Speaker 1: Scrubbing in with and Tanya rap an iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2: Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in.
Speaker 3: Scrub Dub Dub and the Tubtub Tub.
Speaker 2: I thought you were going into California Love Scrub scrubbing in.
Speaker 2: They go scrubbing and we're still working on our music.
Speaker 2: No judge.
Speaker 4: I mind going to California Love though, but we have
Speaker 4: to pay royalties for that or something or.
Speaker 2: We can't do that. Yeah, we don't have a budget
Speaker 2: for that.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 2: We do have a Dear Bonya episode. I have to say,
Speaker 2: people loved the Paulina episode. They lost the game. They
Speaker 2: want her back on after the wedding, we will hire Wish.
Speaker 3: She's our commands.
Speaker 1: The Instagram video of them of you and Paulina trying
Speaker 1: to spell roddy Savia Beach is very fine.
Speaker 2: I still don't know how to spell it. All I
Speaker 2: know is there's a J in there and it starts
Speaker 2: with a R A D.
Speaker 4: My friend Ashley texted me and she goes, does Paulina
Speaker 4: have a poor on her skin?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 3: I was like, no, everyone's like Paulina so.
Speaker 2: Like I don't think you realize until like when you
Speaker 2: see Paulina in person. She is her face is like flawless.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's annoying, it's crazy. Yeah, it's literally flawless.
Speaker 5: It's what she's poor, like poor poor, like I wish.
Speaker 2: I was poor poor. No, she's sunning and she's funny
Speaker 2: and she's wonder package, whole package. Okay, Mark, take it away.
Speaker 1: This is anonymous. Hi before you start.
Speaker 3: Do you think really pretty people know they're really pretty?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 3: Yes you do, Yes.
Speaker 1: I think so. See I think about don't you too
Speaker 1: think that you're really pretty?
Speaker 2: I think, uh, well, or who are you referred? Are
Speaker 2: you talking about? Like Paulina?
Speaker 4: Yeah, but like I was thinking of like the like
Speaker 4: the Angelina Jolie, every perfect feature that you could want.
Speaker 4: So but I still think even just these models, I
Speaker 4: think that they still I feel like every single person
Speaker 4: picks themselves apart.
Speaker 2: Every person has insecurities. But I think pretty people know
Speaker 2: that they're pretty, agreed.
Speaker 3: I don't know. I don't know about that.
Speaker 2: I think people can have insecurities and and and say
Speaker 2: like someone with uh, I'm trying to think of what
Speaker 2: you would if you're Angelina Jolie, what you would not want?
Speaker 2: But I'm sure Angelina Jolie looks at something on herself
Speaker 2: and is like, I wish this part of me looked
Speaker 2: like that person.
Speaker 3: Oh, we all do it, but it's so crazy.
Speaker 2: Feel competent that Angelina Joel he knows that she's absolutely st.
Speaker 1: Right, if you're making a living by having people take
Speaker 1: pictures of your face, you have to know that you're.
Speaker 2: Pretty just on the principle of them wanting to take
Speaker 2: photos of you, Right.
Speaker 3: But you could be androgynous. Is that the word?
Speaker 1: Yes? But still what's the word?
Speaker 3: What does that mean?
Speaker 2: That means you can like you look kind of gender neutral?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 3: Is that what it is? Yeah, that's not really what
Speaker 3: I was going for.
Speaker 2: Oh, Like, if you're a supermodel, how they have like
Speaker 2: sharp like they can? Right? Yeah, because there's uh, conventionally
Speaker 2: pretty and then there's uniquely pretty, right, where like someone
Speaker 2: has a feature that you're not.
Speaker 3: Like Brad Pitt, Like, yes.
Speaker 2: You think I think of anyone in the world, Brad
Speaker 2: Pitt knows that he's a gorgeous I feel.
Speaker 4: Like Brad Pitt looks in the mirror just like the
Speaker 4: rest of us and says I wish I could know he.
Speaker 1: Like he can't even turn on TV without somebody referencing
Speaker 1: him as the most handsome person in the world, like
Speaker 1: he is synonymous with good looks. What are you doing?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 4: It was like speaking of looking at I was looking
Speaker 4: at how greasy I look today? No problem, paper towel
Speaker 4: is here. It's all I needed. Yeah, yeah, and you're
Speaker 4: ready to answer something?
Speaker 1: Do you think of that?
Speaker 3: Not sure?
Speaker 1: Okay?
Speaker 2: Do you think Paulina thinks that she's pretty? Is that
Speaker 2: what brought this up?
Speaker 4: I was thinking about how pretty she is, and I
Speaker 4: was like, do you think she knows how pretty she is?
Speaker 3: I don't know if she does.
Speaker 2: She should, she might not.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know if she does.
Speaker 2: I think she does, and she has an idea. She
Speaker 2: has seven ideas.
Speaker 3: Okay, carry on?
