Speaker 1: The Nikki Gliser. Here's Nikki. Hello, it's me. It's the Eeglazer. Hi,
Speaker 1: welcome to the podcast Glazer Podcast Live to you. I
Speaker 1: did not do that the way I was supposed to do,
Speaker 1: but I didn't listen to the song, you guys, and
Speaker 1: so I don't know what it is unless I need
Speaker 1: the song to cue me.
Speaker 2: I can't do this without listening on the headphones.
Speaker 1: I feel crazy, right, Really, you don't like it.
Speaker 2: It's almost like having a conversation is foreign to me.
Speaker 3: You don't like it, raw dog, I don't ye.
Speaker 1: It's in person for everyone listening to LA and so
Speaker 1: it's like it without the head We don't need the headphones, yeah, because.
Speaker 2: We almost feel like I can't hear you because you're
Speaker 2: not like talking through the air. Oh my god, not
Speaker 2: through a wire.
Speaker 4: Yeah it is an okay, I like hearing my own voice.
Speaker 1: Thanks for a different podcast. For sure, we'll not being
Speaker 1: on zoom, but also not having headphones on. Whenever I
Speaker 1: don't have the headphones on for a conversation, I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: we always get like deeper. But then sometimes having the
Speaker 1: headphone on make you more professional because you could hear
Speaker 1: yourself and you're like I'm on the radio right now,
Speaker 1: right and I'm hearing my voice and I'm feeling like
Speaker 1: I'm on NPR. Are we good? And so? Yeah? You
Speaker 1: it's you know, put them on if you want, but like.
Speaker 3: It goes honestly, you're you're killing it right now? What
Speaker 3: put them on?
Speaker 2: You know, I'll put it on halfway through the podcast
Speaker 2: and seek yeah it changes. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Andrew Collin is here.
Speaker 3: Hello, what's up? Everyone to come back? How's everyone doing
Speaker 3: out there? The last Thanks for following up with my.
Speaker 1: Career as a as a bachelor.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm getting married on Saturday. Yeah yeah, sorry everybody, Sorry, the.
Speaker 3: Boys, the girl.
Speaker 1: Sorry everyone.
Speaker 2: So your venue was destroyed by the hurricane and then
Speaker 2: you got a new one.
Speaker 3: By a tornado.
Speaker 1: It's not a hurricane like. Connor is also here, by
Speaker 1: the way, I want to at the table.
Speaker 3: Hi, Sean, Hi, how are you?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 3: I want to hear about that.
Speaker 1: It's so funny that everyone's like, is are you Are
Speaker 1: you okay from the herd and you go, yeah, we're fine.
Speaker 1: But a tornado got us.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah it was an earthquake.
Speaker 4: No, it's insane, like so the hurricane was supposed to
Speaker 4: be a category five, which is the biggest hurricane.
Speaker 1: Yeah, meteorologists were sobbing.
Speaker 3: Florida was gone to Florida. That guy was crying. Yeah,
Speaker 3: he was really dark. I think he was just sad
Speaker 3: about his house.
Speaker 1: But so it's gonna like.
Speaker 4: He was gonna ride in Panama City, so he's like
Speaker 4: the bull.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 4: Anyhow, so so it's gonna be a huge hurricane going
Speaker 4: to ruin everything. I'm getting married there, I got, I
Speaker 4: got the venue. It was the end of hurricanes hurricane
Speaker 4: season in November Vera Beach, Florida, which is on the
Speaker 4: east coast.
Speaker 1: Okay, was that where it was getting hit though.
Speaker 3: No, it was getting hit on the west side.
Speaker 1: Okay, so you felt safe already.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I know enough where I'm like.
Speaker 1: So inland, no one thought that was gonna get sucked up.
Speaker 3: That is true.
Speaker 4: Yeah, So we got playing what happened and knowing my luck,
Speaker 4: I'm for sure this wedding is not happening. And and
Speaker 4: so the hurricane before it even hits, they have like
Speaker 4: outer bands and a tornado and F four tornado, which
Speaker 4: Florida never gets hit with tornadoes.
Speaker 3: Yeah, went right through Viero, right through the backyard of.
Speaker 4: Where I'm getting married, so we weren't going to ride
Speaker 4: off on a houseboat.
Speaker 3: Like just married my buddy Rusty, his younger brother Ryan
Speaker 3: Guy married his nephew. Yeah yeah, yeah, just some teeth. Yeah.
Speaker 4: So uh so yeah, so the tornado, the boat we're
Speaker 4: gonna go on. The houseboat gets picked up by the
Speaker 4: tornado and thrown from Rusty's parents' house into Rusty Street,
Speaker 4: which is a thousand yards away.
Speaker 1: My god.
Speaker 3: So he's walking out.
Speaker 1: And he was he doing it?
Speaker 3: Was he sheltered, he was.
Speaker 4: In his house, but he started walking around first, Yeah,
Speaker 4: of course, just to see the tornado. Boy grabbed the
Speaker 4: surfboard one to ride the tornado.
Speaker 3: So cowmonga.
Speaker 4: So he goes, he goes, and he he's walking and
Speaker 4: he sees He's like, why is a mobile home on
Speaker 4: my street? He's like, you know, I don't I've never
Speaker 4: seen a mobile home. And he gets closer. He's like,
Speaker 4: I recognized this debris from the side of my brother's.
Speaker 3: House boat whoa blew all the way. Yeah.
Speaker 4: So the best part I actually I can't say it. Okay,
Speaker 4: I'm gonna say no one.
Speaker 1: Okay, so we're back, But that whole part because Andrew
Speaker 1: just reveals something that would never make it on. I mean, actually,
Speaker 1: if it were up to Andrew, we would have gone through.
Speaker 1: I don't think I would have gotten.
Speaker 2: Later on live in trail of evidence behind.
Speaker 1: So you missed a great thing that uh just occurred.
Speaker 3: But me, I'll let you know.
Speaker 2: And in the.
Speaker 3: You know what I I said, I didn't do tags
Speaker 3: for a long time. And whatever he calls you in
Speaker 3: this scenario.
Speaker 4: Rustye, rusty a third and how does he break this news? Like,
Speaker 4: because I bro that guy so quick. Dude, he called
Speaker 4: me Tornado. I don't even think touched yet. He's like,
Speaker 4: can't do.
Speaker 3: It, can't do it. Parents, can't do it.
Speaker 4: He was because he's divorced with nine kids from nine
Speaker 4: different women and they all hate him.
Speaker 3: And he's like, you don't deserve.
Speaker 4: I should have went like that when I said that,
Speaker 4: that's between us.
Speaker 3: He's very nice to doping and his parents were very nice.
Speaker 2: But so now there's a new venue.
Speaker 4: The new venue we got for a Tornado fire sale.
Speaker 4: We got the hotel that we wanted to do the
Speaker 4: wedding night before, and now we could take an outside
Speaker 4: vendor in for the only time ever.
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, this is gonna be way better.
Speaker 3: So it's outdoors on the beach.
Speaker 2: Yes, this is way better than Rusty's house.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, did you wouldn't you were scared for
Speaker 1: a little bit from that day or like a couple
Speaker 1: days meressing out we have a venue. And then when
Speaker 1: you found out you got that booking. Were you so excited?
Speaker 1: Did you like dance around your apartment? Like what was
Speaker 1: the vibe? Because I know that you guys were so nervous.
Speaker 3: I mean a week away.
Speaker 4: Look, I'd get married in Arby's, you know, like I
Speaker 4: am very chill like that, to the point where I'm
Speaker 4: surprised she wants to marry me. But she was, yeah,
Speaker 4: insanely Yeah, yeah, yeah, she was insanely excited.
Speaker 3: I mean, this is the venue we wanted the whole time.
Speaker 1: So good.
Speaker 3: I just took a tornado and like forty five people
Speaker 3: dying for us to get.
Speaker 1: Yeah, do we know?
Speaker 3: I thirty thirty? I don't know. Actually there's one development
Speaker 3: that got.
Speaker 5: And this is just a Varo beach, right, there's not
Speaker 5: just thirty in general.
Speaker 2: In general, thirty people have ever died.
Speaker 3: Like, yeah, it was a coincident. Thirty people crushed by
Speaker 3: the house boat.
Speaker 2: Yeah, my mom lives in Fort Saint Lucy, which is
Speaker 2: like probably really gross. Did she get she said there
Speaker 2: was tornadoes everywhere.
Speaker 3: Yeah, my dad's house got hit by a different.
Speaker 1: Getting out, But really does Florida get tornadoes like historically.
Speaker 4: Historically not really they do now yeah, I know they
Speaker 4: caught up too.
Speaker 3: They're retiring.
Speaker 1: Climate change is just different by the systems, like getting
Speaker 1: old and moving south.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean no, and there's no the scary part
Speaker 4: there's no basements, and like you're from well, you lived
Speaker 4: in Indiana, you have basements if there's tornadoes.
Speaker 2: Right, So it's like, yeah, I guess, I guess I
Speaker 2: lived in a basement apartment, so I was really comfortable.
Speaker 1: I get nervous about tornadoes with my parents in the Midwest.
Speaker 1: I just look at all these like huge trees and
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, like I'm just a tree
Speaker 1: collapsing on their house. I think they'd be safe because
Speaker 1: they live in like a basement and they're my mom
Speaker 1: will like make my dad drive up to uh the
Speaker 1: grocery store up the street to like go in a
Speaker 1: parking garage that's really protected, so they're very cautious. But like, yeah,
Speaker 1: those trees when I see those trees like a storm.
Speaker 1: I'm like, how do they.
