1
00:00:00,920 --> 00:00:05,280
Speaker 1: Dumb bitch stories because we've all been a dumb bitch

2
00:00:05,400 --> 00:00:09,119
Speaker 1: at least once or twice. Okay, y'all, so listen. So

3
00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:12,920
Speaker 1: dumb bitch story today comes from one of our Instagram friends,

4
00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:16,120
Speaker 1: one of the friends of the show. Uh. It says, Hey, Tam,

5
00:00:16,120 --> 00:00:18,880
Speaker 1: Baman and a J I love you ladies, by the way,

6
00:00:19,079 --> 00:00:21,360
Speaker 1: I just want to hear from you both. I'm thirty

7
00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:24,520
Speaker 1: and my boyfriend is thirty eight of three years. Have

8
00:00:24,680 --> 00:00:27,760
Speaker 1: been in a stump, is what she says, and I

9
00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:29,880
Speaker 1: don't know what else to do. Lately he's been saying

10
00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:32,440
Speaker 1: I can do more, but I don't know what more

11
00:00:32,479 --> 00:00:34,879
Speaker 1: he wants. We live in New York, he has his

12
00:00:34,920 --> 00:00:38,400
Speaker 1: own place, and I'm still home. Rent is just too expensive,

13
00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:41,600
Speaker 1: hair and on my salary, I just can't afford rent

14
00:00:41,680 --> 00:00:44,400
Speaker 1: and rental insurance. Been in a search for a new

15
00:00:44,479 --> 00:00:48,600
Speaker 1: job where I can move out. Um. At my age,

16
00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:51,519
Speaker 1: it's depressing still being home sometimes. I think that's a

17
00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:54,640
Speaker 1: hurdle for us. In addition, I'm not the greatest cook,

18
00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:58,080
Speaker 1: but I'll do a few meals. A few meals. Um.

19
00:00:58,360 --> 00:01:00,200
Speaker 1: We go out on dates and trips and have a

20
00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:02,760
Speaker 1: good time when I When I do go to his house.

21
00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:06,880
Speaker 1: I'll clean up, I'll cook um what I can and experiment,

22
00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:10,360
Speaker 1: but I just don't know what else or more to do.

23
00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:14,959
Speaker 1: Looking for some advice from you ladies. Um, sex is good,

24
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:16,840
Speaker 1: but that's not enough to keep a man. This is

25
00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:18,520
Speaker 1: what she says. So I made like a couple of

26
00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:21,160
Speaker 1: suggestions to her after I asked her, like, have y'all

27
00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:23,800
Speaker 1: have y'all talked about moving in together? You know? So

28
00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:29,840
Speaker 1: what do y'all think about her situation? Um? First of all,

29
00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:33,600
Speaker 1: I think she needs to figure out what she wants

30
00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:38,360
Speaker 1: out of life separate from this relationship. I get the

31
00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:40,240
Speaker 1: sense it's like, hey, I need to do more, but

32
00:01:40,319 --> 00:01:42,199
Speaker 1: what is that more? I want to please this man,

33
00:01:42,959 --> 00:01:46,680
Speaker 1: But what is that more for you? Sis? You see

34
00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:51,200
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. Um, when you get that, he may

35
00:01:51,240 --> 00:01:54,160
Speaker 1: not even be the man for you, he may man

36
00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:57,680
Speaker 1: for you a or be he'll see that, he'd be like,

37
00:01:57,760 --> 00:01:59,480
Speaker 1: oh no, she ain't. Because no one wants to be

38
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:02,320
Speaker 1: like do this, do this? Do that? I need to

39
00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:07,400
Speaker 1: do you know directions you know, uh, to the to

40
00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:10,200
Speaker 1: their partner. They kind of want to see their partner

41
00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:12,720
Speaker 1: do it. It's sexier when they're doing it on their

42
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:15,200
Speaker 1: you know, doing it for themselves. So that would be

43
00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:18,560
Speaker 1: my first thing is like, sis, Okay, what do you

44
00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:20,840
Speaker 1: want out of out of life? For you? You want

45
00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:24,200
Speaker 1: to be out of your parents house. It sounds like, um,

46
00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:26,400
Speaker 1: how are you going to get there? And what you know? What?

47
00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:29,440
Speaker 1: What ways? And focus on that and take the man out, um,

48
00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:33,000
Speaker 1: not to say dump him, but take you know that

49
00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:36,880
Speaker 1: part outright? Yeah? I agree, focus on yourself and girl,

50
00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:40,000
Speaker 1: it's all kind of YouTube videos, free free McDonald got

51
00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:42,880
Speaker 1: a cookbook you can learn how to cook. Like that's

52
00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:45,120
Speaker 1: if you can read, you can cook. That's how I feel.

53
00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:49,000
Speaker 1: Just got forth the effort. But my also another suggestion.

54
00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:52,240
Speaker 1: She's thirty. She says she's thirty and he's thirty eight,

55
00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:54,880
Speaker 1: so they may be on a little bit different life cycle.

56
00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:57,799
Speaker 1: And living in New York is extremely expensive, so I

57
00:02:57,800 --> 00:03:00,560
Speaker 1: can understand her living at home. But that's why I

58
00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:04,000
Speaker 1: asked her, maybe I'll can move in together. But it

59
00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:07,799
Speaker 1: doesn't sound like that's what he wants. Yeah, And that's

60
00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:09,800
Speaker 1: why it's important for her to, like you said, a

61
00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:12,760
Speaker 1: doctumental house for her to focus on her own aspirations

62
00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:16,280
Speaker 1: and your own goals, and then you might be able

63
00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:19,639
Speaker 1: to afford the things you want for yourself without that man,

64
00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:21,520
Speaker 1: and then maybe he will want to move in with you.

