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Speaker 1: Okay, all right, so the first story has already got

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Speaker 1: me laughing before I've even started like actually going through it.

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Speaker 2: I'm very excited to share.

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Speaker 3: It's gonna be a good one. I can tell. I'mready.

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Speaker 3: I'm buckled in.

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Speaker 2: Today I effed up. You can't even say it.

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Speaker 3: You can't even say it.

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Speaker 2: Today I effed up by taking double my normal dose

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Speaker 2: of Adderall at eight pm, then masturbating for nine hours straight.

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Speaker 3: It's amazing.

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Speaker 2: All right, all right, this is honestly one of the

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Speaker 2: stupidest and most embarrassing things I've ever done, and I

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Speaker 2: just feel like confessing will help me feel like less of.

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Speaker 3: An idiot, not really so pretty dumb.

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Speaker 2: So for context, I take twenty five milligrams of Adderall

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Speaker 2: XR on most mornings and had taken it yesterday. Also. Okay, Well,

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Speaker 2: the day was coming to an end and I could

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Speaker 2: tell my meds had mostly worn off. But I don't

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Speaker 2: really have anything to do until Monday, and there was

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Speaker 2: a book that I had been meaning to read, so

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Speaker 2: I figured I would stay up reading just because I could.

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Speaker 3: Okay, okay, stop, this all started because you wanted to

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Speaker 3: read a book.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but you had noble intentions.

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Speaker 3: Bro, this guy's an idiot. Say I'm sorry.

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Speaker 2: It goes downhill fast. The problem is that it's hard

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Speaker 2: for me to read without my meds. So I just

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Speaker 2: thought that I would take some in the evening, stay

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Speaker 2: up all night, then fix my sleep schedule over the weekend,

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Speaker 2: which is a terrible idea, Like, yeah, I don't know.

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Speaker 3: Why to do something, use like a use a flash

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Speaker 3: card or something, Yeah, to help you read.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know what you're doing. Man. Where I

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Speaker 2: messed up though, is for some reason, I thought it

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Speaker 2: would be a good idea to take double my normal dose,

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Speaker 2: which would make it fifty milligrams, which is pretty close

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Speaker 2: to the max that is prescribed and way higher than.

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Speaker 3: I'm used to it. Yeah, that's that'll do it.

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Speaker 2: So I took fifty mili grands at eight pm, and

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Speaker 2: it kicked in around nine pm. Then at about ten

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Speaker 2: pm I started masturbating the plan. I love how you.

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Speaker 2: I has a plan, the plan, the masturbation plan, the

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Speaker 2: master plan, the master plan, the master plan.

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Speaker 3: I just got that.

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Speaker 2: The plan was to masturbate for maybe thirty minutes max,

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Speaker 2: take a shower, read for a couple hours, then either

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Speaker 2: watch a movie or go to sleep. Thirty minutes, that's

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Speaker 2: that long time.

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Speaker 3: That's a long time to masturbate, like the breakybe. I mean,

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Speaker 3: maybe he's a workhorse, but thirty minutes masturbating good.

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Speaker 2: So if you've ever taken these types of stimulant meds, though,

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Speaker 2: you know that whatever you're doing when it kicks in,

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Speaker 2: that's what you're gonna be doing for a while. It

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Speaker 2: was even worse now because it took twice would I usually.

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Speaker 3: Think, Oh my gosh, I ended.

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Speaker 2: Up edging myself for literally about five or six hours

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Speaker 2: masturbating normally for about three which I'm masturbating normally. No,

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Speaker 2: what does normally?

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Speaker 3: No, there's no normally. First of all, Also, like you

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Speaker 3: know all the biagra commercials, they're like, if you're hard

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Speaker 3: for four hours, Oh your doctor, bro, he needs a

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Speaker 3: whole surgeon team in this.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you need to, like the whole r You got

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Speaker 2: the emergency room, all the staff coming in because you

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Speaker 2: have been hard for nine hours. That is not normal.

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Speaker 2: Please consult the doctor if you are experiencing that.

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Speaker 3: Wow.

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Speaker 2: So I think the adderall kind of kept me from finishing,

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Speaker 2: so I could just keep going. And it was probably

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Speaker 2: the most hyper focused moment of.

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Speaker 3: My life.

