 4: on a high level, and for it to be like

989
00:54:23,800 --> 00:54:25,720
Speaker 4: with social media, feelingly be doing it.

990
00:54:25,719 --> 00:54:29,160
Speaker 3: It's still not contagious as it should be in every

991
00:54:29,200 --> 00:54:29,680
Speaker 3: other state.

992
00:54:30,200 --> 00:54:31,600
Speaker 2: How do we support people.

993
00:54:31,360 --> 00:54:33,719
Speaker 4: Like that and get that going everywhere because that would

994
00:54:33,760 --> 00:54:35,160
Speaker 4: make a big change.

995
00:54:35,400 --> 00:54:40,240
Speaker 3: The mind of our people. Zeke actually had posted something recently.

996
00:54:40,280 --> 00:54:43,719
Speaker 3: He said that more parents are concerned with big meat

997
00:54:43,920 --> 00:54:46,359
Speaker 3: paperwork than their children's school work.

998
00:54:46,400 --> 00:54:47,319
Speaker 2: Mostly that the other the day year.

999
00:54:47,320 --> 00:54:50,520
Speaker 3: Okay, that resonated with me because of the work we've

1000
00:54:50,520 --> 00:54:54,000
Speaker 3: been doing for over twenty one years. Now, you can

1001
00:54:54,040 --> 00:54:55,959
Speaker 3: help the child, but send them back to the parents

1002
00:54:55,960 --> 00:54:58,280
Speaker 3: who are still wounded and dealing with unresolved trauma.

1003
00:54:58,560 --> 00:54:59,120
Speaker 2: You name it.

1004
00:55:00,120 --> 00:55:04,400
Speaker 3: So you see how passionate Zeke is. His commitment and zeal.

1005
00:55:04,920 --> 00:55:08,400
Speaker 3: When I look at my brother, even myself to some extent,

1006
00:55:08,640 --> 00:55:13,360
Speaker 3: and you really look at the problem, we're sowing seed

1007
00:55:13,640 --> 00:55:19,360
Speaker 3: on infertile ground. We haven't broken up the trauma, the lies,

1008
00:55:19,440 --> 00:55:23,520
Speaker 3: the systemic racism, all of this that has our minds

1009
00:55:23,640 --> 00:55:27,640
Speaker 3: like this, and as a people, we like this. And

1010
00:55:27,760 --> 00:55:30,440
Speaker 3: until we can til that soil of our minds and

1011
00:55:30,520 --> 00:55:33,319
Speaker 3: open it up and renew the mind, all of the

1012
00:55:33,400 --> 00:55:36,200
Speaker 3: seeds will stay on the surface and the birds that

1013
00:55:36,320 --> 00:55:39,319
Speaker 3: keep coming taking into the way. That's why millions are

1014
00:55:39,360 --> 00:55:42,319
Speaker 3: spent on this type of work. And then you're like, well,

1015
00:55:42,320 --> 00:55:44,480
Speaker 3: wait a minute, why is it worse now than it

1016
00:55:44,600 --> 00:55:50,560
Speaker 3: was twenty years ago? And we have more money. People

1017
00:55:50,680 --> 00:55:53,160
Speaker 3: see what Zeke does, but they don't understand what he's

1018
00:55:53,160 --> 00:55:56,160
Speaker 3: been through to make him that way. You see, his

1019
00:55:56,280 --> 00:56:00,640
Speaker 3: mind isn't like the majority of people. Again, we got

1020
00:56:00,680 --> 00:56:04,240
Speaker 3: to go to the principle as a people, as a fighter.

1021
00:56:04,280 --> 00:56:09,000
Speaker 3: For instance, let's stay in sports. We were talking about this.

1022
00:56:09,800 --> 00:56:12,000
Speaker 3: If you had to play, I don't care, say the

1023
00:56:12,040 --> 00:56:14,640
Speaker 3: bulls and you' all on the same team. Do you

1024
00:56:14,680 --> 00:56:18,120
Speaker 3: only look at the bulls film and don't look at yours?

1025
00:56:18,160 --> 00:56:22,120
Speaker 3: Or do you look at both both both? In our community,

1026
00:56:22,120 --> 00:56:24,279
Speaker 3: we tend to only look at what was being done

1027
00:56:24,280 --> 00:56:26,080
Speaker 3: to us instead of same.

1028
00:56:26,120 --> 00:56:26,600
Speaker 2: Okay, cool.

1029
00:56:26,640 --> 00:56:29,440
Speaker 3: What do we need to do to improve? What are

1030
00:56:29,440 --> 00:56:32,239
Speaker 3: our strengths and weaknesses? How do we eliminate these weaknesses

1031
00:56:32,280 --> 00:56:35,560
Speaker 3: and become stronger? That's what has to happen.

1032
00:56:35,640 --> 00:56:36,480
Speaker 2: First.

1033
00:56:36,880 --> 00:56:42,200
Speaker 3: See, our minds are not renewed. We've fallen even from

1034
00:56:42,239 --> 00:56:44,320
Speaker 3: the faith where we used to be. We've been in church,

1035
00:56:44,440 --> 00:56:49,239
Speaker 3: but we weren't in Christ like literally walking that out.

1036
00:56:49,360 --> 00:56:52,920
Speaker 3: You know, you can't just pray things away, you know

1037
00:56:52,920 --> 00:56:55,640
Speaker 3: what I mean. The scriptures even say faith without works

1038
00:56:55,719 --> 00:57:00,800
Speaker 3: is dead. I'm a doer, don't be It's also written,

1039
00:57:00,800 --> 00:57:02,359
Speaker 3: don't be a hero of the word, be a doer

1040
00:57:02,400 --> 00:57:06,840
Speaker 3: of the world. So it's so much there that we

1041
00:57:07,000 --> 00:57:11,319
Speaker 3: have to heal our people. So even with parents who

1042
00:57:11,520 --> 00:57:13,920
Speaker 3: you know, who may not be doing the greatest of

1043
00:57:14,040 --> 00:57:17,880
Speaker 3: job raising their children. When you talk to them, pull

1044
00:57:17,960 --> 00:57:20,240
Speaker 3: them aside. They break down.

1045
00:57:20,280 --> 00:57:20,480
Speaker 2: Man.

1046
00:57:21,360 --> 00:57:23,680
Speaker 3: I had mothers literally say, can's you get a hood?

