1 00:00:03,200 --> 00:00:06,480 Speaker 1: Welcome to Stuff Mom Never Told You from House Supports 2 00:00:06,519 --> 00:00:14,880 Speaker 1: dot Com. Hello, and welcome to the podcast. I'm Kristen 3 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:17,599 Speaker 1: and I'm Caroline, and today is a special episode of 4 00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:20,840 Speaker 1: Stuff Mom Never Told You, because we're talking very special 5 00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:26,040 Speaker 1: woman Jane Pratt. Hooray, hooray. Yes, Jane Pratt was the 6 00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:31,280 Speaker 1: founding editor of Sassy Magazine, which launched in nineteen. By 7 00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:33,600 Speaker 1: the way, she was twenty four when she got the job, 8 00:00:34,680 --> 00:00:38,360 Speaker 1: and Sassy was kind of a big deal. Yeah, it's 9 00:00:38,360 --> 00:00:41,720 Speaker 1: like a touchstone for our our generation, I feel like, 10 00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:45,760 Speaker 1: well especially our generation of women. Yes, it was like 11 00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:49,479 Speaker 1: one of the first, if not the first, kind of 12 00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:53,800 Speaker 1: alternative magazine for young women, because you had things like 13 00:00:54,240 --> 00:01:01,160 Speaker 1: seventeen and teen and then Cosmopolitan, but then there came Yeah, 14 00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:04,720 Speaker 1: and following Sassie came Jane Magazine, which I was also 15 00:01:04,959 --> 00:01:08,280 Speaker 1: super super into as a young woman. Yeah, it launched 16 00:01:08,319 --> 00:01:16,240 Speaker 1: in after Sassy folded, and most recently, Jane Pratt launched 17 00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:20,319 Speaker 1: a few years back. Exo Jane, and a lot of 18 00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:25,560 Speaker 1: Exo Jane focuses on first person essays. Um. The classic 19 00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:27,840 Speaker 1: kind of tagline for a lot of them is it 20 00:01:27,959 --> 00:01:33,040 Speaker 1: happened to me and it's all sorts of stories, um 21 00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:36,959 Speaker 1: about things that have happened to young women and some 22 00:01:37,040 --> 00:01:40,480 Speaker 1: men as well. But we were really excited to have 23 00:01:40,520 --> 00:01:43,920 Speaker 1: a chance to talk to Jane just about her observations 24 00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:47,760 Speaker 1: of young women over the years, the issues that affect us, 25 00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:53,440 Speaker 1: how feminism has influenced her career, and also whether she's 26 00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:58,080 Speaker 1: ever going to bring back Sassy. Yeah. So, without further ado, 27 00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:05,960 Speaker 1: let's hear from Jane herself. So, Jane Pratt, for our 28 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:09,040 Speaker 1: listeners who have been living under a rock and don't 29 00:02:09,080 --> 00:02:12,160 Speaker 1: know who you are, could you just briefly introduce yourself 30 00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:14,359 Speaker 1: and talk about all the incredible things that you do? 31 00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:21,560 Speaker 1: Oh boy, um Yeah. I'm Jane Pratt and I am 32 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:26,080 Speaker 1: currently an editor in chief of XO Jane dot com 33 00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:31,240 Speaker 1: and also oversee Exodine, which is a beauty offshoot of Xojin. 34 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:37,360 Speaker 1: Before this, I had two magazines, one called Jane and 35 00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:41,040 Speaker 1: one before that called Sassy. I've been around doing the 36 00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:47,280 Speaker 1: same basic thing in different media for many, many many years. Well, 37 00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:50,639 Speaker 1: and that leads me to my first big question for you, 38 00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:56,200 Speaker 1: which was since launching Sassy and I believe nineteen and 39 00:02:56,280 --> 00:03:00,240 Speaker 1: now with XO Jane, have the kinds of issue us 40 00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:04,640 Speaker 1: and sort of womanhood conundrums to quite an awkward phrase 41 00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:09,440 Speaker 1: change in what you've heard from your contributors and writers 42 00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:12,960 Speaker 1: and editors over the years, is today's young woman that 43 00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:16,760 Speaker 1: different from the young woman of the early nineties day. 44 00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:20,680 Speaker 1: So I think one of the differences is about pressures 45 00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:26,440 Speaker 1: on on women to do everything. Um. I think it 46 00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:29,880 Speaker 1: used to be kind of this glorious like, oh, you 47 00:03:29,919 --> 00:03:32,320 Speaker 1: can you can do whatever you want to do, you know, 48 00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:34,040 Speaker 1: and that was like the greatest thing that you could 49 00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:36,360 Speaker 1: tell your daughter, you know, that she could do whatever 50 00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:39,880 Speaker 1: she wanted. But now I think that you have to 51 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:43,360 Speaker 1: be really careful to say, like, you don't have to 52 00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:49,320 Speaker 1: do absolutely everything, um. And then also also to be 53 00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:52,640 Speaker 1: honest about the fact that there are still black ceilings. 