Speaker 1: Hell I Suck a Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared
Speaker 1: and I Heart radio podcast. Hey, what's going on? Everybody?
Speaker 1: Welcome to an all new episode of Help I Suck
Speaker 1: At Dating. My name is Jared Haven, joined in studio
Speaker 1: with the beautiful, lovely Dean Anglert and then joined round
Speaker 1: of a plus mteen and even louder applause for my
Speaker 1: next intro, which is the always beautiful, stunning, sweet, gorgeous, lovely, endearing,
Speaker 1: uh georgeous, uh, sweetest, nicest What else can I say?
Speaker 1: The most awesome person in the entire world? Vanessa GRIMALDA, Hey, um,
Speaker 1: we have a pretty great more clapping. Dean was laid
Speaker 1: on that one. Dean's eating eminem so he's laid on
Speaker 1: everything right now. He's a little delayed, but we have
Speaker 1: a great guest coming in later from the new show
Speaker 1: Revenge Body with Chloe Kodashi. And I don't know why
Speaker 1: I said as if like I straight came off the
Speaker 1: boat from Boston. Uh. Latrella Mitchell known as law or
Speaker 1: la La, which is Latrell Latreal. I'm so bad at
Speaker 1: pronouncing names. Scott, so Latreal Mitchell will be in studio
Speaker 1: joining us as her new show with Kardashian comes out.
Speaker 1: She's a celebrity fitness trainer. So everybody's trying to get
Speaker 1: ready for summer. So hopefully we'll get some pointers about
Speaker 1: how to get those ads back in my right ning
Speaker 1: never mind, as he's currently chomping on Eminem's but first
Speaker 1: before we get to her, uh Mark and Easton. Also
Speaker 1: in studio, Tori, another one of our producers, has a
Speaker 1: question for our panel, which I think we're calling like
Speaker 1: the help panel. She's in the producer booth. She's being
Speaker 1: quarantined for some reason. She's not allowed in studio. We're
Speaker 1: gonna bring her right if you like her, get in here,
Speaker 1: come on, take a little walk around. So Tori is
Speaker 1: gonna come in. She has a quick question which I
Speaker 1: think is about wedding dresses, which different that was the
Speaker 1: era that she this is a dating thing, that some
Speaker 1: guy did this, and she wants our thoughts on it.
Speaker 1: Oh perfect, Sorry this happened to Tori, Yes, this happened
Speaker 1: to Tori. Alright, Hello Tori? How are you? I'm good?
Speaker 1: How about you good? Thanks for joining us? I mean
Speaker 1: you always joined right? Oh my god, I want to
Speaker 1: know about this, So hold on first, of all, I
Speaker 1: had no idea you were dating. Well, she's always dating.
Speaker 1: You suck at it, don't we all? One? So what happened?
Speaker 1: So I met this guy actually three years ago at
Speaker 1: stage Coach Okay and Dean's and thralled one, it's got
Speaker 1: better things. I'm listening. I don't understand why people don't
Speaker 1: understand that I can be on my phone and be
Speaker 1: listening just two minutes. You met a guy at stage Coach.
Speaker 1: So I met a guy at stage Coach three years ago. Um,
Speaker 1: and we like loosely he played football all that stuff.
Speaker 1: So he we like loosely stayed in touch like a
Speaker 1: lot of like drunk face times randomly, like throughout the years,
Speaker 1: like kind of funny, like his friends would kind of
Speaker 1: do the same thing. Um. And so finally he reconnects
Speaker 1: and he's like, hey, I would love to take you
Speaker 1: to coffee or lunch, dinner or whatever whenever you're free.
Speaker 1: And when I get back into towns, I was like, sure,
Speaker 1: y'all let me know. So he lets me know. We
Speaker 1: planned Saturday. He picks um abbot Kinney, which I think
Speaker 1: is great, Like it's outdoors. People don't know that's in
Speaker 1: Venice California candy, Like, there's shops walk around, there's open
Speaker 1: little market, good places to eat all around. I like
Speaker 1: this guy already, so I show up. I have a
Speaker 1: feeling it's gonna change, it's gonna go all downhill. So
Speaker 1: I was like sending a lot of pictures to like
Speaker 1: my sister and friend, being like, what's my vibe? Like
Speaker 1: cheetah skirt with some white sneakers, jeans and a top,
Speaker 1: like I don't really remember how tall he is and
Speaker 1: I'm five tents. I was like, do I wear booties, flats,
Speaker 1: a lot of things? Do you know it took time?
Speaker 1: Do you get insecure about that? I don't get insecure.
Speaker 1: I get insecure for the guy. So I guess maybe
Speaker 1: we should have a whole segment devoted to what you
Speaker 1: should consider wearing on a first date. I would take no,
Speaker 1: because I don't know. So what did you wear on
Speaker 1: your first day with the silver Fox? Uh? My leggings?
Speaker 1: I it's really bad. He's all, that's a great first date, honestly,
Speaker 1: as a guy, and asked for anything else, No likings.
Speaker 1: His way to go a not really since I get
Speaker 1: to dinner date kind of thing. Well, of course, it's
Speaker 1: just showing up to a five star restaurant and likings.
Speaker 1: That's a different conversation. But if you guys getting a drink,
Speaker 1: here's the thing. As a guy com throw on a
Speaker 1: pair of jeans. I'm probably gonna wear my flip flops.
Speaker 1: To be honest, I'm gonna and I'm gonna wear a
Speaker 1: T shirt. I don't want to see in my feet
Speaker 1: on the first day. That's the vie. Dean's gonna pull
Speaker 1: up through the Apple Bee's for the first day in
Speaker 1: his van jump out. It's going to be a good time.
Speaker 1: Too far, Jared, I'm a big apple I I don't
Speaker 1: know why, but I laughed. I like, okay, far. The
Speaker 1: it is, what are you supposed to wear on our
Speaker 1: first date? What's appropriate? What about? Here's the thing? What
Speaker 1: about guys? Girls can wear leggings, but can guys a
Speaker 1: k my date, bless his soul show up in basketball
Speaker 1: shorts and I ask like, i'd workout shirt here. We
Speaker 1: just walked around and then that'll get into there later.
Speaker 1: Maybe who's gonna be active walking around? Here's the thing,
Speaker 1: here's him attire. Here's the thing that we haven't asked
Speaker 1: ourselves yet that I think is crucial to the rest
Speaker 1: of the story, and Tory, you're the only one that
Speaker 1: can answer this question for us. How the hell do
Speaker 1: we know this is a date, because by the sound
Speaker 1: of it, it could have just been like two people
Speaker 1: hanging out question. I agree with that. I think that
Speaker 1: when you say, hey, I would love to set aside
Speaker 1: time for you, and like if it's not like a
Speaker 1: group hang out like you know, and I haven't seen
Speaker 1: him three years, and his buddies have always been like, oh,
Speaker 1: like he's into you, like well, like on the drunk
Speaker 1: phone ask you he was like his words were, I
Speaker 1: would love to take you to lunch cough be dinner
Speaker 1: like which one like, let me know, I think that's
Speaker 1: a day it sounds like. And also, well, that's another
Speaker 1: good question. Our guys not having to state like, hey,
Speaker 1: I want to I just feel like I want to
Speaker 1: take you on a date doesn't really exist anymore. I agree.
Speaker 1: I don't think guys have to state what what if
Speaker 1: it's a date or not. But I think saying coffee, lunch,
Speaker 1: or dinner is indicative that he just wants to hang
Speaker 1: out with you, meaning he wants to get to know
Speaker 1: you more. And I think that he definitely was like
Speaker 1: trying to feel it out, being like coffee if you
Speaker 1: don't really want to take this like super intense or whatever,
Speaker 1: or like lunch, you know, respectful, gentlemanly. Yeah, I don't
Speaker 1: think that. I also think people are overthinking in today's
Speaker 1: world what a date is. They're like, well, we met
Speaker 1: up with coffee. Is it a date? If you guys
Speaker 1: meet up in a social if you guys meet up
Speaker 1: one on one, it's a date. No, that's what we
Speaker 1: were just saying. I did, But I agree with Jerry.
Speaker 1: But you're right also Dean, because the modern man is
Speaker 1: using it as a loophole. But that's exactly my point.
Speaker 1: Commitment avoidance is what that is. And exactly let me
Speaker 1: tell you why this could have not been a date.
Speaker 1: My my, what Tori said, I'm using her words, not
Speaker 1: anyone else. Is she said, We drunkenly face time each
Speaker 1: other every once in a while as a me not
Speaker 1: you guys have met three years ago. He considers you
Speaker 1: a friend. At this point, you're nothing more. But he
Speaker 1: wants to explore if he can get to another level
Speaker 1: with her. Exactly, and that's why I had I had
Speaker 1: her clarify whether she thought it was a date or not,
Speaker 1: but he just thought you were a friend up until
Speaker 1: that point. Whether you guys, when you went on a date,
Speaker 1: you're you're a person he can talk to to forget
Speaker 1: about something else for a second. He's it's not. But
Speaker 1: I kind of feel like it's that thing where like
Speaker 1: if you meet somebody at a bar and you're like,
Speaker 1: I'm kind of interested in you, you're still being like
Speaker 1: to meet years ago, and this is the first time
Speaker 1: you hung out with him. He's not that interested in you,
Speaker 1: and vice versa. You're not that interested in and she's
Speaker 1: not that interested in him. I'm just saying the fact
Speaker 1: that it's taken three years for you guys to hang
Speaker 1: out proves that neither of you are that interested in
Speaker 1: each other. So let's just clarify too, because I'm a
Speaker 1: little lost. You guys met three year ago at Stage Coach.
Speaker 1: Since that point, you had not hung out, only drunken
Speaker 1: facetimes occasionally. Can we just clarify that he's the only
Speaker 1: one drunk facetia Great, so he's the one drunk facetiming you,
Speaker 1: but that was the only communication three years. It was
Speaker 1: very loosely. Well, Okay, here's the thing. I will say,
Speaker 1: he's an athlete, and then he was drafted and went
Speaker 1: to Cleveland Browns for a bit, so then it's like
Speaker 1: I lost him. Didn't listen. That sounds dramatic, but so
Speaker 1: basically it's like I knew, like I was also like
Speaker 1: in college, like we just like we're in separate world.
