1 00:00:01,040 --> 00:00:11,080 Speaker 1: Welcome to Stuff you should Know Frunhouse stuff Works dot Com. Hey, 2 00:00:11,119 --> 00:00:15,120 Speaker 1: and welcome to the podcast. I'm Josh Clark, Chas Chuck Bryant, 3 00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:19,680 Speaker 1: and again we have our guest producer, Noel. He's thrashing 4 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:24,720 Speaker 1: about on the ground, vomiting, screaming, capillary's bursting in his cheek. 5 00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:28,840 Speaker 1: Ye all because we wouldn't give him a third pork chop. 6 00:00:29,560 --> 00:00:34,720 Speaker 1: Not true? Yeah, boy, temper tantrums are. I always feel 7 00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:37,200 Speaker 1: so bad for the parents in public, you know, Oh really, 8 00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:40,320 Speaker 1: I always think like, you screwed up your kid already. 9 00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:44,920 Speaker 1: See you're so wrong. And we're about to dispel that. Yeah, 10 00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:48,360 Speaker 1: it's true, although I did see a Um we're about 11 00:00:48,360 --> 00:00:50,840 Speaker 1: to talk a lot about why it's not the parents fault. 12 00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:54,400 Speaker 1: But I did some extra research and there are experts 13 00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:59,160 Speaker 1: that say you can also be a bad parent and 14 00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:02,120 Speaker 1: that could leave the temper tantrums. Like, we don't want 15 00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:04,800 Speaker 1: to blame parents, but you can definitely play a part. 16 00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:08,720 Speaker 1: And we as a society of said, uh, from this 17 00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:12,319 Speaker 1: age to this age, temper tantrums are normal. And then 18 00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:16,160 Speaker 1: after that then apparently it's like the bad parenting really 19 00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:19,920 Speaker 1: shines through and then they think like, yeah, there's some 20 00:01:19,959 --> 00:01:22,880 Speaker 1: real problems this kid has and it's largely because of 21 00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:27,320 Speaker 1: bad parenting or a bad home environment, or troubles during pregnancy, 22 00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:30,920 Speaker 1: like abuse, things like that. Um, that can all lead 23 00:01:30,959 --> 00:01:35,639 Speaker 1: to temper tantrums that turn into something else. Yeah, after 24 00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:38,560 Speaker 1: a certain age. Yeah, this whole thing it makes me 25 00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:43,520 Speaker 1: kind of uncomfortable. But just parenting advice period is so 26 00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:47,880 Speaker 1: like subjective and individual. Yeah, it's it's always feel like 27 00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:50,720 Speaker 1: people shouldn't tell other people how to parent, but I 28 00:01:50,760 --> 00:01:54,440 Speaker 1: also feel like they're probably some pretty good guidelines to 29 00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:57,120 Speaker 1: parenting too. So yeah, and if you go back and 30 00:01:57,280 --> 00:02:01,120 Speaker 1: look at, um, the history of parents, Yeah, like it 31 00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:03,880 Speaker 1: wasn't too long ago that it was. It kind of 32 00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:07,120 Speaker 1: seems to go on a cycle. Like in the eighteenth century. 33 00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:11,240 Speaker 1: Um Rousseau, the Great Enlightenment thinker, basically was one of 34 00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:15,760 Speaker 1: the first to say, you know what, maybe kids aren't 35 00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:21,760 Speaker 1: just miniature adults and like maybe child something special. It's 36 00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:25,360 Speaker 1: a time of development we should, you know, become less 37 00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:29,079 Speaker 1: parent centric and more child centric as far as parenthood goes. 38 00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:33,720 Speaker 1: And um, that really kind of sparked this different idea 39 00:02:33,919 --> 00:02:38,840 Speaker 1: of you know, treating kids as kids rather than adults. 40 00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:41,600 Speaker 1: And then that was replaced later on by the whole 41 00:02:41,639 --> 00:02:44,760 Speaker 1: like discipline and all that of the late nineteenth early 42 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:48,320 Speaker 1: twentieth century, and then that was replaced by the idea 43 00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:52,600 Speaker 1: that kids, their childhood should be indulged, you know. And 44 00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:54,640 Speaker 1: then Russo said, boy, fetch me in my feather, I 45 00:02:54,639 --> 00:02:59,680 Speaker 1: need to throw up. Is that from Fletch, No, fletch, 46 00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:04,639 Speaker 1: that's what came to mind. No, I just thought it'd 47 00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:07,080 Speaker 1: be funny, you know, I need to throw up, you know, 48 00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:10,480 Speaker 1: the benjing and purging back in the day, eat till 49 00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:12,520 Speaker 1: you can't eat anymore than you need, stick a feather 50 00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:14,679 Speaker 1: it on your throat and vomited it up. Supposedly, the 51 00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:18,600 Speaker 1: vomitorium thing is a myth. Have you heard that in Rome? 52 00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:22,800 Speaker 1: Ancient Rome, vomitoriums they supposedly had like places for that. 53 00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:26,120 Speaker 1: I haven't heard. They were my supposedly their myth mythological 54 00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:29,280 Speaker 1: and not like the minator, like the real myth, not 55 00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:33,960 Speaker 1: like they want you to think. It's a myth. Got Okay, 56 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:37,320 Speaker 1: So we're talking temper tantrums, and we've already kind of said, 57 00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:43,000 Speaker 1: um that during a certain period of your life, they're normal. 58 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:45,520 Speaker 1: It's actually you would be a weird kid. If you 59 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:51,000 Speaker 1: didn't have a temper tantrum pretty frequently, not weird, but 60 00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,680 Speaker 1: you would be in the minority for sure. Okay, but 61 00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:57,840 Speaker 1: it doesn't mean you're weird. Comparatively speaking, it means you're weird. 62 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:03,600 Speaker 1: So like, from age one to age three ish, they 63 00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:07,320 Speaker 1: basically say, have have your temper tantrums? It's normal. Yeah, 64 00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:11,320 Speaker 1: between fifty if you want a statistic of two to 65 00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:13,320 Speaker 1: three year old boys and girls have at least one 66 00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:19,760 Speaker 1: tantrum per week, and UM have a tantrum every day. Yeah, 67 00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:23,320 Speaker 1: those kids are fun between those those years. Uh. And 68 00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:26,240 Speaker 1: then there was another study from the University of Minnesota. 