54 00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:54,360 Speaker 1: You know what, did I just see the other day 55 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:57,280 Speaker 1: that four hundred wealthiest c e O s or whatever 56 00:03:57,480 --> 00:03:59,800 Speaker 1: or two hundred, and it was how many of them 57 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:02,440 Speaker 1: were women? It was like eleven of them or women 58 00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:04,880 Speaker 1: or something like that. You know. So there's still is 59 00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:07,600 Speaker 1: a long way to go. But I think that the 60 00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:10,480 Speaker 1: one one thing that I think hasn't changed is that 61 00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:14,600 Speaker 1: is that most women, I think are still a lot 62 00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:20,839 Speaker 1: smarter than then. They give away on the outside, and 63 00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:25,200 Speaker 1: I'm sort of surprised that that hasn't that we haven't 64 00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:28,919 Speaker 1: evolved past that to where women can just be as 65 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:34,400 Speaker 1: and and girls especially could just be as open about 66 00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:37,240 Speaker 1: how much is really going on in their minds. That 67 00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:40,520 Speaker 1: is true. Why do you think that is in terms 68 00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:45,200 Speaker 1: of the that perhaps we're still not as socially free 69 00:04:45,279 --> 00:04:50,880 Speaker 1: to be, you know, an open, honest, forthright woman sort 70 00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:53,479 Speaker 1: of like what you're you're talking about. Yeah, I mean 71 00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:56,600 Speaker 1: I think that I think that women still share a 72 00:04:56,640 --> 00:05:02,680 Speaker 1: lot of their really deep itselves and most intelligent selves 73 00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:06,680 Speaker 1: with other women that I think that. I think that 74 00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:10,360 Speaker 1: when men are around, I think there still is this 75 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:14,719 Speaker 1: idea that you might want to downplay that and you're 76 00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:18,000 Speaker 1: interested in being with one of those men for one thing. 77 00:05:18,520 --> 00:05:20,799 Speaker 1: You know, I think there still is like a little 78 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:25,640 Speaker 1: bit of that crazy like you know, noil like put 79 00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:30,520 Speaker 1: yourself down to build them kind of mentality. I see it, 80 00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:32,680 Speaker 1: it is said to me, But I still still do 81 00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:37,200 Speaker 1: see it. Well, speaking to that pressure that you've witnessed 82 00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:42,400 Speaker 1: among especially girls of this generation, and also to the 83 00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:44,720 Speaker 1: fact that we might communicate to each other a little 84 00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:46,800 Speaker 1: bit differently than we might when men and men are 85 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:50,360 Speaker 1: in the room. How do you see XO Jane sort 86 00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:53,760 Speaker 1: of fitting into that, especially because the tagline has to 87 00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:57,000 Speaker 1: do with, you know, where women go to be selfish 88 00:05:57,080 --> 00:06:02,320 Speaker 1: and where selfishness is applauded. Yeah, I love this idea 89 00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:07,120 Speaker 1: with Exogen of doing, of creating the space where women 90 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:12,359 Speaker 1: can talk to each other as though there are no 91 00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:14,920 Speaker 1: men in the room, and also not just no men 92 00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:21,240 Speaker 1: that no kids, no teachers, no parents, no bosses, no 93 00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:23,760 Speaker 1: anybody that you would try to put on a certain 94 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:26,680 Speaker 1: front four And it's where you go and your your 95 00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:29,839 Speaker 1: unabashed itself. You're just like, this is really what's on 96 00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:32,640 Speaker 1: my mind, this is what I really want, and then 97 00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:38,800 Speaker 1: we do get We have gotten a good portion of well, 98 00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:42,640 Speaker 1: I think it's about fift mail readers now who will say, 99 00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:45,080 Speaker 1: you know that when they go to x okay, they 100 00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:48,200 Speaker 1: see what women really talk about when they're not in 101 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:50,360 Speaker 1: the room. So it's not it's not like topic or 102 00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:53,719 Speaker 1: something where it's kind of like a major men version 103 00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:56,680 Speaker 1: of well women talk about. How did those men tend 104 00:06:56,720 --> 00:07:00,200 Speaker 1: to respond to hearing what women really talk about? Are 105 00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:04,839 Speaker 1: they usually a little surprised and shocked? Yeah, they get 106 00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:07,040 Speaker 1: they get kind of taken aback and they say it's 107 00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:11,920 Speaker 1: it's really educational, sometimes kind of shocking. Um, and then 108 00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:13,960 Speaker 1: they'll but then they get really addicted to it, and 109 