1 00:00:03,600 --> 00:00:11,320 Speaker 1: Hi, everyone, How are anyone boy Sober in the audience? Okay, 2 00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:16,120 Speaker 1: I'm not one of you, but I am an allier community. 3 00:00:16,720 --> 00:00:19,720 Speaker 2: This is Kira Sullivan performing one year ago at one 4 00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:22,320 Speaker 2: of my Boys Over storytelling shows in New York. 5 00:00:22,720 --> 00:00:26,479 Speaker 1: Hope told me the prompt was messy stories about love. 6 00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:30,200 Speaker 1: I don't have any messy stories myself because I'm kind 7 00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:34,599 Speaker 1: of a bitch who stands on business, so I don't 8 00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:39,000 Speaker 1: how I don't really tolerate pumfoouri or Shenanigans of sorts. 9 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:42,640 Speaker 2: Standing on business is so impressive to me. I asked 10 00:00:42,680 --> 00:00:45,560 Speaker 2: the boy Sober team if any of us were as disciplined, 11 00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:50,199 Speaker 2: and we all said no. This episode, we're talking to 12 00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:53,080 Speaker 2: Kira about how she does it, and we're all taking notes. 13 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:03,880 Speaker 2: I'm hopewittered and welcome to Voiceover a space where we're 14 00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:07,000 Speaker 2: learning and on learning all the myths we're taught about 15 00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:21,880 Speaker 2: love and relationships. Maybe you've seen Kia Sullivan on the internet. 16 00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:25,119 Speaker 2: She's big on Twitter and TikTok. She's a writer, comedian, 17 00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:28,680 Speaker 2: and overall inspiration to women who want to learn how 18 00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:32,560 Speaker 2: to take no shit. Kira self describes as happily and 19 00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:36,840 Speaker 2: perpetually single, even though she's actively dating. I consider her 20 00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:40,240 Speaker 2: to be a good example of being voiceover. She knows 21 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:42,560 Speaker 2: who she is and goes after what she wants and 22 00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:49,400 Speaker 2: doesn't easily crash out over a man. But nobody's perfect. Originally, 23 00:01:49,680 --> 00:01:52,000 Speaker 2: I thought this episode was going to be a lesson 24 00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:55,280 Speaker 2: on how to enjoy being single, and we talked about that. 25 00:01:55,880 --> 00:01:58,960 Speaker 2: But also we learned that sometimes we have to leave 26 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:05,000 Speaker 2: things up to fate. Kira, Welcome to Boysover you high hope. 27 00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:06,960 Speaker 2: I want to talk to you about your love life. 28 00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:08,840 Speaker 1: Oh my god, I'm here. I'm so glad this is 29 00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:10,440 Speaker 1: I feel like it's coming out the perfect time. 30 00:02:10,520 --> 00:02:12,760 Speaker 2: Tell me what's going on in your love life right now? 31 00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:15,400 Speaker 1: Yeah? Well, I'm single. 32 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:20,000 Speaker 2: Okay, it's usual, per usual, that's per usual. How do 33 00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:21,360 Speaker 2: you define being single? 34 00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:25,120 Speaker 1: Oh, oh my god, that's a really good question. It's 35 00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:28,040 Speaker 1: probably like ninety nine percent of my like sexually active, 36 00:02:28,120 --> 00:02:31,160 Speaker 1: romantically active years have been single, so I don't even 37 00:02:31,480 --> 00:02:34,000 Speaker 1: think about It's just kind of my default. 38 00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:35,799 Speaker 2: Okay, So how do you define being single? 39 00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:38,560 Speaker 1: I would define being single as like my Colonna ring 40 00:02:38,639 --> 00:02:39,440 Speaker 1: is pointed. 41 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:43,600 Speaker 2: Open for the listeners, Will you like explain the ring? 42 00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:45,880 Speaker 1: What we have on my left hand? On the middle 43 00:02:45,919 --> 00:02:48,839 Speaker 1: finger is a Klana ring. This is an Irish ring. 44 00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:53,400 Speaker 1: The heart stands for love, handstand for friendship, the crown 45 00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:58,480 Speaker 1: stands for loyalty, My God, and it's pointed outwards to 46 00:02:58,560 --> 00:03:00,960 Speaker 1: mean your heart is open, and you it inwards to 47 00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:02,520 Speaker 1: mean your heart is closed. It's on your left hand 48 00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:03,720 Speaker 1: because that's where your heart is. 49 00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:04,880 Speaker 2: Wow, this is so cute. 50 00:03:04,919 --> 00:03:05,880 Speaker 1: There's lay to this. 51 00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:06,720 Speaker 2: How long have you had this? 52 00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:08,560 Speaker 1: I've been wearing this every single day since I was 53 00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:10,840 Speaker 1: twelve years old. I got it. I got it on 54 00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:12,920 Speaker 1: my first trip trip to the Old Country. 55 00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:14,920 Speaker 2: But not a promise ring though, No. 56 00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:17,160 Speaker 1: It's not. It's it's something just for you. 57 00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:19,560 Speaker 2: And if you're not Irish Catholic, can you have one? 58 00:03:19,639 --> 00:03:22,320 Speaker 1: Yes, of course you can. It's actually so cute in darling, 59 00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:25,160 Speaker 1: it's darling. I also just like a love I love 60 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:27,760 Speaker 1: a token of affections of course. But yeah, I will 61 00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:31,400 Speaker 1: say that I was like journaling over the summer and 62 00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:33,440 Speaker 1: because I was like seeing someone over the summer, and 63 00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:35,240 Speaker 1: we can get into that because I've got a lot 64 00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:37,520 Speaker 1: to say, Okay, Like I was like thinking about all 65 00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:40,320 Speaker 1: these like labels or it was almost that time where 66 00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:41,720 Speaker 1: I was like do I want to label. And then 67 00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:43,240 Speaker 1: I looked down and I was like, well, this is 68 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:46,000 Speaker 1: actually the bigger question, wow, And I was like, am 69 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:47,080 Speaker 1: I ready to turn it around? 70 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:47,240 Speaker 2: This? 71 00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:50,880 Speaker 1: I think is probably the thing that means like more 72 00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:54,160 Speaker 1: than any labels, because I've been kind of perpetually single, 73 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:56,320 Speaker 1: and I think it's because I kind of like I 74 00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:58,800 Speaker 1: don't really have time to like wait for a guy 75 00:03:58,840 --> 00:04:01,240 Speaker 1: to like get it together. So I was like seeing 76 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:04,000 Speaker 1: someone over the summer who I really liked. I still 77 00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:06,880 Speaker 1: like him, but his schedule just got like really crazy 78 00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:08,960 Speaker 1: towards the end of July, and he was like moving 79 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:11,320 Speaker 1: at the end of August, and like I could tell 80 00:04:11,440 --> 00:04:13,920 Speaker 1: he was really stressed and like kind of starting to 81 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:18,040 Speaker 1: like cancel our rescheduled plans. And I think there's always 82 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:19,480 Speaker 1: like a part of me that's like should I just 83 00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:21,320 Speaker 1: like wait it out and cling on, But there's like 84 00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:23,160 Speaker 1: a bigger part of me that's like it's not sustainable 85 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:24,960 Speaker 1: for me, right, So I was like, do you want 86 00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:26,920 Speaker 1: to just like put a pause on this, Like why 87 00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:29,599 Speaker 1: don't we just take a beat and you can circle 88 00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:32,080 Speaker 1: back to me like once you're moved in in the fall. 89 00:04:32,120 --> 00:04:34,240 Speaker 1: And he was like, yeah, I actually think that's really 90 00:04:34,279 --> 00:04:36,640 Speaker 1: smart and a good idea, and we were both like, yeah, 91 00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:38,800 Speaker 1: we don't want to end things permanently, but like, this 92 00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:41,600 Speaker 1: is clearly bad timing. I think that's also the thing 93 00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:44,240 Speaker 1: is like I'm a big believer in time, and of 94 00:04:44,279 --> 00:04:46,720 Speaker 1: course some say the third person in the relationship. 