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Speaker 1: Lisa Lampanelli is not a licensed therapist or life coach.

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Speaker 1: She is a meddling advice giving yanta and know it all,

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Speaker 1: and her words come from her head, her heart, and

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Speaker 1: often out of her ass. His podcast should not be

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Speaker 1: misconstrued as therapy. I should be taking with a huge

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Speaker 1: grain of salt for entertainment purposes only.

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Speaker 2: These. You need help, You're the problems. Come on, come down,

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Speaker 2: go leam, take a pill. I think you're insane. Do

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Speaker 2: what I say, dumb ass, listen to me. You we're you,

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Speaker 2: We're not where We don't take it in the rear anymore.

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Speaker 2: Those were the days, weren't they nick They were when

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Speaker 2: the anal ass play was something that was frequent.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you sure does.

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Speaker 2: We are discussing Celia's sex life in the car everyone.

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Speaker 2: For those of you who don't know, this is Lisa Labinelli.

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Speaker 2: This is shrink This with me, comedic guy, con retired comedyan,

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Speaker 2: amazing fucking podcast influencer, extradin air and the unpaid, largely talented,

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Speaker 2: largely large Nix Scopetti.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, camera, people, listen to this.

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Speaker 2: Watch it.

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Speaker 3: You're gonna watch it now?

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Speaker 2: Oh why to see your guns? Turn in?

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Speaker 3: See these arms and hear about or see about Celia's

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Speaker 3: sex life.

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Speaker 2: I know we're discussing Celia's sex life in the car

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Speaker 2: because we're just wondering. We're like, I wonder she said

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Speaker 2: in the past she's been interested in lady boy like

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Speaker 2: Harry Styles. I don't know if that's the right term.

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Speaker 2: Is not the right turn mean? What do you mean

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Speaker 2: by s? We said here, see about.

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Speaker 3: Celia because you're on YouTube.

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Speaker 2: We want to watch watching, watch what all of the

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Speaker 2: sex that's not happening. We're just wondering. Listening to a

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Speaker 2: former episode, I was just like, Oh, she likes that

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Speaker 2: kind of like very femboy. Maybe she just needs a

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Speaker 2: big black, hard one. That's just my prescription. They called

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Speaker 2: me doctor Lisa. I wat out prescriptions for O.

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Speaker 3: If you're a big black guy write in.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but not to me anymore. I've retired my backside.

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Speaker 2: Just Nick and Celia, welcome to shrink this the podcast

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Speaker 2: that were supposed to be helpful to people, but I

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Speaker 2: highly doubt is. What do you think, Nick, do you

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Speaker 2: think we've helped anyone?

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Speaker 3: No?

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Speaker 2: All right, So moving on what we're going to talk

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Speaker 2: about today, Celia, I'm just trying to see if she's

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Speaker 2: very attention. Yeah, you push my But who's a good girl.

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Speaker 3: A treat me?

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Speaker 2: Now we're gonna talk about something. Listen, I don't like

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Speaker 2: these babies. Why is everybody a big baby? What is

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Speaker 2: with the complaining? I am sick and tired of everybody

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Speaker 2: complaining and reaching out and having to tell me about

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Speaker 2: their problems. Not on this show, that's professional. They reach out,

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Speaker 2: they ask the questions. But Nick, do you have in

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Speaker 2: normal life some of your friends and or family members

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Speaker 2: that you just see that phone ring and you go, Jesus, Chris, superstop,

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna have to now hear a litany of complaints.

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Speaker 3: Yeah no, because I've set pretty hard boundaries in my family,

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Speaker 3: so no one fucking calls me for anything?

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Speaker 2: Do they? Did you like say the boundaries out loud, like, hey,

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Speaker 2: you know what, don't call me?

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Speaker 3: If I wouldn't even categorize as complaining. Me and my

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Speaker 3: two cousins have a group chat, and if we are

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Speaker 3: complaining to each other, it's usually about one of our parents,

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Speaker 3: well just two of our parents. Aunt Rosemary is perfect,

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Speaker 3: my dad my one who knows?

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Speaker 2: So you basically taught them how to treat you where

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Speaker 2: they know not to just call and vent. And because

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Speaker 2: I think there's a fine line. I wanted to talk

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Speaker 2: about the fine line between venting, complaining and being a

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Speaker 2: broken frickin' record. Because also I always think ahead till

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Speaker 2: twenty years from now. In twenty years when I'm eighty,

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Speaker 2: let me see twenty carry two eighty four, thank you, Nick,

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Speaker 2: eighty four. It's hard to add those round numbers when

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Speaker 2: I'm eighty four. Suppose all my friends are dead, because

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Speaker 2: you know what, I'm very healthy. I'm going to murder.

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Speaker 2: I would I do murders, Maybe they'll be dead and

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Speaker 2: or incapacitated or just busy all about. Instead, I do

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Speaker 2: a little experiment with myself that I don't have to

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Speaker 2: reach out and complain as much or vent as much,

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Speaker 2: and learn how to self soothe. This doesn't mean isolating,

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Speaker 2: It doesn't mean being a martyr. It doesn't mean keeping

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Speaker 2: it all in and then exploding at the lady and

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Speaker 2: the post office line who's getting her passport done. I

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Speaker 2: know that sounds specific, but it's from a specific thing.

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Speaker 2: Yes there was a snap, and yes it might have

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Speaker 2: been me maybe not. Yes it was, But I think

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Speaker 2: there's that really fine line between, you know, what maybe

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Speaker 2: I should see if I should handle a lot of

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Speaker 2: things on my own self sooth soothe in proper ways

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Speaker 2: that aren't about you know, I'm gonna binge huge amount

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Speaker 2: of shows or binge food or binge get get get

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Speaker 2: blackout drunk, like Celia, just do the right thing and

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Speaker 2: not buy Ganny in bulk, because I think it's gonna

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Speaker 2: help my self esteem and not have solved any of

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Speaker 2: my inner trauma.

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Speaker 3: You put the right thing.

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Speaker 2: It's good to have a millennial producer or whatever whatever

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Speaker 2: you are. Yeah, listen to your elders. Bitch our poor producer, Celia.

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Speaker 2: I keep miss gendering her as millennial. Okay, sorry, no

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Speaker 2: I don't know. Well, look at the shirt rugby match. Okay.

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Speaker 2: So how I feel is sometimes you've got to self

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Speaker 2: soothe and go what's an actual emergency? So I wanted

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Speaker 2: to talk about self soothing versus making a true so

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Speaker 2: OS call like Nick, can you have you ever been

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Speaker 2: the guy who truly had an so os, Like really,

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Speaker 2: something was really wrong and you had to either talk

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Speaker 2: about something or handle something.

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Speaker 3: I would say, primarily when I was younger, Yes, I

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Speaker 3: would definitely like reach out to to friends, primarily because

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Speaker 3: family was pretty unreliable about stuff. Now on occasion, I will,

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Speaker 3: I'll reach out. It's funny I have we can talk

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Speaker 3: about this separately, but yeah, I'll reach out to friends,

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Speaker 3: usually usually through text. It's never really a call, and

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Speaker 3: I find myself like, I hate even they're good friends.

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Speaker 3: I've known him for a while. I always view myself

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Speaker 3: as like, even when I do do do that do?

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Speaker 3: I view myself as like a burden.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, which also is unhealthy because I remember getting a

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Speaker 2: text from you a few weeks ago and you were like,

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Speaker 2: hey man, and I'm like, god boy, I love a

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Speaker 2: Hayman text because the rescuer rescuer and me really loves

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Speaker 2: to help, and uh, dude, I almost called you because

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Speaker 2: such and such was bothered me, and I was like,

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Speaker 2: why didn't he call? I love that, And I on

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Speaker 2: the receiving and didn't feel it was a burden because

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Speaker 2: you do it so rarely that I would have been

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Speaker 2: thrilled for you to call me and then we could

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Speaker 2: talk crap about whoever was giving you a hard time.

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Speaker 2: So I think the burden. I don't think you'll ever

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Speaker 2: fall into the category of the guy who over reaches out,

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Speaker 2: who over like relies on other people. You almost just

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Speaker 2: kind of have to do it a little and get

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Speaker 2: comfortable with asking for help sometimes. But then there's those

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Speaker 2: other people, those energy sucks who literally I'm like, okay,

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Speaker 2: and this is how I recognize it. I hate to

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Speaker 2: say it. It's so embarrassing because I used to totally

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Speaker 2: be that. I remember and this is just awful. If

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Speaker 2: I could apologize, I would, but we don't speak anymore.