00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:15,800 Speaker 1: then they'll just keep coming back and back and back. 110 00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:18,560 Speaker 1: If there's still make an excuse like they'll say that, oh, 111 00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:22,200 Speaker 1: it was open on my girlfriend's laptop or whatever, you know. 112 00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:24,440 Speaker 1: But then they'll then they have to guss up when 113 00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:27,280 Speaker 1: they're in the comments every day and when they're quoting 114 00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:30,320 Speaker 1: things from the rand you know, at the very end 115 00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:32,120 Speaker 1: of an article the day before, and you're like, you 116 00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:34,800 Speaker 1: read the entire thing. You didn't need to do that now. 117 00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:40,200 Speaker 1: Extra Jane has published so many fascinating, hilarious, some even 118 00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:44,080 Speaker 1: heartbreaking first person essays, and I was wondering if there 119 00:07:44,080 --> 00:07:46,880 Speaker 1: were any that come to mind that have really made 120 00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:51,960 Speaker 1: a strong impression on you. Yeah, wow, definitely. I Mean 121 00:07:52,360 --> 00:07:56,880 Speaker 1: one of the formats that we have um for publishing 122 00:07:56,880 --> 00:08:00,240 Speaker 1: those first person essays is it happened to Me, which 123 00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:04,400 Speaker 1: is something that I actually started back in Sassy magazine, 124 00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:10,360 Speaker 1: and um, it's a place where people can tell tell 125 00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:13,800 Speaker 1: their stories about something. I always say everybody has at 126 00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:16,800 Speaker 1: least one really strong it happened to me in them. 127 00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:20,200 Speaker 1: Usually it's a story that they wouldn't just tell a 128 00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:23,119 Speaker 1: cocktail party or whatever. It's a deep you know, something 129 00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:26,600 Speaker 1: that's affected them deeply. And the funny thing is, like 130 00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:30,400 Speaker 1: the first one of those we ever did and sassy, Um, 131 00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:35,439 Speaker 1: it wasn't at that time, so there wasn't that much 132 00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:38,920 Speaker 1: first person writing and reporting at that time as there 133 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:42,120 Speaker 1: is now with blogs and everything. So um, for the 134 00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:43,800 Speaker 1: first of one, I actually had to get my sister 135 00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:48,040 Speaker 1: to write it under a pseudonym, to write about an 136 00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:50,959 Speaker 1: abortion that she had had because I couldn't find people 137 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:52,800 Speaker 1: who were just willing to put their stories out there 138 00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:57,360 Speaker 1: in that way. So and now cut to you know, 139 00:08:57,480 --> 00:09:03,040 Speaker 1: cut to today and we get, oh gosh, hundreds of 140 00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:06,120 Speaker 1: submissions to it. Happened to me at x O Jane 141 00:09:06,240 --> 00:09:08,839 Speaker 1: every week, like hundreds of people wanting to tell their 142 00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:11,520 Speaker 1: personal stories. And I feel like we've made it a 143 00:09:11,559 --> 00:09:14,320 Speaker 1: safe place for them to do that, a non judgmental 144 00:09:15,559 --> 00:09:19,000 Speaker 1: zone where they feel like they can do that. Thinking 145 00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:22,040 Speaker 1: some of the ones that had really stood out to me. Um, 146 00:09:22,040 --> 00:09:25,880 Speaker 1: it's a big range, Like I think that we've gotten 147 00:09:26,040 --> 00:09:29,480 Speaker 1: we've gotten a fair amount of attention on exogene for 148 00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:34,080 Speaker 1: the once, uh, where we've gotten somebody who a woman 149 00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:38,600 Speaker 1: who was in the middle of a media maelstrom to 150 00:09:38,880 --> 00:09:43,480 Speaker 1: tell her version of the story, like Daisy Coleman, for example, 151 00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:49,200 Speaker 1: who was the rape victim who had not ever she 152 00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:51,720 Speaker 1: hadn't told her own story, and then she came to 153 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:55,000 Speaker 1: that on XOJ and that was wonderful. Also a woman 154 00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:58,720 Speaker 1: um who outed the well it's another race theme, but 155 00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:03,000 Speaker 1: a woman who out of the Steven Bill Ravius um 156 00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:06,560 Speaker 1: she is also she also wrote for us and that 157 00:10:06,679 --> 00:10:10,560 Speaker 1: was really powerful. Kind of a lot like that wasn't 158 00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:12,280 Speaker 1: we got a lot of attention for it. Was Bell 159 00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:16,840 Speaker 1: Mox who uh to porn stars, put yourself into university? 160 00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:19,600 Speaker 1: What's definitely I never even said this, but I grew 161 00:10:19,679 --> 00:10:21,439 Speaker 1: up all that dig university. He had us. Both my 162 00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:24,360 Speaker 1: parents taught there too, so I kept imagining every time. 163 00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:26,280 Speaker 1: I was Yeah, when I met her in every took 164 00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:29,359 Speaker 1: of reading me, so I was like, oh wow, interesting. 