WEBVTT - Bonus* Ep. 85 "Dumb B%tch Story

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<v Speaker 1>Dumb bitch stories because we've all been a dumb bitch

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<v Speaker 1>at least once or twice. Okay, y'all, so listen. So

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<v Speaker 1>dumb bitch story today comes from one of our Instagram friends,

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<v Speaker 1>one of the friends of the show. Uh. It says, Hey, Tam,

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<v Speaker 1>Baman and a J I love you ladies, by the way,

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<v Speaker 1>I just want to hear from you both. I'm thirty

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<v Speaker 1>and my boyfriend is thirty eight of three years. Have

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<v Speaker 1>been in a stump, is what she says, and I

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<v Speaker 1>don't know what else to do. Lately he's been saying

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<v Speaker 1>I can do more, but I don't know what more

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<v Speaker 1>he wants. We live in New York, he has his

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<v Speaker 1>own place, and I'm still home. Rent is just too expensive,

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<v Speaker 1>hair and on my salary, I just can't afford rent

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<v Speaker 1>and rental insurance. Been in a search for a new

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<v Speaker 1>job where I can move out. Um. At my age,

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<v Speaker 1>it's depressing still being home sometimes. I think that's a

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<v Speaker 1>hurdle for us. In addition, I'm not the greatest cook,

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<v Speaker 1>but I'll do a few meals. A few meals. Um.

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<v Speaker 1>We go out on dates and trips and have a

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<v Speaker 1>good time when I When I do go to his house.

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<v Speaker 1>I'll clean up, I'll cook um what I can and experiment,

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<v Speaker 1>but I just don't know what else or more to do.

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<v Speaker 1>Looking for some advice from you ladies. Um, sex is good,

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<v Speaker 1>but that's not enough to keep a man. This is

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<v Speaker 1>what she says. So I made like a couple of

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<v Speaker 1>suggestions to her after I asked her, like, have y'all

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<v Speaker 1>have y'all talked about moving in together? You know? So

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<v Speaker 1>what do y'all think about her situation? Um? First of all,

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<v Speaker 1>I think she needs to figure out what she wants

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<v Speaker 1>out of life separate from this relationship. I get the

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<v Speaker 1>sense it's like, hey, I need to do more, but

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<v Speaker 1>what is that more? I want to please this man,

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<v Speaker 1>But what is that more for you? Sis? You see

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<v Speaker 1>what I'm saying. Um, when you get that, he may

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<v Speaker 1>not even be the man for you, he may man

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<v Speaker 1>for you a or be he'll see that, he'd be like,

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<v Speaker 1>oh no, she ain't. Because no one wants to be

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<v Speaker 1>like do this, do this? Do that? I need to

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<v Speaker 1>do you know directions you know, uh, to the to

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<v Speaker 1>their partner. They kind of want to see their partner

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<v Speaker 1>do it. It's sexier when they're doing it on their

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<v Speaker 1>you know, doing it for themselves. So that would be

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<v Speaker 1>my first thing is like, sis, Okay, what do you

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<v Speaker 1>want out of out of life? For you? You want

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<v Speaker 1>to be out of your parents house. It sounds like, um,

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<v Speaker 1>how are you going to get there? And what you know? What?

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<v Speaker 1>What ways? And focus on that and take the man out, um,

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<v Speaker 1>not to say dump him, but take you know that

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<v Speaker 1>part outright? Yeah? I agree, focus on yourself and girl,

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<v Speaker 1>it's all kind of YouTube videos, free free McDonald got

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<v Speaker 1>a cookbook you can learn how to cook. Like that's

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<v Speaker 1>if you can read, you can cook. That's how I feel.

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<v Speaker 1>Just got forth the effort. But my also another suggestion.

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<v Speaker 1>She's thirty. She says she's thirty and he's thirty eight,

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<v Speaker 1>so they may be on a little bit different life cycle.

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<v Speaker 1>And living in New York is extremely expensive, so I

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<v Speaker 1>can understand her living at home. But that's why I

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<v Speaker 1>asked her, maybe I'll can move in together. But it

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<v Speaker 1>doesn't sound like that's what he wants. Yeah, And that's

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<v Speaker 1>why it's important for her to, like you said, a

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<v Speaker 1>doctumental house for her to focus on her own aspirations

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<v Speaker 1>and your own goals, and then you might be able

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<v Speaker 1>to afford the things you want for yourself without that man,

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<v Speaker 1>and then maybe he will want to move in with you.

