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Speaker 1: M from grandmothers who whispered in their baby girl in

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Speaker 1: two fathers on dimly lit street corners, instructing young soldiers

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Speaker 1: to always keep their eyes open. You be queen, you

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Speaker 1: were fired. You will pass through centuries on the hands

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Speaker 1: of your daughters. They called you wisdom. Proverbs on the

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Speaker 1: backs of diamond eyed school children who growing into hymnals

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Speaker 1: recited by amethyst holding urban philosophers who recited neighborhood commandments

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Speaker 1: out of the windows of restored ALCHEMYO cheriots to keep

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Speaker 1: the warmth of their blood. Be wise, be smart, being black,

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Speaker 1: opal brown courts, bloodstone, and prayer. Be every form of

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Speaker 1: jim se King told, scribe, scribe, told son, son, told wife,

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Speaker 1: wife told her daughter, and daughter told the ass. This

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Speaker 1: is at the ancestors told me that you would come

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Speaker 1: to give wisdom of thousands. They said you would come

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Speaker 1: Dropping Dropping Gem. Hey, it's debbe Welcome to the Dropping

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Speaker 1: Gem's podcast. Are safe place to land for self discovery

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Speaker 1: and applying higher consciousness to our day to day life

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Speaker 1: in real time work in our process. That is what

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Speaker 1: we do here. And I'm so excited to have you

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Speaker 1: in this space and to have this conversation today. So

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Speaker 1: a couple of weeks ago, if you were on the internet,

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Speaker 1: if you're in the Instagram and TikTok or Twitter streets,

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Speaker 1: you might have seen my face more than normal. I

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Speaker 1: had a clip that went pretty viral that was all

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Speaker 1: about boundaries. You may have heard this. I'm not available

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Speaker 1: for anything that is not mutually beneficial, like nothing like

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Speaker 1: not in work, not in home, not in friendships. So

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Speaker 1: for me, I don't think I'm ever pouring for an

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Speaker 1: empty up because I say no all the time. I

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Speaker 1: say no all the time, you know. And I'm also

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Speaker 1: not going to be moved by someone using tactics on

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Speaker 1: me that are usually coping mechanisms like guilt or people

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Speaker 1: pleasing or like let me ask you a few different ways.

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Speaker 1: I'm not available for that, and I'm not judging you

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Speaker 1: because that's the tools that you're pulling from. But it's

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Speaker 1: still no, and so be okay with that or not,

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Speaker 1: but it's okay for me. So when that happened a

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Speaker 1: few weeks ago, it ended up getting millions of views,

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Speaker 1: um so many shares, so many duets, which was really

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Speaker 1: fun to watch, But it also kind of caught me

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Speaker 1: by surprise. That was a clip that was a piece

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Speaker 1: of a bigger and beautiful conversation that I had with

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Speaker 1: my sister Angela Rye at an incredible event put on

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Speaker 1: by Black Love, the You Retreat, and that clip really

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Speaker 1: highlighted part of the conversation that we were in about

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Speaker 1: boundaries and being able to set boundaries that really honor

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Speaker 1: us and honor the way that we live our lives

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Speaker 1: and the things that we want to do for ourselves.

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Speaker 1: And what was kind of cool is that, you know,

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Speaker 1: there's Yen and young and everything, so there's always going

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Speaker 1: to be duality and all of our experiences, there's always

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Speaker 1: going to be a little bit of light, a little

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Speaker 1: bit of dark, a little bit of connection, a little

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Speaker 1: bit of distance. You know, the opposites are always showing

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Speaker 1: themselves and all the things, and that was no different

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Speaker 1: with this clip. And so in this clip I saw

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Speaker 1: on one side a tremendous response of women really feeling

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Speaker 1: that this was a call to action for themselves to

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Speaker 1: release that false programming of martyrdom, to release that false

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Speaker 1: programming of you know, laying yourself on the sword instead

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Speaker 1: of just us using our words and creating boundaries and

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Speaker 1: creating the way in which we want to be experienced

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Speaker 1: and experienced. And then on the other side of it,

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Speaker 1: there were a lot of people that were triggered by it,

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Speaker 1: and I noticed that that clip brought up to really

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Speaker 1: specific things. On one end, I think for people that

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Speaker 1: perhaps their trauma influence them to be more in manipulative patterning,

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Speaker 1: um more emotional, repressed and unregulated patterning, I saw that

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Speaker 1: there was some anger at that clip that that was

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Speaker 1: interpreted as selfishness or it was interpreted as you know,

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Speaker 1: and against us to what maybe someone wanted another person

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Speaker 1: to do for them. And then I also noticed that

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Speaker 1: for those that maybe are not used to using their

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Speaker 1: voices yet, that clip felt triggering and it felt scary,

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Speaker 1: and it felt like this goes against everything I've trained

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Speaker 1: myself to believe on how I can act, on how

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Speaker 1: I can be in my giving and my love and

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Speaker 1: my service, and so you know, no one is right

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Speaker 1: or wrong. But I found all of it really really interesting,

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Speaker 1: so grateful for the dialogue that it enabled for people,

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Speaker 1: and uh for those that really connected with it as

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Speaker 1: a way to grow and transform, I'm so happy for you.

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Speaker 1: I'm so happy for you. Learning boundaries is the greatest

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Speaker 1: gift I have ever given myself, and I can say

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Speaker 1: it with that much strength and not much intention because

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Speaker 1: I really earned the ability to choose myself. I earned

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Speaker 1: the ability to stop betraying myself, and it was really

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Speaker 1: hard work to get there. And I think sometimes when

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Speaker 1: we see people in their strength, perhaps that part isn't

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Speaker 1: spoken to enough. You know, we're all born with it,

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Speaker 1: We're all born whole, We're all born enough. We're all

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Speaker 1: born really connected to our dharma and our deepest truth

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Speaker 1: and our power and our gifts, and then circumstances and

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Speaker 1: experience can sometimes strip us of those things, and it

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Speaker 1: takes us very often our whole lives to get back,

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Speaker 1: to get back to our innate goodness, our innate specialness,

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Speaker 1: our innate majesty and sovereignty. But I'm there now and

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Speaker 1: I'm so happy to be there, and so I'll continue

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Speaker 1: to say things like that and probably many more things.

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Speaker 1: So let's get into the meat of this episode. Well,

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Speaker 1: as I was sharing with you a little while ago,

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Speaker 1: there was this incredible event put on by Cody Elaine Oliver,

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Speaker 1: the creator of Black Love, And I know so many

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Speaker 1: of us have been so inspired and so loving the

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Speaker 1: powerful content that Black Love has been putting out over

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Speaker 1: the last few years, from their show on own, to

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Speaker 1: their wildly popular Instagram page, to their app, the Black

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Speaker 1: Love App. Yes, they have an app. So the audio

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Speaker 1: you're hearing today is actually a video that you can

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Speaker 1: watch the full conversation and many others from this day

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Speaker 1: on their app Black Love and the iOS store. And

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Speaker 1: this was the You Retreat. So the You Retreat was

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Speaker 1: this really incredible event that was thrown in l A

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Speaker 1: and my sis Angela and I did a talk at

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Speaker 1: that event specifically around sisterhood, specifically around showing up in

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Speaker 1: powerful adult friendships. You know, there there are so many

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Speaker 1: things that we didn't get a guide book on. We

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Speaker 1: didn't get a guide book from society, which very often

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Speaker 1: gaslights us for its own capitalistic games um and very

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Speaker 1: often for some of us, we didn't get a guide

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Speaker 1: book from our families on how to have and grow

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Speaker 1: and create meaningful relationships, how to have relationships that are

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Speaker 1: not codependent, that are us in our power and our

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Speaker 1: strengths and our expanse of love, um, and how to

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Speaker 1: have supportive and authentic, authentic, authentic relationships with one another.

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Speaker 1: And so that's what she and I talked about. Angela

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Speaker 1: and I are We have such a beautiful soul connection

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Speaker 1: and something I love about our friendship is that we

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Speaker 1: have the space to be our full selves and even

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Speaker 1: on the days that we aren't perfect, which is all

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Speaker 1: the days because we're all just human, we have a

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Speaker 1: lot of grace for each other and we have conversations

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Speaker 1: around things, and you know, knowing one another has been

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Speaker 1: a big expander for both of us. It's been a

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Speaker 1: big gift to both of us. And so we talked

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Speaker 1: about that in this episode, and we shared that at

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Speaker 1: the retreat and it was so beautiful tapping into that

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Speaker 1: authentic power and that self care in that way. So

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Speaker 1: this event was designed and curated by Black Love to

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Speaker 1: uplift ourselves while uplifting our sisters with the theme of sisterhoods.

