WEBVTT - Spiritual Hygiene: The Daily Reset Your Nervous System Needs 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:03.040 Our heart and our spirit is like a mirror, and 0:00:03.640 --> 0:00:07.520 every single day we accumulate dust on this mirror. Either 0:00:07.560 --> 0:00:09.559 you have a choice of wiping it off or it 0:00:09.640 --> 0:00:13.600 keeps accumulating and accumulating and accumulating, and it actually makes 0:00:13.680 --> 0:00:16.360 us not just more distant from the world, but it 0:00:16.400 --> 0:00:19.560 actually disconnects us from ourselves. I'm rather Wukiah and on 0:00:19.640 --> 0:00:23.280 my podcast A Really Good Cry, we embrace the messy 0:00:23.400 --> 0:00:27.160 and the beautiful, providing a space for raw, unfiltered conversations 0:00:27.200 --> 0:00:30.720 that celebrate vulnerability and allow you to tune in to learn, 0:00:30.960 --> 0:00:35.120 connect and find comfort together. Hello, wonderful people, Welcome back 0:00:35.120 --> 0:00:38.040 to this week's episode of A Really Good Cry. I'm 0:00:38.040 --> 0:00:40.920 so happy that you're here. I've been thinking about a 0:00:40.960 --> 0:00:43.400 lot this week, and I feel like there's a lot 0:00:43.400 --> 0:00:45.800 of heavy energy. There's a lot happening in the world, 0:00:45.920 --> 0:00:49.479 and for some reason, it feels like it's all piling 0:00:49.560 --> 0:00:52.080 up a little bit more than it ever did. Things 0:00:52.080 --> 0:00:54.440 so really heavy in the air, and I can notice 0:00:54.480 --> 0:00:58.120 in people's energy levels, and just the day to day 0:00:58.160 --> 0:01:01.040 grind feels a little bit harder. And we're only in 0:01:01.080 --> 0:01:03.600 the beginning of the year, and sometimes that can feel 0:01:03.600 --> 0:01:07.280 so defeating. And very overwhelming, especially with everything going on 0:01:07.400 --> 0:01:10.520 right now. But then the problem is that defeat and 0:01:10.600 --> 0:01:13.840 overwhelm leads us to feeling really depleted and helpless, which 0:01:13.880 --> 0:01:16.440 stops us from actually being able to be useful in 0:01:16.520 --> 0:01:18.399 times that we want to be, which is why I 0:01:18.440 --> 0:01:21.880 wanted to talk about the idea of spiritual hygiene. They 0:01:21.920 --> 0:01:25.560 are the daily practices that prevent emotional and energetic and 0:01:25.640 --> 0:01:29.280 mental build up. Just like we brush your teeth, well, okay, wait, 0:01:29.319 --> 0:01:31.200 we don't brush your teeth. You brush your teeth just 0:01:31.240 --> 0:01:33.880 like you brush your teeth every single day, and we 0:01:33.959 --> 0:01:36.679 shower every single day. But what are we actually doing 0:01:36.760 --> 0:01:39.760 to clean our energy every single day? Because every single 0:01:39.840 --> 0:01:43.080 day we come into contact with so much more than 0:01:43.240 --> 0:01:46.000 most of our ancestors would ever come into contact with, 0:01:46.440 --> 0:01:49.120 and yet we don't think about cleaning our energy every day. 0:01:49.240 --> 0:01:51.480 We think about cleaning our physical body, but our spirit, 0:01:51.600 --> 0:01:55.120 our heart, our energetic feels that we have around us, 0:01:55.360 --> 0:01:58.360 we have to learn how to cleanse them so that 0:01:58.400 --> 0:02:00.000 we can cope in the world, so that we can 0:02:00.080 --> 0:02:02.920 and take in what's happening, but also feel like we 0:02:02.920 --> 0:02:05.920 can function and keep going in our day. So spiritual 0:02:06.000 --> 0:02:09.359 hygiene are just the daily practices that prevent emotional, energetic, 0:02:09.400 --> 0:02:12.440 and mental build up, and it helps you to clear resentment, 0:02:12.880 --> 0:02:17.079 regulate your nervous system, protect your attention, align your actions 0:02:17.080 --> 0:02:20.359 with your values. And the thing is, we don't fall 0:02:20.400 --> 0:02:23.400 apart from big events that happen. Usually we fall apart 0:02:23.560 --> 0:02:30.360 from these micro unreleased accumulations of things, whether it's unspoken irritation, comparison, scrolling, 0:02:30.680 --> 0:02:34.639 saying yes when you actually meant to say no, unprocessed jealousy, 0:02:35.080 --> 0:02:38.280 tiny betrayals of your own boundaries, or from other people. 