WEBVTT - Dear Banya: You’re Like, Really Pretty 0:00:00.560 --> 0:00:04.800 Scrubbing in with and Tanya rap an iHeartRadio podcast. 0:00:08.680 --> 0:00:11.880 Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in. 0:00:12.360 --> 0:00:16.680 Scrub Dub Dub and the Tubtub Tub. 0:00:17.800 --> 0:00:31.000 I thought you were going into California Love Scrub scrubbing in. 0:00:34.960 --> 0:00:39.040 They go scrubbing and we're still working on our music. 0:00:39.760 --> 0:00:40.360 No judge. 0:00:40.440 --> 0:00:42.360 I mind going to California Love though, but we have 0:00:42.360 --> 0:00:44.239 to pay royalties for that or something or. 0:00:44.240 --> 0:00:46.320 We can't do that. Yeah, we don't have a budget 0:00:46.360 --> 0:00:46.639 for that. 0:00:46.760 --> 0:00:46.919 Now. 0:00:48.200 --> 0:00:51.120 We do have a Dear Bonya episode. I have to say, 0:00:51.400 --> 0:00:55.720 people loved the Paulina episode. They lost the game. They 0:00:55.760 --> 0:01:00.000 want her back on after the wedding, we will hire Wish. 0:01:00.040 --> 0:01:00.880 She's our commands. 0:01:01.120 --> 0:01:03.680 The Instagram video of them of you and Paulina trying 0:01:03.680 --> 0:01:05.399 to spell roddy Savia Beach is very fine. 0:01:07.640 --> 0:01:09.240 I still don't know how to spell it. All I 0:01:09.280 --> 0:01:10.840 know is there's a J in there and it starts 0:01:10.880 --> 0:01:11.840 with a R A D. 0:01:12.240 --> 0:01:15.039 My friend Ashley texted me and she goes, does Paulina 0:01:15.080 --> 0:01:16.400 have a poor on her skin? 0:01:16.920 --> 0:01:17.120 No? 0:01:17.280 --> 0:01:19.360 I was like, no, everyone's like Paulina so. 0:01:19.440 --> 0:01:22.360 Like I don't think you realize until like when you 0:01:22.440 --> 0:01:26.800 see Paulina in person. She is her face is like flawless. 0:01:26.959 --> 0:01:30.800 Yeah, it's annoying, it's crazy. Yeah, it's literally flawless. 0:01:31.280 --> 0:01:42.479 It's what she's poor, like poor poor, like I wish. 0:01:42.400 --> 0:01:45.639 I was poor poor. No, she's sunning and she's funny 0:01:45.680 --> 0:01:50.120 and she's wonder package, whole package. Okay, Mark, take it away. 0:01:50.560 --> 0:01:54.440 This is anonymous. Hi before you start. 0:01:56.200 --> 0:01:58.920 Do you think really pretty people know they're really pretty? 0:01:59.200 --> 0:01:59.440 Yes? 0:01:59.560 --> 0:02:01.400 Yes you do, Yes. 0:02:01.280 --> 0:02:04.520 I think so. See I think about don't you too 0:02:04.520 --> 0:02:05.640 think that you're really pretty? 0:02:07.200 --> 0:02:09.840 I think, uh, well, or who are you referred? Are 0:02:09.880 --> 0:02:11.160 you talking about? Like Paulina? 0:02:11.400 --> 0:02:13.240 Yeah, but like I was thinking of like the like 0:02:13.360 --> 0:02:21.959 the Angelina Jolie, every perfect feature that you could want. 0:02:23.800 --> 0:02:25.920 So but I still think even just these models, I 0:02:25.919 --> 0:02:28.800 think that they still I feel like every single person 0:02:28.880 --> 0:02:29.800 picks themselves apart. 0:02:30.160 --> 0:02:32.920 Every person has insecurities. But I think pretty people know 0:02:32.960 --> 0:02:34.120 that they're pretty, agreed. 0:02:34.200 --> 0:02:36.839 I don't know. I don't know about that. 0:02:36.960 --> 0:02:40.080 I think people can have insecurities and and and say 0:02:40.480 --> 0:02:44.520 like someone with uh, I'm trying to think of what 0:02:44.600 --> 0:02:48.600 you would if you're Angelina Jolie, what you would not want? 0:02:48.760 --> 0:02:51.800 But I'm sure Angelina Jolie looks at something on herself 0:02:51.840 --> 0:02:54.560 and is like, I wish this part of me looked 0:02:54.560 --> 0:02:55.200 like that person. 