1
00:00:01,400 --> 00:00:04,240
Speaker 1: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.

2
00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:06,920
Speaker 2: I think the thing that we want to think about

3
00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:14,120
Speaker 2: is just because we are able to do something doesn't

4
00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:20,439
Speaker 2: mean that we need to do that thing. Just because

5
00:00:20,440 --> 00:00:27,440
Speaker 2: we have capacity doesn't mean that that person or people

6
00:00:27,840 --> 00:00:34,960
Speaker 2: deserve access to you. Hey, lady, have you ever felt

7
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:39,840
Speaker 2: like the world just doesn't get you? Well, we do.

8
00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:44,640
Speaker 1: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, the podcast dedicated to uplifting

9
00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:46,320
Speaker 1: and empowering women like you.

10
00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:52,440
Speaker 2: We're your hosts, Doctor Dominique Brussard and educator and psychologists, and.

11
00:00:52,479 --> 00:00:55,440
Speaker 1: Terry Lomax, a techie and transformational speaker.

12
00:00:56,400 --> 00:01:00,880
Speaker 2: Join us every week for authentic conversations about everything from

13
00:01:00,920 --> 00:01:05,639
Speaker 2: fibroids to fake friends as we create space for black

14
00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:06,800
Speaker 2: women to just.

15
00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:10,880
Speaker 1: B Before we dive in, make sure you hit that

16
00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:13,319
Speaker 1: follow button and leave us a quick five star review.

17
00:01:13,720 --> 00:01:14,039
Speaker 2: Lady.

18
00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:17,160
Speaker 1: We are black founded and black owned, and your support

19
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:19,280
Speaker 1: will help us reach even more women like you.

20
00:01:20,319 --> 00:01:24,959
Speaker 2: Now, let's get into this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.

21
00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:30,360
Speaker 2: It's doctor dom here from the Cultivating her Space podcast.

22
00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:33,800
Speaker 2: Are you currently a resident of the state of California

23
00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:39,560
Speaker 2: and contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well, if so, please

24
00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:43,480
Speaker 2: reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brusard dot com.

25
00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:48,760
Speaker 2: That's d R D O M I N I q

26
00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:54,480
Speaker 2: U E b R O U ss ar D dot

27
00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:59,440
Speaker 2: com to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation. I look

28
00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:04,840
Speaker 2: forward to hear hear from you our quote of the day.

29
00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:09,320
Speaker 2: Just because you have the capacity doesn't mean it deserves

30
00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:12,880
Speaker 2: your energy. All right, lady, I'm gonna say that one

31
00:02:12,919 --> 00:02:18,919
Speaker 2: more time to make sure you caught this. Just because

32
00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:25,840
Speaker 2: you have the capacity doesn't mean it deserves your energy,

33
00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:28,320
Speaker 2: all right, t I mean, I have some thoughts that

34
00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:30,639
Speaker 2: immediately came up for me, But what about for you?

35
00:02:30,639 --> 00:02:32,680
Speaker 1: You sure you want to share yours first?

36
00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:33,120
Speaker 2: No?

37
00:02:33,160 --> 00:02:35,560
Speaker 1: You go ahead, you go okay. When I hear this quote, girl,

38
00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:37,800
Speaker 1: I feel like this is a truth that I needed

39
00:02:37,840 --> 00:02:39,440
Speaker 1: to hear when I was younger, because I used to

40
00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:42,280
Speaker 1: think that because I have free time, it meant that

41
00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:44,000
Speaker 1: I had to fill it up and do stuff. And

42
00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:46,800
Speaker 1: so now I'm looking at my free time and rest

43
00:02:46,919 --> 00:02:50,920
Speaker 1: differently and realizing that because just because I can do

44
00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:52,480
Speaker 1: it doesn't mean it has to be yes, Like, it's

45
00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:54,840
Speaker 1: okay to just chill and do nothing. And so when

46
00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:56,760
Speaker 1: I hear this quote, that's what comes up for me.

47
00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:59,600
Speaker 1: I love this quote, by the way, it's amazing. What

48
00:02:59,600 --> 00:02:59,960
Speaker 1: about you?

49
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:04,000
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, it's similar, right that, Like, I think the

50
00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:06,600
Speaker 2: thing that's coming up for me is really centered around

51
00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:10,720
Speaker 2: that rest and productivity piece of like, just because I

52
00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:14,920
Speaker 2: have the time, and just because I have the energy

53
00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:19,080
Speaker 2: and capacity doesn't mean that I need to be doing

54
00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:24,040
Speaker 2: this particular thing, right, like I think about Like, for instance,

55
00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:29,040
Speaker 2: this past weekend, there was nothing on my schedule for

56
00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:35,040
Speaker 2: the weekend, right, and so I found myself in a

57
00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:39,160
Speaker 2: space of, oh, well, let's look at the to do

58
00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:40,800
Speaker 2: list and look at the things that you could be

59
00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:45,080
Speaker 2: doing with your time right now. And then I thought

60
00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:49,560
Speaker 2: about it, and I was like, m these things feel

61
00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:55,120
Speaker 2: work related. And so even though I have the capacity

62
00:03:55,240 --> 00:04:01,400
Speaker 2: and like the time, because capacity is not just about time, right, Like,

63
00:04:01,480 --> 00:04:04,240
Speaker 2: so I had both. I had capacity, I had time,

64
00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:08,480
Speaker 2: It didn't mean that I needed to be doing work

65
00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:14,080
Speaker 2: related things. I rusted And that felt amazing.

66
00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:17,600
Speaker 1: Yes, I know that's right. I love that so much.

67
00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:20,480
Speaker 1: And I love the way happing this conversation because oftentimes

68
00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:23,039
Speaker 1: at the start of every year, right, we talk about goals, right,

69
00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:26,520
Speaker 1: everyone's like new year, knew me. We talk about intentions

70
00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:29,320
Speaker 1: and plans, and we don't always talk about capacity, and

71
00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:31,839
Speaker 1: that is so important, like what is my actual capacity

72
00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:34,360
Speaker 1: based on this season of life, what I got going on,

73
00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:37,160
Speaker 1: what's already on my plate right when I'm prioritizing all

74
00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:39,880
Speaker 1: that stuff? And so we don't often pause to ask ourselves,

75
00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:43,000
Speaker 1: where did my time and energy actually go last year?

76
00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:45,880
Speaker 1: And did that match the life I say I want now?

77
00:04:47,279 --> 00:04:48,520
Speaker 1: I feel like I didn't to say that again for

78
00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:51,200
Speaker 1: the people in the back. Yeah, let's do that. Let's

79
00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:54,479
Speaker 1: do that one more time. We don't always pause to

80
00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:57,560
Speaker 1: ask ourselves, where did my time and energy actually go

81
00:04:57,680 --> 00:05:00,840
Speaker 1: last year? And did that match the life I say

82
00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:03,560
Speaker 1: I want now? For lady, this episode is about how

83
00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:07,760
Speaker 1: to decide intentionally where your time and energy go this year,

84
00:05:07,839 --> 00:05:12,800
Speaker 1: without guilt, without pressure or unrealistic expectations.

85
00:05:13,279 --> 00:05:19,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think it's important to acknowledge that we're

86
00:05:19,279 --> 00:05:25,160
Speaker 2: having this conversation because we know that our time and

87
00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:31,680
Speaker 2: energy are not unlimited there it's finite. And for black

88
00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:43,080
Speaker 2: women especially, we are often over requested, underprotected, and rarely replenished.

89
00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:51,960
Speaker 2: So so many of us are constantly pouring from empty cups.

90
00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:55,000
Speaker 2: And I can't even say we're pouring from an empty cup,

91
00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:57,800
Speaker 2: because if it's empty, there's nothing there to pour. We

92
00:05:57,920 --> 00:06:04,719
Speaker 2: are scraping the bottom for the last little drip drops,

93
00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:11,279
Speaker 2: hoping that that will be enough. What ends up happening

94
00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:15,880
Speaker 2: when we step back and we really look at why

95
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:20,080
Speaker 2: we're making the decisions that we're making, what we find

96
00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:25,920
Speaker 2: is we may be saying yes out of habit. So

97
00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:29,920
Speaker 2: similar to when someone asks you how you're doing, and

98
00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:31,000
Speaker 2: you're like, oh.

99
00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:36,560
Speaker 1: I'm good, I'm fine, knowing damn well.

100
00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:42,120
Speaker 2: Right, we find that we give because we're capable. I

101
00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:46,200
Speaker 2: can think of many times being in certain settings and

102
00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:51,719
Speaker 2: I'm looking at the hot mess that's happening around me,

103
00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:54,920
Speaker 2: and I don't have the capacity, but I step in

104
00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:57,120
Speaker 2: and do it because I know that I am capable

105
00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:05,160
Speaker 2: of clearing up this hot mess, right, yeap. Or we're

106
00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:11,920
Speaker 2: showing up because we always have, that's just what we do. Right.

107
00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:16,480
Speaker 2: You go to this yearly function because that's what you've

108
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:20,040
Speaker 2: always done. Is that what you really want to do

109
00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:22,840
Speaker 2: in this season of your life? Or are you doing

110
00:07:22,880 --> 00:07:28,760
Speaker 2: it out of obligation? Right? And So I think the

111
00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:33,440
Speaker 2: thing that we want to think about is just because

112
00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:39,280
Speaker 2: we are able to do something doesn't mean that we

113
00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:45,360
Speaker 2: need to do that thing. Just because we have capacity

114
00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:53,760
Speaker 2: doesn't mean that that person or people deserve access to you.

