Speaker 1: Kaboom. If you thought more hours a day, minutes a
Speaker 1: week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of
Speaker 1: the old Republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He treats
Speaker 1: crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the rich
Speaker 1: pill poppers in the penthouse, to clearing house of hot takes,
Speaker 1: break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben
Speaker 1: Maller starts right now in the air everywhere on a Saturday's.
Speaker 1: Saturday's Saturday, Welcome into the Magic Podcast Salt Mine, another
Speaker 1: edition of The Fifth Hour, a spinoff of the Overnight Show.
Speaker 1: We thank you for finding the program. Spent some time
Speaker 1: with you here on a Saturday from the Secret Podcast
Speaker 1: Studio deep in the north Woods. And I'm loving I'm
Speaker 1: absolutely loving it, like that old McDonald's catchphrase, back and day.
Speaker 1: You're loving it this new podcast studio. Now, I I
Speaker 1: am twenty four hours a day readily available via commercial
Speaker 1: radio or podcasting. And I know that makes you very happy.
Speaker 1: They are. You're very excited about that? Why not? It's
Speaker 1: a it's an exciting time. Yes. The Mallard Militia like
Speaker 1: that very much. We are joined from West of the
Speaker 1: four oh five. David gascon David Guest, I'm on make
Speaker 1: youth you room or I'm here I get some I
Speaker 1: got some good and breaking news for you on this Saturday. Um.
Speaker 1: You know, we had something that came down a few
Speaker 1: days ago with a certain governor in a certain recall,
Speaker 1: and I am happy to report, which I thought would
Speaker 1: happen and it certainly did, is that the uh l
Speaker 1: A County is now issuing a new health order that
Speaker 1: will require proof of a vaccination for all customers and
Speaker 1: employees for indoor bars, wineries, breweries, nightclubs, and also make
Speaker 1: outdoor events like Dodger games, rams games and charges. How
Speaker 1: about that? I mean, who would have thought that would
Speaker 1: have happened after an election? Right? Congratulations? Right there you go.
Speaker 1: That's right, a fucking surprise, right. That is amazing. Okay,
Speaker 1: well listen, that's the the end. It is amazing. Though.
Speaker 1: The amazing thing is that in some places you can
Speaker 1: just go to a game you don't have to show
Speaker 1: any kind of proof that you've had a jab or
Speaker 1: anything like that, and then in other places you can't.
Speaker 1: You can't go anywhere without having the the verification, which
Speaker 1: is going to do a tremendous service for those that
Speaker 1: make counterfeit vaccine cards and things like that. And uh,
Speaker 1: of course there's a database though, So how's this gonna work?
Speaker 1: You have to have your name entered in the database
Speaker 1: or I'm not sure. I'm sure how that all all
Speaker 1: goes down. I don't know. I mean, you think about
Speaker 1: the folks that want to get their DNA checked. Um,
Speaker 1: they'll probably signing up for this as quickly as possible. Um.
Speaker 1: I'm sure protecting DNA you protect at all times. Right,
Speaker 1: you say no to that? That is that is very sacred.
Speaker 1: It's just well, one, I don't need to know where
Speaker 1: I came from. I know where I'm at now. Um,
Speaker 1: I don't need to be digging up people from the past,
Speaker 1: because if they're not here now, then they're not gonna
Speaker 1: be around in the future. Um. Now, what's the out
Speaker 1: of benefit? Right? Like? What am I gonna do put
Speaker 1: something down on a job application? Now? Like am I
Speaker 1: gonna claim like I'm some kind of group or or
Speaker 1: what not? Our ethnicity? Now that I find something out,
Speaker 1: now I get care less. I am who I am.
Speaker 1: I don't need that ship. Come on, man, exactly. It
Speaker 1: both presidents in there today. That's job. Yeah, I've been
Speaker 1: working on my my sound of fake game. I've been
Speaker 1: trying to. Yeah, it's interesting. I don't I don't know
Speaker 1: what that is. But I even got former president. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I got Obama, Biden and Trump nicely done. Yeah, I've
Speaker 1: got I've got everything, you know, So it's uh, get
Speaker 1: you get see you have forty three, forty four and
Speaker 1: forty five, or it's got four, that's right, Yeah, you
Speaker 1: have forty four in a row. I don't have any Bush,
Speaker 1: don't be rude. I'm sorry. I don't have any. Mr President,
Speaker 1: I do not have any there, so we all need
Speaker 1: to laugh. Yes, that's why we're here. That's why we're
Speaker 1: here too. How many people are being triggered right now? Guest?