0:02:55.400 --> 0:02:57.840 Oh, we all do it, but it's so crazy. 0:02:58.240 --> 0:03:01.959 Feel competent that Angelina Joel he knows that she's absolutely st. 0:03:03.000 --> 0:03:05.280 Right, if you're making a living by having people take 0:03:05.320 --> 0:03:07.000 pictures of your face, you have to know that you're. 0:03:06.919 --> 0:03:09.720 Pretty just on the principle of them wanting to take 0:03:09.760 --> 0:03:10.960 photos of you, Right. 0:03:10.720 --> 0:03:13.040 But you could be androgynous. Is that the word? 0:03:13.600 --> 0:03:15.440 Yes? But still what's the word? 0:03:15.480 --> 0:03:16.040 What does that mean? 0:03:16.320 --> 0:03:18.760 That means you can like you look kind of gender neutral? 0:03:19.000 --> 0:03:19.160 Oh? 0:03:19.200 --> 0:03:20.920 Is that what it is? Yeah, that's not really what 0:03:21.000 --> 0:03:21.520 I was going for. 0:03:21.680 --> 0:03:24.000 Oh, Like, if you're a supermodel, how they have like 0:03:24.160 --> 0:03:30.240 sharp like they can? Right? Yeah, because there's uh, conventionally 0:03:30.280 --> 0:03:34.040 pretty and then there's uniquely pretty, right, where like someone 0:03:34.120 --> 0:03:35.200 has a feature that you're not. 0:03:35.520 --> 0:03:38.120 Like Brad Pitt, Like, yes. 0:03:38.120 --> 0:03:42.080 You think I think of anyone in the world, Brad 0:03:42.120 --> 0:03:45.120 Pitt knows that he's a gorgeous I feel. 0:03:44.920 --> 0:03:46.440 Like Brad Pitt looks in the mirror just like the 0:03:46.440 --> 0:03:49.000 rest of us and says I wish I could know he. 0:03:50.680 --> 0:03:53.040 Like he can't even turn on TV without somebody referencing 0:03:53.080 --> 0:03:54.960 him as the most handsome person in the world, like 0:03:55.040 --> 0:03:57.320 he is synonymous with good looks. What are you doing? 0:03:57.960 --> 0:03:58.080 Like? 0:03:58.120 --> 0:04:01.000 It was like speaking of looking at I was looking 0:04:01.000 --> 0:04:06.240 at how greasy I look today? No problem, paper towel 0:04:06.360 --> 0:04:08.240 is here. It's all I needed. Yeah, yeah, and you're 0:04:08.280 --> 0:04:09.200 ready to answer something? 0:04:09.240 --> 0:04:09.920 Do you think of that? 0:04:10.760 --> 0:04:11.160 Not sure? 0:04:11.320 --> 0:04:11.640 Okay? 0:04:11.800 --> 0:04:16.000 Do you think Paulina thinks that she's pretty? Is that 0:04:16.040 --> 0:04:17.080 what brought this up? 0:04:18.040 --> 0:04:19.520 I was thinking about how pretty she is, and I 0:04:19.560 --> 0:04:21.440 was like, do you think she knows how pretty she is? 0:04:22.120 --> 0:04:22.960 I don't know if she does. 0:04:23.760 --> 0:04:25.120 She should, she might not. 0:04:25.600 --> 0:04:26.480 Yeah, I don't know if she does. 0:04:26.560 --> 0:04:29.240 I think she does, and she has an idea. She 0:04:29.320 --> 0:04:30.720 has seven ideas. 0:04:31.839 --> 0:04:32.480 Okay, carry on? 0:04:32.760 --> 0:04:35.640 He Hi back in Tianya, Mark and Easton. I first 0:04:35.640 --> 0:04:37.560 wanted to say thank you for putting out two episodes 0:04:37.600 --> 0:04:39.720 a week. I mean, the final stretch of my PhD 0:04:39.800 --> 0:04:42.240 in completely swamped with work, but you all bring me 0:04:42.279 --> 0:04:44.599 so much joy during this stressful time. It really means 0:04:44.640 --> 0:04:47.800 a lot. The como episode inspired me to write in 0:04:48.000 --> 0:04:50.040 I got engaged in twenty four, I'm getting married in 0:04:50.080 --> 0:04:52.880 twenty six. Plenty of time to finish school. I know 0:04:52.920 --> 0:04:54.800 I have time to choose my bride's maids. But since 0:04:54.800 --> 0:04:56.279 they'll