Speaker 1: Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devoured and we're the Ellises.
Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos with our
Speaker 1: boys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait,
Speaker 1: I'll make you need therby most days. Wow. Oh, and
Speaker 1: one more important thing to mention. We're married, Yes, sir,
Speaker 1: we are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about
Speaker 1: some of life's most taboo topics, things most folks don't
Speaker 1: want to talk about through the lens of a millennial
Speaker 1: married couple. Dead ass is a term that we say
Speaker 1: every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually
Speaker 1: saying facts one hundred the truth, the whole truth, and
Speaker 1: nothing but the truth. Were about to take Philows off
Speaker 1: to a whole new level. Dead ass starts right now.
Speaker 1: The music, the music, right now, Cut it, dud, These
Speaker 1: beautiful faces up here tonight. Stop. What's up before we
Speaker 1: get started? Okay, what we got? We got some news
Speaker 1: for y'all. No, she is not pregnant. Man, y'all be
Speaker 1: one people to have babies. Listen. We done. We don't
Speaker 1: have no more kids. But I will say this, who
Speaker 1: loves the Ellis's who bought that copy of We Over Me?
Speaker 1: We over me. WHOA From now on, From now on,
Speaker 1: when you talk about the Ellis's, make sure you introduce
Speaker 1: us as New York Times best selling offers the Ellis's. Yes,
Speaker 1: we just don go twenty minutes ago that we made
Speaker 1: the list time. No listen, y'all, y'all have no idea,
Speaker 1: Like I almost didn't even know how to come out here.
Speaker 1: We got this news before we left the hotel, and
Speaker 1: we were literally shaking, crying, rying, laughing, I mean screaming.
Speaker 1: I was that big screaming. That was literally the val
Speaker 1: It was literally it was knocking on the door. So
Speaker 1: you got to calm down, shut up. I am a
Speaker 1: New York Times best selling author. I can scream in
Speaker 1: your hotel part that part. But no, seriously, we want
Speaker 1: to thank every last one of you because if it
Speaker 1: wasn't for you who shared our content from the very beginning,
Speaker 1: from the beginning, Light commented, tell a friend to tell
Speaker 1: a friend, if it wasn't for you. So this is
Speaker 1: not just our victory, it's your victory. Gave you yourself.
Speaker 1: Surround of applause. We love y'all, We appreciate you so much.
Speaker 1: Thank you. So have a seen maybe have a seat,
Speaker 1: have a sea ahead. But let me. We'll get my
Speaker 1: cards first, because you know, dev I don't know how
Speaker 1: the show goes. I have to hold it down real quick.
Speaker 1: Are you value want your cards? You give me my car?
Speaker 1: Trivile takes time to put these together, so we know
Speaker 1: what's happening with the show. So who's ever been to
Speaker 1: a dead ass live show? Anybody here ever been before?
Speaker 1: You've been here before, Atlana, So you know first man,
Speaker 1: I don't be using these cards. I just say whatever
Speaker 1: I want to say. Gave me having the car. Know
Speaker 1: what's going on, y'all, it's been quite the day. I
Speaker 1: have to say yes. But I'm gonna start with story
Speaker 1: time now for time, I had a whole another story
Speaker 1: to tell, but I'm not telling that story. So you're
Speaker 1: just gonna change the show up. I'm changing the show up,
Speaker 1: all right. Y'all want to hear the story I have before?
Speaker 1: You want to hear the old story? All right, real quick,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell that the old story. So here's the
Speaker 1: crazy part. Me and cadem was arguing before we found
Speaker 1: out that we was New York Times bestsellers. Swear on everything.
Speaker 1: I'm in the room, we stay and I can't tell
Speaker 1: y'all what we're staying. We're staying at a very nice hotel.
Speaker 1: And I'm out there in the living room, mine in
Speaker 1: my business because she got her whole blam team in there.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to find my little corner because you know, gentlemen,
Speaker 1: we don't get no space, right. I hear baby baby,
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, can you come real quick? So while
Speaker 1: run in the bathroom, I'm thinking something's wrong. I run
Speaker 1: in the bathroom. Sweep, boom, bust my ass. My whole y'all,
Speaker 1: I'm light skinned, this whole side of my ass, and
Speaker 1: ship is black and blue. I fell on the marble. Ye,
Speaker 1: we're coming up, y'all. Our bathroom in the hotel got
Speaker 1: marble floors. I just I said, got shit tripped me out.
Speaker 1: Shit tripped me out. I was like, oh, I don't
Speaker 1: play for all of this ship. And it was like
Speaker 1: you all right, Well, it's a far cry from the
Speaker 1: ram In. Remember Virginia, I used to take cut That's
Speaker 1: another story I used to take on vacations in college.
Speaker 1: We stayed at the Ramata, right, but there was no
Speaker 1: a da at the end of the lights was out,
Speaker 1: so it just said ram In and she looked right
Speaker 1: at me, and I was like, it's fitting, ain't it.
Speaker 1: That's all he was doing on that trip. Anyway, we
Speaker 1: was in college. That's what you do when you go
Speaker 1: away on college. So I fall right, boom, busting my ship. Right.
Speaker 1: First thing I do when I fall, I go damn.
Speaker 1: She looked at me. I'm waiting for sympathy for my wife, right,
Speaker 1: she donna go damn. I said, what happened? She was like,
Speaker 1: you ain't see the water? I said, tom Mount, tom Mount,
Speaker 1: First of all, I deserve an apology. She goes for
Speaker 1: what you called me in here? You couldn't tell me
Speaker 1: the floor was wet. No, lie, gentlemen, we know how
Speaker 1: we talked about accountability. No accountability. Her words were, you
Speaker 1: didn't hear the shower running? No, no, MoMA wasn't. She goes,
Speaker 1: you didn't hear the water running? I say, because I'm
Speaker 1: on the ground still, I go, I did hear the
Speaker 1: water running, right, but I thought it was a shower.
Speaker 1: She goes, that sounds like a you problem. I said,
Speaker 1: how did the water get on the floor? She says,
Speaker 1: you see me in a bathtub trying to get the
Speaker 1: conditioner out. My heir That's why I called you, because
Speaker 1: I was missing and it was getting on the floor.
Speaker 1: So I said, why couldn't you say, hey, babe, I
Speaker 1: need help, be careful, the floor is wet. That's too
Speaker 1: many words, That's what she said to me. That's too
Speaker 1: many words. I'm not talking to the kids. That's a lot.
Speaker 1: That's a lot. I'm under the stress. I'm trying to
Speaker 1: wash my hair out. The girl ready to start makeup. Like,
Speaker 1: come on, bro, gentlemen, does that sound like a lot
Speaker 1: of words? No? No, right, So now I get up.
Speaker 1: I'm bit. We're split. I'm like, you couldn't say that.
Speaker 1: She then says to me, when you heard the water running,
Speaker 1: you couldn't tell a difference between the shower running and
Speaker 1: the tub running. I said him, I'm supposed to know
Speaker 1: the difference, the difference in the acoustics of the water
Speaker 1: coming from the shower, I said, even if I didn't know, right,
Speaker 1: Even if I didn't know right, you expect me to
Speaker 1: before I go into bathroom, go wait a minute. The
Speaker 1: water is running. There may be a chance that my
Speaker 1: wife may be ginning the conditioning rider here and spring
Speaker 1: the water all over the floor. Let me calm down
Speaker 1: and going slowly. She goes, yes, yes, do you know
Speaker 1: who you married? Bro? So then I go, so, you're
Speaker 1: really not gonna apologize? She lows no. I say, fuck
Speaker 1: you're here, then walk like the bathroom. And the reason
Speaker 1: why I'm telling you this story is because yes, we
Speaker 1: wrote a New York Times best selling book, but niggas
Speaker 1: still be arguing in here, still be arguing, y'all. So outside,
Speaker 1: I sit on the bed. Right, This is how Codeine apologizes.
Speaker 1: After my legs are bruised up. She comes in the room.
Speaker 1: She sits on my lap. She sits on my lap,
Speaker 1: and she starts rubbing the inside of my thigh, and
Speaker 1: I go, that's not what hurts. She says, I know,
Speaker 1: how am I supposed to stay mad at that? You can't?
Speaker 1: And I didn't, And then all I do I just
Speaker 1: I suck it up. At that point pause, she ended
Speaker 1: up sucking it up. But I don't love it. Pee
Speaker 1: out here telling my business and these he was the streets,
Speaker 1: and now I don't appreciate you, okay, but he's right, though,
Speaker 1: he's right. So guys, wasn't it worth it? Okay? Y'all
Speaker 1: wanted to be like, yeah the bah, yeah yeah, She
Speaker 1: didn't hunt. It was worth it. You are right now.
Speaker 1: We'll see tomorrow my my hit fucked up? Y'all know
Speaker 1: how typically I'll be running out. I'll be like, yeah
Speaker 1: that nope. I wanted to take that big stuff out
Speaker 1: that door, and my hip said no, sir, let me
Speaker 1: walk my black eyes up this stage because if I'm
Speaker 1: falling on the other side, it's a rap. At our
Speaker 1: big age, we can't be falling. Nohow right, I'm twenty five.
Speaker 1: Good job, I'm still a small age, all right, y'all.
Speaker 1: So who listens to the actual dead Ass podcast? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I love that. Anybody have a favorite episode so far?
Speaker 1: You can be this season or another season. What's your favorite?
Speaker 1: So that's a lot of classes. That was a couple
Speaker 1: of season identity. Anybody else got a favorite episode? And
Speaker 1: having more kids? Well right, definitely one. So I'll fix this.
Speaker 1: The mic in the back hair, now, y'all watch it.
Speaker 1: Make sure you don't violate him in front of y'all.
Speaker 1: All right, we're all for good TV, but we don't
Speaker 1: want to make it that good. Then I have to
Speaker 1: start only fans and then what who's signing up for that?
Speaker 1: All right? Oh? We got hands people people. There were
Speaker 1: there were some hands when I mentioned it only fans.
Speaker 1: What do you think about that? Ellis h huh, it'll
Speaker 1: it'll be a New York Times for real. So if
Speaker 1: you know anything about our shows, we like to get
Speaker 1: our audience involved. We like y'all to participate. It gets
Speaker 1: a little interactive, a little improv That's what happens when
Speaker 1: you end up with two actors on stage. Right. So
Speaker 1: this time around. In the past we've done kind of
Speaker 1: like the newly wet game with couples and stuff. So
Speaker 1: this leg of the tour, first time out here in Texas,
Speaker 1: we figured me wanted to try. Uh so you want
Speaker 1: to be on dead ass because according to Trible, we
Speaker 1: have a lot of people that write into us and say, hey,
Speaker 1: how do I get on the podcast? I got stuff
Speaker 1: to talk about, this stuff that I want to say, right,
Speaker 1: so this is the perfect opportunity to vet someone trying hardest.
