WEBVTT - Mr. Michael Oppenheimer Flex Flashlight

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<v Speaker 1>Don't answer the phone, Elvis Duran.

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<v Speaker 2>The Elvis Duran phone tapped the.

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<v Speaker 1>Letter Dear Elvis, my dad hates telephone telemarketers.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh you know what that means.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's another job for Michael Oppenheimer.

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<v Speaker 2>This email comes to us from Alex.

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<v Speaker 1>All right, Alex Scary Jones, as mister Michael Oppenheimer, our residents,

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<v Speaker 1>annoying telemarketer will be calling your dad to sell him something.

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<v Speaker 1>Who knows or who cares what it is, It doesn't matter.

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<v Speaker 1>By the way, this is the first Michael Oppenheimer phone

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<v Speaker 1>tap where the victim stays on the phone the whole time.

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<v Speaker 1>It doesn't hang up one time. Wow, let's listen into

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<v Speaker 1>today's phone tap.

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<v Speaker 3>Here we go, allow this far I canna help you?

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<v Speaker 2>Oh yes, good afterne. This is mister Michael Oppenheimer with

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<v Speaker 2>niney said dot com. How are you doing today, sir?

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<v Speaker 2>With hell, I have the mister FLECKX flexible flashlight here

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<v Speaker 2>for sale for just nine dollars and ninety five cents.

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<v Speaker 2>You can deamlight where you need it. How does that

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<v Speaker 2>sound to you?

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<v Speaker 3>It sounds like why are you calling me on my

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<v Speaker 3>cellphone trying to sell me stuff?

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<v Speaker 2>Because your name was on a list of people to

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<v Speaker 2>be called today that you might be interested in this product.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm not interested in anybody calling me on my cellphone

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<v Speaker 3>trying to sell me something, So could you do me

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<v Speaker 3>a favor and get me off you lit.

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<v Speaker 2>It's got a high intensity crypt on bulb.

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<v Speaker 3>I got flash light so you can get a sun can.

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<v Speaker 2>With perfect for autos reading home.

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<v Speaker 3>I don't drive. I walk everywhere I go.

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<v Speaker 2>Maybe while you're fixing the toilet under the sink.

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<v Speaker 3>I have somebody that comes in to do that kind

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<v Speaker 3>of stuff.

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<v Speaker 2>The mister flex flexible flashlight beams light into any orifice.

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<v Speaker 3>Maybe you could shine that light up your ass off

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<v Speaker 3>the beams lighted to any orifice.

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<v Speaker 2>It has a goose necked handle, making it able to

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<v Speaker 2>bend and reach deep into dark nooks and crannies.

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<v Speaker 3>So it sounds suitable to do deep squats on. You

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<v Speaker 3>should try it sometimes, sir.

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<v Speaker 2>Mister flex flashlight features a flank two and a half

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<v Speaker 2>inch magnetic base for your hands free use. Oh yes, sir,

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<v Speaker 2>and if you act now, you get the second one free.

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<v Speaker 3>You mean I can get two of something I don't want.

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<v Speaker 2>How many would you like to purchase today, sir.

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<v Speaker 3>Thirty six hundred of them. I just want to borrow

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<v Speaker 3>one for everyone that lives in my town. So I

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<v Speaker 3>think if we just gave a whole bunch of these

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<v Speaker 3>flash lights down, maybe they might have left me there,

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<v Speaker 3>and well, maybe then I could everybody's life.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, how would you like to pay for these, sir?

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<v Speaker 3>I'll trade my wife for them, because I won't need

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<v Speaker 3>anymore of them everybody else's wife.

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<v Speaker 2>We only accept credit card obviously, or CD cash on delivery, sir, Ah, how.

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<v Speaker 3>About you just take my wife instead?

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<v Speaker 2>How about this, Let's get your information and we'll get

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<v Speaker 2>your order processed immediately. How does that sound?

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<v Speaker 3>You know? I would almost say that I would hire

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<v Speaker 3>you as a sales guy for my company.

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<v Speaker 2>You have a company, sir, You're amazing.

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<v Speaker 3>You're doing the wrong thing. You need to go out

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<v Speaker 3>and sell something that maysy better commissions or something.

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<v Speaker 2>Why is that, sir?

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<v Speaker 3>Because I can't believe I'll focus you are, It's unbelievable.

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<v Speaker 3>I can hardly stay focused on this end of the conversation.

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<v Speaker 2>It's also great for emergency lighting and camping outdoors. Do

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<v Speaker 2>you camp, sir?

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<v Speaker 3>I know, but I get a big refrigerator box or

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<v Speaker 3>something and me and my kids go camping and we

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<v Speaker 3>hang out in it. We'll ut yet it kind of

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<v Speaker 3>closes the problem when we actually make a campfire inside.

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<v Speaker 3>My wife gets pretty upset. And that's the reason why

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<v Speaker 3>I want to trade her. If it's only six hundred

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<v Speaker 3>of your flashlights, so I can give them out to

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<v Speaker 3>everyone in my neighborhood. You know, Can you do me

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<v Speaker 3>a favor?

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<v Speaker 2>What's that?

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<v Speaker 3>Can you send me your resume?

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<v Speaker 2>Why is that?

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<v Speaker 3>Because, to be honest with you, you have been the

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<v Speaker 3>most focused telemarketing guy I've ever heard in my life.

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<v Speaker 3>I can't believe you haven't hung off on me yet

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<v Speaker 3>You're still sticking with it. Every time you say something,

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<v Speaker 3>you lead back to the mister flex flexible flashlight. You

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<v Speaker 3>said it so many times even I know what it's

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<v Speaker 3>called at this point, and I'm telling you I will

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<v Speaker 3>give you a job. You'll make one hundred thousand dollars

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<v Speaker 3>a year.

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<v Speaker 2>One hundred thousand dollars a year.

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<v Speaker 3>Think about how many mister flex flexible flashlights did you buy?

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<v Speaker 3>With that, bro, Sir, I.

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<v Speaker 2>Get commissioned on the sale of each one. If you

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<v Speaker 2>buy thirty six hundred, maybe I should stay at this job.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm not gonna buy thirty six hundred. How that I'm

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<v Speaker 3>not gonna buy any But if you send me your resume,

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<v Speaker 3>I will give you a job and you will make

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<v Speaker 3>one hundred thousand dollars a year. Really, some of the

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<v Speaker 3>salespeople I've had to work for me are humongous idiots,

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<v Speaker 3>and they make eighty thousand dollars a year.

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<v Speaker 2>Wow. Well, I must say you've been quite the customer here.

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<v Speaker 3>You're offered to tell you something. I really enjoyed chatting

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<v Speaker 3>with you too, if you really want to know the truth, and.

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<v Speaker 2>We've enjoyed phone tapping you.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh awesome, this is scary.

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<v Speaker 2>Jones Melvison rand in the Morning Show, you got phone

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<v Speaker 2>tapped nice by your thirteen year old son Alex.

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<v Speaker 3>No, that was great. I can't believe that. That's too funny.

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<v Speaker 2>Elvis Duran's phone time. This phone tab was pre recorded

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<v Speaker 2>with permission granted by all participants.

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<v Speaker 3>The Elvis Duran phone tap only on Elvis Duran in

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<v Speaker 3>the Morning Show