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Speaker 2: Just so mad, so all good things must come to

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Speaker 2: an end. I finally finished about two hours before making

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Speaker 2: this post, and my dick just hurts, definitely because I

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Speaker 2: kind of agitated the skin because a portion of it

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Speaker 2: was done without any lube. Which why, why, dude, you're

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Speaker 2: giving yourself an Indian burn? Did you ever get an

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Speaker 2: Indian burn when you were like in middle school, high.

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Speaker 3: School or whatever? Of course on your freaking penis?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you got that needs recovery time. Gosh. Also, I

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Speaker 2: just generally feel like shit, which most people probably would

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Speaker 2: from either masturbating for nine hours of course, or having

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Speaker 2: a bunch of emphetamines in their system, let alone.

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Speaker 3: And staying up all night and staying up all night

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Speaker 3: all night.

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Speaker 2: I don't think I'm going to masturbate for the next month,

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Speaker 2: and I'm not picking adderalls for a few days either,

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Speaker 2: My guy, that is the prescription that you should have

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Speaker 2: no masturbating.

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Speaker 3: Where is that doctor? Where is that doctor? Don't masturbate

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Speaker 3: for nine hours? Very simple. It shouldn't have to be

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Speaker 3: a prescription for a rule.

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Speaker 2: There shouldn't be a rule that you did. But I guess,

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Speaker 2: all right, in our ten commands we got that's number eleven. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: that's number eleven. Do not masturbate for nine hours on adderalli?

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Speaker 3: God, all right, what to even say about this one?

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Speaker 2: I don't know, man, I think I'll just leave it

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Speaker 2: at that. Don't masturbate for that long and too long?

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Speaker 2: It's too long, honestly, Like, like, what what's the average

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Speaker 2: masturbation time? Let's look it up?

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Speaker 3: Around or less than five minutes?

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Speaker 2: You got that so quick? Do you have that in

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Speaker 2: your brain? I'm guessing. I'm guessing. Okay, I don't know.

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Speaker 2: He's like arounder five minutes. I researched this. Masturbation experts

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Speaker 2: are in that's me. Okay. Seventy eight percent of all

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Speaker 2: Americans age fourteen and older have said they masturbated.

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Speaker 3: Fun fact apparently the laboratory.

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Speaker 2: Okay, so I'll just read this. The ejaculation latency sign

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Speaker 2: was highest during intercourse and then the lowest wasn't during

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Speaker 2: masturbation median four point eight nine minutes.

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Speaker 3: I was pretty spot on.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, five, come at me A journey masturbation facts, gos,

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Speaker 2: we got to cover.

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Speaker 3: I think I need to take a shower.

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Speaker 2: I know, even after reading that, dude too much, too

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Speaker 2: much thinking about master bas doing over nine hours.

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Speaker 3: I do not care if you have cancer. My child

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Speaker 3: deserves a saint.

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Speaker 2: Wow. Out swinging, coming out swinging.

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Speaker 3: This one's a little backstory. About a year ago, I

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Speaker 3: was diagnosed with the cancer in the naval cavity stage two.

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Speaker 3: The tumor was quite large, but thankfully it is contained. Basically,

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Speaker 3: it's not spreading anymore, so that's good. Good to get

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Speaker 3: it removed. I first had to undergo aggressive chemo therapy

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Speaker 3: to make it smaller. Thanks to the chemo, I had

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Speaker 3: severe alopecia hair loss, which made most of my hair

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Speaker 3: and even eyebrows and eyelashes fall out. That sucks. At

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Speaker 3: some point I had to go bald, but I wore

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Speaker 3: a wig because I didn't want to look like a

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Speaker 3: skinhead slash neo Nazi. Note I'm six four and pretty muscular,

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Speaker 3: so I thought people would assume that.

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Speaker 2: Subtle flex, okay, subtle flexer.

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Speaker 3: I didn't even think about that.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I don't know if it's even a subtle flex.

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Speaker 2: Like I'm super buff, but people think I'm into you

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Speaker 2: a Nazi. I guess a.

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Speaker 3: Mixed flex, A mix mix flex, A mix flex, mixed flex.

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Speaker 2: I like that.

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Speaker 3: So once after a long chemo session in the hospital,

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Speaker 3: I took the bus home. There's only one bus that

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Speaker 3: goes from the hospital to where I live, so I

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Speaker 3: took that one, only to see it was absolutely packed.