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Speaker 2: I had a friend for thirty five years, and for

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Speaker 2: much of that she was at a disability so she

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Speaker 2: really didn't leave the house much, and she was like

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Speaker 2: a bestie where you would just talk about everything and

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Speaker 2: just vent and complain and you know, problem solve whatever.

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Speaker 2: And this is horrible to say. I'm already canceled, so

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Speaker 2: this will cancel me further. I was like, honestly, like

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Speaker 2: she's disabled, what else has she got to do? I

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Speaker 2: would never think it conscious. Don't laugh, Celia. I'm trying

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Speaker 2: to tell you about something that was painful. So she

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Speaker 2: has to laugh at like the pain. Yeah, I know,

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Speaker 2: I get it. Emotional unavailable. She had to do a snort,

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Speaker 2: laugh the whole nine yards to go. But you understand,

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Speaker 2: I'm telling you bad thinking. It was like I was like, oh,

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Speaker 2: you know, yeah, you know, so and so is pretty

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Speaker 2: like you know, she's she probably one of her main

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Speaker 2: sources of self esteem is that she can help me

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Speaker 2: or help others, because she was a helper, rescuer type

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Speaker 2: all so, and I'd be like, well, where's she going.

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Speaker 2: She ain't going out to run, she's not climbing a mountain.

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Speaker 2: Come on, please, so and you know all I laughing,

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Speaker 2: but you're all are mean and you don't like disabled people.

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Speaker 2: So sadly, I remember the day. I don't know how

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Speaker 2: it dawned on me. I think she got for the

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Speaker 2: first time in like thirty years, she got like annoyed

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Speaker 2: with me. Like she was very calm, she was a

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Speaker 2: really soothing person. But man, I think I was venting

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Speaker 2: about something that was so fucking white girl entitled problem.

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Speaker 2: I think it was something like a producer wasn't calling

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Speaker 2: me back. So I was. It was a Broadway producer

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Speaker 2: and we were supposed to do a show and I

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Speaker 2: wasn't hearing back from him, and I'm crying and I'm

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Speaker 2: saying to her, well, if he doesn't call me back,

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Speaker 2: what have I left the earth? What have I left

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Speaker 2: the world, my message will not get out there and

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Speaker 2: I will have no legacy. And she just goes, you know,

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Speaker 2: and I'm thinking, oh my god, now that I'm saying

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Speaker 2: it's so freaking brutal. Just think of her circumstance. You know,

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Speaker 2: she had a hard time physically all and then just

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Speaker 2: to hear this white bitch yelling about her stupid legacy

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Speaker 2: and she goes, you know, I think you need to

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Speaker 2: look into radical self compassion and radical worthiness because I

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Speaker 2: don't have all the answers for you. And it was

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Speaker 2: like one of those slaps that you go, oh, I

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Speaker 2: deserve that one. And then I was like what I

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Speaker 2: got a word. The second I got off the phone

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Speaker 2: with her, I ordered this book, radical self Compassion. I

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Speaker 2: ordered this other book about worthiness, and I was like,

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Speaker 2: oh my god, she's right, and I became too much

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Speaker 2: for her. Oh stop it. I didn't say she was

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Speaker 2: in a chair. How dare you if I wasn't so

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Speaker 2: disabled myself. I walk over there and slap your fat

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Speaker 2: face and misshapen fuck. But I think, like, we don't.

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Speaker 2: I don't think we notice it until somebody calls us

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Speaker 2: on it. And so now I'm almost aware of at

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Speaker 2: the other end of like, oh, when can I actually,

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Speaker 2: like you said, quote, burden someone and when is it

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Speaker 2: okay to vent? But I think that also, that journey

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Speaker 2: of losing her as a friend, I think meant that

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Speaker 2: I had to get actual, real therapy, not just talk therapy.

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Speaker 2: Sorry those yes, talk Therapy's fine, it's a great first step.

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Speaker 2: But to really get in there and get in your body,

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Speaker 2: I really think you have to do trauma therapy or

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Speaker 2: some kind of somatic therapy to really get that stuff

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Speaker 2: worked on and out of your body. And I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 2: through our therapist, Brad, I won't mention last names, but

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Speaker 2: will link them in the show notes, which we won't

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Speaker 2: because we don't have show notes because our producer, Celia

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Speaker 2: is too busy buying hair clips. You jerk it off

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Speaker 2: two guys at the day time. She's telling us to

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Speaker 2: break No. One tells me to break gets who tells

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Speaker 2: me how to break me? No? But I think, boy being,

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Speaker 2: once you do some get some somatic therapy, once you

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Speaker 2: get some trauma therapy, you realize, oh, they're self soothing

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Speaker 2: of my own nervous system that I can do, and

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Speaker 2: then it will truly be an so s call. If

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Speaker 2: that's what's needed. So I shouldn't be calling Nick saying,

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Speaker 2: oh my god, I just got to cut off in traffic.

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Speaker 2: And I mean it really triggered the fact that, like

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Speaker 2: my pairs choose to cut me off when I was talking,

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Speaker 2: oh my god, the receipt at the CBS was so

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Speaker 2: long it running into huge talk I was banged with.

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Speaker 2: And those aren't the things you should really be having

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Speaker 2: to vent about those things? Are you can self soothe

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Speaker 2: about those things? Do you understand what I'm saying, Nick,

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Speaker 2: Because you do do this trauma therapy work.

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Speaker 3: I do. I do. Also I'm an only child, so

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Speaker 3: self soothing's.

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Speaker 2: Pretty pretty comes naturally.

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Speaker 3: It comes comes pretty naturally, right, I mean, still, I'm

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Speaker 3: thirty seven years old, and like I'll reach out to

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Speaker 3: friends I've had for forever and about something. I'm like,

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Speaker 3: I'm sorry, I'm bothering you at this and They're like, dude,

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Speaker 3: we've been friends for twenty years and I'm like, yeah,

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Speaker 3: I know.

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Speaker 2: And also aren't we at the point with friends that

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Speaker 2: they would say, Hey, I'm busy right now. Can I

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Speaker 2: call you later or tomorrow? So meaning it's I don't

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Speaker 2: if somebody's picking up the phone I don't think we're

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Speaker 2: bothering them.

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Speaker 3: No.

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Speaker 2: I think there's the two extremes. The one I went

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Speaker 2: to with my former friend, which I truly regret, and

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Speaker 2: then the extreme one might be at now we're like,

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Speaker 2: oh my god, I'm burdening people. There's that fine line

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Speaker 2: in between of like, wait, I've tried for twenty four

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Speaker 2: hours to really work on this myself. I try to

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Speaker 2: do the you know, nervous system regulation. I've tried all

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Speaker 2: the somatic exercises, but it's something I just have to

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Speaker 2: talk about.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think also too, there's I know this is

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Speaker 3: just my process, but in the moment when it's happening,

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Speaker 3: I don't really reach out or do anything. I just

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Speaker 3: replay it in my head and I have to like

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Speaker 3: kind of wrap my head around what is even happening

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Speaker 3: or why I'm feeling this way. Then like two days later,

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Speaker 3: if I'm still feeling it, then I'll reach out to

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Speaker 3: someone and I'll have more of like a coherent like

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Speaker 3: I'll say, a coherent argument, but like it makes me more.

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Speaker 3: If I'm so heightened, it's just not gonna come out

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Speaker 3: good and I'm gonna have all the negative thoughts and

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Speaker 3: all these bad things, and it's like that you work

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Speaker 3: through and you go, well, actually it's probably just this.

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Speaker 2: This right, and it's more calm and coherent. And also,

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Speaker 2: we don't want to become the boy who cries wolf

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Speaker 2: all the time. We don't want to ever have somebody

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Speaker 2: see our name come up on the phone like oh boy,

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Speaker 2: here we go and there is I looked up honestly

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Speaker 2: because I wanted to talk to some girls I coach.

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Speaker 2: They don't feel entitled to complain. Every one of these

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Speaker 2: girls in this group. It's like a little group coaching group.

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Speaker 2: They go, they will have something legitimately wrong. They'll be like,

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Speaker 2: I didn't get that part, but you know it's fine.

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Speaker 2: So I feel like there are benefits to complaining, and

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Speaker 2: I looked it up. But it has to be limited time.

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Speaker 2: It has to be short, it has to be okay,

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Speaker 2: maybe even literally timed, because it is a nice emotional release.