Speaker 1: And well, I get an email from someone I used
Speaker 1: to listen to your podcast and then you played those
Speaker 1: sound effects and then all of a sudden, I can't
Speaker 1: listen anymore. Probably may maybe, yeah, maybe they'll maybe they'll
Speaker 1: recall you, maybe they'll bring you back into uh to
Speaker 1: the studios at Fox for doing this. That's you know.
Speaker 1: I heard they were bringing employees back there on vacations
Speaker 1: because they were oh yeah, well maybe, I mean some
Speaker 1: people didn't want to work and other people had to
Speaker 1: come in there and it was you know, did you
Speaker 1: did you verbally? Uh? Did you verbally murder Brian Finley
Speaker 1: last week? Um No, I've been seeing my therapist and
Speaker 1: I've been I'm getting a therapy dog and taking my
Speaker 1: meds and so I'm okay, I'm yeah, it's been it's
Speaker 1: been okay, I've gotten over it. Professional professional. I thought
Speaker 1: Ilo was great. I was concerned. I've known Isaac since
Speaker 1: he was in high school, and I know he is
Speaker 1: an old soul. He's very professional. He goes to bed early, uh,
Speaker 1: and I was concerned he wasn't gona play along. We
Speaker 1: liked to goof around in the overnight. But I thought
Speaker 1: Isaac was great and we had a we had a
Speaker 1: good time, had a lot of laughs, and I'm I
Speaker 1: was pleasantly surprised. I thought Isaac did a wonderful job
Speaker 1: filling in and I saw his name on the schedule.
Speaker 1: I was like, whoa wait a minute here, what's going on?
Speaker 1: Did somebody make a mistake here? And then when he
Speaker 1: showed up, pretty cool? Wow? Yeah, I love it. Always
Speaker 1: nice when you're pleasantly see this is the one of
Speaker 1: the advantages guest on you when you always think the
Speaker 1: worst and then you get a pleasant surprise. You're like, wow,
Speaker 1: that was that was just what we needed. Yeah, that
Speaker 1: was outstaying. So I mean, you would you you would
Speaker 1: agree that it's not often. Well, actually, like the ability
Speaker 1: for an anchor during her show to elevate your show
Speaker 1: is not it doesn't that's not high on the on
Speaker 1: the radar, right, Like, well, it's more likely for an
Speaker 1: anchor to torpedo your show, not to elevate it. Well,
Speaker 1: that's been my experience often that that it's uh enemy
Speaker 1: combatant friendly fire. I like to say, I'm often taken
Speaker 1: down by friendly fire. Um, but I go in with
Speaker 1: the high expectations and and hopes that that will not
Speaker 1: be the case. And then eventually I just settle in.
Speaker 1: I'm like, Okay, that's gonna happen, so I'll just kind
Speaker 1: of deal with it. And then, you know, occasionally, very
Speaker 1: rarely do I just completely lose lose all sense of reality.
Speaker 1: But typically when you give first round tennis scores of
Speaker 1: people no one has heard the funk of that normally
Speaker 1: triggers me. That normally gets me. That's that is a
Speaker 1: pet peeve of mind, and that sends me sadeways. So
Speaker 1: on this Saturday podcast, we have a exclusive story that
Speaker 1: I have saved for the podcast, uh called Swat. It's
Speaker 1: called Swat and Man of the People. I also got
Speaker 1: a very before we get it all that I just
Speaker 1: remembered here. I had a very unique cameo experience. And
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say this before before I get into to
Speaker 1: the full cameo story. I love doing the cameos, and
Speaker 1: you know that sporadically they pop up every so often
Speaker 1: the big fan of the show wants to have something unique,
Speaker 1: can and do the cameo, and I think it's great
Speaker 1: and wonderful. I'm on cameo dot com Ben Maller, but
Speaker 1: if I can please, if you're planning on doing that,
Speaker 1: you don't have to do it. It's fine, you know
Speaker 1: some of some of you guys have done it for
Speaker 1: a few people. It's tradition, like once a year, I'll
Speaker 1: do a cameo for you, and I love doing it.
Speaker 1: But all right, little pet Peeve here, no the pet Peeve.
