Speaker 1: Hey everyone, it's Jay here. My wife and I have
Speaker 1: had so much fun creating our own sparkling tea Juni,
Speaker 1: and I've got big news for you. It's at Target
Speaker 1: and we'd love your support. If you can go out
Speaker 1: grab a Juny, You'll be adding adaptagens and neotropics into
Speaker 1: your life with mood boosting properties aimed at promoting a
Speaker 1: balanced and happy mind. Through our commitment to our wellness
Speaker 1: journey and striving to fuel our bodies with the healthiest ingredients,
Speaker 1: It's been our purpose to make healthy choices accessible for all,
Speaker 1: which is why Juni is now on shelves at Target.
Speaker 1: So head to our store locator at Drinkjuni dot com
Speaker 1: and find Juny at a Target near you. Negative people
Speaker 1: are who they are, and you are who you are.
Speaker 1: Whenever you allow someone to get inside and skew your
Speaker 1: own emotions, that means their negativity is one the number
Speaker 1: one health and wellness podcast, Jay Setty Jay Shetty set Hey, everyone,
Speaker 1: welcome back to On Purpose. Thank you so much for
Speaker 1: showing up for yourself, being here for me, and trusting me.
Speaker 1: I'm so grateful that I get to spend the next
Speaker 1: thirty minutes with you. Now, usually at this time of year,
Speaker 1: we're spending a lot of time with family, We're spending
Speaker 1: a lot of time at gatherings, We're spending a lot
Speaker 1: of time even with our coworkers. Maybe there's social events
Speaker 1: and one of the number one questions I get asked is, Jay,
Speaker 1: how do I deal with negative or toxic family members
Speaker 1: and or co workers. Now, I'm sure you've asked this
Speaker 1: question at some point in your life. And sometimes it's
Speaker 1: not because there's anything specifically wrong. There's just always been
Speaker 1: one family member who you're almost scared to see. Right.
Speaker 1: Maybe there's a colleague you get work who you're always
Speaker 1: uncomfortable around and you're trying to rush any meeting with
Speaker 1: them or any interaction with them. Maybe there's a family
Speaker 1: member who always asks you uncomfortable questions, And any of
Speaker 1: these mean this episode is for you. Now, if you're
Speaker 1: at all like me, you like to surround yourself with
Speaker 1: people who radiate positive energy, people who, without being unrealistic,
Speaker 1: treat setbacks as opportunities for learning and self reflection. And
Speaker 1: let's be honest, even I struggle with that. So I'm
Speaker 1: not saying we want to find people and only be
Speaker 1: around people who are positive and fake positive, because toxic
Speaker 1: positivity is as bad as toxic negativity. Sometimes it's even harder.
Speaker 1: But the truth is there will always be highs and lows, right,
Speaker 1: and there's always going to be certain people that we
Speaker 1: find it challenging to be around. Now, when we're around
Speaker 1: these negative people, you exit these encounters feeling a kind
Speaker 1: of contagious darkness, this sad realization that you and that
Speaker 1: person perceive the world through two radically different lenses. This
Speaker 1: is really apparent when it comes to our cowork We
Speaker 1: probably all know someone, probably more than one, who insists
Speaker 1: on putting the most negative, critical, cynical spin on everything
Speaker 1: they see. The way we dress, or the way we cook,
Speaker 1: or the way we clean, the quality of our professional work,
Speaker 1: or the report we turned in or something we said
Speaker 1: on Slack. It doesn't matter what it is. These people
Speaker 1: seem to feast on making us feel less than and
Speaker 1: it usually works too. First things first, let's define what
Speaker 1: we mean when we say that someone is negative or toxic.
