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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Keon.

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Speaker 2: And this is your host, Riley, your favorite Okay storytelling host,

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Speaker 2: and we've got some great stories coming up from you.

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Speaker 1: But before that, we have a two minute break from

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Speaker 1: the sponsors that keep the show alive.

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Speaker 3: My mother in law stole our credit card. She spent

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Speaker 3: twenty thousand dollars twenty thousand. That's crazy and trigger warning

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Speaker 3: for financial mistreatment. Buckle up because this story is twenty

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Speaker 3: plus years in the making. My husband, twenty nine male,

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Speaker 3: and I twenty seven female, are recently married, but we

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Speaker 3: are college sweethearts and have been together for eight plus years.

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Speaker 4: Wow for contacts.

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Speaker 3: I grew up in a big family that wasn't always

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Speaker 3: well off but worked its way to upper middle class,

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Speaker 3: and my parents.

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Speaker 4: Are both still married.

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Speaker 3: My husband came from a poorer background where his parents

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Speaker 3: were divorced and his mom raised him. By the way,

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Speaker 3: this comes from unseen one And if you want to

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Speaker 3: spit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

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Speaker 3: Storytime suburt it.

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Speaker 4: I'm Sophia, I'm Savannah, I'm Riley, and we're here to

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Speaker 4: give good advice. Goofy.

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Speaker 3: But we don't have all the answers. We only know

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Speaker 3: what we do so let us know what you would

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Speaker 3: do in the comments. He really only saw his father

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Speaker 3: for one to two holidays or when they were both

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Speaker 3: visiting the paternal sides family cabin. At the same time,

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Speaker 3: he lived with his mom, her boyfriend or boyfriends, and

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Speaker 3: one of his half sisters. My husband was upfront from

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Speaker 3: the start that he intended on dating with the plan

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Speaker 3: of marriage. As such, he was honest about his home

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Speaker 3: life and finances. One day, a year into the relationship,

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Speaker 3: he let it slip that his mother had taken four

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Speaker 3: credit cards out in his name, who well, he was

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Speaker 3: still a child. His mom told him that she was

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Speaker 3: paying them off. I expressed how this was not okay

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Speaker 3: and that he needed to get those accounts and cards

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Speaker 3: in his control. He was hesitant to do so, believing

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Speaker 3: that his mom was indeed paying them off. He also

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Speaker 3: didn't want to file for fraud because he didn't want

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Speaker 3: his mom to go to jail. Understanding that his mom

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Speaker 3: was a single mom of two kids, I gave her

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Speaker 3: the benefit of the doubt, but still nudged him to

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Speaker 3: monitor her progress on paying them off every so often.

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Speaker 3: The year after that, my husband told me he had

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Speaker 3: to file for bankruptcy. Because of something unrelated.

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Speaker 4: To the credit cards.

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Speaker 3: That is MOTHERTI from my understanding, when he was a toddler,

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Speaker 3: his mother claimed he was severely autistic and filed to

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Speaker 3: receive disability payments from the state. They had been receiving

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Speaker 3: these payments up until he was twenty three.

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Speaker 4: Or twenty four years old.

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Speaker 3: When I first met him, he told me he was

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Speaker 3: autistic and truly believed he was.

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Speaker 4: Oh my good, is this crazy. That's insane. Look at

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Speaker 4: the TLDR person excited to share about their game show.

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Speaker 4: That's me, that is crazy. He fully believed.

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Speaker 3: That he was autistic because his mom wanted the money.

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Speaker 3: He's like, yeah, I'm autistic, and she's like, wow, you

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Speaker 3: seem like I don't know, just like very not mentally

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Speaker 3: came out.

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Speaker 2: You like, no, not at all.

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Speaker 4: It just doesn't add up. And he's like, I don't know.

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Speaker 3: It's what my mom told me. And she's like, well,

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Speaker 3: did you ever go to a doctor. He's like, what

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Speaker 3: my mom told me.

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Speaker 2: The doctor's my mom said, doctors give people autism.

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Speaker 3: It's so funny because the doctor looked a lot like

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Speaker 3: my mom, but he had a must at so.

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Speaker 4: It couldn't have been my mom.

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Speaker 3: I have a medical background that includes experience working one

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Speaker 3: on one with adults with autism and Asperger's, and I

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Speaker 3: can say with ninety five percent certainty that this man

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Speaker 3: is not autistic, though he definitely has add which can

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Speaker 3: be mistaken for autism. Apparently, the state was reevaluating his

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Speaker 3: case when he hit his early twenties and notified him

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Speaker 3: and his mother. While reevaluating his case, the state was

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Speaker 3: still sending disability checks. Instead of not cashing the checks

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Speaker 3: like you are supposed to in this situation, his mother

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Speaker 3: continued to cash them. A year later, the state determined

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Speaker 3: that he should have never been receiving disability checks and

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Speaker 3: sent an invoice requesting repayment of over.

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Speaker 4: Thousand dollars. Okay, so it actually was not related to

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Speaker 4: the credit coliss. It really was just the disability. He's like,

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Speaker 4: it's because I'm not autistic, That's why the government.

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Speaker 2: Was I'd be crazy, I might start acting that way.

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Speaker 3: The debt was in my husband's name because the checks

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Speaker 3: were for his disability. My mother has a background in

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Speaker 3: law and finance, and I suggested they ask her for

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Speaker 3: advice instead. He allowed his mom to help him file

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Speaker 3: for bankruptcy and was under the impression that the debt

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Speaker 3: was gone.

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Speaker 4: You are so wow even I know that that you

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Speaker 4: can't just be like, I don't know, I pay favorite,

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Speaker 4: thing's good. Now, debt's done and we'll get file for

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Speaker 4: bankfert The thing with bankruptcy is your credit is just screwed.

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Speaker 4: Like that's the issue, dude.

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Speaker 2: My uncle, my great uncle, had a file for bankruptcy recently.

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Speaker 2: It's just not been good for him.

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Speaker 4: Yeah. No, like you can't or close his house. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: it's really bad. So that was probably the worst thing

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Speaker 4: that they could have done. Fast forward to twenty twenty five,

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Speaker 4: when we are wedding planning and living in our own place.

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Speaker 4: I suggested that my husband finally get control of those

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Speaker 4: cards and accounts, since we would be sharing finances. He agreed,

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Speaker 4: but wanted to wait until after the wedding because his

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Speaker 4: mom was already causing problems just with the planning and

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Speaker 4: picking random fights and being hostile to people be employed

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Speaker 4: to help. It was getting to a point where we

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Speaker 4: were considering disinviting her from the wedding entirely. We also

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Speaker 4: met with the finance people and my family to plan

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Speaker 4: how we would join our finances. My brother was and

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Speaker 4: still is our financial planner, and he looked over our

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Speaker 4: financials and suggested we meet with a colleague of his

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Speaker 4: to discuss consolidating our debt. We met with his.

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Speaker 3: Colleague, who pulled up our credit reports and we were

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Speaker 3: shocked to see the scores. We knew mine wasn't going

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Speaker 3: to be great, but my husband's credit score was normally

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Speaker 3: in the seven hundreds, despite his mother's past actions, and

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Speaker 3: it was now sitting at five ninety.

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Speaker 4: You filed for bankruptcy. What did you think was gonna happen?

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Speaker 4: Do you think you just say I'm bankrupt? I can't

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Speaker 4: give you that money. Now, everything's good.

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Speaker 3: The colleague shared a screen so we could see what

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Speaker 3: the issues were, and I could feel my husband tense

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Speaker 3: up when he saw his report showed twenty thousand dollars

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Speaker 3: plus in debt. My husband texted his mother about the debt,

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Speaker 3: and we learned that the state had still been sending

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Speaker 3: letters stating this debt still needed to be paid, but

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Speaker 3: they were being sent to his mother, who never shared

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Speaker 3: them with us. She told us not to worry and

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Speaker 3: that declaring bankruptcy would wipe the debt clean.

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Speaker 4: What stop believing? Har No, this mom is just like

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Speaker 4: a compulsive liar. Yeah, and she's just like the fact

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Speaker 4: that he's still like, you know, it's he doesn't believe like,

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Speaker 4: oh no, like the charges weren't on the credit card,

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Speaker 4: that's whatever, blah blah blah. And then also the disability

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Speaker 4: checks was lied about. And now also like and now

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Speaker 4: his credit is yeah, now his credit has stopped because

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Speaker 4: he went like banks, how do you even get that back?

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Speaker 4: So it takes a long time. Yeah, this was a

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Speaker 4: twenty year process that you were never even involved in.

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Speaker 3: This is where we realized that my husband hadn't actually

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Speaker 3: declared bankruptcy all those years ago.

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Speaker 4: Okay, oh what Oh, and that his mother had just

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Speaker 4: kept quiet about this still being a problem for almost

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Speaker 4: four years. Wait, I'm so confused.

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Speaker 3: I thought he was like with his mom when they

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Speaker 3: filed for bankruptcy, are you also taught that? Are you

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Speaker 3: saying like he just like told her to do it?

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Speaker 3: And then she was like, eh, totally it's done.

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Speaker 2: Yep, Wow, exactly what happened.

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Speaker 4: So it was a conversation. It wasn't actually what happened.

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Speaker 4: I'm just yessing because how else would he not know

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Speaker 4: that he didn't file for bankruptcy? No, it's definitely like

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Speaker 4: he went over to his mom and he's like, Mom,

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Speaker 4: I got a file bankruptcy. She's like, I'm on it.

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Speaker 4: I'm on and he calls his wife like, all right,

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Speaker 4: mom's on it. I mean, I filed bankruptcy today. Personally,

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Speaker 4: I did debt wiped. I called my mother, who used

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Speaker 4: to assist clients filing for bankruptcy. While my mother in

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Speaker 4: law was texting non stop trying to convince us to file.

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Speaker 4: My mom was explaining that doing so would make any

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Speaker 4: big financial moves like buying a house or car impossible

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Speaker 4: for the next ten years. I mean, how are you

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Speaker 4: supposed to do anything? Like he is about to turn

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Speaker 4: thirty and so now you can't buy a house until

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Speaker 4: you're forty. Yeah, you can't buy a car until you're forty.

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Speaker 3: And right now they're on the precipice because it seems

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Speaker 3: like they didn't file for bankruptcy and now mom is

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Speaker 3: trying to once again convince him to AND's mom was like,

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Speaker 3: don't do that. That there are fees costing thou thousands

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Speaker 3: of dollars just a file, and that it requires multiple

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Speaker 3: court appearances. My mom was urging us not to do this.

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Speaker 4: I'm sorry.

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Speaker 3: It requires multiple court appearances. And this guy, your husband

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Speaker 3: just kind of believed his mom when he didn't do

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Speaker 3: any of that.

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Speaker 4: I mean, I'm just gonna assume now that he's gonna

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Speaker 4: make every single wrong decision.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, my husband was withdrawn after all of this, and

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Speaker 3: it was really starting to sink in how a financially

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Speaker 3: harmful his mother had been. Her behavior before, during, and

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Speaker 3: after the wedding also didn't help. He also reflected on

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Speaker 3: how his half sister received more preferential treatment, having no

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Speaker 3: fraudulent debt in her name and being allowed.

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Speaker 4: To do gymnastics. He just wanted to be a gymnast.

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Speaker 4: He's like, she doesn't have any debt and she can

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Speaker 4: do a flip. She's not fair. She told me I

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Speaker 4: was autistic and then took my money, Like she totally

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Speaker 4: golden child. She gets money and can do a backflip.

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Speaker 4: She just bought a house and she can do an aerial.

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Speaker 4: It's not cool a trampoline. Well, he was only ever given.

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Speaker 3: A summer pass to the local pool when he asked

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Speaker 3: to join, And I bet you didn't even buy that

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Speaker 3: summer pass, so you just went in elite, like you

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Speaker 3: just went in without steady, like, you just.

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Speaker 4: Have to show your card and he's like, what card

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Speaker 4: the card I gave you to frow yo, good bye?

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Speaker 4: It's like it's one that she wrote pool pass.

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Speaker 3: But they felt so bad for him they let him in.

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Speaker 3: My mom found the paperwork needed to file an appeal

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Speaker 3: with the state on the twenty thousand dollars debt and

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Speaker 3: helped him fill it and file. It can take months

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Speaker 3: to years before the state even reviews the appeal and

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Speaker 3: gives their verdict. We are still waiting to hear back,

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Speaker 3: but my mom is confident that the appeal will go through.

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Speaker 3: A few months after the wedding, my husband sat down

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Speaker 3: with his mother and told her we were now sharing

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Speaker 3: finances and hoping to plan for a future where we

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Speaker 3: could afford to start a family. He asked for the

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Speaker 3: cards and the accounts back and said she would be

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Speaker 3: paying him directly.

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Speaker 4: She blew up. Why would she blow up because she

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Speaker 4: she has something to hinde.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I bet there's more into the surface because her

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Speaker 3: plan is now blossoming, norging, no, no forming, no blowing up, Yes,

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Speaker 3: scattering in the wind.

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Speaker 4: It is now your explosion, falling apart.

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Speaker 5: Yes, we are so bad at this game.

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Speaker 3: My husband did not tell me exactly what she said,

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Speaker 3: but we learned that she had been running credit checks

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Speaker 3: on us and told them to focus on getting me

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Speaker 3: to stop opening cards. The context, our dog had to

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Speaker 3: be rushed to a vet a week before this conversation

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Speaker 3: because he was not doing well and fainting, and we

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Speaker 3: had opened a care card online while waiting in the

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Speaker 3: exam room to pay for the bill. Don't worry, he's

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Speaker 3: fine now, just a horrible case of guesttritis. His mother

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Speaker 3: also said some awful things to my husband about his flaws,

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Speaker 3: reminding him that he is worth nothing. Well, he's worth

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Speaker 3: twenty thousand dollars in debt. He's worth negative of twenty

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Speaker 3: thousand dollars.

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Speaker 4: Actually, guess again, mom.

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Speaker 3: She was then yelling horrible things at me as well,

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Speaker 3: which he refuses to repeat, and he blew up at

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Speaker 3: her and quit his job at a restaurant. He why

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Speaker 3: why he was working at her restaurant this whole time?

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Speaker 4: What are you kidding me? This was happening right under

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Speaker 4: his nose. Until he was twenty nine, He's been working

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Speaker 4: at his mother, who he knew, had taken out credit

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Speaker 4: cards in his name. Her restaurant this whole time. Why

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Speaker 4: are we marrying this man because he's high, he might

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Speaker 4: he must be, and he must be well maybe inherit

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Speaker 4: a restaurant one day.

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Speaker 3: I just have no faith in this man, you know,

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Speaker 3: like he thought he was autistic for twenty plus years,

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Speaker 3: twenty plus years, finds out he's not, finds out that

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Speaker 3: his mom has had, yeah, been frauding him, defrauding him

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Speaker 3: this whole time, and taking his money and put out

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Speaker 3: four credit cards in his name, and then all this

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Speaker 3: time is working at his mother's restaurant.