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Speaker 3: I felt like ish thanks to the chemo, so I

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Speaker 3: asked a middle aged dude to let me sit. He

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Speaker 3: was very understanding and gave me a spot without complaining.

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Speaker 3: Two stops later, enter entitled mom, a lovely whale within

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Speaker 3: a lovely whale rose, a lovely whale with an I

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Speaker 3: demand a parley with the CEO haircut, and a twelve

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Speaker 3: some year old kid.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, I love all those descriptions. All those

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Speaker 2: descriptions are just purpose for solid.

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Speaker 3: It took her roughly five seconds to see that the

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Speaker 3: bus was packed and started looking for a free seat,

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Speaker 3: spot me and start marching towards me, or in her case,

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Speaker 3: just trying to squeeze through the aisles while shoving others aside.

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Speaker 3: When I saw her, I knew I was screwed. She

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Speaker 3: then stood next to me and decided to talk to me.

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Speaker 3: This is the conversation that followed, Hey, could you let

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Speaker 3: my child sit down? You mean me? Who else? Me?

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Speaker 2: Oh?

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Speaker 3: I'm sorry, but I'm on my way to the hospital

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Speaker 3: and she cuts him off, so are we, which was

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Speaker 3: nonsense because the stop was a few kilometers away from

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Speaker 3: the hospital, so there's no way they could have been

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Speaker 3: coming from the hospital.

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Speaker 2: Ridiculous.

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Speaker 3: My boy just broke his leg and we're coming straight

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Speaker 3: from the er and her kid was standing next to

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Speaker 3: her without any support and he was clearly embarrassed.

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Speaker 2: Which, honestly like, if you have a mom like that,

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Speaker 2: your life is going to be amazing.

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Speaker 3: That honestly sucks. I feel bad for the children of

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Speaker 3: the entitled parents that aren't the same, some of at.

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Speaker 2: Least eighteen years of just subjugation under a dumb dictator

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Speaker 2: also shout out to my mom, I love you, mom.

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Speaker 3: Yes, not an evil dictator.

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Speaker 2: H Yeah.

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Speaker 3: So the kid was standing there slightly embarrassed me. He's

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Speaker 3: standing next to you, completely fine, entitled mom. Look here, boy,

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Speaker 3: I'm twenty one years old. My kid deserves to sit

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Speaker 3: down me. Look, ma'am, I'm sorry, but I just got

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Speaker 3: back from a chemo session in the hospital and I

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Speaker 3: need to sit down and rest. And then I moved

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Speaker 3: my wig a little bit so she could see my

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Speaker 3: bald head. The entitle mom then started straight up yelling

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Speaker 3: in my face, Stop making excuses and get off the

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Speaker 3: effing seats, you effing skinhead piece of ish.

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Speaker 2: No, she hit them right where hers. He just didn't

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Speaker 2: want to be known his skinhead. Seriously, he showed this

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Speaker 2: vulnerable moment where he's like, see, I don't have any

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Speaker 2: hair underneath here, and she just ripped him to shreds.

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Speaker 3: And just please imagine, you just learned, like you want

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Speaker 3: to sit them down down somewhere on a bus. You

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Speaker 3: just learned someone has cancer.

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Speaker 2: And that's your h that's your response, that's your response.

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Speaker 3: This. She could be the worst entitled parent that we've

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Speaker 3: seen yet. At this point I was baffled. I would

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Speaker 3: be too.

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Speaker 2: Also, I don't know how anyone on the bus hasn't

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Speaker 2: been like, lady, come calms down.

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Speaker 3: Hold on, hold on. Our hero is our hero is, yes,

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Speaker 3: my hero. So at this point I was baffled. I

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Speaker 3: didn't know what to say. The kid was trying to

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Speaker 3: make his mother stop, and we had the attention of

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Speaker 3: the entire bus. She then grabbed me and tried to

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Speaker 3: yank me from my seat. You you just grab someone

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Speaker 3: who's going through chemo therapy with cancer and tries to

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Speaker 3: yank them out of her seat.

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Speaker 2: Come on what I.

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Speaker 3: Held on tight and thankfully didn't fall off. Now does interer,

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Speaker 3: Old Gentleman, my savior, Old gener bird, Old gentleman.

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Speaker 2: You are entering and you are saving the day.

