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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is a John your og

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime podcast host, and we got some great stories

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Speaker 1: coming up. Before that, we have a quick two minute

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Speaker 1: break from the sponsors that keep the show a lot.

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Speaker 2: I went to therapy for weeks and still came home

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Speaker 2: to my husband's mess.

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Speaker 3: Maybe your husband needs some therapy. Hi.

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Speaker 2: So I twenty seven female and my husband thirty three male,

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Speaker 2: have been married for seven years already. We have two kids,

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Speaker 2: a girl three and a boy five. He works forty

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Speaker 2: hours a week while I work thirty two hours a week.

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Speaker 2: He dresses the kids, brings them to childcare, and makes

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Speaker 2: them ready for bed before putting them to sleep. I

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Speaker 2: handle the household chores, cooking and laundry. He helps me sometimes,

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Speaker 2: but only if I ask. He walks the dog in

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Speaker 2: the morning and I walk the dog in the evening.

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Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from just Meet Su and

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Speaker 2: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

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Speaker 2: the r slash Okay Storytime sub reddit.

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Speaker 4: I am Matt, I'm Carly, and I'm Savana, and we're.

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Speaker 2: Here giving good advice. Goofully. We don't have all the answers, though,

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Speaker 2: we only know what we would do in these situations.

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Speaker 2: So let us know what you would do in the comments.

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Speaker 2: It was always like that, and I never had any

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Speaker 2: issues until I went to a therapeutic center with our

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Speaker 2: two kids for three full weeks. While I was gone.

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Speaker 2: I asked him to do three normal chores, leaning the toilet,

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Speaker 2: sending a package back, and clean the laundry in our

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Speaker 2: kids room. He didn't do any of that. I completely

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Speaker 2: lost it and went mad. But he said he did

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Speaker 2: so many things, like cleaning out the garden from stones,

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Speaker 2: even though those stones would be collected in January. His

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Speaker 2: work wasn't even necessary. He told me I should appreciate

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Speaker 2: that he does household stuff and that it's my fault

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Speaker 2: I went to a therapeutic center. He said I could

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Speaker 2: have stayed with the kids and he could have taken

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Speaker 2: care of them like always. He told me I suck

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Speaker 2: at communicating because I'm tired of telling him what to do.

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Speaker 2: After a few arguments, I flipped and told him I'd

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Speaker 2: rather not have come back home. Now he's gone on

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Speaker 2: a work trip and I'm alone with the kids cleaning

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Speaker 2: up after the mess from the three weeks I was gone. Now,

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Speaker 2: the question is am I the a hole? And what

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Speaker 2: should I do? After he comes back. There's an edit.

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Speaker 2: Native English speaker and I thought that health resort was

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Speaker 2: the correct term in but in Germany it's called maunder kindcour.

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Speaker 2: I went to a therapeutic retreat because I was overloaded

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Speaker 2: with everything. Am I The A whole has no consensus,

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Speaker 2: but OP received mixed reactions, but heavily leading towards not

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Speaker 2: the A whole. Editors note posting and comments helped clarify

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Speaker 2: what OP was trying to explain about the therapeutic center. Commentary, OP,

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Speaker 2: are you in Germany? And was this a motor kindcour?

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Speaker 2: Because people are going to see the word resort and

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Speaker 2: misunderstand it. It's not a resort in the sense that

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Speaker 2: they're thinking. It's more like a parent rehab. For moms

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Speaker 2: who are at the end of their tether, they are

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Speaker 2: usually different kinds. Usually in quiet, rural areas where you

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Speaker 2: have individual in group therapy, even family therapy. They have

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Speaker 2: childcare while you would send sessions. Sometimes they have spa

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Speaker 2: like activities for stress management. For example, I had a

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Speaker 2: friend who went to one because of her kids had

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Speaker 2: terrible allergies, constant rashes, and sleepless nights. She had four

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Speaker 2: other kids and was burnt out. The center specialized in

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Speaker 2: helping children like her son, and she got help perr

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Speaker 2: stress while they figured out out the allergy issue, all

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Speaker 2: in a supportive professional environment. It's also like at the

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Speaker 2: end of her rope, so maybe things at home are

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Speaker 2: not as great as she's.

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Speaker 3: It's like, come on, dude, you know that your wife

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Speaker 3: is going to a retreat because she's so stressed. Right,

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Speaker 3: kids are with her, so you are also having some

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Speaker 3: sort of reprieve. Yeah, you're the kids and you still

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Speaker 3: can't do three things. Couldn't one thing, one of which

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Speaker 3: was just returning a package, which would have been a

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Speaker 3: one and done situation.

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Speaker 2: You're out do errands anyway.

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Speaker 3: And also, once you did the kids clothes, the kids

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Speaker 3: aren't with you, so that's another one and done thing.

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Speaker 4: They're not gonna be wearing I mean, don't need to

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Speaker 4: wash them multiple times.

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Speaker 2: If you don't want to touch the toilets, hire someone

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Speaker 2: to do it.

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Speaker 3: You could have hired someone for all of those things.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'll be a response to a downloaded comment saying

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Speaker 2: her husband can choose his own chores. I understand your

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Speaker 2: point if I wanted him to do things that aren't necessary,

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Speaker 2: but he had a full twenty two days to do

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Speaker 2: the things that needed to be done. During those twenty

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Speaker 2: two days, he worked normally, drank with family on two weekends,

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Speaker 2: and spent the rest of the time sitting and playing

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Speaker 2: PC games. Do you know how long it took me

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Speaker 2: to scrub the toilets the package? Can't he be returned

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Speaker 2: to anymore? I'm overloaded with household stuff because now there's

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Speaker 2: even more after those three weeks. Comment one, So you

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Speaker 2: had a three week holiday and came home to give

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Speaker 2: him crap for not doing chores. That made no different

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Speaker 2: Congrats on being the world's most self centered.

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Speaker 3: Ah did make a difference, And now she's unable to

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Speaker 3: do one of the things.

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Speaker 2: Yes, but also like he had three weeks to do

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Speaker 2: three chores, that's one chore a week.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and what Patriobi says he could have done all

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Speaker 3: three on day one and then been good for all

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Speaker 3: the week.

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Speaker 2: I don't know if three weeks with two kids in

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Speaker 2: a small room twenty four to seven can be considered

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Speaker 2: a holiday. While I went to recover the kids and

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Speaker 2: I got sick for two weeks, I couldn't leave the

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Speaker 2: room because of a three day quarantine. Meanwhile, he drank

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Speaker 2: for two days, worked normally, and played PC games most

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Speaker 2: of the time. I think he had more of a

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Speaker 2: holiday than I did. Asking him for three simple tasks

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Speaker 2: was apparently too much. Oh. He's reason for attending the

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Speaker 2: therapeutic center. Work overload. Kids overload because they hate each other,

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Speaker 2: so they're just normal kids. Family overload since they lived nearby,

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Speaker 2: and small mental issues that built up over the years.

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Speaker 2: You either take the kids with you or leave them

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Speaker 2: at home. He wanted to work and said I should

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Speaker 2: take the kids, so I couldn't really recover, but I

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Speaker 2: could form a better bond with them since I had

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Speaker 2: more time with them and no work. Oh. He gives

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Speaker 2: an example of the childcare duties. The kids dressed themselves.

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Speaker 2: I pick out their clothes for childcare because he would

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Speaker 2: dress them too lightly for this weather. They dressed themselves

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Speaker 2: at bedtime. He brushes their teeth and reads them a story.

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Speaker 2: That's it. I picked them up from childcare, go grocery

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Speaker 2: shopping with them, take the oldest to soccer every Friday,

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Speaker 2: and bring the three year old to music school every Wednesday.

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Speaker 2: I also play with them after doing housework. Okay, so

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Speaker 2: the husband doesn't do anything he's like, hey, let me

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Speaker 2: do the fun drawers, like brushing your teeth.

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Speaker 3: That's at the beginning. You were like, this seems really

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Speaker 3: even split. The only reason that I thought it might

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Speaker 3: not be, besides the fact that she was like and

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Speaker 3: I have to ask him sometimes, is that he seemed

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Speaker 3: to get the like he comes frome from work and

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Speaker 3: then his like tasks are to hang out with his kids.

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Speaker 2: I suppose it depends on like, and it's like, that's

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Speaker 2: how your kids.

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Speaker 3: I would think that would be a fun task.

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Speaker 2: It depends on how your kids like. If the kids

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Speaker 2: were like monsters, then yeah.

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Speaker 4: He's only gonna handle bedtime.

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Speaker 2: You're right, You're right, You're right, I got you have.

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Speaker 4: I don't know how fun with your kids.

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Speaker 2: I'm changing my opinion on this now.

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Speaker 4: I mean a lot more things to get you there too.

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Speaker 4: This dude doesn't sound the best.

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Speaker 2: I was in the wrong, I admit it. This guy sucks.

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Speaker 2: This guy's awful. Ohp he explains a choice she asked

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Speaker 2: him to do. I told him the things I wanted

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Speaker 2: done while I was gone. He did nothing and said

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Speaker 2: I shouldn't treat him like a slave. Because I asked

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Speaker 2: for a few things. He also said I should tell

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Speaker 2: him if I need help and he'll do it. So yeah,

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Speaker 2: I'm mentally pretty down. She asked, right, and you didn't

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Speaker 2: do it.

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Speaker 3: It's like, just ask me for anything you need, Babe,

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Speaker 3: I got.

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Speaker 4: It, except that only three things.

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Speaker 3: And he's like, actually, that's a lot, and you shouldn't

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Speaker 3: ask that of me.

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Speaker 2: Opie responds to a comment about her husband's mental load.

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Speaker 2: I know he also has his own mental load, and

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Speaker 2: we've already had fights. In his eyes, he does everything

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Speaker 2: and I only do what's needed.

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Speaker 4: That's crazy.

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Speaker 2: Why should I value work that everyone needs to do,

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Speaker 2: like cleaning the laundry or the toilet. I don't get

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Speaker 2: to thank you every time I do those things. It's

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Speaker 2: just necessary for a clean home. If we divorced, he'd

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Speaker 2: have to keep it clean or risk losing custody. During

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Speaker 2: the three weeks I was gone, he could play games

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Speaker 2: until three or four am, but doing small chores was

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Speaker 2: too much. He even said I treat him like a

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Speaker 2: sleigh for asking for the bare minimum he can't even provide. Also,

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Speaker 2: the stones he moved would have been cleared out in

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Speaker 2: January anyway. He just moved them from the backyard to

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Speaker 2: the front yard did OPI's husband have other priorities. He

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Speaker 2: at least vacuumed every now and then. I never said

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Speaker 2: his priorities were wrong, but moving stones from one side

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Speaker 2: of the garden to another makes no sense when they'll

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Speaker 2: be picked up soon. There were days when he stayed

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Speaker 2: up playing games until three or four am. I could

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Speaker 2: see him online on WhatsApp. This isn't the first time

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Speaker 2: his priorities have been strange. He likes tinkering with PCs,

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Speaker 2: and often when the kids are about to go to bed,

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Speaker 2: he suddenly starts taking one apart. When I'm putting the

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Speaker 2: kids to bed. He gets upset because he says he

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Speaker 2: would have done it right away. He could easily do

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Speaker 2: those things after the kids are asleep. We thought about

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Speaker 2: this before. It got better for a few weeks, but

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Speaker 2: then got worse again. He has no other tasks. I

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Speaker 2: never asked him to clean the entire house, just those

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Speaker 2: three specific things. I know he never cleans the full

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Speaker 2: bathrooms or windows. I would have done everything else when

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Speaker 2: I came back. Doing just those few chores would have

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Speaker 2: helped with my workload. I didn't explain the whole conversation,

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Speaker 2: but basically he told me I shouldn't come back with

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Speaker 2: that attitude. I was really mad and said, yeah, I'd

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Speaker 2: rather not have come back. Update from ten and a

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Speaker 2: half months later. So after a year, I just wanted

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Speaker 2: to share what's happened and how it's going. After he

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Speaker 2: came back from his business trip, he brought me flowers

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Speaker 2: and chocolate. We sat down together and I openly addressed

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Speaker 2: all the issues that had been eating away at me

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Speaker 2: over the past few years. He also brought up the

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Speaker 2: things that had bothered him. I also told him that

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Speaker 2: if we didn't work on a relationship, separation would be

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Speaker 2: my only option, and that if he didn't improve his

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Speaker 2: attitude towards hygiene, I wouldn't want the children to stay

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Speaker 2: with him if we separated. He was immediately very eager

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Speaker 2: and wanted us to get to work on things right away,

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Speaker 2: So we allowed ourselves a quiet phase for two months.

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Speaker 2: We lived in the same house but slept in separate bedrooms.

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Speaker 2: We also set up a detailed plan for each week

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Speaker 2: about who would do what, and each of us got

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Speaker 2: our own free time while the other took care of

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Speaker 2: the kids. I have to say it's only been going

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Speaker 2: uphill since then. We haven't argued as much, and if

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Speaker 2: we did, he was only about minor things. There were

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Speaker 2: no big fights anymore. He really started to take care

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Speaker 2: of things that had bothered me, and now takes his

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Speaker 2: own initiative around the house. I hardly have to tell

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Speaker 2: him anything anymore. Of course, some things have stayed the same,

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Speaker 2: and I still seen some things myself because he simply

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Speaker 2: doesn't see those as a priority. But I'm glad that

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Speaker 2: in the end things have turned out well. And there

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Speaker 2: are some comments op on what rules she made after

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Speaker 2: the original post and how she and her husband decide

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Speaker 2: on this. And we set ourselves a rule that we

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Speaker 2: will talk daily about our life and our feelings. We

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Speaker 2: also ate together as a family at least two times

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Speaker 2: a week. But other than that, no, we just did

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Speaker 2: stuff for ourselves and with the kids.

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Speaker 3: I mean, yeah, sounds like it's great that it's going

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Speaker 3: back up hill. I think that if it continues on

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Speaker 3: this path, you could maybe then start to reintroduce the

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Speaker 3: other things back into your life if you want to,

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Speaker 3: like between the two of them as a couple kind

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Speaker 3: of thing. But for now, that seems to have solved

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Speaker 3: a whole bunch and that's the end of this story.

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Speaker 3: We're gonna go to the next one.

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Speaker 4: My coworker kept flirting with me and it's causing issues

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Speaker 4: in my marriage. So for context, I thirty five. Mail

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Speaker 4: was born and raised in Canada, but moved to the

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Speaker 4: US when I was eighteen for a work opportunity. I

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Speaker 4: worked at construction gig while taking classes a few times

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Speaker 4: a week, where I met my now wife, who I'll

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Speaker 4: call Hannah, when I was twenty and she was eighteen.