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Speaker 4: Thinks his mom filed bankruptcy for him. She didn't.

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Speaker 3: Just like constantly believes all of these lies that he's told,

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Speaker 3: and then he's shocked when his credit score is five ninety. Also, like,

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Speaker 3: why are you shocked about that? I personally checked my

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Speaker 3: credit score all the time.

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Speaker 2: I'm scared of it.

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Speaker 3: Well, but it doesn't seem like he's scared of it,

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Speaker 3: you know, like he thought it was in the seven hundred.

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Speaker 4: So like as a slavic woman, Yeah, my credit is perfect.

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Speaker 4: It's actually a perfect eight hundred. It doesn't seem possible

264
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Speaker 4: given my age, but it's eight hundred. As a slamk woman,

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Speaker 4: I have perfect credit.

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Speaker 3: Before leaving, he told her that if he did not

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Speaker 3: receive those cards and accounts within a month, he would

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Speaker 3: be reporting fraud. They went over two weeks without speaking

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Speaker 3: to each other, which was the longest I had ever seen.

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Speaker 3: My husband was applying for new jobs, but was worried

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Speaker 3: it would take a while. He applied for unemployment to

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Speaker 3: get some income supplemented in the meantime. I'm sorry now,

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Speaker 3: I'm just thinking of him.

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Speaker 4: He like. He tries to apply for a disability again

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Speaker 4: and they're like, we told you once, you're After two weeks,

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Speaker 4: his mom called him crying and wanted to make amends.

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Speaker 4: They spoke, but no cards or accounts were handed over.

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Speaker 4: Not long after that, his mother said angry text saying

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Speaker 4: how Darry apply for unemployment and that she had to

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Speaker 4: pay three undred dollars because of it.

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Speaker 3: My husband just rolled his eyes and ignored her. He

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Speaker 3: was able to get a new job after three weeks

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Speaker 3: of searching, one that paid more, gave more hours, and

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Speaker 3: had better benefits. Unfortunately, it has been well over a

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00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:18,760
Speaker 3: month and his mother still hasn't handed over the cards

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00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:21,640
Speaker 3: or accounts. Moving out and getting married gave my husband

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00:13:21,679 --> 00:13:24,480
Speaker 3: a spine and more confidence, and he was forced to

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Speaker 3: call the credit card companies and report the fraud. The

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00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:29,680
Speaker 3: accounts are now shut down and she is being investigated

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00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:32,760
Speaker 3: between what she said, her behaviors surrounding the wedding, and

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Speaker 3: the financial mistreatment. We are now low contact with her.

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Speaker 3: My husband has been visiting with my parents more and

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Speaker 3: I'm thankful they're so loving as to welcome him as

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Speaker 3: their son. He has his mother muted on all communications

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00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:46,560
Speaker 3: so he can see the messages but can't get spammed.

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Speaker 4: Now we sit and wait. Edit.

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Speaker 3: I'm a cardiac nurse. When it came to the disability payments,

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00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:54,439
Speaker 3: I assumed that was a state issue and not federal.

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Speaker 3: Hence why I kept referring to it as a state matter.

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Speaker 3: As far as his mother telling us she had to

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Speaker 3: pay for our unemploy I'm just as lost on that

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Speaker 3: as you all are. We filed all the cards as

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00:14:05,160 --> 00:14:08,160
Speaker 3: fraud and locked up our credit and we've got an

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Speaker 3: update nine days later.

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Speaker 4: But whoaeit? This is so messy, So why did you

306
00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:18,040
Speaker 4: do me like that? Amoy? Hello everyone.

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00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:20,360
Speaker 3: I'm still a little scared to post an update on

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00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:23,160
Speaker 3: the situation because many people were mean in the comments,

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00:14:23,840 --> 00:14:26,280
Speaker 3: but being a listener, I always demand an update, and

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00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:28,360
Speaker 3: I guess I should see this through. In short, my

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00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:31,040
Speaker 3: mother in law had been financially abusing my husband since

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00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:34,040
Speaker 3: he was a child. This included taking credit cards out

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Speaker 3: in his name and receiving disability checks from the government

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Speaker 3: because of a false diagnosis of autism. My husband was

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Speaker 3: not aware of this mistreatment until he was eighteen and

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00:14:43,280 --> 00:14:45,680
Speaker 3: looked at his credit and finances, at which point his

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00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:48,080
Speaker 3: mother came clean. I did not share our story to

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00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:51,640
Speaker 3: get advice about the situation or opinions on my relationship.

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00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:54,560
Speaker 3: I shared this story to bring awareness to parent child

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00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:58,600
Speaker 3: financial mistreatment and how emotionally manipulative it is. My husband

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00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:01,200
Speaker 3: grew up without real par figures and both of his

322
00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:03,600
Speaker 3: parents have their issues. His mother at least did the

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00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:06,400
Speaker 3: minimum to be present during his childhood, which is why

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Speaker 3: it was hard for him to report her fraud. It

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00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:11,640
Speaker 3: doesn't take a psychology degree to figure out that someone

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Speaker 3: with that upbringing just wants the love of a parent

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00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:17,160
Speaker 3: and was gas lit into thinking that kind of treatment

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00:15:17,240 --> 00:15:20,080
Speaker 3: is okay. On to the update, my husband started a

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Speaker 3: new job after leaving his mother's bar yay, one that

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Speaker 3: paid more, gave more hours, and had benefits.

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Speaker 2: Why, let's day he didn't have those things before?

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Speaker 4: No, he had nothing I did. He was even get paid.

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00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,920
Speaker 4: Had twenty thousand dollars in debt, is what he had.

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Speaker 3: He met with my mother after one of his night

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00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:40,120
Speaker 3: shifts to help compare benefits and to get help reporting

336
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:43,120
Speaker 3: the credit card fraud to the credit companies and the

337
00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:46,640
Speaker 3: credit bureaus. What he thought was two credit cards turned

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00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:49,000
Speaker 3: out to be five with a total of twenty two

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00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:52,800
Speaker 3: thousand dollars of debt, meaning she was likely still using them.

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Speaker 2: Oh my gosh.

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00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:56,840
Speaker 3: He sent one last text to his mom, telling her

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00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:58,880
Speaker 3: that she had her chance and that he was reporting

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00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:01,960
Speaker 3: the fraud. She sent us storm of responses claiming that

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00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:05,000
Speaker 3: my family was trying to brainwash him and blamed our

345
00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:08,720
Speaker 3: financial situation on me, which makes no sense given that

346
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:11,280
Speaker 3: I make four times what my husband did working for

347
00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:14,040
Speaker 3: her and never took cards out in his name. He

348
00:16:14,120 --> 00:16:16,880
Speaker 3: showed my mother the responses, and my mom lost it.

349
00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:19,320
Speaker 3: All I know is that my mom changed her opinion

350
00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:23,040
Speaker 3: from tolerate her in small doses to cut that toxic

351
00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:26,760
Speaker 3: person out entirely. Now that the fraud is reported, the

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00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:29,840
Speaker 3: card companies have closed the accounts and will be investigating

353
00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:32,840
Speaker 3: the matter in my mother's experience. Unless the amount is

354
00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:36,240
Speaker 3: over ten thousand dollars per card, which none of them

355
00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:39,280
Speaker 3: total to, it is unlikely there will be jail time.

356
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Speaker 3: That is so frustrating.

357
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,800
Speaker 4: Why would that be online? I feel like this is

358
00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:45,560
Speaker 4: the time, Yeah, you should go to jail. They're like, oh, well,

359
00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:49,120
Speaker 4: all of the five cards were under ten thousand. He's like, okay,

360
00:16:49,280 --> 00:16:52,040
Speaker 4: but together the twenty two thousand. But it will go

361
00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:54,040
Speaker 4: on our record. She will be on the hook for

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00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:57,080
Speaker 4: the debt and she'll be fined as for the disability

363
00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:59,120
Speaker 4: payments that the government wants paid back.

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Speaker 3: We are still waiting on the appeal. We are confident

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00:17:01,760 --> 00:17:03,960
Speaker 3: it will be approved since my husband met all the

366
00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:07,159
Speaker 3: criteria with proof provided. Whether that debt goes under his

367
00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:09,400
Speaker 3: mom's name or is forgiven, we'll have.

368
00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:12,119
Speaker 4: To wait and see. I'd say, no contact with mom

369
00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:15,440
Speaker 4: and live your life and try to get the credit.

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00:17:15,119 --> 00:17:17,879
Speaker 3: Score going back, and like, I think both of you guys,

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00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:20,080
Speaker 3: I mean, I know you guys have a financial advisor now,

372
00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:22,639
Speaker 3: which is I think you're like family member, But start

373
00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:26,320
Speaker 3: going to like classes or something and be really engaged

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00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:31,119
Speaker 3: in your financial literacy, because clearly I think on both sides,

375
00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:33,400
Speaker 3: it seems to be a little bit lacking. Even though

376
00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:36,200
Speaker 3: you have so many people in your life, you seem

377
00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:38,520
Speaker 3: very knowledgeable, so that would be my advice. We are

378
00:17:38,520 --> 00:17:41,719
Speaker 3: now no contact with his mother. My husband rarely cries,

379
00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:44,240
Speaker 3: but her text and behavior over the last year forced

380
00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:46,480
Speaker 3: him to cut her off. He was still at my parents'

381
00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:48,879
Speaker 3: house when he said goodbye for good and blocked her

382
00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:51,320
Speaker 3: on everything. My parents reminded him that he is a

383
00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:54,320
Speaker 3: part of my family now and that he isn't without parents.

384
00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:57,240
Speaker 3: They gave him a hug, which is biological. Parents never

385
00:17:57,480 --> 00:18:03,240
Speaker 3: did what I hate this mom, she sucks. You didn't

386
00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:06,040
Speaker 3: give him a hug or let him do backflips. My

387
00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:09,320
Speaker 3: husband now has the loving parents he deserves. Parent child

388
00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:12,960
Speaker 3: financial mistreatment and exploitation isn't talked about enough. Kids in

389
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:16,119
Speaker 3: these situations don't always feel safe reporting the fraud because

390
00:18:16,119 --> 00:18:19,399
Speaker 3: they fear losing basic needs like food and shelter and

391
00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:22,840
Speaker 3: what they think is parental love or other familial relationships.

392
00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:25,960
Speaker 3: Just like any harmful relationship, unless you've been in one,

393
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:29,760
Speaker 3: you have no idea how difficult it is to escape it. Absolutely,

394
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:33,680
Speaker 3: and I do feel for him that his mother is terrible,

395
00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:37,159
Speaker 3: but I still advise that he learns starts learning financial

396
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,760
Speaker 3: literacy because that is just important for anyone. But that

397
00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:41,960
Speaker 3: is the end of that story, folks, and we've got

398
00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:43,600
Speaker 3: another one coming right up.

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Speaker 4: My boyfriend's mother said I wasn't worth marrying, so I

400
00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:51,679
Speaker 4: told him to fix it. Not my problem. My twenty

401
00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:55,120
Speaker 4: female recently broke up with my boyfriend twenty two male

402
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:57,840
Speaker 4: after giving him an ultimatum regarding his mom. And now

403
00:18:57,880 --> 00:19:00,159
Speaker 4: I'm wondering if I may have been too harsh. My

404
00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:03,840
Speaker 4: boyfriend and I had a somewhat unconventional start to our relationship.

405
00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:06,240
Speaker 4: We met at our university and started out as friends

406
00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:10,280
Speaker 4: with benefits. However, we were also genuinely close friends. We

407
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:12,919
Speaker 4: spent a lot of time together, talked about everything, and

408
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:16,160
Speaker 4: sometimes we were even dating other people during that time.

409
00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:19,639
Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from Successful Painter seven thirty six,

410
00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:21,200
Speaker 4: And if you want to submit your own stories, go

411
00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:24,040
Speaker 4: to the our slash Okay story time subredde I'm Savannah,

412
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:25,160
Speaker 4: I'm Sovia.

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00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:27,200
Speaker 2: And I'm Dakota.

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00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:28,800
Speaker 4: And we're here to give some good advice in a

415
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:31,159
Speaker 4: goofy little manner. But obviously we don't have all the

416
00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:33,639
Speaker 4: answers that you may seek. We only know what we

417
00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:35,439
Speaker 4: would do up here, but let us know what you

418
00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:37,760
Speaker 4: would do down there. By down there, I mean in

419
00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:41,760
Speaker 4: the comments, not After about six months of being consistently closed,

420
00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:45,480
Speaker 4: sometimes with benefits and sometimes not, we both realized our

421
00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:48,040
Speaker 4: friendship was actually something special and that we had deeper

422
00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:51,159
Speaker 4: feelings for each other. So we decided to make the

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00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:54,280
Speaker 4: relationship official. We have now been together for a little

424
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:56,879
Speaker 4: over a year and lived together. The main issue throughout

425
00:19:56,920 --> 00:19:59,840
Speaker 4: our relationship has been his mom. My boyfriend comes from

426
00:19:59,840 --> 00:20:02,520
Speaker 4: a mixed family. His dad is white and his mom

427
00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:05,080
Speaker 4: is Mexican and Catholic, and the Catholic side of his

428
00:20:05,119 --> 00:20:07,560
Speaker 4: family tends to be very traditional about certain things. I

429
00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:09,639
Speaker 4: tried to give them the benefit of the doubt at first,

430
00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:12,560
Speaker 4: because I understand that families can have strong values and

431
00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:15,280
Speaker 4: sometimes just need time to warm up to someone new.

432
00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:17,840
Speaker 4: Early in our relationship, his mom made a comment about

433
00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:21,119
Speaker 4: how I must not have much self respect because I

434
00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:24,080
Speaker 4: wasn't waiting until marriage to have spicy sleep. At the time,

435
00:20:24,119 --> 00:20:26,320
Speaker 4: I brushed it off because our relationship was still new

436
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:28,800
Speaker 4: and I figured she was just being protective of her son.

437
00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:31,359
Speaker 4: What bothered me, though, was that the criticism seemed to

438
00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:34,399
Speaker 4: apply only to women. Her son is doing the exact

439
00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:37,600
Speaker 4: same thing, yet somehow his self respect isn't being questioned,

440
00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:41,680
Speaker 4: and that double standard felt pretty hypocritical to me. Unfortunately,

441
00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:44,520
Speaker 4: the comments never really stopped. A tricky part is that

442
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:47,520
Speaker 4: they're rarely said directly to my face. Instead, they're said

443
00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:49,639
Speaker 4: to my boyfriend behind my back, and then he tells

444
00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:52,080
Speaker 4: me about them later. Why is he telling you, though.

445
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:54,119
Speaker 3: Yeah, because like at a certain point, I would just

446
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:57,120
Speaker 3: not tell my girlfriend. I would go to my mom

447
00:20:57,160 --> 00:20:58,639
Speaker 3: and say, hey, stop saying that.