Speaker 1: So if you're gonna do a cameo, I beg of
Speaker 1: you to go on cameo dot com and book there
Speaker 1: and I'll tell you why because if you buy on
Speaker 1: if you have an iPhone and you're buying the app store,
Speaker 1: Apple takes let me, let me hold us, let me
Speaker 1: look at the math here. Guess I gotta go to
Speaker 1: my I'm gonna go to the phones on this hold
Speaker 1: on to stake here. Let's see if I can get
Speaker 1: this up real quick, because the percentage that is shaved
Speaker 1: off the top is insane. It is absolutely mansion live
Speaker 1: here on the podcast. I'm going to the going to
Speaker 1: the Cameo app, which I have on my phone, and
Speaker 1: I am alright, let's see. Oh yeah, here's the breakdown.
Speaker 1: So when you if you buy a cameo on the regular,
Speaker 1: like the most people use the app, Apple takes thirty
Speaker 1: off the top. Yes, they shave uh. Cameo then takes
Speaker 1: so now I don't cameo or whatever they take, but
Speaker 1: the thirty percent where if you if you the same cameo,
Speaker 1: if you get it on cameo dot com, they don't
Speaker 1: take thet percent. It's just and you know how I
Speaker 1: learned that, and I gotta set it up. We're having
Speaker 1: downe on my my phone. But there was a guy
Speaker 1: on the office, you know, the uh, the one of
Speaker 1: the assistants I forget the guy's name. Uh, and I
Speaker 1: don't know how else to describe him other than he's
Speaker 1: African American. Kinda is a meme of the guy. You know,
Speaker 1: the actor I'm talking talking about, kind of an older guy,
Speaker 1: middle aged guy. Older guy, got a very distinctive face,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm talking about. I don't remember the
Speaker 1: guy's name. I'd say his name. I remember his name.
Speaker 1: I'm not good with names and actors. I don't know
Speaker 1: the voice. Uh. He's the guy you know, he had
Speaker 1: the famous like his eye roll, kind of like his
Speaker 1: disheveled face look where he kind of he's very charismatic
Speaker 1: with his face. But it does not important. So that
Speaker 1: guy's on cameo and he had on his page he
Speaker 1: is unavailable unless you book on cameo dot com. So
Speaker 1: that guy, he's like he figured it out. He's like, hey, listen,
Speaker 1: I'm only gonna do it this way. Um, but no
Speaker 1: I did. I did a cameo for Auzzy Momentum, and
Speaker 1: he wanted me to give advice to a buddy of
Speaker 1: his who It's always weird because I don't know if
Speaker 1: this other person knows who I am. And I'm as
Speaker 1: odd and uh, and I had to, like, you know,
Speaker 1: talk some azzy rules football. So I did at AUSSI
Speaker 1: rules hot Assy rules football talk a little bit of that,
Speaker 1: did some recon on the assy rules football, but it
Speaker 1: was it was cool. So cameo dot com I am
Speaker 1: I am available, and it'll sound better than before because
Speaker 1: before I had that that shitty podcast studio and now
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, it's uh, first class all the way.
Speaker 1: I got a sound effect here. I mean, come on,
Speaker 1: even Brittany over their loves that's right, she's a fan.
Speaker 1: She can't. Oh my god. All right, So the the
Speaker 1: swat story here gascon. So this being the fifth hour,
Speaker 1: I try to save some of said some the life
Speaker 1: of Mallark, the life of Mallard on the on the
Speaker 1: Saturday podcast. So I have put aside this particular story,
Speaker 1: which is a pretty good source one of the more
Speaker 1: interesting things that's ever happened to me in my life.
Speaker 1: In my life, something like this had never happened before.
Speaker 1: So last weekend I found myself I don't even tell
Speaker 1: you about this. I didn't even tell you about this.
Speaker 1: I didn't text you don't even know about this. So
Speaker 1: I found myself in my old stomping grounds in South
Speaker 1: Orange County. Now, I went to the Holy Land at
Speaker 1: Saddleback College where the radio thing started, and I happened
Speaker 1: to be in the area. And first of all, my wife.
Speaker 1: When we were out, it was about it was Saturday night.
Speaker 1: My wife said, hey, I wanna eat some Italian food.
Speaker 1: She had found a place that she liked online, and
Speaker 1: so we made the sojourn to this Italian place in
Speaker 1: South Orange County to get our usual my fetucchini alfredo
Speaker 1: with chicken palm. That's what I go to when I
Speaker 1: go to at the restaurant. So pull up to this
Speaker 1: Italian joint and we get out of the car and
Speaker 1: we walked into the restaurant and we realized that we're
Speaker 1: not allowed to eat at the restaurant because it's a
Speaker 1: private event. They had closed the entire restaurant for some
Speaker 1: dude's birthday party. Imagine how much money that guy must
Speaker 1: have had the top on a Saturday night must have
Speaker 1: been an insane amount of money. So fine, So we
Speaker 1: were left scrambling and then you know, suddenly my wife's like, okay,
Speaker 1: we'll improvise, and she said, well, it's getting late and
Speaker 1: we haven't eaten and so let's go to the Cheesecake Factor.