Speaker 1: He Hi back in Tianya, Mark and Easton. I first
Speaker 1: wanted to say thank you for putting out two episodes
Speaker 1: a week. I mean, the final stretch of my PhD
Speaker 1: in completely swamped with work, but you all bring me
Speaker 1: so much joy during this stressful time. It really means
Speaker 1: a lot. The como episode inspired me to write in
Speaker 1: I got engaged in twenty four, I'm getting married in
Speaker 1: twenty six. Plenty of time to finish school. I know
Speaker 1: I have time to choose my bride's maids. But since
Speaker 1: they'll be seeing a lot of them in person this
Speaker 1: spring for graduation, I want to have a plan so
Speaker 1: I can start asking them. Here's my I don't know
Speaker 1: who to choose for my moh My two best friends
Speaker 1: from college are already married. I was co made of
Speaker 1: honor for both, along with the other, so there's this
Speaker 1: unspoken expectation they'll be my co maids of honor. They'd
Speaker 1: be surprised if they weren't. But I also have a
Speaker 1: childhood best friend who I really want to be my
Speaker 1: maid of honor. I am hers in the fall. She'd
Speaker 1: been by my side through every stage of life. We
Speaker 1: live together. After college. She was the first person to
Speaker 1: meet my fiance. My fiance's best man is his childhood
Speaker 1: best friend. It feels fitting. I initially plan to have
Speaker 1: just those three girls and my fiance's sister as my bridesmaids,
Speaker 1: four total, but now I'm thinking about I having two
Speaker 1: more close friends, making it six. That way, I could
Speaker 1: have all three maids of honor like Tanya did. I
Speaker 1: don't care about titles. I just want to make sure
Speaker 1: each of my friends knows how special they are to me.
Speaker 1: Do I go with my heart and ask my childhood
Speaker 1: best friend to be my maid of honor, hoping my
Speaker 1: college best friends understand. Do I alse call three and
Speaker 1: have six bridesmaids? Do I skip maids of honor altogether?
Speaker 1: I'm very torn any creative ideas on how to make
Speaker 1: this work.
Speaker 2: I have an idea, what if you make everyone a
Speaker 2: maid of honor? But it's made of like different categories,
Speaker 2: so like it's it's like gives them a something that
Speaker 2: makes them special, like somewhere where they fit into your life,
Speaker 2: or like a word that you love about them, like
Speaker 2: made of loyalty, like your childhood friend, made of you
Speaker 2: know what I'm saying, Like trying to make it like
Speaker 2: so they feel special and they have a title, but
Speaker 2: it's all uniquely individual. Or you make everybody a maid
Speaker 2: of honor, or you just do what you want and
Speaker 2: ask the childhood best friend to be your maid of honor.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 3: I think you should ask everybody to be your maid
Speaker 3: of honor?
Speaker 1: Do you have you have two?
Speaker 4: I have two, and then I'm my sister who's my
Speaker 4: matron of honor, and then I have five total, And
Speaker 4: I'm like, when I think about it, I'm like, my
Speaker 4: bride's like all of all five of them are the
Speaker 4: people who like, are really so important to me in
Speaker 4: my life. I'm like, I kind of regret not just
Speaker 4: making all of you, like I don't say equal, but like,
Speaker 4: do you know.
Speaker 3: What I mean?
Speaker 4: Having that division was just unnecessary at the end of
Speaker 4: the day, Like I'm like, I should have made Sophia
Speaker 4: and Raquel.
Speaker 3: I should have just made you all maids of honor.
Speaker 2: Or how do your sister be your matron of honor
Speaker 2: and all of us be right?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's what I would do. I would
Speaker 2: just either have everyone be your maid of honor or
Speaker 2: just have your.
Speaker 3: Or just like screw the rules you don't have one.
Speaker 1: But what's the difference between everyone being a maid of
Speaker 1: honor and no one being a maid of honor? Isn't
Speaker 1: that the same thing?
Speaker 3: No, it's like nicer.
Speaker 2: But do you know I have to say, as someone
Speaker 2: who's been the maid of honor and bridesmaid and like
Speaker 2: multiple weddings, I don't care about my title. Like I'm
Speaker 2: very like comfortable in both roles and I don't feel
Speaker 2: shafted for not being the maid of honor and being
Speaker 2: a bridesmaid, and I don't feel above above anyone for
Speaker 2: being a maid of honor, right, so, but we.
Speaker 1: Don't know how the others are going to feel about it.
Speaker 1: We can't assume they don't care either, especially since something like.
Speaker 3: They do care sounds like they care.
Speaker 2: They might I think you just say, hey, I I
Speaker 2: couldn't decide on just choosing a few of you to
Speaker 2: be my maid of honor. You're all you all have
Speaker 2: such a special place in my heart, and you all
Speaker 2: hold an equal space of importance in my life, and
Speaker 2: I want you all to be my maids of honor.
Speaker 3: Who's gonna be your maid of honor?
Speaker 2: I haven't gotten there.
Speaker 3: I know it's not gonna be me. It's fine, why not,
Speaker 3: She's like so many sisters.
Speaker 2: I don't I really don't know.
Speaker 4: I'm not holding on to hope.
Speaker 1: A similar dilemma.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I might just say I might just make
Speaker 2: up titles for everybody.
Speaker 1: It's like like you were saying, Made of Homecoming, Queen
Speaker 1: prom Queen Planeteers Art.
Speaker 2: Yeah, earth wind Fire, just start naming. I might.
Speaker 3: I was gonna do that with you, guys.
Speaker 4: I tell you that in the beginning, I was gonna
Speaker 4: do like made up and like give everybody like something
Speaker 4: that I admire about them, like a trait, and then like.
Speaker 2: You gotta think of it.
Speaker 3: No, it's just not so weird.
Speaker 4: Like I was like, like the's certain things I love
Speaker 4: about you. It was just like made of like there
Speaker 4: was one that I thought of that was just I
Speaker 4: was like, what am I doing? I'm just not going
Speaker 4: to do this. It was like made of.
Speaker 5: Always response to my text quickly.