95 00:04:46,880 --> 00:04:50,640 Speaker 2: Oh, time is the third person in the relationship, but 96 00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:51,320 Speaker 2: it is true. 97 00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:54,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's And so it was like this thing 98 00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:56,800 Speaker 1: of like, oh, I really like this person. I could 99 00:04:56,839 --> 00:04:59,800 Speaker 1: actually see myself in a long term relationship with them. 100 00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:03,040 Speaker 1: But if we keep going like this, I'll crash out 101 00:05:03,160 --> 00:05:04,520 Speaker 1: totally and it won't be good. 102 00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:08,400 Speaker 2: So you're good about like identifying when you're gonna crash out. 103 00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:09,600 Speaker 1: Oh, you can see it. 104 00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:13,680 Speaker 2: Down around absolutely, because how do you know it's coming. 105 00:05:13,960 --> 00:05:17,320 Speaker 1: Oh I just started to go into psychosis. I start 106 00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:19,640 Speaker 1: acting and I start thinking real weird, and it's like 107 00:05:19,839 --> 00:05:23,160 Speaker 1: freaking out right. It was also like this summer when 108 00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:25,279 Speaker 1: I was seeing the person is the first time I 109 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:28,279 Speaker 1: had truly liked someone and was like seeing someone in 110 00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:30,919 Speaker 1: a long time. And I remember time my roommates I 111 00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:34,719 Speaker 1: was like I forgot about the agony totally. I completely 112 00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:36,800 Speaker 1: forgot about how agonizing it is. 113 00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:40,479 Speaker 2: Right to like someone likes. 114 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:42,200 Speaker 1: Even if they like you back, You're like, oh, I'm 115 00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:44,040 Speaker 1: not sure if they like me as much as I 116 00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:46,440 Speaker 1: like them. And I was talking to my roommates about it. 117 00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:49,520 Speaker 1: They're like, yeah, it's actually the most hellish torture to 118 00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:52,520 Speaker 1: have a crush. Yeah, exactly right, And it's kind of 119 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:54,359 Speaker 1: but you know, such as the nature of desire. 120 00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:56,920 Speaker 2: Totally, that's kind of makes us crazy. 121 00:05:56,960 --> 00:05:59,440 Speaker 1: That was the phrase I started telling myself whenever I 122 00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:02,080 Speaker 1: was like I felt myself kind of going into psychosis, 123 00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:03,320 Speaker 1: such as the nature of desire. 124 00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:04,560 Speaker 2: This is a part of the riot. 125 00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:05,240 Speaker 1: And it kind of. 126 00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:08,640 Speaker 2: Became like a self soothing year of course, because you're like, 127 00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:11,200 Speaker 2: this is natural, this is supposed to be happening. Exactly 128 00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:15,360 Speaker 2: how long were you single before you met this guy? Ah, 129 00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:18,080 Speaker 2: like five years okay, and so you broke up with 130 00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:19,479 Speaker 2: him like recently. 131 00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:21,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, we put so. I think the term I used 132 00:06:21,839 --> 00:06:27,400 Speaker 1: was like indefinite pause. I said, let's get creative here, right, 133 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:29,720 Speaker 1: because I was just like, it seems like you're really 134 00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:32,160 Speaker 1: stressed out. It feels like I could like sense with him, 135 00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:33,960 Speaker 1: like he felt like it felt like he was kind 136 00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:36,920 Speaker 1: of like treading water with his schedule and also like 137 00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:41,640 Speaker 1: moving is crazy, right, I hate move, it's hell on 138 00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:44,240 Speaker 1: Earth'm like, I definitely couldn't date anyone while moving, So 139 00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:47,599 Speaker 1: I just wanted to offer this space in case you 140 00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:50,119 Speaker 1: need it. And he was like, yeah, I think actually 141 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:53,400 Speaker 1: it's a good idea. But of course, then I was like, okay, 142 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:55,440 Speaker 1: it sounds like that sounds good, but if you think 143 00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:57,880 Speaker 1: it's unlikely, like if you already know now you're not 144 00:06:57,920 --> 00:06:59,800 Speaker 1: interested in seeing me, like let a. 145 00:06:59,760 --> 00:07:00,920 Speaker 2: Girl right right right? 146 00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:02,839 Speaker 1: He was like no, no, no, no, no, I definitely 147 00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:06,080 Speaker 1: don't want to end things permanently, and so I was like, okay, 148 00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:08,080 Speaker 1: I think we're on the same page of like the 149 00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:10,760 Speaker 1: way we ended things, was like, it's bad timing right now. 150 00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:13,240 Speaker 1: I like you a lot. I'd love to give things 151 00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:15,480 Speaker 1: another go when the timing is right for both of us. 152 00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:17,880 Speaker 1: And he was like, I feel the same exact guy. 153 00:07:18,120 --> 00:07:20,080 Speaker 2: Take me back to the beginning of it, like, did 154 00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:21,240 Speaker 2: y'all meet on the apps? 155 00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:21,400 Speaker 1: Did? 156 00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:21,640 Speaker 2: Yeah? 157 00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:24,400 Speaker 1: We met on the apps? We mean on Hine we 158 00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:26,080 Speaker 1: met on and Hinge. 159 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:27,400 Speaker 2: Does seem to be a place where you could meet 160 00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:28,440 Speaker 2: someone real? 161 00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:30,800 Speaker 1: Maybe yes, I would say you had. 162 00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:31,440 Speaker 2: Some luck on him. 163 00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:33,480 Speaker 1: I had some luck on a Hinge. I think also 164 00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:35,520 Speaker 1: I have a good hinge eye. 165 00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:38,000 Speaker 2: I have one friend who's on hinge and only goes 166 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:42,760 Speaker 2: on one hinge date a year. Really do you have 167 00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:44,240 Speaker 2: sort of like guidelines. 168 00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:48,240 Speaker 1: I think my usual pattern is like once a year 169 00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:51,520 Speaker 1: I will rewatch sex in the city and it will 170 00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:55,520 Speaker 1: motivate me to I'm like, I need to start putting myself. 