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Speaker 1: So these you retreat conversations are going to help you

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Speaker 1: and you're healing, really getting into high gear and jump

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Speaker 1: start your journey to peace, to clarity to the deepest

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Speaker 1: part of you. And it really, you know, it really

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Speaker 1: reminded me of that meme that that we've seen over

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Speaker 1: the last few years about you know, queens fixing each

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Speaker 1: other's crowns. So that is this conversation, and I want

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Speaker 1: to say huge thank you to Cody Laying Oliver for

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Speaker 1: connecting us at this event, for inviting us to hold

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Speaker 1: this space, uh, and for then sharing this audio and

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Speaker 1: allowing me to share it with you. It's a really

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Speaker 1: powerful conversation and again you can watch it on video

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Speaker 1: and the Black Love app. They're also gonna have these

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Speaker 1: available as a four part podcast series and their audio space. Uh.

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Speaker 1: And that you retreat if you get a chance to

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Speaker 1: go next year. Highly HILLYHILLI Hill, highly highly recommend. So,

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Speaker 1: without further ado, this is the conversation between my sister

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Speaker 1: Queen Angela right and myself talking about self care, talking

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Speaker 1: about sisterhood, talking about friendship at the Black Love You Retreat.

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Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Whatever side

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Speaker 1: do you feel energetically charged? The energy feels good here? Okay,

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Speaker 1: good Hi, everybody, good afternoon. Don't sound nice and happy

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Speaker 1: with those smiling eyes? I see smile and I I

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Speaker 1: am so pleased to share this stage with you today, Sis.

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Speaker 1: I know, I'm so excited to be here with you

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Speaker 1: in this way because something that that Angela and I

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Speaker 1: were actually talking about just now is a thing that

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Speaker 1: is not shown enough, especially in communities of color, is

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Speaker 1: the joy and the ease within which we experience our

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Speaker 1: friendships and ourselves, you know, and I think so often

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Speaker 1: when womanhood, when friendship is shown in the media, on television,

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Speaker 1: especially in the way our last ten years of television

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Speaker 1: have looked, it's all about betrayal. It's all about all

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Speaker 1: of the ways that we silently and in big ways

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Speaker 1: betray ourselves and betray other people. Or the ways that

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Speaker 1: you actually can't be safe with another person because information

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Speaker 1: is used against you, someone is dissecting you. Every way

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Speaker 1: that friendship is often shown, even on social media, it's

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Speaker 1: about quantifying something. It's about, oh, I'm gonna pay with

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Speaker 1: this person, and so I want your perception to be

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Speaker 1: of me and my friendships that were like this. And

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Speaker 1: you know, even the way that we've all been taking

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Speaker 1: photos on social media over the last really five to

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Speaker 1: ten years, of the looks of like, okay, we're having

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Speaker 1: a good time, all the photos that we do like that,

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Speaker 1: like I don't want to see my duck face. It

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Speaker 1: is so wrong. It is not blessed every everything about you. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but you think you said upstairs too though, And I

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Speaker 1: think this is a good I know y'all have been

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Speaker 1: around each other a little while today, but DEVI said,

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Speaker 1: we were. I was like, we don't really need these prompts.

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Speaker 1: She was like, no, I want to tell you why

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Speaker 1: I love you. And I was like, oh, so, I

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Speaker 1: do want us to do that. But before we tell

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Speaker 1: each other in front of you all why we love

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Speaker 1: each other. I do want you to turn to your sister, Kira.

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Speaker 1: I want you to turn to your sister and say

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Speaker 1: I love you because and give them a reason. And

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Speaker 1: if it's someone that you don't know, maybe share a

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Speaker 1: beautiful complimentary And I hadn't already started talking. They loved

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Speaker 1: each other all night. I don't we're good. Look look

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Speaker 1: at them. She turned all the way around. It's away

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Speaker 1: right here. I love that. I love that. I love that. Okay,

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Speaker 1: y'all come back because Devid gotta leave, So come ahead,

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Speaker 1: come back, come back, come back. We feel the love

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Speaker 1: Devide gotta leave. And hey, sisters, you're coming back now.

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Speaker 1: That's good, I said, she did at one eight and

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Speaker 1: she got something to say. That's good, Debbie, I love

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Speaker 1: you because um from the first moment I met you.

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Speaker 1: From Leonard Leonardo Charlottaigne from the breakfast club and we

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Speaker 1: share him as a brother. I don't know if you're

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Speaker 1: laughing because you think he's hilarious, but he is. And

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Speaker 1: but from the first moment, it always felt like you

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Speaker 1: were my sister too, Um, and just like the it

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Speaker 1: wasn't the first moment with Lenar, but it probably took

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Speaker 1: a week, you know. And you've always been so consistent

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Speaker 1: and deeply concerned about our well being. And so even today,

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Speaker 1: you know, coming in, You're like, you good, and I'm like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's been hectic, more in from the airport, but I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I gotta be good because we get to share this

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Speaker 1: space together, and that is sometimes rare. You don't always

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Speaker 1: get to have this, especially in the middle of a pandemic.

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Speaker 1: All were losing each other. And not only have you

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Speaker 1: been physically well and here in a presence in my life.

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Speaker 1: The fact that we could get so much closer in

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Speaker 1: a pandemic when people are socially distant, I'm so grateful

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Speaker 1: for that. So I love you dearly. Thank you girl,

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Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you, thank you. So we actually got

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Speaker 1: set up our friendship. We had a blind date almost

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Speaker 1: Um and our mutual brother, Leonard. He was just like

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Speaker 1: you got like and it happens for a long time too,

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Speaker 1: but we just had never we all were living in

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Speaker 1: different places. But He's just like, no, you guys like

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Speaker 1: you guys will love each other. And then when we

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Speaker 1: finally got together, it was like, oh, it's a round.

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Speaker 1: Oh we go together, like this is who in our

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Speaker 1: cause Tupac Choper by the way, so be clear, you

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Speaker 1: knows a couple of versions of it. Thanks to about that.

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Speaker 1: But you know what I love about you, like you

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Speaker 1: are to me, you are like a gentle warrior. You know,

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Speaker 1: you're somebody that is in the world fighting on our

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Speaker 1: behalf all the time. And I think what people when

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Speaker 1: you're someone who's as beautiful as you, as eloquent as you,

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Speaker 1: as educated as you, it screams ease because you're a mastery.

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Speaker 1: But I think most people don't understand the depth of

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Speaker 1: the heaviness, like how much energetically that actually takes to

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Speaker 1: fight in that way for a global population and to

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Speaker 1: fight with people that are literally trying to take rights

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Speaker 1: from other human beings. You know, Like it's not just

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Speaker 1: like I got yes, it's the dramas, like know, you

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Speaker 1: are like doing God's work on in service and on

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Speaker 1: behalf of people, and then in that same vein, you

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Speaker 1: still managed to be so deeply present and caring and

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Speaker 1: loving to the people closest in your life farthest in

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Speaker 1: your life. I don't ever see you not doing for people,

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Speaker 1: are not thinking, you know what, can we send that

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Speaker 1: to this? Can we do? You know? It's like you

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Speaker 1: you just have this gorgeous way of being so strong

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Speaker 1: and so soft at the same time. And I really

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Speaker 1: see that in you, and I love that about you

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Speaker 1: so much. Sank it's a mirror she You can't be

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Speaker 1: hard around Debby, like it's it's gonna melt. I'm sure

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Speaker 1: y'all are sitting here right now. That love that you

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Speaker 1: were able to spread to your sister is because she

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Speaker 1: oozes that like she walked up and you're like, you

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Speaker 1: know what, I don't feel like I want to fight

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Speaker 1: nobody an you know, think mystery. Yeah, but you know,

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Speaker 1: and I think the thing too that I would love

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Speaker 1: to speak to today with everyone. It's like someone and

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Speaker 1: I know so many people in this audience and we

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Speaker 1: just saw it like you have rich, deep relationship with self,

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Speaker 1: relationship with others, or your heart is open and expanded

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Speaker 1: to being a space of calling that in and and

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Speaker 1: meeting your needs and all the ways that you need to.

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Speaker 1: And I think in this moment in time we get

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Speaker 1: to completely there is so much freedom available to us

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Speaker 1: and how we can be. And the pandemic was such

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Speaker 1: a divine reset for that. And not to say it

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Speaker 1: wasn't challenging. And I think all of us walked away

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Speaker 1: with stories and new layers of ourselves, new rawness, you know.

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Speaker 1: But in that, in the coming out of that, we

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Speaker 1: actually got stripped of so much performance, you know, we

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Speaker 1: got stripped of so many of the ways that we

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Speaker 1: were actually people pleasing over exerting ourselves, not tending to self.