1047
00:57:23,920 --> 00:57:28,800
Speaker 3: I can't contain it and just cry weeping fathers. You know,

1048
00:57:28,920 --> 00:57:31,400
Speaker 3: I've never in all the years I've been doing this,

1049
00:57:31,880 --> 00:57:34,400
Speaker 3: I've never seen a father who didn't love their children.

1050
00:57:35,280 --> 00:57:40,040
Speaker 3: I saw a father who didn't love himself. He would

1051
00:57:40,080 --> 00:57:42,640
Speaker 3: feel less of a man because he couldn't do more,

1052
00:57:43,680 --> 00:57:47,640
Speaker 3: and so he felt that isolation was the answer, and

1053
00:57:47,680 --> 00:57:48,000
Speaker 3: it's not.

1054
00:57:49,120 --> 00:57:49,280
Speaker 2: So.

1055
00:57:49,320 --> 00:57:54,880
Speaker 3: My thing is helping our people, heal, helping our community

1056
00:57:54,920 --> 00:57:58,960
Speaker 3: hold each other responsible in love, meaning I'm not on

1057
00:57:59,120 --> 00:58:01,320
Speaker 3: you just to be you. I'm on you because I.

1058
00:58:01,240 --> 00:58:02,880
Speaker 2: Love you, you know.

1059
00:58:03,040 --> 00:58:07,960
Speaker 3: And then that's when I believe things have changed. Zeke

1060
00:58:08,120 --> 00:58:11,040
Speaker 3: is a unicorn brother, you know what I mean, And

1061
00:58:12,200 --> 00:58:17,120
Speaker 3: he's he's a solid brother. And if it just stays him,

1062
00:58:17,280 --> 00:58:22,080
Speaker 3: the problem gonna keep existing. The issue is is that

1063
00:58:22,480 --> 00:58:25,280
Speaker 3: Zeke is running his lane. But when is everyone else

1064
00:58:25,400 --> 00:58:28,880
Speaker 3: going to start running there running their lanes? You know,

1065
00:58:29,320 --> 00:58:31,960
Speaker 3: how did martial arts become a staple in the development

1066
00:58:32,240 --> 00:58:36,160
Speaker 3: of the youth you work with? I always wanted, you know,

1067
00:58:36,360 --> 00:58:39,520
Speaker 3: that father figure, that man who could teach me the way,

1068
00:58:39,680 --> 00:58:41,760
Speaker 3: you know, to manhood. Of course, every young boy wants

1069
00:58:41,800 --> 00:58:45,440
Speaker 3: to know how to fight, and so you'll see the

1070
00:58:45,480 --> 00:58:48,680
Speaker 3: sense the old martial arts movies. The students come in

1071
00:58:48,720 --> 00:58:51,760
Speaker 3: and bout and instructed all wise, and no one could

1072
00:58:51,800 --> 00:58:54,280
Speaker 3: touch them. So I longed for that, and so I

1073
00:58:54,320 --> 00:58:58,640
Speaker 3: started training in that and it became my outlet. But

1074
00:58:59,440 --> 00:59:02,640
Speaker 3: the marshal art isn't enough though. When I started the

1075
00:59:02,640 --> 00:59:07,000
Speaker 3: Cave of Adullum, it was the popular thing. Was Scared

1076
00:59:07,080 --> 00:59:10,959
Speaker 3: Straight programs, you remember those. We'll take a kid who

1077
00:59:11,040 --> 00:59:14,959
Speaker 3: was troubled into the prisons and hopefully the prisoners would

1078
00:59:14,960 --> 00:59:18,840
Speaker 3: scare him straight and he would pay the prisoners. It

1079
00:59:18,920 --> 00:59:21,720
Speaker 3: didn't work, and now everyone realized, how can you help

1080
00:59:21,760 --> 00:59:26,800
Speaker 3: a kid overcome trauma by re traumatizing? It didn't work.

1081
00:59:27,200 --> 00:59:29,360
Speaker 3: What about the boot camps? You don't see him anymore,

1082
00:59:30,200 --> 00:59:33,680
Speaker 3: the kids they would put on the front, yes sir, no, sir, yes,

1083
00:59:33,720 --> 00:59:36,120
Speaker 3: sir no sir. All you doing is yelling at them.

1084
00:59:36,760 --> 00:59:38,840
Speaker 3: You think yelling is going to help a boy who's

1085
00:59:38,840 --> 00:59:40,880
Speaker 3: wounded from his father not being there or his mother

1086
00:59:41,000 --> 00:59:43,640
Speaker 3: not being there. That's like stitching up a wound with

1087
00:59:43,680 --> 00:59:46,320
Speaker 3: a needle and no thread. That's all you're doing. You're

1088
00:59:46,360 --> 00:59:49,760
Speaker 3: hurting him more and more and more. I came to

1089
00:59:50,520 --> 00:59:54,520
Speaker 3: the mentoring space that way, discipline, focus, strength forty two.

1090
00:59:55,800 --> 00:59:58,480
Speaker 3: The kids in Highland Park, Michigan, which was a tough

1091
00:59:58,520 --> 01:00:02,120
Speaker 3: neighborhood at the time, they didn't need that. They needed love,

1092
01:00:02,800 --> 01:00:05,440
Speaker 3: They didn't need more discipline, They didn't need to be

1093
01:00:05,480 --> 01:00:08,160
Speaker 3: scared straight. They needed to be healed. So from the

1094
01:00:08,200 --> 01:00:10,200
Speaker 3: martial arts, I said, cool, I'm gonna keep some of this,

1095
01:00:11,000 --> 01:00:12,880
Speaker 3: but let me get these boys a space where they

1096
01:00:12,880 --> 01:00:16,600
Speaker 3: can express how they feel. The kids I was given

1097
01:00:16,640 --> 01:00:19,880
Speaker 3: for the pilot program, I think about six were in

1098
01:00:19,960 --> 01:00:25,160
Speaker 3: danger of not graduating. They all did one of the

1099
01:00:25,200 --> 01:00:28,600
Speaker 3: evaluations of the Cave of Adullum that over seventy eight

1100
01:00:28,640 --> 01:00:31,080
Speaker 3: percent of our students improved their grade point average by

1101
01:00:31,080 --> 01:00:36,640
Speaker 3: one letter grade. Without tutoring what's happening. I'm allowing them

1102
01:00:36,640 --> 01:00:39,800
Speaker 3: to unpack what's stopping them from performing to their potential.