165 00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:32,160 Speaker 1: But anyway, yeah, so that's but that's another version of 166 00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:36,920 Speaker 1: a wove been telling her real true story and huge reactions. Well, 167 00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:40,400 Speaker 1: I feel like the so called confessional writing sort of 168 00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:43,000 Speaker 1: in the style of it happened to me. Often it's 169 00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:47,440 Speaker 1: criticized it as being like too self absorbed, but clearly 170 00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:51,560 Speaker 1: there is a purpose for it, Like you know, there's 171 00:10:51,559 --> 00:10:54,000 Speaker 1: a there's not just the therapy on the on behalf 172 00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:55,920 Speaker 1: of the writer, like being able to get these feelings out, 173 00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:58,200 Speaker 1: but also for the reader. So I was wondering from 174 00:10:58,240 --> 00:11:00,240 Speaker 1: you too, like what do you feel is is the 175 00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:05,200 Speaker 1: big value of that kind of confessional first person writing? Yeah? 176 00:11:05,720 --> 00:11:09,439 Speaker 1: So I think the value in in that is removing shame. 177 00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:13,200 Speaker 1: I think that if I come out or any anybody 178 00:11:13,280 --> 00:11:18,000 Speaker 1: comes out and says, Okay, this is what I really did, 179 00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:20,199 Speaker 1: that I that a lot of people would shame me 180 00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:24,240 Speaker 1: for doing, and um, then other people can read that 181 00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:28,079 Speaker 1: and go wow. I I also I do the same thing, 182 00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:30,240 Speaker 1: and I was keeping it to myself because I felt 183 00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:32,400 Speaker 1: so ashamed of it. And let's just get it out 184 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,880 Speaker 1: in the open, because there's that, you know, that a 185 00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:37,520 Speaker 1: expression like you're only a stick because your secrets or whatever. 186 00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:39,720 Speaker 1: It's like, if you can get it out and share 187 00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:43,920 Speaker 1: it with other people, then then then you feel you 188 00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:47,359 Speaker 1: feel better about yourself and you can move forward from it. Um, 189 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:51,559 Speaker 1: this is a much broader question, but how has feminism 190 00:11:51,559 --> 00:11:57,400 Speaker 1: informed your career and exarching? Yeah? I well, I grew 191 00:11:57,480 --> 00:12:01,640 Speaker 1: up with a mom that read the very first issues 192 00:12:01,679 --> 00:12:05,040 Speaker 1: of Miss magazine, and I remember when you get it 193 00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:07,600 Speaker 1: and there was a section in it on different paper 194 00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:11,240 Speaker 1: stuff that was three stories for free children or something, 195 00:12:11,240 --> 00:12:12,760 Speaker 1: and I would get those and I would like look 196 00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:15,720 Speaker 1: at them. And so I was very much And also 197 00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:19,439 Speaker 1: we would go into March on Washington pretty regularly wearing 198 00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:21,520 Speaker 1: all white with my mom and her friends, that I'd 199 00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:23,640 Speaker 1: be there, I'd be the kid, you know, walking along 200 00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:26,360 Speaker 1: with them. So I very much grew up being proud 201 00:12:26,559 --> 00:12:30,640 Speaker 1: of being a feminist and UM, and that had that 202 00:12:30,760 --> 00:12:36,240 Speaker 1: informs every single thing that I do. UM. It's surprising 203 00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:41,640 Speaker 1: to me in many ways that still UM now, so 204 00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:44,959 Speaker 1: many years later, you still have it seems like with 205 00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:48,199 Speaker 1: each new generation you have to kind of show them 206 00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:53,079 Speaker 1: again that feminism is not a bad word, that it's 207 00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:56,640 Speaker 1: not something to be um, that that all those connotations 208 00:12:56,679 --> 00:12:59,680 Speaker 1: that people put on it and being you know, being 209 00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:02,240 Speaker 1: mill person are angry or hating men, are all that stuff, 210 00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:05,080 Speaker 1: that that's not at all what it means. You know, 211 00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:08,440 Speaker 1: it's it's uh, it's it's being I think of it 212 00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:12,880 Speaker 1: as being like a girl's girl, which is my favorite 213 00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:16,480 Speaker 1: type of person. You know, just somebody who is who 214 00:13:16,559 --> 00:13:19,640 Speaker 1: really likes to bring other women up and support them 215 00:13:19,640 --> 00:13:21,600 Speaker 1: and make them feel better about themselves and make them 216 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:26,319 Speaker 1: feel more beautiful and funnier and all that stuff. I mean, 217 00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:29,400 Speaker 1: I just think that that's like, I don't know the 218 00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:32,280 Speaker 