WEBVTT - Three's Company 0:00:00.480 --> 0:00:04.640 Hell I Sucked Dating with Dean Ungler and Dared Haven 0:00:04.920 --> 0:00:10.799 and I heard radio podcast. Hey, welcome to an all 0:00:10.800 --> 0:00:13.680 new episode of help I Suck at Dating. I am Jared, 0:00:14.000 --> 0:00:17.919 joined by Dean. Currently on the road. Uh, Dean, where 0:00:17.920 --> 0:00:21.640 are you up to? Right now? I'm with Kaylin and Pappy. 0:00:21.720 --> 0:00:24.320 We are headed back to Los Angeles. We've just spent 0:00:24.360 --> 0:00:28.200 a couple of days in Tahoe Ski and the breaking 0:00:28.320 --> 0:00:32.360 sick nar hanging out on the lake. Uh. And now 0:00:32.360 --> 0:00:35.120 we're headed home. What's the longest road trip you've ever 0:00:35.159 --> 0:00:38.959 done with Klin? The longest road trip I've ever done 0:00:38.960 --> 0:00:43.879 with Caitlin. Uh. We did a South Dakota drive that 0:00:43.960 --> 0:00:47.520 was like hours from Los Angeles. That one really sucked. Oh, 0:00:47.640 --> 0:00:50.160 it's so bad. You know, if you if you're able 0:00:50.200 --> 0:00:53.200 to successfully have a great road trip with someone, they're 0:00:53.280 --> 0:00:56.560 usually the one. I wouldn't say that any of them 0:00:56.560 --> 0:00:58.280 are great. I would just say that they're all different 0:00:58.280 --> 0:01:03.200 shades of uh uh, just normal boring driving. I mean, 0:01:03.240 --> 0:01:05.480 I would be careful though she's she's driving right now. 0:01:05.520 --> 0:01:08.279 You have to be nice to her. She's your life 0:01:08.319 --> 0:01:11.520 is literally in her hands. It's very rare to see 0:01:11.520 --> 0:01:13.880 her driving. I'm very appreciative of her to step in 0:01:13.959 --> 0:01:16.240 take the reins while I record this podcast with you guys, 0:01:16.240 --> 0:01:18.480 because I was worried I was gonna be even later 0:01:18.520 --> 0:01:20.520 than I usually am. I was like, Caitlin, I have 0:01:20.560 --> 0:01:22.520 to get us here by this time. But then I 0:01:22.560 --> 0:01:25.440 had to go there's this rock in in Tahoe Lake 0:01:25.480 --> 0:01:27.520 that I really wanted to jump off of naked, and 0:01:27.560 --> 0:01:29.840 I did it. But because of that we are now. 0:01:30.040 --> 0:01:32.800 You know, I was twenty minutes behind schedule and I 0:01:33.760 --> 0:01:35.360 had to have her step in and take the reins 0:01:35.600 --> 0:01:37.360 and drive us to the well. We do have some 0:01:37.440 --> 0:01:39.679 very special guests that are coming up later on the podcast. 0:01:39.720 --> 0:01:42.959 We have Ian, Jenkings, Alan and Jeremy. They have a 0:01:43.000 --> 0:01:46.640 new book, Three Dads and a Baby Adventures in Modern 0:01:46.760 --> 0:01:51.600 Parrington and Parrington. Why can I not say that word paring. 0:01:52.800 --> 0:01:55.800 Holy crap, it's been a long day. But they are 0:01:56.640 --> 0:01:58.640 as you can tell from the title, they are a 0:01:58.760 --> 0:02:01.760 throuple and they're raised two kids, and they talk about 0:02:01.800 --> 0:02:08.040 their experiences with that parenting. Uh. It's it's an interesting story, 0:02:08.080 --> 0:02:11.160 so definitely tune in later on. But first, of course, Dean, 0:02:11.320 --> 0:02:13.519 you and I have a lot, a lot to talk about, 0:02:13.560 --> 0:02:16.680 so we asked you guys on Instagram yesterday, what is 0:02:16.760 --> 0:02:20.280 something that your ex gave you that you just cannot 0:02:20.280 --> 0:02:22.440 get rid of? Because we talked about this before and 0:02:22.440 --> 0:02:25.400 I told you that there's a binder that my ex 0:02:25.440 --> 0:02:28.160 gave me that my dad found last summer when he 0:02:28.200 --> 0:02:30.400 was going through all the storage in the garage and 0:02:30.440 --> 0:02:32.440 he's like, well, do I'm gonna throw it out? And 0:02:32.480 --> 0:02:34.480 I felt guilty and I was like, oh, don't throw 0:02:34.520 --> 0:02:37.240 it out, like I I remember how much hard work 0:02:37.320 --> 0:02:38.960 that was. And we just kind of I was like, 0:02:38.960 --> 0:02:40.639 just put it back in storage and I don't want 0:02:40.639 --> 0:02:42.040 to see it, but I also don't want to throw 0:02:42.080 --> 0:02:45.200 it away. Um, Dean, do you have anything that of 0:02:45.240 --> 0:02:47.440 an X that you know? Like, Ah, I have, but 0:02:47.480 --> 0:02:50.920 I can't throw away. Uh. Well, the first thing that 0:02:51.000 --> 0:02:52.640 you said, the first thing that came to mind when 0:02:52.680 --> 0:02:55.000 you said that was Taylor for the longest time had 0:02:55.040 --> 0:02:58.320 an Air Force shirt that her ex gave her a 0:02:58.360 --> 0:03:00.320 long long time ago, and she would it wasn't just 0:03:00.360 --> 0:03:02.280 a shirt that like sat in the bottom of her dress. 0:03:02.480 --> 0:03:04.320 She would like wearing all the time. She heard all 0:03:04.320 --> 0:03:06.080 all the time she weared to like sleep at night. 0:03:06.080 --> 0:03:08.360 And I'm like, why are you wearing this guy shirt 0:03:08.600 --> 0:03:13.200 all the time? Yeah, she wants to defend yourself. Um, 0:03:13.360 --> 0:03:21.200 she yes, Okay, yeah it was a good sleeping shirt. 0:03:21.320 --> 0:03:22.919 And but but it was just one of those things 0:03:22.919 --> 0:03:24.960 where it's like she's wearing air for all the time, 0:03:24.960 --> 0:03:28.480 and I'm like, are you wearing your episode? Yeah, but 0:03:28.480 --> 0:03:31.360 now I sound like the over bearing boyfriend that's like 0:03:31.639 --> 0:03:34.119 your ex quoyfriend's shirt away. Um no, now she's told 0:03:34.120 --> 0:03:35.920 one of my shirts that she's sleeping every night. Yeah, 0:03:35.920 --> 0:03:38.440 but I'm sure Klin, did you kind of get Did 0:03:38.520 --> 0:03:42.120 ask Calin if she liked you getting jealous? Um? Dared 0:03:42.200 --> 0:03:49.280 ask if you like when I get jealous? Never never 0:03:49.960 --> 0:03:53.640 think um in terms of what I have when I 0:03:53.680 --> 0:03:55.040 next ever gave me that I can't get rid of them, 0:03:55.040 --> 0:03:57.200 I don't think so. I try to like detach myself 0:03:57.240 --> 0:04:00.160 from a lot of things. So not really a thing 0:04:00.200 --> 0:04:01.600 that I can think of. Do you you have that 0:04:01.640 --> 0:04:04.520 bind or does it actually have anything from any exes? No? 0:04:04.560 --> 0:04:06.840 Not really. She did have roses. So when we first 0:04:06.840 --> 0:04:09.120 got together, she said she saved all the roses that 0:04:09.200 --> 0:04:11.720 she received. Now, some were from me from Paradise, but 0:04:11.800 --> 0:04:16.240 they were also some from another guy that she was 0:04:16.279 --> 0:04:18.600 on Winter Games, with which I was not too happy. 0:04:19.040 --> 0:04:21.279 I understand why she saved the roses. Was like, you 0:04:21.320 --> 0:04:23.920 can't have those roses anymore. You got tossom, and I 0:04:23.960 --> 0:04:25.800 think she ended up tossing them. She only kept the 0:04:25.839 --> 0:04:27.560 roses that I gave her, So how do you how 0:04:27.560 --> 0:04:29.440 does she preserve the roses? And I think I remember 0:04:29.520 --> 0:04:31.680 keeping my first couple of roses and they like, they 0:04:31.720 --> 0:04:34.719 got gross and disgusting, so she dried him out somehow. 0:04:34.800 --> 0:04:36.920 I don't know she knew what she was doing. I 0:04:36.960 --> 0:04:38.920 tried to keep the roses, but then they just smelled 0:04:38.960 --> 0:04:42.080 a high heaven and like you, they just it was disgusting, 0:04:42.120 --> 0:04:44.520 so I threw them out. I still have a date 0:04:44.560 --> 0:04:46.760 card though. I still have a day card written technically 0:04:46.800 --> 0:04:50.920 written from Caitlin, but she didn't write it though, well, 0:04:50.960 --> 0:04:53.800 I mean it says from Caitlin. I'm you know, it's 0:04:53.800 --> 0:04:56.560 obviously whoever writes those day cards off the show? But 0:04:56.600 --> 0:04:58.280 how do you not keep that? You know? It's in 0:04:58.320 --> 0:05:00.760 my bed? I just I it's in a draw somewhere. 