Speaker 1: Good morning, a good afternoon, Buenos Harda, Buenos Dia, Buenos
Speaker 1: I don't know, is it Buenos tardaes.
Speaker 2: Buenos tardes. I guess we're saying that you left Spain
Speaker 2: a couple of weeks ago.
Speaker 1: I know I'm gonna and guess where. I just landed
Speaker 1: in Hawaii, so I don't even know what language I'm speaking.
Speaker 3: Aloha.
Speaker 2: I did the same thing last year when we went
Speaker 2: to Hawaii. Everyone kept saying Aloha, and I kept responding.
Speaker 1: With ola, Yeah, exactly, exactly. So Molly and I, Molly
Speaker 1: and I flew in before my shows on Maui and
Speaker 1: then Honolulu, and all of our cousins and their babies
Speaker 1: are here. So we're about to go to the beach
Speaker 1: and get down to business.
Speaker 2: Amazing, I'm so pleased for you. Well, I just came
Speaker 2: from your house.
Speaker 3: Oh what was going on there?
Speaker 4: Well, we got Tamikas who's charming into lightfall?
Speaker 5: Oh, Gustavaria.
Speaker 1: Gustavaria, that's what I've ready named him, Goose, And well Goose,
Speaker 1: his name is Gus and he's one of my new
Speaker 1: assistants and.
Speaker 5: He speaks Spanish.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, Gus, we are only speaking Spanish, and
Speaker 1: so I call it Gustavenia.
Speaker 5: In my mind that means I would like Gus. So
Speaker 5: we'll see who's Doug there at the house.
Speaker 2: Yes, he was a totally well quaffed good boy, was he.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I asked Gus if he'd been sassy at all, and
Speaker 2: he said, no, he's been a perfectly well behaved good boy.
Speaker 2: He just got back from two weeks of training.
Speaker 5: Two weeks. He had five weeks of training. He went
Speaker 5: to training nept for five weeks. They sent me videos
Speaker 5: of him at the store where they would go Doug sit,
Speaker 5: He'd sit, and then they'd go lie down and he
Speaker 5: lies down, and then then get a toy treat and
Speaker 5: they shake it like ten feet away from him, and
Speaker 5: he stays.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh my god, if this dog training
Speaker 1: company worked, I can't wait to tell everyone about it.
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, you'll have to tell me about it because
Speaker 2: Wendell has decided that if we're in the pool, we're
Speaker 2: in grave danger. So now he wants to bark at
Speaker 2: us when we're in the pool, and it's all it's
Speaker 2: just a mess.
Speaker 1: So well, I got even better news. I found out
Speaker 1: that that Doug is flying with me. I'm gonna go
Speaker 1: see a concert at Red Rocks. And there's this new airline,
Speaker 1: agg Bark Airlines that you could travel with your dog on.
Speaker 1: And then Jetsuitet also allows you to bring your dogs.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, oh my god, I'm going to bring
Speaker 1: dog with me everywhere.
Speaker 4: It's over for every other airline. Yeah, flying first class.
Speaker 1: I wanted to a special shout out also to Australia
Speaker 1: and New Zealand because we had such an epic time there.
Speaker 1: We had so much fun. Sydney is one of the
Speaker 1: most beautiful cities.
Speaker 6: In the world.
Speaker 5: That harbor we went whale watching on the.
Speaker 1: Last day and we we went out of the harbor
Speaker 1: and went into these ten to fifteen feet swells on
Speaker 1: this like whale watching boat and the woman came around
Speaker 1: and started passing out like vomit bags to everyone. Oh no,
Speaker 1: all of these people were throwing up. I've never been
Speaker 1: in sea that high. It was epic and I Molly
Speaker 1: and I of course love that, so we didn't get sick.
Speaker 1: But we saw so many pods of whales and it
Speaker 1: was really really beautiful and I just can't get enough
Speaker 1: of the food in Sydney, and like the way they
Speaker 1: the way the beaches are, this harbor that like they
Speaker 1: do all of this like beautiful stuff, and they create
Speaker 1: all these stone steps so everybody can sit on the
Speaker 1: harbor have lunch. They have all these parks right on
Speaker 1: the harbor. I'm like, why don't we do that in
Speaker 1: all of our beach towns in California?
Speaker 3: You know, Sam is boring after a while.
Speaker 4: We need more action, some like rocky beaches.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, so I had that. I just that
Speaker 1: was great. I always have a good time when we
Speaker 1: go to Australia, but this was especially great.
Speaker 3: Choplin with my cousin.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, onto her guest today.
Speaker 3: Today we have one.
Speaker 1: I mean, this is gonna be This is one of
Speaker 1: the funniest episodes ever. He's the host of a podcast
Speaker 1: called Dinners on Me, but you probably know him from
Speaker 1: many other a bevy of other things. So please welcome
Speaker 1: one of my favorite people, Jesse Tyler Ferguson. I'm sitting
Speaker 1: here with my friend Jesse Tyler Ferguson. When was the
Speaker 1: last time I saw you?
Speaker 3: Do you remember?
Speaker 7: It's been a while.
Speaker 8: I feel like I might have seen you, like the
Speaker 8: Hollywood Bowl or something Hollywood Bowl, neither of us.
Speaker 7: Hilary Swing's house. Oh remember that a.
Speaker 3: Long times ago. Right, she's had twins. Since she's had.
Speaker 7: Like four different she's like husband and now twins.
Speaker 3: Well we should say she's happily married now.
Speaker 7: But she has been through She's been through a few
Speaker 7: of them.
Speaker 3: I was with her with like three.
Speaker 8: Different I know, I mean I think I was. I
Speaker 8: haven't seen her for like since like two husbands ago.
Speaker 7: Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 8: Every time I was speak to her, She's like, you
Speaker 8: have to meet so and so. It's like, well, what
Speaker 8: happened to you know? Lots of his face. There's always
Speaker 8: someone new. But I'm glad she's happy.
Speaker 7: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Can you imagine if we just made a whole podcast
Speaker 1: about Hillary Swank's love life Jesse and I just.
Speaker 7: I mean, we could fill it more than an hour.
Speaker 3: She would probably be fine with it.
Speaker 1: Knowing her anyway, Okay, Jesse Tyler Ferguson is here in studio.
Speaker 3: I'm so happy to see you.
Speaker 1: I haven't seen you in many years, but here we
Speaker 1: are reunited with Doug in studio.
Speaker 7: Love Doug. I'm obsessed.
Speaker 3: How are you my friend?
Speaker 7: I'm really good?
Speaker 3: What is happening? In your life.
Speaker 1: Besides promoted coming on to promote a new podcast, which
Speaker 1: everybody is going to be very anger about.
Speaker 7: Everyone has a podcast.
Speaker 3: There's hardly any podcast, Jesse.
Speaker 8: I don't know what, hardly any of them. I have
Speaker 8: actually been very prolific, prolific recently. Yeah no, I was
Speaker 8: doing theater for a while and then the strikes all happened,
Speaker 8: and now I'm just like doing this podcast.
Speaker 7: But hopefully things are going to start happening soon. I
Speaker 7: don't know. I'm happy to have the podcast to focus.
Speaker 3: What is the podcast about.
Speaker 8: It's called Dinners on Me, and I basically take my
Speaker 8: guess out to a dinner and we have alcohol. Alcohol
Speaker 8: is sometimes included, well it should be, should be I
Speaker 8: mean whatever you guys want.
Speaker 3: To order at dinner, for sure.
Speaker 7: Yeah, sometimes it's like a breakfast, but.
Speaker 3: It's oh well, yeah, well then just better.
Speaker 1: I always believe a little alcohol during an interview setting
Speaker 1: is helpful for people, for sure, who get nervous being interviewed.
Speaker 8: Although I would go on watch What Happens Live and
Speaker 8: I would have a little bit of alcohol, and there's
Speaker 8: been a few times where it's like I shouldn't have
Speaker 8: done that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, right, I know what you mean. I mean because
Speaker 3: you yeah, you get it.
Speaker 1: It should be a sip or like a half a
Speaker 1: drink before you're on television.