be seeing a lot of them in person this 0:04:56.320 --> 0:04:58.400 spring for graduation, I want to have a plan so 0:04:58.480 --> 0:05:01.599 I can start asking them. Here's my I don't know 0:05:01.600 --> 0:05:04.400 who to choose for my moh My two best friends 0:05:04.400 --> 0:05:07.800 from college are already married. I was co made of 0:05:07.839 --> 0:05:10.680 honor for both, along with the other, so there's this 0:05:10.800 --> 0:05:14.760 unspoken expectation they'll be my co maids of honor. They'd 0:05:14.760 --> 0:05:17.600 be surprised if they weren't. But I also have a 0:05:17.680 --> 0:05:19.880 childhood best friend who I really want to be my 0:05:20.000 --> 0:05:22.680 maid of honor. I am hers in the fall. She'd 0:05:22.720 --> 0:05:24.839 been by my side through every stage of life. We 0:05:24.920 --> 0:05:27.040 live together. After college. She was the first person to 0:05:27.080 --> 0:05:30.440 meet my fiance. My fiance's best man is his childhood 0:05:30.480 --> 0:05:33.279 best friend. It feels fitting. I initially plan to have 0:05:33.480 --> 0:05:36.600 just those three girls and my fiance's sister as my bridesmaids, 0:05:36.640 --> 0:05:38.640 four total, but now I'm thinking about I having two 0:05:38.640 --> 0:05:41.000 more close friends, making it six. That way, I could 0:05:41.040 --> 0:05:44.280 have all three maids of honor like Tanya did. I 0:05:44.360 --> 0:05:46.400 don't care about titles. I just want to make sure 0:05:46.400 --> 0:05:48.320 each of my friends knows how special they are to me. 0:05:48.720 --> 0:05:51.039 Do I go with my heart and ask my childhood 0:05:51.080 --> 0:05:52.880 best friend to be my maid of honor, hoping my 0:05:52.920 --> 0:05:55.760 college best friends understand. Do I alse call three and 0:05:55.839 --> 0:05:58.839 have six bridesmaids? Do I skip maids of honor altogether? 0:05:59.120 --> 0:06:01.480 I'm very torn any creative ideas on how to make 0:06:01.520 --> 0:06:01.920 this work. 0:06:02.960 --> 0:06:05.920 I have an idea, what if you make everyone a 0:06:06.000 --> 0:06:10.240 maid of honor? But it's made of like different categories, 0:06:10.279 --> 0:06:13.400 so like it's it's like gives them a something that 0:06:13.480 --> 0:06:15.880 makes them special, like somewhere where they fit into your life, 0:06:15.960 --> 0:06:18.320 or like a word that you love about them, like 0:06:18.800 --> 0:06:24.400 made of loyalty, like your childhood friend, made of you 0:06:24.440 --> 0:06:26.359 know what I'm saying, Like trying to make it like 0:06:26.440 --> 0:06:28.839 so they feel special and they have a title, but 0:06:28.880 --> 0:06:32.960 it's all uniquely individual. Or you make everybody a maid 0:06:33.000 --> 0:06:35.520 of honor, or you just do what you want and 0:06:35.560 --> 0:06:37.679 ask the childhood best friend to be your maid of honor. 0:06:38.320 --> 0:06:38.680 I don't know. 0:06:38.960 --> 0:06:41.320 I think you should ask everybody to be your maid 0:06:41.360 --> 0:06:41.680 of honor? 0:06:42.560 --> 0:06:43.880 Do you have you have two? 0:06:44.040 --> 0:06:45.599 I have two, and then I'm my sister who's my 0:06:45.600 --> 0:06:49.000 matron of honor, and then I have five total, And 0:06:49.960 --> 0:06:51.520 I'm like, when I think about it, I'm like, my 0:06:51.680 --> 0:06:53.840 bride's like all of all five of them are the 0:06:53.880 --> 0:06:56.880 people who like, are really so important to me in 0:06:56.880 --> 0:06:58.520 my life. I'm like, I kind of regret not just 0:06:58.560 --> 0:07:01.320 making all of you, like I don't say equal, but like, 0:07:01.360 --> 0:07:01.560 do you know. 0:07:01.560 --> 0:07:01.920 What I mean? 0:07:02.200 --> 0:07:04.839 Having that division was just unnecessary at the end of 0:07:04.839 --> 0:07:06.919 the day, Like I'm like, I should have made Sophia 0:07:06.960 --> 0:07:07.320 and Raquel. 