Speaker 5: Stay up just uprooting something that's been around for five
Speaker 5: hundred years and just like throwing.
Speaker 1: It in your living room?
Speaker 3: Yeah, terrified nowhere.
Speaker 2: There's a good improvisor from New York who died that
Speaker 2: way and really, yeah he got the tree. He was
Speaker 2: just sleeping and a tree fell.
Speaker 1: Okay, this is a new criteria for Zilla, is that
Speaker 1: will I die from a tree hit in my bedroom?
Speaker 1: Is the master bedroom within where a tree could fall?
Speaker 2: You know, partially you have to look out for that.
Speaker 2: You have to have a safety zone around your house technically,
Speaker 2: especially if you live in an area where they are
Speaker 2: a really tall old trees.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it's getting wild out there.
Speaker 2: When you own a house, you have to do so
Speaker 2: many dumb things, like you have to call in tree
Speaker 2: people to cut down every couple of years or else
Speaker 2: you're gonna die.
Speaker 5: Yes, But you're also inevitably going to be fighting with
Speaker 5: like your older neighbors who believe those trees like create
Speaker 5: this community, like make like your hole.
Speaker 1: Oh you'll be doing with me who's like, there is
Speaker 1: a family of birds in that tree. Can you just
Speaker 1: wait until we can move them? And then it's like
Speaker 1: thousands of dollars to move them. It's not even a
Speaker 1: thing that's that's a service. And I would be like,
Speaker 1: because every time I see someone cutting down a treem,
Speaker 1: like all the wildlife in it is displaced. That's insane.
Speaker 1: But people don't think of it that way, because I
Speaker 1: know I used to not. But if I had to
Speaker 1: knocked on a tree in my backyard really.
Speaker 3: Knock, I would really struggle. The tornadoes all the animals.
Speaker 4: The tornadoes are going to kill the animals anyways, right,
Speaker 4: so you're saving you're.
Speaker 3: Killing the animal.
Speaker 1: That animal to die.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, just move? How about the animal? Maybe that murder?
Speaker 1: Maybe that's a service I can start providing. Will tank
Speaker 1: immediately and it completely has to be funded by donations
Speaker 1: because no one.
Speaker 3: There'll be another tornado in Florida.
Speaker 1: So they can build their tennis court, uh, put up
Speaker 1: a parking lot. What's the song that the Counting crows
Speaker 1: pave Paradise?
Speaker 3: John Mayer, No, it's I.
Speaker 1: Like attributing to the counting crowds for five seconds.
Speaker 3: People reason to believe I.
Speaker 1: Saw them this summer and they were great. I had
Speaker 1: such a great time. And he does like go away,
Speaker 1: from the melody a lot. But it is so fun
Speaker 1: because you try to sing the melody and keep them
Speaker 1: keep the melody, you know true, or try to sing
Speaker 1: with him, and it's like and it becomes really fun
Speaker 1: because he will he will always let you down. You
Speaker 1: just harmonize it. It's been a long December, and it's
Speaker 1: reason to believe. Maybe this you will be better than
Speaker 1: the less. You're just like just sing it hard. In
Speaker 1: the music video with Courtney Cox, it was so good.
Speaker 1: I love that song so much. But I did see
Speaker 1: I he I have seen him do stuff and follow
Speaker 1: the melody. I'm giving him ship. But he was still
Speaker 1: amazing and his voice sounded as good, which is always
Speaker 1: so impressive when guys sound as good as they did
Speaker 1: in the nineties.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, like.
Speaker 5: Thirty years later, if you could still sound like you did.
Speaker 3: And it's so hard.
Speaker 1: Frankie Valley is but he LIPSI.
Speaker 5: And he also has like a team of boys behind him.
Speaker 5: I think he body's thinking I do.
Speaker 1: I do not think he put out that statement saying
Speaker 1: I love touring and I can't wait to slay it
Speaker 1: on the road. He was literally a fucking a gen.
Speaker 3: Z for him.
Speaker 5: Yeah, of course, do you think he knows how to type.
Speaker 1: That you think he likes being on the road. I
Speaker 1: think he likes doing it.
Speaker 3: He keeps him well, he would die.
Speaker 2: A lot of people would die if stop working.
Speaker 1: So I don't think when people are like this is
Speaker 1: elder abuse, I'm like, I really don't think so. I
Speaker 1: think this guy is born to perform.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and he'll die.
Speaker 1: He's dead to perform.
Speaker 2: Lady Gaga's friend to be like Tony Bennett. Yeah, I
Speaker 2: guarantee you he wanted to be out there even though
Speaker 2: he was like losing.
Speaker 5: Yeah, Frankie val also is. But it's like you're ninety three,
Speaker 5: like you're like everyone you've ever known has died.
Speaker 3: Like, yes, you've outlived your children. Of course, put me
Speaker 3: on the road.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I like when they pair them with a younger,
Speaker 1: like a Gaga helps out the Tony Bennett like is
Speaker 1: his hospice nurse on stage? Much like Brandy Carlisle and
Speaker 1: Joni Mitchell. Yeah, they're holding their hand like the next
Speaker 1: Joni Mitchell's like whole Like there's.
Speaker 3: Give me a Halsey and Franky Valley.
Speaker 1: I want to pair more people together.
Speaker 2: That's like Dick Van Dyke and that whole team that
Speaker 2: gave him them.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, but then they loved they looked like older.
Speaker 3: I mean, the stones still work because everyone looks dead,
Speaker 3: you know what I mean? Yeah, they ever liked rons
Speaker 3: Now there's just like a group. Yeah.
Speaker 1: That was seriously like insane watching.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, did we go?
Speaker 1: Did you go with me?
Speaker 4: No? I saw him in Miami and he he dated
Speaker 4: three hours I think he did is.
Speaker 1: When I saw him, and it was so energetic. Same
Speaker 1: with Paul McCarney. I always talk about it bonnering, like
Speaker 1: twenty eleven. I was just like, watch Paul McCarty for
Speaker 1: three hours sing and sound incredible and there's just no
Speaker 1: way it was lip singing. But you know who knows.
Speaker 1: But there, I mean, the staming of these people.
Speaker 2: It's just so impressed credible.
Speaker 1: But you know, I don't I don't think I'll ever stop.
Speaker 3: I can't imagine a really young girl next to you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and your fans, you know, fans will age with
Speaker 2: you and you'll still have the same fans that you
Speaker 2: have now for the rest of your life, and hopefully
Speaker 2: you get new ones coming in. But oh my god,
Speaker 2: you can still maintain a career.
Speaker 3: I mean with the same group.
Speaker 1: If they stay alive, they still and excited, and you
Speaker 1: put out new material and you respect.
Speaker 6: Them inside because they were so hot.
Speaker 3: I mean Joan Rivers like she she went to the
Speaker 3: very end like just doing like new jokes.
Speaker 5: But Jerry Jerry Lewis, he would do palm Springs that
Speaker 5: it would be like a whole audience just full of
Speaker 5: like eighty five year olds and he'd be like, ask
Speaker 5: me every question you've ever had for me, and he
Speaker 5: just insult them for two hours and it like read
Speaker 5: the articles about it, It's so funny.
Speaker 3: Wow, was like I would pay five hundred dollars.
Speaker 1: Someone just not giving a fuck anymore and talk and
Speaker 1: like roasting he was like or he was just like.
Speaker 5: Being insulting them, like just being like, oh you you.
Speaker 3: Roast do No, no, not at all.
Speaker 1: He would just just a womanizer, right, like hate women.
Speaker 5: He kind of hated women and and the articles he
Speaker 5: kind of goes off on women.
Speaker 1: Question, well you know we we weren't we weren't we
Speaker 1: weren't a prolific and stand up at that or like
Speaker 1: really made a mark in the fifties, now let us
Speaker 1: But he didn't attribute it to that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we still have.
Speaker 2: The Dean Martin roasts, and he was part of that.
Speaker 5: He was, but most of that was just him putting
Speaker 5: like glasses in his mouth.
Speaker 1: I don't watch like old comedy. That's like never, Why
Speaker 1: would I ever watch that? Yeah, when there's someone's dance to.
Speaker 2: Watch occasionally, like a sketch from like the Smothers Brothers.
Speaker 1: When am I in the mood to do that, someone
Speaker 1: would have to sit down.
Speaker 2: Like people wanting to take like a class. It's almost
Speaker 2: like giving yourself a little close.
Speaker 1: I need a ken Burns comedy. I need one because
Speaker 1: I watch that. Wouldn't that be great?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: I definitely want to make comedy boring and not funny.
Speaker 4: I'm being serious, I like because I look, that's the
Speaker 4: kind of TV I like.
Speaker 3: I don't want to laugh.
Speaker 4: I just I want a slow moving show, right, you know,
Speaker 4: I enjoy that.
Speaker 3: You know, I'm trying to keep blinders is kind of.
Speaker 4: Yeah for drama, Yeah, drama, Like make comedy drama and
Speaker 4: I'll enjoy it.
Speaker 2: I am that's the bear.
Speaker 1: That's the bear. Enjoy the bear.
Speaker 3: I do enjoy it.