0:02:39.080 --> 0:02:42.080 And if we don't clean it, it hardens into bitterness 0:02:42.120 --> 0:02:45.560 and burnout and resentment and cynicism. And why do we 0:02:45.600 --> 0:02:48.679 want to see world through a cynical eye? There's enough 0:02:48.720 --> 0:02:51.880 going on around us that is negative. But the problem 0:02:52.000 --> 0:02:55.400 is if we are also creating negative environment around us 0:02:55.480 --> 0:02:58.360 inside of us, then all we can see is that 0:02:58.760 --> 0:03:01.520 whereas there is so much positive happening, also there is 0:03:01.560 --> 0:03:03.840 so much goodness in the world, But if we are 0:03:03.880 --> 0:03:08.880 constantly not cleansing and clearing this dust that accumulates, then 0:03:09.160 --> 0:03:10.919 it's going to be really hard to see the world 0:03:11.000 --> 0:03:14.000 in that way. Actually, it reminds me of one of 0:03:14.000 --> 0:03:17.079 my favorite verses in the Vaders talks about I think 0:03:17.080 --> 0:03:20.280 it's in the Bugwi Ghita. Actually it talks about how 0:03:20.639 --> 0:03:23.600 our heart and our spirit is like a mirror, and 0:03:24.160 --> 0:03:28.080 every single day we accumulate dust on this mirror. Either 0:03:28.080 --> 0:03:30.080 you have a choice of wiping it off or it 0:03:30.200 --> 0:03:34.160 keeps accumulating and accumulating and accumulating, and it actually makes 0:03:34.200 --> 0:03:36.920 us not just more distant from the world, but it 0:03:36.960 --> 0:03:40.200 actually disconnects us from ourself. Imagine it as a block 0:03:40.240 --> 0:03:43.040 between you and your true self, a block between you 0:03:43.120 --> 0:03:46.080 and the most real version of yourself. And so you're 0:03:46.080 --> 0:03:49.440 not only doing it for how you can interact with 0:03:49.480 --> 0:03:51.560 the world, but you're doing it for yourself so that 0:03:51.640 --> 0:03:53.720 you feel connected to yourself, so you don't have all 0:03:53.760 --> 0:03:57.240 these barriers to connect to you, to God, to the universe, 0:03:57.280 --> 0:03:59.040 to the people around you. So I'm going to break 0:03:59.040 --> 0:04:02.240 it down into five areas of spiritual hygiene and how 0:04:02.280 --> 0:04:06.040 easy it is to integrate these cleansing processes throughout your 0:04:06.080 --> 0:04:09.960 days and weeks. The first one is integrity hygiene. One 0:04:09.960 --> 0:04:13.400 of the biggest pollutants to our spirit is incongruence. That is, 0:04:13.680 --> 0:04:16.320 the little things like when your words don't match your 0:04:16.320 --> 0:04:19.680 behavior or your body saying no, but your mouth says yes, 0:04:20.040 --> 0:04:22.960 you preach calm, but you end up living chaotic. I've 0:04:23.000 --> 0:04:25.800 definitely been there. You say you value your health, but 0:04:25.839 --> 0:04:28.680 you disrespect your body. Been there too. And if you're 0:04:28.720 --> 0:04:31.279 hearing this and you're thinking, oh, this is me right now, 0:04:31.960 --> 0:04:34.760 have a little thing to yourself. Ask yourself these questions 0:04:34.839 --> 0:04:37.679 and see where you land. Where am I cutting corners 0:04:37.680 --> 0:04:41.080 in my life? Because you know what, sometimes we think 0:04:41.080 --> 0:04:44.120 cutting corners is more beneficial to us because it gets 0:04:44.160 --> 0:04:47.119 us to our result faster, But it kind of feels 0:04:47.160 --> 0:04:50.200 like cheating ourselves. And so even if we are cutting 0:04:50.200 --> 0:04:52.279 corners to try and get somewhere that we want to be, 0:04:52.560 --> 0:04:55.040 and we get to the place, some what we forget 0:04:55.120 --> 0:04:58.200 is that the process of getting there, doing the work, 0:04:58.360 --> 0:05:02.200 taking the long journey there is actually what makes us 0:05:02.200 --> 0:05:04.839 feel like we've accomplished it, We've earned it. And so 0:05:05.080 --> 0:05:07.400 ask yourself, where am I cut in corners? Am I 0:05:07.440 --> 0:05:11.520 gossiping more than I'm having meaningful conversations? Am I constantly 0:05:11.560 --> 0:05:14.400 complaining more than I'm appreciating. I