Speaker 1: No way.
Speaker 2: What's up, dude? What's your name?
Speaker 1: You gotta be kidding me.
Speaker 2: How's it going?
Speaker 1: It's good. I'm Salmon.
Speaker 2: Your name is Salmon?
Speaker 1: Not really, that's my game or name I got.
Speaker 2: What games do you play as? What?
Speaker 3: In? What? In?
Speaker 2: What arenas? Are you known as? Salmon?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 1: Man, my game so much? Play Destiny? Oh I'm so
Speaker 1: nervous right now. Play World of Warcraft on a fantasy
Speaker 1: whole bunch of in and O stuff like that.
Speaker 2: What level are you in World of Warcraft?
Speaker 1: Oh? You know, just max level all over the place?
Speaker 2: Here?
Speaker 1: Hold on, I'm going to a different room where there's
Speaker 1: day I'm on the plane.
Speaker 3: With the therapy Gecko.
Speaker 2: So Salmon, yes, uh says here that you are a
Speaker 2: real license therapist and that you hate your eighteen month
Speaker 2: old baby.
Speaker 1: Yes, so, yeah, I'm a real therapist, my estate. I
Speaker 1: got my degree last May, and yeah, I got my
Speaker 1: license and I've been seeing clients. I've worked in the
Speaker 1: field for a long time, like ten years, mental health
Speaker 1: and addiction and trauma and stuff. I love it, Manna.
Speaker 1: Being a therapist is super fun.
Speaker 2: Can I ask you something?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Does anyone ever get better?
Speaker 1: Hell?
Speaker 4: Fucking yeah?
Speaker 2: Really?
Speaker 1: Oh? Yeah, really, dude, totally give it.
Speaker 2: Give me. Can I hear an example?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I'll just start with me. Like, so
Speaker 1: I I got sober when I was sixteen, So I
Speaker 1: got into recovery when I was sixteen and super gnarly depression,
Speaker 1: like suicidal, really gnarly anxiety, you know, childhood trauma, addiction,
Speaker 1: family addiction, stuff like that. So I mean when I
Speaker 1: got into recovery, I like I hit it pretty hard
Speaker 1: as far.
Speaker 4: As like.
Speaker 1: You know, going to meetings, being in twelve step recovery,
Speaker 1: but also going to therapy. I started going to therapy
Speaker 1: when I was probably eighteen or nineteen because I was like,
Speaker 1: I was in recovery and I was like meditating a
Speaker 1: lot and exercising kind of doing all the like wellness
Speaker 1: stuff to like combat depression and anxiety, but nothing was
Speaker 1: really working, Like nothing I was doing on my own
Speaker 1: when my own willpower was working, and I was like
Speaker 1: fuck it, dude, I need to go with therapy. And
Speaker 1: my therapist. I found a therapist I was super badass,
Speaker 1: Like it kind of have worked out to where I
Speaker 1: was able to afford it because he had a sliding scale.
Speaker 1: He was just really good trauma therapist and we did
Speaker 1: trauma therapy and did it helped a lot. I don't
Speaker 1: know how.
Speaker 2: Old are you now, twenty seven, twenty seven? So I
Speaker 2: mean you ever all right? And I don't want to
Speaker 2: discount your story because you have a good story. But
Speaker 2: I'm talking like, you know, I feel like it's sixteen eighteen.
Speaker 2: It's very like everyone No, I mean not everyone, but
Speaker 2: like it's very easy to nah, not it's easy, but
Speaker 2: you know, changing your life at sixteen eighteen is one
Speaker 2: thing do you ever get, like like a broken thirty
Speaker 2: five year old man? Who who turns it around?
Speaker 1: Dude? Totally.
Speaker 4: So granted, I've been an individual therapist for less than
Speaker 4: a year, so clients that I've worked with, you know,
Speaker 4: I haven't been working with for more than a year.
Speaker 1: But for example, I've got a client won't give too
Speaker 1: much detail, but really intense sexual trauma and a lot
Speaker 1: of complex trauma from childhood up into adulthood and in
Speaker 1: a relatively short period of time with so I do
Speaker 1: em DR is the type of trauma therapy. She's made
Speaker 1: progress and it's you know, it's it is a slow game,
Speaker 1: but ultimately, like the little games are are pretty awesome,
Speaker 1: Like moments of hope, moments of shifts of perspective where
Speaker 1: like you know, a client will be able to move
Speaker 1: in and out of that hopelessness way more, with way
Speaker 1: more flexibility, and that shit is awesome. Man, Just ride
Speaker 1: that out.
Speaker 2: So why do you hate your baby?
Speaker 1: If my wife listened to this, Just for the record,
Speaker 1: I don't hate my baby anymore.
Speaker 2: You text you said, I have a proof. You texted me.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna read that. I'm gonna read it. You said,
Speaker 2: you said you what you texted me? Like seven things?
Speaker 2: Hold on. You said I accidentally had no no, no, no, no,
Speaker 2: don't be sorry. This is not something you need to
Speaker 2: apologize for. You said I had an exorcism while on
Speaker 2: vacation in Mexico. We might get to that. But you said,
Speaker 2: I hate my eighteen month old baby. Why do you
Speaker 2: I By the way, I just want to say this.
Speaker 2: A few people in the chat said, how could this
Speaker 2: man hate a baby? And I think those people are
Speaker 2: idiots that have never met babies before, because the babies
Speaker 2: they're not they're not they're not cool guys, you know.