Speaker 1: You know, don't go on all They called it back
Speaker 1: to business. Anybody who wanted it back to business? Wings, Yeah,
Speaker 1: one of those fried pickles or something fried pickles or
Speaker 1: they got a whole face back out here. Yes, I
Speaker 1: see baby, go ahead, I love that. You see why
Speaker 1: I have to keep them on pace. Right. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: let me get must So we're doing a round of
Speaker 1: so you want to be on dead ass this table
Speaker 1: right here? Don't be quiet. This case is this table
Speaker 1: right here? Y'all got y'all first warning? Yes, I got
Speaker 1: my papers, I looked, I look professional, guys. So we're
Speaker 1: gonna play a game of elimination, right. Each person that
Speaker 1: we call on stage will participate in a series of
Speaker 1: different timed challenges, and one of them will be eliminated
Speaker 1: each round. The last person left will be the winner.
Speaker 1: And tonight's guests can do this no more, no pressure.
Speaker 1: Leg hurt. My leg hurt. So I'm gonna you're right, no,
Speaker 1: my leg hurts. Since you're asking, I'm asking now, right,
Speaker 1: So we're gonna start. I'm gonna introduce. What I'll do
Speaker 1: is I'll read the bio that the person submitted, and
Speaker 1: then if you know who you are because you wrote
Speaker 1: it in and I hope that you know who you are,
Speaker 1: you can stand up and make your way to the front.
Speaker 1: Sounds good, sounds good? All right? So this first contestant
Speaker 1: is a married mother of two. Her firstborn is now
Speaker 1: an angel. Sorry to hear that rest in peace to
Speaker 1: your baby, having lost their battle with long agenesis. After
Speaker 1: having her second child, I'll just say the name now.
Speaker 1: Jasmine battled with postpartum depression as an as many new
Speaker 1: mothers do. As a guest on Dead, Jasmine hopes to
Speaker 1: talk about making the hard choice to have to have
Speaker 1: another child, knowing the challenges that may come with it
Speaker 1: to everybody. Rep Jasmine in Love walks up big, all right,
Speaker 1: So our next contestant, if you will, is a third
Speaker 1: grade teacher who just celebrated her four year wedding anniversary
Speaker 1: with her husband Marcus on Valentine's Day. While Marcus and
Speaker 1: Catherine don't have any children yet, they struggle to find
Speaker 1: the balance between managing no She running up, She ain't
Speaker 1: even hear the rest of the she ain't even hear
Speaker 1: the rest of her arson hobbies, making time for each
Speaker 1: other and the guest on dead Ass, Catherine hopes to
Speaker 1: help other couples who are dealing with the same thing.
Speaker 1: Give it up for gatheringall. I just want you to
Speaker 1: remember some of your students parents may be in this audience.
Speaker 1: She said, I'm off duty. I'm off duty. She said,
Speaker 1: fuck them kids. She even clocked out y'all. That's about teacher.
Speaker 1: That's how teachers be. That's how teachers beat against you.
Speaker 1: Shout out to all the teachers, any other teachers in
Speaker 1: the building, ya yo, shout out to teachers. Man, teachers, y'all,
Speaker 1: y'all are underpaid. Got any more people in y'all corner.
Speaker 1: I got four kids at home. I'll be hating all
Speaker 1: of them. Motherfucker's my career clock. I can't imagine having
Speaker 1: thirty kids in the same at the same Everybody sit
Speaker 1: up and parents. The parents be worse than the damn kids.
Speaker 1: That's a fact. That's a fact. And you know, y'all
Speaker 1: know I used to want to mentor ship program right right,
Speaker 1: So I dealt with a lot of kids. One of
Speaker 1: my kids, he's no longer a kid, he's a grown man,
Speaker 1: right well, two of them. One of them is Roger
Speaker 1: right here, out to Roger. Roger, he tutors Jackson. Yes,
Speaker 1: that's the don't want to say, sill. I've been trying
Speaker 1: to take serious since he was eleven years oldies, since
Speaker 1: they were like, ye say so, my god, Ta Sial
Speaker 1: used to be a pain in the ass. Oh, I'm
Speaker 1: surprised he here. I used to scream at Taysion. We've
Speaker 1: been through a lot. We didn't been through a lot,
Speaker 1: say said, but he's here, which means that what I
Speaker 1: left the mark right, Because as educators and mentors, that's
Speaker 1: all we want to do, keep them alive and make
Speaker 1: them productive members of society. And with these two, that's
Speaker 1: exactly what they've done. So give them two young men
Speaker 1: around them. Applause. Yes, all right, we got two more
Speaker 1: contestants coming up here. Our next contestant is a confidence coach,
Speaker 1: whose mission is to champion others to develop the mindsets, habits,
Speaker 1: and skills necessary to live out their purpose nience. Because
Speaker 1: y'all like, I don't know the confidence coaches, well, hopefully
Speaker 1: she'll tell him. We're gonna find out as I don't
Speaker 1: know either, Can I Can I read the rest of it?
Speaker 1: Why why I need the cars? Let me get my
Speaker 1: card as a guest on dead ass, She hopes to
Speaker 1: empower our audience to attract the love and let the
Speaker 1: lives that they want by leading with humility and strengthening
Speaker 1: their interpersonal relationships. Ariasa, before we go on and on, Aresa,
Speaker 1: you have to let us know what a confidence coach does.
Speaker 1: Who who was laughing first because I was walking up
Speaker 1: at her. I don't be snitching. Was as a confidence coach.
Speaker 1: My mission, like she said, is instill the rights of
Speaker 1: confidence in other people by way a passion love or
Speaker 1: a petitioner relationship. So I have all y'all developed the mindset,
Speaker 1: habits and skills you need to be your best self
Speaker 1: and live out your purpose with confidence. Tell me period,
Speaker 1: period and if you don't shit, that's for me. I
Speaker 1: call Theresa. What you say? What'd you say? A Resa?
Speaker 1: Go hand with that for me? Please, thank you for
Speaker 1: coming up a resay the game. Yeah, your parents got
Speaker 1: real interested with the spelling here. We were in the back, like,
Speaker 1: so how exactly do we spell us pronounce this? But
Speaker 1: it's a beautiful name, So thank you for being here.
Speaker 1: Coach rees with a never known another car that was
Speaker 1: on another carnal, exactly the one that you don't have.
Speaker 1: You're stealing cars. That's why I didn't know. That's your
Speaker 1: second stripe. That's your second stripe down her hair. You
Speaker 1: got one morning and that's it all right. And our
Speaker 1: last and final contestant today says that she thinks that
Speaker 1: she's our twin. Hailing from Brooklyn, anybody else from Brooklyn
Speaker 1: and a half yo yo us Brooklyn has we get
Speaker 1: obnoxious real fast. Yes, you're all right now. Hailing from Brooklyn,
Speaker 1: Veronica has been envious of all the Dead Ass shows
Speaker 1: that she's missed in New York. She's been married for
Speaker 1: ten years and has two beautiful children. As a guest
Speaker 1: on Dead Ass, Veronica hopes to share what the similarities
Speaker 1: between her life and ours have meant to her. This
Speaker 1: stage is a little tighter than anybody else that's back here.
Speaker 1: She said, you're gonna have to move over. There's no
Speaker 1: more stage left, all right. So we have three rounds
Speaker 1: to this game. Y'all right. Trevil has really, you know,
Speaker 1: turned it up a notch the first round. Here are
Speaker 1: the instructions, okay, and we're gonna have kind of like
Speaker 1: a buzzer situation so the audience can tell us who
Speaker 1: raises their hand first to answer. So this is called
Speaker 1: check your Connection. Since we started recording the podcast at home,
Speaker 1: we can't always record with guests in person, so we
Speaker 1: use video chats to ducked interviews. Sometimes our internet connection
Speaker 1: may not be strong and when we speak some words
Speaker 1: they get cut off. But in order to keep the
Speaker 1: interview running smoothly. We have used context clues to get
Speaker 1: and guess what's been said. In this challenge. We will
Speaker 1: give you a sentence with some missing pieces. You have
Speaker 1: one chance to fill in the blanks and to keep
Speaker 1: the interview rolling and in out of Black History Month.
Speaker 1: All of these questions are going somebody clap? Can you
Speaker 1: please clap? A Black History Month? Thank you? A lot
Speaker 1: of good shit happened in this Black History Month, for sure.
Speaker 1: All of these questions will be about black culture. All right,
Speaker 1: So we have number one and you can raise your
Speaker 1: hands as soon as I finish the statement. If they
Speaker 1: know it, then okay. Ready. His mama named him blank,
Speaker 1: so I'm a call him blank. Who was it? Who
Speaker 1: was it? Was? It? Was it? One or two? Here
Speaker 1: we go. His mama Nadim Rocky, So I'm gonna call
Speaker 1: him rock. What movie was you watching? Womp womp wamp.
Speaker 1: It's a movie? Yes, famous clues from a movie. One
Speaker 1: more time? One more time. His mama named him blank,
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna call him blank. His mama and I'm blank.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna call him blank. Come into America. His mama
Speaker 1: named him curse. Who's mama named him so I'm gonna
Speaker 1: call come on, America. I'm into America. He just found
Speaker 1: the at all right, so nobody gets a point, all right, Now,
Speaker 1: nobody gets to listen. If I feel like some black
Speaker 1: cards are gonna get revoked tonight, what y'all think? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna help them out. I'm gonna help this alright.
Speaker 1: All right, this one is also a movie. He gonna
Speaker 1: blank in the blank. Oh my god, Houston, he's gonna
Speaker 1: knock you out. You had all the confidence in the
Speaker 1: world when you said that's she's a confidence coach. Duh
Speaker 1: clues anybody else? Anybody else want to take a try.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say it one more time. He gonna blank
Speaker 1: in the blank. Friday, You're gonna ride in the car?
Speaker 1: All right, well, listen, listen, listen, you got me. He
Speaker 1: gonna cry and you get in the car. No, you
Speaker 1: want to get the mic back. You added a few
Speaker 1: extra words in there. Get me because science you're gonna
Speaker 1: cry to night. God damn it, you happy car. Yes,
Speaker 1: he gonna cry in the car Friday. You are Millennium.
Speaker 1: You didn't watch Friday. You barely watch Friday. You teaching
Speaker 1: people kids? That needs to be a prerequisite to teach
Speaker 1: my kids. I'm just saying, all right, you want an
Speaker 1: easy one. What's the easy one? Let me see now, man,
Speaker 1: y'a all ready, all right, here's the next one. Here's
Speaker 1: the next nervous. Now make the money, don't blank blank
Speaker 1: blank blank, make the money. Don't let the money make you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I see you, I see you. You have officially moved
Speaker 1: on to the next round. Man, that's mad alright right
Speaker 1: now close the gap, now close all right, now let's go.