think that's a big 0:05:14.440 --> 0:05:18.800 one we sometimes don't realize. I know, for myself, I 0:05:19.600 --> 0:05:23.880 have accumulated a lot energetically and I haven't found a 0:05:23.920 --> 0:05:28.240 way to release it. I definitely think I become a complainer, 0:05:28.680 --> 0:05:31.039 and I don't think I notice it. And for me, 0:05:31.480 --> 0:05:34.200 it comes up most when I'm tired, where everything starts 0:05:34.200 --> 0:05:37.680 irritating me, I end up getting agitated more easily and 0:05:37.760 --> 0:05:41.280 my tiring as usually happens when I haven't prioritized trying 0:05:41.320 --> 0:05:44.159 to let go of these things. And so asking yourself, 0:05:44.160 --> 0:05:47.160 if you're constantly complaining more than appreciating, for me, is 0:05:47.200 --> 0:05:49.359 a really good sign that one of the things are 0:05:49.400 --> 0:05:51.760 happening around me. I'm absorbing it and I'm not actually 0:05:51.839 --> 0:05:54.120 learning how to let go of it, like I'm exhausted 0:05:54.480 --> 0:05:58.120 because I'm not cleansing. I'm not taking those things out 0:05:58.160 --> 0:06:01.000 of my system as I'm supposed to be. What promises 0:06:01.040 --> 0:06:03.720 have I been breaking to myself? Big one? The more 0:06:03.760 --> 0:06:06.159 that you end up promising yourself something, just like if 0:06:06.200 --> 0:06:09.680 you're in a relationship, the more that you break those promises, 0:06:09.880 --> 0:06:12.640 you end up breaking the bonds to yourself. What promises 0:06:12.640 --> 0:06:15.120 have I've been making and breaking to myself? Are there 0:06:15.160 --> 0:06:17.680 times or I'm not saying sorry when it might actually 0:06:17.680 --> 0:06:19.839 be my fault? You know? The reason I put that 0:06:19.880 --> 0:06:23.039 in them was because I think ego can get in 0:06:23.040 --> 0:06:25.839 the way of a lot of our relationships, and we 0:06:25.880 --> 0:06:28.600 think we're being strong, and we think we're being in control, 0:06:28.640 --> 0:06:30.960 and we think we're being in in charge when we 0:06:31.040 --> 0:06:34.040 don't say sorry about something, even when it's our fault. 0:06:34.200 --> 0:06:36.800 But really that's just ego, because when it comes to 0:06:37.240 --> 0:06:41.800 accepting fault or saying sorry to somebody, it should be 0:06:41.880 --> 0:06:44.400 such a natural instinct to us, because especially if you 0:06:44.440 --> 0:06:46.360 love the person and you value them in your life, 0:06:46.680 --> 0:06:49.600 and so when you are in the wrong, our natural 0:06:49.920 --> 0:06:52.520 spirit wants to say sorry, It wants to apologize, it 0:06:52.560 --> 0:06:56.800 wants to mend and repair, but we're blocking that and 0:06:56.839 --> 0:06:59.400 we're stopping us, and that stopping comes from our ego. 0:06:59.600 --> 0:07:02.640 All of that internal friction creates such discomfort in your spirit. 0:07:03.080 --> 0:07:06.039 Anxiety isn't always from the world. Sometimes it's just from 0:07:06.080 --> 0:07:08.800 the gap between who you say you are and how 0:07:08.839 --> 0:07:10.960 you're living. I always think about that. Where my anxiety 0:07:11.040 --> 0:07:13.560 is really high, I notice it in my mind, but 0:07:13.600 --> 0:07:16.640 I also feel it physically in my body. It's this 0:07:16.720 --> 0:07:19.920 subtle anxiety, the tightness in your chest, the irritability that 0:07:19.960 --> 0:07:23.040 seems to come from nowhere, that sense of fear and 0:07:23.120 --> 0:07:26.480 being on edge, even when life feels calm around you, 0:07:27.120 --> 0:07:30.080 having a little introspective moment and thinking to yourself, where 0:07:30.120 --> 0:07:32.600 am I not living in integrity? Where do I feel 0:07:32.600 --> 0:07:35.760 the disconnection between all of these areas what I'm saying, 0:07:35.760 --> 0:07:38.000 what I'm doing, the way that I'm treating people, the 0:07:38.000 --> 0:07:41.280 way I'm reacting, the way I'm showing up. Is there 0:07:41.320 --> 0:07:44.520 a big difference between the things I'm saying in doing 0:07:44.600 --> 0:07:46.440 versus the way that I'm thinking, the way that I'm 0:07:46.480 --> 0:07:48.239 living versus the way that I want to be living. 