Speaker 2: But you might have a different reason. So you go ahead,
Speaker 2: you you tell me what's up?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Oh, man, this is so hard. Like, yeah, my
Speaker 1: wife and I. My wife's a little bit older than me,
Speaker 1: and she she became ready to have a baby a
Speaker 1: little bit kind of before. I was like, she already
Speaker 1: had her degree, she already had her career, and it's
Speaker 1: kind of just like, all right, let's do this. And
Speaker 1: I was super resistant, super fearful about it, and yeah,
Speaker 1: just like kind of self centered, but all I'll basically
Speaker 1: like everyone in my life that I trusted and looked
Speaker 1: up to was like, dude, you just gotta send it,
Speaker 1: like it'll be worth it, you know, don't don't live
Speaker 1: from this place of self centeredness. And I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: hell yeah, Like I love her so much, so it's
Speaker 1: not worth like you know, people get divorced over that shit.
Speaker 1: Like that's just like no way. Like I love the
Speaker 1: chruse so much, and I have had this like you know,
Speaker 1: curer like faith that it would work out and it
Speaker 1: would be okay. And I kind of thought, like, sure,
Speaker 1: I don't really love babies in general, but I bet
Speaker 1: whenever I have my own kid, it'll like override that
Speaker 1: because people are like, oh my god, it's like there's
Speaker 1: you know, like people are you know it's like the
Speaker 1: kid is born, and I've never felt so much love immediately.
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, fuck it, like it'll probably be
Speaker 1: like that, right, dude. No, like but it was wild,
Speaker 1: like we didn't we didn't do the whole like find
Speaker 1: out the sex of the baby, so like in my
Speaker 1: mind it was there. They were gonna be a like
Speaker 1: a blonde haired girl just because like I don't know,
Speaker 1: that was just the vibe. And he's a.
Speaker 4: Redheaded boy, and I was like, who the fuck is this?
Speaker 2: Yeah, we were.
Speaker 4: It was so scary, dude. And the and the actual
Speaker 4: process was terrifying.
Speaker 2: What was the actual process?
Speaker 1: Like the birth was super complicated. It was scary like
Speaker 1: health wives. And my wife was like, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I had some difficulties, had some like preclamsya, which is
Speaker 1: scary like blood pressure should and it was an emergency
Speaker 1: sea section, and like I was just like watching her
Speaker 1: on in the operating room like and I'm just like
Speaker 1: she's gonna die, and I like all the I.
Speaker 4: Could like see her blood going into a fucking vacuum
Speaker 4: thing and I was so scared, Like I was like, she's.
Speaker 1: Gonna fucking die. I felt like I was gonna pass out,
Speaker 1: and like the surgeons are just like you know, they're
Speaker 1: just like at work, they're just like they could be
Speaker 1: working at Starbucks and making a fucking coffee, Like they're
Speaker 1: just like talking about ship, Like, dude, I'm about to
Speaker 1: pass out. And so it was super scary and like
Speaker 1: we were in the hospital for eight eight days just
Speaker 1: because there's a lot of medical issues and we both
Speaker 1: felt similarly like we were just like this felt disconnected
Speaker 1: from baby, and it did not we didn't have that
Speaker 1: like rush of endorphins that people get sometimes. And it
Speaker 1: was really hard, dude. Like, so we were in the hospital.
Speaker 1: That was the day that my master's program started. So
Speaker 1: I started grad school like in the hospital. My first
Speaker 1: classes I took like in the hospital. So it's so stressful,
Speaker 1: and yeah, it's this is really hard. So the reason
Speaker 1: that I texted that is because I mean it's an exaggeration,
Speaker 1: but I have been It's been really hard for me
Speaker 1: to bond with him because of my own just like avoidance,
Speaker 1: my own fear, a lot of like resistance to joy.
Speaker 1: I think like that part of me that is still
Speaker 1: depressed still, I still have that like you know, that
Speaker 1: depressed part that comes up it's like, you know, it's
Speaker 1: just part of my experience. I think that part of
Speaker 1: me is like don't love that baby. You don't want
Speaker 1: to love that baby, you know, Like it's just like
Speaker 1: that resistance to joy and love. So that's just what
Speaker 1: I've been working with the past year and a half
Speaker 1: is like just practicing letting go of the ideas that
Speaker 1: I want my life. You know, I want to be
Speaker 1: able to do whatever I want, that type of thing,
Speaker 1: And I don't know, I'm embracing it and honestly, like
Speaker 1: I feel like I texted you like a thousand times
Speaker 1: once I realized that I could try to actually talk
Speaker 1: to you, and genuinely in the past two months has
Speaker 1: gotten like way better. I don't know if it's like
Speaker 1: a shift within me, oh dude. And I've been doing
Speaker 1: a lot of therapy about it. So there's another example
Speaker 1: of how it's helped. Like I've been able to feel
Speaker 1: less hopeless, feel a lot more hope, and really like
Speaker 1: notice those moments of joy with him, or he's doing
Speaker 1: something funny or I allow myself to like laugh and
Speaker 1: it's like we're connected. Last Saturday was actually or not
Speaker 1: last Saturday, like maybe four Saturdays ago was one of
Speaker 1: the first days where we were together all day and
Speaker 1: I just vibed like we just hung out connected. I
Speaker 1: didn't feel super self centered, like I didn't have all
Speaker 1: these like I'm want to do whatever I want thoughts.
Speaker 1: It was just like all right, when we wear this baby,
Speaker 1: like this is the grind and like a practice.
Speaker 3: Oh fuck, dude.
Speaker 1: Yesterday We're at the park. It was fun. He and
Speaker 1: I just walked around. We were a little hike. He's
Speaker 1: twenty months now, and I'm really making an effort to
Speaker 1: bond more with him. I have this like kind of
Speaker 1: like fire under my ass of like oh shit, Like
Speaker 1: I want him to like me, Like I need to
Speaker 1: be there for him. He needs me. I can't just
Speaker 1: have this like resistance, this aversion to loving him. Oh dude,
Speaker 1: it's been so hard.