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Speaker 1: And we get to come in now and completely redeveloped

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Speaker 1: and redefine how we want to occupy space in the world,

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Speaker 1: but how we how we want to occupy space with

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Speaker 1: our friends. And that grouping got smaller, which is a

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Speaker 1: great thing. It's not it's not necessarily something we have

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Speaker 1: to sit and grieve. It's the natural flow of life

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Speaker 1: and Instagram and following people. You follow people you met

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Speaker 1: once ten years ago and now you're plugged into their

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Speaker 1: life seven It's okay to say I need to move

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Speaker 1: back and become more with a little less. You know,

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Speaker 1: Debbie is um a great teacher. She is younger than me,

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Speaker 1: but she has the wisdom of like Methuselah y'all know

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Speaker 1: in the Bible. Yeah, about nine years old on the inside.

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Speaker 1: And so um. You know, one of the things that

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Speaker 1: I was thinking about right now, even as you were

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Speaker 1: talking about the over exertion that we kind of ship

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Speaker 1: um as a result of being in quarantine, is um

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Speaker 1: one of the questions that I would get asked at

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Speaker 1: like almost every college speech is what do you do

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Speaker 1: for self care? And it's that started that question started

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Speaker 1: feeling performative, like they're saying it because they know they should,

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Speaker 1: because they saw it a better thread about it. But

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Speaker 1: like with you, it's not self care is not like oh,

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Speaker 1: you went to the Mandarin or to the Waldorf to

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Speaker 1: get a massage. Like I really want you to tell

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Speaker 1: folks about some of the things you do for self care,

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Speaker 1: some of things where you were like you're exhausted, you

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Speaker 1: have nothing left to give, Let me tell you what

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Speaker 1: you need to do. And because I think that's an

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Speaker 1: important part too, Like we have to have friends who

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Speaker 1: are willing to coach us where we're deficient or where

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Speaker 1: we have blind spots. That's so important. The mirror isn't

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Speaker 1: always exact. Sometimes it's like, who is this? I see something?

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Speaker 1: You know, like when you're from like you got something

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Speaker 1: your teeth right, It's like, oh, you have a whole

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Speaker 1: a whole area where you're you can't give anything else

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Speaker 1: because there's nothing left. Yeah, And to go deeper in

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Speaker 1: our friendship, and to go deeper in ourselves, like you

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Speaker 1: have to be willing to be what was that you get?

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Speaker 1: You said such a beautiful quote earlier when we were

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Speaker 1: talking about being naked and get not a shame in

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Speaker 1: the Bible, like being naked and not a shame Sunday, Well, well,

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Speaker 1: being naked and not a shame with each other. You know.

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Speaker 1: It's like, and I think that's a great place of

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Speaker 1: inquisition to be in if we feel like our friends

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Speaker 1: maybe aren't showing up for us enough, or if we

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Speaker 1: feel like, why haven't I found my tribe? Why am

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Speaker 1: I not having a relationship in the way that I'm

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Speaker 1: seeing their people have it? It's also well, how open

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Speaker 1: is your heart? How many expectations are being thrust onto

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Speaker 1: someone else that we haven't necessarily looked at, well, am

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Speaker 1: I even meeting that need? And then also like how

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Speaker 1: how willing to be exposed? Are you? How willing to

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Speaker 1: be your full self and be witnessed by another? Are you?

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Speaker 1: You know? And so it's like being able to be

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Speaker 1: in that being able to be tools of refinement, you know.

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Speaker 1: I think something with us is like early in our friendship.

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Speaker 1: We all have different styles being because we all have

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Speaker 1: different experiences, and so it's like I may be fast

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Speaker 1: in one way, you may be slow in one way.

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Speaker 1: You may be super fast in one way, I may

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Speaker 1: be slower in the other. And so being open enough

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Speaker 1: to say, oh, well, this is how I make plans,

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Speaker 1: How do you make plans? How what kind of notice

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Speaker 1: do you need or what kind of you know? And

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Speaker 1: just being able to say, girl, I want to be

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Speaker 1: able to see you every chance I can get. But

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Speaker 1: I have a child, so I cannot do anything on

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Speaker 1: the fly, and I need to make sure this And

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Speaker 1: there's just okay, God is very organized, I'm very nat

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Speaker 1: So let's just be clear. The way that it normally

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Speaker 1: goes down is Debbie's way. And it's not that's not shade.

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Speaker 1: It's just it's so funny because It's like, oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: that makes sense right, and I'm like I'm out here, like, girl,

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Speaker 1: what you doing? In fifteen minutes? We did do We

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Speaker 1: did do a new moon um thing. That was she

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Speaker 1: told me earlier in the day. She was like, you

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Speaker 1: need to come over and I was like, I'm not

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Speaker 1: doing that. I'm tired, honest, I'm just telling you all

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Speaker 1: my businesses we just have about naked and not a shame.

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Speaker 1: I just had a hemorrhoid actomy. How about that. I

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Speaker 1: am forty one years old. That is such a seventy

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Speaker 1: eight year old things. That is literally what happens. I

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Speaker 1: was like, my butt hurts, I'm not going over there,

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Speaker 1: and then like two hours later, I was like, I

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Speaker 1: do think I need to go over there. So Debbie

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Speaker 1: has like, you know, this whole thing, and it's just

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Speaker 1: like it normally is her way and it's not like nominearing.

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Speaker 1: You know, black women especially we have a way of

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Speaker 1: getting things. Then you find yourself doing Debbie's way and

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Speaker 1: you didn't even know it, Like she just sneak away.

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Speaker 1: You're like, you know what, we're doing this exactly how

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Speaker 1: she wanted it to be. But that's okay. Now my again,

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Speaker 1: but it's also the flow of seasons, right, Like, I'm

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Speaker 1: in a season where I have a toddler child, so

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Speaker 1: my life, you know, my focus is keeping him alive

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Speaker 1: and then he gets to an age where he can

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Speaker 1: feed himself, and you know, but it's like even surrendering

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Speaker 1: to the flow of what season is our friendship and

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Speaker 1: she needs a little more help and time in this

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Speaker 1: way cool this season, It'll be her way next season.

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Speaker 1: Maybe I'm telling y'all, she's the organized one. It's really

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Speaker 1: Nat Shade. It's like, thank God for the friends amonga

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Speaker 1: us who keep everything together like Superwoman over here. But

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Speaker 1: let well, speaking of Superwoman and your schedule, you know,

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Speaker 1: it's like you're somebody that is doing so much deep

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Speaker 1: work in the world, and like last night you were

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Speaker 1: in New York. This morning you are here and you're

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Speaker 1: in this room. You know, why, what did you tell

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Speaker 1: me about this session? She don't remember. Let me tell y'all.

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Speaker 1: So Debby was like, where we're doing this. We're doing this,

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Speaker 1: which is and she was like, we get to talk

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Speaker 1: about our friendship. We're doing this. I was like, we're

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Speaker 1: doing this. Checked the text history. I don't think it

399
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Speaker 1: wasn't bad I don't really like the way that I'm

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Speaker 1: being portrayed. I'm sorry, I really do. I mean it

401
00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:09,240
Speaker 1: positively because I'm the person that will be like, we

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00:22:09,359 --> 00:22:11,120
Speaker 1: have to do such and such and so, and it's

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00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:14,200
Speaker 1: it sounds domineering. I wish I could do it just

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00:22:14,359 --> 00:22:16,640
Speaker 1: like embody. This you all, this is how we're going

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Speaker 1: to be in flow today, and when you get off

406
00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:21,160
Speaker 1: this planet needs to flow into this session that we're

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Speaker 1: It's not bad. I know. I love myself. Yeah, come

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00:22:28,119 --> 00:22:39,680
Speaker 1: on too, let's talk about self care. Yes, so with

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Speaker 1: your schedule. You know, it's like something that I thought

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Speaker 1: was so beautiful to come to know about you early

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Speaker 1: in our friendship was how diligent your soul care is.

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Speaker 1: You know, you have deep practice with yourself. You are

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Speaker 1: somebody that is so deeply embodied and you have use

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Speaker 1: of so many tools. And I think because so much

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Speaker 1: of your career is really about the warrior, and it

416
00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:06,400
Speaker 1: really is about like the legality of things, it's about politics,

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00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:09,480
Speaker 1: you don't get to share as much those other facets

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Speaker 1: that are really prominent features of who you are. But

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Speaker 1: I remember, like the first time I went to your house,

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Speaker 1: you got a whole temple. You got a whole you know,

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Speaker 1: you have a whole area that is like your church.