Speaker 1: And it's good food, big portions, open openly, all good qualities,
Speaker 1: all good qualities for a restaurant. So we traveled to
Speaker 1: this place. And if you're you've been in South Orange County,
Speaker 1: if you're listening in the area, it's called the shops
Speaker 1: at Mission Viejo. Now, when I went to saddle Back,
Speaker 1: it was the Mission Villa Home Mall, but they changed
Speaker 1: the name. It's the same same thing, it's just get
Speaker 1: a different name. So we went to Cheesecake Factory, parked
Speaker 1: the car whatever, normal thing, get into the restaurant, have
Speaker 1: to wait about ten fifteen minutes for a table. Table
Speaker 1: hopens up. We go in, We order appetized, order drinks,
Speaker 1: ordered pretzel bites. I remember what we ordered, pretzel bites
Speaker 1: with the cheese fondue. Very good, very good, little over price,
Speaker 1: but pretty good, delicious. So then we order the main course.
Speaker 1: Now I decided to change it up. Normally I go
Speaker 1: to to uh this restaurant, Cheesecake Factor. I get the chicken,
Speaker 1: the Cajun chicken. Little but I said I'll change it
Speaker 1: up and I got the chicken bellagio with pestel says
Speaker 1: solid alternative, pretty good meal. And so we're waiting for
Speaker 1: the main event. We're waiting for the meal to come,
Speaker 1: and we see some cops pull up outside the mall
Speaker 1: in front of the restaurant. We think nothing of it, right,
Speaker 1: I think whatever. Uh. Then more cops show up, and
Speaker 1: again we're like, we're eating, We're not really paying any
Speaker 1: attention to that. Eventually we hear some chatter among the
Speaker 1: waite staff. They're whispering to each other in hush tones,
Speaker 1: and there are people huddling up like they're in the NFL.
Speaker 1: And at that point we're like, well, something must be
Speaker 1: going on. And then the manager came over and said
Speaker 1: that there had been an incident in the mall and
Speaker 1: that they would be closing early and that we had
Speaker 1: to leave immediately. Um, and we hadn't gotten our food yet,
Speaker 1: and the order was turned into a dego order. So
Speaker 1: there's more noise, there's more hullabaloo outside. So I'm I'm
Speaker 1: scrambling around trying to figure out what's going on. I'm
Speaker 1: on my my phone, I'm on Twitter, searching around trying
Speaker 1: to figure out what's going on here? Is there's something
Speaker 1: that really big going on? So the manager comes over
Speaker 1: from cheesecake factory and says that, hey, listen, I'm sorry
Speaker 1: about this. All the food you order, We're gonna give
Speaker 1: you the food because it's already being made, but you
Speaker 1: don't have to pay for it. So I'm like, all right,
Speaker 1: this is great. So I finally I find on Twitter
Speaker 1: that the there was a person that had walked around
Speaker 1: them all with a gun and an orange wig and
Speaker 1: was loose in the mall. Wow. Um and so so anyway,
Speaker 1: so I'm like, okay, we'll just get out of your
Speaker 1: no problem. It's probably not that big a deal whatever.
Speaker 1: Um and so, but then I was I was leaving.
Speaker 1: We we grabbed the food, and the manager who had
Speaker 1: said hey, foods on us, sorry about this, you know. Uh,
Speaker 1: they did the old bait and switch, like no, you
Speaker 1: gotta pay for the food. And unfortunately my wife was
Speaker 1: the one dealing with this because she paid for it.
Speaker 1: I would not have paid for it. I would have
Speaker 1: been like, no, I'm not paying for that. Um, they're
Speaker 1: not eating it. I'm out here. So anyway, we get
Speaker 1: out of the restaurant surrounded by and like it was
Speaker 1: a demilitarized zone and I'm not making this up like
Speaker 1: we had a very short walk to the to the malomobile.
Speaker 1: There was a swat unit of ten or fifteen dudes,
Speaker 1: full body armor, high powered assault weapons, and they were
Speaker 1: walking past us in a military order into the mall
Speaker 1: and uh it to leave. We had our car search.