Speaker 4: No, like somebody that's on top of it, like somebody
Speaker 4: that's always like on top of it and organized like
Speaker 4: O C D or like it was something.
Speaker 2: Like that.
Speaker 4: Hire it so much, you know what I mean, like
Speaker 4: that I love about her. And then I was just like, Okay, this.
Speaker 3: Is just not going the way that I made of
Speaker 3: planning planning, Like.
Speaker 2: No, you would have to like be really thoughtful and
Speaker 2: look up.
Speaker 4: Synonyms to like make it really beautiful.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I like that idea and it's cute, but
Speaker 2: I also just think, either make everyone a made of
Speaker 2: honor just say or say I didn't want to choose
Speaker 2: made of honor because you all have equal equal importance,
Speaker 2: and so I'm asking everyone to be my bridesmaduse I just.
Speaker 1: Keep it for Yeah, yeah, I.
Speaker 2: Say, as many as you want, but just keep it,
Speaker 2: make them all equal. I agree, good luck, congratulations absolutely,
Speaker 2: and we're so proud of you for getting your PhD.
Speaker 1: That's amazing.
Speaker 2: It's amazing.
Speaker 1: On this next one, I always love hearing about people
Speaker 1: around the world listening to scrubbing In. And that's this one.
Speaker 1: Another anonymous Hello scrubbing In. First time contributor, longtime listener,
Speaker 1: and I love the podcast. South African girl living in Italy,
Speaker 1: but found you in twenty twenty while living in South Korea. Wow.
Speaker 1: I came across the pod when I had endless days
Speaker 1: of not working and a YouTube clip came up of
Speaker 1: the morning show. I loved Tanya. I figured out she
Speaker 1: was besties with Becca and had loved Becka on The Bachelor. Well,
Speaker 1: now the rest is history. No matter where I am
Speaker 1: in the world, I can always count on you four
Speaker 1: to keep my company and brighten my days. At the moment, though,
Speaker 1: I'm feeling a little conflicted and feeling like I need
Speaker 1: some input from you. My mom passed away and it's
Speaker 1: been a really difficult time. Work gave me three days
Speaker 1: paid leave and the rest was unpaid. I had five
Speaker 1: days off work. I didn't know what edwards, but I
Speaker 1: was constantly getting messages from my line manager checking in,
Speaker 1: but with empathy. But with empathy, however, HR was hounding
Speaker 1: me for return dates. So on the eighth working day
Speaker 1: I came back. It's been difficult. I can hardly concentrate.
Speaker 1: I feel like a shadow of the person I am,
Speaker 1: as my whole life has changed forever. I'm exhausted. I
Speaker 1: returned before I was ready, but I did it to
Speaker 1: please my work. But since I've returned, there's been no compassion,
Speaker 1: no concern. I'm expected to continue to work as I should.
Speaker 1: I understand there are things to do, and I work
Speaker 1: with children. They need the routine, but I'm finding it
Speaker 1: so difficult, and no one seems to care. My question
Speaker 1: is am I being over dramatic? Am I being oversensitive
Speaker 1: because I'm not thinking clearly. I'm in the early stages
Speaker 1: of grief. Or is it valid to be feeling like
Speaker 1: I may not want to work in a place where
Speaker 1: they seem to be more concerned about my return date
Speaker 1: despite my leave being unpaid, than my well being. I
Speaker 1: appreciate any advice. Continue being you. You light up this
Speaker 1: community's days without even realizing how much of an impact
Speaker 1: you are making. We appreciate it beyond belief. That's very sweet.
Speaker 4: First of all, we just want to say we're so
Speaker 4: sorry for your loss, Like I can't even imagine going
Speaker 4: through that, So just the fact that you're dealing with
Speaker 4: that is awful.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 4: I feel like you're not gonna like what I have
Speaker 4: to say, because I feel like work, that's what it is.
Speaker 4: It's so transactional. And I too had to like go
Speaker 4: through this shift at one point because and I think
Speaker 4: I don't know exactly you said you work with children.
Speaker 4: My job, I felt was was so personal because I
Speaker 4: talked so much about my life, my personal life, and
Speaker 4: like I feel like my coworkers are like family to me.
Speaker 4: And I remember I hit a point where I was like,
Speaker 4: it's not your work is not your family, you know
Speaker 4: what I mean, Like you kind of have to at
Speaker 4: some point in your life you have that realization, and
Speaker 4: maybe you're having that now and you kind of have
Speaker 4: to like disassociate or not taking it personal, Like yeah,
Speaker 4: it sucks that they're not checking in on you, but
Speaker 4: like some of those people, it just might be transactional,
Speaker 4: you know what I mean. Like they need you to
Speaker 4: do your work so that they can do their job.
Speaker 4: They don't care on that level. So if that's what
Speaker 4: you want, then this might not be the right job
Speaker 4: for you.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I first of all, I don't think you're being dramatic
Speaker 2: to feel hurt by this, And I am so sorry
Speaker 2: that because it's I have never gone through grief like this,
Speaker 2: but I can only imagine that that your life is
Speaker 2: forever changed with this loss, and I think that it's
Speaker 2: so normal when such a huge part of your world
Speaker 2: changes and people just keep going in life around you
Speaker 2: as if they don't know, like this shocking loss that
Speaker 2: you've had in this like heaviness, it feels almost like
Speaker 2: there's this lack of empathy and compassion and love and
Speaker 2: they're not caring about what you need, which is to
Speaker 2: grieve the person who probably meant the most to you.