Speaker 1: I know I gotta get back to the bear. I
Speaker 1: gotta get back to hackts but oh my god, oh
Speaker 1: I have to go to break right. Well this weekend,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you what we're doing this weekend because
Speaker 1: it was really brought me a lot of joy when
Speaker 1: we get back after that. So I was on the
Speaker 1: road this weekend with Ari Findling your best friend Andrew
Speaker 1: and you introduce me to and we were just like
Speaker 1: every time we would ever be like like he'd be like, hey,
Speaker 1: I was thinking about a teg for that joke, I'd
Speaker 1: be like, are we on ax? Like, because because I
Speaker 1: would feel like we were on Hacks constantly, because I'd
Speaker 1: be like, and what if I said this that? Like
Speaker 1: I kept like and every time it was just like,
Speaker 1: are we unhacked? So that would just become the running
Speaker 1: joke any comedians talking earnestly about stand up, which which
Speaker 1: is only I'm only doing it right now because I'm
Speaker 1: like like begrudgingly trying to build a new act and
Speaker 1: do it the right way. And it's I when I
Speaker 1: watched Hacks, especially season two, I'm like, no one writes
Speaker 1: like this, like this is the dream.
Speaker 2: So then when it happens.
Speaker 1: And they never yeah, there's maybe one bad thing, so
Speaker 1: they kind of yeah, not quite that and then you
Speaker 1: know it's coming and then it's just like fucking pitch
Speaker 1: like she says it perfectly. She it's they speed up
Speaker 1: the process because they have to. I like let it go,
Speaker 1: being like this isn't isn't like real stand up when
Speaker 1: I was like she was pitching her Netflix special around
Speaker 1: and like, that's not how you pitch a Netflix special.
Speaker 1: You just like for anyone who knows you just know
Speaker 1: your your agents, like have meetings on your behalf about
Speaker 1: your stand up. You don't go in and go, here's
Speaker 1: my new hour. It's gonna be you know, like and
Speaker 1: sit with your writers and like pitch it to a
Speaker 1: You do that with TV shows, So it's like, okay, great,
Speaker 1: they're giving us that experience. I like at first was
Speaker 1: like why didn't they do it the right way? And
Speaker 1: I'm like, because it's more interesting to have this and
Speaker 1: guess what that is the thing people do yeh TV shows,
Speaker 1: So just mix them and it's fine, make.
Speaker 3: Them because it is more dynamic in that way.
Speaker 5: Like exactly, it's not fun to see Johnny Cash sit
Speaker 5: a guitar going no, that's not it, that's not it.
Speaker 3: It's more fun than I walk the line that's it.
Speaker 2: Yes, that's what a real writing is. It's just constantly
Speaker 2: saying that's not good, over and over again.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Now it's shooting your own special, paying fifty thousand to
Speaker 4: shoot it, and then you might sell it.
Speaker 3: Like that's like it's not romantic.
Speaker 1: You lose a bunch of money selling it, but like
Speaker 1: it's not I spend so much fucking much. I just
Speaker 1: I spend so much money on thing things to have
Speaker 1: them be great, because sometimes the budget that you were
Speaker 1: given doesn't allow you to be as great as you
Speaker 1: want to be, and so you might lose money on
Speaker 1: things to get it. To have a thing out there
Speaker 1: that's so good kind of an I don't think I got.
Speaker 1: I probably broke even on the roast. I spent so
Speaker 1: much money just having a team of people helping with it, and.
Speaker 2: How worth it was you make money with all the
Speaker 2: other stuff that comes from the extra fame especially, And.
Speaker 1: I would say to people out there, do that, like,
Speaker 1: spend money in the right places if you can. Uh,
Speaker 1: Like I don't complain about like I should maybe complain
Speaker 1: about money more because I I a comedian just told me, like,
Speaker 1: do you ever feel like they take advantage of the
Speaker 1: fact that they know we're going to come like prepared,
Speaker 1: and they don't give us as money much materials, like
Speaker 1: as they would give someone who's an actress just showing
Speaker 1: up at a thing. And I don't have that experience.
Speaker 1: But that was an interesting take that I was like, well,
Speaker 1: I always show up so bad and I'm always told
Speaker 1: that I do. They're like, god, Nick, you always do
Speaker 1: so much work coming in.
Speaker 3: Do you think I think that's better? Yes, I would.
Speaker 1: That's the only way to do it.
Speaker 5: Yeah, like with so many people who like come to
Speaker 5: set with like nothing, being like can you explain what
Speaker 5: I agree to?
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I've done that before and like done
Speaker 1: a bad job because of it. But I was at
Speaker 1: Award show recently and there was an actor backstage and
Speaker 1: I was like, do you like what do you do
Speaker 1: when you like put these? Do you like read the script?
Speaker 1: Do you like give notes on it? What do you do?
Speaker 1: And he's like, no, I just read with the good man.
Speaker 1: I'm like, you Dode, Like that's so much trust because
Speaker 1: and that's why a lot of those Award show banter
Speaker 1: moments are incredibly awkward, because the writers are trying their best.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's funny stuff, but then the delivery the
Speaker 1: person said it once. The two people have never even
Speaker 1: met until they're standing backstage about to go on. They
Speaker 1: read through on prompter once together because they probably both
Speaker 1: can't make rehearsal because they both flew in that day
Speaker 1: from their separate movie premieres, and so it's like you
Speaker 1: watch it, but it's like I could never I would
Speaker 1: want control over that. But I guess for some people,
Speaker 1: their image when they're not being like a character, they
Speaker 1: don't care about that much.
Speaker 2: Well, actors are empty husks, But.
Speaker 1: Wouldn't you work on building that empty husk to be something.
Speaker 2: They're constantly being filled with that external content, whereas you
Speaker 2: have to write your own stuff and be producing it
Speaker 2: on your own.
Speaker 1: I'm glad that I can do that. I guess it's
Speaker 1: like if they were if you know, a dancer or
Speaker 1: something was doing, they would put more work into dancing
Speaker 1: on TV than I would. Sure, except no, I worked
Speaker 1: really fun.
Speaker 5: You kind of would expect that, Like people just don't
Speaker 5: want to look like a total like idiot on TV.
Speaker 5: But I think so many people are okay with it.
Speaker 2: Sometimes actors do write their own thing and it goes
Speaker 2: much worse.
Speaker 5: Oh, I had an experience on the vma IS one
Speaker 5: year where we wrote this thing for Paul Paul Rudd
Speaker 5: and I think Rick Ross like because that was like
Speaker 5: MTV was like put them together. And then Rick Ross
Speaker 5: like approved the thing, and then Paul Rudd was like,
Speaker 5: can I just take a stab at this? And he
Speaker 5: wrote the funniest possible, so funny, it was so good
Speaker 5: that it was like the best part of the show
Speaker 5: to me, and like, and he projected our draft like
Speaker 5: wholesale and.
Speaker 1: Like no offense taken. Yeah, Like you're like, he is
Speaker 1: so funny. You know that Biddy does on Conan every
Speaker 1: time people don't know about it. It's like he goes
Speaker 1: on every he's done it probably twenty times, I'm guessing
Speaker 1: every appearance he's ever been on since Late Night Days.
Speaker 1: He goes on and he says, you know, he's promoting
Speaker 1: a movie that's a real movie, and then he pitches
Speaker 1: to the trailer or like you know, oh, we're gonna
Speaker 1: see a scene and he describes a whole scene and
Speaker 1: maybe has a story behind it, and it cuts to
Speaker 1: a scene from.
Speaker 5: Mac and Me, which is like the McDonald's produced Terrible
Speaker 5: e t.
Speaker 1: And it's a child. What's the scene when you describe?
Speaker 3: Because a child is in a wheelchair. He's the lead
Speaker 3: of the of the movie.
Speaker 5: And it immediately cuts to him speeding down a hill.
Speaker 3: Speaking down a hill. All you hear is a.
Speaker 5: Child going ah, and then he krenes off of a
Speaker 5: cliff into water, and then an alien pops up.
Speaker 1: And every time and then he got him so good.
Speaker 1: He was doing his podcast, I think, and this was
Speaker 1: like after he hadn't done it for a really long time.
Speaker 1: But even though he does it every time, and he
Speaker 1: was describing a new did you see this? It was
Speaker 1: like a new podcast series he was gonna do, Like
Speaker 1: it was like a serious thing. He got really emotional
Speaker 1: about it. He told like an eleven minute story about
Speaker 1: a new podcast he was doing. Is that what I'm
Speaker 1: getna get right?
Speaker 3: A podcast?
Speaker 1: No? No, he completely made it up so that he
Speaker 1: couldn't drop in Mac and Me and get Conan again
Speaker 1: after having done it for twenty, like twenty times on
Speaker 1: his latest show. And Conan was so riveted by this,
Speaker 1: you know, really intense. It was like some kind of
Speaker 1: podcasts about going back to your roots or something. I
Speaker 1: don't even know the context, but it was very serious.
Speaker 1: So Conan was almost like taken aback and it was
Speaker 1: really like a somber mood. He dropped the wheelchairney. It
Speaker 1: reminded me so much of I mean, Conan is so amazing,
Speaker 1: but I just forget entire eras of Conan that like
Speaker 1: changed my life, which was late night days when he
Speaker 1: would do the the lever for the what's his name
Speaker 1: Walker texts thank you Walker Texas Ranger lever? Do you
Speaker 1: remember that? So they you NBC in Universal had a
Speaker 1: merger and he was like, it's now we have the
Speaker 1: rights to Walker Texas Ranger and we can like for
Speaker 1: free use any of the footage. So like you know,
Speaker 1: we have a budget around here. So they just decided
Speaker 1: to show clips have context from the show, and they're
Speaker 1: just like horror, like the weirdest and worst acting, worse
Speaker 1: stunts really just like outrage like hilarious, you know, dialogue
Speaker 1: just awkward, ye.
Speaker 3: Stuff so so out of context.
Speaker 1: Yes, and it was all just so bad, and it
Speaker 1: was like this thing that everyone looked forward to of
Speaker 1: like these clips that he would be like, we have
Speaker 1: another one, and there was like a button he would
Speaker 1: hit that would like make it happen or it was
Speaker 1: a lever. Yeah, So then they did a lever where
Speaker 1: he was like, I'm not doing it tonight, and they'd
Speaker 1: be like crank and then I would just pop to
Speaker 1: a clip and it was just the timing was perfect.