171 00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:59,120 Speaker 1: Oh you start going on d Yeah, and then all 172 00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:03,240 Speaker 1: set up four different dates, okay, just kind of like 173 00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:06,840 Speaker 1: speed date style, and like one of them will emerge 174 00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:10,440 Speaker 1: the victory. Whereas this time it was like I kind 175 00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:12,680 Speaker 1: of thought that would be the vibe. And then this 176 00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:14,560 Speaker 1: guy it was like the first date I went on 177 00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:15,680 Speaker 1: and I was like, well, obviously I'm not going to 178 00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:16,560 Speaker 1: see other people. Now. 179 00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:18,000 Speaker 2: You were like, I like him so much. 180 00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:20,720 Speaker 1: Yeah, I was like, well obviously. I Also it's like 181 00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:22,320 Speaker 1: I'm the kind of person who like, when I have 182 00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:24,680 Speaker 1: a crush on someone, it's like this is the only 183 00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:25,720 Speaker 1: person I wanted, this. 184 00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:26,880 Speaker 2: Is the only person that exists. 185 00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:28,920 Speaker 1: Now, yeah, I'm like, well, this is my love, this 186 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:31,080 Speaker 1: is my parent, this is my paramour, and I must 187 00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:33,800 Speaker 1: bring it. I must be sure to them. Yeah, yeah, 188 00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:34,640 Speaker 1: no exactly. 189 00:08:35,679 --> 00:08:37,840 Speaker 2: Can I ask you another question? Do you identify as 190 00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:38,760 Speaker 2: like a late bloomer. 191 00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:42,199 Speaker 1: No, no, actually the opposite, very early bloomer. 192 00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:43,800 Speaker 2: Can you tell me the story a little bit. 193 00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:47,480 Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm probably like the only Irish Catholic person in 194 00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:50,000 Speaker 1: the world who like has a positive relationship with sex. 195 00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:54,560 Speaker 1: That's your secret. My parents the parents rule really hard, 196 00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:56,559 Speaker 1: and like I went to CCD and stuff. 197 00:08:56,600 --> 00:08:57,199 Speaker 2: What's CCD. 198 00:08:57,360 --> 00:09:00,240 Speaker 1: Oh? Sorry, it's like Catholic Sunday School. Got it, but 199 00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:02,600 Speaker 1: like going, and my dad was like, listen to everything 200 00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:04,439 Speaker 1: they say except for sex. 201 00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:05,000 Speaker 2: No way. 202 00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:08,120 Speaker 1: He'd be like, they're three hundred years behind the theology. 203 00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:10,360 Speaker 1: My dad is like a Jesuit, which is mean, like 204 00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:12,920 Speaker 1: he thinks he knows the theology like better than. 205 00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:13,679 Speaker 2: The bad totally. 206 00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:15,760 Speaker 1: He's like, they'll catch up. They'll catch up. 207 00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:17,079 Speaker 2: I love that. 208 00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:20,480 Speaker 1: Yeah, And my mom was also just like very positive 209 00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:22,480 Speaker 1: about those things. Like I remember when I was a teenager, 210 00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:24,400 Speaker 1: I was asking her some questions and she was like, 211 00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:26,760 Speaker 1: they don't want you to know this because they don't 212 00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:29,959 Speaker 1: want teen pregnancy to happen. But sex actually is really fun. No, 213 00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:32,040 Speaker 1: it does feel really good. And I was like okay, now, 214 00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:33,240 Speaker 1: I was like, okay, good to know. 215 00:09:33,679 --> 00:09:34,360 Speaker 2: That's amazing. 216 00:09:34,559 --> 00:09:36,480 Speaker 1: So I feel like I and also it's like when 217 00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:39,199 Speaker 1: your parents tell you, like, don't internalize that stuff, it's 218 00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:41,880 Speaker 1: like your parents are the big authority in your life, 219 00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:44,040 Speaker 1: like you listen to what they say over anything. So 220 00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:46,320 Speaker 1: it was like all the sex negative things I just 221 00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:48,040 Speaker 1: never internalized that. I was like, well, my parents, my 222 00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:48,959 Speaker 1: mom'soid that's wrong. 223 00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:51,160 Speaker 2: Yeah, you're like, my mom's actually cool with all this. 224 00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:52,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm not worried about it. I feel like I 225 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:56,880 Speaker 1: came out really unscathed in a way most of Americans 226 00:09:56,920 --> 00:09:57,200 Speaker 1: are not. 227 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:03,120 Speaker 2: Like I didn't really have the talk. Did you have 228 00:10:03,240 --> 00:10:06,440 Speaker 2: like a talk with your parents about sex and everything? 229 00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:09,520 Speaker 1: I didn't have a formal talk either. It was more 230 00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:12,600 Speaker 1: probably like little talks here and there where I got 231 00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:15,680 Speaker 1: the information I like needed. But there was also you know, 232 00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:17,080 Speaker 1: I was a child of the internet as well, so 233 00:10:17,080 --> 00:10:22,440 Speaker 1: I could also be like, what hole, I like my mom, 234 00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:24,520 Speaker 1: that's like this image just like where do I put 235 00:10:24,559 --> 00:10:25,120 Speaker 1: tampon in? 236 00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:29,480 Speaker 2: Totally okay. So you don't identify as a late bloomer. 237 00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:31,520 Speaker 2: The reason why I ask is because you do identify 238 00:10:31,559 --> 00:10:34,440 Speaker 2: as perpetually single. Yes, I do, And I feel like 239 00:10:34,480 --> 00:10:38,480 Speaker 2: the overlap between like late bloomer perpetually single is sometimes 240 00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:39,440 Speaker 2: you in diagram. 241 00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:42,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm kind of breaking the mold a really fake way. 242 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:44,160 Speaker 2: I do understand that. 243 00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:46,480 Speaker 1: Yeah. I think also like I'm the kind of person who, 244 00:10:46,679 --> 00:10:50,680 Speaker 1: like I have such a rich friend social life. Yeah, 245 00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:52,760 Speaker 1: I know a lot of people who are like why 246 00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:55,160 Speaker 1: just like talking to someone new and like chatting. I'm like, 247 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:57,839 Speaker 1: I don't have from that, Like I really got. I've 248 00:10:57,840 --> 00:11:00,440 Speaker 1: actually got a backlog of like people I'm supposed to 249 00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:01,120 Speaker 1: have coffee with. 250 00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:04,640 Speaker 2: No, Yeah, my fridge is full when it comes to friendship, 251 00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:06,360 Speaker 2: Like I'm okay with that, No. 252 00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:09,080 Speaker 1: Exactly, Like I'm here for a different purpose. No. 253 00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:11,080 Speaker 2: Sometimes when I'm on a date with a man and 254 00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:13,040 Speaker 2: like I'm listening to him talk for too long, I'm like, 255 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:16,240 Speaker 2: why are we not kissing? Like there's no reason should 256 00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:18,200 Speaker 2: we get out of the Like why would I listen 257 00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:20,240 Speaker 2: to you talk for that long? Like we don't have 258 00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:42,680 Speaker 2: that much to talk about. Sex, like early on in 259 00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:46,360 Speaker 2: a thing with someone does complicate things for me. Does 260 00:11:46,360 --> 00:11:48,640 Speaker 2: it ever make you like over emotional or do you 261 00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:50,720 Speaker 2: feel like you have a really nice separation? 