Speaker 1: Y'a all ready. So this one is not a movie,
Speaker 1: but I need to know that you know the words. Okay,
Speaker 1: come on blank blank blank blank, don't stop till you
Speaker 1: get enough? Who was blush? Who was used? No? Stop,
Speaker 1: don't stop? Come on, don't stop t getting enough? They
Speaker 1: don't it, ain't got it stop, don't stop. Te gone
Speaker 1: gone no yo. The confidence coach did with everybody else.
Speaker 1: Do the words come up? They don't say none of
Speaker 1: them words. She said, that is not the word, go ahead,
Speaker 1: go ahead. Anyone know the actual word though, So it's
Speaker 1: come on when the force, don't stop, don't stop till
Speaker 1: you get enough. I didn't got one. That is black history.
Speaker 1: We talked to him, brother that's black history. You gotta
Speaker 1: know that. You know it, all right, all right, this
Speaker 1: is going to be This is gonna be it to
Speaker 1: see who moves on moves on a right no pressure.
Speaker 1: Now you want me to do it? Lift every voice
Speaker 1: and sing till Earth and heaven ring ring with the
Speaker 1: harmonies of liberty. Hold on, hold on, hold on, give
Speaker 1: them a chance. There's no judgment, tiar Wait till they
Speaker 1: get in the car before you judge people. Don't judge people. Okay,
Speaker 1: So y'all really cannot judge me. I am from the Bahamas,
Speaker 1: so I ain't really learned that. Okay, y'all gotta teach
Speaker 1: me that one. All right, all right, this one we're
Speaker 1: gonna do. This is one we're gonna do. We are
Speaker 1: going to have a quick debate as to who has
Speaker 1: the best reason for not knowing these words. Stop aside,
Speaker 1: we've already heard she's from the Bahamas. We need to
Speaker 1: hear your excuse if this have been outlined. If you
Speaker 1: submit your questions, you gotta know stuff. I wouldn't have
Speaker 1: submitting myself. I thought it would have been you know,
Speaker 1: some of the questions and all I'm like, if I
Speaker 1: wouldn't have been prepared. I would have been okay, but
Speaker 1: I wasn't prepared. You know that makes sense. Now it's
Speaker 1: up to the crowd. Either we're here or we're here.
Speaker 1: We're gonna go with Bahamas because the crowd said so,
Speaker 1: and I don't want no beef. So let's get for
Speaker 1: a round of applause. Thank you so much. We appreciate
Speaker 1: you walk this way. And here's the truth, ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 1: It is not easy to get up here in front
Speaker 1: of all these black people and play these black ass games.
Speaker 1: All right, So I don't want no what judgments from you. Houston, Okay,
Speaker 1: as quiet as its capt I probably only knew about
Speaker 1: twities on here anyway. But it's left every voice and
Speaker 1: sing to Earth and heaven, rings of liberty. We're gonna rock,
Speaker 1: We're gonna rock. Love the foot that the dark past
Speaker 1: has talked us, so that the present past tell them
Speaker 1: me something about Yes, sir, two uh huh, give this
Speaker 1: some lf around of applause, Give ulf around of applause.
Speaker 1: You know the Black national anthem. That's how it goes, y'all?
Speaker 1: All right, all right up, and are y'allo's round two? Yes?
Speaker 1: All right? So this round is called make it makes sense?
Speaker 1: All right? All right. To be a good podcast guest,
Speaker 1: you must have excellent communication skills. You have to be
Speaker 1: able to get your point across so that many people
Speaker 1: can understand. And this challenge will ask you a question.
Speaker 1: Whether you know the correct answer or not, you have
Speaker 1: to give us an answer that makes sense. Okay. We'll
Speaker 1: give points to the best answer. The worst answer will
Speaker 1: be eliminated, and you have fifteen seconds. So everyone gets
Speaker 1: to answer one question and we're gonna pick the best answers.
Speaker 1: So we're looking for the top two. Got it? All right?
Speaker 1: What happened this? Guys, stay in my ass? What's happening?
Speaker 1: It's my favorite part of the show right here. Let
Speaker 1: me tuck this mic back here. Thank you? Got it?
Speaker 1: Thank you? All right, So we're gonna start with who
Speaker 1: should we start with? Coach Reese? All right, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: start with you. So come on, Coach Reese, shed it
Speaker 1: down for us. I got faith in your coaches, got
Speaker 1: faith in you. So let's give the best answer now right.
Speaker 1: You don't gotta make sense, but it gotta be a
Speaker 1: good answer. Make it makes sense to us. You are
Speaker 1: the CEO of a company called Buns, a plenty. What
Speaker 1: do you sell buns up plenty? Yes, please, let's give
Speaker 1: us a commercial. Now, are you looking for some buns here?
Speaker 1: At Buns are Plenty? We got everything that you need
Speaker 1: to serve hot dog buns. We cover your bun youngs.
Speaker 1: But regardless, we get it done. Oh yeah, oh yeah,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, oh yeah, buns to get it done, get
Speaker 1: it done. I love that. Faget fans will make it
Speaker 1: dance bones will get it done. I like that one.
Speaker 1: I like that. I like that all right. Number two,
Speaker 1: having sex or eating your favorite food? You have to
Speaker 1: give up one? Which one? And why? Come on? Bahamas?
Speaker 1: Oh no, okay, I would choose to give up my
Speaker 1: favorite food because sax is way better than food, period period.
Speaker 1: I love that. Okay, okay, okay. Number three triple is hilarious.
Speaker 1: All right, all right, sis, So all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: right listen up, y'all, we're gonna we're gonna see what
Speaker 1: she has to say here. Now, all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: your face is all over the news. Your friends and
Speaker 1: family want to know what you did. What do you
Speaker 1: tell them? See? She came to my house and she
Speaker 1: was on side of my man. So when I thought
Speaker 1: it was blah blah blah blah blah because you're not
Speaker 1: coming to him. I will gladly smile in my mug
Speaker 1: shot for that one, and I did, thank you. Well
Speaker 1: there you since fine this educator, ladies and gentlemen, houstince fine,
Speaker 1: this education back. So we are going to have the
Speaker 1: crowd applause. We're gonna have the crowd applause, but I
Speaker 1: favorites and the least amount of applause is going to
Speaker 1: have to go home. All right, we're gonna start here.
Speaker 1: I mean, you don't got to go home. What you
Speaker 1: give it up for? Jazz man, We got buns of
Speaker 1: plenty over here, all right, go ahead, and we got
Speaker 1: thump tea shore all right, Bahamas, thank you so much
Speaker 1: for joining us. Thank you jas. Everybody give it up
Speaker 1: for jazz. Yes, like we said, it's not easy to
Speaker 1: come up and thank you for coming through. So it's
Speaker 1: down to the final two. It's the final countdown. Can
Speaker 1: you remind them what they will win if they win
Speaker 1: this round? Go ahead and remind the triple what do
Speaker 1: they win. You'll be tonight's feature guests on the podcast,
Speaker 1: so you'll get to Yes, you have an interview with
Speaker 1: de Valin Cadeen. Yes, good time to head, y'all. So
Speaker 1: round three roles. All right, this is dead ass trivia
Speaker 1: and we're gonna be looking for the first one to answer,
Speaker 1: So y'all will let us know who was the first
Speaker 1: one to raise their hand to answer. If you are
Speaker 1: a loyal dead ass listener, you should know the answer
Speaker 1: to these questions. Once the question is read, you'll have
Speaker 1: ten seconds to answer. The first player to answer correctly
Speaker 1: will score one point, and the player would the most
Speaker 1: points win, right, got it? All right? Question number one,
Speaker 1: come to the center, y'all, don't be shy. When we
Speaker 1: conceived our fourth child, Dakota, When did it happen? And
Speaker 1: what was conceque? What was Cadeen inspired to do for
Speaker 1: this extra special moment? Alright, hold on a second. They
Speaker 1: couldn't hear the question. That's because y'all was screaming. The
Speaker 1: question was where we conceived our horse child? What was
Speaker 1: couldeem inspired by? All right? The blue lights? Well you
Speaker 1: get a point because you got blue rights, Yes, the
Speaker 1: blue lights. Yeah, but after everybody else screamed light, y'all
Speaker 1: got to be quiet, y'allly achievement for people, all right,
Speaker 1: So that's one that was the Blue Lights. So it
Speaker 1: happened the day before Valentine's Day, almost two days, almost
Speaker 1: two years to the dates. Yes, when Devout came home
Speaker 1: from filming on sets, was filming Sisters and Sisters was
Speaker 1: on TV? Yes, shout out? Who here watching Sisters? Yes? Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: Sisters is actually on right now. It's Wednesday, and it's
Speaker 1: Wednesday my bed. Y'all know, y'all know, nothing happened, nothing
Speaker 1: really happened. Do we still know who baby it is? Yet?
Speaker 1: It ain't mine? Because if it's mine, I'm sending you
Speaker 1: the Caren House. All right? You Fatima friend for tim
Speaker 1: a friend? Alright? Question number two? Who dang? I already
Speaker 1: said both? Whatever? Who is the producer of the show?
Speaker 1: Say it correctly for an extra point? O trouble a
Speaker 1: coach confidence just got two points because she said trible
Speaker 1: and she said it correctly. Yeah, trouble from our coach confidences.
Speaker 1: Ub Oh my god, this this next one is so embarrassing.
Speaker 1: Who remembers the episode for Game Night with Kid Kid
Speaker 1: Fury from the read anybody remember that in this episode
Speaker 1: of the Game Night with the legendary podcos podcast host
Speaker 1: Kid Fury, What embarrassing secret did I tell it was
Speaker 1: so bad, y'all? And if y'all don't know, don't gonna
Speaker 1: look for it. No, listen, you got an accident, you
Speaker 1: let it go somewhere he wasn't supposed to everywhere else
Speaker 1: but the toilet. You pooped yourself, You shipped your pans.
Speaker 1: One thing I'm learning about coach confidence. Coach confidence gonna
Speaker 1: say whatever she thinking, she's gonna say it with a
Speaker 1: lot of confidence and have us thinking she know what
Speaker 1: she's talking about and wrong. Not all right, do y'all
Speaker 1: want to know what it is? Baby? Tell us? All right,
Speaker 1: y'all forget it. We family, right, don't judge me, now,
Speaker 1: judge me when you get to your cars later. So
Speaker 1: I was in a pinch. I was still work hands
Speaker 1: to makeup artists heading to a client's house. Right, my
Speaker 1: stomach started, all right, So I'm frantic at this point
Speaker 1: because I'm like, I can't go to this woman's house
Speaker 1: and take a ship in her toilet. So I got
Speaker 1: to figure something out. There's no exits, with no McDonald's,
Speaker 1: nothing I can stop at. I look in the back seat.