Speaker 1: But it got to the point where they were like,
Speaker 1: he was like, seriously, we can't do this anymore, like
Speaker 1: we're running out, we don't have anymore. And he'd be like,
Speaker 1: actually to protect the lever because things have been getting
Speaker 1: weird around here. We're having like a security guard here
Speaker 1: tonight and a security card was like standing in front
Speaker 1: of it, like real serious, and then he just starts
Speaker 1: to have a heart attack on air and it's felling
Speaker 1: down another time like a hawk swooped out and he
Speaker 1: goes and like hits it and he's like and and
Speaker 1: so the but the final one that they show that
Speaker 1: maybe not even the final one. It was one that
Speaker 1: he was like, we shouldn't be showing this, and we
Speaker 1: we had We've been saving this one. We we can't
Speaker 1: show you or it's been a debate around here whether
Speaker 1: we should show you, and we're finally I guess we're
Speaker 1: gonna do it, and he goes cut to the clip
Speaker 1: and it was before there was a lever, and it's
Speaker 1: Haley Joel Osmon talking to walkitexas Ranger and he's with
Speaker 1: like the old man diabetes and they're like, hey, little
Speaker 1: little Ranger and he's like, it's little uh, you know whatever,
Speaker 1: I forget what he's like. He's saying, it's like some
Speaker 1: Indian name they gave him.
Speaker 3: It's like, oh, it's a little Navajo chief.
Speaker 1: And they're like, okay, little Navajo Chief. And it's in
Speaker 1: the music. It's really still. And then Haley Josmon is
Speaker 1: four years old, by the way, and he just goes
Speaker 1: Walker told me, I have aids.
Speaker 3: I've seen that. I've seen that.
Speaker 1: They play it all the time. It's so funny. There
Speaker 1: were just so many great Conan bits. I mean my life.
Speaker 5: I mean he changed my life too, Like I truly
Speaker 5: wanted to work in late nights so bad and show
Speaker 5: it like Chase Yes, and like even his opening bit,
Speaker 5: like I I've watched it like a hundred times. H
Speaker 5: have you ever seen it where it's basically him walking
Speaker 5: to New York and everyone's like you're not gonna be
Speaker 5: good as good as Letterman and then like and then
Speaker 5: like he goes into thirty rock and like the guy
Speaker 5: in the elevator's like, hey, good luck, You're not gonna
Speaker 5: be as good as Letterman. And then it's like two
Speaker 5: minutes of showtime and he's like perfect, and then he
Speaker 5: just ties the news and he's like onto a chair
Speaker 5: and then the theme starts, a song starts playing, and
Speaker 5: they're like, Conan, you got to get out there, and
Speaker 5: he's like, all right, I guess this is kuwait. Was
Speaker 5: the first that you see on a show starring a
Speaker 5: guy you've never heard of.
Speaker 1: Fucking smart of Lord Michael's to pull him from hes.
Speaker 1: He was nobody to anyone except that kind of crowd,
Speaker 1: and even within the writing crowd, he was like everyone
Speaker 1: knew him as a performer, but no one was like
Speaker 1: this guy's destined for on camera. He was really kind
Speaker 1: of plucked out of nowhere, at least to his peers.
Speaker 1: I think even they didn't see it coming.
Speaker 3: They did not see it coming.
Speaker 5: Like there's this book about the Simpsons writer a writer's room,
Speaker 5: and he's like, I'm auditioning to be the host of
Speaker 5: the late night show and then they're all making fun
Speaker 5: of him, being like that's never going to happen. Oh
Speaker 5: my god, they thought he was getting like led on,
Speaker 5: Like wow, they're pranking you.
Speaker 1: Conan, He's such a one and like he's just he's
Speaker 1: the best. Every every time I'm around him, I just
Speaker 1: can't help but tell him. But I always forget, like
Speaker 1: all of the things that I like, all of the
Speaker 1: memories of Like I was even talking about remember Jay
Speaker 1: Leno used to do headlines, sure, and then Conan would
Speaker 1: do like fake headlines or like no real headlines. I
Speaker 1: think it was called actual headline because okay, so this
Speaker 1: is wild. Okay, So this weekend I remembered this bit
Speaker 1: and I was like, we gotta watch. I have to.
Speaker 1: I was talking to Ari and Anya and Matt about
Speaker 1: it backstage, and I'm like, it was so because we
Speaker 1: were talking about Leno doing headlines and how I would
Speaker 1: look forward to it so much as a kid. It
Speaker 1: was like my favorite thing in the world. And then
Speaker 1: I thought I was like talking, we were talking about it,
Speaker 1: and I go, wait, did you think they like made
Speaker 1: those up? And then I was like, of course they did.
Speaker 1: Like It's like it was like how I remembered Santa,
Speaker 1: because I was like they were so good, they were
Speaker 1: so weird. It would be like, you know, like I'm
Speaker 1: trying to think of things that would happen in but
Speaker 1: they couldn't keep that up. I'm sure some of them
Speaker 1: were real, but there's no way they could keep up
Speaker 1: with the demand of.
Speaker 5: Every month day it was every Monday, and it'll be like,
Speaker 5: you know, like every week they have like.
Speaker 3: A long wang wedding.
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, every single day, but they have people watching
Speaker 2: who sent in headlines. I'm sure they got thousands and thousands.
Speaker 1: I know, but I'm sure they. So that's what I
Speaker 1: said out loud, and then I go, actually, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I think there Like Conan had a parody of it
Speaker 1: called actual Items, That's what it was. And so he
Speaker 1: would do the same thing where he would take like, oh,
Speaker 1: we got this. He would do the same board where
Speaker 1: Leno would like kind of like take the board on
Speaker 1: the edge of the desk, you know, and like have
Speaker 1: and it would zoom in and he would say the
Speaker 1: name of the newspaper and when it ran and then
Speaker 1: it would be just some ad what were the ones
Speaker 1: this weekend? Like uh, like it would be an outdoor
Speaker 1: pool and it would you zoom and he goes, this
Speaker 1: looks nice. As outdoor pool. It's two hundred and ninety
Speaker 1: nine dollars. It looks like all the kids are having fun.
Speaker 1: What I'm really disturbed by is right here and it
Speaker 1: would zoom and it would just be like this little
Speaker 1: tagline that says perfect for even the biggest white trash family.
Speaker 1: Something like that. That would just be so funny.
Speaker 3: I thought you were going to say there's another outdoor
Speaker 3: pool one. Oh my god, it was.
Speaker 5: It's the hardest I've ever laughed, Like I truly like,
Speaker 5: it's my favorite joke ever on TV. Outdoor Pool. Then
Speaker 5: there was a little faded boy and it's like, this
Speaker 5: is the pool I died.
Speaker 1: So it was. It was so funny. But then I go,
Speaker 1: wait a second. So then I pulled up a clip
Speaker 1: of it, and in it, Conan is like mocking Jay
Speaker 1: Leno so fucking hard with like disdain of like you
Speaker 1: know Letto does headlines, We do that too, and you
Speaker 1: know how and Lettos are real. Ours are real too,
Speaker 1: and Lettos are too, because why wouldn't they be real?
Speaker 1: That would be a big waste of everyone's time. And
Speaker 1: he says, right, take him, and I'm like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: this bit was born of them being like, he's made
Speaker 1: his most popular thing. They're writing and it's fake. Let's
Speaker 1: make like and I trace the feedback a little bit. Yeah, like,
Speaker 1: I'm not kidding you. There was disdain yeh for what
Speaker 1: for what Letto was doing commedically, as there should have
Speaker 1: been if the allegations were true.
Speaker 2: If the allegations are of the headlines being fake, I
Speaker 2: still think that's impressive writing that's still funny, Like the
Speaker 2: headlines were still funny.
Speaker 1: Someone wrote that, all right, well, this is the difference
Speaker 1: between okay, you can't. It's funnier. It gets so much
Speaker 1: funnier that it was a random happenstance that that was
Speaker 1: misspelled in a way that made it pornographic. That is
Speaker 1: that people are relying on that sense and you're lying.
Speaker 1: It's mad, yes, but it's mishap but it's you're not
Speaker 1: telling the truth. And I don't know. It just bothers
Speaker 1: me for some reason. Yeah, I wouldn't want to write that.
Speaker 2: Bothers I can understand.
Speaker 3: I loved headlines growing up.
Speaker 1: I loved but I liked the fact that they were
Speaker 1: they were real too.
Speaker 3: Actual items is like my favorite piece.
Speaker 1: I'm it feels like when I when I went to
Speaker 1: a birthday party Laura holly'es I know you're listening, in
Speaker 1: fifth grade and her mom had a psychic there and
Speaker 1: the psychic told me that I was going to be
Speaker 1: like an a famous actress or like it told me
Speaker 1: everything I wanted to hear. And I was just like
Speaker 1: so fucking happy because there was no indication that was
Speaker 1: ever gonna happen to me, but it was like my
Speaker 1: deepest desire. And I was like, oh my god, like,
Speaker 1: you know, who knows that this off is real? But
Speaker 1: she like said that, like I'm going to do it.
Speaker 1: And then I found out her mom had hired their
Speaker 1: neighbor to dress up like a gypsy, and like then
Speaker 1: she called our parents to get reconnaissance on us to
Speaker 1: then tell us what we wanted to be and what
Speaker 1: we wanted to hear. And so I.
Speaker 2: Crazy, it's crazy.