Speaker 3: Not more than that. Yeah yeah yeah, because then that
Speaker 3: shows it shows up.
Speaker 8: Yeah, yeah, for sure, you can tell, you can tell,
Speaker 8: but yeah, it's just a meal. I love that it
Speaker 8: sort of takes the podcast out of the studio where
Speaker 8: an avest front. You hear the waiter come over the table,
Speaker 8: you order.
Speaker 2: Sorry to inter up, but Brad, can you fix Jesse's mic?
Speaker 2: It's kind of falling down.
Speaker 7: It's yeah, move it closer, move it closer my mouth.
Speaker 7: Put it in my.
Speaker 3: Mouth septicles that we can use, literally put his.
Speaker 7: Dick in my mouth. I was like, oh, hi, what's
Speaker 7: her name?
Speaker 8: That's what He has a girlfriend, who's always setting up
Speaker 8: with her with like different guys.
Speaker 3: Who has a girlfriend justin.
Speaker 8: My husband has a girlfriend and we're always setting her
Speaker 8: up with these different guys. And he's like, I literally
Speaker 8: put a dick in the roll's mouth last night.
Speaker 7: It is true.
Speaker 3: I set someone up.
Speaker 1: Recently, my friend was like having a relationship with a woman,
Speaker 1: her first relationship with a woman for about nine months,
Speaker 1: and she's like, I'm ready to try men again, and
Speaker 1: I was like, I think I have someone that I
Speaker 1: used to have sex with who I'm no longer having
Speaker 1: sex with.
Speaker 3: That is available and great in bed, and.
Speaker 1: He's a friend of mine still I highly recommended and
Speaker 1: comes I'm like, I can vouch for him, and she's like,
Speaker 1: I don't want to sex with anyone you did. I
Speaker 1: got why we're all having sex.
Speaker 3: Who cares if you have to.
Speaker 7: I want to know who all the players are in
Speaker 7: the story.
Speaker 1: It's over and the sex with me and him is over,
Speaker 1: so like, go for it, but there's no that attraction
Speaker 1: is over anyway, she goes out with him.
Speaker 3: I'm sure you know both of these people.
Speaker 1: She goes out with him, and the next morning she's like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, it was a total We had such
Speaker 1: a great time. You know, yeah, I would be like
Speaker 1: interested in seeing him again. He said, thank you so
Speaker 1: much for setting us up. It's a great time, Like
Speaker 1: I would be so interested in And I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I've successfully set up two people just off the top
Speaker 1: of my.
Speaker 8: Head, an ex lesbian and an ex level and an
Speaker 8: ex lover.
Speaker 1: I mean so I feel like it made me feel
Speaker 1: very good about myself.
Speaker 7: Are great?
Speaker 3: Well?
Speaker 7: Also and that you had good taste and you know
Speaker 7: your previous.
Speaker 3: Lovers, I mean did I I don'n't know.
Speaker 7: I don't know who this person is right here.
Speaker 3: I do have good taste. He has he's good to.
Speaker 7: Every time I've seen you with someone, I was like, oh,
Speaker 7: that makes sense. Who are you with now?
Speaker 1: I'm not sure? Okay, I don't know where I am.
Speaker 1: I don't know who I'm with. I don't know what
Speaker 1: I'm doing.
Speaker 3: Okay, all right, you've been in a relationship for a
Speaker 3: long time.
Speaker 7: A really long time. We just see children, two children now. Yeah,
Speaker 7: I don't think.
Speaker 3: I've seen you since I had kids, not twins.
Speaker 1: I usually cut off relationships with people when they have children,
Speaker 1: So that makes sense.
Speaker 8: That does make its tracks. It's all tracks. Yeah, I have.
Speaker 8: I've been married. I'll be eleven years in July that
Speaker 8: I've been married. And we have a four year old
Speaker 8: and like eighteen month.
Speaker 3: Old, And how is that?
Speaker 7: It's fine, it's good, it's good, it's good. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 7: My husband just looked at a school today, like we're
Speaker 7: at that place where.
Speaker 1: We're looking at Yeah. I mean, oh my god. You
Speaker 1: really have to think about everything when you're having a kid.
Speaker 1: It's not just about having a kid, it's about the
Speaker 1: next twenty years of getting raped by every school system.
Speaker 3: I mean, it's so ridiculous the stories I.
Speaker 8: Hear now, I know, I know in Justin's you know,
Speaker 8: he's on like group chats with all the other moms
Speaker 8: and like it's he's the only like for the only
Speaker 8: sex couple at the preschool right now. So he's like,
Speaker 8: all the he's on this group chat with all these
Speaker 8: moms and then he's like and then me, Justin, and
Speaker 8: they're all talking about schools because they're all, you know,
Speaker 8: trying to figure out where to place their kids as well,
Speaker 8: and they're just really working him up. He gets worked
Speaker 8: up very easily, and he's really stressing out about things.
Speaker 8: So I'm glad he finally looked at a school so
Speaker 8: that we could have something like feasible, you know, like
Speaker 8: actually like concrete to look at.
Speaker 1: Yeah, how do you feel about how would you grade
Speaker 1: yourself as a parent.
Speaker 8: I think I'm doing okay. We have I think I'm
Speaker 8: doing okay. I benefit from a lot of help we have.
Speaker 8: My mother in law is really helpful. I'm pretty good,
Speaker 8: but I definitely need like breaks. So it's good to have.
Speaker 1: And when you say breaks, like, what do you mean,
Speaker 1: like like going away for like twenty twenty one days,
Speaker 1: one days, twenty eight days every six months. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: like to go away for twenty eight days.
Speaker 7: I'll leave a photo of myself by the crib and enter.
Speaker 7: That's right.
Speaker 1: That's actually a great plan for me. That's what I needed.
Speaker 1: Like when I work two months, I need a month off.
Speaker 1: I'm like, you go, go, go, go go. And then
Speaker 1: you know, like when your sometimes are slow, they're super slow,
Speaker 1: and then when you're busy, you're like, I don't even know.
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm in the middle of a nervous
Speaker 1: breakdown totally.
Speaker 6: I can't.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 8: I get built in breaks because I get to go
Speaker 8: away for work sometimes, So that's nice. Yeah, no, it's fine,
Speaker 8: it's fine. I mean, my my husband doesn't let be
Speaker 8: left one with the kids.
Speaker 7: I did.
Speaker 8: I was going to play in New York for like
Speaker 8: four months and right after my second was born, and
Speaker 8: I was like, Papa was a rolled in stone, like
Speaker 8: he had no idea who I was, you know, just not.
Speaker 1: Present, right, right. That's I've had the kind of relationship,
Speaker 1: but only with one of my dogs. An actual person,
Speaker 1: which would be more. Yeah, so you're actually worse, a
Speaker 1: worse person than I at in that comparicon. Yeah right,
Speaker 1: how did you like that schedule for the theater?
Speaker 7: It's hard, it is.
Speaker 8: It's hard because also people think that, you know, you
Speaker 8: only work like a few hours in the evening and
Speaker 8: like you have your whole day free.
Speaker 7: I'm like, you're a monster.
Speaker 1: You have your whole day to stress out about performing
Speaker 1: that night is what you have.
Speaker 3: I don't think I could do that schedule. Yes you could, No,
Speaker 3: I don't. I couldn't. First of all, seven day or
Speaker 3: six day a week.
Speaker 7: Right, or is it seven six days a week eight performances, Yeah.
Speaker 3: Six days a week. I need more than one day
Speaker 3: wake off.
Speaker 1: And I understand that what that goes into that because
Speaker 1: I do stand up, I mean I don't do feat
Speaker 1: or so I'm not you know, it's me just being myself.
Speaker 3: So it's probably in a sense much easier.
Speaker 1: But knowing all day long that you have to do
Speaker 1: what you have to do, it affects everything you do,
Speaker 1: every all day, all day.
Speaker 7: Yeah, keep it all day.
Speaker 3: I prefer to just do stand up in the morning,
Speaker 3: record myself and be done with it and send it
Speaker 3: out that night, you know what I.
