Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio Podcast.
Speaker 2: This week's Thursday Therapy, We've got Stephanie qail on. She's
Speaker 2: a Nashville recording artist, but she has a book out.
Speaker 2: It's called Why Do We Stay? How My Toxic Relationship
Speaker 2: can help you find freedom?
Speaker 1: We all need that. Let's get her on, Stephanie. Am.
Speaker 3: I cannot believe we're doing this.
Speaker 1: I literally was.
Speaker 2: I was so excited when I saw the rundown because
Speaker 2: we have not chatted in a very long time. We
Speaker 2: first and foremost, this is my niece Avas. She's joining today.
Speaker 2: She's seventeen years old today.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, so yes, i'd be birthday.
Speaker 2: So and I'm excited because your your book and everything
Speaker 2: I think is going to be good for seventeen year
Speaker 2: old years as well.
Speaker 4: So much Janet that I had no idea. I really
Speaker 4: thought it was for like us who have been in it. Yeah,
Speaker 4: and on the other side, And never in my life
Speaker 4: have I been so sure that every seventeen year old
Speaker 4: needs this.
Speaker 2: One thousand percent. And me it's a book that I
Speaker 2: I wish I would have read them too. But okay,
Speaker 2: so a few things, so I saw you was it
Speaker 2: the CMT carpet.
Speaker 1: Was that the dress? Okay? So I even this.
Speaker 2: Is even before I knew you were coming on the show,
Speaker 2: because I had just found out a couple of days ago,
Speaker 2: and because I only looked like a few days before
Speaker 2: I thought that was coming on. But I remember you
Speaker 2: were on the carpet and I was like a love
Speaker 2: loved it, genius loved that you know your dress or
Speaker 2: was it? Because I mean it was the dress, it
Speaker 2: was the handbag.
Speaker 3: Yes, we had the do you know Rachel deeb remind me?
Speaker 4: But she does a lot of like BTSs for different artists,
Speaker 4: and she's a she paints, she did carry Underwood's jacket
Speaker 4: that she won tour like. She's just super talented, but
Speaker 4: never kind of front of camera. And so when I
Speaker 4: asked her, I was like, is there any chance you
Speaker 4: would paint the cover of this book onto a dress?
Speaker 4: Because how do you talk about a book with thirty
Speaker 4: second snippets? Right?
Speaker 1: Sure?
Speaker 3: So I'm like, oh, this will work, and she was willing.
Speaker 3: So it just worked.
Speaker 4: And then I took the book cover like the outside
Speaker 4: and just put it over the top of cardboard and
Speaker 4: then put like a little bag on the inside.
Speaker 3: Sewed it to it and just crossed my fingers.
Speaker 2: Yeah. No, I mean it looks great because honestly, of
Speaker 2: all the dress, of all the dresses that night, it's
Speaker 2: so it was so genius because I'm like, I only
Speaker 2: remember yours.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So and then so there's that. But then as I'm
Speaker 2: reading the breakdown of you know, the book and everything,
Speaker 2: I'm like, is this about your the husband that I met?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 1: Okay, because then I was.
Speaker 3: Like, oh no, yeah, no, he is he's solid, he's wonderful.
Speaker 4: We're together now ten years, almost married, nine these this
Speaker 4: is my prequel.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: So it was the man before this that that did you,
Speaker 2: the two before that did your wrong board.
Speaker 4: Yeah, one died in a plane crash, and then the
Speaker 4: other one I was able to leave.
Speaker 1: Oh wow yeah yeah.
Speaker 2: How is that talking about someone that went that Oh yeah,
Speaker 2: but that also so die in such a tragic way
Speaker 2: but also was not good to you.
Speaker 4: It's uh, well, I've come full circle now, right. I
Speaker 4: found empathy and compassion because at the end of the day,
Speaker 4: whatever happened in his life is how he became the
Speaker 4: man he became right.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 3: He was also the father of this precious little girl.
Speaker 4: That has been a part of my life since she
Speaker 4: was six or seven, and now she is twenty eight
Speaker 4: years old, and I just went to her wedding, you know,
Speaker 4: which was just really just beautiful and precious. And so
Speaker 4: I'm in a healed, forgiven place, and I'm able to forgive,
Speaker 4: you know, And that's and forgive myself, mainly because that's
Speaker 4: really the person I've wrestled with the hardest.
