Speaker 1: Dumb bitch stories because we've all been a dumb bitch
Speaker 1: at least once or twice. Okay, y'all, so listen. So
Speaker 1: dumb bitch story today comes from one of our Instagram friends,
Speaker 1: one of the friends of the show. Uh. It says, Hey, Tam,
Speaker 1: Baman and a J I love you ladies, by the way,
Speaker 1: I just want to hear from you both. I'm thirty
Speaker 1: and my boyfriend is thirty eight of three years. Have
Speaker 1: been in a stump, is what she says, and I
Speaker 1: don't know what else to do. Lately he's been saying
Speaker 1: I can do more, but I don't know what more
Speaker 1: he wants. We live in New York, he has his
Speaker 1: own place, and I'm still home. Rent is just too expensive,
Speaker 1: hair and on my salary, I just can't afford rent
Speaker 1: and rental insurance. Been in a search for a new
Speaker 1: job where I can move out. Um. At my age,
Speaker 1: it's depressing still being home sometimes. I think that's a
Speaker 1: hurdle for us. In addition, I'm not the greatest cook,
Speaker 1: but I'll do a few meals. A few meals. Um.
Speaker 1: We go out on dates and trips and have a
Speaker 1: good time when I When I do go to his house.
Speaker 1: I'll clean up, I'll cook um what I can and experiment,
Speaker 1: but I just don't know what else or more to do.
Speaker 1: Looking for some advice from you ladies. Um, sex is good,
Speaker 1: but that's not enough to keep a man. This is
Speaker 1: what she says. So I made like a couple of
Speaker 1: suggestions to her after I asked her, like, have y'all
Speaker 1: have y'all talked about moving in together? You know? So
Speaker 1: what do y'all think about her situation? Um? First of all,
Speaker 1: I think she needs to figure out what she wants
Speaker 1: out of life separate from this relationship. I get the
Speaker 1: sense it's like, hey, I need to do more, but
Speaker 1: what is that more? I want to please this man,
Speaker 1: But what is that more for you? Sis? You see
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. Um, when you get that, he may
Speaker 1: not even be the man for you, he may man
Speaker 1: for you a or be he'll see that, he'd be like,
Speaker 1: oh no, she ain't. Because no one wants to be
Speaker 1: like do this, do this? Do that? I need to
Speaker 1: do you know directions you know, uh, to the to
Speaker 1: their partner. They kind of want to see their partner
Speaker 1: do it. It's sexier when they're doing it on their
Speaker 1: you know, doing it for themselves. So that would be
Speaker 1: my first thing is like, sis, Okay, what do you
Speaker 1: want out of out of life? For you? You want
Speaker 1: to be out of your parents house. It sounds like, um,
Speaker 1: how are you going to get there? And what you know? What?
Speaker 1: What ways? And focus on that and take the man out, um,
Speaker 1: not to say dump him, but take you know that
Speaker 1: part outright? Yeah? I agree, focus on yourself and girl,
Speaker 1: it's all kind of YouTube videos, free free McDonald got
Speaker 1: a cookbook you can learn how to cook. Like that's
Speaker 1: if you can read, you can cook. That's how I feel.
Speaker 1: Just got forth the effort. But my also another suggestion.
Speaker 1: She's thirty. She says she's thirty and he's thirty eight,
Speaker 1: so they may be on a little bit different life cycle.
Speaker 1: And living in New York is extremely expensive, so I
Speaker 1: can understand her living at home. But that's why I
Speaker 1: asked her, maybe I'll can move in together. But it
Speaker 1: doesn't sound like that's what he wants. Yeah, And that's
Speaker 1: why it's important for her to, like you said, a
Speaker 1: doctumental house for her to focus on her own aspirations
Speaker 1: and your own goals, and then you might be able
Speaker 1: to afford the things you want for yourself without that man,
Speaker 1: and then maybe he will want to move in with you.
Speaker 1: But the thing is, don't y'all think this life has
Speaker 1: built off of double occupancy. It's not meant for just
Speaker 1: one person to be by themselves struggling trying to figure
Speaker 1: it out. You know what I'm saying. It's always easier
Speaker 1: with two people. So she should she shouldn't have to
Speaker 1: be over here and by herself trying to figure it out.
Speaker 1: When she's in a relationship with somebody, they can can
Speaker 1: they not try to figure stuff out together? I get
Speaker 1: what you're saying. I think financially that makes sense, right,
Speaker 1: That's what I'm talking to New York most people I
Speaker 1: know who live in New York exactly, you know what.
Speaker 1: So financially I get that, But I think, and again,
Speaker 1: we don't know this man's part. Maybe he's you're typically saying,
Speaker 1: he wants more from her, He wants more ambitions or something.
Speaker 1: You see what I'm saying, and that your man can't
Speaker 1: give you exactly, no man or woman should give you that.
Speaker 1: You need to get that from within, from within. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And so if she again we're assuming a lot of things,
Speaker 1: But if she doesn't have that, then that may be
Speaker 1: the piece that he's really trying to own in and
Speaker 1: maybe that's why he ain't trying to have a move right, Okay,
Speaker 1: And he can't he can't really articulate it. Are you
Speaker 1: looking for somebody to take care of? Right? Because we
Speaker 1: do ask men to be honest, but if they're honest,
Speaker 1: a lot of times I feel it's like, get hurt
Speaker 1: me while we'll be telling them whatever the hell we
Speaker 1: feel like saying to them, but you don't, don't be honest? Kay,
Speaker 1: thank you. Yeah. The other thing is maybe I was
Speaker 1: gonna say he needs, you know, he needs to be
Speaker 1: blunt and say this is you know what I need?
Speaker 1: You know, I need you to be more proactive. I
Speaker 1: need you to cook. Maybe it's just a cooking. I
Speaker 1: don't know. Maybe he wants more sex, who knows, but
Speaker 1: you know, if she can clarify, she said she doesn't
Speaker 1: know what more is, and I feel like instead of
Speaker 1: asking us, she needs to ask him what more is?
Speaker 1: What more? It looks like him basically because we we
Speaker 1: you pretty mu say what more is? Dr Morehouse Millhouse?
Speaker 1: Are you pretty much said what? She needs to figure
Speaker 1: out her thing? Yeah? But then she needs to figure
Speaker 1: out what morris for her, you know, but not not
Speaker 1: our opinion, not his opinion, but her own opinion. What
Speaker 1: more is you know? Yeah, I will say this. I'm married.
Speaker 1: I've been married for ten years, and that like doesn't
Speaker 1: just because when you get married it's not like who
Speaker 1: now we understand each other and you know it's no um.
Speaker 1: And so I feel like too, I've had this conversation
Speaker 1: with my husband, like We've sat down and he's like,
Speaker 1: I need more from you and and I've said, okay, um,
Speaker 1: you know what what is it that you need directly? Um?
Speaker 1: And he's like, I need you to be more physically
Speaker 1: you know, I need you to you know, have more
Speaker 1: me time with me, and you know, more physical. He's
Speaker 1: very physical. I'm very like not physical, Um, you know,
Speaker 1: touchy feely. I need you too, Yes, exactly. So, UM,
Speaker 1: I think that it's not a bad idea to ask
Speaker 1: for clarification and this is going I mean again, married
Speaker 1: now ten years. This is important that we continue to
Speaker 1: do this um and and and talk once they check in. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like a relationship check up. Oh yes, important. You
Speaker 1: need that because if you think your marriage is gonna
Speaker 1: be on autopilot I got used, uh no, yeah, m
Speaker 1: hm