Speaker 1: The first thing I want to specify is there is
Speaker 1: no such thing as a toxic or negative person. What's
Speaker 1: happened is that person has built up their negative habit
Speaker 1: a negative pattern, something they've repeated over time that has
Speaker 1: now become their reality and their personality. But there is
Speaker 1: no such thing as a toxic person. There is no
Speaker 1: such thing as a negative person. We almost take on
Speaker 1: the color, we take on the shade of what we're
Speaker 1: immersed in or what we're focused on. What I find
Speaker 1: is that so many of us have just been so
Speaker 1: lost in a negative spiral for so long. Our pattern
Speaker 1: has not been interrupted, it hasn't been broken for so
Speaker 1: long that we feel that is who we are, and
Speaker 1: we feel that is who people are now. Sometimes it
Speaker 1: becomes easier to label them this way because it makes
Speaker 1: it easier for us to make decisions. But I just
Speaker 1: want to get that across. There is no human that
Speaker 1: is inherently that way. They've just been hurt or been
Speaker 1: practicing that method for a long time. Now, let me
Speaker 1: talk to you about the different types we meet. The
Speaker 1: first is the pessimist. This person has a suspicious, paranoid,
Speaker 1: accusing perspective about everything. They might like to think of
Speaker 1: themselves as cynical and sophisticated, but all they are is
Speaker 1: contemptuous in a childish way, contemptuous of other people's feelings
Speaker 1: or imperfections, contemptuous that others don't meet, much less ever
Speaker 1: exceed their expectations. The worst part of all is that
Speaker 1: pessimists experience themselves as taking the moral high ground. I
Speaker 1: know you know what I'm talking about. They think ahead
Speaker 1: and see things that you don't. They can pinpoint the
Speaker 1: hundred different ways something will go wrong, whereas the rest
Speaker 1: of the world, in its naivete has no idea. They're
Speaker 1: innocence who insist on seeing life through pink lenses. If
Speaker 1: you add their brain, experience and forethought, you might understand
Speaker 1: that he sees things as they really are, whereas you
Speaker 1: see things as you wish they were. Now. It can
Speaker 1: be really draining and tiring to be around a pessimist.
Speaker 1: They're always looking at what's going wrong. They're always looking
Speaker 1: at what might not be quite right. You go to
Speaker 1: a wedding, they're complaining about the food. Right, you go
Speaker 1: to a birthday party, they're complaining about the entertainment. They're
Speaker 1: finding a way to put a downer or whatever it
Speaker 1: may be. And hey, if you're like me, I've been
Speaker 1: sucked into this before. I've actually been sucked into it
Speaker 1: where I've started to do the same. How many of
Speaker 1: you have ever felt that where you actually start to
Speaker 1: behave that way now. The second one is the complainer.
Speaker 1: For complainers, everything is wrong, off, flowed, not good enough, sloppy, amateurish,
Speaker 1: two inches too high, two inches too low. You didn't
Speaker 1: bring the right napkins, this soup isn't seasoned right? Did
Speaker 1: you forget to turn the heat on? Why didn't you
Speaker 1: send that report? A five sharp? And you're like, it's
Speaker 1: now five oh three, what's the matter with you? As
Speaker 1: everyone knows, it's a lot easier to complain and criticize
Speaker 1: than it is to create something. It's far easier to
Speaker 1: pass judgment on others than to take a personal risk ourselves.
Speaker 1: That's the nature of the complainer. It seems they won't
Speaker 1: be happy until they're able to point out who, what,
Speaker 1: and where it all went wrong. One of the things
Speaker 1: that I've found really really helpful about this is asking
Speaker 1: the complainer what their highlight was from the last night,
Speaker 1: and if they don't have one, sharing one of your own.