1: way to live for me. What do you think it 219 00:13:32,360 --> 00:13:38,120 Speaker 1: might take for more girls to more commonly embrace the 220 00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:42,200 Speaker 1: term feminism or the like self label as feminist because 221 00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:46,080 Speaker 1: there's they're being told so often messages of just general empowerment, 222 00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:49,200 Speaker 1: but there doesn't seem to be It seems like we 223 00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:52,520 Speaker 1: still need to bridge that gap. I totally agree, And 224 00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:57,800 Speaker 1: sometimes I think, well, how Sometimes I think how important 225 00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:00,439 Speaker 1: is it if they are living by the deals with 226 00:14:00,520 --> 00:14:06,240 Speaker 1: feminism and they benefited from what early feminists did and 227 00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:10,800 Speaker 1: they continue to help other women to get ahead and 228 00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:14,560 Speaker 1: all that stuff, then maybe whether they call themselves feminists 229 00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:16,719 Speaker 1: or not may not be the most important. I don't know. 230 00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:21,360 Speaker 1: It's funny because I have one of my my top 231 00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:25,600 Speaker 1: editors on exo Jane, Emily mccomes it's just truly awesome, 232 00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:29,640 Speaker 1: does not identify herself as a feminist in the same 233 00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:32,680 Speaker 1: way that I do, and she doesn't feel like, um 234 00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:36,160 Speaker 1: exo Jane is a She wouldn't label it a feminist 235 00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:38,800 Speaker 1: site even though I would, But you know what, we 236 00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:41,720 Speaker 1: want the same things. We both wanted to be a 237 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:46,240 Speaker 1: very empowering, supportive place for all women to visit. So 238 00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:48,400 Speaker 1: it's sometimes I wonder if the name is you know 239 00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:52,280 Speaker 1: the labels M Well, Jane, since this podcast is called 240 00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:55,360 Speaker 1: Stuff Mom Never Told You, and you have a daughter, 241 00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:57,520 Speaker 1: I want to know what kind of things you are 242 00:14:57,640 --> 00:15:00,760 Speaker 1: telling her, what kind of advice you're passing along about 243 00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:05,680 Speaker 1: growing up being a woman, et cetera. Yeah, I um, okay, 244 00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:07,920 Speaker 1: I Well, first of all, I gotta say that I'm 245 00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:11,360 Speaker 1: at the space right now where I am thoroughly embarrassing 246 00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:13,480 Speaker 1: to my daughter. She doesn't think I'm cool at all. 247 00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:17,040 Speaker 1: Twice this week she did not let me walk into 248 00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:18,760 Speaker 1: the school with her, once because of the shirt I 249 00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:22,960 Speaker 1: was wearing, another time because of the dudes. Yes, so, okay, 250 00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:26,640 Speaker 1: I'm dealing with that where I'm worry sometimes that if 251 00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:30,560 Speaker 1: I say too much that she's gonna take it and 252 00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:34,600 Speaker 1: go the other way with it. But but what do 253 00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:38,640 Speaker 1: I tell her? I mostly I do. I do a 254 00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:41,960 Speaker 1: lot of listening, and I'm I'm in heaven whenever she's 255 00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:45,720 Speaker 1: whenever she's opening up to me. The things I tell her, 256 00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:50,320 Speaker 1: I tell her that. Okay, here's one thing. When I 257 00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:53,360 Speaker 1: was doing Sassy magazine, so I was, I was in 258 00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:59,720 Speaker 1: my early mid twenties, and we had all these moms 259 00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:03,640 Speaker 1: would write many letters and say, if you had a daughter, 260 00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:07,840 Speaker 1: you will not be publishing this kind of information for 261 00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:11,680 Speaker 1: young women. You would not be getting them birth control information, 262 00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:15,160 Speaker 1: you would not be talking to them about as TVs. 263 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:18,680 Speaker 1: You would not be um giving them all this kind 264 00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:22,800 Speaker 1: of uh very telling them so much at such a 265 00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:26,880 Speaker 1: young age. So I'm always wondered. I always thought, when 266 00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:30,240 Speaker 1: my daughter grows up and is in that basic age range, 267 00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:33,120 Speaker 1: and am I going to feel more conservative about what 268 00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:35,560 Speaker 1: kind of information I want to share with her? Um? No, 269 00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:38,400 Speaker 1: not at all. Like I would be so happy if 270 00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:40,800 Speaker 1: they were assassy around today that she could