Speaker 2: And I think that you have to take care of
Speaker 2: yourself because if your mental health is struggling and you're
Speaker 2: not able to do a good job at work, even
Speaker 2: if you need to go find another place or or
Speaker 2: just take time to yourself and maybe get unemployment or something,
Speaker 2: I think maybe you need to prioritize that and maybe
Speaker 2: find a job where there's a little more of a
Speaker 2: dynamic and that people care.
Speaker 4: I do think that there are companies maybe different, Like
Speaker 4: there are companies I think that do Yes, Mark, there
Speaker 4: are I don't know. I think there are some companies
Speaker 4: that would care more than others.
Speaker 3: I think there's.
Speaker 1: Is it people like I know the company, the environment, Yes,
Speaker 1: the environment. Find that. I don't know that you can
Speaker 1: seek that out. I think you have to work some
Speaker 1: place for a long time before you realize that anybody
Speaker 1: actually cares about you or not.
Speaker 4: But I think you can get a sense when you're
Speaker 4: like interviewing and you're like.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 4: I do think you get a sense of community and
Speaker 4: what that like work culture is like.
Speaker 1: I think maybe I had similar thoughts to you guys.
Speaker 1: But my thought is, I think you're gonna have a
Speaker 1: hard time finding a place that checks all those boxes. No,
Speaker 1: maybe this place has given you the ick and you're
Speaker 1: not gonna be able to go back to this place.
Speaker 1: I get that, but finding a new place, maybe starting
Speaker 1: fresh is a good thing. I don't know that they're
Speaker 1: going to be what you need them to be in
Speaker 1: terms of emotional support.
Speaker 2: They might not be what I don't think anything's going
Speaker 2: to be what she needs them to be. I don't
Speaker 2: think there's any fix when you're grieving, Like I think
Speaker 2: it just is. It just sucks and it's sad, and
Speaker 2: it's like you have to move through it. But I
Speaker 2: also think that you can find a place that has
Speaker 2: a little more compassion and gives you a little more
Speaker 2: than three days to grieve the biggest loss of your life.
Speaker 2: Like that feels crazy to me.
Speaker 3: So I'm paid too. It's like the companies not even pay.
Speaker 2: I got three paid days and then the rest.
Speaker 4: That's what I'm saying though, like she should be If
Speaker 4: you're not getting paid, Yeah, that's others.
Speaker 1: Are probably having a step up and they're not thrilled
Speaker 1: about that, right right, right.
Speaker 2: So I think maybe you and maybe this is a
Speaker 2: time where you seek what you're really needing in life,
Speaker 2: Like this is such a huge shift in your life.
Speaker 3: It's maybe it's a time where you start something of
Speaker 3: your own.
Speaker 2: Yeah, start something fresh. But I'm so sorry.
Speaker 4: Be that change, and you be that boss, and you
Speaker 4: be that coworker that that prioritizes empathy and compassion and
Speaker 4: you know, yeah, the change you.
Speaker 1: Want to see in corporate America.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, we're thinking of you and I'm your loss.
Speaker 2: We love you and hope that you can find comfort
Speaker 2: and and support even outside of work, just your.
Speaker 3: People and will be right back. Good job, thank you.
Speaker 6: All right, we are back.
Speaker 2: This looks good.
Speaker 1: Mark, I like this one not from Emory. Gave us
Speaker 1: a name and I love that name. That's a beautiful name.
Speaker 1: Emory Hi Beca, Tanya, Mark and Easton. I found the
Speaker 1: podcast after Becca made her relationship with Haley public on Instagram.
Speaker 1: I watched her in The Bachelor Days. I have not
Speaker 1: missed an episode since. I do love the how I
Speaker 1: found the podcast. Stories keep them coming. I've had a
Speaker 1: hard time getting back in the dating game. I'm twenty six.
Speaker 1: My best friend and I met a group of guys
Speaker 1: at a bar about a year ago. We all became friends.
Speaker 1: One of the guys is a barista and we developed
Speaker 1: a connection after I frequented the coffee shop he works at.
Speaker 1: It's close to my work. We hang out as a
Speaker 1: group on the weekends. We share the same values. He
Speaker 1: makes me laugh. It feels very natural hanging out with him.
Speaker 1: Everything was going well until he told his mom about me,
Speaker 1: and she told him that he wasn't in a place
Speaker 1: for a long term relationship. This absolutely crushed me, as
Speaker 1: I really could see a lot of potential between me
Speaker 1: and him. I still go to the coffee shop and
Speaker 1: I find him staring at me and us catching glances
Speaker 1: of each other, and we're still in communication. My friends
Speaker 1: have encouraged me to get back on the apps, and
Speaker 1: it just doesn't feel right and I have a weird
Speaker 1: gut feeling that my story with this guy is not over.
Speaker 1: So what do I do. I'm thankful for this podcast,
Speaker 1: y'all never fit able to make me smile and laugh
Speaker 1: out loud. I feel like I'm listening to a group
Speaker 1: of friends chat and I really feel seen. I look
Speaker 1: forward to each new episode. Thank you for all you do.
Speaker 2: Is this not weird?
Speaker 1: It's a red flag I want to date.
Speaker 4: This guy if his mom has that much of an
Speaker 4: impact on him.
Speaker 2: Yeahrun, I was gonna say, I hate it if I'm
Speaker 2: sure he has good qualities and whatnot, But this is
Speaker 2: something you'll be dealing with forever.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yes, If he didn't say to her mom, I'll decide
Speaker 1: when I'm ready for a long term relationship. She's gonna
Speaker 1: be dictating everything in his life.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're not fifteen.
