WEBVTT - What Is Breakup Bootcamp?

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to brain Stuff from how Stuff Works, Hey, brain Stuff,

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<v Speaker 1>Lauren vocal bam. Here nobody tells us how to do

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<v Speaker 1>a breakup. We get advice, encouragement, and insistence when it

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<v Speaker 1>comes to entering romantic relationships, but when it comes to

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<v Speaker 1>splitting up, we're on our own. Literally. Sure, we have

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<v Speaker 1>condolences murmured to us by anxious eyed friends and family

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<v Speaker 1>for a few weeks, and it's generally accepted that unusual

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<v Speaker 1>ice cream eating behavior, possibly combined with a drastic haircut,

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<v Speaker 1>might be in order. But otherwise we're given free rein

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<v Speaker 1>to melt down in the manner of our choosing. After

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<v Speaker 1>a while, though, people start rolling their eyes. Why does

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<v Speaker 1>she still look like she's going to a Morrisey concert,

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<v Speaker 1>they ask each other. Or why can't he stop texting

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<v Speaker 1>her at midnight apologizing for not having unloaded the dishwasher?

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<v Speaker 1>More often, the truth is breakups are personal. The sudden

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<v Speaker 1>dissolution of a relationship with the human we're emotionally closest

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<v Speaker 1>to can cause the sensation of life collapsing in on itself.

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<v Speaker 1>We spoke with Suzanne Morgan, a relationship counselor at Counseling

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<v Speaker 1>Associates for well Being in Athens, Georgia. She said, a

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<v Speaker 1>breakup or divorce is a loss that needs to be grieved,

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<v Speaker 1>and it often affects self esteem and identity and sometimes

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<v Speaker 1>even a sense of safety in the physical world. It

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<v Speaker 1>can mean the loss of the significant other and the relationship,

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<v Speaker 1>but also the death of the dream one had for

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<v Speaker 1>a life imagined or planned with that person. It's a

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<v Speaker 1>big deal and emotional healing takes a little time. But

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<v Speaker 1>if you don't have time these days, there's always break

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<v Speaker 1>up boot camp. In an age of SPA retreats and

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<v Speaker 1>clean living seminars, breakup boot camps have sprung up to

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<v Speaker 1>fill a need to make the broken hearted feel as

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<v Speaker 1>if they're doing something besides wallowing in their own psychological pain,

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<v Speaker 1>in addition to giving them concrete steps for moving forward

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<v Speaker 1>with their lives. And it's a big business. Let's take,

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<v Speaker 1>for example, the renew Breakup boot Camp, which runs retreats

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<v Speaker 1>out of New York and California and touts on their

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<v Speaker 1>website a scientific and spiritual approach to healing the heart.

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<v Speaker 1>You can participate in one of their weekend getaways, communing

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<v Speaker 1>with psychologists, life coaches, energy healers, and tantric yoga instructors

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<v Speaker 1>in addition to others struggling with the aftermath of a

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<v Speaker 1>big breakup for between one thousand two dollars and two

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<v Speaker 1>thousand four dollars. If that's a little rich for your blood,

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<v Speaker 1>you can sign up for text messages from a relationship

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<v Speaker 1>guru for nine dollars a month, or take a thirty

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<v Speaker 1>day email course for a hundred and forty nine dollars.

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<v Speaker 1>A M. E. Chon, relationship columnist and founder of Renew

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<v Speaker 1>breakup boot Camp, invokes the combined powers of neuroscience, psychology, yoga, meditation,

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<v Speaker 1>and energy healing to cover all of your post breakup bases,

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<v Speaker 1>But it seems like that's the kind of firepower required

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<v Speaker 1>for the tall order she's promising to fill. According to

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<v Speaker 1>her website quote, Renew provides a safe space for women

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<v Speaker 1>to heal past wounds, rewire unhealthy patterns and limiting narratives,

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<v Speaker 1>and enter the next phase of life with inspiration and empowerment,

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<v Speaker 1>all over the us of a long weekend. Other breakup

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<v Speaker 1>boot camps claim to have hit on similarly effective formulas

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<v Speaker 1>for ushering the trauma addled love lorn through the healing process.

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<v Speaker 1>One such program claims a three step program is the

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<v Speaker 1>way to go. Acknowledge your own role in what happened,

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<v Speaker 1>admit you're better off without that person, and accept that

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<v Speaker 1>the relationship is over. But is all this kerfuffle needed

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<v Speaker 1>for something that the vast majority of us will go

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<v Speaker 1>through at least once in our lives. On the spectrum

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<v Speaker 1>of trauma a person can experience, how bad can it be?

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<v Speaker 1>We also spoke with Anne Bellwood of Many Colors Counseling,

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<v Speaker 1>who specializes in psychotherapy for women and the LGBTQ community.

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<v Speaker 1>She said people are dealing with all kinds of things

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<v Speaker 1>during breakups. Psychological trauma is a subjective experience, meaning it

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<v Speaker 1>is defined by you and it is characterized by feeling

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<v Speaker 1>extremely helpless and overwhelmed. The loss of a close relationship,

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<v Speaker 1>especially depending upon the details of your situation, can absolutely

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<v Speaker 1>make you feel this way. I clients deal with this

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<v Speaker 1>by restoring a sense of control over their lives, making

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<v Speaker 1>meaning from the past, and restoring hope in the future.

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<v Speaker 1>So maybe the need for things like breakup boot camps

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<v Speaker 1>has more to do with our need for extra help

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<v Speaker 1>in all areas of our lives that we're constantly holding

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<v Speaker 1>together until the end of an important relationship brings it

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<v Speaker 1>all crashing into our laps, and although eating delicious meals,

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<v Speaker 1>doing yoga and talking to neuroscientists, life coaches and other

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<v Speaker 1>people who have recently been through breakups can definitely help

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<v Speaker 1>healing unhealthy relationship patterns can take a lifetime, not just

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<v Speaker 1>a weekend. Morgan said, I personally think the boot camp

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<v Speaker 1>idea sounds fine, but I would look at it more

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<v Speaker 1>as a retreat and a way to get support or

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<v Speaker 1>jump start the healing process. I would caution someone planning

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<v Speaker 1>to attend that they shouldn't expect a quick fix. Breakups

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<v Speaker 1>can bring up long held, painful wounds and negative beliefs,

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<v Speaker 1>but they are actually a good opportunity to change the narrative.

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<v Speaker 1>This doesn't happen overnight and requires some work. A breakup

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<v Speaker 1>can actually be a positive sign of growth that want

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<v Speaker 1>changing a pattern or not willing to accept unacceptable behavior anymore.

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<v Speaker 1>Today's episode was written by Jesselyn Shields and produced by

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<v Speaker 1>Tyler Clang. Brain Stuff has merchandise now. You can contain

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