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Speaker 2: I have a list, look at this. I'm prepared. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: because if you complain just a little, you have an

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Speaker 2: emotional release. So you're not pushing it down like that

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Speaker 2: beach wall, because no matter how much you push down

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Speaker 2: the beach wall, it's gonna pop right the fuck back.

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Speaker 3: Up.

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Speaker 2: So the emotional release problem solving could occur if you're

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Speaker 2: calling a friend and you're like, what do you think man,

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Speaker 2: and you bitch and moan. They can give you feedback

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Speaker 2: if asked for it. You can also get support. I mean,

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Speaker 2: there's nothing wrong with support. It's just we have to

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Speaker 2: know when we're piling too much on somebody else, which

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Speaker 2: I clearly was doing to this form a friend of mine.

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Speaker 2: And also it could, in mild doses, motivate us to

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Speaker 2: change whatever we're complaining about, you know, like it's that

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Speaker 2: thing of like, you know, I eat at this restaurant

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Speaker 2: once a week in Connecticut on the water, and it's

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Speaker 2: always cold, like fucking always, even in the I mean

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Speaker 2: I have to it's either the air conditionings too high

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Speaker 2: or in the winter it's the heat isn't high enough.

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Speaker 2: And I'm like, I could ask them to change it.

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Speaker 2: I could be a straight up cunt and be like,

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Speaker 2: how dare you I come here? I'm a regular, I

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Speaker 2: don't know who I am. Bring a fucking sweater? How

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Speaker 2: about I bring a sweater? So? Yeah, I do? Now,

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Speaker 2: how dare you call me on my ship? No? So

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Speaker 2: the complaining about oh my god, I was so cold

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Speaker 2: at the restaurant. You go bring a shawl. Nick, You

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Speaker 2: know what you do. You bring a nice paj mina.

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Speaker 2: You drape it around yourself. They sell them on the street.

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Speaker 2: Corn Is, then you're not the complain the old Jude

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Speaker 2: always stopped doing there because of our friend Andrew Ginsburg.

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Speaker 2: Shout out to Andrew Ginsburg, who does so much work

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Speaker 2: for this podcast. We do. But honestly, you're gonna thank me,

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Speaker 2: Corny for quoting someone, but I don't care, because listen

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Speaker 2: to this statement and tell me where I'm wrong. This

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Speaker 2: is brilliant. This is from an activist name very famous

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Speaker 2: named bell Hooks, which I'm sure neither one of you

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Speaker 2: have heard about because you're racist and you don't like

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Speaker 2: to be active at all, and no fist bump on that.

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Speaker 2: But she said, think about this, man, because really this

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Speaker 2: could apply even if you have a husband or a

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Speaker 2: wife or a partner. Their job isn't to just constantly

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Speaker 2: be available to you and constantly hear you rattle on

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Speaker 2: about the same thing. So I think we have to

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Speaker 2: take responsibility. And bell Hooks said, what you're dying for

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Speaker 2: someone else to give you, you need to figure out

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Speaker 2: how to give it to yourself so masturbation, Nick, that

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Speaker 2: comes to mind when I think of you. You can't

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Speaker 2: always want to stick it in. You sometimes have to

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Speaker 2: give it to yourself, the self soothing. You can't always

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Speaker 2: look to the partner to sell before you. You have

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Speaker 2: to go internal and do it yourself. Does this make

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Speaker 2: sense to you, Nick scope Leddi And are you able

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Speaker 2: to do that and stop being such a lightweight pussy?

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Speaker 3: Yes? I sit on my thumb sometimes make myself for guys, stop.

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Speaker 2: You're talking about But don't you agree? Don't you agree?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? Now you have to have some form of some

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Speaker 3: form of regulation, whatever it is, before you start bringing

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Speaker 3: It's like a one of my old bosses used to say, like,

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Speaker 3: don't bring like dead birds to my door, you know,

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Speaker 3: like a cat.

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Speaker 2: If it's awesome, like.

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Speaker 3: A cat brings dead birds to the door. It's like,

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Speaker 3: don't bring me, don't bring me dead birds like it's true.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, the deal, Learn how.

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Speaker 3: To deal with it yourself in some aspect, and then

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Speaker 3: come to me and we can have a normal rational conversation.

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Speaker 2: Right, bring like a dead animal. I feel like a

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Speaker 2: lot of dead birdstn't add up by the way I

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Speaker 2: had to. I had to clean up my own dead

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Speaker 2: bird the other day in the yard. It was laying

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Speaker 2: there and give a little kick, you know, because I'm like, oh, please, jeez, God,

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Speaker 2: let it actually be dead, because you can imagine I

351
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Speaker 2: start to pick it up, it flaps, it beats me. Peck,

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Speaker 2: get a peck right there. I don't need this help

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Speaker 2: from this bird. And I had to get a big

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Speaker 2: like an industrial garbage bag, so I can't feel God

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Speaker 2: forbid the feather through the bird, through the plastic. So

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Speaker 2: I get it myself. I put it in the garbage

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Speaker 2: and I was so proud of myself because honestly, I'm

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Speaker 2: not kidding. A year and a half ago, I would

359
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Speaker 2: have been like, I need to call someone to get

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Speaker 2: this out. I need to call a man to help me.

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Speaker 2: I need Louise to come over with his shovels. Louise

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Speaker 2: come over and get my dead bird, which sounds like

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Speaker 2: I'm propositioning him because at this point my thing is

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Speaker 2: a dead bird. It's a dead bush, crusty bush, dusty cut.

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Speaker 2: But no, so I think that's a good metaphor. I

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Speaker 2: can't believe we're actually melding today, your dead bird thing

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Speaker 2: and mine, because like I handled it myself. Sometimes there's

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Speaker 2: a pride and a real I don't know, it's almost gleefully, like,

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Speaker 2: oh my god, look what I did. I actually killed

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Speaker 2: Sorry Friday and Slap just killed the puppies. No, I

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Speaker 2: got this done myself. If it was a raccoon, that's

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Speaker 2: when you call in the sos SO. In other words,

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Speaker 2: I think we have to with our emotional issues and

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Speaker 2: with these things that happened day to day that bother us.

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Speaker 2: Maybe figure out if it's just a little dead bird

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Speaker 2: and you can handle it self soothed, do what you

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Speaker 2: have to do without hurting yourself. If it's a fucking big, dumb, poisonous, ravenous,

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Speaker 2: raybe ridden raccoon named Celia, you call it. Yeah, that's true.

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Speaker 2: That's true. See your fish pump of mine. He's not

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Speaker 2: gonna let it go. Just do it. So when we

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Speaker 2: come back, we are gonna talk. We're gonna get some

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Speaker 2: letters from people who are confused as to the line

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Speaker 2: to draw between self soothing. And by the way, if

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Speaker 2: you need self soothing techniques, go to our show notes.

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Speaker 2: Celia is going to compile a list of exercises that

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Speaker 2: you can do to make yourself less of a burden

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Speaker 2: to your friend and more paddable. As I'm saying this,

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Speaker 2: I'm going she's not going to do any of that,

389
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Speaker 2: you know why. She's what we call lazy and focused

390
00:21:54,160 --> 00:22:00,680
Speaker 2: on herself. So what we're gonna do is exercises you keegels.

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Speaker 2: I'm doing them right now. No, they are not in

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Speaker 2: the show notes. Look them up yourself. These are things

393
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:10,760
Speaker 2: everyone can do. There's so many journaling tools. There's so

394
00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:13,439
Speaker 2: many different kinds of tools that you can use to

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Speaker 2: regulate yourself before you become a burden. And just so

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Speaker 2: you know, I don't feel in this studio any of

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Speaker 2: us as a burden except on who the listeners. Yes,

398
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Speaker 2: so now we have some letters from me because Nick,

399
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Speaker 2: we want to be able to be there for our

400
00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:31,000
Speaker 2: people and not drain them dry when it comes to

401
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Speaker 2: SOS calls and situations where we need to reach out.

402
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Speaker 2: We don't want to view ourselves as a burden. But

403
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Speaker 2: we also don't want to be an isolated island. So

404
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:43,159
Speaker 2: let's hear from some listeners, readers slash viewers who have

405
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Speaker 2: this problem.

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Speaker 3: Go all right, you ready, Celia.