Speaker 2: But so you say it's been Uh it's gotten better
Speaker 2: in the past two months.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's kind of a lot better.
Speaker 2: How has it gotten better in what ways has it
Speaker 2: gotten better? And how did you achieve those ways?
Speaker 1: So I think I did a lot of This is
Speaker 1: a good example. So the birth was super traumatic for me.
Speaker 1: I was very afraid and I just was in this
Speaker 1: like hypervision in state and then went immediately into being
Speaker 1: in grad school and full time stay at home dad.
Speaker 1: So I never had a chance to really like process
Speaker 1: the trauma of the birth, and so I did end
Speaker 1: up going back to therapy. So like about probably like
Speaker 1: five months ago, I started going to the perinatal therapist
Speaker 1: who does like trauma work for like births and shit,
Speaker 1: and I think that really really helped. So like I
Speaker 1: didn't have the like.
Speaker 5: The physical reaction of the PTSD from the berth whenever
Speaker 5: I thought about it, like the overwhelmed, Like I was
Speaker 5: able to let that go to process it.
Speaker 1: So it was more more present, I meant, more able
Speaker 1: to be present with like the truth of what's happening
Speaker 1: just in the present moment. So what it looks like
Speaker 1: is just me being able to experience both joy and
Speaker 1: like extreme discomfort very fluidly and flexibly throughout the day.
Speaker 1: It's like one moment he's super happy, I'm super happy
Speaker 1: and we're hanging out. Next moment, he's fucking freaking out
Speaker 1: because he wants oatmeal and we have to go and
Speaker 1: I get super overstimulated, and but it's like, Okay, I
Speaker 1: can hold both of those things now, Like it's Okay,
Speaker 1: it's okay for me to have to feel this unpleasantness
Speaker 1: because I know that it's worth it. That's huge for me,
Speaker 1: like being able to think like it's worth it because
Speaker 1: I know we're gonna connect later and that would be special.
Speaker 2: Have you always felt a sort of, like I guess,
Speaker 2: aversion to happiness.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, dude, I don't know what is up, dude,
Speaker 1: I got a fucking dude. Oh my god. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: should see the fucking drawings that I drew as a kid, Like,
Speaker 1: as a little kid, I drew the most like demented,
Speaker 1: fucking creepy drawings as a little kid. And yeah, like
Speaker 1: I started, I had my first like real suicidal thoughts
Speaker 1: in sixth grade. Like I just there was just this
Speaker 1: part of me that hated life. It was just really overwhelmed,
Speaker 1: afraid of feeling joy, like you know, just in that
Speaker 1: in that space. So that's kind of always been.
Speaker 4: There, hmm.
Speaker 2: And so this is a process of you like accepting
Speaker 2: that you should be able to feel happiness, and not
Speaker 2: only that, but you're also it's not just for you,
Speaker 2: you know, of course, it's not just for you. It's
Speaker 2: for the well being of of you know, another person,
Speaker 2: that you're in charge of as well.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think so.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, So has your ability to start, so you say,
Speaker 2: in the past two months has gotten better. So has
Speaker 2: your ability to start feeling joy interacting with your child
Speaker 2: leaked out to your ability?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 2: Has it has it increased your ability to start feeling
Speaker 2: joy in other realms of your life as well?
Speaker 5: Hmm?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think not necessarily, because man, today I can
Speaker 1: feel some joy. I can feel some joy about stuff
Speaker 1: like and I think, yeah, man, like I love I
Speaker 1: love life now, even though there's always going to be
Speaker 1: that darkness, Like I don't become that darkness anymore. I
Speaker 1: just been able to be with it. You can come
Speaker 1: along for the ride. But that's why I like so
Speaker 1: the whole like not being able to feel joy with
Speaker 1: him has been so disturbing because I feel like I've
Speaker 1: historically been able to like overcome challenges like mental health
Speaker 1: challenges and shit like that. This has been a real doozy,
Speaker 1: and it's probably gonna be a doozy for the next
Speaker 1: like ideally, like, I don't know however many years I'll
Speaker 1: be alive, but I'll probably hopefully be a parent for
Speaker 1: that amount of time.
Speaker 2: So you've accepted that, say, this is an interesting thing,
Speaker 2: and I'll get into it, but you've accepted that this
Speaker 2: is going to be a doozy for the rest of
Speaker 2: the time that you are alive.
Speaker 3: Ye.
Speaker 1: Yeah, dude, that's a hard thing to accept.
Speaker 2: That's a hard thing to accept because I've been thinking
Speaker 2: about this, Like I, dude, one, I've been thinking about
Speaker 2: this a lot. I'm pretty much your age, and uh,
Speaker 2: you know, I often really do feel like I'm like
Speaker 2: depressed and anxious all the time in carrying a rock.
Speaker 2: And I saw this comment on Reddit. I might have
Speaker 2: talked about this on the podcast, all right, I've just
Speaker 2: been talking about it to my friends. Like I saw
Speaker 2: this comment on Reddit that said something like people think
Speaker 2: that when they turn thirty, there's gonna be this crazy
Speaker 2: magical thing, or they're gonna explode, or they're gonna feel different,
Speaker 2: and the truth is it just keeps going. And I
Speaker 2: read that and I was like, oh no, I find
Speaker 2: such great solace every day and imagining like a fucking
Speaker 2: version of the future where I'm not as anxious, and
Speaker 2: I'm like, you know, all these problems are kind of gone,
Speaker 2: and what if it just never happens, and what if
Speaker 2: I'm just like dealing with shit. This is why I'm
Speaker 2: afraid of getting older, because I'm like, oh, what if
Speaker 2: I'm just dealing with shit forever? You know. I talk
Speaker 2: to people on the podcast and I read on Reddit
Speaker 2: and all this stuff of like people and they're like,
Speaker 2: you know, thirties and forties and fifties, we're going through
Speaker 2: these problems. And I'm like sometimes I'm just like, god, damn, man,
Speaker 2: this sounds exhausting, just problems like forever. You know. Do
Speaker 2: you do you ever feel that way?