Speaker 1: Him being an athlete helps put the truth to the
Speaker 1: basketball shorts. That is that normal? And the fact that
Speaker 1: he drunk in FaceTime. Yeah, I um, I dated an
Speaker 1: athlete who would always show up even to like my
Speaker 1: grandmother's house on Sunday lunches with like flip flops and
Speaker 1: like you know, like the athletes what they wear with
Speaker 1: the socks and the flip that was and flip flop
Speaker 1: flip socks and slides, thank you slides. That's that was
Speaker 1: my alp up like twenty two everywhere I went. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but that's acceptable because you were in your late teens
Speaker 1: early twenties. You see a kid like that and you're like,
Speaker 1: but if how old this hell was this guy? He's
Speaker 1: my age, Okay, so I don't know if you show
Speaker 1: up in socks, Okay, So Tory, are you asking us
Speaker 1: if this was a date or if this was like
Speaker 1: a two people hanging out of the front, she hadn't
Speaker 1: gone to the point yet. So this just has me
Speaker 1: questioning where we are as girls, Like what's our new
Speaker 1: move now? Because so then we are walking around and
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm starving. I'm starving. I didn't prepare,
Speaker 1: did not really like get right into it. There's gonna
Speaker 1: be lunch for dinner or coffee. You just lunch, But
Speaker 1: then I'm not going to be like, all right, let's
Speaker 1: get because I also hate decision makings. That's like a
Speaker 1: little bit on my part, but I made that very
Speaker 1: clear with him. I was like, I don't do well
Speaker 1: with decision making. You can tell me. We're watching Aunts
Speaker 1: cross the Road and I'm in slapping now. So we're
Speaker 1: walking around and I was like, oh, I feel so rude,
Speaker 1: Like I'm drinking my coffee, Like is there something you
Speaker 1: wanted to eat or get while we're walking O round
Speaker 1: or like stop somewhere, okay, let's sugar drop in, you
Speaker 1: know um? And so he's like oh yeah. So like
Speaker 1: we do another lap and then we get to creation.
Speaker 1: He's like, let's eat there, and I was like one
Speaker 1: of my favorite spots, perfect and so we're chatting, like
Speaker 1: conversation was good. So come to the end the tab,
Speaker 1: so I bring out my card because I will never
Speaker 1: be like, you're paying for me, because I always think
Speaker 1: it's like a girl should always just at least offer, like, hey,
Speaker 1: you totally don't have to pay for this, but like, also,
Speaker 1: this was your idea, not mine. And so I laid
Speaker 1: my car down, but I just kind of kept talking
Speaker 1: and made it really casual. And then he just pulled
Speaker 1: his car out and put it right on top of mine,
Speaker 1: and the waitress came and took it, and you know what,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't be that upset about it, and I'm really
Speaker 1: not that upset. I'm just confused because I, first of all,
Speaker 1: I've like every guy I've been with, it's always been
Speaker 1: like that was nice of you, but like absolutely not.
Speaker 1: But also he ordered a latte and I had water
Speaker 1: for this dude, but you guys didn't get you split
Speaker 1: a lot, don't know like he had, like you know,
Speaker 1: tastes are like six bucks here in La. So I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: the more you talk about it, the less it sounds
Speaker 1: like a date to I just get hold on. I
Speaker 1: want to know why Dean doesn't think it's a date.
Speaker 1: He shows up in basketball shorts and flip flops, not fliplops, nikes,
Speaker 1: oh sneakers whatever, same deaf. He hasn't hung out with
Speaker 1: this girl in three years. He shows up in shorts,
Speaker 1: first time seeing her in three years. You guys go
Speaker 1: get food and you go dutch on the bill, Like,
Speaker 1: how are none of these signs? How? How do you
Speaker 1: how do you guys think it's anything other than not?
Speaker 1: How did he I got lost to how did he
Speaker 1: ask you on this date? Or how did he ask
Speaker 1: you to hang out? So he was like, oh, like
Speaker 1: I'm back home, We'll let finally have the time to
Speaker 1: connect because like he just never had time, you know,
Speaker 1: summer training and then into being drafted. He just so
Speaker 1: it sounds he got fired from his job. He's a
Speaker 1: little bored. He wanted to kill some time on the day,
Speaker 1: but he didn't want to change out after his workout.
Speaker 1: What no, okay, well, whether okay, whether this is a
Speaker 1: date or not? Is this someone that you can envision
Speaker 1: having a life with, you know, like, would you want
Speaker 1: to do even want to think about that? I just
Speaker 1: want to know what is the girl move? I don't
Speaker 1: I mean I don't know if I if I really
Speaker 1: see a future. It's been one time, like one like
Speaker 1: two hours. I just want to know. Did I stiff
Speaker 1: arm him by paying being like friend zone or is
Speaker 1: this woman to do that's an interesting question. No, no,
Speaker 1: not at all. You think that you did something wrong
Speaker 1: by paying for the damn bill? Excuse my language, but
Speaker 1: she did nothing wrong. But did she send a message
Speaker 1: by putting out her credit card like this is she
Speaker 1: telling him this is not a date? No? No, I
Speaker 1: agree with no, because in fact, women can't pay for bills.
Speaker 1: If if she if you wanted to pick up the
Speaker 1: entire tab, you could have picked up the entire tab
Speaker 1: and been, you know, gone to place right after, and
Speaker 1: like I mean, it doesn't mean anything, and you did
Speaker 1: the right thing, because any girl that offers, I think
Speaker 1: is in the right because I've been on a couple
Speaker 1: of dates obviously before actually that I went on the
Speaker 1: date and the bill would come and they wouldn't even
Speaker 1: make a move. No, granted I'd always have my car
Speaker 1: ready to go, but not even a like, oh let
Speaker 1: me pay for half, and I the no, of course,
Speaker 1: So I've always any time a girl was like, hey,
Speaker 1: let me pay for half. That was always a good
Speaker 1: sign for me. So like that you had your credit
Speaker 1: card out is a positive thing. You shouldn't look at
Speaker 1: it as here's the thing. I split checks all the
Speaker 1: time with my friends. Yeah, right, do you ask? Okay,
Speaker 1: I don't understand how you don't think this is a date.
Speaker 1: So he hasn't seen her in three years? He comes
Speaker 1: back home. Tory is a very attractive woman there, around
Speaker 1: the same age. They live near each other. Why would
Speaker 1: he not be like, hey, yeah, I thought you were
Speaker 1: really cool. Are you asking me why this guy might
Speaker 1: not be interested in Tori? Because I don't have the
Speaker 1: answer to that. We have to get the guy in
Speaker 1: here to answer answers it in Tori, why bother spending
Speaker 1: time with someone if you're not? Am I interested in
Speaker 1: dating any of you guys in the studio right now?
Speaker 1: Clearly not? Why? But he doesn't work we work together,
Speaker 1: you guys are It's baseless. You guys are saying, why
Speaker 1: have any human interaction with someone if you don't plan
Speaker 1: on hooking up with them at some point? No, but
Speaker 1: why have an interaction with someone that you after three
Speaker 1: years of knowing them and not really getting close with them?
Speaker 1: And then obviously fine, Ben fine, because it's so still
Speaker 1: it's just like, did he make did he make him
Speaker 1: a physical move on you at any point on the day?
Speaker 1: But why does he have to be a physical move
Speaker 1: because that would be indicative of his intentions or maybe
Speaker 1: his intentions was to get to know Tori and and
Speaker 1: get to know intellectually, emotionally and figure out if this
Speaker 1: is warranting a second day. No, he's you guys are delusion?
Speaker 1: How are we delusion? Because if you actually wanted to
Speaker 1: do that, he wouldn't have shown up wearing what he
Speaker 1: was wearing. Just that it's it's a guy being a
Speaker 1: oblivious one. But also, guys are so I've asked this
Speaker 1: girl out. Oh no, I've I've I've made myself vulnerable
Speaker 1: for half a second. I need to counterbalance that by
Speaker 1: showing up looking like a bum and and splitting the
Speaker 1: bill with her weird like I don't want her to
Speaker 1: think I'm into her. I'm scared now. I think that's
Speaker 1: a big factor. But I think specifically, this guy played
Speaker 1: college football, got draft the NFL. He's probably pretty used
Speaker 1: to showing up dressed up. However, he can get like
Speaker 1: Jim Shorts T shirt doesn't matter, and the girl always
Speaker 1: still wants to get with him because he plays football
Speaker 1: and he got drafted in the NFL. Not saying this
Speaker 1: guy got drafted in the NFL played for the Browns
Speaker 1: for threes even the Browns have league minimums. In effect,
Speaker 1: he made at least four hundred thousand dollars over three years,
Speaker 1: one point two million dollars to he's So he just graduated,
Speaker 1: and you're telling me this dude can't spring for a
Speaker 1: fifty dollar meal like creation. That's my whole point. That's
Speaker 1: my That is my point, because he can very assuredly
Speaker 1: afford the meal and would have if he was on
Speaker 1: a date with her. But the fact that he was
Speaker 1: not on a day it with her. He's not gonna
Speaker 1: be buying all his friends food every single time they
Speaker 1: go out. But it was his idea. He's the one
Speaker 1: who texted Tory saying, Hey, I'd like to hang out
Speaker 1: with you. So the idea that Tory paid for his
Speaker 1: latte after he's made a pretty penny, probably from even
Speaker 1: his rookie season in the NFL, come on. That's the
Speaker 1: one thing that I have against my argument is the
Speaker 1: fact that if you're the one instigating the date, you
Speaker 1: should be the one paying for the meal. Again, I
Speaker 1: don't think it was a date. I think that if you,
Speaker 1: if you, if you, if you were to text me,
Speaker 1: if Jared were de text, if Jared were detect me
Speaker 1: and be like, hey, man, can I please finish? What's
Speaker 1: wrong with guy? And God? I'm not saying but if
Speaker 1: I was a gay man, then of course you might
Speaker 1: you might have a day with If you two were gay,
Speaker 1: then obviously he'd be thinking, Oh, I think we're going
Speaker 1: on a date. It's different. It's different. If Tori texted
Speaker 1: me and said, hey, let's be up for lunch real quick,
Speaker 1: I would be like, Okay, let's do it. If you
Speaker 1: work with Tori, it could be a professionals and I
Speaker 1: would argue that it would be a little awkward. If
Speaker 1: Tory asked, Hey, Dean, I want to get lunch with
Speaker 1: you one on one, you would be like, wait a minute,
Speaker 1: is this a date? No one know that she would
Speaker 1: never ask me on the date. I'm just has she
Speaker 1: ever asked you to lunch one on one? Uh No?
Speaker 1: Why haven't you asked me on? Because maybe there's always
Speaker 1: the expectation that if a guy and a girl are
Speaker 1: hanging out that there is something more than just a
Speaker 1: potential friendship. Tori, for instance, went to lunch with one
Speaker 1: of my really good girlfriends the other day, who I
Speaker 1: get food with very a couple of times a month,
Speaker 1: just to talk and catch up and hang out with
Speaker 1: her because I like talking to her. But you're you're
Speaker 1: really good friends with her. There's a difference between being
Speaker 1: good friends with someone from the opposite sex and asking
Speaker 1: them to lunch because there's a reporter there, and then
Speaker 1: asking someone out on the opposite sex that you're attracted
Speaker 1: to for the first time. Dude, No, not at all.