262 00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:53,839 Speaker 1: Oh, it depends if the sex is good, and then 263 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:56,280 Speaker 1: it's actually like a really key of like Oh, but 264 00:11:56,559 --> 00:11:58,560 Speaker 1: I do think It's like I was talking to my 265 00:11:58,640 --> 00:12:04,000 Speaker 1: friend who it's just kind of happened that, like her 266 00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:07,000 Speaker 1: romantic sexual years have she's just like fallen into like 267 00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:09,959 Speaker 1: two long term relationships kind of back to back. And 268 00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:12,280 Speaker 1: she was asking me once like like, how do you 269 00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:15,920 Speaker 1: do like casual sex? And I was telling her, I 270 00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:18,600 Speaker 1: was like, I don't like think of it as casual 271 00:12:18,640 --> 00:12:20,640 Speaker 1: in my head, like I don't make that distinction. I 272 00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:22,560 Speaker 1: just think of it as sex, right totally. Of like 273 00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:25,040 Speaker 1: I've been single, so it's like not casual for me. 274 00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:27,240 Speaker 1: It's just like, right, sex is sex, and like it 275 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:29,560 Speaker 1: can be something more. But it also like I go 276 00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:32,240 Speaker 1: into it like seeking pleasure totally. I don't go into 277 00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:35,040 Speaker 1: it like for transcendence. It can become back and I'm 278 00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:39,000 Speaker 1: open to a transcendental experience of course, but I'm not 279 00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:41,920 Speaker 1: like going into it being like I'm ready to merge our. 280 00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:45,280 Speaker 2: Soul totally, totally, totally. I feel like a lot of 281 00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:49,280 Speaker 2: women do not engage with sex the same way. Yeah, 282 00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:51,199 Speaker 2: Like a lot of women are not going towards sex 283 00:12:51,240 --> 00:12:53,360 Speaker 2: thinking like I'm gonna get pleasure out of this. 284 00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:55,240 Speaker 1: Yeah, Whereas that's kind of the name of the game 285 00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:55,520 Speaker 1: for me. 286 00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:59,000 Speaker 2: Do you have like standards in your head. Do you 287 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:01,040 Speaker 2: have like a like a check list for someone. 288 00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:05,120 Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of my attraction is like 289 00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:07,720 Speaker 1: based off of like how a man dresses right, is 290 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:12,280 Speaker 1: like his aesthetic over my god, like what they look like. 291 00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:14,160 Speaker 2: That's so funny. I'm like, what's your type? 292 00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:17,720 Speaker 1: Sensitive sensitive man? 293 00:13:19,160 --> 00:13:20,120 Speaker 2: An emotional man? 294 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:24,400 Speaker 1: Yeah, kind of sensitive emotional man. I will say that 295 00:13:24,440 --> 00:13:28,160 Speaker 1: the person who's like usually an artist in some way. Yeah. 296 00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:31,040 Speaker 1: A lot of musicians come my way, a lot of 297 00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:39,439 Speaker 1: like visual painters way. Yeah. My first boyfriend was an artist, 298 00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:41,880 Speaker 1: and this person who I was with over the summer 299 00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:45,760 Speaker 1: is also a really talented artist. Wow. So usually I 300 00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:49,600 Speaker 1: think I think I gravitate towards a sensitive artist type. 301 00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:51,920 Speaker 1: That's tricky. 302 00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:53,440 Speaker 2: Those are tricky waters. 303 00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:54,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's tough. 304 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,080 Speaker 2: Do you think this guy is gonna come back around 305 00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:57,640 Speaker 2: in the fall? 306 00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:01,720 Speaker 1: Yeah? I think so. I have this trend where, like 307 00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:03,680 Speaker 1: I was talking to my friend about this, I was like, 308 00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:11,319 Speaker 1: all my chickens come home to roost, Like it really 309 00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:14,000 Speaker 1: is a trend of my life of like people just 310 00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:16,760 Speaker 1: do come back around. Yeah, they hit me up again 311 00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:20,680 Speaker 1: in a way. That's interesting because I think if I 312 00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:24,480 Speaker 1: had been less secure in his feelings for me. I 313 00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:27,160 Speaker 1: think I would have tried to cling on, but I 314 00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:30,160 Speaker 1: think it was only because like he was outright and 315 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:32,440 Speaker 1: like good at assuring me how he felt that I 316 00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:35,920 Speaker 1: was able to be like, we can actually take a pause, right, fine, 317 00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:38,560 Speaker 1: it totally obviously if he like doesn't reach back out 318 00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:41,240 Speaker 1: in the fall, I'll crash out right. But such as 319 00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:42,160 Speaker 1: the nature of desire. 320 00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:45,680 Speaker 2: So, now that you're single again, yes, are you back 321 00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:47,800 Speaker 2: on the apps? Are you going on dates? Do you 322 00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:51,200 Speaker 2: find yourself like looking to replace him? Or no? No? 323 00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:53,000 Speaker 1: Because I think this is also a thing of my 324 00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:55,960 Speaker 1: default is not as a single woman, is not someone 325 00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:59,800 Speaker 1: who's like seeking on the apps. Uh, Like I'm open 326 00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:03,120 Speaker 1: to something if it comes in person, that I'm not 327 00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:05,440 Speaker 1: seeking it out right now? Right? 328 00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:08,400 Speaker 2: Do you like really want to have a boyfriend or 329 00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:09,560 Speaker 2: do you not care that much? 330 00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:13,080 Speaker 1: Before this summer I was telling my friends, I was like, 331 00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:16,240 Speaker 1: I kind of can't even like conceptualize what a boyfriend 332 00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:18,200 Speaker 1: would look like in my life, friend, because it has 333 00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:20,400 Speaker 1: just been so long and like my default is so 334 00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:23,320 Speaker 1: single totally. I think I'm someone who it's like I 335 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:27,520 Speaker 1: don't want necessarily a boyfriend for me unless it's someone 336 00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:30,400 Speaker 1: like I really like, I'm very happy being single, and 337 00:15:30,440 --> 00:15:33,040 Speaker 1: I feel like I've figured out how to be single 338 00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:36,440 Speaker 1: and like have like a fulfilling romantic sex life, and 339 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:38,960 Speaker 1: like I'm very happy with it. But it is kind 340 00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:42,360 Speaker 1: of hard over these past five years, like seeing everyone 341 00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:46,880 Speaker 1: you know like fall into love and have like deep relationships, 342 00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:50,680 Speaker 1: like does even when you're really happy single, like part 343 00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:53,240 Speaker 1: of it does look around and you're like, what is 344 00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:55,880 Speaker 1: it my turn? I know fully, yeah, like is there 345 00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:59,120 Speaker 1: something It's like, I don't think there's anything wrong with me, right, 346 00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:02,080 Speaker 1: I think it's just like that the kind of person 347 00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:04,520 Speaker 1: that I would fall in love with is kind of 348 00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:07,480 Speaker 1: like few and far between totally, and I have to 349 00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:09,760 Speaker 1: like kind of sniff them out like a truffle pig 350 00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:12,840 Speaker 1: and then and then I've gotta walk them down, which 351 00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:14,120 Speaker 1: is I have to say. 352 00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:18,360 Speaker 2: I'm like, do you feel like you're picky? 