Speaker 1: Hmmm?
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh my god, how I'm just gonna how
Speaker 2: are you not tired?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I have felt that way. I don't feel that way
Speaker 1: very much anymore.
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.
Speaker 1: I get it, though, Like I truly relate. I truly
Speaker 1: relate to that, and I hear it a lot. Actually,
Speaker 1: one of my friends is I don't go ahead. Yeah,
Speaker 1: one of my friends is like, hell of suicidal right now,
Speaker 1: And similarly, like just feels like this is going to
Speaker 1: be this way forever. And I don't know. I mean,
Speaker 1: I think if you have a lot of that self
Speaker 1: awareness of like noticing whenever your mind is going to
Speaker 1: the like, well maybe one day I won't feel this way.
Speaker 1: But it's like a that's a good indicator of looking
Speaker 1: at Okay, what's happening right now? And you know in
Speaker 1: this moment that is leading to this sense of dissatisfaction.
Speaker 1: What is it? Is it that longing that is causing
Speaker 1: this dissatisfaction? Is it a physical thing? Do I need
Speaker 1: to eat? Is it a lack of connection? Do I
Speaker 1: need to be with a friend? Am I burnt out?
Speaker 1: Do I need to change what I'm doing? It's like
Speaker 1: all comes to what is happening in the present moment
Speaker 1: that needs tending to, Like how can I be kind
Speaker 1: to myself or be kind to another person? As a response,
Speaker 1: because like, yeah, dude, we're never like the future. I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't know. Maybe in like a fucking quantum physics
Speaker 1: sense it exists, but right now it's like it doesn't exist.
Speaker 1: And usually whenever we're thinking about the future where maybe
Speaker 1: this is obvious, but we're there's something happening right now
Speaker 1: that we don't like or we're afraid of, or we're
Speaker 1: like you know, holding on to but it's already going away.
Speaker 1: And the goodness is it's like we can just let
Speaker 1: go and the practice and like you know, what can
Speaker 1: become kind of fun is like figuring out how can
Speaker 1: I let go right now in a way that will
Speaker 1: give me some freedom. But it's not easy. It's dude,
Speaker 1: it's not easy.
Speaker 2: Well, is there anything fun going on with you?
Speaker 4: Hell?
Speaker 1: Yeah, man, I mean, let's sorry.
Speaker 2: About that before we go. Let's talk about some fun stuff.
Speaker 2: I mean, no, this was fun. This was good. This
Speaker 2: was this was this was good. This was good. I mean,
Speaker 2: I'm glad to hear that your h It sounds from
Speaker 2: the way you're talking to me, that these struggles are
Speaker 2: are on a positive upward trajectory towards being dealt with
Speaker 2: and and and handled you know, by you in a
Speaker 2: way that makes your life better. I'm happy to hear that.
Speaker 2: How does your wife feel about all that stuff you
Speaker 2: talked to her about all this?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I definitely do. She knows, she knows the struggle,
Speaker 1: and she's supportive, man, Like, she's just patient and wonderful
Speaker 1: and she knows me, is really patient with me. But
Speaker 1: I've definitely tried to not let it leak out too
Speaker 1: much because it's like sucks for her to be with
Speaker 1: somebody that's like me. It is so hard all the time.
Speaker 2: You know, right, Yeah, Yeah, that's the thing that's when
Speaker 2: you're dealing with a partner, is you got to like,
Speaker 2: you know, you want somebody who you can lean on emotionally,
Speaker 2: but also you gotta you know, kind of step at
Speaker 2: the fuck up so that she's not dealing with that
Speaker 2: all the time. Right, Yeah, tell me about those fun things.
Speaker 1: Man. It's warm now, so I feel just more hopeful.
Speaker 1: In general, it's fun to be outside. I love doing
Speaker 1: muay thai, like I love boxing, MMA and shit like that.
Speaker 1: So I've been doing that time. That's fun beta I
Speaker 1: get into Yeah.
Speaker 2: Do you recommend do you recommend that? Oh?
Speaker 1: Dude, it's the best muay thai, especially.
Speaker 4: Because it's like it's the perfect mix of like there's
Speaker 4: a lot of.
Speaker 1: Humility to it as it's very like you know, I
Speaker 1: don't know, there's not a lot of like Mato Bros.
Speaker 2: And the like can you get fucked up doing it?
Speaker 2: I like, I I want to do it. I want
Speaker 2: to do more like physical hobbies that will get you
Speaker 2: in better shape. But I just don't want to get
Speaker 2: like my nose broken.
Speaker 4: No, dude, that's a great thing about muy thai is
Speaker 4: like Okay, so I've gone to boxing gyms.
Speaker 1: I've gone to MMA gym where you just get the
Speaker 1: absolute shit beaten on you.
Speaker 4: It sucks.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like I'm like, I don't want to do that.
Speaker 2: I don't want to do that, right, you don't.
Speaker 1: It's not that. It's not like that, Like you can
Speaker 1: go to beginner classes and just learn the techniques and
Speaker 1: do do it. You're just doing it with a partner
Speaker 1: who's holding the pads. Like you're not hitting each other
Speaker 1: in the face, and the sparring is super light. It's like,
Speaker 1: you know, I s far every week and I don't
Speaker 1: get injured, Like I'll have bruises and ship, but I
Speaker 1: never leave being like, yeah I have a concussion or
Speaker 1: I just broke my nose. It's very light.