0:07:48.680 --> 0:07:51.000 These things don't have to change overnight, but it's really 0:07:51.000 --> 0:07:53.840 I think the first step to everything is just realizing 0:07:53.920 --> 0:07:57.880 and recognizing that there are things to change. That creates ownership, 0:07:57.920 --> 0:07:59.320 but it also makes you feel a little bit more 0:07:59.320 --> 0:08:02.840 in control, and honestly, it helps reduce the anxiety in 0:08:02.880 --> 0:08:05.720 this situation as well. The next one is attention hygiene. 0:08:05.800 --> 0:08:08.240 Your attention is one of your most sacred assets, and 0:08:08.320 --> 0:08:11.760 these days we don't value our attention in the same way. 0:08:11.840 --> 0:08:15.000 We don't value it as being sacred. Most people give 0:08:15.000 --> 0:08:18.120 it away all day. I know everyone keeps saying scrolling 0:08:18.160 --> 0:08:20.240 is bad. We've heard it so many times. Scrolling is bad, 0:08:20.240 --> 0:08:22.080 and we know it, but we keep going and going 0:08:22.080 --> 0:08:24.720 and going. And I can speak for myself when I 0:08:24.800 --> 0:08:28.920 say my anxiety keeps building the more I keep scrolling, 0:08:29.280 --> 0:08:31.400 and then we wonder why we're so high, strong and 0:08:31.440 --> 0:08:34.320 on edge. But I really want you to understand the 0:08:34.400 --> 0:08:37.520 severity of doom scrolling or watching things that really disturb 0:08:37.559 --> 0:08:40.120 you or make you feel uneasy, especially if you're already 0:08:40.160 --> 0:08:43.160 feeling like that. I came back from India at the 0:08:43.160 --> 0:08:45.600 beginning of the year and I was doing so good 0:08:45.600 --> 0:08:48.480 with it, but recently I found myself even taking my 0:08:48.559 --> 0:08:51.920 phone into the shower, and I was like, what is happening? 0:08:52.000 --> 0:08:54.480 Every moment that used to bring me peace or where 0:08:54.520 --> 0:08:57.960 my in betweens in moments of crazy, is now filled 0:08:58.000 --> 0:09:02.079 with stimulation. And even if it's micro moments, those micro 0:09:02.160 --> 0:09:04.520 moments are the only times that your brain gets to 0:09:04.559 --> 0:09:07.760 reconnect with your body. And the thing with scrolling is 0:09:07.840 --> 0:09:10.960 it completely disconnects you. It disconnects you from your presence, 0:09:11.000 --> 0:09:14.240 from reality. It takes you into a whole different world. 0:09:14.400 --> 0:09:18.080 I highly recommend having areas in your life or times 0:09:18.120 --> 0:09:21.479 in your day where your phone is just not available 0:09:21.480 --> 0:09:24.200 to you, it's just not accessible, and start observing what 0:09:24.240 --> 0:09:26.760 am I consuming every single day what has access to 0:09:26.840 --> 0:09:30.240 my mind, Because everything creates energy and ripples in us 0:09:30.280 --> 0:09:34.199 and around us. What we're surrounding ourselves with creates who 0:09:34.240 --> 0:09:37.120 we are. So if you spend two hours watching conflict 0:09:37.160 --> 0:09:41.120 and outrage or feeling comparison as you're scrolling, what else 0:09:41.160 --> 0:09:43.680 do we expect to feel inside of our mind, whether 0:09:43.720 --> 0:09:47.040 it's social media or news or group chats. Remember that 0:09:47.080 --> 0:09:49.680 your attention is sacred. Just how we might treat money 0:09:50.160 --> 0:09:53.880 or physical things that we have attention we should be 0:09:53.960 --> 0:09:56.880 treating is even more valuable than that, because it is 0:09:56.920 --> 0:09:59.600 how we function in our day. It's how we are 0:09:59.600 --> 0:10:01.920 able to work, how we're able to connect with people, 0:10:02.320 --> 0:10:06.520 and so really treating our attention as being so valuable 0:10:06.960 --> 0:10:09.960 and remembering and reminding ourselves of that every single day. 0:10:10.120 --> 0:10:12.320 I also read somewhere it said your nervous system can't 0:10:12.320 --> 0:10:15.400 tell the difference between your life and what you scroll, 0:10:15.840 --> 0:10:17.960 So if you want peace of mind, we need to 0:10:17.960 --> 0:10:22.200 be consuming more peaceful nervous system regulating content. The world 