115
00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:56,560
Speaker 1: I love that, DOMMI. You know what I thought about

116
00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:58,200
Speaker 1: as you were saying that, I'm thinking about. I was

117
00:07:58,240 --> 00:08:00,800
Speaker 1: going to shopping with my daughter recently, and you know,

118
00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:02,560
Speaker 1: I saw so many different items in the store and

119
00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:04,240
Speaker 1: it makes me think about you know, if you go

120
00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:08,560
Speaker 1: into the mall and you see a cute dress or

121
00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:10,800
Speaker 1: a dress there that's your size, just because it's your

122
00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:12,080
Speaker 1: side does not mean you have to put that in

123
00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:15,240
Speaker 1: your cart, Like you may not have the space at

124
00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:17,560
Speaker 1: home for that dress. It may not go within your

125
00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:19,960
Speaker 1: wardrobe or your shoes. So it's like, Okay, it's there,

126
00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:21,720
Speaker 1: that's cool. We can observe that, but it doesn't mean

127
00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:24,880
Speaker 1: we need to engage. So I love that analogy. And Girl,

128
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:27,800
Speaker 1: you had me at rarely rejuvenated. I was like, Lord,

129
00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:30,559
Speaker 1: ain't that the truth? People will suck you dry, pull

130
00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:33,120
Speaker 1: you in all different ways, and it's like, well, Dan,

131
00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:35,920
Speaker 1: who's here to make sure I'm good and rejuvenate me

132
00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:39,480
Speaker 1: and give me some energy back? Right? So, lady, we know,

133
00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:42,200
Speaker 1: if you're listening to this, this episode is probably for you,

134
00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:45,520
Speaker 1: But if you specifically said the last year was busy

135
00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:48,199
Speaker 1: and not fulfilling. You are in the right place if

136
00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:50,920
Speaker 1: you said, you know what, I'm tired of being stretched in.

137
00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:53,000
Speaker 1: I'm tired of filling everyone else's cup and I have

138
00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:56,160
Speaker 1: my cup field. Listen, stay tuned, and if you want

139
00:08:56,240 --> 00:08:59,400
Speaker 1: to be more intentional and not just productive, this episode

140
00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:03,040
Speaker 1: is for you. Now, before we dive into part one,

141
00:09:03,240 --> 00:09:05,240
Speaker 1: we do want a reference. We had an episode that

142
00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:08,400
Speaker 1: we released at the end of last year called how

143
00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:11,920
Speaker 1: to Close this Year with intention releasing, reflecting, resting, and

144
00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:14,679
Speaker 1: preparing for what's next. You may want to go listen

145
00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:16,600
Speaker 1: to that episode sort of as a part one and

146
00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:18,520
Speaker 1: then tap into this episode as a part two of

147
00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:19,720
Speaker 1: that conversation.

148
00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:24,040
Speaker 2: Yes, and once you've done that and you come back

149
00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:28,440
Speaker 2: here and you fast forward to this point, Let's be

150
00:09:28,559 --> 00:09:34,199
Speaker 2: clear that this episode is not an opportunity for you

151
00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:41,760
Speaker 2: to beat yourself up. This is not something for judgment

152
00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:47,199
Speaker 2: or causing guilt or shame. We want to release all

153
00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:50,079
Speaker 2: of those potential thoughts and feelings that may come up.

154
00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:55,600
Speaker 2: What we want to think about is we moved through

155
00:09:55,640 --> 00:10:00,120
Speaker 2: this episode. Is that particularly this next section is that

156
00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:04,920
Speaker 2: this is about collecting data. So let's let's let go

157
00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:11,679
Speaker 2: of any feelings that may be attached to what you

158
00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:16,000
Speaker 2: did last year and why you did it. Let's simply

159
00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:21,679
Speaker 2: look at the data. So ask yourselves these questions and so,

160
00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:25,240
Speaker 2: and what we want you to do is pull out

161
00:10:25,280 --> 00:10:29,800
Speaker 2: your cultivating Herspace journal. If you don't have it, make

162
00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:35,480
Speaker 2: sure you go to herspacepodcast dot com and get a copy.

163
00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:39,280
Speaker 2: Get multiple copies of the journal so that you can

164
00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:45,560
Speaker 2: have journals for different things. And so let's start by

165
00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:50,840
Speaker 2: asking where did most of my time go last year?

166
00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:57,720
Speaker 2: So pull out your calendars and look at where did

167
00:10:57,800 --> 00:11:04,439
Speaker 2: most of your time go? Then ask yourself what drained

168
00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:05,720
Speaker 2: you the most?

169
00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:08,280
Speaker 1: What or who drained me the most?

170
00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:12,120
Speaker 2: On the edda right, right, it could be a who Okay,

171
00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:18,080
Speaker 2: it could be multiple who's okay, So who or what

172
00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:26,280
Speaker 2: drained you the most? Who or what energized you the most?

173
00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:30,520
Speaker 2: So we want to look at both sides of it, right,

174
00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:37,000
Speaker 2: what did you do out of obligation? And just to

175
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:39,480
Speaker 2: be clear, the things that you do out of obligation?

176
00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:43,720
Speaker 2: Again here, as we're going through this, it's about collecting data.

177
00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:47,400
Speaker 2: We're not assigning judgment to any of these things. But

178
00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:52,080
Speaker 2: what did you do out of obligation? And then what

179
00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:56,360
Speaker 2: did you do out of desire? So I'm going to

180
00:11:56,400 --> 00:12:00,600
Speaker 2: read those questions one more time. Where did most of

181
00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:05,280
Speaker 2: your time go last year? Who or what drained you

182
00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:11,760
Speaker 2: the most, Who or what energized you the most? What

183
00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:16,840
Speaker 2: did you do out of obligation? And what did you

184
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:18,480
Speaker 2: do out of desire?

185
00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:22,040
Speaker 1: I love it, and I think the most powerful thing

186
00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:24,239
Speaker 1: about this time is that I love that you emphasize

187
00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:26,000
Speaker 1: the fact that this is not coming from a place

188
00:12:26,559 --> 00:12:30,160
Speaker 1: of guilt, judgment, or any of that. You know, sometimes

189
00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:32,200
Speaker 1: I know in my past, I feel like I would

190
00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:34,520
Speaker 1: look for opportunities for me to just guilt myself all

191
00:12:34,559 --> 00:12:36,200
Speaker 1: I should have did this, I could have don that. No,

192
00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:38,040
Speaker 1: we're talking about the you know, what happened from an

193
00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:41,000
Speaker 1: objective perspective and where we're going in the future. And

194
00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:44,560
Speaker 1: you can't decide differently without first noticing honestly where you

195
00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:47,080
Speaker 1: are right. So that's all we're doing is taking an assessment.

196
00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:48,600
Speaker 1: So now we're going to move on. This is my

197
00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:49,160
Speaker 1: favorite part.

198
00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:51,120
Speaker 2: You have some wait, wait, wait, before we get to

199
00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:53,120
Speaker 2: your favorite part. I want people to make sure that

200
00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:57,880
Speaker 2: they're really they're really honed in on answering these questions

201
00:12:58,200 --> 00:13:02,080
Speaker 2: fully and honestly. Right. So the thing that I think

202
00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:06,400
Speaker 2: about in being able to answer the questions fully and

203
00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:12,560
Speaker 2: honestly is really breaking it all the way down, right,

204
00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:22,760
Speaker 2: So looking at how many minutes did you spend doing

205
00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:31,319
Speaker 2: various activities? Right, So look at your calendar. How many days,

206
00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:36,560
Speaker 2: how many hours, how many minutes did you spend that work?

207
00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:44,920
Speaker 2: How much time did you spend with friends? How much

208
00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:48,839
Speaker 2: time did you spend with family? And family might mean

209
00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:53,040
Speaker 2: the immediate people in your household, and then a separate

210
00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:57,120
Speaker 2: column for the family that isn't in your household. How

211
00:13:57,160 --> 00:14:03,120
Speaker 2: much time did you spend doing whatever your hobbies might be.

212
00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:08,160
Speaker 2: How much time did you spend going to church or

213
00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:12,760
Speaker 2: engaging in some spiritual practice. So really breaking down the

214
00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:20,520
Speaker 2: various categories and down to how many minutes so that

215
00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:26,440
Speaker 2: you truly get a realistic picture of how much time

216
00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:30,000
Speaker 2: you were spending doing various activities.

217
00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:33,440
Speaker 1: I love that you brought that up down because when

218
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:36,400
Speaker 1: you think about that, you're thinking about again, like the

219
00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:38,960
Speaker 1: family aspect, but also the goals.

220
00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:39,200
Speaker 2: Right.

221
00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:42,040
Speaker 1: If you're saying that you have certain goals, but then

222
00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:44,080
Speaker 1: you're looking at your calendar and you're doing this life

223
00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:46,800
Speaker 1: audit or this time audit and you're like, oh, well,

224
00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:48,480
Speaker 1: I said I want to go my business, but I

225
00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:50,880
Speaker 1: said zero minutes. And again it's not coming from a

226
00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:53,600
Speaker 1: place of judgment. It's just the data. If I say

227
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:55,320
Speaker 1: that I want to grow my business, but I have

228
00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:58,720
Speaker 1: zero minutes in promotion or marketing or investing in the business,

229
00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:01,200
Speaker 1: now we can see, oh, okay, this is an opportunity.

230
00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:03,920
Speaker 1: This maybe this is something I want to put on

231
00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:06,000
Speaker 1: my to do listen and meaningful way and be intentional

232
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:08,080
Speaker 1: about how I spend my time around this. Because if

233
00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:11,240
Speaker 1: I'm saying I want one thing, ideally, my actions should

234
00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:12,040
Speaker 1: be aligning with that.

