WEBVTT - Celebrating Pride Month with Mia Vargas 0:00:09.800 --> 0:00:13.200 Hello, guys, and welcome to this episode of Cheee'e and Chill. 0:00:13.240 --> 0:00:14.520 I'm so happy to have you here. 0:00:14.920 --> 0:00:15.600 It is June. 0:00:15.680 --> 0:00:18.000 It is my favorite month. It is my birthday month. 0:00:18.000 --> 0:00:20.239 And it's also Pride month, you guys. And I'm not 0:00:20.239 --> 0:00:24.160 sure if you know, but the very first Pride March 0:00:24.520 --> 0:00:27.280 was in nineteen seventy in New York, you guys. 0:00:27.480 --> 0:00:28.200 So I'm happy. 0:00:28.240 --> 0:00:31.560 I'm a huge supporter of the LGBTQ plus community, and 0:00:31.640 --> 0:00:34.320 so I wanted to have a deep conversation with a 0:00:34.360 --> 0:00:38.880 friend of mine. Her name is Mia Vargas. She is 0:00:38.920 --> 0:00:42.800 an influencer, a hairdresser. She's also a cancer and she's 0:00:42.840 --> 0:00:46.440 a trans woman. And since it is, you know, Pride month, 0:00:46.520 --> 0:00:48.000 I thought it would be very nice to have a 0:00:48.040 --> 0:00:50.400 conversation with her because she's a very open book and 0:00:50.440 --> 0:00:51.199 I love that about her. 0:00:51.200 --> 0:00:52.000 So how are you, miya? 0:00:52.159 --> 0:00:53.440 I'm good, how are you? Thank you? 0:00:54.400 --> 0:00:59.440 Your excited? I know, right. So we're cancer sisters. Your 0:00:59.440 --> 0:01:01.160 birthday is in July. 0:01:01.080 --> 0:01:04.440 July fifth, so we're a little different of cancers. You're 0:01:04.560 --> 0:01:05.800 a different cancer. 0:01:05.480 --> 0:01:05.880 Than I am. 0:01:06.200 --> 0:01:08.200 Okay, so what do you Okay? We've I think we've 0:01:08.200 --> 0:01:10.280 talked about this on the podcasts. I'm always talking about this, 0:01:10.360 --> 0:01:14.920 but there is definitely a difference between June and July cancers. 0:01:15.000 --> 0:01:16.360 Okay, how do you think that you're different? 0:01:16.360 --> 0:01:19.120 For me, I and some things were the same. I 0:01:19.160 --> 0:01:23.319 feel like emotion wise we are, but I feel I 0:01:23.319 --> 0:01:25.280 don't know, just seeing like certain stuff, I'm like, oh no, 0:01:25.319 --> 0:01:27.000 we're a little differ, like I don't know, I don't 0:01:27.040 --> 0:01:28.880 even know how to describe it, but there is a difference. 0:01:28.920 --> 0:01:32.199 So there's a huge difference because I know your mom 0:01:32.240 --> 0:01:33.240 with cancer too. 0:01:33.120 --> 0:01:34.720 But July cancer July second. 0:01:34.920 --> 0:01:39.200 Yeah, so it's just even the attitude. Yeah, it's very different. Yeah. 0:01:39.240 --> 0:01:41.800 I think you guys are a little bit more spicy, yes, right. 0:01:41.640 --> 0:01:46.039 For sure, more impulsive, yeah, oh, very impulsive, super impassive. 0:01:45.880 --> 0:01:47.760 And I think a little bit more of like way 0:01:47.760 --> 0:01:48.720 to say, I'm a different cancer. 0:01:48.760 --> 0:01:49.720 But still we're wonderful. 0:01:49.840 --> 0:01:50.560 Yeah, oh for sure. 0:01:50.600 --> 0:01:54.920 We're very like, yeah, empathetic, nurturing, very motherly. 0:01:55.960 --> 0:01:58.120 Right everywhere people are like, oh my gosh, you give 0:01:58.200 --> 0:01:59.960 me like this mother like instinct. 0:02:00.120 --> 0:02:03.320 Even my friend, yeah, with you like to take care. 0:02:03.160 --> 0:02:05.760 Of Yes, even if I'm like if we're out like partying, 0:02:05.760 --> 0:02:07.520 and I'm like, okay, I feel drunk. I need to 0:02:07.520 --> 0:02:09.120 calm down because I need to make sure like my 0:02:09.160 --> 0:02:11.919 friends are good. You know, Yeah, I trd you aren't that. 0:02:12.200 --> 0:02:15.840 I'm very with anyone. I just I feel so like responsible, 0:02:15.840 --> 0:02:16.480 I guess. 0:02:16.360 --> 0:02:21.959 Yeah too, And like talking about that we've known each 0:02:21.960 --> 0:02:25.359 other for ten years now, ten years twenty fourteen we met, Yes, 0:02:25.960 --> 0:02:28.640 should we talk about how we met? We can't, Okay, 0:02:29.760 --> 0:02:31.519 so go ahead take it away, miya. 0:02:32.000 --> 0:02:37.680 I started working for your friend Vanessa and I met 0:02:37.840 --> 0:02:39.840 remember Norwood Bar, at. 0:02:39.720 --> 0:02:42.720 The Norwood Bar at the Woody. You guys have good 0:02:42.720 --> 0:02:43.239 times there. 0:02:43.840 --> 0:02:45.720 I haven't been there in ten years. Yeah, I know, 0:02:45.800 --> 0:02:49.760 we met there and we just always had a relationship 0:02:49.760 --> 0:02:50.160 since then. 0:02:50.280 --> 0:02:50.840 Yeah. 0:02:51.240 --> 0:02:55.600 So when I met Mia, I think you were barely starting. 0:02:55.840 --> 0:02:58.000 I think I was just like a boy and makeup. 0:02:58.080 --> 0:03:01.800 I think kind of like more feminine, but yeah, not fully. 0:03:02.040 --> 0:03:03.440 I don't think. I had just moved here. So I 0:03:03.480 --> 0:03:05.440 have moved here from the state of Washington. Remember it's 0:03:05.480 --> 0:03:07.919 very different, yeah, very I had been here for one 0:03:07.960 --> 0:03:12.120 month and it was it was a like a culture 0:03:12.160 --> 0:03:14.480 shock in a way, knowing that there's people that are 0:03:14.560 --> 0:03:18.920 like that that can be openly happy here, and so 0:03:19.040 --> 0:03:20.920 I was just getting a taste of that, and I 0:03:20.919 --> 0:03:23.200 feel like I started surrounding myself with like with you guys, 0:03:23.200 --> 0:03:26.440 with people that I knew, and I started feeling comfortable 0:03:26.480 --> 0:03:29.480 with being who I am. And then I experienced like 0:03:29.480 --> 0:03:31.760 West Hollywood and all that, and I was like, oh 0:03:31.800 --> 0:03:32.160 my gosh. 0:03:32.360 --> 0:03:33.200 Then you became a Hucci. 0:03:33.280 --> 0:03:38.680 Yeah, I became a became for the streets, for the streets. 0:03:38.680 --> 0:03:39.520 I love it streets. 0:03:39.560 --> 0:03:41.120 That's one thing I love about you. You're so open. 0:03:41.120 --> 0:03:42.400 We're gonna get all into that. 0:03:42.440 --> 0:03:44.720 But going back to how we met, the reason we 0:03:44.720 --> 0:03:47.240 were a little hesitant is because I'm still friends with 0:03:47.320 --> 0:03:51.720 Vanessa me as no longer friends with Vanessa. Actually Vanessa 0:03:51.720 --> 0:03:54.000 and Ayako Madrees. She's been on the podcast as well. 0:03:54.000 --> 0:03:56.600 We have Plantita's hair care, which she uses it she 0:03:56.720 --> 0:03:59.040 loves so even though she doesn't talk to Vanessa and 0:03:59.040 --> 0:04:00.400 there's no communication. 0:04:00.040 --> 0:04:02.040 And honestly, I've always I've said it before like I had, 0:04:02.080 --> 0:04:05.800 there's no hard feelings, no nothing. I'm honestly I am 0:04:05.920 --> 0:04:09.240 happy for her success and everything she's done. I wanted 0:04:09.280 --> 0:04:12.280 to work for her. I love I admire that about her. 0:04:12.800 --> 0:04:15.240 It's just the relationship didn't work out, and that's fine. 0:04:15.360 --> 0:04:18.120 How did you work there at her salon like four. 0:04:17.920 --> 0:04:20.200 Months maybe, Okay, so it was it was it was 0:04:20.240 --> 0:04:22.680 just it was short. It was a short time, and 0:04:22.720 --> 0:04:23.040 it was. 0:04:23.080 --> 0:04:24.960 And then that's how we met and we became really cool, 0:04:25.000 --> 0:04:26.919 like since the first day I met you, yeah, and 0:04:26.960 --> 0:04:28.400 then since then we've been friends. 0:04:28.400 --> 0:04:30.680 And then I think in twenty eighteen you and I had. 0:04:30.520 --> 0:04:33.760 A fallout, yes, which you know, I'm always really straight 0:04:33.800 --> 0:04:36.160 up with everyone here, So we had a follo out. 0:04:36.160 --> 0:04:37.560 I think we didn't talk for like what a couple 0:04:37.600 --> 0:04:38.280 of years. 0:04:38.240 --> 0:04:40.680 Two year three and twenty twenty if you we kind of. 0:04:40.680 --> 0:04:44.000 Started talking, like during the pandemic when everyone's heart was 0:04:44.040 --> 0:04:47.320 really you know, damn, like life might end, and then 0:04:47.320 --> 0:04:49.080 we kind of started talking. I don't know exactly how, 0:04:49.080 --> 0:04:52.280 but I never really had an issue with you. I 0:04:52.320 --> 0:04:56.720 think because we have a very good friend, a mutual friend, yes, 0:04:56.839 --> 0:05:00.599 very good yeah. Yes, So and it's Ellen and a 0:05:00.640 --> 0:05:02.919 lot of you like my og boss bees will know. 0:05:03.440 --> 0:05:06.520 So Ellen and I had a falling out and it 0:05:06.720 --> 0:05:09.080 just kind of was that thing of like, okay, you 0:05:09.120 --> 0:05:11.800 gotta choose sides, I guess in a way, so she 0:05:11.960 --> 0:05:13.880 kind of stuck with Ellen. There was like a lot 0:05:13.920 --> 0:05:17.680 of craziness during that time, miscommunication and stuff that we 0:05:17.720 --> 0:05:18.880 already like clear's. 0:05:18.520 --> 0:05:21.479 Communication for sure, And at the time I was also 0:05:21.560 --> 0:05:24.839 very close to Ellen, and I just I you know, 0:05:25.360 --> 0:05:27.680 like you said, like that not that motherly, but I 0:05:27.800 --> 0:05:29.840 just I needed to stick by her, you know, at 0:05:29.839 --> 0:05:31.600 that time. I'm glad I did. At the end of 0:05:31.600 --> 0:05:33.800 the day, like and now we're all good again. 