read. So 271 00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:43,320 Speaker 1: I feel like I'm her sassy, So I give her 272 00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:47,040 Speaker 1: all that information, all that you know, any questions about sex, 273 00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:51,040 Speaker 1: anything like that. I'm right there. That's fantastic. Well, and 274 00:16:51,120 --> 00:16:54,560 Speaker 1: especially for kids today, if you don't tell them they 275 00:16:54,560 --> 00:17:00,640 Speaker 1: have the internet exactly exactly, that's exactly right. And yeah, 276 00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:03,320 Speaker 1: that's exactly right. It used to be like the fear 277 00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:05,040 Speaker 1: was you know, you hear it from your friends in 278 00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:08,400 Speaker 1: the schoolyard. But now it's like just get on there 279 00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:12,280 Speaker 1: and you know, see tons and tons and tons of 280 00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:16,480 Speaker 1: really really bad information. And you can't guarantee that she 281 00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:18,680 Speaker 1: will go to xo j dot com, you know, to 282 00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:23,320 Speaker 1: get a better perspective on things. And some people are 283 00:17:23,359 --> 00:17:25,960 Speaker 1: actually horrified that I that I would let her read 284 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:29,720 Speaker 1: exogen dot com. But the truth is she doesn't. I 285 00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:33,080 Speaker 1: don't really have a whole lot of say over what 286 00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:36,640 Speaker 1: she reads or doesn't read, because she's so much more 287 00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:39,639 Speaker 1: text savy than I am. That she's actually like hacked 288 00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:44,600 Speaker 1: into my commenting profile on XO Jane and said, like 289 00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:47,840 Speaker 1: to the readers, you know, tell my mom that it's 290 00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:50,639 Speaker 1: time for her to get the puppy already or whatever 291 00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:55,200 Speaker 1: it is. She's done that a few times. He's smart. Well, 292 00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:57,280 Speaker 1: this is just a side note question, but I'm just 293 00:17:57,359 --> 00:18:00,760 Speaker 1: curious if you ever get tired of people asking you 294 00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:04,240 Speaker 1: in every single interview when you're gonna revive Sassy or 295 00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:08,080 Speaker 1: if that will happen. No, because I still want to 296 00:18:08,119 --> 00:18:11,040 Speaker 1: do it. I still think it would be amazing. And 297 00:18:11,119 --> 00:18:14,720 Speaker 1: you know, now, as my daughter Charlwood is, she's eleven now, 298 00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:17,600 Speaker 1: and I really feel like I want something like that 299 00:18:17,760 --> 00:18:20,159 Speaker 1: for her, And there are other things that do a 300 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:25,120 Speaker 1: lot of what Sassy did, but but not not exactly 301 00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:29,040 Speaker 1: the same, not with the same spirit. Yeah, so now 302 00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:32,200 Speaker 1: I'd be thrilled to do that. I still also want 303 00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:34,600 Speaker 1: to start one, by the way, for older women too. 304 00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:37,720 Speaker 1: I still think that there should be a print magazine 305 00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:42,000 Speaker 1: for the next age group up, like for for women 306 00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:44,560 Speaker 1: that I mean there is, there's more magazine, but I 307 00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:48,200 Speaker 1: think that there should be something that's really progressive UM 308 00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:52,480 Speaker 1: for women, like yeah for needless. Well, speaking of which, 309 00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:54,920 Speaker 1: those are all the questions that I sent to Laura 310 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,720 Speaker 1: for you. But are there any things that I haven't 311 00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:01,400 Speaker 1: asked you about specifically future play ends, things we can 312 00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:05,920 Speaker 1: look forward to from EXO Jane and Jane Pratt Um. 313 00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:10,200 Speaker 1: You know, we do those things to UM to try 314 00:19:10,320 --> 00:19:14,359 Speaker 1: to also in the spirit of empowering other women and 315 00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:16,040 Speaker 1: making them feel good about so it was just the 316 00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:20,040 Speaker 1: way that they are. We've done those things like um uh, 317 00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:22,480 Speaker 1: like taking a picture of our face when we first 318 00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:25,000 Speaker 1: woke up in the morning and putting it on, putting 319 00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:27,000 Speaker 1: on the site, have another woman do that or whatever. 