Speaker 2: So I guess the question then, is why do we stay?
Speaker 2: What was your reason? Because I know my reasons for
Speaker 2: staying in our relationships. I'm sure Ava has her reasons
Speaker 2: why she stays in bad relationships, but and I love it,
Speaker 2: Like what what do you think is like your why?
Speaker 1: Why do why do we stay?
Speaker 2: I mean again, I think for me, if I could
Speaker 2: call it out, it's like, I love the security and
Speaker 2: of having a relationship, whether it was good, bad, or
Speaker 2: you know it for some reason, it was just it
Speaker 2: was better than being alone.
Speaker 1: I didn't like to be alone.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well, I absolutely relate with that. I think for me,
Speaker 4: I thought that the potential outweighed the risk of what
Speaker 4: was in front of me. I am really good at potentializing,
Speaker 4: and I just saw what could be versus what was
Speaker 4: So I looked at it like, well, if I keep
Speaker 4: getting better, maybe i'll be enough and that will create
Speaker 4: the change to make this person not treat me the
Speaker 4: way they're treating me.
Speaker 2: But I also think it's a mind twist. So I
Speaker 2: hear you on that, But I also think it's the
Speaker 2: guy because you know, for my ex he'd always be like,
Speaker 2: I'll never do it again, It'll never happen again. So
Speaker 2: it's off of their you say, because of their broken promises.
Speaker 2: He hooked line and sinkred, you know what I mean? Like,
Speaker 2: how many times has a guy been like, oh, I
Speaker 2: won't do that again and You're like, Okay, well I
Speaker 2: guess I'm going to try to believe him, you know right?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Ava, is this resonating with you?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 4: So, in the instance of his name's Paula, the guy
Speaker 4: that died in the plane crash, I didn't know he
Speaker 4: was cheating. So he died on a Wednesday, and five
Speaker 4: days later at the memorial service that we had at
Speaker 4: the airport, is when I learned of these other women.
Speaker 3: And then I got it confirmed that night.
Speaker 4: So I had five days of quasi grief and then
Speaker 4: it was straight to everything's a lie.
Speaker 3: How did I miss this so much?
Speaker 4: Shame, guilt, all the things, and this realization that my
Speaker 4: whole relationship with him, it was all it was, everything
Speaker 4: was a lie.
Speaker 3: And so then it was the like how to wrap
Speaker 3: my brain around that?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 4: And he every time I would question him, it was
Speaker 4: met with you're so insecure, you're so crazy.
Speaker 3: And he would only call me by my last name.
Speaker 1: Oh that's interesting.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I've wondered if that was a way to make
Speaker 4: sure that he didn't accidentally call me one of the
Speaker 4: other women's names.
Speaker 2: I think, oh, well, there you have it. There's that's
Speaker 2: interesting theory. I get really I don't want to say triggered,
Speaker 2: but I get really frustrated when I hear a guy say, oh,
Speaker 2: she was crazy, because I'm like, that's the first thing
Speaker 2: a guy goes to is she's crazy, And it's like, well,
Speaker 2: what did you do to make her feel crazy? And
Speaker 2: I'm not saying, like all guys do things, Like I
Speaker 2: understand I have been quote unquote crazy when a guy
Speaker 2: hasn't given me a read his reason too, because I
Speaker 2: had my own stuff that I hadn't worked on or done.
Speaker 2: Totally fine, I accept that, but most times I think
Speaker 2: that were labeled crazy, but they forget to say, oh, yeah,
Speaker 2: it's because I lied about that one time, or because
Speaker 2: I you know, was accidentally talking to an ext girl,
Speaker 2: or you know what I mean. It's things that like
Speaker 2: they maybe didn't tell us, so of course we're then
Speaker 2: going to go, all right, this is now alarming to us,
Speaker 2: and we might act a little quote unquote crazy.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, it's the most dismissive word I think that
Speaker 3: anyone can use about someone else.
Speaker 4: I've actually stopped male members of my family when they
Speaker 4: describe others that way, and I'm like, wait, time out.
Speaker 3: I just want to share with you the power of
Speaker 3: this word.
Speaker 4: And is this person in the mental institution when you're
Speaker 4: referring to them as crazy or is there I mean
Speaker 4: I can go like full itt.