407
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Speaker 2: Jesus, I'm ready, wait, wait, let us go. Wait one second,

408
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Speaker 2: I love her. I think, yeah, my nurse. No, I'm

409
00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:05,480
Speaker 2: just kidding. Here's the question, why don't you just leave

410
00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:09,640
Speaker 2: the mic on? What if I like, do you have

411
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Speaker 2: any self control? Yes? Correct, look at me, Look at me.

412
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Speaker 2: You're an adult. I very much value you. I have

413
00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:21,560
Speaker 2: my fingers crossed behind my back. No, I think you

414
00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:24,720
Speaker 2: are a pro. I don't think you're gonna fart. I

415
00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:27,080
Speaker 2: don't think you're gonna cough. No, I don't think you're

416
00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:28,879
Speaker 2: gonna sneeze. Like what if you could what if it

417
00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:30,840
Speaker 2: picks up me like chewing my gum or something? Maybe

418
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Speaker 2: I can don't chew gum on the fucking air. I

419
00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:37,920
Speaker 2: gave up gum August fourth, twenty twenty two, and having

420
00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:40,399
Speaker 2: a piece of gum since so, I didn't look like

421
00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:45,560
Speaker 2: you do really with my mouth open. So maybe it

422
00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:49,160
Speaker 2: would be great for you to put it in. Now

423
00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:56,080
Speaker 2: it's under a desk under Elvis. Oh, she just stuck

424
00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:59,800
Speaker 2: it to Elvis's picture the microphone. Why did you put

425
00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:05,720
Speaker 2: it on Max's picture? You're dead and fired, But keep

426
00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:07,800
Speaker 2: you a little dumb mic on in case I asked

427
00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:09,879
Speaker 2: you something. But don't view it as something where I

428
00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:12,440
Speaker 2: want you to just jump in because you know where

429
00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:15,560
Speaker 2: you are. You're big on the limited dose. I'm too scared.

430
00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:23,440
Speaker 2: Celia goes a long way shuddy speak when you're spoken

431
00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:29,600
Speaker 2: to or shody, Okay, turn off. I was wrong. I

432
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:33,880
Speaker 2: was wrong, but I forget what we're saying. Letters. Well, yeah,

433
00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:36,440
Speaker 2: that's it. Let's help people, Dear Lisa.

434
00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:39,040
Speaker 3: I'm a paralegal at a law fir and one and

435
00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:42,959
Speaker 3: one of the partners ripped me apart last week and

436
00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:47,320
Speaker 3: her vagin sexy. He called me weak and incompetent.

437
00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:48,399
Speaker 2: Maybe she is.

438
00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:51,879
Speaker 3: I went just like sitting. I went home and cried

439
00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:54,840
Speaker 3: and called my mom and she talked me off the ledge.

440
00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:57,000
Speaker 3: It really helped me to talk. But as soon as

441
00:24:57,040 --> 00:24:59,239
Speaker 3: I hung up the phone, I thought, I'm weak for

442
00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:02,800
Speaker 3: having to call my Oh is it weakness or strength

443
00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:05,240
Speaker 3: to ask for help when I'm down and out? I

444
00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:07,800
Speaker 3: don't know anyone. I don't know anymore, and maybe I

445
00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:10,000
Speaker 3: never did. Thanks Candace and san.

446
00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:13,639
Speaker 2: Fran Oh, Candace, I feel like I said it is

447
00:25:13,720 --> 00:25:17,200
Speaker 2: sad because the thing is, I think as a person

448
00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:20,919
Speaker 2: whose mother isn't here anymore, who probably never called their

449
00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:23,679
Speaker 2: mother for that kind of I love my mom, but

450
00:25:23,720 --> 00:25:25,959
Speaker 2: that was not her strength. My father's strength was the

451
00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:28,359
Speaker 2: one you'd call, oh, Dad, you know such and such happened,

452
00:25:28,359 --> 00:25:30,960
Speaker 2: and he'd be empathetic. My mother'd be like me, go,

453
00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:34,240
Speaker 2: I'll take care of him. I'll go in there you

454
00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:36,320
Speaker 2: want me to. It's like, that's not what you need.

455
00:25:37,119 --> 00:25:39,840
Speaker 2: So I really love that she has that with her mom,

456
00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:42,920
Speaker 2: and I am so sad for her that the intervening

457
00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:45,600
Speaker 2: message is like I shouldn't have done that. I'm weak

458
00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:49,680
Speaker 2: for doing that. It never would occur to me as

459
00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:53,160
Speaker 2: a reader of that letter to think, huh, that was

460
00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:56,000
Speaker 2: some weak bitch, because it doesn't sound like it happens

461
00:25:56,240 --> 00:25:58,400
Speaker 2: all the time. It sounds like that's a hard thing

462
00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:01,159
Speaker 2: to deal with, being called in competent, and we what

463
00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:01,480
Speaker 2: was it?

464
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:04,000
Speaker 3: The guy called her weekend incompetent?

465
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:07,600
Speaker 2: God, Celia, how is it to be called weekend incompetent

466
00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:12,960
Speaker 2: constantly in daily life? Definitely? Okay? So, Nick, have you

467
00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:20,560
Speaker 2: ever been called I got a snort people off as faddy.

468
00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:24,240
Speaker 3: No, I mean, have you ever been called weekend incompetent? No?

469
00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:28,760
Speaker 3: Maybe incompetent or just like I don't know, stupid a lot. Sure,

470
00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:31,520
Speaker 3: But like this is gonna sound really braggy, but I'm

471
00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:35,920
Speaker 3: just pretty well liked around the board, Like even if

472
00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:38,439
Speaker 3: I do suck, people are like he's so fun, like

473
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:41,240
Speaker 3: he kind of sucks at this job or whateverbody's fun.

474
00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:44,720
Speaker 2: I mean honestly, Okay, maybe Celia, you get weigh in

475
00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:47,800
Speaker 2: on this. So if you were ever like, you know,

476
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:50,120
Speaker 2: we joke around. We haveviously been joking around this whole time.

477
00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:52,840
Speaker 2: You're really good at your job. You're the opposite of

478
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:55,840
Speaker 2: week and incompetent. But if someone like were to really

479
00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:58,359
Speaker 2: go off on you about something, and it can happen,

480
00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:00,800
Speaker 2: It's happened to me. It's happened to me, has it?

481
00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:04,480
Speaker 2: Oh my god, Elvis is so mean that it wasn't

482
00:27:04,480 --> 00:27:08,480
Speaker 2: else I know it never is. He's a gentleman. Like

483
00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:14,040
Speaker 2: would you personally think someone's weak for calling their mom no? Right?

484
00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:16,760
Speaker 2: I mean I used to like calling your friend no. Yeah.

485
00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:19,400
Speaker 2: See that's nice when you could have that. Imagine being

486
00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:21,960
Speaker 2: so lucky that you view your mom as a peer,

487
00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:24,320
Speaker 2: as someone who could help you, who could talk you

488
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:26,720
Speaker 2: off a ledge a little bit without like rushing into

489
00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:29,040
Speaker 2: rescue you, which is how my mom used to be.

490
00:27:29,080 --> 00:27:31,720
Speaker 2: So you just didn't tell her. To me, that's a

491
00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:35,000
Speaker 2: really nice thing, and she needs this. Candace needs to

492
00:27:35,040 --> 00:27:39,320
Speaker 2: work on the negative thoughts she's having about herself. I'm weak,

493
00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:44,359
Speaker 2: So maybe working on the piece of like well, reaching

494
00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:48,239
Speaker 2: out isn't bad. Maybe telling myself I'm weak is Does

495
00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:49,200
Speaker 2: that make sense? Nick?

496
00:27:49,320 --> 00:27:50,880
Speaker 3: Yeah? I mean I don't have a mom to call,

497
00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:56,199
Speaker 3: so oh, Nick, she's as dead as Celia.

498
00:27:57,480 --> 00:27:59,920
Speaker 2: You know, I really hope that you're not speaking not too.

499
00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:04,840
Speaker 3: Oh do I want you to get dick all the time?

500
00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:09,280
Speaker 2: I mean I want her to get dick down. She's

501
00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:12,440
Speaker 2: not cocking that. I'm standing upon business.

502
00:28:12,680 --> 00:28:15,119
Speaker 3: She's cocking on business.

503
00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:19,880
Speaker 2: You remember how we might have had a few good

504
00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:22,240
Speaker 2: ratings for this show. This one will knock be out

505
00:28:22,240 --> 00:28:24,600
Speaker 2: of them. This is gonna be when they go. It's

506
00:28:24,680 --> 00:28:32,000
Speaker 2: somehow Episode twelve went off the rails and never came back. Geez,

507
00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:43,080
Speaker 2: there we go. It becomes true. I'm blaming it on you.