Speaker 1: Who is the Can I just say she paid for me?
Speaker 1: She's She's absolutely the best. She pays for me sometimes too. Um.
Speaker 1: The point is all great friendships have to start somewhere, right, Yes,
Speaker 1: So maybe he wants to go out with Tory to
Speaker 1: get to know her better, to be in a friendship
Speaker 1: with her. Oh please after three years? No, they can
Speaker 1: build a friendship after No. I guess my question is
Speaker 1: would you do in this case? Would you text him
Speaker 1: and ask if it was a date or female friends?
Speaker 1: I hate this. You guys are literally making my blood boil.
Speaker 1: You are here representing the typical commitment phobic mail that
Speaker 1: you are are what it's called a human being that's
Speaker 1: sometimes enjoys paying with other human beings. There is no commitment.
Speaker 1: I am commitment phobic, but that's not this in action
Speaker 1: right now. No, it's not, and it's you, and it's
Speaker 1: honestly the majority of no offense. You're married. You got
Speaker 1: to sit out of this. Have you ever inadvertently been
Speaker 1: accused of leading someone on and you really have no
Speaker 1: idea where it's coming from? Yes, do you think maybe
Speaker 1: this could be an example of that? No, Like you're like,
Speaker 1: how did you get from there to there? Like what
Speaker 1: were your thoughts? And you were like, well, you asked
Speaker 1: me out lunch one on one. Uh, I don't ask
Speaker 1: people to hang out with me. They're always the ones
Speaker 1: asking me to hang out. That's a fair point. Actually, okay,
Speaker 1: that's a fair point. But if so, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I think, if if this guy is texting Tori specifically
Speaker 1: to hang out one on one, where it's a guy
Speaker 1: that she's known for a little while but never have
Speaker 1: formed a friendship with um, I would have taken that
Speaker 1: as a date. And if honestly, if I was the
Speaker 1: guy asking her. I would want her to take it
Speaker 1: as a date, because it would be worse if she
Speaker 1: thought we were just hanging out as friends and I
Speaker 1: thought it was a date. How you because there was
Speaker 1: like a girl. There was a girl when I used
Speaker 1: to bartend. There was a girl that I thought was
Speaker 1: super cute, really like she used to come in all
Speaker 1: the time, Like every time she come in, she comes
Speaker 1: with her family and be like, oh, hey, what's up,
Speaker 1: Like how's things? Blah blah blah blah. Never had the
Speaker 1: balls to ask her out. Finally, one day I did,
Speaker 1: and the idea she said, yes, we're on a date
Speaker 1: obviously didn't work out. But the thought of me asking,
Speaker 1: like finally, you know, asking her to, hey let's hang out,
Speaker 1: let's go on lunch. I didn't specifically say hey, let's
Speaker 1: go on a date. I said hey, let's grab a
Speaker 1: drink sometime. She's like, yeah, sure great. Now granted we
Speaker 1: had like this weird rapport because I had known her,
Speaker 1: but it wasn't a one on one setting, and I
Speaker 1: when I asked for a drink, I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: here we go. This is gonna be kind of a date.
Speaker 1: She took it the same way, but in my head.
Speaker 1: If she took it the other way, thinking oh, this
Speaker 1: is just a friend hangout, that would crush me and
Speaker 1: I would never ask anybody to hang out one on
Speaker 1: one again. So every time I hang out with someone
Speaker 1: now I have to specify before and hey, just so
Speaker 1: you know, not a date. I would hope that you
Speaker 1: would have the common sense to differentiate between someone you're
Speaker 1: hanging out with as a friend and someone you're hanging
Speaker 1: out with who might potentially see this as a future relationship,
Speaker 1: which I have faith you do. If you're saying that,
Speaker 1: if you're I think you let off that conversation at
Speaker 1: that point by saying that it's you don't need to
Speaker 1: specify if it's a date because it's implied. Yes, I
Speaker 1: think that's such a pool. Wouldn't you rather specify that
Speaker 1: it's a friend date? So what am I supposed to
Speaker 1: do that if I want to hang out with someone
Speaker 1: that I'm just starting to get to know, we're all
Speaker 1: adults at this point in our lives mid late early twenties,
Speaker 1: thirties forties. It doesn't matter at this point of course.
Speaker 1: Are you supposed to then say before every single time
Speaker 1: you meet someone new to hang out with them be like, hey,
Speaker 1: just to be clear, not a date. If you want
Speaker 1: to be friends, just want to hang out with you.
Speaker 1: That's the weirdest thing I've ever heard in my life.
Speaker 1: If it's if it's the sex that you're tracked to do,
Speaker 1: for example, if it's you asking a girl out for
Speaker 1: the first time, just even get to lunch, Like you
Speaker 1: met her out at a bar, your all on, your
Speaker 1: friends were all hanging out, and you're like, Wow, you
Speaker 1: seem really cool. Let's hang out sometime. Yes, you have
Speaker 1: to assume she's gonna she's gonna think, oh wow, he's
Speaker 1: asking me out on a date. Let me tell you
Speaker 1: about a little tactic I've adopted in the past. I
Speaker 1: don't use it so much anymore, but if there was
Speaker 1: a girl that I wanted to date, a girl that
Speaker 1: I was really interested in, I would go out of
Speaker 1: my way to make sure it was clear to her
Speaker 1: that we were hanging out as friends. My point exactly,
Speaker 1: the date is implied, So you had to do your
Speaker 1: due diligence to make sure she knew we were just
Speaker 1: hanging out as friends. Right, But with my intention to
Speaker 1: move it past being friends, Well, what the hell was
Speaker 1: the point of that? Then you're so complicated. Why do
Speaker 1: you want to Why would you want to make her
Speaker 1: think she's in the friend zone, and then she's going
Speaker 1: to put you in the friend zone, and then you're
Speaker 1: gonna want to try to date her, and it's going
Speaker 1: to make things so complicated. I'm not going to give
Speaker 1: an exact number on this, but I would say the
Speaker 1: success rate of this tactic is in the high percent.
Speaker 1: Are single? Are you single right now? By choice? The
Speaker 1: point that I'm making is, I don't know. I don't
Speaker 1: even know what the point is that I'm trying to
Speaker 1: make anymore. I think that it was a friend thing,
Speaker 1: a friend hang out, and I think that it's weird
Speaker 1: that you guys are asking someone to define something at
Speaker 1: any point where it's like, hey, just so you know,
Speaker 1: we're just friends, just so you know this is a date,
Speaker 1: or just so you know I had serials morning. I'm
Speaker 1: just saying that there just it doesn't it's not it's
Speaker 1: not authentic normal human interaction, like pick up on the vibe?
Speaker 1: How did how was the vibe of the day? Was
Speaker 1: he flirtatious? Did he tell you how beautiful you look?
Speaker 1: Did he say he missed you? You hold hands you
Speaker 1: hold hands, did you guys? Hug? Was there a kiss?
Speaker 1: Like these are all things that we do on the date,
Speaker 1: just that, but were there any signs from him of
Speaker 1: romantic contention. So when we were walking after lunch back
Speaker 1: to his car, I was like, because it was like
Speaker 1: he was at the end of one side of the loop,
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, like so good seeing you. Like
Speaker 1: you'll definitely want to hop on the road where traffic
Speaker 1: starts to build up. And I was like, I don't
Speaker 1: know what's going on. He's like, well, let's just go
Speaker 1: on more loop, like go on more loop, and then
Speaker 1: he like threw out this like one thing, like kind
Speaker 1: of laughing, like he was super sarcastic and was like,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, I'm just trying to impress you and like
Speaker 1: things like that. And then he texted me being it's
Speaker 1: the date. But then I paid for wait to finish
Speaker 1: you said you texted him no, And then he texted
Speaker 1: me being like that was so fun, Like I'm here
Speaker 1: until the end of July, like please let me know
Speaker 1: next time you're free, and like he's in Idaho right
Speaker 1: now and he's like, I'll text you when I get back.
Speaker 1: But I I just I don't really know, like am
Speaker 1: I supposed to do follow up questions then being like,
Speaker 1: hey you did this, this and this, so was that
Speaker 1: a date? Or like if somebody who talks to you,
Speaker 1: I feel like I shouldn't assume it's kind of going
Speaker 1: to be something. When you guys talk, do you guys
Speaker 1: talk about past relationships or your current state of dating?
Speaker 1: In Los Angeles we talked a lot about family. I
Speaker 1: gotta be honest, just from her saying yes, I would
Speaker 1: have assumed that she was single, because if she had
Speaker 1: a boyfriend and some dude came back into town and said, hey,
Speaker 1: let's grab lunch and she said, yes, single, But they're friends.
Speaker 1: You have said, you said you've talked, you'd like I
Speaker 1: have known him for three years. When I say no,
Speaker 1: I just mean I know. Do you follow each other
Speaker 1: on Instagram? Yeah? I think that's honestly why we've been
Speaker 1: able to kind of keep in touches. Like if we're
Speaker 1: judging the level of friendships between people by whether they followed,
Speaker 1: if they didn't follow each other, then I would know
Speaker 1: without a doubt that they wouldn't be that good of friends,
Speaker 1: and I would almost think that it was more of
Speaker 1: a date but I would also say, just by following
Speaker 1: somebody doesn't mean that I agree. Does he reply to
Speaker 1: your stories often? You don't really puost many stories? Do
Speaker 1: you reply to his stories ever? So it's just the
Speaker 1: facetimes randomly, really random, like his misturb and t C
Speaker 1: l A would be like, hey, maybe once a year.
Speaker 1: Guys are friends. There's nothing more to it. I think
Speaker 1: you gotta see what happens next. But you gotta let
Speaker 1: him text you. This was a date, Hondo? Sorry? Do
Speaker 1: I need to follow up next time? You know? The
Speaker 1: dean saying is I need to be able to clarify
Speaker 1: you like him? Would you date him? Do you want
Speaker 1: it to be you don't even know? Yeah, but it's
Speaker 1: a date. Then now it's like it's also hard to
Speaker 1: be excited over something because then you're just like I
Speaker 1: kind of want to like put my guard up, being
Speaker 1: like I don't know what's happening exactly. You want to
Speaker 1: put your guard up because you have guys out there
Speaker 1: to be like, hey, we were just friends. It's fine,
Speaker 1: but that's a guy thing. I really like this girl.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna ask her out. She just wants to be friends.
Speaker 1: That wasn't a date. I don't want to ask you out.