353 00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:20,640 Speaker 1: It's weird. I don't feel like I'm picky. I just 354 00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:23,880 Speaker 1: but yeah, I guess I am. Yeah, I don't feel 355 00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:26,040 Speaker 1: that way. But now I've thought about it for a second, 356 00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:27,080 Speaker 1: I think, yeah, I am. 357 00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:28,640 Speaker 2: But I think that's kind of a good thing. 358 00:16:28,760 --> 00:16:30,240 Speaker 1: I think it's a good thing. I also think that 359 00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:34,640 Speaker 1: the pool for woman comedians is a bit smaller than 360 00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:37,320 Speaker 1: Like I was explaining this to my friend, it was like, 361 00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:40,080 Speaker 1: let's say it's one hundred percent of men, right, Yeah, 362 00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:42,160 Speaker 1: so first someone I'm attracted to, Let's let's get it 363 00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:44,040 Speaker 1: down to like fifty percent, right, and then it's like, 364 00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:46,800 Speaker 1: out of that fifty percent, they've got to be really funny. 365 00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:48,520 Speaker 1: They've got to make me laugh. Let's cut that down 366 00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:52,120 Speaker 1: to like again, let's do half twenty five percent. It's like, 367 00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:54,920 Speaker 1: and then they've got to be okay with me being 368 00:16:55,000 --> 00:17:00,840 Speaker 1: funnier than them. Now we're down to like down to percent, 369 00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:03,360 Speaker 1: and then there's all the other stuff, like the live 370 00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:05,160 Speaker 1: in my area. They've got to be single day, right, 371 00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:07,560 Speaker 1: and like now we're working with like two percent of 372 00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:10,440 Speaker 1: the population. So it's not even that you're picky, it's 373 00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:12,719 Speaker 1: just that, Yeah, it's not that I'm picky. It's just 374 00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:16,439 Speaker 1: like the basic requirements of like this kind of person 375 00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:18,280 Speaker 1: who like I could be in a relationship with, Like 376 00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:20,480 Speaker 1: it's a rare breed. 377 00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:22,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, you do just know what you want. 378 00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:24,480 Speaker 1: Yeah, Okay. 379 00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:27,160 Speaker 2: I was wondering, like, when you were a kid, did 380 00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:29,760 Speaker 2: you imagine yourself as someone who would like grow up 381 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:32,240 Speaker 2: and be married and have kids or whatever, or are 382 00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:34,600 Speaker 2: you always imagining yourself as someone who would be like 383 00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:35,879 Speaker 2: an independent person. 384 00:17:36,359 --> 00:17:40,120 Speaker 1: I imagine myself like as Gabriella Montez from high school music. 385 00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:43,400 Speaker 1: I like so wanted to be like that girl who 386 00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:46,120 Speaker 1: like Troy Bolton woll okay. 387 00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:47,960 Speaker 2: So you were kind of seeing yourself as a girl 388 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:48,280 Speaker 2: that like. 389 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:51,520 Speaker 1: Well, I think I had a I think the characters 390 00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:54,320 Speaker 1: who I would like actually identify with in the movies. 391 00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:57,800 Speaker 1: I wouldn't identify like with Mulan and identify as Mushi 392 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:01,320 Speaker 1: like I wasn't identifying with Jazzmine. I was like, I'm 393 00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:04,439 Speaker 1: the Genie. I was an Ariel, like I was sebasting 394 00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:07,199 Speaker 1: the crab like. So that was a hard thing to 395 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:09,880 Speaker 1: reckon with. I think of being like, oh my god, 396 00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:12,440 Speaker 1: I so want to be Ariel from the Little Mermaid. 397 00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:15,080 Speaker 1: But also I would never tried my voice totally, so 398 00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:19,960 Speaker 1: it was also that kind of thing of me being like, well, 399 00:18:20,119 --> 00:18:23,240 Speaker 1: that's just not who I am totally. I remember when 400 00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:24,919 Speaker 1: I was in the fourth grade, I was trying up 401 00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:27,240 Speaker 1: for our production of the Wizard of Oz Amazing, and 402 00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:29,040 Speaker 1: I think I was originally gonna try out for Dorothy 403 00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:30,760 Speaker 1: because I wanted to be like the main girl. 404 00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:32,520 Speaker 2: Yeah. Course. My mom was like your star. 405 00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:36,480 Speaker 1: Yeah. My mom was like, you know, Dorothy's not very funny. Wow. 406 00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:38,800 Speaker 1: She was like, maybe you should try out for the scarecrow. 407 00:18:38,840 --> 00:18:40,600 Speaker 1: And I was like, wait, you're right, and I did 408 00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:42,520 Speaker 1: and I got the Scarecrow and like, by the way, 409 00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:44,359 Speaker 1: I stole the show. Yeah, of course I should have 410 00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:49,160 Speaker 1: absolutely been the scarecrow. But it's like that was something 411 00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:50,880 Speaker 1: I had to kind of come to terms with, like 412 00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:53,199 Speaker 1: in my adult life as well as like, well, I 413 00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:55,600 Speaker 1: am kind of more of a scarecrow than Dorothy. And 414 00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:58,879 Speaker 1: that's fine. It's just like it's a guy's gotta have 415 00:18:58,880 --> 00:18:59,440 Speaker 1: a type. 416 00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:01,400 Speaker 2: What was your first boyfriend? 417 00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:03,880 Speaker 1: Like, the first person I was ever in love with 418 00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:09,919 Speaker 1: was in college, okay, and a very very quiet I 419 00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:11,280 Speaker 1: like quiet men, I think. 420 00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:14,080 Speaker 2: Okay, so let me just set the scene. You're at NYU. 421 00:19:14,359 --> 00:19:15,560 Speaker 1: Yeah, I was a junior in college. 422 00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:18,360 Speaker 2: Okay, junior in college in New York. Yes, you see 423 00:19:18,359 --> 00:19:19,199 Speaker 2: a guy at a party. 