Speaker 8: Mean totally so that I yeah, yeah, yeah, I could
Speaker 8: do what you want tonight totally. I know I'm not
Speaker 8: I'm not great. That's the other thing that's changed with kids,
Speaker 8: Like I really am starting to shut down at like
Speaker 8: six thirty PM. That's if we're not like in the
Speaker 8: process of eating dinner. I'm kind of screwed because I
Speaker 8: want to be I want to be sleeping by the
Speaker 8: time Mike, Yeah, my kids go down, which is eight
Speaker 8: eight o five.
Speaker 3: I sleep pretty or I go to sleep pretty early.
Speaker 3: Last night. I was in bed at seven thirty.
Speaker 1: And I mean I because I get ship done between
Speaker 1: like five am and eight am are like or six
Speaker 1: to nine. I can get a lot done and then
Speaker 1: I'm much more productive. But around That's how I feel
Speaker 1: like anytime I have plans at night, and I don't
Speaker 1: have kids, so I don't know if this is an
Speaker 1: age thing. It must be, because anytime I have plans
Speaker 1: at night, I'm like, is it gonna happen? Like? Am
Speaker 1: I gonna be able to truly truck through that? I
Speaker 1: find La to be such a sleepier town. When I'm
Speaker 1: in New York. I'm capable of many many more things.
Speaker 8: Absolutely, you can fill a night. But also if I
Speaker 8: know I have to do something like it anytime after
Speaker 8: eight pm, if I'm not out of my house, I
Speaker 8: won't make it like I need to be taken out
Speaker 8: of my house. I need to be entertained the premises
Speaker 8: and tell whatever this event.
Speaker 1: It's like actually like a kid, right, you have to
Speaker 1: keep me entertained until I have to go perform or
Speaker 1: because every every engagement is that there's a level of performance,
Speaker 1: which is also fucking annoying.
Speaker 7: I wouldn't have to take anything to help you sleep.
Speaker 7: Do you take weed or.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I take all sorts of shit. I take gummies.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I take Xanax. If I'm traveling and there's a
Speaker 1: time difference, I've decided, most recently to ignore time zones.
Speaker 3: I've decided they don't have Australia, New Zealand, Hawaii.
Speaker 1: I have like this whole like international loop I'm doing,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I'm just gonna have to get ahead
Speaker 1: of this because that's.
Speaker 3: All i have.
Speaker 1: That's the only defense I have. But I will take
Speaker 1: like xanax for that. I love Xanax. Xanax is my favorite.
Speaker 1: And then I but I try not to take that,
Speaker 1: you know, multiple anxiety as well or just you. I
Speaker 1: recently started to use it, like I tried it for
Speaker 1: anxiety during the day because I had I went through
Speaker 1: like a stressful couple of months recently with my house
Speaker 1: and all this stuff that was going on. I just
Speaker 1: felt very stressed out, and I was taking it during
Speaker 1: the day. I was also smoking multiple joints a day
Speaker 1: during the day. And then I was like, I've got
Speaker 1: to get through this period of time. And then, of
Speaker 1: course those periods of time always come to an end, right,
Speaker 1: like you're out of the cycle of the level of
Speaker 1: stress you felt. It doesn't ever, that's the great thing
Speaker 1: about being stressed out. It doesn't last. Yeah, so that
Speaker 1: feels good. I feel much better this week. I feel
Speaker 1: much better, like, you know, higher vibes. Yeah, less less
Speaker 1: like I'm in the afternoon, like where's the xanax? Like
Speaker 1: I'm okay now, yeah, well me needs a joint and ax.
Speaker 1: I just but I love joyts. Do you like smooking
Speaker 1: weed you like I do?
Speaker 7: Gummies?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Much better for you to day cummies.
Speaker 7: Yes, one of my favorite things that you you did.
Speaker 7: I miss it. I don't know if you had a
Speaker 7: good experience doing it. But was it The Chelsea does.
Speaker 3: Series, Yes, I love that they loved.
Speaker 8: And The Chelsea does Drugs. Yes, well you had the
Speaker 8: weed meal and then you went on aahuasca as well. Yes,
Speaker 8: fucking fantastic. Oh thanks fantastic. I just love watching that
Speaker 8: that dinner too, and you and like fortune like that
Speaker 8: group of people.
Speaker 7: Skinting so ridiculous.
Speaker 1: We were high for seven days after that that. You
Speaker 1: don't understand what was like because it was in the food.
Speaker 1: So yeah, you know you drugged yourself. Like, you can't
Speaker 1: overdose on weed, that's the thing. You can just get
Speaker 1: super super hot. No, you could just act like a
Speaker 1: moron for a week, or you could do that for
Speaker 1: your podcast. But it's better with the visuals. I guess
Speaker 1: are you going to have visuals on your podcast?
Speaker 7: We haven't done that yet because people don't like eating
Speaker 7: in front of a camera.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, that is a problem.
Speaker 8: And also we're in restaurants you now, and there's you know,
Speaker 8: real people having meals around us.
Speaker 3: But David Chang is doing that show on more Like.
Speaker 7: I mean that's a TV show. They have a budget.
Speaker 1: Oh right right, and no one Moreover, nobody wants to
Speaker 1: hear people eating now, so I forget. I want to
Speaker 1: cancel what I retracted my earlier statement. Okay, we're going
Speaker 1: to take a break and we'll be right back with
Speaker 1: Jesse Tyler Ferguson.
Speaker 4: This week.
Speaker 2: We'd love for you to write in about your secrets.
Speaker 2: If you'd like advice about a secret that you're keeping
Speaker 2: for yourself or someone else. Right into Dear Chelsea Podcast
Speaker 2: at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: And we're back with Jesse Tyler Ferguson, who is an
Speaker 1: absolute delight. We're just sitting here gossiping in the back
Speaker 1: about our lives. Basically, I don't know if you can
Speaker 1: gossip about yourself. I guess that's not gossiping. You can,
Speaker 1: you can, so apparently I was. We're going to have
Speaker 1: people call in and write in, and you put your
Speaker 1: good LA therapy.
Speaker 3: I'm assuming you've been to therapy?
Speaker 7: Have I ever?
Speaker 3: Well?
Speaker 2: That LA therapy will come in handy because our first
Speaker 2: email comes from m and the subject line is.
Speaker 4: We ho gay needs help.
Speaker 3: Oh it's a local.
Speaker 4: It's a local.
Speaker 7: I probably know this person.
Speaker 3: I love to give back to the community, so let's go.
Speaker 3: I just sat up so erectly.
Speaker 2: Disappoint him, so Em says, Dear Chelsea, I'm going to
Speaker 2: keep this as concise as possible, because as an avid listener,
Speaker 2: I know you hate lengthy right.
Speaker 3: INDs, thank you.
Speaker 2: I'm a thirty two year old gay man in West Hollywood.
Speaker 2: I've been best friends with a guy for going on
Speaker 2: nine years. Moving to LA from a red state, he
Speaker 2: brought me out of my bubble. I've always been outgoing,
Speaker 2: a down low, straight passing guy, but he made me
Speaker 2: feel comfortable being gay.
Speaker 4: I love him.
Speaker 2: He's integrated into my life and truly is someone I
Speaker 2: care about and don't want to lose. Here's the issue.
Speaker 2: He almost consistently goes after any guy I show interest in,
Speaker 2: usually after I've hooked up with them or we've dated.
Speaker 2: I found out recently through mutual friends he hooked up
Speaker 2: with a guy I had intense feelings for and had
Speaker 2: a bad falling out with.
Speaker 3: Oh.
Speaker 2: I told him about those feelings, and yet a month
Speaker 2: later he's diving in. I don't think this guy is
Speaker 2: worth ruining a friendship over, but I think the pattern
Speaker 2: of my friend is troubling. I called him out, put
Speaker 2: some distance between us, and I don't know how to
Speaker 2: move forward. What's going on here? Please help me work
Speaker 2: through how to move on and keep this friendship going,
Speaker 2: hopefully with better boundaries.
Speaker 3: M Well, Jesse, it sounds like you're up.
Speaker 7: Well, let me just tell you.