69 00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:30,680 Speaker 1: I found even higher rates. UM. Ninety one percent of 70 00:04:30,760 --> 00:04:35,000 Speaker 1: children in this study, between the ages of thirty thirty 71 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:38,680 Speaker 1: months and three years UM had a tantrum on a 72 00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:42,080 Speaker 1: weekly basis. So it happens. If you had a kid, 73 00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:44,240 Speaker 1: you've probably had it happen. If you don't have kids yet, 74 00:04:44,440 --> 00:04:46,080 Speaker 1: it will happen to you. And if you have a 75 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:49,720 Speaker 1: kid that doesn't have tantrums, if they're weird, No, you're 76 00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:52,599 Speaker 1: just lucky. Yeah, you are pretty lucky. I wasn't a 77 00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:55,240 Speaker 1: tantrum thrower, I know, I'm sure I was, but I 78 00:04:56,120 --> 00:04:57,760 Speaker 1: think I was a pretty good kid. Yeah, I'm not 79 00:04:58,040 --> 00:05:01,280 Speaker 1: saying it never happened with me, but I was e chill. Yes, 80 00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:04,000 Speaker 1: the gate. Yeah, my brother in law and sister in 81 00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:08,000 Speaker 1: law lucked out a good kid who's like more hard 82 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:10,719 Speaker 1: on herself than like they are on her. That's the 83 00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:13,800 Speaker 1: best self regulating kids. Yeah, she's good, and she's like 84 00:05:13,960 --> 00:05:17,080 Speaker 1: right in the age two and she's very good. So 85 00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:20,160 Speaker 1: she's weird. Yeah yeah, yeah, weird and all the all 86 00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:24,159 Speaker 1: the best way, the right way. Yeah. The good news is, um, 87 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:27,040 Speaker 1: by the time they reached four or five, you should 88 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:30,320 Speaker 1: be seeing a large drop off or complete cessation of 89 00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:35,600 Speaker 1: these tantrums. Yeah. And the reason why we say the 90 00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:40,520 Speaker 1: age um, that there is an age for this to end, 91 00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:45,000 Speaker 1: is because we finally figured out that the mechanisms involved 92 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:48,040 Speaker 1: in temperate tantrums. Yeah, it's a thing. It's not just 93 00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:50,839 Speaker 1: my kids pain in the butter, he's in a bad mood, 94 00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:54,919 Speaker 1: or he's spoiled. It's there's there's brain activity that is 95 00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:58,279 Speaker 1: causing this to happen. Yes, specifically in the prefrontal cortex, 96 00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:00,800 Speaker 1: or we should say there's a lack of activity in 97 00:06:00,839 --> 00:06:03,760 Speaker 1: the prefrontal cortex, which is the last part of the 98 00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:08,560 Speaker 1: brain to evolve. Yeah, like it up until your eighteenth birthday, 99 00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:13,320 Speaker 1: your preformal cortex is still evolving, right, yes, and developing, 100 00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:16,320 Speaker 1: is I think what we mean? Yes, yes we do. 101 00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:19,640 Speaker 1: We both said evolved. But it's true. I mean, you know, 102 00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:22,200 Speaker 1: the Victorians used to think that if you looked inside 103 00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:25,919 Speaker 1: an egg, you would see the animal that species go 104 00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:29,120 Speaker 1: through its full evolution, that that was its process of development. 105 00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:32,320 Speaker 1: And it kind of makes sense to an extent, especially 106 00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:34,080 Speaker 1: if you think of the brain, like I'm sure the 107 00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:36,320 Speaker 1: brain stem is the first part of the brain to 108 00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:40,200 Speaker 1: be constructed in utero and then it goes all the 109 00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:42,839 Speaker 1: way like after birth, your brain is still developing, and 110 00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:47,040 Speaker 1: it's probably the most sophisticated regions of the brain that 111 00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:50,200 Speaker 1: take the longest to develop. That makes sense. So the 112 00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:54,760 Speaker 1: Victorians were right all along about throwing up All right, 113 00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:57,880 Speaker 1: well should we talk about what the tantrum? That there 114 00:06:57,920 --> 00:07:02,760 Speaker 1: was a doctor who clearly has uh some massochistic tendencies 115 00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:06,080 Speaker 1: because he did a study in which he rigged toddlers 116 00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:10,040 Speaker 1: with microphones. He's the temper tantrum specialist. He's like the 117 00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:13,640 Speaker 1: guy he's definitely a massochist. No, I'm saying, God bless 118 00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:16,960 Speaker 1: this guy, because it is not fun work to record 119 00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:20,680 Speaker 1: and analyze audio tapes of temper tantrums over and over 120 00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:22,760 Speaker 1: and over, but that's what he did, and he did 121 00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:26,600 Speaker 1: find some patterns. First of all, they only last a 122 00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:29,840 Speaker 1: few minutes. Parents, it might seem like an eternity there 123 00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:32,840 Speaker 1: in target while your kid is like buried in the 124 00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:35,320 Speaker 1: clothes racks screaming, but it's only going to be a 125 00:07:35,320 --> 00:07:38,120 Speaker 1: few minutes, and then ten minutes later your kid has 126 00:07:38,120 --> 00:07:40,560 Speaker 1: just probably forgotten about it, even though you have not. 127 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:45,239 Speaker 1: The He also found that UM, based on the types 128 00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:47,760 Speaker 1: of sounds that the kids made, they can basically be 129 00:07:47,840 --> 00:07:52,240 Speaker 1: classified as sad sounds and angry sounds, and he found 130 00:07:52,280 --> 00:07:57,200 Speaker 1: that his name is Michael Potagal. And Portagal found that UM, 131 00:07:57,360 --> 00:07:59,960 Speaker 1: rather than one giving into the other leading into the other, 132 00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:04,760 Speaker 1: they're pretty much simultaneous. And then once the anger, it's 133 00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:08,200 Speaker 1: basically you have sadness all along, and then it's overlaid 134 00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:12,040 Speaker 1: with anger. And then once the anger subsides, all this 135 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:16,320 Speaker 1: left the sadness and now the healing can begin because 136 00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:19,680 Speaker 1: when kids are sad, they want to be comforted, so 137 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:23,880 Speaker 1: they go to you, the parent hopefully yeah, UM and 138 00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:28,000 Speaker 1: and then the temper tantrum can subside. Yeah, and he 139 00:08:28,320 --> 00:08:31,080 Speaker 1: broke it down into three phase three stages. Uh, you 140 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:34,720 Speaker 1: get your yelling and screaming. You've got your physical actions, 141 00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:36,920 Speaker 1: which is what we talked about, like throwing yourself on 142 00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:39,360 Speaker 1: the floor, and that's what you typically think of, like 143 00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:44,040 Speaker 1: kicking and screaming, and then um, we're biting. And then 144 00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:46,120 Speaker 1: you've got your whimpering and whining, which is the third 145 00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:51,440 Speaker 1: and saddest stage right to witness, because the kid has 146 00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:53,920 Speaker 1: just played out at this point and it's just really sad. Yeah. 147 00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:58,000 Speaker 1: And protocol also found that if the kid goes straight 148 00:08:58,040 --> 00:09:02,680 Speaker 1: into the physical stage, yes, they tantrum is even shorter lived. 149 00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:05,800 Speaker 1: I think because they text themselves more quickly. Yeah, that 150 00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:10,040 Speaker 1: makes sense. Uh. And these we talked earlier about Noel's 151 00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:12,520 Speaker 1: tantrum before we came in and how his face is flushed. 