0:05:34.000 --> 0:05:35.560 Yeah, and you actually brought us together. 0:05:35.600 --> 0:05:36.279 Yeah, yeah, I did. 0:05:36.560 --> 0:05:38.799 It was it was me, Yeah, like, let's go have fun. 0:05:39.279 --> 0:05:40.680 I love yeah, I love fu. 0:05:41.320 --> 0:05:43.919 No. Yeah, it was just a miscommunication that had to 0:05:44.000 --> 0:05:45.559 It should have been a dressed sooner, but it didn't, 0:05:45.600 --> 0:05:48.000 and things happened for a reason, and you know, she 0:05:48.080 --> 0:05:51.800 ended up having her baby and everything. Yeah, so little boy, 0:05:51.880 --> 0:05:55.440 wow everything. I think sometimes in friendships you need little pauses. Yeah, 0:05:55.040 --> 0:05:56.880 and that one was one of them. Man. 0:05:57.080 --> 0:05:58.800 For sure, I definitely grew. 0:05:58.880 --> 0:06:02.279 I think everyone kind of stepped into their own and well, anyways, 0:06:02.279 --> 0:06:04.039 Ellen and I are good, We're all good. So I 0:06:04.080 --> 0:06:05.240 just kind of wanted to get that out of the way, 0:06:05.240 --> 0:06:08.000 because yes, I've known her since twenty fourteen, but you know, 0:06:08.120 --> 0:06:10.120 I always was kind of like I wonder what, you know, 0:06:10.200 --> 0:06:12.360 what me is doing or whatnot. And I thought it 0:06:12.360 --> 0:06:15.160 would be perfect, a perfect time for you to come 0:06:15.160 --> 0:06:17.960 on the podcast because we've talked about it, but since 0:06:18.000 --> 0:06:20.119 it is Pride month and I think that you're someone 0:06:20.160 --> 0:06:23.160 that has always been very open about your process. Yes, 0:06:24.200 --> 0:06:26.520 and I've been there with her, I think through like. 0:06:26.600 --> 0:06:28.040 Most of it, yeah, most of it. 0:06:28.120 --> 0:06:31.360 Yeah, so you're completely transitioned to at this point. 0:06:31.320 --> 0:06:34.520 Completely one hundred percent. My last surgery was December fourteenth 0:06:34.560 --> 0:06:39.400 of twenty twenty three. Yeah, so six months now, Okay. 0:06:39.120 --> 0:06:41.040 And how many surgeries have you had? Because you had the. 0:06:41.839 --> 0:06:44.400 So I got my breast done, I got my I 0:06:44.400 --> 0:06:45.800 got I ended up playing a tummy tucks. I had 0:06:45.800 --> 0:06:48.160 lost weight and our tummy tuck. Then I got light 0:06:48.240 --> 0:06:50.880 with BBL. I got like with BYBL twice, which now 0:06:50.880 --> 0:06:54.520 I regret why my as just got too big. I 0:06:54.520 --> 0:06:58.279 feel like I was like in that like yeah, and 0:06:58.400 --> 0:07:01.200 now I know you've lost way again. I'm like, damn, 0:07:01.279 --> 0:07:03.880 like I need to get that fixed right. But and 0:07:03.920 --> 0:07:05.960 it's a huge in security of mine. But then I 0:07:05.960 --> 0:07:08.599 got my face. I got my nose done. First, I 0:07:08.640 --> 0:07:10.840 got my nose done because I had like a bumps. 0:07:10.880 --> 0:07:13.720 I got my nose done. Then I got my ffs 0:07:13.760 --> 0:07:15.920 of facial feminization surgery, which I. 0:07:16.720 --> 0:07:19.679 She showed me those very gnarley guys. 0:07:19.720 --> 0:07:22.600 Yeah, like she literally cut from here to here, like 0:07:22.760 --> 0:07:26.200 pulled down. Yeah, shaved all the inside of my mouth 0:07:26.240 --> 0:07:30.520 through like the inside because it feminized, yes, to soften, 0:07:30.640 --> 0:07:34.680 to soften this bone like right here. Yeah. It was 0:07:34.800 --> 0:07:37.960 pretty graphic. Yeah, it was in fifteen hour surgery. 0:07:38.240 --> 0:07:39.600 Was it recovery crazy? 0:07:39.680 --> 0:07:42.240 I was in the hospital for six days, and I 0:07:42.320 --> 0:07:46.080 remember like the when I came home, my friends all 0:07:46.120 --> 0:07:48.360 my I love my friends, all my all my gaze 0:07:49.160 --> 0:07:52.040 we love the gays. Yes. At that time, I think 0:07:52.040 --> 0:07:54.800 he was like my friend was you know, Sergio and 0:07:54.840 --> 0:07:57.000 his x now Leo, they were both like taking care 0:07:57.000 --> 0:07:58.760 of me, and my roommate and other friends were just 0:07:58.800 --> 0:08:03.920 coming around. And I remember like seven eighth day, I 0:08:03.960 --> 0:08:05.320 was just like looking at my face and I was 0:08:05.320 --> 0:08:08.440 like I started crying, like just regretting it, like because 0:08:08.600 --> 0:08:11.960 I looked fucking scary. It looked it looked bad, yeah, 0:08:12.120 --> 0:08:14.760 so swollen, like you know, I was like why did 0:08:14.760 --> 0:08:17.160 I do this? Like, and everyone's like I remember before, 0:08:17.160 --> 0:08:18.480 people are like, don't do it, don't do it, you 0:08:18.480 --> 0:08:19.640 don't need to do it. You don't need to do it, 0:08:19.680 --> 0:08:22.280 but I knew what I saw. You know, now that 0:08:22.360 --> 0:08:24.640 I'm like recover, everyone's like, oh my gosh, yeah I 0:08:25.000 --> 0:08:25.760 see the different. Yeah. 0:08:25.760 --> 0:08:28.920 I didn't really realize what it was gonna do. But 0:08:29.080 --> 0:08:31.360 now when I see before and after pictures, I'm like, Okay, 0:08:31.360 --> 0:08:33.680 I get it. Yeah, yeah, because it just did refine 0:08:33.679 --> 0:08:35.400 everything and not just I. 0:08:35.280 --> 0:08:37.800 Just feel like now, like I love wearing makeups. So 0:08:37.800 --> 0:08:40.120 sometimes yes, I'll be atle heavy or sometimes I'm like 0:08:40.120 --> 0:08:42.280 more my natural, but I love that I can go 0:08:42.440 --> 0:08:46.400 natural without looking like masculine, you know. Yeah, like I 0:08:46.679 --> 0:08:48.280 can be softer with that. Right now? 0:08:48.360 --> 0:08:49.200 Is it softer your makeup? 0:08:49.280 --> 0:08:49.439 Yeah? 0:08:49.520 --> 0:08:51.600 Right, it looks pretty like what you're doing. 0:08:52.360 --> 0:08:54.040 I don't really wear like foundation, It's more like a 0:08:54.040 --> 0:08:54.960 skin tint now. 0:08:54.840 --> 0:08:58.200 Okay, yeah, so I like there's still more compre. 0:08:58.160 --> 0:08:59.200 For sure, for sure. 0:08:59.679 --> 0:09:03.120 And then obviously I recovered from that, and then my 0:09:03.320 --> 0:09:06.040 last surgery was my gender assignment surgery, which I did. 0:09:06.880 --> 0:09:09.000 You know, honestly, I was like losing hope with that. 0:09:09.600 --> 0:09:11.240 Oh girl, you were supposed to pay. 0:09:11.040 --> 0:09:12.839 For that, yeah, I was. Yeah, I was going to 0:09:12.880 --> 0:09:13.079 tell you. 0:09:13.360 --> 0:09:16.160 I sent me a check I did. 0:09:16.200 --> 0:09:18.760 I told her I was gonna, but we stopped talking. 0:09:18.960 --> 0:09:19.719 Yeah I was. 0:09:19.920 --> 0:09:21.040 I told her, I said, I'm going to help you 0:09:21.040 --> 0:09:23.079 all pay for it. Yeah, and then we stopped talking 0:09:23.080 --> 0:09:25.920 and didn't happen. But then how did that go about? 0:09:25.960 --> 0:09:26.959 Like you so. 0:09:26.960 --> 0:09:30.120 Look my face, I got it paid. Don't attack me, people, 0:09:30.160 --> 0:09:32.280 but I got it paid to the state, my face. 0:09:32.320 --> 0:09:34.960 I did. How bad I did? Because during pandemic, I 0:09:35.040 --> 0:09:37.719 was like I had qualified for like medical and all that, 0:09:37.880 --> 0:09:41.440 oh okay, and so they were doing like not they weren't. 0:09:41.600 --> 0:09:43.880 They were renewing everybody for like three years. So like 0:09:44.160 --> 0:09:46.240 I was like, you know what, I'm not gonna I'm 0:09:46.240 --> 0:09:47.760 getting it, Like I'm not gonna, you know, make it 0:09:47.840 --> 0:09:48.240 a big deal. 0:09:48.480 --> 0:09:48.680 Yeah. 0:09:48.679 --> 0:09:50.840 So I ended up getting that this surgery. I did 0:09:50.880 --> 0:09:52.599 do it through my insurance, with my own insurance. I 0:09:52.640 --> 0:09:55.400 ended up paying nine thousand out of pocket, which isn't 0:09:55.400 --> 0:09:57.440 bad because I think the total cost was like one 0:09:57.520 --> 0:10:01.000 hundred and eighty thousand. Oh wow, States and the States 0:10:01.080 --> 0:10:03.960 is ridiculous, like and that's why I think people don't 0:10:03.960 --> 0:10:05.800 do it or they go to like overseas to do it, 0:10:05.840 --> 0:10:06.040 you know. 0:10:06.280 --> 0:10:09.480 Okay, Yeah, you told me you wanted to go to Bangkok. Yeah, yeah, 0:10:09.480 --> 0:10:12.559 And that was a thing. It was a Bangkok, Thailand whatever. 0:10:12.760 --> 0:10:15.679 I just like saying bankok but okay, yeah, so that. 0:10:15.679 --> 0:10:17.360 Was a whole. It was like ten grand Yeah, it 0:10:17.360 --> 0:10:17.719 was like ten. 0:10:18.120 --> 0:10:26.079 I was like, okay, I got you. Let's backtrack a 0:10:26.120 --> 0:10:31.200 tiny bit, because when did you I've always wondered because 0:10:31.240 --> 0:10:34.240 I really do feel and some people may disagree with me, 0:10:34.280 --> 0:10:37.360 but I really do feel that people are born gay too. 0:10:37.440 --> 0:10:42.160 There's some people that feel that they become gay or 0:10:42.200 --> 0:10:44.400 maybe they get curious and then they want to try 0:10:44.440 --> 0:10:46.920 different or the same sex whatever. But I do really 0:10:46.960 --> 0:10:49.640 feel and I've had these conversations with Gerald remembers all 0:10:49.720 --> 0:10:51.560 he told me he knew when he was a little boy, 0:10:51.640 --> 0:10:53.240 like he was four six years old, and he's like, 0:10:53.280 --> 0:10:54.200 I had a crush on a boy. 0:10:54.320 --> 0:10:55.240 Yeah, you know what I mean. 0:10:55.320 --> 0:10:57.920 And I have had these conversations and I really do 0:10:57.920 --> 0:10:59.600 feel that when when did you feel? 0:10:59.679 --> 0:10:59.920 Or how? 0:11:00.120 --> 0:11:02.439 How give me your experience? Because I think it's did 0:11:02.480 --> 0:11:03.439 you ever feel trapped? 