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Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from a deleted person, but

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Speaker 4: if you want to submit your own stories, you can

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Speaker 4: go to the Okay story time subreddit. I am Savannah,

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Speaker 4: I am Matt, I'm Carly, and we're here to give

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Speaker 4: good advice. Goofly, but we do not have all the

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Speaker 4: answers obviously, so let us know what you would do

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Speaker 4: in the comments, and we're gonna tell you what we

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Speaker 4: would do here. I knew I liked her right away,

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Speaker 4: so I started to go after her. It took some time,

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Speaker 4: as she was treated awfully by her parents and hadn't

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Speaker 4: dated much. After three months, we started dating. We've been

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Speaker 4: together for fifteen years and married for ten. Wow. Her

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Speaker 4: parents and she had just started contact again after years

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Speaker 4: and the stress they gave her caused us to cut

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Speaker 4: off her parents again, started couples and individual therapy, and

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Speaker 4: she decided to leave her nine to five corporate job

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Speaker 4: to work at a flower shop instead, as she loves

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Speaker 4: flowers and it felt it would be a healthy environment.

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Speaker 4: I cook two out of our three nails, do laundry

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Speaker 4: and dishes, take care of our dog, make the primary income,

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Speaker 4: and also grocery shop. My wife and I go on

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Speaker 4: one day to a week, have spicy sleep two or

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Speaker 4: three times a week, depending on the week, and we

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Speaker 4: travel four to five times a year. I've also never cheated,

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Speaker 4: as it's a deal breaker for me and the idea

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Speaker 4: grosses me out. We've been considering trying for a baby

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Speaker 4: again and moving back to Canada. This was just to

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Speaker 4: say we have a healthy relationship. So a new coworker,

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Speaker 4: who I'll call Audrey for the sake of this post,

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Speaker 4: started around early October in a different department. I met

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Speaker 4: her once or twice up until a few weeks before

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Speaker 4: the first Wicked movie came out. However, I came to

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Speaker 4: her section to check on things. The part she works

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Speaker 4: in is more hands on and outdoors, so I didn't

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Speaker 4: have my ring on in case it got ruined or

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Speaker 4: fell off. I have it on for the rest of

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Speaker 4: the time. I noticed her being a little touchy over

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Speaker 4: lad Nce and laughing a little too hard at my

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Speaker 4: sarcastic comments, common signs of flirting from what I've heard,

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Speaker 4: though my wife doesn't really do these things. I just

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Speaker 4: brushed off her touches, was polite and mentioned my wife

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Speaker 4: in conversation. Audrey seemed a little shocked but backed off.

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Speaker 4: I also told my wife and she brushed it off.

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Speaker 4: Around the time Wiki came out, a few coworkers wanted

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Speaker 4: to go and make it a thing. My wife and

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Speaker 4: I wanted to go as well. Audrey and Hannah met

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Speaker 4: and got along really well. Since then it's now early March,

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Speaker 4: they've gotten along nicely, texted and hung out. But I

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Speaker 4: haven't spoken to Audrey much up until five days ago.

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Speaker 4: Uh oh, So I don't normally go to bars or drink,

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Speaker 4: never even wasted, just tipsy, but a few coworkers wanted

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Speaker 4: to go to this new one, and I heard it

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Speaker 4: had good pizza. I asked my wife if she wanted

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Speaker 4: to come, but she wanted to catch up on her

305
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Speaker 4: favorite show, so it was me Audrey and about five others.

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Speaker 4: I noticed Audrey again being a little touchy over lead

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Speaker 4: night and laughing too hard at my sarcastic comments. I

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Speaker 4: tried to brush it off, be polite, and sit further

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Speaker 4: away so she couldn't touch me. I was the designated driver,

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Speaker 4: so I couldn't leave, but I felt somewhat uncomfortable, and

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Speaker 4: a few people noticed. My best friend, who happens to

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Speaker 4: work for me, talked about how people who flirt can

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Speaker 4: be pushy. He's a real one. I was also sending

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Speaker 4: updates to my wife, and she said there was nothing

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Speaker 4: to worry about because she knows I wouldn't cheat, and

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Speaker 4: that she just talked to Audrey. Later towards the end,

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Speaker 4: Audrey made a post with a picture of all of us. Basically,

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Speaker 4: it says something about how she loves her new coworker's job,

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Speaker 4: et cetera. Within minutes, my wife saw it and commented,

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Speaker 4: I'm glad you're all having fun at the new bar.

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Speaker 4: Stay safe. Audrey then commented, don't worry your husband is

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Speaker 4: safe with me. I mean, do I have to explain?

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Speaker 4: It's the most flirty affair partner thing I've seen. I

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Speaker 4: came home shortly after, and we talked about the comment

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Speaker 4: and how she acted. That night, we agreed we needed

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Speaker 4: to go low contact and I would bring it up

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Speaker 4: with Audrey and my boss. And next day, my sister

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Speaker 4: in law twenty five female, who all called Jess, gave

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Speaker 4: birth to a healthy baby girl, Me, my wife, my

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Speaker 4: brother twenty five male, the husband and new father, my

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Speaker 4: older brother twenty three male. Both my parents fifty five

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Speaker 4: male and fifty four female, along with my sister in

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Speaker 4: law sister twenty two female, and cousin twenty eight female,

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Speaker 4: all came down.

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Speaker 2: To see the baby.

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Speaker 4: It's been four days since then. We're staying in a

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Speaker 4: hotel and my wife and I have been helping with

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Speaker 4: cleaning and cooking since they came back home, while the

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00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:35,400
Speaker 4: rest of the family has checked in at the hospital

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Speaker 4: but are going back to work or home tomorrow since

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Speaker 4: Jess and my brother are trying to adjust to a

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Speaker 4: new baby and don't want too many people around. I

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Speaker 4: won't be back for a few more days, but any

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Speaker 4: advice for how I should handle Audrey what if she

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Speaker 4: tries to says something. My wife is taking it pretty well,

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Speaker 4: but we haven't talked about the situation much since you know,

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Speaker 4: baby and I know she hasn't spoken to Audrey. Sorry

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Speaker 4: if this was a ramble or too much in I

349
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Speaker 4: just want to give the full situation and get the

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Speaker 4: best advice. Common number one, have a conversation with HR

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Speaker 4: and tell them what's going on. Say that although you

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00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:10,040
Speaker 4: don't want to make an official complaint, you need to

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00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:12,080
Speaker 4: have a word with Audrey and ask for someone from

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Speaker 4: HR to be present. Tell Audrey that you are fine

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Speaker 4: working with her and that you are glad that she

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Speaker 4: gets on your wife, but the touching is making you

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Speaker 4: uncomfortable and it has to stomp. It doesn't matter why

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00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:27,480
Speaker 4: she's touching you, attraction or affection. The fact is it's

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00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:30,640
Speaker 4: crossing a boundary that you don't want cross. You can

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Speaker 4: even frame it as a you problem, as in I

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Speaker 4: get very uncomfortable with physical touch from anyone apart from

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Speaker 4: my wife. It may make for less awkwardness to approach

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00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:42,440
Speaker 4: it that way. Please be careful if you are going

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00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:45,160
Speaker 4: to take this approach. HR is there to protect the company,

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00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:47,800
Speaker 4: not to help you. It could easily turn into a

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Speaker 4: he said, she said situation. If so, the company may

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Speaker 4: decide it's easier to let one or both of you go,

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00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:56,840
Speaker 4: and it won't necessarily be her comment number two, it

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00:16:56,880 --> 00:17:00,760
Speaker 4: sounds like you're handling it well, question Mark, come between

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00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:03,200
Speaker 4: you and your wife at all. Talk to HR. They'll

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Speaker 4: have words with her, and I'm sure all will be fine.

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00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:09,520
Speaker 4: It's no biggie crushes happen. Just get it officially closed

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Speaker 4: down and move on. I had a similar situation with

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Speaker 4: my married boss, but I really felt like he was

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Speaker 4: enjoying slash encouraging the attention. Is there any part of

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Speaker 4: you that is enjoying this and she is somehow reading

377
00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:23,679
Speaker 4: that from you and therefore acting on it. If it

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00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:26,040
Speaker 4: is the latter, I'm sure HR having words with her

379
00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:28,359
Speaker 4: will still be enough to shut the whole thing down.

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Speaker 4: Opie response. I haven't been engaging. I'm talkative, but that's

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Speaker 4: something I do with most people, and I usually talk

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Speaker 4: about work or my dog, the two things in life,

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00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:41,639
Speaker 4: work and my dog, dog, work, dog. That's it. Wife.

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Speaker 4: Sometimes we maybe spoke five times, all brief and with others,

385
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Speaker 4: and she's only done this twice, so I think it's

386
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:51,280
Speaker 4: just a crush. Edit. It's been a few hours since

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00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:53,840
Speaker 4: my first post, and I decided to update since I

388
00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:56,600
Speaker 4: saw so many comments. I saw a lot of people

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Speaker 4: talking about how I never really told Audrey off and

390
00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:02,639
Speaker 4: should tell h are great advice and very right. Thanks

391
00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:04,879
Speaker 4: for telling me that. I also did get a message

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Speaker 4: from someone I accidentally hit ignore on, but thanks for

393
00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:09,960
Speaker 4: your words. Man, it means a lot. There is a

394
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:12,600
Speaker 4: relevant update. But what oh we thinking?

395
00:18:13,359 --> 00:18:16,399
Speaker 2: I'm thinking that Ope, he never actually told Dodd for

396
00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:17,400
Speaker 2: you to stop.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't think that she did or he did, Mama,

398
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Speaker 4: I don't. Yeah, I really I don't think that. I

399
00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:26,040
Speaker 4: don't think it's necessary to really good at h R.

400
00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:28,080
Speaker 4: I think you can try to handle it first on

401
00:18:28,119 --> 00:18:30,960
Speaker 4: your own being like I feel uncomfortable about this, you know,

402
00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:33,200
Speaker 4: or just saying like this is just a lot, and

403
00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:35,600
Speaker 4: like I'm married and it makes me feel uncomfortable, you know,

404
00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:37,479
Speaker 4: like I don't know if that's just your thing or

405
00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:39,239
Speaker 4: you know, if that's what you feel comfortable with. But

406
00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:41,359
Speaker 4: for me, like I'm a little like am a fense

407
00:18:41,359 --> 00:18:43,119
Speaker 4: about it. So if you could just like keep your

408
00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:44,280
Speaker 4: ass yourself.

409
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Speaker 2: Like, yeah, I totally get the thing where like it

410
00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:49,880
Speaker 2: it's good to have documentation with HR, but again HR

411
00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:52,000
Speaker 2: is there for the company. Yeah, They're not there for

412
00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:55,800
Speaker 2: you exactly. So when you bring HR into things like yes,

413
00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:59,119
Speaker 2: they can help, but it's out of your control at

414
00:18:59,119 --> 00:18:59,480
Speaker 2: that point.

415
00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:02,399
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think this is something that like, this is

416
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:05,080
Speaker 4: like a personal thing, like it doesn't have anything. It's

417
00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:07,040
Speaker 4: not like it's affecting the company or whatever. So I

418
00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:10,119
Speaker 4: feel like, you know, you don't really necessarily have to

419
00:19:10,119 --> 00:19:14,240
Speaker 4: go to HR yet if it progresses, Yeah, if it progresses,

420
00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:17,200
Speaker 4: and like she doesn't back off after you tell her,

421
00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:19,240
Speaker 4: and if you tell her multiple times, she's still not

422
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:22,560
Speaker 4: like doing anything, you know, then like, yeah, like it's

423
00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:26,720
Speaker 4: it's just I think that OP can handle it unless

424
00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:29,159
Speaker 4: and then if it goes farther than yes, you can

425
00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:32,040
Speaker 4: involve others. I just got off the phone with someone

426
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Speaker 4: in HR who I've known a long time, forty two male,

427
00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:38,600
Speaker 4: and explain the situation. He was very understanding and said

428
00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:40,280
Speaker 4: we can have a meeting when I get back from

429
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:43,520
Speaker 4: helping my sister in law. I mostly downloaded this for

430
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:46,600
Speaker 4: advice since I have few friends trying to get out there.

431
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:49,080
Speaker 4: I also talked to my wife about everything and we

432
00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:53,440
Speaker 4: had a long hug off and sent Audrey a message.

433
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Speaker 4: The basics of it said we both felt uncomfortable around

434
00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:59,760
Speaker 4: her and wanted to go no contact. I think I

435
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:02,159
Speaker 4: try to brush it off it for since this doesn't

436
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,280
Speaker 4: happen to me much and I knew i'd have to

437
00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:06,879
Speaker 4: see her around again. But this made me realize I

438
00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:09,160
Speaker 4: need to be better at standing up for myself. I'm

439
00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:11,080
Speaker 4: pretty good at standing up for my wife and family,

440
00:20:11,119 --> 00:20:13,359
Speaker 4: but that's it. I'm very good at standing up for

441
00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:16,440
Speaker 4: like other people, But when it comes to like myself,

442
00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:18,960
Speaker 4: I'm like.

443
00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:18,960
Speaker 2: I don't want to be a bird at.

444
00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:22,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm just like I I'd rather just say like,

445
00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:24,760
Speaker 4: I'm sorry, I'll fix it rather than like standing up

446
00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:25,320
Speaker 4: for myself.

447
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:27,960
Speaker 2: It depends on the situation. For me. Yeah, there are

448
00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:30,119
Speaker 2: times where like, definitely it's like oh no, no, no,

449
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:32,160
Speaker 2: this is not going forward. But there are other times

450
00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:33,800
Speaker 2: it's like, okay, sarm, scarm, sorr, im.

451
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:37,000
Speaker 4: Sorry, yeah, I have a backbone on some things. But

452
00:20:37,040 --> 00:20:39,320
Speaker 4: then other things, I'm like, that's okay if I take

453
00:20:39,359 --> 00:20:42,000
Speaker 4: the backseat, I'm very much okay with just like being

454
00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:44,480
Speaker 4: wrong about everything. And that's the end of this story.

455
00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:46,720
Speaker 3: We're gonna go to the next one.

456
00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:49,760
Speaker 5: My wife had a meltdown on our honeymoon. Is our

457
00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:50,720
Speaker 5: marriage broken?

458
00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:53,960
Speaker 4: Maybe it could could be the honeymoon.

459
00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:54,720
Speaker 2: No, nope, nope.

460
00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:57,960
Speaker 5: My wife and I got married very recently this year

461
00:20:58,040 --> 00:21:01,119
Speaker 5: in a gorgeous ceremony surrounded by our friends and family.

462
00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:05,200
Speaker 5: We were together for four years prior. This last year

463
00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:08,040
Speaker 5: has been monumentally stressful for the two of us, both

464
00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:11,360
Speaker 5: work wise and with the wedding planning. However, the day

465
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:14,359
Speaker 5: couldn't have been more perfect, and it was undoubtedly the

466
00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:16,480
Speaker 5: absolute best.