0:10:22.440 --> 0:10:25.559 is crazy enough without us needing to watch a documentary 0:10:25.559 --> 0:10:29.040 about a serial killer, so maybe don't do that. Maybe 0:10:29.040 --> 0:10:31.480 watch something that makes you feel good instead, that doesn't 0:10:31.800 --> 0:10:33.920 put you on edge and make you run up the 0:10:33.920 --> 0:10:37.280 stairs before you go to sleep, watching your back thinking 0:10:37.320 --> 0:10:39.439 someone's in the house about to stab you. We don't 0:10:39.480 --> 0:10:41.840 need that. We just don't need that. What we need 0:10:41.960 --> 0:10:44.760 is something funny that makes you laugh and that makes 0:10:44.760 --> 0:10:48.680 you feel comforted and calm, Like, why not try that instead? 0:10:48.920 --> 0:10:52.959 Maybe this week, just don't watch any documentaries about serial killers. 0:10:53.000 --> 0:10:55.960 That probably will make a really big difference to your day. 0:10:57.120 --> 0:11:00.200 Next up is emotional hygiene. Most of us went tought 0:11:00.200 --> 0:11:02.840 how to process emotions. It's not something you're taught in school. 0:11:03.000 --> 0:11:05.960 They don't tell you that you're supposed to feel feelings, 0:11:06.040 --> 0:11:08.040 and then you're not just supposed to feel them. We're 0:11:08.040 --> 0:11:10.680 supposed to process them in the moment and then release them. 0:11:10.760 --> 0:11:13.520 We're not told that. We're taught how to manage them, 0:11:13.760 --> 0:11:16.080 or how to hide them, how to suppress them. But 0:11:16.120 --> 0:11:18.640 we're not taught how to actually fully go through the 0:11:18.720 --> 0:11:23.839 process of feeling, processing and releasing, and so unprocessed emotions 0:11:23.880 --> 0:11:29.319 actually becomes our personality. Unprocessed anger becomes irritability, a sharp 0:11:29.400 --> 0:11:35.120 tone with people, constant criticism, impatience, unprocessed sadness ends up 0:11:35.120 --> 0:11:38.559 coming out of us as emotional numbness, detachment from people 0:11:38.679 --> 0:11:41.760 or the people that we love, low grade heaviness or 0:11:41.800 --> 0:11:44.760 stagnancy in our body, the feeling of I'm just tired. 0:11:44.800 --> 0:11:46.720 I'm tired of life, I'm tired of people, I'm tired 0:11:46.760 --> 0:11:50.840 of everything. Not waking up feeling excited about life. Unprocessed 0:11:50.840 --> 0:11:57.280 fear can become control, perfectionism, hyper independence, anxiety disguised as productivity, 0:11:57.800 --> 0:12:03.360 and unprocessed jealousy well end up as constant comparison, competitiveness 0:12:03.360 --> 0:12:06.320 against people that you actually love and care about, or 0:12:06.360 --> 0:12:10.079 bossiping about people rather than having meaningful conversations. So when 0:12:10.080 --> 0:12:13.160 you don't metabolize or digest your emotions, it just becomes 0:12:13.200 --> 0:12:15.400 part of you. It becomes your identity, and you become 0:12:15.440 --> 0:12:17.360 the type of person that says, that's just how I am. 0:12:17.840 --> 0:12:21.040 I'm just a blunt person, or I just don't trust people, 0:12:21.120 --> 0:12:24.560 or I'm just really independent, I don't get emotional. That's 0:12:24.559 --> 0:12:27.000 just not who I am. But often that's just a 0:12:27.040 --> 0:12:29.160 stored feeling that we've kept in us for too long. 0:12:29.520 --> 0:12:32.280 I always talk about this, but it's because from when 0:12:32.320 --> 0:12:35.000 I first heard it, I just loved the idea of it, 0:12:35.040 --> 0:12:38.280 and it helped me to visualize emotions as something different. 0:12:38.760 --> 0:12:41.840 Emotion is energy in motion. It is designed to move 0:12:41.880 --> 0:12:46.000 through the body. So when you interrupt it by distracting yourself, 0:12:46.120 --> 0:12:51.680 scrolling over, working, intellectualizing, your nervous system never completes distress cycle. 