1103
01:00:40,600 --> 01:00:42,720
Speaker 3: When you give a boy or a man that space

1104
01:00:43,480 --> 01:00:48,000
Speaker 3: to be human, he sells you can't stop them. He's

1105
01:00:48,040 --> 01:00:50,040
Speaker 3: going to be the protector and provider. That's an eighty

1106
01:00:50,120 --> 01:00:53,240
Speaker 3: in all of us. But now you're telling me I

1107
01:00:53,240 --> 01:00:55,480
Speaker 3: can be a nurturer, and it doesn't mean I'm feminine.

1108
01:00:56,560 --> 01:00:59,400
Speaker 3: I can be compassionate. It doesn't mean I'm weak. I

1109
01:00:59,440 --> 01:01:03,840
Speaker 3: can have empathy for someone, and it doesn't mean pusillanimous

1110
01:01:03,880 --> 01:01:08,280
Speaker 3: or naive. Man. The whole world would change when that happens,

1111
01:01:09,400 --> 01:01:12,120
Speaker 3: and that's my desire. The martial arts what I love

1112
01:01:12,160 --> 01:01:17,160
Speaker 3: about it. You can't hide sports. We can hide when

1113
01:01:17,160 --> 01:01:20,200
Speaker 3: the fist coming at you. You can't hide when someone

1114
01:01:20,200 --> 01:01:22,880
Speaker 3: gets your back and starts choking you and you fighting,

1115
01:01:22,920 --> 01:01:24,560
Speaker 3: you can feel it. You can't hide. That's going to

1116
01:01:24,600 --> 01:01:27,080
Speaker 3: bring up some emotions. It's gonna bring back some flash.

1117
01:01:27,160 --> 01:01:30,160
Speaker 3: It's like, whoa, I remember that kid bullied me. We

1118
01:01:30,560 --> 01:01:33,680
Speaker 3: had a man literally going to feet a position remembering

1119
01:01:33,720 --> 01:01:36,680
Speaker 3: the time he was bullied. Thankfully I was the right

1120
01:01:36,720 --> 01:01:38,720
Speaker 3: man in that moment could help him come out of that.

1121
01:01:39,760 --> 01:01:41,240
Speaker 3: Talk to him like, where are you what are you

1122
01:01:41,280 --> 01:01:43,560
Speaker 3: feeling when when he was behind me? Remind me of

1123
01:01:43,680 --> 01:01:46,880
Speaker 3: this happening, and this happening or pressure at work? That

1124
01:01:46,960 --> 01:01:50,520
Speaker 3: pressure get off me and you lose all your technique.

1125
01:01:51,080 --> 01:01:54,520
Speaker 3: In sports, we see emotions ruined games that should have

1126
01:01:54,560 --> 01:01:58,320
Speaker 3: been won easily. I had a young guy worked with

1127
01:01:58,360 --> 01:02:03,040
Speaker 3: in the NFL. He correlated being pulled out of the

1128
01:02:03,160 --> 01:02:09,440
Speaker 3: game as abandonment associated with a wounding childhood. I had

1129
01:02:09,480 --> 01:02:13,760
Speaker 3: to help him unpack that lie. Beautiful young brother in

1130
01:02:13,840 --> 01:02:15,720
Speaker 3: the NBA, you see it all the time. I was

1131
01:02:15,760 --> 01:02:19,880
Speaker 3: working with one brother. I can't see the team and

1132
01:02:19,960 --> 01:02:23,919
Speaker 3: the NBA team. His fear was missing a free throw

1133
01:02:25,080 --> 01:02:27,720
Speaker 3: because he didn't want to get talked about, and he

1134
01:02:27,800 --> 01:02:30,840
Speaker 3: traced it back to other womns. I said, well, let's

1135
01:02:30,880 --> 01:02:33,520
Speaker 3: eliminate anybody. Yeah, okay, of course good.

1136
01:02:38,760 --> 01:02:40,560
Speaker 2: So you' hilarious.

1137
01:02:43,240 --> 01:02:46,120
Speaker 3: So let's eliminate the threat I mean. He said, So,

1138
01:02:46,120 --> 01:02:48,040
Speaker 3: what do you mean? I said, well, we can stop missing.

1139
01:02:48,280 --> 01:02:50,440
Speaker 3: I mean his fear was the airball, That's what it was.

1140
01:02:51,000 --> 01:02:53,360
Speaker 3: We can stop that. He said, how, I say, just

1141
01:02:53,440 --> 01:02:56,080
Speaker 3: hit the rim, don't try to make the shot.

1142
01:02:56,160 --> 01:02:58,240
Speaker 2: Hit the rim.

1143
01:02:58,560 --> 01:03:01,640
Speaker 3: Then that led to other conversations. He had his best

1144
01:03:01,720 --> 01:03:07,240
Speaker 3: game that season that night because he was allowed to

1145
01:03:07,800 --> 01:03:10,040
Speaker 3: express how he felt. And then he shared something else

1146
01:03:10,200 --> 01:03:13,200
Speaker 3: I appreciated. He said that when the coach pulled him

1147
01:03:13,200 --> 01:03:15,320
Speaker 3: out of the game, he thought it was because he

1148
01:03:15,400 --> 01:03:18,480
Speaker 3: wasn't performing well. I said, did you ask him? He

1149
01:03:18,560 --> 01:03:22,360
Speaker 3: was like no, Like, why are you assuming that? The

1150
01:03:22,360 --> 01:03:23,040
Speaker 3: coach right there?

1151
01:03:23,080 --> 01:03:23,920
Speaker 2: Ask him?

1152
01:03:24,000 --> 01:03:27,520
Speaker 3: But it's this invisible wall between the players and the coaches.

1153
01:03:28,080 --> 01:03:30,280
Speaker 3: I can't let them know I'm feeling this or this way,

1154
01:03:30,280 --> 01:03:32,840
Speaker 3: because they may not play me. I know a lot

1155
01:03:32,920 --> 01:03:37,560
Speaker 3: of players play injured, like serious injuries, because they don't

1156
01:03:37,560 --> 01:03:41,240
Speaker 3: want to lose their spot. I know coaches who are

1157
01:03:41,280 --> 01:03:46,760
Speaker 3: struggling mentally personally can't fear. They fear they fear letting

1158
01:03:46,760 --> 01:03:49,880
Speaker 3: the team know that they then they will lose their respect.