Speaker 1: So let's say you're talking on the phone the next
Speaker 1: day or texting the next day and they go, oh god,
Speaker 1: did you see what they were wearing? Oh God, wasn't
Speaker 1: last night a bore Just be like, well, I can
Speaker 1: understand how it was, but this was one of my highlights,
Speaker 1: what was one of yours? All of a sudden, You've
Speaker 1: turned it without making the other person feel bad, without
Speaker 1: discrediting them. And by the way, I'm not saying to
Speaker 1: ignore people's feelings. If there's a valid feeling someone has
Speaker 1: about not enjoying someone's company or an emotion they experience,
Speaker 1: it's great to let them air it out. I just
Speaker 1: find that often we've done that for too long with
Speaker 1: these individuals. We've almost encouraged and enabled them to have
Speaker 1: a place to complain consistently, and now they're not aware
Speaker 1: of it. Now they actually see it as a way
Speaker 1: of bonding with you. Maybe you've become that person that
Speaker 1: they can complain to endlessly. It's great to ask them
Speaker 1: what's the highlight. It's great to check in with them
Speaker 1: about something they enjoyed. You can change it up if
Speaker 1: you allow yourself to. And I think this hits very
Speaker 1: closely to why I parted up with Match, and what
Speaker 1: I really found was I wanted to create a space
Speaker 1: where people could connect based on their values. And this
Speaker 1: was really really important to me because I feel that
Speaker 1: everything I'm saying here is because we don't realize that
Speaker 1: our core values have such a big impact in terms
Speaker 1: of long term success. Now, the third is the eternal victim.
Speaker 1: They're passive. They always feel sorry for themselves, always feel
Speaker 1: as if the world has personally conspired against them. Rarely
Speaker 1: are they the protagonists of their own lives or the
Speaker 1: ones who reach out and make plans or email you
Speaker 1: or suggest the two of you get together. If you
Speaker 1: do make a date, they spend the entire lunch talking
Speaker 1: about what's gone wrong with their lives and how it
Speaker 1: will never get better because that's just the lot in
Speaker 1: their life. Now. This person's always talking about how someone
Speaker 1: screwed them over, how they're the ones being left behind,
Speaker 1: how they're the one who has been given the short
Speaker 1: end of the stick. Right, They're that eternal victim. By
Speaker 1: the way, some of you may be listening to this
Speaker 1: and realizing, as I often do, Hey, I have some
Speaker 1: of those traits in me, and that helps us be
Speaker 1: compassionate and empathetic towards those individuals. To realize this is
Speaker 1: something that could happen to each and every one of us.
Speaker 1: And if you're feeling like you're like this right now,
Speaker 1: It's important to recognize how we may be turning people
Speaker 1: off from wanting to spend time with us. I find
Speaker 1: that so many of us are unaware how much we
Speaker 1: play the victim card. The next is the energy drainer.
Speaker 1: When you go home to visit your parents or sit
Speaker 1: with a colleague at lunchtime, sometimes it's hard not to
Speaker 1: feel your face to face with a vampire, someone who's
Speaker 1: so out all your enthusiasm, vitality and optimism, someone who
Speaker 1: takes and takes while giving nothing back, and who never
Speaker 1: wants things to ask how you're doing. You leave these
Speaker 1: encounters feeling like you're fleeing one of the dementors from
Speaker 1: Harry Potter, and that your soul, if not your entire being,
Speaker 1: has been inhaled by a third party. Right, and there
Speaker 1: could be a number of ways people energy drain They
Speaker 1: switch conversations without focusing on one. They never ask you
Speaker 1: about yourself. They answer all your questions as if it's
Speaker 1: a free therapy session. They are constantly trying to place
Speaker 1: their weight or the weight of their decisions on you.
Speaker 1: It almost feels like you are having to carry them
Speaker 1: through life without getting any benefits. Support or friendship back
Speaker 1: now the next one. They're just good enoughs. These are
Speaker 1: the people who remind me of the old quote credited
Speaker 1: to the singer Janie Choplin, who once said, you are
Speaker 1: what you settle for. These are the sorts of negative
Speaker 1: toxic people. Remember, not people but habits who never seem
Speaker 1: to want to get better or take risks, or migrate
Speaker 1: outside of their comfort zones, or whether it's because they
Speaker 1: fear failure, lack a self esteem, or don't want to change.