65
00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:23,480
Speaker 1: But the thing is, don't y'all think this life has

66
00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:26,120
Speaker 1: built off of double occupancy. It's not meant for just

67
00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:28,880
Speaker 1: one person to be by themselves struggling trying to figure

68
00:03:28,919 --> 00:03:31,280
Speaker 1: it out. You know what I'm saying. It's always easier

69
00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:34,440
Speaker 1: with two people. So she should she shouldn't have to

70
00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:36,960
Speaker 1: be over here and by herself trying to figure it out.

71
00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:40,120
Speaker 1: When she's in a relationship with somebody, they can can

72
00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:44,640
Speaker 1: they not try to figure stuff out together? I get

73
00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:47,200
Speaker 1: what you're saying. I think financially that makes sense, right,

74
00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:49,720
Speaker 1: That's what I'm talking to New York most people I

75
00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:52,480
Speaker 1: know who live in New York exactly, you know what.

76
00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:56,560
Speaker 1: So financially I get that, But I think, and again,

77
00:03:56,600 --> 00:04:00,960
Speaker 1: we don't know this man's part. Maybe he's you're typically saying,

78
00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:04,680
Speaker 1: he wants more from her, He wants more ambitions or something.

79
00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:08,520
Speaker 1: You see what I'm saying, and that your man can't

80
00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:11,560
Speaker 1: give you exactly, no man or woman should give you that.

81
00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:16,640
Speaker 1: You need to get that from within, from within. Yeah,

82
00:04:16,760 --> 00:04:20,320
Speaker 1: And so if she again we're assuming a lot of things,

83
00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:23,040
Speaker 1: But if she doesn't have that, then that may be

84
00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:25,560
Speaker 1: the piece that he's really trying to own in and

85
00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:28,640
Speaker 1: maybe that's why he ain't trying to have a move right, Okay,

86
00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:32,360
Speaker 1: And he can't he can't really articulate it. Are you

87
00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:35,440
Speaker 1: looking for somebody to take care of? Right? Because we

88
00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:39,080
Speaker 1: do ask men to be honest, but if they're honest,

89
00:04:39,120 --> 00:04:40,960
Speaker 1: a lot of times I feel it's like, get hurt

90
00:04:42,839 --> 00:04:44,760
Speaker 1: me while we'll be telling them whatever the hell we

91
00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:49,560
Speaker 1: feel like saying to them, but you don't, don't be honest? Kay,

92
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:54,200
Speaker 1: thank you. Yeah. The other thing is maybe I was

93
00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:57,720
Speaker 1: gonna say he needs, you know, he needs to be

94
00:04:57,800 --> 00:05:01,080
Speaker 1: blunt and say this is you know what I need?

95
00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:04,359
Speaker 1: You know, I need you to be more proactive. I

96
00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:06,479
Speaker 1: need you to cook. Maybe it's just a cooking. I

97
00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:08,760
Speaker 1: don't know. Maybe he wants more sex, who knows, but

98
00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:13,320
Speaker 1: you know, if she can clarify, she said she doesn't

99
00:05:13,320 --> 00:05:15,400
Speaker 1: know what more is, and I feel like instead of

100
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,479
Speaker 1: asking us, she needs to ask him what more is?

101
00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:21,000
Speaker 1: What more? It looks like him basically because we we

102
00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:24,240
Speaker 1: you pretty mu say what more is? Dr Morehouse Millhouse?

103
00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:26,400
Speaker 1: Are you pretty much said what? She needs to figure

104
00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:30,480
Speaker 1: out her thing? Yeah? But then she needs to figure

105
00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:33,279
Speaker 1: out what morris for her, you know, but not not

106
00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:35,880
Speaker 1: our opinion, not his opinion, but her own opinion. What

107
00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:39,720
Speaker 1: more is you know? Yeah, I will say this. I'm married.

108
00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:44,200
Speaker 1: I've been married for ten years, and that like doesn't

109
00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:47,480
Speaker 1: just because when you get married it's not like who

110
00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:54,520
Speaker 1: now we understand each other and you know it's no um.

111
00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:57,919
Speaker 1: And so I feel like too, I've had this conversation

112
00:05:57,920 --> 00:06:00,640
Speaker 1: with my husband, like We've sat down and he's like,

113
00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:05,040
Speaker 1: I need more from you and and I've said, okay, um,

114
00:06:05,080 --> 00:06:08,720
Speaker 1: you know what what is it that you need directly? Um?

115
00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:11,480
Speaker 1: And he's like, I need you to be more physically

116
00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:13,320
Speaker 1: you know, I need you to you know, have more

117
00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:15,640
Speaker 1: me time with me, and you know, more physical. He's

118
00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:19,160
Speaker 1: very physical. I'm very like not physical, Um, you know,

119
00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:25,440
Speaker 1: touchy feely. I need you too, Yes, exactly. So, UM,

120
00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:28,039
Speaker 1: I think that it's not a bad idea to ask

121
00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:31,760
Speaker 1: for clarification and this is going I mean again, married

122
00:06:32,320 --> 00:06:35,440
Speaker 1: now ten years. This is important that we continue to

123
00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:39,160
Speaker 1: do this um and and and talk once they check in. Yeah,

124
00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:45,760
Speaker 1: it's like a relationship check up. Oh yes, important. You

125
00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:47,680
Speaker 1: need that because if you think your marriage is gonna

126
00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:56,040
Speaker 1: be on autopilot I got used, uh no, yeah, m

127
00:06:56,279 --> 00:06:56,400
Speaker 1: hm