Speaker 1: They opened up the trunk of the car to see
Speaker 1: if they were worried that the person was hiding in
Speaker 1: the car one of the cars leaving the mall, and
Speaker 1: you know, the good news and nobody got hurt. It
Speaker 1: turns out that some punk pulled on and you know,
Speaker 1: a gun and robbed there was a nord strooms in
Speaker 1: the mall and robbed and then fled into the mall.
Speaker 1: And they didn't know where the guy was, and so
Speaker 1: they were worried that he was blending in with the
Speaker 1: people at that you know, She's factory or wherever. And
Speaker 1: they were worried that the guy was going to do
Speaker 1: something with a gun. And so it's pretty crazy night,
Speaker 1: Pretty wild. Now. I did not eat. I started my
Speaker 1: fast early in protest. I did not eat my chicken bellagio.
Speaker 1: So just where were you on the mallard scale of panic?
Speaker 1: I was not that My wife was, you know, she
Speaker 1: worked at the police station and nine one one opera,
Speaker 1: so for her, she's she does this kind of stuff.
Speaker 1: And she was like a little freaked out, which because
Speaker 1: we didn't know early on what was going on. When
Speaker 1: you hear somebody's got an orange wig and a gun,
Speaker 1: this is one night eleven, so your your mind starts
Speaker 1: putting things together like, well, wait a minute, eleven, this
Speaker 1: is an important day. Is this guy, you know, some
Speaker 1: kind of a lunatic. Uh, he's got some kind of
Speaker 1: neurosis or something, so you don't know. And I was
Speaker 1: all right. My wife was like trying to get me
Speaker 1: to not standing from the windows or anything like that.
Speaker 1: They were in the restaurant. It wasn't until I walked
Speaker 1: out and turned the corner and aw the SWAT unit
Speaker 1: walking in that I thought, holy fuck, this is uh,
Speaker 1: this is something, this is something more than I yes, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean it's pretty wild. And the police did a
Speaker 1: great job. They were wonderful and very nice and all that,
Speaker 1: and out of they have to take every precaution they can.
Speaker 1: I get it. So that was my I didn't eat
Speaker 1: the food my I had my wife eeded at work
Speaker 1: for leftovers. I did not like it. I think she
Speaker 1: she enjoyed it, although she she did say it tasted better.
Speaker 1: You know, if you would eat it right away, it
Speaker 1: would have tasted much better. So damn, that's that's the
Speaker 1: the story. They're also a man of the people now
Speaker 1: real quick. Every once in a while, every once in
Speaker 1: a while I beg for help gascon from the Mallard militia,
Speaker 1: and they never have disappointed. Years ago, I am. I
Speaker 1: told the story the other night on the radio. So
Speaker 1: I had an aunt infestation. The you the old Mallard
Speaker 1: mansion was infested with these little ants. I couldn't get
Speaker 1: rid of them, these bastards for the life of me,
Speaker 1: And so I said, I need help. Does anyone have
Speaker 1: any suggestions? And I had multiple listeners that recommended the
Speaker 1: same device that I have used. This is many years
Speaker 1: ago and I still use it to this day. Anytime
Speaker 1: I see those little ants crawling around, I go to
Speaker 1: go to home Depot or Lows and I buy these
Speaker 1: Tero liquid ant traps. You ever use those things? Amazing?
Speaker 1: They're great and with boos and and now that came
Speaker 1: from Ald what what do you what do you laughing?
Speaker 1: Just it's like very um like what prompted this to
Speaker 1: be called the like what caused this to to reach
Speaker 1: out to the Mallar militia. Well, I had a problem
Speaker 1: and I was talking about the fact that I couldn't
Speaker 1: get rid of ants, and I said, anybody have any ideas,
Speaker 1: and then some members of the Mala Musha reached out.
Speaker 1: I know, but was this like was this like festering
Speaker 1: for a while or did it just all like coming
Speaker 1: an onslaught and he said need help right now. No,
Speaker 1: it had been a problem for a while, so I
Speaker 1: needed some help and people help me out. And that
Speaker 1: was years ago. And I very rarely do that. I
Speaker 1: don't use the bully pulpit inappropriately, but people like to
Speaker 1: help people. One thing I've learned is that if you
Speaker 1: can give advice to another person, you've done a great mitzvah.