Speaker 1: I guarantee she still does his laundry, she still makes
Speaker 1: some dinner many times a week. I guarantee this guy's
Speaker 1: too hung up on his mom. It's a problem.
Speaker 3: It's a problem.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's it's I say, get back on the apps, girl,
Speaker 4: get back on the pony.
Speaker 3: Yeah, ride it downtown.
Speaker 2: Oh. I think your gut feeling is more so that
Speaker 2: you keep going to a place where you know you're
Speaker 2: going to see him, so you're not even able to
Speaker 2: let the thought of him go. Maybe you find a
Speaker 2: new cop shop. Oh yeah, frequent that one poor.
Speaker 1: Guy though, he said his mom says, and he's like, oh,
Speaker 1: let's too bad us, And she says, no, I can't play.
Speaker 3: He needs therapy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he he needs distance from his mom. It sounds like,
Speaker 2: but also.
Speaker 3: Is there a world where no.
Speaker 2: He wasn't interested and blamed his mom saying sounds like.
Speaker 1: It's still he's still they're still making eyes with each
Speaker 1: other from across a crowded coffee shop. Maybe it's possible.
Speaker 2: Emery, I think you're you're better than this. Don't get
Speaker 2: involved with someone whose mom tells them when they're ready
Speaker 2: for a relationship, you will end up having way bigger.
Speaker 3: Yeah, your whole life, your whole life.
Speaker 4: Like my mom and Robbie's mom always have an opinion
Speaker 4: about something that we're doing, you know, I mean just
Speaker 4: that's like all parents, dads too. You have to be
Speaker 4: able to hear them and and respectfully like hear them
Speaker 4: out and then make your own decision as a couple,
Speaker 4: as an individual. And like, this guy clearly doesn't have
Speaker 4: that chip, and like, if you're missing that chip, it's
Speaker 4: gonna be a problem. Yeah, your whole marriage, right, relationship, whatever,
Speaker 4: it's always.
Speaker 2: Going to be an issue. Yeah, so you've got this
Speaker 2: move on, new coffee shop, new barista.
Speaker 3: Bye bye, bye bye.
Speaker 1: This is cute. Well it's not cute, it's sad. But
Speaker 1: let me sneak it in here, okay, Anonymous, Uh, the
Speaker 1: first part is the cute part. I love you all
Speaker 1: so much. Becka is my favorite person who's ever been
Speaker 1: in the Bachelor franchise.
Speaker 5: Whoa you take that?
Speaker 1: Ben Higgins, Mark n Easton always coming through with the
Speaker 1: fatherly advice.
Speaker 5: All hey, childless man over here.
Speaker 1: And Tanya, well, let me tell you, my mom recently
Speaker 1: talked about Ryan in the Morning Show, and without thinking,
Speaker 1: I said oh, my friend is his co host.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 1: Thanks to you all for making us feel like friends.
Speaker 1: I'm writing in because my partner of twelve years we
Speaker 1: were never married and I should have known better. He
Speaker 1: left me with no mourning. His reasons were he had
Speaker 1: severe depression and our recent news, and our very recent
Speaker 1: news that I wouldn't be able to have kids due
Speaker 1: to my having different diseases. I was blindsided. I feel
Speaker 1: so abandoned and betrayed. It has been four months he's
Speaker 1: already dating. I can't even fathom the thought of it.
Speaker 1: Two weeks prior to the break, could be told me
Speaker 1: in both of our families that there's no world in
Speaker 1: which we don't spend the rest of our lives together.
Speaker 1: Two weeks. How can someone be so cold and shut
Speaker 1: off to get rid of the closest person of them
Speaker 1: on a whim. I don't know how to recover from
Speaker 1: this and to be able to trust someone again. If
Speaker 1: I'm being honest with myself, I've always known deep down
Speaker 1: that I deserve far more than he ever gave me.
Speaker 1: It's just hard being the one who was left when
Speaker 1: I committed my life to him. No matter what, I
Speaker 1: don't even know what my question is I just appreciate
Speaker 1: any uplifting words or thoughts you all have. Thanks for
Speaker 1: sharing your lives with us.
Speaker 2: Anonymous, this guy did you a favor because you said
Speaker 2: something you said. If I'm being honest with myself, I've
Speaker 2: always known deep down that I deserve far more than
Speaker 2: he ever gave me. You would have stayed in a
Speaker 2: relationship where you felt like you deserved more for ever,
Speaker 2: and you would have never left, and he did do
Speaker 2: a favor in them.
Speaker 1: I'm ripping out that sentence of what she wrote. It
Speaker 1: is such a perfect that is the answer to the
Speaker 1: whole thing.
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, it's like an Arts and crist.
Speaker 1: I've always known deep down that it is far more
Speaker 1: than he ever gave. Yes, you do, Yeah, that's your mantra.
Speaker 1: Now I deserve better than that guy.
Speaker 2: It always hurts when you're not, when you're not the
Speaker 2: one to make a decision to walk away from something
Speaker 2: like that, because it ultimately, as a human being, it
Speaker 2: it hits this place of rejection that we all fear.
Speaker 2: But it's also like you have been rejecting yourself by
Speaker 2: being with someone who didn't want to be with you
Speaker 2: so or that you felt deserved and that you deserve
Speaker 2: more from.