0:07:07.480 --> 0:07:09.000 I should have just made you all maids of honor. 0:07:09.279 --> 0:07:11.200 Or how do your sister be your matron of honor 0:07:11.240 --> 0:07:12.600 and all of us be right? 0:07:12.840 --> 0:07:13.040 Right? 0:07:13.160 --> 0:07:15.600 Yeah, I think that's what I would do. I would 0:07:15.600 --> 0:07:18.120 just either have everyone be your maid of honor or 0:07:18.240 --> 0:07:19.360 just have your. 0:07:20.680 --> 0:07:23.520 Or just like screw the rules you don't have one. 0:07:23.800 --> 0:07:25.760 But what's the difference between everyone being a maid of 0:07:25.840 --> 0:07:27.680 honor and no one being a maid of honor? Isn't 0:07:27.680 --> 0:07:28.160 that the same thing? 0:07:28.280 --> 0:07:29.560 No, it's like nicer. 0:07:29.720 --> 0:07:31.680 But do you know I have to say, as someone 0:07:31.720 --> 0:07:34.200 who's been the maid of honor and bridesmaid and like 0:07:34.320 --> 0:07:38.000 multiple weddings, I don't care about my title. Like I'm 0:07:38.080 --> 0:07:41.200 very like comfortable in both roles and I don't feel 0:07:41.440 --> 0:07:44.840 shafted for not being the maid of honor and being 0:07:44.840 --> 0:07:48.280 a bridesmaid, and I don't feel above above anyone for 0:07:48.360 --> 0:07:51.280 being a maid of honor, right, so, but we. 0:07:51.240 --> 0:07:53.280 Don't know how the others are going to feel about it. 0:07:53.480 --> 0:07:56.040 We can't assume they don't care either, especially since something like. 0:07:56.000 --> 0:07:57.400 They do care sounds like they care. 0:07:57.800 --> 0:08:00.680 They might I think you just say, hey, I I 0:08:00.720 --> 0:08:05.440 couldn't decide on just choosing a few of you to 0:08:05.480 --> 0:08:07.320 be my maid of honor. You're all you all have 0:08:07.360 --> 0:08:09.720 such a special place in my heart, and you all 0:08:09.760 --> 0:08:12.560 hold an equal space of importance in my life, and 0:08:12.600 --> 0:08:14.160 I want you all to be my maids of honor. 0:08:14.720 --> 0:08:15.920 Who's gonna be your maid of honor? 0:08:16.920 --> 0:08:17.800 I haven't gotten there. 0:08:20.000 --> 0:08:22.840 I know it's not gonna be me. It's fine, why not, 0:08:23.080 --> 0:08:24.320 She's like so many sisters. 0:08:26.760 --> 0:08:27.760 I don't I really don't know. 0:08:28.200 --> 0:08:31.600 I'm not holding on to hope. 0:08:31.640 --> 0:08:32.520 A similar dilemma. 0:08:32.760 --> 0:08:34.880 Yeah, well, I might just say I might just make 0:08:34.960 --> 0:08:36.160 up titles for everybody. 0:08:36.600 --> 0:08:39.840 It's like like you were saying, Made of Homecoming, Queen 0:08:40.000 --> 0:08:41.840 prom Queen Planeteers Art. 0:08:42.679 --> 0:08:47.040 Yeah, earth wind Fire, just start naming. I might. 0:08:47.400 --> 0:08:48.800 I was gonna do that with you, guys. 0:08:48.880 --> 0:08:51.520 I tell you that in the beginning, I was gonna 0:08:51.559 --> 0:08:53.840 do like made up and like give everybody like something 0:08:53.840 --> 0:08:57.160 that I admire about them, like a trait, and then like. 0:08:58.720 --> 0:08:59.600 You gotta think of it. 0:08:59.720 --> 0:09:02.240 No, it's just not so weird. 0:09:02.400 --> 0:09:04.200 Like I was like, like the's certain things I love 0:09:04.240 --> 0:09:07.160 about you. It was just like made of like there 0:09:07.200 --> 0:09:08.600 was one that I thought of that was just I 0:09:08.640 --> 0:09:10.000 was like, what am I doing? I'm just not going 0:09:10.080 --> 0:09:12.559 to do this. It was like made of. 0:09:11.960 --> 0:09:13.280 Always response to my text quickly. 