508
00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:46,080
Speaker 3: You're a woman in New York City. Figure it out, dude.

509
00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:47,040
Speaker 3: It's not hard.

510
00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:50,880
Speaker 2: There's no way you're not able to get some whatever

511
00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:53,200
Speaker 2: the thing is you want to. You don't like ugly people.

512
00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:58,560
Speaker 2: See that's you're in New York City. There's hot people everywhere. Taken. No, oh,

513
00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:04,520
Speaker 2: it's New York City. N Ning ning, we're gonna do

514
00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:07,280
Speaker 2: a different episode. This is for a different episode on

515
00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:12,120
Speaker 2: Celia's negative thoughts, Celia's self sabotaged. That would be a

516
00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:15,120
Speaker 2: five parter. Well, then we're gonna have to do it.

517
00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:18,400
Speaker 2: That will be thirteen through eighteen if I'm adding five directly.

518
00:29:18,760 --> 00:29:20,280
Speaker 2: All right, Nick, what's the next letter?

519
00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:25,240
Speaker 3: All right? Number two? Lisa. My name is Wendy. I'm

520
00:29:25,240 --> 00:29:30,080
Speaker 3: such a big fan quite frankly need your bluntness. Oh good,

521
00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:33,640
Speaker 3: I'm thirty seven, So am I Wendy from Kansas City,

522
00:29:33,720 --> 00:29:37,080
Speaker 3: and I just feel weird about my role in this friendship.

523
00:29:37,520 --> 00:29:39,600
Speaker 3: My best friend called me the other night at twelve

524
00:29:39,640 --> 00:29:42,120
Speaker 3: something in the morning, crying because her boss gave her

525
00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:43,720
Speaker 3: a weird tone in an email.

526
00:29:44,040 --> 00:29:47,480
Speaker 2: Okay, weird tone in an email. That's not a thing.

527
00:29:48,040 --> 00:29:52,040
Speaker 2: That's not real. You can't give a weird tone. There's nothing.

528
00:29:52,520 --> 00:29:55,640
Speaker 2: That's why texting an email suck. Yep, correct, it's because's

529
00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:58,640
Speaker 2: not weird. He didn't say you're weakening competence, Celia. He

530
00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:01,560
Speaker 2: fucking said nothing, but she took it that way.

531
00:30:01,640 --> 00:30:04,640
Speaker 3: Go it's weird tone of email, And of course I

532
00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:07,960
Speaker 3: talked her off the ledge. May Tea made tea through

533
00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:11,600
Speaker 3: the phone. She's a badass queen. Oh god, blah blah

534
00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:16,120
Speaker 3: blah boo. But now now I'm wondering, am I her

535
00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:18,600
Speaker 3: go to because I'm helpful or because I never say

536
00:30:18,640 --> 00:30:22,280
Speaker 3: no ooh? And is it even healthy to be on

537
00:30:22,440 --> 00:30:25,560
Speaker 3: call like I'm her emotional nine one one?

538
00:30:25,720 --> 00:30:27,840
Speaker 2: Absolutely? Nat? What is her name?

539
00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:28,680
Speaker 3: Wendy?

540
00:30:28,920 --> 00:30:30,600
Speaker 2: Wendy, Where are you from? Kansas City?

541
00:30:30,880 --> 00:30:32,880
Speaker 3: Kansas City girl, here's a.

542
00:30:32,800 --> 00:30:37,080
Speaker 2: Problem with Midwesterners. They're so nice and no, they're not dumb.

543
00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:41,280
Speaker 2: Kansas City is a good city. I feel like the

544
00:30:41,360 --> 00:30:44,440
Speaker 2: minute you start to tip over into feeling like you're

545
00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:48,280
Speaker 2: the emotional constant nine one one, that's where you have

546
00:30:48,360 --> 00:30:51,000
Speaker 2: to start putting up a boundary. Now you know me,

547
00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:56,160
Speaker 2: I don't believe in self care meaning facials and massages

548
00:30:56,240 --> 00:30:58,480
Speaker 2: and candles. Yeah they're also all that stuff's nice, but

549
00:30:58,520 --> 00:31:01,000
Speaker 2: it's not going to heal you. But the four basic

550
00:31:01,120 --> 00:31:03,280
Speaker 2: tenants and I'll go into the other three at different time,

551
00:31:03,680 --> 00:31:07,920
Speaker 2: of actual self care for ourselves is boundaries of just

552
00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:11,880
Speaker 2: knowing how much we could take and communicating that. So

553
00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:14,640
Speaker 2: I would say, when her friend comes the fuck down,

554
00:31:15,840 --> 00:31:17,880
Speaker 2: she say to her, you know what, I love being

555
00:31:17,880 --> 00:31:20,880
Speaker 2: here for you. I love being that person you can call.

556
00:31:22,360 --> 00:31:24,920
Speaker 2: I'd love to see if we could do it within

557
00:31:25,040 --> 00:31:29,200
Speaker 2: normal business hours. I'd love whatever your boundary is, because

558
00:31:29,240 --> 00:31:33,880
Speaker 2: those late nights and that yas queening is gonna get

559
00:31:33,880 --> 00:31:38,000
Speaker 2: what did she say to her? A good girl or whatever? Yes, I.

560
00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:40,480
Speaker 3: Badass queen.

561
00:31:40,640 --> 00:31:43,240
Speaker 2: I No one's believing that. By the way, that's not

562
00:31:43,400 --> 00:31:47,840
Speaker 2: the way to support a friend. Nick, pretend you are No,

563
00:31:48,000 --> 00:31:51,160
Speaker 2: you'll pretend you have a problem. It doesn't make you

564
00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:55,080
Speaker 2: feel better to hear you're a badass queen. Go ahead, like, Okay,

565
00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:57,120
Speaker 2: so what happened with the boss?

566
00:31:57,840 --> 00:31:59,600
Speaker 3: I don't know. He just was like getting on me

567
00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:01,840
Speaker 3: about my job and like saying, but was it.

568
00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:03,080
Speaker 2: Just a tone of the email?

569
00:32:03,320 --> 00:32:05,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was. The email just seemed off like usually

570
00:32:05,560 --> 00:32:07,360
Speaker 3: does three exclamation places. He did one.

571
00:32:07,480 --> 00:32:09,480
Speaker 2: Oh my god. Okay, So you know what, maybe you're

572
00:32:09,480 --> 00:32:11,960
Speaker 2: just reading a little into it. And while I'd love

573
00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:14,719
Speaker 2: to tell you're a badass queen, and me telling you

574
00:32:14,760 --> 00:32:16,959
Speaker 2: that five hundred times isn't going to make you feel it.

575
00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:19,640
Speaker 2: So maybe you need to do some internal work to

576
00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:23,320
Speaker 2: figure out that you are worthy and you do have

577
00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:28,640
Speaker 2: things to offer. And again, maybe you're not a badass queen.

578
00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:30,040
Speaker 2: Maybe you're just terrible.

579
00:32:30,120 --> 00:32:31,160
Speaker 3: It's a fat ass queen.

580
00:32:31,280 --> 00:32:33,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's true. So goodbye. And by the way, now

581
00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:36,840
Speaker 2: it's four am and I'm never getting asleep. I hope

582
00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:43,000
Speaker 2: you're happy. Wicked reference. So I think you really give

583
00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:45,960
Speaker 2: them the good advice, the good good as they say,

584
00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:49,760
Speaker 2: which is where you actually give them some actual feedback

585
00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:53,200
Speaker 2: of like blowing smoke and telling somebody they're pretty or

586
00:32:53,200 --> 00:32:55,479
Speaker 2: a badass queen. They're never gonna believe it if they

587
00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:57,720
Speaker 2: don't believe it within them, no matter how many times

588
00:32:57,720 --> 00:33:01,040
Speaker 2: I tell you, You're not gonna believe it, So tell her

589
00:33:01,120 --> 00:33:04,360
Speaker 2: to move on. Call others. Have some boundaries and stop

590
00:33:04,560 --> 00:33:13,320
Speaker 2: being everybody's nine one one next fuck you? Is this one? Wendy? Okay,

591
00:33:13,400 --> 00:33:14,520
Speaker 2: I mix up our girls.

592
00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:16,760
Speaker 3: This is Kimberly from Houston, Texas.