448
00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:00,320
Speaker 4: But I wouldn't. I don't think I would. I want

449
00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:03,240
Speaker 4: to tell my girlfriend every nasty thing my mom was

450
00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:06,600
Speaker 4: saying about her. Yeah. No, if my mom has she's

451
00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:09,560
Speaker 4: very like judgmental of like the people that like we

452
00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:11,960
Speaker 4: bring into our life, but not to their face. She

453
00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:14,639
Speaker 4: would never ever like be like, oh yeah, I just

454
00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:16,679
Speaker 4: don't see you marry my daughter or something like that.

455
00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:18,520
Speaker 2: No, oh yeah, your mom would never say that.

456
00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:21,520
Speaker 4: Over time, there have been a lot of small situations

457
00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:24,000
Speaker 4: that made me feel judged or and welcome around his family.

458
00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:27,280
Speaker 4: For example, at one family party for his cousin's graduation,

459
00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:30,119
Speaker 4: my boyfriend was holding my purse for a while that

460
00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:33,480
Speaker 4: somehow became the main topic of conversation for the entire night,

461
00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:36,440
Speaker 4: with several people in his family implying that I must

462
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:39,800
Speaker 4: be power tripping or controlling because he was holding my purse,

463
00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:43,439
Speaker 4: as if that somehow made him less masculine. Situations like

464
00:21:43,680 --> 00:21:47,680
Speaker 4: that happened fairly often whenever I was around his mom. Specifically,

465
00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:50,320
Speaker 4: she would give me what I can only describe as

466
00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:54,280
Speaker 4: mean girl looks or passive aggressive comments. Sometimes it genuinely

467
00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:56,000
Speaker 4: felt like I was in the movie Mean Girls, which

468
00:21:56,040 --> 00:21:59,159
Speaker 4: is strange considering I'm twenty and she's a grown adult. Recently,

469
00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:02,160
Speaker 4: things escalated. My boyfriend had dinner with his parents last

470
00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:04,479
Speaker 4: week and I wasn't there. During that dinner, they were

471
00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:06,560
Speaker 4: talking about his future, as he has been dealing with

472
00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:08,639
Speaker 4: a lot of anxiety about what direction he wants to

473
00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:10,639
Speaker 4: take in life, and I've tried really hard to support

474
00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:12,879
Speaker 4: him through that. Recently, he decided that he wants to

475
00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:15,560
Speaker 4: join the military after finishing school because he thinks it

476
00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:18,399
Speaker 4: would give him structure and purpose. Apparently, during that dinner,

477
00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:21,119
Speaker 4: his mom started criticizing me in our relationship again. She

478
00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:24,040
Speaker 4: said things like I have no self respect, that I'm

479
00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:28,280
Speaker 4: confused because my family celebrates both Jewish and Christian holidays,

480
00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:32,160
Speaker 4: and that I'm a feminist but still like traditional gestures

481
00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:35,640
Speaker 4: such as having doors open for me or receiving flowers. Okay,

482
00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:38,600
Speaker 4: do you know what the definition of feminism is? No,

483
00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:41,080
Speaker 4: I don't think so. It's like, first of all, the

484
00:22:41,119 --> 00:22:44,000
Speaker 4: only reason it's called feminism is because women came up

485
00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:46,960
Speaker 4: with it. But it actually affects both men and women.

486
00:22:47,280 --> 00:22:50,840
Speaker 4: It is equal on both sides. That's what feminism is.

487
00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:55,440
Speaker 4: So people who think that, oh feminism, because I don't

488
00:22:55,480 --> 00:22:59,360
Speaker 4: want that, I don't want feminism, like ew feminine. I'm

489
00:22:59,359 --> 00:23:04,240
Speaker 4: not feminine in it actually benefits everyone, you big fat idiots.

490
00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:06,920
Speaker 2: But I'm scared they're gonna take my nuts the way.

491
00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:10,280
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, they will, like literally go to the bag

492
00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:10,720
Speaker 4: of nuts.

493
00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:13,560
Speaker 5: On a real level, though, what a devastating way to

494
00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:14,560
Speaker 5: find out your mom is.

495
00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:21,119
Speaker 4: Stupid devastating way She's like, they're Jewish and Christian, is

496
00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:24,439
Speaker 4: that they're confused. She framed all of that as me

497
00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:27,760
Speaker 4: being inconsistent or not knowing who I am. She also

498
00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:29,959
Speaker 4: criticized the fact that my family doesn't know about their

499
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:32,280
Speaker 4: relationship yet and said it's weird that I'm hnding it.

500
00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:34,720
Speaker 4: The reality is that my family is generally supportive, but

501
00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:36,600
Speaker 4: as a twenty year old, I prefer to keep certain

502
00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:39,520
Speaker 4: boundaries with my parents and handle my relationships privately until

503
00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:40,840
Speaker 4: I'm really sure about them.

504
00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:44,040
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm sorry, I know. Don't you live together? You've

505
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:44,840
Speaker 2: been dating for a year.

506
00:23:45,119 --> 00:23:47,040
Speaker 4: No, they've been dating for over a year and they

507
00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:52,680
Speaker 4: live together. No, yeah, the boyfriend. That's so valid. Actually

508
00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:55,720
Speaker 4: I forgot they lived together, Like, and they've been dating forever?

509
00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:57,640
Speaker 4: You like five? This mom?

510
00:23:57,840 --> 00:23:58,040
Speaker 1: One?

511
00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:02,959
Speaker 4: She got one point right there? Yeah, try not one. Five. Sorry.

512
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:05,959
Speaker 4: You cannot not tell your parents that you're dating someone

513
00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:07,960
Speaker 4: unless you have like a really bad relationship and there's

514
00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:11,159
Speaker 4: like no contact. You can't not tell your parents that

515
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:12,919
Speaker 4: you've been nating someone for over a year and you

516
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:15,960
Speaker 4: live with them. Ironically, part of the reason I've hesitated

517
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:18,480
Speaker 4: to bring it up more publicly is because of the

518
00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:21,320
Speaker 4: constant judgment I've already been dealing with from his family.

519
00:24:21,440 --> 00:24:24,840
Speaker 4: But the comment that really shocked me involved my boyfriend's brother.

520
00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:27,560
Speaker 4: My boyfriend mentioned that he thinks his brother might be

521
00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:30,399
Speaker 4: getting engaged to his girlfriend soon. His mom responded by

522
00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:33,640
Speaker 4: saying something along the lines of why would he marry her,

523
00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:37,040
Speaker 4: she's already giving it up. Why buy the cow when

524
00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:39,640
Speaker 4: you get the milk for free? Why buy the cow

525
00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:41,920
Speaker 4: when you can get the milk for free? Is creamy?

526
00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:43,920
Speaker 4: Because maybe she's not a cow?

527
00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:46,480
Speaker 2: Are we sure don't.

528
00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:50,040
Speaker 4: There's no indication that anyone here is human. I think cows.

529
00:24:50,359 --> 00:24:53,439
Speaker 4: Cows keep pretty explicitly said me as a human. They

530
00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:57,280
Speaker 4: only said as a biracial Yes, could be a biracial cow.

531
00:24:57,440 --> 00:25:00,560
Speaker 4: Hearing that honestly made my stomach drop. Not only did

532
00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:03,639
Speaker 4: it feel incredibly disrespectful towards the brother's girlfriend, but it

533
00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:06,479
Speaker 4: also made it very clear how she views women in general.

534
00:25:06,560 --> 00:25:10,000
Speaker 5: It's like, this is the stereotypical like women tearing women

535
00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:13,400
Speaker 5: down because they're like threatened that other women exist.

536
00:25:13,680 --> 00:25:16,560
Speaker 4: I can That's just that makes no sense in my brain.

537
00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:19,480
Speaker 4: It sounded like she believes women who have spicy sleep

538
00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:22,240
Speaker 4: before marriage aren't worthy of marriage or love. The irony

539
00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:25,320
Speaker 4: is that my boyfriend's parents themselves have their first child

540
00:25:25,359 --> 00:25:28,280
Speaker 4: out of wedlock wow, when they were very young, So

541
00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:31,440
Speaker 4: the double standard felt especially strange to me. After hearing

542
00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:34,440
Speaker 4: about that conversation, I started thinking seriously about the future

543
00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:38,040
Speaker 4: of our relationship. I realized that whenever I imagine major

544
00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:41,320
Speaker 4: life moments like holidays, engagement's, weddings, or even having kids someday,

545
00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:44,119
Speaker 4: feel anxious thinking about having to deal with his mom's

546
00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:47,040
Speaker 4: judgment and criticism. Finally told my boyfriend something along the

547
00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:49,199
Speaker 4: lines of I've been thinking about this a lot, and

548
00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:51,560
Speaker 4: I don't think this is the life I want for myself.

549
00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:53,120
Speaker 4: I don't want to spend the rest of my life

550
00:25:53,119 --> 00:25:55,719
Speaker 4: walking on eggshells around your mom or feeling judged by

551
00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:57,800
Speaker 4: your family. If we want to get engaged some day

552
00:25:57,960 --> 00:26:00,199
Speaker 4: or take bigger steps in our relationship, the thought of

553
00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:03,200
Speaker 4: sharing those moments with your parents honestly fills me with anxiety.

554
00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:05,560
Speaker 4: I told him that if he wasn't willing to set

555
00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:08,359
Speaker 4: firm boundaries with his mom about how she talks about me,

556
00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:11,520
Speaker 4: I didn't think I could stay in the relationship long term.

557
00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:15,040
Speaker 4: The hardest part is that I genuinely love him. In

558
00:26:15,119 --> 00:26:17,640
Speaker 4: many ways. He feels like the yang to my yin.

559
00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:21,600
Speaker 4: We balance each other out really well, and he compliments

560
00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:23,560
Speaker 4: parts of my personality in a way that makes me

561
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:27,080
Speaker 4: feel understood and supportive. He's thoughtful, kind and caring. He

562
00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:30,040
Speaker 4: opens doors for me, buys me flowers, cooks and cleans.

563
00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:34,520
Speaker 4: It generally makes me feel happy in value. However, when

564
00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:37,080
Speaker 4: it came to confronting his mom, he didn't want to

565
00:26:37,119 --> 00:26:39,159
Speaker 4: create conflict with his family, and that's.

566
00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:42,400
Speaker 3: Where you have to, you know, take your own feelings

567
00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:45,040
Speaker 3: into your own hands and stand up for yourself.

568
00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:48,040
Speaker 4: I understand that family dynamics can be complicated, but at

569
00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:49,960
Speaker 4: the same time, I feel like I deserve a partner

570
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:52,080
Speaker 4: who is willing to stand up for me. Ultimately, I

571
00:26:52,119 --> 00:26:54,240
Speaker 4: into the relationship, but I told him that he has

572
00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:56,760
Speaker 4: two weeks to figure things out and decide whether he's

573
00:26:56,800 --> 00:26:59,520
Speaker 4: willing to set those boundaries. Otherwise we won't be getting

574
00:26:59,560 --> 00:27:02,160
Speaker 4: back together. Now, I'm wondering if I may have jumped

575
00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:05,840
Speaker 4: the pe pew by giving them ultimatum and ending things,

576
00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:08,120
Speaker 4: or if I was justified in deciding I didn't want

577
00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:10,320
Speaker 4: to deal with that dynamic long term. Am I the

578
00:27:10,359 --> 00:27:12,800
Speaker 4: A hole? I don't think you need a reason to

579
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:15,240
Speaker 4: break up with someone. You are looking out for yourself

580
00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:17,320
Speaker 4: in your future. That does not make you an a hole.

581
00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:20,480
Speaker 4: That makes you smart and you're twenty. Yeah, I don't

582
00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:22,560
Speaker 4: need to stay with this guy. Yeah, I don't know.

583
00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:24,720
Speaker 4: I'm the same way who says yang to my name.

584
00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:27,960
Speaker 4: I also thought that weird seeing to my name's red flags.

585
00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:33,240
Speaker 4: Also be like if you have supportive parents, question why

586
00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:37,240
Speaker 4: you don't want to tell them after a date, Like

587
00:27:37,359 --> 00:27:39,120
Speaker 4: I don't know. I think it would just be hard

588
00:27:39,119 --> 00:27:40,560
Speaker 4: for me, and I do have a like maybe I

589
00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:42,760
Speaker 4: have a different relationship to my parents than you do.

590
00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:45,040
Speaker 4: I think it would be really hard if I broke

591
00:27:45,119 --> 00:27:47,400
Speaker 4: up with a boyfriend of over a year, was living

592
00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:49,280
Speaker 4: with them, and then you know, went to my parents

593
00:27:49,320 --> 00:27:52,280
Speaker 4: and was like, yeah, this happened. They're like, I didn't

594
00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:54,320
Speaker 4: even know you had a boyfriend or like not even

595
00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:56,159
Speaker 4: Maybe she doesn't even want to go to them about

596
00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:59,640
Speaker 4: this breakup question that in myself, I just don't This

597
00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:02,800
Speaker 4: woman in is making you, like it's making you second

598
00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:05,840
Speaker 4: guess yourself and your decisions now. But the thing is,

599
00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:08,280
Speaker 4: you know in your hearts and parts that you don't

600
00:28:08,359 --> 00:28:10,800
Speaker 4: want this for your future. There's been not only like

601
00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:13,080
Speaker 4: one sign to sign like this has been going on

602
00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:15,320
Speaker 4: for over a year, so you know what you're gonna

603
00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:18,119
Speaker 4: get yourself into and guess what. And he is saying

604
00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:20,760
Speaker 4: he's like, I don't want to cause conflict in the family,

605
00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:22,879
Speaker 4: So that means he's not willing to stick up for you,

606
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:25,520
Speaker 4: So you either have to just suck it up, take

607
00:28:25,560 --> 00:28:28,600
Speaker 4: the crap because you love this guy, or you can

608
00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:30,359
Speaker 4: be like, hey, actually, I want to be with a man,

609
00:28:30,440 --> 00:28:32,760
Speaker 4: and I gotta go oops. I want to be with

610
00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:35,920
Speaker 4: a man, not a cow man cowboy. I don't want

611
00:28:35,920 --> 00:28:37,840
Speaker 4: to be with a cowboy. I want to be with

612
00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:40,960
Speaker 4: a minan. There's an update. Before getting into the update,

613
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:42,520
Speaker 4: I want to clarify a couple of things from my

614
00:28:42,560 --> 00:28:45,720
Speaker 4: original posts. Some people assumed that my boyfriend had never

615
00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:48,360
Speaker 4: defended me when his mom made comments about me. That

616
00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:50,760
Speaker 4: wasn't entirely the case. He did push back at times,

617
00:28:50,840 --> 00:28:54,160
Speaker 4: usually saying things like that's rude or reacting with something

618
00:28:54,200 --> 00:28:56,240
Speaker 4: along the lines of what the heck when she said

619
00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:58,560
Speaker 4: something out of line, so he wasn't completely silent. The

620
00:28:58,680 --> 00:29:00,720
Speaker 4: issue for me was more about the level of that

621
00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:03,200
Speaker 4: pushback and never really crossed the line, and is setting

622
00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:05,840
Speaker 4: a clear boundary or directly telling her that speaking about

623
00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:08,480
Speaker 4: me that way wasn't acceptable. It felt like he was

624
00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:11,760
Speaker 4: lightly pushing back rather than fully shutting it down, which

625
00:29:11,800 --> 00:29:15,240
Speaker 4: is what I needed in order to feel supported. I

626
00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:17,280
Speaker 4: also wanted to address a couple of comments about the

627
00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:19,680
Speaker 4: way I handled the breakup itself. Some people asked why

628
00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:21,800
Speaker 4: I actually broke up with him instead of saying something like,

629
00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:24,000
Speaker 4: if you don't do this in two weeks, I'll break

630
00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:26,160
Speaker 4: up with you. Others felt that breaking up over something

631
00:29:26,200 --> 00:29:28,720
Speaker 4: like this could come across as toxic or controlling. The

632
00:29:28,760 --> 00:29:31,640
Speaker 4: honest answer is that at the time, I was extremely overwhelmed.