467
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:17,880
Speaker 4: Day of our lives.

468
00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:22,000
Speaker 5: By the way, this comes from the rusks Cent twenty

469
00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:24,560
Speaker 5: twenty three. That's how it's spelled. And if you want

470
00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:26,480
Speaker 5: to submit your own stories, go to the arslash Okay,

471
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:30,480
Speaker 5: storytime suppered it. I'm Sophia and I'm Savida, and we're here.

472
00:21:30,359 --> 00:21:32,159
Speaker 4: To give you good advice. Goofully, But we don't have

473
00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:34,399
Speaker 4: all the answers. We only know what we do, So

474
00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:36,600
Speaker 4: let us know what you would do in the comments,

475
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:41,120
Speaker 4: and Op says I make very good money and provide

476
00:21:41,119 --> 00:21:43,280
Speaker 4: for the both of us while my wife takes care

477
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:46,720
Speaker 4: of finances and bills, plans our trips, and generally keeps

478
00:21:46,760 --> 00:21:48,960
Speaker 4: me uplifted while I'm stressed with work.

479
00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:55,720
Speaker 5: I adore my wife. She's beautiful, smart, extremely well read,

480
00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:59,040
Speaker 5: and has always shared my sense of humor. When we met,

481
00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:01,639
Speaker 5: I couldn't believe that, but there was someone as wonderfully

482
00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:04,560
Speaker 5: goofy and weird as I was, and I knew very

483
00:22:04,560 --> 00:22:07,439
Speaker 5: early on that she was the one for me. We

484
00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:11,359
Speaker 5: booked an expensive honeymoon in a tropical location, scheduled a

485
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:14,119
Speaker 5: few weeks after the wedding, and she's been there before

486
00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:16,320
Speaker 5: and told me she had always wanted to go back.

487
00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:20,120
Speaker 5: I paid while she organized the trip. The first few

488
00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:24,160
Speaker 5: days were amazing. We're not super active on our vacations

489
00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:27,040
Speaker 5: and we're just happy to drink, go to the beach

490
00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:29,840
Speaker 5: for the whole day, and and out to nice dinners

491
00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:32,800
Speaker 5: in the evening. The second hotel we stayed at is

492
00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:36,720
Speaker 5: where things took a turn. While out, my wife and

493
00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:38,879
Speaker 5: I started chatting to a few other couples at a

494
00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:42,199
Speaker 5: beach side bar. We're both very social, so we like

495
00:22:42,280 --> 00:22:45,800
Speaker 5: asking other couples about themselves and including each other in laughs.

496
00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:48,920
Speaker 5: She was getting a little tipsy, but nothing too bad

497
00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:51,800
Speaker 5: or out of the ordinary. At some point she began

498
00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:56,439
Speaker 5: to start slipping into wasted territory, and I started ordering

499
00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:59,560
Speaker 5: us more food and suggested she'd take it easy, which

500
00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:05,119
Speaker 5: she blse. Despite this, she kept ordering more drinks. Later

501
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:09,919
Speaker 5: I asked her to please take it easy, because I

502
00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:13,320
Speaker 5: know her pacing at the stage. She got quite agitated

503
00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:15,520
Speaker 5: and stated that this was her honeymoon too, and she

504
00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:19,119
Speaker 5: wanted to relax. While talking some more, she got noticeably

505
00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:22,680
Speaker 5: more wasted pretty fast. I was talking to the couple

506
00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:24,520
Speaker 5: on my right when I heard my wife tell the

507
00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:26,800
Speaker 5: girl next to her that she had a one that

508
00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:30,679
Speaker 5: got away who she wished she hadn't let go, and

509
00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:34,240
Speaker 5: that she settled for me. The people she was talking

510
00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:38,159
Speaker 5: to got very quiet and awkward. The couple next to

511
00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:41,439
Speaker 5: me tried changing the subject. Still, my wife went on

512
00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:45,160
Speaker 5: gestured toward me and began to discuss that I wasn't.

513
00:23:44,960 --> 00:23:47,320
Speaker 4: Here and tell you at all, and went on.

514
00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:50,919
Speaker 5: To describe something entirely different. We had both made jokes

515
00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:53,560
Speaker 5: in the past about not being each other's initial type,

516
00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:56,439
Speaker 5: but that since meeting each other, we both were the

517
00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:59,280
Speaker 5: type we never knew we wanted. Well, it turns out

518
00:24:00,119 --> 00:24:01,600
Speaker 5: she was joking about that.

519
00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:04,200
Speaker 4: It seems this wasn't true on her end.

520
00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:10,840
Speaker 5: She patted my head condescendingly and said, unfortunately, this was

521
00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:16,639
Speaker 5: the best I get a life goes on. She wasn't laughing,

522
00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:20,199
Speaker 5: she was completely pan. I tried to get her to

523
00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:23,560
Speaker 5: put her drink down, let me pay the check and leave,

524
00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:27,720
Speaker 5: when she outright snapped the waitress had refused her when

525
00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:30,280
Speaker 5: she asked for another drink, and she stormed off to

526
00:24:30,359 --> 00:24:33,480
Speaker 5: the bathroom. At this stage, the people she was talking

527
00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:36,359
Speaker 5: to at migrated tables, and the couple next to me

528
00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:39,640
Speaker 5: were trying to reassure me. I went to go check

529
00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:42,600
Speaker 5: on her. After a few minutes. This turned to twenty

530
00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:45,840
Speaker 5: more minutes, after which the waiting staff had to go in.

531
00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:46,640
Speaker 4: And retrieve her.

532
00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:49,320
Speaker 5: She had been getting sick in the bathroom, and she

533
00:24:49,359 --> 00:24:51,480
Speaker 5: didn't say a word to me when she got out

534
00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:55,280
Speaker 5: and just grabbed her stuff. In the interim, the other

535
00:24:55,359 --> 00:24:58,359
Speaker 5: couple had picked up our check. They parted ways, saying

536
00:24:59,119 --> 00:25:03,359
Speaker 5: happy in awkward wincing smiles.

537
00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:07,480
Speaker 4: She spent the entire walk back to the hotel saying

538
00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:13,080
Speaker 4: that she news embarrassed of her behavior, adding you know what,

539
00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:15,240
Speaker 4: I don't care.

540
00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:21,600
Speaker 5: You're an embarrassment most of the time. She went on

541
00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:24,000
Speaker 5: to point out that I was not funny or charismatic,

542
00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:27,480
Speaker 5: as she had said in the past, but a clown,

543
00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:31,040
Speaker 5: a laughing stock, and that our friends only put up

544
00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:33,440
Speaker 5: with me out of niceties. She said that they all

545
00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:35,720
Speaker 5: just saw me as a complete joke, and that I

546
00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:38,560
Speaker 5: was just too stupid to notice. This was all being

547
00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:40,920
Speaker 5: screamed at me in front of as many people as

548
00:25:40,960 --> 00:25:44,240
Speaker 5: you can imagine a popular destination spot would have walked

549
00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:47,800
Speaker 5: around in the middle in the main town, all while

550
00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:50,560
Speaker 5: I was trying to keep her from stumbling out onto

551
00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:53,919
Speaker 5: the street. We were getting into a semi crowded elevator

552
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:57,640
Speaker 5: when she squirmed out and bolted off. I immediately ran back

553
00:25:57,680 --> 00:26:00,480
Speaker 5: down three stories and spent the next four forty five

554
00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:04,360
Speaker 5: minutes trying to locate her on the hotel premise. Finally,

555
00:26:04,440 --> 00:26:06,840
Speaker 5: we get back to the room and she fell straight

556
00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:10,200
Speaker 5: to sleep on the bed. I rolled her onto her side,

557
00:26:10,440 --> 00:26:12,840
Speaker 5: tucked her in, and got her water. We were going

558
00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:15,399
Speaker 5: to our third stop at a resort the following morning,

559
00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:19,239
Speaker 5: so I just stayed up and packed. She woke up

560
00:26:19,280 --> 00:26:22,120
Speaker 5: about two to three hours later, asking what had happened

561
00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:25,520
Speaker 5: and why I looked so upset. She seemed anxious, as

562
00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:27,560
Speaker 5: if it were less than half coming back to her.

563
00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:31,560
Speaker 5: So I told her everything she had done as calmly.

564
00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:33,280
Speaker 4: As I could. I told her how much she had

565
00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:36,399
Speaker 4: hurt and embarrassed me with what she had said. She

566
00:26:36,600 --> 00:26:40,520
Speaker 4: was hysterical She started screaming into the pillows, trying to

567
00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:43,600
Speaker 4: hurt herself, screaming that she had ruined her honeymoon and

568
00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:46,359
Speaker 4: our marriage, begging me not to leave her, telling me

569
00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:49,760
Speaker 4: she didn't mean it, she was still fairly wasted. I

570
00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:52,159
Speaker 4: told her she just needed to go back to sleep,

571
00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:54,760
Speaker 4: that I needed to go for a walk and have

572
00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:55,760
Speaker 4: some time to think.

573
00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:57,040
Speaker 2: She refused.

574
00:26:57,520 --> 00:27:00,160
Speaker 5: She grabbed my arm while I asked her to let go, oh,

575
00:27:00,440 --> 00:27:02,760
Speaker 5: scratching me while I told her to just let me

576
00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:04,720
Speaker 5: have space, screaming all the while.

577
00:27:04,760 --> 00:27:07,160
Speaker 4: And at that point, I'm like, that's time. Yeah, it's

578
00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:09,960
Speaker 4: let's get in annulment. Let's let's end this. Yeah, this

579
00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:14,400
Speaker 4: is just it's done. Now there's nothing you could literally do.

580
00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:15,000
Speaker 2: Yeah.

581
00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:17,880
Speaker 5: Like I stopped and just got into bed and told

582
00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:20,640
Speaker 5: her I could not talk to her. We both went

583
00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:23,520
Speaker 5: to sleep, but she woke me multiple times, telling me

584
00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:25,919
Speaker 5: that we needed to talk through this and that I

585
00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:28,680
Speaker 5: owed her that much. I just told her that I couldn't.

586
00:27:29,080 --> 00:27:30,600
Speaker 5: I told her I didn't even know if I could

587
00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:33,600
Speaker 5: finish the rest of the honeymoon. I woke the next

588
00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:36,919
Speaker 5: morning she had canceled our five day resort stay that

589
00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:39,359
Speaker 5: we were due to be at in six hours, of

590
00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:41,080
Speaker 5: which I received no refund.

591
00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:45,480
Speaker 4: Why did she do that? Who is this lady? And

592
00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:48,480
Speaker 4: she's just like, she's like, oh, I'm gonna tell you

593
00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:51,960
Speaker 4: how I really feel on her honeymoon, all these bad

594
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:55,160
Speaker 4: thoughts that I of you, and then get mad at you,

595
00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:58,919
Speaker 4: get saying, I, you know you, like I deserve to

596
00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:01,520
Speaker 4: apologize to you or whatever you deserve this whatever, blah blah.

597
00:28:01,560 --> 00:28:03,200
Speaker 4: Don't tell me what I deserve because I just got

598
00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:06,680
Speaker 4: kicked down. Yeah, like so many flights upstairs. And then

599
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:08,320
Speaker 4: Opie says, oh.

600
00:28:08,280 --> 00:28:09,800
Speaker 5: You know, like I'm not I don't know if I

601
00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:12,080
Speaker 5: can continue on the honeymoon. And instead of being like, okay,

602
00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:14,240
Speaker 5: let's wait, she just cancels everything.

603
00:28:14,440 --> 00:28:16,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, maybe he could have gone on his own. Oh

604
00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:18,040
Speaker 4: I would have enjoyed the heck.

605
00:28:19,320 --> 00:28:22,440
Speaker 5: She cried, She apologized, She begged for me to hear

606
00:28:22,480 --> 00:28:25,320
Speaker 5: her out. She told me that it wasn't her. The

607
00:28:25,400 --> 00:28:28,200
Speaker 5: thing is, even if she didn't mean any of that,

608
00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:32,680
Speaker 5: Opie still said, hey, like, let's cool it on the drinks,

609
00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:35,159
Speaker 5: let's flow down. She didn't listen to him, Yeah, and

610
00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:38,080
Speaker 5: that was her choice. That was her choice. So everything

611
00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:40,920
Speaker 5: that she said that he's her fault. I hate when

612
00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:43,200
Speaker 5: people blame things on like being under the influence of

613
00:28:43,240 --> 00:28:46,080
Speaker 5: blah blah blah. I have always, like I don't know

614
00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:49,920
Speaker 5: me personally, never had had like the urge to like

615
00:28:50,080 --> 00:28:52,760
Speaker 5: really like tell someone how I feel or whatever, because.

616
00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:55,920
Speaker 4: I just do that anyway. Like I just like I

617
00:28:55,960 --> 00:28:57,920
Speaker 4: don't tell you how I feel. I'm just gonna be

618
00:28:57,960 --> 00:29:01,120
Speaker 4: like obviously, if I don't like you, I'm not gonna Yeah,

619
00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:02,920
Speaker 4: but like if I like you, I want to spend

620
00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:04,360
Speaker 4: time with you, I'm going to tell you how much

621
00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:05,880
Speaker 4: I love you and want to see you all the time.

622
00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:09,720
Speaker 4: So like that's that's how it is. There's nothing that like,

623
00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:12,760
Speaker 4: you know, it just seems like this has all been

624
00:29:12,800 --> 00:29:16,040
Speaker 4: like building up, yeah, and now it's become a big

625
00:29:16,040 --> 00:29:20,160
Speaker 4: blowout on the worst day possible. Truly, I'm just like

626
00:29:20,440 --> 00:29:23,840
Speaker 4: spending all this money and everything on this like perfect

627
00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:26,480
Speaker 4: wedding or whatever they did, you know, Like none of

628
00:29:26,520 --> 00:29:30,680
Speaker 4: this is cheap five five day resort. Yeah, you just

629
00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:33,800
Speaker 4: lost five day resort that was expensive. That like gives

630
00:29:33,800 --> 00:29:35,800
Speaker 4: me chills thinking about that's probably so much money.

631
00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:38,440
Speaker 5: Yeah, that she remembered none of it, and that she

632
00:29:38,480 --> 00:29:40,560
Speaker 5: couldn't even begin to think of why she had said

633
00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:43,160
Speaker 5: and done those things that it was and now she

634
00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:45,080
Speaker 5: felt at all and that I was the best thing

635
00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:48,240
Speaker 5: that had ever happened to her. That I had to

636
00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:51,240
Speaker 5: believe her after everything we had been through. She used

637
00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:54,040
Speaker 5: her savings to pay for a very expensive resort for

638
00:29:54,120 --> 00:29:57,400
Speaker 5: us that day, apologizing for canceling the other one without

639
00:29:57,440 --> 00:30:00,600
Speaker 5: asking first. She wanted to save the trip for the

640
00:30:00,640 --> 00:30:04,800
Speaker 5: rest of the trip. She was remorseful, kind, sweet. She

641
00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:06,800
Speaker 5: was the person that I had fallen in love with.