152 00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:15,880 Speaker 1: That is something that can happen if they are screaming 153 00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:18,280 Speaker 1: loud enough, they can pop blood vessels in the face 154 00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:22,040 Speaker 1: and capillaries and they can induce vomiting. It can get 155 00:09:22,040 --> 00:09:28,320 Speaker 1: like really serious and violent and disturbing. Is that funny 156 00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:31,400 Speaker 1: to you? Just wouldn't you just be like you stupid kid? 157 00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:33,720 Speaker 1: What is wrong with you? You just screamed until you 158 00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:37,199 Speaker 1: threw up. Yeah. I think that's a good approach. Well, 159 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:45,080 Speaker 1: I mean you don't say alright, So back to back 160 00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:50,120 Speaker 1: to the prefernal cortex. Uh. We said it develops very Uh. 161 00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:52,000 Speaker 1: I don't know about slowly, but it develops over the 162 00:09:52,040 --> 00:09:54,800 Speaker 1: course of your life until you're about eighteen. Um, but 163 00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:57,719 Speaker 1: it doesn't even start to till you're four. And they 164 00:09:57,760 --> 00:10:00,480 Speaker 1: think the reason why or not in a clearly the 165 00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:03,880 Speaker 1: reason why they think because of this this malleability and 166 00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:08,240 Speaker 1: plasticity in the prefrontal cortext, we are able to acquire 167 00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:11,920 Speaker 1: language skills as humans. So it's kind of a trade 168 00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:16,240 Speaker 1: off because while we can acquire language skills while our 169 00:10:16,320 --> 00:10:21,040 Speaker 1: PFC is developing, we don't have the emotional stability that 170 00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:23,800 Speaker 1: we have later on in life with the fully developed PFC, 171 00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:28,240 Speaker 1: because the prefrontal cortext is in charge of regulating our 172 00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:32,439 Speaker 1: emotional stability and basically saying like whoa, it's the part 173 00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:34,800 Speaker 1: of the it's the joey part of the brain. So 174 00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:37,800 Speaker 1: your kid, your kid doesn't have the joey part of 175 00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:41,000 Speaker 1: the brain yet, and there is since you brought up language, 176 00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:45,600 Speaker 1: there is a um there's a conflict between what the 177 00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:48,719 Speaker 1: kid can understand and then relay back to you at 178 00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:50,439 Speaker 1: that age, Like they may be able to understand what 179 00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:52,800 Speaker 1: you're saying, but they can't speak the words yet. So 180 00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:56,480 Speaker 1: you've got a really frustrated kid because it can't get 181 00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:59,600 Speaker 1: out what it wants to say. And then you've got 182 00:10:59,640 --> 00:11:02,360 Speaker 1: the pre romal cortex not doing anything yet, right, it's 183 00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:06,160 Speaker 1: not putting the brakes on. Yeah, so that is a tantrum. 184 00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:08,240 Speaker 1: I mean, that's a recipe for a tantrum. And why 185 00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:10,120 Speaker 1: don't you stew on that for a minute while we 186 00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:23,319 Speaker 1: take a message break because that was some heavy stuff. Okay, 187 00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:25,559 Speaker 1: so we're back. We just talked about the prefrontal cortex, 188 00:11:25,640 --> 00:11:30,600 Speaker 1: and you, Chuck just explained what a temper tantrum is. Yeah, 189 00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:34,880 Speaker 1: because we all have like moments of frustration. We all 190 00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:38,800 Speaker 1: have um times when like we act out a little bit, 191 00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:42,120 Speaker 1: like you know, this light bulb is supposed to work, 192 00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:45,440 Speaker 1: you know, that kind of thing, road rage. That's an 193 00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:49,359 Speaker 1: adult temper tantrum exactly, you know, but we have prefrontel 194 00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:55,160 Speaker 1: cortex is we've been socialized to feel embarrassed for acting out. Um, 195 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:58,079 Speaker 1: if you took that away and shrunk us down by 196 00:11:58,080 --> 00:12:01,320 Speaker 1: several feet you would have. It's a normal temper tantrum 197 00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:04,280 Speaker 1: and kids. Yeah, and we also should point out that 198 00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:08,000 Speaker 1: the fight or flight kicks into a big shot of 199 00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:12,560 Speaker 1: cortisol happens, and so everything is just messed up. Like 200 00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:14,640 Speaker 1: it's a wonder your kid doesn't have more of these 201 00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:18,120 Speaker 1: when you think about that. So that frustration UM does 202 00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:22,480 Speaker 1: trigger cortisol, It triggers Nora fehrin Uh, your fight or 203 00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:26,920 Speaker 1: flight syndrome or responses kicked into high gear. And again 204 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:28,720 Speaker 1: you have nothing to put the brakes on all of this. 205 00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:34,760 Speaker 1: What's interesting is, Um, some of the physical signs that 206 00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:37,840 Speaker 1: the fight or flight responses kicked in are also signs 207 00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:40,959 Speaker 1: that your kids about to have like a major meltdown. 208 00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:49,199 Speaker 1: Things like, Um, you're breathing, flush skin, sweating, sweating, pupils dilated, 209 00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:52,240 Speaker 1: drooling and spitting. Yeah, all these things where it's like 210 00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:54,079 Speaker 1: you see your kids starting to do that, you just 211 00:12:55,440 --> 00:13:01,280 Speaker 1: gonna blow yes. And the reason um, they stop or 212 00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:03,719 Speaker 1: at least taper off by the ages of four and 213 00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:07,240 Speaker 1: five is because you're the joey part of your brain 214 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:10,079 Speaker 1: starts to work and the kid can now talk to you, 215 00:13:10,679 --> 00:13:13,679 Speaker 1: and all of these things kind of undo and the 216 00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:16,640 Speaker 1: kids like that was the problem because they can now 217 00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:20,160 Speaker 1: tell you that, right. I couldn't talk. Yeah, it smelled 218 00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:23,240 Speaker 1: like chili dogs all the time, and I try. I 219 00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:25,959 Speaker 1: just couldn't tell you that, and my PFC wasn't working. 220 00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:30,000 Speaker 1: So what am I to do? Just go perserk exactly? Um. 221 00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:33,079 Speaker 1: The thing is is like, yes, your kid is going 222 00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:35,160 Speaker 1: to likely age out of this. If your kid doesn't 223 00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:38,160 Speaker 1: age out of it, then perhaps it's time to consult 224 00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:42,760 Speaker 1: the specialist, say around five, six years of age, usually six, 225 00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:48,200 Speaker 1: I think. Um. But along the way, you can help 226 00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:53,600 Speaker 1: your kid have fewer temper tantrums, have less severe temper tantrums, 227 00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:57,080 Speaker 1: and basically just be a better human being in general 228 00:13:57,720 --> 00:14:00,640 Speaker 1: by how you as the parents are us the temper 229 00:14:00,679 --> 00:14:03,520 Speaker 1: tantrums by telling them they're dumb for just throwing up 230 00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:06,000 Speaker 1: You just you think that in your head. You don't 231 00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:07,840 Speaker 1: say it out loud or else you're a terrible parent. 