0:11:03.800 --> 0:11:04.000 Yeah? 0:11:04.120 --> 0:11:04.480 Body? 0:11:04.559 --> 0:11:09.079 Okay, yeah, trapped for sure? And I always I grew 0:11:09.120 --> 0:11:11.280 up with sisters, right, but I have cousins and everything, 0:11:11.320 --> 0:11:14.480 like male cousins and everything. But my I always wanted to, 0:11:14.480 --> 0:11:17.000 like dress into their stuff, which, mind you, I think 0:11:17.040 --> 0:11:19.079 every little boys regardless does that right, don't put on 0:11:19.160 --> 0:11:21.280 their mom's heels to do that, right. But I just 0:11:21.400 --> 0:11:26.320 like I felt like more like Podosa, I guess, like 0:11:26.400 --> 0:11:28.600 more like powerful like and I don't know, it was 0:11:28.640 --> 0:11:30.199 just something in me, but it was something that I 0:11:30.240 --> 0:11:32.360 felt like I had to hide, like I didn't want 0:11:32.559 --> 0:11:36.040 no one knowing that or especially be Yeah, well not 0:11:36.120 --> 0:11:39.040 just not just that you grow up like realistically, you 0:11:39.080 --> 0:11:41.160 grew up with you, you know, hearing your parents say like 0:11:41.200 --> 0:11:45.280 a mariicon and stuff like that, so you always have 0:11:45.480 --> 0:11:48.040 that already, Like I can't be that. You know, you 0:11:48.040 --> 0:11:50.800 you You're going to be like a disgrace, right, So 0:11:52.280 --> 0:11:54.440 even just like I remember my mom, like we used 0:11:54.480 --> 0:11:57.079 to like we used to take care of kids and everything, 0:11:57.360 --> 0:11:59.199 and I would always want to play house and I'm like, 0:11:59.240 --> 0:12:01.640 oh my god, I'm the on' this Like it was 0:12:01.720 --> 0:12:04.880 just like a horrible game to play as kids. I 0:12:04.920 --> 0:12:06.439 don't know why we kids want to grow up so fast, 0:12:06.520 --> 0:12:09.360 right and play house? But yeah, I just always wanted that, 0:12:09.400 --> 0:12:11.000 Like I always wanted to feel like I was a girl, 0:12:11.000 --> 0:12:14.240 even like when I was growing up like maybe twelve thirteen, 0:12:14.240 --> 0:12:17.280 I ended up losing a Virginia at thirteen, very very young, 0:12:17.280 --> 0:12:19.920 but I just wanted I wanted to see what it was, 0:12:20.040 --> 0:12:23.840 you know. And but even then, like I would feel 0:12:23.920 --> 0:12:27.200 like I don't feel manly enough, and I just always 0:12:27.400 --> 0:12:30.400 I always wanted someone like above me to like hold me, 0:12:30.520 --> 0:12:32.600 take care of me. But yeah, ever since I was little. 0:12:32.720 --> 0:12:34.760 I howld were you when you first felt that. 0:12:36.080 --> 0:12:38.520 Like twelve or thirteen, okay, okay, when you. 0:12:38.440 --> 0:12:41.080 Were like, oh I felt more, Yeah, like you wanted 0:12:41.080 --> 0:12:43.960 to be held, you want to be protected, okay, yeah. 0:12:43.720 --> 0:12:45.760 Yeah, And it was the thing that I went through. 0:12:45.760 --> 0:12:47.600 Like I kind of don't like when people say, like, 0:12:47.640 --> 0:12:50.000 oh they're gay because they were like molested or there 0:12:50.000 --> 0:12:51.520 were this. I mean, that could be a case, you know, 0:12:51.640 --> 0:12:53.880 but with you, it it wasn't. It wasn't that at all. 0:12:53.920 --> 0:12:56.400 I had a really good childhood and everything. But yeah, 0:12:56.400 --> 0:13:00.120 I always I always felt for sure, I always felt gay, 0:13:00.200 --> 0:13:01.880 right I would, because I didn't know what like being 0:13:01.920 --> 0:13:03.439 trans was or anything like that. You know, it was 0:13:03.600 --> 0:13:08.600 very very small town. But yeah, I just I always knew. 0:13:08.679 --> 0:13:10.920 Yeah, and when did you realize that you wanted to be? 0:13:11.040 --> 0:13:15.640 Like so with third so I want to say I 0:13:15.640 --> 0:13:17.920 started doing hair when I was like seventeen, right, and 0:13:17.960 --> 0:13:21.120 then I think like at nineteen twenty, I started wearing 0:13:21.120 --> 0:13:23.520 like makeup, and then I kind of started just wearing 0:13:23.600 --> 0:13:26.320 like women's jeans and then just stuff like that. Didn't 0:13:26.320 --> 0:13:28.719 really know what it was, but there was some There 0:13:28.760 --> 0:13:30.439 was like one gay club out there was called like 0:13:30.480 --> 0:13:33.640 out and About. It was literally like forty five fifty 0:13:33.640 --> 0:13:35.600 minutes away from where we lived, and we would go 0:13:35.600 --> 0:13:36.959 there once in a while and they would do like 0:13:37.040 --> 0:13:39.640 drag shows. That's like the only thing I would see 0:13:39.840 --> 0:13:41.280 like that, you know. So I'm like, oh my god, 0:13:41.280 --> 0:13:42.400 that's so cool, right. 0:13:42.840 --> 0:13:44.800 And and you felt at home there. 0:13:44.920 --> 0:13:47.320 I felt at home, yeah, But I also you knew 0:13:47.360 --> 0:13:49.440 you once you go home. That was like done right, 0:13:49.800 --> 0:13:53.640 you had to just you know. And but I think 0:13:54.880 --> 0:13:58.640 I always knew certain stuff, but not I didn't know enough, right. 0:13:58.800 --> 0:14:02.280 And then I think when I moved Tire, I ended 0:14:02.320 --> 0:14:05.120 up meeting people. I met, you know, Jia. I ended 0:14:05.200 --> 0:14:06.880 up meeting her, and then I was like, Okay, she's 0:14:06.920 --> 0:14:10.320 really happy, like with her life and everything. And I 0:14:10.400 --> 0:14:13.679 remember someone had referred me to like black market hormones, 0:14:14.480 --> 0:14:17.840 and I started I did that and for like six 0:14:17.880 --> 0:14:19.400 months which was like the worst thing I could ever do. 0:14:19.400 --> 0:14:21.000 I think I ended up like in the er twice, 0:14:21.120 --> 0:14:24.600 like I was literally felt like I was obviously I 0:14:24.600 --> 0:14:26.560 think I was putting too much in. You don't you 0:14:26.600 --> 0:14:28.360 don't know the proper dosage, you don't know what to 0:14:28.560 --> 0:14:32.600 shoot up right, and you the problem is you see 0:14:32.600 --> 0:14:34.680 all these people that have transition and they have these 0:14:34.760 --> 0:14:37.720 nice curve bodies, they have this, and they give like 0:14:37.760 --> 0:14:40.440 this false hope that you transition, you're going to look 0:14:40.520 --> 0:14:43.320 like this. You don't. Yeah, So then that's when I 0:14:43.360 --> 0:14:45.440 think I started going to like this the LGBT Center. 0:14:45.560 --> 0:14:48.200 And then that's when I properly was like, Okay, this 0:14:48.280 --> 0:14:51.160 is who I am. And I remember going to like 0:14:51.240 --> 0:14:54.840 therapy and counseling there and really just finding myself. 0:14:54.920 --> 0:14:58.360 So there is the LGBT Central Center, Okay. 0:14:58.240 --> 0:15:03.440 Yeah, because I mean, I mean I definitely I don't 0:15:03.440 --> 0:15:04.880 know if you want to tell them, but yeah, like 0:15:04.920 --> 0:15:07.160 not to go through the black market, because don't it 0:15:07.240 --> 0:15:08.480 is so scary. 0:15:08.480 --> 0:15:10.920 You do not don't get butt shots, don't do none 0:15:10.920 --> 0:15:14.640 of that, like honestly, like take your time and transitioning. 0:15:16.640 --> 0:15:18.680 There's a lot of people that I looked up too 0:15:18.680 --> 0:15:20.280 that I was just like, oh my gosh, there looks 0:15:20.280 --> 0:15:22.840 so good in this. And then they would say, oh, 0:15:22.880 --> 0:15:24.800 it's the hormones, it's this, it's this. No, it's not 0:15:24.840 --> 0:15:27.000 their liars because now they all have come out with 0:15:27.080 --> 0:15:30.280 videos like and these are like YouTubers like oh wow, 0:15:30.320 --> 0:15:31.240 and I don't want to say their names. 0:15:31.280 --> 0:15:32.240 I can stand no no more. 0:15:32.760 --> 0:15:37.320 But like I I was given that false like oh 0:15:37.360 --> 0:15:39.240 my gosh, and I know I got on black market 0:15:39.240 --> 0:15:41.960 hormones because of these people sometimes, you know, and now 0:15:41.960 --> 0:15:45.239 they all came out like oh my silicon butt injections, 0:15:45.280 --> 0:15:46.440 this and that, like don't do that. 0:15:46.560 --> 0:15:48.000 Now, start getting infection. 0:15:48.160 --> 0:15:50.560 Infection that's spreading some of them. You can lose your leg, 0:15:50.720 --> 0:15:56.040 like I had a friend that almost died literally, you know, scar, Yeah, 0:15:56.400 --> 0:15:56.960 don't do that. 0:15:57.120 --> 0:15:59.720 And in this at the center here that you're talking about, 0:15:59.760 --> 0:16:02.960 they they help finance that stuff a nonprofit. 0:16:03.040 --> 0:16:07.960 Yes it's nonprofit. It's here in Hollywood. And they are 0:16:08.000 --> 0:16:09.840 the ones that refer you to be honest, like to 0:16:10.120 --> 0:16:12.120 even doctors that will help you get like life will 0:16:12.120 --> 0:16:14.800 bbl like all that stuff, you know, like most of 0:16:14.840 --> 0:16:17.760 the stuff is covered. You know, I didn't know there's 0:16:17.760 --> 0:16:18.240 a lot. 0:16:18.080 --> 0:16:19.360 Of stuff being informed you guys. 0:16:19.440 --> 0:16:23.360 Yeah, and researching I was able to you know, change 0:16:23.360 --> 0:16:26.320 my name everything like that through help, through the resources, 0:16:26.400 --> 0:16:28.440 you know, birth certificate everything. 