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Speaker 1: It is your restoration place. It is deeply spiritual and beautiful,

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Speaker 1: and so I would I would love for you to share,

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Speaker 1: like what is your self care? Like how do you

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Speaker 1: pouran to you? Especially when you're coming off of one

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Speaker 1: of those things where you're going tote to toe with

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00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:36,360
Speaker 1: someone about human rights? You know, well, thankfully I don't

428
00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:38,680
Speaker 1: have to do that kind of battle as much anymore.

429
00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:42,680
Speaker 1: Like my CNN contract ended in January, and as hard

430
00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:44,560
Speaker 1: as that was for me because it was so entrenched

431
00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:46,880
Speaker 1: in my identity, it was one of the most free

432
00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:49,760
Speaker 1: things that could have happened. And I really don't know

433
00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:54,440
Speaker 1: if you realize how much your own practices have shaped mine.

434
00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:58,199
Speaker 1: I asked her questions about everything, and so that I

435
00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:00,560
Speaker 1: really want to make sure you unders saying that, and

436
00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:03,000
Speaker 1: how important that's been to me, and how blessed I

437
00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:04,760
Speaker 1: am to be able to have access to you. Now,

438
00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:09,600
Speaker 1: Please do not have your eyes water and um, but really,

439
00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:13,119
Speaker 1: she's Debbie. You're such a very special soul, and I

440
00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:16,200
Speaker 1: feel so blessed that you have opened up your home

441
00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:17,919
Speaker 1: and your heart to me in the ways that you

442
00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:21,280
Speaker 1: have because you don't have to. Um, I've been on

443
00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:23,960
Speaker 1: like a long journey. I have a holistic therapist named

444
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:26,360
Speaker 1: Yaddi who I can't wait for the two of them

445
00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:27,920
Speaker 1: to meet too, because I know that's going to be

446
00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:30,720
Speaker 1: a divine connection as well. But Yeaddy was telling me

447
00:24:31,119 --> 00:24:33,280
Speaker 1: two sessions ago, she said, do you remember when you

448
00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:35,520
Speaker 1: would tell me you didn't have an hour to give

449
00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:38,320
Speaker 1: yourself every day? And I was like, no, of course,

450
00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:40,840
Speaker 1: I don't remember, what do you mean? But she was

451
00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:43,320
Speaker 1: saying that I would be, you know, so in my work,

452
00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:46,920
Speaker 1: you know, fifteen hour days, fully depleted. Naga knows you

453
00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:48,760
Speaker 1: would be on the road and I'm like, I don't.

454
00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:51,000
Speaker 1: Maybe we have time to do our mindfulness cards. We

455
00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:53,920
Speaker 1: would pull a card and like read and try to reset.

456
00:24:54,359 --> 00:24:56,760
Speaker 1: It was hard, you know, it was really hard. I

457
00:24:56,800 --> 00:24:59,520
Speaker 1: think being in l A, being around you, talking to

458
00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:03,000
Speaker 1: Lena art Um, having Yati like written my best friendly

459
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:05,879
Speaker 1: and Thatta, like having folks who were just there to

460
00:25:06,119 --> 00:25:09,240
Speaker 1: model even when I won't listen. Is that see that

461
00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:10,919
Speaker 1: gets planted in there? At some point You're like, you

462
00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:13,480
Speaker 1: know what, I actually do feel a lot better, Queen Afa.

463
00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:15,840
Speaker 1: I don't know if you're are familiar with her like

464
00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:18,520
Speaker 1: really being like, you know what I do need to

465
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:21,040
Speaker 1: reset and do some things and you'll break things. And

466
00:25:21,080 --> 00:25:24,000
Speaker 1: I'm like, man, I never considered that I love and

467
00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:25,960
Speaker 1: thank you for saying that. Thank you for saying everything

468
00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:29,200
Speaker 1: that she said. Um, that's what I think is important

469
00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:32,600
Speaker 1: about how we treat self care. Like right now the

470
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:36,639
Speaker 1: wellness industry, it's it's very on trend, like it's for

471
00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:40,240
Speaker 1: the first time really having the moment in the sun

472
00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:43,000
Speaker 1: that it should, right, Like, caring about ourselves should not

473
00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:45,639
Speaker 1: be something that has just coming to the mainstream in

474
00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:50,120
Speaker 1: this way, but something that ministry now, right that mistry

475
00:25:50,160 --> 00:25:53,200
Speaker 1: and people like, what do you mean, right? But do

476
00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:55,880
Speaker 1: you sleep when you're dead? I just hustle? Yeah, that's

477
00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:58,800
Speaker 1: real actually said in the community, right. Yes, I used

478
00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:00,560
Speaker 1: to say that. I used to be like, oh, yeah,

479
00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:03,520
Speaker 1: I worked eighteen hours yesterday. Look at me, and it's

480
00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:05,800
Speaker 1: I would never know what. I would never do that

481
00:26:05,840 --> 00:26:09,600
Speaker 1: to myself. But you know, I think was as we're

482
00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:13,200
Speaker 1: evolving in this understanding, because we're actually giving ourselves permission

483
00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:16,600
Speaker 1: to care about ourselves fully and to pour into ourselves

484
00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:20,600
Speaker 1: without this whole path of forced resilience that we were

485
00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:23,840
Speaker 1: all on. We were in this wheel of resilience and

486
00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:27,040
Speaker 1: this wheel of self denial and didn't realize it because

487
00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:31,200
Speaker 1: we were all programmed to be martyrs since human inception,

488
00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:34,040
Speaker 1: you know, the role of the woman. We were subjugated

489
00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:36,800
Speaker 1: to this idea of martyrdom and that anything for us,

490
00:26:36,840 --> 00:26:40,560
Speaker 1: anything that was not nurturance for another, was selfish, you know.

491
00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:44,119
Speaker 1: And so now we're understanding that our needs deserve to

492
00:26:44,119 --> 00:26:46,399
Speaker 1: be met. They can be met. But it's also important

493
00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:49,600
Speaker 1: to find like a self care that you can actually deeply,

494
00:26:49,760 --> 00:26:53,120
Speaker 1: regularly honor yourself with. And that's not you know, it's

495
00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:55,600
Speaker 1: like yeah, on Instagram, it's like, oh, I went to

496
00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:59,600
Speaker 1: the spa today and cool. If that feels nourishing to you, do,

497
00:27:00,359 --> 00:27:03,680
Speaker 1: you know, especially if there is a fear of prosperity

498
00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:07,400
Speaker 1: or a freer of abundance, then lean into gifting those

499
00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:10,720
Speaker 1: things to yourself. But for the most part, self care

500
00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:13,720
Speaker 1: is me spending two hours every day once my son

501
00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:18,120
Speaker 1: goes to sleep prioritizing myself, which means what matters more

502
00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:20,800
Speaker 1: to me binge watching something or pouring into my body,

503
00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:22,919
Speaker 1: mind and soul because I know I really need that

504
00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:25,879
Speaker 1: and I'm not functioning at the level I deserve to

505
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:29,000
Speaker 1: if I don't. Okay, so mindless TV, let me put

506
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:32,760
Speaker 1: it off and let me not do that on most nights,

507
00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:35,720
Speaker 1: you know. And then I turn on like a beautiful

508
00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:39,320
Speaker 1: music that doesn't have songs I'm super familiar with, because

509
00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:42,760
Speaker 1: it's really important too, like sing along to your favorite

510
00:27:42,760 --> 00:27:45,920
Speaker 1: songs to to bring enjoy, but put on music that

511
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:48,879
Speaker 1: you don't have memories tied to, so you can be

512
00:27:48,960 --> 00:27:51,960
Speaker 1: in that space of meditation, so you can allow God

513
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:54,479
Speaker 1: to come into your life and speak to you if

514
00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:57,000
Speaker 1: we're too busy singing along to something, or if we're

515
00:27:57,040 --> 00:27:59,399
Speaker 1: too busy having every memory of oh my god, I

516
00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:01,080
Speaker 1: was with my girl, oh when I did this, or

517
00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:03,920
Speaker 1: oh that guy like you know it's like, or oh

518
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:06,280
Speaker 1: this was when I was in ninth grade. And it's

519
00:28:06,359 --> 00:28:09,040
Speaker 1: so beautiful to reflect like that, but not in the

520
00:28:09,080 --> 00:28:11,280
Speaker 1: midst of some of your deeper self care, because you

521
00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:14,959
Speaker 1: need the freedom to be who you're becoming and not

522
00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:17,960
Speaker 1: tied to all of those thoughts of the past, those memories.

523
00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:21,960
Speaker 1: So like setting, I call it creating a container for yourself.