235
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:12,320
Speaker 2: Right.

236
00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:14,480
Speaker 1: So I love that you pointed that out right right.

237
00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:16,680
Speaker 2: And the flip side of that is that if there's

238
00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:21,960
Speaker 2: something that you are saying that you that you don't value,

239
00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:25,160
Speaker 2: why is it that you spend more time doing that

240
00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:29,960
Speaker 2: thing versus the thing that brings you joy?

241
00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:32,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, and what can we shift? Because our Lord knows,

242
00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:34,080
Speaker 1: I sat on the College Manion Times and I was

243
00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:37,040
Speaker 1: like an hour past and I've been scrolling. I don't

244
00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:39,640
Speaker 1: like that, but I'm not judging myself. It's just an observation.

245
00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:41,640
Speaker 1: So we're gonna we're gonna shift that. Okay, So now

246
00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:43,720
Speaker 1: we're gonna move on to my favorite part, which are

247
00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:47,520
Speaker 1: the things that we have to consider before saying yes.

248
00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:51,840
Speaker 1: And so number one here is realizing that capacity is

249
00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:56,880
Speaker 1: not just time, it's emotional bandwidth. Oh my goodness, this

250
00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:59,520
Speaker 1: is such a word right here, because dom I feel

251
00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:01,840
Speaker 1: like for the loan longest time in my career, in life,

252
00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:04,280
Speaker 1: when I had the free time on my calendar for me,

253
00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:06,240
Speaker 1: it was like, spend it up. Let's figure out what

254
00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:08,320
Speaker 1: can we plug in. And when I got some extra money,

255
00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:10,000
Speaker 1: even I'm like, what can we do to spend it?

256
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:11,760
Speaker 1: It's like, hold on, let's just take a look at

257
00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:13,960
Speaker 1: like what is the capacity and how does it align

258
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:15,840
Speaker 1: with the goals? And I want to give you a

259
00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:17,880
Speaker 1: quick example. So one of the things I've been thinking

260
00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:21,440
Speaker 1: about recently is how my life has changed now being

261
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:24,280
Speaker 1: divorced and being a co parent because my time with

262
00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:26,080
Speaker 1: my daughter, Like when I look at my weekends right

263
00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:28,640
Speaker 1: typically we have four to five weekends out of the month,

264
00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:31,560
Speaker 1: and there are people that I want to people that

265
00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:35,000
Speaker 1: I've met or have been in connection within the past,

266
00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:39,040
Speaker 1: friends and casual acquaintances, and I'm just viewing my time

267
00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:41,840
Speaker 1: very different being a mom because my priority is my

268
00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:44,480
Speaker 1: relationship with myself and my relationship with my daughter, and

269
00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:46,840
Speaker 1: then outside of that, I'm like, Okay, well, I still

270
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:48,720
Speaker 1: want to have time for my business and for the

271
00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:51,600
Speaker 1: podcast and for other people who are important. So I'm

272
00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:54,160
Speaker 1: like that means that my capacity in the season is

273
00:16:54,160 --> 00:16:57,000
Speaker 1: looking very different. And so there are some connections some

274
00:16:57,280 --> 00:16:59,200
Speaker 1: Oh let's go get coffee, let's go to dinner, let's

275
00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:02,280
Speaker 1: have a meeting. I'm like, I like you and everything,

276
00:17:02,280 --> 00:17:04,359
Speaker 1: but I don't really think I have the capacity to

277
00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:06,680
Speaker 1: do that in the season because that's taking time away

278
00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:09,520
Speaker 1: from my time with myself or the time to do

279
00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:11,000
Speaker 1: things that I like and want to do. And so

280
00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:14,200
Speaker 1: it's not personal. It's just an honest reflection of do

281
00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:17,320
Speaker 1: I have the again capacity but also the emotional bandwidth

282
00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:20,200
Speaker 1: to maintain certain connections in this season.

283
00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:23,120
Speaker 2: It's a real thing, yes, And I think the thing

284
00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:25,400
Speaker 2: that we also want to be mindful of in these

285
00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:30,000
Speaker 2: moments is how we're looking at not only our time,

286
00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:33,080
Speaker 2: but our expectations of other people too. Right, So, like,

287
00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:37,240
Speaker 2: as you're doing your own inventory, hopefully this allows you

288
00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:40,240
Speaker 2: to kind of shift how you view other people. Because

289
00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:43,520
Speaker 2: as you were saying that, te what was coming up

290
00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:47,680
Speaker 2: for me is thinking about my life as a single woman. Yeah,

291
00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:53,119
Speaker 2: and how people may make assumptions about my time capacity

292
00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:58,000
Speaker 2: and availability because I don't have a partner in children

293
00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:01,800
Speaker 2: in my household, right, so they're for a lot of

294
00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:05,000
Speaker 2: and I know this from a lot of single girlfriends,

295
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:09,120
Speaker 2: that the expectation or the assumption is that, oh, well

296
00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:11,720
Speaker 2: you have you have lots of free time to do

297
00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:16,480
Speaker 2: ABC and D, you can take on all this extra stuff.

298
00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:23,760
Speaker 2: And it's like, no, just because I don't have children

299
00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:27,680
Speaker 2: whose social calendars I'm needing to manage or a partner

300
00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:34,120
Speaker 2: who I'm spending time with, does not mean that I'm

301
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:39,560
Speaker 2: sitting around waiting to take on other people's stuff.

302
00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:43,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think also the other part there is

303
00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:46,080
Speaker 1: realizing that just because like if you wanted to just

304
00:18:46,119 --> 00:18:49,720
Speaker 1: sit around and not do anything, that means that you're

305
00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:51,400
Speaker 1: not available to do the other things. Like I think

306
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:53,880
Speaker 1: sometimes exactly right, Like I've heard I think I saw

307
00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:55,800
Speaker 1: something on social media where they were like just I

308
00:18:55,840 --> 00:18:57,680
Speaker 1: forget what the actual quote was, but it was basically

309
00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:00,400
Speaker 1: leading back to that, like, yeah, just because I don't

310
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:01,920
Speaker 1: want to go out or thinking I'm busy, Yeah, I

311
00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:07,040
Speaker 1: could be busy doing nothing, right, and that's okay.

312
00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:10,120
Speaker 2: Exactly exactly, So just being mindful of how you're looking

313
00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:13,879
Speaker 2: at your time that other people are doing inventories of

314
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:17,520
Speaker 2: their time as well, and their time is their time, yeap.

315
00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:22,080
Speaker 2: So then that takes us to the second point that

316
00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:29,040
Speaker 2: our bodies know first. Right, So when we're being asked

317
00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:33,840
Speaker 2: to do something, take a moment, or you're and you

318
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:36,600
Speaker 2: might not be being asked. Maybe it's you're having to

319
00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:38,840
Speaker 2: make a decision on your own, right, Like you're trying

320
00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:42,280
Speaker 2: to make a choice between opportunities that may have been

321
00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:46,280
Speaker 2: presented to you. Take a moment and take a few

322
00:19:46,359 --> 00:19:52,320
Speaker 2: breaths and pay attention to how your body responds with

323
00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:57,640
Speaker 2: the idea of this particular thing that's been presented to you. Right.

324
00:19:58,119 --> 00:20:02,240
Speaker 2: Are you feeling some tightness in your t chest? Are

325
00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:07,840
Speaker 2: you feeling immediate irritation? Are you dreading the thing before

326
00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:12,280
Speaker 2: it even happens, or do you find yourself maybe feeling

327
00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:18,240
Speaker 2: resentful afterwards? Those are signs that your body is giving

328
00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:22,000
Speaker 2: you to let you know that thing. Ain't it whatever

329
00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:23,959
Speaker 2: it is, you do not need to be giving your

330
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:27,199
Speaker 2: time and energy to it. The flip side of that,

331
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:33,760
Speaker 2: do you find yourself your heart feeling open. Do you

332
00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:41,480
Speaker 2: find yourself feeling light or excited in wanting to get

333
00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:46,160
Speaker 2: to it sooner because you want to be in it.

334
00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:51,840
Speaker 2: Do you find when the thing is ending that you're

335
00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:55,159
Speaker 2: sad that it's over because you were having such a

336
00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:57,679
Speaker 2: good time, Or do you find that you're you're so

337
00:20:57,880 --> 00:21:00,879
Speaker 2: engrossed in the moment that you lose track of time.

338
00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:07,080
Speaker 2: Those are signs that this is the thing, this is

339
00:21:07,119 --> 00:21:10,520
Speaker 2: where you need to be. Right. Do you feel at

340
00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:14,399
Speaker 2: peace but that's where you need to be?

341
00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:17,720
Speaker 1: That peace part is so real down and I think

342
00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:19,800
Speaker 1: you'll agree with this too. I think that sometimes when

343
00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:22,080
Speaker 1: our body speaks to us, it doesn't mean make a

344
00:21:22,119 --> 00:21:25,840
Speaker 1: decision right away at me, to just observe, ask yourself

345
00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:28,440
Speaker 1: a couple of questions. Because I'm thinking about situations recently

346
00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:31,080
Speaker 1: where I've been stretching myself and so it does feel

347
00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:33,359
Speaker 1: little uncomfortable. My body is kind of like, let me

348
00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:35,040
Speaker 1: go back to what I'm familiar with, what I know,

349
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:38,239
Speaker 1: or what's comfortable. So instead of just saying okay, it

350
00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:40,560
Speaker 1: feels I feel some tension, I'm not going to do it.