1159
01:03:50,160 --> 01:03:53,320
Speaker 3: But they don't understand when you allow your team to

1160
01:03:53,400 --> 01:03:56,560
Speaker 3: see that you just a man just like them. And

1161
01:03:56,760 --> 01:04:00,280
Speaker 3: and don't let the coach be a comprehensive man where

1162
01:04:00,280 --> 01:04:04,920
Speaker 3: he could possibly shed a tear because of something personal,

1163
01:04:05,280 --> 01:04:08,240
Speaker 3: not because he lost a playoff game. Now those men

1164
01:04:08,280 --> 01:04:11,400
Speaker 3: that come around him and support him, So now you

1165
01:04:11,440 --> 01:04:14,080
Speaker 3: won't just have the same uniform on, you actually be

1166
01:04:14,120 --> 01:04:19,439
Speaker 3: a team. And that's the power of comprehensiveness and being

1167
01:04:19,480 --> 01:04:25,040
Speaker 3: a comprehensive man. And that's the benefit as well from

1168
01:04:25,240 --> 01:04:31,360
Speaker 3: community camaraderie, just having open conversations and the word what

1169
01:04:31,480 --> 01:04:34,320
Speaker 3: is it they say, let's be vulnerable, Like no, no, no, no,

1170
01:04:34,400 --> 01:04:37,920
Speaker 3: I tell men, never be vulnerable. That's the wrong word.

1171
01:04:38,200 --> 01:04:40,560
Speaker 3: We're trying to tell you to be emotionally open and

1172
01:04:40,640 --> 01:04:45,920
Speaker 3: transparent vulnerability or being vulnerable is actually you're putting yourself

1173
01:04:45,960 --> 01:04:49,560
Speaker 3: in danger or risk of death. If we had no

1174
01:04:49,680 --> 01:04:52,560
Speaker 3: guns and ten guys came in here with guns, we're vulnerable,

1175
01:04:53,160 --> 01:05:00,200
Speaker 3: all right. No good man, she say, very no good man.

1176
01:05:00,280 --> 01:05:03,800
Speaker 3: No good father would ever want himself or his family

1177
01:05:03,800 --> 01:05:08,080
Speaker 3: in vulnerable positions. So we want to be transparent and

1178
01:05:08,160 --> 01:05:11,760
Speaker 3: open when you allow that to happen. This will happen.

1179
01:05:12,240 --> 01:05:15,439
Speaker 3: If we were alone without these license cameras on, Matt

1180
01:05:15,440 --> 01:05:18,680
Speaker 3: would be crying me too. Yeah, And so that's what

1181
01:05:18,800 --> 01:05:20,760
Speaker 3: it takes. It's just like, okay, let's be open with

1182
01:05:20,840 --> 01:05:23,479
Speaker 3: each other. Like I don't even that just my first

1183
01:05:23,480 --> 01:05:26,600
Speaker 3: time meeting you, and I care about you because I

1184
01:05:26,640 --> 01:05:28,560
Speaker 3: know what it feels like to hold on to all

1185
01:05:28,560 --> 01:05:28,800
Speaker 3: of that.

1186
01:05:29,040 --> 01:05:31,440
Speaker 4: I want to be there too. You need to be

1187
01:05:31,480 --> 01:05:35,240
Speaker 4: there because I know, you know, I cried when his mom.

1188
01:05:35,080 --> 01:05:36,960
Speaker 2: Passed, and I know that's how we became closer with

1189
01:05:37,000 --> 01:05:39,680
Speaker 2: his teammates. Would have happened, and he was there every day,

1190
01:05:39,880 --> 01:05:42,160
Speaker 2: bringing me something, coming to watch a movie, bring me

1191
01:05:42,240 --> 01:05:44,080
Speaker 2: some weed we can smoke. That's how we, like, we

1192
01:05:44,120 --> 01:05:46,720
Speaker 2: really went from.

1193
01:05:47,440 --> 01:05:49,240
Speaker 3: You have to be there because I probably would need

1194
01:05:49,280 --> 01:05:50,640
Speaker 3: you as far as in some.

1195
01:05:50,680 --> 01:05:52,640
Speaker 2: Role playing and I got my own stuff that I

1196
01:05:52,640 --> 01:05:53,200
Speaker 2: need to let out.

1197
01:05:53,280 --> 01:05:54,680
Speaker 3: Okay, cool list, We'll make it happen.

1198
01:05:54,680 --> 01:05:55,840
Speaker 2: We go make it. I told you were coming to

1199
01:05:55,880 --> 01:05:58,720
Speaker 2: Detroit later in the summer. La, we're in the home

1200
01:05:59,120 --> 01:06:01,920
Speaker 2: of the gang capital. You know you grew up in Detroit.

1201
01:06:02,080 --> 01:06:05,720
Speaker 2: You know, pimping and that kind of stuff. What do

1202
01:06:05,800 --> 01:06:08,360
Speaker 2: you tell brothers in the cycle? Because I think a

1203
01:06:08,400 --> 01:06:10,360
Speaker 2: lot of times you can't see it while you're in it.

1204
01:06:10,480 --> 01:06:13,920
Speaker 2: How do you break free from that or what is

1205
01:06:13,960 --> 01:06:17,080
Speaker 2: the first step of breaking free from that vicious cycle?

1206
01:06:17,440 --> 01:06:19,880
Speaker 2: Because we want them to put the guns down, but

1207
01:06:19,920 --> 01:06:22,440
Speaker 2: then what you know, we want them to stop pimping,

1208
01:06:22,480 --> 01:06:24,240
Speaker 2: but then what like, they're doing it for a means

1209
01:06:24,240 --> 01:06:26,680
Speaker 2: of survival most of the time, and we're telling them

1210
01:06:26,720 --> 01:06:28,760
Speaker 2: to stop, But then we don't replace what they were

1211
01:06:28,840 --> 01:06:30,880
Speaker 2: doing with anything else. So what is the first step

1212
01:06:30,880 --> 01:06:33,959
Speaker 2: in your mind to start walking down the right path

1213
01:06:34,040 --> 01:06:34,720
Speaker 2: or a better path?