Speaker 2: Well no, because we've all gone through things too, and
Speaker 2: I think that's like, I mean, I know that I'm
Speaker 2: labeled as in someone's past like oh she's crazy, and
Speaker 2: like yeah, I A probably was right, and like where's
Speaker 2: the empathy for people that do go through things and
Speaker 2: work through things, and like we're able to have a
Speaker 2: crazy moment and also be able to to you know,
Speaker 2: detour rite and go all right, now I've worked on
Speaker 2: my stuf or continuing to like heal and work and
Speaker 2: grow like and not just continue to be like labeled
Speaker 2: the crazy girl.
Speaker 4: So I think too, you know, being able to say
Speaker 4: you're acting like something versus you are something, right, because
Speaker 4: that's it was never you're acting crazy, it was you
Speaker 4: are crazy. And both of those relationships so you know,
Speaker 4: the one that passed away tragically, and then the following
Speaker 4: one was so fascinatingly good with lying that it made
Speaker 4: me feel crazy because I was going but wait, I
Speaker 4: was in the same room when you lied, and now
Speaker 4: questioning myself like what is happening? And it will make
Speaker 4: you start to believe it.
Speaker 2: It's so true. I mean I had to post a
Speaker 2: war I had a relationship like that. But I'm like,
Speaker 2: but wait, I'm like I had to write things out
Speaker 2: to go am I freaking nuts? Or or did X,
Speaker 2: Y and Z actually happen? And I'm like, yes it did.
Speaker 2: But they the way that the certain men are able
Speaker 2: to twist it to make you feel insane, I'm like,
Speaker 2: holy crap, and you can't see it then you know,
Speaker 2: like you can. I it took me two years to
Speaker 2: go oh wait a minute, Like, no, he was twisting
Speaker 2: it all because I'm like, here's black and white, one's right,
Speaker 2: one's wrong, you know what I mean. Like, and he
Speaker 2: was totally twisting it all. And it's so like when
Speaker 2: you when you're able to like unveil all of that
Speaker 2: and go wow, but then look back and go. I
Speaker 2: was also so like, but I'm sorry and I didn't
Speaker 2: mean to, but take me back. And that piece that
Speaker 2: is like just makes me sad too. For the unhealed
Speaker 2: girl going, man, you didn't you you did see it,
Speaker 2: but they made you feel like you were nuts completely.
Speaker 4: I mean I had to take a lot of showers
Speaker 4: as I was writing the book, you know.
Speaker 3: And because as you know, you like you get to
Speaker 3: your core. Writing is totally different.
Speaker 4: We can do these little micro moments of emotion, but
Speaker 4: with the book, it was like.
Speaker 3: I gotta go, I gotta go take a shower.
Speaker 2: So the last guy, what were the things that he
Speaker 2: did that were the biggest red flags for you?
Speaker 1: And then why you stayed?
Speaker 4: Yeah, So the first thing was I didn't do the
Speaker 4: work in between. And I really want to specify that
Speaker 4: I didn't go to grief counseling.
Speaker 3: I didn't do the therapy.
Speaker 4: I just you know, went into I will get over it,
Speaker 4: I will move on, I will fix me.
Speaker 3: So I'm still so vulnerable. And the first thing he
Speaker 3: said to me.
Speaker 4: Was I'm gonna when he was, you know, showing interest
Speaker 4: in all those things, it was, I'm going to show
Speaker 4: you that you can.
Speaker 3: Trust men again.
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 3: Yep, God see doesn't just irritated you didn't even hear.
Speaker 3: And yet in the moment, I was like, wow, like
Speaker 3: is he is? He? Is he going to?
Speaker 4: You know?
Speaker 1: So true?
Speaker 2: I had that one guy the same, the same dude
Speaker 2: that was very gas light. He was like, I don't
Speaker 2: want you to ever rear makeup around me, because I
Speaker 2: want you to know like how beautiful you are without
Speaker 2: all this stuff. He's like, take it all off, like
Speaker 2: take off the rings and the bracelets and the like
Speaker 2: the makeup. And he's like, and just stay like that
Speaker 2: because because you He's like, that's how you're beautiful.
Speaker 1: And I'm like.
Speaker 3: What, Also, where do they go to school for this?
Speaker 2: But it made me feel so beautiful in that moment,
Speaker 2: And then I was like, wait a minute, it was
Speaker 2: just a line.