642
00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:10,440
Speaker 5: She seemed just as shattered and upset as I was.

643
00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:13,520
Speaker 5: She cried on the plane home, and she cried most

644
00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:16,120
Speaker 5: of the day we got back. Fast forward a couple

645
00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:19,760
Speaker 5: of very awkward, sad, and tense days. She comes to

646
00:30:19,800 --> 00:30:21,720
Speaker 5: me and lays out all of the changes she was

647
00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:24,400
Speaker 5: going to make. She had always done the laundry, but

648
00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:26,400
Speaker 5: didn't really do a lot of the cleaning or cooking.

649
00:30:26,840 --> 00:30:29,160
Speaker 5: In recent months, she would often get agitated when I

650
00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:32,320
Speaker 5: would finish work and start doing it. She promised to

651
00:30:32,360 --> 00:30:35,080
Speaker 5: do all, or at least most of the household stuff

652
00:30:35,520 --> 00:30:38,680
Speaker 5: to take the pressure off of me. She started dressing up,

653
00:30:38,800 --> 00:30:41,240
Speaker 5: doing her makeup more often. She even cooked me a

654
00:30:41,280 --> 00:30:44,920
Speaker 5: fancy dinner and decorated to show how much she appreciated

655
00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:47,400
Speaker 5: me and the life I had given her. She told

656
00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:49,680
Speaker 5: me that she had only said those things because she

657
00:30:49,720 --> 00:30:54,840
Speaker 5: was insecure about not working about herself, about herself and

658
00:30:54,880 --> 00:30:59,320
Speaker 5: her friend gook sorry about herself and our friend group,

659
00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:01,240
Speaker 5: and how she had felt that our mutual friends liked

660
00:31:01,280 --> 00:31:04,239
Speaker 5: me more than her. I asked about the one that

661
00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:07,040
Speaker 5: got away, as difficult as it was, and she said

662
00:31:07,080 --> 00:31:09,200
Speaker 5: that she didn't know why she said that, but she

663
00:31:09,240 --> 00:31:10,160
Speaker 5: didn't feel that way.

664
00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:11,840
Speaker 4: She said that I was.

665
00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:14,000
Speaker 5: Her type, that I was the only one for her,

666
00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:16,400
Speaker 5: and that she would spend as long as it took

667
00:31:16,480 --> 00:31:18,480
Speaker 5: to make it up to me. She told me that

668
00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:22,000
Speaker 5: she had started online therapy for her insecurities and self

669
00:31:22,040 --> 00:31:24,520
Speaker 5: worth and that she would take a while to build

670
00:31:24,560 --> 00:31:27,040
Speaker 5: herself up again, and that I should do the same

671
00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:31,840
Speaker 5: through individual therapy as well as eventually couples. Over time,

672
00:31:31,920 --> 00:31:35,080
Speaker 5: we were intimate again. She cooked clean, did sweet things

673
00:31:35,080 --> 00:31:37,160
Speaker 5: for me, acted like she did when we first met.

674
00:31:37,920 --> 00:31:40,440
Speaker 5: I really did feel like this whole nightmare might have

675
00:31:40,560 --> 00:31:45,480
Speaker 5: been a net positive. I'm so worried that she's gonna

676
00:31:45,520 --> 00:31:46,920
Speaker 5: do the same thing again.

677
00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:47,560
Speaker 4: Oh for sure.

678
00:31:47,600 --> 00:31:50,040
Speaker 5: This is literally the cycle of yeah like she's gonna

679
00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:52,080
Speaker 5: say all this thing, you know, she said all the things.

680
00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:56,800
Speaker 5: Opie like is about to leave her, and then she's like, no, no, no,

681
00:31:56,880 --> 00:31:57,800
Speaker 5: I'll make it up to you.

682
00:31:57,840 --> 00:32:00,520
Speaker 4: I'll prove it to you. Gains is try us back,

683
00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:02,400
Speaker 4: and then I feel like she's just got a Yeah.

684
00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:05,920
Speaker 4: It's just like these types of people, that's what they do. Yeah,

685
00:32:05,920 --> 00:32:08,320
Speaker 4: they like, oh my god, I'm caught. I'm gonna do

686
00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:11,800
Speaker 4: everything that I can to like reassure you, make you

687
00:32:11,880 --> 00:32:13,680
Speaker 4: feel like you can trust me again, blah blah blah.

688
00:32:13,680 --> 00:32:15,800
Speaker 4: Then once it's back, then they are just gonna drop

689
00:32:15,840 --> 00:32:18,520
Speaker 4: the ball again. It's literally the cycle of abuse. It's

690
00:32:18,720 --> 00:32:21,600
Speaker 4: oh yeah, this person.

691
00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:23,600
Speaker 5: Like it had kicked some things that were off in

692
00:32:23,640 --> 00:32:27,120
Speaker 5: our relationship back into place. I still add intrusive thoughts,

693
00:32:27,280 --> 00:32:30,160
Speaker 5: but we communicated and she would compliment and reassure me.

694
00:32:30,640 --> 00:32:33,040
Speaker 5: She would constantly ask if how she was acting and

695
00:32:33,080 --> 00:32:35,840
Speaker 5: the things she was doing for me were noticeable. I

696
00:32:35,920 --> 00:32:38,320
Speaker 5: told her that they were and that I appreciated them.

697
00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:41,160
Speaker 5: It's been some weeks since then and things have started

698
00:32:41,160 --> 00:32:45,040
Speaker 5: to slip back. The nice dinners stopped almost immediately, as

699
00:32:45,120 --> 00:32:48,640
Speaker 5: did the nice gestures. She started to become irritable with

700
00:32:48,680 --> 00:32:52,760
Speaker 5: me over small things. She stopped doing household things consistently

701
00:32:52,840 --> 00:32:55,000
Speaker 5: and is again irritable when I ask if she can

702
00:32:55,040 --> 00:32:57,959
Speaker 5: help with them. While I'm working. My work weeks are

703
00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:02,360
Speaker 5: sixty to sometimes seventy hours. I'll find her downstairs playing

704
00:33:02,440 --> 00:33:05,800
Speaker 5: video games or watching streams, and asking her now about

705
00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:09,480
Speaker 5: is leading to strained discussions. She has started therapy through

706
00:33:09,520 --> 00:33:12,520
Speaker 5: an online service, but that stopped after about two weeks.

707
00:33:13,160 --> 00:33:17,000
Speaker 5: We have long discussions and things get better momentarily, but

708
00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:20,959
Speaker 5: they keep resetting. She'll turn around and still do sweet things,

709
00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:23,600
Speaker 5: but I just can't bring myself to look past but

710
00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:27,880
Speaker 5: happened sometimes, and it's still eating at me. My confidence

711
00:33:27,960 --> 00:33:30,400
Speaker 5: is completely fine some days and others it's just on

712
00:33:30,520 --> 00:33:33,560
Speaker 5: the floor. I still love her, but I cannot say

713
00:33:33,600 --> 00:33:37,120
Speaker 5: with any confidence that I feel in love with her anymore,

714
00:33:37,520 --> 00:33:39,720
Speaker 5: and I don't know what to do. She's talked to

715
00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:42,000
Speaker 5: her mother about it, and I cannot bring myself to

716
00:33:42,040 --> 00:33:45,360
Speaker 5: say anything to my parents or friends. And at it,

717
00:33:45,400 --> 00:33:47,280
Speaker 5: I see a lot of people writing that my wife

718
00:33:47,280 --> 00:33:50,080
Speaker 5: married me for the money. When we got engaged, we

719
00:33:50,120 --> 00:33:52,680
Speaker 5: did not have much money at all. We got engaged

720
00:33:52,760 --> 00:33:55,280
Speaker 5: in the middle of the pandemic work had dried up

721
00:33:55,320 --> 00:33:57,200
Speaker 5: in my field, and we were both banking on my

722
00:33:57,320 --> 00:34:00,480
Speaker 5: plan to pay off. She always said she will I

723
00:34:00,520 --> 00:34:03,480
Speaker 5: could be successful, but I was by no means close

724
00:34:03,560 --> 00:34:06,280
Speaker 5: to being financially sound when she said yes to marrying me.

725
00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:08,120
Speaker 5: But it is a little bit left to this story.

726
00:34:08,680 --> 00:34:10,560
Speaker 5: But do you have any final thoughts for Opie.

727
00:34:11,360 --> 00:34:13,920
Speaker 4: I think op and you need to like get out

728
00:34:13,920 --> 00:34:16,960
Speaker 4: because obviously, yeah, it's over. Because the fact that you

729
00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:20,759
Speaker 4: can literally say, like I I love her, but I'm

730
00:34:20,760 --> 00:34:22,640
Speaker 4: not in love with her, like I feel like I'll

731
00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:25,920
Speaker 4: always have, you know, like that love, like feeling towards

732
00:34:25,920 --> 00:34:27,920
Speaker 4: like people in the past, you know whatever, But like

733
00:34:28,520 --> 00:34:31,160
Speaker 4: I know now that I'm not in love with them

734
00:34:31,200 --> 00:34:32,920
Speaker 4: and I don't need to be with them, and like

735
00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:35,560
Speaker 4: they are just something that I had to learn along

736
00:34:35,600 --> 00:34:37,600
Speaker 4: the way, which is like a part of life. You grow,

737
00:34:37,680 --> 00:34:40,520
Speaker 4: you learn, you experience, you get through things, and you

738
00:34:40,560 --> 00:34:43,120
Speaker 4: figure out solutions to your problems. Like that's what it is.

739
00:34:43,239 --> 00:34:47,279
Speaker 4: And I feel like this is just another trial, Like

740
00:34:47,560 --> 00:34:50,680
Speaker 4: this is now you know what you deserve and what

741
00:34:50,719 --> 00:34:53,680
Speaker 4: you don't deserve, you know. That's how I always think

742
00:34:53,680 --> 00:34:53,880
Speaker 4: of it.

743
00:34:53,880 --> 00:34:58,120
Speaker 5: At least, Yeah, agreed, I think I think she's betrayed you,

744
00:34:58,800 --> 00:35:01,880
Speaker 5: She's betrayed your trust, and is showing that she cannot

745
00:35:02,160 --> 00:35:03,959
Speaker 5: commit to the promises that she made.

746
00:35:04,560 --> 00:35:07,640
Speaker 4: And therefore, I think you know, your marriage, that promise

747
00:35:07,640 --> 00:35:10,239
Speaker 4: of your marriage. That's the other thing. Yeah, it's like

748
00:35:10,440 --> 00:35:14,400
Speaker 4: she literally like get like, hope you please don't get

749
00:35:14,400 --> 00:35:18,439
Speaker 4: her pregnant. Yeah, no, please don't because that's horrific. That's

750
00:35:18,560 --> 00:35:20,759
Speaker 4: that would be just another layer on top of it,

751
00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:23,040
Speaker 4: dealing with all that, Like putting a child in this

752
00:35:23,160 --> 00:35:25,440
Speaker 4: is kind of like, oh god, I couldn't. That just

753
00:35:25,560 --> 00:35:28,920
Speaker 4: hurts me. My eyes are like rolling off to the

754
00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:33,279
Speaker 4: outer space. But yeah, I just I don't. I don't

755
00:35:33,400 --> 00:35:36,480
Speaker 4: like how this is turning out. It just doesn't seem

756
00:35:36,560 --> 00:35:40,480
Speaker 4: like he is gonna do the right thing here. But

757
00:35:40,520 --> 00:35:43,120
Speaker 4: I really hope he wakes up and does it because

758
00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:45,640
Speaker 4: she needs to go and she needs to be with

759
00:35:45,800 --> 00:35:47,359
Speaker 4: you know, go be with that one that you were

760
00:35:47,360 --> 00:35:50,279
Speaker 4: talking about. Obviously that was a person. We're all gonna

761
00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:53,239
Speaker 4: agree that was a person, right, Like she's she like,

762
00:35:53,560 --> 00:35:55,200
Speaker 4: that was not a lie that she said, and she

763
00:35:55,239 --> 00:35:57,640
Speaker 4: doesn't know why she brought that up. Yeah, no, you

764
00:35:57,760 --> 00:35:59,839
Speaker 4: know exactly. We're picturing the person as you were saying

765
00:35:59,840 --> 00:36:03,359
Speaker 4: it talking to these people. Absolutely, there's no way. I

766
00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:05,759
Speaker 4: just I don't like any of this, Opie, get out.

767
00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:06,120
Speaker 2: Leave.

768
00:36:06,239 --> 00:36:08,239
Speaker 4: I know it's hard, but like this is gonna be

769
00:36:08,360 --> 00:36:11,000
Speaker 4: so much better long run. All right, let's finish the

770
00:36:11,040 --> 00:36:13,640
Speaker 4: story off. I'm going away on a trip with some

771
00:36:13,680 --> 00:36:15,600
Speaker 4: guy friends for a couple of days, and I'm gonna

772
00:36:15,600 --> 00:36:18,440
Speaker 4: try and open up to them. We're both religious. Divorce

773
00:36:18,520 --> 00:36:20,239
Speaker 4: is not the option I want to go down if

774
00:36:20,239 --> 00:36:23,600
Speaker 4: I can help it. However, I cannot be miserable for

775
00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:25,919
Speaker 4: the rest of my life, and if no effort is made,

776
00:36:26,040 --> 00:36:28,400
Speaker 4: it's looking like that might have to be around. Maybe

777
00:36:28,560 --> 00:36:31,279
Speaker 4: can we get an annulment? Is it still close enough

778
00:36:31,320 --> 00:36:33,000
Speaker 4: to the Yeah? Is that not an option?

779
00:36:33,160 --> 00:36:36,880
Speaker 5: Let's look into annulments if you're religious. But folks, that

780
00:36:37,080 --> 00:36:38,440
Speaker 5: is the end of that story.

781
00:36:39,160 --> 00:36:41,239
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam. We'll get back to the stories. But

782
00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:43,080
Speaker 1: here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

783
00:36:44,000 --> 00:36:46,920
Speaker 4: My wife cheated while I was sick, and she feels

784
00:36:46,960 --> 00:36:50,920
Speaker 4: like she did nothing wrong. Well that's not true. Trigger warning,

785
00:36:51,160 --> 00:36:55,040
Speaker 4: possible manic episode preface. Opie has not come to terms

786
00:36:55,080 --> 00:36:58,360
Speaker 4: with his situation yet. I don't even know where to

787
00:36:58,400 --> 00:37:02,080
Speaker 4: start with this. My wife thirty eight female and I

788
00:37:02,520 --> 00:37:06,000
Speaker 4: thirty eight male, have been together for thirteen years. We

789
00:37:06,040 --> 00:37:09,800
Speaker 4: met at work. She actually pursued me pretty hard until

790
00:37:09,800 --> 00:37:13,160
Speaker 4: I gave in. Never regretted it though, or at least

791
00:37:13,160 --> 00:37:16,080
Speaker 4: I didn't until now. By the way, this comes from

792
00:37:16,520 --> 00:37:20,920
Speaker 4: Alpha Balls, and if you want to submit your own stories,

793
00:37:21,200 --> 00:37:24,680
Speaker 4: go to the r slash okay story time sub reddit.