351
00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:42,600
Speaker 1: I'm like, wait a minute, what's coming up? Like why

352
00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:44,000
Speaker 1: do I feel this way? And so I still move

353
00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:46,600
Speaker 1: forward with that particular thing because I know it's supporting

354
00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:50,680
Speaker 1: that larger goal that I have. But on the opposite side, now,

355
00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:52,359
Speaker 1: I'll tell you the story a little later because it

356
00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:54,119
Speaker 1: may not be for I've had the share in the

357
00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:56,600
Speaker 1: after show. But basically, I was someone reached out and

358
00:21:56,680 --> 00:22:00,920
Speaker 1: wanted to grab dinner and I ended up going, and

359
00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:04,080
Speaker 1: my body was giving me a lot of signs and signals.

360
00:22:04,119 --> 00:22:07,119
Speaker 1: And because I am the most sober I've been in

361
00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:09,159
Speaker 1: a very long time, like you know, ending my addiction

362
00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:11,840
Speaker 1: with weed and then also not drinking as much, I'm

363
00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:13,960
Speaker 1: more observant and I feel like I'm more in tune

364
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:16,560
Speaker 1: with my discernment and the signals my body's giving me

365
00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:19,560
Speaker 1: so things that I would have just bypassed before. And like, oh,

366
00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:21,800
Speaker 1: that's just a personality. I'm like, well, I don't really

367
00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:23,160
Speaker 1: think that messes with me. I don't like the way

368
00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:25,240
Speaker 1: that feels, you know, as far as how they show up.

369
00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:28,080
Speaker 1: And it's not a relationship where it's worth having a conversation.

370
00:22:28,119 --> 00:22:30,280
Speaker 1: It's just like, Okay, this person, this is who they are,

371
00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:31,840
Speaker 1: and that doesn't mess with where I am right now.

372
00:22:31,920 --> 00:22:33,560
Speaker 1: Right So that's kind of what I think about when

373
00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:36,440
Speaker 1: I hear the body always knows first.

374
00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:38,959
Speaker 2: Yes, And I like what you pointed out that, like

375
00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:44,560
Speaker 2: it's important to not make an immediate judgment yeah, based

376
00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:46,840
Speaker 2: on how your body is responding. Because as you said that,

377
00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:49,919
Speaker 2: it made me think about I've been working out with

378
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:53,240
Speaker 2: a trainer, and one of the things that we're working

379
00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:55,760
Speaker 2: on is that, like I have a fear of falling,

380
00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:59,840
Speaker 2: and then as we get older, I balance and coordination

381
00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:04,520
Speaker 2: kind of falter. And so one of the things that

382
00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:07,399
Speaker 2: we've been working on is getting me comfortable with like

383
00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:10,879
Speaker 2: being a higher and so, like we were doing this

384
00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:14,720
Speaker 2: exercise and I found my balance being a little off,

385
00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:17,560
Speaker 2: and I was like worried that I was going to fall,

386
00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:22,240
Speaker 2: and I felt my heart rate increasing, And so that

387
00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:28,600
Speaker 2: was that uncomfortable feeling right now. I could have immediately

388
00:23:28,680 --> 00:23:32,159
Speaker 2: said based on that uncomfortable, that initial uncomfortable feeling, the

389
00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:35,760
Speaker 2: way my body was responding, I could have said, all right,

390
00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:39,000
Speaker 2: we done, let's move on to the next exercise. Yes,

391
00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:43,280
Speaker 2: But I stayed with it because I was aware of

392
00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:46,400
Speaker 2: one what my goal was, right that my goal in

393
00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:49,199
Speaker 2: that moment is to get better with my balance and

394
00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:52,479
Speaker 2: coordination so that I feel more confident in my body

395
00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:56,560
Speaker 2: around that, and then two that I was in a

396
00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:59,680
Speaker 2: safe space, like I was in a space where there

397
00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:03,199
Speaker 2: was nothing that would lead me to feel like I

398
00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:06,639
Speaker 2: was at risk or I was in danger. And so

399
00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:13,600
Speaker 2: in those moments, you take a few deep bruks, remind

400
00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:17,080
Speaker 2: yourself what your goal are, what your goals are, and

401
00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:21,440
Speaker 2: you you stick with it, and I stuck with it.

402
00:24:22,520 --> 00:24:27,920
Speaker 2: We're getting better. We'll you know eventually, Yeah, we'll talk

403
00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:29,920
Speaker 2: about the fear of falling on a whole other episode,

404
00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:35,120
Speaker 2: but like, yes, but in that moment, I stuck with

405
00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:36,760
Speaker 2: that particular exercise.

406
00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:40,119
Speaker 1: I'm so proud of you now because you told me

407
00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:41,879
Speaker 1: more about that, and you know, behind the scenes. I

408
00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:43,720
Speaker 1: think we talked about it a little bit on the podcast,

409
00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:45,639
Speaker 1: but I appreciate I appreciate you sharing that because I

410
00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:48,040
Speaker 1: know how you feel about that. So you go ahead, girl,

411
00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:52,320
Speaker 1: All right, let's go to number three. So number three

412
00:24:52,359 --> 00:24:57,200
Speaker 1: here is familiar, doesn't mean aligned. Oh this is so good.

413
00:24:57,440 --> 00:25:00,119
Speaker 1: So when it comes to this particular I guess we

414
00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:02,919
Speaker 1: can call this what what are we calling it?

415
00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:03,480
Speaker 2: DOM?

416
00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:09,440
Speaker 1: The consideration consideration? There we go this consideration. What comes

417
00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:11,000
Speaker 1: up from me when I hear this one DOM is

418
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:14,480
Speaker 1: the fact that sometimes it is easy to go back

419
00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:17,040
Speaker 1: to what we know, right, And I think about myself.

420
00:25:17,760 --> 00:25:19,000
Speaker 1: There are a couple of things that come to mind

421
00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:21,600
Speaker 1: for me. So one is relationships. I think about a

422
00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:26,919
Speaker 1: season in life where I was seeking connections, seeking intimacy,

423
00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:31,639
Speaker 1: and it felt easy to go back to situations that

424
00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:35,920
Speaker 1: I knew. And specifically, it was like right after my separation,

425
00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:37,600
Speaker 1: there was a particular person that I was seeing, a

426
00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:39,520
Speaker 1: guy I was seeing, and because I'm like, he already

427
00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:42,440
Speaker 1: knows my body, like we already connected, we already did

428
00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:44,280
Speaker 1: the things, I don't have to go find someone new

429
00:25:44,359 --> 00:25:48,320
Speaker 1: and build the whole, you know, start establishing a rapport

430
00:25:48,359 --> 00:25:50,240
Speaker 1: and learn the person. Like it's just easy, even though

431
00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:53,359
Speaker 1: he has some toxic gas traits and I did not

432
00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:57,160
Speaker 1: feel good after each meeting. But because I was familiar

433
00:25:57,240 --> 00:25:59,879
Speaker 1: with the cycle that we had, the pattern, that we

434
00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:02,480
Speaker 1: had begun to, that we had begun to build, that

435
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:05,000
Speaker 1: we had begun to build. Okay, I'm going back to

436
00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:09,760
Speaker 1: that toxic period. I can't even talk because may have

437
00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:12,439
Speaker 1: had some flashbacks. But because I was so familiar with that,

438
00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:14,920
Speaker 1: it was easy to go back. But it was not aligned.

439
00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:16,760
Speaker 1: And at the same time, don it makes me think

440
00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:20,520
Speaker 1: about another area. So we used to go live a lot, well,

441
00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:22,719
Speaker 1: we used to go live significantly more than now right

442
00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:26,280
Speaker 1: on social media, and so I was also going live

443
00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:29,000
Speaker 1: on my page back in the day, right, And so

444
00:26:29,119 --> 00:26:31,719
Speaker 1: now I'm getting back into it, and it does not

445
00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:35,560
Speaker 1: feel very comfortable, and I'm just like I keep telling myself, like, girl, like,

446
00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:37,280
Speaker 1: this is what you do, Like you've been doing this,

447
00:26:37,359 --> 00:26:39,199
Speaker 1: you have so much experience with it. But I'm a

448
00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:42,600
Speaker 1: new person. It's a new season in life, and it's

449
00:26:42,720 --> 00:26:45,679
Speaker 1: easier sometimes for me to just say, well, I'll just

450
00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:47,840
Speaker 1: do this other thing. I'll just do a pre recorder,

451
00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:51,480
Speaker 1: or I'll just do you know, go share content in

452
00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:54,920
Speaker 1: this scenario because this is what I'm used to. It's comfortable.

453
00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:57,840
Speaker 1: But I've been stretching myself and making commitment to go

454
00:26:58,000 --> 00:27:00,280
Speaker 1: live and just to be in that setting and the

455
00:27:00,359 --> 00:27:04,040
Speaker 1: fear and do it, you know, uncomfortably, right, And so

456
00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:06,119
Speaker 1: I think that's what comes up to me. That's what

457
00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:09,119
Speaker 1: comes up for me, is I think about this particular consideration.