Speaker 1: It's incredibly hard being around people like these. Nor if
Speaker 1: it's a family member or a work colleague, can you
Speaker 1: dodge them. They're your family, it's your workplace. The truth
Speaker 1: is negative people are calling out for attention. They want
Speaker 1: to feel loved because very often, deep down, they don't
Speaker 1: love themselves. I was talking about this with a friend
Speaker 1: just today, that everyone on the planet, everyone in the world,
Speaker 1: is seeking significance. We want to feel like we matter,
Speaker 1: We want to feel a like life has meaning. We
Speaker 1: want to feel like we belong. And when we don't
Speaker 1: feel that way, maybe by our own doing, by the
Speaker 1: community we're in, we often become negative and bitter, and
Speaker 1: we use that as a way of gaining that significance.
Speaker 1: If my life can be that bad, I'm more significant.
Speaker 1: Maybe the only way to feel significant is when we
Speaker 1: complain to someone, because all of us only respond to
Speaker 1: someone who complains. How many of us know a friend
Speaker 1: who we don't turn up for because we know they're
Speaker 1: fine by themselves. But we all know a friend who
Speaker 1: we run to help because they're always complaining. Now, in
Speaker 1: this same way, they crave respect because often they don't
Speaker 1: respect themselves. They want to feel in control and prepared
Speaker 1: for any circumstance or eventuality that might take them by surprise,
Speaker 1: because the alternative makes them feel almost vulnerable. Now, think
Speaker 1: about how you respond to positive people. People who lift
Speaker 1: you up, who smile and make jokes and don't take
Speaker 1: life all that seriously. They make you feel connected, happy seen.
Speaker 1: Negative people, on the other hand, not only make us unhappy,
Speaker 1: they make us doubt the way we see the world.
Speaker 1: We're social beings. It's natural for us to care about
Speaker 1: others and to care what they think of us too.
Speaker 1: It's one reason why being in love is such an
Speaker 1: exhilarating sensation, and why it's doubly hard being around people
Speaker 1: whose negativity excessive anxiety lack of trust or all encompassing
Speaker 1: pessimism is so challenging to respond to. Whether it's a
Speaker 1: parent who discourages us from pursuing our passions and dreams,
Speaker 1: a sibling who tells us that going on the roller
Speaker 1: coaster is too dangerous and will fall and break our necks,
Speaker 1: or a work colleague who gives you dirty looks across
Speaker 1: the room. Being around negativity and toxicity chips away at
Speaker 1: our happiness, confidence and wellbeing. But I want to make
Speaker 1: a distinction here. There is a difference between someone being
Speaker 1: negative to try and protect you, and someone being negative
Speaker 1: when they're trying to hurt you. Often our parents and
Speaker 1: our family members are trying to protect us. They want
Speaker 1: us to be safe. It's not that they don't believe
Speaker 1: in our dreams. It's that they don't want us to
Speaker 1: go through the things that it takes to get to
Speaker 1: our dreams. Listen to me carefully, It's not that your
Speaker 1: family doesn't believe in your dreams. They don't want you
Speaker 1: to go through the pain that may come if you
Speaker 1: pursue your dreams. Sometimes people want to protect you, not
Speaker 1: hurt you. Don't misunderstand their protection as their projection of
Speaker 1: your potential failure. They don't think you're going to fail.
Speaker 1: They don't want you to fail. They're just worried about
Speaker 1: how you will feel if you fail. It's important to
Speaker 1: remember that. Okay, I am so excited about this because
Speaker 1: we've got the first ever merch drop for on Purpose.
Speaker 1: It's finally here and for world mental health. Today we're
Speaker 1: doing an exclusive limited edition drop with all the proceeds
Speaker 1: going to the National Alliance on Mental Illness NAMI. So
Speaker 1: now you can wear your on Purpose merch, listen to
Speaker 1: the podcast and know that you two are having an impact.