424 00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:22,960 Speaker 1: You see the quietest man on earth skulking through your 425 00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:26,040 Speaker 1: comedy writing class in a way you've never seen anyone's 426 00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:30,080 Speaker 1: body move. You're really confused, and you go, I want him. 427 00:19:31,560 --> 00:19:33,880 Speaker 2: I will say a quiet type is not my type. 428 00:19:34,359 --> 00:19:37,359 Speaker 1: Really, No, that's you know what that is interesting to 429 00:19:37,359 --> 00:19:39,800 Speaker 1: me because you're so effusive, and I feel like usually 430 00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:43,320 Speaker 1: like boisterous women want a kind of rite. 431 00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:46,160 Speaker 2: No, I like somebody who can take up space when 432 00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:49,840 Speaker 2: I don't want to anymore. Like I like, because I 433 00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:53,480 Speaker 2: don't like to be working the room the whole time, 434 00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:56,040 Speaker 2: you know. I like to kind of step in and out. 435 00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:58,800 Speaker 2: I like to host, yeah, but I don't love to 436 00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:00,600 Speaker 2: like take up the space all the time. So I 437 00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:03,160 Speaker 2: like to have a partner who can like do the same. 438 00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:06,520 Speaker 1: Are you good with the breakup? Yeah? I think it 439 00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:09,040 Speaker 1: was hard for me at first. It was really truly 440 00:20:09,119 --> 00:20:12,320 Speaker 1: like heartbreak for me, Like it really did give I 441 00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:17,480 Speaker 1: was very much like Olivia Rodrigo that like true heartbreak. 442 00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:19,199 Speaker 1: It was so painful for me. It really took me 443 00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:21,399 Speaker 1: like a year to get over it. Yeah. But now, 444 00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:23,960 Speaker 1: and I think, also, you kind of have to hate 445 00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:25,200 Speaker 1: someone to get over them. 446 00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:27,560 Speaker 2: True, right, So I started hating them. 447 00:20:27,359 --> 00:20:29,399 Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure because they started dating a member of 448 00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:32,600 Speaker 1: their improv troop. When I broke up, I wasn't worried 449 00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:35,600 Speaker 1: about that this person, but then when I started looking back, 450 00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:39,760 Speaker 1: I was like should I have been worried about this? Yeah. 451 00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:41,760 Speaker 1: And it was also this thing of like I had 452 00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:43,520 Speaker 1: seen like one photo of them together and I was like, 453 00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:46,320 Speaker 1: oh my god, they're dating. And then I had to 454 00:20:46,359 --> 00:20:50,440 Speaker 1: like ask point blank and I went, I know, yeah, 455 00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:53,040 Speaker 1: it was like very that I would be pissed. I 456 00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:54,800 Speaker 1: was really pissed and I was really mean to them 457 00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:55,320 Speaker 1: on the phone. 458 00:20:55,359 --> 00:20:56,280 Speaker 2: Did you call him? 459 00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:58,440 Speaker 1: And yeah? I was like I was like yelling at it. 460 00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:01,640 Speaker 1: But again, this is like me at like twenty years old. 461 00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:05,280 Speaker 1: But yeah, my first love, my first heartbreak, right, but 462 00:21:05,359 --> 00:21:08,679 Speaker 1: obviously like years that a. I was like, oh, actually 463 00:21:08,920 --> 00:21:11,720 Speaker 1: I'm really fine with everything, and totally I don't hate them. 464 00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:12,560 Speaker 1: A very good person. 465 00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:14,359 Speaker 2: Yeah, so you need to like hate for a little 466 00:21:14,359 --> 00:21:17,040 Speaker 2: while and then you come back around exactly. I love that. 467 00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:19,159 Speaker 1: So, like we follow each other on Instagram. I have 468 00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:21,240 Speaker 1: no hard feelings towards them. I wish them all the best. 469 00:21:21,359 --> 00:21:24,159 Speaker 2: Okay, tell me about like how you date when you 470 00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:26,159 Speaker 2: are single and you are kind of looking like, do 471 00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:27,760 Speaker 2: you think New York is a fun place to date? 472 00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:29,720 Speaker 1: Think? New York is a fun place to date. I 473 00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:33,399 Speaker 1: think it's hard with my type and my age group, 474 00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:38,040 Speaker 1: because first it's like the sensitive, quiet type, like they're 475 00:21:38,119 --> 00:21:42,120 Speaker 1: always like who am I? And then but also in general, 476 00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:44,640 Speaker 1: I was thinking about this, uh huh, Like I think 477 00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:48,320 Speaker 1: women go through their like who am I? Identity crisis 478 00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:51,359 Speaker 1: much earlier than men, and like, I don't blame men 479 00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:53,600 Speaker 1: for this. I think it's just about how they're socialized. 480 00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:56,600 Speaker 1: Of like we're socialized to always be like checking in 481 00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:58,800 Speaker 1: and journaling and being like how do I feel? So 482 00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:01,680 Speaker 1: I feel like every girl I know like went through 483 00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:04,520 Speaker 1: her like who am I? Crisis at like eighteen nineteen 484 00:22:05,119 --> 00:22:10,280 Speaker 1: and these past like four years I've been dating kind 485 00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:13,400 Speaker 1: of like from twenty two to I'm about turn twenty six, 486 00:22:13,440 --> 00:22:15,199 Speaker 1: I feel like guys go through their who am I 487 00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:18,439 Speaker 1: crisis like during this time. Oh totally, Like there's so 488 00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:20,919 Speaker 1: many times where I've been seeing some guy and like 489 00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:23,119 Speaker 1: it just doesn't work out because they're like I just 490 00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:24,800 Speaker 1: like don't know what I want life and I might 491 00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:27,080 Speaker 1: need to like move to Japan at a moment's notice, 492 00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:30,000 Speaker 1: and I'm like what, Like, well, that's also the thing 493 00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:32,600 Speaker 1: is like their solution to the who am I crisis 494 00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:35,359 Speaker 1: is to move some right, whereas the girls would just 495 00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:38,440 Speaker 1: be like I need to journal right and do mirror work. 496 00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:42,080 Speaker 2: I have to like, let me move somewhere and find 497 00:22:42,119 --> 00:22:44,879 Speaker 2: who I am energy. Yeah, and I'm also like refinding 498 00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:48,080 Speaker 2: who I am every couple of years. I feel like, yeah, 499 00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:49,639 Speaker 2: did you feel you feel like you decided who you 500 00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:50,160 Speaker 2: were when you. 501 00:22:50,080 --> 00:22:52,920 Speaker 1: Were sixteen and then just I've decided who I was 502 00:22:52,960 --> 00:22:55,320 Speaker 1: when I was like three years old, Like my mom 503 00:22:55,359 --> 00:22:58,080 Speaker 1: says that too. I was like, your personality set the 504 00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:00,960 Speaker 1: second you like could talk, Yeah, exactly who you are 505 00:23:01,119 --> 00:23:03,520 Speaker 1: at USh mushoe. 