Speaker 1: My mom had a ziplock bag. I am a pause
Speaker 1: a ziplock bag. With bobby pins in it that she
Speaker 1: would take to get her hair done and get her
Speaker 1: wrap on her dubie. So I says, you know what
Speaker 1: it's now, We're never So I proceeded to pour the
Speaker 1: bobby pins out of the bag. I pulled over on
Speaker 1: the side of an exit where it was very desolate.
Speaker 1: I opened both car doors because you know, you gotta
Speaker 1: opened the front and the bag to kind of make
Speaker 1: a little little triangle joint. Right, you made a little stall,
Speaker 1: and I took a ship on the side of the
Speaker 1: road in the ziploc bag. And I don't know y'all
Speaker 1: have been there before. Question, question, what did you wipe
Speaker 1: yourself with? Thank you? Thank you. You're not talking to
Speaker 1: the top flight security over there, but the inquiring minds
Speaker 1: want to know what you wiped yourself with. So after
Speaker 1: I did my thing, I realized there's no tissue inside.
Speaker 1: So I took my sock off and I wiped my
Speaker 1: ass with my sock. That's when I knew I had
Speaker 1: a rider right there. But she told me that story.
Speaker 1: I said, we can survive anywhere. Are you willing to
Speaker 1: do that? And got my little hand sanitizer, got to
Speaker 1: my client's house wash my hands and every always well
Speaker 1: in the lands, but I could not function in that state. So, yes,
Speaker 1: that was an embarrassing moment, y'all that I told y'all
Speaker 1: about on the podcast. Yes, it stays here. Nobody else
Speaker 1: gonna listen to it. Yeah, it's on the podcast. Everybody
Speaker 1: didn't heard it. Everybody that asked got a whole new
Speaker 1: meaning now that as live as a mother. Sure as
Speaker 1: he was there. That's a fact. All right. So this
Speaker 1: is the last question. You can either catch up or
Speaker 1: a coach confidence is gonna win? Yes, question number four card,
Speaker 1: it's our cards. We over me baby, right, Why I
Speaker 1: gotta be yours? What is Cadine's favorite part of the show.
Speaker 1: What is Cadeen's favorite part of the show. It's the
Speaker 1: listener questions, right letters that it's correct, sleister letters. It's
Speaker 1: my favorite part of the show. Me my mic bankman,
Speaker 1: you can have a seat, ahead, have a seat. You
Speaker 1: welcome to dead ass podcast. Coach Confidence. Everybody give it
Speaker 1: up a coach confidence, give it up for freeze. So wait,
Speaker 1: where's your mike? We gotta give you a mic. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: but if you're a mic, hello, all right, we're here
Speaker 1: we go. First question is how did you start listening
Speaker 1: to dead ass podcast? I was here before the podcast
Speaker 1: was the podcast? Were talking like backbone baby, maybe one
Speaker 1: or two YouTube like just you being like like the
Speaker 1: whole like that before the podcast. That's though, we love
Speaker 1: you even more for that. Yeah, we appreciate you. But no,
Speaker 1: in all honesty, this is the time you want to
Speaker 1: give you to talk to the people. If you a
Speaker 1: podcastle you have thirties, you are a podcast, so well,
Speaker 1: I take the podcast with coaches check me out. I
Speaker 1: ain't even have to say it. I always want to say,
Speaker 1: take your time, but she confidently told us go ahead
Speaker 1: and tell us where we can find you. Yes, yeah,
Speaker 1: on everything, so on tick talking about coach rees one
Speaker 1: on YouTube, I'm at you wish coaching on I g
Speaker 1: you wish coaching. But the podcast is practiced the podcast
Speaker 1: with coach es where we fuse research and culture to
Speaker 1: help you develop the minds of habits and skills you
Speaker 1: need in order to live out your purpose. With a comment,
Speaker 1: y'all bet y'all better give it up. Y'all better give
Speaker 1: it up, but y'all better give it up. I love that.
Speaker 1: So I can imagine based on your podcast topic and
Speaker 1: you're saying you, being a confidence coach, you've probably given
Speaker 1: people lots of great advice, right, I think? So has
Speaker 1: there been times when you yourself have maybe gotten not
Speaker 1: so good advice and not taking it advice? Yeah? Absolutely,
Speaker 1: I think bad advice. I think you can learn from anybody.
Speaker 1: So even watching somebody move the wrong way, if you're wise,
Speaker 1: you can learn from that. So so the reason I
Speaker 1: asked that if you've ever gotten bad advice because in
Speaker 1: the book de Val and I, if you guys haven't
Speaker 1: read it, anybody read the book yet or just started
Speaker 1: reading it or in it? Yeah? Good. So the reason
Speaker 1: I asked that is because the Vale, when we wrote
Speaker 1: the book, initially said, you know what, we want to
Speaker 1: give people an insight into our love story. But we
Speaker 1: didn't necessarily wanted to be a book of how twos
Speaker 1: or pillars on how to have the perfect relationship because
Speaker 1: we felt like we didn't have all the answers. So
Speaker 1: we decided that we were going to write a book
Speaker 1: about our love story that could encompass so many different
Speaker 1: things that people from different walks of life can pull from.
Speaker 1: So whether you're single, whether you're married, when you're in
Speaker 1: a relationship, a situationship and entanglement, whatever your situation might
Speaker 1: look like. We wanted to make sure that people can
Speaker 1: get that because what I realized growing up over time,
Speaker 1: I think he's in a own purpose to at this point, Yeah,
Speaker 1: let me tell you something. We're gonna fight and shook
Speaker 1: what we realized over time. Just even through writing our book,
Speaker 1: we're just looking at a recap of our childhood and
Speaker 1: how it got us to be who we are today.
Speaker 1: That we didn't receive a lot of conversations from family
Speaker 1: members about how to do adulting right, how to be
Speaker 1: a husband, how to be a wife, And in part
Speaker 1: I was a little bitter as I was growing up
Speaker 1: because I felt like man, like nobody was really explaining
Speaker 1: these difficult things to me. But in the same breath,
Speaker 1: I felt like, man, if somebody was to give me
Speaker 1: advice and the advice just to be some real fucked
Speaker 1: up advice or someone coming with a jaded, tainted experience
Speaker 1: of their life, then maybe that too would have been
Speaker 1: hard for me to kind of absorb. So have you
Speaker 1: ever bumped into people who are just coming through different
Speaker 1: walks of life that have been jaded and tainted by
Speaker 1: bad experiences? How do you pull someone out of that
Speaker 1: to be confident. The first thing I always say is
Speaker 1: get to the route your energy precede you. So if
Speaker 1: I don't focus on the energy that I'm giving myself,
Speaker 1: I'm going to permit that onto you every single day.
Speaker 1: And a lot of times we don't recognize that people
Speaker 1: are giving us their insecurities, right, can we get some
Speaker 1: claps with the that's something true, that's real talk? So
Speaker 1: if I would say, get to the root, because what
Speaker 1: you're talking about too can be a little bit of
Speaker 1: imposter syndrome, right, So a lot of times castle will
Speaker 1: talk to you from their sense of imposter syndrome. So
Speaker 1: if you're not getting to the root of who instilled
Speaker 1: that voice in you, I'm gonna be like, don't do
Speaker 1: that out of your fear. Don't speak to my vision
Speaker 1: your fear. Right, So I have to make sure that
Speaker 1: I'm clear on what my vision is. Love that. I
Speaker 1: love that, And I know I'd be joking a lot,
Speaker 1: but that actually is some really really good advice because
Speaker 1: so many times, even with Kadine and I, when we
Speaker 1: used to tell our parents even what our thought process
Speaker 1: was about what we want to do with our life,
Speaker 1: our parents used to project their insecurities onto us, and
Speaker 1: it taught us not to project our insecurities onto our kids.
Speaker 1: For example, with Kiro, Kiro saw me do a back
Speaker 1: flip on YouTube he was five. He said, Daddy, I
Speaker 1: want to do a backflip. The first thing in my
Speaker 1: mind was to say, please, don't do that. You're gonna
Speaker 1: hurt yourself. But I said, you know what, let me
Speaker 1: not project my fears on him. So I said, bro,
Speaker 1: go downstairs, find some pillows. In practice. Within three months,
Speaker 1: Cairo came back to me and said, Daddy watched this
Speaker 1: and he did a backflip in front of me and Kadeem.
Speaker 1: And to be honest, I felt proud as a parent,
Speaker 1: but I felt proud for him, and I also felt
Speaker 1: proud for us because it took everything in me not
Speaker 1: to be like, boy, go sit your ass down, because
Speaker 1: I I've been there on my parents, So I think
Speaker 1: that's great, great advice, that awesome. And I just want
Speaker 1: to take this time because I really do appreciate you.
Speaker 1: You allowed us to come up there. We make jokes
Speaker 1: and stuff like that, but I want to give you
Speaker 1: thirty seconds to speak to the crowd and give them
Speaker 1: the best advice you can give them in thirty seconds.
Speaker 1: The first thing I was say is I believe everybody
Speaker 1: was born with the purpose on purpose to live out
Speaker 1: their purpose. One time, you were born with the purpose
Speaker 1: on purpose to live out your purpose. Okay, so that's
Speaker 1: the py Your purpose is being doing and becoming being
Speaker 1: who you are. Every single one of you right now
Speaker 1: are living in your purpose. It doesn't always mean being
Speaker 1: active and in your passions like you right now, we're
Speaker 1: being in your purpose. The doing right is your passions,
Speaker 1: their craft, like they are doing their purpose right. That's
Speaker 1: their passions. How we acted out the becoming is our potential.
Speaker 1: So I think the gap between who we are and
Speaker 1: who you want to be the differences. Are you living
Speaker 1: in your purpose? Are you actively striving to be that person?
Speaker 1: And the dopest thing about tomorrow is you get to
Speaker 1: start over again. Can we get a round of a
Speaker 1: pose for recently? Thank you so much, Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: We appreciate your real talk. Yes, thank you so much, Yo,
Speaker 1: that was some good stuff in all honesty, in all honesty, Reese,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for your time, your words. I
Speaker 1: feel like people will walk out of here feeling a
Speaker 1: little bit better about themselves because they were able to
Speaker 1: get some information. But this is the part of the
Speaker 1: show where we like to hear from you guys. Yes,
Speaker 1: so more importantly than us telling our story, we kind
Speaker 1: of want to get a little bit about your stories
Speaker 1: by hearing you ask questions. This is the listener letter
Speaker 1: aspect of the show. So I think we have time
Speaker 1: for what maybe three six? Or we got six questions? Oh?
Speaker 1: I see one here? Okay, Oh all right, love that
Speaker 1: the question I have? What we have? How we get
Speaker 1: the three whole boys? Because we all three whole girls?