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Speaker 3: My knight in shining armor. He has now into the

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Speaker 3: chat og. Will you please shut the f up? You

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Speaker 3: don't cow hurdie, you think you're talking to Og with

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Speaker 3: an ice cold voice. Stop assaulting our passengers or I

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Speaker 3: will be forced to step in.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 3: Also, every dumb moron can see that this man has cancer.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 3: No, he's just an effing skinhead. He's got no eyebrows.

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Speaker 3: You twat seems like he really offended the title mom

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Speaker 3: with that one, because she's spun around on the spot

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Speaker 3: and threw a falcon punch at Old Gent's face. I

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Speaker 3: was shocked and in disbelief. The whole bus was flabberg acid,

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Speaker 3: and the kid probably wished he'd never been born. I

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Speaker 3: probably went to yeah, Old Gent then said something unbelievable,

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Speaker 3: and a golden sweet karma moment followed Old Gent Okay,

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Speaker 3: that does it? Grassing passengers on the bus, physical assault

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Speaker 3: against a passenger, and now assaulting an officer.

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Speaker 2: No, you're in deep trouble lay undercover cop.

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Speaker 3: That's all right. Old Gent then pulled out a badge

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Speaker 3: and told her to stay where she was. Then he

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Speaker 3: pulled out his phone and called someone and told her

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Speaker 3: that she was being arrested. I couldn't believe it.

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Speaker 2: Wow, the old Gent was literally a cop, an undercover

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Speaker 2: bus cop.

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Speaker 3: Could you imagine? Like seriously, at this point, entitled mom

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Speaker 3: was white as a wall.

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Speaker 2: As she should be. You should be scared out of

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Speaker 2: your bajeebus right now.

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Speaker 3: You should. The bus had just come to a stop,

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Speaker 3: so she decided she'd make a run for it, but

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Speaker 3: other passengers, more heroes, blocked her way. She then got

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Speaker 3: charged with resisting arrest thanks to this, an extra charge.

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Speaker 2: Because I love who he's like. Thanks to this, more charges,

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Speaker 2: more charges, racking it.

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Speaker 3: Up, baby, making it rain with these charges. Three stops later,

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Speaker 3: a police car was waiting for the entitled mom and kid.

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Speaker 3: The entitled kid told me he was so sorry for

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Speaker 3: his mother's behavior, and I honestly felt really sorry for

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Speaker 3: the kid. He wasn't a bad child, but his mother

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Speaker 3: was a hell spawn.

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Speaker 2: And I just again the kid, dude, he's like the

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Speaker 2: poor kid, I'm sorry my mom, Like it's probably he's like,

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry, my mom's doing this again, Like this isn't

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Speaker 2: the first.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, oh oh, definitely this is repeat behavior only never

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Speaker 3: probably never assaulted an officer.

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Speaker 2: Though hopefully she learned her lasses.

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Speaker 3: We can only pray. The slammer og then talked to

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Speaker 3: me and asked me if I wanted to press charges,

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Speaker 3: to which I gladly said yes, as you should. He

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Speaker 3: took a statement and thankfully was kind enough to let

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Speaker 3: me solve everything on the phone, so I didn't have

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Speaker 3: to come into the police station for questioning. That was awesome,

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Speaker 3: you know, doing him a solid. In the end, entitled

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Speaker 3: mom got some jail time, although I think it was

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Speaker 3: only a few months, and community service. I in return,

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Speaker 3: got a good story to tell At the sweet taste

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Speaker 3: of instant karma. I should also note that the surgery

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Speaker 3: went really well. I was declared cancer free in November

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Speaker 3: and my hair is starting to slowly return. Also, I

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Speaker 3: don't need to work so good. Absolutely, And to top

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Speaker 3: cherry on the cake, he doesn't need a wig anymore. Wow.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah that look at that. Karma will always balance out,

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Speaker 2: The good will always win.

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Speaker 3: This was this was definitely a roller Yeah.

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Speaker 2: So if you're having a bad week, just know things

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Speaker 2: are going to turn around.

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Speaker 3: That's right. You could be you could be attacked by

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Speaker 3: a whale.

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Speaker 2: You could be attacked by a whale. But then at

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Speaker 2: the end of that whale attack will be a beautiful rainbow.

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Speaker 2: That's right, and you'll be bathing in it. If you

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Speaker 2: haven't already subscribed, subscribe. Smash it. Smash that subscribe button.