0:05:00.800 --> 0:05:02.440 I actually found it when we were moving and I 0:05:02.440 --> 0:05:04.640 showed Ash. I was like, holy crap, look at this, 0:05:05.040 --> 0:05:06.640 and it was from my new York one on one. 0:05:06.800 --> 0:05:08.440 You could sell it as like a piece, as like 0:05:08.480 --> 0:05:10.719 a work of art. We were thinking the same thing. 0:05:11.120 --> 0:05:13.440 Uh make a little dough on that. You know. I'm 0:05:13.440 --> 0:05:15.120 sure someone paid like a hundred bucks for a day 0:05:15.120 --> 0:05:18.280 card from the Bachelor. Well, anyway, so we did ask online, 0:05:18.360 --> 0:05:20.200 what is some of the things that your X gave 0:05:20.279 --> 0:05:23.159 you that you just cannot get rid of? Uh? You 0:05:23.200 --> 0:05:26.760 know a lot of people not gonna lie said anxiety. Uh, 0:05:27.240 --> 0:05:31.960 trauma was another big answer. Another one said their virginity. 0:05:32.240 --> 0:05:34.400 Uh well you know, yeah, you can't get that one 0:05:34.440 --> 0:05:39.520 back ken you. Uh their iPhone? Um, somebody said that 0:05:39.560 --> 0:05:42.799 they still have photos of them from fifteen to twenty 0:05:42.920 --> 0:05:46.920 years ago. That's a good question. Do you throw out photos? Like? 0:05:47.000 --> 0:05:50.039 All right, here's here's a digital as question. Did digital 0:05:50.600 --> 0:05:54.359 digital aged question for you? Do you delete pictures of 0:05:54.360 --> 0:05:56.840 your X on social media? Yes? Or no? Dean on 0:05:56.880 --> 0:06:00.800 social media? I think I did the I think so, 0:06:01.400 --> 0:06:02.960 I'm pretty sure I did. I was just like, whatever, 0:06:02.960 --> 0:06:05.240 that's in all chapter. What I don't like is and 0:06:05.279 --> 0:06:07.000 it's funny because I have I have some really good 0:06:07.000 --> 0:06:09.680 friends who have recently just gone through breakups and what 0:06:09.760 --> 0:06:12.400 iPhone or Apple whatever? He is doing lately. Is they're saying, 0:06:12.400 --> 0:06:15.160 like this this memory from two years ago, and it's 0:06:15.160 --> 0:06:18.000 always like a cute photo of you and your analex girlfriend, 0:06:18.040 --> 0:06:20.120 and you like have to relive this trauma that you 0:06:20.200 --> 0:06:22.640 experience on regular Like you're kind of trying to get 0:06:22.680 --> 0:06:24.719 over this breakup, but your phone is not letting you 0:06:24.720 --> 0:06:27.080 get over it. So like, in that sense, absolutely you 0:06:27.120 --> 0:06:30.360 should leave. I mean the photos on your phone. Um, 0:06:30.520 --> 0:06:32.240 I just went back and deleted all my photos up 0:06:32.320 --> 0:06:35.600 until twenty nineteen. This is everything because I needed a 0:06:35.600 --> 0:06:37.200 free up space on my computer. That one is a 0:06:37.200 --> 0:06:38.880 little challenging to do because I was like, what if 0:06:38.920 --> 0:06:40.560 there's like some good diamonds in the rough here that 0:06:40.600 --> 0:06:42.760 I wanted referred to later. But then at the end 0:06:42.800 --> 0:06:44.360 of the day, I'm like, what's the point having Like 0:06:44.400 --> 0:06:46.400 what is the purpose are these serving? So I was 0:06:46.440 --> 0:06:48.960 just like, real, But there was a time I remember 0:06:48.960 --> 0:06:50.840 what when I think I went on The Bachelor at 0:06:51.120 --> 0:06:54.320 I can't remember if I untagged or deleted photos of 0:06:54.360 --> 0:06:57.520 my ex girlfriends and them, um, just because I wanted 0:06:57.560 --> 0:07:01.719 to protect their privacy a little bit better. Um, but 0:07:01.800 --> 0:07:05.240 I'm pretty sure I've scrubbed my Instagram of all the 0:07:05.279 --> 0:07:08.640 pictures of any of my exodus. Yeah, well you're saying 0:07:08.640 --> 0:07:11.960 earlier about Facebook. What you're saying earlier about Facebook reminding 0:07:12.000 --> 0:07:15.160 you of past memories. I