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<v Speaker 1>But the thing is, don't y'all think this life has

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<v Speaker 1>built off of double occupancy. It's not meant for just

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<v Speaker 1>one person to be by themselves struggling trying to figure

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<v Speaker 1>it out. You know what I'm saying. It's always easier

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<v Speaker 1>with two people. So she should she shouldn't have to

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<v Speaker 1>be over here and by herself trying to figure it out.

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<v Speaker 1>When she's in a relationship with somebody, they can can

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<v Speaker 1>they not try to figure stuff out together? I get

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<v Speaker 1>what you're saying. I think financially that makes sense, right,

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<v Speaker 1>That's what I'm talking to New York most people I

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<v Speaker 1>know who live in New York exactly, you know what.

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<v Speaker 1>So financially I get that, But I think, and again,

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<v Speaker 1>we don't know this man's part. Maybe he's you're typically saying,

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<v Speaker 1>he wants more from her, He wants more ambitions or something.

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<v Speaker 1>You see what I'm saying, and that your man can't

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<v Speaker 1>give you exactly, no man or woman should give you that.

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<v Speaker 1>You need to get that from within, from within. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>And so if she again we're assuming a lot of things,

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<v Speaker 1>But if she doesn't have that, then that may be

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<v Speaker 1>the piece that he's really trying to own in and

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<v Speaker 1>maybe that's why he ain't trying to have a move right, Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>And he can't he can't really articulate it. Are you

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<v Speaker 1>looking for somebody to take care of? Right? Because we

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<v Speaker 1>do ask men to be honest, but if they're honest,

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of times I feel it's like, get hurt

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<v Speaker 1>me while we'll be telling them whatever the hell we

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<v Speaker 1>feel like saying to them, but you don't, don't be honest? Kay,

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<v Speaker 1>thank you. Yeah. The other thing is maybe I was

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<v Speaker 1>gonna say he needs, you know, he needs to be

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<v Speaker 1>blunt and say this is you know what I need?

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<v Speaker 1>You know, I need you to be more proactive. I

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<v Speaker 1>need you to cook. Maybe it's just a cooking. I

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<v Speaker 1>don't know. Maybe he wants more sex, who knows, but

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<v Speaker 1>you know, if she can clarify, she said she doesn't

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<v Speaker 1>know what more is, and I feel like instead of

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<v Speaker 1>asking us, she needs to ask him what more is?

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<v Speaker 1>What more? It looks like him basically because we we

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<v Speaker 1>you pretty mu say what more is? Dr Morehouse Millhouse?

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<v Speaker 1>Are you pretty much said what? She needs to figure

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<v Speaker 1>out her thing? Yeah? But then she needs to figure

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<v Speaker 1>out what morris for her, you know, but not not

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<v Speaker 1>our opinion, not his opinion, but her own opinion. What

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<v Speaker 1>more is you know? Yeah, I will say this. I'm married.

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<v Speaker 1>I've been married for ten years, and that like doesn't

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<v Speaker 1>just because when you get married it's not like who

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<v Speaker 1>now we understand each other and you know it's no um.

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<v Speaker 1>And so I feel like too, I've had this conversation

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<v Speaker 1>with my husband, like We've sat down and he's like,

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<v Speaker 1>I need more from you and and I've said, okay, um,

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<v Speaker 1>you know what what is it that you need directly? Um?

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<v Speaker 1>And he's like, I need you to be more physically

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<v Speaker 1>you know, I need you to you know, have more

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<v Speaker 1>me time with me, and you know, more physical. He's

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<v Speaker 1>very physical. I'm very like not physical, Um, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>touchy feely. I need you too, Yes, exactly. So, UM,

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<v Speaker 1>I think that it's not a bad idea to ask

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<v Speaker 1>for clarification and this is going I mean again, married

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<v Speaker 1>now ten years. This is important that we continue to

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<v Speaker 1>do this um and and and talk once they check in. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>it's like a relationship check up. Oh yes, important. You

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<v Speaker 1>need that because if you think your marriage is gonna

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<v Speaker 1>be on autopilot I got used, uh no, yeah, m

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<v Speaker 1>hm