458
00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:11,919
Speaker 2: What about you for you don Yeah, I like that

459
00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:14,959
Speaker 2: you share that example because I think it's a reminder

460
00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:19,560
Speaker 2: for us that, yeah, that like just because it's something

461
00:27:19,640 --> 00:27:24,879
Speaker 2: that we've done before, doesn't mean that it's something that

462
00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:31,720
Speaker 2: we need to continue doing. And that's okay. Right. I

463
00:27:31,720 --> 00:27:35,080
Speaker 2: think that's the piece that like that I want folks

464
00:27:35,119 --> 00:27:41,000
Speaker 2: to hear is that that is okay that you have

465
00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:45,639
Speaker 2: maybe have moved on from something that felt familiar in

466
00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:48,440
Speaker 2: the past, or something that you were even great at

467
00:27:49,040 --> 00:27:54,919
Speaker 2: in the past, okay, And to also extend that grace

468
00:27:55,640 --> 00:28:00,960
Speaker 2: to other people in your life who are from things

469
00:28:00,960 --> 00:28:05,159
Speaker 2: that have been familiar. Right, So, when you think about

470
00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:08,520
Speaker 2: how you like, there are things that have felt familiar

471
00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:11,960
Speaker 2: to you that aren't aligned with you anymore, and you're

472
00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:17,000
Speaker 2: choosing to stop, give other people that same consideration. When

473
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:21,159
Speaker 2: they're saying, you know, even though I was the person

474
00:28:21,359 --> 00:28:23,920
Speaker 2: in the family who always did A B and C,

475
00:28:25,400 --> 00:28:28,280
Speaker 2: AB and C, don't feel aligned with me anymore, so

476
00:28:28,920 --> 00:28:33,320
Speaker 2: somebody else can take it on. Don't try to guilt

477
00:28:33,359 --> 00:28:37,400
Speaker 2: trip that person into taking it into continuing to do

478
00:28:37,480 --> 00:28:39,880
Speaker 2: it just because we know that's what they've always done,

479
00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:44,040
Speaker 2: or because we know that they're good at it. Honor

480
00:28:44,160 --> 00:28:47,320
Speaker 2: what they're saying. If they are saying that this is

481
00:28:47,400 --> 00:28:49,440
Speaker 2: no longer aligned with them and they don't want to

482
00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:52,520
Speaker 2: do it, let's figure it let's problem solve, Let's figure

483
00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:54,480
Speaker 2: out who else in the family can take it on,

484
00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:58,959
Speaker 2: because you would want them, You would want your family

485
00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:01,760
Speaker 2: to respond to you in that same way.

486
00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:05,440
Speaker 1: That is so good. I love that so much. And

487
00:29:05,600 --> 00:29:07,560
Speaker 1: also what I would add on to that is like,

488
00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:10,480
Speaker 1: don't gilt them even when what they were doing was

489
00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:13,040
Speaker 1: making you comfortable or it was benefiting you. So I

490
00:29:13,080 --> 00:29:15,440
Speaker 1: love that you there's like kind of giving us that

491
00:29:15,480 --> 00:29:17,880
Speaker 1: perspective of like we're having our own journey, but other

492
00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:20,719
Speaker 1: people are on their journeys as well, and not you know,

493
00:29:20,840 --> 00:29:23,600
Speaker 1: realizing that what we all change. We're all hopefully we're

494
00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:25,680
Speaker 1: all evolving, but we all change, right, And so I

495
00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:27,120
Speaker 1: love that you. I love that you share.

496
00:29:26,960 --> 00:29:31,040
Speaker 2: That, And I think this this blends perfectly into our

497
00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:37,760
Speaker 2: next consideration is optimizing for different things in different seasons.

498
00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:46,000
Speaker 2: Right that, consider where you are now and what works

499
00:29:46,040 --> 00:29:51,200
Speaker 2: for you in this moment, and then when you move

500
00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:57,880
Speaker 2: into a different season, re evaluate that. We feel more

501
00:29:58,040 --> 00:30:03,040
Speaker 2: at ease, more at peace, more in alignment when we

502
00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:08,680
Speaker 2: honor the season that we are in. So maybe you

503
00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:14,440
Speaker 2: are coming off of a very stressful season and you're

504
00:30:14,520 --> 00:30:17,040
Speaker 2: moving into a season where you need healing and you

505
00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:20,800
Speaker 2: need peace. So the things that you were doing for

506
00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:25,000
Speaker 2: survival are not necessarily the things that are going to

507
00:30:25,160 --> 00:30:30,240
Speaker 2: help you heal and find peace, and so you've got

508
00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:37,480
Speaker 2: to let those other things go and prioritize the things

509
00:30:37,520 --> 00:30:41,080
Speaker 2: that are going to bring you healing and peace. And

510
00:30:41,360 --> 00:30:45,840
Speaker 2: I want to also point out, like truly stress that

511
00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:53,240
Speaker 2: it's okay to be in different seasons and it's okay

512
00:30:53,520 --> 00:31:01,360
Speaker 2: to shift priorities, but I think it's also important when

513
00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:08,320
Speaker 2: there are other people involved, to communicate your shift in priorities. Right,

514
00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:12,600
Speaker 2: what do you mean by that, don So let's say

515
00:31:12,640 --> 00:31:17,480
Speaker 2: that you work on a team. Back up, perfect example,

516
00:31:17,760 --> 00:31:22,360
Speaker 2: real life example that we experienced with the podcast. Right, Yeah,

517
00:31:22,720 --> 00:31:28,160
Speaker 2: So let's let's back up to when you were getting

518
00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:33,959
Speaker 2: ready to have baby Z. Right, So we knew that

519
00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:36,800
Speaker 2: you were gonna take you were gonna be taking some

520
00:31:36,920 --> 00:31:41,760
Speaker 2: time off to focus on your healing and caring for

521
00:31:41,880 --> 00:31:47,040
Speaker 2: baby Z. And so for us, what that meant was

522
00:31:47,080 --> 00:31:50,920
Speaker 2: that things were gonna look different for the podcast. So

523
00:31:50,960 --> 00:31:55,040
Speaker 2: the ways, so one, we knew that Lady, we want

524
00:31:55,040 --> 00:31:57,440
Speaker 2: to make sure we get you an episode every single Friday,

525
00:31:57,960 --> 00:32:01,160
Speaker 2: and we did that, and so what that meant was

526
00:32:02,960 --> 00:32:11,080
Speaker 2: we had a season of intense work and tints like

527
00:32:11,600 --> 00:32:13,320
Speaker 2: I feel like there were a couple of times where

528
00:32:13,360 --> 00:32:18,840
Speaker 2: we recorded three episodes in one night, like four episodes

529
00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:22,000
Speaker 2: in a week, like it was we were grinding.

530
00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:24,920
Speaker 1: Can I just say we did seven episodes one week? Okay,

531
00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:26,520
Speaker 1: that's how much we love you long We did like

532
00:32:26,560 --> 00:32:28,360
Speaker 1: four on a Saturday and then three on a Monday

533
00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:29,000
Speaker 1: or something crazy.

534
00:32:29,120 --> 00:32:32,600
Speaker 2: Yes, it was. It was. That was a tense however,

535
00:32:33,040 --> 00:32:37,120
Speaker 2: it was for that season because we knew that we

536
00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:41,760
Speaker 2: had this other season that we were entering where we

537
00:32:41,760 --> 00:32:47,240
Speaker 2: were taking a extended the longest break we've had from recording,

538
00:32:48,720 --> 00:32:54,080
Speaker 2: so that you could prioritize your family, right, And so

539
00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:56,080
Speaker 2: I think that that's the thing. That's a good word,

540
00:32:56,200 --> 00:32:57,920
Speaker 2: that's how that's a good way to look at this

541
00:32:58,120 --> 00:33:02,880
Speaker 2: that Okay, So we had that season of like grinding

542
00:33:02,920 --> 00:33:06,640
Speaker 2: out multiple episodes and that felt gruelling, but we also

543
00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:10,560
Speaker 2: knew the break that was coming on the other side.

544
00:33:11,760 --> 00:33:17,040
Speaker 2: And then when you came back from maternity leave, we

545
00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:21,040
Speaker 2: were in a different season, and we knew because life

546
00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:25,080
Speaker 2: was different for you, that the way we were doing

547
00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:29,360
Speaker 2: things with the podcast before we couldn't do it the

548
00:33:29,400 --> 00:33:36,040
Speaker 2: same way after. And so we learned to adjust.

549
00:33:36,440 --> 00:33:38,920
Speaker 1: That is a beautiful example, Dom, and I love that

550
00:33:38,920 --> 00:33:40,360
Speaker 1: you share that one because I didn't even that didn't

551
00:33:40,360 --> 00:33:42,080
Speaker 1: even cross my mind. So I'm glad that you share

552
00:33:42,120 --> 00:33:44,400
Speaker 1: that one. And I had flashbacks to breastfeeding while we

553
00:33:44,400 --> 00:33:47,400
Speaker 1: were recording burping the baby being in the closet. I mean,

554
00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:51,320
Speaker 1: we were remember that. And you know what else I

555
00:33:51,320 --> 00:33:53,360
Speaker 1: think about, Dom, I think about I'm just thinking about

556
00:33:53,680 --> 00:33:55,920
Speaker 1: real life examples, right that we can share with you, lady.