506 00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:22,000 Speaker 2: Moving into like the fall, getting back to dating and 507 00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:24,720 Speaker 2: everything get back, and you think you'll reach out to 508 00:23:25,119 --> 00:23:26,880 Speaker 2: the guy or you'll wait for him to reach out 509 00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:27,119 Speaker 2: to you. 510 00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:29,680 Speaker 1: I think I'll wait for Okay. One of the reasons 511 00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:32,959 Speaker 1: why I was like, okay, taking this pause is a 512 00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:35,040 Speaker 1: lot of the things that are kind of like crazy 513 00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:38,080 Speaker 1: in his life right now. Yeah, kind of gonna sort 514 00:23:38,119 --> 00:23:43,479 Speaker 1: themselves out come September, Like he'll be moved in, like 515 00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:45,879 Speaker 1: his job will be back to like it's normal schedule 516 00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:48,560 Speaker 1: and stuff like that. So I'm kind of like, I 517 00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:51,879 Speaker 1: think I'm gonna wait. But then if October comes and 518 00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:54,360 Speaker 1: he hasn't text me, I'll probably be like, hey, how 519 00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:58,719 Speaker 1: are you, how's it going obviously I'll be upset if 520 00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:02,040 Speaker 1: he doesn't reach out, but I'll crack on, crack on, 521 00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:05,240 Speaker 1: gotta crack, gotta get cracked. I gotta crack on. Man. 522 00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:08,960 Speaker 2: What's your advice to people who are single but don't 523 00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:12,720 Speaker 2: find themselves as like fulfilled as you seem to find yourself. 524 00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:17,560 Speaker 1: Oh that's like who yearn? Yeah? 525 00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:20,960 Speaker 2: Those who yarn? Those who because you you're single, but 526 00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:22,760 Speaker 2: you don't yearn as often. 527 00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:25,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, I definitely don't yearn as often. Wow, I don't 528 00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:29,360 Speaker 1: have time to yearn. That's that's that's actually, that's that's 529 00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:29,840 Speaker 1: my advice. 530 00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:32,919 Speaker 2: Stay busy, Do not give yourself time to year. 531 00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:36,680 Speaker 1: Don't give yourself time to iarn. You gotta like, I'm 532 00:24:36,680 --> 00:24:40,200 Speaker 1: focused on getting that bread, but I don't have time 533 00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:43,919 Speaker 1: to yearn. I'm I'm looking at my finances being like, 534 00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:48,320 Speaker 1: how am I god wrap? Wait what I'm draining my 535 00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:51,199 Speaker 1: schwapp account times? 536 00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:55,120 Speaker 2: I need to be making money right now? 537 00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:58,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's because that's a tip. Also, be in dire 538 00:24:58,280 --> 00:25:01,720 Speaker 1: financial and you will not have any times in your yarn. 539 00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:03,560 Speaker 1: You won't be focused on that at all. 540 00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:05,840 Speaker 2: I was about to ask you, like, if you had 541 00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:08,400 Speaker 2: advice for a group of perpetually single girls. 542 00:25:08,880 --> 00:25:12,600 Speaker 1: What would it be, I would say number one, take 543 00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:17,280 Speaker 1: sex less seriously, Like take everything less seriously, Like think 544 00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:21,119 Speaker 1: of dating as fun. If you can think of sex 545 00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:24,399 Speaker 1: as fun, like just go in to have a good time, 546 00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:26,320 Speaker 1: and I think you'll have a lot more fun. 547 00:25:26,119 --> 00:25:29,000 Speaker 2: With it because people are putting too much pressure on it. 548 00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:31,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, I think a lot of people put too much 549 00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:33,840 Speaker 1: pressure on it. Of like they think like if I 550 00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:37,080 Speaker 1: don't date, I won't be happy. I think you have 551 00:25:37,119 --> 00:25:40,000 Speaker 1: to learn like if this thing doesn't work out, I'll 552 00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:43,359 Speaker 1: be fine, right, and it'll come my way eventually. And 553 00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:46,040 Speaker 1: also it's like, over these past five years, I've seen 554 00:25:46,119 --> 00:25:50,160 Speaker 1: so many girls who have been perpetually single like it 555 00:25:50,160 --> 00:25:52,919 Speaker 1: it does come eventually, So that would also be the 556 00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:54,600 Speaker 1: thing is I think also like when you meet the 557 00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:57,560 Speaker 1: right person, it's kind of this thing of like, oh, 558 00:25:57,600 --> 00:25:59,280 Speaker 1: this is what I've been waiting for, and it kind 559 00:25:59,280 --> 00:26:01,600 Speaker 1: of all feels it's worth it in the end. I 560 00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:04,840 Speaker 1: think it's true the second you stop wanting it so badly, 561 00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:05,840 Speaker 1: it comes your way. 562 00:26:06,119 --> 00:26:08,760 Speaker 2: When you met that guy back in the summer, were 563 00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:11,800 Speaker 2: you looking for a partner like a boyfriend or something. 564 00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:13,359 Speaker 1: No, it was very much that thing of like me 565 00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:16,919 Speaker 1: being like I can't even conceptualize what having a relationship 566 00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:18,600 Speaker 1: would look like right now, and I really thought it 567 00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:20,960 Speaker 1: was gonna be like my classic let's see who I 568 00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:24,320 Speaker 1: can add to my roster. That's also what I would 569 00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:25,080 Speaker 1: say to single ladies. 570 00:26:25,119 --> 00:26:28,080 Speaker 2: Make a roster, you keep a roster. Do you have 571 00:26:28,119 --> 00:26:29,000 Speaker 2: a roster right now? 572 00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:33,359 Speaker 1: I don't have a roster right now, but there's always 573 00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:35,720 Speaker 1: a potential for a roster, and sometimes I do have 574 00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:36,240 Speaker 1: a roster. 575 00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:38,679 Speaker 2: So you think you can be single and still have 576 00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:39,600 Speaker 2: a roster, Oh. 577 00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:44,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure, can you? No? That's also some people 578 00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:46,480 Speaker 1: aren't like I get obsessed. 579 00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:51,280 Speaker 2: Yeah, I'll become a freak. Like I had to block 580 00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:53,239 Speaker 2: someone the other day just because they were like not 581 00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:55,680 Speaker 2: texting me back quickly enough. No, and I was being 582 00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:56,439 Speaker 2: a freak about it. 583 00:26:56,600 --> 00:26:58,560 Speaker 1: No, that's actually so fair. I was talking to my 584 00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:03,919 Speaker 1: psychiatrist about this. I was like, because sometimes my my 585 00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:07,440 Speaker 1: OCD is like really well controlled, like through medication. Also, 586 00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:10,040 Speaker 1: like I did years of therapy, but like just having 587 00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:14,760 Speaker 1: a crush is really fertile ground whatever is wrong in 588 00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:17,879 Speaker 1: your head, like it's gonna come out in this It's 589 00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:20,680 Speaker 1: a hot because it's highly stressful totally. It's the most 590 00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:24,800 Speaker 1: stressful situation. Either, it's like, of course we all go crazy, 591 00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:27,040 Speaker 1: So that's also something to remember. I would tell the 592 00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:30,960 Speaker 1: perpetualay single ladies like, yeah, actually, like you going crazy? 