Speaker 8: I've been this guy in this situation I had when
Speaker 8: I first moved to La. I'd go out with my
Speaker 8: he's a famous actor.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you that you have such a very euphonious voice.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be great on a podcast. Seriously, it's just
Speaker 1: very nice here and to listen.
Speaker 8: Yeah, but we every time he went out, he would
Speaker 8: hook up with the person I showed interest in it
Speaker 8: every time. Yeah, someone someone I'm sure you know. And
Speaker 8: we remain friends. And I just had to sort of
Speaker 8: decide whether or not, like his friendship was meaningful enough
Speaker 8: for me to you know, over overlook that. I mean,
Speaker 8: every time I went out he was at my side.
Speaker 8: Like there was moments that I went out with other
Speaker 8: people and then I didn't have to worry about him.
Speaker 7: But like I did make fun of him.
Speaker 8: It's like, I can't believe everyone I showed interest in you,
Speaker 8: like immediately go after.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that just sounds like sabotage, right, latant sabotage jealousy,
Speaker 1: so like like try to sabotage, you get in your way.
Speaker 8: Gay communities trying to sabotage. They're all trying to sleep
Speaker 8: with each other. That's a thing. I mean, men are dogs.
Speaker 8: And then you put a whole bunch of men who
Speaker 8: earned another man in the same room expecting.
Speaker 1: To happen exactly right. It almost gives you permission.
Speaker 8: To do whatever you want want all gay bachelor because
Speaker 8: everyone would just be fucking each other in the Bachelor
Speaker 8: house like it hasn't happened because it wouldn't have because
Speaker 8: if the rules are they don't apply.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 7: So I don't know.
Speaker 8: I kind of feel like it is sort of just
Speaker 8: the way of it sucks with your friends doing that
Speaker 8: to you. But I don't know, I don't know, I
Speaker 8: really I think you just kind of have to lean
Speaker 8: into it or yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely you could lean into it, or like do
Speaker 1: you need to be friends with this person? Is like
Speaker 1: did I miss Is he just in the general group
Speaker 1: of everybody?
Speaker 4: No, they're like they're like besties. It's like.
Speaker 7: Yeah, support system.
Speaker 1: Okay, so well then you're gonna have to really work
Speaker 1: just to get past it and accept the behavior.
Speaker 3: And I mean not what am I saying?
Speaker 7: Just take it.
Speaker 1: No, you're gonna have to talk, Like don't you think
Speaker 1: they have to have a conversation, like because you have
Speaker 1: to be called.
Speaker 3: Out for that, don't you.
Speaker 8: But I think he said he did have a conversation
Speaker 8: about like how that guy like really hurt him and
Speaker 8: the guy went after him any ways.
Speaker 2: Right, yeah, And I do I do like the making
Speaker 2: fun of him for it that you mentioned earlier, like.
Speaker 1: Like he's gotta be yeah, like you can't ignore it.
Speaker 1: It is very obnoxious behavior from your friend, Like yeah.
Speaker 8: I mean, like next time he's showing interest in someone,
Speaker 8: like but I better step aside becase you're probably going
Speaker 8: to roll right on over there, aren't you. I mean,
Speaker 8: I don't know, Listen, I'm always up for like being
Speaker 8: super upfront with someone letting them know when you're you know,
Speaker 8: annoyed with their behavior. But it's at the end of
Speaker 8: the day, you got to realize there are a whole
Speaker 8: bunch of gay men in a room and they're all
Speaker 8: just going to try and sleep with poor Maybe you're
Speaker 8: not being active enough, maybe our writer, maybe AM's not
Speaker 8: being active enough and like being aggressive enough. Maybe it's
Speaker 8: just an opportunity to up up the game.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't like to, Like I wouldn't be friends with
Speaker 1: somebody that was doing that all the time, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like there's too many there's too many
Speaker 1: other people to hang out with.
Speaker 7: That that's true. Well, maybe fine.
Speaker 1: I just want to be friends with somebody who is
Speaker 1: like openly trying to sabotage me after I called them
Speaker 1: out about it and continue to do it. It's like,
Speaker 1: is that friendship actually worth it for you? If it is,
Speaker 1: then yeah, get over it. So there we go, a
Speaker 1: problem solved and and I'm done for the day. Okay,
Speaker 1: bocking out, blocking out, You're welcome.
Speaker 7: Well.
Speaker 2: Our next question comes from Cameron. Cameron says, Dear Chelsea,
Speaker 2: I'm a fifty year old gay man. I had lots
Speaker 2: of sex in the past, living in Mexico, Spain, Argentina,
Speaker 2: and Brazil.
Speaker 4: I think I'm stuck like the type.
Speaker 2: I think I'm stuck thinking that I'm only quote interesting
Speaker 2: while being a foreigner loving abroad and domestic relationships seem
Speaker 2: out of reach. Since I feel like I am a
Speaker 2: dim ad dozen average homo. What is your secret to
Speaker 2: cultivating exciting relationships while globe trotting, and is my love
Speaker 2: of adventure abroad a sign that I'm unable to have
Speaker 2: a long term relationship or is it just fun loving you?
Speaker 4: Cameron?
Speaker 1: There is something about being a vagabond and Catherine, we
Speaker 1: had someone call on the other day where this was
Speaker 1: kind of analogous where there is something about being very
Speaker 1: peripatetic around the world and apothetic and also, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: try try and keep it like somebody who's constantly on
Speaker 1: the move.
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, now spell it. Spell it p A R I.
Speaker 7: T E P E T I c very pathetic.
Speaker 1: So there is something about when you're a vagabond or
Speaker 1: a globe trotter or however you want to, like, when
Speaker 1: you bounce around a lot. No, mad, you're not very yeah,
Speaker 1: you're not very anchored anywhere. So it kind of is
Speaker 1: prohibitive to actually finding a long term love. But what
Speaker 1: I'm hearing from him is that he just wants adventure
Speaker 1: love and all these different ports in the storm.
Speaker 3: Correct, Like, that's also what I'm about. I like that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And Cameron, do we have you with us here?
Speaker 3: Oh he's on the phone.
Speaker 4: Yeah, Oh yeah, he's on the phone.
Speaker 1: Great, let's get down to business. I mean, we have
Speaker 1: Jesse Tyler Ferguson here.
Speaker 3: Who better? Who better to guide us through this storm?
Speaker 8: We have the same taste in men all those countries
Speaker 8: are like yep, I get it feels like everyd.
Speaker 3: But it feels like every gay guy loves those times.
Speaker 7: Oh yeah, that's true. That's true, that's true. We do.
Speaker 8: There's also something so mysterious about being, you know, the
Speaker 8: stranger in a new land. But it's what I was
Speaker 8: also getting from him is that he was frustrated, that
Speaker 8: sense of he's more enticing in other countries, like he's
Speaker 8: not as exciting here.
Speaker 3: Well, I can relate to this because I travel so much.
Speaker 3: I love to be on the move.
Speaker 1: Like I get very bored if I'm in like La
Speaker 1: for too long, And I have no reason to be
Speaker 1: other than Doug who you know.
Speaker 4: Oh there he is, Hi, Good to see you.
Speaker 7: Hi.
Speaker 1: We have Jesse Tyler Ferguson here today as our special guest.
Speaker 7: Hello, Chelsea, Hey, how's it going good?
Speaker 6: Dish?
Speaker 1: Okay, So elaborate a little bit on your letter, like
Speaker 1: are you looking for a long term relationship or are
Speaker 1: you looking for just more lovers in different places?
Speaker 6: Well, I would take either one of those. But you know,
Speaker 6: I love a relationship that is distant but.
Speaker 3: Close, And how do you mean.
Speaker 7: I would like.
Speaker 6: To feel like I have access to a relationship, but
Speaker 6: I don't want in my place all the time.
Speaker 1: Right, I'm with you, I relate to you completely. I
Speaker 1: feel the same way. I like to have little fun actions.
Speaker 1: But repeated customers like it's nice to have you know
Speaker 1: the same guy like somebody in Spain that I see
Speaker 1: when I go there, and somebody I see when I
Speaker 1: go there and there.
Speaker 3: So I understand what you're saying.