feel the same way. Facebook 0:07:15.200 --> 0:07:18.160 is now becoming like that friend you have that always 0:07:18.200 --> 0:07:20.520 says the wrong thing in front of your new girlfriend, 0:07:21.160 --> 0:07:23.760 Like if like the guy that you're you know, you're 0:07:23.760 --> 0:07:25.760 hanging out with your new girlfriend you just started dating, 0:07:25.800 --> 0:07:27.400 and like one of your old friends, Like, bro, you 0:07:27.400 --> 0:07:29.840 remember like three years ago when we ended up going 0:07:29.880 --> 0:07:32.040 home with those girls, and you're like, dude, shut the 0:07:32.040 --> 0:07:36.040 hell up. That's what Facebook is doing now. It's like 0:07:36.080 --> 0:07:38.040 bringing up memories of like, oh, look at that, that's 0:07:38.080 --> 0:07:40.760 me and my ex girlfriend as I'm standing right next 0:07:40.800 --> 0:07:43.760 to my wife, who's not the same person. Facebook, get 0:07:43.760 --> 0:07:47.520 the hell off here. Yeah, definitely, you definitely get like 0:07:48.600 --> 0:07:50.760 I have those friends that station they're not supposed to 0:07:50.760 --> 0:07:52.520 say or like shouldn't be saying. Well, I think I 0:07:52.600 --> 0:07:53.840 might be going through a dead spot. You guys, you 0:07:53.920 --> 0:07:56.440 might lose me on on the zoom here, Oh you're 0:07:56.480 --> 0:07:58.920 in and out. Well, hey, on the bright side, we're 0:07:58.960 --> 0:08:02.000 ten minutes outside of our destination, So Jackie, lose me. 0:08:02.040 --> 0:08:03.840 It's only gonna be for at most ten minutes. It 0:08:03.840 --> 0:08:05.280 could be worse. They'll be fine. I'll be able to 0:08:05.280 --> 0:08:08.440 carry the show for ten minutes. All right? What other responses? 0:08:08.440 --> 0:08:12.000 Do we have? An STD that's always the worst one, 0:08:12.120 --> 0:08:15.440 right there? Have you ever not to get to uh 0:08:15.960 --> 0:08:18.160 two into detail? Hair? But have you ever had an 0:08:18.200 --> 0:08:22.920 SDD scare? Dean not taking not to get two into 0:08:23.000 --> 0:08:27.400 detailed he says before, I mean, yeah I have. I'm 0:08:27.520 --> 0:08:29.760 not afraid to admit it. I did once in my 0:08:29.960 --> 0:08:32.960 early twenties and then again in my still early but 0:08:33.080 --> 0:08:35.559 slightly later twenties. Yeah. I don't know if I ever 0:08:35.559 --> 0:08:37.839 had like a full on scare, but like, there's definitely 0:08:37.920 --> 0:08:41.520 moments where I'm like, I'm even though you know I 0:08:41.520 --> 0:08:44.800 I did the right thing, I used protection, it's just 0:08:44.840 --> 0:08:48.040 like I'm I'm still paranoid enough to get checked out. 0:08:48.679 --> 0:08:52.360 Uh and luckily knock on wood. Uh, it was all, 0:08:52.440 --> 0:08:55.720 it was all, it was all good old text messages. 0:08:56.640 --> 0:08:59.760 I delete my text messages. Do you delete your text messages? Yeah? 0:08:59.800 --> 0:09:02.760 My around audibility, so they delete every month of every month. 0:09:02.760 --> 0:09:06.360 Old message deleted every month. What do if you have, 0:09:06.480 --> 0:09:10.199 like I don't delete Ashley's text messages? Because those are like, 0:09:10.320 --> 0:09:13.000 you know, it's I would want to keep those from 0:09:13.040 --> 0:09:16.800 memory sakes, Like when we first started dating, after we 0:09:16.840 --> 0:09:18.720 went through this weird time obviously because we were friends 0:09:18.720 --> 0:09:20.200 and then we started dating. So it was like that 0:09:20.280 --> 0:09:23.600 weird flirtatious time where I was like messaging her about 0:09:23.679 --> 0:09:25.920 Panera bread because I was just trying to figure out 0:09:26.000 --> 0:09:28.439 something to start a conversation. I'd like to go back 0:09:28.440 --> 0:09:31.079 and look at those text messages. What was it, what 0:09:31.160 --> 0:09:32.800 was your what was your tactic? What did you try 0:09:32.800 --> 0:09:35.520 to talk to her about? The broccoli cheddar