633
00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:33,560
Speaker 4: There was already a lot going on in my life,

634
00:29:33,560 --> 00:29:35,640
Speaker 4: and the situation with his mom had been building for

635
00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:37,760
Speaker 4: a long time. Her comments were starting to weigh on

636
00:29:37,800 --> 00:29:39,800
Speaker 4: me more and more, and I reached a point where

637
00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:42,200
Speaker 4: I just felt emotionally drained by it. Breaking up in

638
00:29:42,200 --> 00:29:44,640
Speaker 4: that moment felt like the healthiest choice for me, because

639
00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:47,280
Speaker 4: I didn't want to spend two weeks getting my hopes

640
00:29:47,360 --> 00:29:51,640
Speaker 4: up that things would change, and then potentially be devastated

641
00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:54,960
Speaker 4: if they didn't. I wasn't necessarily assuming he wouldn't set boundaries,

642
00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:56,760
Speaker 4: but I was trying to hope for the best while

643
00:29:56,760 --> 00:29:59,760
Speaker 4: also preparing myself for the possibility that nothing would change.

644
00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:02,480
Speaker 4: Still in school and juggling a lot of responsibilities and

645
00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:04,560
Speaker 4: taking space felt like the best way to protect my

646
00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:07,960
Speaker 4: mental health and stability at the time. Now for the update,

647
00:30:08,280 --> 00:30:11,160
Speaker 4: after I ended things and told him he had two

648
00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:13,400
Speaker 4: weeks to decide whether he was willing to set real

649
00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:15,360
Speaker 4: boundaries with his mom. He did end up talking to

650
00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:18,080
Speaker 4: her a couple of times. First conversation apparently didn't go

651
00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:20,320
Speaker 4: very well. Came defensive and doubled down on a lot

652
00:30:20,320 --> 00:30:22,160
Speaker 4: of the things she had previously said about me and

653
00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:24,560
Speaker 4: about our relationship, but he didn't leave it there. A

654
00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:26,920
Speaker 4: few days later, he went back and had another conversation

655
00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:29,800
Speaker 4: with her, and this one became much more emotional. During

656
00:30:29,800 --> 00:30:32,160
Speaker 4: that conversation, he opened up to her about how much

657
00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:34,920
Speaker 4: he had been struggling around the time we first met.

658
00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:37,600
Speaker 4: When we met, he was drinking heavily, not doing well

659
00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:40,360
Speaker 4: in school, and generally in a rough place. He told

660
00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:42,720
Speaker 4: her that our relationship helped him pull himself out of

661
00:30:42,720 --> 00:30:45,160
Speaker 4: that rut. That I encouraged him to stop binge drinking,

662
00:30:45,240 --> 00:30:48,160
Speaker 4: start caring about school again, and begin thinking seriously about

663
00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:50,520
Speaker 4: his future. At a little context, I had also just

664
00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:52,640
Speaker 4: transferred to the university at the time and was dealing

665
00:30:52,680 --> 00:30:55,160
Speaker 4: with my own adjustment and challenges. In a lot of ways,

666
00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:57,680
Speaker 4: we helped each other through that period. Our relationship has

667
00:30:57,760 --> 00:31:01,480
Speaker 4: always felt very mutually supportive, and we've both pushed each

668
00:31:01,480 --> 00:31:04,040
Speaker 4: other to grow and do better. During that same conversation,

669
00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:06,160
Speaker 4: he also brought up something that had been weighing on

670
00:31:06,240 --> 00:31:07,760
Speaker 4: him for a long time. He told her that he

671
00:31:07,840 --> 00:31:10,320
Speaker 4: often felt like she had never really supported him in

672
00:31:10,400 --> 00:31:13,000
Speaker 4: making his own adult decisions. He said that when he

673
00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:16,080
Speaker 4: made choices, she personally wouldn't have made things like getting

674
00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:19,160
Speaker 4: a tattoo, buying a car, or making other independent decisions.

675
00:31:19,440 --> 00:31:22,240
Speaker 4: Her response was usually to guilt and shame him rather

676
00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:24,800
Speaker 4: than support him. From what he told me, that part

677
00:31:24,840 --> 00:31:27,400
Speaker 4: of the conversation was difficult but important because it was

678
00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:29,640
Speaker 4: the first time he had really expressed that to her directly.

679
00:31:29,720 --> 00:31:32,240
Speaker 4: Apparently hearing how much he had been struggling affected his

680
00:31:32,280 --> 00:31:35,160
Speaker 4: mom more than he expected because she hadn't even realized

681
00:31:35,200 --> 00:31:37,200
Speaker 4: how difficult that time had been for him. During that

682
00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:40,320
Speaker 4: same conversation, he also set a much clearer boundary with her.

683
00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:43,000
Speaker 4: From what he told me, he basically said that if

684
00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:45,400
Speaker 4: she was the reason his relationship with me ended, he

685
00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:49,800
Speaker 4: would never forgive her. Ooh see he's standing up. Yeah,

686
00:31:49,840 --> 00:31:53,120
Speaker 4: it seemed like this got through to him. Yeah, see,

687
00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:56,120
Speaker 4: I told you, like some people don't realize it until

688
00:31:56,400 --> 00:31:58,160
Speaker 4: you go to the extremes, Like I think it does

689
00:31:58,200 --> 00:32:01,040
Speaker 4: depend on the person. Yeah, I ex hated when I

690
00:32:01,040 --> 00:32:03,320
Speaker 4: gave him ultimatus, but like my ultimatum that I gave

691
00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:05,880
Speaker 4: him was you need to go talk to someone to

692
00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:09,240
Speaker 4: deal with your childhood trauma because it's not healthy and

693
00:32:09,280 --> 00:32:13,040
Speaker 4: it is now affecting our relationship, which is and that

694
00:32:13,240 --> 00:32:15,000
Speaker 4: was he was like, don't tell me what to do,

695
00:32:15,080 --> 00:32:17,040
Speaker 4: and I'm like, okay, then we're done. And then you know,

696
00:32:17,080 --> 00:32:19,520
Speaker 4: everything was then I blamed on me and I was

697
00:32:19,600 --> 00:32:21,960
Speaker 4: horrible to him and I'm like, dude, I just watched

698
00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:25,040
Speaker 4: you crumble every day. That really hit her hard, and

699
00:32:25,120 --> 00:32:27,080
Speaker 4: she ended up apologizing to him for the way the

700
00:32:27,120 --> 00:32:30,240
Speaker 4: situation had made him feel and for being unwelcoming to

701
00:32:30,320 --> 00:32:33,480
Speaker 4: someone that he cares deeply about. However, she also said

702
00:32:33,480 --> 00:32:35,120
Speaker 4: that as a mother, it's her job to point out

703
00:32:35,160 --> 00:32:37,960
Speaker 4: potential red flags and his relationships. He told her that

704
00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:40,680
Speaker 4: he understands wanting to look out for him, but that

705
00:32:40,800 --> 00:32:43,760
Speaker 4: criticizing or speaking negatively about someone he loves isn't the

706
00:32:43,800 --> 00:32:47,680
Speaker 4: same as being protective. Being protective, you could also you

707
00:32:47,680 --> 00:32:50,600
Speaker 4: could be protective and not call someone or say you're

708
00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:52,720
Speaker 4: not worth it. I think the way to be protective

709
00:32:52,960 --> 00:32:55,880
Speaker 4: and like that actually works is to say, hey, I

710
00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:58,440
Speaker 4: noticed this thing, how does that make you feel? And

711
00:32:58,480 --> 00:33:01,840
Speaker 4: you kind of help them because people don't like being

712
00:33:01,880 --> 00:33:04,520
Speaker 4: told what to do. He made it clear that if

713
00:33:04,560 --> 00:33:06,480
Speaker 4: she has concerns in the future, she can talk to

714
00:33:06,600 --> 00:33:09,160
Speaker 4: him about them respectfully, but the kind of comments she

715
00:33:09,240 --> 00:33:11,480
Speaker 4: had been making about me were not acceptable and couldn't

716
00:33:11,480 --> 00:33:13,520
Speaker 4: continue if she wanted to have a healthy relationship with

717
00:33:13,600 --> 00:33:16,600
Speaker 4: him moving forward. She didn't apologize to me directly, but

718
00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:19,880
Speaker 4: she did acknowledge to him that the situation had hurt him.

719
00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:22,840
Speaker 4: She thanked him for being willing to have an honest

720
00:33:22,880 --> 00:33:25,600
Speaker 4: conversation with her instead of simply cutting contact or letting

721
00:33:25,600 --> 00:33:27,960
Speaker 4: the situation fester. At one point, I also showed in

722
00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:29,760
Speaker 4: my Reddit post because I wanted him to see some

723
00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:34,200
Speaker 4: outside perspectives on the situation. Interestingly, he actually agreed with

724
00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:36,520
Speaker 4: most of the comments. He told me it was unfortunate

725
00:33:36,560 --> 00:33:39,120
Speaker 4: that's something like this had to happen for him to

726
00:33:39,200 --> 00:33:42,040
Speaker 4: really realize how serious the situation was, and he apologized

727
00:33:42,080 --> 00:33:43,760
Speaker 4: for letting it go on as long as it did

728
00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:47,040
Speaker 4: without addressing it more directly. After thinking everything through, I

729
00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:49,040
Speaker 4: decided to give the relationship another chance.

730
00:33:49,120 --> 00:33:50,560
Speaker 2: So yes, we are back together.

731
00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:53,000
Speaker 4: I think he made a big enough change. I think

732
00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:56,480
Speaker 4: he did too. I think now he's having these conversations.

733
00:33:56,720 --> 00:33:58,920
Speaker 4: You know, at least he was like. He could have

734
00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:00,800
Speaker 4: just been like, or he could just been like, I

735
00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:03,440
Speaker 4: don't have the conversation that it never happened. It never happened,

736
00:34:03,440 --> 00:34:07,040
Speaker 4: it never happens, it never happens. But instead he actually

737
00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:10,839
Speaker 4: is doing the work, and he has sat down not

738
00:34:10,880 --> 00:34:13,279
Speaker 4: once but multiple times and is trying to get to

739
00:34:13,320 --> 00:34:15,520
Speaker 4: the bottom of this and setting his boundary. I think

740
00:34:15,560 --> 00:34:19,360
Speaker 4: that he is really doing well. I agree. I agree.

741
00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:21,960
Speaker 3: I think this is kind of his first foray into

742
00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:23,880
Speaker 3: standing up to his parents as like a twenty two

743
00:34:23,960 --> 00:34:25,960
Speaker 3: year old, and I think he's doing well.

744
00:34:26,200 --> 00:34:28,400
Speaker 4: That being said, a lot of people in the comments

745
00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:30,880
Speaker 4: made a good point that actions speak louder than words,

746
00:34:31,120 --> 00:34:33,680
Speaker 4: and I couldn't agree more. The proof is in the pudding.

747
00:34:33,800 --> 00:34:36,840
Speaker 4: Moving forward, the real test will be whether the boundaries

748
00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:39,279
Speaker 4: he set with his mom are actually respected by her

749
00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:41,960
Speaker 4: and maintained by him over time. I think this is

750
00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:42,560
Speaker 4: a good sign.

751
00:34:42,800 --> 00:34:44,840
Speaker 3: Still want to know why you haven't introduced him to

752
00:34:44,920 --> 00:34:47,759
Speaker 3: your parents, Please tell me, And yeah, keep an eye

753
00:34:47,800 --> 00:34:50,640
Speaker 3: out if you see him backsliding or his mom says

754
00:34:50,719 --> 00:34:51,399
Speaker 3: anything to you.

755
00:34:51,480 --> 00:34:53,480
Speaker 4: Or now, though, I do feel like he handled the

756
00:34:53,480 --> 00:34:55,960
Speaker 4: situation in a way that showed real effort and growth,

757
00:34:56,040 --> 00:34:57,839
Speaker 4: and that meant a lot to me. Oh the past

758
00:34:57,880 --> 00:35:00,120
Speaker 4: almost year and a half, he has been an incredible

759
00:35:00,239 --> 00:35:03,880
Speaker 4: supportive partner and someone who has had a genuinely positive

760
00:35:03,880 --> 00:35:06,080
Speaker 4: impact on my life. We've helped each other through difficult

761
00:35:06,120 --> 00:35:08,360
Speaker 4: periods and encourage each other to grow, and our relationship

762
00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:10,520
Speaker 4: has always felt like a team effort. That's a big

763
00:35:10,560 --> 00:35:13,400
Speaker 4: reason why I felt the relationship was worth giving another chance.

764
00:35:13,760 --> 00:35:15,920
Speaker 4: At the end of the day, relationships aren't perfect, and

765
00:35:15,960 --> 00:35:20,440
Speaker 4: sometimes growth comes from uncomfortable conversations and difficult moments. Moving forward,

766
00:35:20,520 --> 00:35:24,120
Speaker 4: I'm hopeful but also realistic that the boundaries he said

767
00:35:24,160 --> 00:35:27,160
Speaker 4: will continue to be respected and that will both keep

768
00:35:27,239 --> 00:35:29,880
Speaker 4: learning how to navigate these kinds of situations together in

769
00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:33,040
Speaker 4: a healthier way. And if things don't continue improving, I

770
00:35:33,160 --> 00:35:37,120
Speaker 4: now know I'm capable of setting boundaries for myself too. Laveat,

771
00:35:37,239 --> 00:35:39,680
Speaker 4: that's the end. I thought she was gonna put something

772
00:35:39,760 --> 00:35:41,560
Speaker 4: like and by the way, he's meeting my parents on

773
00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:44,960
Speaker 4: Saturday or something. Nope, none of that. Nope, none of it.