232 00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:11,280 Speaker 1: If you think it, you're fine? Okay, Um, you know 233 00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:14,440 Speaker 1: what you The number one thing you want to do, um, 234 00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:20,680 Speaker 1: prior to temper tantrums is giving the kid a schedule, 235 00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:25,400 Speaker 1: because apparently a lot of the temper tantrums come from 236 00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:29,360 Speaker 1: a fear that somethings that they're not going to get food, 237 00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:33,200 Speaker 1: whether they're not gonna get held or attension or whatever. 238 00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:35,800 Speaker 1: If they're on a schedule, they'll know that it's coming. 239 00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:37,880 Speaker 1: And if they start to freak out, you can say, 240 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:40,880 Speaker 1: of course, your goldfish are coming. It's almost two pm. 241 00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:45,400 Speaker 1: Settled out, you little goldfish junkie. Yeah. And I know 242 00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:48,520 Speaker 1: they stress scheduling a lot with kids with like Asperger's 243 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:52,360 Speaker 1: uh and autism, but it's a big deal. Period. You 244 00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:54,800 Speaker 1: should get your kids on the schedule. Kids like knowing 245 00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:57,480 Speaker 1: what to expect. They don't like shirballs. If you have 246 00:14:57,520 --> 00:15:01,160 Speaker 1: to make your own bowl of cereal at age like two, Yeah, 247 00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:03,520 Speaker 1: the parent needs to take some time and figure out 248 00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:06,840 Speaker 1: what's going wrong here with water? Yeah remember that what 249 00:15:06,920 --> 00:15:10,280 Speaker 1: was that Friday's Yeah, when they did that milk. Yeah, 250 00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:12,800 Speaker 1: that's funny that you said that, because I just remembered yesterday. 251 00:15:12,840 --> 00:15:15,160 Speaker 1: What a good movie Friday? Oh yeah, it was really funny. 252 00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:18,440 Speaker 1: It's wonderful. Uh. Okay, So get your kids on a schedule. 253 00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:22,520 Speaker 1: That's a big one. This is this is preventing yes um, 254 00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:27,720 Speaker 1: temper tantrum. And that's regular sleep, regular feeding, uh, regular 255 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:31,160 Speaker 1: interaction any kind of thing they can rely on is 256 00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:33,320 Speaker 1: going to help, Like chill your kid out and get 257 00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:36,240 Speaker 1: them stable. And remember, um, one of the things one 258 00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:40,520 Speaker 1: of the bases of temper tantrums is frustration. Yeah, and 259 00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:43,000 Speaker 1: one way around that is to give your kid make 260 00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:45,400 Speaker 1: them feel empowered. Yeah. I like this bit of advice. 261 00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:47,960 Speaker 1: I thought that was spot on. So like in this article, 262 00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:52,280 Speaker 1: I think Conger says, um, if your kid hates putting 263 00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:56,600 Speaker 1: shoes on, basically distract them by saying, hey, big boy, 264 00:15:56,720 --> 00:15:58,800 Speaker 1: do you want to wear your duck boots or your 265 00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:03,720 Speaker 1: cowboy boots? You you choose to you, Yeah, sort of 266 00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:06,640 Speaker 1: like heading them off with the peopleton. You still have 267 00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:09,440 Speaker 1: to wear shoes, but you get to choose which one. Yeah, 268 00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:11,640 Speaker 1: I've heard that's a pretty common thing, if because a 269 00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:13,560 Speaker 1: lot of kids don't want to get dressed when they 270 00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:16,239 Speaker 1: should or put on their shoes when they should. And um, 271 00:16:16,280 --> 00:16:18,920 Speaker 1: a lot of parents now are like letting their kids 272 00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:22,320 Speaker 1: dress themselves. Yeah you can tell. Yeah, but look around, 273 00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:24,200 Speaker 1: I know, and it's I think it's great and fun 274 00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:27,760 Speaker 1: to see little kids walking around these crazy outfits that 275 00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:30,160 Speaker 1: they clearly picked out. It's like a love it. It's 276 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:33,280 Speaker 1: like many mental asylums all let out. It's like the 277 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:36,600 Speaker 1: Reagan era all over again. But for kids, I think 278 00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:42,600 Speaker 1: it's awesome. Um okay, so empowering choices, great advice. So okay, 279 00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:44,960 Speaker 1: you've taken these steps to avoid it, it's still not 280 00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:48,320 Speaker 1: gonna do. Your kids still gonna have a temperature tantrum. 281 00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:52,920 Speaker 1: It's just you can expect it. It's inevitable. Um. So, 282 00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:57,800 Speaker 1: when a temper tantrum happens, here's the hard part. You 283 00:16:58,040 --> 00:17:04,440 Speaker 1: have to stay calm. And apparently the the advice jure 284 00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:10,000 Speaker 1: from parenting experts psychologists is ignore it. Yeah, this is 285 00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:13,080 Speaker 1: not us talking, No, we researched this, and they say 286 00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:16,399 Speaker 1: to try and ignore it. They say that that is 287 00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:20,240 Speaker 1: the quickest way two to put an end to that 288 00:17:20,359 --> 00:17:24,480 Speaker 1: particular tantrum. If they're not getting the attention, then they 289 00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:28,040 Speaker 1: will quit sooner. Yeah, and that's what they say. So 290 00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:30,840 Speaker 1: long as they're not hurting themselves or other people or 291 00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:34,679 Speaker 1: destroying property. If they're just screaming and being a brat 292 00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:37,600 Speaker 1: basically is what it amounts to, then ignoring it is 293 00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:41,359 Speaker 1: the best course of action. The reason why is, um, 294 00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:44,280 Speaker 1: if you say you are like, oh, I know, you 295 00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:46,280 Speaker 1: feel so bad, and you pick them up and you 296 00:17:46,359 --> 00:17:50,440 Speaker 1: hug them and everything. You're giving your kid positive reinforcement. 297 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:54,200 Speaker 1: You're saying, hey, scream your head off and I will 298 00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:57,359 Speaker 1: pick you up and rub your back and comfort you. 299 00:17:57,359 --> 00:17:59,040 Speaker 1: You don't want to do that. You want to remain 300 00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:03,159 Speaker 1: neutral and basic, not associate this thing with anything during it. 301 00:18:03,359 --> 00:18:05,560 Speaker 1: That's what I would do, especially in public, and just 302 00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:08,399 Speaker 1: be like, man, who's a kid? Is that right? I'm 303 00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:10,600 Speaker 1: gonna go over here and eat a box of neutral 304 00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:14,159 Speaker 1: green bars by myself while this little kid finishes up, 305 00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:16,280 Speaker 1: and I'll just pay for it at the register with 306 00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:19,240 Speaker 1: an empty box and it's all good. Um. And the 307 00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:23,160 Speaker 1: sense of shame. The other reason, and we're joking around here, 308 00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:26,480 Speaker 1: this is if someone like I have friends who have 309 00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:28,800 Speaker 1: had big trouble with this and it's not a laughing matter. 