Speaker 1: But I would say that attitude in it of itself,
Speaker 1: it doesn't have to be prohibitive, but it can be.
Speaker 1: Like for me, I had to really change the way
Speaker 1: that I looked at it. I had to really kind
Speaker 1: of energetically be more open minded about being open about
Speaker 1: what I was looking for with other people. But like
Speaker 1: saying very honestly and upfront in the beginning, like making
Speaker 1: it very clear, this is fun, this is not going
Speaker 1: to be long term.
Speaker 3: If it is, that wouldn't be the plan.
Speaker 1: Everything is going to be happening naturally and there's no
Speaker 1: pressure on anything, and I will also be dating other people.
Speaker 1: I feel like when you are very honest with yourself
Speaker 1: about being that way, it attracts more people that are
Speaker 1: interested in what you're doing and are like minded. Yeah.
Speaker 6: I just think that your situation is ideal for me
Speaker 6: because I would love to have that kind of opportunity
Speaker 6: to jump around a little bit.
Speaker 1: And didn't you say that that's what you were doing,
Speaker 1: is going to Argentina and to Brazil and all these
Speaker 1: different places.
Speaker 6: Yeah. I lived in all of those places and really
Speaker 6: had a lot of success because I kind of had
Speaker 6: a built in narrative about how I'm interesting because I'm
Speaker 6: living in these different countries, or I am a foreigner
Speaker 6: who has a little bit of extra sparkle because of that.
Speaker 8: Are you thinking that you don't you don't have that
Speaker 8: shine and sparkle here? Yeah, okay here in America.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it just doesn't feel like I have the same
Speaker 6: amount of a llure.
Speaker 8: I think that's just you being down on yourself because
Speaker 8: I think you're very allowing.
Speaker 7: What is it? I hear an accent? Where are you from?
Speaker 6: Oh? Minnesota? Oh?
Speaker 7: Really? Okay?
Speaker 8: All of a sudden, like Dutch or something, Just say
Speaker 8: you're Dutch. Just go in like be like I'm I'm
Speaker 8: here from Switzerland.
Speaker 6: Strategy.
Speaker 1: First of all, like inhibit that this this aura that
Speaker 1: you want, like when you're feeling like you're down on yourself,
Speaker 1: that kind of shows up in your physicality and I
Speaker 1: can kind of see it as you're talking about it.
Speaker 3: I mean, if you believe that, then that is kind.
Speaker 1: Of your truth. If you choose to believe you are
Speaker 1: from you have had all these experiences. I'm sorry, I
Speaker 1: thought you met you were currently going to all these places,
Speaker 1: so I misread that but or misheard it. But I
Speaker 1: think you need to just like build yourself back up
Speaker 1: and whether that's like every day being like all right,
Speaker 1: here's a new day. Here's a new day for me
Speaker 1: to have like positive energy about myself. All of those
Speaker 1: things that you're talking about are part of your history
Speaker 1: that makes you a unique person and a unique human
Speaker 1: being who has something to offer people that nobody else
Speaker 1: has to offer them, don't you think?
Speaker 7: Yeah? Also, where are you living right now in Seattle? Okay?
Speaker 7: Do you tend to go to the same places over
Speaker 7: and over and over, like your same haunts? If you
Speaker 7: go out?
Speaker 6: No, I'm not going out a lot.
Speaker 1: Oh well, that's part of the problem too. You got
Speaker 1: to get out there. You got to go to things,
Speaker 1: go to events, go to concerts. Do you like music, Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: go to concerts. Go to like low key concerts, you
Speaker 1: know where you're going to be mingling with people and
Speaker 1: standing around talking to people, and go to bars and
Speaker 1: get yourself out in the world a little bit more.
Speaker 1: Nothing's going to come and knock on your door if
Speaker 1: you're not out there, you know.
Speaker 8: Yeah, I mean, I guess it's a way of like
Speaker 8: treating your own hometown like you would treat a city
Speaker 8: you were visiting, like you in Argentina or something, and
Speaker 8: looking for those fun places where you would meet people.
Speaker 6: Yeah, that is I think hard to do because it
Speaker 6: seems like, oh, I know what I'm gonna see when
Speaker 6: I go out, or I know who I'm going to meet.
Speaker 3: But you don't. You don't.
Speaker 1: You're like stabbing yourself in the foot before you get
Speaker 1: out the door. You don't know who you're going to
Speaker 1: see or who you're going to meet. And you should
Speaker 1: turn that whatever phrase, your phrase of yours, do the
Speaker 1: opposite and start thinking the opposite. Just say I don't
Speaker 1: know who I'm going to meet, I don't know what
Speaker 1: I'm going to see, so you have to just do
Speaker 1: a complete dipsy doodle and flip around, flip it and
Speaker 1: reverse it, flip it.
Speaker 7: And reverse it.
Speaker 8: But yeah, like go like find the local museums, like
Speaker 8: all the things you would do when you were traveling.
Speaker 8: I mean, Seattle is an incredible city. There's so much
Speaker 8: to do there.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you just have to get outside of your comfort zone.
Speaker 1: Go to some like events or like they have public
Speaker 1: readings of things. You can go to book events where
Speaker 1: they have authors. You know, those kind of intimate settings
Speaker 1: where you're going to have something in common with the
Speaker 1: other people that are there and you're going to have
Speaker 1: a natural spark of conversation.
Speaker 3: But get off of your ass and get out of
Speaker 3: your house.
Speaker 2: As the bottom line, you're a well traveled, distinguished, good
Speaker 2: looking guy like who wouldn't want to come talk to you?
Speaker 2: But I think you know, Chelsea, you're hitting the nail
Speaker 2: on the head too. It's not like you don't have
Speaker 2: to go be in the club. Go somewhere where you
Speaker 2: can strike up a conversation with someone.
Speaker 6: Yeah, that's really good advice.
Speaker 1: I was like, what's the curb? I was like, what,
Speaker 1: don't go there, sir, Do not knock, go there.
Speaker 7: The curb's no good.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's a weird age, you know, fifty, because it's.
Speaker 3: Not though I'm forty nine, it's not forty eight.
Speaker 7: I'll be forty nine a few months. It's not that
Speaker 7: we're fine.
Speaker 1: He always says, whatever age I am, he does that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's bullshit, by the way, that Yeah, it's not a
Speaker 1: weird age.
Speaker 3: It's a weird age. That's exactly.
Speaker 1: There's another sentence. Fifty is a great age. Opposites everything
Speaker 1: you're saying. Do the opposite of fifty is awesome. This
Speaker 1: is a new adventure, it's a new chapter. Get excited
Speaker 1: about your life, because no one is going to get
Speaker 1: excited about your life until you do.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think also find some like cute polyamorous
Speaker 2: person who like doesn't want to be in your space
Speaker 2: all of the time, but can give you those wonderful
Speaker 2: cuddles that you deserve and the intimacy.
Speaker 1: Also, you know, you can go on these dating websites
Speaker 1: or apps, all of them and be very clear about
Speaker 1: what you're looking for, like a casual lover or whatever.
Speaker 1: You know, the term anology that you're supposed to use.
Speaker 1: I don't think that's it.
Speaker 7: No casual lover's not.
Speaker 8: It can definitely attest to that is a forty eight
Speaker 8: and eleven month old.
Speaker 3: But you could go and be very clear about what
Speaker 3: your intentions are.
Speaker 1: You know, I know a lot of women probably want more,
Speaker 1: or you think that they want more, but you'll be
Speaker 1: surprised to find out that there are a lot more
Speaker 1: people on your wavelength than you think.
Speaker 4: Oh no, cameraon dates fellas.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, everything so far about this call I've gotten wrong,
Speaker 1: So there's no reason to stop now.
Speaker 3: I mean, I can't even keep track of what's going on.
Speaker 1: Maybe I'm in a midlife I mean, I'm in a breakdown,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm actually, I'm in my mental breakdown.
Speaker 7: You know what they say, fifty is a weird year.
Speaker 6: To decide crisis you want to have. But yeah, it's
Speaker 6: good advice to just get over myself and get out.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, definitely get out.