Speaker 4: Twelve years is a long time, but it's better than
Speaker 4: twenty one totally.
Speaker 1: No, that's right. Twelve years is better than twelve years
Speaker 1: in one day.
Speaker 2: Twelve years, yeah, right, it is. And I think you
Speaker 2: would have stayed in this because you were like, well,
Speaker 2: it's been twelve years, I don't want to start over,
Speaker 2: and he gave you the greatest gift of all time,
Speaker 2: even though he doesn't feel like that right now, like
Speaker 2: you're going to look back. I cannot wait for you
Speaker 2: to write in and say you guys, I finally had
Speaker 2: the moment where I realize I haven't thought of this guy.
Speaker 4: And also, don't compare yourself to him, the fact that
Speaker 4: it's been four months and he's already dating, Like let him, like,
Speaker 4: let him date, let him do yeah, let him do
Speaker 4: his thing. If you're not ready to date, don't date.
Speaker 4: Do you do it feels right to you? Honor yourself
Speaker 4: because he like you're just different. So like, you can't
Speaker 4: fixate on that, because I know you probably are fixating
Speaker 4: on that, But let yourself have the time that you
Speaker 4: need to like move on and process. And if you
Speaker 4: don't want to date for a year, then don't date
Speaker 4: for a year, but do it on your own time.
Speaker 1: When you feel he's trying to he's trying to hook up. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's all he's doing, trying to get so's trying to
Speaker 1: get some.
Speaker 2: Let yourself heal and and it's it's fine to gree.
Speaker 2: I mean, twelve years is such a long time, but
Speaker 2: I also think let yourself grieve and also let yourself heal,
Speaker 2: and also let yourself realize that this is the best
Speaker 2: thing that he could have ever done for you.
Speaker 1: The best part of your life is about to begin.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, this is terrible news you've gotten. That sucks,
Speaker 1: but everything is looking up from here. True.
Speaker 3: Yes, Should we end with these little bullets?
Speaker 1: The random questions are my favorite and they're coming up now.
Speaker 2: All right, we are back with Mark's favorite part of
Speaker 2: the show, our last emails.
Speaker 1: Thank you to Emily for the random question. She says, Hey,
Speaker 1: Bonya and Meston, Day one scrubbery here and just want
Speaker 1: to say I love the podcast. It's always the most
Speaker 1: random discussions that have me laughing so hard. Usually it's
Speaker 1: something Donya says. The discussions and how you wash your
Speaker 1: feet slash, how you shower should be should be so
Speaker 1: boring for the best parts of the show. So I've
Speaker 1: got a couple of questions and I hope will spark
Speaker 1: some more fun. How often do you wash your water bottles?
Speaker 2: I feel like I feel like I wash my water
Speaker 2: bottle every day.
Speaker 4: I think I've maybe washed mine twice ever, Ever, I
Speaker 4: watched the straw that I drink out of.
Speaker 3: I change the straws twice.
Speaker 1: Ever, Emily, that's a good idea.
Speaker 2: Absolutely. How do you.
Speaker 3: Justify that I'm constantly drinking out of it? There's constantly
Speaker 3: water in it. When is there a time where there's
Speaker 3: not water for me to drink out of it? I
Speaker 3: don't have it in the sink to wash, but do
Speaker 3: it's either?
Speaker 2: It seems like if I carried around a dirty plate,
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, I always had to play with me.
Speaker 3: But I was like, that's kind of what it's like.
Speaker 3: There's always water for me to drink. Oh my gosh,
Speaker 3: So it doesn't go into the zinc for me to wash,
Speaker 3: do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: But you couldn't take some time to you make your
Speaker 2: homemade water in there almond milk, will You couldn't take
Speaker 2: some time to rinse it out with some soap really quick.
Speaker 3: And I've done it a handful of times in my life.
Speaker 1: Why should it not a handful?
Speaker 4: Maybe a couple more than twice, like maybe like when
Speaker 4: I'm sick, although I don't know, I don't know. God,
Speaker 4: I change out the straw and I washed my straw
Speaker 4: like once a week.
Speaker 5: Wait, when you wash the straw, can't you just throw
Speaker 5: the bottle in there too?
Speaker 3: So the water is still in the in the bottle.
Speaker 5: I see, that's the ima for there.
Speaker 1: Why the water and the good water.
Speaker 3: I'm not going to just waste it a drought mark. Yeah,
Speaker 3: thank you.
Speaker 1: I'm not wasting my drink after a full day of
Speaker 1: being in there.
Speaker 3: It's never in there for a full day. I'm constantly
Speaker 3: filling it.
Speaker 1: But there is a point where it's empty. Is there not.
Speaker 5: Cup overflowish?
Speaker 4: Like?
Speaker 2: Is it just water on it?
Speaker 6: Like water?
Speaker 2: Bottle? Is this it?
Speaker 1: Never?
Speaker 2: There's no way, so my.
Speaker 4: Straw only gets not to the bottom. So I never fully.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1: Emily had a great idea to send in some random questions.
Speaker 3: Whatever are the gross one in the.
Speaker 2: Group most like you? It's it's just it goes against
Speaker 2: other parts of your life.
Speaker 1: Yes, right, showering three times a day. You're very obsessed
Speaker 1: with germs in most situations.
Speaker 4: I know, I'm surprised this one. Uh, it doesn't do
Speaker 4: it for me. But doesn't do it for me.
Speaker 2: Listen, pick your bottles.
Speaker 3: Yeah, thank you.
Speaker 2: This isn't one of the battles.