0:12:51.960 --> 0:12:56.720 So the body stays slightly activated, slightly feeling unhinged constantly 0:12:57.000 --> 0:13:00.560 because those emotions haven't been processed. So we've heard all 0:13:00.559 --> 0:13:02.440 the tools. We just have to use them, but I'll 0:13:02.440 --> 0:13:04.480 remind you of them just in case you needed it. 0:13:04.960 --> 0:13:08.920 Journaling Now, I think people are getting really used to 0:13:09.000 --> 0:13:12.000 this idea of journaling, but I think others have this 0:13:12.080 --> 0:13:14.160 dear diary feeling about it, like how is this even 0:13:14.200 --> 0:13:17.280 going to help me? And coming from someone me who 0:13:17.880 --> 0:13:20.720 used to feel the same way about journaling. It really 0:13:20.880 --> 0:13:24.600 is just writing out every thought that's going through your mind. 0:13:24.640 --> 0:13:26.800 That's what you can see as what am I feeling 0:13:26.880 --> 0:13:29.000 right now in this moment as I'm writing, and you 0:13:29.080 --> 0:13:31.599 might notice, oh, I actually fee a little bit agitated, 0:13:32.000 --> 0:13:34.400 I actually feel a little bit angry. And the reason 0:13:34.440 --> 0:13:36.840 it helps is because if you're trying to just think 0:13:36.880 --> 0:13:39.079 of it in your mind, your might we get carried 0:13:39.080 --> 0:13:40.640 away with so many thoughts. But as soon as you're 0:13:40.640 --> 0:13:45.600 putting pen to paper. It almost serves as an accountability partner, like, 0:13:45.760 --> 0:13:48.000 let me follow through with this writing, let me follow 0:13:48.040 --> 0:13:50.600 through with this emotion, let me follow through with this thought, 0:13:50.760 --> 0:13:52.760 And so it can simply be how am I feeling 0:13:52.760 --> 0:13:55.240 in this moment right now? What am I pretending not 0:13:55.320 --> 0:13:58.079 to feel? What am I suppressing? What annoyed me today? 0:13:58.640 --> 0:14:01.480 Who do I feel resembful tod right now? I think 0:14:01.559 --> 0:14:04.000 it's really important to write these things out. Doesn't even 0:14:04.040 --> 0:14:05.080 have to be in a book. It can be on 0:14:05.120 --> 0:14:07.480 your notes app and you can just write down emotions 0:14:07.480 --> 0:14:10.280 that you're feeling, and whenever you notice something come up 0:14:10.400 --> 0:14:13.480 or you feel yourself getting anxious in a situation, get 0:14:13.480 --> 0:14:16.440 your phone out, write on your notes app and try 0:14:16.440 --> 0:14:19.120 and process it in the moment, like, Oh, this person 0:14:19.160 --> 0:14:21.760 said this, It really took me off. God, I feel 0:14:21.800 --> 0:14:24.480 really defensive in this moment, and I think it might 0:14:24.480 --> 0:14:27.000 be because in the past I've had people who talk 0:14:27.040 --> 0:14:29.000 to me like that and it makes me feel really 0:14:29.120 --> 0:14:31.800 uncomfortable and it makes me feel really bad about myself. 0:14:31.840 --> 0:14:33.720 So maybe that's why I reacted. I don't know whether 0:14:33.760 --> 0:14:36.360 that person was actually meaning to make me feel that way, 0:14:36.720 --> 0:14:39.080 but that's how I felt and I just needed to 0:14:39.080 --> 0:14:41.400 acknowledge it in this moment. And actually maybe I just 0:14:41.440 --> 0:14:44.560 feel better from saying out loud, and if no one 0:14:44.560 --> 0:14:47.000 else is acknowledging it, at least I am in myself. 0:14:47.040 --> 0:14:49.040 A lot of the time, we just want to feel heard, 0:14:49.560 --> 0:14:52.280 and sometimes people don't have time for us. Sometimes we 0:14:52.320 --> 0:14:54.320 don't feel safe enough to talk to others about it. 0:14:54.600 --> 0:14:58.680 But acknowledging it to yourself is also acknowledgement. And sometimes 0:14:58.720 --> 0:15:01.360 actually our anxiety comes from the fact that we ourselves 0:15:01.440 --> 0:15:03.720 are ignoring. It has nothing to do with other people. 0:15:03.960 --> 0:15:06.800 Another great thing to do for emotional hygiene is walking 0:15:06.840 --> 0:15:10.200 without your phone, showering without your phone, pooping without your phone, 0:15:10.280 --> 0:15:13.680 cooking without your phone, sitting and talking to someone without 0:15:13.720 --> 0:15:16.240 your phone. And if you are watching TV, maybe no 0:15:16.360 --> 0:15:18.480 phone while you're watching TV. I think we only need 0:15:18.520 --> 0:15:22.800 one screen at a time. There's also things like somatic shaking. 