Speaker 3: It's just so interesting.
Speaker 4: I don't know where they go mm hmm to like
Speaker 4: get this intel on how to manipulate, and it's pro level.
Speaker 4: And I think the one thing, you know, as I'm
Speaker 4: thinking about you, Ava seventeen, and I have a niece
Speaker 4: named Ava too, So that just makes me just love
Speaker 4: you even more is you know, we're just not taught,
Speaker 4: we're not taught to what to look out for. And
Speaker 4: so I just I'm so proud that you have this
Speaker 4: space to have these conversations. And also that Ava, you're
Speaker 4: going to be set because you're going to have You're
Speaker 4: gonna be armed to where they others can't use this
Speaker 4: against you, you know, And that's the potency of just
Speaker 4: the conversation.
Speaker 3: I didn't have any access. I didn't know even where
Speaker 3: to look. I didn't even know what gas lighting was,
Speaker 3: like none of that.
Speaker 2: I still feel like though even though they this generation
Speaker 2: has all the stuff, yeah, girls still fall in the
Speaker 2: same category. Like I feel like we still have to
Speaker 2: have the same conversations that we'd have no matter what,
Speaker 2: Like Ava, you don't deserve that, you deserve better, Like
Speaker 2: if a guy isn't showing up for you and isn't
Speaker 2: doing what he says, like you shouldn't like stop, like,
Speaker 2: stop stop liking that kind of person, like he's he's
Speaker 2: not the right dude.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 2: But but you know, at seventeen, it's like we think,
Speaker 2: and then or thirty and then forty, it's like this
Speaker 2: is the same kind of thing. It's like, I don't think.
Speaker 2: I think girls just we fall into that that the
Speaker 2: role in the game of it all. I don't know,
Speaker 2: I mean, does that does that make sense? Because it's
Speaker 2: like I could tell you till I'm blue in the face,
Speaker 2: like that one guy, I'm like, Ava, stop like he's
Speaker 2: not a good dude. He's not That's not how a
Speaker 2: guy should treat a girl, especially when you were sixteen.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 2: No, but this is default. This is what we do.
Speaker 2: This is what we all do. It starts so young.
Speaker 4: I have found through this process and Jane, I don't know.
Speaker 4: I mean, you got your babies, You're precious. I mean,
Speaker 4: like you're surrounded with so much love. And I find
Speaker 4: that now that I'm really owning and loving myself for
Speaker 4: all my stuff, I can be alone.
Speaker 3: Yes, I can be alone in a way I could
Speaker 3: never be alone before.
Speaker 4: And so relate to what you're saying, because it is
Speaker 4: it just like I don't want to be alone, and
Speaker 4: I think that's what we have to encourage others.
Speaker 3: You've got to be good with being just alone and
Speaker 3: then people won't take advantage of us.
Speaker 2: I had to be forced alone to be okay with
Speaker 2: being alone, you know, like when I went through my
Speaker 2: divorce and like I had no other choice, and then
Speaker 2: when the dating world was just realizing that I had
Speaker 2: to be alone, I literally was like that moment where
Speaker 2: I was like, I have no other choice, but I
Speaker 2: but I need to be alone so I can figure
Speaker 2: this out. And then now it's like, you know, you're
Speaker 2: in a happy relationship now, and you see the difference
Speaker 2: between what you had versus now you know what you're experiencing,
Speaker 2: and that the difference is is because we were able
Speaker 2: to have that moment alone and work on our stuff
Speaker 2: and be in that healthy space. Because now I'm like, oh,
Speaker 2: I wish I could go back to her age now
Speaker 2: and just be alone forever until I'm like thirty five,
Speaker 2: and just like, and I'm the pickiest human because you're
Speaker 2: gonna find you're gonna meet your person, right, But I
Speaker 2: wish I was so much pickier along the way and didn't.
Speaker 2: But I mean you got to go through the heartbreak.
Speaker 2: I get that, and you learn and that's how you
Speaker 2: continue to grow and be a better person.
Speaker 1: I get all that.
Speaker 2: But still it's you know, it's why we write, It's
Speaker 2: why you write the books, right, So I mean, what
Speaker 2: are some of the tips that you given the book,
Speaker 2: like for because I'm sure you wrote it with Campbell, Yeah.