Speaker 1: And gay men are definitely not going to care that
Speaker 1: you want to have casual relationships at all.
Speaker 6: Okay, I just appreciate the advice, and I.
Speaker 1: Think I don't. I don't think you should thank me,
Speaker 1: thank Jesse, but I don't. Obviously I've got another podcast
Speaker 1: right now.
Speaker 3: He's like, I called into dear Chelsea.
Speaker 7: It's so weird. Everything was wrong.
Speaker 1: It's like going to a psychic or medium and they're like,
Speaker 1: I see you have a son. They're like, I don't
Speaker 1: like I see him though. All right, Well, anyway, good
Speaker 1: luck and keep us posted when you find your part
Speaker 1: time lover or all of your part time lovers. But
Speaker 1: also listen when I'm before you go, I do want
Speaker 1: to be serious about saying that you have to talk
Speaker 1: to yourself in a positive way. It actually makes a difference.
Speaker 1: You may think I don't know what I'm talking about,
Speaker 1: but I do.
Speaker 3: I do know. I do it all the time.
Speaker 1: If you get into a negative headspace, it's your job
Speaker 1: to get yourself out of it, and you have to
Speaker 1: do that by being positive, putting yourself out in nature,
Speaker 1: going out and doing things that you normally wouldn't do.
Speaker 1: It really builds your self esteem and it builds your
Speaker 1: self worth. So stop poop pooing on everything and saying
Speaker 1: this isn't going to be fun, and say this is
Speaker 1: gonna be fun. I'm going to go out and have
Speaker 1: a good time, and I promise you're going to start
Speaker 1: having a better time in life.
Speaker 6: Hey, I will stop poop pooing.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, peace out, Thanks Cameron, bye bye.
Speaker 3: Wow that was a real doozy, mostly for.
Speaker 7: Me, but mostly for me.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, it looked like he was in the
Speaker 1: Hampton's Like it reminded me of like Shelter Island. Have
Speaker 1: you ever been to Shelter Island? I was like, Oh,
Speaker 1: that looks so nice, cold, wet, rainy. I love that
Speaker 1: everyone in La hates the rain. I love the rain.
Speaker 1: I love that East Coast like damp where.
Speaker 7: You don't really moody weather.
Speaker 3: Yeah, where you don't want to go out having to
Speaker 3: go out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like watching tea, just getting a bed, watching TV
Speaker 1: at like two in the afternoon. I love that.
Speaker 7: Seattle.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, if you go to Seattle, you go to
Speaker 1: bed at too, because it's dark. Out of three, what's next, Catherine.
Speaker 2: Well, our next color is Genevieve and Jesse. I think
Speaker 2: this is like a perfect call for you. So I'm
Speaker 2: really excited that this worked out timing wise. From what
Speaker 2: I have read, this is part of your truths, So
Speaker 2: Genevieve says, Dear Chelsea, I grew up laughing at your
Speaker 2: comedy on Chelsea Lately, and you definitely shaped my sense
Speaker 2: of humor into what it is today. I was excited
Speaker 2: to learn you not only had a podcast, but we're
Speaker 2: offering your solicited advice.
Speaker 3: You're welcome.
Speaker 2: I'm a regular at my local gym, and I self
Speaker 2: identify as a total battie. I love feeling strong and
Speaker 2: sexy during my workouts, but nothing ruins my workout harder
Speaker 2: than unwanted thirsty gym boys hitting on me during my session.
Speaker 2: When I'm at the gym, I tend to avoid eye contact,
Speaker 2: stay focused on my workout, and never ever smile at anyone.
Speaker 2: I'm here for myself and not to socialize. However, right,
Speaker 2: calmed down, Fuck, we get it. She should wear one
Speaker 2: of those signs no molested, no moll'star. However, lately, this
Speaker 2: new boy has started working out at the same time
Speaker 2: as me, and I have to admit I cannot not
Speaker 2: notice him. He is sexy and delicious, one hundred percent
Speaker 2: my type, and I want to know who he is.
Speaker 2: I feel stumped. How do I approach this sexy man
Speaker 2: at a place where I so strongly hate being hit
Speaker 2: on myself. I can tell that he too, is focused
Speaker 2: on his own workout, and I understand how annoying it
Speaker 2: can be when someone interrupts Genevieve.
Speaker 3: Wow, this is just very pressing matter. Hi Genevieve, Hi Genevieve.
Speaker 4: Hi guys.
Speaker 1: Okay, so you're trying to just figure out how to
Speaker 1: basically go up.
Speaker 3: And hit on this guy or introduce yourself not hit
Speaker 3: on him.
Speaker 2: Yeah, in a space where like I don't want people
Speaker 2: to approach me in that area, and I can tell
Speaker 2: he's focused on his workout.
Speaker 4: We're doing different things, like how do I go up?
Speaker 3: And like just even can't you find him on Instagram?
Speaker 1: Like it would be better to DM him? I think
Speaker 1: in that scenario, how to find out his name?
Speaker 3: You mean yelling?
Speaker 4: How do you find someone on Instagram?
Speaker 3: Well, first you have to find out what their name is.
Speaker 4: Yeah, go to the girls at the front and be like, listen,
Speaker 4: I think that guy's cute. Tell me his name. Oh
Speaker 4: that's good, get them on your team.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a good idea.
Speaker 3: But then she's talking to people she doesn't want to
Speaker 3: talk to. That's a very.
Speaker 7: Difficult The reason quite a predicament.
Speaker 8: She's like, look, I want I want to I want
Speaker 8: this to go down, but I want to go down
Speaker 8: my terms.
Speaker 1: I want this to go down, but I'm not willing
Speaker 1: to break the rules, so I put in place to
Speaker 1: make this go down.
Speaker 3: So it's very Yes, it is quite a predicament.
Speaker 8: I mean I would just put myself in the line
Speaker 8: of fire with him, be like whatever he's doing, be like,
Speaker 8: oh are you using this thing? So it doesn't look
Speaker 8: like you're like like, hi, my name shouldn't be with charity, like,
Speaker 8: but you're like, just it's a casual thing, so that
Speaker 8: you could start a conversation, like even if he's like,
Speaker 8: oh no, I'm done with that twenty pound or like whatever,
Speaker 8: Like at least you've started some sort of a conversation.
Speaker 8: You know, I met my husband at at the gym
Speaker 8: in the locker room, So.
Speaker 3: You're way to bury the lead.
Speaker 7: I know, I know. That's why I feel like this
Speaker 7: is why I was being teed up.
Speaker 4: I discovered this on the internet. I was hoping it
Speaker 4: was true.
Speaker 8: Yeah, so I'm not I'm not. I'm not suggesting you
Speaker 8: follow him into the locker room, although that would strike
Speaker 8: up conversation. I mean he'd definitely be like, what what's
Speaker 8: going on. That's all to say, you never know where
Speaker 8: you're going to meet your your your person, and I
Speaker 8: didn't think i'd meet mine in the locker room of
Speaker 8: the Equinox them West Hollywood.
Speaker 7: Calm down. I mean he also fully clothed. We were
Speaker 7: fully closed.
Speaker 8: But that's where it happened, and so I would just
Speaker 8: and you know what, Justin did not want to approach
Speaker 8: me because he recognized me from television and he lived
Speaker 8: in he'd grown up in LA and he's like, I
Speaker 8: don't want to bother him. He probably gets bothered all
Speaker 8: the time. And he's like, you know what, fuck it,
Speaker 8: I'm going to say something. He had just started working
Speaker 8: on marriage equality that we're trying to pass it here
Speaker 8: in California with Proposition eight was happening, and so he's like,
Speaker 8: I'm just going to talk to this guy and say,
Speaker 8: I think that this show that you're on it's going
Speaker 8: to really help that fight for marriage equality. So it
Speaker 8: came from actually very like a very connected place. So
Speaker 8: I think it's you know, as long as you're not
Speaker 8: coming in a creepy way, I don't think there's anything
Speaker 8: wrong with putting yourself in the line of fire and
Speaker 8: be like are you done with this set? Or I've
Speaker 8: seen you a lot here. You look like you're really
Speaker 8: focused and you're looking good at whatever. I mean, I
Speaker 8: don't know. I'm also terrible with like one.