1214
01:06:34,840 --> 01:06:38,480
Speaker 3: We as men who are successful at doing it, need

1215
01:06:38,520 --> 01:06:42,720
Speaker 3: to model it, like really modeling everything else. Yeah, you

1216
01:06:42,760 --> 01:06:45,440
Speaker 3: have to model that. I remember I was going to

1217
01:06:45,480 --> 01:06:48,960
Speaker 3: the airport. I was lax, and a guy looked just

1218
01:06:49,000 --> 01:06:53,080
Speaker 3: like Nipsey stopped me. Tattoo tears and he had the

1219
01:06:53,080 --> 01:06:56,560
Speaker 3: marathon tattooed on his chest, and he says, there's something

1220
01:06:56,600 --> 01:06:59,040
Speaker 3: about you. I just want to tell you something. I

1221
01:06:59,040 --> 01:07:01,960
Speaker 3: didn't know what this was going. He says, God is

1222
01:07:02,000 --> 01:07:05,720
Speaker 3: with you, and he says, don't lose the faith. And

1223
01:07:05,760 --> 01:07:07,360
Speaker 3: so we just started talking. And I looked at his

1224
01:07:07,480 --> 01:07:12,120
Speaker 3: hand and he had broken his two knuckles here, and

1225
01:07:12,120 --> 01:07:15,760
Speaker 3: that's typically the knuckles. Yeah, it's from fighting because you're

1226
01:07:15,800 --> 01:07:18,080
Speaker 3: punching incorrectly. You're supposed to strike with these two. That's

1227
01:07:18,080 --> 01:07:21,280
Speaker 3: why these protrude out further the needs to I can

1228
01:07:21,440 --> 01:07:25,160
Speaker 3: condition these to break. And so I said, can I

1229
01:07:25,200 --> 01:07:28,480
Speaker 3: help you with something? I use that moment, even though

1230
01:07:28,480 --> 01:07:31,840
Speaker 3: I didn't know him, to pour into him, and he

1231
01:07:31,920 --> 01:07:34,720
Speaker 3: thought I was talking initially about teaching him how to punch.

1232
01:07:36,320 --> 01:07:38,240
Speaker 3: I said, yes, I said, but let me teach you

1233
01:07:38,280 --> 01:07:41,080
Speaker 3: how to hit the things in life that are breaking you.

1234
01:07:41,760 --> 01:07:44,080
Speaker 3: I said, so, if you're using the wrong tools for

1235
01:07:44,160 --> 01:07:47,320
Speaker 3: that moment, you're going to break instead of you breaking it.

1236
01:07:48,400 --> 01:07:50,120
Speaker 3: And I wish I could see this young man again

1237
01:07:50,200 --> 01:07:54,640
Speaker 3: because I love. That's what I love, not necessarily the cameras,

1238
01:07:54,760 --> 01:07:57,959
Speaker 3: the attention. If you can put me with the game,

1239
01:07:58,040 --> 01:08:00,440
Speaker 3: I don't care who it is. Put me in a

1240
01:08:00,520 --> 01:08:03,600
Speaker 3: room with them because I love them. I know they

1241
01:08:03,760 --> 01:08:07,400
Speaker 3: just misguided. I know they what happened. The system was

1242
01:08:07,840 --> 01:08:11,360
Speaker 3: setting them up. But yet they're so gifted and beautiful

1243
01:08:11,600 --> 01:08:15,560
Speaker 3: and they can navigate if we teach them. So many

1244
01:08:15,640 --> 01:08:18,280
Speaker 3: of us get to a place in life where we're good,

1245
01:08:18,800 --> 01:08:21,519
Speaker 3: and then we complain about them. And that was the

1246
01:08:21,600 --> 01:08:23,679
Speaker 3: issue I found with the boys. When I first started

1247
01:08:23,680 --> 01:08:26,959
Speaker 3: the Cave, I was going to many schools, the hallways

1248
01:08:27,000 --> 01:08:29,960
Speaker 3: and the lockers, was kicked and punched in When I

1249
01:08:30,000 --> 01:08:32,200
Speaker 3: started asking, like, what's going on? Where is this anger

1250
01:08:32,240 --> 01:08:35,400
Speaker 3: coming from? The general census was everyone expects us to

1251
01:08:35,439 --> 01:08:37,120
Speaker 3: act like a man, but we ain't got one here

1252
01:08:37,160 --> 01:08:43,400
Speaker 3: teaching us. So the first step is us teaching them.

1253
01:08:43,439 --> 01:08:49,400
Speaker 3: Being there with them. We all got some influence. That's

1254
01:08:49,400 --> 01:08:52,280
Speaker 3: why I use my platform. The young boys would come

1255
01:08:52,360 --> 01:08:54,559
Speaker 3: up to me. I had game members stop at the cave.

1256
01:08:55,240 --> 01:08:57,120
Speaker 3: I ain't have my gun on me walking out at

1257
01:08:57,120 --> 01:08:58,920
Speaker 3: the time, I didn't know what they expect. I knew

1258
01:08:58,920 --> 01:09:01,400
Speaker 3: the car they hanging out, you know, And I got

1259
01:09:01,560 --> 01:09:05,200
Speaker 3: middle school kids walking to see their parents. The war

1260
01:09:05,240 --> 01:09:07,719
Speaker 3: in me. I said, okay, cool, they can't feel fear

1261
01:09:08,160 --> 01:09:09,559
Speaker 3: or then I'm not prepared for this. So I just

1262
01:09:09,600 --> 01:09:14,120
Speaker 3: walked straight to them. Fast guy, get out, look broken.

1263
01:09:15,240 --> 01:09:17,599
Speaker 3: I said, what's up? He says, mister Wilson. I said yeah.

1264
01:09:17,640 --> 01:09:20,599
Speaker 3: He says, I just want to come shake your hand.

1265
01:09:21,000 --> 01:09:23,920
Speaker 3: He said, my father just died and you're like a

1266
01:09:23,960 --> 01:09:27,599
Speaker 3: father to me on social media. And I just hugged him.

1267
01:09:27,720 --> 01:09:32,280
Speaker 3: I prejudged him because of what society teaches us about

1268
01:09:32,320 --> 01:09:35,360
Speaker 3: our boys who look a certain way. Brother was just grieving,

1269
01:09:36,840 --> 01:09:39,400
Speaker 3: and he says, please keep these kids away from what

1270
01:09:39,439 --> 01:09:43,400
Speaker 3: we do. This is not the way. So right there,

1271
01:09:43,439 --> 01:09:45,240
Speaker 3: lets you know they don't want to do what they do.