320 00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:30,879 Speaker 1: So we're actually because it's like because we started this 321 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:33,719 Speaker 1: thing where we said, um, we want to get that 322 00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:36,440 Speaker 1: labeled Vicky body. We wanted to take that and go, 323 00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:39,480 Speaker 1: what is it the key body? Anyway, it's the body 324 00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:42,200 Speaker 1: that you put into a bikint That's it. So we're 325 00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:44,679 Speaker 1: all going to get together and um, take a picture 326 00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:47,639 Speaker 1: of all of us in our bikinis on the site 327 00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:50,399 Speaker 1: and challenge other women to do the same thing. I 328 00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:54,640 Speaker 1: think that's great. I can't promise that my co host 329 00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:57,120 Speaker 1: Caroline would do it with me, but I would do that. 330 00:19:57,480 --> 00:20:05,760 Speaker 1: I think that women need to see more just bodies exactly. Well, 331 00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:08,920 Speaker 1: thanks so so much to Jane Pratt and the x 332 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:11,679 Speaker 1: Ray Jane Staffords who helped set up this interview. She 333 00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:14,239 Speaker 1: was a lot of fun to talk to and I 334 00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:18,520 Speaker 1: hope a lot of fun to listen to as well. So, Caroline, 335 00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:21,720 Speaker 1: if today you had to write and it happened to 336 00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:26,680 Speaker 1: me exo Jane essay, what would it be? Well, right 337 00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:28,520 Speaker 1: off the top of my head, I'm like, I have 338 00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:32,119 Speaker 1: so many humiliating things that have happened to me and 339 00:20:32,119 --> 00:20:34,600 Speaker 1: that I have caused to happen to me in my life. 340 00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:37,119 Speaker 1: I don't know. Maybe I could write one that it 341 00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:40,600 Speaker 1: happened to me. I was jealous of my dog? What 342 00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:43,159 Speaker 1: kind of dog? And why were you jealous? It was 343 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:47,280 Speaker 1: a stray that my parents adopted when I was like five, 344 00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:51,080 Speaker 1: and I was an only child, keep in mind, and 345 00:20:51,320 --> 00:20:53,480 Speaker 1: I was always the apple of my parents eye. And 346 00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:55,960 Speaker 1: suddenly there was this cute little black dog in the house, 347 00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:58,800 Speaker 1: and well, I loved it because I loved animals. I 348 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:01,080 Speaker 1: was also insanely jealous, and so I would like push 349 00:21:01,119 --> 00:21:03,760 Speaker 1: it out of its bed to sleep in the dog bed, 350 00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:06,240 Speaker 1: and I would push it off the sofa and stuff, 351 00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:09,680 Speaker 1: and my parents finally had to give it to their contractor. Caroline, 352 00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:12,360 Speaker 1: I can sense some lingering to stay in your voice 353 00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:15,160 Speaker 1: because you haven't. You haven't even referred to the dog 354 00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:19,480 Speaker 1: by its name. What was its name? Beasley? Beasley Beasley. 355 00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:23,680 Speaker 1: Oh man, that's a good one. It's a really good one. 356 00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:27,680 Speaker 1: I mean, I'm sure I could think of some other crazy, 357 00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:32,320 Speaker 1: crazy Caroline child things. Yes, so so many I think 358 00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:35,680 Speaker 1: along those similar lines. The first thing that pops into 359 00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:38,359 Speaker 1: my head is, uh, it happened to me I was 360 00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:42,879 Speaker 1: a childhood sleepwalker. Oh yeah, that was a weird phase. 361 00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:48,840 Speaker 1: She's just bits and pieces of memories. So anyway, thanks 362 00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:52,320 Speaker 1: again so much to Jane Pratt for taking the time 363 00:21:52,359 --> 00:21:55,719 Speaker 1: to talk with us, and I hope that there is 364 00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:59,159 Speaker 1: some form of Sassy that launches. And hey, Jane, if 365 00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:00,760 Speaker 1: you're listening, I'm just gonna to put this out there. 366 00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:06,600 Speaker 1: If you're looking for some cracker Jack women, writers, reporters, editors, whatever, 367 00:22:07,119 --> 00:22:12,120 Speaker 1: we know some people us. Yeah, yes, yeah, it's us. 368 00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:15,440 Speaker 1: So with that. If there are any EXO Jane Sassy, 369 00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:19,040 Speaker 1: Jane Pratt, etcetera. Fans out there who want to write in, 370 00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:22,479 Speaker 1: let us know. Mom Stuff at how stuff works dot 371 00:22:22,520 --> 00:22:24,879 Speaker 1: com is our email address. You can also tweet us 372 00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:28,840 Speaker 1: at mom Stuff podcast or send us a message on Facebook, 373 00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:31,719 Speaker 1: and we have a couple of messages to share with 374 00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:39,679 Speaker 1: you right now. Well, I have a Facebook message from 375 00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:42,439 Speaker 1: a little while back from Carrie who writes, thank you, 376 00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:45,399 Speaker 1: thank you, thank you in all caps for addressing the 377 00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:49,600 Speaker 1: issue of body shaming, particularly thin shaming. I completely agree 378 