310 00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:31,479 Speaker 1: It's really a lot of stress on a family. Oh, 311 00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:33,960 Speaker 1: I can't imagine we joke because it's just what we 312 00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:37,000 Speaker 1: always do. Another time, the guy in the grocery store 313 00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:40,760 Speaker 1: gets to go see you later, good luck. Um. Another 314 00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:44,000 Speaker 1: reason not to, like they say, to muffle that, is 315 00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:48,560 Speaker 1: because there could be other underlying causes, like hearing problem 316 00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:52,840 Speaker 1: or vision vision impairment that you won't notice um, if 317 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:55,480 Speaker 1: you're if you're not, just like you know, if you've 318 00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:57,720 Speaker 1: got the kid buried in your chest. Yeah, it's weird. 319 00:18:57,760 --> 00:19:00,040 Speaker 1: It's like you want to ignore it, let it and 320 00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:02,920 Speaker 1: it's natural course watch it out of like the side 321 00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:07,000 Speaker 1: of your eye, you know. Um, because you don't want them, like, 322 00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:08,960 Speaker 1: you really don't want them to think you're paying any 323 00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:12,640 Speaker 1: attention to them at all. And apparently when that's when 324 00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:15,920 Speaker 1: that's done, it just runs its course and it's it's 325 00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:18,760 Speaker 1: over with, and like we said earlier, the kid forgets 326 00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:21,480 Speaker 1: even what was bothering him or her, you know, a 327 00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:24,480 Speaker 1: few minutes afterward. Yeah, what you really don't want to 328 00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:29,040 Speaker 1: do is punish the kid or reprimand the kid in 329 00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:31,280 Speaker 1: the middle of a tantrum or right after a tantrum, 330 00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:34,520 Speaker 1: because it's a natural thing it's going to happen. That 331 00:19:34,680 --> 00:19:38,520 Speaker 1: is not a healthy approach to getting your child to 332 00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:40,960 Speaker 1: not do something because they're two and three years old, 333 00:19:41,359 --> 00:19:43,400 Speaker 1: and to be punished for something that they don't understand, 334 00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:46,000 Speaker 1: it's just that's not gonna help anything. So what you 335 00:19:46,040 --> 00:19:50,560 Speaker 1: do want to do is, after a meltdown has taken 336 00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:53,800 Speaker 1: place and things are calm again, you want to take 337 00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:58,720 Speaker 1: some time to explain to the kid basically what went 338 00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:02,719 Speaker 1: wrong or it they didn't do. Let's say it's over 339 00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:07,159 Speaker 1: the shoes again. You you they've just told you we 340 00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:10,119 Speaker 1: need to talk about shoes again. Now that things are calm, 341 00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:12,440 Speaker 1: we have to talk about shoes because I just had 342 00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:15,159 Speaker 1: a meltdown about it. So now that they're calm, you 343 00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:18,439 Speaker 1: have to say, you need to wear shoes because they 344 00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:21,560 Speaker 1: protect your feet from all the terrible stuff that you 345 00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:24,359 Speaker 1: can step on. That's why you have to wear shoes 346 00:20:24,359 --> 00:20:26,040 Speaker 1: and put them on when I tell you too. And 347 00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:31,000 Speaker 1: it's time to leave understanding the value of shoes right 348 00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:36,760 Speaker 1: in a very understandable two year old way. Apparently you 349 00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:40,040 Speaker 1: don't want to moralize it and say you better not 350 00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:42,439 Speaker 1: you better not pitch a fit when I tell you 351 00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:45,640 Speaker 1: to put your shoes on. Yeah, this happens every morning, right. 352 00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:47,840 Speaker 1: That doesn't help. It doesn't help. And if your kid 353 00:20:47,920 --> 00:20:50,720 Speaker 1: the next day says, well, I want to pick out 354 00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:53,480 Speaker 1: my shoes today, mom, because they protect my feet, then 355 00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:56,280 Speaker 1: you are you get a toy? Yeah, you get a 356 00:20:56,320 --> 00:21:01,280 Speaker 1: big playmobile box set. Well, depend how much money you have, 357 00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:05,880 Speaker 1: you could at least give them positive reinforcement in a cookie. Yeah, 358 00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:08,040 Speaker 1: pour a pat on the head. You could also get 359 00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:11,480 Speaker 1: a knockoff blood Mobile not in box set. That's fine. 360 00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:13,760 Speaker 1: The kid doesn't know he's too. We got so many 361 00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:17,119 Speaker 1: knockoff toys growing up. Have you seen that gallery of 362 00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:20,520 Speaker 1: knockoffs toys that I made? It's great. If you have 363 00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:22,920 Speaker 1: not seen a good check it out. And I think 364 00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:24,920 Speaker 1: I had a few of those, did you really? Yeah? 365 00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:26,920 Speaker 1: I mean my parents were teachers. We weren't like poor, 366 00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:29,240 Speaker 1: but we didn't. You know, there were three kids. We 367 00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:34,280 Speaker 1: didn't all get everything we wanted. I wanted the BMX Mangos, 368 00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:37,920 Speaker 1: and I got the Sears Goose, you know. I wanted 369 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:43,520 Speaker 1: Pong again Sears like yeah, basically nights of their own 370 00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:46,520 Speaker 1: table pretty much. Don't you remember that? Yeah? But I did. 371 00:21:47,119 --> 00:21:51,480 Speaker 1: Look at me. Yeah, I never had brand name clothes, uh, 372 00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:53,639 Speaker 1: unless they had, you know, like a button missing or 373 00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:56,200 Speaker 1: the collar was miss shaping or something. Again, I don't 374 00:21:56,200 --> 00:22:00,399 Speaker 1: think I can stress enough how awesome that gallery of 375 00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:04,400 Speaker 1: beloved knockoff knockoffs of beloved toys that we've made that's 376 00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:07,720 Speaker 1: on our site is it's great. Yeah, we'll repost it, 377 00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:11,760 Speaker 1: but you can. You should definitely look under galleries. There's 378 00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:15,240 Speaker 1: some real misses and I have to say, I remember 379 00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:17,320 Speaker 1: going to plenty of stores as a kid and being 380 00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:19,520 Speaker 1: told I could pick out a toy, but it was 381 00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:22,920 Speaker 1: like something liquidators. Yeah, yeah, like what is this thing? 