Speaker 2: Now, might do that? Howm I do that? All right?
Speaker 2: You're doing moy Thai? What else is going on? What
Speaker 2: if I do? What if I get into moy Thai
Speaker 2: and I just go ultra fucking Joe Rogan mode and
Speaker 2: like I'm only talking about martial arts on the podcast
Speaker 2: forever Now, I would be supportive, Okay, are you doing
Speaker 2: martial arts? Anything else fun going on?
Speaker 1: Definitely being able to spend time with my wife, just
Speaker 1: hang out with her. Work is fun, work is exciting, bicycling,
Speaker 1: going cycling, playing video games. Love playing video games.
Speaker 2: Yeah, me too. Video games have been to such a
Speaker 2: there's such a great solace, especially like if you have anxiety,
Speaker 2: you know, because video games have such a they're very
Speaker 2: clearly defined, you know, right clear, they have clear life
Speaker 2: is the opposite of a video game. It is it
Speaker 2: is there's no clear objectives, you know. So video games
Speaker 2: are great for kind of like let's exist in the
Speaker 2: universe where everything makes sense for a second.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no doubt. Well it's actually interesting. Like so I'm
Speaker 1: a huge believer in yeah, like the power of gaming
Speaker 1: and community, and I'm so I've been trying to start
Speaker 1: this group therapy saying for gamers, like you know, probably
Speaker 1: people like you and me that have been gaming for
Speaker 1: a long time, and like, I don't know, a lot
Speaker 1: of my best friends are people that I just hang
Speaker 1: out with on discord. So I've been trying to get
Speaker 1: it going, but it's been hard to find people. I
Speaker 1: don't know, this is hard to get group going. But
Speaker 1: if anybody lives in Timothy and Once to do group
Speaker 1: therapy for gamers, I'm your guy.
Speaker 2: You know healthy gamer gig right, Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's
Speaker 2: the goat.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, I like a lot of stuff.
Speaker 2: Samon. You said your name was yeah, Samon, this was
Speaker 2: a good talk man. You're you're You're respectable. You're a
Speaker 2: respectable guy. It's funny talking to a guy like you
Speaker 2: who's pretty much my age because you know, I don't know,
Speaker 2: I feel like I'm sixteen and I'm talking to you
Speaker 2: and you're you're like a real uh adult. I'm inspired
Speaker 2: by by your adultness. I'm going to try to incorporate
Speaker 2: some of that into my life as well.
Speaker 1: Well. I appreciate it. And can I say something to you?
Speaker 2: Yeah, of course did.
Speaker 1: You would be an excellent therapist. And it's not that hard.
Speaker 1: I've heard you say, like we have to go to
Speaker 1: school for a million years. It's not that hard, you know.
Speaker 2: I sincerely I appreciate you saying that. I have to
Speaker 2: tell you something.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: I would never, ever, ever, ever, ever in a million
Speaker 2: years become a real therapist. I have no desire to
Speaker 2: ever do that. I have no desire to ever do that.
Speaker 2: I like playing pretend therapist on the internet is fun.
Speaker 2: I like it. I have no desire to I'm never
Speaker 2: I am. I Am never going back to school ever
Speaker 2: again in my entire life for anything. I have nightmares, dude,
Speaker 2: where like I'll wake up, I'll like be dreaming that
Speaker 2: I forgot to do my fucking homework, and then I
Speaker 2: wake up and I'm like, oh, I never have to
Speaker 2: do anything ever again. You know, I have thought, No,
Speaker 2: I still wouldn't even do. I Like, in my head,
Speaker 2: I'm like, what if I became a life coach? And
Speaker 2: I'm like, it's a terrible that's terrible. It's so funny
Speaker 2: because I'm like, I'm sitting around in my I'm a
Speaker 2: sleep I'm like laying in bed on a sheetless mattress
Speaker 2: with fucking Dorito's all over my floor, and I'm like,
Speaker 2: I should be a life coach. No, I'm never gonna
Speaker 2: do either of those two things. But I appreciate you
Speaker 2: saying that I do. And I'm glad that you're a
Speaker 2: real therapist and and you sound like a very smart guy,
Speaker 2: and I'm glad that you're that you're doing it because
Speaker 2: it's hard, man, it sounds hard. It just would be
Speaker 2: too it would be too serious. You know, Like I
Speaker 2: can do whatever I want on this little little podcast,
Speaker 2: and I don't, you know, I don't I think having
Speaker 2: like a whole serious thing and being a although actually
Speaker 2: i'll say this. I'll say this, I would become a
Speaker 2: real therapist because it would be really funny, like to
Speaker 2: post a picture and it's like the therapy gecko became
Speaker 2: a real therapist. That would be very like I would
Speaker 2: do it as a bit.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, hey, life is a bit.
Speaker 2: Life kind of is a bit. But thanks for the
Speaker 2: kind words, Samon. Good luck to you, good luck to
Speaker 2: your family. Is there anything else that you want to
Speaker 2: say to the people of the computer before we go?
Speaker 1: You should go get an exorcism in Mexico?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, do you have a Do you have a
Speaker 2: thirty second long version of that story?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: All right, I'm counting.