Speaker 1: It's a defense. That's why I have this mustache. If
Speaker 1: I'm interested, didn't girl and she says, no, it's because
Speaker 1: of the mustache. It's not because of me. You can
Speaker 1: always store that excuse out. I love that. It's the stash,
Speaker 1: it's not me. Well, that was awesome, TORTI thank you
Speaker 1: for sharing on don yet is here so we should
Speaker 1: be done soon. I just have one quick question. I
Speaker 1: have a date on Friday. Do I offer to pay?
Speaker 1: How do you know it's a date? Yes, he did.
Speaker 1: Let's let's that's true. Don't offer to pay. I mean, yeah,
Speaker 1: we could. We're gonna do anything. It's a date from
Speaker 1: here on out. You're it's supposed to that's part of
Speaker 1: the fun. If you're not supposed to me, I will say,
Speaker 1: first of all, I will say, first impression of you
Speaker 1: hang out the guy on Friday, I would assume dinner.
Speaker 1: That's more daty than going to Abbot during the day
Speaker 1: walking around with a guy and Jim on a Saturday.
Speaker 1: That choice was the Abbot candy. That was your choice.
Speaker 1: He picked it. You could have picked dinner though, totally totally,
Speaker 1: but I didn't had a good father's saying, maybe if
Speaker 1: you picked dinner, he would have shown up in a
Speaker 1: more nice attire. I would hope, Oh maybe, I don't
Speaker 1: think so. With flowers, I don't know to or you're
Speaker 1: a complicated human that's at the day's not you are
Speaker 1: the day. We're all complicated humans. You are the more
Speaker 1: boxes we try to put our experiences in, and the
Speaker 1: people we meet in, the less successful We're gonna be.
Speaker 1: Just be fluid, like figure it out as you're going.
Speaker 1: If he starts flirting with you, maybe flirt back. If
Speaker 1: you don't like it anymore, don't flirt back. And if
Speaker 1: you don't like it anymore and he's still making advances,
Speaker 1: then be clear and direct and say, hey, we're just friends.
Speaker 1: Hey you want to know what that's called a date?
Speaker 1: So anyway, moving forward, we have a great guest coming up,
Speaker 1: Latreel guests here. I think we can all agree on
Speaker 1: one thing, and that says that it wasn't a date. No. Well,
Speaker 1: before Latrelle comes in, we're gonna take a low break.
Speaker 1: My two top favorite things in life both start with
Speaker 1: the letter U S. Spaghetti and sleep. So maybe you've
Speaker 1: considered buying yourself a sleep number bed but you probably
Speaker 1: thought I can't really afford one. But could you really
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Speaker 1: d e a n. You guys are easy on the radio, man,
Speaker 1: I'm like, hey, Cadio TV Star. I know. I'm like,
Speaker 1: why are you on radio? It's not like you have
Speaker 1: a face for radio. It's nice because Easton always tells
Speaker 1: us we have a face for radio. So having someone
Speaker 1: come in and be positive, I think they's a hater.
Speaker 1: In the build they discuss me. Um here we go. Then, well,
Speaker 1: in studio, we have one of the new trainers from
Speaker 1: Revenge Party with Chloe Kardashian, which premieres on July seven
Speaker 1: on Latreel Mitchell joining me Hello Hello, Hello, Hello, Latriel
Speaker 1: you asked if we you told me when I met
Speaker 1: you were like, hey, my name's law Yeah, La la
Speaker 1: la la la la la la la la la whatever
Speaker 1: and all that good stuff. Yeah, makes it easier. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I called Dean d What up date do you want?
Speaker 1: It's funny off topic of the podcast entirely. Well, I
Speaker 1: actually don't call him deep. But now I'm gonna start.
Speaker 1: When I played football in high school, I was like
Speaker 1: a freshman and our coach would always be like, get
Speaker 1: out there, D like talking about the defense, and every
Speaker 1: time I was like, I'm not prepared to go out
Speaker 1: right now, and I always has to go And I
Speaker 1: was like, wait, wait, isn't me now? You so so
Speaker 1: like I just said. You are one of the trainers
Speaker 1: on Chloe Kardashian show Revenge Body. Yes in season three,
Speaker 1: Season three. All three seasons have been a lot of fun,
Speaker 1: and I think people kind of get wrapped up in
Speaker 1: the word revenge. It's not really about revenge because the
Speaker 1: journey of each individual is definitely um. They grow a
Speaker 1: lot inside and out, and then at the end of
Speaker 1: it they realize it's not really about me getting back
Speaker 1: at this person or showing this person I can do
Speaker 1: that it's more about self love and loving yourself and
Speaker 1: what you can do for you. Yeah. Well, the best
Speaker 1: revenge is living your best life. Or you know, the
Speaker 1: best revenges are cold, you know, any one of those.
Speaker 1: I have a question for you. Can I go on
Speaker 1: the show Revenge Body without having like someone that I
Speaker 1: want to get revenge? I just want to get in
Speaker 1: shape basically is what it is so pretty much. But
Speaker 1: there has to be someone like one of your boys
Speaker 1: when you're in a barm like dude, you suck? Yeah,
Speaker 1: you suck? Is that? Yeah? Now you've been on the show.
Speaker 1: What if Jared said I suck and then that's it.
Speaker 1: You don't work out what I'm shirtless? Like dude you suck? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I mean whatever. Yeah, I mean you can say I
Speaker 1: beat up on myself. I want to get revenge on myself.
Speaker 1: I mean I'm sure if I haven't been done yet,
Speaker 1: then you should bring it. Okay, bring it. Tell us
Speaker 1: about the show that three seasons must be doing well.
Speaker 1: Three seasons it's doing extremely well. Um, usually I have
Speaker 1: a lot of drama every season. This is going to
Speaker 1: be my my episodes this year will be what kind
Speaker 1: of drama do you bring jerking. Um, you know, I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't bring drama, So let's get back. The drama
Speaker 1: is brought to you, and then I just and I
Speaker 1: handle it. I will said the way that you said
Speaker 1: it made me think that you were the one bringing
Speaker 1: Now I am a girl from the Bronx though, I
Speaker 1: you know, I'll shut it down in a heartbeat and
Speaker 1: don't let the New Yorker come out of me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I know, you definitely have a presence that you're You're
Speaker 1: just a badass. People don't really mess with me that much.
Speaker 1: This it's hard to me. It's hard for me to
Speaker 1: be friends with you from New York. I've started to
Speaker 1: do why because I just don't. I'm much more laid back.
Speaker 1: Once again, I apologize to our New York listeners. Dean
Speaker 1: does not represent the podcast as a whole. Really good
Speaker 1: friends is from the Bronx or from Brooklyn or something
Speaker 1: like that. So you don't confuse it just because they're
Speaker 1: two bees, like you need to make that clear. Brooklyn
Speaker 1: and the Bronx, they're not just two bees, law, they're
Speaker 1: two b r os. So there's a lot more than
Speaker 1: just one letter. And they have in comments. Yes, but
Speaker 1: she's got her Stern New York Neis tour, and I
Speaker 1: just have my like blase, don't care about anything, l
Speaker 1: a attitude, and there's a lot of contention with that,
Speaker 1: and I get stressed out sometimes she talks and I
Speaker 1: feel myself getting anxious because we're like, you know, fast talkers.
Speaker 1: Everything like yesterday, and it's great. I walk fast, I
Speaker 1: do everything, and I when I when I sit at
Speaker 1: a light and I look at people say do you
Speaker 1: keep on California have any sense of urgency? Because they're
Speaker 1: like rolling across the street flip flops on and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I really want to mentality. Yeah, I think it is
Speaker 1: because I was like, can I just this right turn?
Speaker 1: Because you are cruising across the street. It's definitely a
Speaker 1: Los Angeles mindset because even like setting up meetings, anytime
Speaker 1: you're like, hey, yeah, let's meet it's like yeah, what
Speaker 1: are you doing? Uh? In September, it's like no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: what about this Tuday? This Tuesday? I want to meet up,
Speaker 1: Let's do this, let's get it going. You just do
Speaker 1: what I don't agree and then not show up or
Speaker 1: the opposite. That's a that's a flaky, that's flaky that
Speaker 1: flamp shade. Yeah, see, is that a California thing? Because
Speaker 1: I don't want to put it out there to California,
Speaker 1: and I was like, yeah, people out here can get like, oh,
Speaker 1: we're going to get together. I'm like, great, Dean has
Speaker 1: this unbelievable ability to completely flake on someone and then
Speaker 1: the next time you see him, all he does is
Speaker 1: smile and you're like, all right, you're forgiven. Get over here. Yeah,
Speaker 1: hopefully don't flack on the wedding. Huh, well, that would
Speaker 1: be unforgiving. Then she'll be on Revenge Body and be like,
Speaker 1: I'm getting revenge on this idiot that left me at
Speaker 1: the altar Ashley and I will be on Revenge Body.
Speaker 1: What do you guys get Yeah, let's get revenge Body
Speaker 1: on him. Tell us more about Revenge Body with Chloe,
Speaker 1: because you said that you're going to be involved in
Speaker 1: tear drinking drama this season. Yeah, for the first time
Speaker 1: for you know. I mean, I think every episode brings
Speaker 1: a little bit of tears because you learn to love
Speaker 1: these people as they you watch them go through their
Speaker 1: journey and at the end of it, when they achieve
Speaker 1: their goal that there's something really cool about that you know, well,
Speaker 1: what is it about a breakup that makes someone want
Speaker 1: to look better or like want to Well, here's my
Speaker 1: I'm gonna give you. I'm going to give you my
Speaker 1: theory on it, and then I'm going to come back
Speaker 1: to you know, the other people. I think, here's the
Speaker 1: problem in relationships, what people do. So people get very
Speaker 1: comfortable in relationships, unfortunately, and then all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: it's doughnuts and cookies and ice cream and Netflix and
Speaker 1: to pounds, and then all of a sudden that's a
Speaker 1: person that you met who was like hottie pitsidi and
Speaker 1: had ads. You're like, okay, what happened to your ads?
Speaker 1: Now it's a little you know, a little bill is
Speaker 1: very dopeboly thing going right, So then then what happened?
Speaker 1: You start looking at the hotter chick who's out there,
Speaker 1: and then you're like, so, I think for people, they
Speaker 1: need to number one, keep yourself first. Always keep your
Speaker 1: health first, and keep that on track so you don't
Speaker 1: lose that so you don't have to ever have revenge.
Speaker 1: Because I personally love to stay in shape for the
Speaker 1: person that I'm with, Like, you know, you want to
Speaker 1: look good naked and if what and feel good whatever
Speaker 1: that is to you. It just has you know, whatever
Speaker 1: that looks like in your head, whatever when you look
Speaker 1: in the mirror. If you feel good about it, great.