0:16:29.120 --> 0:16:31.360 So it's safe to say for sure when you moved 0:16:31.360 --> 0:16:33.680 here in twenty fourteen was when you really just stepped 0:16:33.720 --> 0:16:38.240 into Mia completely. Yes, yeah, right because okay, because when 0:16:38.240 --> 0:16:40.440 I met you, your name was different. But when you 0:16:40.520 --> 0:16:42.760 came here, it's like when I feel like you flourished, 0:16:42.880 --> 0:16:45.560 yeah in every way, like fast, yeah. 0:16:45.400 --> 0:16:48.000 I mean it felt fast. Now it feels fast, but 0:16:48.120 --> 0:16:51.800 like I did. Take Look, this is my thing now 0:16:51.840 --> 0:16:54.400 with people that are transitioning. Now again, now, the people 0:16:54.480 --> 0:16:56.560 that are transitioning, I think people some of them are 0:16:56.600 --> 0:16:59.440 seeing it as a trend, which is like sucks because 0:16:59.480 --> 0:17:03.080 then then there's the people that are de transitioning because 0:17:03.160 --> 0:17:05.720 they again I think were fed this like oh my gosh, 0:17:05.760 --> 0:17:07.760 I'm gonna look fish. I'm gonna look you know fish 0:17:07.800 --> 0:17:10.240 meaning like girl, you know, like very very girl, Like 0:17:10.280 --> 0:17:12.040 I'm gonna look this, I'm gonna look that. So there 0:17:12.040 --> 0:17:15.119 are people are transitioning really really fast and then they're like, 0:17:15.119 --> 0:17:17.560 oh shit, that's not who I am. Let me do transition, 0:17:17.920 --> 0:17:20.720 and it's giving us a bad rep because they're like, oh, 0:17:20.720 --> 0:17:22.720 it is a mental illness, it is a sickness, it's 0:17:22.720 --> 0:17:26.480 this you know. Yeah, and a lot of these people. 0:17:26.520 --> 0:17:29.879 So look, when I first transitioned, I remember, like the 0:17:29.960 --> 0:17:33.680 restroom issue is a huge thing, right, I remember, like, Okay, 0:17:34.040 --> 0:17:36.280 I started wearing makeup, letting my hair grow out. I 0:17:36.320 --> 0:17:39.200 still would not go into the women's restroom. I if 0:17:39.200 --> 0:17:41.359 it was like a family restroom, I would go in there. 0:17:41.760 --> 0:17:44.080 And if I really had to go, I would just 0:17:44.080 --> 0:17:47.359 go into the men's restroom one because I needed everyone 0:17:47.400 --> 0:17:50.359 to feel safe around me, right, Yeah. And nowadays you 0:17:50.400 --> 0:17:52.639 see these people and I'm not coming for anyone, but 0:17:52.680 --> 0:17:55.240 it's just it's a scary world. It's I say, for 0:17:55.280 --> 0:17:57.560 the safety of them as well. Yeah, Like if you 0:17:57.600 --> 0:18:01.400 can use a public family restore, do that, because there's 0:18:01.440 --> 0:18:03.520 people that are transitioning, like all of a sudden day 0:18:03.520 --> 0:18:06.320 one I'm trans Then they go into a female restroom 0:18:06.680 --> 0:18:09.280 and like, you just don't know who you're making uncomfortable 0:18:09.359 --> 0:18:12.280 or not, just that the uncomfortable position you're putting yourself in. 0:18:12.640 --> 0:18:15.040 There's crazy people out there that will kill you. 0:18:15.320 --> 0:18:17.040 Yeah, And that's and that's what I was going to 0:18:17.080 --> 0:18:20.840 ask you, because I remember when I met you. You 0:18:20.840 --> 0:18:23.760 you had your makeup, your hair was shorter, so it's 0:18:23.800 --> 0:18:26.479 like and I always wondered, and this is I mean, 0:18:26.600 --> 0:18:27.760 this is the first time I ask you, but did 0:18:27.800 --> 0:18:30.320 you ever feel scared to go into the men's restrooms? 0:18:30.400 --> 0:18:33.439 That at the airport at Lax one time was like 0:18:33.480 --> 0:18:38.800 one of my worst time worst encounters. So I was 0:18:38.840 --> 0:18:42.199 at Lax literally going back home for I think the holidays, 0:18:42.240 --> 0:18:44.240 and my hair was still kind of short and everything 0:18:44.680 --> 0:18:48.120 full makeup at the airport like literally like over dramatic, 0:18:48.600 --> 0:18:51.159 and I had to like go restrooms so bad, and 0:18:51.200 --> 0:18:52.240 I was like, you know what, funck, I'm just going 0:18:52.280 --> 0:18:55.280 to run to the men's restroom. Literally, security comes after me, 0:18:55.760 --> 0:18:57.719 like banging in the door. You're in the wrong restroom, 0:18:57.720 --> 0:19:00.399 You're in the wrong restroom. They like escorted me, and 0:19:00.440 --> 0:19:02.080 I was like, no, I'm not, no, I'm not. Literally 0:19:02.119 --> 0:19:04.720 I think my d was still my old name. Everything 0:19:05.119 --> 0:19:07.720 showed them and they're like they didn't even know what 0:19:07.760 --> 0:19:10.000 to do about it, like and I was like, I'm 0:19:10.000 --> 0:19:12.119 gonna miss my flight. Luckily, they just like I didn't 0:19:12.119 --> 0:19:14.080 help me there for like five minutes, like you know, 0:19:14.200 --> 0:19:16.639 just be careful. Luckily, the guy was really nice, but 0:19:16.680 --> 0:19:19.880 obviously they were like alerted at first, someone told them, like, 0:19:20.320 --> 0:19:23.440 you're in the wrong freaking restroom, right, But if I 0:19:23.600 --> 0:19:25.719 would have gone too the women's restroom, what would have happened? 0:19:25.920 --> 0:19:27.040 What I had gotten arrested? 0:19:28.520 --> 0:19:28.760 Yeah? 0:19:28.920 --> 0:19:31.320 See, you know, and I remember like panicing, like, oh 0:19:31.400 --> 0:19:34.080 my gosh, they're making this big old freaking scene. 0:19:33.880 --> 0:19:37.080 Like and you probably felt embar embarrassed, embarrassed, and did 0:19:37.119 --> 0:19:39.760 other dudes ever look at you like guys, yeah, and 0:19:39.840 --> 0:19:40.640 we're kind of like. 0:19:40.640 --> 0:19:42.359 So, I mean I would never go like pee like 0:19:42.400 --> 0:19:44.040 on a star or that, I would go into it. 0:19:44.040 --> 0:19:46.360 I would go into not not the yarals. I would 0:19:46.400 --> 0:19:48.840 go into like an actual star, you know. But yeah, 0:19:48.880 --> 0:19:51.200 it was it was scary and so most of the time, 0:19:51.400 --> 0:19:52.960 like at that time though, I would go party in 0:19:52.960 --> 0:19:55.440 weehole a lot, so it wasn't like I was going 0:19:55.440 --> 0:19:57.679 to like straight places to go party. So we hold you. 0:19:57.760 --> 0:19:59.639 It's very going to wherever restroom you. 0:19:59.800 --> 0:20:02.640 Right, okay, but still like at the airport and things 0:20:02.680 --> 0:20:04.760 like that, like I have. It's it's a whole thing, 0:20:04.800 --> 0:20:07.600 and it's like conversations we've had off of camera in 0:20:07.640 --> 0:20:08.920 regards to to. 0:20:08.760 --> 0:20:12.520 It, like now now you're fine. Now you got to 0:20:12.520 --> 0:20:14.080 the women's restroom and you're totally fine. 0:20:14.359 --> 0:20:17.359 But when you're transitioning, it's just I guess, yes, the 0:20:17.400 --> 0:20:20.000 safest thing is to find a family restaurant somewhere. 0:20:19.680 --> 0:20:22.440 Where it is. And I see people arguing all the time, 0:20:22.560 --> 0:20:26.040 like I'm a woman, and I'm like, you're not, Like 0:20:26.080 --> 0:20:28.320 you're not yet. You need to stop. You need to relax, 0:20:28.359 --> 0:20:30.919 and you need to understand how others feel too, Like 0:20:31.240 --> 0:20:34.280 other people have their children in there, like imagine like. 0:20:35.040 --> 0:20:36.720 Yeah, I want to know your perspective on that, Like 0:20:36.720 --> 0:20:37.320 what do you visit? 0:20:38.200 --> 0:20:40.560 People get mad when I'm like, I'm a little trumpy 0:20:40.640 --> 0:20:43.080 when it comes to stuff like this, Okay, but because 0:20:43.400 --> 0:20:48.119 I feel like in that case, I back then, I 0:20:48.200 --> 0:20:50.919 was very much more vocal like, oh my gosh, rights, 0:20:50.960 --> 0:20:52.960 our rights, our rights. Yes, I do stand for our 0:20:53.040 --> 0:20:55.600 rights one hundred percent, but I also stand for the 0:20:55.600 --> 0:20:58.840 safety of others, you know, Like I like I said, 0:20:58.920 --> 0:21:00.639 I feel like if you're like day one of your 0:21:00.680 --> 0:21:03.800 transition and you don't not that it's because see this 0:21:03.840 --> 0:21:05.520 is the kid. The scary part of saying stuff like 0:21:05.520 --> 0:21:08.240 this when you say, oh, you don't look passable, you 0:21:08.280 --> 0:21:10.240 shouldn't go in there. No, I'm not coming for you. 0:21:10.600 --> 0:21:13.240 It's just what I'm saying is that people are still 0:21:13.280 --> 0:21:15.119 going to look at you as a man. As it is, 0:21:15.160 --> 0:21:17.080 people still look at me as a man. I don't 0:21:17.080 --> 0:21:18.399 have an issue with it, no one, because I know 0:21:18.440 --> 0:21:20.800 I don't look like one, you know, but and I 0:21:20.880 --> 0:21:22.960 know the hard work I put into it. And the 0:21:23.040 --> 0:21:24.960 thing is that people now they want to transition in 0:21:25.000 --> 0:21:27.439 the second day they are a woman, and you can't. 0:21:27.600 --> 0:21:30.600 You have to think about your safety and the risk 0:21:30.640 --> 0:21:32.119 you're putting others in as well. 0:21:32.400 --> 0:21:36.479 Okay, you know, okay, So so for you, in your opinion, 0:21:36.600 --> 0:21:39.760 do you feel that someone that's barely starting their transition 0:21:40.080 --> 0:21:43.600 that still look a little bit more male than female, 0:21:43.600 --> 0:21:46.000 but they're wearing makeup but don't have their parts, like 0:21:46.119 --> 0:21:49.320 having transitioned completely, should still go into like if it's 0:21:49.359 --> 0:21:51.679 a male into the male's rest into a man's restaurant. 