524
00:28:22,280 --> 00:28:25,840
Speaker 1: So creating a sacred container around your experience. I set

525
00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:28,639
Speaker 1: my container with music I personally love selection, which is

526
00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:37,000
Speaker 1: on Apple Radio. It amazing, the best playlist. Yeah it's good. Yeah, um,

527
00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:39,520
Speaker 1: but I put on selection and I stay until this

528
00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:43,520
Speaker 1: mix in. It's me time. I buy things that honor

529
00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:46,120
Speaker 1: my body, like I I'm someone that really likes to

530
00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:49,160
Speaker 1: dig into like I do um gasha a lot on

531
00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:51,240
Speaker 1: my face or I get like on Amazon they have

532
00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:55,520
Speaker 1: these trigger point tools, little wooden tools. But this is

533
00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:59,560
Speaker 1: ancient work and something that has worked for ages. Will

534
00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:02,320
Speaker 1: all these work, you know? And so you think, I

535
00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:05,040
Speaker 1: look like, what did ancient masters do in you know?

536
00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:07,000
Speaker 1: What did what do they do in Chinese medicine? What

537
00:29:07,040 --> 00:29:09,120
Speaker 1: do they do in Egypt? What were the tools and

538
00:29:09,160 --> 00:29:12,360
Speaker 1: the rituals? Because those are still the ones that unlock

539
00:29:12,480 --> 00:29:15,240
Speaker 1: us and bring us closer to God, now closer to ourselves.

540
00:29:15,600 --> 00:29:18,840
Speaker 1: We don't need a middleman. It's cool to do luxury.

541
00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:21,400
Speaker 1: I'd be out there retreats everything. I want everyone to come.

542
00:29:21,440 --> 00:29:24,239
Speaker 1: It's necessary. But you can also do all of this

543
00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:27,840
Speaker 1: for you just by saying I'm going to be with me,

544
00:29:28,040 --> 00:29:30,560
Speaker 1: I'm gonna take this time with me. So I set

545
00:29:30,600 --> 00:29:34,320
Speaker 1: that container. I might take a really like hot, hot,

546
00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:37,480
Speaker 1: hot bath instead of a scoop of the epsom salts

547
00:29:37,480 --> 00:29:39,680
Speaker 1: like they show us those little baby containers that they

548
00:29:39,680 --> 00:29:44,240
Speaker 1: sell at the store. Go to Amazon. They have huge

549
00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:47,920
Speaker 1: bags for way less money. And I use two giant,

550
00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:52,120
Speaker 1: full size bags for each bath. Suck out the impurity,

551
00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:56,200
Speaker 1: cleanse your energy, cleanse your cleanse your spirits. I literally

552
00:29:56,240 --> 00:29:58,320
Speaker 1: got you. I had a big old bag and it

553
00:29:58,400 --> 00:30:05,960
Speaker 1: was like grocery bag stuff and yes you have, yes,

554
00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:10,000
Speaker 1: and use the entire bag of it. Used two of

555
00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:12,520
Speaker 1: those bags, you know, And maybe don't do that every day,

556
00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:14,920
Speaker 1: but like once a week, gift that to yourself. Say

557
00:30:14,920 --> 00:30:17,800
Speaker 1: this is a fifteen dollar bath, you know. And I

558
00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:23,720
Speaker 1: had and it was like two pounds tomorrow. And you

559
00:30:23,720 --> 00:30:24,920
Speaker 1: looked at the bag and I was like, oh no,

560
00:30:25,040 --> 00:30:27,240
Speaker 1: all of this is for one bath. This is going

561
00:30:27,240 --> 00:30:29,400
Speaker 1: in one bath, you know. And then I like to

562
00:30:29,480 --> 00:30:31,480
Speaker 1: pray over the water before I get in it. It's

563
00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:36,280
Speaker 1: about reclaiming your sacredness, your holiness. It's about treating yourself

564
00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:39,840
Speaker 1: as something sacred because you are. And so when I

565
00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:42,000
Speaker 1: put everything in the bath and I closed my eyes

566
00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:44,720
Speaker 1: and I just say this water, God, allow it to

567
00:30:44,760 --> 00:30:47,120
Speaker 1: recharge me, allow it to film me, allow it to

568
00:30:47,160 --> 00:30:50,000
Speaker 1: soften my heart, allow it to pull off the impurities

569
00:30:50,040 --> 00:30:52,040
Speaker 1: of my day, allow it to bless me, to bring

570
00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:54,400
Speaker 1: me closer to you. You know. Then you get in

571
00:30:54,440 --> 00:30:56,560
Speaker 1: the water and then you just let it take you

572
00:30:56,640 --> 00:31:00,400
Speaker 1: over and play the music you're into, plant medicine, smoke

573
00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:04,800
Speaker 1: something if you're into wine, pour glass, have water. Whatever

574
00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:09,400
Speaker 1: is your personal recipe for how you become most alive

575
00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:12,080
Speaker 1: or going most deep. You know, I'm what I'm telling

576
00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:14,600
Speaker 1: you right now is going to be your baseline. Then

577
00:31:14,640 --> 00:31:17,200
Speaker 1: you add all your energetic seasoning on top of it,

578
00:31:17,280 --> 00:31:19,400
Speaker 1: of what you know to be the tools that work

579
00:31:19,480 --> 00:31:22,400
Speaker 1: for you. Take a bath, you know, then when you

580
00:31:22,440 --> 00:31:24,960
Speaker 1: get out of the bath, I like to really spend time,

581
00:31:25,560 --> 00:31:29,440
Speaker 1: even things that feel so small, um that we speed through,

582
00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:33,280
Speaker 1: like lotioning our bodies, like you know how like um,

583
00:31:33,560 --> 00:31:35,960
Speaker 1: you we make our own hair care products at home.

584
00:31:36,080 --> 00:31:38,640
Speaker 1: You know, like you might create like a refresher spray,

585
00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:40,720
Speaker 1: Like I have my little bottle that I'm a spray

586
00:31:40,800 --> 00:31:43,760
Speaker 1: later refresh my curls well in that bottle. I also

587
00:31:43,760 --> 00:31:46,760
Speaker 1: put drops of frankincense. I put drops of anointing oil.

588
00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:49,560
Speaker 1: I you know, I send energy to the bottle and

589
00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:52,600
Speaker 1: it creates a completely different experience. And just okay, let

590
00:31:52,600 --> 00:31:54,800
Speaker 1: me do my hair It's like, now, let me anoint

591
00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:58,479
Speaker 1: my crown, let me expand my crown, Let me open

592
00:31:58,560 --> 00:32:03,320
Speaker 1: myself to all the pure potentiality of this moment, to

593
00:32:03,840 --> 00:32:07,040
Speaker 1: the best possible outcomes, to the highest level of abundance

594
00:32:07,080 --> 00:32:09,440
Speaker 1: to God. What are all the ways that I can

595
00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:12,480
Speaker 1: be in service to that? So there are so many small,

596
00:32:12,920 --> 00:32:16,320
Speaker 1: ritualistic ways that change everything about how we feel about

597
00:32:16,320 --> 00:32:19,120
Speaker 1: ourselves in our lives, and it really takes so much

598
00:32:19,200 --> 00:32:22,080
Speaker 1: less thought, less time, and less money than we imagine.

599
00:32:22,720 --> 00:32:25,480
Speaker 1: We just have to be intentional of what do I

600
00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:29,400
Speaker 1: want to cultivate in me? What are some qualities I

601
00:32:29,440 --> 00:32:31,720
Speaker 1: want to bring forward in my life? What do I feel,

602
00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:34,520
Speaker 1: with no judgment, that I just don't have enough of

603
00:32:34,640 --> 00:32:37,400
Speaker 1: right now? Is it ease? Is it grace? Do I

604
00:32:37,440 --> 00:32:41,360
Speaker 1: feel like maybe I'm getting too upset or too attached

605
00:32:41,400 --> 00:32:47,000
Speaker 1: to outcomes? So then it's being intentional about saying I

606
00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:49,800
Speaker 1: am investing this time and myself, I am calling an

607
00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:52,560
Speaker 1: ease and grace into my life. It is speaking over

608
00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:57,400
Speaker 1: yourself with sacredness and then giving yourself to the practice

609
00:32:57,640 --> 00:33:04,160
Speaker 1: of allowing that to become real. She don't right, She's dope, right?

610
00:33:04,680 --> 00:33:08,000
Speaker 1: So how important um? Debbie with all the practices, and

611
00:33:08,040 --> 00:33:10,280
Speaker 1: I know y'all just learned something different about self care.