Speaker 1: What's fitness something always part of your life? Because I
Speaker 1: worked out for a solid five years, maybe like five
Speaker 1: days a week, and then after I got off of
Speaker 1: the show. I don't know about you guys, but after
Speaker 1: the Bachelor, it's been two years now that I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'll work out, thank God from muscle memory, but I'll
Speaker 1: work out maybe once a week every month, and it's
Speaker 1: so hard to get back. Yeah, and it's so hard
Speaker 1: to get back into it because I'm like, once you stop,
Speaker 1: where do you find that motivation again? And now I'm
Speaker 1: in a relationship and it's like, yeah, light everywhere, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't care. I think people find their motivation.
Speaker 1: I think. I mean in a relationship, you would hope
Speaker 1: if fitness is important to you, the person that you're
Speaker 1: with is into it. That's motivating. Another piece of it
Speaker 1: is find something that you like to do, whether it's
Speaker 1: boxing or yoga or a lot, whatever that is, and
Speaker 1: commit to that two to three times a week. I
Speaker 1: think what happens when people stop working out. They get
Speaker 1: into this space of oh, i was doing it five
Speaker 1: times a week, so I'm coming back five times a week. Like,
Speaker 1: ease yourself into it, So schedule it in your calendar.
Speaker 1: I am committing to this three times a week on
Speaker 1: these days. And as you get your mojo back, then
Speaker 1: you start to go in. But I think you're going
Speaker 1: too hard. You know, we're in this society of everyone
Speaker 1: wants everything now in instantification, and that's not true and
Speaker 1: it doesn't work that way. Everything takes time. Well, that's
Speaker 1: what I was gonna ask. I was gonna say, what's
Speaker 1: your advice for someone who's been going to the gym
Speaker 1: for like two to three weeks and isn't seeing results
Speaker 1: and is really feel Yeah, be patient. I mean, whatever
Speaker 1: you're trying to change, it didn't happen. It didn't happen
Speaker 1: in two to three weeks. So if you're trying to
Speaker 1: get a six pack and you had one two years
Speaker 1: ago and haven't seen in it two years, you're not
Speaker 1: going to get in three weeks because all of a
Speaker 1: sudden you woke up and said, oh my god, I
Speaker 1: want my abs back. I noticed when I started going
Speaker 1: to the gym again. I'll like you say, I took
Speaker 1: like a cup like three or four months off, and
Speaker 1: I go back to the gym, and then I'll like
Speaker 1: the first workout, all right, okay, I'm just season back
Speaker 1: into it. I'll do half of workout today, and then
Speaker 1: like three months from then, I'll be like, oh, I'm
Speaker 1: still just easing back game. I always you've been easing
Speaker 1: for too long. I'll just take it easy today. I'm
Speaker 1: just season back in. He's he's in the first week
Speaker 1: and then then repeat that program and then up whatever
Speaker 1: your weight or whatever you're doing. I do love your
Speaker 1: suggestion for people to do things that they find interesting, because,
Speaker 1: like the older I get them more that I realized
Speaker 1: that I'm just not really a gym guy. Like I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't hate it per se, but especially as it
Speaker 1: pertains to cardio. I don't run. I don't like ride
Speaker 1: stationary anything like that. But I love to like hike,
Speaker 1: and I love to like if I go golfing, I'll
Speaker 1: walk eighteen. I think that's good exercise. Um, well, you're
Speaker 1: a callie boy, right, so outdoor? Yeah? So how do
Speaker 1: I you look like you serve? Yeah? I tried to.
Speaker 1: I'm not very good at it. Sorry, like you look
Speaker 1: like you know, back in New York, I'd watch Baywatch
Speaker 1: and these things, and he looks like one of those
Speaker 1: guys would help running down with the surfboard under his arm.
Speaker 1: Very kind, Thank you so much. Also, what I've been
Speaker 1: doing a lot of is just because a lot of
Speaker 1: the stuff, like as it pertains to your six pack.
Speaker 1: I think a lot of people equate mostly their stomach
Speaker 1: to their health, right, Like, if you have a skinny stomach,
Speaker 1: you're doing well. If you have a little bit of
Speaker 1: chub on your stomach as well, no, no, if I'm
Speaker 1: getting a flatter butt, it's like I gotta start squatting. Okay,
Speaker 1: I was about to say. I was like, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I get it, you're doing I was, I was with you.
Speaker 1: The guys were on another level. Well, I mean I'm
Speaker 1: really into food as well. That's a huge part of it.
Speaker 1: And gut health is super important. And when you're stressed
Speaker 1: out and your cortisol levels are high, then you tend
Speaker 1: to hold fat in that area and nothing is healthy
Speaker 1: about that. So a big gut can represent a whole
Speaker 1: lot of other things other than you just being overweight.
Speaker 1: What about my so this is my mindset to offset
Speaker 1: cardio because I don't do like I said, I don't
Speaker 1: do cardio. I used to play a lot of basketball.
Speaker 1: I don't play basketball quite as much anymore. So what
Speaker 1: I do is I just try to limit my CLOrk
Speaker 1: and take and make sure my calorie is being burned.
Speaker 1: Or always say trying is a lyne Okay, So either
Speaker 1: try you're gonna do, are you're not going to do?
Speaker 1: So what do you committed? What's the there's a Star
Speaker 1: Wars quote to Yoda, do you or do not? There
Speaker 1: is no there is no try? Right. Actually I was
Speaker 1: going on the opposite side of that. I I was
Speaker 1: going dark side. I can't remember exact I think it
Speaker 1: was like Lord Dougus or something who said only Lord,
Speaker 1: do get name up? I made that name up? Who
Speaker 1: is Lord? I know the quote? I don't know a
Speaker 1: guy that said it is the point I'm trying to
Speaker 1: And it said that only sith deal in absolutes. Okay,
Speaker 1: So when that would be obi wan kenobi? When law says,
Speaker 1: when law says trying is lying, turning Jared's mike off
Speaker 1: over here, when law says trying is lying, what that
Speaker 1: makes me think of is it when law Duangle says
Speaker 1: that only sith dealing absolute and I'm just saying, I'm
Speaker 1: no sythe over here. Okay, I'm so lost. That whole
Speaker 1: thing just went over my head. I don't know. I
Speaker 1: have no idea what you're talking about. But I'm curious
Speaker 1: about what you said with stress in your stomach, you
Speaker 1: hold stress in your stomach, Yeah, most time people cortisol.
Speaker 1: So cortisol is a um when you get stressed out.
Speaker 1: It's something that your body produces um and it sits around,
Speaker 1: usually in the gut areas. You like, Yeah, its that's crazy.
Speaker 1: I'm just it blew my mind. I have no words.
Speaker 1: You're saying you're really into the nutrition as well, right,
Speaker 1: so is it? What's the percentage is nutrition fitness? Is it?
Speaker 1: Because I mean not. I mean I'm eating healthier, but
Speaker 1: I'm not working out, and then my body is still
Speaker 1: not changing. So I'm like, I guess I need to
Speaker 1: do both. So here's the thing. You said, You're eating healthier,
Speaker 1: so yeah, I'm probably not eating healthy. So I don't
Speaker 1: know what it was before. Oh I'm a Sally and
Speaker 1: I was eating past the three days, three times a day,
Speaker 1: and now it's like I'm gluten free, I'm vegetarian. Um,
Speaker 1: let's see the thing with vegan and vegetarians, they tend
Speaker 1: they don't understand that the first three letters start with V,
Speaker 1: E G. So you should be eating a whole lot
Speaker 1: of vegetables. So most vegan and vegetarians, you have seen
Speaker 1: someone like I'm vegan and their overweight or their vegetarian
Speaker 1: and their overweight because yeah, their car being up eating
Speaker 1: a lot of potatoes leading all the things to take
Speaker 1: them away from meat, but not really focused on the
Speaker 1: phyto nutrients that you get from vegetables. So if that
Speaker 1: is your course, and also you're probably taking in a
Speaker 1: lot of soy, and soy has a tendency to help
Speaker 1: with weight gain and your body doesn't process it a
Speaker 1: certain way. So um, when you eliminate meat and things
Speaker 1: like that, you have to be really aware of where
Speaker 1: you're getting your protein sources from and how and how
Speaker 1: they um kind of once they're in your body. Like
Speaker 1: I don't do beans a lot. So if I decided
Speaker 1: to not eat meat and I'm eating beans a lot,
Speaker 1: and my body's like, oh no, I clear this whole
Speaker 1: place out, my body is like hell to the nonna,
Speaker 1: I mean it's a visual. I mean I didn't have
Speaker 1: any beans before coming here because we're a little studio
Speaker 1: and I wanted to keep it, you know, I want
Speaker 1: to make sure you invite me back. One day, goes up,
Speaker 1: season goes back. No beans, no beans a lot in
Speaker 1: the studio. Um. And so at what age do you
Speaker 1: does it like start getting harder to just wake up,
Speaker 1: start working out, eat healthy, and get ripped in in
Speaker 1: a month. Well, I mean a lot of the people
Speaker 1: on the show are in their twenties. So I think
Speaker 1: now with uh, with the lifestyle, with you know, I
Speaker 1: didn't have all the things that these kids had coming up,
Speaker 1: like owns. Let's start with that. Like I would wait
Speaker 1: until I got home to hear a voicemail. So I
Speaker 1: know these kids look at me like I have two heads.
Speaker 1: They're like, you would go eight hours without a phone, Like, yes,
Speaker 1: I would walk every place I would be out. I
Speaker 1: had to entertain myself someplace other than on a phone.
Speaker 1: So kids are now unhealthier at a much younger age.
Speaker 1: So it's really hard to put a number on that
Speaker 1: because I know tons of kids in their twenties who
Speaker 1: are you know, basically obese at this point right, And
Speaker 1: is that what you typically see on the show, more
Speaker 1: dramatic body transformations or like hopeful ones where it's not
Speaker 1: it's gonna be less people who are like maybe slightly overweight,
Speaker 1: but more that are uh Um, we get a combination
Speaker 1: of everything on the show. You know, it just depends there.
Speaker 1: There are eight of us on the show, so everyone
Speaker 1: has had different experiences in different people. Like one of
Speaker 1: the young ladies I had last season, you know, she
Speaker 1: was overweight since high school and then I got her.