774
00:35:45,120 --> 00:35:46,759
Speaker 3: No, it doesn't make any sense, Like that is the

775
00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:49,520
Speaker 3: one thing I will give his mom. Why has he

776
00:35:49,600 --> 00:35:50,600
Speaker 3: not met your parents?

777
00:35:50,680 --> 00:35:53,720
Speaker 5: Maybe this is like their version of like when people

778
00:35:53,719 --> 00:35:57,000
Speaker 5: get into affairs, because it's like, oh, there's this secret. Yeah,

779
00:35:57,040 --> 00:36:01,160
Speaker 5: it's like the relationship has more like zes because she's like,

780
00:36:01,520 --> 00:36:03,759
Speaker 5: nobody knows I sucked us.

781
00:36:04,040 --> 00:36:06,640
Speaker 4: Yeah. I wouldn't tell my parents when I went on

782
00:36:06,719 --> 00:36:09,800
Speaker 4: dates with people, but like, yeah, that makes it a

783
00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:10,640
Speaker 4: little bit more sense.

784
00:36:10,760 --> 00:36:13,640
Speaker 2: You'd be like, mind me, I kissed the boy.

785
00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:16,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, I didn't do that. I wouldn't tell them unless

786
00:36:16,560 --> 00:36:19,239
Speaker 3: I was. Yeah, sometimes I would find out, but like

787
00:36:19,480 --> 00:36:21,280
Speaker 3: unless I was officially dating someone, I wouldn't.

788
00:36:21,320 --> 00:36:23,520
Speaker 4: I didn't really want to say, which would make like

789
00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:25,920
Speaker 4: if OP said, yeah, you know, we've been dating for

790
00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:27,600
Speaker 4: a couple months, but we're not official yet and I

791
00:36:27,600 --> 00:36:29,799
Speaker 4: haven't told my parents, that would make sense. But to

792
00:36:29,840 --> 00:36:32,359
Speaker 4: be official for a year over a year and live

793
00:36:32,400 --> 00:36:35,120
Speaker 4: together doesn't make sense to me. Yeah, that's the end

794
00:36:35,120 --> 00:36:35,760
Speaker 4: of that story.

795
00:36:36,320 --> 00:36:38,520
Speaker 1: Hey, it's key on your house with the cakes. Here.

796
00:36:38,640 --> 00:36:40,319
Speaker 1: We're going to get back to the stories, but here's

797
00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:42,040
Speaker 1: three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

798
00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:45,680
Speaker 3: My coworker was placed in the wrong role, and one

799
00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:47,800
Speaker 3: conversation fixed everything you know.

800
00:36:47,960 --> 00:36:50,040
Speaker 2: Sometimes all you gotta do is ask baby girl.

801
00:36:50,520 --> 00:36:52,640
Speaker 3: I am a baker at a busy place and one

802
00:36:52,640 --> 00:36:54,799
Speaker 3: of my coworkers is intellectually disabled.

803
00:36:54,960 --> 00:36:56,800
Speaker 4: This girl cannot keep up with anything.

804
00:36:57,280 --> 00:36:59,560
Speaker 3: I've had to start batches over because she doesn't do

805
00:36:59,680 --> 00:37:02,560
Speaker 3: things when they're supposed to get done. I asked her

806
00:37:02,600 --> 00:37:05,160
Speaker 3: to do something that to take a minute maximum, and

807
00:37:05,239 --> 00:37:08,319
Speaker 3: thirty minutes later it's not done and too late to

808
00:37:08,320 --> 00:37:10,920
Speaker 3: do it now because the pastries are too cold. By

809
00:37:10,960 --> 00:37:13,160
Speaker 3: the way, this comes from, get his butt and if

810
00:37:13,160 --> 00:37:14,600
Speaker 3: you want to smit your own stories, go to the

811
00:37:14,680 --> 00:37:17,880
Speaker 3: r slash. Okay, storytime suppared it. I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota,

812
00:37:18,000 --> 00:37:19,560
Speaker 3: and we're here to give good vice goofy.

813
00:37:19,600 --> 00:37:21,000
Speaker 4: But we don't have all the answers.

814
00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:22,759
Speaker 3: Me only know what we'd do, So let us know

815
00:37:22,800 --> 00:37:24,600
Speaker 3: what you would do in the comments.

816
00:37:25,200 --> 00:37:27,520
Speaker 4: Gibby's here, Oh, he says.

817
00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:30,319
Speaker 3: She seems to just meander from task to task doing

818
00:37:30,400 --> 00:37:32,919
Speaker 3: jackall when there are a million things to get done

819
00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:36,040
Speaker 3: that are part of her job. I am constantly picking

820
00:37:36,080 --> 00:37:38,640
Speaker 3: up slack when she's working with me, essentially doing the

821
00:37:38,760 --> 00:37:40,680
Speaker 3: job of one and a half people.

822
00:37:41,239 --> 00:37:43,759
Speaker 4: Cause of this, there have been numerous instances where a

823
00:37:43,800 --> 00:37:46,040
Speaker 4: batch has had to get thrown out because it was

824
00:37:46,080 --> 00:37:48,480
Speaker 4: in the proof for too long because I was busy

825
00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:51,040
Speaker 4: doing her job. She's just so slow.

826
00:37:51,680 --> 00:37:55,120
Speaker 3: Yesterday, someone ordered donut holes, but I hadn't done them yet,

827
00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:57,360
Speaker 3: so I quickly threw them in the fryer or glazed

828
00:37:57,400 --> 00:37:59,040
Speaker 3: them up, and asked her to back them up while

829
00:37:59,040 --> 00:38:01,560
Speaker 3: I finished the rest of the customer's order. When I

830
00:38:01,560 --> 00:38:05,879
Speaker 3: looked at her, she was still bagging the donut holes.

831
00:38:06,120 --> 00:38:08,799
Speaker 4: Putting them in the bag one at a time. I'm

832
00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:10,760
Speaker 4: at my wits end. She's just sitting there.

833
00:38:10,600 --> 00:38:18,600
Speaker 2: Like, no, one donut hole, hmmm, Two donut hole, hmmm,

834
00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:19,520
Speaker 2: Three donut hole.

835
00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:19,719
Speaker 5: Nope.

836
00:38:19,719 --> 00:38:22,920
Speaker 2: He's just like, I'm not gonna lie. I relate to

837
00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:27,000
Speaker 2: this person because I've worked in kitchens before, and I shouldn't.

838
00:38:27,960 --> 00:38:28,880
Speaker 2: I'm too slow.

839
00:38:29,600 --> 00:38:32,000
Speaker 3: Just now, I had to throw out a bunch of

840
00:38:32,040 --> 00:38:34,120
Speaker 3: donuts because she didn't toss them in the cinnamon and

841
00:38:34,120 --> 00:38:36,239
Speaker 3: sugar mix while they were warm, a very quick and

842
00:38:36,400 --> 00:38:37,320
Speaker 3: easy task.

843
00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:39,359
Speaker 4: And when I asked her to toss the new batch,

844
00:38:39,400 --> 00:38:40,799
Speaker 4: I watched her struggle to put on.

845
00:38:40,760 --> 00:38:43,560
Speaker 3: The plastic gloves, take a few seconds to stare at

846
00:38:43,560 --> 00:38:46,279
Speaker 3: the plastic gloves she dropped on the floor, watched her

847
00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:49,160
Speaker 3: slowly walk the glove or put the trash can and

848
00:38:49,360 --> 00:38:52,600
Speaker 3: miss the trash can, stare at the glove for a

849
00:38:52,640 --> 00:38:55,239
Speaker 3: couple seconds again, finally pick it up and put it

850
00:38:55,280 --> 00:38:58,000
Speaker 3: in the trash slowly walk over to the donuts, pick

851
00:38:58,080 --> 00:39:01,479
Speaker 3: you up and rub them together, and then drop them

852
00:39:01,560 --> 00:39:04,480
Speaker 3: in the cinnamon and sugar mix, one at a time.

853
00:39:05,080 --> 00:39:06,680
Speaker 3: It's gotten to the point where as soon as I

854
00:39:06,719 --> 00:39:08,400
Speaker 3: open the door to let her into the shop, I

855
00:39:08,480 --> 00:39:11,440
Speaker 3: get mad. As soon as I see her face, I

856
00:39:11,480 --> 00:39:14,320
Speaker 3: feel like a horrible person. But she's driving me nuts,

857
00:39:14,360 --> 00:39:16,040
Speaker 3: so I kind of don't care if it makes me

858
00:39:16,120 --> 00:39:18,880
Speaker 3: a bad person. At this point, I don't want her

859
00:39:18,880 --> 00:39:21,279
Speaker 3: to get fired because that may be a discrimination. But

860
00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:24,359
Speaker 3: she can't handle the tasks at this place. I've given

861
00:39:24,360 --> 00:39:26,920
Speaker 3: her pointers multiple times on how to be more efficient,

862
00:39:26,960 --> 00:39:31,040
Speaker 3: but you know, prevail and we've got relevant comments. Folks,

863
00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:32,760
Speaker 3: what do you think.

864
00:39:33,200 --> 00:39:36,440
Speaker 2: I heard somebody say something and I'm gonna regurgitate it.

865
00:39:36,920 --> 00:39:40,239
Speaker 2: There are things within your sphere of influence, and then

866
00:39:40,280 --> 00:39:44,239
Speaker 2: there are things within your like mind. Like it's like

867
00:39:44,320 --> 00:39:47,279
Speaker 2: just like noise at you and it's like this just

868
00:39:47,360 --> 00:39:49,600
Speaker 2: fhear of stuff and then there's this sphere of stuff

869
00:39:49,640 --> 00:39:52,520
Speaker 2: that you actually have control over. You can't control how

870
00:39:52,600 --> 00:39:55,160
Speaker 2: bad this girl is at her job or how slow

871
00:39:55,200 --> 00:39:58,919
Speaker 2: she is. What you can control is where you work.

872
00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:02,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, because if they hired someone who just like makes

873
00:40:02,719 --> 00:40:06,640
Speaker 4: your job incredibly hard, then maybe we have find a

874
00:40:06,680 --> 00:40:09,080
Speaker 4: new job if it's given you this much grief.

875
00:40:09,560 --> 00:40:12,759
Speaker 3: Relven comments Tronic says, you need to ask your boss

876
00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:14,200
Speaker 3: to work a ship or two with the two of

877
00:40:14,239 --> 00:40:16,799
Speaker 3: you so they can see what is going on and

878
00:40:16,840 --> 00:40:19,800
Speaker 3: make an appropriate decision on her employment. Opie says, I

879
00:40:19,880 --> 00:40:22,200
Speaker 3: think the owners are aware that it's an issue already.

880
00:40:22,840 --> 00:40:24,759
Speaker 3: One time, the one of them came in and saw

881
00:40:24,760 --> 00:40:27,319
Speaker 3: a bunch of dishes in the sink, dirty floors and

882
00:40:27,440 --> 00:40:30,680
Speaker 3: dishes still stacked on the rack and asked me, was

883
00:40:30,719 --> 00:40:33,239
Speaker 3: blank here this morning? And when I said yes, they

884
00:40:33,320 --> 00:40:35,600
Speaker 3: asked me what did she do all morning? Just sit

885
00:40:35,640 --> 00:40:39,160
Speaker 3: and watch you bake? And I just kind of shrugged

886
00:40:39,920 --> 00:40:41,960
Speaker 3: at it. I feel like I should specify this as

887
00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:44,120
Speaker 3: of maybe an hour ago, I was under the impression

888
00:40:44,160 --> 00:40:47,479
Speaker 3: that this was likely the only job this disabled girl

889
00:40:47,600 --> 00:40:50,319
Speaker 3: was able to land. I was reluctant to tell the

890
00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:53,000
Speaker 3: owners about her poor performance because I didn't want her

891
00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:56,040
Speaker 3: to get fired. While she does her job poorly, She's

892
00:40:56,160 --> 00:40:58,000
Speaker 3: very sweet, and now that she has been there for

893
00:40:58,040 --> 00:41:00,239
Speaker 3: a while, myself and the other coworkers have I don't

894
00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:03,319
Speaker 3: quite attached to her. Back then, I covered for her

895
00:41:03,360 --> 00:41:05,279
Speaker 3: because I was still holding out hope that she would

896
00:41:05,280 --> 00:41:07,359
Speaker 3: get the hang of it. Now I know that they

897
00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:10,319
Speaker 3: are likely getting her wages federally subsidized, and she's not

898
00:41:10,480 --> 00:41:12,840
Speaker 3: in any danger of ending up on the street. And

899
00:41:12,960 --> 00:41:14,960
Speaker 3: if I'm honest about her phornce, I will take it

900
00:41:15,040 --> 00:41:17,279
Speaker 3: up this issue with the owners. The people in my

901
00:41:17,360 --> 00:41:19,920
Speaker 3: comments section telling me I need to use my words

902
00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:23,040
Speaker 3: next time like an adult, or let her fail. Need

903
00:41:23,080 --> 00:41:26,680
Speaker 3: to develop some empathy Jesus Christ. I hope none of

904
00:41:26,760 --> 00:41:28,319
Speaker 3: y'all have kids with disabilities.

905
00:41:29,120 --> 00:41:32,239
Speaker 4: Thanks, Ulcer, make up your rip in mind. Do you

906
00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:35,760
Speaker 4: want to work with her or not? LOOKEI got a point.

907
00:41:36,239 --> 00:41:40,839
Speaker 2: I never worked with somebody who was just like disabled.

908
00:41:40,960 --> 00:41:44,760
Speaker 2: I did work with an alcoholic that sucked. Different reasons,

909
00:41:45,480 --> 00:41:48,239
Speaker 2: same kind of problem, though, Like what are you doing?

910
00:41:48,280 --> 00:41:52,400
Speaker 3: Bro oh p says I'm frustrated with her as a coworker,

911
00:41:52,440 --> 00:41:54,399
Speaker 3: but I really like her as a person. I feel

912
00:41:54,440 --> 00:41:56,399
Speaker 3: like I'm in a moral dilemma where if I speak

913
00:41:56,480 --> 00:41:58,600
Speaker 3: up about the issue, she could lose her job over

914
00:41:58,680 --> 00:42:01,839
Speaker 3: something that she can't really can But at the same time,

915
00:42:01,920 --> 00:42:04,960
Speaker 3: she isn't well suited for the place. I don't want

916
00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:07,839
Speaker 3: her to get hurt after all the comments. I feel

917
00:42:07,880 --> 00:42:09,879
Speaker 3: like the right thing to do after all is let

918
00:42:09,880 --> 00:42:13,319
Speaker 3: the owners know of the extent of the problem and

919
00:42:13,400 --> 00:42:16,200
Speaker 3: try to arrange something for her to stay there while

920
00:42:16,239 --> 00:42:20,080
Speaker 3: working within her abilities. Benbina says, she's not going to

921
00:42:20,120 --> 00:42:23,000
Speaker 3: get things figured out, but please don't simply let her fail,

922
00:42:23,040 --> 00:42:27,360
Speaker 3: as some here have recommended. Her success is not your responsibility,

923
00:42:27,400 --> 00:42:30,359
Speaker 3: but it is your boss's to approach them about this.