612
00:33:10,360 --> 00:33:12,600
Speaker 1: You like that is a kind of a different definition

613
00:33:12,640 --> 00:33:15,120
Speaker 1: and it feels more accessible, which is so important right

614
00:33:15,120 --> 00:33:17,080
Speaker 1: now because there are a lot of tools that we

615
00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:20,200
Speaker 1: both have access to. There aren't that cheat, Yes, but

616
00:33:20,320 --> 00:33:22,920
Speaker 1: how important is it to you in addition to what

617
00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:27,040
Speaker 1: you do at home for yourself, um, the other resources

618
00:33:27,040 --> 00:33:30,400
Speaker 1: and tools you have access to your friendships, sisterhood, how

619
00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:34,640
Speaker 1: important is that to your overall practices and rituals and

620
00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:39,160
Speaker 1: self care. Uh? I think authentic sisterhood is just absolutely

621
00:33:39,160 --> 00:33:42,160
Speaker 1: irreplaceable in my life. But I want to say, like,

622
00:33:42,200 --> 00:33:46,320
Speaker 1: when I say authentic sisterhood, I don't mean having friends

623
00:33:46,360 --> 00:33:48,640
Speaker 1: as essential to my life because truly it is not

624
00:33:48,800 --> 00:33:51,480
Speaker 1: like I am a self oiled machine, you know, I

625
00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:56,240
Speaker 1: I am deeply inside of myself. But when it's authentic,

626
00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:59,320
Speaker 1: when we are naked in front of each other, when

627
00:33:59,320 --> 00:34:02,400
Speaker 1: we are not performing. You know something I'm very clear

628
00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:04,680
Speaker 1: about in my life and in my friendships, I don't

629
00:34:04,680 --> 00:34:07,320
Speaker 1: want to perform for anyone ever. I don't want to

630
00:34:07,320 --> 00:34:11,400
Speaker 1: feel like yeah, okay, like no, I need to be

631
00:34:11,520 --> 00:34:13,880
Speaker 1: my full ground itself in every moment. I need to

632
00:34:13,880 --> 00:34:16,640
Speaker 1: be able to be received as that. And I also

633
00:34:16,680 --> 00:34:19,560
Speaker 1: don't want to be an audience for anybody, so I

634
00:34:19,600 --> 00:34:24,799
Speaker 1: can't really carve out time for friendship with I can

635
00:34:24,840 --> 00:34:28,800
Speaker 1: still love the people, but I can't leak my energy

636
00:34:28,960 --> 00:34:32,480
Speaker 1: or give my time in a way that is required

637
00:34:32,520 --> 00:34:37,640
Speaker 1: of me. Just witnessing a performance, witnessing someone not being

638
00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:41,319
Speaker 1: their full selves. I can send love to it, I

639
00:34:41,360 --> 00:34:43,680
Speaker 1: can be in non judgment of it, but I can't

640
00:34:43,719 --> 00:34:46,600
Speaker 1: give my time to it. So authentic friendship the kind

641
00:34:46,640 --> 00:34:48,800
Speaker 1: that refills you, like when you and I get together

642
00:34:48,840 --> 00:34:50,840
Speaker 1: and it's just like we're on the couch like okay,

643
00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:52,960
Speaker 1: so did it you know, or just like let's go

644
00:34:53,320 --> 00:34:56,040
Speaker 1: soak in the sun for a second. You know, that

645
00:34:56,239 --> 00:35:00,040
Speaker 1: is invaluable. One of the things that I have to

646
00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:02,000
Speaker 1: go with in our friendship that I told her and

647
00:35:02,040 --> 00:35:05,040
Speaker 1: I want you all to know, is um, I'm normally

648
00:35:05,080 --> 00:35:08,480
Speaker 1: the person that is giving this point and it's overgiving.

649
00:35:08,520 --> 00:35:11,239
Speaker 1: I can definitely acknowledge that too. So I've texted Debbie

650
00:35:11,239 --> 00:35:13,680
Speaker 1: and I'm like, Debbie, I need to do something for you,

651
00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:15,920
Speaker 1: Like she's poured so much of this room right now.

652
00:35:15,960 --> 00:35:18,600
Speaker 1: I know you guys are like there's an overflowing you

653
00:35:18,640 --> 00:35:21,000
Speaker 1: know that, like people pay a lot of money to

654
00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:23,760
Speaker 1: get like I just had a self care workshop basically

655
00:35:23,760 --> 00:35:26,360
Speaker 1: in five minutes, right, you just learned a lot, and

656
00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:29,799
Speaker 1: so you feel like I want to dis reciprocate. I

657
00:35:29,840 --> 00:35:32,080
Speaker 1: want to give back, And Debbie's like, don't where your

658
00:35:32,080 --> 00:35:35,279
Speaker 1: time is coming? You know, but it's it's a beautiful

659
00:35:35,360 --> 00:35:38,160
Speaker 1: thing because you are such a giver and it it

660
00:35:38,239 --> 00:35:42,600
Speaker 1: doesn't feel like, um, you tapped out as a result

661
00:35:42,600 --> 00:35:45,879
Speaker 1: of it. How do you ensure that part? Right? Is it?

662
00:35:45,920 --> 00:35:48,239
Speaker 1: Is it because you know that you take time to

663
00:35:48,280 --> 00:35:50,560
Speaker 1: fill up, so you're not pouring out of an empty vessel,

664
00:35:50,600 --> 00:35:52,880
Speaker 1: which is the thing that really makes us feel depleted.

665
00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:55,120
Speaker 1: Is it something else? How do you ensure that there

666
00:35:55,200 --> 00:35:58,640
Speaker 1: is reciprocity in your relationships and you're not just being

667
00:35:59,120 --> 00:36:02,560
Speaker 1: you know, drain into all of that beautiful energy. Thank

668
00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:05,120
Speaker 1: you for that question, because I think the way I

669
00:36:05,160 --> 00:36:11,799
Speaker 1: experienced it now is I'm not available for anything that

670
00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:16,680
Speaker 1: is not mutually beneficial, like nothing like not in work,

671
00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:20,000
Speaker 1: not in home, not in friendships. So for me, I

672
00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:22,520
Speaker 1: don't think I'm ever pouring for an empty cup because

673
00:36:22,640 --> 00:36:26,919
Speaker 1: I say no all the time. I say no all

674
00:36:26,920 --> 00:36:28,920
Speaker 1: the time, you know, And I'm also not going to

675
00:36:29,040 --> 00:36:32,440
Speaker 1: be moved by someone using tactics on me that are

676
00:36:32,520 --> 00:36:36,239
Speaker 1: usually coping mechanisms like guilt or people pleasing or like

677
00:36:36,360 --> 00:36:38,279
Speaker 1: let me ask you a few different ways. I'm not

678
00:36:38,320 --> 00:36:40,719
Speaker 1: available for that. And I'm not judging you because that's

679
00:36:41,360 --> 00:36:44,279
Speaker 1: the tools that you're pulling from, but it's still no.

680
00:36:45,160 --> 00:36:47,719
Speaker 1: And so be okay with that or not. But it's

681
00:36:47,719 --> 00:36:51,080
Speaker 1: okay for me, you know. And so I think I

682
00:36:51,239 --> 00:36:53,960
Speaker 1: just as a whole, you know, what you're speaking to

683
00:36:54,080 --> 00:36:56,400
Speaker 1: is so it's so interesting to hear you say and

684
00:36:56,480 --> 00:36:58,279
Speaker 1: it's so funny when you text that to be or

685
00:36:58,320 --> 00:37:02,600
Speaker 1: said that to me, because I'm like, your energy is enough,

686
00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:05,880
Speaker 1: your being is enough. There's not a doing that you

687
00:37:05,920 --> 00:37:07,640
Speaker 1: have to do for me. I'm sure I'm going to

688
00:37:07,719 --> 00:37:11,200
Speaker 1: need something, you know, many things over our lifelong friendship

689
00:37:11,239 --> 00:37:13,759
Speaker 1: that will have, you know, but this idea that it

690
00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:15,680
Speaker 1: has to be Okay, you did this for me, let

691
00:37:15,680 --> 00:37:18,880
Speaker 1: me do this for you. That's not full reciprocity. That

692
00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:22,719
Speaker 1: that is an exchange, it's a transaction, but reciprocity is

693
00:37:22,760 --> 00:37:25,160
Speaker 1: like we have our hearts open to each other, you know,

694
00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:27,680
Speaker 1: and I know that when I need you, you're there,

695
00:37:27,800 --> 00:37:30,439
Speaker 1: and vice versa. And this may be the season that

696
00:37:30,840 --> 00:37:34,800
Speaker 1: you need to learn to receive because so many of

697
00:37:34,880 --> 00:37:38,640
Speaker 1: us as women are turned off to receptive flow. You know,

698
00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:41,560
Speaker 1: it is this idea of even even what you said,

699
00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:44,400
Speaker 1: part of that is a coping mechanism, this idea of