Speaker 3: But no, I don't think it needs to be one liner.
Speaker 3: I think that's true.
Speaker 1: Like the spirit of it just has to be like
Speaker 1: natural and organic, you know, I mean intentional, like you
Speaker 1: want to go over there and you know, rush past
Speaker 1: him or whatever or have an in interaction with him.
Speaker 1: So if you keep in mind that that's what you're doing,
Speaker 1: like in a fun way, like it doesn't have to
Speaker 1: be awkward. You could just go, oh wow, like you're
Speaker 1: super focused. You like, how focused to you?
Speaker 8: I'm breaking my own rule right now and saying hello
Speaker 8: to someone at the gym. I hate when people say
Speaker 8: hello to me.
Speaker 3: But that's cute. That's a good one.
Speaker 7: Yeah, look at you, Yeah you Yeah?
Speaker 4: Would you ask him to teach you something?
Speaker 3: Would you ever walk over and ask to be finger blasted?
Speaker 4: Also a conversation starter.
Speaker 7: That is definitely render.
Speaker 3: It depends who you're talking to fingerplasted?
Speaker 4: Oh no, And then he's like, I have a girlfriend.
Speaker 7: Well then you know, and that's okay too.
Speaker 4: There will be more cute guys at the gym.
Speaker 8: Who cares I met justin whody had a boyfriend. I
Speaker 8: asked him out and he's like, I'm actually seeing someone,
Speaker 8: but we can go out his friends.
Speaker 7: It's like, oh no, I have enough friends yea.
Speaker 8: And it was fine, and then he came back around
Speaker 8: he broke up with his boyfriend, and I was like, okay,
Speaker 8: now let's go. But yeah, so he has a girlfriend. Like,
Speaker 8: you're not like asking him out, you're just saying hi.
Speaker 3: Yeah exactly.
Speaker 1: And also who cares if so if he has a
Speaker 1: girlfriend and that's the end of it, then great, more
Speaker 1: information for you to move on. Or you could just
Speaker 1: keep your mind open. Yeah, because people break up all
Speaker 1: the time. It's not a big deal, so don't make
Speaker 1: it one.
Speaker 7: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and you're not creepy, so he will not be
Speaker 4: creeped out.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Just remember when you're doing it, like this is gonna
Speaker 1: be fun and light, like, have a good time doing it.
Speaker 1: You know. When I was younger, people always used to
Speaker 1: be like when I started, like performing live, people would
Speaker 1: always be like, just have a good time, and you're like.
Speaker 3: I fucking have a good time.
Speaker 7: Yeah, nervous, and I have to go.
Speaker 1: Out there and I have to perform, And it's like
Speaker 1: once you realize that it is really about having a
Speaker 1: good time, and that your good time is going to
Speaker 1: infect every other person you're coming into contact with. Then
Speaker 1: you're fine and then you can have a good time.
Speaker 1: So just think of it that way, like you're about
Speaker 1: to go spread good vibes and good joy.
Speaker 7: And who doesn't like that? Who just like be encountered
Speaker 7: with good vibes and good joy?
Speaker 8: Yeah, I mean even if he's like, oh, she might
Speaker 8: have been heading on me, but I would be flattered
Speaker 8: if someone came up to me at the gym and
Speaker 8: just like struck up conversations like, oh maybe they think
Speaker 8: I'm cute, Like it makes me feel good.
Speaker 3: Okay, you're passing me up.
Speaker 6: That's good to hear.
Speaker 3: Yeah, good.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 2: And I don't think you have to like ask him
Speaker 2: to marry you, like the first time we talked to him.
Speaker 3: Like I like a build of sexual tension.
Speaker 1: Per my friend Wendy, it's nice to build a flirtation
Speaker 1: because really a flirtation the beginning of the relationship is
Speaker 1: the most fun part.
Speaker 3: And you could as long.
Speaker 1: As like, if you can stretch that out and have
Speaker 1: a fun flirt imagine how much fun you're gonna have
Speaker 1: going to the gym, just knowing that you're gonna bump
Speaker 1: into him like every time.
Speaker 3: That's fun.
Speaker 7: I like that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's exciting.
Speaker 3: I like that idea too. Okay, well, good luck, thank you.
Speaker 4: I appreciate your guys insight.
Speaker 7: Bye bye.
Speaker 3: That didn't feel like a real problem.
Speaker 4: I mean it was a real problem to poor Genevieve.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess she must take her own rules at
Speaker 1: the gym pretty serious, very seriously.
Speaker 3: Like it's like, right, I made fuck.
Speaker 8: No, I can't say hello, I have a stretch with
Speaker 8: no talking policy. She does.
Speaker 2: But I thought that Jesse would be the perfect person
Speaker 2: to encourage her sense because.
Speaker 7: I love that.
Speaker 3: I didn't know that story about you meeting your lover
Speaker 3: or there.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I do love the added element in the locker room.
Speaker 2: Oh gosh, let's take a quick break and we'll wrap
Speaker 2: up with one other little question.
Speaker 1: Okay, we're going to be right back with Jesse. He
Speaker 1: has to take a bath. I'm going to give him
Speaker 1: a bath, and we're back.
Speaker 7: I know I've.
Speaker 1: Recently got in I've recently gotten into candles. I didn't
Speaker 1: know about those earlier.
Speaker 7: But I can never reach it.
Speaker 3: No, no, no problem, I'm really good.
Speaker 1: Actually, have very strong hands from being a mountain woman
Speaker 1: all winter long, Catherine.
Speaker 3: So before we have to part.
Speaker 1: Ways with my lover, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, this is a
Speaker 1: very fun Episode's very fun.
Speaker 2: It's about to get a little more fun because Cias
Speaker 2: is in a bit of a pickle.
Speaker 4: Sia, uh no, just see, let's call her Sia. She's
Speaker 4: see yah. She's using a sudame, so she's see you now.
Speaker 2: Cia is just writing in so she's not joining us. Okay,
Speaker 2: Dear Chelsea and Crewe, I'm in a bit of a pickle.
Speaker 2: I'm twenty four years old and I've always thought myself
Speaker 2: to be straight until a little over a year ago
Speaker 2: when my best friend and I found ourselves after a
Speaker 2: night of drinking to be making out later leading to sex.
Speaker 2: It all felt right and we haven't stopped to this day.
Speaker 2: Although we are both quote unquote straight, and I've still
Speaker 2: had sex with other men throughout this but nothing more
Speaker 2: than just casual hookups. I don't feel attracted to other women,
Speaker 2: and neither does she, and we both have no plans
Speaker 2: of coming out about our quote relationship anytime soon, but
Speaker 2: there's definitely more jealousy when we're with other people or
Speaker 2: don't spend almost every day together. We act like we're
Speaker 2: in a relationship to each other, even admitting that we're
Speaker 2: in love with each other, but remain friends to the
Speaker 2: outside world. And for added context that makes this harder.
Speaker 2: There's a fifteen year age gap between us, and we
Speaker 2: live in a small town where everybody knows who we are.
Speaker 4: I'm just seeking advice to navigate the situation.
Speaker 2: Do I stop completely to save ourselves from getting hurt
Speaker 2: further as this all gets deeper, or do I just
Speaker 2: keep going and see what happens?
Speaker 7: See?
Speaker 4: Yeah, she her?
Speaker 8: So what she's described to us, She's described to us
Speaker 8: a relationship that's in the closet. That's like exactly what
Speaker 8: that is? Yeah, so that let's just identify it first.
Speaker 8: You're in a closet of relationship with your friend, which
Speaker 8: you know, that's something I can definitely relate to.
Speaker 7: Listen.
Speaker 8: I mean, if you have feelings for one another, I
Speaker 8: think you know it's worth talking about. I'm wondering where
Speaker 8: she's from. Is it a small town that she doesn't
Speaker 8: feel safe being out?
Speaker 2: I don't think she actually says where, But that's kind
Speaker 2: of the sense I got.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 1: I mean I'm all about like, if you're in love,
Speaker 1: be in love, and then figure out your way, you know,
Speaker 1: to make it happen to get.