0:21:51.680 --> 0:21:54.520 It's it's just it's hard. That's why it's hard to 0:21:54.520 --> 0:21:56.720 pick and choose. It's super hard to pick and choose 0:21:56.720 --> 0:21:58.560 because I'm like, I don't want to say that and 0:21:58.600 --> 0:22:00.639 then them get like murder in there, you know what 0:22:00.680 --> 0:22:01.000 I mean? 0:22:01.080 --> 0:22:02.640 Right, That's what I worry about. 0:22:02.800 --> 0:22:05.400 Because if there's that's why I'm saying, like, if you 0:22:05.440 --> 0:22:08.520 can find a family restroom, try to do that for 0:22:08.600 --> 0:22:12.920 your own safety, because then you just never know. There's 0:22:13.000 --> 0:22:15.760 weirdos out there, there's people like and and and then 0:22:15.800 --> 0:22:18.200 again people use this whole thing like oh, that's why, 0:22:18.359 --> 0:22:20.920 like rape happens because people are dressing up as women 0:22:20.960 --> 0:22:24.160 and going into that doesn't happen. That happens between families unfortunately, right, 0:22:24.240 --> 0:22:27.040 But like, yeah, I always tell people, if you can 0:22:27.119 --> 0:22:29.680 find a family restroom, do it for your own safety. 0:22:30.240 --> 0:22:34.200 You know, until you feel you look more presentable and 0:22:34.640 --> 0:22:37.320 or you're somewhere that it's safe, you know, like just 0:22:37.400 --> 0:22:39.399 look around or ask someone, just ask, like you have 0:22:39.440 --> 0:22:42.320 a family restroom, Like yeah, it's just now from the 0:22:42.359 --> 0:22:44.719 experience that I've seen in the faces that I've gotten, 0:22:44.960 --> 0:22:46.280 that's why I tell people that. 0:22:46.440 --> 0:22:50.520 You've you've I've experienced the experienced, you know, and yeah, 0:22:50.760 --> 0:22:51.720 it's hard. 0:22:51.840 --> 0:22:57.040 It's just you know what I feel. I feel bad 0:22:57.080 --> 0:22:59.040 saying this, but I feel like we have put in 0:22:59.119 --> 0:23:02.600 the work, and there's people like again I'm saying, they 0:23:02.640 --> 0:23:04.960 transition all of a sudden, they want all this respect. 0:23:05.680 --> 0:23:07.720 I've actually put in the work. We put in the 0:23:07.760 --> 0:23:12.680 work to consider ourselves trans women, you know, and say 0:23:12.720 --> 0:23:14.360 like I've done my part. 0:23:14.240 --> 0:23:16.960 You know, because you feel now more than ever that 0:23:17.000 --> 0:23:19.399 there are people that are giving trans a bad names, yes, 0:23:19.520 --> 0:23:22.760 like not really going through the entire process. 0:23:22.840 --> 0:23:25.960 Yeah, and they feel so entitled. And also the people 0:23:26.000 --> 0:23:28.639 that are getting recognized that are becoming the face of 0:23:28.680 --> 0:23:32.280 the community, you know, and that's bad for them to 0:23:32.280 --> 0:23:35.040 be the face because that's not who we are, that's 0:23:35.080 --> 0:23:36.639 not who we represent, you know. 0:23:37.560 --> 0:23:40.600 Yeah, And that's one thing that I like about you 0:23:40.720 --> 0:23:43.120 is that you've been very open about your entire process 0:23:43.280 --> 0:23:49.760 and your beliefs are are very different, I feel in 0:23:49.800 --> 0:23:53.000 a good way though, you know, you're very honest. Yeah, 0:23:54.000 --> 0:23:56.280 and I think that can also that's that's going to 0:23:56.320 --> 0:23:59.560 give the community more longevity and more respect if there 0:23:59.560 --> 0:24:03.080 are people that really like this, this is my true identity, 0:24:03.680 --> 0:24:05.680 and I take it seriously and I'm not only just 0:24:05.720 --> 0:24:07.800 like fighting for my rights, but like you said, for 0:24:07.840 --> 0:24:10.359 everyone's safety and because at the end of the day, 0:24:10.480 --> 0:24:12.879 it's your choice, and it's like it still makes other 0:24:12.920 --> 0:24:15.840 people uncomfortable, so you're also thinking about them or children 0:24:15.920 --> 0:24:18.320 that you know, I always say, speak to your kids, 0:24:18.359 --> 0:24:20.479 be honest about what's going on in the world about 0:24:20.840 --> 0:24:22.560 gay and the whole community. 0:24:22.640 --> 0:24:25.439 Everything starts at home. Everything starts at home. Like you 0:24:25.480 --> 0:24:28.160 see these some of these kids, like the way they speak, 0:24:28.160 --> 0:24:30.359 I'm like, that's because of their parents, you know. Like 0:24:30.720 --> 0:24:33.280 it's like kids like it can go anywhay, Like when 0:24:33.359 --> 0:24:36.679 kids wear like gain attire clothing like what they have 0:24:36.760 --> 0:24:38.919 at home. You know what I mean. You teach your 0:24:39.000 --> 0:24:41.919 kids love and respect at home, and that goes a 0:24:41.920 --> 0:24:44.879 long way. Yeah, right, And yeah, you have to like 0:24:44.880 --> 0:24:46.880 when people say, oh, I don't like kids seeing two 0:24:46.920 --> 0:24:49.560 boys kissing or two girls. Teach your kids about love. 0:24:49.600 --> 0:24:51.320 That's all it is, you know. And like I said, 0:24:51.320 --> 0:24:53.679 all that starts at home. Yeah, and you have to 0:24:53.680 --> 0:24:54.240 be open with. 0:24:54.200 --> 0:24:56.040 Your kids about it because if not, they're going to 0:24:56.080 --> 0:24:58.639 see it, especially now with social media. I feel like 0:24:58.880 --> 0:25:00.760 I'd rather my kids come to me and say, hey, 0:25:00.800 --> 0:25:02.560 what's Let me explain it to you. Let me show 0:25:02.600 --> 0:25:06.040 you how children are born or how they're made. And 0:25:06.040 --> 0:25:08.320 and these are people's choices and this is what it is. 0:25:08.359 --> 0:25:11.119 And as my personal opinion. 0:25:11.160 --> 0:25:14.000 If your kids want to express themselves, let them express themselves. 0:25:14.040 --> 0:25:17.240 You know, Like when I things I don't like seeing 0:25:17.240 --> 0:25:19.159 obviously is like I remember one time I was like, oh, 0:25:19.280 --> 0:25:21.480 this is like five years ago and Charlotte Ruis was 0:25:21.520 --> 0:25:24.400 still open. This little boy was like, oh you could 0:25:24.440 --> 0:25:27.040 arrest those like these shoes, like and he was innocent, 0:25:27.200 --> 0:25:31.119 like just when the dad pulled them up, like I'm like, 0:25:31.160 --> 0:25:33.280 that's so fucked up. But I was like, you know what, 0:25:33.960 --> 0:25:36.280 my kid now, my kid, I'm not a parent. And 0:25:36.320 --> 0:25:38.760 that's one thing I sucks when I try to tell 0:25:38.760 --> 0:25:40.399 people something because I like, well, you're not a parent. 0:25:40.480 --> 0:25:43.240 I know I'm not, but like I'm just saying, teachers, 0:25:43.359 --> 0:25:45.399 it's about love, yeah, and just don't be you know, 0:25:45.640 --> 0:25:47.560 it's maybe it's a face. He just wanted to try 0:25:47.560 --> 0:25:48.760 that shoe on, that it. 0:25:48.720 --> 0:25:52.119 Happened, and saying stuff like that, and public especially you know, 0:25:52.200 --> 0:25:55.119 because liquor even like those are words of they haunt you. 0:25:55.200 --> 0:25:57.439 They haunt you. Yeah, exactly, even if what if he 0:25:57.560 --> 0:25:59.120 is the little boy is. 0:25:59.080 --> 0:26:01.040 And now he's growing up thinking like damn, I can 0:26:01.119 --> 0:26:03.199 never be because my dad just traumatized me in at 0:26:03.200 --> 0:26:03.480 the mall. 0:26:03.640 --> 0:26:12.040 You know, yeah, how did your dad take it? 0:26:13.600 --> 0:26:16.239 You know? I remember like telling my parents I was 0:26:16.800 --> 0:26:19.920 I started up, I was by and they're like whatever, right, 0:26:20.200 --> 0:26:21.040 there's still. 0:26:20.800 --> 0:26:21.840 Hope, you know. 0:26:22.480 --> 0:26:25.040 And then and then I came out as gay, and 0:26:25.080 --> 0:26:27.000 then I don't think they really said much after that. 0:26:27.080 --> 0:26:29.680 And then I remember when I started transitioning. I told 0:26:29.720 --> 0:26:32.320 my mom first I was already living here, and you know, 0:26:32.440 --> 0:26:34.679 my mom was like yes and this and this and that, 0:26:34.800 --> 0:26:37.040 you know. And at that point, I think I had 0:26:37.040 --> 0:26:39.560 already built them up to like not care about certain 0:26:39.600 --> 0:26:41.880 stuff because I felt like I was a black sheep 0:26:41.920 --> 0:26:44.639 in my family, that I was very different. I'm very outspoken, 0:26:46.280 --> 0:26:49.320 and I was I was thinking I was building her 0:26:49.400 --> 0:26:51.360 up for that. And then I remember at one point 0:26:51.359 --> 0:26:53.080 when I was like telling her, like, you can't call 0:26:53.119 --> 0:26:55.520 me that anymore, like, and I stopped talking to her 0:26:55.560 --> 0:26:58.080 for a moment, right, It was like a heart a month, 0:26:58.960 --> 0:27:00.159 and I just I couldn't give in. 0:27:00.200 --> 0:27:00.480 I could. 