924
00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:35,040
Speaker 3: The ADA requires that employers make reasonable accommodations for developmentally

925
00:42:35,040 --> 00:42:36,000
Speaker 3: disabled workers.

926
00:42:36,560 --> 00:42:38,879
Speaker 4: Fail to do so could get your bosses in very

927
00:42:38,920 --> 00:42:42,800
Speaker 4: hot water. Suggests they contact a job's training program for

928
00:42:42,920 --> 00:42:46,000
Speaker 4: the developmentally disabled to get help in training her. This

929
00:42:46,080 --> 00:42:49,239
Speaker 4: Department of Labor site is really helpful and she may

930
00:42:49,320 --> 00:42:53,040
Speaker 4: benefit from having a jobs coach. Opie says, I refuse

931
00:42:53,200 --> 00:42:54,240
Speaker 4: to let her just fail.

932
00:42:54,320 --> 00:42:56,960
Speaker 3: That seems cruel. I've decided that I'm going to have

933
00:42:56,960 --> 00:43:00,200
Speaker 3: a talk with the owners about restructuring her duties, which

934
00:43:00,239 --> 00:43:04,000
Speaker 3: would in term change what time she works, working the

935
00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:06,880
Speaker 3: closing shift instead of the opening ones, and that seems

936
00:43:06,880 --> 00:43:09,640
Speaker 3: like the only right way to go about this. And

937
00:43:09,719 --> 00:43:13,200
Speaker 3: we do have an update, but seems like Gope's.

938
00:43:13,360 --> 00:43:15,319
Speaker 4: You know, or knows what to do here.

939
00:43:15,800 --> 00:43:18,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, man, And it's like you're not doing rocket science

940
00:43:18,880 --> 00:43:22,040
Speaker 2: or like nuclear engineering, like it's annoying, but you're at

941
00:43:22,040 --> 00:43:26,799
Speaker 2: a bakery. And I will say, as someone who kind

942
00:43:26,800 --> 00:43:29,200
Speaker 2: of sucks at cooking, baking scares me because everything needs

943
00:43:29,200 --> 00:43:31,760
Speaker 2: to be perfectly precise and happen at the exact right time,

944
00:43:32,040 --> 00:43:33,640
Speaker 2: and if it doesn't, everything's ruined.

945
00:43:33,680 --> 00:43:34,000
Speaker 4: I don't know.

946
00:43:34,040 --> 00:43:36,400
Speaker 2: I love baking, though, No, I just mean that, like

947
00:43:36,440 --> 00:43:39,120
Speaker 2: it like there's no room for error in baking, like

948
00:43:39,160 --> 00:43:41,880
Speaker 2: you have to you really have to hit it exactly

949
00:43:41,920 --> 00:43:44,080
Speaker 2: the right way. And I never do that when I cook.

950
00:43:44,120 --> 00:43:47,040
Speaker 2: I'm always like yeah over here, over there, ah.

951
00:43:47,120 --> 00:43:50,200
Speaker 3: Yes, I don't like to put timers on things when

952
00:43:50,239 --> 00:43:53,279
Speaker 3: I bake. And sometimes it's totally fine because I just

953
00:43:53,360 --> 00:43:55,840
Speaker 3: check and I'm like, oh, yeah, we're good. But sometimes

954
00:43:55,920 --> 00:43:58,120
Speaker 3: if I forget that I put something in the oven,

955
00:43:58,600 --> 00:43:59,480
Speaker 3: then it is burnt.

956
00:44:00,239 --> 00:44:03,920
Speaker 4: And yes, I just remember that something's in the oven,

957
00:44:04,239 --> 00:44:05,680
Speaker 4: and they we're fine.

958
00:44:05,760 --> 00:44:08,120
Speaker 2: Baking without a timer next level.

959
00:44:08,520 --> 00:44:10,319
Speaker 3: A little while back, I made a post about how

960
00:44:10,320 --> 00:44:14,000
Speaker 3: I hated working with my intellectually disabled coworker. The gist

961
00:44:14,040 --> 00:44:15,759
Speaker 3: of it is that whenever she worked with me, I

962
00:44:15,760 --> 00:44:18,120
Speaker 3: would end up doing a lot more work than normal

963
00:44:18,280 --> 00:44:20,840
Speaker 3: just to keep the bakery going, and I would end

964
00:44:20,920 --> 00:44:24,120
Speaker 3: up frustrated and annoyed. What I left out was the

965
00:44:24,160 --> 00:44:27,240
Speaker 3: fact that this coworker is incredibly kind and good natured,

966
00:44:27,400 --> 00:44:29,880
Speaker 3: and while she doesn't do her job well, she is

967
00:44:29,920 --> 00:44:32,799
Speaker 3: a great person that myself and my other coworkers like

968
00:44:32,880 --> 00:44:36,279
Speaker 3: having around. We have grown incredibly fond of her, so

969
00:44:36,400 --> 00:44:38,920
Speaker 3: I do not want to have or fired as frustrating

970
00:44:38,920 --> 00:44:42,240
Speaker 3: as she is. At the time of making the original post,

971
00:44:42,320 --> 00:44:45,200
Speaker 3: I had very little knowledge about disability services and what

972
00:44:45,239 --> 00:44:49,399
Speaker 3: that entails. A plethora of individuals with disability knowledge came

973
00:44:49,440 --> 00:44:51,720
Speaker 3: out of the woodwork and informed me of a few things.

974
00:44:52,160 --> 00:44:55,000
Speaker 3: What my boss is likely getting a tax break for

975
00:44:55,080 --> 00:44:57,840
Speaker 3: having her work here and is getting a portion of

976
00:44:57,880 --> 00:45:02,319
Speaker 3: her income federally subsidized. Two, she should have access to

977
00:45:02,440 --> 00:45:06,720
Speaker 3: vocational programs to help her develop job skills. Three, based

978
00:45:06,760 --> 00:45:09,600
Speaker 3: on my description of her working, my boss has totally

979
00:45:09,680 --> 00:45:13,000
Speaker 3: mismanaged her. I was under the impression that if I

980
00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:15,360
Speaker 3: spoke up about how poorly she was doing at work,

981
00:45:15,800 --> 00:45:17,960
Speaker 3: this sweet girl would lose her source of income and

982
00:45:18,080 --> 00:45:20,560
Speaker 3: end up homeless. That's why I have been spending the

983
00:45:20,680 --> 00:45:24,080
Speaker 3: last five months or so burning myself out and getting

984
00:45:24,120 --> 00:45:26,680
Speaker 3: frustrated to pick up her slack instead of telling my

985
00:45:26,760 --> 00:45:28,600
Speaker 3: boss about her performance.

986
00:45:28,719 --> 00:45:30,520
Speaker 2: Or like, I don't know, you don't even have the lawsuit,

987
00:45:30,520 --> 00:45:32,040
Speaker 2: but you should just bring this up, Like, hey, she

988
00:45:32,120 --> 00:45:34,640
Speaker 2: needs all this stuff and that's what's legally required. So

989
00:45:35,560 --> 00:45:36,400
Speaker 2: is that gonna happen?

990
00:45:37,160 --> 00:45:43,040
Speaker 4: What a lawyer's like to wear lawsuits? Ah?

991
00:45:43,040 --> 00:45:47,279
Speaker 2: We got a comedian, huh a blooms, You got a

992
00:45:47,320 --> 00:45:48,759
Speaker 2: real tacaba in here for me?

993
00:45:48,880 --> 00:45:49,480
Speaker 4: Here all night?

994
00:45:49,880 --> 00:45:52,840
Speaker 2: She will She's in here for the next four hours.

995
00:45:53,239 --> 00:45:55,880
Speaker 3: For some reason, a lot of people couldn't seem to

996
00:45:55,880 --> 00:46:00,080
Speaker 3: grasp this, and we're incredibly condescending and unhelpful by saying things.

997
00:45:59,800 --> 00:46:03,239
Speaker 4: Like just let her feel or communicate like it at all.

998
00:46:04,040 --> 00:46:06,800
Speaker 3: Aside from those comments, there were a lot of helpful

999
00:46:06,800 --> 00:46:08,560
Speaker 3: ones that assured me and that I will be able

1000
00:46:08,560 --> 00:46:10,960
Speaker 3: to talk to my boss about this and probably get

1001
00:46:11,000 --> 00:46:13,080
Speaker 3: her into a better position in the bakery.

1002
00:46:13,239 --> 00:46:14,720
Speaker 4: So I did today.

1003
00:46:14,760 --> 00:46:16,440
Speaker 3: It was her first shift back since I talked to

1004
00:46:16,520 --> 00:46:19,640
Speaker 3: my boss about the manner. She came in later than usual,

1005
00:46:19,920 --> 00:46:22,840
Speaker 3: did the dishes, swept and mopped the floor, chatted with

1006
00:46:22,920 --> 00:46:26,160
Speaker 3: us a bit until the afternoon rush happened, grabbed a

1007
00:46:26,160 --> 00:46:27,360
Speaker 3: donut and left.

1008
00:46:28,000 --> 00:46:30,839
Speaker 4: That's it. No food had to get thrown out. There's

1009
00:46:30,920 --> 00:46:34,240
Speaker 4: nothing put out late. Everything went smoothly and she's still

1010
00:46:34,239 --> 00:46:37,440
Speaker 4: making money and socializing with us. Thanks for all the support.

1011
00:46:37,880 --> 00:46:43,839
Speaker 2: Well nice we got there. Oh that one doesn't look good. Ooh,

1012
00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:45,839
Speaker 2: now that Mike has a little shawl on it.

1013
00:46:45,960 --> 00:46:50,600
Speaker 4: Easy an e more boy. That's the end of that story, folks.

1014
00:46:51,800 --> 00:46:54,720
Speaker 2: I told the girl my steps and was seeing other people.

1015
00:46:55,160 --> 00:46:57,239
Speaker 2: My husband thinks I went too far.

1016
00:46:58,120 --> 00:46:59,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, you might have.

1017
00:46:59,640 --> 00:47:02,080
Speaker 2: I forty two females, have been married to my husband,

1018
00:47:02,120 --> 00:47:05,080
Speaker 2: Steve forty three male, for about two years now. He

1019
00:47:05,120 --> 00:47:08,640
Speaker 2: has one son, Josh twenty one male, with his ex wife.

1020
00:47:09,160 --> 00:47:11,920
Speaker 2: They've been divorced for about ten years. But it was

1021
00:47:12,040 --> 00:47:15,320
Speaker 2: amicable and we all get along well. By the way,

1022
00:47:15,560 --> 00:47:19,279
Speaker 2: this comes from Throwaway Girls Surgery and if you want

1023
00:47:19,320 --> 00:47:21,080
Speaker 2: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash

1024
00:47:21,080 --> 00:47:25,120
Speaker 2: Showcay Storytime subred it. I'm Dakota, I'm Sophia, and we're

1025
00:47:25,120 --> 00:47:26,720
Speaker 2: here to read this story. We might give some advice,

1026
00:47:26,760 --> 00:47:28,520
Speaker 2: we might not. We don't know the answers to all

1027
00:47:28,560 --> 00:47:30,880
Speaker 2: of Live's questions, but we'll try our best, and you

1028
00:47:30,960 --> 00:47:32,720
Speaker 2: can tell us what you would do down in the comments,

1029
00:47:32,920 --> 00:47:36,239
Speaker 2: and Op says, Josh is living with Steve and I

1030
00:47:36,520 --> 00:47:39,680
Speaker 2: while he's finishing his degree at a nearby university. We

1031
00:47:39,800 --> 00:47:42,799
Speaker 2: certainly aren't close, but we usually get along pretty well,

1032
00:47:42,880 --> 00:47:46,160
Speaker 2: and he's always respectful to me, which I appreciate. The

1033
00:47:46,200 --> 00:47:48,040
Speaker 2: one part that's really awkward to me is that he

1034
00:47:48,080 --> 00:47:50,319
Speaker 2: has hooked up with multiple girls that he brings over

1035
00:47:50,360 --> 00:47:53,080
Speaker 2: to the house. I don't know why he chooses to

1036
00:47:53,120 --> 00:47:57,080
Speaker 2: take them here. Our basement is pretty nice and entirely finished,

1037
00:47:57,480 --> 00:47:59,600
Speaker 2: along with a big TV, so I guess it's a

1038
00:47:59,640 --> 00:48:01,520
Speaker 2: cool place to hang out for some privacy.

1039
00:48:01,600 --> 00:48:03,640
Speaker 3: I don't know why he takes all of these girls

1040
00:48:03,680 --> 00:48:08,000
Speaker 3: to his basement, his cool basement room with the big TV.

1041
00:48:08,520 --> 00:48:10,400
Speaker 2: No one has been able to figure out why he

1042
00:48:10,480 --> 00:48:12,479
Speaker 2: takes these girls back to his cool man cave.

1043
00:48:12,560 --> 00:48:15,319
Speaker 4: What's he doing in there with all those girls in

1044
00:48:15,360 --> 00:48:16,760
Speaker 4: the basement of his big TV.

1045
00:48:17,080 --> 00:48:18,680
Speaker 2: He's teaching them at a thumb wrestle I.

1046
00:48:18,680 --> 00:48:24,600
Speaker 4: Thought you said he's djaying them.

1047
00:48:24,800 --> 00:48:28,200
Speaker 2: I transmorgafy you into a vinyl record.

1048
00:48:28,440 --> 00:48:30,560
Speaker 4: It's that little kid. It's that little kid who's like

1049
00:48:30,640 --> 00:48:32,960
Speaker 4: dancing in the club like I'm talking.

1050
00:48:33,280 --> 00:48:36,040
Speaker 2: I see these girls several times a week. It's pretty

1051
00:48:36,080 --> 00:48:38,920
Speaker 2: rare that I see repeat girls, but usually it's only

1052
00:48:39,000 --> 00:48:42,240
Speaker 2: for a possible second time. If he's not at our house,

1053
00:48:42,320 --> 00:48:45,480
Speaker 2: he's usually with friends or at someone else's apartment. He's

1054
00:48:45,520 --> 00:48:48,040
Speaker 2: never woken us up because he lives in the basement

1055
00:48:48,200 --> 00:48:50,600
Speaker 2: and enters through the back door. I like to sit

1056
00:48:50,600 --> 00:48:52,920
Speaker 2: out on our back porch to read when I can't sleep,

1057
00:48:53,280 --> 00:48:56,479
Speaker 2: so I actually see the girl's faces pretty often. There's

1058
00:48:56,520 --> 00:48:59,720
Speaker 2: a bathroom in the basement, but we've had some piping issues.

1059
00:49:00,120 --> 00:49:02,160
Speaker 2: Toilet and shower don't work. I'll tell you who's not

1060
00:49:02,160 --> 00:49:03,960
Speaker 2: having any piping issues, your roommate.