Speaker 1: Oh so what you gotta do with no? So, based
Speaker 1: on everything that we've been told by our doctors is
Speaker 1: that it's a I guess it's a physiological decision. Right,
Speaker 1: So my boy sperm swim extremely fast. They just be like,
Speaker 1: just be y'all, y'all heard that, right. The boys swim faster,
Speaker 1: but they also die quicker, right, and the girls they
Speaker 1: live longer, but they take longer to get there. So
Speaker 1: what happens is if she is lubricated, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, and my boys is in there, it's always
Speaker 1: gonna be a boy. So long story short, you gotta
Speaker 1: work on the four play bro y'all, make sure that
Speaker 1: she is well lubricated. If you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. Do you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, do your thing, let it
Speaker 1: rub on the ball, do a little bit. You know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. While you're doing your thing, and then
Speaker 1: more likely you're gonna have a bullet. Said that the
Speaker 1: woman has to take control for the boys. Well, that's
Speaker 1: accurate too, You damn right. I'd be like, do your thing.
Speaker 1: That's a damn line, don't know. Kay's favorite position was
Speaker 1: Kate's favorite position. You know, sorry, it's giving. I'd be
Speaker 1: doing all the damn work, pumping and sweating, pumping. She'd
Speaker 1: be back there like, you're not done yet. I'd be like,
Speaker 1: I'm enjoying myself. Nah, and all honesty. The doctor said,
Speaker 1: is nothing you can do, bro, doctor said, no, y'all,
Speaker 1: this this is the true story. We went to the doctor.
Speaker 1: I said, Bro, I got three boys, I want a girl.
Speaker 1: What can I do? Right? The doctor said, listen, we
Speaker 1: could even take your sperm and her eggs, and there's
Speaker 1: still a chance that when we put them together, all
Speaker 1: the embryos be boys. He said, God makes a decision,
Speaker 1: you can. And the thing is, most people that they're
Speaker 1: trying to get a certain sex, they'll get fifteen embryos,
Speaker 1: maybe five will be girls, uh, ten will be boys,
Speaker 1: and they just pick each other. They want an implant.
Speaker 1: But the doctor told us there's no guaranteed way to
Speaker 1: have a boy a girl. He just said, man, you
Speaker 1: gotta pray on it. And here's the sad truth. If
Speaker 1: you have three girls, you're probably gonna have another girl.
Speaker 1: Because he told us, if we have boys, we're gonna
Speaker 1: have another. And you see what happened. We had another boy.
Speaker 1: So it's a blessing. Man. We got boys, y'all got girls.
Speaker 1: Maybe one day we'll be in laws. You know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. I just know what I'm saying. I understand
Speaker 1: why people arrange marriages now that I have children, because
Speaker 1: you can't be raising your kids, yo, how and then
Speaker 1: expect to come over here. I feel you, Yes, you
Speaker 1: might be arranging a marriage or too. So we'll see
Speaker 1: because mother in laws be crazy too. Did y'all read
Speaker 1: the book? Did y'all se the beef between me and
Speaker 1: MEMI and the book? Oh they had beef, y'all? Me
Speaker 1: and Mimi have beef beef. Me and Memi ain't talked
Speaker 1: for two years. Yeah, yeah, it was crazy in Brooklyn
Speaker 1: for a minute. Let we have a question over here.
Speaker 1: So me and my husband, we've been together for thirteen years.
Speaker 1: We have two kids. We have a boy and a girl. Yes,
Speaker 1: shout out to you. I don't have a question, but
Speaker 1: I just want y'all to just explain to everybody like
Speaker 1: the importance of like day night, after the kids, after
Speaker 1: the career, because it gets like really hard, especially because
Speaker 1: we work together. We literally does, and it's it's like
Speaker 1: really hard. He's sleeps he like, who bet he's sleep
Speaker 1: It ain't hard for me. Yes, yes, this one rya
Speaker 1: thise ya. He shot, he shot. Don't be shy, bro
Speaker 1: let me shine side. So Deval and I worked together
Speaker 1: a lot, right, So most of our businesses are joint.
Speaker 1: We have the podcast together, do a lot of appearances
Speaker 1: and things together. And then you throw the four boys
Speaker 1: into the makes, you throw our individual goals into the makes,
Speaker 1: You throw us trying to be you know, a buzz
Speaker 1: sorry son and daughter to our parents. All that everything
Speaker 1: gets really really intense really quickly, and we realize that
Speaker 1: he and I don't do well when we're not connected.
Speaker 1: So we find time now and we're more deliberate about it.
Speaker 1: It's finding time to disconnect from everything else so that
Speaker 1: way we can take even if it's an hour or
Speaker 1: two to reconnect. And sometimes it's super simple for us.
Speaker 1: Like my mom is at the point now where she
Speaker 1: kind of knows and I'll sometimes give her the nudge,
Speaker 1: like Mom, Devout, I just need to night, just to
Speaker 1: kind of decompress. So she'll take the kids and she'll
Speaker 1: put them the bed downstairs and she'll be like, all right,
Speaker 1: the house is yours. You know. We have to make
Speaker 1: sure Memi and Pop are on a different level than
Speaker 1: us and the other side of the house because they
Speaker 1: couldn't be below us. But sometimes they couldn't be below us.
Speaker 1: But we take it back to the simple things that
Speaker 1: we enjoy. Like Devout looked at me at one point,
Speaker 1: I want to say, maybe in October and November of
Speaker 1: last year, and he almost looked like like he was
Speaker 1: concerned or something. And I looked at him in the
Speaker 1: eye and I'm like, what's the matter, And he was like,
Speaker 1: I just missed my girlfriend, like I miss her whoever
Speaker 1: she is. And at that point, I'm like, you've never
Speaker 1: met so many of me. I don't know who I
Speaker 1: am even today, but I'm gonna trying to find the
Speaker 1: girlfriend vibes and bring that back. So we've been much
Speaker 1: more intentional about doing the little things that used to
Speaker 1: excite us so much. I mean, I think about sitting
Speaker 1: in my dorm room when I was in grad school
Speaker 1: at a cute little apartment on campus, and he would
Speaker 1: come by. I would make a quick dinner. You know,
Speaker 1: I was on a budget with a meal plan and everything,
Speaker 1: so I'd make dinner. He'd come by. You know, everybody
Speaker 1: was making Alfredo back in the day. Every right tired
Speaker 1: of Alfredo. Now I'm tired of Alfredo. Made my little
Speaker 1: Alfredo dish for him. We sat down watching New York
Speaker 1: on the cover on TV. Play right, shout out to
Speaker 1: New York on the cover. They have throwbacks on now
Speaker 1: if y'all are not, yeah, it's playing now. But we'd
Speaker 1: watch New York on the cover. We'd have a deck
Speaker 1: of cards, we sit and play roma together, just like
Speaker 1: little things like that. We started doing that more lately
Speaker 1: and doing once a week, just having at least at
Speaker 1: the very minimum two together. And that's helped so much
Speaker 1: because we have so many things coming our way. So yes,
Speaker 1: date nights are important after the kids. If you have
Speaker 1: a village around you that you can lean on for support.
Speaker 1: You don't have a village, no, you gotta jeli is
Speaker 1: lean on it. Oh, okay, good. So if you have
Speaker 1: somebody you can lean on to just take the kids
Speaker 1: off your hands for a little bit. It's important because
Speaker 1: in the book too, you'll see we have a chapter
Speaker 1: that says the kids ain't first, And though that may
Speaker 1: not be the popular belief, we honestly believe that the
Speaker 1: kids don't function well if the energy is off in
Speaker 1: our house. So we got to be on the same page. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I'll speak to something that I know worked for me.
Speaker 1: That which is something that I had to learn, was
Speaker 1: it's okay for us as men to tell our women
Speaker 1: what we want right. And the reason why I say
Speaker 1: that is because we've been taught as men to not
Speaker 1: be nags. Don't say nothing if something isn't going the
Speaker 1: way you like it, we just be quiet. And what
Speaker 1: happens is resentment builds up and a lot of times
Speaker 1: we do what then we flash out and then your
Speaker 1: girls and news like I didn't know all this what's
Speaker 1: going on, But this has been going on the whole time.
Speaker 1: I will be the first to tell you the moment
Speaker 1: I started to speak honestly with my wife about what
Speaker 1: I need, what I desired, she made it happen, you know,
Speaker 1: dead ass. I was like, yo, I like when you
Speaker 1: used to wear the short shorts and the crop tops
Speaker 1: and all this other stuff. I walk in, I'll be
Speaker 1: gone for weeks. You know what she gone on when
Speaker 1: I walk in the house short shorts and crop times.
Speaker 1: I told her, I like watching New York under Cover.
Speaker 1: I walk in one day. All I hear is but
Speaker 1: it would have never happened if I didn't say it.
Speaker 1: And a lot of times we and I say we
Speaker 1: because I did the same thing. I expect her to
Speaker 1: figure it out right, like she a mind reader. And
Speaker 1: I'm like, you know me for all these years, how
Speaker 1: do you not know that I liked these things? And
Speaker 1: She's like, I got so much other things to focus on.
Speaker 1: And I thought I was doing everything right because you
Speaker 1: never said anything. So I started to be honest and
Speaker 1: open with her in real time about what I needed
Speaker 1: and what I required, and she stepped up to the
Speaker 1: plate and also I do the same thing. I tell her,
Speaker 1: tell me what you want, don't expect me to guess
Speaker 1: and figure it out. I got a lot of stuff
Speaker 1: going on too, ladies. A lot of times, your your husbands,
Speaker 1: your boyfriends, your baby falls. They have a lot of
Speaker 1: stuff going on. And if you don't tell them what's
Speaker 1: going on with you, they don't know. And it's not
Speaker 1: fair for you to be like you supposed to know
Speaker 1: you my man, he don't know. I've known this woman
Speaker 1: since she was eighteen. It seemed like every three years
Speaker 1: she changed shit. I don't be knowing half the time
Speaker 1: myself real. So I just say that speak honestly to
Speaker 1: each other and don't be afraid to be judged by
Speaker 1: your partner just because they tell you what they want. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and we don't have the time to be guessing shit
Speaker 1: no more. I'm like, yo, what do you want tonight? Like?
Speaker 1: What night? Is it gonna be? Right? So that way
Speaker 1: we're upfrot about it. We know what it is. It
Speaker 1: doesn't feel like scheduling per se, but it's more so like,
Speaker 1: all right, I know we gotta take care of business tonight,
Speaker 1: so how are we doing it? So I know what
Speaker 1: I ought to prepare for and we enjoy that. We
Speaker 1: enjoy that, y'all need I need me a little librarian.
Speaker 1: I needed two pig tails. And then she'll be like,
Speaker 1: it's a safe space, right, She'll be like, going a room,
Speaker 1: smoky weed. When you come back, I go in there,
Speaker 1: do what you gotta do. I don't know what click
Speaker 1: click click click, and she got them heels on and
Speaker 1: she'd be just like you was looking for a book.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh yeah, period, yes. Then we jumped
Speaker 1: from the intro to the conclusion just like that. Seriously,
Speaker 1: we are seriously about serving each other in this relationship,
Speaker 1: like if my wife needs something, I'm near for her.