Speaker 1: I want to thank you so much in advance. I
Speaker 1: can't wait to see all of your pictures wearing the merch,
Speaker 1: their sweatshirts, a hat, t shirts. Check it out on
Speaker 1: our website jshetdyshop dot com. That's Jshettishop dot com. And remember,
Speaker 1: one hundred percent of the proceeds go to NAMI. Here
Speaker 1: are some tips and strategies for how to deal with
Speaker 1: negativity and toxicity, and we'll begin with our families. You've
Speaker 1: just arrived home for the long weekend, eager to tell
Speaker 1: your parents about what's going on with your life, your job,
Speaker 1: your partner, your future, your hopes, your dreams, and whatever
Speaker 1: else you're in the mood to share. During dinner, your brother,
Speaker 1: who's been out of work for the past six months,
Speaker 1: starts making cutting comments about your hair, your outfit, your apartment,
Speaker 1: your dog, and about how you were always the successful
Speaker 1: one in the family, weren't you. A half hour later,
Speaker 1: a perfectly nice dinner has been turned into something that
Speaker 1: makes you want to run from the table and hide
Speaker 1: under the bed. Or imagine that it's Monday morning and
Speaker 1: you've come to work early, full of ideas and enthusiasm
Speaker 1: about what today and the weak ahead might bring. Immediately,
Speaker 1: a coworker sides up to your desk and makes a face.
Speaker 1: Did you see that comment on Slack? Is your horrible boss?
Speaker 1: In yet? Did you notice it was raining and see
Speaker 1: that the news is uniformly bad and the whole world
Speaker 1: is going to hell? So what's the point of doing anything?
Speaker 1: Within seconds, you're aware of a radical downshift in your
Speaker 1: own mood. Instead of feeling excited about being at work,
Speaker 1: you've entered the same gloomy ecosystem inhabited by your colleague.
Speaker 1: Your enthusiasm is now a shot. You may even start
Speaker 1: thinking she's right. Work is bad. The world is terrible,
Speaker 1: and I need to grow up and face facts, and
Speaker 1: even worse, there's nothing I can do. The way negativity
Speaker 1: can catch like a colder a virus will come as
Speaker 1: no surprise to researchers. Studies have come out showing that
Speaker 1: social media accounts that traffic and negativity have fewer followers,
Speaker 1: and a report from Stanford showed that the negative reader
Speaker 1: comments you see under articles typically damage the entire reader community.
Speaker 1: So what should you do? The easy answer is run,
Speaker 1: but the truth is, nine times out of ten, that's
Speaker 1: not always possible. Here's the first step that has made
Speaker 1: the biggest difference in my life. If you don't love
Speaker 1: someone's behavior, try to understand their context, their story, not
Speaker 1: what they're saying, but how they got there. As Oprah
Speaker 1: would say, ask them what happened to you? And sometimes
Speaker 1: you may not get to ask them directly, but think
Speaker 1: through that, treat them with understanding and compassion. Almost all
Speaker 1: negativity originates in fear, the fear that others won't love
Speaker 1: or respect you, or that catastrophic things are about to happen.
Speaker 1: Imagine what kind of childhood or at experiences this person
Speaker 1: might have had to produce and recreate these feelings. When
Speaker 1: you think about it, doesn't it follow that they would
Speaker 1: transpose their own frightened internal voice onto anyone else within earshot.
Speaker 1: Imagine the internal pain of someone who tells you not
Speaker 1: to pursue your dreams because they're liable to fail, or
Speaker 1: discourages you from taking risks, or refuses to trust anyone
Speaker 1: because chances are they'll end up betraying you. Thin skins, judgment, criticism,
Speaker 1: risk aversion, seeing dark motives in everyone, a belief the
Speaker 1: future will go badly, and the need to control the
Speaker 1: behavior of everyone around you are symptoms not of a
Speaker 1: sophisticated worldview, but of a hurt, damaged person. And while
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that you can do their healing or
Speaker 1: therapy for them, it's important to realize it's also not
Speaker 1: about you. Rather than think about how their negativity affects you,
Speaker 1: imagine what it's like being inside a brain like that
Speaker 1: twenty four seven. Once you consider their behavior from that
Speaker 1: point of view, you'll realize that the negativity they show
Speaker 1: the world likely pales to their own self criticism, and
Speaker 1: that what leads us to the next point. Remember it's
Speaker 1: not about you, now, how is the hurtful comment my
Speaker 1: sister just made about the way I laugh, or the
Speaker 1: remark my cowork had delivered about the condition of my desk,
Speaker 1: not about me. It's not and I'll explain. Negativity is
Speaker 1: a bias that sweeps up everything in its path. A
Speaker 1: negative remark directed to you may feel personal, and in
Speaker 1: many ways it is, but that doesn't mean it's personal
Speaker 1: to you. It's worth thinking of negativity or pessimist as
Speaker 1: a pair of glasses. Your sister or work colleague came
Speaker 1: into this world wearing lenses that were darkened further through
Speaker 1: difficult experiences or feeling frightened or out of control. When
Speaker 1: I say it's not personal, what I mean is that
Speaker 1: negative people are negative about everyone and everything, not just you,
Speaker 1: and it begins with themselves. What role are you willing
Speaker 1: to play in your relationship with a negative, toxic person.