557
00:33:56,080 --> 00:34:00,240
Speaker 1: I think about after the separation, right me look in

558
00:34:00,240 --> 00:34:02,680
Speaker 1: the airbnb for an extended period and then going to

559
00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:05,520
Speaker 1: a different place and then moving again. Like there was

560
00:34:05,560 --> 00:34:07,480
Speaker 1: a season when I was doing my year and review

561
00:34:07,520 --> 00:34:09,840
Speaker 1: and reflection of last year. I was like, for me,

562
00:34:10,440 --> 00:34:14,680
Speaker 1: that year was like all about stability and transition, like

563
00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:17,160
Speaker 1: trying to find my grounding, and so there were lots

564
00:34:17,160 --> 00:34:19,520
Speaker 1: of things that I wasn't doing. I wasn't as vocal

565
00:34:19,600 --> 00:34:21,480
Speaker 1: on the podcast about what I was going through. You know,

566
00:34:21,520 --> 00:34:23,440
Speaker 1: I often share a lot of my stories on the

567
00:34:23,440 --> 00:34:25,719
Speaker 1: podcast and life experience. I was still going through it,

568
00:34:25,760 --> 00:34:27,640
Speaker 1: so I wasn't sharing that in that season. I was

569
00:34:27,640 --> 00:34:29,920
Speaker 1: trying to figure this shit out, right. I was also

570
00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:32,440
Speaker 1: thinking about how it was showing up in relationships. I'm

571
00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:34,400
Speaker 1: trying to find my way and find out who I

572
00:34:34,440 --> 00:34:36,680
Speaker 1: am as a single woman or a woman who's dating

573
00:34:36,680 --> 00:34:39,080
Speaker 1: in my mid thirties and divorced. Like, there was so

574
00:34:39,200 --> 00:34:40,879
Speaker 1: much that was going on, and so lady as Don

575
00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:43,359
Speaker 1: was saying, like, be patient with yourself and know that

576
00:34:43,920 --> 00:34:46,600
Speaker 1: sometimes we are in a season of survival and that

577
00:34:46,640 --> 00:34:50,719
Speaker 1: season still counts, And don't give yourself that expectation of

578
00:34:50,760 --> 00:34:53,399
Speaker 1: doing all the things at one time, like you can

579
00:34:53,400 --> 00:34:55,920
Speaker 1: get You're gonna pace yourself and in the next season,

580
00:34:55,960 --> 00:34:58,240
Speaker 1: when you're more stable or you're able to, you'll focus

581
00:34:58,280 --> 00:35:01,600
Speaker 1: on maybe it's the optimist of money, right, or maybe

582
00:35:01,640 --> 00:35:03,880
Speaker 1: it's a season of healing or visibility, whatever it might be.

583
00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:06,680
Speaker 1: But let yourself be in the season that you're in.

584
00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:09,560
Speaker 1: Acknowledge it. Be gentle with yourself and know that you

585
00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:12,520
Speaker 1: don't have to do all the things all the time

586
00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:13,360
Speaker 1: or in this season.

587
00:35:13,480 --> 00:35:19,880
Speaker 2: Yes, and so lady, we're going to run through those

588
00:35:20,160 --> 00:35:23,880
Speaker 2: considerations before we move into the last part. Right, It's like,

589
00:35:24,000 --> 00:35:26,120
Speaker 2: all right, how do you actually live? How do you

590
00:35:26,160 --> 00:35:30,520
Speaker 2: actually live this? Out? Right? So the things that you

591
00:35:30,600 --> 00:35:35,719
Speaker 2: want to consider is that capacity isn't just time, it's

592
00:35:36,239 --> 00:35:41,160
Speaker 2: your emotional bandwidth, right, So what are the feelings that

593
00:35:41,239 --> 00:35:49,359
Speaker 2: come up, how much time is involved, and what are

594
00:35:49,400 --> 00:35:53,719
Speaker 2: the thoughts that also come up? What do you have

595
00:35:53,840 --> 00:35:57,200
Speaker 2: the and what's being asked of you in terms of

596
00:35:57,239 --> 00:36:00,640
Speaker 2: where your emotions are going to be pulled. The second

597
00:36:00,680 --> 00:36:06,440
Speaker 2: consideration is your body always knows, so listen to it.

598
00:36:07,719 --> 00:36:13,840
Speaker 2: Take a moment, pause, consider your circumstances because there's some

599
00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:16,960
Speaker 2: times where we don't need to react right away, and

600
00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:21,839
Speaker 2: there's other times when we do, so use discernment. The

601
00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:29,600
Speaker 2: third consideration is familiarity does not mean alignments. We don't

602
00:36:29,600 --> 00:36:32,560
Speaker 2: have to keep doing that thing. We don't have to

603
00:36:32,640 --> 00:36:36,400
Speaker 2: keep expecting other people to do that thing if it

604
00:36:36,520 --> 00:36:42,839
Speaker 2: doesn't align with where you are. And number four is

605
00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:50,080
Speaker 2: optimizing for different things in different seasons. So pay attention

606
00:36:50,320 --> 00:36:54,680
Speaker 2: to the current season that you're in and what you

607
00:36:54,920 --> 00:36:59,640
Speaker 2: need to thrive in that season because it might not

608
00:36:59,760 --> 00:37:03,120
Speaker 2: be what you needed in the previous season or the

609
00:37:03,239 --> 00:37:07,840
Speaker 2: upcoming season. Focus on the present season, all right, ladies.

610
00:37:07,840 --> 00:37:14,080
Speaker 2: So we're we're at part three. Like we've given examples

611
00:37:14,160 --> 00:37:19,200
Speaker 2: right of like how how we can live this out right?

612
00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:28,040
Speaker 2: But we have some questions, some more reflection questions as

613
00:37:28,080 --> 00:37:32,759
Speaker 2: you really are faced with a decision and trying to

614
00:37:32,920 --> 00:37:35,520
Speaker 2: truly decide do you have the capacity for this?

615
00:37:36,719 --> 00:37:38,440
Speaker 1: Maybe we can share some tea too, we can for

616
00:37:38,520 --> 00:37:41,040
Speaker 1: some of these questions. We can share like either an

617
00:37:41,120 --> 00:37:43,000
Speaker 1: experience that we've had or that we know of that

618
00:37:43,080 --> 00:37:44,560
Speaker 1: kind of relates to it, because you know, we'd like

619
00:37:44,560 --> 00:37:47,239
Speaker 1: to drive stuff home, lady. So the first question here

620
00:37:47,320 --> 00:37:50,160
Speaker 1: is do I actually want this or am I just

621
00:37:50,320 --> 00:37:54,720
Speaker 1: capable of doing it? Oh?

622
00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:56,600
Speaker 2: Well, I mean I think that's an important question for

623
00:37:56,640 --> 00:38:02,239
Speaker 2: all black women, right because they're Maybe I'm biased as

624
00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:06,360
Speaker 2: a black woman, but I believe that that we that

625
00:38:06,640 --> 00:38:13,840
Speaker 2: we as black women are capable of doing damn near everything. Okay, period,

626
00:38:14,680 --> 00:38:20,000
Speaker 2: Like like literally, like last weekend, I finally started procrastinating

627
00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:22,840
Speaker 2: and hung up art and mirrors and stuff in my apartment.

628
00:38:23,360 --> 00:38:26,719
Speaker 2: Now it's been like months, and I kept saying I

629
00:38:26,760 --> 00:38:31,759
Speaker 2: was gonna call somebody and you know, oh yeah, like

630
00:38:32,040 --> 00:38:34,000
Speaker 2: hire somebody to come in and do this for me.

631
00:38:34,080 --> 00:38:38,040
Speaker 2: And then finally I was like, wait, I know how

632
00:38:38,080 --> 00:38:41,120
Speaker 2: to do this. I can do this on my own.

633
00:38:42,520 --> 00:38:47,400
Speaker 2: And I wanted to like feel like I wanted to

634
00:38:47,480 --> 00:38:54,360
Speaker 2: like feel that that level of like accomplishment of yeah,

635
00:38:54,680 --> 00:38:57,680
Speaker 2: I know how to hang up artwork, like I can

636
00:38:57,840 --> 00:39:00,960
Speaker 2: do this right, And so for me, that was a

637
00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:04,239
Speaker 2: moment where I actually wanted to do it and I

638
00:39:04,320 --> 00:39:05,960
Speaker 2: knew I was capable of it, right.

639
00:39:06,160 --> 00:39:06,480
Speaker 1: Yeah.

640
00:39:07,680 --> 00:39:10,759
Speaker 2: Now, there may be some things in life where you

641
00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:12,400
Speaker 2: know that, like if you put your mind to it,

642
00:39:12,480 --> 00:39:14,080
Speaker 2: or you google or you can you know, pull it

643
00:39:14,160 --> 00:39:18,040
Speaker 2: up on YouTube, you figure it out how to do it. Yeah,

644
00:39:18,080 --> 00:39:21,320
Speaker 2: but isn't what you actually want to be doing.

645
00:39:22,040 --> 00:39:24,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, girl, Like I had a project that I was

646
00:39:24,800 --> 00:39:31,000
Speaker 1: doing really well on with the client and hmm, try

647
00:39:31,040 --> 00:39:32,920
Speaker 1: to figure out how much I could share. So I

648
00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:34,919
Speaker 1: was doing this project, but it was me going above

649
00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:37,160
Speaker 1: and beyond. It was something that wasn't included in the

650
00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:41,200
Speaker 1: core work, right, And I decided that I was going

651
00:39:41,280 --> 00:39:44,680
Speaker 1: to step down from that and focus on the actual

652
00:39:44,719 --> 00:39:46,800
Speaker 1: full project. And so when I think about it, I

653
00:39:46,840 --> 00:39:48,680
Speaker 1: could have very well kept it up and kept doing

654
00:39:49,080 --> 00:39:51,160
Speaker 1: you know, above and beyond putting the flowers, you know,

655
00:39:51,360 --> 00:39:53,319
Speaker 1: the icing on the cake. But I was like, you

656
00:39:53,320 --> 00:39:55,799
Speaker 1: know what, capacity wise that even though I like to

657
00:39:55,800 --> 00:39:57,840
Speaker 1: do it, like, it takes time from other things I

658
00:39:57,920 --> 00:40:00,040
Speaker 1: need to do, and so I decided not to do it.