1061
00:49:04,120 --> 00:49:07,600
Speaker 4: Ohoooo, I thought that was her son. Isn't it her

1062
00:49:07,640 --> 00:49:11,839
Speaker 4: step SONY hasn't let hear a step son.

1063
00:49:12,080 --> 00:49:16,279
Speaker 2: I'm sorry it was a little out of pocket. Sometimes

1064
00:49:16,400 --> 00:49:18,359
Speaker 2: I'll be in my office late at night finishing up

1065
00:49:18,360 --> 00:49:20,799
Speaker 2: some work, so occasionally I'll walk out to see some

1066
00:49:20,960 --> 00:49:23,320
Speaker 2: girl I've never met, trying to see which door is

1067
00:49:23,360 --> 00:49:26,319
Speaker 2: the bathroom. I also see them eating breakfast in our

1068
00:49:26,400 --> 00:49:29,640
Speaker 2: kitchen almost every time. That was definitely a shock the

1069
00:49:29,680 --> 00:49:32,560
Speaker 2: first time seeing some girl I've never met trying to

1070
00:49:32,560 --> 00:49:36,320
Speaker 2: figure out my toaster and taking the last bagel. Let's

1071
00:49:36,360 --> 00:49:38,880
Speaker 2: just say I've learned to hide my personal breakfast stuff

1072
00:49:38,920 --> 00:49:42,600
Speaker 2: in the back of the pantry. Usually Josh briefly introduces

1073
00:49:42,680 --> 00:49:45,080
Speaker 2: and tells us her name. I have no idea why

1074
00:49:46,080 --> 00:49:48,640
Speaker 2: they always leave pretty quickly after that, so I guess

1075
00:49:48,680 --> 00:49:50,600
Speaker 2: it isn't a big issue as long as they don't

1076
00:49:50,640 --> 00:49:53,360
Speaker 2: make a mess. It feels awkward to me, but Steve

1077
00:49:53,480 --> 00:49:55,799
Speaker 2: says Josh is a young adult and we should let

1078
00:49:55,840 --> 00:49:59,120
Speaker 2: him have fun as long as it's responsible. I can

1079
00:49:59,239 --> 00:50:03,680
Speaker 2: understand that. So I've never gone outside my lane until recently.

1080
00:50:04,600 --> 00:50:06,920
Speaker 2: Over the past couple months or so, I've noticed that

1081
00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:10,160
Speaker 2: he's brought one girl over about four or five times now.

1082
00:50:10,440 --> 00:50:13,040
Speaker 2: Her name is Casey, and I think she's a junior.

1083
00:50:13,680 --> 00:50:16,440
Speaker 2: The first time, it was around ten PM, and she

1084
00:50:16,520 --> 00:50:18,200
Speaker 2: got out of the bathroom while I was in the

1085
00:50:18,239 --> 00:50:21,160
Speaker 2: kitchen getting myself a snack. She saw me walking back

1086
00:50:21,200 --> 00:50:23,480
Speaker 2: into my office and she mentioned my degree hanging on

1087
00:50:23,520 --> 00:50:26,239
Speaker 2: the wall that she saw I was surprised, but she

1088
00:50:26,280 --> 00:50:29,080
Speaker 2: started up a little conversation because she's majoring in the

1089
00:50:29,120 --> 00:50:33,759
Speaker 2: same field of study think Gotledge College. I asked her

1090
00:50:33,800 --> 00:50:36,920
Speaker 2: where Josh was, and she awkwardly laughed before saying he

1091
00:50:36,960 --> 00:50:39,600
Speaker 2: had fallen asleep while watching a movie. We had a

1092
00:50:39,640 --> 00:50:42,000
Speaker 2: little chat at breakfast, too, and I thought Josh had

1093
00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:45,920
Speaker 2: finally found himself a full time girlfriend. That dream crashed

1094
00:50:45,960 --> 00:50:48,200
Speaker 2: and burned when I saw him walking in with some

1095
00:50:48,239 --> 00:50:50,479
Speaker 2: different girl from where I was sitting on the deck.

1096
00:50:50,960 --> 00:50:53,160
Speaker 2: He also had one other hookup during the time I

1097
00:50:53,160 --> 00:50:56,760
Speaker 2: had originally met Casey. His love life is his business,

1098
00:50:56,800 --> 00:50:59,279
Speaker 2: so I said nothing. A few days after that, I

1099
00:50:59,320 --> 00:51:03,040
Speaker 2: saw Casey once again. She seems to genuinely like Josh,

1100
00:51:03,160 --> 00:51:05,680
Speaker 2: so I felt guilty not mentioning anything, but I didn't

1101
00:51:05,719 --> 00:51:08,920
Speaker 2: want to pry into his personal life. Josh had a

1102
00:51:08,960 --> 00:51:10,759
Speaker 2: meeting or something he had to run off to. The

1103
00:51:10,800 --> 00:51:13,520
Speaker 2: last morning I saw them, Casey offered to help me

1104
00:51:13,560 --> 00:51:16,920
Speaker 2: load the dishwasher before she left. Steve was already gone.

1105
00:51:17,440 --> 00:51:20,520
Speaker 2: I was touched and said yes. While we were together,

1106
00:51:20,560 --> 00:51:22,880
Speaker 2: she off handedly mentioned that it was kind of sweet

1107
00:51:22,880 --> 00:51:25,640
Speaker 2: how Josh introduced her to his parents so early on.

1108
00:51:26,239 --> 00:51:29,080
Speaker 2: It shows that he was committed from the start. She

1109
00:51:29,200 --> 00:51:31,800
Speaker 2: giggled and mentioned something about getting the hard parts of

1110
00:51:31,840 --> 00:51:34,200
Speaker 2: a relationship out of the way and being with him

1111
00:51:34,200 --> 00:51:37,640
Speaker 2: made her happy. I just couldn't do it. She was

1112
00:51:37,680 --> 00:51:40,880
Speaker 2: so nice and innocent. I just felt bad. I tried

1113
00:51:40,880 --> 00:51:43,680
Speaker 2: to coolly ask her if they were official and exclusive.

1114
00:51:43,760 --> 00:51:47,399
Speaker 2: She seemed confused and said yeah, like.

1115
00:51:47,360 --> 00:51:52,799
Speaker 4: It was AFO no no, And at that point I also, yeah,

1116
00:51:52,840 --> 00:51:53,879
Speaker 4: I would be telling the truth.

1117
00:51:54,440 --> 00:51:56,480
Speaker 2: I tried to stay calm and collected about it, but

1118
00:51:56,520 --> 00:51:58,759
Speaker 2: I ended up telling her that in the time she's

1119
00:51:58,800 --> 00:52:02,040
Speaker 2: been here, I've seen him bring a couple different girls over.

1120
00:52:02,719 --> 00:52:05,440
Speaker 2: I quickly said, I have no idea about the specifics

1121
00:52:05,480 --> 00:52:08,600
Speaker 2: of their relationship, but I feel like she's a beautiful

1122
00:52:08,600 --> 00:52:11,120
Speaker 2: young woman who deserves to be with someone who is

1123
00:52:11,239 --> 00:52:14,520
Speaker 2: as committed as her. She teared up a bit and

1124
00:52:14,640 --> 00:52:18,360
Speaker 2: excused herself. She seemed so taken off guard and sad.

1125
00:52:18,640 --> 00:52:21,520
Speaker 2: I can only assume she had no idea. I felt

1126
00:52:21,520 --> 00:52:23,640
Speaker 2: really bad, but she seemed so nice. I thought it

1127
00:52:23,680 --> 00:52:26,520
Speaker 2: was better to tell her now before they got more serious.

1128
00:52:27,120 --> 00:52:29,400
Speaker 2: I guess one possibility was that they had some open

1129
00:52:29,440 --> 00:52:33,360
Speaker 2: relationship agreement I knew nothing about, but considering how she reacted.

1130
00:52:33,480 --> 00:52:36,799
Speaker 2: I don't think that was the case. When Josh got

1131
00:52:36,800 --> 00:52:39,600
Speaker 2: home later that night, he seemed pissed. He said, I

1132
00:52:39,640 --> 00:52:42,360
Speaker 2: had no right exposing his personal business like that. I

1133
00:52:42,400 --> 00:52:45,080
Speaker 2: made Casey cry and be angry with him and ended

1134
00:52:45,080 --> 00:52:48,799
Speaker 2: their relationship. This made me mad, and I said he

1135
00:52:48,920 --> 00:52:51,200
Speaker 2: was in the wrong and he was the one that

1136
00:52:51,280 --> 00:52:53,759
Speaker 2: made her so heartbroken by not being honest with her.

1137
00:52:54,040 --> 00:52:56,000
Speaker 2: He can make his own choices, and I won't force

1138
00:52:56,080 --> 00:52:59,120
Speaker 2: him otherwise, but he can't honestly expect his actions to

1139
00:52:59,200 --> 00:53:02,560
Speaker 2: never have consequence, and says he stormed away and hasn't

1140
00:53:02,600 --> 00:53:06,160
Speaker 2: talked to me since. Steve said he understood my moral dilemma,

1141
00:53:06,400 --> 00:53:09,320
Speaker 2: but I'm not Josh's mother, and I crossed a boundary.

1142
00:53:09,880 --> 00:53:11,719
Speaker 2: But see, at the same time, you can use that

1143
00:53:11,840 --> 00:53:13,960
Speaker 2: argument that it's like you weren't even acting in the

1144
00:53:13,960 --> 00:53:16,279
Speaker 2: capacity of his mother. You were just acting in the

1145
00:53:16,320 --> 00:53:20,359
Speaker 2: capacity of one human conversing with another human who was

1146
00:53:20,520 --> 00:53:24,280
Speaker 2: what was her name, Chloe? No, what was it Casey?

1147
00:53:24,680 --> 00:53:28,160
Speaker 4: That's like, that is definitely a thing that uh Opie's

1148
00:53:28,200 --> 00:53:32,800
Speaker 4: son has said, it's Chloe right, just like no, it's Kathy,

1149
00:53:32,920 --> 00:53:36,600
Speaker 4: And he's like, yeah, that's what I said. I just said, dude, Oh, okay,

1150
00:53:36,680 --> 00:53:37,680
Speaker 4: I guess they misheard you.

1151
00:53:38,440 --> 00:53:41,359
Speaker 2: Josh is at that age where he'll do stupid crap

1152
00:53:41,480 --> 00:53:44,279
Speaker 2: like this, and we should step back to let him

1153
00:53:44,280 --> 00:53:46,799
Speaker 2: make his own mistakes. He said he felt bad for

1154
00:53:46,880 --> 00:53:49,399
Speaker 2: Casey too, but it was none of our business. He's

1155
00:53:49,480 --> 00:53:53,839
Speaker 2: asked me to just apologize for overstepping, and he'll get

1156
00:53:53,880 --> 00:53:56,160
Speaker 2: Josh to apologize for yelling and we can put this

1157
00:53:56,200 --> 00:53:59,880
Speaker 2: whole fight and mess behind us. At first I thought

1158
00:54:00,120 --> 00:54:01,960
Speaker 2: I was right, but now I'm wondering if I was

1159
00:54:02,040 --> 00:54:04,640
Speaker 2: too pushy and let the whole thing get too personal.

1160
00:54:05,160 --> 00:54:07,319
Speaker 2: I don't want to endanger my future relationship with my

1161
00:54:07,360 --> 00:54:09,319
Speaker 2: steps on as he gets older and seem like some

1162
00:54:09,400 --> 00:54:13,080
Speaker 2: overbearing step monster. Obviously, I know they had only been

1163
00:54:13,120 --> 00:54:15,560
Speaker 2: together for a short amount of time, but obviously she

1164
00:54:15,719 --> 00:54:19,120
Speaker 2: personally felt committed and thought Josh felt the same. I

1165
00:54:19,160 --> 00:54:20,920
Speaker 2: feel like if I hadn't said anything, she would have

1166
00:54:20,960 --> 00:54:24,120
Speaker 2: stayed for months or even years, and only then found

1167
00:54:24,120 --> 00:54:26,839
Speaker 2: out he had done something like he did. I think

1168
00:54:26,960 --> 00:54:30,359
Speaker 2: that's a stretch. At least now she knows and can

1169
00:54:30,360 --> 00:54:32,600
Speaker 2: make an informed choice if she really wants to continue

1170
00:54:32,600 --> 00:54:37,279
Speaker 2: this relationship knowing the whole truth, Or is that just

1171
00:54:37,320 --> 00:54:40,200
Speaker 2: me being nitpicky. I don't even know anymore. Honestly, it's

1172
00:54:40,280 --> 00:54:42,320
Speaker 2: not even the random hookups that bother me the most.

1173
00:54:42,400 --> 00:54:44,320
Speaker 2: It felt awkward, but I mean I've gotten used to

1174
00:54:44,360 --> 00:54:48,040
Speaker 2: them over time. I just felt bad for Casey exactly. Dude,

1175
00:54:48,120 --> 00:54:50,000
Speaker 2: you were just having a conversation with a person and

1176
00:54:50,040 --> 00:54:53,160
Speaker 2: this happened. Obviously, she thought they were exclusive, and she

1177
00:54:53,160 --> 00:54:55,600
Speaker 2: seemed to like Josh a lot. She's very sweet, and

1178
00:54:55,640 --> 00:54:58,080
Speaker 2: from personal experience, I know how awful it can feel

1179
00:54:58,320 --> 00:55:02,200
Speaker 2: to be strung along, cheated on. Wasn't really trying to

1180
00:55:02,200 --> 00:55:04,200
Speaker 2: mother Josh. He's a grown man and can make his

1181
00:55:04,239 --> 00:55:06,920
Speaker 2: own mistakes. That doesn't mean Casey has to get dragged

1182
00:55:07,000 --> 00:55:09,600
Speaker 2: up into all of that. I felt obligated to tell

1183
00:55:09,640 --> 00:55:11,920
Speaker 2: Casey since I've been through something similar and I know

1184
00:55:11,960 --> 00:55:15,080
Speaker 2: how heartbreaking it can be. I'm wondering if I should

1185
00:55:15,120 --> 00:55:18,959
Speaker 2: have just minded my own business. Am I the a hole?

1186
00:55:19,640 --> 00:55:21,960
Speaker 2: I think I would say everyone sucks here because like

1187
00:55:22,040 --> 00:55:24,880
Speaker 2: nobody really got to the root of it, which was

1188
00:55:24,960 --> 00:55:27,319
Speaker 2: just like, I don't know everything that we've said.

1189
00:55:28,040 --> 00:55:30,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, and we got to the root of it, so

1190
00:55:30,600 --> 00:55:31,720
Speaker 3: we're we don't suck.

1191
00:55:32,320 --> 00:55:34,719
Speaker 4: Can you guessers? You're in the dunnis it supposed to

1192
00:55:34,719 --> 00:55:38,040
Speaker 4: be selfish and he's he's taking that tart And.