Speaker 1: It's time to decide. This is a big one. And
Speaker 1: remember no family or workplace is perfect, and drama happens everywhere.
Speaker 1: Let's say you're a home with an older sibling who's
Speaker 1: having issues with your mom. He comes to you and
Speaker 1: every word out of his mouth is negative. Mom Does this? Mom?
Speaker 1: Does that? I know exactly how mum will respond if
Speaker 1: I don't or if I do. This makes you uncomfortable,
Speaker 1: but you don't know where to turn. Come on, it's
Speaker 1: your brother, But for your own mental health and well being,
Speaker 1: it's important to determine your role in this dynamic, one
Speaker 1: which psychologists call splitting, meaning that you're being asked to
Speaker 1: divide up your loyalties. Are you the designated middleman? Is
Speaker 1: there anything productive and positive you can do? Or is
Speaker 1: this between your brother and your mom? The answer the latter.
Speaker 1: Whatever is going on between the two of them has
Speaker 1: nothing to do with you. It's poisoning your relationship with
Speaker 1: both of them, and if they want to talk about this,
Speaker 1: they need to do it face to face. You might
Speaker 1: also need to set boundaries with your mom if she
Speaker 1: brings up your brother, tell her that you don't feel
Speaker 1: comfortable talking about his issues with her, and that they
Speaker 1: should engage in a conversation directly. One of the biggest
Speaker 1: mistakes we make in relationships is we think we can
Speaker 1: save people. You think you can save the relationship between
Speaker 1: your mom and your sister. You think you can save
Speaker 1: the relationship between your brother and his best friend. You
Speaker 1: believe you can save the relationship between your parents. You
Speaker 1: cannot save any relationship that you are not in. Remember
Speaker 1: that you can't save a relationship that you're not in,
Speaker 1: and sometimes you can't even save the one you're in
Speaker 1: because you're only fifty percent of the story. So it's
Speaker 1: so important that we take off that pressure for us
Speaker 1: to solve, save, fix whatever we think is broken, and
Speaker 1: recognize we can be supportive, but we can't solve. We
Speaker 1: can be supportive, but we can't save. That's not our role.
Speaker 1: Take off that pressure, give yourself some space and grace,
Speaker 1: and hold fast to your own power. Don't let negativity
Speaker 1: seep through your firewall. Remember negative people are who they are,
Speaker 1: and you are who you are. Whenever you allow someone
Speaker 1: to get inside and skew your own emotions, that means
Speaker 1: their negativity is one and that you've given it too
Speaker 1: much power and influence. Remember always that you're in charge
Speaker 1: of the way you feel, the way you see the world,
Speaker 1: and the way you interpret the world. Yes, you may
Speaker 1: be wrong, and every now and then the negative person
Speaker 1: has a point to make that you may agree with,
Speaker 1: But be careful about relinquishing your identity and power to
Speaker 1: a family member or colleague who has an axe to grind.
Speaker 1: When someone gives you negative, instead of giving them positive,
Speaker 1: give them reflective. That's the step they're missing, is reflection.