Speaker 1: So that's someone who's pretty much only known being overweight
Speaker 1: and her and her journey has been a really really
Speaker 1: long one. But at what point does that become genetic
Speaker 1: or hereditariat are you always able to fight it or
Speaker 1: is it something well, yeah, of course. I mean I
Speaker 1: come from a black family, and you know, you see
Speaker 1: some of my aunts they get it in and they
Speaker 1: live in the South and they're like, you're not gonna
Speaker 1: have them with that frod cat fish and it's gotta granted, No,
Speaker 1: I don't want any of that. And you know, so,
Speaker 1: I mean I think anyone is predisposed to be overweight,
Speaker 1: you know, depending on your family, genetics and where you
Speaker 1: come from. You just have to make better choices. Dean
Speaker 1: asked the question, can you reverse your jeans? Like, if
Speaker 1: I'm someone that I don't know, can I reverse my
Speaker 1: jeans and want to have a kid, They're going to
Speaker 1: have like healthier genes by the time I'm ready to conceive. No,
Speaker 1: I don't think there's a thing of reversing genes. I
Speaker 1: think if there are certain things that you are printing
Speaker 1: um genetically predisposed to that you can prevent it by
Speaker 1: living a healthier lifestyle. So that's why they have, you know,
Speaker 1: twenty three and me and all these different testing that
Speaker 1: they have so you know which you are genetically predisposed
Speaker 1: to you. But if you do this and that, you can,
Speaker 1: you know, kind of beat genetics in a way. I
Speaker 1: feel like it's hard to know what's good for you
Speaker 1: and what's bad for you in today's world because I've seen, like,
Speaker 1: for example, I've heard that salads are good for you,
Speaker 1: but now I'm hearing there's a lot of calories. And
Speaker 1: then I remember somebody was like, no fruit, Like I
Speaker 1: was eating an apple and they're like, yeah, that's not
Speaker 1: good for you. I was like an apple. They're like, yeah,
Speaker 1: there's a lot of sugar in an apple. Well okay,
Speaker 1: it's like, well what is good for me? Every snow
Speaker 1: whoever sodi salads aren't good for you. That's a lie.
Speaker 1: So iceberg lettuce have zero old nutritional value. So if
Speaker 1: you're gonna eat lettuce, you want to make sure you're
Speaker 1: eating you know, arugula spin It's like different things like that,
Speaker 1: things that are green and leafy. Um. Salads lose their
Speaker 1: nutritional value when people drench them with ranch and dressings
Speaker 1: that are full of dairy and milk. So that healthy
Speaker 1: salad that you once have once you throw a bunch
Speaker 1: of crap on it. Yeah, I had lettuce, but I
Speaker 1: really had, you know, five hundred calories and dressing and
Speaker 1: whatever else you threw on the salad. So it's the
Speaker 1: best dressing for oil and vinegar oil and vinegar olive oil,
Speaker 1: or just squeeze fresh limon into olive oil with some
Speaker 1: cracked pepper. Delicious, interesting? Good? Yeah, what's that you look like? Like? Fixing?
Speaker 1: That was like damn, like what's going on? And I
Speaker 1: thought you were going to ask something very bad like
Speaker 1: it was coming silence. Um, Sorry, I got a text
Speaker 1: from a pretty girl and I was just like I
Speaker 1: got excited get that revenge. But I know I was like,
Speaker 1: we should be all the pretty girl you need right now?
Speaker 1: Focus focus. You know when you see someone's name pop
Speaker 1: up on your phone, you just kind of like smile
Speaker 1: on the inside a little bit. You want to know
Speaker 1: this guy's the name guy. He tries to get names
Speaker 1: at every guest. Here we go, who's texting you? We
Speaker 1: don't want to, We don't want to get a breakup. Lost?
Speaker 1: You the one who you know sucks at dating? I
Speaker 1: don't know, well, we all everybody sucks at dating at
Speaker 1: some point. You know, everybody sucks a little bit of dating.
Speaker 1: But my question is for Vanessa and Dean. You guys,
Speaker 1: so what part of your body do you not like
Speaker 1: the most? And what part do you like the most? Like?
Speaker 1: What part would you want to go in the gym
Speaker 1: right now and change? And then part do you feel
Speaker 1: more confident? I mean, I like my bubble, but it
Speaker 1: has a lot of the cell you like, but I
Speaker 1: love its crepy. I've never I've always been someone that's
Speaker 1: been very toned. I've toned arms. I was a gymnast
Speaker 1: so but for some reason I never had abs. I
Speaker 1: have a flat stomach when I donate, but the minute
Speaker 1: I put something in my stomach, it just like if
Speaker 1: I put gluten, if I put I eat a lot
Speaker 1: of vegetables, I just bloat so badly. And remember once
Speaker 1: I got a pair of jeans and I'm like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, these fuls so well. But I bought them
Speaker 1: when I was really bloated, and then the next morning
Speaker 1: I tried them on and there were two sizes too big.
Speaker 1: So it's yeah, my stomach. Have you ever had food
Speaker 1: allergy testing? Yeah? I haven't. When Yeah that's huge, Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you're allergic to something that you're eating, because there's no
Speaker 1: way that you should be able to buy a pair
Speaker 1: of jeans one day and the next day. Yeahs UM.
Speaker 1: For me, I'm pretty fortunate, I think because I can.
Speaker 1: It's funny how we were talking about how not seeing
Speaker 1: um results quickly. I'm pretty fortunate. For some weird reason,
Speaker 1: I do see results quickly, and so I'll go that's
Speaker 1: a of actually my shortcoming as well. Go to the
Speaker 1: gym hard for like two or three weeks, like start
Speaker 1: feeling and looking good. I'm like, okay, cool, I can
Speaker 1: take two more months off, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Um my arms, Yeah, fortunately on the good side of
Speaker 1: my arms rather like the way my arms look when
Speaker 1: I work out consistently, my arms and shoulders. But same
Speaker 1: with Vanessa, as you see people with like those cut
Speaker 1: washboard abs um and I've always been like, dhim, I
Speaker 1: can never get those, And I attribute that to like
Speaker 1: my uh my going out like once or twice a
Speaker 1: week with my friends and drinking alcohol. Obviously it's pretty
Speaker 1: bad for it. My diet is never really the best
Speaker 1: like I've done. I've done some specific diets for months
Speaker 1: at a time and things got better, but I've never
Speaker 1: actually fully eliminated all of the things in my life
Speaker 1: that caused things like belly fat to build up. And
Speaker 1: I've always kind of been curious about, like what would
Speaker 1: happen if I did that. But on the on the
Speaker 1: other side of I'm like, I'm pretty happy with the
Speaker 1: way that my body looks while eating the things that
Speaker 1: I want for the most part, I mean, and that's
Speaker 1: the biggest thing. You have to be happy with yourself.
Speaker 1: And if there's something you're unhappy with, then you do
Speaker 1: what you need to do change it, and if not,
Speaker 1: then you know, I will say there's a direct tie
Speaker 1: between my anxiety and how often I'm I'm being active.
Speaker 1: So like, let's say I haven't gotten to the gym
Speaker 1: for two or three months, and I can almost feel
Speaker 1: my body like loosening up and like getting you know,
Speaker 1: less appealing to myself. And I can literally feel my
Speaker 1: like my heart palpitating and like being like, what are
Speaker 1: you doing to yourself right now? Get it together? But
Speaker 1: and I go to the shame yourself into going into
Speaker 1: the gym, and I go to the gym, and the
Speaker 1: anxiety completely goes away, and then I three months later
Speaker 1: it comes back, and I just it's a very vicious
Speaker 1: cycle that I put myself in. Um, well, you should
Speaker 1: continue to focus on the outdoor things you love and
Speaker 1: you know, find a daily hike to do, meditate, Yoga. Yeah,
Speaker 1: yoga is what I really want to get into. Yoga
Speaker 1: is amazing. I love yoga. What's yours? I think I
Speaker 1: feel more most confident in my my shoulder arm area,
Speaker 1: similar to you, And then I feel least confident around
Speaker 1: my stomach because I I used to have six pack
Speaker 1: abs and then even when I did have them, though,
Speaker 1: they would always be like this little layer around my
Speaker 1: waist of fat that I could just never seem to
Speaker 1: get rid of, which it obviously came down to me
Speaker 1: not being a strict on a strict diet um. And
Speaker 1: so that's what I've been trying to work on for
Speaker 1: the past couple of months, is really slim that down.
Speaker 1: One thing I forgot to say too, sorry to take
Speaker 1: the subject off whatever I've always had man boobs, I'm
Speaker 1: always don't let me see you pull up your shirt
Speaker 1: that didn't conscious about it's gotten I mean, and you
Speaker 1: shake it like that. That's a little extra. That was
Speaker 1: a kid, I would like walk by a glass pane
Speaker 1: and see my reflection. I would see my boob sticking
Speaker 1: out a lot. It actually got bad to the point
Speaker 1: where I was falling asleep as a kid, like a
Speaker 1: ten year old, I would put ice packs down on
Speaker 1: my bed and take my shirt off and lay down
Speaker 1: on my on my boobs that it would make them smaller.
Speaker 1: You're very smart kid growing up. I learned a lot
Speaker 1: in school. If you get that theory would work. I
Speaker 1: may have body dysmorphia. I don't know, Um, I don't
Speaker 1: know where the theory came from. I also had weird nipples.
Speaker 1: I got a really bad five star and it made
Speaker 1: it swell, and I was like, you know, I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna kill two birds with one stone, and I'm gonna
Speaker 1: ice my nipples and my man boo. I hate my
Speaker 1: nipples too, they're they're like quarters. That sucks. Fine. Now,
Speaker 1: the fact that I'm talking to men about their nipples
Speaker 1: really do not have man boot on like these dudes
Speaker 1: I'm talking about nipples and okay, see that's like he
Speaker 1: just we really need to change the topic right now.
Speaker 1: Off your man boobs and your nipples please. But see
Speaker 1: that's what I'm saying. This is me not having been
Speaker 1: to a gym for six months, and it's not horrible, right,
Speaker 1: Like It's like it's manageable to the point where I'm like,
Speaker 1: I mean the thing, I mean you have to ask
Speaker 1: the woman that called you with yeah, take a picture
Speaker 1: of your boobs and say, hey, baby, what do you
Speaker 1: think about? What do you think about? What do you
Speaker 1: think about these nips? And then says, so I want
Speaker 1: to ask you before you go. You also trained celebrities
Speaker 1: including Michael Strahand, Alex Rodriguez, and Terry Crew. So my
Speaker 1: question isn't amazing you met Jennifer Lopez. I have not
Speaker 1: met j Lo. Sorry, that's pretty awesome. But I mean
Speaker 1: the thing is, I would like to say, you know,
Speaker 1: Jennifer Lopez and I both Leo's were both from the Bronx,
Speaker 1: were about the same age. So I mean, at some
Speaker 1: point we're going to be besties. I think obviously you're
Speaker 1: to dinner with ros, gonna hit it off. It's going
Speaker 1: to be a beautiful thing. Yeah, Jenny, from the block
Speaker 1: from the block. Yeah, from the block from the block.