Speaker 1: When you get down to that area you can't reach anymore,
Speaker 1: that would be the time to dump it and wash it.
Speaker 1: That's not much of water you're wasting.
Speaker 3: Maybe perhaps perhaps, all right, it's something to think about it.
Speaker 2: Something I'll think about it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, next question, what is your bedtime routine?
Speaker 2: Interesting? I washed my water bottle out and then refill
Speaker 2: it with ice and water, which I know you're not
Speaker 2: supposed to have like cold water, but I love cold water.
Speaker 2: And then sometimes if Haley doesn't, if Haley's needs to
Speaker 2: be refilled, I'll do hers too. And then I take
Speaker 2: Phoebe out and give her medicine and a treat, and
Speaker 2: then wipe her paws off. And then we get into
Speaker 2: bed and I take my two Lemmy gummies, put my brush,
Speaker 2: my teeth, scrape my tongue, Aqua four hand lotion WO
Speaker 2: and then Haley and I play a wordle of the
Speaker 2: new York Times games and then watch friends till I
Speaker 2: fall asleep. Wow, put the sleep timer on, typically fall
Speaker 2: asleep before it goes off.
Speaker 3: Wow, it's a little bit about me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a little bit about me.
Speaker 5: Thank Yeah.
Speaker 4: A routine actually, yeah, so I'm taking suggestions of how
Speaker 4: to switch it up a little because I'm not so
Speaker 4: in love with my bedtime routine. Really, most of it
Speaker 4: is brushing my teeth because I have that permanent retainer,
Speaker 4: so I have to like do the like hooky floss
Speaker 4: and the thing, and then I screamed my tongue and
Speaker 4: then I've lost all the rest of my teeth. So
Speaker 4: brush my teeth is quite lengthy for me.
Speaker 2: I know, I remember when we shared and it takes.
Speaker 3: Takes some time. So that's really all it is.
Speaker 4: And then it's my face stuff, like my face facial products.
Speaker 4: This is after the shower, so obviously take a shower.
Speaker 2: Right, This is I skipped my skin care and all that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, this is shower, skin and care. Brush my teeth,
Speaker 4: take my lemmies, Brush my teeth again. Why takes honey
Speaker 4: out to potty?
Speaker 2: Why are you doing that twice?
Speaker 4: Because the floss one takes me so long that I
Speaker 4: just do it out of the shower because I'm like
Speaker 4: already in there and I'm like doing it all.
Speaker 2: Why don't you put your lemons so soon.
Speaker 4: To take my lemmies? Like I need to take my
Speaker 4: lemmies like half an hour before I go to sleep.
Speaker 4: So then I take my lemmies and then I just
Speaker 4: I just like rinse them, you know, like a quick
Speaker 4: little I don't like floss and do the whole thing again.
Speaker 1: How much time between each of those brushes half an hour? Wow?
Speaker 3: Forty five minutes?
Speaker 1: Yeah, it seems like he's wait, that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: I'm asking for suggestions.
Speaker 4: So then we'll put something on the TV. We'll watch
Speaker 4: like an one episode of something, and then.
Speaker 3: We'll go to sleep.
Speaker 1: Robby and his T shirt and oh.
Speaker 4: My gosh, hold on, I have to show you guys
Speaker 4: this video. I don't know how well it's going to
Speaker 4: translate on I think I sent it to you two
Speaker 4: on Instagram. I sent it to him, but it was
Speaker 4: like this guy talking about how people sleep at night,
Speaker 4: and he was like, that goes to bed.
Speaker 1: Donald dug style Man's work.
Speaker 5: You should will put your T shirt on before.
Speaker 1: You put your.
Speaker 3: He just goes on and on about it's so funny.
Speaker 4: I think most people would agree it's fine.
Speaker 1: All right, next question, what's your morning? Oh? I don't
Speaker 1: know that they care so much. I think this is
Speaker 1: These are questions for you too. I'll share a few
Speaker 1: share marks every night. A floss, I brush my teeth.
Speaker 1: I do a four minute plank. Wow. Uh, I stretch
Speaker 1: my spine. Physical therapist got me.
Speaker 3: Good to hear, because I should incorporate stretching into my nighttime.
Speaker 1: You got me one of those foam rollers that has
Speaker 1: like a slot kind of in the middle where your
Speaker 1: spine goes, and it's really nice for stretches. It's his
Speaker 1: own design, I guess, will uh, And so I do that,
Speaker 1: stretch my neck, do that stuff, then my plank, and
Speaker 1: then you know, pretty much bring the dogs up if
Speaker 1: I'm home alone, Like I was.
Speaker 4: Just the cleaning of Phoebe's pause too, that was an
Speaker 4: interesting element that I will incorporate into my nighttime routine.
Speaker 2: I'll sleep with you.
Speaker 3: She's in our bed until bedtime.
Speaker 1: If only your water bottle. I got the same care
Speaker 1: as Phoebe's pause, not Phoebe Sunny's posts.
Speaker 3: I never wipe her pause.
Speaker 1: You should you never wipe her pause ever?
Speaker 3: No, unless she like steps in something gross that I
Speaker 3: know of.
Speaker 2: I know, like she's definitely stepping in something gross.
Speaker 4: Like know what I've seen she stepped in like gumb
Speaker 4: before and so I've had to like clean that out
Speaker 4: and like you know, stuff like that.
Speaker 1: When you walk her outside, you then let her on
Speaker 1: the bed without ever wiping her pause. This is not
Speaker 1: in character for you.