Speaker 1: If you can give someone a tip, a little life
Speaker 1: hack to make their life easier, that's great. You feel better,
Speaker 1: they feel better. That's a win win in the current goodwill,
Speaker 1: You're doing very well any kind of It's like you
Speaker 1: help young people out, you know people, you know, if
Speaker 1: I could help somebody, I wants to be in radio
Speaker 1: and give them a little point point them in the
Speaker 1: right direction. I would love to do it. So anyway, Um,
Speaker 1: moving on. So I recently moved to the Mallard Mansion
Speaker 1: two point oh in the north Woods, and ever since
Speaker 1: I moved, I have been red meat in a hungry
Speaker 1: lions then, but not for lions, for those flying pieces
Speaker 1: of shit, those mosquitoes. I am convinced that my blood
Speaker 1: is the nectar of the gods. Every time I go
Speaker 1: out of the Mallard Mansion, the mosquitoes eat me. It's over,
Speaker 1: It's I'm done. It's just does not work. I'm covered
Speaker 1: in bites my right around, my knees, my elbows, my
Speaker 1: my forearms, my neck. Uh, it is terrible. This invasion
Speaker 1: has no end. So I finally reached my breaking point
Speaker 1: and I just said, okay, shut up. Yes, And so
Speaker 1: what I did was I I said I need help.
Speaker 1: I put a call to arms, out to the Mallam
Speaker 1: militia for help. And as a man of the people,
Speaker 1: uh endless suggesting. I got a ton of Twitter, I
Speaker 1: got a bunch of email people posting stuff. I'm giving
Speaker 1: me advice. And now the problem I have, Gaston is
Speaker 1: it's too much. It's like paralysis by analysis. Now because
Speaker 1: I've got a guy in Minnesota. The guy lives near
Speaker 1: the Canadian border, I believe in in northern Minnesota, and
Speaker 1: he sent me these things like three d bucks but
Speaker 1: it will last for twenty one days and it's it's
Speaker 1: using the same thing you would use the light a barbecue,
Speaker 1: um as a it's got a big tank on it. Uh.
Speaker 1: Then there's other people that one guy said his wife
Speaker 1: had the same problem and she started taking a garlic supplement,
Speaker 1: a garlic pill, and the mosquito stopped biting her. So
Speaker 1: there was that there was somebody else that recommended a
Speaker 1: garlic spray that you can spray around the yard and mosquitoes.
Speaker 1: There's an old wives tale that mosquitoes do not like garlic,
Speaker 1: and that there's as one listener pointed out, because I
Speaker 1: think the guy was in Boston or Massachusetts, he said,
Speaker 1: you never see mosquitoes around a garlic when they when
Speaker 1: they grow garlic. Um, they just don't like garlic. And
Speaker 1: so I have to decide. I'm still deciding because you
Speaker 1: read some of the reviews to these products, and there's
Speaker 1: some there's some different companies that specialize in mosquitoes taking
Speaker 1: care of mosquitoes, and you look at some of this stuff,
Speaker 1: and you're like, well, the reviews aren't very good, but
Speaker 1: here here's somebody that's gone out of their way to
Speaker 1: say this is what works, and it works for them.
Speaker 1: So then what do you do with that? Because I
Speaker 1: always you know, it's funny, I bust my wall. My
Speaker 1: wife's balls. Um, I said, well, you know, because she
Speaker 1: she buys stuff based on Amazon reviews, And to me,
Speaker 1: that's a lot of bullshit. You know, there's a lot
Speaker 1: of there's a lot of fake reviews online. It's the matrix.
Speaker 1: I've complained about that. So I always tell her, yeah, please,
Speaker 1: and she she says briefly, she'll say, but then she
Speaker 1: goes back to it, right, she goes back to it
Speaker 1: and all that stuff. And I'm just convinced that you
Speaker 1: want to tell this story so you can get as
Speaker 1: many drops then as possible. No, no, no, no, not
Speaker 1: at all, not at all. I tell her, I said,
Speaker 1: it's not fake news, you know, I said it's fake
Speaker 1: It's fake Internet, is what I say. It's yeah stuff. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it didn't happen. It didn't happen. It's not it didn't
Speaker 1: didn't take place. So so so anyway, I'm at the
Speaker 1: point I'm at the fork in the road now where
Speaker 1: I have to decide what to do now. My radio
Speaker 1: friend Bob Fesco Morning Guy in Kansas City also has
Speaker 1: a mosquito infestation and he's trying a product this weekend.
Speaker 1: He's going to report back to me let me know
Speaker 1: if that product he bought works, and then I I'm
Speaker 1: definitely gonna do the garlic supplement because I love garlic.