Speaker 1: I was so None of my friends cares. I was like,
Speaker 1: this is not like I cried. I was like, why
Speaker 1: would you do this? What is the point of all this?
Speaker 1: It made me so fucking mad.
Speaker 2: Well, you know you're going to be a famous comedian,
Speaker 2: You're going to host the Golden Globe?
Speaker 3: Why would do.
Speaker 1: Who was that I bet they're still friends. Kathy, I
Speaker 1: think her name. I knew Kathy too, and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I like she was wearing like sunglasses and like a
Speaker 1: show like disguise. She dressed as a gypsy woman and
Speaker 1: it was in a dark room, all these candles.
Speaker 2: But every gypsy woman predicting the future is lying. Yeah,
Speaker 2: he's authentic, But.
Speaker 1: I was in fifth grade. I was, so I just
Speaker 1: and the same with Santa. I'm just like, I'm not
Speaker 1: into lies, just for wonderment and for like fun.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm personally, I wrote.
Speaker 1: Santa, I respect I personally like.
Speaker 2: The uh, the old Nordic ancient Jesus, I don't know who.
Speaker 1: Wait you're Did you celebrate Christmas at all?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: No, I celebrate Christmas.
Speaker 1: Did you believe in Santa?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah I did. There was actually I had a fireplace
Speaker 2: and one I don't remember what happened, but there was
Speaker 2: a crack in the fire. There's like a little glass
Speaker 2: panes on the doors, and there was a crack on it.
Speaker 2: And one day I was like, what's that crack? And
Speaker 2: he's like, oh, this year Santa busted the glass a
Speaker 2: little bit. And then for like six seven years, I
Speaker 2: was like fucking Santa sucked up.
Speaker 1: That's the ship that I don't like. Is this like
Speaker 1: my parents would like chew on carrots, and like there's
Speaker 1: like effort put into making me look like a fucking.
Speaker 2: Idiot came in here and chewed.
Speaker 1: Up a bunch of sorry for the Easter Bunny. That
Speaker 1: was the one that was like he got into the carrots,
Speaker 1: and I was really like, whoa, he trashed our kitchen,
Speaker 1: Like what an asshole? I kind of felt the same
Speaker 1: way like.
Speaker 3: That as a parent who has to do this stuff,
Speaker 3: I don't.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't know what to do.
Speaker 5: I am biting carrots with my two front teeth to
Speaker 5: get the more funny.
Speaker 2: Well, you want to fill your child with wonder, and
Speaker 2: then all of his friends at school are gonna be
Speaker 2: like the Easter Bunny came, and then you you want
Speaker 2: your kid to be the one that's like, Easter Bunny
Speaker 2: is not real. You dump fun.
Speaker 5: It's starting, it's starting, and I'm watching its seat band
Speaker 5: because he's like, oh, my friend told me that Santa
Speaker 5: is not real.
Speaker 3: And that's a great way. Friend's a liar. Maybe it's
Speaker 3: just really bad.
Speaker 1: And make him distress his friend who's only telling.
Speaker 2: Him, true, your friend does drugs.
Speaker 3: But I just wanted to be young forever.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think a little bit of wonder is good
Speaker 2: early on, and then you know you don't want to
Speaker 2: dash it. But I think discovering something in that way,
Speaker 2: but they don't become.
Speaker 4: At her conspiracy theory that like turns into thinking, you know,
Speaker 4: we never landed on the moon.
Speaker 2: If you don't believe there are some people who get
Speaker 2: the wonder and then just grow up with joy and
Speaker 2: then become like a healthy, happy person.
Speaker 3: That's true.
Speaker 1: I don't like being misled by the people who love me,
Speaker 1: even if it's for because Santa doesn't like Yeah, maybe
Speaker 1: if it means like we have to stay quiet at
Speaker 1: night to like we have to play a game of
Speaker 1: like it's quiet and we're in war zone or something,
Speaker 1: but like, don't make up a man coming into our
Speaker 1: house and giving me gifts that you bought. Like it's
Speaker 1: okay for me to know that, and probably I would
Speaker 1: spoil it for my friends.
Speaker 3: But it reminds me of like my my parents and.
Speaker 1: The school kids, you can't have friends.
Speaker 4: My parents got were separated and then from my bar Mitzvah,
Speaker 4: they pretended to still be together.
Speaker 3: Wow, because they didn't want bad. Yeah, bar mitzvah. They
Speaker 3: gave me.
Speaker 4: I got seven grand I bought a jet ski that
Speaker 4: I think lost in the tornado. But the uh yeah, no,
Speaker 4: they're saying you got me babe at my barms.
Speaker 3: Oh they hated each other for years before this, and how.
Speaker 1: Have they been looking a part?
Speaker 3: Uh?
Speaker 1: You know, we're not talked.
Speaker 4: Probably about six months. So you get that point from
Speaker 4: what I remember.
Speaker 2: At your bars, but you knew they were I was like,
Speaker 2: what is this?
Speaker 3: Wow?
Speaker 4: And I'm Jewish from their friends in the community.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, every family does this, and like there's like a
Speaker 1: deep shame in the family and then in public everything
Speaker 1: everyone acts like it's okay. And that fucks with kids.
Speaker 1: So if you can avoid doing that to your kid,
Speaker 1: if you're listening.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I should have punched my mom at the.
Speaker 1: Bar to show or at least talk about hey, because
Speaker 1: mommy and daddy are separated and it's something that people
Speaker 1: might think bad about us. We're going to pretend to
Speaker 1: be together and I'm so sorry we have to play
Speaker 1: pretend to like talk about what you're doing.
Speaker 2: Maybe he's thirteen, I mean he's a man.
Speaker 1: Now. You had just become a man, shrouding family shame.
Speaker 4: My whole bar mincent was about dealing with like, I'm
Speaker 4: just trying to get a hand job.
Speaker 3: You guys pretending to love each other.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I was trying to get a handsobrom By, one
Speaker 4: of the dancers that was at the party, like an
Speaker 4: older one, you know, she was like twenty, and I.
Speaker 5: Was like, I've never been to it, but it sounds
Speaker 5: so horny, Like every one of my friend's.
Speaker 1: Stories wouldn't have been horny at thirteen. I was still
Speaker 1: a kid at thirteen. It happens.
Speaker 2: No, it's not, No, it happens. Yeah, secret horny.
Speaker 3: If anything, it's so funny. You're not horny when you're
Speaker 3: a man, you know what I mean.
Speaker 4: I didn't have pubic care for another two years after
Speaker 4: becoming a man.
Speaker 3: Throw that man.
Speaker 2: I think horny Calling a thirteen year old a man,
Speaker 2: it's a little bit.
Speaker 1: It's too it's a game. There's eighteen.
Speaker 5: I think eighteen is when you should legally be called
Speaker 5: a man. But this is like you're dealing with some
Speaker 5: like year one type stuff.
Speaker 2: No, well we don't have your one.
Speaker 1: What's your one?
Speaker 3: I know nothing. I was talking like, you know, you're
Speaker 3: twenty four. Yes, we do have a.
Speaker 1: Year, but it's not the year one. That year one,
Speaker 1: and I don't even think it could be a year.
Speaker 3: One.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, I know that I found that out
Speaker 1: too late. Every anytime people start talking about religious stuff,
Speaker 1: I get like, really, which is another way of saying horny,
Speaker 1: but yeah, I get like, I don't know anything about it.
Speaker 1: Like I it's I feel shame that I don't.
Speaker 2: I don't know anything about religion.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like I don't know the BA. It's like the
Speaker 1: way I felt about football for a while.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but you can learn just watch the games, yeah,
Speaker 2: Jesus or something.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you'll make three million off of it.
Speaker 1: I don't know all the books. I don't know the
Speaker 1: difference between the Old and the New Testament. I literally
Speaker 1: don't know what that what happens that splits those two.
Speaker 1: I know that they exist. I don't know who job is.
Speaker 1: I don't know who Cana and Able exactly are. I
Speaker 1: don't know.
Speaker 3: I feel like Jeopardy, Like Jeopardy questions, you would.
Speaker 1: I just know these names, but I don't know anything.
Speaker 2: Literally, kids, you know who Noah's ark?
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know Moses, Moses and the Red Sea and
Speaker 1: the Evan Almighty. But does those I just know like
Speaker 1: kind of not, like, are there any subjects that you
Speaker 1: guys feel like deep shame that you don't You're like,
Speaker 1: pretty I.
Speaker 2: Don't feel a shame about it. But I don't know
Speaker 2: anything really at all about like art.
Speaker 5: I don't know anything about presidents, like outside of this center.
Speaker 3: That's interesting. Like I'm like, I wish I knew more.
Speaker 5: About I wish I knew presidents. I'm just constantly referencing
Speaker 5: Millard Fillmore.
Speaker 2: And every time we go to yeah, name that was
Speaker 2: a funny era of names. Every time I see you,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna give you a president fact. Please, time you
Speaker 2: will learn about presidents. Love it that Howard taft Our
Speaker 2: fattest president died in a bathtub.
Speaker 1: I knew that.
Speaker 3: I did know that just because about Millard Fillmore.
Speaker 2: What you got Millard Fillmore? A fact about Millard? I
Speaker 2: don't have a fact about Millard.
Speaker 1: Film seems like a seventies pop.
Speaker 3: I con wait, how did die in the bath? He drowned?
Speaker 2: He was too fat, or he got stuck in a bath.
Speaker 3: He got maybe he did die.
Speaker 1: Conan is one that gives present facts all the time.
Speaker 1: He he loves his knowledge, his knowledge in general, just
Speaker 1: like here's.