593
00:33:16,800 --> 00:33:20,400
Speaker 2: Too many women. Maybe that's the problem. It's all family

594
00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:27,000
Speaker 2: blah blah, hormone family black period styles.

595
00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:31,240
Speaker 3: Okay, go ahead, dear Lisa. Whenever I'm upset about something,

596
00:33:31,280 --> 00:33:33,320
Speaker 3: I usually save it from my therapist, who I speak

597
00:33:33,360 --> 00:33:34,320
Speaker 3: to every Tuesday.

598
00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:37,640
Speaker 2: By the way, I'm going to interrupt you and say

599
00:33:38,040 --> 00:33:43,200
Speaker 2: that's one I do I had, don't cut that out.

600
00:33:43,240 --> 00:33:48,520
Speaker 2: I'm a human with biological needs. I had something occur

601
00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:52,720
Speaker 2: on a Sunday, and I said to myself, I could

602
00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:55,400
Speaker 2: call a bunch of people invent two things happen on

603
00:33:55,440 --> 00:34:00,400
Speaker 2: the same Sunday. Oh, I was sick to was a

604
00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:03,920
Speaker 2: week quiz, And I said, I could vent, and I

605
00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:06,719
Speaker 2: could be a big yent and tell everybody, let me

606
00:34:06,800 --> 00:34:10,239
Speaker 2: see what the shrink says on Wednesday, because then you

607
00:34:10,320 --> 00:34:12,680
Speaker 2: at least know what's on a calendar somewhere, and you

608
00:34:12,680 --> 00:34:14,719
Speaker 2: could almost It's not like you're not gonna feel it,

609
00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:17,960
Speaker 2: but at least will be we'll have some hope that

610
00:34:18,000 --> 00:34:19,560
Speaker 2: it's going to get taken care of. So I think

611
00:34:19,600 --> 00:34:21,239
Speaker 2: that's a good logic, So go on.

612
00:34:22,440 --> 00:34:25,200
Speaker 3: Uh. The problem is when something comes up on a

613
00:34:25,239 --> 00:34:28,479
Speaker 3: Tuesday night or a Wednesday, and it sucks because I'm

614
00:34:28,560 --> 00:34:31,160
Speaker 3: forced to wait a full week to talk to her.

615
00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:34,320
Speaker 3: Do you think that waiting can be good? Or should

616
00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:36,080
Speaker 3: I use that time to reach out to my friends

617
00:34:36,080 --> 00:34:36,640
Speaker 3: and family?

618
00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:39,080
Speaker 2: Okay, I love that is so I did not see

619
00:34:39,120 --> 00:34:43,800
Speaker 2: that coming. Okay, that is a quandary wrapped in a riddle,

620
00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:47,440
Speaker 2: wrapped in a question. He's right, the good What is

621
00:34:47,480 --> 00:34:51,520
Speaker 2: this fellow's name? Kimberly Kimberly, he really needs to change

622
00:34:51,560 --> 00:34:52,000
Speaker 2: his name.

623
00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:52,400
Speaker 1: No.

624
00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:55,400
Speaker 2: So I think what's great is I think that's the

625
00:34:55,480 --> 00:34:59,920
Speaker 2: space for emotional growth. I think it's the thing where like,

626
00:35:00,040 --> 00:35:02,440
Speaker 2: can you ever call a doctor's office, a normal doctor,

627
00:35:02,560 --> 00:35:04,319
Speaker 2: not in the r or anything, and they go, if

628
00:35:04,320 --> 00:35:07,120
Speaker 2: this is a true emergency, called nine one one, and

629
00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:09,280
Speaker 2: like at that point you're like, I guess my earache

630
00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:13,000
Speaker 2: isn't a true emergency, so let me just leave a message.

631
00:35:13,160 --> 00:35:15,600
Speaker 2: If it's a true emergency, if something happens on a

632
00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:19,520
Speaker 2: Tuesday night after therapy or Wednesday morning, yeah, if it's

633
00:35:19,520 --> 00:35:22,520
Speaker 2: a super sos like oh my god, I found out

634
00:35:22,560 --> 00:35:25,680
Speaker 2: my mother's dying, my mother has cancer, not like that's

635
00:35:25,760 --> 00:35:27,719
Speaker 2: the only thing you can call people before or I'm

636
00:35:27,760 --> 00:35:31,800
Speaker 2: getting broken up with. I just my house was broken into. Yeah,

637
00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:36,040
Speaker 2: maybe that's worth kind of calling somebody inventing or complaining

638
00:35:36,160 --> 00:35:40,120
Speaker 2: or worrying about or problem solving. But if it's kind

639
00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:44,239
Speaker 2: of just your running the mill emotional stuff, use that

640
00:35:44,360 --> 00:35:46,680
Speaker 2: week and see how uncomfortable it is, because it is

641
00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:52,239
Speaker 2: uncomfortable to self soothe, to regulate your own emotions, to

642
00:35:52,480 --> 00:35:54,920
Speaker 2: see if you can handle it on your own. Maybe

643
00:35:54,920 --> 00:35:58,040
Speaker 2: the answer for the therapist will be Hey, I went,

644
00:35:58,480 --> 00:36:00,400
Speaker 2: I tried for a week and I couldn't handle this

645
00:36:00,520 --> 00:36:02,279
Speaker 2: on my own and I almost implode it. And then

646
00:36:02,320 --> 00:36:04,960
Speaker 2: they can give you some clues of how to help yourself.

647
00:36:05,719 --> 00:36:09,200
Speaker 2: But I think that unfortunately, that time would be used

648
00:36:09,239 --> 00:36:10,799
Speaker 2: really well working on this.

649
00:36:12,400 --> 00:36:12,680
Speaker 3: Fuck.

650
00:36:12,840 --> 00:36:17,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, you are less than helpful today. Do you have

651
00:36:17,719 --> 00:36:22,320
Speaker 2: Edny input whatsoever? You're just really good on the podcast

652
00:36:22,320 --> 00:36:27,080
Speaker 2: sometimes and then sometimes I'm like why why why is

653
00:36:27,239 --> 00:36:30,920
Speaker 2: lumpy Nick someone who's on the show. No, but you

654
00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:33,799
Speaker 2: ever have that time where you got to go like

655
00:36:33,880 --> 00:36:36,520
Speaker 2: if dude, if you were like on vacation without self service?

656
00:36:36,560 --> 00:36:38,640
Speaker 2: Like I think of that too, Like White Load is

657
00:36:38,680 --> 00:36:41,000
Speaker 2: how none of them had their phones last season? That

658
00:36:41,080 --> 00:36:44,640
Speaker 2: fit weird family. How did they had to either look

659
00:36:44,680 --> 00:36:48,640
Speaker 2: inward or jerk each other's brother off, Like there's like

660
00:36:48,800 --> 00:36:49,920
Speaker 2: only two things you can do.

661
00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:52,880
Speaker 3: I won't I'll do it.

662
00:36:53,000 --> 00:37:00,400
Speaker 2: I know you have. It's it's autobiography, But don't you

663
00:37:00,480 --> 00:37:03,520
Speaker 2: think what a life lesson of going? Wow, I survived

664
00:37:03,520 --> 00:37:06,120
Speaker 2: that week and I actually figured out for myself what

665
00:37:06,280 --> 00:37:06,800
Speaker 2: I need.

666
00:37:07,760 --> 00:37:12,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think I think again, there's something just being

667
00:37:12,160 --> 00:37:16,359
Speaker 3: able to take a second think about it, work through

668
00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:18,480
Speaker 3: tools also too, like tell me if I'm wrong here,

669
00:37:18,520 --> 00:37:23,280
Speaker 3: But if you have therapy on a Tuesday, right, And

670
00:37:23,760 --> 00:37:26,239
Speaker 3: although this happens to me, like they're giving you if

671
00:37:26,239 --> 00:37:28,520
Speaker 3: they're good and like like a brad, they'll give you

672
00:37:28,560 --> 00:37:31,600
Speaker 3: tools and things to work on with things outside of it,

673
00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:34,680
Speaker 3: so like and I get it. Sometimes things hit you

674
00:37:34,719 --> 00:37:36,879
Speaker 3: and you just can't even like get grounded, and you're

675
00:37:36,920 --> 00:37:39,960
Speaker 3: just like, but like try to if you have therapy

676
00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:42,520
Speaker 3: on a Tuesday, it's like it's fresh. And something happens

677
00:37:42,520 --> 00:37:45,400
Speaker 3: on a Wednesday, like go back, and you're paying for

678
00:37:45,440 --> 00:37:47,759
Speaker 3: the service, and as you should do it, you know,

679
00:37:47,760 --> 00:37:48,279
Speaker 3: you know what I mean.