Speaker 4: Expert in narcissism, he was writing about narcissism fifteen years ago.
Speaker 4: I like the very beginning, well not the beginning of
Speaker 4: the conversation, it's been around forever, but really giving it
Speaker 4: the real world terminology. Sure, I think for me now,
Speaker 4: some of the flags are you know, if it doesn't
Speaker 4: sound right and it doesn't feel right, and if your
Speaker 4: gut senses something in your.
Speaker 3: Head cocks sideways, you know, so many times that'll happen.
Speaker 3: I don't. I don't question myself, right, That's I used to.
Speaker 4: I used to override my intuition and my gut and
Speaker 4: every time it was unfortunately confirmed that I wasn't misleading myself.
Speaker 4: But I would override that. So I think that's super important, right.
Speaker 4: And also when people show us who they are, we
Speaker 4: need to believe them.
Speaker 1: M hm.
Speaker 3: There I mean, we're humans are very revealing off the bat.
Speaker 3: They can say all the things that we want to hear,
Speaker 3: but their actions, right yeah, are so powerful.
Speaker 2: That's what I tell people now when they ask me, like,
Speaker 2: what's the difference, and how do you trust Alan, I'm like,
Speaker 2: I've I've never I mean not even a second, have
Speaker 2: I not trusted that human because he is constantly doing
Speaker 2: what he says and says what he does, like, I mean,
Speaker 2: there is not I mean, he would be the greatest
Speaker 2: mastermind ever if some thing ever happened, because and I
Speaker 2: would just be like I you know, because he is uncle.
Speaker 3: At that point, You're just like, I guess at.
Speaker 2: That point, I'm like, I'll go lesbian, you know what
Speaker 2: I mean. I mean I wouldn't, but I would. I
Speaker 2: would be a okay being alone, but I would just
Speaker 2: be like, well done, you know, because that's just I mean,
Speaker 2: how he's so respectful, he's so like how he loves
Speaker 2: and supports and I'm like, unlike anything I've ever experienced before.
Speaker 2: So that's why I'm like, I trust him because he
Speaker 2: has not given me a reason to not trust him.
Speaker 3: Same I so relate to that.
Speaker 4: David is there's no drama, yes, just like solid, even keeled,
Speaker 4: and I'm just like this.
Speaker 3: This is how it's this is what healthy feels like.
Speaker 4: But I think when I was so, I'm so familiar
Speaker 4: with unhealthy that it feels awkward at first.
Speaker 2: Why do you think you allowed that into your life?
Speaker 2: Like where do you think in your past that you went, Okay,
Speaker 2: this is this is how it's supposed to feel.
Speaker 3: M gosh.
Speaker 4: You know, when I think about my boyfriends before Paulo,
Speaker 4: they were just boys, right, They just weren't equipped to
Speaker 4: be in relationships.
Speaker 3: But they weren't bad guys. They just weren't you know, they.
Speaker 4: Were unemployed and you know, lived on my couch, and
Speaker 4: you know, they were just boys. I think with him,
Speaker 4: I think I was so captivated and just taken by him,
Speaker 4: and he was taken by I mean, he was all in.
Speaker 4: I mean when you talk about the word love bombing,
Speaker 4: I didn't know what that was. I was just like, oh,
Speaker 4: all of this is how it's supposed to be. You know,
Speaker 4: I come from you know, divorces and blended family. So
Speaker 4: it's not that I had seen like a perfect relationship,
Speaker 4: but I did often live and fast forward from what
Speaker 4: was going on in my life, I would look to
Speaker 4: the future, and I think that's where I miss so
Speaker 4: many things with Paulo and then who I refer to
Speaker 4: as the Prince as the follow up to the toxic
Speaker 4: toxic patterns, I don't know. I'm still I'm still trying
Speaker 4: to figure out, like how did I.
Speaker 2: Like, was your debt or was it like is it
Speaker 2: was it family dynamic? Was it childhood or was it
Speaker 2: just good.
Speaker 4: Blended divorces all the same stuff that everyone spend through.
Speaker 4: I just think that I was really good at potentializing
Speaker 4: or the word romanticizing, right.
Speaker 3: I always wanted a family, and with him, I got
Speaker 3: the family.
Speaker 4: I got him and his amazing daughter who's still you know,
Speaker 4: very much before my life, and she's incredible. And you know,
Speaker 4: he he wove a good game. He wielded words really well.