Speaker 2: A president in fact, did you know that Bill Clinton
Speaker 2: got his dick sucked?
Speaker 4: Wait?
Speaker 1: You know what I said the other day? We have
Speaker 1: to go to break, but before we get a break,
Speaker 1: do you know what I said? I referenced the other
Speaker 1: day on set, I was doing a photo shoot and
Speaker 1: I had a cigar, and I like was naked on
Speaker 1: a bike for this photo shoot, and so I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I just put it up here like because it was
Speaker 1: like my vagina was right there, and I go and
Speaker 1: everyone was horri I was like, like Bill Clinton and
Speaker 1: everyone was like, what knew that reference? I'm like, did
Speaker 1: you know that Monica put a cigar?
Speaker 2: I did not know until you just said it.
Speaker 5: Just now, I only knew that president even know what
Speaker 5: was on the dress.
Speaker 1: I had no knowledge of like cam yet at this
Speaker 1: point in my life, but I knew that she stuck
Speaker 1: up and I thought it was kind of cool.
Speaker 3: I remember, why didn't you put it?
Speaker 1: It was kind of nasty and like a cool way.
Speaker 1: I remember being like, that's gross and kind of like
Speaker 1: because I've put like weird, like one famously, not famously,
Speaker 1: but notoriously put a sour patch kid in my giant
Speaker 1: like a jelly worm or something. My boyfriends came picking
Speaker 1: Hi up from the airport, and I knew he would
Speaker 1: finger me right away, Like, so I put his favorite
Speaker 1: snack in because I would just be so funny for
Speaker 1: her to be like, why is my.
Speaker 4: That's the funniest thing.
Speaker 1: He did not think it was funny, And I understand
Speaker 1: that now, But I think because Chris. I would never
Speaker 1: do that to Chris because Chris would just be like gross,
Speaker 1: he doesn't want to combat, Like, but this guy was
Speaker 1: a little bit grosser. But even he didn't like it.
Speaker 1: But I think I got that idea from originally Monica
Speaker 1: being like, you know, like put things up there, they're funny.
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, it's so funny. I mean like you is
Speaker 3: doing that. That's like kinky ash ash ship.
Speaker 1: We gotta go to break. I have to reapply my
Speaker 1: lip gloss because I'm learning from gen z M that
Speaker 1: She's like, do you put on your lip gloss? It's
Speaker 1: like gives you an instant boost of confidence, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: it actually is working. It's like the new nervous thing
Speaker 1: to do. Like some people have chapstick, some people have
Speaker 1: do you guys have any nervous habits smoking.
Speaker 3: Nails?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it gives you something to do.
Speaker 3: For the wedding.
Speaker 4: So because they have that photo with your hands and
Speaker 4: I just have these little stumpy hands, have.
Speaker 1: Someone pose in for you for your hands. It'd be funny.
Speaker 1: It gives a ship about your hands.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you would do and no rest.
Speaker 1: Friends, Funny you're worried about that hand photo.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: How are you feeling ahead of the wedding?
Speaker 3: I feel good. I mean, I'm a little nervous.
Speaker 1: About with the live class.
Speaker 3: I would, but I don't like it and I hate
Speaker 3: the feeling. It makes me feel like too hot.
Speaker 2: Your mom and dad are gonna go to the wedding
Speaker 2: and tend to be together.
Speaker 4: I feel like, have you started your vows? That's what
Speaker 4: I'm scared about. And I was debating on going to
Speaker 4: chat GPT about it.
Speaker 3: No, No, we're good friends. I'm vain. I know what
Speaker 3: you think. You don't want to learn to your wedding
Speaker 3: and be like chat cheap?
Speaker 1: Are you? Are you worried about your like friends and
Speaker 1: family like thinking it's funny? Are you worried about her
Speaker 1: thinking it's enough in terms of your feelings? Are you feeling.
Speaker 1: Are you insecure? So just nail that, don't worry about it.
Speaker 3: One just said talking from the heart, and like, really.
Speaker 2: You're afraid that you're not gonna be able to express.
Speaker 4: Well when I got married to her or when I
Speaker 4: got when I engaged her, Yeah, I can't talk anymore.
Speaker 4: But I got down on a knee and I go, well,
Speaker 4: maybe me.
Speaker 3: That's how I said it.
Speaker 4: I'm not even to be funny anxiety, yeah, and ziety,
Speaker 4: And I wasn't trying to be funny at the time.
Speaker 5: Literally the most earnest thing you could do. And it's
Speaker 5: so it is so hard. I like, I fucked up mine,
Speaker 5: all my friends fucked up theirs.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I felt I can't imagine doing it sincerely with anything.
Speaker 1: Like really, it's it's very hard to be the vulnerable,
Speaker 1: especially like in a park on your knee where your
Speaker 1: family is like watching, like an.
Speaker 4: Actually strangers were watching, which actually was even more vulnerable.
Speaker 4: I felt like, Yeah, I was like, I don't want
Speaker 4: anyone to see this, but I want everyone to see it.
Speaker 1: But just challenge yourself to be like, say, just write
Speaker 1: the speech that you think right, exactly what you think
Speaker 1: she wants to hear. Yeah, yeah, but you don't even
Speaker 1: say what you want to say. I want, but like
Speaker 1: also try to nail what she wants to hear and
Speaker 1: don't worry about anyone else.
Speaker 5: Be super earnest, and then just do the Jim Gaffigan voice,
Speaker 5: like making fun of yourself after yes.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like hot bockets. I don't know, it's going to.
Speaker 1: Be great because it's going to be a mixture of both,
Speaker 1: and even if it sucks, it'll be great.
Speaker 3: And we're not doing it even if it's like, we're
Speaker 3: not doing it in front.
Speaker 4: Of people, I don't know what y'all did. We're doing
Speaker 4: generic in front and then on the beach the morning
Speaker 4: of we're doing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, just saying this to her. Yeah, oh, that's so
Speaker 1: sweet that just write a poem.
Speaker 3: She hits a mottle, She goes full, full throttle.
Speaker 1: He wrote a poem in college that was between us
Speaker 1: about his mom and the podcast we used to do
Speaker 1: about his mom's drinking and his friends founded.
Speaker 3: And it was like my fraternity in my frale.
Speaker 4: She hits the bottle. She went full throttle. Now shes brottles. Yeah,
Speaker 4: she's on oxygen.
Speaker 1: Which sounds like a good song.
Speaker 3: Actually, yeah, I know the lyrics were clear song. Yeah, no,
Speaker 3: I'm very good at A B A B or just simple.
Speaker 2: It's so that's not good for because it's just no,
Speaker 2: you don't want to rhyme in your Brenda.
Speaker 3: You are my girl, You're my Workna.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so like that is my worst fear is
Speaker 1: like if I in a moment where I thought I
Speaker 1: was kind of like sweet and then someone like, no, this.
Speaker 3: Is the sad part.
Speaker 4: I had mono in the frat house and I was
Speaker 4: listening to Garth Brooks, but not Garth Brooks, his alter
Speaker 4: ego Chris Chris Gaines.
Speaker 3: And it's the saddest.
Speaker 4: In a black light writing poetry on the floor because
Speaker 4: I probably had anchovies in my bed.
Speaker 3: And I was chovies whatever it was the nineties.
Speaker 1: And also he okay, this is the running theme of
Speaker 1: like you remember your brother gave you ice cream and
Speaker 1: it was sour cream but.
Speaker 3: You just liked, Yeah, I got him.
Speaker 1: What about what they put fish?
Speaker 4: Yeah, they put anchovies under my bed for the whole year,
Speaker 4: my freshman year, and I know idea.
Speaker 3: And I was like, man, I am they.
Speaker 2: Were just putting them in your bed quietly and slowly,
Speaker 2: and you never noticed.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, under my match.
Speaker 2: Was it stinking?
Speaker 4: I had no sheets on my bed freshman year. I
Speaker 4: was completely depressed. It's you know, I actually can't.
Speaker 3: Get that, you know what.
Speaker 1: It's so sad. I'm sorry for you. But it was
Speaker 1: funny too.
Speaker 3: Oh dude, my clothes.
Speaker 4: I was a horrible roommate. Let's not get it twisted.
Speaker 4: I let all my clothes were on the floor. My
Speaker 4: buddy at one point packed up all my clothes and
Speaker 4: he put in the hallway and he threatened the lighted
Speaker 4: on fire. I was, I was just you know, I
Speaker 4: I don't know, I was like horrible.
Speaker 3: You know, I had a shithead for many years of
Speaker 3: my life. I get it well because I grew up.
Speaker 3: I grew up though I was.
Speaker 1: I had a bought how to take care of yourself
Speaker 1: on your own.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I had a laundry lady.
Speaker 1: I had a you know that it would have been insane,
Speaker 1: you getting dropped off at college when you had literally
Speaker 1: never done a load of laundry.
Speaker 3: I would throw the long during the laundry room.
Speaker 4: I go, laundry's ready the net and throw it and
Speaker 4: I go, man in the eyes and she's living.
Speaker 3: H No, she pretty much we had another later.
Speaker 2: Five years a week.
Speaker 4: Jeffy was an older black woman who took care of me,
Speaker 4: taught me how to drive when I was twelve and
Speaker 4: sing from.
Speaker 3: The chest that was her thing.
Speaker 1: That's a good tip.
Speaker 3: Didn't work, No, I sing horribly.
Speaker 1: I like that though, that's I think that is a
Speaker 1: good tip. What about the when you were wiping the cum?
Speaker 3: Which time? Which? Who's gone?
Speaker 1: I'm sorry to relive these these moments.
Speaker 3: No, no, I love it. I don't talk about it enough.