680
00:37:48,320 --> 00:37:51,920
Speaker 2: It's not just the Tuesday, sobby, isn't the one good

681
00:37:52,000 --> 00:37:54,840
Speaker 2: day of your week. It's to apply the tools to

682
00:37:54,960 --> 00:37:58,640
Speaker 2: the foreseeable future. So it's and you know what's wild

683
00:37:59,200 --> 00:38:02,799
Speaker 2: as old as I am and just discovering TikTok like

684
00:38:02,960 --> 00:38:06,719
Speaker 2: six months ago, there is everything on it, so like

685
00:38:06,840 --> 00:38:09,480
Speaker 2: I found I don't know, somehow someone knew that I

686
00:38:09,520 --> 00:38:13,279
Speaker 2: was working on nervous system regulation or whatever, and I'm

687
00:38:13,360 --> 00:38:16,480
Speaker 2: following all these awesome people with all these tools and

688
00:38:16,480 --> 00:38:18,799
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh my god, Like, first of all, how

689
00:38:18,800 --> 00:38:20,840
Speaker 2: did you know what I was thinking? But God bless.

690
00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:24,319
Speaker 2: There's ways to work on this stuff, and there's like

691
00:38:24,520 --> 00:38:29,239
Speaker 2: really good therapists online just for like that eventuality that

692
00:38:29,320 --> 00:38:31,960
Speaker 2: something happens the night after and you're like, I don't

693
00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:35,640
Speaker 2: want to be If you've noticed you are burdensome to

694
00:38:35,680 --> 00:38:38,840
Speaker 2: other people, like I truly noticed it with my former friend,

695
00:38:39,280 --> 00:38:41,640
Speaker 2: it's like, oh okay till I reach out, I'm going

696
00:38:41,719 --> 00:38:44,239
Speaker 2: to like try these things right, Like there's we have

697
00:38:44,360 --> 00:38:46,040
Speaker 2: so much access to things now.

698
00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:49,239
Speaker 3: Yeah, I have an app sometimes I use that just

699
00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:51,879
Speaker 3: helps with like in the moment if I'm just like, man,

700
00:38:51,880 --> 00:38:54,600
Speaker 3: I'm feeling really needy today or I'm feeling really long later,

701
00:38:54,719 --> 00:38:56,960
Speaker 3: I'm feeling XYZ and I just like it's like an

702
00:38:57,000 --> 00:38:59,200
Speaker 3: AI just type something in. They're like, well, you can

703
00:38:59,280 --> 00:39:02,280
Speaker 3: work on these three practices of things to say mantras.

704
00:39:03,160 --> 00:39:05,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like there's so many tools out there. Yeah, I

705
00:39:05,719 --> 00:39:07,520
Speaker 2: thought you the app you were using in distress with

706
00:39:07,600 --> 00:39:13,880
Speaker 2: zuber eats, that was probably go oh yeah, here we go, okay,

707
00:39:13,880 --> 00:39:15,360
Speaker 2: one last one real quick?

708
00:39:15,920 --> 00:39:22,719
Speaker 3: This is it all right, Dear Lisa. I'm a guy. Finally,

709
00:39:23,280 --> 00:39:25,480
Speaker 3: I'm a guy that holds everything in and deals with

710
00:39:25,520 --> 00:39:28,880
Speaker 3: my wife's problems, my kids problems, and my own problems.

711
00:39:29,280 --> 00:39:31,680
Speaker 3: I know where this goes, except the wife and kids part.

712
00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:35,160
Speaker 3: The joke is that the guys like me have heart

713
00:39:35,200 --> 00:39:38,080
Speaker 3: attacks and die. I think complaining is pointless, and I'd

714
00:39:38,160 --> 00:39:40,640
Speaker 3: say I only explode in the tantrum two or three

715
00:39:40,680 --> 00:39:43,800
Speaker 3: times a year. Do you think this is healthy? Knowledge?

716
00:39:43,840 --> 00:39:45,440
Speaker 3: Ill from Birmingham, Oh, I.

717
00:39:45,360 --> 00:39:45,799
Speaker 2: Wish you.

718
00:39:48,000 --> 00:39:48,239
Speaker 3: Down.

719
00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:53,000
Speaker 2: I think men tend to do that a lot. Yeah,

720
00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:56,920
Speaker 2: And I also think like masculine women like myself, you know,

721
00:39:57,040 --> 00:40:00,239
Speaker 2: because I'm sort of a lady boy. No mas like

722
00:40:00,480 --> 00:40:03,560
Speaker 2: people who are the strong woman, the pioneer woman type

723
00:40:03,600 --> 00:40:06,000
Speaker 2: of thing. You hold a lot of it in too,

724
00:40:06,360 --> 00:40:09,359
Speaker 2: So that's extreme. I don't think. Wouldn't it be great

725
00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:12,239
Speaker 2: to not explode two to three times a year? Like again,

726
00:40:12,280 --> 00:40:15,319
Speaker 2: it's that beach ball analogy. It's popping up somehow. And

727
00:40:15,360 --> 00:40:17,280
Speaker 2: by the way, he probably explodes on the wrong people

728
00:40:17,280 --> 00:40:20,040
Speaker 2: because I always did. Yeah, it was never the guy

729
00:40:20,040 --> 00:40:24,240
Speaker 2: who deserved it. It was always the poor post office

730
00:40:24,640 --> 00:40:27,319
Speaker 2: or bank employee. And then you can't go to the

731
00:40:27,360 --> 00:40:30,920
Speaker 2: bank anymore. Then you can't go and mail a letter,

732
00:40:31,200 --> 00:40:35,200
Speaker 2: God forbid, you need to post something by pony Express.

733
00:40:36,360 --> 00:40:40,560
Speaker 2: So I think old Nigel needs to not view himself

734
00:40:40,600 --> 00:40:44,279
Speaker 2: as a burden and to work on a shit because again,

735
00:40:45,239 --> 00:40:50,440
Speaker 2: just having that safe space, that safe friend, that's safe whatever. Also,

736
00:40:50,920 --> 00:40:53,719
Speaker 2: what do you say he's dealing with his wife's and

737
00:40:53,760 --> 00:40:55,640
Speaker 2: his kids' problems and his problem.

738
00:40:55,760 --> 00:40:57,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, I hold everything in deal with my wife's problems,

739
00:40:57,800 --> 00:40:59,320
Speaker 3: with my kids problems, and my own problem.

740
00:40:59,480 --> 00:41:04,280
Speaker 2: How about not marrying some needy bitch who sucks you dry,

741
00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:12,720
Speaker 2: whether it's a man or a woman. Yeah, that's right, Celia. Yeah,

742
00:41:12,840 --> 00:41:17,279
Speaker 2: I would rather have someone who knows how to regulate themselves.

743
00:41:17,480 --> 00:41:19,600
Speaker 2: I have an actual friend. Who say I have an

744
00:41:19,600 --> 00:41:22,200
Speaker 2: actual friend? Do you believe I have a friend who?

745
00:41:22,280 --> 00:41:25,520
Speaker 2: I asked yesterday? She said she was going through something

746
00:41:26,880 --> 00:41:29,239
Speaker 2: like some inner work, which I loved when people say that,

747
00:41:29,239 --> 00:41:32,080
Speaker 2: because they're doing their work themselves. And how do you

748
00:41:32,239 --> 00:41:35,680
Speaker 2: navigate that living with your husband? Don't you just like

749
00:41:35,680 --> 00:41:39,400
Speaker 2: say to him, honey, help me fix this? And she goes, no, why,

750
00:41:39,600 --> 00:41:41,759
Speaker 2: And I'm like I don't know, Like you just work

751
00:41:41,800 --> 00:41:44,439
Speaker 2: on it yourself, And she's like, yeah, does he take

752
00:41:44,440 --> 00:41:47,799
Speaker 2: it personally that you don't tell him everything? She's like no,

753
00:41:47,880 --> 00:41:50,360
Speaker 2: because like it's my issue, it's not for him to fix.