0:09:13.440 --> 0:09:15.720 No, like somebody that's on top of it, like somebody 0:09:15.720 --> 0:09:17.440 that's always like on top of it and organized like 0:09:17.520 --> 0:09:19.280 O C D or like it was something. 0:09:19.080 --> 0:09:21.320 Like that. 0:09:22.120 --> 0:09:23.959 Hire it so much, you know what I mean, like 0:09:24.360 --> 0:09:26.320 that I love about her. And then I was just like, Okay, this. 0:09:26.360 --> 0:09:27.960 Is just not going the way that I made of 0:09:28.120 --> 0:09:30.079 planning planning, Like. 0:09:34.679 --> 0:09:36.720 No, you would have to like be really thoughtful and 0:09:36.800 --> 0:09:37.400 look up. 0:09:37.880 --> 0:09:42.240 Synonyms to like make it really beautiful. 0:09:42.400 --> 0:09:46.679 Yeah, but I like that idea and it's cute, but 0:09:46.720 --> 0:09:49.080 I also just think, either make everyone a made of 0:09:49.080 --> 0:09:51.760 honor just say or say I didn't want to choose 0:09:51.800 --> 0:09:54.240 made of honor because you all have equal equal importance, 0:09:54.280 --> 0:09:56.640 and so I'm asking everyone to be my bridesmaduse I just. 0:09:56.679 --> 0:09:59.000 Keep it for Yeah, yeah, I. 0:09:59.000 --> 0:10:00.840 Say, as many as you want, but just keep it, 0:10:01.679 --> 0:10:08.200 make them all equal. I agree, good luck, congratulations absolutely, 0:10:08.240 --> 0:10:11.240 and we're so proud of you for getting your PhD. 0:10:11.760 --> 0:10:12.360 That's amazing. 0:10:12.400 --> 0:10:13.040 It's amazing. 0:10:13.320 --> 0:10:15.480 On this next one, I always love hearing about people 0:10:15.520 --> 0:10:18.440 around the world listening to scrubbing In. And that's this one. 0:10:18.640 --> 0:10:22.680 Another anonymous Hello scrubbing In. First time contributor, longtime listener, 0:10:22.679 --> 0:10:26.960 and I love the podcast. South African girl living in Italy, 0:10:27.200 --> 0:10:30.840 but found you in twenty twenty while living in South Korea. Wow. 0:10:30.960 --> 0:10:32.959 I came across the pod when I had endless days 0:10:33.000 --> 0:10:35.040 of not working and a YouTube clip came up of 0:10:35.080 --> 0:10:37.520 the morning show. I loved Tanya. I figured out she 0:10:37.559 --> 0:10:40.839 was besties with Becca and had loved Becka on The Bachelor. Well, 0:10:40.840 --> 0:10:43.000 now the rest is history. No matter where I am 0:10:43.040 --> 0:10:44.640 in the world, I can always count on you four 0:10:44.720 --> 0:10:48.080 to keep my company and brighten my days. At the moment, though, 0:10:48.120 --> 0:10:50.000 I'm feeling a little conflicted and feeling like I need 0:10:50.040 --> 0:10:52.480 some input from you. My mom passed away and it's 0:10:52.480 --> 0:10:55.560 been a really difficult time. Work gave me three days 0:10:55.720 --> 0:10:58.400 paid leave and the rest was unpaid. I had five 0:10:58.480 --> 0:11:00.480 days off work. I didn't know what edwards, but I 0:11:00.520 --> 0:11:03.560 was constantly getting messages from my line manager checking in, 0:11:03.640 --> 0:11:08.120 but with empathy. But with empathy, however, HR was hounding 0:11:08.160 --> 0:11:10.240 me for return dates. So on the eighth working day 0:11:10.280 --> 0:11:13.600 I came back. It's been difficult. I can hardly concentrate. 0:11:13.640 --> 0:11:15.319 I feel like a shadow of the person I am, 0:11:15.360 --> 0:11:18.680 as my whole life has changed forever. I'm exhausted. I 0:11:18.760 --> 0:11:20.560 returned before I was ready, but I did it to 0:11:20.600 --> 0:11:23.479 please my work. But since I've returned, there's been no compassion, 0:11:23.600 --> 0:11:26.680 no concern. I'm expected to continue to work as I should. 