Speaker 4: And then the second one was just you know, I
Speaker 4: mean repeater syndrome for sure.
Speaker 1: How did you get out then?
Speaker 2: Because I think that's another one that I get asked
Speaker 2: a lot, like how did you got I know, my out,
Speaker 2: but like, what did you do with that? Was your
Speaker 2: kind of like aha moment?
Speaker 4: Well, I went to the edge unfortunately in that relationship
Speaker 4: from the standpoint of when I learned that he was
Speaker 4: or he had been accused of cheating on me. I
Speaker 4: didn't go to him saying you did this. I went
Speaker 4: to him saying, you've been accused of this. I can't
Speaker 4: believe I'm here again. I'm tapping out.
Speaker 1: See that is such strength.
Speaker 4: Well, the problem was my way of tapping out was
Speaker 4: drinking a handle of vodka, and so that took me
Speaker 4: to my lowest point, Jana, where I was considering, like,
Speaker 4: how do I get rid of this pain? Because I
Speaker 4: can't I can't hurt like this anymore. And because I
Speaker 4: hadn't done the work, it all had compounded. So then
Speaker 4: that led me into what I call emotional rehab, where
Speaker 4: I went to work with psycho and just get to
Speaker 4: the bottom of me. Because I was the common denominator, right,
Speaker 4: I kept picking and choosing, and I was complicit in
Speaker 4: those relationships because the first one I didn't leave. The
Speaker 4: second one I did leave. But it took me a
Speaker 4: long time. You know, for me, it felt like much
Speaker 4: too long. So after I got back from this, you know,
Speaker 4: emotional rehab of like really understanding identifying how toxic he was,
Speaker 4: I found the girl. I found the girl and you
Speaker 4: know Nashville, so this will crack you up. So evidently
Speaker 4: they had met at redgre and had their interlude, and
Speaker 4: then I found out who she was, and I said, listen,
Speaker 4: I don't I don't mean you any harm, but if
Speaker 4: you will sit down with me and just tell me
Speaker 4: what he said to you, I'll be able to know
Speaker 4: for sure because I'm just vulnerable and I'm fragile, and
Speaker 4: I'm not able to leave him. But if you will
Speaker 4: sit down with me, you will give me like the key.
Speaker 4: And she she finally said yes.
Speaker 2: Did she was it a good I mean, I respect
Speaker 2: the women that I'm saying, Like I talked to some
Speaker 2: of the affair girls, and I respected I was very
Speaker 2: upset with one of them, obviously, like the longtime one,
Speaker 2: like I had a tough conversation, but I respected some
Speaker 2: of the girls that all of them actually that had
Speaker 2: the the balls to have a conversation with me.
Speaker 3: It's yeah, exactly.
Speaker 4: And I just leaned into that because she didn't know
Speaker 4: that he was in a relationship according to her you know, experience,
Speaker 4: and when she was able, you know, when you know
Speaker 4: someone in the way that they speak to you, sure,
Speaker 4: and then someone else says, how the way that he
Speaker 4: spoke to her, that's what did it for me. And
Speaker 4: I was like, Okay, this is this is real and
Speaker 4: this is true. And then leaving took, you know, a
Speaker 4: little bit of strategy because we were living together, so
Speaker 4: it was I waited until he was out of town
Speaker 4: and I packed up all my.
Speaker 3: Stuff and just made the break.
Speaker 4: Because he was so good, he was so good at
Speaker 4: manipulating a line, and he had such good reason for everything.
Speaker 3: It took a lot.
Speaker 1: What would be the thing that you want people to know?
Speaker 3: Hmm, you are your greatest advocate and trust yourself because
Speaker 3: you are rarely going to be wrong.
Speaker 4: And that's the gift that God gives each and every
Speaker 4: one of us. Is this intuition, And the more we
Speaker 4: lean into it and trust it, the more it shows
Speaker 4: up for us. And just I don't know if you
Speaker 4: feel this way, but I feel like it just gets
Speaker 4: stronger and stronger to where you just don't even waste
Speaker 4: your time with people.
Speaker 3: You can just sense it.