soup? I 0:09:35.600 --> 0:09:37.959 was just I passed I was doing. I was like, 0:09:38.160 --> 0:09:40.920 it was so stupid. I remember texting Tanner. I was like, 0:09:41.040 --> 0:09:44.240 I feel awkward texting Ashley, what the hell is wrong 0:09:44.280 --> 0:09:46.280 with me? And He's like, well, bro, now you've come 0:09:46.280 --> 0:09:48.400 out with your feelings. It's like that new puppy love, 0:09:48.480 --> 0:09:50.360 that weird phase where you're just trying to talk to 0:09:50.400 --> 0:09:53.120 her one another and start up a conversation. And yeah, 0:09:53.160 --> 0:09:55.400 I was passing a Panera bread and I was like, 0:09:55.520 --> 0:09:57.600 I need to like stay in contact because you know, 0:09:57.679 --> 0:09:59.360 she may have been dating somebody else at the time, 0:09:59.400 --> 0:10:01.520 but I needed to be like I needed to keep 0:10:01.559 --> 0:10:04.440 reminding her like, hey, I'm here, I'm here, I'm not 0:10:04.480 --> 0:10:08.000 going anywhere baby, and um so I texted her like, oh, 0:10:08.200 --> 0:10:10.880 I'm craving broccoli and cheddar soup, and then I sent it. 0:10:10.960 --> 0:10:13.320 I was like, I'm such a freaking idiot. Why would 0:10:13.320 --> 0:10:18.120 I ever say that? That's what does that remind you of? 0:10:18.200 --> 0:10:20.200 There is like there's an episode of the Office where 0:10:20.240 --> 0:10:22.040 Darryl's like trying to flirt with the girl he works 0:10:22.120 --> 0:10:24.640 or something like that, and he goes, I'm getting my 0:10:24.679 --> 0:10:26.640 ice cream on and I was like, what kind of 0:10:26.679 --> 0:10:30.880 game is that? That's very similar? You're like it, and 0:10:30.880 --> 0:10:32.600 it's like, why would you text someone that you know? 0:10:32.600 --> 0:10:34.160 That's just like the thought that you have that then 0:10:34.200 --> 0:10:36.560 passes on a couple of seconds later, you know, But hey, 0:10:36.559 --> 0:10:38.840 that's that's you know looking back, like you said, like 0:10:38.880 --> 0:10:41.840 you're saying, is it's romantic and cute because of how 0:10:41.880 --> 0:10:44.360 it ended for you guys? Yeah, but if it didn't end, well, 0:10:44.600 --> 0:10:46.600 not be a romantic and cute would just be awkward. 0:10:46.640 --> 0:10:48.720 I wish I could go back to old text messages 0:10:48.760 --> 0:10:52.160 where I'm trying to like flirt with girls to be 0:10:52.600 --> 0:10:56.920 and like, I'm sure there's like just like endless messages 0:10:56.960 --> 0:11:00.440 back and forth about nothing because I just don't have 0:11:00.480 --> 0:11:03.800 the balls to ask someone out or like actually make 0:11:03.800 --> 0:11:07.120 a move. So I'm just like keeping the conversation going 0:11:07.160 --> 0:11:09.240 as long as possible until it comes to a point 0:11:09.280 --> 0:11:12.360 where it's so awkward that I'm finally like, So, like, 0:11:12.559 --> 0:11:15.200 you ever want to hang out or not. You don't 0:11:15.280 --> 0:11:17.080 have to if you don't want to, but like, if 0:11:17.120 --> 0:11:19.240 you have time, if you eat, you know, we could 0:11:19.240 --> 0:11:22.400 eat together. I think that's endearing. And I think a 0:11:22.440 --> 0:11:24.320 lot of girls I think that's endearing too. And I 0:11:24.360 --> 0:11:26.600 think it actually kind of helps build a solid foundation 0:11:27.280 --> 0:11:29.320 or if or when you eventually do get to hang 0:11:29.320 --> 0:11:30.839 out with them in person, you know, because then you 0:11:30.920 --> 0:11:33.760 kind of like have this background back and forth it's 0:11:33.800 --> 0:11:36.880 like banter maybe some inside jokes, uh. And so I 0:11:36.880 --> 0:11:38.199 think it's I think it's helpful at the end of 0:11:38.200 --> 0:11:40.079 the day. Yeah, I think it's quite nice. Another one 0:11:40.080 --> 0:11:42.800 of the responses that we got about something and X 0:11:42.880 --> 0:11:44.800 gave you can't get rid of this kind of fits 0:11:44.840 --> 0:11:47.080 