0:11:27.200 --> 0:11:28.959 I understand there are things to do, and I work 0:11:29.000 --> 0:11:30.960 with children. They need the routine, but I'm finding it 0:11:31.040 --> 0:11:34.000 so difficult, and no one seems to care. My question 0:11:34.080 --> 0:11:36.840 is am I being over dramatic? Am I being oversensitive 0:11:36.880 --> 0:11:38.960 because I'm not thinking clearly. I'm in the early stages 0:11:39.000 --> 0:11:41.320 of grief. Or is it valid to be feeling like 0:11:41.320 --> 0:11:43.080 I may not want to work in a place where 0:11:43.080 --> 0:11:45.120 they seem to be more concerned about my return date 0:11:45.440 --> 0:11:49.080 despite my leave being unpaid, than my well being. I 0:11:49.080 --> 0:11:51.720 appreciate any advice. Continue being you. You light up this 0:11:51.760 --> 0:11:54.160 community's days without even realizing how much of an impact 0:11:54.200 --> 0:11:57.400 you are making. We appreciate it beyond belief. That's very sweet. 0:11:58.200 --> 0:12:00.040 First of all, we just want to say we're so 0:12:00.120 --> 0:12:05.480 sorry for your loss, Like I can't even imagine going 0:12:05.559 --> 0:12:10.480 through that, So just the fact that you're dealing with 0:12:10.520 --> 0:12:12.679 that is awful. 0:12:13.559 --> 0:12:15.960 Yeah, I'm so sorry. 0:12:16.480 --> 0:12:17.960 I feel like you're not gonna like what I have 0:12:18.000 --> 0:12:22.319 to say, because I feel like work, that's what it is. 0:12:22.960 --> 0:12:26.400 It's so transactional. And I too had to like go 0:12:26.480 --> 0:12:28.480 through this shift at one point because and I think 0:12:28.800 --> 0:12:30.440 I don't know exactly you said you work with children. 0:12:30.960 --> 0:12:33.840 My job, I felt was was so personal because I 0:12:33.840 --> 0:12:35.960 talked so much about my life, my personal life, and 0:12:35.960 --> 0:12:38.079 like I feel like my coworkers are like family to me. 0:12:38.840 --> 0:12:41.760 And I remember I hit a point where I was like, 0:12:42.600 --> 0:12:46.880 it's not your work is not your family, you know 0:12:46.920 --> 0:12:48.560 what I mean, Like you kind of have to at 0:12:48.559 --> 0:12:50.319 some point in your life you have that realization, and 0:12:50.360 --> 0:12:52.720 maybe you're having that now and you kind of have 0:12:52.800 --> 0:12:57.280 to like disassociate or not taking it personal, Like yeah, 0:12:57.320 --> 0:12:59.680 it sucks that they're not checking in on you, but 0:12:59.800 --> 0:13:03.360 like some of those people, it just might be transactional, 0:13:03.360 --> 0:13:04.520 you know what I mean. Like they need you to 0:13:04.520 --> 0:13:05.960 do your work so that they can do their job. 0:13:06.600 --> 0:13:09.360 They don't care on that level. So if that's what 0:13:09.440 --> 0:13:11.199 you want, then this might not be the right job 0:13:11.240 --> 0:13:11.520 for you. 0:13:12.440 --> 0:13:12.720 Yeah. 0:13:12.800 --> 0:13:15.319 I first of all, I don't think you're being dramatic 0:13:15.480 --> 0:13:18.400 to feel hurt by this, And I am so sorry 0:13:18.559 --> 0:13:22.880 that because it's I have never gone through grief like this, 0:13:23.040 --> 0:13:27.360 but I can only imagine that that your life is 0:13:27.400 --> 0:13:31.160 forever changed with this loss, and I think that it's 0:13:31.160 --> 0:13:34.959 so normal when such a huge part of your world 0:13:35.320 --> 0:13:39.360 changes and people just keep going in