Speaker 1: But do you train them now or did you train
Speaker 1: Straighthand and Rodriguez while they were playing? No, I trained.
Speaker 1: I've still worked with Michael now. Alex I was playing
Speaker 1: kind of in between when he was kind of on
Speaker 1: the fence with the Yankees and some stuff was going on,
Speaker 1: So we worked together for a while. And uh, Michael
Speaker 1: and Alex were kind of neighbors in the same neighborhoods crew. Huh.
Speaker 1: Terry is Terry is an amazing human being. He's one
Speaker 1: of my favorite people on the planet um and he
Speaker 1: works hard. But the beauty of working with Terry, like,
Speaker 1: I think what attracted him to me as his coach
Speaker 1: was the fact that I didn't look at him and
Speaker 1: because people look at someone like Terry crews and go,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I'm just gonna kill him, and you know,
Speaker 1: and give him all these weights because he's so ripped.
Speaker 1: And for me, I look at someone like that and
Speaker 1: I go, what are his imbalances? You know, I know
Speaker 1: he's tight here. I know something's going on here. I know.
Speaker 1: So in the time that we worked together, you know,
Speaker 1: we eliminated knee pains and shoulder pains and all these
Speaker 1: different things and got him flexible and feeling good. So
Speaker 1: when he is in the gym lifting all those heavy weights,
Speaker 1: he does it properly interesting that I just want to
Speaker 1: ask you a qu question. When you said flexibility, there's
Speaker 1: this new thing called pliability, which I've only heard of
Speaker 1: because of Tom Brady. Um, what are your thoughts about that?
Speaker 1: I didn't know. But yeah, I'm a Giant's girl. Is
Speaker 1: a Giants girl. I'm Rhode Island born raised. And how
Speaker 1: are you a Patriots fan? Rhode Island, New England, Roland
Speaker 1: one of the sixtets. We're like forty five minutes out
Speaker 1: of Boston. Yeah, you're outside like you made a choice.
Speaker 1: No No, not like you made a choice, like you
Speaker 1: could have gone either way. No, No, Connecticut like the
Speaker 1: lower half of Connecticut over the way just to just
Speaker 1: shut off my mike. Anyway, The point is, what are
Speaker 1: your thoughts about pliability, because I've heard about that and
Speaker 1: I'm very interested in it. It's about like not even
Speaker 1: just building muscle, but stretching, stretching the muscle. Is it?
Speaker 1: It seems like it's like I don't know anything about
Speaker 1: it because anything Tom Brady does, I don't care. We
Speaker 1: talked about getting Terry in there and not so much
Speaker 1: building is muscle. But no, no, no, yeah, I know that,
Speaker 1: but I don't know about exactly what he's doing. I
Speaker 1: can't give you educate an educated answer on what Tim
Speaker 1: Brady is doing. I can tell you what Michael Strahan
Speaker 1: is doing New York Giants in the building. He's retired.
Speaker 1: Um wow, is gonna hate? Oh I know it's it's sad,
Speaker 1: but but Revenge Body on the Eastern Time. It is
Speaker 1: season three and you can season three. Yes, please tune in.
Speaker 1: It's going to be It's an amazing ride. I think
Speaker 1: anyone who hasn't watched it you will enjoy it totally.
Speaker 1: It's hosted by Chloe. It's so now Chloe has gone
Speaker 1: to a point where, like you don't even have to
Speaker 1: say her last name. Yeah, she's I mean, I mean,
Speaker 1: Chloe is Chloe. She's pretty amazing, she's pretty bad as,
Speaker 1: she's pretty badass, and she's just as beautiful in person
Speaker 1: as she is on TV. So Latreal Law, Where can
Speaker 1: everybody find you on? So media? Um? Latrial Mitchell dot
Speaker 1: com is my website. Everything else is the same. Twitter,
Speaker 1: Latreal Mitchell, um, Instagram and Facebook. Um. Well, we're very
Speaker 1: excited for Revenge Body. We can't wait to watch and
Speaker 1: everybody should tune in once again. That is July seven
Speaker 1: on the Revenge Body. So happy to be here with
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Speaker 1: All right, that was latreal, but now we are going
Speaker 1: to move into emails. Okay, this is from an anonymous email.
Speaker 1: This is the guy. I've been with my girlfriend now
Speaker 1: for two and a half years. I love her and
Speaker 1: I can see myself marrying her one day. However, recently
Speaker 1: I wanted a week long camping trip with some old
Speaker 1: college friends, and I found myself being very attracted to
Speaker 1: one of them. On the last day, while drinking, I
Speaker 1: ended up telling her that I found her incredibly hot
Speaker 1: and that she made me nervous. I noticed that night
Speaker 1: she was much more flirty than usual with me as well.
Speaker 1: Been a week or so since, but I still find
Speaker 1: myself wondering about her and what if we had hooked
Speaker 1: up on that trip. I don't want to break up
Speaker 1: with my girlfriend, but is this something I should tell her?
Speaker 1: I don't want a relationship with this other girl. I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm on a vegetarian diet and I just
Speaker 1: want a cheat day. Oh well, my reaction was E
Speaker 1: ouch for I feel like two years is when you
Speaker 1: start really trying, you start seeing what your relationship and
Speaker 1: the strength of your relationship is um and so, yeah,
Speaker 1: they've been dating for two and a half years. Do
Speaker 1: I So I'm the kind of person and I've had
Speaker 1: this discussion with my boyfriend who was actually sitting in
Speaker 1: the living room in the other room. I'm someone that
Speaker 1: I have like a really big guilty conscience, and if
Speaker 1: I feel like I could have overstepped or done something
Speaker 1: that was a little bit off, I have to tell
Speaker 1: the person right away. So this is something that if
Speaker 1: I were in his shoes, I want a hundred percent
Speaker 1: how the person I'm dating now, I don't know if
Speaker 1: that's going to cause like, I don't know if that's
Speaker 1: important information to telling your significant other if you're not
Speaker 1: going to take it further than you did. But to me,
Speaker 1: with my morals and my guilty conscience is definitely something
Speaker 1: I would be telling my significant other. Yeah, I agree
Speaker 1: with that, Uh, for different reasons. I think it would
Speaker 1: be good for him to tell her so that way
Speaker 1: she can they can laugh at it together. I can't
Speaker 1: remember if it was on this podcast, or if I
Speaker 1: had a conversation with someone about this but or if
Speaker 1: I heard on another podcast, but someone was saying how
Speaker 1: they developed a crush for someone that they work with.
Speaker 1: They came home once they realized that they had a
Speaker 1: crush on this person, sat down with their significant other
Speaker 1: and said, Hey, I've got to I've got a crush
Speaker 1: on Patty over at work. And the girlfriend goes, that's hilarious.
Speaker 1: I think I goes, You're right, that is actually really hilarious.
Speaker 1: And then the fact that now that they can talk
Speaker 1: about it so openly then removes like the intrigue and
Speaker 1: the mystery of what a potential, what a crush would be,
Speaker 1: you know, like the fun feeling of something new. But
Speaker 1: it removes that and it allows you to joke about
Speaker 1: it with your significant other. So I I agree with
Speaker 1: the openness and the honesty. I think that's important. But
Speaker 1: I think that if you bring some levity to it,
Speaker 1: and if you like, if you harbor the secret and
Speaker 1: all you're gonna do is like every time you see
Speaker 1: you're gonna be like, oh wow, she's so pretty and
Speaker 1: she's so cute and so nice, and it's just gonna
Speaker 1: escalate and make things worse. But do you think it's
Speaker 1: going to cause friction and cause short security in the relationship.
Speaker 1: It might a little bit for a second, but it's
Speaker 1: gonna be a lot worse if he doesn't say anything
Speaker 1: and three months later something happens or it comes out,
Speaker 1: then um, But it's like, it's honest. So it's like,
Speaker 1: how how how upset could his girlfriend really get if
Speaker 1: he's just being honest about a feeling for a girl
Speaker 1: after just a conversation. Honestly, it's worth it, even if
Speaker 1: it does cause him make sues. It's worth it to
Speaker 1: be totally honest with your partners. You're saying yes, and
Speaker 1: this isn't even bad. He just he he's a person,
Speaker 1: that's not bad. He cried. I feel like he crossed
Speaker 1: the line when he told her how hot he finds her. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's the feeling. Those feelings are are gonna they're gonna
Speaker 1: pop up from time to time. But when he told
Speaker 1: her that I feel like that was crossing the line.
Speaker 1: Why because you think he's saying that with intent. I think, yeah,
Speaker 1: he was. I agree that that's definitely the worst of it,
Speaker 1: but it's still not that bad. And I think that
Speaker 1: I think that again, I think, Okay, so I think
Speaker 1: that he should talk to her about it, because maybe
Speaker 1: there's some like maybe they need to spice things up
Speaker 1: in the relationship in order, you know, like the like
Speaker 1: the intrigue of like dating person that you've been dating
Speaker 1: for the last two and a half years, Like, you know,
Speaker 1: like change things up a little bit. Maybe this is
Speaker 1: a little bump in the road for him that can
Speaker 1: allow him to strengthen his relationship with her. I agree,
Speaker 1: But I also think that by telling her it will
Speaker 1: help remove the excitement of feeling like someone else is hot,
Speaker 1: and the second that that's gone, it's going to make
Speaker 1: his life much much easier. I don't know how often
Speaker 1: did he say how often he sees this girl? Anyways,
Speaker 1: the point is college friends. I don't know what he
Speaker 1: needs to see her ever, right, I don't know. I
Speaker 1: just I think that, as Mark said, honesty is always
Speaker 1: the best. Paul, see, this is not a bad thing. Like,
Speaker 1: it's not like he did something wrong and he's feeling
Speaker 1: guilty for it, and by telling her it's going to
Speaker 1: help him, like swade his guilt and get rid of it.
Speaker 1: It's not he didn't do it again, he didn't do
Speaker 1: anything wrong save for maybe expressing it that he thought
Speaker 1: she was hot, but he just he's a human. But
Speaker 1: he's still wondering about her. She was wondering what if
Speaker 1: they had hooked up on the trip, Like those aren't
Speaker 1: I don't know, Listen, you're all human. Of course you're
Speaker 1: going to be attracted to people other than your partner,
Speaker 1: But I don't think you should be having you should
Speaker 1: be having thoughts of cooking up. And I want to
Speaker 1: know why we feel so guilty about this is because
Speaker 1: of that, because we we criminalize in relationships, the fact
Speaker 1: that we're like, you're going to feel a certain way
Speaker 1: about someone else at some point in your life. That's
Speaker 1: just a natural human reaction. But the ability to have
Speaker 1: a conversation with someone that you actually love and care
Speaker 1: about about that and talk openly about that, in my opinion,
Speaker 1: is what would save a relationship. Rather than focusing on
Speaker 1: that and acting on it physically. Hopefully that ever happens,
Speaker 1: but at some point, because if you let this stuff fester,
Speaker 1: then that's going to happen. Right, agree with that. I
Speaker 1: tell my daughter's feelings aren't wrong, it's how you respond
Speaker 1: to them. So I don't think he needs to feel
Speaker 1: the guilt about the feelings. I think, like I said,
Speaker 1: you cross the line. But the fact that he wants
Speaker 1: a cheat day, maybe that's normal commitment phobia. Getting back
Speaker 1: to that here because he's heading in that direction. He's
Speaker 1: two and a half years with this woman, so it's
Speaker 1: about time that it's going to be time to maybe
Speaker 1: propose we're getting in that area. It could be that
Speaker 1: kind of panic setting in. I see what you're saying,
Speaker 1: and I think it can be perceived two different ways.