1272
01:09:45,600 --> 01:09:48,639
Speaker 3: So as you says, how can we help them? It's

1273
01:09:48,640 --> 01:09:51,799
Speaker 3: not about talking, it's about doing. And it's even deeper

1274
01:09:51,800 --> 01:09:55,240
Speaker 3: than doing, it's about really modeling it, like what does

1275
01:09:55,280 --> 01:09:58,760
Speaker 3: it look like when the cameras ain't on? Do your

1276
01:09:58,840 --> 01:10:01,240
Speaker 3: kids really love you? It's easy for me not to

1277
01:10:01,280 --> 01:10:03,760
Speaker 3: cheat on my wife, because what can a woman say

1278
01:10:03,760 --> 01:10:06,400
Speaker 3: to me that my wife hasn't already said? My wife

1279
01:10:06,439 --> 01:10:09,200
Speaker 3: means it. You don't even know me. You know what

1280
01:10:09,200 --> 01:10:11,080
Speaker 3: I mean? And I'm a trip at times, you know

1281
01:10:11,080 --> 01:10:13,320
Speaker 3: what I mean. I admit it, But my wife still

1282
01:10:13,360 --> 01:10:16,960
Speaker 3: loves me. When kids can see that, they can see

1283
01:10:16,960 --> 01:10:19,320
Speaker 3: the unit of a family and their family's not breaking down,

1284
01:10:19,400 --> 01:10:24,840
Speaker 3: like oh snap, this is cool now, so how are

1285
01:10:24,880 --> 01:10:28,519
Speaker 3: you tough? But you can't deal with the emotions of

1286
01:10:28,680 --> 01:10:31,599
Speaker 3: like our wives or kids or whatever. When they can

1287
01:10:31,640 --> 01:10:34,400
Speaker 3: see a man, no matter what's going on, he's on

1288
01:10:34,520 --> 01:10:37,920
Speaker 3: fire and he's still moving through. It's like Moses when

1289
01:10:37,920 --> 01:10:41,160
Speaker 3: he saw the burning bush. It wasn't the fact that

1290
01:10:41,200 --> 01:10:43,680
Speaker 3: the bush was burning. It was the fact that the

1291
01:10:43,720 --> 01:10:47,439
Speaker 3: bush was burning and it wasn't consumed. That's what made

1292
01:10:47,520 --> 01:10:48,240
Speaker 3: him stop.

1293
01:10:48,000 --> 01:10:48,439
Speaker 2: Like whoa.

1294
01:10:49,040 --> 01:10:51,799
Speaker 3: So when they see us on fire with the stresses

1295
01:10:51,840 --> 01:10:54,280
Speaker 3: of life, the things that we've gone through, and we

1296
01:10:54,320 --> 01:10:58,000
Speaker 3: ain't consumed and we keep moving, they'll stop and say, yo,

1297
01:10:59,560 --> 01:11:02,120
Speaker 3: some of I'm mad. I like the fact I didn't

1298
01:11:02,120 --> 01:11:04,000
Speaker 3: know he went through that with his mind. I didn't

1299
01:11:04,000 --> 01:11:07,000
Speaker 3: know his father. I didn't know this and he made it.

1300
01:11:07,520 --> 01:11:11,040
Speaker 3: I can make it stack. I didn't know this about you.

1301
01:11:11,080 --> 01:11:13,479
Speaker 3: I didn't know that you cry, man. You look hard

1302
01:11:13,520 --> 01:11:13,920
Speaker 3: as hell.

1303
01:11:14,000 --> 01:11:14,479
Speaker 2: You know what I mean.

1304
01:11:14,479 --> 01:11:17,800
Speaker 3: It's like you cry too, Okay, cool, I want to

1305
01:11:17,840 --> 01:11:22,280
Speaker 3: cry because my best friend just got shot. We normalize

1306
01:11:22,280 --> 01:11:26,800
Speaker 3: our children hearing gunshots. That's not normal. When we model it,

1307
01:11:27,200 --> 01:11:30,400
Speaker 3: then they set free. The Cave of Adulum is successful

1308
01:11:30,880 --> 01:11:34,160
Speaker 3: because I gave them what I longed to have. A

1309
01:11:34,200 --> 01:11:37,840
Speaker 3: man who's committed but won't condemn you, will teach you

1310
01:11:37,920 --> 01:11:40,840
Speaker 3: the way of a warrior of y'all and still be

1311
01:11:40,960 --> 01:11:44,599
Speaker 3: with you regardless if you fail or not. I tell

1312
01:11:44,680 --> 01:11:47,000
Speaker 3: him at the door of the Cave of Adeloma, I said,

1313
01:11:47,000 --> 01:11:48,840
Speaker 3: you ever seen a door at the mouth of a cave?

1314
01:11:49,560 --> 01:11:52,400
Speaker 3: They say no, I said, you'll never see a door here.

1315
01:11:53,000 --> 01:11:55,280
Speaker 3: You can come in and out as you want, and

1316
01:11:55,320 --> 01:11:57,559
Speaker 3: I'm gonna love you the same way when you feel

1317
01:11:57,560 --> 01:11:59,960
Speaker 3: this training is over. As long as you don't stop

1318
01:12:00,160 --> 01:12:02,680
Speaker 3: before the right of passage is complete and you want

1319
01:12:02,680 --> 01:12:05,040
Speaker 3: to do something else, I'm here for you. I've had

1320
01:12:05,080 --> 01:12:08,599
Speaker 3: students couldn't make it, couldn't complete it. Still there, still

1321
01:12:08,680 --> 01:12:12,080
Speaker 3: love them, They said. Man, I don't know a lot

1322
01:12:12,120 --> 01:12:15,519
Speaker 3: of men like that, but I know one on Oakmen

1323
01:12:15,560 --> 01:12:18,560
Speaker 3: Boulevard in Detroit where I can go to if I'm struggling.

1324
01:12:19,720 --> 01:12:23,599
Speaker 3: How many former NBA players have their heart like you? Guys,

1325
01:12:24,280 --> 01:12:27,680
Speaker 3: what you've been through wasn't meant to destroy you, It

1326
01:12:27,720 --> 01:12:30,840
Speaker 3: was to refine you. We allow it to destroy us.