700
00:37:44,440 --> 00:37:47,200
Speaker 1: can I trust that it's this safe for me? No,

701
00:37:47,360 --> 00:37:49,560
Speaker 1: let me give back, let me earn it, let me

702
00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:52,279
Speaker 1: do this, Like we have all been brainwashed to think

703
00:37:52,320 --> 00:37:54,319
Speaker 1: that we have to earn love, that we have to

704
00:37:54,360 --> 00:37:57,480
Speaker 1: earn kindness, that we have to earn respect, And it's

705
00:37:57,520 --> 00:38:00,680
Speaker 1: like or that we have to perform, you know, to

706
00:38:00,719 --> 00:38:02,839
Speaker 1: get something back, or we have to do and give

707
00:38:03,120 --> 00:38:06,880
Speaker 1: and learning receptivity, like it's part of the path of

708
00:38:06,920 --> 00:38:11,160
Speaker 1: divine femininity, like coming into your majesty, like coming into

709
00:38:11,200 --> 00:38:15,680
Speaker 1: your sovereign, to your radiance, and you attract that because

710
00:38:15,880 --> 00:38:18,880
Speaker 1: of how worthy you are, Like you attract that in people,

711
00:38:19,440 --> 00:38:22,759
Speaker 1: and you overgive so often like you you know the

712
00:38:22,840 --> 00:38:25,560
Speaker 1: other thing though, like I think, um, and I don't

713
00:38:25,560 --> 00:38:27,560
Speaker 1: know if you all have this for your your friends,

714
00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:30,359
Speaker 1: whether they have online presence or not. But I also

715
00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:33,440
Speaker 1: feel very protective of you, so I don't know that

716
00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:35,640
Speaker 1: all I know that I have an overgiving problem. So

717
00:38:35,640 --> 00:38:40,600
Speaker 1: I'm acknowledge that again. But yes, it is. But I'm like,

718
00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:44,600
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't want you to be tapped out

719
00:38:44,680 --> 00:38:46,800
Speaker 1: from the people who love you and are here to

720
00:38:46,960 --> 00:38:49,799
Speaker 1: kind of help. Don't. Okay, Yeah, I'm not tapped out

721
00:38:49,800 --> 00:38:52,000
Speaker 1: because again, I don't take I don't take on anything

722
00:38:52,040 --> 00:38:54,239
Speaker 1: unless I actually want to. How do you say so

723
00:38:54,480 --> 00:39:02,480
Speaker 1: called to it nicely? I don't say it nicely. Yeah,

724
00:39:02,520 --> 00:39:04,640
Speaker 1: it's And I think that's so important for us to know.

725
00:39:04,800 --> 00:39:08,600
Speaker 1: I don't have to frame because even that's manipulation, right, Like,

726
00:39:08,760 --> 00:39:11,840
Speaker 1: that's me manipulating because I'm trying to still get you

727
00:39:11,880 --> 00:39:15,080
Speaker 1: to perceive me in such a way even when I'm

728
00:39:15,080 --> 00:39:17,840
Speaker 1: doing something, you know, when I'm telling you know to something,

729
00:39:18,320 --> 00:39:21,000
Speaker 1: and it's just I can't. I feel like her no

730
00:39:21,160 --> 00:39:23,759
Speaker 1: sounds so much nicer than mine. So I was really

731
00:39:23,760 --> 00:39:28,080
Speaker 1: trying to get another gym like, well, you know too.

732
00:39:28,120 --> 00:39:32,799
Speaker 1: It's it's I also don't have the expectation that I'm

733
00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:35,320
Speaker 1: gonna take on any energy because of what you've said.

734
00:39:35,960 --> 00:39:40,160
Speaker 1: My answer is no. If you're okay with that, wonderful

735
00:39:40,200 --> 00:39:42,200
Speaker 1: for the both of us. If you're not okay with that,

736
00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:45,080
Speaker 1: I'm also not judging you for not being okay with that.

737
00:39:45,160 --> 00:39:47,440
Speaker 1: I'm not mad at you. I'm not feeling triggered because

738
00:39:47,440 --> 00:39:49,840
Speaker 1: you're mad I'm not doing something for you. It's still no,

739
00:39:50,600 --> 00:39:53,880
Speaker 1: you know, and so and that's all okay, And perhaps

740
00:39:53,920 --> 00:39:56,120
Speaker 1: you can sit with that no, and you'll come into

741
00:39:56,160 --> 00:39:58,799
Speaker 1: peace with it in the timing that you're supposed to.

742
00:39:58,880 --> 00:40:01,759
Speaker 1: But none of it is my responsibility, you know. And

743
00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:06,000
Speaker 1: so I think I don't. I actually do not at

744
00:40:06,040 --> 00:40:11,920
Speaker 1: all feel overburdened or overwhelmed by giving at all. Um,

745
00:40:11,960 --> 00:40:15,440
Speaker 1: I give what I can, and then I also feel

746
00:40:15,800 --> 00:40:19,160
Speaker 1: really recharged by God. So I'm doing so much for myself.

747
00:40:19,160 --> 00:40:21,880
Speaker 1: Like even when we talk about the self care. Yeah,

748
00:40:22,040 --> 00:40:24,080
Speaker 1: that tool that I mentioned that you can get on Amazon.

749
00:40:24,120 --> 00:40:26,879
Speaker 1: I gotta share this online. It's this five dollar tool.

750
00:40:27,239 --> 00:40:28,680
Speaker 1: What I do. I get out of the bath, my

751
00:40:28,719 --> 00:40:31,480
Speaker 1: body is hot and warm. I sit, I closed my eyes.

752
00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:34,960
Speaker 1: I listened to my body. What hurts? I send whatever

753
00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:38,279
Speaker 1: is aching or hurting love that moment. So I might

754
00:40:38,280 --> 00:40:41,239
Speaker 1: get that little wooden tool and just start working my neck.

755
00:40:41,400 --> 00:40:44,359
Speaker 1: Get one of the Gasha tools and just start. You

756
00:40:44,360 --> 00:40:48,160
Speaker 1: know a great thing to distress that everyone could do today.

757
00:40:48,640 --> 00:40:51,080
Speaker 1: Use your fingers pressure point in the center of where

758
00:40:51,080 --> 00:40:53,680
Speaker 1: your jaw connects. Do you feel how it feels a

759
00:40:53,719 --> 00:40:55,600
Speaker 1: little fleshy there and you're kind of like, oh, I

760
00:40:55,640 --> 00:40:58,440
Speaker 1: didn't even know that hurt? And then go like this

761
00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:01,680
Speaker 1: back and forth, really deep deep with your fingers and

762
00:41:05,200 --> 00:41:09,399
Speaker 1: then stretch your mouth, let it pop. That don't feel good?

763
00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:14,440
Speaker 1: It will do? And when you stop release, what does

764
00:41:14,440 --> 00:41:16,560
Speaker 1: that mean? If it hurts real bad? It means you

765
00:41:16,640 --> 00:41:20,360
Speaker 1: got to release? Yeah, that we hold so much stress

766
00:41:20,400 --> 00:41:26,719
Speaker 1: intention here? Does it hurt you? Guys? And moments like

767
00:41:26,760 --> 00:41:29,120
Speaker 1: that just to just to finish our peace off is

768
00:41:29,160 --> 00:41:32,640
Speaker 1: how we report in ourselves so that we are replenished.

769
00:41:32,840 --> 00:41:35,720
Speaker 1: You know, It's like you're actually checking into your body,

770
00:41:35,800 --> 00:41:38,560
Speaker 1: your stress points, you're checking into your spirit, your heart,

771
00:41:39,120 --> 00:41:41,760
Speaker 1: and you're in tune with how much do I actually

772
00:41:41,800 --> 00:41:45,400
Speaker 1: have to give? That helps inform that that really, like

773
00:41:45,719 --> 00:41:53,120
Speaker 1: that hurts? Can I fine? So I nothing. Today's world,

774
00:41:53,280 --> 00:41:57,600
Speaker 1: I feel like self care is really silent activities that

775
00:41:57,719 --> 00:42:05,040
Speaker 1: are separate from being practices. Well, what are your tips

776
00:42:05,239 --> 00:42:10,960
Speaker 1: to kind of get that self care mindset from sittle

777
00:42:11,040 --> 00:42:15,440
Speaker 1: to just reframing it to this is normal everyday thing

778
00:42:15,640 --> 00:42:18,720
Speaker 1: and it's not like a bath that we're doing or

779
00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:23,919
Speaker 1: journaling our meditation. How can we fully integrate self care

780
00:42:24,040 --> 00:42:26,480
Speaker 1: into our lives? Who where we're not even titling it

781
00:42:27,200 --> 00:42:30,680
Speaker 1: care anymore? I love that question, Thank you. It's it's

782
00:42:30,719 --> 00:42:33,920
Speaker 1: about creating a daily practice, which is self care. And

783
00:42:34,000 --> 00:42:37,440
Speaker 1: so my daily practice is meditation every day, It is

784
00:42:37,520 --> 00:42:41,360
Speaker 1: journaling every day. But it's something. It's a container you're creating.