00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:51,160 Speaker 1: with you, and he said that this isn't an issue 379 00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:53,399 Speaker 1: that has been a topic of conversation until recently, but 380 00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:56,320 Speaker 1: it's something I've struggled with my entire life. I'm twenty 381 00:22:56,400 --> 00:23:00,040 Speaker 1: six years old, five one and pounds. Growing up, my 382 00:23:00,119 --> 00:23:02,360 Speaker 1: mom always encouraged me to feel good about my petite 383 00:23:02,359 --> 00:23:05,040 Speaker 1: figure and embrace it, even when all the girls around 384 00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:07,960 Speaker 1: me were getting the curves I wanted. I've dealt with 385 00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:10,720 Speaker 1: the long standing internal struggle of feeling good about my body, 386 00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:13,879 Speaker 1: but also torn between being envious of curve your women 387 00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:16,720 Speaker 1: and guilty when my friends complain about their weight and 388 00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:19,719 Speaker 1: make me feel bad for being naturally skinny. They can 389 00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:22,359 Speaker 1: complain about being bigger, but God forbid I say anything 390 00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:25,120 Speaker 1: negative about being small. This all came to a head 391 00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:26,720 Speaker 1: for me about four years ago when I went to 392 00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:29,600 Speaker 1: see my doctor for a physical exam. She came straight 393 00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:32,119 Speaker 1: out and asked me if I was interrexic. When I 394 00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:33,840 Speaker 1: told her that I wasn't and that I eat well, 395 00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:36,320 Speaker 1: but I've always been small, she pressed the issue by 396 00:23:36,359 --> 00:23:38,520 Speaker 1: asking me if I have a problem with food and 397 00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:41,920 Speaker 1: suggested that I quote try eating. I haven't been back 398 00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:45,520 Speaker 1: to a doctor since real women have curves. How about 399 00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:50,320 Speaker 1: real women are just women? Well, thanks, Carrie. Well. I 400 00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:54,080 Speaker 1: have a message here from Merrily responding to a video 401 00:23:54,119 --> 00:23:58,199 Speaker 1: that Kristen did about saying no to sex, and she 402 00:23:58,320 --> 00:24:00,760 Speaker 1: says thank you for posting this. It took me a 403 00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:03,320 Speaker 1: long time to realize that I could say no. I 404 00:24:03,359 --> 00:24:04,879 Speaker 1: grew up in a house where it was easier to 405 00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:07,560 Speaker 1: ignore topics like sex than to actually talk about it. 406 00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:11,119 Speaker 1: That attitude, mixed with having been molested, truly warped my 407 00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:14,000 Speaker 1: views on sex. It was just something that men wanted 408 00:24:14,040 --> 00:24:16,919 Speaker 1: for me and enjoyed, but none too often I felt obligated. 409 00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:19,800 Speaker 1: It wasn't until I was in college the idea was 410 00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:22,120 Speaker 1: even mentioned to me. I was closing up the cal 411 00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:24,879 Speaker 1: Zone shop I worked for with a girlfriend, saying that 412 00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:27,280 Speaker 1: I could just walk to my dorm. I didn't want 413 00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:29,280 Speaker 1: to call my then boyfriend because I knew he would 414 00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:30,919 Speaker 1: just want to have sex and it would be unfair 415 00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:33,480 Speaker 1: to say no. My friend lost it, saying that I 416 00:24:33,520 --> 00:24:36,120 Speaker 1: could always say no if I didn't want to. Such 417 00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:40,080 Speaker 1: a simple concept I had never actually even faced before Today, 418 00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:42,480 Speaker 1: I have a much healthier grasp on my life, both 419 00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:45,760 Speaker 1: sexually and mentally, not just because of my friend's rant, 420 00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:49,120 Speaker 1: but also from meeting my now significant other slash father 421 00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:51,520 Speaker 1: of my child. He truly showed me what it means 422 00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:54,240 Speaker 1: to respect myself and be the confident, mature and happy 423 00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:58,120 Speaker 1: woman I am today. So I'm glad you're doing well, Merrily, 424 00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:00,960 Speaker 1: and thanks for writing in, and thanks to everybody who's 425 00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:03,720 Speaker 1: written into us Mom stuff at how stuff works dot 426 00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:06,719 Speaker 1: com is our email address and for links to all 427 00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:09,800 Speaker 1: of our social media outlets, including every single one of 428 00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:13,919 Speaker 1: our blog post, videos, and podcast there's one place to go, 429 00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:20,680 Speaker 1: and it's stuff Mom Never Told You dot com. For 430 00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:23,159 Speaker 1: more on this and thousands of other topics, is it 431 00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:32,400 Speaker 1: how stuff works dot com