0:15:23.200 --> 0:15:25.000 It's meant to be so healing, and I use a 0:15:25.080 --> 0:15:28.840 vibration plate in the morning now, And there's something to 0:15:29.520 --> 0:15:33.640 your physical body shaking and moving in that way that 0:15:33.880 --> 0:15:36.640 helps to release other emotions, like all the stagnancy that 0:15:36.640 --> 0:15:39.800 you're feeling in your body. Usually physical stagnancy can also 0:15:39.800 --> 0:15:42.960 be linked to emotional stagnancy, and so if we're stuck 0:15:42.960 --> 0:15:45.880 in our emotions, physically moving our body can really help that. 0:15:46.280 --> 0:15:50.160 Another great vessel for this is prayer, whether it's praying 0:15:50.160 --> 0:15:53.240 to the universe, to nature, to God, however you feel 0:15:53.400 --> 0:15:57.440 most connected. It could be praying to someone that's passed 0:15:57.440 --> 0:15:59.240 in your life that you feel is like a little 0:15:59.240 --> 0:16:03.120 guardian angel to you. There's so many ways to connect 0:16:03.280 --> 0:16:07.320 to things other than humans around us. There's so much 0:16:07.480 --> 0:16:10.320 energy around us that we often don't see. But if 0:16:10.360 --> 0:16:12.080 you take a moment of prayer, you might be able 0:16:12.120 --> 0:16:16.200 to feel and having honest conversations with yourself in those moments. 0:16:16.320 --> 0:16:19.800 And then there's also obviously having conversations with humans, friends, family, 0:16:20.160 --> 0:16:23.320 being vulnerable with them. It can feel scary at first, 0:16:23.560 --> 0:16:25.880 but when you get into the habit of doing that, 0:16:26.280 --> 0:16:30.000 it can feel so healing. I have maybe one friend 0:16:30.120 --> 0:16:32.840 that I do that with regularly, and my sister, you know, 0:16:32.880 --> 0:16:35.080 if she's feeling a certain way, I just feel really 0:16:35.120 --> 0:16:36.760 sad right now, and I'll be like, I feel really 0:16:36.800 --> 0:16:38.960 sad right now, and we'll just cry to each other. 0:16:39.000 --> 0:16:40.440 Before we use to try and hide it because we 0:16:40.480 --> 0:16:43.000 don't want to upset the other person. And now you know, 0:16:43.160 --> 0:16:45.400 if me and my sister are feeling a certain way, 0:16:45.440 --> 0:16:46.920 we don't try to hide it. We just say it 0:16:46.920 --> 0:16:49.280 to each other. And same with one of my friends. 0:16:49.320 --> 0:16:52.400 We'll probably cry more than we laugh and joke together. 0:16:52.480 --> 0:16:54.800 But it's one of the best friendships because you don't 0:16:54.840 --> 0:16:58.240 have to pretend. And so finding someone that you want 0:16:58.280 --> 0:17:02.120 to be vulnerable with is really important. And sometimes it 0:17:02.240 --> 0:17:04.439 takes you to do that for the other person to 0:17:04.440 --> 0:17:07.080 feel like they can too. So maybe it's not waiting 0:17:07.119 --> 0:17:09.640 for the person to make you feel like you can 0:17:09.720 --> 0:17:12.080 trust them. Maybe it's just taking a leap of faith, 0:17:12.400 --> 0:17:16.000 believing that this person could be worthy of you being 0:17:16.040 --> 0:17:19.000 vulnerable with, and then allowing them to also open up 0:17:19.040 --> 0:17:22.720 in that way too. The third one is relational hygiene. Now, 0:17:22.720 --> 0:17:26.480 this one's really about regulating your energy with people. Relationships 0:17:26.480 --> 0:17:29.679 are one of the biggest sources of emotional buildup. So 0:17:30.240 --> 0:17:32.520 take a second to think who drains you in your life? 0:17:32.560 --> 0:17:35.600 Where are you overgiving? Where are you under honest? Not 0:17:35.640 --> 0:17:39.320 every friendship needs depth, but every relationship definitely needs clarity, 0:17:40.000 --> 0:17:44.119 and I think that line is really important. Sometimes we 0:17:44.119 --> 0:17:46.879 can romanticize this idea of every connection needing to be 0:17:47.000 --> 0:17:49.440 deep and intimate and vulnerable and constant, and that can 0:17:49.480 --> 0:17:51.840 be really heavy, and I don't think it does need 0:17:51.880 --> 0:17:54.640 to be that way. Some relationships are just light and seasonal, 0:17:54.880 --> 0:17:57.919 Some can be just professional, Some can be just activity based, 0:17:57.960 --> 0:18:00.800 and that is healthy. But being avail to everyone or 0:18:00.840 --> 0:18:03.720 not being available to anyone at all, those are two extremes. 