754
00:41:50,880 --> 00:41:52,879
Speaker 2: I said, what does he say and shes. He says,

755
00:41:53,480 --> 00:41:56,880
Speaker 2: let me know what you need. How much better is

756
00:41:56,960 --> 00:41:59,320
Speaker 2: that scent? That is the best sentence in the world

757
00:41:59,560 --> 00:42:01,759
Speaker 2: because then you can tell him, you can judge if

758
00:42:01,800 --> 00:42:04,920
Speaker 2: it's something you can give you or not, and he'd

759
00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:07,160
Speaker 2: check in with her once in a while if she's fine.

760
00:42:07,640 --> 00:42:10,280
Speaker 2: Can you imagine someone who takes care of your needs

761
00:42:10,320 --> 00:42:13,080
Speaker 2: when you need them to, unlike a Celia who will

762
00:42:13,120 --> 00:42:15,279
Speaker 2: come in here with the mics that don't work that

763
00:42:15,400 --> 00:42:17,439
Speaker 2: I have to do my own slide showing them back.

764
00:42:17,600 --> 00:42:22,280
Speaker 2: I don't like it. No, she does everything. I'm just kidding.

765
00:42:22,400 --> 00:42:25,799
Speaker 2: She does everything perfect, wouldn't it? Isn't that the right

766
00:42:25,840 --> 00:42:29,640
Speaker 2: way to let yourself handle your shit and the other

767
00:42:29,680 --> 00:42:34,960
Speaker 2: person just steps aside. So maybe Henigel doesn't have to

768
00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:38,719
Speaker 2: take on the wife's problems. Doesn't that's so codependent. Yes,

769
00:42:38,760 --> 00:42:40,759
Speaker 2: I guess you have to take your kids problems on,

770
00:42:41,040 --> 00:42:43,880
Speaker 2: but let her be an adult, because by taking on

771
00:42:44,160 --> 00:42:47,400
Speaker 2: her stuff, you're interrupting her journey to being a self

772
00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:53,440
Speaker 2: regulated human. See I say something real good, like a

773
00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:57,719
Speaker 2: nice a nice, like a little clip, put something like

774
00:42:57,760 --> 00:43:00,840
Speaker 2: a like one where they go. She's smart, she's smad,

775
00:43:01,360 --> 00:43:05,400
Speaker 2: she got booked garments, she has weeded, and then Nick goes,

776
00:43:05,520 --> 00:43:06,080
Speaker 2: fuck you.

777
00:43:09,360 --> 00:43:10,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, do that.

778
00:43:12,719 --> 00:43:14,959
Speaker 2: But I think what I said was right and I'm

779
00:43:15,040 --> 00:43:17,239
Speaker 2: not complaining. What about you, Nick?

780
00:43:17,400 --> 00:43:19,080
Speaker 3: No, Nigel, you got it. You gotta figure it out,

781
00:43:19,200 --> 00:43:20,840
Speaker 3: and I gotta. I got a buddy like that. He

782
00:43:20,880 --> 00:43:23,800
Speaker 3: takes some people's problems. You got okay, you got you gotta.

783
00:43:24,800 --> 00:43:27,200
Speaker 3: I mean I talked to him, so like you got

784
00:43:27,280 --> 00:43:29,360
Speaker 3: friends to reach out to, like this an instance like

785
00:43:29,440 --> 00:43:31,239
Speaker 3: this is an instance where like, you're not an S

786
00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:33,440
Speaker 3: O S guy. I'm sure people that know you are

787
00:43:33,480 --> 00:43:34,960
Speaker 3: not gonna be like this needy motherfucker.

788
00:43:35,120 --> 00:43:37,480
Speaker 2: No, this is once in a while is allowed to

789
00:43:37,520 --> 00:43:40,920
Speaker 2: reach out. Absolutely, Just it's something weird about taking on

790
00:43:41,200 --> 00:43:45,440
Speaker 2: your partner's problems as your own. I'm no one to

791
00:43:45,520 --> 00:43:48,160
Speaker 2: talk about this because I don't have a partner, never

792
00:43:48,360 --> 00:43:53,480
Speaker 2: was a good one, proudly divorced twice. Yeah me. But

793
00:43:53,640 --> 00:43:56,080
Speaker 2: I'm like, wow, that's got to be difficult to navigate

794
00:43:56,160 --> 00:43:58,680
Speaker 2: someone who is an emotional hot mess.

795
00:43:59,280 --> 00:44:00,560
Speaker 3: Which is me pretty much.

796
00:44:00,920 --> 00:44:05,320
Speaker 2: Nope, you're the opposite, you're a cold mess, herbic.

797
00:44:05,560 --> 00:44:07,480
Speaker 3: But yeah, I mean that's tough. Yeah, like you said,

798
00:44:07,520 --> 00:44:08,880
Speaker 3: with your kids, you got to deal with it. But

799
00:44:08,960 --> 00:44:12,320
Speaker 3: with your wife, like, talk to her about it.

800
00:44:12,480 --> 00:44:16,120
Speaker 2: Maybe, well, we all marry who we need to help

801
00:44:16,239 --> 00:44:18,759
Speaker 2: us work. Oh no, I think we marry who we

802
00:44:18,960 --> 00:44:22,000
Speaker 2: need to show us how to work on our stuff.

803
00:44:22,520 --> 00:44:25,440
Speaker 2: So if you're noticing, like you're constantly rescuing or you're

804
00:44:25,480 --> 00:44:30,120
Speaker 2: constantly soothing her versus yourself and you're pushing down your needs,

805
00:44:30,360 --> 00:44:32,080
Speaker 2: it's like, oh, maybe that's a sign you need to

806
00:44:32,160 --> 00:44:34,920
Speaker 2: work on that, right, So what what the fuck.

807
00:44:34,760 --> 00:44:35,160
Speaker 1: Do I know?

808
00:44:35,480 --> 00:44:37,400
Speaker 2: I just know I like them British shows. You know

809
00:44:37,680 --> 00:44:40,400
Speaker 2: you have to watch them. They're very good with British Baby,

810
00:44:40,680 --> 00:44:43,320
Speaker 2: the British Bacon. I like the ones with Department Q.

811
00:44:43,600 --> 00:44:45,960
Speaker 2: You like that one where they go, gay, I'm dead

812
00:44:46,440 --> 00:44:51,160
Speaker 2: now I'm going to find the killer. Nice British got imaginations.

813
00:44:51,520 --> 00:44:54,120
Speaker 2: That's what you do. Go watch the British Bakeoff and

814
00:44:54,200 --> 00:44:56,200
Speaker 2: stick ahead the cake. That's what I think.

815
00:44:57,000 --> 00:44:58,319
Speaker 3: Am I British jerk off.

816
00:44:58,680 --> 00:45:04,040
Speaker 2: I'm just complaining that this is a long episode. If

817
00:45:04,120 --> 00:45:07,920
Speaker 2: you didn't like to like this episode, call someone invent

818
00:45:08,200 --> 00:45:12,200
Speaker 2: or self soothe through it, or just don't listen. That's

819
00:45:12,239 --> 00:45:14,719
Speaker 2: my advice to you. Or if you want to listen,

820
00:45:14,800 --> 00:45:15,799
Speaker 2: what should they do? Nick?

821
00:45:16,560 --> 00:45:17,839
Speaker 3: Thanks for listening guy.

822
00:45:17,920 --> 00:45:22,640
Speaker 2: It you to semi app conversation.

823
00:45:24,080 --> 00:45:27,480
Speaker 3: Why should be sure to email us your questions at

824
00:45:27,560 --> 00:45:30,960
Speaker 3: shrink This Show at gmail dot com. That is shrinked

825
00:45:31,040 --> 00:45:36,600
Speaker 3: this show at Celia's a Slut dot com. And make

826
00:45:36,640 --> 00:45:39,840
Speaker 3: sure to follow me on socials at Nick Scopes and

827
00:45:39,960 --> 00:45:42,840
Speaker 3: her on socials at least Labinelli and her on socials

828
00:45:42,880 --> 00:45:48,960
Speaker 3: at Ghanifan Gay for pay dot com. Make sure to

829
00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:53,200
Speaker 3: listen to shrink This on your iHeartRadio app or wherever

830
00:45:53,719 --> 00:45:55,800
Speaker 3: the you get your podcast.

831
00:45:55,440 --> 00:45:58,600
Speaker 2: You have it better be the iHeart app. It fucking better.

832
00:45:59,760 --> 00:46:02,000
Speaker 2: So I'm saying, we love you, We'll see you next time,

833
00:46:02,120 --> 00:46:09,200
Speaker 2: or maybe we won't. H