Speaker 1: Okay. I went to Mexico on a meditation retreat. I
Speaker 1: went to this shaman off the beaten path that was
Speaker 1: not a part of the retreat. Did not expect this,
Speaker 1: but I had a full on exorcism and like the
Speaker 1: real everything, like everything you would think, and afterwards I
Speaker 1: was able to admit that I want to live and
Speaker 1: I want to be happy, and since then I haven't
Speaker 1: been suicidal, So whatever, was in me that wanted me
Speaker 1: to die. I was so afraid of life that wanted
Speaker 1: me to die. It's it's out of me.
Speaker 2: That's pretty ChIL Where'd you get that? Where? Where in Mexico?
Speaker 2: Is this.
Speaker 1: Teo tebloatan? I'm really sorry for anyone that knows how
Speaker 1: to fucking not be an idiot American that doesn't speak Spanish. Yeah?
Speaker 2: Is that near Mexico City?
Speaker 3: Close?
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was like a couple of hour drive.
Speaker 2: Interesting. What did you think any drugs or just you
Speaker 2: just like, you know stuff.
Speaker 1: Free balling it. No drugs. I haven't touched the drug
Speaker 1: you know. I don't have any like delusions, paranoid delusions
Speaker 1: anything like that. Like it was just a I don't know, man,
Speaker 1: it was weird. Did not expect it and like I
Speaker 1: was with you know, some friends, and they could hear
Speaker 1: me like screaming and like they heard it all it.
Speaker 2: Did you?
Speaker 3: Uh?
Speaker 2: Would you recommend other people do it?
Speaker 1: I would recommend Mmm. I don't know, dude, I don't know.
Speaker 2: I kind of want to try this now. I'm down.
Speaker 2: I'm at a point where now where I'm like, let
Speaker 2: me let's try some ship. Actually I'm I'm I'm I'm
Speaker 2: full of shit. I am still scared to do stuff.
Speaker 2: But maybe I will. Maybe I'll do exorcism. We're all
Speaker 2: just looking for answers. Someone fell into my lap.
Speaker 1: If it falls into your lap, go for it. But
Speaker 1: I don't know if you should go seek that experience.
Speaker 2: Thanks for calling, Simon, And you know, I'll uh, I'll
Speaker 2: see you. I'll see you in the afterlife.
Speaker 1: Maybe that sounds good man, Well chill, thank you, you
Speaker 1: do good stuff.
Speaker 2: Thanks man. I'm trying you too. Take care of brother.
Speaker 1: Bye bye.
Speaker 2: An exorcism in Mexico? I do that is you know.
Speaker 2: I We're all I'm looking for a short cut, right
Speaker 2: because I was saying to Sam and I'm like, where
Speaker 2: do I what am I gonna be able to just
Speaker 2: like how do I take all this anxiety and just
Speaker 2: like live like a normal person, you know? And uh,
Speaker 2: sometimes I hear stuff like that and I'm like, should
Speaker 2: I go to a fucking shaman in Mexico and get
Speaker 2: an exorcism? And it turns out all it turns out
Speaker 2: what I really need to do is like you know,
Speaker 2: like stop smoking weed, right, like you could like everything
Speaker 2: that you think you're gonna get from getting an exorcism
Speaker 2: from a shaman in Mexico. You could probably just do
Speaker 2: in your house. But I'm fine. Maybe I'm fucking wrong.
Speaker 2: What do I know? I don't know shit about anything.
Speaker 2: Maybe yeah, maybe I need to go to the shaman.
Speaker 2: Maybe I need to clean my room. Maybe both? Why
Speaker 2: not both? Why not clean your room and go to
Speaker 2: the shaman? Life's crazy? Hello? Hello, who is this?
Speaker 3: This is Jimmy.
Speaker 2: How can I get you today? Jimmy? What's going on?
Speaker 2: What would you like to talk about?
Speaker 3: So? I was hoping that I could get a little
Speaker 3: bit of advice maybe on a situation that I was in.
Speaker 2: Tell me.
Speaker 3: So I went, you know, there is this very nice
Speaker 3: person who I've been talking to, beautiful human being and
Speaker 3: everything like that, and I was hoping that I could
Speaker 3: maybe get a little bit of guidance as to where
Speaker 3: I should take my next step and where I should
Speaker 3: go next.
Speaker 2: Ahead.
Speaker 3: We've been chatting very very friendly human being and everything
Speaker 3: like that. And we had a nice little, uh, we
Speaker 3: had a nice little interaction at the Rainforest Cafe where
Speaker 3: we actually we had a nice little photo opportunity in
Speaker 3: front of the endangered exhibit that they have there. It
Speaker 3: was very nice. I got to watch the animatronic monkeys
Speaker 3: waving at me. It made me very happy.
Speaker 2: Wait, so what you, Jimmy, give me the full spectus
Speaker 2: scope here. You know what, So you met a woman
Speaker 2: at the Rainforest Cafe.
Speaker 3: Oh, I had known her beforehand, and we ended up
Speaker 3: meeting at the Rainforest Cafe.
Speaker 2: As it all right? You ended up meeting at the
Speaker 2: Rainforest Because does that mean you asked her on a
Speaker 2: date to the Rainforest Cafe or you you went to
Speaker 2: the Rainforest Cafe alone? You saw her at the Rainforest
Speaker 2: Cafe alone, and then you guys met.
Speaker 3: No, this this was a planned interaction.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 3: I don't know if I would necessarily say that it
Speaker 3: was a date, though I would say it was more
Speaker 3: of a planned interaction.
Speaker 2: If you're under why, Jimmy, why do you live? Why
Speaker 2: do you live? Life? In such cryptic terms, I'm not.
Speaker 3: Trying to be cryptic. I'm just saying I don't think you.
Speaker 3: I don't think that maybe necessarily I came across with
Speaker 3: the way that I needed to convey that met. You
Speaker 3: know what I'm saying, I don't think if.