Speaker 1: That last sentence where he says, I feel like I'm
Speaker 1: a vegetarian on a vegetarian diet and I don't want
Speaker 1: a cheat day. That makes it I guess it could
Speaker 1: be perceived. I think I think you're taking a little
Speaker 1: too literally of him saying I'm dating my girlfriend, but
Speaker 1: I just want to cheat on her once and then
Speaker 1: move on and like get over it. You know what
Speaker 1: I mean. I read it. I didn't take it that way.
Speaker 1: I took it as like it was just like an
Speaker 1: analogy to uh uh, what's the word, a dramatic theoryical
Speaker 1: example to prove his point. Like, I don't think that
Speaker 1: he would actually cheat on his girlfriend, um, because he
Speaker 1: says he doesn't want a relationship with this other girl
Speaker 1: and he doesn't want to break up with this current partner, right.
Speaker 1: That's why I think that if he makes a joke
Speaker 1: about the way that he felt about someone, then he
Speaker 1: would lose any physical interest and any we're always gonna
Speaker 1: have physical interest, but it would just allow him to
Speaker 1: not feel that way anymore. That's my take on it.
Speaker 1: I've never put that into practice. I can't speak for
Speaker 1: certain if it works. Um. I heard someone say something
Speaker 1: along those lines, and I was like, that makes a
Speaker 1: lot of consense, and I would plan on using that
Speaker 1: in my next relationship, because look, I'm I know eventually
Speaker 1: I'm going to be in a relationship. I know when
Speaker 1: I'm in that relationship, I'm probably gonna find someone else attractive.
Speaker 1: And I would I would hate if I kept that
Speaker 1: a secret to my to the person that I was dating,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, And similar you'd be fine
Speaker 1: if she told you Oh my gosh, I have such
Speaker 1: a thing for so and so. Yes, absolutely, um, And
Speaker 1: I think I don't know. I yeah, I don't know,
Speaker 1: but but like I said, I've never practiced it. So
Speaker 1: I guess my opinion doesn't have as much stock as
Speaker 1: Vanessa's because she's obviously been in a relationship a little
Speaker 1: bit more than I have. But yeah, I think it
Speaker 1: depends on what, like how vulnerable you both are in
Speaker 1: the relationship, and if this is something that would come
Speaker 1: out of nowhere, and if you're not having these honest
Speaker 1: conversations with each other, then it would, um, I assume
Speaker 1: make the part that person or his girlfriend be suspicious of,
Speaker 1: like what he's been doing or you know, like what
Speaker 1: his thoughts are creeping up, like what kind of thoughts
Speaker 1: he's been having. So I think it has to do
Speaker 1: with the kind of vulnerability they both have. That's a
Speaker 1: great point you make too. That is worth taking into
Speaker 1: consideration too, is all of the friendships and like the
Speaker 1: potential dates that I've been going on. I've been very
Speaker 1: open and honest about especially my shortcomings. As you guys
Speaker 1: have grown more aware over the podcast, I just like
Speaker 1: put it all out there, and so that's why for
Speaker 1: me when I see something like that, if I were
Speaker 1: to feel something about someone, I would be quick to
Speaker 1: share that because they already know all of the bad
Speaker 1: things about me, and they would be able to know
Speaker 1: that when I'm telling them that, it's out of based
Speaker 1: out of honesty in an effort to move past it,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Yeah, I mean, listen, I'm
Speaker 1: I know I'm someone that I wanna I want honesty.
Speaker 1: But sometimes when there's a piece of honesty that's like
Speaker 1: a lot to deal with, like what do you do
Speaker 1: with it? You know? And I don't know if this
Speaker 1: person is able to handle, Like how old are they
Speaker 1: do we know whole they are? Okay? I mean yeah,
Speaker 1: maybe they'll be muchure enough to have that kind of
Speaker 1: conversation and just move forward from it. But like I said,
Speaker 1: it could be such a blessing in disguise and be like, Okay, well,
Speaker 1: let's like spice up our relationship now and like do
Speaker 1: something different and like get more you know, heated for
Speaker 1: each other or whatever. Right, But I think that goes
Speaker 1: back to your point that you made earlier, where it's
Speaker 1: just it depends on how vulnerably they are. Hopefully they're
Speaker 1: as vulnerable as they possibly can be. I mean, two
Speaker 1: and enough years is a long time if that person
Speaker 1: doesn't know just about everything about you. What's been your
Speaker 1: longest relationship? Being maybe like a year and three months
Speaker 1: roughly years ago I was in college, It's been a while.
Speaker 1: My longest relationship in my adult life has probably been
Speaker 1: like ten to eleven months. Okay, what's yours? Two years,
Speaker 1: which isn't that long either if you think about it.
Speaker 1: I'm thirty one. Yeah, I suppose where are you with
Speaker 1: silver Fox? At this point I had stopped counting, but
Speaker 1: like December okay, so seven months, Yeah, good amount of time.
Speaker 1: I've gotten to this point to where I feel like
Speaker 1: dating is getting more challenging for me because for some reason,
Speaker 1: I've led myself to believe that the next relationship that
Speaker 1: I get in is going to be the last one.
Speaker 1: And I keep it. No, it's not a cute thing, Vanessa.
Speaker 1: It's like, literally, I just don't see the point of
Speaker 1: being in a relationship with someone unless you see it
Speaker 1: going all the way. And I just like it adds
Speaker 1: too much finality to a potential relationship, and then that's
Speaker 1: a lot of pressure on the first day. That's why
Speaker 1: I like, I bail because I'm like, oh, I don't
Speaker 1: know if this is gonna last. And that's why you
Speaker 1: don't call them first dates. I don't know about that
Speaker 1: mark exactly. Um, but yeah, it's something that I've actually
Speaker 1: addressed in myself just recently, and I don't know, it's interesting. Um,
Speaker 1: that's something interesting that you just brought up. I mean,
Speaker 1: do you feel like because you're putting pressure on yourself
Speaker 1: because I feel like you love talking about how like
Speaker 1: your shortcomings and how you're you know, like why do
Speaker 1: people believe in monogamy and blah blah blah, Like you're
Speaker 1: always against like this relationship. Um, do you feel like
Speaker 1: you're making yourself believe that you don't want to be
Speaker 1: in a relationship just the point where you're making yourself believable,
Speaker 1: the next one has to be it. I just think
Speaker 1: that the last relationship I had and the way that
Speaker 1: it ended was so so bad that I don't last
Speaker 1: relationship after Winter Games that I don't want to reenact
Speaker 1: any thing that happened with that relationship at all. Wait,
Speaker 1: I'm confused. Don't worry about Vanessa. Point. The point is
Speaker 1: my last girlfriend and I when we broke up has
Speaker 1: scared me away from going through that process of events again,
Speaker 1: and that's kind of why, Huh, you're not over it.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm over it. But the thing is it's preventing
Speaker 1: me from being open to having like casual a casual
Speaker 1: girlfriend for like six to nine to twelve months. M hmm,
Speaker 1: because I just don't go through that process again. At
Speaker 1: least you know what you want, and that's like what
Speaker 1: most guys don't know what they want. So at least
Speaker 1: you know what direction you want to be heading towards,
Speaker 1: which is a good thing, I guess. But again, it's
Speaker 1: like it's it's scared me away from a lot of things.
Speaker 1: I don't know. It's a lot of stuff that I
Speaker 1: haven't really fully processed and internalized yet. I'm still kind
Speaker 1: of figuring it out. But it was just the thought
Speaker 1: that I had where it's I think that's kind of
Speaker 1: why I'm like hypercritical of a lot of the dates
Speaker 1: that I'm going on. I like, I don't know, there's
Speaker 1: a lot of there's a lot to unpack there that
Speaker 1: I haven't fully impact, but I think eventually I'll get there.
Speaker 1: Um Anyways, let's uh, that was a good email, hopefully
Speaker 1: that I figures it out. Hopefully he doesn't do anything
Speaker 1: that he'll regret later on. That's honesty is the best
Speaker 1: idea for him there. Um. Big thank you to Latrielle
Speaker 1: for coming in being a guest. Be sure to watch
Speaker 1: Revenge Body on E with Chloe Kardashian and Latreell. Big
Speaker 1: thank you to Vanessa for just being such a lovely
Speaker 1: beam of sunshine and Jared of course, uh oh thanks,
Speaker 1: You're welcome, Bud. Anyways, that I'll do it for this
Speaker 1: week's episode of Help I Suck at Dating. We actually
Speaker 1: won't be in studio next week because it's America's Birthday
Speaker 1: and we will be out in Canada, Dave next week
Speaker 1: as well, candidate great uh, and we'll hopefully be out
Speaker 1: with our friends and families just having some fun. But
Speaker 1: I actually probably won't be the back of the week
Speaker 1: after that either. I'll be in Europe and after that
Speaker 1: we'll be in Tahoe. So wait, I'll be in Europe too.
Speaker 1: Let's hang out. Where you going? Not a date in
Speaker 1: Greece in Spain, but I have four days to fill
Speaker 1: so maybe I'll come hang out, come visit US and Italy. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that'd be perfect. Anyways, thank you so much for listening
Speaker 1: to this week's episode. We love you as our listeners
Speaker 1: and we love getting to know you. Be sure to
Speaker 1: keep emailing us Help I Suck at Dating at i
Speaker 1: heeart media dot com. Just share anonymously. We love the
Speaker 1: anonymous even Just start making stuff up, put us in
Speaker 1: weird spots and we'll answer them. Um. Thank you again
Speaker 1: to everyone involved. Be sure to tune in next in
Speaker 1: two weeks from now, because maybe we'll suck a lot
Speaker 1: less back. Follow help by Suck at Dating with Dean,
Speaker 1: Vanessa and Jared on I Heart Radio or wherever you
Speaker 1: listen to podcast m HM