Speaker 3: This is me, baby, the true It's it's nice.
Speaker 2: It's almost like a relief something nice about it.
Speaker 5: Yeah, you're still not a shoes off house.
Speaker 3: I think about it.
Speaker 4: It grosses the hell. Yeah, So like now I'm gonna
Speaker 4: probably reathink things. The shoes thing grosses me out. Like
Speaker 4: I wish we could be a shoe free house.
Speaker 3: It's just not possible. We just can't do it. We
Speaker 3: haven't figured out the how to do it.
Speaker 1: You could, I bet you could.
Speaker 3: We can't. We try.
Speaker 1: We are a shue free house. And can I tell
Speaker 1: you we wipe the dog's feet every time they come
Speaker 1: back from a walk. Doesn't take long. It takes thirty seconds.
Speaker 1: We did that too.
Speaker 3: I know you do too.
Speaker 7: I mean, well, when we had a dog, we would
Speaker 7: wipe his feet every every time he stepped outside, even
Speaker 7: if he thought about being outside, I was so wipe
Speaker 7: his feet.
Speaker 2: So I'm not every time.
Speaker 1: But I know.
Speaker 4: She's been doing the ten She's been walking through some
Speaker 4: some stuff lately.
Speaker 7: Wow, every time the little baby wipes by the door,
Speaker 7: it takes two seconds.
Speaker 1: Well, I think, were you want to do your bedtime routine?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 7: Sure, I take a shower, I d moisture as my face,
Speaker 7: I get into bed, and I put my seapat machine
Speaker 7: on right, yes, and then I have to Then I
Speaker 7: hear just women screaming outside, just so enamored with lust.
Speaker 7: After I have to deal with that, and then I
Speaker 7: fall off to dreamland. The sound so that's what I do.
Speaker 2: Is that Allison's white noise?
Speaker 7: I know that's my seapet machine. Yeah, may the meat
Speaker 7: stop breathing in the middle of the night.
Speaker 1: Then she asked you your morning routine and how often
Speaker 1: do you brush your teeth? And they brush your teeth
Speaker 1: tan you apparently does every half an.
Speaker 2: Hour, which that's good.
Speaker 4: The morning routine is is so meticulous.
Speaker 2: For me that you don't have You're not you're not
Speaker 2: able to have any other routine because the morning routine
Speaker 2: is so locked in.
Speaker 4: It is so locked in, like it's actually crazy. I
Speaker 4: set my alarm to the exact minute that I know
Speaker 4: that I need to the minute it goes off. I
Speaker 4: go into the bathroom. I already pre selected my clothes
Speaker 4: and everything that are waiting for me in the bathroom,
Speaker 4: I go pee, I take a shower, I put my
Speaker 4: clothes on, I do my makeup. I leave the bathroom,
Speaker 4: go downstairs, make my eggs, make my coffee, write my
Speaker 4: note to Robbie and leave.
Speaker 2: Has Robbie kept up with his letters a day even
Speaker 2: when he was on his.
Speaker 3: Bachelor party, he kept him in my bedside table.
Speaker 4: And I was like one a day, Oh wow, impressed
Speaker 4: and like kids are really like actually thoughtful. Like there
Speaker 4: was one other day where he was like, you know,
Speaker 4: we talk about this invisible string, but he was like,
Speaker 4: do you think that there was ever a point where
Speaker 4: when we crossed paths in the Maybourne that like we
Speaker 4: saw each other, like we caught each other's eyes, and
Speaker 4: then like when we actually met for our first date,
Speaker 4: that we'd like already possibly like seeing each other. And
Speaker 4: I was like, that's a whole thing that I didn't
Speaker 4: think about that Now I'm like maybe you're possible.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was cute.
Speaker 2: Crazy. I don't really have a morning routine. Every day's different,
Speaker 2: that's crazy crazy. I love it.
Speaker 1: I'm the same as time, Like, it's almost exactly the
Speaker 1: same except for the note. But it's forty five minutes
Speaker 1: from the time that alarm goes off to the time
Speaker 1: I'll walk out the door, and it is meticulous to
Speaker 1: the minute.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I believe it.
Speaker 3: Mine's like fifty minutes.
Speaker 1: Nice.
Speaker 7: Yeah, mine does change every I don't have a routine either,
Speaker 7: Like some days I wake up and I go in
Speaker 7: my pajamas down the hall to just start working. And
Speaker 7: sometimes I get up and shower and then come to work.
Speaker 7: Sometimes I make breakfast. Times I don't. It's yeah, you know, I.
Speaker 3: Thought about yesterday.
Speaker 4: I was like, because I'm doing this trying to get
Speaker 4: ten k steps in a day, and some days when
Speaker 4: I'm working later, I can't do it because sun goes
Speaker 4: down and Mondays are usually one of those days. So
Speaker 4: I was like, hey, should I wake up like half
Speaker 4: hour before my alarm to like get out just going
Speaker 4: a walk on the street. And I was like, no,
Speaker 4: I can't.
Speaker 3: I'm not messing with that.
Speaker 2: Thank yeah, and thank you all, dear Bonia. If you
Speaker 2: ever have questions, comments, or concerns, please d m us
Speaker 2: on Instagram at Scrubbing and Pot or email us at
Speaker 2: scrubbing into iHeartMedia dot com and we love hearing from
Speaker 2: you guys. These episodes are so fun. We love it
Speaker 2: and we love you.
Speaker 3: Bye bye. Continue