life around you 0:13:39.400 --> 0:13:41.920 as if they don't know, like this shocking loss that 0:13:41.960 --> 0:13:45.320 you've had in this like heaviness, it feels almost like 0:13:46.679 --> 0:13:50.800 there's this lack of empathy and compassion and love and 0:13:51.320 --> 0:13:53.880 they're not caring about what you need, which is to 0:13:53.960 --> 0:13:56.280 grieve the person who probably meant the most to you. 0:13:57.040 --> 0:14:00.280 And I think that you have to take care of 0:14:00.320 --> 0:14:04.480 yourself because if your mental health is struggling and you're 0:14:04.520 --> 0:14:07.480 not able to do a good job at work, even 0:14:07.520 --> 0:14:10.679 if you need to go find another place or or 0:14:10.720 --> 0:14:13.760 just take time to yourself and maybe get unemployment or something, 0:14:14.240 --> 0:14:16.920 I think maybe you need to prioritize that and maybe 0:14:16.960 --> 0:14:21.960 find a job where there's a little more of a 0:14:22.040 --> 0:14:23.360 dynamic and that people care. 0:14:23.520 --> 0:14:26.760 I do think that there are companies maybe different, Like 0:14:27.240 --> 0:14:29.760 there are companies I think that do Yes, Mark, there 0:14:29.800 --> 0:14:32.160 are I don't know. I think there are some companies 0:14:32.200 --> 0:14:34.320 that would care more than others. 0:14:34.400 --> 0:14:35.120 I think there's. 0:14:36.440 --> 0:14:39.320 Is it people like I know the company, the environment, Yes, 0:14:39.560 --> 0:14:41.360 the environment. Find that. I don't know that you can 0:14:41.360 --> 0:14:42.640 seek that out. I think you have to work some 0:14:42.640 --> 0:14:44.680 place for a long time before you realize that anybody 0:14:44.680 --> 0:14:46.000 actually cares about you or not. 0:14:46.200 --> 0:14:48.000 But I think you can get a sense when you're 0:14:48.040 --> 0:14:49.680 like interviewing and you're like. 0:14:49.720 --> 0:14:50.080 I don't know. 0:14:50.120 --> 0:14:52.840 I do think you get a sense of community and 0:14:52.880 --> 0:14:54.520 what that like work culture is like. 0:14:54.960 --> 0:14:59.240 I think maybe I had similar thoughts to you guys. 0:14:59.280 --> 0:15:00.600 But my thought is, I think you're gonna have a 0:15:00.600 --> 0:15:03.000 hard time finding a place that checks all those boxes. No, 0:15:03.080 --> 0:15:05.040 maybe this place has given you the ick and you're 0:15:05.080 --> 0:15:06.320 not gonna be able to go back to this place. 0:15:06.360 --> 0:15:09.160 I get that, but finding a new place, maybe starting 0:15:09.160 --> 0:15:10.800 fresh is a good thing. I don't know that they're 0:15:10.800 --> 0:15:12.800 going to be what you need them to be in 0:15:12.880 --> 0:15:14.120 terms of emotional support. 0:15:14.480 --> 0:15:16.480 They might not be what I don't think anything's going 0:15:16.520 --> 0:15:18.200 to be what she needs them to be. I don't 0:15:18.240 --> 0:15:21.240 think there's any fix when you're grieving, Like I think 0:15:21.280 --> 0:15:23.840 it just is. It just sucks and it's sad, and 0:15:24.080 --> 0:15:26.480 it's like you have to move through it. But I 0:15:26.520 --> 0:15:29.280 also think that you can find a place that has 0:15:29.280 --> 0:15:31.640 a little more compassion and gives you a little more 0:15:31.760 --> 0:15:34.600 than three days to grieve the biggest loss of your life. 0:15:34.680 --> 0:15:36.000 Like that feels crazy to me. 0:15:36.640 --> 0:15:39.120 So I'm paid too. It's like the companies not even pay. 0:15:39.600 --> 0:15:41.840 I got three paid days and then the rest. 0:15:41.880 --> 0:15:43.560 That's what I'm saying though, like she should be If 0:15:43.560 --> 0:15:48.560 you're not getting paid, Yeah, that's others. 