794
00:37:25,040 --> 00:37:28,359
Speaker 4: I am Savannah, I'm Sophia, and we are here to

795
00:37:28,520 --> 00:37:31,719
Speaker 4: give advice goofully, but we do not have all the answers,

796
00:37:32,719 --> 00:37:34,520
Speaker 4: but we do know what we would do in the situation,

797
00:37:34,880 --> 00:37:36,719
Speaker 4: and we would love to know what you guys would

798
00:37:36,760 --> 00:37:41,000
Speaker 4: do in the comments. As oh pe sirs. For over

799
00:37:41,040 --> 00:37:43,880
Speaker 4: a decade, I never once worried about her cheating. We

800
00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:50,200
Speaker 4: had total trust. She was always telling me we were soulmates, yeah,

801
00:37:50,239 --> 00:37:55,520
Speaker 4: and I actually believed it. We clicked on everything, working out, anime, sports, music.

802
00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:59,759
Speaker 4: We have two kids, six and two. I'm really close

803
00:37:59,800 --> 00:38:02,120
Speaker 4: with it, always have been. We went through some really

804
00:38:02,160 --> 00:38:04,480
Speaker 4: hard times together. Two years ago. I had to go

805
00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:07,160
Speaker 4: to rehab for fifty six days to get sober, whoa

806
00:38:07,280 --> 00:38:10,360
Speaker 4: already no contact the whole time, and she had the

807
00:38:10,440 --> 00:38:12,879
Speaker 4: kids by herself. It was brutal, but we made it work.

808
00:38:12,960 --> 00:38:15,440
Speaker 4: Every time something hard came up, we got through it together,

809
00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:17,640
Speaker 4: which just proved to me that what we had was real.

810
00:38:18,360 --> 00:38:22,400
Speaker 4: This summer, I got really sick, bad sinus infection that

811
00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:24,960
Speaker 4: the doctors kept messing up the treatment for. I was

812
00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:27,600
Speaker 4: in bed for weeks on serious pain meds, could barely

813
00:38:27,640 --> 00:38:31,200
Speaker 4: move most days. Right when I'm at my worst, she

814
00:38:31,360 --> 00:38:36,080
Speaker 4: starts going out all the time with this new friend. Look.

815
00:38:36,680 --> 00:38:38,879
Speaker 4: I'm not usually the type to care if she goes out,

816
00:38:38,920 --> 00:38:41,600
Speaker 4: but I needed her around because I literally couldn't take

817
00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:44,319
Speaker 4: care of the kids myself. She has the car with

818
00:38:44,440 --> 00:38:47,120
Speaker 4: the booster seats, so I couldn't even drive them to school.

819
00:38:47,600 --> 00:38:50,600
Speaker 4: She starts telling me she'll be home at a certain

820
00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:53,600
Speaker 4: time and then just doesn't come home, won't answer text,

821
00:38:53,880 --> 00:38:56,640
Speaker 4: won't pick up her phone. Sometimes she wouldn't come home

822
00:38:56,680 --> 00:38:58,640
Speaker 4: at all, and the kids would miss school because I

823
00:38:58,640 --> 00:39:03,480
Speaker 4: had no way to take them. This happened like twenty times.

824
00:39:03,880 --> 00:39:05,719
Speaker 4: I'd be up all night six as a dog and

825
00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:08,880
Speaker 4: panicking because I had no idea where she was. When

826
00:39:08,920 --> 00:39:11,880
Speaker 4: I finally confronted her, she said she didn't know why

827
00:39:11,920 --> 00:39:14,239
Speaker 4: she kept doing it, but then she just kept doing

828
00:39:14,280 --> 00:39:18,080
Speaker 4: it anyway, So I got suspicious for the first time ever,

829
00:39:19,120 --> 00:39:21,399
Speaker 4: told her I was worried something else was going on.

830
00:39:21,840 --> 00:39:24,480
Speaker 4: We had this long talk about boundaries and what's okay

831
00:39:24,480 --> 00:39:27,520
Speaker 4: and what's not. She spent an entire hour lying straight

832
00:39:27,600 --> 00:39:30,000
Speaker 4: to my face. Because not even an hour later, she

833
00:39:30,080 --> 00:39:32,279
Speaker 4: put her phone down and I saw a message with

834
00:39:32,360 --> 00:39:36,680
Speaker 4: a half unclothed pick and a text that says that

835
00:39:36,760 --> 00:39:41,120
Speaker 4: said tea minus six days until you can f me

836
00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:45,640
Speaker 4: to some random dude. And there were messages to another

837
00:39:45,680 --> 00:39:48,840
Speaker 4: guy too. I felt like I got punched in the stomach.

838
00:39:48,960 --> 00:39:51,000
Speaker 4: This woman, the one who told me every day that

839
00:39:51,040 --> 00:39:53,960
Speaker 4: we were soulmates. I never would have believed it. I

840
00:39:54,040 --> 00:39:56,239
Speaker 4: tried talking to her again, tried to figure out what

841
00:39:56,440 --> 00:39:59,680
Speaker 4: I wasn't giving her or what was wrong more lies.

842
00:40:00,040 --> 00:40:03,440
Speaker 4: A couple days later, something felt really off and I

843
00:40:03,480 --> 00:40:06,240
Speaker 4: asked to see her phone. She tried to lead stuff

844
00:40:06,280 --> 00:40:10,080
Speaker 4: real quick, but I stopped her. Found a message that

845
00:40:10,160 --> 00:40:15,240
Speaker 4: said You're so effing hot. It was amazing laying beside

846
00:40:15,280 --> 00:40:19,640
Speaker 4: you in bed the other night. If she just kept

847
00:40:19,640 --> 00:40:23,040
Speaker 4: disappearing on me, kept leaving me with everything while I'm

848
00:40:23,040 --> 00:40:26,280
Speaker 4: barely functioning on disability, then I find out she told

849
00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:28,680
Speaker 4: this guy that I drugged her and she doesn't feel

850
00:40:28,680 --> 00:40:32,879
Speaker 4: safe around me. What the actual f She completely made

851
00:40:32,920 --> 00:40:36,279
Speaker 4: that up. I got mad and told her to leave,

852
00:40:36,920 --> 00:40:39,680
Speaker 4: and honestly, there's way more to the story, but this

853
00:40:39,719 --> 00:40:43,680
Speaker 4: is already getting long. Here's where I really need help.

854
00:40:43,960 --> 00:40:46,960
Speaker 4: She doesn't want to actually separate. She wants to keep

855
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:51,000
Speaker 4: living together, split the bills, have me watch the kids

856
00:40:51,040 --> 00:40:53,600
Speaker 4: and handle everything at home while she goes and stays

857
00:40:53,640 --> 00:40:56,600
Speaker 4: the night at this dude's place whenever she wants. She

858
00:40:56,760 --> 00:40:58,800
Speaker 4: expects me to just be cool with it and figure

859
00:40:58,800 --> 00:41:02,040
Speaker 4: out how to be roommates or what it feels like.

860
00:41:02,120 --> 00:41:04,400
Speaker 4: She just wants me around to make her life easier

861
00:41:04,440 --> 00:41:07,320
Speaker 4: while she does whatever she wants. And she keeps saying

862
00:41:07,600 --> 00:41:10,800
Speaker 4: little things that give me hope that maybe she'll snap

863
00:41:10,840 --> 00:41:12,759
Speaker 4: out of this, which I think is just to keep

864
00:41:12,760 --> 00:41:15,480
Speaker 4: me from actually leaving. Yes, I'm supposed to go back

865
00:41:15,480 --> 00:41:18,960
Speaker 4: to work in a week, but I am an effing rook.

866
00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:22,040
Speaker 4: I started therapy, but it's only been once a week.

867
00:41:22,160 --> 00:41:25,000
Speaker 4: Watching her live this whole other life while I'm stuck

868
00:41:25,040 --> 00:41:29,360
Speaker 4: here is unliving me. I don't understand why she couldn't

869
00:41:29,440 --> 00:41:32,200
Speaker 4: just talk to me, give me some kind of heads

870
00:41:32,280 --> 00:41:34,719
Speaker 4: up or a chance to fix whatever was wrong. The

871
00:41:34,760 --> 00:41:36,799
Speaker 4: way she did this was so cruel and it's not

872
00:41:36,880 --> 00:41:39,920
Speaker 4: like her at all. Some people think she might be

873
00:41:40,239 --> 00:41:42,960
Speaker 4: having a manic episode or something, but I don't know

874
00:41:43,080 --> 00:41:46,120
Speaker 4: if that's what even matters at this point. The problem

875
00:41:46,200 --> 00:41:48,759
Speaker 4: is I can't afford to move out right now. I'm

876
00:41:48,760 --> 00:41:52,719
Speaker 4: on medical EI and I don't have anywhere to go,

877
00:41:53,320 --> 00:41:56,239
Speaker 4: and I don't want to leave my kids. So do

878
00:41:56,320 --> 00:41:58,160
Speaker 4: I just suck it up and stay here being the

879
00:41:58,200 --> 00:42:01,440
Speaker 4: stable parent while she's off with this guy, even though

880
00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:04,200
Speaker 4: it's destroying me? Or do I figure out some way

881
00:42:04,200 --> 00:42:06,640
Speaker 4: to leave even though I have no money and nowhere

882
00:42:06,640 --> 00:42:09,439
Speaker 4: to go. I genuinely don't think I'll ever be able

883
00:42:09,440 --> 00:42:13,200
Speaker 4: to trust anyone again after this. I mean yeah, and

884
00:42:13,239 --> 00:42:16,160
Speaker 4: I can't shake the feeling that this is somehow my fault. No,

885
00:42:17,160 --> 00:42:20,240
Speaker 4: even though everyone keeps telling me it's not. If anyone's

886
00:42:20,280 --> 00:42:22,520
Speaker 4: been through something similar or has any advice, i'd really

887
00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:25,080
Speaker 4: appreciate it. I'm trying to keep my crap together for

888
00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:27,839
Speaker 4: my kids, but I don't know what the right move

889
00:42:28,000 --> 00:42:30,319
Speaker 4: is here. Oh, there's an update, but before we get there.

890
00:42:30,560 --> 00:42:32,800
Speaker 4: I mean, honestly, I think you should try and leave

891
00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:35,319
Speaker 4: because and then see like talk to a lawyer if

892
00:42:35,360 --> 00:42:38,560
Speaker 4: you can and see if you know she would be

893
00:42:38,560 --> 00:42:42,200
Speaker 4: paying alimony, uh, or if there's any benefits that you

894
00:42:42,200 --> 00:42:43,600
Speaker 4: can get because she was cheating on you.

895
00:42:43,680 --> 00:42:46,200
Speaker 5: Obviously that depends. It depends on if there's like a

896
00:42:46,280 --> 00:42:49,080
Speaker 5: you're in a fault state, because sometimes it doesn't really

897
00:42:49,120 --> 00:42:51,240
Speaker 5: matter if they were cheating or not, doesn't change anything.

898
00:42:51,280 --> 00:42:53,520
Speaker 5: But sometimes you would get a bunch of money if

899
00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:55,799
Speaker 5: there was an affair or adultery.

900
00:42:56,160 --> 00:43:00,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, I would think that first of all, she did

901
00:43:00,200 --> 00:43:02,240
Speaker 4: all of this, so she should move out. The fact

902
00:43:02,239 --> 00:43:05,839
Speaker 4: that like he's like, you're taking care of the kids. Yeah,

903
00:43:05,880 --> 00:43:07,480
Speaker 4: you're taking care of the kids, and you're also on

904
00:43:07,520 --> 00:43:10,640
Speaker 4: disability so you really can't go anywhere. So like the

905
00:43:10,719 --> 00:43:12,960
Speaker 4: fact that like this conversation, I don't know if there

906
00:43:12,960 --> 00:43:15,000
Speaker 4: was a conversation about like who's going where or what

907
00:43:15,080 --> 00:43:17,399
Speaker 4: to do with all that, but like I just think

908
00:43:17,480 --> 00:43:23,760
Speaker 4: that like this it's become more than just you know, cheating.

909
00:43:23,800 --> 00:43:25,640
Speaker 4: Now it's becoming to the point of like now it's

910
00:43:25,640 --> 00:43:29,960
Speaker 4: affecting your entire life. Yeah, and it's not. And the

911
00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:33,360
Speaker 4: thing is, she doesn't seem like remorseful or regretful of me.

912
00:43:33,640 --> 00:43:35,640
Speaker 4: She's just like I'm gonna keep seeing this guy.

913
00:43:35,920 --> 00:43:39,359
Speaker 5: Yeah, she's gonna take the kids like, yeah, I think

914
00:43:39,440 --> 00:43:40,480
Speaker 5: lawyer up if you can.

915
00:43:40,760 --> 00:43:45,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's that's that's crazy. Yeah. Update. So I found

916
00:43:45,719 --> 00:43:48,200
Speaker 4: out that about six months ago, she was messaging two

917
00:43:48,200 --> 00:43:51,400
Speaker 4: of my best friends and her comments got too spicy

918
00:43:51,520 --> 00:43:54,240
Speaker 4: related for them, so they told her to back off.

919
00:43:54,640 --> 00:43:57,279
Speaker 4: She sent one of them letting him know that I

920
00:43:57,280 --> 00:44:00,000
Speaker 4: wouldn't approve of it. He didn't ask for this picture,

921
00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:02,200
Speaker 4: by the way. She showed me the text and one

922
00:44:02,239 --> 00:44:05,160
Speaker 4: of them asked what her and my boundaries were. Trying

923
00:44:05,160 --> 00:44:08,920
Speaker 4: to be respectful of me, she said that anything except penetration.

924
00:44:10,000 --> 00:44:10,200
Speaker 2: Uh.

925
00:44:10,200 --> 00:44:12,880
Speaker 4: When I asked her about this, she said that it

926
00:44:12,960 --> 00:44:16,000
Speaker 4: means kissing or anything physical. I let her know that

927
00:44:16,080 --> 00:44:19,040
Speaker 4: my friend would not take the text that way. It's

928
00:44:19,080 --> 00:44:22,200
Speaker 4: not what she's projecting. After that, she sent the news

929
00:44:22,560 --> 00:44:25,000
Speaker 4: and then went to his house to hang out. How

930
00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:27,560
Speaker 4: does that not come across as her wanting to cheat? Yeah.