right into your story from earlier. One was a jersey 0:11:47.120 --> 0:11:49.200 and the other one was a hoodie, so you know, 0:11:51.280 --> 0:11:55.600 sometimes no, no, no. This is a response from one 0:11:55.640 --> 0:11:57.959 of our listeners and they just don't want to give 0:11:57.960 --> 0:11:59.840 that hoodie up. You know, hoodies are expensive, man like 0:12:00.000 --> 0:12:01.800 prty bucks. You get a nice hoodie, keeps you warm, 0:12:01.880 --> 0:12:03.880 why give it up, especially if it's a jajeric one. 0:12:04.480 --> 0:12:07.000 My question is, like, I wonder if Klin's ex boyfriend 0:12:07.040 --> 0:12:09.160 ever like looked through his dresser and I was like, oh, 0:12:09.160 --> 0:12:12.040 I wonder where my favorite cotton T shirt is? You know, 0:12:12.240 --> 0:12:13.920 like poor guy doesn't have his favorite T shirt on 0:12:13.960 --> 0:12:17.719 him anymore because it's crazy ex girlfriend stole it. You know, 0:12:17.720 --> 0:12:19.560 would be really funny if he was looking on your 0:12:19.640 --> 0:12:22.800 Instagram and you posted a picture of Kalin in the sweatshirt. 0:12:23.840 --> 0:12:26.040 I I did post a picture of her wearing because 0:12:26.080 --> 0:12:28.520 she once because she wore a skydiving or something like that, 0:12:29.000 --> 0:12:31.079 and I posted a photo of her at the skydiving 0:12:31.160 --> 0:12:33.880 drop zone and she was wearing it, and I just 0:12:33.920 --> 0:12:37.040 I don't know. You're right, he might have son seen it, um, 0:12:37.200 --> 0:12:38.760 but at the end of the day he probably thought 0:12:38.760 --> 0:12:40.360 it was the coolest thing ever. I'm not gonna lie 0:12:40.880 --> 0:12:43.439 I would have now, I'm sure I don't know what 0:12:43.520 --> 0:12:45.400 the relationship is now. I I don't know, all right, 0:12:45.440 --> 0:12:51.080 what else have we got here. Uh, toxic toxic tendencies. Huh. 0:12:51.160 --> 0:12:54.240 Toxic tendencies is another answer that we got something your 0:12:54.280 --> 0:12:57.080 ex gave you that you can't give back. Do you 0:12:57.120 --> 0:13:00.880 have any toxic tendencies that an X gave you? Any 0:13:00.920 --> 0:13:04.520 toxic tendencies that the next might have given me? I 0:13:04.559 --> 0:13:06.960 think my first girlfriend that I was like over heels 0:13:07.000 --> 0:13:09.080 in love with cheated on me a lot. Uh, And 0:13:09.120 --> 0:13:11.240 so for a long time I had a lot of 0:13:11.280 --> 0:13:17.720 toxic tendencies and being like uh, not like presumptuous, but 0:13:17.800 --> 0:13:21.319 like overbearing or like stressed out or anxious up that 0:13:21.480 --> 0:13:23.400 was being cheated on or something that you know, I've 0:13:23.400 --> 0:13:25.480 worked through it. I don't think that toxic trait carries 0:13:25.920 --> 0:13:28.880 over to my present self, but it was definitely something 0:13:28.880 --> 0:13:29.800 I had to do with a lot of my like 0:13:29.880 --> 0:13:32.760 late teens, early twenties. Did you ever accuse her of 0:13:32.840 --> 0:13:36.240 cheating and then she was not cheating? Um? After that 0:13:36.280 --> 0:13:39.120 first girlfriend? You mean no, like during the first girlfriend, 0:13:39.120 --> 0:13:41.959 were you? Yeah? I guess right after the first girlfriend, 0:13:42.000 --> 0:13:44.640 after she's like traumatized you. Did you ever accuse a 0:13:44.679 --> 0:13:47.600 girl of cheating and be like I knew it and 0:13:47.600 --> 0:13:51.600 then she's like, Dean, that's my brother, right. I think 0:13:51.640 --> 0:13:53.959 that's probably why I was traumatized by the first time, 0:13:54.040 --> 0:13:56.240 was because I confronted her about it. I was like, Hey, 0:13:56.280 --> 0:13:58.720 what's the deal, Why are you cheating on me? And 0:13:58.800 --> 0:14:00.360 she was like, I'm not cheating on you. I was like, 0:14:00.400 --> 0:14:02.040 you literally have a hicky on your neck right now, 0:14:02.080 --> 0:14:03.760 Like I'm looking at your hickie and she