382 00:22:23,119 --> 00:22:26,440 Speaker 1: Did you have any rich kid friends? Um? Yeah, they 383 00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:28,680 Speaker 1: weren't like rich kids, but yeah there were something The 384 00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:31,280 Speaker 1: parents were like lawyers and stuff like that. It's like 385 00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:34,280 Speaker 1: at one particular that I was always just so like, 386 00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:37,440 Speaker 1: his house was so cool. It was like a modern house, 387 00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:40,880 Speaker 1: and back then I'd never seen a modern house. And 388 00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:43,560 Speaker 1: he had, you know, the green machine and in television, 389 00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:47,720 Speaker 1: and horses and a trampoline and a go kart and 390 00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:51,360 Speaker 1: a motorcycle. Dude, get everything. Yeah, and look at him now, 391 00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:57,800 Speaker 1: he's super successful and wealthy him. His parents raised him, right, 392 00:22:57,840 --> 00:23:01,080 Speaker 1: they did. Okay, so we're gonna hit what you touched 393 00:23:01,119 --> 00:23:04,240 Speaker 1: on earlier of when you might have a problem that's 394 00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:07,240 Speaker 1: a little deeper than your average temper tantrum and they 395 00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:10,879 Speaker 1: say three or more tantrums per day that lasts more 396 00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:15,399 Speaker 1: than fifteen minutes could qualify as what is now called 397 00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:19,800 Speaker 1: in the new d s M five disruptive mood disregulation 398 00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:25,720 Speaker 1: disorder that depends that is um that depends on the 399 00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:31,280 Speaker 1: age two. So there's a big hubbub yeah over this right, Yeah, 400 00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:33,840 Speaker 1: because it was just added to the new d s 401 00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:38,560 Speaker 1: M in two thousand, a new disorder. Yes, and basically 402 00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:42,800 Speaker 1: it turns temper tantrums into a mental illness, like yeah, 403 00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:46,560 Speaker 1: pure and simple. If you were over age six, between 404 00:23:46,560 --> 00:23:49,600 Speaker 1: six and ten, Yeah, and you have that number what 405 00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:52,919 Speaker 1: was it, three three per day that last fifteen minutes 406 00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:57,359 Speaker 1: or more or it says here three or more for 407 00:23:57,440 --> 00:24:01,480 Speaker 1: one year, So I think there's a couple of criteria. Anyway, 408 00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:08,080 Speaker 1: then you are eligible for antipsychotic medications and all other 409 00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:13,240 Speaker 1: manner of prescription drugs even though you're six. Yeah. And 410 00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:17,600 Speaker 1: critics are saying there's not enough data on this to 411 00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:20,159 Speaker 1: create a new diagnosis, Like some critics are saying you 412 00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:22,480 Speaker 1: shouldn't have done this at all. Proponents are saying, no, 413 00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:26,600 Speaker 1: this will actually help because kids are being diagnosis bipolar 414 00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:31,440 Speaker 1: at six and this will prevent that. So it's a 415 00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:34,000 Speaker 1: little awkward right now. But it's funny that they bring 416 00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:37,760 Speaker 1: up bipolar because when they when they expanded and basically 417 00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:44,120 Speaker 1: created children's bipolar disorder, pediatric bipolar disorder is what it's called. Um. 418 00:24:44,359 --> 00:24:49,679 Speaker 1: When they expanded that there was a fortyfold spike in diagnoses, 419 00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:55,680 Speaker 1: and as a result, the anti psychotic prescriptions for kids 420 00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:59,400 Speaker 1: aged two to five doubled between two thousand and two 421 00:24:59,400 --> 00:25:02,399 Speaker 1: thousand seven. And so there's a definite trend of any 422 00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:06,640 Speaker 1: time a new disorder is identified or described, everything I've 423 00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:09,239 Speaker 1: got that my kids there, he won't shut up. Can 424 00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:12,639 Speaker 1: you give them some antipsychotics please? Yeah? And uh, the 425 00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:16,480 Speaker 1: psychiatrist is sure right because he has this, because he 426 00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:19,880 Speaker 1: fits this criteria. Yeah. It's definitely been a controversial addition 427 00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:22,520 Speaker 1: to the d S m as are many additions to 428 00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:27,600 Speaker 1: the d S m uh. But that's not to say 429 00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:30,320 Speaker 1: that there isn't a larger issue at work, because some 430 00:25:30,359 --> 00:25:33,200 Speaker 1: of the times there is. So they want to teach 431 00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:36,440 Speaker 1: you his parents to monitor maybe don't like go put 432 00:25:36,440 --> 00:25:40,240 Speaker 1: them on psycho psychotropic drugs, but maybe monitor them after 433 00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:43,080 Speaker 1: the age of four and see how violent they are 434 00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:45,119 Speaker 1: and how long they last and are they trying to 435 00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:47,800 Speaker 1: injure themselves or others? Are they holding their breath and 436 00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:53,560 Speaker 1: feigning like how severe is it? Um? Which is the 437 00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:57,280 Speaker 1: apparently the understanding of that now though, is that kids 438 00:25:57,359 --> 00:26:01,080 Speaker 1: don't necessarily hold them their breaths on purpose, like it 439 00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:04,280 Speaker 1: just kind of happens to breathe. They get so worked 440 00:26:04,320 --> 00:26:08,040 Speaker 1: up that they freathe and faint. And apparently when your 441 00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:11,480 Speaker 1: kid does that for reek's parents out and then kids 442 00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:14,480 Speaker 1: learn that if they hold their breath or even threatened 443 00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:17,560 Speaker 1: to hold their breath, they'll get what they want. But apparently, 444 00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:20,720 Speaker 1: if your kid holds his or her breath or it's 445 00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:24,200 Speaker 1: held for them when they faint, their normal breathing will 446 00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:27,360 Speaker 1: take over again. And as a parent, you can kick 447 00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:30,399 Speaker 1: start the whole process by blowing air into their mouth. 