659
00:40:00,080 --> 00:40:01,520
Speaker 1: So I think that's one of those things where we're

660
00:40:01,520 --> 00:40:04,920
Speaker 1: asking yourself, do I actually want this? And also does

661
00:40:04,960 --> 00:40:06,880
Speaker 1: it fit into the bigger picture of like what I

662
00:40:06,880 --> 00:40:08,920
Speaker 1: have the capacity to do? Or am I just capable?

663
00:40:08,920 --> 00:40:10,520
Speaker 1: And I was definitely capable of doing it, but it

664
00:40:10,560 --> 00:40:14,080
Speaker 1: wasn't serving me in this season based on bandwidth.

665
00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:17,600
Speaker 2: Right, right? And so then the next question to ask

666
00:40:17,680 --> 00:40:25,080
Speaker 2: yourself is how will I feel after not just during? Okay, yeah,

667
00:40:25,080 --> 00:40:27,439
Speaker 2: I'm gonna say that one more time for the folks back,

668
00:40:28,480 --> 00:40:35,680
Speaker 2: how will I feel after not just during? Right? So

669
00:40:35,719 --> 00:40:39,640
Speaker 2: I think about going back to that first reflection question

670
00:40:39,640 --> 00:40:41,279
Speaker 2: of the things that we know we are capable of,

671
00:40:41,320 --> 00:40:46,200
Speaker 2: because we know we are capable of everything. In the moment,

672
00:40:48,080 --> 00:40:51,880
Speaker 2: you're like, Okay, I got this, I'm good, this is great,

673
00:40:52,440 --> 00:41:00,279
Speaker 2: and then after you're feeling completely depleted and exhausted. Not

674
00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:05,799
Speaker 2: in a good way, right, Like not in a i'm exhausted,

675
00:41:05,840 --> 00:41:09,319
Speaker 2: but like this was very fulfilling, I'm so glad I

676
00:41:09,400 --> 00:41:15,080
Speaker 2: did this. It's I'm feeling exhausted and depleted and why

677
00:41:15,120 --> 00:41:17,680
Speaker 2: did I just give this, give all of my time

678
00:41:17,760 --> 00:41:22,600
Speaker 2: and energy to this? Like I feel stressed now that

679
00:41:22,680 --> 00:41:26,799
Speaker 2: I've done this. That's something that you need to not

680
00:41:26,880 --> 00:41:32,560
Speaker 2: be doing again. Because if afterwards you are feeling depleted

681
00:41:32,760 --> 00:41:37,120
Speaker 2: and drained and not fulfilled, that doesn't deserve that thing

682
00:41:37,160 --> 00:41:38,440
Speaker 2: does not deserve your time.

683
00:41:39,000 --> 00:41:42,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's good. And the next question here is what

684
00:41:42,840 --> 00:41:46,880
Speaker 1: would saying yes here require me to sacrifice? And this

685
00:41:46,920 --> 00:41:49,200
Speaker 1: makes me think about that example I was sharing with

686
00:41:49,280 --> 00:41:51,520
Speaker 1: you where I had a night to myself. My daughter

687
00:41:51,600 --> 00:41:53,560
Speaker 1: was with her daddy, and I was like, ooh, and

688
00:41:53,560 --> 00:41:56,040
Speaker 1: I don't have a lot of nights, you know, by myself.

689
00:41:56,080 --> 00:41:58,000
Speaker 1: I don't have work and things to do. So this

690
00:41:58,480 --> 00:42:00,440
Speaker 1: particular night I was doing, I was but I was

691
00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:02,440
Speaker 1: doing stuff that I wanted to do. I was really excited.

692
00:42:02,480 --> 00:42:05,920
Speaker 1: And then I had already committed to this get together

693
00:42:05,960 --> 00:42:07,360
Speaker 1: that I didn't really want to go to, but I

694
00:42:07,440 --> 00:42:09,080
Speaker 1: already committed to it. So I was like, all right,

695
00:42:09,120 --> 00:42:11,359
Speaker 1: I'm just go. And it was a waste of like

696
00:42:11,600 --> 00:42:14,520
Speaker 1: two to three hours of my time, and so I was,

697
00:42:14,920 --> 00:42:16,440
Speaker 1: I was saying to myself. When I got back, I

698
00:42:16,480 --> 00:42:21,400
Speaker 1: was like pissed. I spent money, I like spent time,

699
00:42:21,560 --> 00:42:23,600
Speaker 1: and so I was like, you know what, Okay, Yeah,

700
00:42:23,640 --> 00:42:25,719
Speaker 1: what I sacrificed here was the time that I was

701
00:42:25,920 --> 00:42:27,799
Speaker 1: having with myself to do the things that I really

702
00:42:27,880 --> 00:42:30,560
Speaker 1: wanted and so that won't be happening again. So that's

703
00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:33,279
Speaker 1: the lesson learned. Like I was a little pissed off

704
00:42:33,280 --> 00:42:34,960
Speaker 1: and I had to get you know, go through my process,

705
00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:37,000
Speaker 1: but I stopped shaving myself and being upset, and I

706
00:42:37,040 --> 00:42:38,839
Speaker 1: was like, you know what, this is a lesson learned,

707
00:42:38,840 --> 00:42:40,480
Speaker 1: Like I'm gonna go with my gut and my body

708
00:42:40,480 --> 00:42:42,480
Speaker 1: and my body when my body is telling me, no,

709
00:42:42,640 --> 00:42:45,080
Speaker 1: we're like, hmmm, we're not in this season anymore to

710
00:42:45,080 --> 00:42:48,120
Speaker 1: be connected to this person, this experience. Let's move on.

711
00:42:48,320 --> 00:42:51,040
Speaker 1: So yeah, I like that.

712
00:42:51,560 --> 00:42:54,319
Speaker 2: I like that example of like, yeah, this is not

713
00:42:55,680 --> 00:42:58,319
Speaker 2: If you find that you were sacrificing the things that

714
00:42:58,400 --> 00:43:03,919
Speaker 2: aren't like you're sacrificing things that have more value to you,

715
00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:06,920
Speaker 2: then yeah, that's a problem. Okay, like we don't need

716
00:43:06,960 --> 00:43:09,680
Speaker 2: to be doing that. And so I think that leads

717
00:43:09,680 --> 00:43:12,400
Speaker 2: to the next question easily leads to the next question.

718
00:43:13,040 --> 00:43:18,000
Speaker 2: Is this aligned with what I'm prioritizing right now? Right? So,

719
00:43:18,160 --> 00:43:24,200
Speaker 2: if like you're going with your example, if prioritizing time

720
00:43:24,320 --> 00:43:30,280
Speaker 2: with yourself is important, then having that moment of going

721
00:43:30,400 --> 00:43:33,839
Speaker 2: out took you away from that took you away from

722
00:43:33,880 --> 00:43:38,400
Speaker 2: something that was more of a priority, and so it

723
00:43:38,440 --> 00:43:44,560
Speaker 2: makes me also think about when we're assessing opportunities. Right. So, this,

724
00:43:44,760 --> 00:43:46,600
Speaker 2: I think this is one that we really need to

725
00:43:46,600 --> 00:43:52,600
Speaker 2: pay attention to, is that oftentimes we get presented with

726
00:43:52,840 --> 00:43:58,880
Speaker 2: great opportunities, something that we really like, but it is

727
00:43:59,040 --> 00:44:02,080
Speaker 2: not in a line with what your priorities are in

728
00:44:02,160 --> 00:44:08,759
Speaker 2: the moment. So this and I know I know firsthand,

729
00:44:09,000 --> 00:44:13,200
Speaker 2: I know from lots of black women that I know personally,

730
00:44:13,920 --> 00:44:19,239
Speaker 2: where you are presented with an opportunity that would be

731
00:44:19,360 --> 00:44:24,160
Speaker 2: amazing for your career, and you know it is something

732
00:44:24,200 --> 00:44:28,759
Speaker 2: that you are capable of doing, but it is not

733
00:44:29,080 --> 00:44:34,800
Speaker 2: in alignment with what you are prioritizing at this time

734
00:44:35,120 --> 00:44:41,600
Speaker 2: in this season. Right. So let's say that you're presented

735
00:44:41,640 --> 00:44:48,000
Speaker 2: with this amazing opportunity and it's requiring you to do

736
00:44:48,040 --> 00:44:51,359
Speaker 2: it during the season when you are prioritizing your own

737
00:44:51,440 --> 00:44:56,040
Speaker 2: health and wellness and your family, like, career is on

738
00:44:56,120 --> 00:45:00,080
Speaker 2: the back burner for you right now. So while this

739
00:44:59,880 --> 00:45:03,640
Speaker 2: is this is an amazing opportunity, it's not aligned with

740
00:45:03,680 --> 00:45:08,680
Speaker 2: what you're prioritizing. And so as hard as it may be,

741
00:45:09,520 --> 00:45:13,720
Speaker 2: it would be important for you to say no because

742
00:45:13,800 --> 00:45:18,760
Speaker 2: that opportunity is pulling you away from your current priorities.