0:15:48.320 --> 0:15:50.080 Are probably having a step up and they're not thrilled 0:15:50.080 --> 0:15:51.040 about that, right right, right. 0:15:51.640 --> 0:15:54.320 So I think maybe you and maybe this is a 0:15:54.360 --> 0:15:56.600 time where you seek what you're really needing in life, 0:15:56.640 --> 0:15:58.520 Like this is such a huge shift in your life. 0:15:58.520 --> 0:16:00.840 It's maybe it's a time where you start something of 0:16:00.880 --> 0:16:01.280 your own. 0:16:01.720 --> 0:16:05.160 Yeah, start something fresh. But I'm so sorry. 0:16:05.280 --> 0:16:07.320 Be that change, and you be that boss, and you 0:16:07.440 --> 0:16:11.280 be that coworker that that prioritizes empathy and compassion and 0:16:11.960 --> 0:16:14.520 you know, yeah, the change you. 0:16:14.440 --> 0:16:15.840 Want to see in corporate America. 0:16:16.680 --> 0:16:20.520 Yeah, yeah, we're thinking of you and I'm your loss. 0:16:20.520 --> 0:16:24.640 We love you and hope that you can find comfort 0:16:24.840 --> 0:16:28.960 and and support even outside of work, just your. 0:16:28.840 --> 0:16:32.480 People and will be right back. Good job, thank you. 0:16:51.080 --> 0:16:53.160 All right, we are back. 0:16:53.840 --> 0:16:54.640 This looks good. 0:16:54.680 --> 0:16:57.680 Mark, I like this one not from Emory. Gave us 0:16:57.680 --> 0:16:59.560 a name and I love that name. That's a beautiful name. 0:16:59.600 --> 0:17:02.480 Emory Hi Beca, Tanya, Mark and Easton. I found the 0:17:02.520 --> 0:17:05.720 podcast after Becca made her relationship with Haley public on Instagram. 0:17:05.800 --> 0:17:07.439 I watched her in The Bachelor Days. I have not 0:17:07.480 --> 0:17:09.480 missed an episode since. I do love the how I 0:17:09.520 --> 0:17:12.520 found the podcast. Stories keep them coming. I've had a 0:17:12.520 --> 0:17:14.920 hard time getting back in the dating game. I'm twenty six. 0:17:15.040 --> 0:17:16.600 My best friend and I met a group of guys 0:17:16.600 --> 0:17:18.960 at a bar about a year ago. We all became friends. 0:17:18.960 --> 0:17:20.880 One of the guys is a barista and we developed 0:17:20.880 --> 0:17:24.240 a connection after I frequented the coffee shop he works at. 0:17:24.440 --> 0:17:25.920 It's close to my work. We hang out as a 0:17:25.920 --> 0:17:28.439 group on the weekends. We share the same values. He 0:17:28.520 --> 0:17:31.200 makes me laugh. It feels very natural hanging out with him. 0:17:31.880 --> 0:17:35.040 Everything was going well until he told his mom about me, 0:17:35.560 --> 0:17:38.080 and she told him that he wasn't in a place 0:17:38.080 --> 0:17:41.720 for a long term relationship. This absolutely crushed me, as 0:17:41.760 --> 0:17:43.639 I really could see a lot of potential between me 0:17:43.680 --> 0:17:45.440 and him. I still go to the coffee shop and 0:17:45.480 --> 0:17:47.920 I find him staring at me and us catching glances 0:17:47.960 --> 0:17:50.560 of each other, and we're still in communication. My friends 0:17:50.560 --> 0:17:52.439 have encouraged me to get back on the apps, and 0:17:52.480 --> 0:17:54.160 it just doesn't feel right and I have a weird 0:17:54.160 --> 0:17:56.320 gut feeling that my story with this guy is not over. 0:17:56.359 --> 0:17:59.080 So what do I do. I'm thankful for this podcast, 0:17:59.320 --> 0:18:01.280 y'all never fit able to make me smile and laugh 0:18:01.320 --> 0:18:02.960 out loud. I feel like I'm listening to a group 0:18:02.960 --> 0:18:04.920 of friends chat and I really feel seen. I look 0:18:04.960 --> 0:18:07.240