1327
01:12:30,880 --> 01:12:33,920
Speaker 3: When we hold on to it, you can't hold it,

1328
01:12:34,720 --> 01:12:37,760
Speaker 3: supposed to release it. It's not yours anyway. A lot

1329
01:12:37,800 --> 01:12:39,960
Speaker 3: of times we think that we weren't good enough for

1330
01:12:40,000 --> 01:12:43,599
Speaker 3: our parents, but it's actually the opposite. They weren't good

1331
01:12:43,680 --> 01:12:48,400
Speaker 3: enough in their lives for us. Whatever happened, who knows,

1332
01:12:48,800 --> 01:12:51,320
Speaker 3: they just weren't in the right place. That's the power

1333
01:12:51,360 --> 01:12:54,759
Speaker 3: of forgiveness. You ain't letting no one get away with nothing.

1334
01:12:55,920 --> 01:13:00,840
Speaker 3: It's releasing you. It's freeing you from the pain, the hurt,

1335
01:13:01,280 --> 01:13:05,800
Speaker 3: the resentment. I forgive you and I mean it. And

1336
01:13:05,840 --> 01:13:08,400
Speaker 3: that's deliberation, and that before.

1337
01:13:08,080 --> 01:13:09,800
Speaker 2: We get out of here, remind us of the four

1338
01:13:09,960 --> 01:13:10,559
Speaker 2: urs again.

1339
01:13:10,800 --> 01:13:15,120
Speaker 3: Four RS is reflect, release, reset, and rest. So in

1340
01:13:15,160 --> 01:13:17,920
Speaker 3: the morning and in the evenings, I practice it and

1341
01:13:17,920 --> 01:13:20,720
Speaker 3: I practice it throughout the day. I reflect on what

1342
01:13:20,800 --> 01:13:24,519
Speaker 3: can be troubling me, what's it can be good things

1343
01:13:24,560 --> 01:13:27,160
Speaker 3: as well, But if it's something bad, I think going

1344
01:13:27,200 --> 01:13:30,040
Speaker 3: and meditate, pray. And then if it's something that I

1345
01:13:30,080 --> 01:13:33,519
Speaker 3: don't need to revisit, like if I offended my wife earlier,

1346
01:13:33,960 --> 01:13:35,600
Speaker 3: I don't want to release that. I want to hold that.

1347
01:13:35,960 --> 01:13:38,439
Speaker 3: I want to retain that. That's another R. So we

1348
01:13:38,479 --> 01:13:41,519
Speaker 3: can revisit it, and I can apologize. But if it's

1349
01:13:41,560 --> 01:13:44,680
Speaker 3: negative or it can become toxic, it's not good for

1350
01:13:44,760 --> 01:13:45,479
Speaker 3: me or what I'm.

1351
01:13:45,360 --> 01:13:45,840
Speaker 2: Called to do.

1352
01:13:45,960 --> 01:13:49,040
Speaker 3: I release it, let it go. It's called sherlock, cast

1353
01:13:49,080 --> 01:13:52,320
Speaker 3: it away. After I release it, now I'm able to

1354
01:13:52,400 --> 01:13:55,559
Speaker 3: reset to my baseline where I need to be. Then

1355
01:13:55,600 --> 01:13:58,519
Speaker 3: after that, I'm in a constant state of rest. We

1356
01:13:58,560 --> 01:14:01,040
Speaker 3: don't need when we say retired, we don't need sleep.

1357
01:14:01,200 --> 01:14:05,680
Speaker 3: We want rest, man, freedom from whatever we'res assume. And

1358
01:14:05,720 --> 01:14:08,800
Speaker 3: that's the key. And so when you practice releasing and

1359
01:14:08,840 --> 01:14:13,080
Speaker 3: resetting or reflecting releasing and resetting, then you can finally

1360
01:14:13,120 --> 01:14:13,759
Speaker 3: find rest.

1361
01:14:13,960 --> 01:14:17,439
Speaker 2: Beautifully said the man. The moment demands is out. Now

1362
01:14:17,520 --> 01:14:22,120
Speaker 2: you could follow Jason at mister Jason O. Wilson on socials. Man,

1363
01:14:22,160 --> 01:14:24,200
Speaker 2: we want to thank you. This was This was dope.

1364
01:14:24,200 --> 01:14:27,960
Speaker 2: And I'm definitely looking forward to picking this up man

1365
01:14:28,040 --> 01:14:30,720
Speaker 2: the man, and and and really because like I said,

1366
01:14:31,080 --> 01:14:32,920
Speaker 2: it's been something I want to do. Like I said,

1367
01:14:32,960 --> 01:14:35,920
Speaker 2: I have a quote this Statadamy from Tupac Up dying

1368
01:14:35,960 --> 01:14:38,760
Speaker 2: inside but outside I'm looking fearless, Like I feel like

1369
01:14:38,840 --> 01:14:42,120
Speaker 2: that's the story in my life, Like I've always been

1370
01:14:42,840 --> 01:14:45,479
Speaker 2: damn He's a tough, light, skim motherfucker. He's always But

1371
01:14:45,840 --> 01:14:47,639
Speaker 2: I don't want to have to be that's just who

1372
01:14:47,680 --> 01:14:48,120
Speaker 2: I've been.

1373
01:14:49,479 --> 01:14:52,439
Speaker 3: You're saying so much. I wish I had time even

1374
01:14:52,479 --> 01:14:55,320
Speaker 3: in how you had to be because you're life skinned.

1375
01:14:56,320 --> 01:14:59,519
Speaker 3: You see, it's a lot you've been programmed to feel

1376
01:14:59,560 --> 01:15:03,439
Speaker 3: that's not accurate. And so when this we get out

1377
01:15:03,479 --> 01:15:07,120
Speaker 3: of here, we can we can dig it's you right there, Yeah,

1378
01:15:07,200 --> 01:15:08,120
Speaker 3: your brother see it.