743
00:45:19,719 --> 00:45:21,960
Speaker 1: That's right. It goes back to the dress just because

744
00:45:22,000 --> 00:45:23,600
Speaker 1: if it's like it doesn't mean that you have to

745
00:45:23,600 --> 00:45:24,759
Speaker 1: get it and put it in your close because you

746
00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:26,640
Speaker 1: probably ain't gonna wear it anyway. And one of the

747
00:45:26,640 --> 00:45:28,520
Speaker 1: things one of my mentors used to say dom is

748
00:45:28,880 --> 00:45:32,680
Speaker 1: availability does not equal suitability, And I love that so

749
00:45:32,800 --> 00:45:35,319
Speaker 1: much because just because it's available doesn't mean that it's

750
00:45:35,360 --> 00:45:38,360
Speaker 1: suitable for you, especially based on what you're prioritizing. So

751
00:45:38,880 --> 00:45:40,840
Speaker 1: that is a good question to ask yourself, lady. And

752
00:45:40,880 --> 00:45:44,240
Speaker 1: then the last one here is am I choosing from fear,

753
00:45:45,200 --> 00:45:49,439
Speaker 1: obligation or intention? And this kind of goes back let's

754
00:45:49,440 --> 00:45:51,200
Speaker 1: say it again. What should we say again? Yes, am

755
00:45:51,200 --> 00:45:56,279
Speaker 1: I choosing from fear, obligation or intention? And this kind

756
00:45:56,280 --> 00:45:59,640
Speaker 1: of goes back to what we were saying about what's familiar? Right,

757
00:46:00,280 --> 00:46:03,640
Speaker 1: So if I, you know, haven't gone live in a while,

758
00:46:03,719 --> 00:46:05,160
Speaker 1: or you haven't gone live in a while, and that's

759
00:46:05,160 --> 00:46:07,839
Speaker 1: something that you feel called to do, and you're like, oh, well,

760
00:46:07,960 --> 00:46:09,839
Speaker 1: I'm feeling a little tension, So I guess that means

761
00:46:09,880 --> 00:46:11,800
Speaker 1: like I shouldn't do it. No, my body is saying no,

762
00:46:11,920 --> 00:46:14,319
Speaker 1: It's like, hold up, we might be feeling fear, Right,

763
00:46:14,320 --> 00:46:17,000
Speaker 1: we might be having some anxiety. Let's ask ourselves deeper

764
00:46:17,080 --> 00:46:19,920
Speaker 1: questions and kind of work through that, because that life

765
00:46:20,080 --> 00:46:22,759
Speaker 1: might be the thing you need that's going to take

766
00:46:22,760 --> 00:46:24,360
Speaker 1: your business to the next level, Right, it might be

767
00:46:24,400 --> 00:46:26,880
Speaker 1: what you need to prioritize for that goal. And then

768
00:46:26,920 --> 00:46:29,520
Speaker 1: it goes back to obligation. We talked about obligation earlier,

769
00:46:29,719 --> 00:46:32,719
Speaker 1: and then also intention, like asking yourself where am I

770
00:46:32,800 --> 00:46:35,720
Speaker 1: choosing from? So when your body starts to have those feelings,

771
00:46:35,719 --> 00:46:38,239
Speaker 1: whatever those feelings might be, then we get to ask

772
00:46:38,280 --> 00:46:40,239
Speaker 1: ourselves this question to get to dive in a little

773
00:46:40,280 --> 00:46:40,760
Speaker 1: bit deeper.

774
00:46:41,840 --> 00:46:44,400
Speaker 2: Yes, Yes, I love that, And I'm gonna say that

775
00:46:44,520 --> 00:46:47,359
Speaker 2: question one more time, just folks here, cause I need

776
00:46:47,400 --> 00:46:50,200
Speaker 2: to make sure they hear it. Yes, am I choosing

777
00:46:50,320 --> 00:46:57,319
Speaker 2: from fear, obligation or intention? M all right, lady. So

778
00:46:58,600 --> 00:47:01,440
Speaker 2: at this point, Terry and I are about to hop

779
00:47:01,520 --> 00:47:03,799
Speaker 2: over in the after show to talk about a couple

780
00:47:03,800 --> 00:47:06,799
Speaker 2: of other juicy stories that we didn't talk about in

781
00:47:06,840 --> 00:47:10,720
Speaker 2: this episode. So we will catch you in the after show,

782
00:47:12,440 --> 00:47:13,080
Speaker 2: all right, lady.

783
00:47:13,120 --> 00:47:14,600
Speaker 1: And you know you can sue into the after show

784
00:47:14,600 --> 00:47:18,719
Speaker 1: if you visit herspacepodcast dot com. Anywhere you see Patreon,

785
00:47:18,840 --> 00:47:22,560
Speaker 1: click there you can support us. Also, Lady, go to

786
00:47:22,760 --> 00:47:25,080
Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts okay and take a look at the reviews.

787
00:47:25,080 --> 00:47:27,000
Speaker 1: If you enjoy the podcast, if you got even an

788
00:47:27,000 --> 00:47:29,439
Speaker 1: ounce of value, can you go drop us a couple

789
00:47:29,400 --> 00:47:32,600
Speaker 1: of reviews because we our reviews are looking at low

790
00:47:32,719 --> 00:47:34,520
Speaker 1: drive right now. It's been like a couple months since

791
00:47:34,560 --> 00:47:36,480
Speaker 1: we have reviews. So if you can go show us

792
00:47:36,480 --> 00:47:38,560
Speaker 1: some love so we know that you're still enjoying the content,

793
00:47:38,760 --> 00:47:40,719
Speaker 1: that will be super helpful. We appreciate you, and of

794
00:47:40,719 --> 00:47:43,560
Speaker 1: course check us out on Instagram or most active at

795
00:47:43,560 --> 00:47:46,480
Speaker 1: her space podcast and we will hopefully see you in

796
00:47:46,520 --> 00:47:51,560
Speaker 1: the after show. If you want more speaking engagements, collaborations

797
00:47:51,680 --> 00:47:55,000
Speaker 1: or visibility for your brand, I gotta tell you the truth.

798
00:47:55,160 --> 00:47:57,360
Speaker 1: This is Terry Lomax and I've been a public speaker

799
00:47:57,400 --> 00:48:01,400
Speaker 1: for over twelve years. I've lended national Meetia, a Ted Talk,

800
00:48:01,520 --> 00:48:04,959
Speaker 1: and six figure collaborations without a publicist or a big

801
00:48:04,960 --> 00:48:07,839
Speaker 1: social media following. And here's what most people don't hear.

802
00:48:08,120 --> 00:48:10,600
Speaker 1: You don't need a publicist or a massive audience to

803
00:48:10,640 --> 00:48:14,040
Speaker 1: get booked. Most people are waiting to feel established first,

804
00:48:14,400 --> 00:48:17,440
Speaker 1: and that waiting is costing them visibility how many times

805
00:48:17,440 --> 00:48:20,200
Speaker 1: have you looked up and seeing people with less experience

806
00:48:20,360 --> 00:48:23,680
Speaker 1: getting opportunities you were fully qualified for. Here's the truth.

807
00:48:23,920 --> 00:48:27,160
Speaker 1: Opportunities don't go to the most qualified. They go to

808
00:48:27,200 --> 00:48:30,840
Speaker 1: the people who can clearly communicate their value. Once I

809
00:48:30,960 --> 00:48:34,000
Speaker 1: learned how to organize my story and position my expertise

810
00:48:34,200 --> 00:48:38,280
Speaker 1: using a framework, everything changed. If you want my exact

811
00:48:38,280 --> 00:48:42,480
Speaker 1: pitch emails, word for word, my winning subject lines, and

812
00:48:42,719 --> 00:48:46,600
Speaker 1: the Saucy Solutions framework, visit get that pitch dot com

813
00:48:46,920 --> 00:48:49,840
Speaker 1: for a limited time use cold her Space for a

814
00:48:49,880 --> 00:48:52,480
Speaker 1: special listener discount. If this is your year to stop

815
00:48:52,560 --> 00:48:56,400
Speaker 1: hiding and start getting booked, I'll see you inside, visit

816
00:48:56,640 --> 00:49:01,600
Speaker 1: get That pitch dot com or click the lead in

817
00:49:01,600 --> 00:49:02,280
Speaker 1: our show notes.

818
00:49:04,600 --> 00:49:08,640
Speaker 2: Thanks for tuning into cultivating her Space. Remember that while

819
00:49:08,680 --> 00:49:13,479
Speaker 2: this podcast is all about healing, empowerment, and resilience, it's

820
00:49:13,560 --> 00:49:17,440
Speaker 2: not a substitute for therapy. If you or someone you

821
00:49:17,560 --> 00:49:21,600
Speaker 2: know need support, check out resources like Therapy for Black

822
00:49:21,640 --> 00:49:26,279
Speaker 2: Girls or Psychology Today. If you love today's episode, do

823
00:49:26,400 --> 00:49:28,399
Speaker 2: us a favor and share it with a friend who

824
00:49:28,440 --> 00:49:32,920
Speaker 2: needs some inspiration, or leave us a quick five star review.

825
00:49:33,600 --> 00:49:36,480
Speaker 2: Your support means the world to us and helps keep

826
00:49:36,640 --> 00:49:38,200
Speaker 2: this space thriving.

827
00:49:38,280 --> 00:49:43,000
Speaker 1: And before we meet again, repeat after me. I release

828
00:49:43,080 --> 00:49:46,680
Speaker 1: the old with gratitude and prepare for the new with intention.

829
00:49:48,160 --> 00:49:51,279
Speaker 1: Keep thriving, Lady, and tune in next Friday for more

830
00:49:51,360 --> 00:49:55,959
Speaker 1: inspiration from cultivating her Space. In the meantime, be sure

831
00:49:55,960 --> 00:50:06,320
Speaker 1: to connect with us on Instagram at her Space Podcast