1193
00:55:38,000 --> 00:55:41,000
Speaker 2: There's honestly too much stuff we don't know to even

1194
00:55:41,360 --> 00:55:45,360
Speaker 2: like declare morally what is going on. We can, we

1195
00:55:45,400 --> 00:55:47,360
Speaker 2: can fill in the gaps and just like, if you

1196
00:55:47,360 --> 00:55:49,160
Speaker 2: fill in the gaps this way, it's really bad. If

1197
00:55:49,160 --> 00:55:50,799
Speaker 2: you fill in the gaps this way, it's kind of

1198
00:55:50,840 --> 00:55:54,640
Speaker 2: just like an unfortunate thing, and you know, you should know,

1199
00:55:54,840 --> 00:55:57,560
Speaker 2: you should know better. Wait to say the film in

1200
00:55:57,560 --> 00:56:03,279
Speaker 2: the yeah, ooh, who o who yep.

1201
00:56:03,520 --> 00:56:05,160
Speaker 4: When Dakota was drinking, he's like, when you're filling the

1202
00:56:05,160 --> 00:56:06,200
Speaker 4: aaps and it was.

1203
00:56:06,160 --> 00:56:08,719
Speaker 2: Like, but yeah, I don't know. You just needed to

1204
00:56:08,719 --> 00:56:11,160
Speaker 2: be like, ma'am, this is what happens.

1205
00:56:11,719 --> 00:56:12,080
Speaker 4: You can't.

1206
00:56:12,120 --> 00:56:14,520
Speaker 2: You gotta be honest, you gotta be you gotta make

1207
00:56:14,520 --> 00:56:18,000
Speaker 2: it clear or people get hurt. And he's not prioritizing

1208
00:56:18,040 --> 00:56:20,160
Speaker 2: making it clear. And that's the end of this story.

1209
00:56:20,440 --> 00:56:22,960
Speaker 2: Let's head to the next one. Hey, this is Riley

1210
00:56:23,080 --> 00:56:24,919
Speaker 2: the host. I can't really read that. Well. We're gonna

1211
00:56:24,960 --> 00:56:27,040
Speaker 2: get back to the stories, but here's three minutes worth

1212
00:56:27,040 --> 00:56:28,680
Speaker 2: of ads from our sponsors.

1213
00:56:29,040 --> 00:56:31,200
Speaker 3: I didn't know how to reject someone kindly so I

1214
00:56:31,280 --> 00:56:35,640
Speaker 3: lied liar. Yesterday, I was studying at a cafe in

1215
00:56:35,680 --> 00:56:38,080
Speaker 3: my college town when a girl approached me and said.

1216
00:56:37,920 --> 00:56:40,839
Speaker 4: I was cute, and she asks for my number. I

1217
00:56:40,920 --> 00:56:42,759
Speaker 4: was flattered by her approaching me, but I did not

1218
00:56:42,920 --> 00:56:46,880
Speaker 4: find her attractive. Unfortunately, however, I got nervous because that

1219
00:56:47,080 --> 00:56:49,040
Speaker 4: rarely happens to me. So I just gave her my

1220
00:56:49,120 --> 00:56:53,080
Speaker 4: number anyway. Classic by the way, this comes from Cuppers.

1221
00:56:53,120 --> 00:56:54,560
Speaker 3: And if you want to submit your own stories, good

1222
00:56:54,600 --> 00:56:56,320
Speaker 3: to the arslage. Okay, storytime suppered it.

1223
00:56:56,520 --> 00:57:00,000
Speaker 4: I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, and we're here to give good advius.

1224
00:57:00,360 --> 00:57:02,319
Speaker 3: But we don't have all the answers. We only know

1225
00:57:02,360 --> 00:57:04,000
Speaker 3: what we'd do. So let us know what you would

1226
00:57:04,040 --> 00:57:07,200
Speaker 3: do in the comments, and Opie says. A few hours later,

1227
00:57:07,239 --> 00:57:09,920
Speaker 3: she texted me saying, Hey, I'm gonna call her Sarah.

1228
00:57:10,080 --> 00:57:12,879
Speaker 3: It's Sarah from the cafe. At this point, I didn't

1229
00:57:12,920 --> 00:57:14,920
Speaker 3: know how to handle the situation and whether or not

1230
00:57:14,960 --> 00:57:16,240
Speaker 3: I should respond.

1231
00:57:16,520 --> 00:57:17,240
Speaker 4: I've been there.

1232
00:57:17,640 --> 00:57:20,880
Speaker 3: I was not interested in pursuing her romantically or even

1233
00:57:20,920 --> 00:57:23,280
Speaker 3: becoming friends with her, so I asked a few of

1234
00:57:23,280 --> 00:57:26,160
Speaker 3: my friends for advice. The first two friends I asked

1235
00:57:26,240 --> 00:57:27,800
Speaker 3: told me, the best thing I can do is I

1236
00:57:27,800 --> 00:57:29,960
Speaker 3: either reply to her message and tell her that I'm

1237
00:57:29,960 --> 00:57:33,000
Speaker 3: not interested right off the bat, or just not respond

1238
00:57:33,040 --> 00:57:35,560
Speaker 3: at all. The other two friends I asked told me

1239
00:57:35,600 --> 00:57:38,400
Speaker 3: I should respond to her and be friendly or get

1240
00:57:38,440 --> 00:57:41,760
Speaker 3: into a brief combo, then ease into a rejection message,

1241
00:57:41,920 --> 00:57:43,920
Speaker 3: and the message should be a white lie to soften

1242
00:57:43,960 --> 00:57:45,600
Speaker 3: the blow and make it seem like she couldn't have

1243
00:57:45,640 --> 00:57:46,360
Speaker 3: dated me anyway.

1244
00:57:46,440 --> 00:57:47,520
Speaker 4: That's too complicated.

1245
00:57:47,880 --> 00:57:51,040
Speaker 3: You text her and say, hey, I really appreciate you

1246
00:57:51,080 --> 00:57:52,280
Speaker 3: know that she came up to me.

1247
00:57:52,320 --> 00:57:53,240
Speaker 4: I'm really flattered.

1248
00:57:53,480 --> 00:57:57,520
Speaker 3: I don't think I see this going in any you know,

1249
00:57:57,600 --> 00:57:59,280
Speaker 3: I don't think I see a romantic future in this.

1250
00:58:00,080 --> 00:58:02,560
Speaker 2: Being your people, you can't be a people pleaser, bro

1251
00:58:02,880 --> 00:58:05,200
Speaker 2: in this context. You just got to be straight up,

1252
00:58:05,680 --> 00:58:10,480
Speaker 2: and you know it works better than living a lie.

1253
00:58:11,440 --> 00:58:14,000
Speaker 4: At first, I was thinking of sending no reply, but

1254
00:58:14,000 --> 00:58:15,760
Speaker 4: then I felt like it would have made her feel

1255
00:58:15,760 --> 00:58:17,800
Speaker 4: bad or rejected, so I went about the best way

1256
00:58:17,840 --> 00:58:20,720
Speaker 4: to hurt her feelings the least possible. What I ended

1257
00:58:20,800 --> 00:58:22,840
Speaker 4: up doing was listen to the latter two friends, and

1258
00:58:22,880 --> 00:58:26,680
Speaker 4: I responded to her saying, Hi, it's ope, and then

1259
00:58:26,720 --> 00:58:28,760
Speaker 4: she asked how I was doing. And I responded to that,

1260
00:58:29,320 --> 00:58:30,800
Speaker 4: and then she asked if I was free to call

1261
00:58:30,800 --> 00:58:33,440
Speaker 4: her sometime later. In response, I told her I was

1262
00:58:33,440 --> 00:58:34,720
Speaker 4: busy that I told her.

1263
00:58:34,760 --> 00:58:36,640
Speaker 3: Also, I didn't know if I was going to be

1264
00:58:36,680 --> 00:58:40,640
Speaker 3: the one to tell you this, but I'm are you actually?

1265
00:58:40,720 --> 00:58:41,400
Speaker 4: Are you lying?

1266
00:58:42,120 --> 00:58:44,120
Speaker 2: You gotta fully commit to this now, brother.

1267
00:58:44,320 --> 00:58:46,919
Speaker 4: Which is not true. Oh and just a white lie

1268
00:58:46,920 --> 00:58:52,240
Speaker 4: to make it sound less like white lad, I'm insane. Ope,

1269
00:58:52,840 --> 00:58:55,600
Speaker 4: Ope was so afraid to tell this girl that he

1270
00:58:55,720 --> 00:58:59,120
Speaker 4: wasn't interested in her that he told her she was

1271
00:59:00,200 --> 00:59:01,600
Speaker 4: or sorry I hadn't told her he was.

1272
00:59:03,360 --> 00:59:10,160
Speaker 2: You are Jedi, Jedi mind tricked, you're all and at school.

1273
00:59:10,680 --> 00:59:13,800
Speaker 2: Not that there's anything wrong with that, Seinfeld.

1274
00:59:13,440 --> 00:59:16,560
Speaker 4: I think it's it's better. Whitney Piantererson says, that's a

1275
00:59:16,640 --> 00:59:17,600
Speaker 4: rainbow lie, my guy.

1276
00:59:18,080 --> 00:59:21,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's truly like it'd be like if I was like,

1277
00:59:21,880 --> 00:59:27,400
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, Uh, it's just I'm actually Lebron James. Yeah,

1278
00:59:27,480 --> 00:59:30,000
Speaker 2: well this will never work. I know you thought I

1279
00:59:30,120 --> 00:59:32,040
Speaker 2: wasn't Lebron James, but I'm Lebron James.

1280
00:59:31,880 --> 00:59:35,240
Speaker 4: Lebron James. And she's like, but you're white, and he's like,

1281
00:59:35,320 --> 00:59:39,280
Speaker 4: that's why it's called the white lie. Also, this whole

1282
00:59:39,360 --> 00:59:41,360
Speaker 4: text exchange lasted twenty minutes.

1283
00:59:42,160 --> 00:59:45,120
Speaker 2: You know, I, on a real level, I feel like

1284
00:59:46,040 --> 00:59:51,000
Speaker 2: this comes from a place of like just not wanting

1285
00:59:51,320 --> 00:59:53,000
Speaker 2: to hurt someone.

1286
00:59:53,800 --> 00:59:58,120
Speaker 4: I hate people who can't just and I know I

1287
00:59:58,200 --> 01:00:02,280
Speaker 4: love people, but I hate people who can't just like

1288
01:00:02,960 --> 01:00:06,000
Speaker 4: be honest. And I have been there, so you know,

1289
01:00:06,120 --> 01:00:07,160
Speaker 4: like I hate myself.

1290
01:00:07,680 --> 01:00:10,600
Speaker 2: Sometimes it's more it's more respectful to just be straight

1291
01:00:10,680 --> 01:00:12,400
Speaker 2: up and be like, I'm actually not kind. I'm not

1292
01:00:12,440 --> 01:00:15,760
Speaker 2: really that interested in pursuing anything. Uh, but you know,

1293
01:00:15,960 --> 01:00:16,960
Speaker 2: I hope you have a great life.

1294
01:00:17,040 --> 01:00:19,640
Speaker 3: Literally, people are so afraid of hurting people's feelings that

1295
01:00:19,720 --> 01:00:22,240
Speaker 3: they like make it ten times worse. They're like, you

1296
01:00:22,280 --> 01:00:23,919
Speaker 3: know what, I'm just not gonna respond to this because

1297
01:00:23,920 --> 01:00:25,280
Speaker 3: I don't want to hurt their feelings. And then the

1298
01:00:25,360 --> 01:00:28,840
Speaker 3: person on the other end is like, what happened, Oh

1299
01:00:28,920 --> 01:00:31,240
Speaker 3: my god, I'm gonna think about this way longer than

1300
01:00:31,360 --> 01:00:33,400
Speaker 3: if they just said, hey, I'm not interested.

1301
01:00:34,000 --> 01:00:35,840
Speaker 4: But we get more after doing this.

1302
01:00:36,040 --> 01:00:38,240
Speaker 3: The first two friends I asked for advice told me

1303
01:00:38,320 --> 01:00:40,080
Speaker 3: that what I did was not morally right and that

1304
01:00:40,160 --> 01:00:43,160
Speaker 3: I should have been honest from the start. I yeah,

1305
01:00:43,760 --> 01:00:46,080
Speaker 3: the review is that it's more respectful to be transparent

1306
01:00:46,160 --> 01:00:47,040
Speaker 3: even if it stings a bit.

1307
01:00:47,160 --> 01:00:48,000
Speaker 4: I agree with them.

1308
01:00:48,400 --> 01:00:50,360
Speaker 3: My stance is that I was trying to be empathetic

1309
01:00:50,480 --> 01:00:52,920
Speaker 3: and protect her feelings, and that it wasn't serious enough

1310
01:00:53,000 --> 01:00:55,480
Speaker 3: to require complete honesty since we didn't know each other.

1311
01:00:56,240 --> 01:00:58,200
Speaker 3: I feel deep down that what I did was right,

1312
01:00:58,400 --> 01:01:01,120
Speaker 3: even if it may have been unconvened. But now I'm

1313
01:01:01,160 --> 01:01:04,120
Speaker 3: wondering if flying about something like that crosses a moral line.

1314
01:01:04,680 --> 01:01:07,040
Speaker 3: Was what I did morally wrong or was it understandable

1315
01:01:07,080 --> 01:01:09,600
Speaker 3: in this situation? Opie, I'm gonna be so honest.

1316
01:01:10,080 --> 01:01:14,000
Speaker 4: It doesn't really matter in a big way, but it

1317
01:01:14,080 --> 01:01:16,480
Speaker 4: will matter one day, because one day you're gonna do

1318
01:01:16,600 --> 01:01:18,520
Speaker 4: this to someone and then they'll see you out and

1319
01:01:18,560 --> 01:01:21,360
Speaker 4: about with someone else and they're gonna be like, what

1320
01:01:21,600 --> 01:01:23,680
Speaker 4: the heck that kind of said you was?

1321
01:01:25,080 --> 01:01:27,520
Speaker 2: What you did doesn't matter if it's right or wrong.

1322
01:01:27,560 --> 01:01:31,320
Speaker 2: It was cowardice, Yeah, it was very cowardly in a way.

1323
01:01:31,400 --> 01:01:35,200
Speaker 2: You're not really protecting her, You're just protecting your own

1324
01:01:35,440 --> 01:01:38,800
Speaker 2: sense of like ego, you know, where it's like, I

1325
01:01:38,920 --> 01:01:42,360
Speaker 2: didn't I didn't do anything wrong because I didn't hurt

1326
01:01:42,400 --> 01:01:45,560
Speaker 2: her feelings and it's like, oh, like I'm too afraid,

1327
01:01:45,640 --> 01:01:48,320
Speaker 2: like you were protect fear you were a phrase it's

1328
01:01:48,400 --> 01:01:51,640
Speaker 2: fear is cowardice. And that's the end of this story.