Speaker 1: When I need something, I'm not afraid to tell her
Speaker 1: what I need and she's just like, I got you, baby.
Speaker 1: And that's how we've been able to keep the fire
Speaker 1: going and keep date Nights live. So for sure, and
Speaker 1: talking about service, we talk about that lot on the
Speaker 1: lot now on the podcast. We mentioned it in the
Speaker 1: book as well, because what we've also realized too is
Speaker 1: that when we when we feel and we see the
Speaker 1: effort in the reciprocity, right, I'm like, you know, what's
Speaker 1: about what can I do today to make your plate lighter,
Speaker 1: what can I do to help you out today? And
Speaker 1: he'll let me know, you know, I got this going
Speaker 1: on that it will help me if you did this
Speaker 1: by me taking that one thing off of his plate
Speaker 1: because it's something that I can handle, then in turn,
Speaker 1: he's freed up to do something for me return, and
Speaker 1: that makes it that much easier. So that's a service component,
Speaker 1: and that's why in the book, for example, our subtitle
Speaker 1: is the counterintuitive Approach to getting everything you want out
Speaker 1: of your relationship, because what we're doing is removing the
Speaker 1: I need to find somebody who's going to complete me,
Speaker 1: they need to check all these boxes like we typically
Speaker 1: do when we're looking for relationships, right, But instead, what
Speaker 1: we've realized is if you come as a whole person
Speaker 1: who's happy with who you are and are looking to
Speaker 1: be of service to someone, then that's more so the
Speaker 1: approach that worked for us in our relationship. So hopefully
Speaker 1: that can resonate with some people. Knowing whether you're for
Speaker 1: a marriage, whether you're not, are you the marriage type
Speaker 1: or not, you'd luck being single and you're okay being single,
Speaker 1: that's fine too, But at least hopefully that gives people
Speaker 1: perspective about knowing further what they want. Yeah, baby, Hi,
Speaker 1: how are y'all tonight? What's up? Okay, First of all,
Speaker 1: I want to say that forgive me because I had
Speaker 1: no clue who y'all are when I walked through this door.
Speaker 1: We know who you are. It's okay, thank you. Listen,
Speaker 1: my friend, I don't know who you are. What's your name? Denira? Nice?
Speaker 1: Nice to me? Hey, hey girl. If I'm like that,
Speaker 1: now listen. So my friend came out here from New York.
Speaker 1: She introduced me to you guys tonight, and I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: let's do it. Let's go. And so you came out
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh my gosh, she's gorgeous, and
Speaker 1: what about me? What about me? That's your that's your girl.
Speaker 1: I'm not listening. I got too much respect, but I
Speaker 1: was like, wow, she's gorgeous. And you said, you have
Speaker 1: four boys. I have two kids. How did you gain
Speaker 1: the confidence back after having kids? Because you're definitely not
Speaker 1: the same person after having kids. And what did you
Speaker 1: do to help her gain her confidence back and regain
Speaker 1: who she was after being a mother girl. That's a
Speaker 1: great question. Well, thank you, welcome you better? Well, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's Um, that's a great question. And I think I'm
Speaker 1: still trying to figure out who I am. I even
Speaker 1: just said to my stylists recently, Um, shout out to Sharich.
Speaker 1: Put me in this beautiful pant suit and these shoes.
Speaker 1: I'm like, can I even walk in these after four kids? Um?
Speaker 1: I think it's the pandemic to everybody. Had a problem
Speaker 1: walking the heels again two years of being locked down.
Speaker 1: I ain't wear heels. I'm looking like a whole newborn
Speaker 1: baby calf some days in these shoes. But um, but
Speaker 1: for me, uh what because if I'll seeing me walk
Speaker 1: like that too? I did? I did them first three steps.
Speaker 1: I was like, whoa, whoa, my hip already fucked up.
Speaker 1: I can't even help you if you fall ahead. Um.
Speaker 1: But yes, children have a way of making you feel
Speaker 1: very unrecognizable, right, Um, from the pregnancy to the postpartum life.
Speaker 1: That not a lot of people talk about what that
Speaker 1: body looks like after the kids. So for me, it
Speaker 1: was being okay with not being okay with my body again,
Speaker 1: right because there's so much culture around feeling like you
Speaker 1: have to embrace the stretch marks and you have to
Speaker 1: embrace the loose skin, and you have to embrace the balling,
Speaker 1: and you have to embrace all these things. It's okay
Speaker 1: to not embrace it. I ain't like that shit, still
Speaker 1: don't like that ship. My edges are still suffering. I'm
Speaker 1: surprised Janelle was able to give me these two little
Speaker 1: brains here, because baby, the struggle. But what I do
Speaker 1: feel is that there comes a point when you realize, Okay,
Speaker 1: I need to get back to something that's recognizable. Right.
Speaker 1: Like I said, my husband has been my biggest supporter
Speaker 1: through all this, and it's to the point where sometimes
Speaker 1: my goals have become his goals too, that he's so
Speaker 1: invested and he's like, hey, you said you're trying to
Speaker 1: fit into X y Z, So we're gonna go to
Speaker 1: the gym and we're gonna do this together. And you'll
Speaker 1: see sometimes he'll post on his Instagram page that he's
Speaker 1: talking about me and my body and my journey because
Speaker 1: that's his way of helping me stay motivated. And I
Speaker 1: feel seen, right, I don't feel like someone is just
Speaker 1: disregarding how I feel. So Devo has really made it
Speaker 1: a point to just go with me to the gym.
Speaker 1: You know, he's like, Hey, whatever you gotta eat, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna eat too, So you're not making two separate meals.
Speaker 1: Whatever it looks like for me, it looks like for him.
Speaker 1: So that's been an amazing journey to be on with
Speaker 1: him because he so desperately wants me to be happy
Speaker 1: with myself again talk about it. So thank you, sir.
Speaker 1: This is a topic that I really love to speak
Speaker 1: on because after having Jackson. I don't know if will
Speaker 1: you guys listen to the podcast, but you know, we
Speaker 1: almost lost k after Jackson. She had to have emergency surgery.
Speaker 1: She had a lacerated survex, and my wife almost died.
Speaker 1: At that point, it became real to me how important
Speaker 1: childbirth is, especially Black maternal health. Right, So I took
Speaker 1: it upon myself to learn a lot about black maternal health.
Speaker 1: And this was the biggest thing. You know, it kills
Speaker 1: women more than anything else. It's not the stretch marks,
Speaker 1: it's not the way game, it's sleep deprivation. Listen to this.
Speaker 1: This is a study that I found, right, the big
Speaker 1: the greatest, the most disciplined people in the United States,
Speaker 1: right Army rangers, Navy seals, marines, all of the most
Speaker 1: disciplined people, you know what, they take months training training
Speaker 1: with sleep deprivation. So imagine you have the most disciplined
Speaker 1: soldier in the world and you got to take months
Speaker 1: to train him for sleep deprivation. But then you have
Speaker 1: a woman who has to deal with sleep deprivation, and
Speaker 1: we just expect him to come back normal. Right, And
Speaker 1: here's the thing. Sleep deprivation doesn't doesn't start and stop
Speaker 1: at any particular time. Codeine and her third trimester couldn't sleep.
Speaker 1: So that's three months of not sleeping, right, I thought,
Speaker 1: And I'm going to be honest and transparent here. I thought,
Speaker 1: as soon as the baby comes out, we get back
Speaker 1: to normal. That's what I thought. I was twenty seven
Speaker 1: when we had our first son, and I was just like,
Speaker 1: what's the matter, Like why, why are you not back
Speaker 1: to normal? Why are you not back to yourself? Then
Speaker 1: I started researching about breastfeeding. Right, if you breastfeed six
Speaker 1: months to nine months, you wake up every two and
Speaker 1: a half hours, and during those two hours when you sleep,
Speaker 1: you don't sleep soundly because you're worried about missing the
Speaker 1: baby crying. Right, So now you spend three months pregnant
Speaker 1: not sleeping, six to nine months, breastfeeding, not sleeping, and
Speaker 1: then after that your husband is on you like yo,
Speaker 1: we got to get back to who we were. I
Speaker 1: started to give my wife grace right and I said,
Speaker 1: you know what, during this time, whatever you need to
Speaker 1: help you become sane, I got you. On top of that,
Speaker 1: I notice is not a very popular thing. I moved
Speaker 1: my mother in law in with us, And the reason
Speaker 1: why I did that is because there's nothing better than
Speaker 1: watching your wife's sleep and having your mom's mom take
Speaker 1: care of your children. Because I can't do it the
Speaker 1: way she does it. But if my mom's mom can
Speaker 1: come in and grab my son and take them for
Speaker 1: a few hours so she can get sleep, it allows
Speaker 1: her to get more energy. It allows her to go
Speaker 1: back to herself mentally. When she gets back to herself mentally,
Speaker 1: you know what that allows her to do. I'm ready
Speaker 1: to get back in the gym. I'm ready to have sex,
Speaker 1: I'm ready to start making food. I'm ready to look better.
Speaker 1: But it takes a sacrifice from us as men to
Speaker 1: realize what women are going through during that time so
Speaker 1: that we can be an advocate for them and empower them.
Speaker 1: It's the truth, no them and about that. I can
Speaker 1: speak about this now with thirty eight, but at twenty
Speaker 1: seven I was fucked up in the game. I'll never
Speaker 1: forget it was five weeks and four days. I was like,
Speaker 1: I was like, heaby, as soon as that six week come,
Speaker 1: I'm ready to get back in the game. And she
Speaker 1: was looking at me like, bro, I don't got time.
Speaker 1: And I literally said this to her, right, I literally
Speaker 1: said this to her. Your mom had kids and worked.
Speaker 1: My mom had kids, it worked. Why are you acting
Speaker 1: like it's such a big deal. And the reason why
Speaker 1: I'm telling you that is because if you're sitting next
Speaker 1: to a man who doesn't understand what you're going through,
Speaker 1: don't treat it as if your man is the worst
Speaker 1: guy ever. Because that same guy who said that to
Speaker 1: you is the same guy that's sitting next to her.
Speaker 1: It took me having to learn and research and understand
Speaker 1: why I had to give my wife grace because I
Speaker 1: don't want to sit up here and act like I'm
Speaker 1: the most profound person. And I had this figured out
Speaker 1: at eighteen. I wasn't. I wasn't. I got coached out
Speaker 1: plenty of times by this one. Right here, y'all think
Speaker 1: my mouth is bad see postpartum K, postpartum K be
Speaker 1: letting me have it. And I used to be like,
Speaker 1: I don't know who you are anymore. You are an alien.