931
00:44:27,600 --> 00:44:29,880
Speaker 4: She says that she's angry because she thought it was

932
00:44:29,920 --> 00:44:33,120
Speaker 4: safe since it was one of my best friends. Now

933
00:44:33,160 --> 00:44:36,200
Speaker 4: she comes home and she love bombs me. Of course,

934
00:44:36,320 --> 00:44:39,160
Speaker 4: tells me that she wants our relationship to stay the

935
00:44:39,200 --> 00:44:42,040
Speaker 4: same and that she loves me just as much as

936
00:44:42,040 --> 00:44:44,400
Speaker 4: she did before, and part of her hopes that she

937
00:44:44,560 --> 00:44:47,960
Speaker 4: wakes up and we're back together. She wants to continue

938
00:44:48,000 --> 00:44:50,480
Speaker 4: to live together and be best friends and all of

939
00:44:50,520 --> 00:44:54,759
Speaker 4: this love bombing crap. I felt good because I had

940
00:44:54,760 --> 00:44:58,000
Speaker 4: been feeling so depressed about the whole situation for so long.

941
00:44:58,120 --> 00:45:00,319
Speaker 4: After she left, I came to a realization and that

942
00:45:00,360 --> 00:45:03,440
Speaker 4: she's having her cake and eating it too. I stay

943
00:45:03,480 --> 00:45:07,080
Speaker 4: home with the kids and nothing changes for us except

944
00:45:07,280 --> 00:45:09,920
Speaker 4: the physical part, and she gets to also build a

945
00:45:09,920 --> 00:45:13,160
Speaker 4: life with this other guy. I just don't understand. What

946
00:45:13,200 --> 00:45:15,520
Speaker 4: if she's having a crisis and realize that she's made

947
00:45:15,520 --> 00:45:17,760
Speaker 4: a mistake and wants to come back to me after

948
00:45:17,880 --> 00:45:21,439
Speaker 4: she's f this guy. I don't want her to blow

949
00:45:21,520 --> 00:45:24,120
Speaker 4: up our lives because her hormones are messed up or something.

950
00:45:24,560 --> 00:45:26,040
Speaker 4: What theF do I do?

951
00:45:26,040 --> 00:45:26,160
Speaker 2: Do?

952
00:45:26,239 --> 00:45:28,319
Speaker 4: I continue to live my life with her and live

953
00:45:28,360 --> 00:45:31,160
Speaker 4: with someone who no longer even thinks of my feelings

954
00:45:31,239 --> 00:45:33,680
Speaker 4: or cares how I feel. She says she does, but

955
00:45:33,880 --> 00:45:36,600
Speaker 4: I don't see it. She says that she cries at

956
00:45:36,600 --> 00:45:39,759
Speaker 4: her friend's house and that if she starts, she'll cry

957
00:45:39,800 --> 00:45:42,200
Speaker 4: for six hours in front of the kids and asks

958
00:45:42,280 --> 00:45:44,920
Speaker 4: if I want that, but I don't see any emotion

959
00:45:45,080 --> 00:45:46,080
Speaker 4: from her. I'm sorry.

960
00:45:46,160 --> 00:45:49,000
Speaker 5: That's so manipulative to be like, I'll cry in front

961
00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:49,520
Speaker 5: of the kids.

962
00:45:49,760 --> 00:45:52,600
Speaker 4: You don't want that, do you? For sill? I'll do

963
00:45:52,640 --> 00:45:55,680
Speaker 4: it for six hours hours. It's crazy. So why you

964
00:45:55,719 --> 00:45:58,560
Speaker 4: need to get out of there? Yeah, dude, man, get

965
00:45:58,719 --> 00:46:02,040
Speaker 4: out of there. There's no saving this. This is the bomb.

966
00:46:02,320 --> 00:46:07,040
Speaker 5: This is yeah, the bomb, and it's gonna spread everywhere.

967
00:46:07,200 --> 00:46:09,759
Speaker 4: That's your life, it's already blown up. Say goodbye. What

968
00:46:10,040 --> 00:46:13,760
Speaker 4: IF's happening? How could someone who has so much invested

969
00:46:13,760 --> 00:46:16,160
Speaker 4: in me have a threshold to risk and gamble on

970
00:46:16,200 --> 00:46:19,080
Speaker 4: a guy so quickly that she barely knows doing it

971
00:46:19,120 --> 00:46:21,319
Speaker 4: the way she's doing it and not realize the pain

972
00:46:21,400 --> 00:46:23,719
Speaker 4: she's causing. There is a relevant update, But what are we?

973
00:46:24,040 --> 00:46:25,080
Speaker 4: What we think? Leave?

974
00:46:25,719 --> 00:46:28,239
Speaker 5: Get out of there, get your alimony, get it all,

975
00:46:28,400 --> 00:46:29,719
Speaker 5: get a lawyer, leave her.

976
00:46:30,400 --> 00:46:33,200
Speaker 4: This saint gotta be fixed. Yeah, she's kind of I

977
00:46:33,200 --> 00:46:35,240
Speaker 4: feel like she's over it, and you're just like waiting

978
00:46:35,760 --> 00:46:38,480
Speaker 4: for her to like be like, yeah, like I'm sorry,

979
00:46:38,680 --> 00:46:41,640
Speaker 4: I changed my mind. She ain't. She's yeah, But even

980
00:46:41,640 --> 00:46:44,520
Speaker 4: if she does change her mind, it's just gonna happen again. Yeah, guys,

981
00:46:44,560 --> 00:46:47,240
Speaker 4: you really want her back after she's done all this. Yeah,

982
00:46:47,239 --> 00:46:49,560
Speaker 4: and I feel I feel bad about, like, you know,

983
00:46:49,600 --> 00:46:52,279
Speaker 4: the kids, they have to, like, you know, see all

984
00:46:52,320 --> 00:46:54,880
Speaker 4: of that happen, which stinks. I hate when kids are involved.

985
00:46:54,960 --> 00:46:58,920
Speaker 4: That's the worst. Yeah, but I guess we're going to

986
00:46:58,960 --> 00:47:02,440
Speaker 4: get this update. Her answer to everything that hurts me

987
00:47:02,640 --> 00:47:06,280
Speaker 4: is that she knew that she wasn't doing anything wrong.

988
00:47:06,600 --> 00:47:10,520
Speaker 4: The thing is that I don't what about how things

989
00:47:10,560 --> 00:47:14,359
Speaker 4: definitely appear to me? She says she didn't even think

990
00:47:14,400 --> 00:47:17,719
Speaker 4: about that because she knew what she was doing. How

991
00:47:17,719 --> 00:47:21,600
Speaker 4: can she be this senseless because she doesn't have empathy? Oh, pe,

992
00:47:22,120 --> 00:47:25,680
Speaker 4: there's no empathy there zero. You never ever watched Adventure

993
00:47:25,719 --> 00:47:30,000
Speaker 4: time the empathy empathy put yourself in the place of me. Yeah,

994
00:47:30,040 --> 00:47:33,040
Speaker 4: she doesn't watch that episode. Yeah, that's cruel with the

995
00:47:33,640 --> 00:47:38,359
Speaker 4: obnoxygen gas. I thought she liked anime. Oh well, that's

996
00:47:38,480 --> 00:47:40,200
Speaker 4: no that. I guess that's a cartoon. That's not animal,

997
00:47:40,280 --> 00:47:44,080
Speaker 4: that's cartoon. So I guess she's she's strictly anime. Bleep bleep,

998
00:47:44,120 --> 00:47:46,560
Speaker 4: blue blop. Please tell me I'm not crazy for trying

999
00:47:46,600 --> 00:47:48,439
Speaker 4: to stick it out with this woman. That I love

1000
00:47:48,600 --> 00:47:49,200
Speaker 4: so much.

1001
00:47:49,280 --> 00:47:51,799
Speaker 5: Oh, I gotta tell you you are crazy for trying

1002
00:47:51,800 --> 00:47:52,279
Speaker 5: to stick it out.

1003
00:47:52,400 --> 00:47:53,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're crazy.

1004
00:47:53,320 --> 00:47:56,759
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's that's what I need. Someone to tell me

1005
00:47:56,920 --> 00:47:59,960
Speaker 4: that I'm not crazy and possibly not being manipulated.

1006
00:48:00,040 --> 00:48:02,600
Speaker 5: I can't tell you that. I gotta tell you you're crazy

1007
00:48:02,640 --> 00:48:05,080
Speaker 5: and you're being manipulated. If I tell you that I'm

1008
00:48:05,080 --> 00:48:05,879
Speaker 5: manipulating you.

1009
00:48:05,880 --> 00:48:06,520
Speaker 4: I'm lying to you.

1010
00:48:06,560 --> 00:48:09,759
Speaker 5: If I don't tell you and I'm crazy, you're crazy. Ope,

1011
00:48:09,960 --> 00:48:11,680
Speaker 5: I'm sorry, there are some comments.

1012
00:48:12,640 --> 00:48:15,600
Speaker 4: I'm so sorry. Op. I do understand how it feels

1013
00:48:15,600 --> 00:48:18,319
Speaker 4: to see your other half becomes someone else entirely. I've

1014
00:48:18,320 --> 00:48:20,319
Speaker 4: been going through that myself. I have no idea where

1015
00:48:20,320 --> 00:48:23,640
Speaker 4: the woman I married is. Unfortunately, she won't wake up

1016
00:48:23,719 --> 00:48:27,160
Speaker 4: until you stop being a doormat. She's having it really

1017
00:48:27,200 --> 00:48:29,759
Speaker 4: easy right now. Her life was not really shaken up

1018
00:48:29,800 --> 00:48:34,960
Speaker 4: post D Day, and she just keeps building her little

1019
00:48:34,960 --> 00:48:38,080
Speaker 4: fantasy in La La land with this guy. Of Course,

1020
00:48:38,120 --> 00:48:41,319
Speaker 4: she's still in illimerens with this guy. Of course, she's

1021
00:48:41,360 --> 00:48:44,560
Speaker 4: going to see him to have fun. He is fun.

1022
00:48:44,880 --> 00:48:47,200
Speaker 4: They have no kids to take care of, no sickness,

1023
00:48:47,200 --> 00:48:49,640
Speaker 4: no bills, nothing, and you're back home holding the fort.

1024
00:48:50,160 --> 00:48:54,040
Speaker 4: My wiener of a wife had to lose everything, and

1025
00:48:54,080 --> 00:48:56,920
Speaker 4: she's just starting to realize the amount of destruction she's caused.

1026
00:48:57,320 --> 00:49:01,760
Speaker 4: She's scheduled an appointment to the psychis herself this week. Lol,

1027
00:49:02,480 --> 00:49:05,480
Speaker 4: but it's probably way too late for us. It might

1028
00:49:05,520 --> 00:49:07,839
Speaker 4: be too late for you too. You won't know until

1029
00:49:07,840 --> 00:49:10,239
Speaker 4: you stop being a placeholder and actually start having some

1030
00:49:10,280 --> 00:49:14,280
Speaker 4: respect for yourself. I know it's scary, I know it hurts,

1031
00:49:14,560 --> 00:49:17,759
Speaker 4: and she might run away even further before she wakes up.

1032
00:49:18,400 --> 00:49:20,720
Speaker 4: It will feel awful, but she needs to stop feeling

1033
00:49:20,760 --> 00:49:25,000
Speaker 4: safe treating you like poo pooh. She knows you're tired

1034
00:49:25,280 --> 00:49:28,160
Speaker 4: or tied. She knows you're tied right now because of work,

1035
00:49:28,200 --> 00:49:31,960
Speaker 4: and she's taken advantage of it. Yeah, she's walking all

1036
00:49:32,000 --> 00:49:35,040
Speaker 4: over you and her life isn't even complicated because of it.

1037
00:49:35,320 --> 00:49:37,239
Speaker 4: You need to make a plan and follow through again.

1038
00:49:37,360 --> 00:49:39,920
Speaker 4: I'm sorry, I know how tough it is to actually

1039
00:49:39,960 --> 00:49:41,880
Speaker 4: stand up for yourself when you really just want your

1040
00:49:41,880 --> 00:49:47,239
Speaker 4: wife and your life back. It hurts as hack, but

1041
00:49:47,400 --> 00:49:53,399
Speaker 4: she won't respect you until you start respecting yourself. Op responds, ma'am,

1042
00:49:54,280 --> 00:49:57,319
Speaker 4: that hurts to read because I feel your pain. I

1043
00:49:57,360 --> 00:50:02,320
Speaker 4: am just panicked because I would forget. I've her almost

1044
00:50:02,360 --> 00:50:04,880
Speaker 4: anything if she was in a manic state or something,

1045
00:50:04,920 --> 00:50:07,960
Speaker 4: as long as she's not effing this guy. Today. She

1046
00:50:08,080 --> 00:50:10,239
Speaker 4: was talking about him like it might happen, and I

1047
00:50:10,280 --> 00:50:13,040
Speaker 4: heard her book a whax a week early, so it's

1048
00:50:13,040 --> 00:50:16,359
Speaker 4: going to happen soon. If this is a hormonal thing,

1049
00:50:16,520 --> 00:50:18,560
Speaker 4: it will make more sense. But I don't want her

1050
00:50:18,640 --> 00:50:22,160
Speaker 4: to make the worst mistake and it can't be reversed.

1051
00:50:22,239 --> 00:50:25,040
Speaker 5: Dude, you are a doormat. You need not let her

1052
00:50:25,080 --> 00:50:27,600
Speaker 5: walk all over you. And that's literally the end of

1053
00:50:27,640 --> 00:50:31,040
Speaker 5: the story. Oh pee, wake up. Yeah, she's already made

1054
00:50:31,040 --> 00:50:33,600
Speaker 5: a mistake that can't be reversed. She's cheating on you

1055
00:50:33,640 --> 00:50:35,480
Speaker 5: blatantly in the open.

1056
00:50:36,320 --> 00:50:37,439
Speaker 4: John here, og host.

1057
00:50:37,520 --> 00:50:39,200
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to these stories, but a quick

1058
00:50:39,239 --> 00:50:41,200
Speaker 1: three minute break from as from our sponsors.

1059
00:50:41,640 --> 00:50:45,560
Speaker 5: My husband says he has memory loss after he cheated

1060
00:50:45,640 --> 00:50:45,920
Speaker 5: on me.

1061
00:50:46,360 --> 00:50:49,120
Speaker 4: No big lie, big lie there.