0:18:03.880 --> 0:18:06.640 If everyone has unlimited access to you, your time ends 0:18:06.680 --> 0:18:10.360 up being so fragmented, your nervous systems stay slightly activated, 0:18:10.640 --> 0:18:13.520 your focus ends up being so scattered. And if you're 0:18:13.520 --> 0:18:16.400 also always used to being the listener or being over 0:18:16.480 --> 0:18:19.159 exposed to other people's traumas, it might be part of 0:18:19.200 --> 0:18:21.159 your work, or you might just be the little agony 0:18:21.160 --> 0:18:23.880 aren't that people always go to when they're not feeling great. 0:18:23.880 --> 0:18:26.879 And that is such a beautiful thing. That's such a 0:18:26.920 --> 0:18:29.480 wonderful thing that you create that space for people to 0:18:29.520 --> 0:18:32.359 feel that way, that they can trust in you. But 0:18:32.480 --> 0:18:35.199 that can get really heavy sometimes too. There has to 0:18:35.240 --> 0:18:38.600 be a way where you can receive that information but 0:18:38.640 --> 0:18:40.919 not make it your own, not make it your emotion. 0:18:41.119 --> 0:18:43.480 To carry it can put you in a lot of 0:18:43.520 --> 0:18:47.960 emotional debt. And sometimes if you're not counting that and 0:18:48.000 --> 0:18:51.280 you're not recognizing it, it can just become so depleted, 0:18:51.560 --> 0:18:53.680 like it's not your bank account that's depleting, but your 0:18:53.720 --> 0:18:58.760 emotional capacity and your energy is being drained and depleted, 0:18:59.240 --> 0:19:01.960 and you're going into so you really these are the 0:19:02.000 --> 0:19:04.720 things that you have to do to try and keep 0:19:04.760 --> 0:19:07.160 replenishing if you still want to get in you being 0:19:07.200 --> 0:19:09.520 that person for people. You need to find a way 0:19:09.520 --> 0:19:12.520 to protect your energy but also keep replenishing so you 0:19:12.560 --> 0:19:15.200 have enough for yourself. Some signs that I've noticed when 0:19:15.240 --> 0:19:17.320 I felt my relational hygiene is a little bit off, 0:19:17.800 --> 0:19:22.280 is you feel drained after certain interactions. You replay conversations 0:19:22.280 --> 0:19:25.639 in your head over and over again. You feel underappreciated, 0:19:26.080 --> 0:19:29.000 You feel obligated to do things or go places or 0:19:29.000 --> 0:19:31.920 speak to people. You feel a little bit resentful. When 0:19:31.960 --> 0:19:34.560 you do give, you may feel invisible. You feel like 0:19:34.600 --> 0:19:37.000 you're just doing and doing and doing and no one's noticing. 0:19:37.560 --> 0:19:40.119 But these are all little signs that maybe you are 0:19:40.160 --> 0:19:43.800 giving beyond your capacity. The next one is environmental hygiene, 0:19:43.840 --> 0:19:48.080 and this is something that I have come to really 0:19:48.119 --> 0:19:51.280 appreciate since curating my own home and being in my 0:19:51.320 --> 0:19:54.320 own space. I remember when I was younger, my mom 0:19:54.480 --> 0:19:57.960 would want things in specific ways, like no matter what 0:19:58.119 --> 0:19:59.920 room it was, whether it was my bedroom, whether it 0:20:00.080 --> 0:20:04.399 the living spaces, she always wanted her environments really clean, 0:20:04.640 --> 0:20:07.200 nothing out on the floor, no shoes out by the door, 0:20:07.720 --> 0:20:10.159 or her drawers were organized in a specific way. And 0:20:10.200 --> 0:20:11.840 I used to be like, oh my god, you are 0:20:11.960 --> 0:20:15.439 so neurotic, mum. Why can't I leave my clothes on 0:20:15.480 --> 0:20:17.120 the floor, Like why is that such a big deal 0:20:17.119 --> 0:20:19.400 to you. It's my room, Let me do what I want. 0:20:19.720 --> 0:20:22.240 And I realize now after having my own space. They 0:20:22.280 --> 0:20:24.720 always say that you end up learning so much about 0:20:25.280 --> 0:20:27.919 how your parents acted when you end up becoming that 0:20:28.040 --> 0:20:31.400 age or in that age range that they were back then. 0:20:31.960 --> 0:20:34.680