Speaker 1: I haven't been eating as much garlic since I moved
Speaker 1: because we don't have a kitchen right now being worked on,
Speaker 1: so I haven't be able to eat my garlic. So
Speaker 1: I'm gonna try a few things and then we'll see
Speaker 1: what works, and if anything does, I will report back
Speaker 1: on this podcast, same Mallard time, same Mallard station, so
Speaker 1: we will have the the details on that. I know
Speaker 1: you're anxiously when now do you use anything guests on
Speaker 1: for mosquitoes or you don't give a ship You don't
Speaker 1: get bitten by mosquitoes because you have that West of
Speaker 1: the four or five bloods, so you don't worry about it.
Speaker 1: Maybe because I have like too much hair, I don't know,
Speaker 1: I don't get mosquito bites all too often. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: want to come over with the mallar mansion. We'll see
Speaker 1: if the mosquitoes like you. Yeah, yeah, I'm down for that,
Speaker 1: of course. Of course I see the uh. I sees
Speaker 1: a few of the shots that your your wife, he
Speaker 1: puts up on Instagram. It looks looks marvelous things just
Speaker 1: about ready to to uh have the soft and the
Speaker 1: and the hardcore open. So I'm looking that looks good.
Speaker 1: My wife's one of her favorite holidays is Halloween. I
Speaker 1: think it might be her favorite holiday. Oh yeah, of
Speaker 1: course it's every female's favorite holiday, Halloween. Yes, so I
Speaker 1: think she's she's hoping everything be done all right. Well,
Speaker 1: if if that's the case, what's the what's the community
Speaker 1: look like? Are you in a friendly neighborhood with with
Speaker 1: the families and Kidden's and all that stuff, or do
Speaker 1: you think it's most adult? You know, it's a neighborhood.
Speaker 1: There's some older people, there's some younger. It's like a mix.
Speaker 1: There's some very there's some very nosy neighbors. Fuck clapped around.
Speaker 1: I don't do nosy, guest, Joan, I don't know, I
Speaker 1: don't mosey. I don't like people meddling in my business.
Speaker 1: I just I don't. I don't care about the neighborhood gossip.
Speaker 1: I believe in I'll stay out of your business, you
Speaker 1: stay out of my business. That kind of thing, right yoomy.
Speaker 1: If I'm gonna invite you in, then I'll welcome you
Speaker 1: to the conversation. But if not, stay there. Yeah. And
Speaker 1: there's some people I've noticed in this neighborhood that really
Speaker 1: are into other people's business and that that I'll just
Speaker 1: stay inside. I'll stay in my little couple in here,
Speaker 1: in my man cave. Uh and all that. So we
Speaker 1: do have time for a couple of science. Let's get
Speaker 1: scientifical stories. Are actual science stories from the last week
Speaker 1: or so that I found that interesting. Uh, here's one. Now,
Speaker 1: is this real or bullshit? Real or bullshit? D X extinction?
Speaker 1: D extinction? The famous iconic wooly mammoth. There's a group
Speaker 1: that claim this is a genetics firm that claims that
Speaker 1: if they're able to bring back the wooly mammoth, they
Speaker 1: can do that to fight climate change. Wow. They think
Speaker 1: that the wooly mammoth, if brought back to life, they
Speaker 1: need They're trying to raise, of course, fifteen million dollars
Speaker 1: to grow embryos in a lab using DNA from the
Speaker 1: extinct wooly mammoth. This goes back. Uh, they have a
Speaker 1: carcass of a wooly mammoth that they claim is forty
Speaker 1: two thousand years old. And these things lived, that's what
Speaker 1: they claim. How do they know that? Anyway, Yeah, these
Speaker 1: things were in Europe, Northern Asia, also North America, and
Speaker 1: they have different theories as to why they went extinct
Speaker 1: and what happened and and all that. So anyway, they're
Speaker 1: they're not around. And they say they hope that in
Speaker 1: this plan they will conserve the endangered Asian elephant, and
Speaker 1: the they say that taking on the qualities of the
Speaker 1: wily mammoth could help them live in the Arctic, and
Speaker 1: so that it just sounds like bullshit to me. Asian elephant,
Speaker 1: Like does that mean it's bigger or smaller or wider
Speaker 1: or like what I've I have no idea. I do
Speaker 1: not google that Asian elephant? Is that racist? Are you
Speaker 1: even allowed to say that today? You say, Uh, I
Speaker 1: don't know. So they claim that introducing the hybrids into
Speaker 1: the Arctic might that's a weazel word, might help restore
Speaker 1: the degraded habitat and fight some of the impacts of
Speaker 1: climate change. That sounds like there's estimated to be around
Speaker 1: twenty to forty thousand Asian elephants left in the world,
Speaker 1: Is that right? Interest? Yeah? What what makes one an
Speaker 1: Asian element? Just being born in Asia? Is that? That's it? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Why is it called an Asian? I don't know. All right,
Speaker 1: we're gonna stay in outer space guest for this next one.