1062
00:50:49,239 --> 00:50:52,080
Speaker 5: My husband, thirty two male, and I thirty two female,

1063
00:50:52,080 --> 00:50:55,400
Speaker 5: have been married for three years. Recently, we planned to

1064
00:50:55,440 --> 00:50:57,719
Speaker 5: buy house and have a baby, so I asked both

1065
00:50:57,760 --> 00:51:01,240
Speaker 5: of us to get health checked. We acts found out

1066
00:51:01,800 --> 00:51:06,719
Speaker 5: he's got NSTD. We were both shocked and confused about

1067
00:51:06,760 --> 00:51:09,000
Speaker 5: his infection. By the way, this comes from wubbah lohba

1068
00:51:09,040 --> 00:51:11,160
Speaker 5: dub a dub nine And if you want to submit

1069
00:51:11,160 --> 00:51:13,120
Speaker 5: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime

1070
00:51:13,160 --> 00:51:16,440
Speaker 5: subpared it. I'm Sophia and I'm Savannah, and we're here

1071
00:51:16,440 --> 00:51:17,040
Speaker 5: to give good advice.

1072
00:51:17,120 --> 00:51:19,000
Speaker 4: Goofy. But we don't have all the answers.

1073
00:51:19,320 --> 00:51:21,319
Speaker 5: We only know what we do, So let us know

1074
00:51:21,360 --> 00:51:23,560
Speaker 5: what you would do in the comments and OPI says

1075
00:51:23,840 --> 00:51:26,560
Speaker 5: he has always been a man with good manners. We'd

1076
00:51:26,680 --> 00:51:29,319
Speaker 5: argue like other couples in our marriage, and I never

1077
00:51:29,440 --> 00:51:32,880
Speaker 5: checked his bills or cell phone. He's also a reliable

1078
00:51:32,920 --> 00:51:36,080
Speaker 5: friend in our circle of friends. How did I find

1079
00:51:36,160 --> 00:51:39,160
Speaker 5: his cheating? His family sent a photo to him from

1080
00:51:39,160 --> 00:51:43,200
Speaker 5: a family reunion celebration when we visited his country. We

1081
00:51:43,239 --> 00:51:46,200
Speaker 5: live abroad. I just want to repost that photo from

1082
00:51:46,239 --> 00:51:48,880
Speaker 5: his phone. Sorry, I just wanted to repost that photo

1083
00:51:48,960 --> 00:51:51,600
Speaker 5: from his phone to mine and print it. He only

1084
00:51:51,680 --> 00:51:55,719
Speaker 5: used that phone in his country. I accidentally found some

1085
00:51:55,960 --> 00:52:00,319
Speaker 5: intimate photos with other people I didn't know at all all.

1086
00:52:01,040 --> 00:52:03,799
Speaker 5: When I tried to look for more details, I found

1087
00:52:03,840 --> 00:52:06,960
Speaker 5: a lot of Grinder and Tinder messages showing up. He

1088
00:52:07,000 --> 00:52:11,480
Speaker 5: obviously hooked up with many people gays, girls, trans people, etc.

1089
00:52:12,280 --> 00:52:17,000
Speaker 5: When he visited his family alone because of the pandemic. Oh,

1090
00:52:17,040 --> 00:52:19,239
Speaker 5: he did this when he visited his family alone because

1091
00:52:19,239 --> 00:52:19,800
Speaker 5: of the pandemic.

1092
00:52:19,880 --> 00:52:22,440
Speaker 4: I couldn't go with him. I need to explain.

1093
00:52:22,120 --> 00:52:25,719
Speaker 5: Something about myself because of my child the trauma, I

1094
00:52:25,760 --> 00:52:29,520
Speaker 5: have separation anxiety. I've been reading self help, psychological books

1095
00:52:29,520 --> 00:52:33,480
Speaker 5: and doing online CBT practice. I told him clearly about

1096
00:52:33,480 --> 00:52:36,640
Speaker 5: my childhood of being abandoned and ignored, and that I

1097
00:52:36,680 --> 00:52:40,279
Speaker 5: really care about connection with family. He told me he

1098
00:52:40,520 --> 00:52:43,680
Speaker 5: and his whole family felt sorry about my experience and

1099
00:52:43,760 --> 00:52:46,840
Speaker 5: would show me love and care. I was so grateful

1100
00:52:46,880 --> 00:52:49,680
Speaker 5: and touched at the time. We often quarreled about his

1101
00:52:49,719 --> 00:52:52,439
Speaker 5: behavior of forgetting or running away from things he doesn't

1102
00:52:52,440 --> 00:52:55,759
Speaker 5: want to face. He didn't push himself to solve problems,

1103
00:52:55,840 --> 00:52:57,919
Speaker 5: but I had to since we're in the same boat

1104
00:52:57,920 --> 00:53:01,680
Speaker 5: as a married couple. Was anxious that problems would spiral

1105
00:53:01,760 --> 00:53:04,600
Speaker 5: out of control if I didn't stand up. He is

1106
00:53:04,640 --> 00:53:07,680
Speaker 5: always willing to pay family bills, fully trust me to

1107
00:53:07,719 --> 00:53:11,160
Speaker 5: take care of the family, and praises my efforts. But

1108
00:53:11,360 --> 00:53:13,400
Speaker 5: I really need a person who can support me in

1109
00:53:13,520 --> 00:53:17,279
Speaker 5: running our family through actions together. There are a lot

1110
00:53:17,320 --> 00:53:19,440
Speaker 5: of moments I feel I'm not just a wife but

1111
00:53:19,520 --> 00:53:24,560
Speaker 5: also his secretary, assistant and reminder. I try to only

1112
00:53:24,600 --> 00:53:27,240
Speaker 5: interfere with problems that would cause damage in our life,

1113
00:53:27,520 --> 00:53:30,960
Speaker 5: but let him face his other small problems alone. It

1114
00:53:31,040 --> 00:53:34,359
Speaker 5: still didn't work well, though, and now I know it's

1115
00:53:34,400 --> 00:53:38,720
Speaker 5: because of his ADHD. My anxiety attacked me and quarrels

1116
00:53:38,760 --> 00:53:41,080
Speaker 5: happened when we were in different countries. I think I

1117
00:53:41,160 --> 00:53:44,960
Speaker 5: was definitely responsible for my childhood trauma affecting our relationship,

1118
00:53:45,560 --> 00:53:48,919
Speaker 5: but my in laws triggered me a lot. Every time

1119
00:53:48,960 --> 00:53:51,560
Speaker 5: he returned to his country, his family and he would

1120
00:53:51,600 --> 00:53:54,200
Speaker 5: go into a kind of log off mode. No one

1121
00:53:54,280 --> 00:53:56,480
Speaker 5: chatted in the group I was in anymore, and no

1122
00:53:56,480 --> 00:53:59,359
Speaker 5: one updated me about their life. No one even told

1123
00:53:59,360 --> 00:54:01,760
Speaker 5: me if they picked up my husband successfully at the airport.

1124
00:54:02,440 --> 00:54:05,200
Speaker 5: I could only know what they did by the photos

1125
00:54:05,239 --> 00:54:08,040
Speaker 5: they shared on social media. I felt like it was

1126
00:54:08,040 --> 00:54:11,080
Speaker 5: an agent of his family abroad, and when he returned

1127
00:54:11,080 --> 00:54:14,160
Speaker 5: to the States, they didn't need me anymore. I shared

1128
00:54:14,160 --> 00:54:17,040
Speaker 5: these feelings with them. They again told me they felt

1129
00:54:17,080 --> 00:54:19,640
Speaker 5: sorry to hear that, but still did the same thing

1130
00:54:19,800 --> 00:54:23,120
Speaker 5: every time. Back to the cheating topic, I didn't immediately

1131
00:54:23,160 --> 00:54:25,800
Speaker 5: tell him I had discovered the secret of his phone.

1132
00:54:25,880 --> 00:54:28,400
Speaker 5: I deliberately took his phone to scroll and play with

1133
00:54:28,480 --> 00:54:31,879
Speaker 5: in front of him, But to my surprise, he didn't

1134
00:54:31,920 --> 00:54:35,240
Speaker 5: show any nervousness. He gave me a cell phone password

1135
00:54:35,280 --> 00:54:38,520
Speaker 5: in this relationship, though I never checked his phone. Then

1136
00:54:38,560 --> 00:54:41,919
Speaker 5: I felt something was really wrong. I was freaked out

1137
00:54:41,960 --> 00:54:45,680
Speaker 5: he might have did or personality disorders. I made a

1138
00:54:45,719 --> 00:54:48,200
Speaker 5: white lie that my anxiety was getting worse, and I

1139
00:54:48,239 --> 00:54:51,399
Speaker 5: wished he could accompany me to the hospital. We went

1140
00:54:51,440 --> 00:54:54,919
Speaker 5: to see a psychiatrist and therapist. In front of them,

1141
00:54:54,960 --> 00:54:57,759
Speaker 5: I showed him the evidence I found in his phone. Wait,

1142
00:54:57,800 --> 00:55:01,560
Speaker 5: you tricked him into going I need to see a therapist,

1143
00:55:02,040 --> 00:55:04,200
Speaker 5: not for me, for you?

1144
00:55:04,880 --> 00:55:08,400
Speaker 4: What the surprise? Like interrogation, like I need an ambulance.

1145
00:55:08,440 --> 00:55:11,799
Speaker 4: I need an ambulance, but not for me. Help help,

1146
00:55:11,840 --> 00:55:14,959
Speaker 4: I can't bring you. Yeah you in a minute. Yeah,

1147
00:55:15,239 --> 00:55:19,640
Speaker 4: that's crazy. He looked confused and shocked. Well, yes, yeah.

1148
00:55:19,640 --> 00:55:22,120
Speaker 4: And the therapist and the psychiatrists are like, wait, sorry,

1149
00:55:22,200 --> 00:55:26,920
Speaker 4: whose appointment is this? They went, wait, are you Rebecca

1150
00:55:27,160 --> 00:55:29,120
Speaker 4: or are you I'm confused.

1151
00:55:29,360 --> 00:55:32,399
Speaker 5: After different checks, the psychiatrist told me he didn't think

1152
00:55:32,440 --> 00:55:36,440
Speaker 5: my husband had did it might be more about psychological

1153
00:55:36,520 --> 00:55:40,040
Speaker 5: defense mechanisms. He was ashamed of cheating, so his brain

1154
00:55:40,160 --> 00:55:43,200
Speaker 5: chose to lock these memories in a box. His memory

1155
00:55:43,239 --> 00:55:46,400
Speaker 5: came back after a series of therapy sessions. He and

1156
00:55:46,440 --> 00:55:51,200
Speaker 5: all siblings were also diagnosed with ADHD and autism. I

1157
00:55:51,280 --> 00:55:53,879
Speaker 5: knew he was panned before we got married, but at

1158
00:55:53,880 --> 00:55:56,960
Speaker 5: that moment, I thought spicy orientation wasn't a big problem

1159
00:55:57,000 --> 00:55:59,200
Speaker 5: as long as we loved each other. He and all

1160
00:55:59,280 --> 00:56:02,040
Speaker 5: his family are religious, and his family seems to love

1161
00:56:02,080 --> 00:56:06,040
Speaker 5: each other. None of his family gets divorced. He never drinks,

1162
00:56:06,360 --> 00:56:10,920
Speaker 5: never smokes, never does substances, and never goes to bars.

1163
00:56:11,400 --> 00:56:13,960
Speaker 5: He doesn't do anything that made me feel unsafe to

1164
00:56:13,960 --> 00:56:17,279
Speaker 5: get married. He had a girlfriend of five years before me,

1165
00:56:17,719 --> 00:56:20,239
Speaker 5: but because they both had religious beliefs, they had no

1166
00:56:20,280 --> 00:56:25,040
Speaker 5: spicy sleep and he said she couldn't accept his LGBT identity,

1167
00:56:25,120 --> 00:56:28,040
Speaker 5: so they broke up when he confessed his spicy orientation.

1168
00:56:29,000 --> 00:56:32,200
Speaker 5: After the breakup, he had crazy hookups with different people

1169
00:56:32,280 --> 00:56:36,040
Speaker 5: to explore his identity until he met me. When he

1170
00:56:36,080 --> 00:56:38,200
Speaker 5: proposed to me, he said that being a girl from

1171
00:56:38,239 --> 00:56:42,520
Speaker 5: a conservative culture who could accept his spicy identity, he

1172
00:56:42,560 --> 00:56:45,360
Speaker 5: was so grateful for the courage and love I had given,

1173
00:56:45,840 --> 00:56:48,480
Speaker 5: so how could it turn back to hurt me? After

1174
00:56:48,520 --> 00:56:51,600
Speaker 5: three years, I got cheated on by my ex boyfriend

1175
00:56:51,600 --> 00:56:54,360
Speaker 5: and suffered from that pain for a few years until

1176
00:56:54,400 --> 00:56:58,040
Speaker 5: I started dating again. I told my husband about this experience,

1177
00:56:58,080 --> 00:56:59,799
Speaker 5: and he hugged me and told me that people like

1178
00:56:59,840 --> 00:57:04,480
Speaker 5: me deserve pure and sincere love. I still chose to

1179
00:57:04,520 --> 00:57:07,799
Speaker 5: believe him and never checked my husband's phone. Even though

1180
00:57:07,840 --> 00:57:11,040
Speaker 5: I got betrayed in the former relationship. I've been trying

1181
00:57:11,080 --> 00:57:14,680
Speaker 5: really hard not to experience cheating again, but eventually ended

1182
00:57:15,120 --> 00:57:17,720
Speaker 5: in such a dramatic ending that my husband cheated on

1183
00:57:17,800 --> 00:57:22,560
Speaker 5: me but lost his memory. That's not yeah, that's not

1184
00:57:22,640 --> 00:57:25,280
Speaker 5: a thing I should say. And you're like, I don't

1185
00:57:25,360 --> 00:57:26,120
Speaker 5: remember doing that.

1186
00:57:26,040 --> 00:57:29,960
Speaker 4: That's when you don't have any like substances unless he was,

1187
00:57:30,240 --> 00:57:32,240
Speaker 4: unless he was drinking while he did that. But she

1188
00:57:32,280 --> 00:57:34,560
Speaker 4: said that she doesn't like drink. He doesn't do substance.

1189
00:57:34,600 --> 00:57:35,400
Speaker 4: He doesn't do anything.

1190
00:57:35,440 --> 00:57:38,720
Speaker 5: Listen, even like whatever is that like he slipped something,

1191
00:57:38,920 --> 00:57:40,080
Speaker 5: which hopefully.

1192
00:57:39,760 --> 00:57:43,280
Speaker 4: Not yeah, if he was like something really has no

1193
00:57:43,400 --> 00:57:45,880
Speaker 4: memory of it. Yeah, or you took like some medication

1194
00:57:46,080 --> 00:57:49,840
Speaker 4: and now it's yeah, No, this is we're trying to

1195
00:57:49,880 --> 00:57:53,640
Speaker 4: make sense of something that's not sensical. Yeah. And first

1196
00:57:53,640 --> 00:57:56,520
Speaker 4: of all, you don't just forget that you cheat. Yeah,

1197
00:57:56,760 --> 00:57:58,880
Speaker 4: like you know, literally have photos on your phone of it.