0:27:00.480 --> 0:27:03.240 I had to like not teach her lesson, but tell 0:27:03.320 --> 0:27:05.520 her like, I love you, but this is who I 0:27:05.560 --> 0:27:08.440 am now, right. So then I remember having I told her, 0:27:08.640 --> 0:27:10.720 you need to tell my dad because I didn't want 0:27:10.760 --> 0:27:13.359 to say it. He was very very like I used 0:27:13.400 --> 0:27:14.960 to go hunting with him, like I used to do 0:27:15.040 --> 0:27:17.120 a lot of like very much, yes, very very much, 0:27:17.160 --> 0:27:20.920 he's that, you know. And I remember going back. 0:27:20.960 --> 0:27:22.960 I can't even imagine you're asked hunting girl. 0:27:23.040 --> 0:27:26.640 I used to hunt. I used to choose fish. Oh wow, 0:27:26.720 --> 0:27:29.280 I'm very handy. Like when it comes to like building stuff, yeah, 0:27:29.720 --> 0:27:31.399 I used to. Yeah, my friends always like, okay, you 0:27:31.440 --> 0:27:32.280 can have me building something. 0:27:32.480 --> 0:27:34.720 And she's a badass baker, you guys make she makes 0:27:34.720 --> 0:27:38.080 this bomb ass banana some freaking oh please. 0:27:38.240 --> 0:27:38.440 Yeah. 0:27:38.480 --> 0:27:41.440 So it's the bed. It's so moist banana chocolate chip, 0:27:41.640 --> 0:27:42.560 banana chocolate chip. 0:27:42.680 --> 0:27:45.280 I got it out of this like old ass book 0:27:45.280 --> 0:27:48.440 that I found. It's a good will literally really yes. 0:27:48.480 --> 0:27:50.359 It was literally a socious book. 0:27:50.840 --> 0:27:52.719 Yeah, so good. So then okay, So I was going 0:27:52.760 --> 0:27:54.640 to go back home to my cousins kin Signetta, which 0:27:54.680 --> 0:27:58.280 is my dad's brother's daughters Skins Signetta, right, and I 0:27:58.840 --> 0:28:01.359 still had no boobs thing yet, but I was already 0:28:01.400 --> 0:28:04.960 like wearing long hair and everything. And then I remember 0:28:05.280 --> 0:28:07.119 like telling my mom like did you tell my dad? 0:28:07.160 --> 0:28:08.720 I's like yeah, I told him. I told him, don't 0:28:08.720 --> 0:28:11.640 you know, it's fine, it's fine. I remember getting ready 0:28:11.680 --> 0:28:13.720 going to this we're getting we're going there, and my 0:28:13.760 --> 0:28:16.280 sister in her car. I remember just like I started bawling. 0:28:16.680 --> 0:28:18.440 The only thing I was ever scared of my dad 0:28:18.880 --> 0:28:22.479 is him feeling some type of way of my family 0:28:22.480 --> 0:28:26.560 saying something to him about me, like making him feel 0:28:26.640 --> 0:28:28.880 less up or making him feel like he failed as 0:28:28.920 --> 0:28:32.280 a parent. That was what I was scared. I'm the baby, 0:28:32.280 --> 0:28:34.520 I'm the only boy. It was the only boy. It 0:28:34.560 --> 0:28:37.360 was the only boy. Yeah, Like that was his baby, right, 0:28:38.000 --> 0:28:40.960 And I know his in his wallet he still has 0:28:40.960 --> 0:28:43.280 a picture of me like when I was a little boy, 0:28:43.720 --> 0:28:46.000 Like he always has that picture, like he still has 0:28:46.040 --> 0:28:48.560 it to this day. But I remember that was like 0:28:48.600 --> 0:28:51.360 my biggest fear was just like what my if my 0:28:51.400 --> 0:28:52.920 family would have said something to him. 0:28:53.240 --> 0:28:57.240 Yeah, and I I remember to cause him pain because 0:28:57.280 --> 0:28:58.160 of yeah. 0:28:58.280 --> 0:29:00.360 Right, So I remember like I was hyper ventilated like 0:29:00.680 --> 0:29:03.160 a I just like, no, you're fine, You're fine, You're fine. 0:29:03.200 --> 0:29:05.160 I just come, just come. And I remember just like 0:29:06.000 --> 0:29:07.760 walking because I think I landed the day before and 0:29:07.800 --> 0:29:09.440 I didn't go see them. And I saw my mom 0:29:09.480 --> 0:29:11.080 only in the morning because I think I curled her 0:29:11.080 --> 0:29:13.160 hair for the So yeah, I hadn't seen my dad 0:29:13.240 --> 0:29:16.360 though at all. And this he really hadn't seen much. 0:29:16.280 --> 0:29:18.440 You know, seeing like you're you as a woman. 0:29:18.560 --> 0:29:20.800 Yes, And I remember I wore a black dress and 0:29:21.520 --> 0:29:26.160 uh yeah, it was I ket walking in though. I 0:29:26.200 --> 0:29:30.800 was like, oh my gosh, okay, everyone was looking everyone, everyone, everyone, 0:29:31.240 --> 0:29:35.720 all my dad's family was there, Washington, Washington. Yeah. And 0:29:36.240 --> 0:29:38.080 I started saying hi to some people that were kind 0:29:38.080 --> 0:29:40.520 of that. I whatever skipped a lot of my family 0:29:41.000 --> 0:29:42.680 and then I got to my more. My parents were 0:29:42.680 --> 0:29:44.480 and I said, I said hi, and like nothing. 0:29:44.680 --> 0:29:45.200 He was fine. 0:29:45.240 --> 0:29:46.520 He was fine, and. 0:29:46.440 --> 0:29:49.200 He's always because does he know you you did compla. 0:29:49.160 --> 0:29:51.600 Not the last surgery. The last surgery. My mom knows 0:29:51.600 --> 0:29:53.480 about it. My family knows about it, but I never 0:29:53.560 --> 0:29:56.000 told him. I just think that's like a weird conversation 0:29:56.120 --> 0:29:58.600 to him. So I'm like, you know, maybe if he 0:29:58.680 --> 0:30:03.120 still feels like some thing, let him feel that, you know, like, yeah, 0:30:03.320 --> 0:30:05.760 let me not take everything away from him, you know. 0:30:05.760 --> 0:30:06.360 Right right. 0:30:06.520 --> 0:30:08.920 No, I get that because I mean it must be 0:30:09.000 --> 0:30:10.960 hard for parents, you know, because for them it's like 0:30:11.000 --> 0:30:14.280 they have especially because you were the only boy, had 0:30:14.320 --> 0:30:15.600 these dreams and stuff like that. 0:30:15.600 --> 0:30:16.800 You guys went hunting and all this. 0:30:17.360 --> 0:30:19.640 But I mean, it's beautiful to see that your parents, 0:30:20.160 --> 0:30:22.840 your parents love you enough to say I just want 0:30:22.880 --> 0:30:24.800 her to be happy. Yeah, I remember, like, and now 0:30:24.800 --> 0:30:25.760 your mom calls you by me? 0:30:26.320 --> 0:30:29.480 Oh yeah yeah yeah only yeah, and my fad some 0:30:29.520 --> 0:30:32.320 of my cousins, they'll try to call me my old 0:30:32.400 --> 0:30:33.880 name and they'll be like, oh, that's all I've known you. 0:30:33.960 --> 0:30:36.200 I'm like, if my mom has to call me my 0:30:36.560 --> 0:30:39.600 new name, so you if you don't, I'm done with you. 0:30:39.680 --> 0:30:41.760 Like I am at that cut off. I'm cutting off 0:30:41.800 --> 0:30:45.920 people because you expect me. Yes, why why should you 0:30:46.000 --> 0:30:47.840 get that chance to call me that when I don't 0:30:47.880 --> 0:30:49.520 even let my mom call me that? You know? 0:30:49.760 --> 0:30:52.200 That makes sense? Absolutely? And what's your dad call you? 0:30:53.320 --> 0:30:57.280 So? No, no, no, no, so they call me my mom calls. 0:30:57.160 --> 0:30:57.920 You by Mia. 0:30:58.000 --> 0:31:00.480 But like one time I got there, I like today 0:31:00.520 --> 0:31:03.400 from the airport like all glam so ever since then 0:31:03.440 --> 0:31:08.360 my dads like, oh yeah, so I'm like, okay, whatever, 0:31:09.520 --> 0:31:09.840 so he. 0:31:09.840 --> 0:31:12.120 Calls you, yeah, does he call you mihw or anything 0:31:12.160 --> 0:31:12.320 like that. 0:31:12.320 --> 0:31:17.480 I don't like You'll just be like okay, I mean. 0:31:17.360 --> 0:31:20.960 It's whatever better than yeah my old name. 0:31:21.040 --> 0:31:21.240 Yeah. 0:31:21.280 --> 0:31:24.760 Yeah, I'm like that. I know. Everyone's like in Washington 0:31:24.800 --> 0:31:26.280 everything that you go back there, you're fine. 0:31:26.320 --> 0:31:30.760 You don't like a little local celebrity to them. No, 0:31:31.080 --> 0:31:33.040 it's honestly, I love when I go out there just 0:31:33.080 --> 0:31:36.120 seeing like old people that I used to like associate 0:31:36.120 --> 0:31:39.120 myself like friends back then. It's fun, you know. But yeah, 0:31:39.240 --> 0:31:43.160 like people still trip out and yeah, you know, but. 0:31:43.480 --> 0:31:44.720 Do you feel like it's getting better? 0:31:45.000 --> 0:31:46.719 I feel like it is. Like I saw they had 0:31:46.720 --> 0:31:50.240 a Pride recently, like a Pride festival, like two weeks ago, 0:31:50.520 --> 0:31:53.720 and I mean, like like any other Pride festival, there's 0:31:53.720 --> 0:31:57.520 people outside protesting of course, you know, but like it's 0:31:57.600 --> 0:31:59.400 it's come a long way. 0:31:59.560 --> 0:32:04.120 Yeah, I definitely feel like it's more accepted, I guess now, 0:32:04.360 --> 0:32:06.040 and I think that that's a beautiful thing. 0:32:06.080 --> 0:32:08.160 The thing is that when people when I say Washington, 0:32:08.200 --> 0:32:11.400 everyone assumes Seattle. I'm not from Seattle. Seattle is three 0:32:11.400 --> 0:32:13.600 hours up north from US. We are in the lower part, 0:32:13.640 --> 0:32:16.200 so we're like in all the farm area, which is 0:32:16.320 --> 0:32:20.520 very conservative. That's the conservative part, the part that makes 0:32:20.840 --> 0:32:24.880 Washington a Democrat state. Seattle, which is a tiny corner 0:32:24.920 --> 0:32:28.120 but it's obviously overpopulated. That's the only thing. The rest 0:32:28.120 --> 0:32:30.960 of it is so conservative. We're also borderline to Idaho, 0:32:31.520 --> 0:32:35.520 you know. Yeah, so it's all farm people. You know, 0:32:35.880 --> 0:32:39.240 so that's very close minded, you know, but they come along. 