Speaker 2: You're Jimmy, if you talk Jimmy, Jimmy, if you talk
Speaker 2: to this woman any way like you talk to me
Speaker 2: right now. The cryptic, the the failure of communication, of
Speaker 2: the nature of the meeting is one hundred percent on you.
Speaker 3: You know what. I think that you might be right there,
Speaker 3: because I think maybe I was a little bit too
Speaker 3: maybe because.
Speaker 2: The way you didn't even you say, I met this
Speaker 2: human being and we had an interaction at rainforest cafe.
Speaker 2: What does that fucking mean?
Speaker 3: I mean, I think you could.
Speaker 2: Have no no, no, no, no, no, no no no no.
Speaker 3: Afterwards, you could have here's what you.
Speaker 2: Here's what you could have. You could have sapt I
Speaker 2: met a woman and I asked her on a date
Speaker 2: to the Rainforest Cafe, and we went together to the
Speaker 2: Rainforest Cafe. Saying we had an interaction at the rainforest Cafe.
Speaker 2: That could mean a thousand different things.
Speaker 3: Okay, that's fair, that's fair.
Speaker 2: Okay, Am I being reasonable right now?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 3: No, no, I think you're actually you're putting things in a
Speaker 3: way that I hadn't necessarily thought about them before. Okay,
Speaker 3: because I think that may have been one of my issues,
Speaker 3: is that I was coming off a bit See, my
Speaker 3: thing is that I don't want to come off a
Speaker 3: bit too strong. You know what I'm saying. I'm always
Speaker 3: I'm always a little bit too nervous to be like
Speaker 3: a little bit too uh to just like, hey, yo,
Speaker 3: what's you doing? What you what's you upty right now?
Speaker 3: And I just didn't want to come off with that
Speaker 3: type of vibe. I wanted to make it very friendly,
Speaker 3: very cordial, very still type time.
Speaker 2: All right, Hey, I'm sorry. You know what, Jimmy, we
Speaker 2: got off on the wrong foot here. So let's start
Speaker 2: with this. How did you meet this woman? Initially?
Speaker 3: Uh so, we both are in the same uh F
Speaker 3: one historical card collecting community. Believe it or not.
Speaker 2: Off to a phenomenal start.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, we both collect a rare vintage Nini F
Speaker 3: one cards of people like one men, Will Fangio, Aria
Speaker 3: and Saracen, Senna, Michael Schumacher, everything like.
Speaker 2: Thatcher Michael, She oh, absolutely, I got amazing. That's amazing.
Speaker 2: I don't know who that is, but that's cool. What
Speaker 2: all right? So you met her at this F one
Speaker 2: card collecting thing and this is an in person.
Speaker 3: Group, uh so, this is this is an online thing.
Speaker 3: We just kind of noticed that we both had a
Speaker 3: very similar collection, and we both we both you know,
Speaker 3: it's not too often that you find, first of all,
Speaker 3: even Americans that like f one at all. It's a
Speaker 3: very rare thing. So when I found a woman, I
Speaker 3: was like, let's just make a casual conversation here. But
Speaker 3: that's the thing is, like she's in one card collecting community.
Speaker 3: There aren't a lot of those. I'm gonna be completely
Speaker 3: honest with you, a whole lot.
Speaker 2: Of Okay, so you so, so you met her, you
Speaker 2: meet here on discord, and she like, does she live
Speaker 2: in the same vicinity as you?
Speaker 3: She lives within like a six hour drive, I would say, all.
Speaker 2: Right, and so you met up at the Well, how
Speaker 2: did you phrase this? Do you were you like, let's
Speaker 2: hang out at the rainforest Cafe.
Speaker 3: Well, it was kind of a we were all at
Speaker 3: the same spot at the same time type deal. So
Speaker 3: it kind of worked out like that.
Speaker 2: Was this just you and her or you went with
Speaker 2: a group of people? Yea, So say, what did you say?
Speaker 3: It was just it was just me and her, just the.
Speaker 2: Two of us, all right, Okay.
Speaker 3: It was kind of one of those like our past
Speaker 3: we're kind of crossing at the same time. She was
Speaker 3: going this way, I was kind of going that way.
Speaker 3: And we were like, hey, look at how this is
Speaker 3: matched up? Why the situation?
Speaker 2: I feel like, I'm all right, you're at Rainforest Cafe
Speaker 2: with this woman, and are you sent are you sensing
Speaker 2: that she might like you? Is this? What? What? What's up?
Speaker 3: I think it was hard to tell because I mean
Speaker 3: I could definitely get the sense that she didn't not
Speaker 3: like you know what I mean, uh, Like, there was
Speaker 3: definitely it was definitely clear that like, this person did
Speaker 3: not hate my vibe, uh huh. But I also couldn't
Speaker 3: tell if they were just like heyo, this is a
Speaker 3: cool person, or like, ayo, I'm trying to like see
Speaker 3: what this person looks like shirtless, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: Uh huh. Yeah. It's hard. It is hard. It's you
Speaker 2: know what's is. It's hard because no I understand that.
Speaker 2: I understand, like you know that in your brain, you're like, ah,
Speaker 2: she's the only woman in an all male dominated thing.
Speaker 2: She probably gets hit on all the time. But like
Speaker 2: what if she actually does like me? But also I
Speaker 2: don't want to, you know, be just another fucking guy
Speaker 2: hitting on her. If if I do. I understand the
Speaker 2: back of the the the back and forth of the
Speaker 2: brain in this situation.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Now, as as far as what to do about it,
Speaker 2: I don't know. I want to. I want to say
Speaker 2: to just be honest and be like, you know, hey,
Speaker 2: I like you. It's to we can still be friends,
Speaker 2: you know, even if you if you don't like me
Speaker 2: like that, it's totally cool. But I just thought I would.