1198
00:57:59,080 --> 00:58:01,840
Speaker 5: My questions it is his serial cheaters, since he hooked

1199
00:58:01,880 --> 00:58:04,880
Speaker 5: up with different people from apps. After therapy, he mentioned

1200
00:58:04,880 --> 00:58:10,000
Speaker 5: that child the trauma might cause spicy addiction, did ADHD, autism,

1201
00:58:10,040 --> 00:58:13,200
Speaker 5: dismissive attachment, and child the trauma added to my trauma

1202
00:58:13,360 --> 00:58:17,640
Speaker 5: lead to this sadness. He and his family all kind

1203
00:58:17,640 --> 00:58:21,280
Speaker 5: of have problems feeling and describing their feelings. His family

1204
00:58:21,320 --> 00:58:24,160
Speaker 5: seems to only celebrate good things but avoid talking about

1205
00:58:24,200 --> 00:58:27,400
Speaker 5: issues or problems together. In my mind, though I didn't

1206
00:58:27,400 --> 00:58:29,960
Speaker 5: have a healthy family, I still think family should share

1207
00:58:30,000 --> 00:58:32,920
Speaker 5: both good and bad things. My husband said when I

1208
00:58:32,960 --> 00:58:35,960
Speaker 5: got emotional and overwhelmed, he couldn't handle it and he

1209
00:58:36,040 --> 00:58:38,320
Speaker 5: chose to hook up to relieve it. I have been

1210
00:58:38,320 --> 00:58:42,320
Speaker 5: blaming myself for being too emotional, for feeling abandoned and ignored,

1211
00:58:42,800 --> 00:58:45,080
Speaker 5: then blaming him and all his family about the log

1212
00:58:45,120 --> 00:58:47,080
Speaker 5: off issue. And there is an update. But what do

1213
00:58:47,120 --> 00:58:49,160
Speaker 5: you think about this? Because this is just crazy.

1214
00:58:49,400 --> 00:58:54,200
Speaker 4: I just don't think like regardless of your sexuality, Yeah,

1215
00:58:54,280 --> 00:58:56,520
Speaker 4: cheating is cheating, Like it's cheating. It has nothing to

1216
00:58:56,560 --> 00:59:00,240
Speaker 4: do with his, yeah's identity. I could be LGBTQ for

1217
00:59:00,800 --> 00:59:04,600
Speaker 4: however long, but like I can still cheat unless it

1218
00:59:04,680 --> 00:59:08,560
Speaker 4: was unless you're talking about like polyamorous relationships, that that's

1219
00:59:08,560 --> 00:59:11,720
Speaker 4: completely different. But orientation has nothing to do with whether

1220
00:59:11,760 --> 00:59:14,520
Speaker 4: you're gonna like cheat or you know all this stuff.

1221
00:59:14,560 --> 00:59:18,080
Speaker 4: So first of all, op, get those facts straight. Yeah.

1222
00:59:18,280 --> 00:59:21,160
Speaker 5: Second, we have to say spicy orientation or your spicy

1223
00:59:21,200 --> 00:59:23,080
Speaker 5: identity just because get they flag us.

1224
00:59:23,200 --> 00:59:30,600
Speaker 4: Oh oh sorry, spicial spice, spicial spicial spicy identity. Yeah.

1225
00:59:30,880 --> 00:59:36,680
Speaker 4: But yeah, and then two, there is no way that

1226
00:59:36,760 --> 00:59:38,880
Speaker 4: he just forgot I don't believe it.

1227
00:59:39,440 --> 00:59:42,560
Speaker 5: I literally don't believe that. It's not a thing like

1228
00:59:42,640 --> 00:59:45,720
Speaker 5: just and you can have trauma responses, but I don't

1229
00:59:45,720 --> 00:59:48,640
Speaker 5: believe in this case that that was what happened. For sure, Yeah,

1230
00:59:48,760 --> 00:59:52,080
Speaker 5: because like yeah, he's just sitting there like coming up

1231
00:59:52,120 --> 00:59:54,280
Speaker 5: with another lie and being like oh yeah, like this

1232
00:59:54,320 --> 00:59:56,600
Speaker 5: is gonna save time for later on, and then like

1233
00:59:56,920 --> 01:00:00,520
Speaker 5: you know kind of is like using like manipulating the therapy.

1234
01:00:00,600 --> 01:00:02,960
Speaker 4: I was like, oh my gosh, I'm so lady. It

1235
01:00:03,000 --> 01:00:08,000
Speaker 4: was yay, yes, because of you, like oh, you brought

1236
01:00:08,000 --> 01:00:11,000
Speaker 4: me to therapy. Now, I'm like, you made me remember

1237
01:00:11,040 --> 01:00:13,320
Speaker 4: all this, and I blocked it away because I didn't

1238
01:00:13,320 --> 01:00:16,160
Speaker 4: want to hurt you, or something like, oh my god,

1239
01:00:16,280 --> 01:00:19,360
Speaker 4: cry me your river. But we do have an update.

1240
01:00:19,480 --> 01:00:20,160
Speaker 2: Oh good.

1241
01:00:20,520 --> 01:00:23,200
Speaker 5: After I announced in the chat group including his parents

1242
01:00:23,200 --> 01:00:26,120
Speaker 5: and siblings, that I got several high risk a chip

1243
01:00:26,280 --> 01:00:29,480
Speaker 5: from his cheating and cervical lesions. Turning worse, I got

1244
01:00:29,560 --> 01:00:33,520
Speaker 5: kicked from that family chat group. His sister's all similar

1245
01:00:33,600 --> 01:00:37,000
Speaker 5: to my age, who are women too? Never ever comforted

1246
01:00:37,040 --> 01:00:39,400
Speaker 5: me with any words at all, and later deleted me.

1247
01:00:39,920 --> 01:00:40,760
Speaker 4: I found that in.

1248
01:00:40,720 --> 01:00:42,720
Speaker 5: The fifth month of our marriage, the first time he

1249
01:00:42,800 --> 01:00:45,880
Speaker 5: went back to the States, he already started using dating

1250
01:00:45,920 --> 01:00:48,880
Speaker 5: apps and told his sister about it. He mentioned that

1251
01:00:48,960 --> 01:00:51,520
Speaker 5: he decided to get divorced and it was now going

1252
01:00:51,560 --> 01:00:55,240
Speaker 5: to use dating apps first. His sibling in the same

1253
01:00:55,360 --> 01:00:57,720
Speaker 5: city never reached out to meet her brother in person,

1254
01:00:58,200 --> 01:01:00,440
Speaker 5: just sent a message like, oh I bet or not.

1255
01:01:01,120 --> 01:01:03,600
Speaker 5: I don't know if this is a cultural difference. If

1256
01:01:03,600 --> 01:01:05,720
Speaker 5: I had a boy, if I had a brother or

1257
01:01:05,880 --> 01:01:08,400
Speaker 5: just a close friend and he told me about hooking

1258
01:01:08,480 --> 01:01:11,720
Speaker 5: up during his marriage, I would definitely at least meet

1259
01:01:11,800 --> 01:01:15,640
Speaker 5: him in person and make sure he was okay. At

1260
01:01:15,680 --> 01:01:18,560
Speaker 5: the same time, I actually reached out to his sister

1261
01:01:18,720 --> 01:01:21,040
Speaker 5: for help and talked with her about my worries and

1262
01:01:21,040 --> 01:01:24,080
Speaker 5: anxiety that my husband blocked me after he told me

1263
01:01:24,120 --> 01:01:27,040
Speaker 5: he felt overwhelmed and the monster in his mind was

1264
01:01:27,040 --> 01:01:29,920
Speaker 5: coming out, which I felt so confused about that time,

1265
01:01:30,560 --> 01:01:34,000
Speaker 5: which I felt so confused about at that time. She

1266
01:01:34,160 --> 01:01:37,400
Speaker 5: never even mentioned it to my husband. At the time

1267
01:01:37,440 --> 01:01:40,480
Speaker 5: he disappeared from my life, I realized he doesn't have

1268
01:01:40,520 --> 01:01:42,920
Speaker 5: any close friends in the States I could ask for help,

1269
01:01:43,240 --> 01:01:46,000
Speaker 5: so I asked his parents for help. I sent a

1270
01:01:46,080 --> 01:01:49,800
Speaker 5: very long message to explain the situation and problems. I

1271
01:01:49,840 --> 01:01:52,680
Speaker 5: also thought about the age generation gap, so I asked

1272
01:01:52,680 --> 01:01:56,640
Speaker 5: his sisters for help too, but both responses were like

1273
01:01:57,040 --> 01:02:01,080
Speaker 5: let it be, Let it be. Really checked with him.

1274
01:02:01,560 --> 01:02:02,720
Speaker 5: Is that a cultural difference?

1275
01:02:03,400 --> 01:02:03,840
Speaker 4: So far?

1276
01:02:03,920 --> 01:02:07,360
Speaker 5: I found all his siblings, including himself, are pan I

1277
01:02:07,400 --> 01:02:11,320
Speaker 5: came from a conservative culture. I have little idea about

1278
01:02:11,320 --> 01:02:13,919
Speaker 5: the LGBT group. How could it happen that all kids

1279
01:02:13,920 --> 01:02:16,520
Speaker 5: are paned? Why did he never ever delete those messages

1280
01:02:16,520 --> 01:02:19,240
Speaker 5: and photos? He blames himself for what he did and

1281
01:02:19,320 --> 01:02:21,440
Speaker 5: is trying to make it up to me financially, but

1282
01:02:21,560 --> 01:02:24,920
Speaker 5: for me, the distraction of home cannot be remedied. I

1283
01:02:24,960 --> 01:02:27,480
Speaker 5: couldn't stop my own from disappearing when I was a kid,

1284
01:02:27,520 --> 01:02:29,919
Speaker 5: and I still couldn't stop it after I grew up.

1285
01:02:30,400 --> 01:02:31,160
Speaker 4: I'm miserable.

1286
01:02:31,240 --> 01:02:33,200
Speaker 5: But there is a teeny little bit left to this story.

1287
01:02:33,600 --> 01:02:35,480
Speaker 4: Do you have any final thoughts? I mean, I just

1288
01:02:35,520 --> 01:02:38,800
Speaker 4: think that the whole thing is just out of proportion. Yeah,

1289
01:02:38,880 --> 01:02:41,560
Speaker 4: I think he's focusing on the wrong things. Yes, I think.

1290
01:02:41,560 --> 01:02:44,960
Speaker 6: Op's like, what do I do about the pan this

1291
01:02:45,360 --> 01:02:50,040
Speaker 6: spicy orient Yeah, yeah, it's like huh, it's like, no,

1292
01:02:50,440 --> 01:02:52,280
Speaker 6: let's focus on the fact that your husband cheated on

1293
01:02:52,320 --> 01:02:55,800
Speaker 6: you and then you you are reaping the consequences of it.

1294
01:02:55,880 --> 01:02:58,400
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's like, okay, let's legally, let's get a divorced,

1295
01:02:58,440 --> 01:02:59,600
Speaker 5: let's get a lawyer involved.

1296
01:03:00,320 --> 01:03:01,919
Speaker 4: That's what we need to focus on. Because she never

1297
01:03:02,160 --> 01:03:04,400
Speaker 4: said like that they were in an open relationship or

1298
01:03:04,440 --> 01:03:08,320
Speaker 4: anything like that. That was never mentioned, not once. And

1299
01:03:08,400 --> 01:03:10,560
Speaker 4: so that's one cheating.

1300
01:03:10,880 --> 01:03:19,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, so that was one cheating cheating, one count cheating,

1301
01:03:19,360 --> 01:03:20,240
Speaker 5: one count cheating.

1302
01:03:20,280 --> 01:03:23,520
Speaker 4: T is two seconds before I call you a cheater? Yeah, cheater,

1303
01:03:24,360 --> 01:03:31,200
Speaker 4: And and I I feel like, okay, so one the

1304
01:03:31,440 --> 01:03:34,880
Speaker 4: the cheating two or two. You know what, I don't

1305
01:03:34,880 --> 01:03:38,680
Speaker 4: even know one cheating. That's it. That's your cheater, and

1306
01:03:38,720 --> 01:03:40,400
Speaker 4: that's all we need. We don't even need a number two.

1307
01:03:40,400 --> 01:03:43,480
Speaker 4: Oh and then also how you got the STD from it?

1308
01:03:43,520 --> 01:03:47,120
Speaker 4: And there's number two two STD yeah and like three

1309
01:03:47,760 --> 01:03:50,880
Speaker 4: So like wait they said it was HPV, So that's

1310
01:03:51,000 --> 01:03:54,680
Speaker 4: like with you forever forever? Yeah. Yeah, that's like like

1311
01:03:54,680 --> 01:03:56,720
Speaker 4: this is like you need a and depending on what

1312
01:03:56,840 --> 01:04:01,600
Speaker 4: kind it could be curious. Yeah, So like no, it's

1313
01:04:01,640 --> 01:04:04,240
Speaker 4: like this is something you go to court for. Yeah,

1314
01:04:04,320 --> 01:04:07,080
Speaker 4: like this could potentially like threaten your life. Yeah.

1315
01:04:07,120 --> 01:04:09,400
Speaker 5: If you say, hey, this is life threatening disease or

1316
01:04:09,520 --> 01:04:12,840
Speaker 5: just like negatively impacts my life forever, you can totally

1317
01:04:12,840 --> 01:04:16,680
Speaker 5: sue this guy. Yeah, my sympathy for him came earlier

1318
01:04:16,720 --> 01:04:19,960
Speaker 5: than my hatred. How could I still feel sympathetic towards

1319
01:04:20,000 --> 01:04:23,320
Speaker 5: a person who hurts me? I cannot stop blaming myself

1320
01:04:23,360 --> 01:04:25,600
Speaker 5: and feeling it was me that brought my fear and

1321
01:04:25,640 --> 01:04:29,200
Speaker 5: anxiety of being abandoned, which triggered his child to trauma

1322
01:04:29,320 --> 01:04:32,120
Speaker 5: and led to this marriage tragedy. What if I knew

1323
01:04:32,120 --> 01:04:35,280
Speaker 5: more about ADHD and checked his phone much earlier and

1324
01:04:35,320 --> 01:04:38,120
Speaker 5: stopped him, though he keeps telling me that he is

1325
01:04:38,160 --> 01:04:40,920
Speaker 5: the problem and it was all his fault. I use

1326
01:04:40,960 --> 01:04:43,640
Speaker 5: a lot of question marks because I'm really sad, confused,

1327
01:04:43,720 --> 01:04:48,040
Speaker 5: and hopeless. Please help me and again sue him, divorce him,

1328
01:04:48,240 --> 01:04:50,600
Speaker 5: all that jazz court, court, court, court,