Speaker 1: I think you you guys had to move out of
Speaker 1: the house and it was revealed like this giant slick
Speaker 1: that you had created for years of just like dropping
Speaker 1: loads with your hand, dropping the loads, like underneath on
Speaker 1: the carpet, like between the wall and the bed frame
Speaker 1: or what you know.
Speaker 2: I had to come yeah, like it's behind the bed.
Speaker 3: You know. It wasn't far enough under the bed where
Speaker 3: I was so lazy. I relate to this, yeah yeah,
Speaker 3: and it plumped up and then looped up.
Speaker 2: This is a liquid. It's supposed to go away.
Speaker 3: No, no, come a hardest. It's like come as like
Speaker 3: paint yellow liquor.
Speaker 1: It is absolutely it's a yellow liquid.
Speaker 3: That you're still.
Speaker 5: Cross it crusts in that very disgusting way.
Speaker 3: Like even in water it crush. Yeah, it's I learned
Speaker 3: that the hard way too.
Speaker 2: So why didn't you use a napkin or a sock?
Speaker 1: It's too lazy?
Speaker 2: Was there was not even a sock.
Speaker 3: Or in your sheet? What is this? What are you doctor?
Speaker 3: When you are when you were in doctor? You're in
Speaker 3: high school on this situation? Right? What's that? You're in
Speaker 3: high school? I'm like fourteen? Yeah? Did you not.
Speaker 5: Thinking about cleaning this? Thinking about getting the sin out
Speaker 5: of your bad I just thought about it. I haven't
Speaker 5: even thought about this until right now. My little brother
Speaker 5: was in the top bunk, and I think I didn't
Speaker 5: want to get caught walking with you know, come.
Speaker 3: Hand, you've done we've all done that where we cuugh it.
Speaker 1: So you didn't want to go like you're a lazy
Speaker 1: teen You just and you don't think it's going to
Speaker 1: harden into a thing that you could see?
Speaker 2: What did What did it look like? I mean, how
Speaker 2: many years.
Speaker 1: Have come slick like? It looked like a like a mark.
Speaker 3: It was like it was it made its own?
Speaker 5: Was it like like a full grown four year old?
Speaker 2: How many months you look.
Speaker 3: Years of it was like it was good two years?
Speaker 2: Was build or was it just like a mark like
Speaker 2: a thing?
Speaker 3: It was? It's everything you don't want it to be.
Speaker 1: And did you see anyone see.
Speaker 3: I've heard no. I think there were.
Speaker 4: I think when we moved out of the house, my mom,
Speaker 4: I can't remember whether or not she had a comm
Speaker 4: but I feel like in my mind, I.
Speaker 1: Bet this is a common thing that mothers deal with.
Speaker 3: Of course they just find out that. Well, my dad
Speaker 3: found my penis pump and he's never mentioned it. I
Speaker 3: was like in high school.
Speaker 5: I was obsessed with finding different loper kids and just
Speaker 5: seeing what they would do and like to your penis, yes,
Speaker 5: and it would hurt, like I like ship finding out
Speaker 5: shampoo stuck it up doesn't work.
Speaker 3: One time I used my mom's bronze.
Speaker 5: Oh no, I used my mom's bronzer in junior year
Speaker 5: of high school and I walked in to the high
Speaker 5: school and my hand was completely orange.
Speaker 3: Every one knew it's I couldn't get it off. Why
Speaker 3: do you rub it.
Speaker 1: Out over that the What did you think would happen?
Speaker 3: I thought it was but get like orange? You know what?
Speaker 3: I thought it was body lotion and it was bronze
Speaker 3: are so my penis and a half which is orange
Speaker 3: like a week and a half.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, there it did it work?
Speaker 3: Oh yeah yeah?
Speaker 1: The worst thing that's that's when it is the worst.
Speaker 1: Like you just avoid your palms in your feet because
Speaker 1: it's there's nothing.
Speaker 2: There's no like alcohol or anything that you.
Speaker 1: Cannot get it off. You just have to wait. It's like, sharpie, it's.
Speaker 3: Straight up racist.
Speaker 1: It's so funny.
Speaker 3: Did I'm just imagining your dick with a perfect hand grip?
Speaker 5: Oh it was horrified because I was just like hiding
Speaker 5: my hand. And then the first time someone saw it,
Speaker 5: they were like, did you masturbate with bronca?
Speaker 2: Like wait, someone actually said that, yeah your friend?
Speaker 3: Uh no, it was a girl in my homeroom.
Speaker 1: Wow, so brutal. Wow nail it. Yeah, Like that's was
Speaker 1: always this. I just wanted to disappear in middle school.
Speaker 1: In high school when I started noticing that some kids
Speaker 1: would just like have your number and fucking say it
Speaker 1: out loud and like in a way that could be
Speaker 1: so devastating that I would like I there were moments
Speaker 1: where I was like I would all kill myself if
Speaker 1: someone reveals this thing. I'm thinking about myself. Like I
Speaker 1: literally was, like, it will suck that I have to
Speaker 1: kill myself. I wouldn't have survived with social media, no
Speaker 1: fucking way. I used to pray to God so many
Speaker 1: times that a certain boy wouldn't be there the next
Speaker 1: day because I wanted to wear some like shoes that
Speaker 1: if he called out, like I knew he would call
Speaker 1: them out. He's the only boy that that was that
Speaker 1: clever to like make fun of like my new style.
Speaker 1: And I would pray that he wouldn't be there and
Speaker 1: that he would and I just to go into the
Speaker 1: nurse's office to like lie and go home because of
Speaker 1: just avoiding insults. Final thought like do you did you
Speaker 1: relate to that at all or did you just I mean.
Speaker 4: My freshman year the penis bump, my whole everyone found it,
Speaker 4: and my whole freshman year, my roommate found my penis bump,
Speaker 4: and then he called every girl to make it bigger,
Speaker 4: no smaller. Actually yeah I actually used it. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 4: cause the hemorrhoid though, which is weird.
Speaker 3: It like sucks so hard.
Speaker 4: But anyway, so I ended up getting caught by everyone,
Speaker 4: and I think in comparison.
Speaker 1: But all the girls and they he was waiting. He
Speaker 1: was at his dorm. He had just done a gravity
Speaker 1: bong hit at someone else's dorm room. He comes back
Speaker 1: to his dorm room, all the girls from his dorm.
Speaker 3: And all the guy every person second week freshman year.
Speaker 1: Or with his penis bump.
Speaker 4: He walks out and he's like, what the hell? I
Speaker 4: thought it was a party. I'm like freshman year and
Speaker 4: he's like, what the is this?
Speaker 3: And I was and I was so hot?
Speaker 2: Huh two lane and normal for these people, they they're cruel.
Speaker 2: For college, that's so good college a wedding, but for
Speaker 2: a dorm to do that, that's just where you never
Speaker 2: met the guy before.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was your ship or did you have it
Speaker 3: out like I made a mistake by putting it. No.
Speaker 4: I put it like in a drawer and my buddy
Speaker 4: was looking for a lighter. Usually I would hide it
Speaker 4: where you had to go through like nine different bags
Speaker 4: to find it. So I used it for the first
Speaker 4: time and I put it in the drawer, and then
Speaker 4: my buddy he said what.
Speaker 5: And you're walking around with a bigger dick right now, like, yeah,
Speaker 5: how well it works?
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the same.
Speaker 3: It was decent. You have to clip it after you
Speaker 3: pump it.
Speaker 1: People, Oh, clip your so the blood doesn't leave pumps
Speaker 1: blood your dicks, and then you have to clamp your
Speaker 1: dick so that the blood doesn't go back to your body.
Speaker 3: And I don't know where I put the clamp useless.
Speaker 3: I believe it came with a clamp.
Speaker 2: I don't think that's that sounds like unhealthy for you
Speaker 2: to It was the first.
Speaker 3: Too.
Speaker 5: It looked it looked, oh yeah, because you're dealing with
Speaker 5: all those Cajun sized dicks.
Speaker 4: Compared to well, I met a bunch of football players
Speaker 4: at Boston College and they were like all six foot five.
Speaker 4: They were like going to the NFL, and they all
Speaker 4: had dick pumps. So they were like, it's like bench press.
Speaker 1: Before you got that detail of yeah.
Speaker 4: So I was like yeah, And I was visiting Boston College,
Speaker 4: I was like hanging out with all these foot and
Speaker 4: I was like, I got to get one right when
Speaker 4: I get home. And I found the one sex shop
Speaker 4: in my small town called Southern Exposure.
Speaker 1: I went, that's because it's still exposure is only a
Speaker 1: TV show, right. There wasn't another phrase, So that's the
Speaker 1: only that that's.
Speaker 3: I never thought about how witty.
Speaker 1: It was back the Northern Exposure, the TV show from
Speaker 1: the nineties, because you're the exposure. Isn't something on its
Speaker 1: own right outside.
Speaker 2: Of the TV shows other than like light apartments.
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, it's going right now to like hung Sheldon.
Speaker 1: That was so good. You're so right. You could write
Speaker 1: for headlines easily, easily. That was perfect.
Speaker 3: All right.
Speaker 2: Now we're halfway through the podcast and I put the
Speaker 2: headphones on.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, well we have the final moment change,
Speaker 1: so we're back on. Yes, this becomes a more like
Speaker 1: just self aware auditory moment. You know, you're just like
Speaker 1: hearing yourself.
Speaker 2: Where you clip the thing exactly.
Speaker 1: At the base.
Speaker 2: At the base, I get to find a vein.
Speaker 1: We're going to talk about the headphones.
Speaker 2: By the way to the pump, dick pump.