448 00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:34,880 Speaker 1: It almost like tickles their breathing mechanism to take back 449 00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:39,800 Speaker 1: over normally again even though they fainted. And the advice 450 00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:44,000 Speaker 1: is that I read that if your kid is feigning 451 00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:47,040 Speaker 1: from holding his or her breath during a tantrum, you 452 00:26:47,119 --> 00:26:51,879 Speaker 1: can't let that alter your your parenting skills, like how 453 00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:55,160 Speaker 1: you react to it. You can't be held hostage by it. Man, 454 00:26:55,200 --> 00:27:00,800 Speaker 1: that's so challenging. I can't imagine because your kid faints. Yeah, 455 00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:03,680 Speaker 1: I mean, hats offen, that's like going back to the 456 00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:05,840 Speaker 1: shark again. Good luck remembering the punch the shark in 457 00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:08,280 Speaker 1: the nose while you're paying attack. But that is a 458 00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:10,359 Speaker 1: that is a criteria if your kid is doing this 459 00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:12,800 Speaker 1: now and it's new, and they're like after age four, 460 00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:16,359 Speaker 1: and their tantrums are increasing rather than decreasing. These are 461 00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:20,080 Speaker 1: all red flags for okay, this, this may be abnormal, 462 00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:23,359 Speaker 1: and let's see what's going on. The first step isn't 463 00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:28,000 Speaker 1: necessarily taking your kid to psychiatrists for drugs. It can. 464 00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:30,600 Speaker 1: You can also do a self survey of your house, 465 00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:33,800 Speaker 1: like is there a new step parent, Um, do we 466 00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:38,080 Speaker 1: move recently? Am I an alcoholic? And do we always fight? Yeah? 467 00:27:38,119 --> 00:27:41,640 Speaker 1: You know it happens where parents ain't all like kids. 468 00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:43,399 Speaker 1: You know, they don't even they don't understand what's going on. 469 00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:45,840 Speaker 1: We keep the fighting away from them, but they understand 470 00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:49,040 Speaker 1: and they pick up on body language and emotional cues 471 00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:51,800 Speaker 1: that you don't think are there, and they're little sponges 472 00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:54,800 Speaker 1: and that could be a reason. Uh, did you mention 473 00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:57,879 Speaker 1: maybe if you've moved. Yeah, that's a big one. I 474 00:27:57,880 --> 00:28:01,760 Speaker 1: think I have moved. Yeah, did his best friend get 475 00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:04,320 Speaker 1: a better bike than him or something? Right, you need 476 00:28:04,359 --> 00:28:06,640 Speaker 1: to go get that bike then too. But the point 477 00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:09,879 Speaker 1: is to not be freaked out by isolated incidences past 478 00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:14,119 Speaker 1: the age of four, because they they happen, and um, 479 00:28:14,160 --> 00:28:18,000 Speaker 1: it's not a typical you just need and if your 480 00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:19,879 Speaker 1: kid has a problem with this, as parents, you probably 481 00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:23,639 Speaker 1: have a plan in place, like you're not just reacting 482 00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:26,399 Speaker 1: to each incident, Like you get together and you huddle 483 00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:28,320 Speaker 1: and be like, all right, we have an issue because 484 00:28:28,359 --> 00:28:31,879 Speaker 1: little Timmy is a nightmare, and so how are we 485 00:28:31,880 --> 00:28:34,560 Speaker 1: going to deal with this? And then let's stick to it. 486 00:28:34,720 --> 00:28:38,520 Speaker 1: If little Timmy also is breaking your humble figurines all 487 00:28:38,520 --> 00:28:41,280 Speaker 1: the time now, then good because those are awful, then 488 00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:44,880 Speaker 1: um well that's actually it can be a sign, but 489 00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:48,320 Speaker 1: it's not necessarily a sign. For example, there is a 490 00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:51,800 Speaker 1: study that had a pretty decent population size from two 491 00:28:52,040 --> 00:28:55,680 Speaker 1: seven research temper tantrums among two hundred and seventy nine 492 00:28:55,680 --> 00:29:01,080 Speaker 1: preschoolers almost two pre schoolers um and they found that 493 00:29:01,280 --> 00:29:05,480 Speaker 1: kids who are considered healthy um had were less likely 494 00:29:05,520 --> 00:29:10,800 Speaker 1: to become violent, self injurious, destructive, or verbally combative like 495 00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:15,320 Speaker 1: during their temper tantrums. But it's also been found that 496 00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:22,120 Speaker 1: around of quote mentally stable preschoolers will still become you know, 497 00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:25,800 Speaker 1: one of these unhealthy things during a temper tantrum from 498 00:29:25,800 --> 00:29:28,800 Speaker 1: time to time. It's not like there goes a homo 499 00:29:28,880 --> 00:29:31,840 Speaker 1: figuring you have to go to the psychiatrist. Now, or 500 00:29:31,880 --> 00:29:35,240 Speaker 1: if your kid like rips the head off their barbie 501 00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:38,120 Speaker 1: in a violent way, that might be disturbing to you, 502 00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:42,040 Speaker 1: but that is about as normal American behavior as has 503 00:29:42,200 --> 00:29:45,640 Speaker 1: ever been generated by a child. Yeah, if your kid 504 00:29:45,760 --> 00:29:49,680 Speaker 1: is being mean to animals, that's a different story, because 505 00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:53,080 Speaker 1: that that is uh you know, it's not a good sign. 506 00:29:53,280 --> 00:29:55,800 Speaker 1: And it's certainly you want to stop any kind of 507 00:29:56,040 --> 00:29:59,320 Speaker 1: uh like, violent aggression towards humans or animals. Like that's 508 00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:01,360 Speaker 1: not like, let's just see he'll put this plays out. 509 00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:05,280 Speaker 1: You want to get in there, take care of business. Yeah, 510 00:30:05,600 --> 00:30:08,760 Speaker 1: in the right way. So you raise your kid, you 511 00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:12,080 Speaker 1: get them out of the terrible two's. Age four comes along, 512 00:30:12,120 --> 00:30:14,000 Speaker 1: and all of a sudden, they're like talking to you 513 00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:17,960 Speaker 1: and making sense and expressing themselves. They're able to settle 514 00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:25,040 Speaker 1: themselves down. Um. They they they're just human beings. You 515 00:30:25,120 --> 00:30:27,960 Speaker 1: made it out of the woods until the teenage years 516 00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:31,320 Speaker 1: come and then it starts all over again. Yes, and 517 00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:34,560 Speaker 1: there it starts all over again. For the same reason. 518 00:30:34,800 --> 00:30:40,320 Speaker 1: The preferntal cortex undergoes a new round of development during 519 00:30:40,360 --> 00:30:44,960 Speaker 1: puberty from age about eleven to eighteen, and as a result, 520 00:30:45,400 --> 00:30:48,840 Speaker 1: the emotional breaks that are provided by that region of 521 00:30:48,840 --> 00:30:52,800 Speaker 1: the brain are lost again for several years. Yeah, and 522 00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:55,880 Speaker 1: it's also similar in that teenagers might not feel like 523 00:30:55,920 --> 00:30:58,560 Speaker 1: they can express themselves even though like as a tyler 524 00:30:58,600 --> 00:31:01,040 Speaker 1: you literally can't talk. But as a team, you know, 525 00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:04,000 Speaker 1: parents just don't understand. That's the old adage. And you've 526 00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:08,400 Speaker 1: got the hormones, and you've got new things happening to 527 00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:11,760 Speaker 1: your body, and you've got new things happening in your 528 00:31:11,880 --> 00:31:14,960 Speaker 1: heart for you know, the little girls and little boys. 529 00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:17,440 Speaker 1: You start feeling those feelings and it's confusing, and it's 530 00:31:17,480 --> 00:31:20,280 Speaker 1: just it's it's all happening all over again, all these 531 00:31:20,280 --> 00:31:23,640 Speaker 1: things you don't understand and can't express, and then you've 532 00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:26,920 Speaker 1: got your prefemal cortex not helping you out. And that's 533 00:31:26,960 --> 00:31:29,720 Speaker 1: why you're going to see the same, similar behaviors. At least, 534 00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:33,720 Speaker 1: it's basically temper tantrums the sequel. Yeah, and it may 535 00:31:33,720 --> 00:31:35,560 Speaker 1: not manifest itself the same way. They may not be 536 00:31:35,640 --> 00:31:39,240 Speaker 1: on the floor like kicking and screaming and vomiting, but 537 00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:42,360 Speaker 1: they may rampage through your house and slam the doors 538 00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:45,760 Speaker 1: and scream and yell and uh, don't grow out of 539 00:31:45,800 --> 00:31:48,840 Speaker 1: that though, And again if they don't, then psychiatry is 540 00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:52,120 Speaker 1: there to back you up with some diagnoses and pills. 