593 00:27:31,119 --> 00:27:34,840 Speaker 1: Completely normal? Yeah, And I remember I told the when 594 00:27:34,840 --> 00:27:37,320 Speaker 1: I was seeing this guy over the summer. It was 595 00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:38,679 Speaker 1: like a month and a half and has seen him 596 00:27:38,680 --> 00:27:41,520 Speaker 1: and I was like, usually i'd be in psychosis by now, 597 00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:44,360 Speaker 1: and he was like, you're not right, and no, I'm 598 00:27:44,359 --> 00:27:46,840 Speaker 1: actually feeling pretty good. I was like this is kind 599 00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:49,000 Speaker 1: of crazy. Like I was like, this is so awesome. 600 00:27:49,320 --> 00:27:51,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, and like that's such a green flag when like 601 00:27:51,760 --> 00:27:53,160 Speaker 2: someone's not making you crazy. 602 00:27:53,359 --> 00:27:57,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly. Because also what's tough is like there's so 603 00:27:57,080 --> 00:27:59,159 Speaker 1: many times where I feel like I'm going crazy and 604 00:27:59,160 --> 00:28:00,800 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, you know what, it's just 605 00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:04,480 Speaker 1: my paranoia. Well, and then in the very very back 606 00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:07,480 Speaker 1: of my mind, I'm like, or is it my insuition? 607 00:28:08,840 --> 00:28:09,080 Speaker 2: Wait? 608 00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:11,800 Speaker 1: Am I crazy? Or am I genius? 609 00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:13,720 Speaker 2: Am I right? Yeah? 610 00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:14,119 Speaker 1: Right? 611 00:28:14,160 --> 00:28:14,360 Speaker 2: Yeah? 612 00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:17,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, And it's hard because sometimes like I'm proven right 613 00:28:17,440 --> 00:28:17,919 Speaker 1: a lot. 614 00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:18,800 Speaker 2: Of bright total. 615 00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:21,600 Speaker 1: So totally, that's also what's really hard, because sometimes I 616 00:28:21,640 --> 00:28:23,360 Speaker 1: do know it's all in my head and like I'm 617 00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:26,840 Speaker 1: truly over analyzing, but like I've been proven right so 618 00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:28,560 Speaker 1: many times in the past, so I think the reason 619 00:28:28,560 --> 00:28:30,320 Speaker 1: why I felt this was different is like he was 620 00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:33,920 Speaker 1: kind of the first person in like really five years 621 00:28:33,960 --> 00:28:37,480 Speaker 1: who like would prove me wrong I like consistently time 622 00:28:37,520 --> 00:28:39,840 Speaker 1: and time again, and I was like, that has never 623 00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:40,680 Speaker 1: happened before. 624 00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:43,640 Speaker 2: Something we talk a lot about on the show is 625 00:28:43,680 --> 00:28:47,400 Speaker 2: like unlearning things about love. Is there anything you had 626 00:28:47,440 --> 00:28:49,560 Speaker 2: to unlearn about love? 627 00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:55,200 Speaker 1: Honestly, I think I had to unlearn like my expectations. 628 00:28:55,960 --> 00:28:58,680 Speaker 1: I remember when I graduated high school, I was like, finally, 629 00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:00,760 Speaker 1: college is when I'm going to get a boyfriend, and 630 00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:02,480 Speaker 1: then like I didn't for the first two years, and 631 00:29:02,480 --> 00:29:04,800 Speaker 1: I was like what. And then I was like, well, 632 00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:07,360 Speaker 1: after college, like when I graduate adult life, that's when 633 00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:10,400 Speaker 1: I'm gonna get a friend. And then I was like what, No, 634 00:29:10,440 --> 00:29:13,960 Speaker 1: not again. I remember I was talking to my friend 635 00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:17,360 Speaker 1: who's also in comedy but like three years ahead of me. 636 00:29:18,040 --> 00:29:19,360 Speaker 1: This is like back when I was trying to I 637 00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:21,040 Speaker 1: was like thinking, twenty six, that's what I'm going to 638 00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:23,800 Speaker 1: get a boyfriend, and she was like, don't count on that. Yeah, right, 639 00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:26,200 Speaker 1: She was like it's hard for us girls, and she 640 00:29:26,280 --> 00:29:29,600 Speaker 1: was like, I wouldn't count on like getting a boyfriend 641 00:29:29,600 --> 00:29:32,560 Speaker 1: any So I think that's also like the times when 642 00:29:32,600 --> 00:29:35,800 Speaker 1: I did feel lonely or yearning, it was because like 643 00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:38,600 Speaker 1: in my head, I envisioned this period of my life 644 00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:40,800 Speaker 1: like with a partner, and then when it didn't happen, 645 00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:41,360 Speaker 1: I was just. 646 00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:46,000 Speaker 2: Like, what, this is crazy. 647 00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:50,800 Speaker 1: But I'm twenty six. Yeah, so I think on learning that, 648 00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:53,680 Speaker 1: and I think that's also why I feel like I'm 649 00:29:53,720 --> 00:29:57,760 Speaker 1: ready now of like I don't carry those expectations anymore. 650 00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:01,280 Speaker 1: Obviously I would love to find and love and a partner. 651 00:30:01,320 --> 00:30:04,440 Speaker 1: I'm open to it, but I'm not. I don't like 652 00:30:04,520 --> 00:30:06,400 Speaker 1: look at the next three years and I'm like, well, 653 00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:08,320 Speaker 1: this is what I'm gonna get a boyfriend because right 654 00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:10,720 Speaker 1: what I've been improven in the past is often it's not. 655 00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:13,600 Speaker 2: Wait, I can't wait to hear if this guy comes 656 00:30:13,600 --> 00:30:14,160 Speaker 2: back around. 657 00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:17,040 Speaker 1: There is a part of me that's like listening to 658 00:30:17,040 --> 00:30:19,160 Speaker 1: the Smith's like please, oh please let me get what 659 00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:21,760 Speaker 1: I won't write. So that's also the thing is I 660 00:30:21,760 --> 00:30:22,400 Speaker 1: still hope. 661 00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:24,600 Speaker 2: I still hop I hope too you'll have to come 662 00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:25,600 Speaker 2: back for a part too. 663 00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:27,840 Speaker 1: Yes, please, And I will say like, I'm either going 664 00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:30,000 Speaker 1: to come back totally normal or I'm gonna come back 665 00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:33,080 Speaker 1: like looking like Maleficent, and it's gonna be about like 666 00:30:33,240 --> 00:30:36,520 Speaker 1: me turning into the joker. I'm either going to come 667 00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:39,440 Speaker 1: back with a really happy update or with a manifesto. 668 00:30:39,720 --> 00:30:42,600 Speaker 2: Yes, and I can't wait to read either one. 669 00:30:42,680 --> 00:30:45,040 Speaker 1: I know. I think it's gonna be a good time. Yeah, 670 00:30:45,160 --> 00:30:48,600 Speaker 1: So stay tuned everyone. 671 00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:52,200 Speaker 2: So many of us have been taught that a guy 672 00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:55,720 Speaker 2: needs to become our life, or that a romantic partner 673 00:30:55,760 --> 00:30:59,000 Speaker 2: will finally be the thing that completes us. But Kira's 674 00:30:59,040 --> 00:31:02,360 Speaker 2: life seems to a guy for her is like a 675 00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:06,640 Speaker 2: cherry on top of a Sunday, not necessary but can 676 00:31:06,760 --> 00:31:09,960 Speaker 2: be delicious. I'm so happy to report that since we 677 00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:12,560 Speaker 2: last spoke, Kira is still in touch with her guy. 678 00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:16,960 Speaker 2: And let's just say that something good is on the horizon. 679 00:31:17,760 --> 00:31:21,360 Speaker 2: Here's to manifesting and getting what we want. Thanks for listening. 680 00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:31,360 Speaker 2: Talk to y'all next week. Boy Sover is a production 681 00:31:31,520 --> 00:31:36,560 Speaker 2: of iHeart Podcasts. I'm your host Hopewordard. Our executive producers 682 00:31:36,600 --> 00:31:40,880 Speaker 2: are Christina Everett and Julie Pinero. Our supervising producer is 683 00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:46,440 Speaker 2: Emily Meronoff. Our assistant producer is Logan Palau, Engineering by 684 00:31:46,560 --> 00:31:52,160 Speaker 2: Bahid Fraser and mixing and mastering by Abu Zafar. If 685 00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:55,080 Speaker 2: you liked this episode, please tell a friend and don't 686 00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:58,160 Speaker 2: forget to rate, review, and subscribe to boy Sober on 687 00:31:58,200 --> 00:32:06,080 Speaker 2: the iHeartRadio app, podcasts, and wherever you get your favorite shows.