Speaker 3: You clip it at the base? Is it like two?
Speaker 4: What does the clip look like like a standard clip?
Speaker 1: And then when do you show this to a woman?
Speaker 1: Do you un clamp it? And will there be a
Speaker 1: climp all night at the bar?
Speaker 3: You'd have to pump when you get home, which is
Speaker 3: a very.
Speaker 1: And then you clamp it while you like when there's.
Speaker 3: No way to do it.
Speaker 2: How long does it take to pump.
Speaker 5: She like just on your bed as you're like pumping away.
Speaker 3: You want to know something that's crazy. I never did
Speaker 3: it with a woman crazy.
Speaker 4: I honestly just did it to jerk off and not
Speaker 4: feel like my dick'small.
Speaker 1: That would be That would be nice though, probably.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was nice to finally have some meat in
Speaker 3: my hand.
Speaker 1: So it didn't work.
Speaker 3: Yeah, my hand could barely.
Speaker 5: Okay, you should have sat on your hand so that
Speaker 5: it felt like someone else.
Speaker 3: Was so much.
Speaker 4: I sat on someone other guy's dick so then he
Speaker 4: wouldn't feel my hand.
Speaker 1: It is the reverse, like what's it called the stranger?
Speaker 3: Yeah, stranger.
Speaker 1: You can keep your hand up feeling.
Speaker 3: You're just giving a head job and someone else.
Speaker 1: It's the dream, that's the dream.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like a strangers dick because there was
Speaker 3: blood in it.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, the problem with male sex choys is that
Speaker 1: they're they're big, they're cumbersome because you guys have to
Speaker 1: like fuck things and women's gonna have a little like.
Speaker 2: This is a little Well, we have the flesh.
Speaker 1: Colorsomething that has a receptacle in it. You've got to
Speaker 1: wash it out. Oh you haven't. We had one on
Speaker 1: not safe. I think it's it's like it's.
Speaker 3: Looks like a I had one yours, assume.
Speaker 1: No bigger like a mag light yea, yeah yeah.
Speaker 5: It kind of looks like a like a wrap gift
Speaker 5: water bottle you get, yes, totally.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I tried to The sex was the blow job one,
Speaker 3: and it came with a mouth.
Speaker 2: This is like a battery operated thing.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, it's very nice.
Speaker 1: And did it feel good or is it like a
Speaker 1: foot massage or kind of thinghere? You're like, it's nice,
Speaker 1: but I'm like, I use it all the time.
Speaker 2: It was better with a real person.
Speaker 5: Yeah, You're like, my mouth works better than this.
Speaker 3: It's going to actually write my valve. I'm pretty excited.
Speaker 3: It felt good. It's a little dry, but I like that.
Speaker 5: I don't know, was it like a porn star's mouth
Speaker 5: because I know they do that, because like, yeah, it.
Speaker 4: Was Ron Jeremy. It came with the mustache, which I
Speaker 4: was like, dude, it's not gay though, it's not gay
Speaker 4: because there's no dick. It's just mouth, right, that's not gay.
Speaker 1: It's just a mouth, no, right, yeah right, if you
Speaker 1: can't see it, If you don't, don't, I know, I
Speaker 1: can't believe you're getting You're gonna be married in less
Speaker 1: than a week.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'll have a ring on my finger.
Speaker 1: WHI this will be a three husband podcast when we
Speaker 1: all get together. I just realized you guys are all married.
Speaker 3: Critical to get married.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm I'm open to it. I think it's fun
Speaker 1: because you know you can get divorced, and that makes
Speaker 1: me feel I guess you can get divorced, and I love.
Speaker 1: If I were to marry Chris, I would not want
Speaker 1: to get a divorce, but because you can, I am
Speaker 1: more I would be more likely too. I would literally
Speaker 1: never get married if you couldn't get a divorce ever, ever, ever, ever, ever,
Speaker 1: I can't. Do you think people.
Speaker 3: Would, I don't think so.
Speaker 1: But people have kids, and you can't divorce those. They
Speaker 1: divorce you child actors in the nineties. But but but no,
Speaker 1: do you think that.
Speaker 2: If people would, if you were locked in and you're illegal.
Speaker 1: And you could, you will never be able to.
Speaker 2: I mean, I think a lot of women would get
Speaker 2: trapped in marriages, just like in the olden days.
Speaker 6: Yeah, okay, and men in the olden days, it was
Speaker 6: like you would be forced to marry and then it
Speaker 6: would be so shameful and societally forbidden to divorce that
Speaker 6: you would just be trapped.
Speaker 1: Right, And people will get married all the time though,
Speaker 1: because there was nothing else to do. But now do
Speaker 1: you think they were trapped? Would that still happen because
Speaker 1: there's more to do for women and men.
Speaker 2: I can see some people being like, even though it's
Speaker 2: illegal to divorce, you need to prove to me that
Speaker 2: you're committed and get married and force it.
Speaker 1: It really isn't that. Like it's a cool thing to do.
Speaker 1: And I like the party, and I like the ceremony,
Speaker 1: and I like saying how you feel about each other
Speaker 1: and establishing like we're doing this now, and if we
Speaker 1: want to stop doing it, it's going to be very inconvenient,
Speaker 1: but it isn't impossible. And if that's why I am
Speaker 1: impressed when people just when they don't do prenups. I
Speaker 1: think that's kind of as close as we can get.
Speaker 3: We're not doing it.
Speaker 2: I don't have a prenup either.
Speaker 3: I don't have a prenup. I just don't expect to
Speaker 3: make that much money, ye.
Speaker 1: Wife, Okay, well then maybe it was smart in your case.
Speaker 3: I know.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, all of our parents were in loveless marriages
Speaker 5: to the very end. So we just are assuming that
Speaker 5: is worst case scenario and best case scenario as.
Speaker 3: We love each other.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, because that's that's true. But I
Speaker 1: feel like, and I even with a prenup, I'm not
Speaker 1: someone who's like I want all my money and I'm
Speaker 1: gonna fuck you over. Like I even even told Chris, like,
Speaker 1: if we get married, yes we will have something in place,
Speaker 1: but I'm never like, if we decide to get married
Speaker 1: and do this, I know that you're gonna sacrifice so
Speaker 1: much to have us be successful with my career, and
Speaker 1: so I'll fucking take care of you if we decided
Speaker 1: to call it quits. You know, I got you like,
Speaker 1: I'll do it. I'll do it. You would not, no
Speaker 1: one would get screwed marrying me.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I don't like those when they're like I'm gonna leave
Speaker 1: with fucking nothing. And it's like I have a whole
Speaker 1: new bit right now where I'm convincing women to let
Speaker 1: their husbands go to prostitutes. It's my new mission to
Speaker 1: be like, if you're not doing it, let them go.
Speaker 1: It's not a threat to you. And I'm I think
Speaker 1: I'm going to prove a point in a way that
Speaker 1: might get people to be like, she's kind of right.
Speaker 2: Maybe there might be a portion of the audience that
Speaker 2: then changes their mind.
Speaker 1: I honestly think I will say this weekend, after I
Speaker 1: did a joke about male babysitters being pedophiles, there was
Speaker 1: someone after the show, I did a meet and greet
Speaker 1: and someone said, you changed a guy's life in the
Speaker 1: bathroom because we're at the journals, And he was like,
Speaker 1: I got a mail babysitter to night. I'm fucking I'm
Speaker 1: like scared now, And I'm like, yes, And I didn't
Speaker 1: do the part of the bit that I'm glad I didn't.
Speaker 1: That is devastating. The whay I go like, you don't
Speaker 1: have to go home. I'm not going to say the joke,
Speaker 1: but but I didn't mean to scare that guy that way.
Speaker 1: But also, he'll never his kids are going to be
Speaker 1: way safer now.
Speaker 3: Talking about like one a month, have however much he.
Speaker 1: Wants to come and in a safe way, that is
Speaker 1: not going to give you an infection?
Speaker 3: Are you working on your vows right now?
Speaker 1: That's our show.
Speaker 6: Thank you so much for listening.
Speaker 2: Thank you Sean O'Connor.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Andrew Colin. Yeah, no change, same vibe. Brian Frangie, Noah,
Speaker 1: Sorry that we didn't get to talk to you today,
Speaker 1: but you were here in spirit and I loved watching
Speaker 1: you laugh over there. Thanks Messi's we'll have one episode
Speaker 1: this week. Is that okay to tell them?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yes, Sorry, I just have a huge busy week. I'm
Speaker 1: doing promo shoot for the Golden Globes, so you start
Speaker 1: seeing those commercials and I didn't have time to do too.
Speaker 1: But You've gotten a couple of weeks of three and
Speaker 1: so I feel like I deserved this break, even though
Speaker 1: I don't love it. So I'm so sorry. But check
Speaker 1: out my tour, come see meet lots more tournades. Just
Speaker 1: add in Nicky glazer dot com slash tour. I'll see
Speaker 1: you out there, and we'll see you next week on
Speaker 1: the show. Bye, don't be kid Ye. The Nicki Glazer
Speaker 1: Podcast is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players
Speaker 1: and iHeart Podcasts. Created and hosted by Me Nicki Glazer,
Speaker 1: co hosted by Brian Frangie. Executive produced by Will Ferrell,
Speaker 1: Hans Sonny and Noah Avior.
Speaker 3: Edited.
Speaker 1: It engineered by Lean and loaf, video production Mark Canton
Speaker 1: and music by Anya Marina. You can now watch full
Speaker 1: episodes of the Nicki Glazer Podcast on YouTube, follow at
Speaker 1: Niki Glazer Pod and subscribe to our channel