Speaker 1: I don't want to have no more kids because you create.
Speaker 1: The first five years of our marriage was a struggle,
Speaker 1: and we talking about it in the book talk about
Speaker 1: it a lot of it too. It was but um
Speaker 1: to answer your question, I just educated myself on what
Speaker 1: she needed as a woman, and then I empower her
Speaker 1: when she needs it. I stopped forcing her to do
Speaker 1: things she didn't want to do because I thought it
Speaker 1: was in her best interest. I started asking questions, well,
Speaker 1: how you feel today? You know what I'm saying. You
Speaker 1: don't feel like going to the gym. I'm right, let's
Speaker 1: work out in the house. Can you give me fifteen minutes?
Speaker 1: Because realistically, you don't have to do an hour, hour
Speaker 1: and a half every day to get back in shape.
Speaker 1: Do fifteen minutes every day. And when I say fifteen minutes,
Speaker 1: I don't even mean fifteen minutes high intensity. No get
Speaker 1: up and walk together. We lost out fifteen minutes walk together.
Speaker 1: Do that every single day and watch how your body changes,
Speaker 1: watch how your mind changes, and watch how the love
Speaker 1: grows and the intimacy grows because we talk about sex
Speaker 1: a lot, but sex is an intimacy to us. Intimacy
Speaker 1: is the time we spend together learning each other. How
Speaker 1: many times we've gone on dates and talked about what
Speaker 1: our dreams are gonna be. That to me is the intimacy.
Speaker 1: So when we get back in the house, we've discussed
Speaker 1: our dreams. So now we're horny because we discuss how
Speaker 1: we're gonna make this money. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: You talk money in front of a chick. Money. She's like, oh, yes, daddy,
Speaker 1: I see bands will make a dance you feel me?
Speaker 1: So that's how I really got her back to being herself.
Speaker 1: Was empowering her, but educating myself on on women's health.
Speaker 1: For sure. We have another question here? Where are we? Hello?
Speaker 1: I me my boyfriend. We would make ten years this year.
Speaker 1: We just I just had a little sun congratulations, thank you? Um,
Speaker 1: so he says he wants to marry me. So my
Speaker 1: question is would I be wrong to leave if I
Speaker 1: don't get my rings? What happened? I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: I said congratulations to ten years and I heard murmurs
Speaker 1: over here. Did I miss something? We'll make ten years
Speaker 1: this year. Okay, congratulations on the ten years. I got
Speaker 1: you on that. But you want to leave? Yes? Would
Speaker 1: I'd be wrong if I don't get my ring this year? Yes,
Speaker 1: her hair? No, I can't, I can't. I still can't.
Speaker 1: I still can't hear what she's saying. They've been together
Speaker 1: for ten years? Oh wait, wait, wait the friend wants
Speaker 1: to add something. Hold on, Okay, y'all, they've been dating
Speaker 1: since they was like what freshman in high school? Okay,
Speaker 1: maybe in dating for a ten years? Okay, she wants
Speaker 1: to get married. She's saying, well, she'd be wrong if
Speaker 1: he don't propose this year, if she was to leave.
Speaker 1: And that God, and you said there's a baby, and
Speaker 1: there's a baby, there's a baby involved? Yes, yo, yo?
Speaker 1: How old are you? How old are you? How old
Speaker 1: are you? I'm twenty six, you're twenty six? You twenty six?
Speaker 1: Are y'all telling her to leave this man? Well? Why
Speaker 1: are we leaving? Though? Why are we leaving? Can we
Speaker 1: get some insights? I just feel like at this point,
Speaker 1: like am I wasting my time? Like? How much time
Speaker 1: to be? All right? Y'all? Sorry, y'all I'm about to
Speaker 1: go ahead because I'm tired of this. Oh no, no, no,
Speaker 1: let me let me ask a question. Hold on, hold on,
Speaker 1: let me ask a question. All these women, right, all
Speaker 1: these women saying saying she should leave when it's time
Speaker 1: to get engaged, what do you bring? Do you get
Speaker 1: on your knee and bring a ring? Do you have
Speaker 1: to spend ten to hold on? Hold on? No, no, no,
Speaker 1: let me finish, Let me finish. No, no, no, I know,
Speaker 1: I gotta say this. My leg don't hurt no more.
Speaker 1: My leg is good. I'm I'm it was that symbol. Listen, No,
Speaker 1: this is this is why it is so difficult for me.
Speaker 1: I am passionate. It is so difficult for men to commit. Right,
Speaker 1: this is why women women come for And I'll use
Speaker 1: k as an example. When when when when on hold,
Speaker 1: when Kay was ready to get married, right, she used
Speaker 1: to leave rings all over the house that she likes, right,
Speaker 1: and these rings three, these rings were two and three
Speaker 1: carriage right when her sister somebody set period. You know
Speaker 1: how much a three carried ring costs right now? Thirty
Speaker 1: thousand dollars minimum for a three carried ring. Right, So
Speaker 1: you're telling this man, I need to get married right now,
Speaker 1: you need to go spend thirty thousand dollars on a ring,
Speaker 1: or on top of that, wait wait wait, wait, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: let me finish, Let me finish. On top of that,
Speaker 1: it has to happen with all my friends there. You
Speaker 1: gotta fly us to Paris. You gotta get a video prove,
Speaker 1: you gotta get pictures, which is another thirty to forty
Speaker 1: thousand dollars, and then you gotta pay for the wedding,
Speaker 1: because I need a wedding like Kim Kardashian or where
Speaker 1: it was. So now, what you're telling this young man, no,
Speaker 1: this is true. What you're telling this young man is
Speaker 1: that it's gonna cost you sixty seventy thousand dollars to
Speaker 1: get on the ring and propose to me. And if
Speaker 1: you don't do that in my time, I'm leaving once again.
Speaker 1: Once again. What are you bringing? If he's bringing sixty
Speaker 1: thousand dollars? Whop, priceless If you ask me, No, nobody
Speaker 1: ever wants to say that. Nobody, nobody ever wants to
Speaker 1: say this. But no, listen stop. Nobody ever wants nobody
Speaker 1: say nobody thank you, thank you. That's true. No one
Speaker 1: ever wants to say this at twenty six. Show me
Speaker 1: a twenty six year old black man right now that
Speaker 1: got sixty thousand dollars to get on his knee and
Speaker 1: ask a woman to marry made me want But she
Speaker 1: didn't say she needed all of that. No, I don't
Speaker 1: need all that. She didn't say she wanted all of that. Okay, Okay,
Speaker 1: she couldn't want to go to the courts. Okay, she
Speaker 1: could be passing down her granny's ring. Nae, it can't
Speaker 1: be a lot of situations if we're doing dead ass,
Speaker 1: can we do that ass for real? If this is
Speaker 1: dead ass for real? I need I need someone to
Speaker 1: tell me how a twenty six year old young man
Speaker 1: is supposed to find twenty six thousand dollars to invest
Speaker 1: in a one time moment, but and and hold on
Speaker 1: and still have money to be able to create a lifestyle.
Speaker 1: Can you give us context? Look at it? That's America ring?
Speaker 1: Is that a Houston? Oh do you want a Plaza
Speaker 1: America ring? Is that something from Houston? Yeah? Plaza American ring?
Speaker 1: Is that what she hold on? She's here, she's here,
Speaker 1: Let's hear her, let's hear her. Let's not her? I
Speaker 1: want to hear No, I don't. All right, let's let's
Speaker 1: keep it down so we can hear her follow up
Speaker 1: to the vows rant over here, Right, Okay, I don't
Speaker 1: want that that type of ring, but I do want
Speaker 1: a nice ring. I just want something simple, like, you know,
Speaker 1: very intimate. But it's not about the ring. But it's
Speaker 1: really it's really not about that. She says she wants
Speaker 1: something simple. No, not just want something simple, So now
Speaker 1: now stop me. I feel like, um, yeah, it's more
Speaker 1: so a commitment. And then also like I feel like
Speaker 1: what would be different if it was to get married?
Speaker 1: So I'm gonnak so I'm gonna answer. I'm gonna answer
Speaker 1: the questions. I'm gonna answer the question comment not just
Speaker 1: I'm trying to answer the question. Can I answer the question?
Speaker 1: Can I answer the question? This? This is this is
Speaker 1: one of the biggest problems that I found with young people. Right,
Speaker 1: we found this with us when it came to marriage
Speaker 1: Codean was concerned about the wedding. I was concerned about
Speaker 1: the marriage after we got married. I'm responsible to provide
Speaker 1: the lifestyle for my family and my wife, asked Kadean
Speaker 1: at twenty seven. She was I thinking about the marriage.
Speaker 1: All she thought about was getting the ring she wanted
Speaker 1: and the wedding she wanted because I thought the marriage
Speaker 1: would happen naturally, right, happily. Ever after then you right
Speaker 1: off into the sunset. Little did I know the work
Speaker 1: that was involved in that. And my point is, so
Speaker 1: many young people and this is not a knock on you,
Speaker 1: young lady. This is not a knock on you, because
Speaker 1: somebody very very close to us just got engaged, very
Speaker 1: very close. And that young lady's also said to her
Speaker 1: boyfriend at the time, my ring has to be three carriage.
Speaker 1: My whole family needs to be here, and stop me
Speaker 1: when I'm lying. He wasn't a professional athlete, he wasn't
Speaker 1: an entertainer. My whole family needs to be there. I
Speaker 1: want everything to be instagrammable. So you're asking these young
Speaker 1: men to be able to buy that before they get
Speaker 1: on the knee, And then you're wondering, what's taking him
Speaker 1: so Long's taking him so long as he's trying to
Speaker 1: find a way to build the type of resume to
Speaker 1: be able to do that and then take care of
Speaker 1: you after he's done that. That's what I was stuck with.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie to you. I wanted to marry
Speaker 1: this woman. I was in love with this woman, but
Speaker 1: she showing me all these rings in these platinum weddings,
Speaker 1: and I was like, I can't afford that ship right now.
Speaker 1: It had nothing to due with not loving her, but
Speaker 1: also my ego was like, I want to give my
Speaker 1: girl the same thing everybody else girl got. I didn't
Speaker 1: have that at twenty four. I didn't have it at
Speaker 1: twenty five. I had to wait until I could get
Speaker 1: it before I could propose. But even Kay gave me
Speaker 1: an ultimatum. And I'm saying, and I said this to
Speaker 1: her later on in life. I didn't say to her
Speaker 1: then because I wasn't thinking about it, but I was like,
Speaker 1: what did you bring to this proposal? If I had
Speaker 1: to bring, if I had to bring sixty thousand dollars,
Speaker 1: what did you bring? No one has given me an
Speaker 1: answer yet of what the ladies are gonna bring, or
Speaker 1: I think also too, So what are you looking for
Speaker 1: a woman to propose? No, I'm not looking for women. No,
Speaker 1: I'm not looking for women to propose. But what I'm
Speaker 1: looking for is to women, for women to have empathy
Speaker 1: for the young men that you're dating and understand that
Speaker 1: it's not that easy for us to just say I'm
Speaker 1: gonna just get all this money now, big age. Yes,
Speaker 1: at the time, I didn't see it. At the time.