Speaker 2: I'd be honest, but I'd put it out there, you know.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2: Is there anything wrong with that?
Speaker 3: Dude? That's what I'm thinking of doing too, because like
Speaker 3: I want to shoot the shot. I'm very much in
Speaker 3: shooting your shot, but also like I do not want
Speaker 3: to make things weird afterwards. But that would be the
Speaker 3: you know what I mean, because I know I can
Speaker 3: be like cool about it and I'll just be like whatever,
Speaker 3: it's cool. It's like if it don't land. But I'm
Speaker 3: just saying I don't want to be weird about it,
Speaker 3: you know what I mean, Because I know that there's
Speaker 3: a whole lot of dudes out there in the F
Speaker 3: one card collecting community. They got cooler cards than me,
Speaker 3: and they can shoot their shot at any time. So
Speaker 3: I'm just saying I want to make sure that, like
Speaker 3: I kind of protect myself here, but I also understand that, like,
Speaker 3: there's a whole bunch of other dudes who are trying
Speaker 3: to do the same thing. And I'm not trying to
Speaker 3: look like a whole you know, I'm not like trying
Speaker 3: to look like the other I'm not trying to look
Speaker 3: like every other dude. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: You're afraid that some guy with you know, even cooler
Speaker 2: F one cards will swoop in. I know, Yeah, that's
Speaker 2: so funny.
Speaker 3: Even cooler ones.
Speaker 2: I think, you know what I you know, I I
Speaker 2: don't know. My gut feeling is telling me that, you know,
Speaker 2: there's a way to go about this that uh is like, hey,
Speaker 2: throwing this vibe out here. If if if if there's
Speaker 2: no interest, totally fine, no worries. We can stay. We're
Speaker 2: not We're not gonna make it weird. We can still
Speaker 2: be friends, we can still hang out in the community.
Speaker 2: It's not gonna be a whole fucking thing, you know.
Speaker 2: It's chill.
Speaker 3: Yeah, go for it. You know, I think I think
Speaker 3: I might do that. I do it right after I
Speaker 3: hang up with you here today, and then I'll let
Speaker 3: you know how it goes.
Speaker 2: And yeah, yeah, go ahead, go ahead. Why is ever
Speaker 2: I see f one all of it. I'm not It's racing, right, yeah, yeah, you.
Speaker 3: Know like the little cars they go room room.
Speaker 2: Yeah I know that.
Speaker 3: Yeah. You ever been to a race before?
Speaker 2: No, it sounds horribly boring.
Speaker 3: Nah, it's awesome, my friend. I will tell you what.
Speaker 3: You ever get the chance in one of your travels
Speaker 3: to just come across an auto race just maybe sneak
Speaker 3: in there for a second. They might even let you
Speaker 3: into the car.
Speaker 2: No, I don't want I don't. I don't like doing
Speaker 2: Like I'm not interested in thrills, you know what I mean? Like,
Speaker 2: I don't. I have no interest in you know, skydiving
Speaker 2: or race car driving or bungee jumping. I'm not a
Speaker 2: big thrill guy. I don't want to. You know, life
Speaker 2: is too precious.
Speaker 3: I understand. I understand. Sometimes you gotta live a little
Speaker 3: bit on the edge. You know that. Sometimes That's how
Speaker 3: I find the greatest pleasures in life, is when you
Speaker 3: just get a little bit too close to that danger
Speaker 3: and then you say, okay, here we go baby.
Speaker 2: So then I say to you, Jimmy, live a little
Speaker 2: bit on the edge and ask this girl out and
Speaker 2: be don't just use real words. Don't say I would
Speaker 2: like to have an interaction with you.
Speaker 3: You know you don't want to just speak in like
Speaker 3: a poem like I did earlier.
Speaker 2: No, don't ever do that to anyone ever again.
Speaker 3: All right, I will only use at the most three hikups.
Speaker 3: I promised.
Speaker 2: What did you get at Rainforest Cafe? I'm curious? Did
Speaker 2: you get the volcano where they bring it out and
Speaker 2: they yell volcano?
Speaker 3: No, I didn't get the volcano. I got this like
Speaker 3: chicken gumbo thing. I don't know why I made it.
Speaker 3: It was a bad decision, underwhelming to say the least.
Speaker 2: Dude, I haven't been the Rainforest cap I'm gonna I'm
Speaker 2: gonna go. I haven't been to Rainforest Cafe since being
Speaker 2: an adult that could actually pay for the meal himself.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna go, and I'm gonna get some shit.
Speaker 3: Dude. It's uh, it's an experience. I'm gonna recommend you know,
Speaker 3: if you can, If you can go to one, don't.
Speaker 3: Maybe So I went to the one in the Atlantic
Speaker 3: City like a couple of weeks ago, and uh, I
Speaker 3: gotta admit, the whole boardwalk just looks awful right now.
Speaker 3: So maybe don't go to that one. That one's not
Speaker 3: the best.
Speaker 2: I'm I'm not gonna show up in the get Go
Speaker 2: sit or else people will think I work there and
Speaker 2: ask me where the bathroom is. Uh, take care of Jimmy.
Speaker 2: God bless you and good luck.
Speaker 3: Ye thank you for the call. I appreciate it. I
Speaker 3: have a great rest of your night.
Speaker 2: Now I'm hungry for Rainforest Cafe.
Speaker 3: Never be Ken goes on the line taking your phone
Speaker 3: calls every night.
Speaker 2: Never Beacon goes doing his hide.
Speaker 3: He's teaching you a loud in the month of your life,
Speaker 3: but he's not really an expert.