goes, oh, 0:14:03.840 --> 0:14:06.319 this isn't a hickie that my pillow preased weird on 0:14:06.360 --> 0:14:08.720 my neck last night and it left this mark. And 0:14:08.760 --> 0:14:10.480 I was like so young and dumb and naive, and 0:14:10.520 --> 0:14:12.880 I was like, okay, that makes sense, and then like 0:14:12.920 --> 0:14:18.640 eventually my friends are right, oh, yeah, that was bad. Um. 0:14:18.679 --> 0:14:22.040 But later on I don't know. I think I don't 0:14:22.040 --> 0:14:24.640 think I ever like projected it outwardly, but inwardly I 0:14:24.680 --> 0:14:27.880 was always kind of like, you know, pretty toxic for 0:14:27.920 --> 0:14:31.920 myself about that that possibility. But that's the one I 0:14:31.960 --> 0:14:33.720 can really only think. But I don't have any other 0:14:33.960 --> 0:14:38.960 And do you have any toxic traits? Okay, not how 0:14:39.040 --> 0:14:42.320 toxic Aalin? It's a good question. I asked you in 0:14:42.320 --> 0:14:44.520 if I any toxic traits? And she just opens her eyes. 0:14:44.640 --> 0:14:48.600 Why her head yet? Um? What about you? Jared what 0:14:48.680 --> 0:14:51.200 toxic traits have you taken over training? Honestly, all the 0:14:51.240 --> 0:14:55.160 good traits I have, I I credit my my ex. Uh, 0:14:55.800 --> 0:14:57.400 I don't have like toxic. I'm trying to think of 0:14:57.440 --> 0:15:00.760 like someone specific a toxic tendency it I got from 0:15:00.760 --> 0:15:06.000 the next um. I can't think of any Like I 0:15:06.040 --> 0:15:09.320 only had one really long term girlfriend before I started. 0:15:09.600 --> 0:15:11.960 I went on the show and then obviously ultimately dated 0:15:12.000 --> 0:15:15.080 Ashley and she gave me no toxic If anything, I 0:15:15.080 --> 0:15:17.480 gave her toxic tendencies. It was very bad, I feel really, 0:15:17.520 --> 0:15:19.120 I mean I was I was a good boyfriend. I'd 0:15:19.120 --> 0:15:21.200 like to think knock on wood, but like there was 0:15:21.240 --> 0:15:24.600 definitely one time where she planned like a mini vacation 0:15:24.680 --> 0:15:28.640 for us, and it was kind of we were definitely 0:15:28.680 --> 0:15:30.760 broken up at this point, but still together. It's like 0:15:30.800 --> 0:15:33.680 that awkward phase, the worst phase of them all. And 0:15:33.720 --> 0:15:37.840 if anybody's gone through that long, excruciating breakup, you know 0:15:37.880 --> 0:15:40.000 exactly what I'm talking about, where like the breakup last 0:15:40.040 --> 0:15:42.200 six months and it's awkward, and you see each other 0:15:42.240 --> 0:15:44.280 and you hook up and then you're still broken up 0:15:44.280 --> 0:15:46.240 and you're seeing other people, but then you're still texting 0:15:46.280 --> 0:15:48.560 each other and it's like, are we friends, Let's try 0:15:48.600 --> 0:15:50.520 to be friends, and of course that never happens. So 0:15:50.560 --> 0:15:52.920 I was during that awful phase. And then she like 0:15:53.080 --> 0:15:56.400 planned a little vacation kind of because her family had 0:15:56.400 --> 0:15:59.080 a house in Black Island, but she wanted us to 0:15:59.160 --> 0:16:01.480 like stay at a hotel l another night, and I 0:16:01.520 --> 0:16:04.680 said I would go, and then I totally bailed on 0:16:04.680 --> 0:16:09.120 her when she was already there, and I felt horrible. Granted, 0:16:09.480 --> 0:16:12.240 truth be told, I couldn't get out of work, but 0:16:13.000 --> 0:16:15.440 also truth to be told, I never tried taking the 0:16:15.520 --> 0:16:18.040 day off prior to being scheduled to work, so it 0:16:18.120 --> 0:16:21.400 was definitely my own fault that I felt terrible about. 