Speaker 1: Welcome to brain Stuff from how Stuff Works, Hey, brain Stuff,
Speaker 1: Lauren vocal bam. Here nobody tells us how to do
Speaker 1: a breakup. We get advice, encouragement, and insistence when it
Speaker 1: comes to entering romantic relationships, but when it comes to
Speaker 1: splitting up, we're on our own. Literally. Sure, we have
Speaker 1: condolences murmured to us by anxious eyed friends and family
Speaker 1: for a few weeks, and it's generally accepted that unusual
Speaker 1: ice cream eating behavior, possibly combined with a drastic haircut,
Speaker 1: might be in order. But otherwise we're given free rein
Speaker 1: to melt down in the manner of our choosing. After
Speaker 1: a while, though, people start rolling their eyes. Why does
Speaker 1: she still look like she's going to a Morrisey concert,
Speaker 1: they ask each other. Or why can't he stop texting
Speaker 1: her at midnight apologizing for not having unloaded the dishwasher?
Speaker 1: More often, the truth is breakups are personal. The sudden
Speaker 1: dissolution of a relationship with the human we're emotionally closest
Speaker 1: to can cause the sensation of life collapsing in on itself.
Speaker 1: We spoke with Suzanne Morgan, a relationship counselor at Counseling
Speaker 1: Associates for well Being in Athens, Georgia. She said, a
Speaker 1: breakup or divorce is a loss that needs to be grieved,
Speaker 1: and it often affects self esteem and identity and sometimes
Speaker 1: even a sense of safety in the physical world. It
Speaker 1: can mean the loss of the significant other and the relationship,
Speaker 1: but also the death of the dream one had for
Speaker 1: a life imagined or planned with that person. It's a
Speaker 1: big deal and emotional healing takes a little time. But
Speaker 1: if you don't have time these days, there's always break
Speaker 1: up boot camp. In an age of SPA retreats and
Speaker 1: clean living seminars, breakup boot camps have sprung up to
Speaker 1: fill a need to make the broken hearted feel as
Speaker 1: if they're doing something besides wallowing in their own psychological pain,
Speaker 1: in addition to giving them concrete steps for moving forward
Speaker 1: with their lives. And it's a big business. Let's take,
Speaker 1: for example, the renew Breakup boot Camp, which runs retreats
Speaker 1: out of New York and California and touts on their
Speaker 1: website a scientific and spiritual approach to healing the heart.
Speaker 1: You can participate in one of their weekend getaways, communing
Speaker 1: with psychologists, life coaches, energy healers, and tantric yoga instructors
Speaker 1: in addition to others struggling with the aftermath of a
Speaker 1: big breakup for between one thousand two dollars and two
Speaker 1: thousand four dollars. If that's a little rich for your blood,
Speaker 1: you can sign up for text messages from a relationship
Speaker 1: guru for nine dollars a month, or take a thirty
Speaker 1: day email course for a hundred and forty nine dollars.
Speaker 1: A M. E. Chon, relationship columnist and founder of Renew
Speaker 1: breakup boot Camp, invokes the combined powers of neuroscience, psychology, yoga, meditation,
Speaker 1: and energy healing to cover all of your post breakup bases,
Speaker 1: But it seems like that's the kind of firepower required
Speaker 1: for the tall order she's promising to fill. According to
Speaker 1: her website quote, Renew provides a safe space for women
Speaker 1: to heal past wounds, rewire unhealthy patterns and limiting narratives,
Speaker 1: and enter the next phase of life with inspiration and empowerment,
Speaker 1: all over the us of a long weekend. Other breakup
Speaker 1: boot camps claim to have hit on similarly effective formulas
Speaker 1: for ushering the trauma addled love lorn through the healing process.
Speaker 1: One such program claims a three step program is the
Speaker 1: way to go. Acknowledge your own role in what happened,
Speaker 1: admit you're better off without that person, and accept that
Speaker 1: the relationship is over. But is all this kerfuffle needed
Speaker 1: for something that the vast majority of us will go
Speaker 1: through at least once in our lives. On the spectrum
Speaker 1: of trauma a person can experience, how bad can it be?
Speaker 1: We also spoke with Anne Bellwood of Many Colors Counseling,
Speaker 1: who specializes in psychotherapy for women and the LGBTQ community.
Speaker 1: She said people are dealing with all kinds of things
Speaker 1: during breakups. Psychological trauma is a subjective experience, meaning it
Speaker 1: is defined by you and it is characterized by feeling
Speaker 1: extremely helpless and overwhelmed. The loss of a close relationship,
Speaker 1: especially depending upon the details of your situation, can absolutely
Speaker 1: make you feel this way. I clients deal with this
Speaker 1: by restoring a sense of control over their lives, making
Speaker 1: meaning from the past, and restoring hope in the future.
Speaker 1: So maybe the need for things like breakup boot camps
Speaker 1: has more to do with our need for extra help
Speaker 1: in all areas of our lives that we're constantly holding
Speaker 1: together until the end of an important relationship brings it
Speaker 1: all crashing into our laps, and although eating delicious meals,
Speaker 1: doing yoga and talking to neuroscientists, life coaches and other
Speaker 1: people who have recently been through breakups can definitely help
Speaker 1: healing unhealthy relationship patterns can take a lifetime, not just
Speaker 1: a weekend. Morgan said, I personally think the boot camp
Speaker 1: idea sounds fine, but I would look at it more
Speaker 1: as a retreat and a way to get support or
Speaker 1: jump start the healing process. I would caution someone planning
Speaker 1: to attend that they shouldn't expect a quick fix. Breakups
Speaker 1: can bring up long held, painful wounds and negative beliefs,
Speaker 1: but they are actually a good opportunity to change the narrative.
Speaker 1: This doesn't happen overnight and requires some work. A breakup
Speaker 1: can actually be a positive sign of growth that want
Speaker 1: changing a pattern or not willing to accept unacceptable behavior anymore.
Speaker 1: Today's episode was written by Jesselyn Shields and produced by
Speaker 1: Tyler Clang. Brain Stuff has merchandise now. You can contain
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Speaker 1: hearted topics, visit our home planet, how stuff Works dot com.