541 00:31:53,440 --> 00:31:57,479 Speaker 1: There's oppositional defiance disorder, yeah, which is basically it sounds 542 00:31:57,520 --> 00:32:03,800 Speaker 1: like temper tantrums. It it sounds like temper tantrums, basically 543 00:32:03,960 --> 00:32:06,440 Speaker 1: the same thing. Yeah. This study from University of San 544 00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:10,360 Speaker 1: Diego was pretty interesting. I thought they studied kids between 545 00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:13,480 Speaker 1: the ages of ten and twenty two. It's not a kid, 546 00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:17,640 Speaker 1: by the way, and um between eleven and eighteen years old. 547 00:32:17,800 --> 00:32:23,080 Speaker 1: During that window, the speed that they identified emotions indicated 548 00:32:23,080 --> 00:32:28,880 Speaker 1: by facial expressions dropped. So between ten and eighteen, if 549 00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:31,400 Speaker 1: you're like, your kid can't even look at your face 550 00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:35,440 Speaker 1: and read your emotional cues, Like that's how out of 551 00:32:35,480 --> 00:32:40,200 Speaker 1: it they are, you know, like I couldn't even tell 552 00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:43,720 Speaker 1: Dad was mad at me. Yes, because the wires aren't 553 00:32:43,720 --> 00:32:49,560 Speaker 1: connecting upstairs. And apparently the preferales prefernal cortex is also 554 00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:57,600 Speaker 1: involved in um regulating behavior, yeah, which explains why teenagers 555 00:32:57,600 --> 00:33:01,040 Speaker 1: are prone to like risk taking. Well, yeah, because if 556 00:33:01,080 --> 00:33:03,400 Speaker 1: the pre phone cortex isn't doing the job, then I 557 00:33:03,440 --> 00:33:07,000 Speaker 1: think the amygdala takes over and the amygdala is is 558 00:33:07,040 --> 00:33:09,640 Speaker 1: not a good thing to be running your emotions running 559 00:33:09,640 --> 00:33:14,200 Speaker 1: the show. No, not emotionally. So you got anything else 560 00:33:14,240 --> 00:33:17,800 Speaker 1: you want to talk about that girl from Militcheville, Yeah, 561 00:33:17,920 --> 00:33:20,360 Speaker 1: go ahead, I'll actually read that part. There was a 562 00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:25,320 Speaker 1: girl UH who in two thousand and twelve, UH, at 563 00:33:25,480 --> 00:33:29,440 Speaker 1: the age of six, was arrested and taken to the 564 00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:33,680 Speaker 1: police station from her kindergarten class because the temper tantrum 565 00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:37,040 Speaker 1: she threw was so bad she was wrecking her kindergarten class. 566 00:33:37,240 --> 00:33:41,240 Speaker 1: She was taken to jail for a temper tantrum like 567 00:33:41,360 --> 00:33:46,320 Speaker 1: knocking over bookcases onto the principle. Yeah, and injuring the principle. Um. 568 00:33:46,600 --> 00:33:50,880 Speaker 1: And she h apparently was just on a rampage and 569 00:33:50,960 --> 00:33:53,960 Speaker 1: the cops took her to jail, didn't book her process 570 00:33:54,040 --> 00:33:56,680 Speaker 1: or anything, but I'm sure scared the daylights out of 571 00:33:56,720 --> 00:34:01,160 Speaker 1: this little girl. And the school said she can't come 572 00:34:01,200 --> 00:34:04,280 Speaker 1: back the rest of this year. Yeah, she's just invited. Yeah. 573 00:34:04,600 --> 00:34:07,600 Speaker 1: Luckily it was in April, so I imagine there was 574 00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:10,759 Speaker 1: only a couple of months left to school. Still. Yeah, 575 00:34:10,760 --> 00:34:13,239 Speaker 1: so we hope she's doing better. Sure, we won't say 576 00:34:13,239 --> 00:34:15,319 Speaker 1: her name. We didn't say her name to Nope, the 577 00:34:15,440 --> 00:34:18,520 Speaker 1: article does, which I thought was slightly irresponsible. Oh she 578 00:34:18,640 --> 00:34:21,759 Speaker 1: was a news item. Yeah, I guess you're right. Yeah, Hey, 579 00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:24,000 Speaker 1: you don't want to be in the news, little girl. Right, 580 00:34:27,680 --> 00:34:30,279 Speaker 1: that's it, all right. If you want to learn more 581 00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:33,560 Speaker 1: about temper tantrums, you can procreate and have a kid 582 00:34:33,760 --> 00:34:36,880 Speaker 1: and then see it firsthand. That's right. You can also 583 00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:38,680 Speaker 1: before you do that, if you want to find out 584 00:34:38,680 --> 00:34:40,440 Speaker 1: if you're interested in that kind of thing, type in 585 00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:43,359 Speaker 1: temperate tantrums. In the search part how stuff works, dot 586 00:34:43,360 --> 00:34:45,760 Speaker 1: common will bring up this article. And I said, search 587 00:34:45,840 --> 00:34:49,640 Speaker 1: bars means it's time for listener mail. I'm gonna call 588 00:34:49,680 --> 00:34:54,480 Speaker 1: this uh positive amnesia. Hey, guys, Nearly five years ago 589 00:34:54,640 --> 00:34:56,960 Speaker 1: and and uh Portland, Oregon, I was in a near 590 00:34:57,000 --> 00:35:00,760 Speaker 1: fatal motorcycle wreck that not only knocked my brain around 591 00:35:01,080 --> 00:35:03,960 Speaker 1: in my full face helmet, but also shattered my pelvis, 592 00:35:04,080 --> 00:35:08,440 Speaker 1: broke two ribs to vertebrae, left wrist, right thumb, left collarbone. 593 00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:12,839 Speaker 1: Has this show at all? I know? Evil Kinevil. I 594 00:35:12,840 --> 00:35:14,680 Speaker 1: was in the hospital for two weeks, but only remember 595 00:35:14,719 --> 00:35:16,600 Speaker 1: bits and pieces of the last few days of my stay, 596 00:35:17,239 --> 00:35:19,560 Speaker 1: though I was mostly awake the whole time. The doctors 597 00:35:19,560 --> 00:35:21,719 Speaker 1: told me that nearly UH I had a nearly two 598 00:35:21,719 --> 00:35:24,000 Speaker 1: week gap in my memory, and it was a combination 599 00:35:24,000 --> 00:35:27,000 Speaker 1: of shock and medically induced amnesia. I learned a lot 600 00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:29,680 Speaker 1: about the different kinds of amnesia from your show, in 601 00:35:29,719 --> 00:35:32,040 Speaker 1: ways that my team of doctor never took the time 602 00:35:32,080 --> 00:35:36,200 Speaker 1: to explain me. But I didn't. You're like, yeah, that 603 00:35:36,239 --> 00:35:39,400 Speaker 1: always happens. But I didn't hear you mentioned any positive 604 00:35:39,400 --> 00:35:42,880 Speaker 1: effects of memory loss. Uh. Through my memory loss, it 605 00:35:42,920 --> 00:35:46,280 Speaker 1: did not. Though my memory loss did not prevent severe 606 00:35:46,400 --> 00:35:50,200 Speaker 1: ps PTSD after the incident, I think it has ultimately 607 00:35:50,239 --> 00:35:53,400 Speaker 1: helped me be less afraid of red light running land rovers. 608 00:35:54,400 --> 00:35:57,040 Speaker 1: I think we did mention that it was that was 609 00:35:57,120 --> 00:36:01,160 Speaker 1: one positive effect of it. I thought, I think maybe not. Well, 610 00:36:01,160 --> 00:36:03,359 Speaker 1: if we're not, then we're glad that. Adrian wrote in 611 00:36:03,520 --> 00:36:06,680 Speaker 1: he said, Um, also, I don't have the additional trauma 612 00:36:06,719 --> 00:36:11,320 Speaker 1: of remembering the numerous surgeries and operations. Uh. Your podcast 613 00:36:11,400 --> 00:36:14,560 Speaker 1: made emny just sound confusing and scary, which it is. 614 00:36:14,600 --> 00:36:16,920 Speaker 1: But I'm living proof that sometimes it's best if you 615 00:36:16,960 --> 00:36:20,480 Speaker 1: don't remember. Well. Thanks a lot, Adrian, We're glad you 616 00:36:20,560 --> 00:36:24,200 Speaker 1: are doing okay. Yeah, be careful, man, watch out for 617 00:36:24,239 --> 00:36:27,279 Speaker 1: those land rovers. Yeah, red light running land rovers. Hope 618 00:36:27,320 --> 00:36:31,960 Speaker 1: they hope the dude got in trouble. Yeah, yeah, I 619 00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:34,319 Speaker 1: got nothing else. If you if you want to let 620 00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:36,759 Speaker 1: us know about well, if you want to fill in 621 00:36:36,800 --> 00:36:39,960 Speaker 1: the gaps on our memories, something we left out of 622 00:36:39,960 --> 00:36:42,440 Speaker 1: an episode, we always want to hear that kind of thing. 623 00:36:42,800 --> 00:36:44,520 Speaker 1: You can tweet to us at s Y s K 624 00:36:44,719 --> 00:36:47,640 Speaker 1: Podcast and join us on Facebook dot com at Facebook 625 00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:50,200 Speaker 1: dot com slash stuff you Should Know. You can send 626 00:36:50,239 --> 00:36:53,200 Speaker 1: us an email to Stuff Podcast at Discovery dot com, 627 00:36:53,280 --> 00:36:55,479 Speaker 1: and as always, check out our home on the web, 628 00:36:55,719 --> 00:37:03,120 Speaker 1: Stuff you Should Know dot com. For more on this 629 00:37:03,320 --> 00:37:12,840 Speaker 1: and thousands of other topics, visit Howstuff Works dot com