1379
01:15:08,240 --> 01:15:10,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think it'll be you know, I know, like

1380
01:15:10,280 --> 01:15:12,080
Speaker 4: the time, people don't like to have the stuff, you know,

1381
01:15:12,240 --> 01:15:14,880
Speaker 4: recording and for world to see. But for me, the

1382
01:15:14,920 --> 01:15:16,559
Speaker 4: way a lot of people look at me and think

1383
01:15:16,560 --> 01:15:18,839
Speaker 4: about me, I would love to have mind tele advised

1384
01:15:18,920 --> 01:15:21,479
Speaker 4: because it's gonna touch a lot of people, a lot

1385
01:15:21,479 --> 01:15:23,040
Speaker 4: of stuff that I've been through, even with the George

1386
01:15:23,040 --> 01:15:25,680
Speaker 4: Floyd me calling off the wed and like it resonates

1387
01:15:25,680 --> 01:15:27,320
Speaker 4: to a lot of people, a lot of young men,

1388
01:15:27,400 --> 01:15:30,480
Speaker 4: to a lot of them attext, like bro, I appreciate

1389
01:15:30,520 --> 01:15:32,400
Speaker 4: you because I was about to get married in no

1390
01:15:32,520 --> 01:15:34,439
Speaker 4: same type of situation. But I didn't have the guts

1391
01:15:34,439 --> 01:15:35,760
Speaker 4: to do that, you know what I'm saying, Like, so

1392
01:15:36,040 --> 01:15:38,000
Speaker 4: a lot of stuff in my life I have touched

1393
01:15:38,360 --> 01:15:41,400
Speaker 4: a lot of young men. But I know me releasing

1394
01:15:41,439 --> 01:15:42,760
Speaker 4: a lot of stuff that I have built in for

1395
01:15:42,800 --> 01:15:44,920
Speaker 4: the world to see and seeing me vulnerable it will

1396
01:15:44,960 --> 01:15:45,479
Speaker 4: help a lot of.

1397
01:15:45,400 --> 01:15:50,200
Speaker 3: People transparent yeah, tradual Yeah, oh yeah, I'm the same way.

1398
01:15:50,640 --> 01:15:52,599
Speaker 4: That's why you're transparent instead are vulnerable.

1399
01:15:52,680 --> 01:15:55,599
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, yeah, So I allow myself to be seen

1400
01:15:56,000 --> 01:15:57,080
Speaker 3: because it's freedom in that.

1401
01:15:57,280 --> 01:15:57,479
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1402
01:15:57,720 --> 01:16:00,880
Speaker 3: So, like you know, if if you're sure Jesus was

1403
01:16:00,920 --> 01:16:04,320
Speaker 3: walking through the streets of Jerusalem openly crime because the

1404
01:16:04,360 --> 01:16:06,559
Speaker 3: people were like sheep without a shepherd. What do I

1405
01:16:06,600 --> 01:16:07,360
Speaker 3: have to be ashamed of?

1406
01:16:08,120 --> 01:16:08,479
Speaker 2: Nothing?

1407
01:16:08,720 --> 01:16:09,920
Speaker 3: So I want that freedom.

1408
01:16:09,920 --> 01:16:10,200
Speaker 2: I don't.

1409
01:16:10,479 --> 01:16:12,120
Speaker 3: I should be able to cry in front of anyone

1410
01:16:12,200 --> 01:16:16,280
Speaker 3: express how I feel. Now if you're not the person

1411
01:16:16,320 --> 01:16:19,040
Speaker 3: who can receive it or value it, thank you for

1412
01:16:19,120 --> 01:16:21,880
Speaker 3: letting me know. But I'm not going to change. I'm

1413
01:16:21,880 --> 01:16:25,479
Speaker 3: not going back into emotional incarceration just to be a part.

1414
01:16:25,320 --> 01:16:29,639
Speaker 2: Of your emotional incarceration. And this is that's where you are.

1415
01:16:29,800 --> 01:16:30,960
Speaker 3: Yes, we're gonna break you free.

1416
01:16:31,000 --> 01:16:33,280
Speaker 2: You used the P word earlier.

1417
01:16:34,479 --> 01:16:35,720
Speaker 3: I couldn't umous.

1418
01:16:36,000 --> 01:16:36,920
Speaker 2: What does that mean?

1419
01:16:38,120 --> 01:16:43,599
Speaker 3: It means lack of courage and strength, hu solanimousmous Yeah yeah,

1420
01:16:43,680 --> 01:16:46,240
Speaker 3: Instead of I would often pray, you know, when I

1421
01:16:46,280 --> 01:16:48,120
Speaker 3: was trying, when I was not trying, when I was

1422
01:16:48,560 --> 01:16:53,240
Speaker 3: crossing over fully into walking with christ. I wanted alternative

1423
01:16:53,280 --> 01:16:56,160
Speaker 3: curse words. I like Malcolm X when he said that, uh,

1424
01:16:56,880 --> 01:16:59,839
Speaker 3: he's too intelligent the curse so he read the dictionary.

1425
01:17:00,120 --> 01:17:03,720
Speaker 3: He had a vast vocabulary. So I had prayed for

1426
01:17:03,800 --> 01:17:06,439
Speaker 3: alternative curse words. So instead of saying the P word

1427
01:17:06,479 --> 01:17:10,760
Speaker 3: p U S s Y, I use pucenanimous. So I

1428
01:17:10,760 --> 01:17:13,080
Speaker 3: don't I don't ever want to have to conform to

1429
01:17:13,160 --> 01:17:14,519
Speaker 3: the way I was, you know, I want to be

1430
01:17:14,600 --> 01:17:16,240
Speaker 3: more intelligence, to grow.

1431
01:17:16,360 --> 01:17:20,439
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yes it, yeah yeah. This has been one

1432
01:17:20,439 --> 01:17:24,120
Speaker 2: of the most enlightening, not the one of the most

1433
01:17:24,200 --> 01:17:27,560
Speaker 2: enlightening episode We've had. My favorite episode personally, and I

1434
01:17:27,600 --> 01:17:30,200
Speaker 2: want to thank you for that. This was a This

1435
01:17:30,320 --> 01:17:33,040
Speaker 2: wasn't an interview. This was a conversation. I hope you

1436
01:17:33,040 --> 01:17:35,559
Speaker 2: guys enjoy it. You can find this at all the

1437
01:17:35,600 --> 01:17:39,559
Speaker 2: Smoke Productions YouTube and the DraftKings Network. We'll see y'all

1438
01:17:39,600 --> 01:17:40,000
Speaker 2: next week.

1439
01:17:43,439 --> 01:17:59,320
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm, mm hmm.