0:16:21.440 --> 0:16:25.920 So hopefully she didn't gain any toxic tendencies from me. Yuh, 0:16:27.280 --> 0:16:29.320 so you don't think you have any toxic traits apparently though, 0:16:29.400 --> 0:16:31.760 Oh me, I have tons of toxic traits. But they're 0:16:31.800 --> 0:16:36.400 from my own, you know, my own psycho being, not 0:16:36.600 --> 0:16:41.640 somebody like, not from somebody imprinting. I'm just I'm I 0:16:41.680 --> 0:16:44.680 was born, this this psycho human being that Ashley decided 0:16:44.720 --> 0:16:48.760 to marry. So I was I was gonna say, because 0:16:48.760 --> 0:16:51.160 I do know I think my most toxic trait, uh, 0:16:51.360 --> 0:16:53.480 But you're right, it wasn't placed on you from someone else. 0:16:53.520 --> 0:16:55.600 I think it just is something I've popped it on 0:16:55.680 --> 0:16:59.040 my own, and it's I always expect Kalen to be 0:16:59.080 --> 0:17:01.560 able to read my mind and know what I'm thinking, 0:17:02.160 --> 0:17:05.320 and if she which if she doesn't, if she's not 0:17:05.359 --> 0:17:07.040 able to do that, which of course she's not able 0:17:07.080 --> 0:17:09.560 to do that because no one's a mind reader. I 0:17:09.640 --> 0:17:11.840 then get upset with her or not being able to 0:17:11.880 --> 0:17:14.439 treat my mind. Um. And I think that's definitely my 0:17:14.480 --> 0:17:17.200 most topic trait as a partner. Yeah, I have that 0:17:17.280 --> 0:17:19.320 trade to you know. I don't understand women can do 0:17:19.400 --> 0:17:21.080 everything but they can't read minds. Come on, now, I 0:17:21.080 --> 0:17:22.879 don't buy that. They definitely read our minds, they just 0:17:23.000 --> 0:17:26.680 choose not to go. They just choose to go against 0:17:26.720 --> 0:17:28.840 whatever we want, even though they know what we want. 0:17:28.880 --> 0:17:30.560 That's what I'm convinced toff. I don't know if I 0:17:30.560 --> 0:17:36.439 agree with that per se, but uh, let's go through 0:17:36.480 --> 0:17:38.160 a couple more. I mean a lot of them are 0:17:38.200 --> 0:17:47.160 like clothing items sweat pants, Um. One is fear of rejection, UM. 0:17:49.240 --> 0:17:56.800 Another one's condoms, well, you know, practicality, uh, pictures, debt, debt, 0:17:57.720 --> 0:18:00.840 what kind of X left you in debt. That's sounds horrible. 0:18:04.080 --> 0:18:05.840 I mean I can see that. I can see that too. 0:18:06.240 --> 0:18:08.440 I won't say who it is, but there's definitely someone 0:18:08.480 --> 0:18:12.119 who uh uh that ash and I know that dated 0:18:12.160 --> 0:18:14.480 someone who might have been like a little bit of 0:18:14.480 --> 0:18:17.080 a mood shure, not intentionally, but they were just kind 0:18:17.080 --> 0:18:18.840 of going through a little bit of a struggle bus 0:18:18.840 --> 0:18:22.679 and I think they left us a little bit in debt. Um. 0:18:22.840 --> 0:18:24.720 Who is it? Is it a family friend or a 0:18:24.720 --> 0:18:29.200 bachelor person? No? No, not a bachelor, not a bachelor person. Um, 0:18:29.240 --> 0:18:36.159 but no, I'm teasing. They're they're wonderful um or something. Nick. No. 0:18:36.400 --> 0:18:38.880 Nick was very gracious and he let me live for 0:18:38.920 --> 0:18:41.000 free in his place for like five months, which is 0:18:41.080 --> 0:18:43.080 very nice. He still holds it over my head though 0:18:43.080 --> 0:18:45.280 it's been three years. And I gave him a little 0:18:45.320 --> 0:18:47.480 bit of money and I gave him my friendship. Isn't 0:18:47.480 --> 0:18:49.600 that good enough? I lived with the man, you know 0:18:49.640 --> 0:18:53.440 what I mean? That's that's rent enough. You co created 0:18:53.480 --> 0:18:56.520 the Brochiler or whatever the heck were calling that? Oh yeah, 0:18:56.600 --> 0:19:03.440 what was that thing? The the the bad chill, bad chilling, right, Honestly, 0:19:03.560 --> 0:19:05.240 when I go back and watch those so for anybody 0:19:05.240 --> 0:19:08.000 who's listening to this podcast right now that doesn't know. Uh. 0:19:08.119 --> 0:19:10.679 Dean and I did this did this YouTube thing with 0:19:10.800 --> 0:19:13.399 Nick Viles, Me and Nick and Dean were we recapped. 0:19:13.400 --> 0:19:16.840 It was Becka Koufferin's season of The Bad Bachelor Bachelorrette 0:19:17.440 --> 0:19:19.840