Speaker 1: After dating for eight years, I felt like I needed
Speaker 1: to know where things were going. We were dating for
Speaker 1: eight years, and us women, we tend to have a
Speaker 1: checklist in our mind of things that we should accomplish
Speaker 1: at a certain age. So I get that if you're
Speaker 1: at twenty six, you're thinking, like, man, we've been together
Speaker 1: for ten years, what's next? You know, you're checking things
Speaker 1: off your list. Little did I know that the list
Speaker 1: doesn't necessarily have to pan out the way you're thinking.
Speaker 1: Is you know, I hear murmurs, but no one's telling
Speaker 1: me what the woman is bringing to the engagement. Okay,
Speaker 1: let me hear, let me hear, let's let's hear. My
Speaker 1: question is this. Have you ever had a moment where
Speaker 1: you could have been locked up and she was there
Speaker 1: for you? A moment where I could have been locked up,
Speaker 1: been locked up and she was there for you. Why
Speaker 1: I gotta be jailed? I'm like that. I'm not saying
Speaker 1: you couldn't even be a moment where you was where
Speaker 1: you was a hot temper. Can't nobody else break your temper?
Speaker 1: But if she got in front of you, she could
Speaker 1: break your temper. That's emotional support. That's happened. That's happened. Baby.
Speaker 1: Do I give you emotional support? You do so? Since
Speaker 1: you give me emotional support and I give you emotional support,
Speaker 1: I gotta think. Come with sixty thousand? Do you not
Speaker 1: realize it's okay to say the value won't? God, it's okay.
Speaker 1: She took it to jail. You ever been locked up before?
Speaker 1: You've been locked up? No, No, we have another question
Speaker 1: on I don't get what you're saying. I think I
Speaker 1: see a hand raised. I'm interested to see what this
Speaker 1: young lady has to think. I think I'm the only
Speaker 1: guy that stood up here from gentlemen, Yes, I didn't
Speaker 1: even know who y'all were. First off? Another one, thanks
Speaker 1: for coming here, right, Yeah you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: And and so yeah, I'm a barber in Houston. Everybody
Speaker 1: know me. Uh but uh no, I just good. I'm
Speaker 1: just good for real. I got a real question. I
Speaker 1: got a real question though, I have a real questions
Speaker 1: of success. Uh, how did your wife adapt to your
Speaker 1: levels of success, especially when you left and have to
Speaker 1: hit the road for the show and all that stuff,
Speaker 1: and how difficult was that for both of y'all adapting
Speaker 1: to level of success. Well, this was always the plan,
Speaker 1: just so y'all know, and it's it's insane to think
Speaker 1: about it. But literally, in October celebrated twenty years since
Speaker 1: our first date, right, and I literally looked at the
Speaker 1: val with like tears in my eyes, maybe a week prior,
Speaker 1: and I was like, do you understand how significant this
Speaker 1: anniversary is coming up? Not the fact that we had
Speaker 1: made it to two decades, but the fact that when
Speaker 1: I sat in his dorm room and I was eating
Speaker 1: the sandwich and we talked about in the book, was
Speaker 1: eating this sandwich and I was just like, yo, so
Speaker 1: be in college, Like what do you want to do
Speaker 1: with your life? And he looked at the television screen
Speaker 1: and he's like, I want to do that. And Martin
Speaker 1: was on the television screen and I'm like, oh, you
Speaker 1: want to be an actor. I was like that's dope.
Speaker 1: I'm like, how are you gonna do that? And twenty
Speaker 1: years later he is a working, thriving after y'all. This
Speaker 1: was always in the plan. The levels of success was
Speaker 1: always in the plan. We didn't quite know when our
Speaker 1: season would be, when it would happen, how long it
Speaker 1: would take, the hardships and the struggles and the obstacles
Speaker 1: that we were going to have along the way, But
Speaker 1: this was always in the plan, and I think that
Speaker 1: makes it so much sweeter now, Like even just having
Speaker 1: this moment with y'all, like you have no idea. I've
Speaker 1: been fighting back tears the entire show, even even leading
Speaker 1: up to thank You, says thank you, that's what I
Speaker 1: brought to the table. Put a price tag on that.
Speaker 1: All right. First of all, I'm I'm gonna answer. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna answer thank you, because I was about to start crying,
Speaker 1: but that was great. I'm gonna ask you a question
Speaker 1: because she has always been involved in my dream. Every
Speaker 1: time I've reached a level of success, it's always been
Speaker 1: our success. And on top of that, whenever I do something,
Speaker 1: the producers know, my wife and my kids have to
Speaker 1: be somewhere off, like that's just what it is. If
Speaker 1: I'm filming somewhere, if I'm something that's like, hey, my
Speaker 1: wife is gonna be come by a couple of days,
Speaker 1: or my kids may come by and it's always okay
Speaker 1: because I made it clear I can't do this project
Speaker 1: or I can't be involved in whatever this is if
Speaker 1: my wife and my kids can't be around. One thing
Speaker 1: I love more than being up on stage and making
Speaker 1: people laugh and creating conversations. I love my family. Like
Speaker 1: when I'm away from my boys for too long, I'm
Speaker 1: in the worst move. When I'm away from my wife
Speaker 1: for too long, I'm in an even worst move. So
Speaker 1: I always make it so that anything I'm a part
Speaker 1: of is a family affair. This way. The only time
Speaker 1: that it was a little bit rocky was when I
Speaker 1: was in the NFL because I can't tell her like
Speaker 1: my wife's coming to practice, but you can't. But she
Speaker 1: would get on a flight. She would come every weekend
Speaker 1: that I had home games in Detroit. If I wasn't
Speaker 1: traveling somewhere, she would come, and she would make detail.
Speaker 1: She would always make time to be there for me,
Speaker 1: not always just emotionally, but also be present because I'm
Speaker 1: my best self when she's there. So yes, I will
Speaker 1: say to answer you, that's what she brings. She does
Speaker 1: bring the fact that she he has a lot of
Speaker 1: She comes with an emotional security that I feel like
Speaker 1: Superman when I step out in the world, mainly because
Speaker 1: whether I fail or not, I know that I got
Speaker 1: my writer with me. You know how hard it is,
Speaker 1: like seriously, no, no, no, no, no, you you brought
Speaker 1: up jail. All of it wasn't quite jail. But she,
Speaker 1: she has been there for me in ways that I
Speaker 1: can't even imagine. Because it's hard being a black man
Speaker 1: out here trying to succeed in all these industries where
Speaker 1: they don't want us right, But it's easy for me
Speaker 1: to take a leap and not be afraid to fail
Speaker 1: because I got my writer. But the only thing I
Speaker 1: will say to the young lady who asked about leaving,
Speaker 1: don't block your blessings because things aren't aren't happening on
Speaker 1: your time, I would say, speak to him and ask
Speaker 1: him what's taking so long, and if he can eloquently
Speaker 1: express and articulate to you what's taking him so along,
Speaker 1: give that man the time and patience to be able
Speaker 1: to prove to you that he's worth waiting for. When
Speaker 1: when I first retired, we would broke his shit. I made.
Speaker 1: I made a ton of money in the NFL, lost
Speaker 1: it in the stock market because of the recession, lost
Speaker 1: it in property. Because of the recession, I had nothing.
Speaker 1: I did everything the right way, but i'd we did.
Speaker 1: But but I did everything I could the right way
Speaker 1: financially and still lost a lot of money. Right when
Speaker 1: I went back home, right, I said, baby, I know,
Speaker 1: we're not where we want to be. We had three
Speaker 1: friends in the NFL at the same time. Two of
Speaker 1: them signed five year, twenty five million dollar contracts. So
Speaker 1: for me as a man, it was like breaking my
Speaker 1: ego that we had to move back to my grandmother's
Speaker 1: apartment where my other friends was buying big mansions. I
Speaker 1: said to this woman, I said, give me time, and
Speaker 1: I promise you I will get us back to where
Speaker 1: we were. And all she ever said to me was
Speaker 1: I know, But it's that type of patience. It's what
Speaker 1: you're gonna need for your boyfriend if you feel like
Speaker 1: he's the one worth waiting for. That's the conversation. Don't
Speaker 1: listen to nobody else tell you to leave that man.
Speaker 1: Not even do that. Don't do that. Yes, it's only
Speaker 1: up to you and him. Have a conversation with him
Speaker 1: and find out what his plan is. Because I always
Speaker 1: told Kadem what the plan was That's the one thing
Speaker 1: were as clear about. There was always a plan. We
Speaker 1: weren't over here freestyle and this stuff was just freestyle
Speaker 1: and trying to figure it out as we go. No,
Speaker 1: we've had very specific, very deliberate plans. And we like
Speaker 1: to say marriage is like one never ending conversation because
Speaker 1: any idea that might have come to the vow's mind,
Speaker 1: because he's the creative, innovative one, he'd be like, Hey,
Speaker 1: I think we should do this, and I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: so how are we gonna do it? We had and
Speaker 1: paper pros and cons and we figure things out and
Speaker 1: we've always done it together. Some call it a cold dependency,
Speaker 1: some call it a partnership. This is just my best friend, y'all.
Speaker 1: And that's what makes moments like this so much sweeter
Speaker 1: because this has been twenty for us. Now. I've been
Speaker 1: told by a ton of people that I'm the greatest
Speaker 1: manifesto that they've ever met because I spoke what my
Speaker 1: life was going to be. I got the woman I wanted,
Speaker 1: I got the career I wanted, and I'm doing it
Speaker 1: with all of my friends. I want to pass that
Speaker 1: on to you. Close your eyes and think about this.
Speaker 1: I want you to dream about the biggest dream that
Speaker 1: you've ever had in your life. See yourself doing it,
Speaker 1: whether it's writing a book, being in a movie, making
Speaker 1: a million dollars, being the greatest actor at whatever it is.
Speaker 1: I want you to dream it and see it right now.
Speaker 1: Do you see it. Believe that it's yours, because it's
Speaker 1: already been done. I open your eyes, that dream is yours.
Speaker 1: Don't let nobody else project on you that you can't
Speaker 1: have it, because it's already happened. If you've seen it,
Speaker 1: when you close your eyes, that means it's already happened.
Speaker 1: Own it and grab it. Dead Ass is a production
Speaker 1: of iHeartMedia podcast network and is produced by Dinorapinia and
Speaker 1: Triple Follow the podcast on social media at dead as
Speaker 1: the podcasts and Never Miss a Thing.