0:32:39.080 --> 0:32:41.720 Way, but it's they're coming a long way. And I'm 0:32:41.720 --> 0:32:43.560 glad that you probably say that's where I'm from. 0:32:43.600 --> 0:32:45.880 That's I never deny where I'm from. I always say, like, 0:32:45.920 --> 0:32:50.840 I'm from Washington, small little town, grand View, and born 0:32:50.840 --> 0:32:52.640 and raised around there. So I love. 0:32:52.480 --> 0:32:54.360 That you have to be proud of where you come from. 0:32:54.560 --> 0:32:56.840 You know what I mean, what do you feel is 0:32:56.880 --> 0:32:59.920 that it has been the most difficult part of your transition, 0:33:00.160 --> 0:33:02.880 is there or has it just been like do you 0:33:02.920 --> 0:33:04.680 finally feel like, oh I'm whole. 0:33:05.120 --> 0:33:06.560 I'm mean, I feel whole. 0:33:06.560 --> 0:33:11.040 I feel one hundred percent whole. But one thing I 0:33:11.080 --> 0:33:12.880 always taught you don't need the surch you don't need 0:33:12.920 --> 0:33:17.040 the last surgery like to feel whole. Right for me, 0:33:17.160 --> 0:33:20.440 I did, ok, But then after this surgery I did 0:33:20.560 --> 0:33:22.840 have to be like, Okay, now I have to fully 0:33:22.880 --> 0:33:26.920 accept myself because even though that surgery was done, you know, 0:33:26.960 --> 0:33:29.640 you're still I been anesthesia kind of whereas in and 0:33:29.680 --> 0:33:31.480 out of your body where you're kind of like, oh, 0:33:31.640 --> 0:33:34.520 like you start questioning certain stuff, right, yeah, But now 0:33:34.720 --> 0:33:36.280 I was like, I think, like two months ago, I 0:33:36.280 --> 0:33:38.080 was like, you know, I really do have to feel 0:33:38.160 --> 0:33:41.080 one hundred percent myself and I did. I did, like 0:33:41.120 --> 0:33:43.440 some soul searching. I was like, okay this, I don't 0:33:43.520 --> 0:33:46.080 need a man. I don't need I just needed to 0:33:46.080 --> 0:33:49.360 feel whole myself. And once I accepted that, I was like, Okay, 0:33:49.520 --> 0:33:50.480 I feel good. 0:33:50.560 --> 0:33:53.200 You feel fine? Yeah, because you want to get married right, yeah? 0:33:53.200 --> 0:33:54.080 I do. 0:33:54.240 --> 0:33:57.440 Yeah, I do want to not right now, I'm going 0:33:57.520 --> 0:33:58.800 to have a hot girl summer but. 0:33:58.880 --> 0:34:00.959 Nice yes, hot girl summer summer. 0:34:01.120 --> 0:34:05.600 Yeah, the cat in full effect. But you know, like 0:34:07.000 --> 0:34:09.319 I would love that. I would love that. You know, 0:34:09.760 --> 0:34:10.080 do you. 0:34:10.000 --> 0:34:14.200 Feel now that you're completely transitioned, would you still tell 0:34:14.280 --> 0:34:17.160 someone oh I'm trans or like the guy that you meet. 0:34:17.160 --> 0:34:18.880 Yes, but not right there. I also, this is the 0:34:18.880 --> 0:34:20.840 thing with me and people. I don't go around like 0:34:20.880 --> 0:34:23.120 say I'm at a bar and you're like, oh so, 0:34:23.280 --> 0:34:26.000 so I don't say that, cahi ama, I'm trans Okay, 0:34:26.160 --> 0:34:28.920 never do that one. You never know. It is safety. 0:34:29.080 --> 0:34:31.600 You're safety again. Yes, never know how people are. 0:34:31.920 --> 0:34:34.640 Yes, but always do tell. If anything, I'm not going 0:34:34.719 --> 0:34:36.279 to go home and hook up with this guy, I 0:34:36.360 --> 0:34:38.040 will get their number. I'll be like, oh, let's just 0:34:38.080 --> 0:34:40.640 change numbers or I'll get my social media or something 0:34:40.680 --> 0:34:43.680 like that. Sometimes I'm very like about social media because 0:34:43.680 --> 0:34:45.600 I'm like, where if they go far back? I have 0:34:45.960 --> 0:34:49.879 archived so much stuff now. But because again I don't 0:34:49.880 --> 0:34:52.399 know people haunting me with old pictures or stuff like that, 0:34:52.480 --> 0:34:56.480 you know, But I will tell them if I if 0:34:56.520 --> 0:34:59.120 I see the conversations going somewhere with them, like it's 0:34:59.120 --> 0:35:01.279 not just a dumb converce. I'm like, hey, just so 0:35:01.320 --> 0:35:04.279 you know I am you know, I'm transgender thissiness, and 0:35:04.360 --> 0:35:07.600 that explain, you know, if they don't know it. Sometimes 0:35:07.600 --> 0:35:09.560 it's like, oh, I'm cool with that. You want to 0:35:09.600 --> 0:35:12.200 fuck Then I'm like, okay, I'm done with this conversation too, 0:35:12.239 --> 0:35:15.640 you know now I'm done with that conversation. Yeah. Yeah, 0:35:15.680 --> 0:35:18.560 but yeah. I always you have to tell people. You 0:35:18.640 --> 0:35:22.160 have to be one hundred percent no no, And I 0:35:22.200 --> 0:35:25.360 hear these stories and I don't. I don't want to 0:35:25.360 --> 0:35:27.040 say that's why some people people get killed, but that 0:35:27.239 --> 0:35:29.520 is that's one of the reasons. Or some people also 0:35:29.640 --> 0:35:31.680 can't stand that they knew that they slept with someone 0:35:31.680 --> 0:35:34.280 that's trans, so they end up killing them. But always 0:35:34.280 --> 0:35:36.839 disclose that and always make sure that people know who 0:35:36.840 --> 0:35:40.279 you're with. I told all my friends, like, hey, I've 0:35:40.320 --> 0:35:42.319 been with this person or this person's coming over, Like 0:35:42.360 --> 0:35:45.480 I'll send pictures some of what they look like or whatever, 0:35:45.560 --> 0:35:48.000 just in case, just in case my location. I share 0:35:48.000 --> 0:35:51.560 it with like thirty people. Yeah, you know, like you. 0:35:51.640 --> 0:35:55.560 Have to safeties first, and I think always being honest 0:35:55.600 --> 0:35:57.759 and upfront so that you don't mislead anybody in all 0:35:57.760 --> 0:35:59.640 the best space, so that you're safe and they're safe 0:35:59.640 --> 0:36:00.719 and they have at least a. 0:36:00.760 --> 0:36:03.120 Chance and the opportunity to say yes or no. Exactly. 0:36:03.200 --> 0:36:08.000 Okay, So before we go, I do want to ask 0:36:08.120 --> 0:36:10.759 because on your social media, what I love too is 0:36:10.800 --> 0:36:13.240 that you're you come across as a very confident woman, 0:36:13.680 --> 0:36:15.839 and I think that you can be of a you know, 0:36:16.520 --> 0:36:20.160 an inspiration to people in the community. Where do you 0:36:20.200 --> 0:36:23.359 think that that confidence comes from. Has it always been there? 0:36:23.400 --> 0:36:26.000 Is it something? Is it a front? Is it something now. 0:36:25.880 --> 0:36:29.799 That you really feel because you you're like, this is 0:36:29.800 --> 0:36:32.920 why I love that. But I mean, I've been honest 0:36:32.920 --> 0:36:36.560 about how I used to portray myself and how I 0:36:36.600 --> 0:36:38.880 thought I was confident, but it wasn't really confident. 0:36:39.040 --> 0:36:41.160 It was I have to say that about you too, though, Yeah, 0:36:41.200 --> 0:36:43.799 it was it was it wasn't. I feel like I've 0:36:43.960 --> 0:36:48.759 had to portray that, Like I had to portray that 0:36:48.800 --> 0:36:51.560 I was very confident, and I or my friends always 0:36:51.600 --> 0:36:53.400 telling me like, you're so strong, you're so there's what 0:36:53.560 --> 0:36:55.600 you know, you shouldn't have an issue, and it would 0:36:55.680 --> 0:36:57.560 make me cry because I would just feel like you 0:36:57.640 --> 0:37:00.520 guys fucking think that, but I'm not. I'm not like 0:37:00.600 --> 0:37:03.680 I's it's a front. It's something that so I don't 0:37:03.680 --> 0:37:06.000 feel torn down, I don't feel like you can get 0:37:06.040 --> 0:37:09.359 to me. Yeah, because I'll give you the satisy. Yes, yes, 0:37:09.400 --> 0:37:11.520 So what happened? I want to say, Like twenty sixteen, 0:37:11.560 --> 0:37:13.640 I remember I had posted like that whole picture with 0:37:13.760 --> 0:37:15.960 like the slurs like all over my body, and then 0:37:16.239 --> 0:37:19.680 Kylie Jenner had reposted it, right, and that was the 0:37:19.719 --> 0:37:24.440 beginning of like the hate. I feel like, the like 0:37:24.800 --> 0:37:26.960 go kill yourself, go do this, go do that. And 0:37:27.040 --> 0:37:28.719 that's where I feel like I had to become even 0:37:28.840 --> 0:37:32.320 more confident, more stronger and act like it didn't hurt me, 0:37:32.360 --> 0:37:35.960 but it did so for I do feel up until 0:37:36.000 --> 0:37:40.399 like twenty twenty is when I started kind of being 0:37:40.440 --> 0:37:42.560 more in tune of my feelings. And then I did 0:37:42.600 --> 0:37:45.160 stop posting a lot. I I used to post like 0:37:45.200 --> 0:37:47.600 three four times a week, and now it's like rare 0:37:47.719 --> 0:37:50.680 when I like, I'll post like once every two three weeks. 0:37:50.680 --> 0:37:52.080 You know, I do post on my story a lot, 0:37:52.120 --> 0:37:54.840 but I I am scared of what people say sometimes 0:37:55.000 --> 0:37:59.799 and I am stronger, but I am more in tune 0:37:59.800 --> 0:38:01.400 my things. I know I have to you have to 0:38:01.400 --> 0:38:03.920 read those comments. Sometimes you have to read the hate, right. 