Speaker 4: You're like, no, this is not healthy, not healthy for me,
Speaker 4: and I'm going to walk away. And I think that
Speaker 4: we owe it to ourselves to treat ourselves like we
Speaker 4: treat our friends, you know, like we're so good to
Speaker 4: other people, you know. I mean you think about your baby,
Speaker 4: you wouldn't do anything for them?
Speaker 3: And would we do anything for ourselves? You know?
Speaker 4: And that was a big revelation for me, is like
Speaker 4: how much I give to others, but I wouldn't give
Speaker 4: myself the same treatment? Like start with yourself, you know,
Speaker 4: like Ava, when you wake up tomorrow morning, how do
Speaker 4: you feel with no one around, not looking at your phone?
Speaker 4: Like how does Ava feel about Ava?
Speaker 3: Today?
Speaker 4: And start from there, because I think we get such
Speaker 4: an influx of not only social media information, but friends
Speaker 4: and family and expectation and all these things like just
Speaker 4: how do you feel about you? And like that's been
Speaker 4: really a fun discovery, like how does Stephanie feel about
Speaker 4: Stephanie today?
Speaker 3: Like how are we doing? Let's move from that.
Speaker 4: Place, and I think it's just a really healthy, a
Speaker 4: healthier mindset, right, And we have access to really great therapists,
Speaker 4: really great grief counselors, much more affordably than I think
Speaker 4: ever before.
Speaker 3: Seek out the information because it's there.
Speaker 4: I mean, my hope, I don't know Jane if you
Speaker 4: feel this way, but my hope is like people will
Speaker 4: get time back, like I'll never get those what I
Speaker 4: call the lost years back, I'll never get get them back.
Speaker 4: And I feel like I'm probably trying to make up
Speaker 4: for a lot of that, you know, I just stretching
Speaker 4: my days as much as I can and not wasting
Speaker 4: any time.
Speaker 2: Well, and you're, you're, you're doing it all too. I mean,
Speaker 2: you're you have your music career, you know, You're You've
Speaker 2: got the book out, So it's like you're you're juggling
Speaker 2: a lot of things while also doing some hard work.
Speaker 2: Always because I think people that, you know, we're constantly evolving,
Speaker 2: constantly doing the work, constantly having to pivot, Like, you know,
Speaker 2: I learned something new this morning that I could have
Speaker 2: done better, you know, so it's like, all right, I
Speaker 2: still got to kind of work on that a little bit,
Speaker 2: you know. So it's were always we always have to keep,
Speaker 2: you know, recognizing where we need to get better at.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that.
Speaker 4: We're never going to stop learning. And I think it's
Speaker 4: what this book has revealed is I have so much
Speaker 4: more to learn about myself and so much more to
Speaker 4: kind of dive into of Just like I love making adjustments,
Speaker 4: I just want to be better, right, that's that's you know.
Speaker 3: I was talking to my stepmom.
Speaker 4: Who she's just just an incredible woman, and she's like, success,
Speaker 4: true success is when you wake up and can go
Speaker 4: to bed liking the person that you are and be
Speaker 4: like this person did a good job today, or you
Speaker 4: know what, I need to make an adjustment.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna be better tomorrow.
Speaker 4: And I think that you know, in this business, we
Speaker 4: have such wild goals for success and what our.
Speaker 3: Levels of success are.
Speaker 4: But man, that's a super simple version, like do you
Speaker 4: like yourself today?
Speaker 1: Right? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Well, Steph, I love you and I've always just been
Speaker 2: a fan of you, So I'm so excited for everything
Speaker 2: that you're doing. Everyone please please go get her book?
Speaker 2: Why do we stay? And I'm just I'm so excited
Speaker 2: for you, and I hope I'm so much success for
Speaker 2: the book.
Speaker 4: Well, right back at you, I just want to commend
Speaker 4: you because you're a kicking tail every which way. I
Speaker 4: didn't get to have littles, and I just commend you
Speaker 4: for how you when you talk about juggling, you navigate
Speaker 4: it and you share it and you show.
Speaker 3: People it's all possible and that's just awesome. And ab it,
Speaker 3: you got a good auto. You right there.
Speaker 1: I'm trying.
Speaker 2: I still think she's like five. I'm like, how are
Speaker 2: you seventeen? I still tell people you're like, sex, isn't it? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I know, it's crazy.
Speaker 3: I appreciate you so much.
Speaker 1: Thank you for having appreciate you stuff. Thank you