Speaker 1: If your mum or your coworker says something snarky about you,
Speaker 1: refuse to be drawn into the exchange. Respond instead with
Speaker 1: a reflective remark. And that reflective remark could be have
Speaker 1: you thought about it like this, I've read something really
Speaker 1: interesting that shared this. What's your thoughts on that? Now
Speaker 1: they may give another negative remark, but you've planted the
Speaker 1: seed of reflection. You can also respond with the positive
Speaker 1: about them. If someone says something bad about you, you can say, mom,
Speaker 1: where did you get that beautiful scarf? Or those shoes
Speaker 1: you're wearing are amazing. If a colleague says another depressing
Speaker 1: day outside, consider sharing with her how nice it is
Speaker 1: to have a break from endlessly sunny days and our
Speaker 1: rain makes you feel cozy, or one of your favorite memories.
Speaker 1: Instead of collaborating with their negativity, you might mention the
Speaker 1: things you love about your work. Then I'll share the
Speaker 1: conversation back to the workplace. If they persist, you might
Speaker 1: tell them that your hands are tied and there's nothing
Speaker 1: you can do sooner or later people start to get
Speaker 1: the message that their negativity has not been enabled, which
Speaker 1: in turn makes them be reflective and maybe figure a
Speaker 1: different path. It's important to also create distance and boundaries
Speaker 1: in family situations and in the workplace. Creating distance sounds
Speaker 1: easier than it probably is. In many scenarios, we have
Speaker 1: no choice but to engage with moms, dad's, siblings, colleagues
Speaker 1: and bosses. When I suggest creating distance or a firewall.
Speaker 1: Sometimes physically this just isn't possible, but that doesn't mean
Speaker 1: you can't do it. Emotionally. You can be perfectly pleasant
Speaker 1: and perfectly polite while letting toxic commons roll right off
Speaker 1: your back, remembering always that those comments have less to
Speaker 1: do with you than they do with the person who's
Speaker 1: delivering them. You can even do this physically. If you
Speaker 1: know your brother is about to start talking about how
Speaker 1: he hates everybody and everything, and your cubicle mate begins
Speaker 1: rolling our eyes, feel free to excuse yourself from the table,
Speaker 1: move to another seat, or position yourself next to a
Speaker 1: colleague who sees the world differently. When all else fails,
Speaker 1: there's honesty if you just can't take it anymore. I
Speaker 1: always recommend honesty with a coworker. You might say, you know,
Speaker 1: every time anyone comes up with an idea, my experience
Speaker 1: is that you have a different response. Is there a
Speaker 1: reason for that? And maybe you know everyone starts to
Speaker 1: notice it the point where people start to disengage and
Speaker 1: not share their ideas. Now, that's pretty harsh and direct,
Speaker 1: but sometimes it's needed, and I wouldn't discount it because
Speaker 1: you're scared of a tough comment. What you should be considering, though,
Speaker 1: is are you the right person? Is it the right time,
Speaker 1: and is it the right moment? How can you not
Speaker 1: come across as if you're accusing them, but actually raising
Speaker 1: it to help them. I think that's key in tone.
Speaker 1: If you say you do this and you do that,
Speaker 1: it's different from saying have you seen or recognized that
Speaker 1: there are a few people feeling this way? Speak about
Speaker 1: other people's feelings, not your feelings or not your not
Speaker 1: them as the problem, but they're being certain patterns and
Speaker 1: habits that need to be changed. Thank you so much
Speaker 1: for listening to today. I hope you enjoyed today's episode.
Speaker 1: I look forward to you joining me again soon and
Speaker 1: pass this one on to a friend or a family
Speaker 1: member who may need it right now. If you love
Speaker 1: this episode, you'll love my interview with Dr Gabor Matte
Speaker 1: on understanding your trauma and how to heal emotional wounds
Speaker 1: to start moving on from the past. Everything in nature
Speaker 1: grows only where it's vulnerable. So a tree doesn't go
Speaker 1: over it's hard and thif does it. It were soft and
Speaker 1: green and vulnerable.