785
00:42:41,840 --> 00:42:44,000
Speaker 1: And so I think if we can make everything a

786
00:42:44,120 --> 00:42:48,440
Speaker 1: somewhat ritualized experience in some way, that's how we're actually

787
00:42:48,480 --> 00:42:53,000
Speaker 1: giving ourselves care, tenderness, grace. We're training ourselves to also

788
00:42:53,080 --> 00:42:57,640
Speaker 1: attract that from other people, attract that from different circumstances.

789
00:42:58,080 --> 00:43:00,880
Speaker 1: And so you know, when I talk about like creating

790
00:43:00,880 --> 00:43:04,000
Speaker 1: that sacred container, what is that patch of time for

791
00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:06,600
Speaker 1: each of you in the course of a day, Whether

792
00:43:06,800 --> 00:43:09,080
Speaker 1: it may be in the morning, my my like daily

793
00:43:09,080 --> 00:43:11,640
Speaker 1: practice self care used to be a warning one. Now

794
00:43:11,640 --> 00:43:14,600
Speaker 1: it's the evening one because that's just the natural flow

795
00:43:14,640 --> 00:43:17,400
Speaker 1: of when I have the space to do that. But

796
00:43:17,560 --> 00:43:21,719
Speaker 1: you say, is it an hour? I recommend everybody take

797
00:43:21,719 --> 00:43:24,200
Speaker 1: an hour. You can find it if you stop scrolling,

798
00:43:24,239 --> 00:43:27,480
Speaker 1: if you stop binge watching, there's an hour available somewhere.

799
00:43:28,640 --> 00:43:31,839
Speaker 1: Set the music, and then you start listening to what

800
00:43:31,960 --> 00:43:36,000
Speaker 1: do I need? What does my body need? My knees hurt.

801
00:43:36,520 --> 00:43:39,960
Speaker 1: Maybe part of my self cares every day with lotion,

802
00:43:40,080 --> 00:43:42,920
Speaker 1: I'm closing my eyes, listening to music, have some wine,

803
00:43:43,320 --> 00:43:45,680
Speaker 1: and I'm just feeling my own body. I'm giving my

804
00:43:45,719 --> 00:43:49,239
Speaker 1: own body release and pleasure. You know. Um, I do

805
00:43:49,400 --> 00:43:52,200
Speaker 1: take a bath pretty much four out of seven days

806
00:43:52,200 --> 00:43:55,319
Speaker 1: a week. That for me is a mainstay of self care.

807
00:43:55,360 --> 00:43:57,600
Speaker 1: And not because it's like the kind on TV with

808
00:43:57,719 --> 00:44:00,600
Speaker 1: the bubbles, so that's fly too, but it's not, you know,

809
00:44:00,640 --> 00:44:03,200
Speaker 1: it's not the bubbles that I'm just like, oh, CalCon,

810
00:44:03,400 --> 00:44:06,200
Speaker 1: take me away, you know. And also she washes the

811
00:44:06,200 --> 00:44:08,319
Speaker 1: other days too, because I know that's the thing right now,

812
00:44:08,880 --> 00:44:12,000
Speaker 1: you know, no, no no, no, have a daily shower. The

813
00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:15,879
Speaker 1: bath is myself. The bath isn't for tweet that I'll

814
00:44:15,920 --> 00:44:18,680
Speaker 1: come after you. She's a little for the advance to me.

815
00:44:18,719 --> 00:44:21,680
Speaker 1: I will come get you. She's clean. But you know,

816
00:44:21,800 --> 00:44:24,640
Speaker 1: for me, the bath it's not about like, oh, I'm

817
00:44:24,640 --> 00:44:29,200
Speaker 1: taking a bath. It's the salt is helping my muscles.

818
00:44:29,239 --> 00:44:32,480
Speaker 1: It's pulling out stress, it's pulling out impurities. It's it's

819
00:44:32,560 --> 00:44:36,160
Speaker 1: literally physically relaxing my muscles. It's there's a scent in

820
00:44:36,239 --> 00:44:39,239
Speaker 1: the water that's invoking my spirit there. You know, the

821
00:44:39,280 --> 00:44:42,920
Speaker 1: warmth is giving me nourishment in all the areas that

822
00:44:42,960 --> 00:44:44,920
Speaker 1: I need it. And so I look at the bath

823
00:44:45,040 --> 00:44:47,560
Speaker 1: not as like the let me take a bath. It's

824
00:44:47,600 --> 00:44:50,560
Speaker 1: really like, all right, I have to take my bath tonight.

825
00:44:50,680 --> 00:44:52,600
Speaker 1: I spent twenty minutes in there. That's part of my

826
00:44:52,680 --> 00:44:54,919
Speaker 1: everyday way that I show up for myself and show

827
00:44:55,000 --> 00:44:57,640
Speaker 1: up for my body. And so it's really creating, like

828
00:44:57,719 --> 00:45:00,960
Speaker 1: what am I intentional about? What are my needs? Actually?

829
00:45:01,360 --> 00:45:04,799
Speaker 1: If I sit and I think about self care, what

830
00:45:05,080 --> 00:45:08,160
Speaker 1: is the kind that's performative and what are my actual

831
00:45:08,200 --> 00:45:10,560
Speaker 1: needs that don't have to be on Instagram? This is

832
00:45:10,640 --> 00:45:16,520
Speaker 1: just me for me every single day. Yeah, a little Adam.

833
00:45:17,080 --> 00:45:24,640
Speaker 1: So it's about, Yes, it's about allowing yourself to be

834
00:45:24,760 --> 00:45:28,680
Speaker 1: the offering and creating all the ritual that supports you

835
00:45:28,800 --> 00:45:31,720
Speaker 1: being the highest version of you each day and whatever

836
00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:39,799
Speaker 1: that means. Thank you. Ah, that was such a great day. Uh,

837
00:45:40,080 --> 00:45:43,000
Speaker 1: such a beautiful day. That was actually a wildly powerful

838
00:45:43,080 --> 00:45:45,480
Speaker 1: day for me too. I ended up doing something that

839
00:45:45,560 --> 00:45:49,080
Speaker 1: I can't share quite yet, but I did an incredible project.

840
00:45:49,280 --> 00:45:52,799
Speaker 1: Um soon after we recorded this so that is coming

841
00:45:52,880 --> 00:45:56,080
Speaker 1: soon too. More info on that. Uh, don't forget. If

842
00:45:56,120 --> 00:45:59,040
Speaker 1: you connected to this conversation, please share it with a friend.

843
00:45:59,440 --> 00:46:02,759
Speaker 1: Let's open a this dialogue around how we friend, how

844
00:46:02,760 --> 00:46:06,640
Speaker 1: we show up for ourselves, what we consider authenticity and

845
00:46:06,719 --> 00:46:09,799
Speaker 1: our relationships and ourselves in the way that we move

846
00:46:09,840 --> 00:46:13,800
Speaker 1: in the world. And yeah, drop this with a friend,

847
00:46:13,920 --> 00:46:18,040
Speaker 1: send this to send this to a friend that you

848
00:46:18,080 --> 00:46:21,640
Speaker 1: are connected with right now. And for those that may

849
00:46:21,680 --> 00:46:23,960
Speaker 1: be lost touch with a few people and want to

850
00:46:23,960 --> 00:46:26,799
Speaker 1: get reconnected, if that's on your heart, maybe use this

851
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Speaker 1: as the entryway and send this to someone to re

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Speaker 1: establish some conversation, some connection. Big love, thank you, thank you,

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Speaker 1: thank you for joining me here in this sacred space.

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Speaker 1: I'm a staying Hey, find me on social Let's connect

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Speaker 1: at Debbie Brown. That's Twitter and Instagram, or go to

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Speaker 1: my website Debbie Brown dot com. And if you're listening

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Speaker 1: to the show on Apple Podcasts, please please please don't

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Speaker 1: forget to rate, review, and subscribe and send this episode

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Speaker 1: to a friend. Dropping Jams is the production of I

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Speaker 1: Heart Radio and The Black Effect Network. It's produced by

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Speaker 1: Jack Queas and me Debbie Brown. For more podcasts from

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Speaker 1: My Heart radio, visit the I heart Radio app, Apple podcasts,

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Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.