Speaker 8: Yeah, I mean it sounds like if there's like jealousy
Speaker 8: about you know, you being with other people and they
Speaker 8: don't want to spend time apart, I mean, that's that's
Speaker 8: what the best relationships. I mean, the jealousy part is
Speaker 8: probably not great, but like, you know, but you should
Speaker 8: want to spend a lot of time with the person exactly.
Speaker 8: That's all. That's all good stuff. So I don't know,
Speaker 8: I feel like there's got it. You have to figure
Speaker 8: out a way to be comfortable in this relationship.
Speaker 3: I agree. I think that.
Speaker 1: And I wish she did say something about where she
Speaker 1: was from, because I would say, a, maybe you guys
Speaker 1: should move together somewhere else where you're going to feel
Speaker 1: more secure being out in the open, or be out
Speaker 1: in the open where you are give people some room
Speaker 1: to like accept it and and talk to your like,
Speaker 1: if you really care and you're in love with each other,
Speaker 1: then you should be talking about what your immediate future is.
Speaker 3: Going to look like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I would encourage you to talk to like
Speaker 1: if you want to talk to another party, like about
Speaker 1: how you go about doing that in a more comfortable
Speaker 1: way with both of your families.
Speaker 3: You should talk to a therapist about it.
Speaker 1: But I don't see, like this isn't going to end
Speaker 1: well as a secret, right.
Speaker 8: Also this something that's interesting is that there's a fifteen
Speaker 8: year age gap. I'm assuming she's fifteen years older because
Speaker 8: if our writer's twenty four, correct, Yeah, so she's thirty
Speaker 8: and nine ish, she's or.
Speaker 2: Nine or nine, which is a really different question to
Speaker 2: be asking, you know.
Speaker 8: I mean, she's she's lived a life, you know, if
Speaker 8: you're almost forty years old, Like, I don't know, pardon me.
Speaker 8: Feel also kind of feels like your friend needs to
Speaker 8: be like, okay, like take take the reins a little bit,
Speaker 8: help us out, Like is this a thing?
Speaker 7: Are we in love? Is this happening? Help me out? Mommy?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think you gotta.
Speaker 1: Yeah, somebody's got to step up to the plate, like
Speaker 1: it just there's no good story ending you guys, if
Speaker 1: you love each other, get together, figure out a plan
Speaker 1: forward and do something about it.
Speaker 2: No, but I think that's good advice. And I think
Speaker 2: that's the advice. She's kind of looking for. It's not
Speaker 2: like just to ignore this and doesn't matter that you're
Speaker 2: not attracted to other women.
Speaker 4: You're attracted to this woman.
Speaker 1: Right, So she this woman's like thirty nine and she's
Speaker 1: twenty four, so she's worried about like judgment about that.
Speaker 1: And again I would say that you're twenty four years
Speaker 1: old in the thirty nine that's not disgusting.
Speaker 2: No, And you know, kind of thinking about that like
Speaker 2: age gap too, Like your best friend would have grown
Speaker 2: up in a time where it was still like ooh,
Speaker 2: are people going to come out or not. Maybe it's
Speaker 2: for the younger person to take the lead of like
Speaker 2: let's do this.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you got there yet, right, I mean I've always
Speaker 1: dated but men that are I mean I dated men
Speaker 1: that were twenty years older than me for like twenty
Speaker 1: years until they got too old, you know, and then
Speaker 1: I had to dial it back. But age, yeah, there's
Speaker 1: no like fifteen twenty years is fine. It's I think
Speaker 1: when I mean, twenty years is a lot, but fifteen
Speaker 1: years is okay.
Speaker 3: I think that's okay. Yeah, And also, yes, take.
Speaker 1: The lead as a younger person who's more with it
Speaker 1: and you know, understands the way society and culture are
Speaker 1: working these days. I would always like to I always,
Speaker 1: as a personal rule, like to get ahead of a problem,
Speaker 1: not behind one. And you should get ahead of you
Speaker 1: this problem because it doesn't have to be a problem.
Speaker 2: Yeah, stop dating other people because you're not interested in.
Speaker 1: Them, and let us know what happens. Yeah, I'm so Yeah,
Speaker 1: stop dating other people. You guys are obviously together. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and let us know what Tony moved to.
Speaker 3: We're assuming it's the town, but like, I mean, maybe
Speaker 3: it's not the town.
Speaker 7: She says.
Speaker 8: Everyone there knows who they are, everyone knows. It just
Speaker 8: sounds like a very small town. So of course my
Speaker 8: brain goes to a not very accepting place.
Speaker 7: But that's just me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well you're a gay person, so you would know
Speaker 1: that better than me. I was just thinking why my
Speaker 1: mind wouldn't think fat, And it's like, oh, because I'm
Speaker 1: not discriminated against, right, right, right?
Speaker 3: Well the problem solved with that.
Speaker 7: I'll discriminate against you though.
Speaker 1: I feel like I was going to ask you about
Speaker 1: being discriminated against about something else that you were saying earlier.
Speaker 1: I wanted to say, did you feel discriminated against? But
Speaker 1: now I forgot what that was about. This has been
Speaker 1: a blur.
Speaker 8: I don't even remember coming in this room. I feel
Speaker 8: like I've been here for days. He woke up here
Speaker 8: this morning. Oh my goodness, oh so funny.
Speaker 3: Thank you.
Speaker 1: People are really going to enjoy this, Jesse, you are
Speaker 1: so fun you Oh me too?
Speaker 3: This was so fun. And what's your podcast called.
Speaker 7: It's called Dinners on Me.
Speaker 3: Dinner's on Me and invite me anytime in all?
Speaker 7: Oh my god, would you do it?
Speaker 3: Absolutely?
Speaker 7: I think you're on the schedule.
Speaker 3: Action Oh okay, well then that was the trick. What
Speaker 3: was that?
Speaker 1: Was that? A like you push you well, you're like
Speaker 1: throwing a carrot against the wall over there.
Speaker 8: Yeah yeah, yeah, basically basically that's exactly what happened. I
Speaker 8: think you were on the schedule, but then maybe we
Speaker 8: had to reschedule.
Speaker 3: I don't will definitely do It'll be fine. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Add a little alcohol to this and what most what
Speaker 1: could happen? Okay, thank you, bye, guys. We'll see you
Speaker 1: next week. Bye. Okay, So upcoming shows that I have you, guys,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be in Hawaii on Maui, Ka, Huluee and Honolulu.
Speaker 1: I will be there in July. Also, in July. I'm
Speaker 1: coming to Niagara Falls on July twenty seventh. I'm coming
Speaker 1: to Hollywood, Florida for my only show in Florida on
Speaker 1: July twenty eighth. I'll be in Auburn, Washington on August first,
Speaker 1: and then Santa Rosa, California for my second show August second.
Speaker 1: August seventeenth is the Santa Barbara Bowl.
Speaker 3: You do not want to miss that. And then I.
Speaker 1: Will be all over Maine, Charlotte, North Carolina, Charleston, South Carolina.
Speaker 3: I'm coming to Texas. I'm coming to Saint Louis and
Speaker 3: Kansas City, and.
Speaker 1: Then I will be in Las Vegas performing at the
Speaker 1: Chelsea Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel. My first three dates
Speaker 1: in Vegas are September first, Labor Day weekend, and then
Speaker 1: November two and November thirtieth.
Speaker 3: I'm coming to Brooklyn, New York, at the Kings Theater
Speaker 3: on November eighth.
Speaker 1: And I have tickets on sale throughout the end of
Speaker 1: the year in December, so if you're in a city
Speaker 1: like Philadelphia or Bethlehem, or San Diego or New Orleans
Speaker 1: or Omaha, check Chelseahandler dot com for tickets.
Speaker 2: Okay, If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an
Speaker 2: email at Dear Chelsea podcast at.
Speaker 4: Gmail dot com and be sure to include your phone number.
Speaker 2: Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive
Speaker 2: producer Katherine Law and be sure to check out our
Speaker 2: march at Chelseahandler dot com