Speaker 1: And they are planning within the next few years to
Speaker 1: travel to Mars, right, this is the plane, all right.
Speaker 1: So when they get to Mars, though, they're gonna have
Speaker 1: to build stuff. They want to build houses, and they
Speaker 1: want to have it. Can't go back once you go
Speaker 1: to Mars, that's it. So did you see what they're
Speaker 1: planning on using to make houses on Lars because it
Speaker 1: can't bring it, can't go to home depot or lows
Speaker 1: and buy lumber and bring it to you. If you
Speaker 1: need lumber to build a house, can't do it. So
Speaker 1: it's gonna be like some kind of like gas or like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's gonna be like some kind of gas. Right. Well,
Speaker 1: the plant is I've read this a few days ago.
Speaker 1: The plan is that they're gonna use a concrete. They're
Speaker 1: gonna make concrete made from space dust and astronauts blood.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm to build houses on Mars. Don't you need
Speaker 1: your blood? Yeah, they say that. The scientists have proposed
Speaker 1: using a blood protein as a binder, along with urine,
Speaker 1: sweat and tears from astronauts. They say they put a
Speaker 1: lot together. You're gonna create a glue like paste and
Speaker 1: it will be able to hold cosmic dust together. They
Speaker 1: found that that cosmetic concrete is three stronger than ordinary concrete. Ship.
Speaker 1: So your urine, sweat and blood mixed with space dust
Speaker 1: is better than actual concrete. According to the ease idiots.
Speaker 1: That's fat scinating, That is fascinated it. That's great. There's
Speaker 1: a two years, two year mission by a crew of
Speaker 1: six astronauts going to Mars that is supposedly going to
Speaker 1: happen pretty pretty soon. Godspeed, good luck. That's that's imagine
Speaker 1: Leaven knowing you're never coming back. That's it. And if
Speaker 1: anything goes wrong us of course, the payoff on that
Speaker 1: is if you get to Mars and you're like the
Speaker 1: you're a hero and you know, the humanity was, Oh,
Speaker 1: who are the first people on Mars. They'll name the
Speaker 1: planet after you, know, the name some other stars after
Speaker 1: you and things like that. Yeah, until their names become
Speaker 1: racist and they're canceled. Right well yeahetially everyone will be canceled.
Speaker 1: That's that's bound to happen, all right, One more quick one. Squirrels.
Speaker 1: Squirrels they claim have they being scientists, claim have different
Speaker 1: personalities just like humans. You buy that? Yeah, some scirls
Speaker 1: want to have a different net if you get what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. I knew that when I was a kid
Speaker 1: because I watched Alvin and the Chipmunks and I saw
Speaker 1: the show, and so I learned right there that that
Speaker 1: is not It is not wrong, It is not at all.
Speaker 1: There we go, Yes, yes, working too much now we
Speaker 1: it's all uh yeah, exactly, not a liar. It did
Speaker 1: not work. Geez, you're not that guy. Trust me, you're
Speaker 1: not that guy. Any need to promote on Sunday. Mail
Speaker 1: Bag on Sunday? Yeah, Mailbag Sunday are Twitter accounts, Facebook
Speaker 1: account of course for you and uh on Instagram? Um, yes,
Speaker 1: follow us. Ben have a different name on every one
Speaker 1: of those platforms. Ben Maller on Twitter, Ben Mallard Show
Speaker 1: on Facebook, Ben Maller on Fox, on Instagram, and cameo.
Speaker 1: Remember though, cameo dot com, if you're gonna book a cameo,
Speaker 1: I'd love to do it for you. I haven't raised
Speaker 1: my present in a while, but you gotta do it
Speaker 1: on cameo dot com. Don't do it on the app
Speaker 1: because they people over an Apple. They just they just
Speaker 1: kill you. They just kill you. So we have great
Speaker 1: rest your Saturday. We'll talk to you on Sunday.