0:38:04.280 --> 0:38:06.359 But I now I know they can't bring me down. 0:38:06.680 --> 0:38:08.920 But before it was all up front, it was all like, 0:38:09.840 --> 0:38:11.200 that's what I have to be. I have to show 0:38:11.280 --> 0:38:13.320 people I'm a strong bitch. You can't get to me. 0:38:13.440 --> 0:38:16.600 You can tell me off, you can say whatever you want. 0:38:17.000 --> 0:38:18.399 But I'm a strong bitch. But I wasn't. 0:38:18.640 --> 0:38:21.640 Yeah, no, I completely agree with that because. 0:38:21.920 --> 0:38:23.799 It can with you. You know, you went through so 0:38:23.880 --> 0:38:25.479 much hate the first I. 0:38:25.480 --> 0:38:30.000 Really I've experienced bullying since I was little about my weight, 0:38:30.080 --> 0:38:32.600 and then I came into this world, in this industry, 0:38:32.680 --> 0:38:36.840 and I just felt like I always felt beautiful, and 0:38:36.880 --> 0:38:39.440 I felt like I never knew that I was big. 0:38:39.719 --> 0:38:42.120 I only knew that I was fat because people would 0:38:42.120 --> 0:38:43.840 tell me, Oh, you're so fat, you come out on 0:38:43.880 --> 0:38:46.000 TV you shouldn't like so many things, and then I 0:38:46.040 --> 0:38:47.560 would be like, oh my god, I guess I am, 0:38:47.600 --> 0:38:49.920 but I felt so it was just thinking of like 0:38:49.960 --> 0:38:50.600 I'm not gonna let you. 0:38:50.600 --> 0:38:51.120 Guys get to me. 0:38:51.160 --> 0:38:53.480 I'm strong and I know what I am inside my 0:38:53.520 --> 0:38:56.120 heart and now like it's it's this thing of like 0:38:56.200 --> 0:38:59.680 I know who I am in my core, so you 0:38:59.719 --> 0:39:00.000 know what I mean. 0:39:00.320 --> 0:39:02.040 But it was it was hard. 0:39:02.600 --> 0:39:04.560 Okay, now that you've lost weight, you went on this 0:39:04.640 --> 0:39:07.640 like healthy journey right like you. I'm sure you do 0:39:07.840 --> 0:39:10.920 feel though sometimes like oh now there's things that I 0:39:11.040 --> 0:39:14.040 don't like. It's it's you're never gonna win that though, 0:39:14.280 --> 0:39:16.000 because I remember I told you last time to like 0:39:16.480 --> 0:39:18.680 I don't remember you being that big. 0:39:19.160 --> 0:39:21.520 I see pictures and I'm like, what you're like throwing. 0:39:21.320 --> 0:39:25.120 Your photoshop them right now? Like but you know you just. 0:39:28.600 --> 0:39:30.480 Said, let's you guysn't call me fat all day long? 0:39:30.560 --> 0:39:31.399 Can you call me ugly? 0:39:31.560 --> 0:39:32.000 No? 0:39:32.000 --> 0:39:34.160 No, you can't, No you can't you know and. 0:39:34.320 --> 0:39:36.840 No, even like you know what's crazy. I feel like 0:39:36.880 --> 0:39:39.480 I used to get hit on more though back then 0:39:39.760 --> 0:39:40.759 I feel like than I do. 0:39:40.880 --> 0:39:43.239 Now, maybe because I have a man, but I was 0:39:43.400 --> 0:39:47.759 in some ways more physically confident is bigger than now 0:39:47.800 --> 0:39:51.080 that I'm like, I walked in like insecurities now because 0:39:51.120 --> 0:39:53.600 now it's like I now I can I feel confident 0:39:53.680 --> 0:39:56.399 with wearing sleeveless shirts, but then like my loose skin 0:39:56.560 --> 0:39:57.479 because of my arms. 0:39:57.520 --> 0:39:59.560 Just saying I was like resting up for this, I 0:39:59.640 --> 0:40:01.600 was like, no, like I need to have some kind 0:40:01.640 --> 0:40:05.040 of leave that, you know, and surgery can't fix it 0:40:05.080 --> 0:40:06.879 all you guys, it's it's you also have to fix 0:40:06.880 --> 0:40:07.719 your head first, you know. 0:40:08.520 --> 0:40:11.759 YEA love who you are inside, and it makes you 0:40:11.880 --> 0:40:15.920 radiate different. Too many people focus on wanting to fix themselves, 0:40:16.440 --> 0:40:19.319 like on the exterior and don't take care of this 0:40:19.400 --> 0:40:21.880 and this, and then it's just it's just. 0:40:22.239 --> 0:40:25.520 Then they have body for the rest of our life exactly. 0:40:25.640 --> 0:40:29.440 And so it's honestly, it does irritate me because obviously, 0:40:29.040 --> 0:40:31.680 I really I am a common person. I go on 0:40:31.760 --> 0:40:34.000 people like I grow even with you when you post 0:40:34.040 --> 0:40:36.680 something I like, I've seen you pictures like oh I 0:40:36.719 --> 0:40:39.759 don't like this, you know, you know, but I'm very like. 0:40:39.840 --> 0:40:42.080 But I also because I start thinking about what everyone 0:40:42.120 --> 0:40:44.120 says and I'm just like, oh my gosh, but I 0:40:44.160 --> 0:40:46.120 hate them. People are like Oh, you have money, you 0:40:46.160 --> 0:40:48.120 can go do this, you said, or she's probably lying, 0:40:48.239 --> 0:40:51.160 she did all this, this this, No, it's just it's 0:40:52.400 --> 0:40:55.279 once you once you got like into this journey and 0:40:55.280 --> 0:40:58.600 everything and you start loving yourself, it's very different and you're. 0:41:00.280 --> 0:41:03.239 Yes, truly accepting who you are and being okay with 0:41:03.880 --> 0:41:09.239 expressing things and mistakes, past mistakes or whatever. Like that's 0:41:09.280 --> 0:41:11.239 when you know, like I've reached the point of really 0:41:11.280 --> 0:41:14.480 loving who I am and not having to do and 0:41:14.520 --> 0:41:17.360 say and act certain ways to make other people happy. 0:41:17.400 --> 0:41:20.920 It's like I'm really soul searching and seeking to be 0:41:21.000 --> 0:41:23.560 the best version of myself that even if I do 0:41:23.600 --> 0:41:25.160 have a little bit of loose kin like I don't know, 0:41:25.600 --> 0:41:27.680 it's like I'm. 0:41:27.520 --> 0:41:30.760 All for I'm off here here and I'm all for surgery. 0:41:30.840 --> 0:41:32.800 I also work for a surgery center. Outside of people, 0:41:32.920 --> 0:41:34.640 go for it, do it if you can do it, 0:41:34.760 --> 0:41:36.880 but do it for yourself. One don't ever do it 0:41:36.920 --> 0:41:41.239 for a man, because if the regardless you know what 0:41:41.280 --> 0:41:43.239 I mean, do it for yourself. It's if it's going 0:41:43.320 --> 0:41:45.719 to make you feel better, but make sure you're you're 0:41:46.000 --> 0:41:49.560 you're okay here, because that is the most important thing ever, 0:41:49.680 --> 0:41:50.440 you know, So. 0:41:50.719 --> 0:41:52.839 So yeah, share your socials with people so that they 0:41:52.840 --> 0:41:53.480 can follow you. 0:41:53.560 --> 0:41:57.960 And my Instagram is I am me a podcast my 0:41:58.040 --> 0:42:01.520 only fans, I'm just okkay No, my TikTok is I 0:42:01.560 --> 0:42:04.680 am Mia Vargas eight one A, So I am right, 0:42:04.760 --> 0:42:08.920 I am I A. Yeah, I am Mia Vargas and 0:42:08.960 --> 0:42:11.000 then just the TikTok one is with eight one A. 0:42:11.120 --> 0:42:12.640 Okay, oh nice? 0:42:13.040 --> 0:42:15.040 All right, well, Mia, thank you so much for being 0:42:15.040 --> 0:42:17.920 on the podcast, for being such an open book. I 0:42:17.960 --> 0:42:20.080 know that this will help a lot of people that 0:42:20.520 --> 0:42:22.960 I feel like maybe haven't even come out yet and 0:42:23.040 --> 0:42:27.600 are living with this, and maybe they watched this and 0:42:27.719 --> 0:42:29.719 listen to our conversation and they're able to just be 0:42:29.800 --> 0:42:33.640 themselves step into being who they really are meant to be, 0:42:34.360 --> 0:42:36.200 which is my whole thing with this podcast from like, 0:42:36.239 --> 0:42:40.120 I just want to have conversations with real people, and 0:42:40.440 --> 0:42:41.960 you're definitely someone that I've had in my life for 0:42:41.960 --> 0:42:43.560 a long time and I really love and appreciate. 0:42:43.640 --> 0:42:44.520 So thank you so much. 0:42:44.719 --> 0:42:47.600 And before we go, I do want to tell you 0:42:47.600 --> 0:42:50.360 here in front of everyone, but I'm gonna go ahead 0:42:50.880 --> 0:42:54.160 and keep my word and I'm gonna write you a check, bitch, 0:42:54.200 --> 0:42:56.120 because I did tell you, So I'm gonna be the 0:42:56.160 --> 0:42:57.400 Madrina of that Kuci. 0:42:58.520 --> 0:43:01.400 Thank you did, because I did. 0:43:01.239 --> 0:43:06.600 Tell you that I remember exactly where I was at. Yes, 0:43:07.040 --> 0:43:09.520 oh my god, we were drunk and I remember we 0:43:09.520 --> 0:43:11.160 were in the restaurant. That's so funny that you say that, 0:43:11.160 --> 0:43:13.200 because I went back to that moment. I was like, 0:43:13.239 --> 0:43:16.640 I remember and I've always remembered now that you brought 0:43:16.640 --> 0:43:18.400 it up. So I'm a woman on my words. So 0:43:18.440 --> 0:43:20.080 I will write you a check for your retraina. 0:43:20.280 --> 0:43:23.320 I appreciate that. I love bitch. 0:43:24.400 --> 0:43:26.120 Okay, guys, thank you so much for listening. 0:43:26.160 --> 0:43:28.839 I hope that you enjoyed this episode and I will 0:43:28.840 --> 0:43:30.959 catch you on the next episode of Cheeky's and Chill 0:43:31.280 --> 0:43:39.080 see you. This is a production of iHeartRadio and mike 0:43:39.120 --> 0:43:43.280 Wa podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at mike wa 0:43:43.360 --> 0:43:47.359 Podcasts and follow me Cheeky's That's c h i q 0:43:47.520 --> 0:43:50.799 U y s. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the 0:43:50.920 --> 0:44:00.279 iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your favorite shows.